Friday, November 2, 2012


"Their eyes were exactly the same shade of blue."

“This is – this is why you nominated me?”

The words came in close and warm against the shell of his ear: “Ryan, this is why I ran.”

—Is it possible to be mildly aroused by satirical (SFW) Romney/Ryan slashfic? If this doesn't do it for you, the answer is no.

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sarah girl

I glanced too quickly at that top line and read it as "this is why you mounted me?"


@Sarah H. give it time




Submissive Paul Ryan is the only Paul Ryan for me.

fondue with cheddar


Obama/Biden slashfic on the other hand...


Satirical slash will never not be funny.

But I need to get that image out of my head. So, off to AO3 for some Torchwood goodness...


I laughed out loud for real.


I question whether this might actually dwell in the bittersweet spot that sits somewhere between "full-bore sincerity" and "satirical takedown."



Daisy Razor

This post is all @melis's fault, isn't it?


I can neither confirm nor deny anything at this time.

Daisy Razor

@melis Whatever. I know your NaNo novel is just a giant orgy set at the GOP convention.


@Daisy Razor My NaNo novel is about Prince William trying to convince Prince Harry to listen to anything other than that Spin Doctor's song (to wacky results!!).


"But it's about us," Harry said, unconvinced. "You know - two princes? That's what I said now," he hummed happily, having lapsed back into enjoyment rather than analysis of the problem at hand. Will sighed.

"But haven't you listened to anything else? It's been - Christ, Harry, it's been twenty years since that song came out. It's older than 'Wonderwall,' for godsakes."

"I ain't got no picture of family tree! All I wanna be another heart to be!" Harry was no longer listening.

"You don't even know the proper words? Twenty years, you've listened to one song, you don't even know how it's sung?" Will said.

Harry yanked a headphone off his ear and glared at William. "That's not the point. You're not experiencing the song, you're trying to stand to the side and criticize it."

Will had to admit his brother - for once - was right.


@melis This is all well and good, but there're no dirty bits!

Daisy Razor

@l'esprit de l'escalier Hey now, she's got 49,500 more words!


@Daisy Razor

I'm just horribly greedy for more!

And the whole thing should be a space opera!



This is probably exactly what Kate Middleton has to listen to every day of her life. Which is why her hair is so smooth and shiny. "What, darling? Oh, I had the blow dryer running."


@melis Can you please have Wills analyze why any person in their right mind would choose Spin Doctor in that song? I mean, the lyrics say that both princes adore you, and then goes on to paint a portrait of Spin Doctor as a fucking schlub who wants YOU to buy HIM flowers, while the other dude is like "Hey, I adore you and will buy you a rocket and your family condones me". Who the eff chooses Spin Doctor? I repeat: the other dude will BUY YOU A ROCKET.

fondue with cheddar

@wee_ramekin DUDE. I've been having so many Baader-Meinhof moments today it's not even funny, but this one freaked me out the most. So I put my lunch in the microwave and was singing a Cracker song in my head. While it was cooking I remembered the triple-bill concert I went to years back with Soup Dragons and Spin Doctors. Then I started singing "Two Princes" in my head. When I retrieved my lunch from the microwave I came back to my desk, sat down, and immediately read the comments on this post and THERE IT IS.


@fondue with cheddar What's a Baader-Meinhof moment??


Oh my god I feel so gross.


"He found himself awash in a wave of lust so acute it was determinable only by the filthiest of protractors and shivered."

Best sentence in a political slash fic, or best sentence in a slash fic?


@whateverlolawants So wait, this story was basically born in a Hairpin thread a couple of months ago, right?


@BoozinSusan Yes, which I missed the first time around, sadly.


@whateverlolawants I had missed it the first time around too, and I just re-read it for the first time this morning and still had to literally bite my tongue to keep from cracking up in the office. (Even though both Romney and Ryan are about as far away from my "type" as you can get, and actually picturing them makes me physically flinch. I'm having a complicated morning).


"He froze in what he hoped was an attitude of casual vice-presidentiality.

Is Condoleeza smirking at me?"

Guys, this is how I feel all the time.


@melis Do you practice your casual vice-president smiles in the bathroom before parties?


What really gets me about this is the suggestion of its implied prequels: Obama/Biden slashfic. The feelings that gives me are...complicated. Or, alternatively, AU McCain/Palin fic. Gross! Clinton/Gore could work, though.

sarah girl

@Kristen I-- Err, a friend remembers that in 2004, there was WAY too much Kerry/Edwards floating around on the internet. Mainly Livejournal.


The day this was born in a Hairpin comment thread was basically the best day of my life, and now I can't find the link. Guys, help!


@TheBelleWitch Don't worry I've memorized the url.


@redheaded&crazie I love you.


@redheaded&crazie Thank you for that screamingly hilarious walk down memory lane, darling.


@redheaded&crazie HOLY CRAP HOW DID I MISS THAT?


@Ophelia you probably thought "a conversation about Tim Tebow, could I care about anything less" but in fact it became one of my favouritest and most revisitedest hairpin articles for the comments alone.


Well this is coming to the next Hairlequin (which might not be this month y'all, cuz I am crazy busy)


I am so conflicted! I LOVE slash...but cannot imagine it with these two. Ugh. Ew. I mean, not them together, not them ever, not them with anyone, not them. ACK. CONFLICTED.

RK Fire

GUYSSSS! I wanted to share this two weeks ago but there wasn't an Open Thread that day and then I forgot about it. The Onion totally took this idea! Unless.. melis, did you write that article?


Melis has no official statement to make at this time. This is an idea, however, that belongs to the people, not to any one beautiful redhaired Hairpin commenter.


@melis YOU ARE NO MERE "redhaired Hairpin commenter", MY DULCET AND GAMESOME LOVE




I guess I'd rather picture Romney and Ryan getting nasty than Bush and Cheney.

oh god oh god

RK Fire

@Steph: I think my soul just vomited at the thought of that.


I had completely forgotten about that Dave Willis-drawn banner that was on there.

(Saying Wiigii seems misplaced right now?)


I missed the last thread about this, so I don't know if anyone posted this link, but as ever I am the ambassador of fandom and share with you guys the AO3 Political Slash 21st Century category, which as I recall is mostly Obama/Rahm Emmanuel.

(And I can't even make fun of this stuff because this year I switched from writing fictional characters [Sherlock] to baseball RPF [SF Giants] so I now officially have zero boundaries.)

Daisy Razor

@sophia_h Ah yes, fandom has the habit of turning boundaries into optional guidelines, doesn't it?


@sophia_h Sophia! I wanted to tell you that I have become a gluttonous, hedonistic, rabid Johnlock slashfic fan because of you! You introduced me to my first fanfics (your brilliant A Matter of Degrees series), and I've read at least a hundred Johnlock fics since then. Thank you so much; slashfic really has brought me such happiness/joy/angst/lust/knowledge about the male prostate.


@wee_ramekin Awww, I'm so glad you've been having so much fun! I love that fanfic and slash aren't just entertainment either -- they build community, give you sexual knowledge and confidence, efc. If only more women knew how much reading and writing erotica with other women could improve their lives. :) (I'm smiling but serious, I don't know what my life would be like without fandom,)

And @Daisy Razor, HA. No kidding. Sometimes I want to show my current stuff to me from 2002 and watch her eyes fall out of her head as she died.


@wee_ramekin Is this the place for Sherlock fanfic recommendations? Because I don't have anything to do tonight.


@sophia_h um so a friend is interested in your RPF about the SF Giants, particularly if Sergio Romo is involved but also if Timmy is.

because reasons.


@stonefruit Heh, well you can tell your friend my Giants stories are here, and they involve Timmy but not Romo. (I don't think anyone is writing Romo yet! They should!) If your friend checks the Baseball RPF fandom tag, there are more stories (not lots more, but some!)


@sophia_h dear G-d SOMEONE should write Romo. Smart, politically aware, delightfully hyperactive when his team wins, *and* a killer slider?


@stonefruit No one is denying that Sergio Romo is the greatest, but I think people don't see him in a romantic way with other players. Which is silly, and probably kinda racist. I was going to say he's got a wife and kids, but so do other players who get written about. So yeah, probably just the base racism of fandom, which pays more attention to white people. *totally guilty of that myself*


@sophia_h I basically lost it when I saw his shirt at the victory parade. I mean, whatever, I was a gonner during the bottom of the 10th in game 4, but the shirt! Oh, the shirt! He is wonderful.

Lush Life

I cannot decide whether or not this is inevitable and thus I should relax and enjoy it.


I am not sure how to respond to this, but I know a shitton of glee is involved


If by "mildly aroused" you mean gagged a little and had to look away then yes.

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