Is a lady's orgasm different from a dude's orgasm? PROBABLY?
We can tell you right now: you ain't never gonna really find out, and that seems like a shame.
sex, orgasms, men and women
Ahhhh noooo this article had the words "different strokes for different folks in it!"
@Megano! Also "hard and fast conclusions".
@fondue with cheddar
Haha oh lord. I'm just sitting here laughing.
@TheDragon Me too.
The Discovery Channel's Curiosity show did a whole show on the female orgasm. A woman masturbated while in an MRI machine. Another couple had sex while a technician did an ultrasound on the lady's bits. You can catch it on your cable provider's On Demand. Fascinating stuff.
Plus, it was hosted by Maggie Gyllenhaal, which made it even cooler.
@tmsteele2000 Ahh! I cannot imagine having sex with my husband in front of a doctor/researcher while they examined what was happening. Well, actually, I can imagine it, and it makes me ridiculously uncomfortable. Talk about a major boner killer (for us, at least).
@olivebee I might be able to do it if the researcher were hot.
@olivebee Or in one of those scary, tiny MRI machines?!
@fondue with cheddar and naked.
@Ophelia I'd be afraid of the cheese burns, myself.
@JessicaLovejoy had the same reaction myself.
@OhMarie I've never been in one, but I'm willing to bet I could find a way to make it work. My question is - would they let me take my vibrator in?
@OhMarie People do sex inside those tube slides at elementary school playgrounds, they can do sex in an MRI machine!
The MRI's thumping and clicking would be a huge problem! When I used to do tests in MRIs, it was hard not to imagine myself as an astronaut in an escape pod surrounded by evil, insectoid aliens trying to get at me!
@OhMarie PLUS it is SO COLD IN THERE!!! I don't know about you, but I need to be warm.
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll I will probably be getting my first MRI fairly soon. Is it weird that I'm totally excited about it, and even more excited now that I've read your comment?
@fondue with cheddar I got an MRI last year as part of a research study I participated in. I was super excited (probably because I was 99% positive there was nothing physically wrong with me?) when at the end the researcher let me look at my resting brain picture. Then I got kind of disappointed because it looked like it could be anyone's brain and I guess I had been waiting for some big part labeled "PROBLEMS" or maybe the technician would just point and say, "See, this? This is where all your mental illnesses are. There. Right there."
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll See, I could make that work for me.
the cold, not so much.
@Nutmeg Dude, I WISH mental illness were that easy!
I had a conversation with a doctor who suggested that one of my as-yet-untreated physical problems could cause neurotransmitter effects and thus could be a contributor to my depression. It makes sense, because optimism used to be one of my defining traits, so it's weird that it just went away. I'm excited at the prospect that fixing a physical problem could reduce or eliminate it, but I'm trying really hard not to get my hopes up because it just seems too good to be true.
@fondue with cheddar
I never got to find out what my tests were even about! The researchers said they'd let me know when they got published, but that's been years ago. One game was to push the left button if the screen showed a woman's face and the right button for a man's face. WHAT ARE WE LEARNING HERE, SCIENCE??
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll Wow, I wonder what it was about! Scientific studies of human behavior are so interesting! Do you have any contact information?
@fondue with cheddar
They were at NIMH, in a basement lab. I could never quite work up a good 'Rats' joke. I think I've lost my contacts from changing phones and email accounts, alas.
@fondue with cheddar
FYI, I got your comment emailed to me but it didn't show up here, which I think is confirmation that the automated spam-blocker doesn't allow comments with more than two links. Another commenter told me this.
It was a great comment, BTW.
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll Thanks! Good to know. I wish it would tell you when that happens, because it does appear on my page.
This is the best one so far: Women Are Sort Of More Tentative Than Men, Aren't They? (btw, the answer is "no!"), but REALLY I HAVE TO PULL OUT OF THIS SPIRAL AND GET BACK TO WORK. I probably won't, though.
@olivebee Mary Roach and her husband had sex in an MRI machine. It sounded uncomfortable in many ways.
@Verity Mary Roach is the best.
@Decca Gotta say, read this and it weirded me out.
@itiresias finally, I paged you hours ago
Mine's a lot like
black velvet & silk
My ex husband believed that men's and women's orgasms were different. That's why he decided that he should get to have more orgasms than me because mine were longer and more powerful. You know, to make sure it's fair.
@fondue with cheddar ...it does not surprise me that he is now your ex husband. What a jerk!
@fondue with cheddar Whatadouche. If he wanted his "fair" share of long and powerful orgasms, he'd have gotten into tantric sex. If he wanted to be a selfish douche, well, actually he got it exactly right in that case.
@swirrlygrrl A selfish douche is a pretty accurate description. He also figured it would be fair for him to get the majority of those additional orgasms from someone else.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't talk so much about how terrible of a person he was on here because I'm over it, but there are just so many reasons that he was terrible that he ends up being relevant to the conversation quite often.
Janniko Georgiadis and colleagues at the University of Groningen in the Netherlands compared cerebral blood flow in both men and women both during genital stimulation and at the point of orgasm using positron emission tomography (PET).
@fondue with cheddar For a brief, shining moment, I thought that said "Janeane Garafalo".
@Linette I would totally have sex while she watched and studied. For science, of course.
@fondue with cheddar God I am loving her on "The Good Wife." Though she's totally going to run against Peter, isn't she?
@swirrlygrrl I've never seen it! I recently watched Clay Pigeons again. The look she gives the pizza guy in this scene cracks me up every time.
@swirrlygrrl That's Maura Tierney.
@LooseBaggyMonster Maura Tierney is on "The Good Wife"!?! I knew it was a good show, but now I am obligated to watch it.
@LooseBaggyMonster Oh my god you are right. But every time I watch I'm convinced it is Jeanne Garafaolo. This is like how I cannot watch Heat because Al Pacino and Robert Deniro are exactly the same person to me in that film. Aka, embarassing.
@swirrlygrrl You're right in that Janeane Garafalo should be on the show too!
@swirrlygrrl That was me with Tom Hanks/Michael Keaton/Tim Curry when I was a kid, and Tom Sizemore/Michael Madsen today.
@LooseBaggyMonster But I LOVE Maura Tierney!! Okay, really I loved everything about seasons one through four of Newsradio (except Andy Dick). This is really unforgivable.
@swirrlygrrl OOH have you seen Scotland, PA? Because if you haven't YOU MUST. It's one of my favorite movies and she stars in it!
@fondue with cheddar Adding it to my list!! Thanks for the tip.
I've found that, despite the whole "men think about sex 4732058 times a day & they also need it, like NEED it, you know...biologically" rhetoric that gets shoved down our throats, a lot of men (disclaimer: that I personally know) fully believe that women enjoy sex more than they do & have more powerful orgasms. Thoughts? I don't like drawing distinct differences between the sexes, because DIFFERENT STROKES, but I'm inclined to think this is true. Generally.
@fabel I believe it. I know three girls (including myself) who have pulled muscles orgasming. I don't know any guys who have.
So with you. I have 'needed' sex more than almost all of my male partners. And, just judging from physical reaction, feel like most of the time, my orgasms are way more intense than dudes. Not every time, but more often than not.
@TheDragon There's a fairly obvious pun in there that I am restraining myself from retyping.
@fabel I mean I think it goes w/o saying but there are different intensities one can feel in their orgasms. Like... okay, tmi, some are just a twitch, but orgasms for both men and women cause involuntary muscle contraction (which is why we have such comical o-faces and why some orgasms are referred to as "toe-curling", because they do). This is also a reason why, if yr partner orgasms and starts giggling uncontrollably, you probably did something right. There is definitely a scale!
@Beericle @Danzig! Yep, I am not like that at all. It's rare that I get a really good one. More like a "twinge." Just as much as I'm sure it varies from time-to-time for some, it varies from person-to-person.
I feel like studies point out a lot that it's harder for a lot of women to orgasm, and some never do, so I wonder if this is a man thing too? Like how frequent is that?
@Beericle My ex-girlfriend and I came up with an orgasm intensity scale that was the same as the letter grades scale. I'm fairly certain a B+ or an A- for me would've been a C- or C for her. Thus, an A or A+ for her seemed physically impossible for me based on observed reactions, which I took as a point of pride and not something to feel slighted about or ammo for guilt-tripping sexual favors UGH. In all, it was fun to compare and we both had a lot of variance.
It is a shame. That's exactly what I'd do if I ever got my hands on (heh) some Brainstorm technology.
@laurel Totally. That is the first thing I would do, without a doubt.
But, as it so happens, older research looking at the brain at orgasm suggested that the male and female orgasms were more alike than different.
Oh, wow, and here I had long suspected that the male orgasm felt like hot spikes being driven through one's eyes.
@KatnotCat ::Whispers:: it sure does when it gets in your eye, am I right?
Man, there are so many kinds of orgasms IN GENERAL, not just for men and ladies.
I mean, there are as many kinds of orgasms, in my experience, as there are ways of crying. (Weird metaphor, I know...)
Sometimes it's just a physical release. Other times it's emotional. Sometimes it's small, sometimes it's huge, sometimes it's from this erogenous zone, sometimes from that one...
@Queen of Pickles You never have the same orgasm twice! I mean, physically there are definitely at least three distinct types, but the rest (emotion and intensity, like you said) is pretty subjective.
@Queen of Pickles I heard that the Inuit have 20 different words for "orgasm"?
@Queen of Pickles Very true, even with the vaguely creepy but also very true comparison.
@Queen of Pickles I think the crying analogy is perfect, actually.
This sort of relates to my second comment below, but is it normal that every time I've come with another person it does not even come close to approaching (in quality) anything I can do myself? I enjoy having sex with another person much MORE, but coming itself doesn't feel better. I'm too distracted. Does anyone else agree, or should I be striving to have the best orgasm ever with another person (I'm open to this!).
@Ellie I love having sex with my Gentleman Friend (A LOT) and I am usually pretty much a cat in a sunbeam afterwords - relaxed and content (and a little smug) and I would purr if I could. BUT, even after a weekend of sexytimes with him, when I go home I use my vibrator. Because it's a different sensation and a different experience and satisfies me differently. He agrees, sometimes he just wants to get off so he uses his hand (rarely when I'm there, though I know it happened at least once when he thought I was asleep).
@Ellie @Blushingflwr I don't think that's unusual at all! Some people can get off better alone, some can get off better with others, some get off better with electronic devices, some without, and all these things can change throughout your life. As long as you're having a good time, don't sweat it.
Also, using toys with a partner can be fun. :)
@Blushingflwr Oh man re. purring. The guy I had over on Sunday said "You look like you just stole something" and apparently I look this pleased with myself every time.
@Queen of Pickles Man I wish I could orgasm as hard as I cry
@Queen of Pickles I think that's an important thing that should be communicated more. I had sex for years (while single, so not always consistently or with the same dude) wondering if I'd ever actually had an orgasm because I was waiting for a *****MOMENT***** to happen. And now that I'm with a partner I love and have been for a long time, and sex is a constant and I know how my body works, and sure I have some ~moments~ where everything is perfect and I can't move or breathe but sometimes they last five minutes? and sometimes they're less strong than usual? and they feel different based on the position we're in and how i'm feeling that day and etc? I don't know. They're different than men in that way, in my opinion.
It really bothers me that I will never know what sex feels like for a guy, specifically the sensation of penetration (and the orgasm part too, I guess). I actually think about this weirdly a lot.
@Ellie I've tried several times to explain to my boyfriend why penetrative sex is super awesome and occasionally more satisfying/important than an orgasm obtained through other means. It is impossible and embarrassing to explain.
@Ellie My husband and I have had MULTIPLE conversations about how much we would like to switch bodies and have sex.
@Ellie Oh me too... it is literally the only reason I would love to have a switching-bodies experience. (Peeing-while-standing-up doesn't exactly sound like THE MOST AMAZING THING EVER.)
@KatnotCat I feel exactly the same way! When I'm with someone else and he's like "I want to get you off" a lot of the time I want just say "Thanks but I don't care, please just fuck me more" but don't want to seem like I have no self-respect or female empowerment whatsoever? Now that I type this out I realize I am probably looking at this the exact wrong way round by not saying what I want.
@Ellie It's perfectly respectable! You're still "getting off" even if you don't have an <3**orgasm**<3. It's definitely hard to express without accidentally spreading lazy lover propaganda though. The sex still has to be good in other ways, gentlemen!
Well, they're different in that one is a lot less messy.
@Das Rad Says you. Mine involve towels.
(<3 u Pure Wand!)
@Blackwatch Plaid Yeah...lots of towels. I'm thankful to have hardwood floors in the bedroom.
Ooh, ooh! I've had the chance to talk to Barry Komisaruk (one of the scientists mentioned in the original article) for work and he is the nicest guy. He got into orgasm research because he noticed through other work that orgasm has pain-blocking effects, and he watched his wife go through terrible pain while dying of breast cancer 30 years ago. So one of his big goals is to come up with better pain relief by understanding that effect in the brain. Just an anecdote for the next time someone tries to tell you that sex researchers are all taxpayer-dollar-wasting perverts.
@TheBelleWitch Aww. Considering this is the field I'm trying to break into, this is incredibly heartening to hear.
Yo, I feel like just seeing women have one vs experience as a dude, has to be insanely different. Some of y'all just... I dunno, but im jealous.
@leon s That's definitely a benefit of being a woman, but there are drawbacks too. Besides the obvious (periods), we also get our insides poked, which can sometimes be painful or uncomfortable. Imagine somebody repeatedly poking you hard in the stomach after you've eaten or when you have gas, or poking you in the bladder when you have to pee. It's also so much easier for men to have an orgasm. I do envy you that.
@fondue with cheddar
Men have their insides poked - prostate exams, anyone?
*Devil's Advocate* pap smearsssssssssss
@TARDIStime True, but still...gentle prodding with a finger is quite different than having a rod repeatedly and forcefully rammed into you.
guys! is it my imagination or do orgasms help with various ailments?
it makes sense to me that they would help with cramps (something something muscles, tension) but i swear they also help with like headaches and getting decongested when i have a cold!
@plonk Yeah, someone did science that shows they help with headaches! Increased circulation to your brain, I think, and also the endorphins. I don't have a citation because I am too lazy to google.
Partner and I use "I have a headache" as a way to signal we are FOR sexy times rather than AGAINST.
@plonk I have a hard time getting off when I have my period. Not that I haven't tried.
@plonk It does but it's pretty temporary.
@Megano! It's temporary but MAN is it effective.
@plonk I think it's like laughing gas. It's not an analgesic, but it sure makes you notice the discomfort less.
So ... any other "pre-orgasmic" ladies here?
Sigh. I try not to get down about it, but goddammit do I wish I could experience orgasm. I would seem to have everything sorted out (totally comfortable in my body, loves sex, healthy sex drive, no history of trauma, awesome partner who I trust completely, etc) but I just. can't. get. off.
I can't be the only one, can I?
@keaton Can't say I have the same problem but, ugh. However, I had a friend who did (she wasn't as comfortable with sex as you seem to be though, so that was part of it certainly) among the advice I gave her was to buy a vibrator, which may seem super obvious, and you may own 3 for all I know, but it totally helped fix her little problem :)
@keaton I'm not pre- anymore, but mine are basically like sneezes. Sex is super-fun, but 95% of the time, getting to the finish line is just not worth the effort. So, sad fistbump of commiseration here.
@keaton Relevant to my interests. I've had a few "wow" moments, but mostly like wallsdonotfall, even with a vibe.
@wallsdonotfall @upupandaway Yep. Same here. Boo.
@everyone who has orgasm problems
I never used to have orgasms, and when I finally did start having them they were like sneezes, like @wallsdonotfall said, and usually when I was alone. Now I have them more often, more easily (sometimes), and with a patient partner and the right toy I can have super long and powerful OMG STOP I CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE orgasms. I don't know how old all of you are, but you know how they say a woman reaches her sexual peak in her thirties? It's totally true, or at least it was for me. Don't give up! But more importantly, know that the orgasm is not the most important part of sex, it's just a nice bonus. Sometimes when I have sex I don't orgasm, but I still enjoy it. Heck, sometimes my boyfriend doesn't orgasm either and he still enjoys it. Just enjoy the journey and keep exploring, and who knows...maybe things will change for you like they did for me.
P.S. If you don't already have one, get yourself a good g-spot toy!
@fondue with cheddar
"But more importantly, know that the orgasm is not the most important part of sex"
The bond I feel with Mr TARDIStime is a massive part of our sexual relationship - orgasm is a great bonus. :-D
@TARDIStime The bond is a massive part of ours, too. In fact, emotional intimacy (like when I tell him what he means to me) actually gives him a hard-on! I've never known a guy who does that but I'm not complaining. :)
Mine aren't great (and I'm not even completely sure that I do orgasm from oral sex as opposed to a vibrator; it feels completely different). I enjoy sex, but I feel like I'm missing out on the sort of orgasms other people are having.
@fondue with cheddar Emotional intimacy is such a major part of it for me. Maybe it's because the physical side isn't OMG AMAZING ORGASMS EVERYWHERE, but I think I would find it really difficult to have sex without that.
@Verity I'm very comfortable with sex without emotional intimacy, the problem is that when it isn't good it just feels like a waste of time and energy. I had a long-term FWB relationship after I separated from my husband. We were good friends, but there wasn't an emotional bond like there is in a loving relationship. The only reason it lasted as long as it did was because the sex was almost always really good. But when there's emotional intimacy I really don't mind the times when the sex is sub-par physically.
Orgasm from oral sex is definitely not the same as with a vibrator. It's a completely different sensation. Oral sex and a vibrator together is the best of both worlds. :)
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