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Nope Nope Nope Nope

Dear Prudie wants to poke you in your vulnerable underbelly today, guys:

Q. Victim of Puppy Love: I’m a 16-year-old girl who is overweight (size 8). Recently, I have met this great guy at my school, he’s smart, handsome, and really funny. He and I have talked a few times and I think he might like me. Here’s the problem, holidays are coming up and I want to ask him if he wants to do something (go to a movie) but I don’t know how! I’ve tried to ask but then I think something like—oh I’m so fat, he’ll never want to go out with me. My weight is something I have struggled with all my life, I was a size 14 a few years ago and have managed to bring it down, but I still worry about it. This guy is no supermodel either, but I still worry. I’m also worried about what would happen if he would say no. Prudie, we will be in the same class together until the end of next year! I don’t want it to be awkward, or worse have him tell others what happened. What should I do? Should I risk it, and if so what do I say?

UNFFFF.

What? Shit! God. I mean, we could go with “you’re not fat,” but lots of other girls are and they need love too, right, and maybe he likes you and maybe he doesn’t and maybe he WILL tell people you asked him out and they’ll laugh about it like jackals because even though that seems like something only actual flesh-eating jackals would do it’s the sort of thing that does, sometimes, happen, and then maybe your phone will ring and your parents will say DAUGHTER, HANDSOME GUY IS CALLING, but when you pick up it will just be other girls, giggling or maybe you’ll go to the movies and feel hugely uncomfortable or maybe it’ll be fun and you’ll engage in pleasant forms of physical intimacy and then break up once you go to college and think of him fondly but either way the fact you are wearing a certain arbitrary jean size at this exact instant should not impact your decision-making process. I CANNOT HELP YOU, CHILD. Prudie says to not hate yourself and also to ask him if he wants to see Skyfall, which is probably right. Sixteen is better than fourteen but not as good as seventeen, generally speaking, so hang in there. And do not read the Slate comments in case there are a bunch of strangers telling you that you are too fat to find love, which is a new and exciting thing about being young now!

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