Friday, November 2, 2012


Interrogating Mandy Patinkin

Early in the morning, not too far in the future, a shadowy, hooded figure drifts onto the set of "Homeland." As he or she approaches each cast member in turn, a slight whisper causes them to blanch and withdraw. Soon, an oblivious Mandy Patinkin wanders in from makeup. An assistant, visibly shaken, mutters something about workshopping a new polygraph scene and ushers Patinkin onto a nearly-vacant sound stage. Patinkin shrugs and takes a seat. A bare bulb dangles. His chair is uncomfortable. The assistant Scotch-tapes a handful of fake electrodes to his arm and beats a hasty retreat. The hooded figure sits across from him.

The Figure - Why is it you always get to sit in the shade, while I have to stand in the sun?

Mandy Patinkin – What?

The Figure - Who was at the zoo, George?

Mandy Patinkin - Wait, I'm sorry – who are you?

The Figure - The monkeys and who, George?

Mandy Patinkin – Is this a joke? Is "Punk'd" even still on the air?

The Figure - How do you work without the right, white light? Is this the right light?

Mandy Patinkin – Oh, my God. You're not...

The Figure – Who is the woman willing to wait, to return you to the light?

Mandy Patinkin – Are you...are you doing "Sunday in the Park With George"? Are you just a Sondheim nut? Are you the one sending me the letters?

The Figure - Do you care about things, or people?

Mandy Patinkin – What's wrong with you? Why are you doing this?

The Figure – Why must you finish the hat? Why must you always finish the hat?

Mandy Patinkin – It's just a play. A good play! But...just a play.

The Figure – Have you left a little space in the way like a window?

Mandy Patinkin - I'm out of here.

As Patinkin pushes his chair back, the hooded figure leans forward and says two, quick words in his ear. Patinkin sits. He swallows. He awaits his next question. 

The Figure – What do you feel?

Mandy Patinkin - What do I feel? You know exactly how I feel. Why do you insist you must hear the words, when you know I cannot give you words? Not the ones you need. There's nothing to say. I cannot be what you want.

The Figure – Thank you.

As the hooded figure leaves, Patinkin exhales, dropping his head into his hands. The door closes, and immediately reopens to reveal a second hooded figure.

The Second Figure - Who killed your father?

Mandy Patinkin – ...no.

The Second Figure – Are you left-handed?

Mandy Patinkin – (tiny tiny screams)

24 Comments / Post A Comment


"Do you now represent anyone's cause but your own?"


Good stuff.@t


SAUL BERENSON = INIGO MONTOYA?!? His swoon factor just went up 100 points and it was pretty high already.


I just started watching Homeland and I...am...maybe...sorta..really really really...attracted...to...Mandy Patinkin.

But ONLY if he has a beard. Beardo Homeland Mandy Patinkin: whoa. Non-beared Mandy Patinkin: Ho Hum. Skinny young Mandy Patinkin: Nah.

What is wrong with me?


@meetapossum Hmm...better. But I need him to give me that stern look where he's disappointed in me.


@parallel-lines You can see his butt in Yentl. You're welcome?

fondue with cheddar

@parallel-lines I love him with the beard, but he was still pretty hot in Dead Like Me without it.

Posted on November 2, 2012 at 2:43 pm


Honestly, I think looking through the pictures in my mom's Evita album was the first time I ever had a crush on a bearded man. I have a hard time reconciling his role as Che with anything else he's done.


@meetapossum When I was younger I thought beards were the worst--so scratchy and gross. And now, OMG--they can make the schlubbiest dude super sexy.

I also am happy that the teenage girls my husband teaches share my high school sentiment and hate his beard/leave him alone.

fondue with cheddar

@meetapossum I'm particularly drawn to bearded men (neatly-kept beards, anyway). My boyfriend had never grown a beard before, but he had a goatee for the first time when I met him. I recently convinced him to try growing a full beard, and he likes it. Yay!

And now, the obligatory sketch from The State.


@fondue with cheddar @parallel-lines I am now solidly Beards Forever, and it's definitely Mandy Patinkin's fault.

fondue with cheddar

@parallel-lines Shaven faces are scratchy. Beards feel good. And look good. :)


@fondue with cheddar Not if they're really clean-shaven, not always, and it definitely depends on the guy.


@Decca Can we please all talk about how amazing Yentl is? I know I'm supposed to love it ironically, but I think I love it without irony. She's so gutsy, and he's so dreamy!
Also, another movie musical that features beards but not Mandy Patinkin, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers anyone? Beards and gingers and manly dancing choreographed by Michael Kidd? AMAZING.

fondue with cheddar

@parallel-lines I've never seen it but I want to! I didn't know he was in it, so now I want to see it even more.

fondue with cheddar

@fondue with cheddar OH MY. My other weakness, besides beards, is moppy curly dark hair.

I think I need a moment...






I love everything about this, Nicole, thank you.

Do we belong together, George?

(One time I talked to him on the phone. At least I was TOLD it was him, and it did sound like him, so I choose to believe.)

Kat Funkhouser@facebook

Nicole, this made me so happy.
Oh, sure, Mandy protests, but you just know on set he's got to be all like

Blue blue blue blue
Blue still growing
Red my big beard
Blue all night
Blue-green let's set up this new shot
Claire Danes sitting
Claire emoting
Claire gets all the Emmy nods
More yellow
Claire Danes waiting to go
On on on on
No no Mandy
Finish the hat finish the hat
Have to finish the hat first
Hat hat hat hat
Hot hot hot it's hot in here...



Roaring Girl

The Figure must have really messed him up, because he basically never refuses to do the Princess Bride line. It's kind of what makes him Mandy Patinkin.

fondue with cheddar

@Roaring Girl It's his favorite role ever. :)

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