Quantcast

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

388

Happy Thanksgiving

And we're off! Have a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday, or a wonderful regular Thursday and Friday, depending where you are and what you celebrate. We'll be back on Monday, but in the meantime, some holiday memories: Famous Turkey Last Words and Proposed New Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade Balloons. (Also Free Rice.)

388 Comments / Post A Comment

Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood

I got a new job, my health insurance came thru and paid my medical bills, im getting glasses and am gonna look cute as fuck, and im seeing my gf's family tomorrow.

things are not terrible. happy thanksgiving yall

Ellie

@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood Congratulations on the new job!

Lily Rowan

@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood Woo hoo!

LacunaKale

Whoa, I got here just as it posted. I'd say that was cool, but I can't admit it's come to that.

I'm looking forward to my Thanksgiving trip that will involve no relatives, turkey, or football. It may involve pie though, because fuck yeah pie.

Nicole Cliffe

Love you all! I'm having a Very Melis Thanksgiving, and a wildly skewed ratio of stuffing-to-turkey.

Nicole Cliffe

(We are also going to be cooking from the Unofficial Downton Abbey cookbook, so maybe there will be a post and maybe we'll just get drunk and eat a lot of treacle, whatever that is?)

Faintly Macabre

@Nicole Cliffe Drunken treacly post, please!

Daisy Razor

@Nicole Cliffe Why do I feel like A Very Melis Thanksgiving will involve interpretive dance? Is that just because I started my holiday drinking at lunch today or what?

Ophelia

@Nicole Cliffe I think it's molasses? But please post pics of whatever you make!

Serafina

I just entered a new relationship with a man who lives in London, England (I live in Oregon, USA) and my mother is furious to have found out about it over facebook. Good thing I'm flying to Colorado to spend Thanksgiving with her (sarcasm questionable).

edit: oh and did I mention that he spent the last ten days in my apartment visiting me for the first time ever, which she also doesn't know about, and she is 100% certain that he's a rapist being sneaky, even though we've been talking online for 3 years and that would be hella dedication for something like that?

Daisy Razor

@Serafina Are you a legal adult? If so, this might be the MYOB Thanksgiving! During which you explain that you have this thing called "autonomy" and she can suck it up and mind her own business.

Serafina

@Daisy Razor I am indeed! But at 23 it still doesn't feel entirely autonomous, ahahaha.

Daisy Razor

@Serafina I feel you. I think 23 was when my mother sent me Alcoholics Anonymous literature because sometimes I called her after having wine with dinner. Heh.

par_parenthese

@Daisy Razor I just laughed so hard I might have scared my neighbors. My mother once called me to have a Very Difficult Conversation with me about my Dad's Drinking (Emphatic Caps Included). She was very, VERY concerned. Turns out he was having a beer after work and a whiskey after dinner, which obviously means he is a raging alcoholic on the verge of cirrhosis/rehab.

NiceDress

@Daisy Razor I often like to have a glass of wine or two in the evening, with dinner or lounging around after. While I was unemployed and living with my parents for several months after a two-year stint abroad, "often" was probably 5-6 nights/week. At one point, my mom decided she needed to have A Talk with me about my drinking. I basically told her to stop being weird, and to keep in mind that I had the alcohol tolerance of a healthy 25-year-old who until moving in with her did a fair amount of partying. In arguing that I has "a problem," she then flailed, "But you always have two glasses! TWO GLASSES!" Ah, moms.

fruiting body

@NiceDress I have a friend whose mom had A Conversation About Her Drinking (around age 24 I believe) because she had talked about making vodka pie crust!

JadedStone

@Serafina SNEAKY RAPIST???

That's amazing. Get him a tshirt. Just black with white writing. SNEAKY RAPIST. Then change his facebook profile pic to him wearing it.

runner in the garden

@Serafina note: even as a joke, this is a horrible idea; please no one do it ever.

Serafina

@JadedStone He actually doesn't have a facebook because he feels it encourages people to invade others' privacy, among other reasons. He's basically the single least threatening person I've ever met. If memory serves, he teared up and held me tightly and petted my hair when I told him about the time I was raped (he asked what my first time was like, since we both knew from experience what his first time was like, ahem).

@runner in the garden I wasn't going to do that at all, even a little bit. Oh man. Haha

On a related note, how do you convince guys who, their second or third time having sex with a real person ever, that they're not miserable failures for not being eight-minute-long jackhammer sex machines, and that such performance may in fact not be desirable?

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

I'm drinking a beer at my desk (office provided, from the office fridge) and a coworker inquired about being the first one to start drinking. I told him only Judy can judge me. I think it's time to go home.

JanieS

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose A) Where do you work? B) Are they hiring?

Decca

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose This seems to be a habit of yours. I approve.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@Decca Ha! Now everyone knows our secret!

Tuna Surprise

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

After reading this post, I'm 'liberating' that bottle of wine in the office fridge crisper. Here til midnight on the night before thanskgiving. F these people.

Judith Slutler

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose brb getting "only judy can judge me" forehead tattoo

redheaded&crazy

oh that's cool i'll just ... wait here til y'all get back ... i've got grey cup hype to keep me company anyway.

redheaded&crazy

@redheaded&crazie what's a grey cup?

redheaded&crazy

@redheaded&crazie it's a hogwarts thing, kinda like the triwizard tournament

gobblegirl

@redheaded&crazie I can't do any Grey Cup things this weekend, as I'm too behind on schoolwork. No football and no pie make gobbles a dull bird.

TARDIStime

@redheaded&crazie I have no grey cup, no Triwizard cup, nor a Thanksgiving, neither.
I'm cool with that. I'll just be over here, enjoying the Australian spring and drinking apple cider with far too much ice in it - and for that, I am thankful.

runner in the garden

@redheaded&crazie each year one Canadian finds their name magically appearing on a slip of paper drawn from the Grey Cup; from that point on they are Canada's one and only celebrity for the next year

JanieS

I can't go to family for Thanksgiving this year. Which is fine, because I can no longer eat gravy, stuffing, Pillsbury crescent rolls or goddamn PIE, so what, really would be the point? :sniff:

Now that I've gotten that whiny self-pity out of my system, I'm going to spend tomorrow eating chips & guacamole, watching TV, and getting a leg up on my X-mas card list.

Faintly Macabre

Yay, my Thanksgiving wish of an open thread came true!

I'm cooking a little Thanksgiving dinner for 3 French friends on Friday. It kind of kills me that I don't have real Thanksgiving plans, since it's my favorite holiday, but that's how the cards fell. Does anyone have tips on:
-buying Thanksgiving ingredients in France at non-crazy prices (I've found dried cranberries, sweet potatoes, butternut squash, maple syrup, and raw pumpkin here, and am probably just going to buy pre-cooked turkey. But mini-marshmallows and canned pumpkin are either nonexistent or insanely expensive.)
-cooking Thanksgiving dinner for a small amount of people. I've only ever been to big potluck-style ones. Which dishes are the most important? Should I make small amounts of a bunch of things? An abridged menu?
-good, fairly easy Thanksgiving foods for people who've never had Thanksgiving. For example, I made pumpkin pie for my host family when I studied abroad in France, and they weren't big fans. But I'm trying to make one this year anyway!

wallsdonotfall

@Faintly Macabre David Lebovitz is an American pastry chef in Paris, and you might find this blog post useful. His list of places for supplies is Paris-only, but something might pop up in the comments...

Easy Thanksgiving sides that would be a good introduction: Mark Bittman's braised and glazed brussels sprouts?

Faintly Macabre

@wallsdonotfall Thank you! I'm already kind of obsessed with David Lebovitz--he's the source of all I know on finding American baking/cooking supplies here. I think I'm going to check out the shops he listed tomorrow, just to see, though they'll probably be packed...

KeLynn

@Faintly Macabre I think an abridged menu is the way to go. Less things to juggle. I say turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, your favorite vegetable, and a pumpkin pie.

Faintly Macabre

@KeLynn Waaahhh I don't know how to make stuffing! My mom always makes it! But I will try. ALSO, I just discovered that Picard (a frozen grocery chain) sells bags of frozen cranberries! I can make cranberry sauce!

Hot Doom

@Faintly Macabre It's SO easy, the stuffing!I loosely follow this recipe and it's delish. I would say the celery is pretty key, and since I live in Britain where bigger cubes of dry bread are hard to find in shops (SO I FEEL YOUR PAIN), I just use stale bread cut into cubes or dry out slices of bread in a low oven and cut them up to use. I made it with cranberry and pumpkin seed bread last week, which was good too, so you could always throw some of those suckers in there for a tart kick. But srsly, so good, and really flexible and forgiving if you don't have all the different herbs and what not. I hope it all goes well!

par_parenthese

@Faintly Macabre I tell you what, PECAN pie has always been a MASSIVE hit with overseas/non-American friends who were unfamiliar with it. Pumpkin pie is my favorite thing on Earth, but apparently it's a bit odd for people who aren't used to our use of winter squashes in sweet dishes.

Faintly Macabre

@Hot Doom I'm not a huge celery fan, but that recipe -does- look simple. I wonder if baguette would be too fragile? It dries out nice and quickly...

@par_parenthese Yeah, I had no idea how odd the idea of pumpkin pie was until I fed it to my host family and they were like, "Why is this sweet?! Why are there spices?!" And when I mentioned it to my elementary school students last week, most of the class was aghast and disgusted. But it's so good!

@Mabissa That'd be easier, but bakeries here sell perfect apple tarts for like 2 euro, and desserts and soup are my only strengths! That stuffing recipe looks amazing, though.

Current vague idea of a menu:
Some form of turkey/bird
Cranberry sauce (I have an easy recipe)
Stuffing
Mashed potatoes (or should I make mashed sweet potatoes? I love sweet potatoes! AAHHHH)
Salad (I'll just ask them to make it)
Green beans? Though it's hard to find fresh ones right now...
Pumpkin or pecan pie, depending on which I find more easily.

StandardTuber

@Faintly Macabre Oh mashed sweet potatoes are awesome. Here's my favorite recipe, just for sharing's sake. It's from Cooks Illustrated and it's boringly easy.

Hot Doom

@Faintly Macabre Haha, yes, I have had mixed reactions to pumpkin pie, ranging from surprised delight to unmitigated horror. Up until yesterday, Mr. H. Doom thought pumpkin pie was part of the main course, and this ain't even his first rodeo. Same reactions with candied yams/sweet potatoes with any sweetening. One of the risks of Living Internationally, I suppose.
To be honest, for the stuffing, I said the celery was important because it sort gives a different flavour amidst the onion, but you could probably get away with little to no celery in that mess and it would still be great. Mushrooms or leeks might be a nice interchange? I am sure the baguette will work too! At least, I hope so, because that's what I'm using too.

Hot Doom

@Hot Doom OR FENNEL. Sorry, I get overexcited about stuffing really easily.

Faintly Macabre

@Hot Doom Aaah brilliant ideas! I love leeks and fennel, and I've been trying to take advantage of how cheap they are here vs. the U.S.

Today we went over Thanksgiving again in one of my classes, and I got to both whine about having to work on my favorite holiday and remind the kids of the existence of pumpkin pie. Their disgusted little faces!

@Mabissa I think I'll make that! Easy is good, and I already love sweet potatoes practically plain. Last year, I made some crazy dish with orange juice and pecans that took forever. In the end, everyone loved it but me!

[sic]

@Faintly Macabre Have you tried http://www.thanksgivingparis.com/store.html ? They've got canned pumpkin and Ocean Spray cranberry sauce, and the prices seem reasonable.

loren smith

@Faintly Macabre ohhh mashed sweet po's! My mum does an amazing one from the Rebar Vegetarian cookbook that calls for them mashed with butter, honey, lime juice, and salt. It's great because you can prepare it a day or two before and reheat in the oven or microwave.

novanovanova

@Faintly Macabre i know i'm a day late but in the future you can find lots of stuff at casino/carrefour/monoprix. i ended up buying pecans at the real mccoy (american grocery in the 7th arr) but they were the same price as the ones at the monoprix down the street. and they're even cheaper in passage brady/little sri lanka but i was too lazy to schlep up there. hope it was a good thanksgiving!

Mike_B

Was there a recipe for Pumpkin Seed Brittle posted here or was that somewhere else? We've got way too many seeds and I'm having a real boner of a time finding that recipe.

iknowright

I have to admit I was hopeful for a Black Friday Bargain Bin. It would be epic! And I'm in the buying mood, but Amazon Black Friday deals have been a bit lackluster so far. If anyone is interested, Gap is having a really good online sale right now (up to 60% off like...everything?) and I have a Eddie Bauer code for 40% off and free shipping today only. I got it as a Gold Level member (which I didn't know I was), so I'm not positive it will work for everyone, but the code is: holly. Anyone else know of good sales that don't require me to change out of pjs/get out of bed?

(I'd also like to say that this is the second Thanksgiving since my parents divorced, and last year I was able to have a shitty retail job that required me to work the holiday and thus allowed me to conveniently avoid all horrendous situations. Tomorrow I will be celebrating with my mother's family all day, but am taking an hour trip to my dad's sisters for that side's thing, which my dad doesn't know I'm going to, since we are In A Fight. That has occured solely over text message. I'm so grateful for the thread the other day about negotiating family dynamics -- I didn't participate there, but it made me feel better to know that we're all just trying to do the best we can, and that sometimes that's really all we can do. If anyone needs more Venting About Family Shit, I'd be happy to hear (more of) it!)

Happy Thanksgiving! I am thankful for this community and for an OT to escape to when needed.

wallsdonotfall

@iknowright We can make our own Friday Bargain Bin! There's a growing list of Friday/Monday coupon codes on Gretchen's Codes. Knit Picks is also having a giant yarn sale on Monday!

* This is the second posting of this comment and I apologize. The first one wasn't showing up when I wasn't logged in, maybe because of the links? (But there was only one, and not even HTML!) But now I see that all of the comments made after mine, in other threads, aren't showing up either...?! I don't understand.

iknowright

@wallsdonotfall I was also only notified of this comment tonight....so weird! I lamely bought nothing on Friday. I'm a failure as an American (unless I manage to score on Cyber Monday!).

PatatasBravas

@iknowright Are there any good cyber monday deals? I know the Gap/Old Navy/Banana Karenina/Piperlime Accessory Wall used very thoughtfully collections have their crazy deals, but that is all I am aware of I think.

iknowright

@PatatasBravas Now see, you gave me that awesome slash list and no! I know of none! I mean, there's Amazon, which I feel has been disappointing for a couple of years now on that front. ASOS is having an additional 20% off anything until tomorrow, I think (it's on their website) but it can be exhausting to search through so much -- same feeling towards Etsy, which has a plethora of sales but who has time to look through a half a million listings?!

I think almost every site is having some sort of sale but none are as good as last week and nothing's too appealing? Like, Gap had that day of $19, and that's a real good deal, but that's still $19 of my lazily-earned dollars spent on something I wouldn't even try on if I saw it at regular price, you know?

All that grmbling being said, if you find an awesome sale, do share!

gobblegirl

While I consider American Thanksgiving foreign and strange in many ways, I do get extremely jealous when you all start talking about thanksgiving food (mostly - some of your traditional sides fill me with confusion).
I haven't had pumpkin pie in over a month! All this talk of turkey and stuffing is killing me!

KeLynn

@gobblegirl - oo now I am very curious about which sides are confusing. I bet sweet potatoes with marshmallows is one (and if so, I will tell you that it still confuses me too).

superfluous consonants

@gobblegirl as compared to Canadian Thanksgiving? are the foods different? is it *gasp* NOT a food-centered holiday? please advise!

machinesss

I'm Canadian as well, and yeah, the only weird different side I can think of is the sweet potatoes/marshmalllow thing. My mom made it for our thanksgiving this year just out of curiousity and it was... pretty awful.

Other than that I think it's pretty much the same.

MilesofMountains

@machinesss The green bean casserole seems more American than Canadian to me, or maybe it's just Not My Familyican.

gobblegirl

@KeLynn @superfluous consonants
Canadian Thanksgiving is entirely a food-based holiday! In fact, it's a harvest festival that has nothing to do with settlers and uncomfortable historical relationships. It's way more low-key than American thanksgiving - no parades, people don't usually travel across the country, etc). You just chill with your family, do yardwork, and eat.
The sweet potatoes with marshmallows (not so much confusing as makes me sort of ill to think about, no offense), the macaroni and cheese, and the green bean casserole (not green beans themselves, fresh green beans are delicious, just in the context of soup-concentrate-based casserole).

tee
tee

@gobblegirl Americans have mac and cheese at Thanksgiving? That sounds pretty okay to me...

KeLynn

@gobblegirl Green bean casserole is fantastic so you shut your mouth. ( ;-) )

Mac and cheese! I don't really think of that as a traditional Thanksgiving side, but I wish it was.

Weasley

@gobblegirl

Does...does anyone remember Condaleeza Rice talking to Pat Robertson about how her favorite Thanksgiving dish is mac and cheese and he goes "Mac and cheese? Is that a black thing?"

coconuts

@gobblegirl I'm Canadian and I've always been confused by the sweet potatoes with marshmallows thing. However, for a few years I made a green bean casserole at Thanksgiving and Christmas. But since then I've switched to sauteed green beans with bacon and almond slivers.

iceberg

@coconuts Sweet potatoes with marshmallows on was how I knew I'd moved to the right country. Only Americans would literally put lollies on top of a vegetable.

Megasus

@gobblegirl Lots of people go to their cottage for the last time before they close it up for the winter.

gobblegirl

@Megano! Not in Alberta, they don't.

Megasus

@gobblegirl in Ontario

Decca

Hey what's up folks, I'm currently stalking @Verity until we're both online and in the same comment thread so I can ask her a Very Important Question.

Decca

@Decca Anyway while we're all waiting, let's share what we're grateful for. I am thankful for the What Do You Think _____ is Doing Right Now? webseries with Jeffrey Self and Bryan Safi.

Lucienne

@Decca "Do you like me? Yes/No"

Oh, we're being sincere. Then, I'm thankful for the rolls my sister sent me, since I can't be home for Thanksgiving this year.

Decca

@Lucienne sssssh

Verity

@Decca I'M HERE I'M HERE

Decca

@Lucienne I do sincerely love this comedy webseries where two gay guys make fun of Christine Baranski, yeah.

Decca

@Verity OMG!

Okay. I may have completely gotten this wrong, BUT, is there a chance that I am on a University Challenge team, representing the University of Sussex, with a man who is your father?

questingbeast

@Decca Aaaaah I just got on my university's team! Super excited! (You mean you're applying this year, or on the series that's being shown?)

Verity

@Decca There is a 100% chance of that, unless a)the University of Sussex has more than one team this year or b)my dad is lying about being on the team. !!!

(How did you work it out? And ha, I actually wondered when you said it was SECRET AND IMPORTANT if it could be that, because I know you like University Challenge and are at Sussex. Move over, Sherlock Holmes.)

Verity

@Verity Oh god, I hope my dad has not done anything awful or embarrassing. BE NICE, DAD, I NEED TO IMPRESS PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET.

(And congratulations for getting onto the team!)

Decca

@Verity AHHHHHH! OK your dad is super nice!

So the team met for the first time yesterday. We were all chatting about the show and this man (your dad) mentioned his daughter had been on it two years ago, representing Merton College Oxford. And a little lightbulb went off in my head as I remembered that you'd said you were on it two years ago and I knew you went to Oxford, and also that you were from roughly this part of the country. So then later on I double checked you went to Merton, and then Googled the UC team from that year and saw that your surname matched the surname of the nice man on my team! Amazing!

@questingbeast Brilliant!! Which university? It'd be hilarious if there ended up being two Pinners on it! And yes, I've applied for the next series, not the one that's currently showing. I'm on the team but obviously we haven't found out whether we've made it to the televised rounds yet (or even just the next round, in front of the producers or whatever.)

Verity

@Decca Ha, that is so very weird! The world is completely ridiculous sometimes.

I was actually at the trials last Tuesday, so I must have seen you competing - I was at a table in the corner of the bar, drinking cider and trying to answer as many questions as I could (quietly!).

I'm glad you think my dad is nice! He really is. (Although hyper-competitive when it comes to quizzes. I inherited that.)

Decca

@Verity Ah, you watched me quiz! *creepy X Files music* You never know when a 'Pinner is in the same room as you.

I feel a bit awkward about the whole situation because I feel like I've tricked everyone into thinking I'm going to be good because I did really well at those live trials in the bar, but my other written trial was a disaster and I think overall I have pretty mediocre general knowledge. Soooo I'm kind of having anxiety about that. But! Your dad, and the other guys on the team were really nice and encouraging.

Verity

@Decca My dad, to me just now, "You know, she was the one who we agreed was one of the best people competing". I'm sure you haven't tricked people! And I bet years of watching University Challenge has given you good general knowledge.

Good luck with the next stages! I hope you make it onto the programme.

Decca

@Verity That's kind of him to say. Thanks! Maybe we'll meet in the Real World at some point.

(Also, how did you explain this conversation to your dad?)

Verity

@Decca Essentially, "Dad, I have exciting news! There is a person I know on the internet-" "This had better be interesting." (He did find it interesting. SO THERE, Dad.)

questingbeast

@Decca I'm at Bangor. Yeah, we just had the second trials last night, so I've only just found out. I was actually on my undergrad college's team that didn't make it to recordings. But then it was like, 'Anyone fancy it? Oh you four, that's the team then.' So I'm slightly more hopeful this time!
(I am loving your two's coincidence. It's a small quizzing world!)

Decca

@Verity Haha, brilliant!

@questingbeast Congratulations! It's exciting, isn't it? Mostly I just want to meet J-Pax.

questingbeast

@Decca I just want Roger to say 'Bangor, [Questingbeast]'.

Decca

@questingbeast 'Sussex [my name]' is really sibilant and awkward sounding, I very much look forward to (maybe) hearing it yelled out on national television.

Hot Doom

@Decca Ahhhhhh! You're at Sussex?! That's awesome! I vaguely remember you mentioning aaaaages ago in an FOT that you were considering Sussex for uni, but I wasn't sure if that's where you ended up. I just finished my MA there this month! I didn't know Sussex had a University Challenge team! So many exclamations here!

laurel

Hi, sorry you guys, but given that I only know about University Challenge from The Young Ones, this is the best conversation I've ever eavesdropped on. Daddy sends hugs!

Decca

@Hot Doom Yes! What department were you in? I'm doing an English MA here.

Hot Doom

@Decca I was in the art history department. Whatup fellow HAHP-er!
How do you like it so far? The place has really grown on me.

Decca

@Hot Doom I like it a lot! I've had a few quibbles, but I think that'd be the same anywhere I went, but overall I'm very happy with the course and the department. Do you live in Brighton? I love this city!

Danzig!

@Decca I do love those boys. I wouldn't have discovered it had it not been for Throwing Shade. Thanks to Bryan the keywords "spider penis break off" are going to be in my search history until the next time I wipe it.

Danzig!

@Decca AND I'm thankful Twitter cuz I can just cold-tweet people I don't even know to have them contribute to things I make and they'll say yes.

Hot Doom

@Decca I used to live right in the centre of Brighton in uni accommodation, but now I've trucked it out to the far reaches of Hove, haha. How about you? I felt the same way about the art history dept. There were a few things that drove me nuts, but overall, it was pretty good, and the uni's surroundings are lovely (Stanmer park is gorgeous!). Brighton's fun too, but I feel like I'm out in the 'burbs now, which is pretty nice too. Let me know if you ever feel the need for a mini-pin-up or just a break from the usual folks!

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

Will this finally be the year when I stock up on discounted after-Thanksgiving canned pumpkin and make the roasted poblano-pumpkin pies I've been dreaming of?

KeLynn

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll - It is!

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@KeLynn
Thanks for the encouragement! I'll mail you one!

laurel

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll: /droools

theotherginger

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll do it. that would make pumpkin pie good.

entangled

I am going to kill Comcast. so much rage.

entangled

@entangled and comcast is spared from my fury... this time. (seriously, I have been dealing with billing issues for 3 months and it looks like it may be finally settled. ARGH SO MUCH FRUSTRATION)

Ophelia

@entangled Next time you have an issue, ask to be transferred to the cancellations department. Those people have POWER. (they can usually resolve issues and also get you a better deal on the next 12 months or whatever, since they're tasked with keeping customers who are about to walk away).

Daisy Razor

What are y'all making for thanksgiving? I was tasked with a gluten-free dessert, so I made eclair cake with GF graham crackers,

KeLynn

@Daisy Razor - I am making cakes. I baked two, one for each family - one chocolate, and one yellow dyed a maroonish color (to match the autumn leaf sprinkles I'm going to put on top). Both are going to have chocolate icing. nom nom nom!

It has only recently occurred to me that someone might think the maroonish one is red velvet and get disappointed when it's just a butter cake, but oh well.

EpWs

@Daisy Razor I am the Piemaker this year, but only for me and my parents, so I'll be making what will hopefully be the best apple pie ever. I've also wrestled my dad's mushroom recipe out of his head so I'm making that too. (Mushrooms, onions, garlic sauteed and then simmered in some tomato paste/wine/whatever you got for a while. SO GOOD.)

par_parenthese

@Daisy Razor I'm making a bastardized combination of creamed spinach and hot spinach/artichoke dip -- basically spinach and artichokes, cream cheese, and sour cream with a shit-ton of garlic, some caramelized onion, hot sauce, fresh nutmeg, and black pepper, topped with cheddar and baked until bubbly.

laurel

@Daisy Razor: I'm making a bunch of sides: mashed potatoes and mushroom port gravy, sage stuffing, heavily bourbon'd sweet potatoes, kale with beets, goat cheese, pecans and vinaigrette, and a spicy red chile cranberry sauce.

This morning I ran into a beloved neighbor/former coworker at the grocery store. When I asked about their holiday plans he told me his older sister had a severe stroke on Monday and that they're probably not doing Thanksgiving. So I baked an extra pumpkin pie today. Even if they decide not to do Thanksgiving--and I can certainly understand why they wouldn't--maybe a pie can be a thing they could gather around? I don't know. Gah, the look on his handsome face.

Faintly Macabre

@laurel Definitely give it to them--that's really nice of you. Last year, my mom had a heart attack 2 nights before Thanksgiving. It wasn't a very bad one, so it wasn't quite as horrible/scary, but she was still in the hospital Thanksgiving night. Friends who live a few blocks away invited the rest of us at the last minute, and it meant a lot. We were reminded of nice things and still got to bask in Thanksgiving a little instead of spending it worrying. I think a pie would have a similar effect.

laurel

@Faintly Macabre: Thank you for saying so. I feel sort of silly: 'Hi, here, I made you a thing that doesn't in any way address what you're going through' but I want to do something for them. He and his wife are two of the kindest, coolest, most interesting people I know.

I'm sorry about your mom's illness last year. That must have been harrowing. I hope she's better.

Danzig!

@Daisy Razor was thinking bout these http://punchfork.com/recipe/Pumpkin-Cheesecake-Shooters-Skinny-Taste

Lily Rowan

@laurel That's awfully kind of you -- it's always nice to know people are thinking about you.

@Daisy Razor I'm bringing the crudite, so easy peasy. Our extended family gathering includes enough people (and enough overachievers) that I don't have to get a real assignment. In the past, we have had as many as 9 desserts for like 15 people.

iceberg

@Daisy Razor Spinach and ricotta manicotti for my vegetarian hub and bubs. I THINK my boss is bringing me a plate of leftover meats tomorrow though!!!

Living My Best Life Far Away from the Hairpin!

Oh, I love Free Rice! I used to have an unbelievably boring job where I would just sit there and play hour after hour of Free Rice. I learned a lot of what I know about African geography and Germany vocabulary (which...still is not much) from that site. *goes to Free Rice and spends the rest of the workday on it*

Amphora

@Katzen-party I totally used Free Rice's vocab builder to study for the GRE. Wow they have a lot more categories now!

EngNaturalBeauty@twitter

I was super pumped that I had only packed one overhead bag for my five day trip home. However something leaked and ruined my beautiful laptop. I'm know furiously looking up Black Friday laptop deals. But on the other hand I agreed with my therapist to have a positive outlook this thanksgiving and not hate every second being home. And my positive attitude is working so far.

MilesofMountains

Thanksgiving question: I keep seeing people talking about have Thanksgiving dinner sometime in the middle of the afternoon. Is this the norm? I always have had it at dinner time. Is there a reason for doing it early?

EpWs

@MilesofMountains We do it early so we can have time to digest after and don't have to go to sleep on a massively full stomach. Also so it can be the only meal we eat all day. (I'll have a little breakfast but then not eat until Food at 3ish, and then I'm set for the day.)

KeLynn

@MilesofMountains - My mom's side of the family always had it at lunch and my dad's side has it at dinner. I always just kind of assumed that the default would be around 3PM or something? So you could wake up, eat breakfast, cook a bunch of stuff, then eat. My dad's side just does everything late at night so that's why we do Thanksgiving at night, but most people have already had their "big" meal by the time they get there I think.

Living My Best Life Far Away from the Hairpin!

@MilesofMountains When I was younger, my family used to do Thanksgiving around lunchtime for a few years because my mom had to work nights (even on Thanksgiving--sadface!), but otherwise we've done it in the evening and that's definitely the way I prefer it. But I also think it's sort of cool that people do it at different times of day so that (if you were so inclined) you could go to more than one Thanksgiving! Like, my sister's boyfriend does his family's celebration at midday and then comes to our dinner in the evening.

par_parenthese

@MilesofMountains I dunno, I guess I see it as kind of a late lunch? We usually ate around 2 or 3, so we could sleep in a little before getting up to a late, light breakfast and a marathon of cooking. Then there's still time to take a walk, throw a ball around the backyard, have a snooze, watch football, "clean up," etc. before it gets dark. And then pie and coffee/whiskey around the fire!

Lily Rowan

@MilesofMountains Well, midday is old-school dinner time, anyway, with supper at night. My family does Thanksgiving (and most other Event meals) early afternoon -- arrive at noon, hors d'oeurvres, dinner at 2.

lasso tabasco

Guys, after one year at my first Real Job, I got a raise. But not much. Not much at all. Now starting to QUESTION EVERYTHING.
Also, I have a cold. BUT Friendsgiving is on Saturday for me, and I am making green bean casserole.

EngNaturalBeauty@twitter

@lasso tabasco Friendsgiving sounds wonderful!

lasso tabasco

@EngNaturalBeauty@twitter I am more excited about it then I am about real Thanksgiving!

Verity

It's my birthday on Saturday (also that of my brother and sister), and my boyfriend is coming down for the weekend, which will be nice. My mum is currently in Kenya working 12-hour days in rural clinics (her idea of a holiday. Although she got to ride a camel the other day, and is going on a trip to an elephant sanctuary, so it's not all work), but my dad has been making Plans about how he's going to make a nice meal for us all, and birthday cake, and we are going on a walk with his best friend's dog, the soppiest golden retriever in the world, so it should all be good.

Decca

@Verity Now every time you mention your dad in a comment I can nod, knowingly.

angelinha

@Verity Triplets or triple coincidence?

iceberg

@Verity Happy birthday for tomorrow!

oh! valencia

Happy Thanksgiving, American Hairpin! I'm thankful for you, and I will miss your posts this weekend.

TARDIStime

What I am grateful for this Thanksgiving (which we don't celebrate in Australia but maybe we should - Halloween is really taking off here):
- being approved for a gorgeous apartment that Mr TARDIStime and I can sign for and pick up the keys for tomorrow afternoon.
- moving into said apartment with JUST Mr TARDIStime and beginning our lives together as a couple and as Adults after more than 4 years together, two of which were under the same roof as my Mum (<3 u, mum, but it's time for this chickie babe to fly the coop).
- the stockpile of alcohol we have to get all three of us through the next week-and-a-bit (things are tense ATM because mum is not so happy about this "us moving out" situation).

theotherginger

@TARDIStime congrats! that is a great thing to be thankful for. even without thanksgiving.

TARDIStime

@theotherginger When the real estate agent rang my work to confirm my application had been approved, I danced unabashedly at the reception desk and proceeded to tell EVERYONE (it was killing me keeping this in until Open Thread!).
Thing is, the thing that really excited me was that I didn't have to apply for any more apartments! That has been the most harrowing, soul-destroying bit of it all and I don't have to do it ever again for at least 12 months! :-D

Maladydee

@TARDIStime Apartment hunting is the woooooorrrrrst, congratulations that you're done! And on having your own place with your guy, feeling like an Adult is the best.

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

This Thanksgiving, and as highlighted by that holiday, I am thankful for how The Hairpin has given me the opportunity to get to know people from other English-speaking countries.

Hot Doom

Thanksgiving in England! We're making turkey breast, mashed taters, broccoli, and slightly burned-crust pumpkin pie. I am also imposing bourbon sweet potato casserole (maybe even with marshmallows, mwahaha) on my English husband and flatmate tomorrow, and they are going to want to vomit because it's too sweet for them and it's just right for me, so that means I can sit and eat it with a spoon out of the dish all by myself when they've passed it over.

Also, out of curiosity, do you say grace before Thanksgiving dinner? If so, do you address a god? I was raised fairly agnostic, but I always took saying grace for granted because...I just thought it was what everyone did, regardless of how much of a 'believer' they were (even when it started with 'Dear God...'). I had my first Thanksgiving in England last year, and when I got ready to give thanks before the meal, people mostly scoffed at the idea. I was just wondering how other people handle this, especially with non-religious people or ones who are definitely not steeped in the same 'godly' tradition that Americans are. I like the idea of saying what one is grateful for, and also, "Thanksgiving" is about...giving thanks?

adorable-eggplant

@Hot Doom My family is totally not religious, but we do a grace type thing "Thanks for the food. I'm glad we're all together" before most regular meals, and then just a bit of chatting about things we're thankful for before the thanksgiving one. No mention of God (none of us are believers) but just some words of appreciation for the people who grow and pick and package and ship the food. It's usually a pretty sweet moment, and I enjoy it.

questingbeast

@Hot Doom I don't think it's necessarily a religious-or-not thing, most English people find any sort of public sincerity awkward. You should definitely do it though- personally I find it a lovely thing about Americans.

theotherginger

@Hot Doom my family always does, but we're religious. when my parents have people over from other religions, or cultures, or no religion, they say, this is what we do, and then everyone does it, and mostly find it interesting. since you're hosting an American holiday, just say, this is what we do, and then do it.
ETA: If only life were as easy as the internet

KeLynn

@Hot Doom - On my mom's side, most people are religious so there's some kind of prayer that eventually morphs into the person speaking talking about how we have such a great family and we should all be thankful for each other. One of my aunts and one of my great aunts are usually the "ringleaders" and I'm glad that they put on their bossy pants and make everyone take a minute, even if I don't like that it's a religious minute because I am not personally religiously inclined.

My dad's family is huge and we don't really all sit around a table together, it's kind of an all-evening buffet and people eat at scattered times and locations, so there's no grace.

Priscilla Peel

@Hot Doom My family does a toast instead of a blessing. We still express gratitude, but there's less religion and more wine involved.

par_parenthese

@Hot Doom I think in situations like these, something along the lines of "for what we are about to receive, may we be truly thankful" is traditional. Toast/blessing? Bloast?

Hot Doom

@everyone, Thanks for your thoughts! I think it's always interesting to hear about what other people do at the holidays. I think a toast, blessing and bit of non-religious thanks-giving will work well for tonight. Bloasts for all!

StandardTuber

I need to get pumped up about tomorrow. TWO turkey dinners to attend, plus bronchitis. Waa waa.

Shayna

My brother and I are hijacking the mashed potato making this Thanksgiving. My mother believes in minimal butter, no cream, fat free milk. It's a disgustingly healthy way to make mashed potatoes and they're bland as anything. Therefore we are staging a coup.

Ack and I'm taking my driving test this Saturday. HELP. TIPS. ANYONE.
(Best thing is, no Junior Operators License... turned 18 on the first this month).

Terrifying Wife-Avatar

@Shayna My advice is annoying, so I apologize in advance: Relax. I am an excellent driver but I failed my driving test twice because I was nervous and made dumb mistakes. I knew if I didn't pass on the third try I'd have to wait 6 months or something to test again. In a rare instance of grace under pressure, I went out there and NAILED IT.

Good luck and enjoy the mashed potato takeover!

Ophelia

@Shayna If you need to have another person accompany you (we had to take a licensed driver with us to sit in the back seat?), make sure it's someone who DOESN'T make you nervous. I took my mom (who usually is fine), but I could FEEL her tension, and that didn't help at all!

Shayna

@EllieTea That's actually a really good reminder (annoying yes, pertinent, also yes). Every time I get in the car I've been pretending it's my test, so I'm taking deep breaths and trying not to panic.
Eeep.

Shayna

@Ophelia That makes sense. Hmm. Yeah we need a licensed driver AND an instructor. Oh god. ;_; Eight minutes of utter hell.

tee
tee

Oh man, I love Thanksgiving so much. We had ours last month, here in Canada. I'm so jealous of you guys :(

theotherginger

@tee best part of being out of the country (Canadian) and knowing many Americans: I get to enjoy their thanksgiving (when I didn't know enough Canadians to enjoy mine)

dale

@tee Have another smaller-scale round! It's what I think I might do for dinner tonight (potatoes + veggies + soy chicken w/gravy).

dale

@dale And if you need an excuse, it's because you're thankful to have so many nice American 'pinfriends!

lorenzo

i will be having two thanksgiving dinners: one with my in-laws, and one with my family. also, i have a vision of the not-too-distant future in which the only purpose of thanksgiving is to prepare for a blood-soaked fight for electronics on black friday (now starting thursday night apparently). retailers hide 'golden tickets,' willy wonka style, inside frozen turkeys and cans of cranberry sauce. these tickets allow people to enter the 'turkey dome' in which they engage in a fight-to-the-death for the newest apple products and flat screen tv's. then tina turner shows up.

TARDIStime

@lorenzo Oh my God, are you reading World War Z, too?

EngNaturalBeauty@twitter

@TARDIStime I just finished WWZ last week. I just stopped having nightmares about the zombie apocalypse! Didn't you think that book was amazing; the movie looks so awful. But everyone needs to read that book, right?

TARDIStime

@lorenzo Yes! It's amazing! But also not everyone should read this - I'm still waking up at 3am, panicking that I don't have a lobo and that I would have to go the garden shed to get something zombie-destroyable, and what if there are 10 ghouls between me and my garden shed?
I'm an undead woman, I tell you!

Amphora

Who's excited for 24 Hours of A Christmas Story?!?!

meetapossum

@Amphora LIKE A MILLION TIMES.

NiceDress

@Amphora Wait, what? When?! I'm excited!

Lily Rowan

I am grateful for many many things in my life, but I found out today that my cat probably has cancer and there's nothing really to be done about it but wait it out. Poor boo. So far, he seems OK, and I'm hoping it stays that way for a while.

laurel

@Lily Rowan: I'm so sorry. Poor boo indeed. :(

par_parenthese

@Lily Rowan Oh man. So sorry. I've never been a cat owner but a dear, dear friend of mine recently went through kitty cancer with her beloved catbaby and it was rough times. Sympathies.

255
255

@Lily Rowan I am so sorry!!!

fruiting body

@Lily Rowan I'm so sorry :( Several years ago I lost a 2-year-old cat to cancer and it was incredibly difficult - my thoughts are with you.

Hellcat

@Lily Rowan Oh, man--I'm sorry. These pets...they're so worth it and all but sometimes it's just too heartbreaking.

Bloodrocuted

@Lily Rowan I'm so sorry about your cat. I hope you both can live happily in the time he has left.

Lily Rowan

Thanks, guys. He's 15 and I've had him for ten years. He does seem to feel fine most of the time so far, so we'll hope for more of that.

Hellcat

@Lily Rowan I have a very nice vet who has helped me through this kind of thing more often than I would like and, when a cat is around that age, he'd be the first to say that stuff just starts happening and that it sucks. His advice to me is almost always to handle the immediate stuff that applies directly to the cat's comfort. He also makes it very clear to me that it is OK to not do any "big picture" things; he'll tell me what can be done, what it might cost, and the possible stresses it could cause the cat, and almost always, with older cats, says that we should handle the business as it comes. For instance, my cat is a bit kooky now and a CT scan might tell me why and what to do, but... it (and all it entails) also might, by way of stress, be bad for her in other ways, plus it won't help her, only tell me how to help her and that I might not have the dough to do so. Basically, "Is she eating, is she in pain, is she grooming and using the box?" If yes, adopt a wait-and-see attitude, with pain being the first thing to look out for before making any decisions.

It could sound cold to some people, but I don't think he means it that way; I think he's trying to save me, my cat, and my bank account unnecessary pressure, especially when it is very possible that, with an older pet, you could do everything "right" and, still, what happens is gonna happen anyway. I didn't take his advice once and the outcome was still heartbreaking. So this time, I'm trying my best to heed his "hands-off" advice and just keep her happy and comfortable (even if she does walk in tiny circles for what seems to be a long time).

Lily Rowan

@Hellcat Yeah, that's exactly where we're at -- he's already on steroids so I'm keeping him on that, but otherwise, we're not doing any more tests or treatments, and just making sure he seems OK, which he pretty much does.

Thanks.

Hellcat

@Lily Rowan Of course. I know how hard it is not to adopt a "Do anything! Do everything!" outlook. You're a good cat mama to put his quality of life over everything else.

Lily Rowan

@Hellcat Just had a good talk with the vet about Wednesday's bloodwork, and there's still nothing to put your finger on, so the only possible next steps would be more unpleasant tests and probably unpleasant treatments that don't actually help that much. Given how old he is, forget it. I'm sure I would feel differently if he weren't already 15. Ah well. It is what it is.

Hellcat

@Lily Rowan Exactly; I don't know the cat but he probably does not want to be carted, prodded, sedated, starved, and all the stuff that goes with tests. That's what I remind myself when I wonder if I am doing enough.

meetapossum

I got a mass-message rejection for the job interview I thought went really well...so that was kind of shitty. But I love Thanksgiving and my family, and two of my favorite friends just got engaged! Now I am drinking Malibu because my dad bought it for some reason and hanging out with the deer skulls in the computer room.

Danzig!

@meetapossum Did you make it out last week in NYC? I'm so terrible with peoples' names and handles (I will never be a manager or a politician). In any event, your dad sounds like my kind of dude

meetapossum

@Danzig! I did not, because I was at a friend's house and got lame and lazy (and maybe a little shy. I was the person on FB who said I was a terrible Pinner). My dad is pretty awesome, but it is sort of creepy to have skulls staring at you while you're just trying to surf the internet.

Danzig!

@meetapossum No such thing as a bad Pinner. Come out again next time plzzz I'm moving away from NY in December and I want to at least see my people. Have you been to any NYC pinups before?

And you haven't surfed til you've surfed with skulls, imho

meetapossum

@Danzig! I haven't. I have hung out with @runnerinthegarden (or maybe it's @therunnerinthegarden?) and his gf, but that's it! I promise to make the next one.

meetapossum

@Danzig! I don't know why I get so nervous about Pinups. I hang out with/meet strangers on a regular basis. Maybe I just want to impress you guys.

Danzig!

@meetapossum heh, we don't bite! We're just a bunch of ladies and two guys, one of whom looks like a character actor from a BBC sitcom about small-town British life. You don't have to worry about impressing us.

meetapossum

@Danzig! Well, you guys are just everything I've ever dreamed of.

runner in the garden

@meetapossum you have literally nothing to worry about

Danzig!

what is a beautiful font you enjoy? Serif preferred :)

meetapossum

@Danzig! Garamond, duh.

KeLynn

@Danzig! Look it may not be beautiful, but my favorite font is Georgia. This is because I can write emails in a serif and have them not be in Times New Roman, but also be in a font that is common enough that the other person's computer will have/read it correctly, so my efforts are not in vain.

planforamiracle

@Danzig! Caslon is a really nice serif.

dale

@planforamiracle Yes to Caslon and Garamond. Bembo and Goudy Old Style (mostly I'm in love with the Q) are nice too.

iceberg

@Danzig! I like Ultra, from fontsquirrel.com - it's a really pretty black slab serif. Or Bodoni, especially black poster italic

runner in the garden

@Danzig! been using Minion lately

Porn Peddler

Hosting Thanksgiving for Mister's parents tomorrow.

First holiday I will host as le housewife.

NOT FREAKING OUT YET (just drunk.)

par_parenthese

@Porn Peddler Being drunk is a FAR better alternative to freaking out.

Porn Peddler

@par_parenthese And given that I have barely eaten today, it was soooooo easy.

Danzig!

ALSO RELEVANT UPDATE: BLOOP MYSTERY SOLVED - http://www.pmel.noaa.gov/vents/acoustics/sounds/bloop.html

KeLynn

@Danzig! Woah!

MilesofMountains

@Danzig! Nooooooo I am so sad to have my dreams of giant, angry sea creatures smashed.

par_parenthese

Well hey open thread! I'm currently flirting like a sonofabitch with an Aussie guy -- a fb friend and part of my circle of friends in Oz. I will faithfully keep you all abreast of the situation if there are any developments. Currently it involves primarily talking about an increasingly-nerdy series of subjects, which is fucking HOT, you guys. We're chatting right now and I don't think he has annnny idea how tipsy I am.

iceberg

@par_parenthese Go Aussie!

255
255

Hey guys, I don't even know where to start on this OT. Not many people are even here, right? I just want to nest and crawl back into my little womb room but I'm currently in the midst of roomate-opocalypse. She is moving out, not the right fit for us, but she's in this fear spiral, spewing reactivity, defensiveness and overreaction everywhere. I feel so judged and I really have no hard feelings for her at all. She'll be out by Sunday but in the meantime I feel so unsafe in my home, a big feeling I haven't felt since childhood. Dealing with this divorce I already have too much stuff and my room is overcrowded. I need to strip down but I'm all paralyzed by this roommate. I've actually been doing well otherwise, but now I have to choose another roommate and I'm so anxious about what I've been through... all of it is just ugh. And then the holidays. I hate them.

KeLynn

@255 Ohhhhh no 255! That is awful! I don't have any advice because she sounds scary and irrational, but Sunday will be here soon, I promise.

Judith Slutler

@255 yiiiiikes I had this happen last year except I was the one who was moving out and the roommate who was renting out the apartment was the craycray one. It was freaky and it really shook my faith in people in general for a while there. Can you just go to the library, or a cafe, or a friend's house, or something, and hang out instead of being at home? :/

Also, think back on all the cool people you have met and/or lived with, and remember that unsafe strange people are DISTINCTLY in the minority (hopefully). You will find a nice normal roommate who has similar needs to you and your home will feel like home again. Don't worry too much!

planforamiracle

@255 Just coming down to commiserate with you. I went through my own Great Roommate-Ocalypse of 2011. Both of us decided to leave after the beginnings of a cold war were clearly brewing between us (after about a year of smooth sailing) for no real reason that I ever figured out. Our knowledge that we wouldn't be living together anymore just made everything worse because we stopped trying to get along and just avoided each other for months. I totally second Emanuelle Cunt's suggestion—during this period I spent a LOT of time at the library, the YMCA, my friends' houses.. anywhere but home.

The part that still makes me feel sick to think about, is that everything was totally OK and we got along great, until suddenly, it wasn't.

Anyway. Best of luck. You will get through and it will remind you who you are and why you are awesome. Once she's out, definitely spend some time and energy clearing bad vibes out of the place—cleaning, opening the windows, burning candles, moving the furniture around... whatever works for you.

255
255

@planforamiracle @KeLynn @Emmanuelle Cunt OMG YOU GUYS. So awesome to hear from you, seriously this is all very VERY useful. Why aren't there more posts about roommates on the Pin? REALLY? Boyfriends, families, but I think most of us deal with roommate shit more than anything around here.

The thing is that it's all our perceptions and experience, to her I am obviously the crazy one. She just moved in but after 2 weeks it was very clear to me, and there were certain dealbreaker things that she would not agree to (like not letting the cats out which every other human I know knows thats the rule with cats) so we agreed it was not the right fit. The weird thing is that since then, even though I have been very mature, detached, practical, she's in a fear spiral, saying she doesn't trust me, referencing Judge Judy, saying things are chaotic, being very judgmental, and on and on. I don't understand. We agreed it wasn't the right fit so why go into hysterics? This is obviously not about me at all. She is afraid of being in the world and needs to look inside. Seriously if you met her she looks totally sane. I know she recently had a huge tragedy in her life and I can see why she would be defensive, scared of the world, and psychologically in turmoil. But um, how do I prevent that in the future? Interview question "So, any family tragedies recently?" "Do you have any unresolved trauma that you are going to take out on me if we have a conflict?"

@Emmanuelle Cunt I have been going to my second home cafe. She was there once when I got there ha ha ha but I didn't care, bc it's MY TURF and I hold no hard feelings for her and lots of people around, not like being in the apt together. She left. Thank you for the encouragement, "who has similar needs to you and your home will feel like home again" seriously I am going to treasure it.

How did you shake your loss of trust in roommate-humanity? Did you find a better roomie? There's an applicant who looks kind, someone who did the Peace Corps who looks promising. I have this whole list now very specific of what I'm looking for. I emailed a few applicants back being very frank about some things so they can see if they can play along even before any interview. I feel like maybe I need to live with another artist?

Right now I'm walking around as the child in an unsafe home and I forgot I could feel that way.

@planforamiracle OVER MONTHS?? Oh god I am so sorry. One thing I have to remind myself that I am grateful for is knowing my feelings, being clear immediately, and getting this resolved quickly. The hard thing is that this is a one bedroom (I'm in the LR she is in the bedroom, both have doors that close), very tight quarters so anyone I have here, it has to be an open door policy with understanding so that the coldness doesn't fester. We have to actually be friends, and finding a friend on craigslist is like, WTF.

"it will remind you who you are and why you are awesome. Once she's out, definitely spend some time and energy clearing bad vibes out of the place—cleaning, opening the windows, burning candles, moving the furniture around... whatever works for you."
This really helps. Thank you.

Maryaed

@255 Oh, she does sound crazy. Strength to you during the heinous transition.

Judith Slutler

@255 Ha, well, this incident was at the same time that I moved to a new city, started grad school and was waitressing 4 nights a week, so like, it kind of contributed to a mental breakdown that lasted a year? But I'm sure that won't happen to you! Plus I am pretty sure I was only so traumatized because of the physical violence (SERIOUSLY) that this roommate dished out. Shit was fucked up. After 3 weeks of sleeping on friends' couches and basically searching for an apartment 24/7, I lucked into an amazing place with 3 great women living there, and I still feel incredibly lucky that I was able to move in here.

I was able to rebuild my trust by reaching out to friends, reminding myself of the awesome roommate karma I had had up until then, and basically keeping in mind that the whole thing was nobody's fault, just... sometimes people are mentally unstable and emotionally and physically violent, and it wouldn't have been in my power to follow her incredibly arbitrary rules and whims well enough to keep her from freaking out on me.

I sympathize with the feeling of "she definitely thinks I'm the crazy one" and honestly the only way I was able to get past that was talking to a counselor about it and having him say, "no, sounds like she's the crazy one to me". He helped me understand how she had been acting manipulatively and cruelly toward me and that really cured my feeling that I had done her wrong somehow. It felt silly to go to a therapist for "roommate drama" but seriously, it wasn't actually silly.

Also, while searching for a new roomie, keep in mind that you have to approach each person as an actual stranger who you don't know and have no reason to automatically mistrust. Like, for a while when I was looking for new places, I would make a big deal of emphasizing that I have a LDR and my boyfriend would be staying with me once a month, so that needed to be OK. People would be like "...so?" and eventually I realized that I was only emphasizing my relationship because my craycray ex-roommate had claimed that I never informed her I had a boyfriend and now she was so betrayed by his presence. It was bullshit of course, I mentioned him everytime I emailed someone about a place! Anyway, the only reason I was emphasizing my boyfriend in talking to new potential roommates was that I wanted to have plausible deniability in case the new people also started claiming I never mentioned him. That's nuts, you know? Don't do that thing where you are approaching every potential roommate as a Terrible Roommate in waiting. "Have you had any major tragedies lately" probably falls under this rule.

Also, FFS, mentioning Judge Judy? There's another thing my roommate did, calling her lawyer (Actual lawyer? I have reason to doubt it) all the time about bullshit and trying to hold the law above my head for reasons that made NO legal sense. Like I took one class on rental law 5 years ago and her pronouncements about who was to pay for what were hilariously ridiculous even to me. Legal threats outta nowhere are a clear sign of bats in the belfry IMHO.

Judith Slutler

@255 Oh and here is another thing - the emotions you are having right now are fresh and raw and overwhelming. A year out of that situation, this story is basically "The Best Time I Lived With Someone Who Pushed Me Into A Wall" or something. It's safely in the past!

255
255

@Emmanuelle Cunt OMG. I will reply more in depth once I am off BART but I had to say thank you for posting this and MUCH LOVE for what you went through. Roommates are deeply important and therapy is totally appropriate. It's why I wish there were more roommate posts on The Pin.

I will try not to approach everyone w fear but my therapist also said when I was criticizing my now long list of interview questions, that someone else might also appreciate my being thorough & upfront. Lately I have been very conscious of my own instinct that I make others uncomfortable so I need to read them & their needs and customize my personality to that aka laughing a lot. So he was calling me out on that. But I am so sympathetic to what you want through. For me this is on top of my divorce, breakup w post-husband love, and ritualistically rebirthing my love for myself aka learning how to be alone after 13 years. I need to feel safe in my home. More later!

planforamiracle

@255 Oy. Yes, months. Things were beginning to sour in a general way, like a buildup of a thousand tiny complaints that neither of us thought were worth addressing individually, but that we apparently could not get over. (At least this is what I tell myself, because despite my attempts to open a conversation, she denied that she was upset at me about anything. I seriously never figured it out.) So we had a talk and decided that we would both move out. Because we were renting month-to-month, we had to give our landlord 60 days notice. Your phrase about the "coldness festering" rings very, very true.

By that time I'd been in 3 different bad situations with roommates, which led me to feel like they were all my fault. I'm not really over this—I want to acknowledge my role in the conflicts but I am afraid that I'm just impossible to live with. (after Roommate-Ocalypse 2011 I moved into my own apartment.)

Ugh, revisiting this story makes me realize that I've buried my bad roommate experience so much and that I might need some help getting that weird little piece of toxicity out of me. I sometimes see her around the neighbourhood or whatever (we work in the same industry) and I get this sinking-stomach feeling, two years later. therapy maybe... :(

255
255

@planforamiracle Oh dear. I am so sorry. It looks like this is quite a theme on here. I can say a few things despite my own situation:
Sometimes things bad things happen and it is nobody's fault and there's nothing to "figure out."
You are right to give yourself credit, praise, PRIDE yourself for trying to address these issues even if you weren't perfect (which is impossible) or successful.
You did both eventually talked, that takes courage.
This is not true: "like they were all my fault." This is also not true: "I'm just impossible to live with." Generalizations are never true and self-hate is the real problem here. You have a part to play, and you can take responsibility for your part, but one day at a time, you can only do what you can do. May I suggest... therapy is one thing, but there are also other kinds of support groups, women-centered can help too, like al-anon, that can really help work through this. Trauma is trauma, roommates or no. But you are important, your pain is important and you don't have to be alone with it. Love!

planforamiracle

@255 Oh my. Thank you. <3 So often we think we have to be superwoman.. not realistic!
Thanks a million for your support.

255
255

@planforamiracle @KeLynn @Emmanuelle Cunt @Maryaed GUYS GUYS! I got home just now from Thanksgiving and she's GONE! Happy holidays to me!! Incense is being burnt, cleaning will commence.

What I am noticing though is that I am still traumatized and afraid. I'm now, alone and beginning to relax, feeling all the people who have come into my life in this apartment and hurt me--2 breakups, my ex/husband, my ex-boyfriend, and then this girl--and wow is it hard in this moment. All the memories, all the beautiful moments and the horrible moments. I do hate this apartment emotionally, but practically it is the easiest and cheapest place for me to live right now. Man, oh man. Wow. Just breathe.

So, any more advice about purging bad memories from a space? I wish I could paint.

Queen of Pickles

@255
Oh girl, burn that sage and wave it around. Yes.

I am reading this thread late at night, after my grandma and aunts and uncles and cousins and mother and brother have gone to bed, and today I hugged them all many times, and I was so grateful for them. Living in a house full of fear and hostility makes everything seem unreal. You start to approach the rest of your life that way - as if bad things might come around the corner at any second. People seem scarier. It's like all of your nerves get all scraped up, and the littlest thing can make you cry or jump in fear.

I had a bad roommate situation earlier this year. I didn't interview him thoroughly - I was off my interview game - and didn't ask any probing questions. I missed the red flag of him blaming his scary anger, depression, and messed-up problems on everyone else around him, because he wasn't angry when we met. I thought, sure, maybe he's had a hard time, and that's why he's acting like a wounded dog.

But it all went downhill incredibly fast. Asking someone to leave is a messy thing, and it all came out awkwardly, but I tried to do it the best I could. I remember being so afraid of him, physically afraid, as if he was the creepy uncle across the room, or the man on the train you don't want to be alone with, and not knowing why, just feeling pure terror in my gut. I'm not saying he was dangerous; I'm not even saying it was his fault for not telling me about the depression and anger issues. Maybe he thought it was all in the past. I just remember the back of my neck clenched like iron at 2am, the house silent, not knowing what he's capable of when he gets really angry - hoping his anger isn't physical - when I've already seen him speak and talk in ways that are mentally unbalanced, to me.

All I know is, it's worth almost anything to live somewhere without fear.

255
255

@Queen of Pickles Interview advice? What probing questions would you recommend? This one roommate prospect looks really good and I'm afraid I am just totally fucked up that I'm even positive about someone else so fast and without digging yet.

Judith Slutler

@255 Can you throw a party? Or even just have a bunch of people over for dinner? Fill up your apartment with good memories of friends laughing and dancing. That's what I'd do.

I'd ask the roommate prospect how they deal with conflict, maybe even how they have dealt with specific conflicts in their home in the past. Also, knowing their apartment dwelling history (have they lived in 2 places for 3 years each, or 12 places for 6 months each? more alone or with people?) can be telling, depending on their circumstances and how they talk about it. If every roommate they ever had was crazy in their telling, whoa red flag. If they mention becoming friends with roommates or can describe the good vibe they had in old apartments, good sign.

Also, maybe have a trusted friend or two meet them? I know that in my apartments, we kind of need the entire hivemind of 3 or 4 roommates to feel comfortable about choosing a new roommate. Sometimes other people pick up on things that you simply can't see.

255
255

@Emmanuelle Cunt Use the empty room as a dance party room? Put tables on my deck and eat outside? Or put down blankets and pillows in the empty room and play boardgames? That would be awesome except that part my life trauma recently has been that my best friend flipped out at me and we haven't been talking for 6 weeks or so, broke up with boyfriend the same month--so I lost all those mutual friends. I have some friends but they're disparate and likely won't come across the Bay. SO GREAT IDEA but I don't think anyone would come :( I think I have 6-10 people I could invite but they would ALL have to come! Eeek.

I've been tearing apart the apartment, reorganizing, and it's felt good. I ditched my second Thanksgiving plans bc I knew I needed to recover and re-bond with this place.

Those tips are great, thank you.

Queen of Pickles

@255 Have you met them yet? I've found that just written correspondence is a really not-good predictor of how well I'd get along with someone else. Sort of like dating.

In fact, the more someone tries to connect with me via long paragraphs of emotionally intense sharing before we meet, and point out what we might have in common... the more we probably won't get along. Just like dating. (I think this is because they're projecting things onto me - how they hope we'll get along - and fear not getting along - and, if I'm different than how they imagined, they either ignore the difference or get mad at me.)

Questions I would ask, with subtext in parenthesis:

What has this year been like for you? (Are you recovering from, or in the middle of, any emotionally traumatic situations that I should be aware of?)
How long have you been in (city)? (Are you established, finding your footing, brand-new and culture-shocked? Will you be lonely, homesick, do you want to make friends?)
Who do you hang out with in (city)? (Do you have many friends? Any friends?)
- If they don't, do they answer this question with cheerful optimism and a philosophical outlook, or gloomy self-pity?
What's been your experience living with people in the past? (Do they answer this question with a laundry list of things that drive them crazy? Do they answer with two words?)

I dunno. Good luck!

255
255

@Queen of Pickles There are some things that I've found in person people want to be agreeable so they're like YEA OF COURSE I LOVE CATS AWESOME. Instead I'd like them to actually think about it and I'm not going to waste my time on someone who can't be close with my cats or live in a green apartment. Not personality things.

Good questions! Yay.

255
255

@planforamiracle @KeLynn @Emmanuelle Cunt @Maryaed I was on the other FOT but I wanted to let all of you know that using your advice I found a great new roomie. Poet, gentle, understanding, silly, everything I was looking for. Just waiting to hear back from her reference but this apartment is kind of lonely and I'm all aflutter and want her in here now.

Reginal T. Squirge

Didn't mention it last Friday but Portland Hairpin Book Club is THIS SUNDAY!

We're discussing the first half (through chapter 17) of Stephen King's 11/22/63. The second half will be discusses next month.

4PM at Liberty Glass! You should come!

Also, if you're someone that cares... I will be spending most of tomorrow with a very special person and, for that, I am beyond thankful.

fruiting body

@Reginal T. Squirge OMG There is a Portland Hairpin Book Club and I didn't find out until a month after I skipped town? Bummer. I really want to read 11/22/63, too...

Reginal T. Squirge

Maybe you can join us if/when you get back? We're pretty good about staying on schedule... meaning I don't think we're going to dissolve any time soon.

Elsajeni

I don't want to go to work on Friday, I know it's going to be A ZOO. But I'm thankful that I am working opening instead of closing. I'd rather get trampled by Black Friday customers than have to clean up after them.

glitterary

I had pumpkin pie for the first time last year, and it was like eating a deliciously spiced cloud! But now all the people I know who celebrate Thanksgiving and invite me to their parties as token baffled British person have rudely gone back to the US to see their families, so I'm making some myself. Wish me luck!

coconuts

@glitterary You can do it! It's pretty easy if you have a can of pure pumpkin.

Ophelia

@glitterary Google the Libby's Pumpkin pie recipe - it's the best (and easiest) you'll ever find!

glitterary

@coconuts @Ophelia Thanks both! I have cans of Libby's pumpkin, and we're using this recipe because a friend of mine raved about it: http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/paula-deen/pumpkin-pie-recipe/index.html Fingers crossed!

halfheartedyoga

I am cooking dinner for 20 people, 4 of whom are American, and after we eat we're going to invite 30 more people over for a dance party. WIN WIN WIN (panic).

Judith Slutler

@halfheartedyoga That sounds fantastic! You will definitely do fine! Have fun!

coconuts

Happy Thanksgiving, Americans! I may not be American but I am currently enjoying the parade and I can't wait for the dog show afterward.

What is everyone doing this weekend? I am going to a magazine party on Saturday and it's supposed to be a good time!

Also I am now in the process of marking down the dates and times of all upcoming Christmas specials on my calendar. Why is ABC showing a Charlie Brown Christmas in November?!

Ophelia

@coconuts Weeeellll, the Christmas Specials start early, but I've noticed that the Charlie Brown one sort of "kicks off" the season?

coconuts

@Ophelia I always remember it as airing around halfway through December. I don't know, airing it in November just seems wrong.

thenotestaken

@coconuts I'm not sure about the weekend but tonight I'm going climbing then making a giant Indian feast with my friends and THEN going to a concert! This past week has been kind of blah, socially, so I'm excited to get some activities in. And tomorrow I'm kicking off the weekend by visiting my friend at the brewery he works at and getting a tour/beer!

thenotestaken

@coconuts Magazine party sounds like fun, there is usually free booze at those things y/n??

coconuts

@thenotestaken I'm going to assume that there isn't any because it's a small magazine that only comes out twice a year (I think). But if they do have free booze I will be sure to have some!

Ophelia

I'm making a pumpkin pie, and since I don't have a mixer (or the space for one), I just blended the filling in my blender. Seemed to work like a charm, and I'm hoping it comes out all light and fluffy.

Harriet Welch

@Ophelia Soooo?????? What is the verdict?

redheaded&crazy

so .... this is it. two whole days (FOUR whole days) of internet silence.

*wind whistles through the trees*

...

how's everybody's nanowrimo coming along anyway?

JadedStone

@redheaded&crazie

NANO. I got so sick recently, so I lost my narrow lead. Now I'm at par with where I should be but my writing is poop.

Don't worry Red. We'll just keep writing in this thread till Monday. Wonder if we can break 3000 comments?

teaandcakeordeath

@redheaded&crazie
I havent written a thing!

Because I didn't sign up.

I just responded because I'm lonely.

redheaded&crazy

that's cool! we can all be lonely together!

I am craving stuffing soooooo hard right now y'all. Definitely my favourite thanksgiving feature. Luckily Christmas is only a month away! (crazyyyy)

meetapossum

@redheaded&crazie Yeah, plus I think a lot of us Americans will be totally bored tomorrow. I know I will. I'm not going back to NYC until Saturday.

thenotestaken

@teaandcakeordeath Another lonely heart here. WON'T THEY THINK OF THE CANADIANS??

MilesofMountains

@redheaded&crazie It's Canada Time on the Hairpin! We can talk about the weather, and hockey, and apologize to each other all the time.

thenotestaken

@MilesofMountains I'm really sorry about this but I don't follow hockey to closely. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. But I can hold my own in weather--Montreal has not had snow yet and it's 10 degrees today. Howaboutthat?!?

MilesofMountains

@thenotestaken Sorry! I don't even watch hockey myself! I understand they aren't playing currently, though, and the appropriate response seems to be to lament the lack, then make some sort of comment about the last strike.

I am jealous of your weather, it was -10 this morning, windy, and snow everywhere. Stupid northern BC.

teaandcakeordeath

@redheaded&crazie
Hmmm stuffing and mashed potatoes and sweet potatoes and and carbs!

@MilesofMountains
We can mention the most ridiculous times we've apologized to someone out of unnecessary politeness? For example the other day I saw a lady with a pram drop her shopping bag which blew away in the wind. I caught it and held it out for her as she reloaded her goods and then APOLOGIZED! I think for touching her stuff without asking but really it's just a reflex now to say 'sorry'.

thenotestaken

@teaandcakeordeath Haha, total reflex. Also, a sorry-related question: if someone is telling me about something bad that happened to them, I'll say "I'm sorry." And sometimes they'll say something along the lines of "Why? It's not your fault." I KNOW THAT. I think it should be clear that I mean 'I'm sorry that happened to you,' not some weird assumption of responsibility? Or is that not how people hear it?

teaandcakeordeath

@thenotestaken
I hate that! Because then you want to say sorry for saying sorry and its a downward spiral.
Someone needs to invent a phrase for 'my condolences' that people living in 2012 can use. Something better than 'that suuuucks' I mean.

MilesofMountains

@teaandcakeordeath I regularly apologize when people bump into me. I guess I'm apologizing for being there? and I've totally apologized when giving something back to someone. Like "Ma'am? Sorry, you dropped this". I don't know why I'm apologizing there, either.

thenotestaken

@teaandcakeordeath I sometimes resort to 'brutal' or 'bummer' but unfortunately not everyone thinks that is "totally radical, dude," so I need something else!

teaandcakeordeath

@thenotestaken
That is totally radical, dude.
Bummer about everyone else.

SuperMargie

Yay! Happy Thanksgiving! I am at work. (Softer, weaker, half-hearted "yay")

frigwiggin

Oh man, you guys. I got bra-fitted on Tuesday. I was wearing a 34A bra when I went in, and ended up being handed a bunch of 32C bras? And somehow they fit when the A-cup had been gapping at the top? This actually kind of shakes my sense of identity and makes me feel...strange.

dale

@frigwiggin I have basically given up understanding which bras are going to fit. I'm always confused by it.

yeah-elle

@frigwiggin Yay for well-fitted bras!! Don't all your clothes suddenly look 3 times better? Wearing my first well-fitted bra was like a dream.

frigwiggin

@dale I think it's just witchcraft.

@yeah-elle Ah, it's weird how my boobs don't slide down after an hour and need hoisting back into the cups! And the straps don't slide down my shoulders! And the gray lacy one is so prettyyy~

Elsajeni

@yeah-elle I have owned my properly-fitted bras for a year and a half now, and I still turn sideways and pose in front of the mirror every time I put one on.

mangosara

@frigwiggin ooooooo where did you go? I've been wanting to do this! anybody, recs?

frigwiggin

@mangosara I had it done at Nordstrom, which was nice because I just walked in and asked if they did fittings, and bam, a fitting was had. It might be nicer at a dedicated lingerie place? I dunno. She did ask me if I wanted water, which felt fancy. And I got two nice-ish bras that fit wonderfully, so it was a success.

noodge

@frigwiggin hooray for proper fitting! i went from 32b to 30c and the difference is huge! i was always doing this weird arm-squeeze-torso-wiggle thing to get my bra back down, because it was always climbing up and then gaping at the top of my bippies. the 30c is a dream. nordstrom FTW!!!

owlet

@frigwiggin It really feels so much better, doesn't it? I was wearing 34B and I really wear a 32D (!) I am so much more comfy now.

noodge

@Gone Away Lass i've got a betsy johnson on right now, not too expensive - like $45 I think?

i'm struggling a bit because I'm kinda between a 30c and a 30b, but i can't find a brand that makes both of those sizes, so in VS 30b is a bit too small, but they don't make 30c which would probably be perfect, and in betsey johnson, 30c is a teensy bit too big, but they don't make 30b which would be perfect.

looks like i just need to try on a lot more bras.

isitisabel

@frigwiggin I got fitted for the first time a couple weeks ago and bought a new, properly-sized Freya bra (only one because it was expensive and I'm a poor student, but I'll probably be going on Ebay next time I get a decent-sized paycheck) and I love it SO MUCH. I went down a band and up a cup size, so I was pretty close, but the difference it makes is incredible.

baked bean

@frigwiggin I am of similar boob size, but am torn between 34A, 34B, and 32C. None of these fit perfectly. I wore 34A for years, but I experienced the slightest boob growth, the underwire is no longer wide enough at the bottom and it squishes my poor right boobie and makes it sore. The 34B has the right cup-width but leaves me gaping, and the 34C is too tight on the band but seems to fit ok in the underwire and boobage area.

I gave the fuck up and just got some "bralettes." I don't think I'm going to wear anymore underwires ever.

dale

Well, I gave in and bought a serger. Now I am poor (seriously, did it have to be in a month where I was already going to be depleting my bank account with my next round of car insurance?), but I am attempting to convince myself I can make some of it back by sewing things and putting them up for sale.

Also, it is now 3 weeks until the Hobbit, and I have 1 shirt, 2 pairs of pants, 2 vests, and a dress to sew. Panic Time! (It's like Hammer Time but without the weird pants)

yeah-elle

I have been home for less than 24 hours and having the whole yeah-elle fam under one roof (the paltry 4 of us) means:

1. My mom has already harangued me about losing too much weight three times (once with forcible butt-grabbing and "WHERE HAS IT GONE?") despite my having visited only two weeks ago at probably the same exact weight.
2. We all got in a two hour discussion about "What it means to be a secular Jew in America" before realizing we all pretty much saw it the same way, which was: Avoid The Topic of The Middle East at All Costs When At Our Sneakily-and-Disappointingly-Zionist Friends' For Thanksgiving Dinner.
3. I've already eaten three different kinds of baked goods.
4. I think I feel a stress migraine coming on heyyyyyy.

How's your mini yearly family reunion treating you thus far?

Lost penguin

@yeah-elle This is much like my UK Christmas experience, differing only by my aunts visiting later on Boxing day to rehash the argument about my great uncle Cecil's will (he died 20 years ago). We haven't got Thanksgiving but the UK is having some great storms and flooding to enliven November!

JadedStone

Say you were making a 'maple butter salmon'

how would you go about this? Assuming we can't get to some cedar planks.

MilesofMountains

@JadedStone I'd brush the salmon with butter, then roast it in the oven, then in the last 5-10 minutes brush on maple syrup, maybe with some salt or mustard or soy sauce added.

EpWs

@JadedStone I'd melt together some maple syrup and butter and brush it over the salmon before and during the roasting process. Ditto MilesofMountains' suggestions of mustard or soy. Also BOURBON.

harebell

@JadedStone
I wouldn't! Just sprinkle some dill on there, and you're good to go. Almost impossible to ruin salmon. Dill + salmon = classic. But adding a sweetener would be the thing that could.

meetapossum

Does anyone else watch Bob's Burgers? I've been singing Linda's Thanksgiving song all day and my mom and the dog think I'm crazy.

Pass the cranberry sauce, we're having mashed potatoes! Oh, the turkey looks great. Thank you for lovin' me, thank you for bein' there, thank you for lovin' me. Everybody's thanking, the whole world's thanking you, thanking us for thanking you. Kill the turkey!

Bloodrocuted

@meetapossum Bob's burgers is one of few American shows that depict a happy marriage. I like it. I can see you mother and dog's point of view, however.

isitisabel

@meetapossum I watched it for the first time yesterday (the bed and breakfast episode) and am about to go start from the beginning on Netflix. It seems like an excellent show.

adorable-eggplant

I just made an apple tart with a few tablespoons of this: http://www.caskstore.com/root-liqueur.html It will either be super tasty or totally disgusting. Wish me luck!

EpWs

THANKSGIVING DISASTER THREAD
My sink completely stopped up halfway through my apple pie. I just washed two pounds of mushrooms in the bathtub. Someone tell me not to get drunk because I still need to transport this stuff over to my parents' house later.

Shayna

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher We deep fried our turkey, but there wasn't enough oil. Three different places didn't have peanut oil. The end result? Apparently canola oil works as well as peanut. The more you know.

Bloodrocuted

At the neighbor's house, Everyone is yelling but happy. Her cousin is a bit racist but also gave me wine. Her parents are very kind and keep asking me questions and my neighbor gets exasperated and tells them to stop.
They will take turns saying what they are thankful for. In two hours ! I'm thankful I'm here. And for smart phones.

RK Fire

To katiemcgillicuddy, area@twitter.com, and other Redskins fans:
this Ravens fan wishes you all luck, happy football, and would like to share this Posted on November 22, 2012 at 3:40 pm

RK Fire

@RK Fire aww hell my mother in law's laptop messed up this comment, so here is the Redskins v. Cowboys pre-football game analysis by the Onion that I wanted to share: http://www.theonion.com/articles/cowboys-vs-redskins,30484/

katiemcgillicuddy

@RK Fire A belated thanks!

RK Fire

@katiemcgillicuddy : Have you seen the gifs of Sanchez getting pancaked? I feel bad for the Jets but it kind of makes me giggle to myself..

katiemcgillicuddy

@RK Fire I mean, he did more than get pancaked...he ran into a lineman's ass. Like BAM OUTTA NOWHERE and then FUMBLED and then IT WAS RETURNED FOR A TOUCHDOWN. It's one of the greatest gifs of all time.

par_parenthese

Things I've learned today: When you drink bourbon, wine, champagne, and beer in one afternoon, you WILL get a headache. It's just going to happen. But it's fine, because then you can excuse yourself from the party full of strangers and go home and watch Christmas movies (or, let's be real, all the Doctor Who Christmas specials) by yourself with herbal tea and a laaaaarge glass of water.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

I love American Thanksgiving because it means I get two quiet days of work. No one in the LA office to send me work when all I want to do is finish work at a decent human time and go hooooooome.

Tomorrow I plan on reclaiming part or all of the almost 4 hours of OT I worked on Monday and Tuesday so I can go home early. GO HOME EARLY!!! If this happens I'll be the happiest happy that ever happied.

For now, I'm practicing my Movember rap song. Yeah, for real.

Inkling

Guys, I didn't know, but my mom is having a REAL problem.
She lives in the beautiful, racist, anti-intellectual boonies of west Tennessee and no one will be friends with her because she's a liberal agnostic. She remodels her house to make her feel better about living there. The house looks good.
Do you guys know of how to make long-distance friends or keep one's self occupied? She likes books on tape, horses, gardening, home improvement, and outdoorsyness. She has a Bachelor's in math (?) but there's no jobs to be had around here. She's just painfully lonley and I feel really bad for her!
Thoughts, suggestions, commiserations, etc, all appreciated.

PS Like Meetup? Has anyone done that? That kind of thing maybe. She's an hour or two from populated areas.

adorable-eggplant

@Inkling What about places like the hairpin that have open threads? My dad was on an organic gardening listserv back in the late eighties/early nineties. Maybe a pen pal? Or start a blog? This seems like a problem for the internet to solve!

runner in the garden

@Inkling I might recommend looking for a non-churchy church, something like the UUs or the Welcoming & Affirming Baptists. Might involve driving to Memphis, though :/

Maybe she would have fun on Goodreads?

PatatasBravas

@Inkling Honestly if you could share the space, telling her to join the Hairpin might be a good place for her to show off her smarts and her excellent taste!

UUs are fun. Are there *any* universities within a reasonable drive, where she could take random classes for fun and try to make friends? with professors? She could advertise for a book group on craigslist or elsewhere (with flyers in a coffeeshop or gardening store she likes) and I would suggest listing a few representative types of books she wants to read (to avoid attracting people who would be put off by her loveliness).

PatatasBravas

@PatatasBravas Also for what it's worth my mom is WAY into zumba. Maybe making friends through a dance class would melt everyone's hearts!

Also, horses -- does she have one (or several?) because that might be a fun way into a niche scene. She could try dressage lessons (and be BFFs with Nicole) or decide to rescue abused Tennessee Walkers/OTTBs/elderly horses in understaffed shelters. There are lots of horsecrazy peeps in that neck of the woods, and maaaaaaany more on the internet.

Taking up birding (or any other species-ing, like butterfly-ing or mushroom-ing or fern-ing) and going for long walks with identification guides could be fun, too, because there are lots of bioblitz communities that would be THRILLED to have her participate. Online support there too!

Inkling

@adorable-eggplant
She did just get some mi-fi (and just discovered there is more than one author of funny cat vids on the internet) so that's a good idea! I'll try to find something cool.

@runner in the garden
I don't think she's really interested in spirituality, but Goodreads looks promising! Thanks.

@PatatasBravas
I don't know about Zumba being wihin miles of there, although I agree I made great friends in exercise-type classes! She doesn't have any horses unforch :( Actually, most of the stuff you suggested, that any town should have in a reasonable amount of miles, is not available for hours. Like coffeeshops.

vunder

I think (worry/fear) my brand-new pregnancy isn't sticking. My hgc levels were low (first test). They did another test to see if its rising, but I have to fly to Asia tomorrow so unless the results are in by 10:15am or so I won't know until Monday. Can you make calls from planes at this point? I don't feel pregnant. Trying not to be anxious about something I can't control. Online research is such a bad idea in these circumstances.

Harriet Welch

@vunder
STOP THE INTERNET! This is the worst. Try to remain calm and not freak out until there is something to worry about. All of the internet stranger goodness I possess is aimed at you.

iceberg

@vunder Oh no! Thinking good, uterus-based thoughts for you. If it helps any I didn't feel pregnant until the goddamn morning sickness kicked in at 6 weeks, and even then I didn't feel any other symptoms until they started moving about, which was wayyyy later. Not sur ehow brand-new you are talking but hoping all is well for you.

Interrobanged

Facebook. High school. Not A Fan.

Harriet Welch

Best fucking day ever! I was all gripey and sad about weird holiday things (have bitched in other comments sections, so I'll refrain), but everything was super perfect. Ended the night with a super good friend smoking cigars and drinking port and a brand spanking new place and kicking ass at dominoes. Did I ever tell you guys that my secret ambition for the last 10 years has been to be an 80 year old cuban man? I have reached self actualization.

par_parenthese

@Harriet Welch LOL! I have, on more than one evening, sat in my living room in my slippers and dressing gown listening to BBC radio on my oak-cased hi-fi, sipping port and wondering if my faithful hound would bring me my pipe, and if, when I next looked in the mirror, I would have white hair and a beaky nose and be called "Sir Reginald" or similar.

Harriet Welch

@par_parenthese I found a new love! I have never had port and I don't really like wine, so I thought I wouldn't like it. YUMMMMM!!!

teaandcakeordeath

@Harriet Welch
This might be sacrilege or something but port and lemonade is YUM!

KeLynn

@Harriet Welch yay!! I'm glad it was a good day! I was worried about your MIL situation.

Harriet Welch

@KeLynn
Awww it is kind of you to think of me. Luckily she had a good day (both in that she enjoyed it and she wasn't extra crazy). She only made everyone feel weird and awkward twice.
I still found myself wishing that I didn't have the constant undercurrent of anxiety that goes hand in hand with having her around. There's just the constant worries like, is she having fun, does she need anything, is she feeling like an outsider etc. She also has the habit of telling "funny" stories that just end up making my family feel badly for my husband, which makes him feel uncomfortable. I really love my family and used to find big gatherings soothing, nourishing and relaxing. It won't ever be like that again, but at least it didn't have to be SO bad.
C'est la vie

Hella

Recipe help/suggestion request... I was trying to make some frozen custard (have a stove, but don't have any oven unfortunately), and now I have large quantities of leftover stuff... What can I make with :
roast mashed pumpkin (one or two cups)
cream cheese
heavy cream
sea salt
avocados (two)
cheddar cheese
sour cream??? (a vat)

Harriet Welch

@Hella
You might want to split it up into two recipes (avocado, cheddar, sour cream sounds like the makings of burritos!) but this website generates recipes based on your ingredients.

http://www.supercook.com

par_parenthese

@Hella Pumpkin enchiladas suizas!

Fortunately, fatty dairy lasts AGES in the fridge so I wouldn't worry about using up the cream cheese or heavy cream right away, and you'll use up lots of sour cream in enchiladas suizas.

planforamiracle

@Hella I bet you could incorporate a bunch of that stuff into this soup from Smitten Kitchen! http://smittenkitchen.com/blog/2007/11/black-bean-pumkin-soup/
It's delicious if you like Mexican-inspired stuff..

gobblegirl

@Hella Mashed pumpkin could be a nice loaf - with cream cheese icing!
Avocados should be sprinkled with lime juice and some of the salt, and spooned directy into your mouth.

Hella

@Harriet Welch Yes!! what a great website! Thanks everybody for your good suggestions

Blondsak

Anybody else at work this morning? I am all alone in my department and honestly I think it will be a fun day! Going to put on some headphones (I'm a reference librarian so normally I'm not allowed but there is NOBODY here today, like in the entire building, so), eat smelly and delicious Indian leftovers for lunch, and basically rock'n'roll it out all day.

ThatWench

@Gussie I'm here. I'm currently enjoying the utter quiet, since it's never this quiet here, and since my breakfast was slightly too small to completely take the edge of this semi-hangover. Trying to plot for a big, early lunch that will help with this, but am mostly throwing myself a pity party that the place that does giant pastrami sandwiches is usually closed on Black Friday. (My hangover needs a giant pastrami sandwich, guys!)

Blondsak

@ThatWench Sorry to hear you aren't feeling well! But of all work days to have a hangover, this does seem to be one of the better ones, I agree.

iceberg

@Gussie I'M HERE! eating a plate of leftovers my boss brought me. So good. Loving America right now.

Blondsak

@all UPDATE: So, after doing all the work-work that had to get done, I have spent the last 2 hours working on my 25-page term essay due on Wednesday. I am 18 pages in, and serrrriously losing motivation. I thought raiding the long-forgotten choco chip ice cream in the work fridge would help, but nope, motivation still gone. Who's ready to go home early?!

Harriet Welch

@Gussie When you find motivation send it my way! I have three projects/papers due by Wednesday and they are the LAST things I have to do before I graduate and I simply cannot bring myself to touch them. Instead I'm watching weird ass true crime documentaries taking naps.
HELP!

Puppy in a cup

I need a pick-me-up.

Yesterday I presented my huge final project, and I ran out of time and missed some important stuff. So I have this sinking, guilty, disappointed-in-myself feeling. You know, when you know you could have done so much better?

I have lots to be thankful for, and it's friday, and my semester is over. I want to be celebrating, but I am so stuck in this feeling. Blegh.

Blondsak

@Fingers Crossed This made me smile like crazy earlier. I hope you feel better! I'm sure you did better than you think.

redheaded&crazy

@Fingers Crossed somebody sent this to me when i was having a sad face day ... the good news is ... it's over! And time limits are tough ... I think it's better to just do the best you can with too much material rather than speed through it like a mouse on cocaine because the latter option means NONE of the important stuff will get through to people! So I'm sure you did a much better job than you think.

noodge

@redheaded&crazie ummmmm... is that critter running backwards? i think i may leave that running for the rest of the day here at my empty workplace. Grade A silly smile maker.

Fingers Crossed: i think one of the most endearing qualities of the majority of people on the Hairpin is that the astoundingly and chronically underestimate themselves - they're so meek! so I'm hoping that you'll find some peace and calm while you wait for your grades, and that when they arrive you'll be pleasantly surprised. :-)

iceberg

@Gussie That baby video is trying to pick the lock I put on my uterus.

Blondsak

@iceberg Now I am just imagining that baby trying to stay awake TIMES TRIPLETS, and holy crap! Can a uterus truly emotionally yearn, you guys?

I think it's time to find Edith's recent post about Children on a Plane® again.

redheaded&crazy

@noodge the critter is running backwards! I don't know WHAT is going on but I know that I love it.

Blondsak

@redheaded&crazie AAAAND I was just watching the dino video (seriously he is so cute but whhhhyyyy backwards? maybe he is just jumping up and down in place? Or got startled by a spider near his back end? oh the possibilities!) when my boss's boss walks in to say hello! Why yes, Boss-Boss, I am VERY BUSY with IMPORTANT THINGS.

par_parenthese

@Gussie YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH BABY VIDEO. *grins* *sobs*

Puppy in a cup

@noodge & redheaded&crazie Dino's and Babies SO GOOD! Thank you for brightening my afternoon. Seriously, big internet hugs to both of you!
Have you all tried mimicking the dino's smile? It's way fun. (Could we get a tumblr of people doing that??)

owlet

Did anyone else out there have to work yesterday?

Megasus

I already celebrated Thanksgiving last month but I had a turkey burger, sweet potato fries, and pumpkin pie ice cream for dinner yesterday cuz everyone was posting about their delicious foods on Twitter. It was delicious.

Valley Girl

Black Friday Bargain Bin! Target has S1 & 2 of Downton Abbey for only $13 each, but it's only in stock at the store, and not online :(

noodge

roughhhh dayyyyy... teetering on the edge of a pit of self-judgement/loathing because i'm so completely neurotic, and have been really reactionary and weird with the hubs this last month. with this being a second marriage i feel like my ex must have been right that i'm a horribly miserable person who doesn't deserve/can't handle love. and i have nothing to do at work to distract me. so, there's that. :-/

i'd been on such a good meditation/awareness kick, and felt like i'd finally overcome most of these habits, and the hate spiral that i get into after i succumb to the habits, but then the wedding, and work, and school happened and i suddenly found myself back in my old habits, and it is so hard to find that peace again.

i know there's hardly anyone out there today, but it feels good to get it out.

iceberg

@noodge that's what the Pin is for, hon. I wish I knew how to get out of those spirals just using my brain. OOoooooobviously your ex is wrong, because basically every human deserves that (well maybe not Dahmer, I dunno) and alsio your second husband wouldn't have married you atall if that was the case. Also you are a Pinner and therefore automatically awesome :)

noodge

@iceberg Thanks, dear :-)

Those are all very good logical reasons, and it's good to hear me talk about it and then hear a response like yours, because it gives strength to the calm part of me that is advising me to just keep breathing and feeling strong instead of crumbling and feeling horrible.

the one thing that my mind - TO THIS DAY - can't get over/around/under/through, is this feeling that i'm way more of a crybaby, asshole, narcissist, than anyone else in the world - nobody else's wife or girlfriend or friend is as needy and horrible as i am. but then i think - other people must feel this way sometimes? right?

(BTW, it's teenie, i did a name change last week)

iceberg

@noodge Ahh but you see you CAN'T be the worst, because I am the worst. (i THOUGHT your photo looked familiar). We are all sweaty monkeys in dresses, right? just doing our best, and sometimes we don't even do our best.

roadtrips

@noodge Lately I've been really struggling with sorting out the nasty, manipulative character judgements my ex used to dish out from the real flaws I see in myself. The tricky thing (and I don't know if this is the case with your ex as well) is that he'd choose a vulnerable point and then exploit it. I worry, for instance, about not being conscientious enough, about being selfish or thoughtless. My ex used to say I was selfish all the time. He had a list of things that I needed to work on and he'd check on my "progress" periodically. All this to say that now, almost a year out of that relationship and with a new, completely different person who is not abusive, I still have trouble knowing if I'm being terrible or not. So, yes. I do feel the way you're feeling sometimes and it's frustrating. Because everyone needs a pass to be a crybaby asshole narcissist occasionally - we're all awful sometimes. But knowing when it's just how you're feeling and when it's over-indulgent... that's hard, especially when you have to listen to the echo of a voice that for years told you you weren't good enough.

Harriet Welch

@noodge
ooooooohhhhhh
"i'm way more of a crybaby, asshole, narcissist, than anyone else in the world - nobody else's wife or girlfriend or friend is as needy and horrible as i am"
My mom told me when I was a kid "Don't judge your insides based on other people's outsides". You are judging the facade of other people (their best face or the watered down version of things they give their friends etc) with the you that only you know (the worst, most hideous and awful secret parts). That's not fair to you.
I always come off as the super chill wife who loves and encourages dude time and is calm and confident. This isn't intentionally fake, it's just not *always* the case. Ask me about the time my husband made an innocent mistake in handling his DUI situation and I freaked the fuck out at him and screamed at him for 20 minutes. Or about the time when I was someone else's super cool/chill girlfriend and I got in a freak out argument with a boyfriend's friend that said something that I misconstrued as racist and refused to see that person ever again.

I bet you can think of more people than just your husband who love you. You are probably more awesome than you think and certainly more than your ex-husband thinks (can we all agree that ex-husband's opinions don't get to matter?).

Basically...don't judge your insides based on other people's outsides.

alliepants

@noodge READ THIS: http://profacero.wordpress.com/2010/11/29/joan-didion-on-self-respect/

It saves my sanity at least three times a year.

noodge

@Harriet Welch great advice, your mom sounds wise :-)

@alliepants: that really resonated with me. part of what helped me feel so much better up until a month ago was finally respecting myself, in much the way Didion explains it: fully accepting and honoring the parts of me that i cherish and the ones that have historically caused me difficulty, and realizing that the ones that cause me difficulty are part of my humanity, and part of what makes me lovable (not hate-able). we all have these spectra of traits that are too complex to be labelled "bad" or "good", and by doing so one completely misses the point.

@roadtrips: I think our exes are cut from the same cloth :-/

thanks everyone :-)

LaLoba

@noodge I am living in a sort of similar situation at the moment. In the spring, I left a very sad relationship with someone who made me feel very bad for three years. In the summer, I began acting more seriously on a long held flirtation with an old acquaintance; we had a romance, we had fun, we stayed up all night all summer, he moved into my house. I knew he was depressed but thought it was depressed like I am; having good days and bad, dealing with anxiety day by day, internalizing my sadness, dragging myself out because the dog needs me to, waking up, carrying on, feeling better.

He isn't, or he doesn't know that anyone else feels this way, I'm not sure. He started acting out and taking out his anger and his sadness on me. Things don't go well an evening and he gets very upset and flips out, i freeze up and paralyze myself and he begins to yell at me for being a selfish awful person, says he feels like he's living with a roommate he fools around with, says I don't .. care about his feelings, I throw my daily activities in his face when he's been unable to leave the living room all day . . . Don't I notice that the person I live with has no joy in anything anymore? Don't I even NOTICE? No . . .I just sit there, not saying anything, pretending every time this happens it has never happened before . . .

Then we continue, I yell back, we stay up all night, I'm fucked the next day when I have to go to school or take care of a dog or do something or anything. It's like talking to a CORPSE he yells at me. MAYBE YOU"RE JUST NOT USED to dealing with a person like this! He's dealt with a person like this all his life. He punched a hole in the wall of my house.

I'm afraid to show any happiness because it will be flaunting his miserable state. I'm afraid to be scared or sad or angry because Im just making things worse for him or complaining about something when he has it SO MUCH WORSE. I talk to him about things to do, keep busy, get involved I say. "I'm not an old man trying to spend his time learning to knit before he dies," he says.

I accidentally move his external harddrive and he yells at me, I'm going to DESTROY everything, I drive him along on my errands in his car in the rain because he wants to go along but can't SEE ANYTHING in teh rain, I get so anxious I make a mistake while driving and he yells at me . . . He rubs my shoulders one night and I let him and later in bed I jokingly ask him to tell me a good story, jokingly . . and he makes a bitter and cutting remark about how he is in INCREDIBLE PAIN and RUBBED MY SHOULDERS so NO no he ISN"T going to tell me a STORY now, too. "You just lie around waiting for me to comfort you!" He says, flinging the blankets away and stumbling into the living room. "I CAN'T sleep next to someone like you," he says.

Later he apologizes. This is horrible, and yet I'm starting to question myself and why this relationship is like the last one and really, really wondering - is it me? Am I this awful selfish person? Am I? Maybe I am. Maybe I am awful.

I went home for five days to my parents house to take a break. I wanted to call and tell him today: "I wanted to call you and ask how you were and say I missed you, but then I was afraid that you would say something I wouldn't know how to respond to, and then I would tell you I was so anxious I didn't know who I was anymore and I was afraid to go home, but then you would say, 'How dare you blame me for my sickness, you don't know how serious this is, you make something that makes me feel HORRIBLE all about you!"

I don't know what to do!

LaLoba

@LaLoba How do you balance trying to help someone with their mental health issues and your own self respect and sanity? How do you know when to say, "You're doing this because you're sick and you don't know how to deal with it but don't take it out on me," And how do you know when you should say, "You are a human being in pain who needs love and support more than I do right now?"

roadtrips

@LaLoba Oh, honey. I could have written this at this time last year. My boyfriend of four years was depressed, had a mysterious psychosomatic illness, and took it out on me. I was starting school, we had just moved and were totally broke, and suddenly it became all of my responsibility. I felt that I didn't own and hadn't earned any sadness, pain, frustration, or anger. I remember being legitimately sick and telling my ex about it and his response was "fuck you. I feel sick all the time." You need to make a decision about whether to stay or go, but please know that it isn't on you. At a certain point, even when someone's sick, they need to take responsibility for themselves. It could mean his simply saying that he needs more help than what you can give him. It could mean that he makes a real effort to hear you when you share your feelings and struggles. Right now he's not doing that. Trust me, I have been there. My ex used to flip out about little things, too, and I remember constantly feeling like I was in trouble. Did I forget to get the right dinner ingredients at the store? Am I listening with enough care and consideration? Am I taking too long to walk home from the train? That's not being in a relationship, that's being a prisoner. Please, please believe me when I tell you that once I ended the relationship (which, I will not lie to you, was very difficult) I was a thousand times happier. I also heard from our old roommates that my ex's mystery illness suddenly evaporated once I left. When I thought I was nurturing, really I was allowing for both of us to remain in a dysfunctional cycle. I honestly hope that my ex is in a better place now than when we were together. But being depressed is ABSOLUTELY not a free pass to treat people you're supposed to care about like shit. This guy is supposed to be a partner to you and right now he's acting like you aren't even a person. I know plenty of people who struggle with mental illness and they know how to treat others with kindness and respect. Anyway, when I was going through my horrible break up last year one thing that helped tremendously was to talk to a counselor and just sort some things out. I needed an impartial party to remind me that no, I wasn't making this stuff up. And if the relationship made me feel awful, there was no reason to stay in it. Good luck, and again, this isn't your fault and it's not your responsibility.

Blondsak

@LaLoba Oh honey. You are not a terrible, awful person. This man sounds severely depressed. Despite that, he has ZERO right to expect you to be miserable just because he himself is, and his behavior toward you because he has that expectation sounds like emotional abuse. I know you care for him a great deal, and I know you want so badly to help him find his way again and for both of you to find your way together. But only he can do that for himself, and then only when he chooses to seek the help he needs. In any case, your main priority right now needs to be YOUR health and YOUR happiness.

1) Are you seeing a therapist right now? I think talking to someone outside of the situation would be very helpful for you.

2) Is there any way for you two to step back for a while? Can you both afford to live separately again? Would you be prepared to break things off? I think you'd be happier and healthier if you did, but I also know how hard that can be.

I wish I could give you a hug! No matter what, I believe you'll make it through. I was in a situation like this and it was a long hard road that ended in what I like to call "heartmake," because while there was initial heartbreak, it also made me a stronger person whose heart was better and bigger afterward for the next special person. Cheesy, I know, but it's true :)

LaLoba

@roadtrips Ach, thank you. It's so much easier to have perspective on other people's relationships than your own, isn't it? And I am just so mad because I thought I had learned something about being treated poorly and deciding you can leave, and going through a long and horrendous break up, and then finding someone new who was kind to me and wanted to talk about feelings and said I deserved to be happy, and then . . . the nightmare began again even worse than before. And all my new friendships have come from him, and my currently free house will begin costing 700/month in January and I am terrified that I will have no way to pay for it by myself. But . . I will have to find a way.

roadtrips

@LaLoba Oh, tell me about it! I started seeing someone right after my breakup. It's been extra difficult because I keep worrying that it will turn into my old relationship. So far it hasn't, but I feel like all of my natural warning systems are totally shot. Before my relationship with my ex, I never thought that I'd end up in such an emotionally abusive and dysfunctional relationship. Now that it's happened once (and went on for so long), I feel a little powerless at stopping it from happening again. I mean, I think that I am a good judge of character but obviously I failed pretty spectacularly once, so why not again? But I still think that it's so unproductive to blame myself (or for you to blame yourself). Also, as to your situation right now: can you sit down and make a budget? Maybe you can stay with your parents or other friends while you figure out housing? And as for new friendships, well. It's hard, but I was really surprised when my relationship ended and although my ex and I are still not on speaking terms, I've maintained almost all of my friendships with people who were initially his friends. And they all understood how difficult he was and they understood why I'd want to end the relationship.

LaLoba

@Gussie oh thanks so much for responding. A lot of the trouble comes from being super broke; I'm just living on student loans for a second degree program at community coll. that should hopefully score me a job but not yet and I'm living at a relative owned home for free. Come January she'll charge me super cheap rent that would be a deal for two but too expensive for me alone and it would pretty hard to have a different roommate. I feel like if this were not an issue I would definitely say he needed to live somewhere else.

Peanut

@alliepants Oh, someone (was it yoouuu?) linked to this essay earlier in the year and it was a revelation for me. Everyone should read it and then frame it in their soul.

Judith Slutler

@LaLoba Oh girl, that all sounds awful! Fact: his illness is not your fault and he is the one who needs to be seeking treatment and learning how to deal with his emotions, instead of taking them out on you. I have quite a bit of experience with being severely depressed and in a relationship, and it isn't easy, but mental illness is never an excuse to mistreat someone else. Fighting all night with you and keeping you from sleeping is not OK. Policing your emotions and acting as though you are being happy or active at him is not OK. Physical violence against things, like punching a hole in the wall, is not OK and is also a form of domestic violence that can be a precurser to more violence. I'm not saying this to tell you he is a bad person, I'm saying it because he is maybe not a safe person to have in your home.

I hear you SO MUCH on the financial issues bound up in this, is there maybe a way to level with your relative that your relationship is ending, and get them to reduce the rent for a couple of months till you can find a roommate / job? Or talk to your parents really honestly about what's going on?

Whatever you end up doing, I think this blog post may be helpful: http://captainawkward.com/2011/11/05/question-130-my-partner-is-depressed-and-i-am-drowning/

Anyway, you are not awful. If this relationship is just like the last one, you might simply be having bad luck (hey, the universe is a random place), or you may have a tendency to internalize blame for things that aren't your fault, and accept boundary violations when things happen which you aren't OK with. But that doesn't make you an awful person. It makes you an imperfect person with things to work on, just like every other person on the planet.

You deserve to have a home in which you don't feel afraid, uncertain and paralyzed. That's my wish for you.

Judith Slutler

@LaLoba P.S. is there someone in your life that you trust enough to tell all this stuff, just like you told us? If not, honestly, consider calling a hotline, maybe one like this with a broad mission statement: http://contactcrisisline.org/contact/get-help-now/ and just verbally, putting everything on the table that you have written here. It can really help, especially since you have been made to hide and bottle up your emotions for so long. I'm serious. And let us know how you're doing - I'll check back on this thread for the next couple of days.

LaLoba

@Emmanuelle Cunt I do have a couple good friends I can speak to honestly. And maybe I will be hired for the job I just interviewed for last week! I'm going to ask him if he has found a doctor he's willing to talk to yet as the first step.

Maryaed

@LaLoba He sounds just awful and abusive. Please get out. I can't see any reason why you should stay with someone who's cruel to you. It's not your job to make his misery OK for him, it wouldn't be if you'd been together a decade, but for someone you've been with just a few months? Where is your loyalty coming from here? It's masochistic on your part to be trying.

Tuna Surprise

Anyone around to solve my problems? So, I got transferred to a different office at work and I now have a boss issue. The boss of the new office (who I knew-although not well-from my time at the old office) is really nice. It's a small branch and I think he feels like I'm a kindred spirit. We have a similar sense of humor and he's only a few years older than me. We go on Starbucks runs and regularly do lunch. BUT, I'm starting to feel like we're getting 'too' close. I don't like him in a romantic way...but we spend so much time together, go to boozy client functions together, etc. I'm starting to feel like we're skating on thin ice. So the big question is - how do I set proper boundaries while still keeping our friendship. He's my biggest advocate at the company (w/o him in my corner I can easily picture myself getting canned) and I genuinely like him (he's really my only friend at the office). Help!

iceberg

@Tuna Surprise I'm really bad at this stuff myself, so grain of salt, but: avoid boozing it up together, because Bad Ideas start to look like Fun Ideas when you're judgement-impaired AND if you're not single (or maybe he's not?), try to work the significant other into the convo to keep them in your mind.

gobblegirl

@iceberg If either of you is paired up, suggest that your partner or his join you for something - a movie, or dinner at your place. That sets the boundaries a bit.

Tuna Surprise

@iceberg @gobblegirl

He's married and I'm single. I know his wife! The three of us have been out together. He's invited me to their summer house for a weekend (haven't been). I think I just need to set the tone. Cut back on silly non-work related emails, stop the late night giggling when he drops by my office.

I'm wondering how much of this is just in my head. We went to a client reception last week and he had a few glasses of champagne and said to me "let's escape from this party-I know a good Indian place nearby where we can get dinner". Eeek! Am I over thinking it? He also told me on Monday "we were in your neighborhood for dim sum and I was going to text you to join but I left my cell phone at home". Clearly the 'we' included his wife but still....too much?

Blondsak

@Tuna Surprise Maybe start inviting other work people along on your Starbucks runs and lunch dates? You might not like them as much (or just not know them well yet?), but the very act of asking others to join (and making sure he knows you asked others along) shows that you don't consider those outings "dates", so to speak. I don't know, it's not overt but it might show him that you consider him just a good friend, and see him on that level.

Blondsak

@Tuna Surprise Hmmmm, I can see why it raises your suspicions but it is definitely a good sign that 1) you've hung out with his wife and 2) his wife seems open to inviting you along places with them.

Looooong shot, but honestly my first idea when I read your last comment (especially the bit about the summer house) was that maybe they are looking for a third party to join their, uh, bedroom parties?

gobblegirl

@Tuna Surprise I think you might be overthinking it, unless you have a crush - then take whatever steps you need to make yourself not-crush.
I personally think that our culture is messed up about male-female friendships. He isn't hiding you or the extent of your friendliness from his wife or your coworkers (any secretive behaviour is a red flag), and you probably would have mentioned if he was making inappropriate comments.
You are allowed to be good friends with a married man! Don't flirt with him, call him on it jokingly/reduce contact if he flirts with you, and enjoy your cool new pal.

alliepants

@Tuna Surprise Honestly, I don't think it's a romantic situation, but you obviously sense some boundaries are getting murky. I think a better reason to cool it a little is that, since he's a superior, other people in the office could get a little resentful about your super-close relationship. The mentor-mentee relationship is always a good one to have, but that's what it should be. If it turns into a tight-knit friendship it could get tough if things get tough at the office. What if he needs to take a hard line with people? He'll either take a hard line with you too and it'll be kind of hurtful, since you're so close, or he'll give you special treatment which others could see as unfair.

alliepants

@alliepants Also, his constant presence could be a reason why you haven't met many other people. I bet if you opened up to others more you'd be surprised at how well it'd be received (this ALWAYS happens with me at new jobs, so I know it's easier said than done).

Tuna Surprise

@all

Thanks for the great advice! I need to set better boundaries. I don't think i have a crush, but I do have a history of *cough* *cough* sleeping with coworkers after too much booze.

JadedStone

@Tuna Surprise talk about boys. All the boys! (or girls?) Refer to him as 'the older bro you never had'.

Megasus

@JadedStone Yeaaaaah referring to him as a brother will totally shut down any feelings he might have, though it honestly sounds like he just wants to be friends.

anachronistique

I had a good Thanksgiving yesterday - there was flan, and there were no hugely awkward fights or silences, and my baby cousin is in HIGH SCHOOL and taking Latin, and we didn't get stuck in traffic for more than fifteen minutes.

But tonight - tonight is my ten-year high school reunion. I was really excited about this and I still am but I'm starting to get nervous. What if nobody recognizes me because I've gotten much fatter since then? What if people are jerks? What if I spill my drink down my shirt? AUGH.

roadtrips

@anachronistique When I am about to go into potentially awkward/disastrous/uncomfortable social situations, I remind myself of two things: 1) There is no reason that I can't leave if I'm not having fun and 2) I don't owe anything to anybody. That is to say, a high school reunion should be a fun (if kind of weird and forced) opportunity to catch up and reminisce. There will always be a little built in anxiety at this kind of thing, but it's always your prerogative to decide something's not worth your time. That said, I'm sure it will be fine! You'll have a blast and everyone will be nice. If they're not, just peace out and do something awesome with the rest of your night.

anachronistique

@roadtrips Thanks for the pep talk! I had an AWESOME time and it was fantastic to see everybody again, and people were lovely and it was just all around a good evening. :)

roadtrips

@anachronistique Yay! I had a feeling it would be fine, but I'm glad it turned out to be super fun!

honey cowl

There is no nail talk that I could find on this thread yet. Here is my question.

I am killer awesome at filing the nails on my left hand. Yet I brutally decimate the nails on my right hand. Help me. How do I file my right hand without destroying the nails??? Help! Help!

Also my birthday is a week from today YAYYYYYY

gobblegirl

@LaurenF Would it help to hold the file still (in your incompetent left hand) and moving your dextrous right hand against it?

Angry Panda

Okay, I hope everyone had a lovely Thanksgiving holiday, but it's time to come back!

Angry Panda

@Angry Panda And I just finished Villette. The last few chapters, so many ups and downs. Sigh. I am going to have to read Persuasion again now as an antidote.

JadedStone

KEEPING THE THREAD ALLLIIIVVVEEEEEE

I had a weird shoe moment.

I have a great pair of black suede wedge heels that I bought 2 years ago. They're winter shoes, so I wore them today

But back when I bought them, I was showing them off to my boyfriend and was like LOOK AT MY AWESOME SHOES and he was like "oh, they're nice. they look like shoes my friend X would buy!"

And it STILL pisses me off that he said that, as illogical as it is. And i was like HOW LONG IS IT GOING TO TAKE for me to not think about that comment every time I wear these shoes???? Like, NO THEY ARE CLASSY CAUSE I BOUGHT THEM YOU DOLT.

Mind you, we were only dating a few months back then. so. there is that.

WEIRD.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@JadedStone Pssh. Put on those shoes, make like Nancy Sinatra, and walk all over that stupid memory. They're YOUR shoes.

lil.orphan.shannie

You guysssss! I booked my flight for Italy! Whaaaaaat! So excited. So I have an 8ish hour layover in Frankfurt on Dec. 24th and it looks like maybe there won't be much to do in town because things will actually be closed. I'm still excited at the idea of just walking and looking at things. I'm wondering if there are any Frankfurt Pinners who would like to walk with me and point to the things for me to look at? I promise I'm a good time!

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@lil.orphan.shannie I don't live in Europe but yaaaay I'm so excited for you!

isitisabel

I found out this morning that my sister got married two weeks ago! It wasn't exactly a surprise, since she and her husband (!!! that feels so weird to say) have been talking about it since September, but none of my family knew that it had actually happened until she told my parents yesterday morning, who then told my brother and I today.

It was mostly a marriage of convenience type thing. She and her husband were super-committed, together for six years and have lived together for four of those, they just didn't want to have that label. But now they're living in a foreign country and she wants to travel around with him, so it was easiest to just get married so she can get some type of green card equivalent. So I'm excited, but it's also weird to talk about. Also because my sister is married, what?

youresmalltime

My mother seems to think my sister is on the Hairpin. THIS IS A BIZARRE NOTION TO ME.

Harriet Welch

@youresmalltime That would weird me out. I like having a secret corner of the world (internet) where I don't have to be mindful of the weird things I say. Is it cool, or weird for you?

youresmalltime

@Harriet Welch Mostly cool, as we are very distant in age but not so distant mentally, but if I know my sister, she most likely lurks. And has no idea this is me.

aguacate

That there's the smallest dang slice a punkin pie I ever seen.

baked bean

@aguacate Not to mention lightly-filled. Such a thin layer of pumpkin!

professionalmess

@aguacate And hardly any whipped cream!

aguacate

@baked bean Yes. Ridiculous! You'd taste so much crust and whipped cream with that and so little pumpkin. Wrong ratio.

Heike

Dear Hairpinners,
So, I asked for help last Wednesday for a Thanksgiving meal that I was going to host for some American friends, here in Germany. Well, I hosted it, and our friends stayed till past midnight so I think they enjoyed themselves, certainly we enjoyed their company. It was really good, and I thank you all for your help and support :)

liverwortlaura

@Heike I was just checking to see if you updated! I'm glad it went well! What were your favorite dishes?

Heike

@liverwortlaura without a doubt, the pumpkin pie. I'd never had any before and it's amazing.
We did turkey with dressing/stuffing, gravy, cranberry sauce, cornbread, creamed corn, buttered leeks, sweet potato mash, followed by pies, both pumpkin and pecan. And wine, and coffee, and chocolates, and waking up with chronic indigestion at 4am. (which I suspect is also traditional)
Oh and yellow and orange candles and napkins for the nod to the fall theme.

dennishobson

very nice post, i certainly love this website, keep on it madeira palsticans

emilysmith

and throughout his Karen Millen dresses days wore many items of clothing from Karen Millen Outlet

emilysmith

In his own words his passions are Karen Millen dresses and clothes and music Karen Millen Australia

emilysmith

Karen millen dresses with a name for his clothing brand Karen Millen Ireland

Post a Comment

You must be logged-in to post a comment.

Login To Your Account