Wednesday, November 28, 2012


"Happy Birthday to...You?"

The magical Mallory Ortberg, also known her by her commenter name, "melis," is another year older, and sadly, probably another year further away from the days when someone would've made a sweet rap video about it. But we can try singing? "Happy birthday, Muh-LEEEASE?... Muh-LISSS? MELLLL-isss?... MELLLL-eess?"

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Reginal T. Squirge

Oh, hey! Melis, you're seriously one of my favorite people in the whole world and I've never even met you.

Reginal T. Squirge

Also, I live in constant fear of one day saying something around here that will incur her wrath.


@Reginal T. Squirge Eh, I've done it. It's not so bad, once you get used to the whole "having a shrunken head" thing, and the old witch that lives in your pocket gumming ceaselessly on the edges of your soul.

Reginal T. Squirge

I consider it a miracle that she hasn't clowned me relentlessly yet.


@Emby Me too. I don't have a pocket witch, but that ghost is really running up my AT&T bill.


awwwww..this is so sweet of you Shah!! :) I enjoyed watching it!@y

Valley Girl

I assume the only reason evil melis didn't get a birthday shoutout is because they were born in a place before time; before existence, really.


not mentioning evil melis in this post will probably come back to haunt you, Jane Marie. Possibly literally.


Happy birthday. I set this cake on fire for you.



Your weekend posts at the Gloss are the only reasons I keep that Hairpin-wannabee in my Google Reader!


@Jinxie I did a little dance when I wandered back there and found that weekends were all melis, all the time.


@Bootsandcats now I know what to do on the pinless weekends!!! thanks Jinxie

Heat Signature

Whitney Cummings' new show is premiering the same day as Melis's birthday. Coincidence? Or the Universe's way of balancing the great and the terrible?

Reginal T. Squirge

Haha. I hope this never stops.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@Heat Signature I'm giving you a standing ovation in my mind.

Regina Phalange

@Heat Signature OH BUT WAIT. Mr. Jane Marie is going to be on that show! I have hope for it yet.


HAPPY BIRTHDAY MELIS! We loooooove youuuuu!


Happy Birthday!! Come to Montreal and let me buy you a drink :)


wait i always pronounced it like moo-lis. canadian pronunciation i guess.



@redheaded&crazie oh glob let's not start that again


@redheaded&crazie And here was me pronouncing it "Dwayne" all this time.

Live and learn.


@PistolPackinMama It's actually pronounced "quinoa."



Atheist Watermelon

@melis always thought it was creepy to wish someone i have never met happy birthday which is why i have never done it but <3 all of your pieces here and in the comments and elsewhere and as your evil alter ego and you are generally awesome and a source of inspiration so HAPPY BIRTHDAY PLEASE


Happy Birthday Melis! I hope this year is wizard, in an awesome and magical way, not a cloying Anakin sky walker way or a cursed, bedeviled warlock-y way.
Also I'm pretty sure her username is pronounced to rhyme with "trellis," as she made clear during the short period when she changed her name to Mellis.

maybe partying will help

Happy birthday, melis! We love you.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

Happy birthday! You're so lucky to have a rap song on the Internet, I mean women, about you.


Happy birthday!


HAPPY BIRTHDAY MELIS!!!!!! I hope the doorbell rings late tonight and Romney and Ryan are standing there in matching blue buttondowns with their hands in each others's back pockets. Just for you.


I've started a secret two-person fanclub of you that I'm sure more people would be members of if I told them about it!

Toastface Killah

^ I am the other member of this two-person fanclub.
Melis, your words delight me, and I wish you the same amount of delight on this your day of birth!



I'm choosing to read this as "I heart-love you." It's extra special.

fondue with cheddar

@jacqueline I guess that's better than "I penis-love you", because they are friends.


MELIS all the candy babies for you on your birthday!


"Melis" is pronounced like "Cor-ey".


@MollyculeTheory The idea that melis and Choire are the same person makes my head explode a little, but also explains a lot.


@Bittersweet wait what? if that were true my world would be different.


@theotherginger (It doesn't really explain anything. Just amusing myself over here.)

Nicole Cliffe

Introducing me to Melis is all I could ever ask of the Internet. I love her.


Sometimes I wake up at night in a cold sweat being like "BUT WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH EVIL MELIS?"

but most of the time I just enjoy the ride.

Happy birthday Melis! I'm happy to realize that the person who wrote "texts from a ghost" now has a more fleshed out persona in my imagination now.

Miss Maszkerádi

Happy birthday Melis, and may there be many many more happy and healthy ones to come!! And then when you die, may the phone you haunt also be shared by the ghost of someone awesome.

Also yeah, how is it pronounced? I always assumed "MELL-iss" but...???


Herpy Berfday melis!

Melis' twitterfeed is like magical drops of textual unicorn food, proffered by metaphorical ninja kittens on metaphorical silver platters. It pleaseth me.


Happy birthday Melis! I made hummus last night, would have brought it if the 'Pin were more of a physical thing.


Damn, late to the party but happy freaking birthday Melis! May a million (friendly) ghosts gaunt your phone forever.

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