What's happening this weekend? How is everyone? Did anything break this week? (No reason, just curious!)
plants!, open thread
I'm writing this in a very pleasant post-all-you-can-eat-sushi haze. Though nearly omnipresent in Toronto, I've heard that most cities don't have this, uh, culinary mode. Is that true?!?!
@thiscallsforsoap Ottawa has some really good all-you-can-eat sushi too. Is it an Ontario thing?
Also, directions please to this restaurant? I just moved back to the GTA and I miss my old standby in the 'Twa.
I think it is pretty prevalent. I have been to numerous ones in Virginia Beach. And I damn near put them out of business, cause ya know I love me some sushi! Absurd Bird is part pelican.
@thiscallsforsoap Oh, we have a great all you can eat sushi here too! I'm in Alberta. Weekends only, though. I eat all the baked oysters.
I need to plan a sushi party.
@thiscallsforsoap NO ONE HAS ALL YOU CAN EAT SUSHI WHERE I LIVE BECAUSE IF THEY DID I WOULD KNOW ABOUT IT AND GO HAM ON IT AND THEN THEY WOULDN'T DO IT ANYMORE.
@thiscallsforsoap I come from a landlocked state and I probably wouldn't trust an all-you-can-eat sushi place tbh. Here in NY though, Yahtzee
(also I got food poisoning once from sushi like 5 years ago and I can't eat it anymore :( sad Danzig)
@oh! valencia All you can eat sushi in Alberta??!? Baked oysters?!? (<---I'd totally eat them, don't get me wrong, but I've never heard of baked oysters)
@thiscallsforsoap There's all-you-can-eat sushi in a couple of places here, but it's usually...not very good. Speaking of sushi, though, I am dyinngggggg for some and will probably buy myself a sad little Safeway takeout box of it on the way home tonight because my boyfriend thinks Japanese food is "too expensive." :v
@thiscallsforsoap OH. Where I am? (About an hour out of Toronto) we have hybrids now. All you can eat Japanese-Thai, all you can eat Korean-Japanese. And now?? AYCE JAPANESE-THAI-ITALIAN
OH YES. Deep fried Brie next to my sushi rolls.
@thiscallsforsoap I took myself out for sushi tonight! It was deliciouso. I tipped about 50% because I adore the sushi chef (who is also apparently the owner).
I do not know of any all-you-can-eat places here in DC; there are a couple of the conveyor-belt places that total up everything you ate when you're done.
@Blushingflwr My friend from LA had never heard of this. LA is a city that is 25% sushi. (and 25% tacos and frozen yogurt, and 50% shattered dreams.) How is this possible?
@thiscallsforsoap The knowledge that there is such a thing as all-you-can eat Sushi is haunting me.
@thiscallsforsoap I have eaten all-you-can-eat sushi in north Texas so like, I'm pretty daring, it's pretty landlocked. Not too bad, but keep in mind I'm not that picky and probably ate more tempuraed things then I ever would usually.
Toronto pinup at the ROM tonight! Woo hoo :D i don't feel that i'm dressed fashionably enough for their big fashion exhibit! But I am excited nonetheless.
@redheaded&crazie aw man! I had no idea this was happening and I have other plans (mainly being a gloomy sadsack who does not feel up to meeting new friends.)
Will we be doing another one soon?
@redheaded&crazie Oh no, I wish I'd known! Where do you plan these things?
@chnellociraptor Ahhhh sorry guys! I think we've transitioned a bit from google groups to fb group because it's easier to make events.
STILL TIME TO COME! at the last minute!
(also there are some other people who couldn't make this ROM friday night live event, they're doing them for the rest of November and I can't make any of them ... but maybe other people can!)
@planforamiracle I can't make this one either but I want to go another week! How do you feel about November 23?
@phlox that would be great! I miss all you gals.
@redheaded&crazie I seem to have inadvertently dressed up as Disco Maid Marian (sans red hair), so hopefully everyone will have ended up overshooting and undershooting the event in all directions, and then no one will look wrong.
Do we actually have to be dressed as, like, anything? Because I'm wearing weird jeans from Loft (sorry, guys!) And other stuff. All of it a bit casual.
@geek_tragedy sure don't! I'm coming straight from work so I'm dressed as somebody who is coming straight from work.
@redheaded&crazie Also: There is a WORN Fashion Journal Launch party on the 24th AND EVERYONE IS INVITED. (I intern there, so I will be there for sure!)
I am going to a cabin in Pennsylvania this weekend for a knitting retreat. Because I PARTY PARTY PARTY HARD.
@area@twitter That sounds awesome.
@area@twitter That seriously sounds incredible.
@area@twitter I need the name of this cabin...for a friend.
@lobsterhug @ayo nicole @Nocs Ha. Thanks. :D It's a friend's cabin, we're just all going to toodle up there and eat lasagna and work on our projects. Maybe I'll finally finish that scarf this weekend.
@area@twitter That sounds lovely!
@area@twitter I went to a knitting retreat at the beginning of this year! My LYS owner rented a cabin at a gorgeous, waterside Catholic shrine -- We did a dyeing workshop and then a lot of drinking, eating amazing homemade enchiladas, and watching Harry Potter. It was awesome.
@Quadrophenia That sounds amazing!!
@area@twitter That sounds so fantastic. Does the cabin have a fireplace? I bet it has a fireplace. Even if it doesn't, please tell me it does so my perfect-weekend mental picture will stay whole.
@area@twitter That sounds like the PERFECT weekend!
@area@twitter So jealous! I always tell myself I'm going to come home and knit for like 3 hours straight. And then I get on the internet and I'm doomed. But knitting in long and useless work meetings, GENIUS. I got an app for my phone/ipad that I can import all my patterns into, so I have all my patterns at the ready when I need to whip a project out. Now I just need to take my yarn everywhere too.
@MilesofMountains Reporting back. It was incredible. There WAS a fireplace, and we kept a fire burning all Saturday evening and Sunday morning/afternoon. Toasted marshmallows over it, even! And dinner Saturday lasted like five hours, because we got back from a long walk and made baked brie and bruschetta, and then knitted and waited for the lasagna to finish and then ate that, and then we knitted some MORE and our host made us all rustic apple pie. And then she made fresh scones for breakfast the next morning. I think my mouth died and went to heaven in there somewhere. While I did not finish my scarf, I made tons of progress, and my crochet bag is almost done!
hairpins! i missed you! i was off getting married and having a honeymoon but now i'm back and i have a job at a computer all day so yeah. totally back. hiiiiii
@madge Congrats! Where was the honeymoon?
@madge Welcome back and congrats!
@olivebee thanks much! it was in costa rica on the caribbean side. all rasta-fied and jungly and full of monkeys and bugs!
@madge omg my coworker got married and just got back from his honeymoon in costa rica and I was all ARE YOU HIS WIFE but I'm pretty sure you aren't.
@madge I know two people going for honeymoons to Costa Rica in the next two months! I am jealous of all of you for your jungles and beaches.
the train i was on just now broke down, didn't move for 50 minutes, and a guy collapsed. turns out I'm v good at pulling the alarm and walking around asking for help, but that doesn't mean that any help will come.
i want some wine.
@tambourine Yikes! Is the guy okay?
@tambourine I'm going to imagine you doing this for perpetuity, just walking around pulling alarms and asking for help then asking for wine. It's like the homeless people near my office, actually.
@tambourine How scary! Was he/are you okay?
@tambourine ok a medical emergency just happened on MY train too...creepy and unfortunate :(
Yo! Good timing, since I have a question--
What's the best way to politely remind/follow up with a busy professor about something you've requested? I'm applying to grad schools, and I emailed my former thesis adviser last week to ask if she would update the recommendation letter she wrote for me two years ago. I haven't heard anything in response, and I'd like to check in with her but not be too annoying in doing so.
(I'm out of college, so I can't drop in during office hours. Part of why I'd like a response soon is so I can arrange to visit her on campus to talk...!)
@wallsdonotfall I would call her and mention the email in your message if you don't get her. It's easy to let emails slip through the cracks.
@lobsterhug Hmm! Are some people not horribly irritated by phone calls? Maybe I feel this way because I came of age with email, but I would feel terrible for putting someone on the spot with a phone call.
@wallsdonotfall Email or call her office. Don't sweat it-she's probably busy and forgot about it, but you need an answer, so get one!
@wallsdonotfall I'd send something very casual along the lines of "Hey, just dropping a line to remind you about ______. I know it's a busy time of the semester, but the deadline is ______ and so I want to make sure we're on track." And then maybe attach my previous e-mail.
@wallsdonotfall I wouldn't worry about that. If she doesn't want to take calls, she can let them go right to voicemail. I do that at work when I'm busy.
You know, I didn't learn until about a year ago that some people just don't see it as important to read every email, and count on phone calls to hear about important stuff? So I guess I would go with a call for that reason at least.
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll Agreed. I think it's a generational thing, maybe? I hate the phone, but it really is the only way to catch some people, and I truly don't think she'd mind if you called and left a nice message.
Ah! So much awkward! But professor forgetting happens all the time! Maybe pop into their office quickly during office hours, say hi, and remind them of the rec. Sometimes a brief face-to-face meeting helps as it's fast and allows you to get things done but also phrase things more tactfully than in email.
@katiemcgillicuddy Seriously. Numbers! Either Mitt didn't respect math or he was really certain Republicans could suppress turnout.
Also, did anyone notice that Bill O'Reilly's "the white establishment is now a minority" speech was basically the plot of Birth of a Nation?
Thanks, all. I'll email her again on Monday and then pull out the advanced phone-call move if she doesn't respond by midweek.
@beerd As early as possible. I feel like I've heard a month, but even earlier than that if possible. Of course, if something comes up last-minute then you should obviously ask anyway, just couch it in "I know you're soooo busy and I'm terribly sorry to ask last minute but please please please?"
@beerd Whoa. That was weird. My grad school anxiety questions have been replaced by my political bloviating meant for downthread. I think this means I need to get off the internet.
Good luck with the application. Happy weekend, all.
Ultimate frisbee tournament, then smoking weed I found in an elevator while watching Beetlejuice with some friends.
So kinda the perfect weekend, although it makes me sound about 10 years younger than I am. I'm having a young person's weekend.
@Emby Sounds awesome.You could always smoke the weed before the ultimate frisbee tournament and play high..
I thought I found some weed in a parking lot the other day but it was just loose tobacco. sadface
@Emby Smoking weed that you found...sounds risky.
i'm going to spend a portion of this weekend trying to extract weed from shattered bits of glass. also risky.
@meetapossum Yeah, I know. But I've convinced myself that because I live in a pretty yuppie part of town, it's pretty unlikely that whoever dropped it in my apartment building's elevator was buying anything laced with... I dunno, whatever people lace weed with.
@Emby I should note that I'm pretty clueless when it comes to drugs and I actually thought it was a jawbreaker leftover from Halloween and it was my gf who noticed that, no, it was a tiny baggie of pot.
@Emby the only thing that people really lace weed with is PCP and even that's pretty unlikely. you're good.
(er, i do not know this from experience.)
@wearitcounts whoa! good luck, i hope you can save some.
@wearitcounts I had weed laced with PCP once. It was the second time I smoked pot, ever. It was...BAD.
The broken glass thing sounds very risky. Maybe you could scoop all the tobacco out of a cigarette and use the filter to keep from inhaling the glass? You'd still have to inhale very gently as to not suck the glass through it.
@fondue with cheddar Oh! Smoke it out of a bong! That should be okay, right?
@Emby I like to think that you were sitting on the floor of an elevator watching Beetlejuice with some friends, and happened to notice there was some weed in the corner.
@fondue with cheddar excellent recommendations on both counts.
yeah, i would decidedly *not* want to smoke pot laced with pcp. once someone dosed me with acid in a shot of rum. i was PISSED but it actually turned out ok. i had a great time. but STILL. not cool.
@meetapossum I've smoked weed I found before and it was fine. If someone was going to lace weed with PCP, wouldn't they be more likely to give it to someone (rather than plant it in an elevator) so they could stick around and see the results?
@Chrestomanci I guess it isn't the laced idea (though someone could've given laced weed to the person who, I assume, accidentally dropped it), as the idea of consuming something someone else has dropped on the floor is really unappealing to me. Even if it's weed in a bag.
@wearitcounts Oh, I had no idea it had anything in it, neither did my boyfriend when he bought it. If I had I wouldn't have even wanted to be in the same room as someone smoking it. I've always been a strictly weed-and-shrooms gal. No man-made chemicals for me.
@fondue with cheddar ugh, uninvited bonus substances are so not cool.
@Emby dude. that has been my life recently and it has been fun, although sometimes hilarious (ie what do you mean you have no water anyone can drink in a place where it is not safe to drink from the tap).
@Emby Veteran smoker here. I have never,ever, ever come into contact with laced weed. I'm convinced it doesn't really exist, or is something you would have to try really hard to find. It's much more likely to do separate drugs at the same time.
@musicello11 It certainly does exist! I happened to come across it the second time I smoked, which was horrible timing, but in all the years since I've never encountered it again. It was definitely purchased without the knowledge that it contained anything but weed, bought from an unfamiliar seller of course.
this week i broke the handle off a coffee mug and a glass jar that was full of ...herbs.
@wearitcounts bummmmer dude.
@redheaded&crazie i know. i think i can salvage most of it. i hope. weekend project.
@wearitcounts My husband broke a plate that I had left balancing precariously on the couch. I think I may have unconsciously done it on purpose to make more room for the new plates we got for the wedding.
@wearitcounts Did you leave the remains in an elevator?
@wearitcounts I did that a few weeks ago. Said "herbs" and glass shards also fell into my shag rug, so it was a good time. Luckily, I'm dedicated!
@wearitcounts may the force be with you! I have never done that but I have dropped glass pipes and then tried to still use them. And then been like "Am I inhaling glass into my lungs?" "oh well!"
... I sound like such a stand-up member of society.
@redheaded&crazie dude, you gotta do what you gotta do. i've smoked out of a lot of things that weren't intended to be smoking devices.
... yeah we're both pretty amazing role models.
Spending the weekend making furniture with my boyfriend for our new apartment. Yay splinters.
Also any advice regarding small talk? I am like awkwardly, hideously bad at it. It was a running joke at my old office but I've just moved to a new one and need to get better at it or will never make friends ever ever again and continue to sit alone at a desk where everybody knows each other except for me /pityparty
@khaleesi Hmm.. small talk can be really different depending on the situation. I'm good at mingling at parties, but really bad at coming out of my shell in a new office. Is the latter what you mean?
Things that have helped me:
- make a point to say hello and make eye contact when you come in—don't wait for your colleagues to say hello to you. this sounds minor but I did it for ages without noticing then found out later that everyone thought I was being snobby/rude!
- ask your colleagues about their weekends, if they did something fun last evening, if they saw that hilarious store window near the office, if they have a favourite lunch place to recommend... people love to talk about themselves so asking little non-invasive questions is a good way to make work friends. I like to hear stories about my colleagues' kids, especially since Halloween just passed and my boss' daughter is adorable.
@planforamiracle Yep, the latter was what I meant! Thanks for the advice, I always think that its nosy to ask people personal questions so that's something I definitely need to work more on.
@khaleesi You're in a great position to strike up conversations under the premise of learning the ropes....sometimes even if you already know the answer to the question. People (nice people worth talking to) feel great when they can help. It doesn't have to be office-related. For example, like planforamiracle said, ask about local lunch places.
@khaleesi Not to sound lame, but, talking about the weather has worked for me. It's more like a signal that yes, I am a friendly person, let us chat about this totally innocent thing that could lead to conversations about other things but doesn't have to!
@khaleesi If personal things feel uncomfortable, you could try easing into it by talking about more neutral stuff like movies, things in the area near your work (even if it's whining about construction or transit, haha).
I got lucky with my new job because I work for an art festival with a small staff so there are fewer people to try to make friends with, and we can always talk about the festival's programming.
@TheLetterL Sorry I should have explained better, its actually the same company and role but in a completely different international office. So where people ask me about what its like having moved etc,I can deal.
But what I'm finding tough is that because our parent company owns like a million other companies, there's lots of people around me I don't directly work with so they say hi but its nothing beyond that.
Eh sorry for the word explosion, just had a tough day as I literally know three people in this entire office and two of them have been out all week so I'm missing home and my old office where there were regular coffee breaks and gossip and talk about shoes etc.
@smidge I just moved to the East Coast so the weather has led to some friendly chat haha!
@everyone thanks for the advice guys! I haven't had to make friends in about three years so just tough learning the ropes again.
@khaleesi Oooh, I see. Yeah, maybe asking a bunch of questions about the office isn't the best strategy. I think smidge is really onto something. I got a lot better about striking up conversations once I accepted that small talk is about making yourself seem approachable rather than pressuring yourself to come up with new and exciting things to say.
I've done better once I realized that all small talk is actually stupid - it's supposed to be stupid! You don't have to worry about saying something stupid, because it's all stupid. Hey, look at that bird! Wow, great sunset! I love your socks! All valid small talking points.
CHILDREN. Ask people about their children. People have no idea how boring their kids' lives actually are for strangers and will talk about them forever. I suppose you have to have co-workers with children, but, if you do, this is all you'll ever need. You don't even have to remember the kids' names, just say "the little guy" or something like that.
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll Pets make a good kid-talk substitute for non-parents.
Since you've moved for the job, ask about the town! Ask about good stores, best places to go for lunch, "what's the deal with that air raid siren that goes off every day" etc.
@khaleesi I'm seconding the whole "ask about the town" thing... I mean, you're probably already asking yourself where to get stuff, or what's good in the city, so why not chat up some coworkers about it? That way you can also find out a bit about their interests. Like, potential scenario:
You: Hey, do you know where I can go for really good sushi?
Co-worker: I don't eat fish, but there's this other great Japanese restaurant I go to. Hey, you know who likes sushi? Rob. Hey, Rob, where can Khaleesi go for sushi?
Rob: [tells you where to go for sushi and what to order and how expensive it is]
...or something like that.
Last night I roasted a whole chicken and made apple crisp. Both turned out delicious! What have you all been cooking?
@lobsterhug Pumpkin chili chicken curry.
@lobsterhug beef stew, three weekends in a row. it's been that kind of autumn.
@lobsterhug Last weekend my dad and I made bacon cheddar and egg muffins. We improved the recipe and melted extra cheese on top. I ate the last one for breakfast this morning, and now I'm sad knowing I can't have one tomorrow.
@Emby I made the apple cake from last week! It was delicious. I also made Smitten Kitchen's butternut squash salad with farro and it was CRAMAZING.
@lobsterhug sounds amazing! I haven't made anything for a while. Eating a lot of soup and burgers.
@mangosara Oooh--I just bought the Smitten Kitchen cookbook and can't wait until it arrives!
@lobsterhug French onion soup, rightthisminute. Except I bastardized it because I didn't have wine, so I put beer in. SO TASTY.
@lobsterhug Potato and leek soup. Midway through I realized I had way more leeks than I needed, so last night I made a leek turnover. It was pretty damn good.
@lagreen I paged through it today at the bookstore, and it really is jammed packed with recipes. You won't be disappointed!
@lobsterhug I am going home and making this like a BAWSS:
@lobsterhug I made Swedish meatballs last weekend, inspired by a recent trip to IKEA. Haha. I loosely followed Lotta Jansdotter's recipe, using turkey & beef, allspice, nutmeg, breadcrumbs, and egg.
But it's by far my most ambitious effort lately; tonight I will probably eat kraft dinner with broccoli mixed in.
@lobsterhug I made this last night and it is AWESOME.
My 2nd favorite thing about winter is all the recipes that go "put some beans and other stuff in a pot on a flame. Leave for 1 hour. Enjoy."
Oh, man I'm soooo hungry now! Tonight I'm going to make Paula Deen's pumpkin bars and slather them with all the cream cheese frosting.
I can't wait to get Smitten Kitchen's cookbook! She has never steered me wrong.
@PomoFrannyGlass Carrot ginger soup base from Trader Trader Joe's with a bunch of veggies chopped and added in.
@lobsterhug Ooh, last night I made panko breaded pork chops with apples and onions and spaetzle on the side, and tonight I am making fettucine alfredo for dinner and doing a lot of prep for the Friendsgiving I am hosting tomorrow...turkey! pie! STUFFING!!
Also, @mangosara I have been eyeballing that smitten kitchen salad because it looks SO good. Now I will have to make it for sure.
@area@twitter Leek turnover sounds delicious.
@mangosara I made Smitten Kitchen's apple mosaic tart with salted caramel this week! It is seven times easier than it sounds, and DELICIOUS!!!
@lobsterhug This weekend I want to make some pierogies and kielbasa, with the Hairpin dark chocolate apple oat cake for dessert. Comfort food!
@lobsterhug Badass quiche from my dad's recipe, which I am super proud of because I made the pastry from scratch with only a fork. Am training self to enjoy peppers by hiding them in things, because not liking them is inconvenient.
Joining the love for Smitten Kitchen!
@lobsterhug Smitten Kitchen's white bean and swiss chard pot pies. Sooooo yummy! My friends and I are having a Smitten Kitchen Cookbook party on Sunday and I am going to eat so much food! So our theme is somewhat autumnal we are also doing an apple cider tasting. I am quite excited!
@Lyssachelle Oooh! I've been wanting to make that. I'm slightly intimidated by puff pastry, even the store bought kind. I think I saw a America's Test Kitchen or some cooking show about how not to fuck up puff pastry and then got traumatized and my brain now thinks it is ROCKET SCIENCE. It isn't really, is it?
@Apocalypstick Not this week, but for Halloween I made the pumpkin shaped mini-pies from the Halloween advent calendar! Sort of. I basically cut out pumpkin shapes then put them in a madeleine pan and poured pumpkin pie filling into them.
Here, have a picture: http://imgur.com/0VJDI
Sadly, you can't have any, because all were eaten at a party.
@rallisaurus I cover half a pie crust with little globs of butter, fold it in half over the globs, roll it out, chill it, repeat a bunch of times. That is my whole technique, and I'm pretty sure that the thing that that makes counts as puff pastry. What the heck were they doing to it that made it rocket science?
@lobsterhug: My husband made oxtail and black bean soup last night in a crock pot AND fried plantains cooked in coconut oil. It was pretty fucking amazing. We've also made lemon-rosemary cornish hens (actually kind of meh), paleo cottage pie using sweet potatoes, and some "Ethiopian" (not really convinced it uses ethiopian flavors, I got the recipe from a paleo blog) cabbage.
This coming weekend I'm going to be testing a paleo stuffing recipe. And next weekend I plan on baking some gingerbread cake in a pumpkin (idea is from http://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/2011/10/cake-baked-in-a-pumpkin-halloween.html?obref=obinsite), which I am extremely excited about. CAKE. IN A PUMPKIN. CAKE.
@lobsterhug Pepper and onion pizza for dinner, nommmmmm. Tonight I'm making a chocolate pear cake if I can force myself to move from my chair. Both from Smitten Kitchen, though the pizza crust was from Everybody Likes Sandwiches.
@lobsterhug I forgot who on the HFC gave me that lentils in tomato sauce recipe, but it is SO GOOD (and cheap!) and I made it for the third time this week.
@rallisaurus Totally not rocket science. At least in this recipe, and I've made it twice. They don't taste quite as good the next day, but right out of the oven they are AMAZING.
Plus, if you follow SK's suggestion and put cinnamon and sugar on the extra bits of puff pastry and bake along side, you get a tasty treat to eat without cutting into the tart and you look like you have incredible self-restraint.
An inquiry: why would David Petraeus resign from his job over an affair? I mean, lord knows it's not a thing one should do, but how does marital infidelity affect his ability to perform his job? It didn't slow down Bill Clinton, that's for sure.
@area@twitter The head of a spy agency doing anything with anyone who isn't thoroughly vetted is a major, major protocol breach. He could have (not saying he did) put national security at risk.
(Of course, all my knowledge on this subject is either from my siblings with security clearance or Alias, so I might not be the best source? But my ex-brother-in-law found out my sister had a new boyfriend when his job found out and told him it was a security risk, so that's my guess.)
@Daisy Razor Ahh, that makes sense. I thought maybe he was using CIA resources to cover it up?
@area@twitter THANK YOU. Seriously, it makes me crazy. You screw up in one area of your life and it affects another negatively even though said areas are unrelated? People seem to think they have the right to be judge and fucking jury. Does not compute.
Edited to say @Daisy Razor Oh, that does make sense.
@area@twitter Well from what I've read (meaning, other friends' conspiracy theories) it would matter mostly because of the ability of someone to blackmail him. It would matter if it was a journalist, or someone who worked at the CIA, or someone who is maybe seducing him in order to get information to pass on to [insert geopolitical foe of choice].
Having an affair as the head of the CIA would seriously impact your ability to do your job ethically (well, as ethically as you can be as the head of the CIA) as well as confidentially.
That all makes so much sense. I spent about 3 seconds thinking about it and then posted my little bitchfest.
@Daisy Razor also, having a secret affair makes him more susceptible to blackmail. So even if the affair partner is legit (like, another spy?), there's a risk that he might do things in order to avoid exposure.
@themegnapkin Thanks y'all! Good points. I wonder if this is part of a general CIA/FBI/NSA code of conduct? Like it applies throughout the agency, regardless of rank?
@polka dots vs stripes Thank you for this rational-sounding explanation! I was very confused, and the comments on any news site covering it are all YELLING ABOUT BENGHAZI OMG.
@area@twitter Gonna don my tinfoil hat and say it wasn't about an affair at all, they just picked something fairly innocuous to cover up the fact that he actually did something REALLY bad and election time is the worst time for it all to come out.
ETA: but your reasonable, non-paranoid reason is way better.
@area@twitter I think the same goes for the conduct unbecoming/ adultery rules in the regular ol' military. IOW, he should have known better years and years ago.
And I do not want to hear one word of complaint from conservatives, since he is a HERO SUPPORT THE TROOPS! so... yeah. Don't even.
@Daisy Razor @themegnapkin You're right - if you're with the CIA (or other defense agencies), you have to disclose any "close and continuing relationships" - and they particularly keep an eye out for any relationships that people could use against you as leverage. An affair would definitely be in that category.
I'm having the most emotionally-exhausting week and I would so like some sympathy for it.
I'm trying to teach my assistant something that he's having a hard time learning AND I'm having a hard time teaching, and we're both trying to not let our frustration boil over on each other and we're doing okay at it but the effort is exhausting.
And my friend is sleeping with his psychopath ex again, and they are fighting for four-hour stretches and he just will not believe that he is actually in control of stopping it, and I'm not getting involved but it makes me so sad and I wish I could help and I know I can't and I have a bad habit of trying to fix unfixable things and the effort of remembering THAT is exhausting too.
And my ex and I talked for like two hours about how much we miss each other and how we're still in love and want to be together but we both have these huge things to work on and we both have a tendency to let being-in-love take precedence over becoming-a-better-person because come ON, being in love is way more enjoyable, and so we know it's better to be apart right now but I just want him to hold me and smell his smell and forget about all the things I am trying to do forever, which is of course why I should not go running to him, and holding myself back from that is exhausting too.
Breaking bad habits is so hard, you guys. It was way easier to be someone with bad habits. It was MISERABLE. But it was easier.
This weekend will be spent trying to actually give myself a break and eat good things and go for a run and sleep a lot. Naps all the way. And hot things to drink. Things with booze in them.
@Linette sending sympathy your way!! sorry you've been having a bad time of it. drinking and eating always helps me!
@Linette you sound very strong and I'm in awe of your resolve. I think your weekend plans will be very nourishing and I'm gonna take a page from your book and maybe go running to get my feelings out!
@Linette Have many, many internet hugs. Definitely take time to take care of yourself! Any of those things alone would be draining.
@Linette Hot things to drink with booze in them YES.
Sympathy. And high fives, because you sound awesome. And ohhhh, my heart HURT reading the paragraph about your ex because I have FELT that ache. Shoo.
Thanks to all of you guys! I just needed to feel like even though it is hard, I'm doing the right things. Just got off the phone with my therapist, which helps. Taking Care of Oneself for the win.
@par_parenthese It is SUCH an ache. Sometimes I can think of him fleetingly and affectionately but lately it's been like I'm hallucinating him into the room, and HE SMELLS REALLY GOOD EVEN WHEN HE IS A HALLUCINATION.
@Linette *hugs* I have hallucinated an ex's smell. And I once had to have a friend remove and wash a set of blankets and pillows that contained His Smell because I started sobbing whenever I got near them. :'( So sorry.
@par_parenthese That is so much worse. I wouldn't be able to handle it if I had something with his smell on it. I would just be that girl rocking in a corner clutching an old sweatshirt to her and smiling in that faint, otherworldly way that tells the world no one is home in there.
@Linette Hugs to you. That is a lot going on all at once! Enjoy your hot boozy things.
@Linette I'm sorry about the emotional exhaustedness. It IS really exhausting holding all that stuff back and/or trying to divert your thoughts from it. It sounds like you have a good plan to deal with it. Wishing you a calm and pleasant weekend!
I had an interview yesterday, and though it's different than what I'm currently doing, it's super intriguing. I haven't been this excited about a job prospect in a long time, and I really hope I get it.
This weekend will be spent trying not to spend money and renewing my passport.
@meetapossum Good luck to you!
@meetapossum Good luck! What is the job (if you don't mind posting that kind of thing on the internet...)? Keep us posted if/when you hear from them!
@meetapossum Good luck!
@olivebee Honestly, it's sort of hard to describe because it's a completely new position at the company. I'm currently an assistant editor; It would involve less editing, but a lot more getting involved in lots of different facets of publishing (aggregating news, maintaining websites, a little bookselling, conferences). It's something I hadn't even considered as a career possibility!
A friend's ex contact me today a couple of months after I told her I didn't want to talk to her anymore. She's certifiably 100% batshit insane. She used to call and text me to try to get info about her ex because oddly he wasn't responding to her texts or phone calls at 4 am EVERY NIGHT.
Well apparently now she's calling his work pretending to be the police and asking for him. His co-workers know its her and have told her he doesn't work there anymore.
Today I get a call from a # I don't recognize but its the same area code as my sister and a good friend, so I answer and its her. The conversation was surprisingly pleasant and she appologizes for all the crazy BS she's put me through and says she's in a better place and wants to keep in touch.
So fine, I wish her well and say we'll be in touch. I immediate text her ex and he tells me that she's calling him at work. So basically she called me, lied through her teeth about how she's over him and moving on with her life. It seems as though she's trying to get back into my good books because she's run out of people to get info about her ex from.
So I'm trying to figure out how to handle this without making her more crazy... I called my phone provider and unfortunately I can't block her calls, only change my # which I'm not prepared to do. Advice?
@ReginaSavage Put her phone # in your contacts as DON'T ANSWER and ignore her from now on?
@Daisy Razor While normally this is effective, her ex tried this. She called him multiple times a day and would text him at all hours of the night EVERY NIGHT. He changed his # and that's what led to her calling him at work because its the only # she has. So I'm not sure how effective it'll be.
@ReginaSavage Oh man, that sucks. I hope she doesn't transfer all that crazy to calling you!
@Daisy Razor I'm hoping that if I confront her, tell her that I'm not letting her inflict her crazy on my life and that I don't appreciate her calling me telling me that she's so over her ex that she doesn't even want to say his name only to find out from her ex that she called him at work EARLIER TODAY! She'll get the hint that I'm not falling for this shit again.
@ReginaSavage Almost the same as Ms. Razor's suggestion, but with a twist. I get a lot of telemarketer calls to my cell phone and they often come up with the same caller ID. I save those numbers to my contacts as "telemarketer1, 2, 3, etc" and set the ringtone to "no ring" so even if they call in the wee hours or several times a day I don't have to hear it happening.
I think it would be wise to confront her. If she continues to bother you with phone calls you can file a police report so she knows you're serious and so there's a record of what she's doing. Good luck.
@this brave bird Oh, I'm so glad someone had a really good strategy on this. Mine was more or less like @Daisy's but I was gathering this is not your average crazy and that the usual "Ignore them; without attention they will stop bothering you" strategy was not going to work. Your solution sounds like a really good one, both halves of it. I will be filing this away for future crazies I encounter.
@ReginaSavage This might be really obvious, but I would just suggest sticking to the story that this is your friend's former work place. If she gets confirmation that he really works there, it might make things worse. Good luck, this sounds really scary. :(
@ReginaSavage Ditto on this brave bird's suggestion about setting her ringtone to silent. And, if you have a Blackberry or Android, there's an app called Block 'Em that's made pretty much just for occasions like these. I have no idea if iPhone has a comparable app.
@ReginaSavage Tell you her you're going to contact the police the next time she calls you. Then do it. Your friend should do the same. She sounds like she is actually unhinged.
@barefoot cuntessa Yeah, I am on team call the police or team realtalk, which is to say, "hey. cut the shit. we both know you're calling him at work constantly and that you're trying to harass me for information about him. don't fucking call me again or I call the police. cheers!"
So my sister says her Torontonian boyfriend (who lives in Chicago now) says that Canadians are less defined by their jobs than Americans. Is this true? Or might it just be that his friends in Chicago are, like him, in jobs that require professional training, which I imagine makes one more inclined to make career part of one's identity? Can I get a Cansplaination?
Welcome to my "how are countries different?" week-long extravaganza!
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll Hmm... after seven years of living in Toronto (moved fro Ottawa for university), I can safely say that my LEAST favourite thing about living here is how work-obsessed everyone seems to be. Not by choice, but because the cost of living is so high that we have no time to do anything else.
Toronto is pretty different (more American??) than the rest of Canada IMHO. That is as close to a Cansplanation as I can get!
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll Calling bullshit. I think it's more like what you're thinking, about how his friends happen to have those *fancy* jobs.
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll Have you ever been to a party where you're allowed to talk about anything BUT your job? I've tried it before. It's really interesting how much we talk about that stuff and don't really talk about ourselves. It's so different asking, "So, where did you grow up?" instead of, "So, what do you do in town?"
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll I don't know, I'm Canadian and pretty defined by my job, but that might be more to do with my job than what is typical.
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll I don't know about Canada, but I did experience all over Europe and South America that the question "So what do you do for a living?" while totally standard small-talk chat in the US, was kind of offensive to them. It was sort of like asking about the last break-up you had. Like, it might come up in conversation and that would be fine, but to just come out and ASK was just not cool as a casual conversation starter.
@Linette I've heard this about people in Europe too, that they consider it rude to just come out and ask people first thing what they do for a living. But not in Canada! Canada and the US have quite a few mostly subtle differences, but social conventions-wise the two countries are pretty much the same in my experience.
@Katzen-party I kind of dislike defining people by their jobs. I want people to think more of me than the place I work. I can always sense certain men (perhaps women too) sizing each other up when they introduce themselves and their jobs (because those go together).
@baked bean Oh, me too! Mostly because I have worked shitty jobs for pretty much my entire life and I don't feel like they define me AT ALL ("Yes, being the dishwasher at a sorority has always been my calling and really says a lot about my personality. Please judge me on this. Thanks!").
@Katzen-party I just get frustrated in general with focus on jobs over family (whether it be your parents/brothers/sisters or your spouse/children), friends, or living your life, no matter how simple it may be. I can understand if someone's job was their passion, but my mom loves her job and that's not what defines her and not what she asks people about themselves first thing. It's not her number one thing, and I think that's why she still loves it.
I have a bottle of whiskey and the tee-vee to myself this weekend, so I plan to watch the hell out of some Netflix documentaries. Any recommendations?
@Lush Life this emotional life! there's this long one on happiness and humans' ability to cope in the face of adversity without options. AMAZING and will make you GRATEFUL and HAPPY FOREVER.
@Lush Life watch the Ricki Lake one about natural birth!! I mean, if you want kids eventually someday. If you don't then well then I am no help at all.
@Lush Life The Philosopher Kings! I started crying 3 minutes in, and I didn't stop for the entire documentary. It is beautiful.
King of Kong
Man on Wire
@Tuna Surprise SEPTEMBER ISSUE I SECOND THIS HEARTILY
@Lush Life There's a good documentary on Cameron Todd Willingham, who was put to death for setting a fire that killed his kids, but then it was determined he definitely could not have done it. It's a Frontline episode - "Death by Fire"
Since CA didn't repeal the death penalty I'm back watching lots of "justice system gone wrong" documentaries: http://www.innocenceproject.org/Content/Ten_MustSee_Films_and_TV_Episodes_on_Wrongful_Convictions.php
Yes, they are a downer, but they are also kind of inspiring in that "I want to make a change!!" kind of way.
@Tuna Surprise "daddddy! stop playing donkey kong and wipe my buuuuutttt!"
@Lush Life Bill Cunningham New York, it is a treasure.
I also second the King of Kong recs.
@Lush Life If you haven't seen them already, Herzog documentaries are fantastic. Especially Encounters at the End of the World and Cave of Forgotten Dreams. Just amazingly beautiful settings, great interviews with people, and Herzog's nihilistic sense of humor.
Eames: The Archtiect and The Painter
@Lush Life Mean Girls. It's a docu-drama focusing on a teenager going to public school for the first time. It really impacted my life.
@Lush Life MICROCOSMOS https://movies.netflix.com/WiMovie/Microcosmos/60033451?trkid=438403
There are maybe 10 spoken words in the entire thing, but I assure you it is not boring at all. It's basically a super tiny high-def camera view of bugs doing bug things, like hatching and getting eaten by birds and escaping from the rain.
First Position. I never thought I'd give two craps about ballet, but oh man, those kids are amazing and it was so good I watched it twice.
@all the bacon and eggs I cried joyfully all the way through Bill Cunningham New York. It's wonderful.
Also seconding the Herzog recs. Herzog! Wonderful!
@Lush Life Jiro Dreams of Sushi. I also like most of the American Experience episodes I have seen - the ones on the 1918 Influenza Epidemic and Annie Oakley I remember being good. Now there's a bunch more up on streaming than there used to be.
@Lush Life Commenting so I can soak up the recommendations.
@Lush Life the wild and wonderful whites of west virginia!
@Lush Life screw Netflix, go through Frontline's archive on PBS
The Business of Being Born (ricki lake natural birth doc suggested above)
When a tree falls (forgot exact title, but it's on ELF)
@Lush Life: On this note, I just watched Helvetica after 6 years of meaning to and it was very good! I really recommend it if you 1) like fonts and/or 2) are interested in recent art (design?) history.
@EVERYONE! These are so many good recs!
"September Issue" and "Bill Cunningham New York" were indeed splendid. I wanted to hug Bill (and got the sense that hugging ADubs would be Frowned. Upon.). "Eames: The Archtiect and The Painter" was charming and I wanted more. "Jiro Dreams of Sushi" was good, but slow; I should have saved that for Sunday morning. "Helvetica" was exactly the kind of documentary that this font-obsessed former graphic designer loved. I went from that to the "Milton Glaser To Inform And Delight" docco. ("Objectified", by the same director as "Helvetica" was also engrossing). I have been afraid of "Man On A Wire" because HEIGHTS - similar to "Microcsmos" because KILL IT WITH FIRE - but I've heard so many good things about both now I may just have to give in one of these days.
Eager to see "King Of Kong", and that's one I want to wait for until my He Who Was Out Of Town is ready, because from what I have read, he will dig it too. And everything else suggested means I now have a queue brimming with titles, so the next time I have the opportunity to sit down, I won't be doing the "oh, gee, what if it's baaad" dance with the remote. Thank you all very much.
I've started casually job-hunting while still comfortably sheltered in my senior year, just looking around to get a better idea of what I want to look for when the job-hunting crunch time comes...only now I'm plagued by insecurities like I CREATED MY LINKEDIN ALL WRONG AND THE INTERNET IS LAUGHING or I MUST GET A TWITTER OR NO ONE WILL HIRE ME and I don't think either of these actually make any sense in the job hunt but for some reason they're at the forefront of my mind...
1. Advice for a senior looking to go into publishing/editing/etc.? Advice you wish you had gotten?
2. WHY IS EVERYBODY ALL ABOUT TWITTER, SERIOUSLY WHY DO PEOPLE CARE
@LordHennyson Twitter doesn't matter that much. Get one, send a few tweets, and that way you won't be lying if you ever get asked if you have a Twitter account. The CEO of my company is super into it and believes everyone should have social media accounts of every type, but 50% of my company isn't active on social media, so it's not like he really took it into account when hiring us.
@LordHennyson I did a year in publishing between college and grad school. My advice: find connections in publishing. ANY degree of connection can help you find a position and/or land a job. This is true of many industries, but of the places I've worked, I noticed it most in publishing. (I think because English is one of the most common majors, and so many of us trickle into publishing, the application pools get swamped--any leg up is useful.) Go to your school's career office and ask if they can hook you up with ANY alumni working in publishing, ask some friends who've already graduated and moved on if they have friends in publishing, etc. Take advantage of any connection you can get.
@olivebee follow up question from a third-party/different perspective: As a person with a job I want to keep, should I worry about my vulgar curse-word laden tweets? Because I don't worry.
@LordHennyson The best advice I ever got was to take your address off your resume (unless you're applying for jobs in your home town). Also, do you have an online portfolio?
Aaah everyone thank you for the best advice! @SarahP, I do have a few minor connections I can exploit, good to know that I can get cracking on those first
@Science vs. Dinosaurs uhh...I have no online portfolio because my experience is pretty minor. A few "publications" from my last job that are aimed at kids and not really examples of MY work so much as my employer's, and no writing of mine published etc. I guess I should try and do that?
Got my stomping boots on and going to see the Sword. Hopefully there's also Skyfall in my future this weekend. NAOMIE HARRIS.
My husband is in the Boston area right now for a job interview-- he's talked to 4 million people at the company and they all seemed to love him. Soooo, not to jinx anything, but... I might be moving to Boston? Freaking out in ways both good and bad!
@KatieBarTheDoor HOORAY! Where from?
@SarahP Florida! It would/will be quite a change!
@KatieBarTheDoor woooo Boston!!! (Hopefully) WELCOME!!
I thought it would be an average weekend (though busy), but after a phone call from my g/f, I think it's going to be a crisis management weekend. She was already extremely depressed this week, and now Social Svcs is basically raking her over the coals for her temp job...
@dale Uh oh. I'm sorry, that sounds like a rough weekend for both of you :(.
Anyone want to go see Kreayshawn on Dec. 1 in Chicago? None of my friends will tolerate rap shows.
To be fair, as much as I love hip-hop, sometimes the shows can be such a horrible experience. But worth it if the show is good!
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll Oh man if I lived in Chicago I would!! I love that crazy girl.
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll Saw her last weekend! It was......a little disappointing. :(
@ranran Annnnnd I just saw how much it costs. YIKES. I would have to say, unfortunately, that it's not worth it.
Aaaand I remember now that I have plans all that weekend so I couldn't go anyway. Thanks for telling me I'm not missing anything, it makes me feel better!
I've had pneumonia for the last three-plus weeks and am still not better. I was so incredibly sick, then I had an x-ray and got antibiotics, now I have an inhaler. I can't wait to be 100% better and to be able to go to the gym again!
I had one of the single weirdest experiences of my life (sexual/romantic, interpersonal category) last Friday night but the story is so long and complicated that it is literally impossible to tell from the beginning at this point to someone who hasn't been hearing any piece of it as it has unfolded. I enjoy narrating my entire life to anyone who will listen so this is kind of a drag!
@Ellie Feel better soon! Never had pneumonia so can't imagine what you must be going through. And I am now dying of curiosity to know what this weird experience was!
I started typing out like four different "short versions" and there is no way to do it. The shortest possible version is that I hooked up with two guys who are friends, one of them I'm into and one of them I'm not and hooked up with bc of being pissed off when the guy I'm into left with another girl (a huge mistake, I realize). I went out with them both on Friday and weirdness ensued. Etc. I have typed out an attempted "short version" literally five or six times and it's just too long and impossible!
Also: website/technology problems! I'm always on here via my iPhone because work is stupid-strict when it comes to internet, but I have trouble actually logging in and commenting on my phone. Like, looking at the regular site in Safari, it will never let me-- I type in my email/password and it just refreshes and makes me enter it again in a loop.
The only way I'm able to log in is to go to the Hairpin's Twitter, look at the article via the tweet, and sign in there, but that only works sometimes, and even then only for ONE article ONE time. If I try to visit a different article, it logs me out and I can't get back in. It's frustrating! I'd like to participate more, but I can't figure out how. Anyone else have this issue?
I can't log in from my phone either. Luckily, I'm off Friday afternoons, so I can just sit home and look at the internet...
The fact that Mitt Romney was apparently totally stunned that he lost the election is mind-blowing to me. What fucking numbers were they looking at?? What a ridiculously arrogant son of a bitch.
@katiemcgillicuddy Yes. More proof he is an awful, horrible man.
@New Hoarder Like, I should just be happy that the election went so well, but DAMNED if that doesn't piss me off. God, he manages to make my blood boil even after the race is over DAMN YOU MITTENS.
@katiemcgillicuddy I suppose that's what happens when you grow up in a rich, privileged bubble and get everything you've ever wanted before.
@katiemcgillicuddy I'm still mad at him for waiting so long to concede. I live on the East coast! I had to stay up until 2:30 to watch Obama's acceptance speech (which was super gracious and awesome, unlike Romney's speech). Three days later and I still haven't caught up on my sleep.
SO TRUE. If this isn't a sign of his insane sense of entitlement, what is?
@fondue with cheddar Yeah, the fuck was up with that. Did you catch the clip of Fox News calling Ohio for Obama? It's hiiiiiilarious, Karl Rove wouldn't stand for it, they just don't want to believe it and so Megyn Kelly walks down the hall to ask the stats guys if it's right. I will just keep playing that clip in my head to calm my Romney Rage.
@katiemcgillicuddy ALSO he cut off his campaign staff's credit cards BEFORE SOME OF THEM WERE ABLE TO GET HOME.
@katiemcgillicuddy : I think he was just a casualty of the Republican War on Facts-- Fox News, etc., seemed to wholeheartedly believe that the other polls were oversampling Democrats, were biased, etc., and their unsubstantiated reporting of the closeness of the election could have contributed to everyone's arrogance. Math, guys! I know it's crazy, but it works.
@Lustful Cockmonster Are you kidding?!?! JESUS CHRIST. I keep getting angrier and angrier, I'm gonna have a stroke or something.
@mysterygirl But that's the thing! THEY THOUGHT THEY WERE BETTER THAN MATH. We know better than this "math" you speak of! Like oh my GOD.
@Lustful Cockmonster Well, can you blame him? I mean the campaign was over, how could he ever afford it?
@katiemcgillicuddy I mean, I am hoping it was just dumb rather than malicious...but compare it to my best friend BO breaking down in tears because he was so proud of his campaign staff, and I mean, really, there couldn't be a better comparison than that.
Also, if you haven't seen that video of the Pres thanking his staff, watch it, but have tissues on hand.
@fondue with cheddar Truth. Plus now that the campaign is over they are all jobless freeloaders, and we know how he feels about those...
@Lustful Cockmonster Oh I saw it, I don't know how anyone can dislike that man (haha yes, I do, if you don't like black people, also women and gays, anyone poor).
@Lustful Cockmonster They are part of the 47% that he can't worry about I guess.
@katiemcgillicuddy I find this baffling too. Also baffling: pundits' reaction to his concession speech as "gracious." Did we hear the same speech?! All I heard was "I'm worried about this country. Thanks to the wives for picking up slack while the men were working. I'll pray for you." Ughhhhhhhhh
@fondue with cheddar PREACH
@fondue with cheddar YES to the still-haven't-caught-up-on-sleep thing what the WHAT Mittens? Pack it in, you are done.
@yeah-elle Gracious?! I know, I mean what?? Man, the whole "thank the wives for picking up the slack while the menfolk do the Big Thinking" makes me CRAZY. Republicans LOVE it. Like his whole thing with how he let a female employee of his have hours that allowed her to cook dinner for her family? As if that is a way in which he supports women?!?! SET IT ON FIRE AND WATCH IT BURN.
@katiemcgillicuddy I am dyiiing for the Game Change style book written about this campaign. It's gotta be fascinating. As much as I dislike Mitt & Co. I have to think their awfulness is entertaining behind the scenes and we can feel relieved that he isn't the prez.
I need some new music to listen to! What's good?
@Herriot, shmerriot the neighbourhood, royal teeth, churchill, capital cities, animal kingdom
@Herriot, shmerriot What do you like?
@Emby Folksy things like Neko Case, First Aid Kit, and Gillian Welch, but also other things, like Robyn and Temper Trap!
@Herriot, shmerriot Oh, and Jill Andrews!!!
Robert Glasper - Black Radio
@Herriot, shmerriot hah, I was not thoughtful enough to ask first. Ignore everything I said :)
Oh, right, I just ignored your preferences, too. Ha.
Still though, Regina Spektor, duh.
@Herriot, shmerriot but also if you're not already listening to them, the lumineers are pretty wonderful.
@Herriot, shmerriot I have a couple of folk-y recommendations: Prairie Empire out of NYC and Liam Trimble from Edmonton, Alberta. Both have albums you can listen to (& buy) on bandcamp.
@Herriot, shmerriot Ren Harvieu, Ane Brun... Laura Marling's not new at all but if you don't already listen to her it sounds like she'd be your jam!
@wearitcounts I saw them play this summer! Too good. And thanks, everyone, I'm looking forward to spending my new weekend checking out new tunes!
@Herriot, shmerriot Oooh, my faves too! Maybe try The Low Anthem (specifically Oh My God Charlie Darwin), The Mynabirds, Kathleen Edwards (specifically Failer), Sarah Harmer, Andrew Bird, Twilight Hotel...
@Herriot, shmerriot have really been enjoying neko case all afternoon. thank you!
@Herriot, shmerriot @theotherginger if you like neko case, try the new pornographers!
@Herriot, shmerriot Try some Angus & Julia Stone, is my recommendation.
@Herriot, shmerriot Try Melissa Ferrick for something rockier, Kate Rusby for Trad folk
Hooray for the Open Thread!
My husband was on a business trip for a couple days this week, so I slept alone in our house for the the first time since we moved in. And it was really nice! I wish I had been less busy this week so I could've better enjoyed the empty house.
@SarahP My boyfriend went away this week too and I had to sleep alone in our (newish) apartment for the first time! It was not nice because the apartment is so unnecessarily big, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to hear intruders, but I locked the door to our bedroom and felt a little bit better.
But it was otherwise awesome, because I watched at least 12 hours of terrible, no good, very trashy TV without any whining to watch the NFL instead.
I really wanted to post something Open Thread-y while reading the Bargain Bin comments, and now I have forgotten it. I guess I just wanna say I am really, really tired.
@New Hoarder I'm really, really tired, too.
Also, I forget what I wanted to post on FOT all the time.
@fondue with cheddar Meeeee too. Friday morning I have all these things to share in the thread, and by the time it comes... I forget.
NaNoWriMo! How are you people doing? I am 14,572 and chugging along for the day. I was really far ahead for a while but then I sloooowlly got busier and now I'm just trying to get my daily quota in.
@terrific I was doing pretty great, and then I missed a few days because of being busy and whatnot, and now I am very dispirited and don't think I'll be able to catch up :(
@terrific I am almost exactly at 14,000 but I have written exactly zero words today. Right on track.
@terrific @Emby I missed several days too, but I can spend a lot of the next three days writing. Not enough to get me caught up, but enough to make a satisfying dent in the backlog.
30000 or 40000 is not 50000, but it's still a lot better than 4000.
@terrific I'm at just over 10,000. The election slowed me down and then I had a couple of bad sleeping nights, so last night I just chucked it entirely and went to sleep early. However my internet died last night and they can't come fix it until next Wednesday so I suspect I may get more done this weekend.
@terrific I'm only at about 7000 :( Gonna try to catch up this weekend.
@terrific I only decided I wanted to do it at the last second and ended up giving myself the first week of November to plan/outline, so I started writing last night and I'm around 1,300. I'm going to a write-in tonight and I think I'll do some serious catching up there.
@terrific Yikes I am at a wopping 1800. Gonna do some mad catch up this weekend.
You are all amazing and will do great! I find the first 1,666 words are the day are WAY harder than the next. It's like running! Except not terrible and painful and sucky.
@terrific Knock two decimal places off your word count and you're pretty near mine. And it's funny that you mention running, since I just got back from a 2 1/2 hour run. Can we trade skill sets for this month?
@terrific I actually wrote 2 blog posts this week in the few hours I wasn't working or taking care of family or home stuff. Whoo hoo! One short one, one long one, maybe a total of 1400 words?
It's not much, I know, but it's a small triumph to do something for me at a time when the non-me parts of my life are so demanding...
My daughter's ability to sleep broke. She was up from 3 a.m. to 5 a.m. shrieking and kicking for no apparent reason. At one point I was curled up around her in her bed, and she was snuggled up to me like she did when she was a baby, and I thought "This isn't so bad."
Then she looked up and sneezed right in my face and it went back to sucking out loud.
@Daisy Razor awww. I'm sorry. It's always hard when they regress on something you thought you had nailed down. How old is she? Maybe she has a cold/flu?
@oh! valencia She's three and a half, and she has a stuffy nose, so I think that has a lot to do with it. She was particularly cranky last night, though. None of the usual soothing techniques worked. I'm blaming Mercury retrograde.
So, marijuana is legal in Washington/Colorado now? Not just decriminalized, but fully legal, as in it can be sold in stores and people can smoke it anywhere smoking is allowed and no one can say anything? Am I understanding this right?
@oh! valencia I am not sure how each state is going to treat it (especially since it's still federally illegal). I am curious to find out, though! All I know for sure is that it has to be under an ounce. Also, did you see CO's governor's quote regarding it? "Don't break out the Cheetos and Goldfish just yet..." I laughed a lot.
@oh! valencia I live in WA. As of Dec. 7 it will be legal to POSSESS up to one oz of weed if you are over 21. Not to buy it (yet), just to possess it. Over the next year they will be rolling out the state-regulated shops, growing areas, blah blah blah etc.
I do not know where you are allowed to smoke it though!
@oh! valencia I was curious too, as an ex-pothead. From what I've read, it seems like it'll be treated like alcohol: not in public places, not while driving or working (though the test for high while working or off-work might be tricky). The Feds could bust people if it were feasible but it's their general practice to not waste their time with 1 oz or less, thus the threshold the new laws set. This is my paraphrasing.
@LaurenF I picture a bunch of hippies in VW busses clam backing in every police station parking lot in WA and CO before getting public intoxication tickets.
I don't know what clam "backing" is. "clam-baking" however, is widely understood.
@whizz_dumb In case you were wondering I come from CO but have settled in WA so all my peeps are potheads now apparently.
Yet I have smoked twice in my life?
@oh! valencia I've heard the Colorado law is better-constructed, but I don't know the details. With Washington (where I am), I think they just kinda passed and were like, "yeah...we'll figure out the details later." And like @olivebee said, it's still illegal at the federal level so no one really knows how that's gonna play out. I think they're hoping to hammer out the details in the next year?
Whoa dude, watch out, it's a VW bus clam-backing in this direction, smoke pouring out every window...
@Katzen-party The CO legislation provides outs for business owners to screen / forbid usage and for local governments to ban sales on the county / municipal level. You just won't get arrested for possession anymore. I imagine WA provides similar outs. Cops wear a lot of hats but I seriously doubt the Feds would go after individual users. It's a possibility that they'll sue the WA/CO to assert the constitutional primacy of federal discretion in drug regulation and invalidate the state-level legalization, and in that event there's a strong possibility that they'll win. But that will take a few years, if it happens.
@Danzig! Oh yeah, I wasn't thinking the feds would be after individual pot smokers--I just meant that it will remain to be seen if/how they'll challenge what has been passed. But the fact that more than one state passed a law like this is good, and I think probably (hopefully???) shows how the tide may be turning when it comes to people's opinions about drug laws (and their appallingly racist application)...
I am trying to turn a large part of our "lawn" (read: lumpy expanse of crabgrass and anthills) into a flower garden over the next year or so, and since I've pretty much finished doing all the work on it I can do before spring, I keep planning for spring. I've never had a "real" (ie, not in containers on a fire escape) garden before and I'm so excited!
@SarahP Speaking of, has anyone here ever grown gaillardia/blanket flower?
@SarahP So great! What's the plan?
I put in one little plant of gaillardia a couple years ago, and it went crazy. This spring I dug it all up and gave it to a neighbor, and then more grew back! It is very durable here in zone 7.
@laurel Oh my goodness, don't get me started. Rows and rows of flowers, all of which are well-planned to attract butterflies.
@lemonadefish Yessss awesome; how wide did it spread? If I want a row of them where there isn't a gap in between any of them, how far apart should they be?
@SarahP So much to look forward to! Take photos when you get to start?
it kind of went until it ran into other things? which wasn't all that far in my little garden but I kept beating it back... if you have patience, maybe 18" apart? It is very tolerant to being divided & moved around though, so if you are not so patient, you could put it closer, and then groom it next year.
@lemonadefish Awesome, thank you!
WHO ELSE IS AS EXCITED ABOUT ELECTION AS I AM!! YAYY!!!
In other news, the men I work with ARE SO ANNOYING as I have posted before... but i've found that being polite to them tempers my annoyance for some reason... like if I ask them "How are you doing?" and try to be polite, it helps...
@somuchsugar I did that with an old co-worker I detested. I think it helped me see her as a human being. She eventually started being borderline nice to me.
@somuchsugar yes. icily polite. somewhere on the pin there is good advice for this.
So my boyfriend has decided that this is his year to be On Top Of Things With Gift Giving, and already has all his Christmas gifts planned out. This has sent me into a panic, because I don't know what I'm getting anyone. Do any of you guys know what you're getting your dads/boyfriends/brothers/friends of any gender? What are good gifts you want? I NEED IDEAS.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Jumping in here because I am perpetually last-minute with gifts. All I know that I am doing as of right now is that one of my husband's gifts will be Freaks & Geeks. He's been wanting it for years, but it's always overpriced no matter where you look for it.
@olivebee (It's on Netflix now!)
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I just gave up and ASK them what they want most.... then I get that and add some other little thing, like a gift certificate... It is hard to get people to tell you though!
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Oh also, I have no idea what I am getting any of my husband's brothers yet, but I do know what I am getting their long-term girlfriends. I am planning on going to one (of the many) art/jewelry/home goods boutiques that are in Chicago where they only sell work by local artists. And then I'll pick out a piece of jewelry or small painting or something (that is under $20 since there are 3 of them!) that reminds me of them. That way, they get a gift that they can't get anywhere else.
@somuchsugar I asked the boyfriend. "I have no idea, my mom's been asking the same thing." HELPFUL. I asked my dad. "Oh, you don't have to get me anything." DAD. COME THE FUCK ON. I just texted my brother to ask him, if he doesn't give me an itemized list then I am going full-on Grinch Who Stole Christmas up in this shiz.
@olivebee That sounds lovely! Girls seem to be easier to buy for than guys, on the whole.
Also, one of my friends is getting married in May and has her registry up already and you can bet your ass I'm shopping for her Christmas present off there.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I haven't gotten my boyfriend a gift since maybeeee his birthday in the spring, I'm not even sure I did that - I'm usually so on top of this stuff too! For reference, since his bday, he has graduated law school, taken the bar exam, will find out that he passed it this week, we've had our anniversary, he has generally been the most wonderful guy ever....
I owe him a big one for Christmas and I have no idea what to get him.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher
I make them all make Amazon lists. It's awesome.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I'm thinking of getting everyone a Leatherman-type tool, suited to their interests. Like a bicycle one for my sister who rides everywhere, a fishing one for my best friend, a regular Swiss Army for mom. I was going to put them on a keychain with a pocket flashlight. Too utilitarian?
@Valley Girl That is FANTASTIC. I would use that all the freaking time.
@Valley Girl where do you procure such an item??
@Valley Girl I love that idea, because I love my Leatherman. They are the most useful things in the whole world.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher - I'm getting my dad a battery-powered heated vest, my SO and I are buying each other the Wii U, and I'm getting my mom a camera. Beyond that, I don't really know.... I want to buy my little brother a motorcycle helmet because his is so old he will absolutely die if his life ever depends on it, but he doesn't ride in the winter so I feel like that would be super unexciting to get as a gift. Plus I would have to convince him to go to the store with me to get his head fitted in a helmet and I don't think he would want to bother... (see: wearing a helmet so crappy he will absolutely die if his life ever depends on it)
Oh, I will probably get my older brother no-wrinkle pants, because he was jealous when I gave those to my little brother last year, but that's not enough of a gift to be all I give him.
@Valley Girl - utilitarian IS the best gift category. Seriously.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Gifts I am considering for my husband include: Borderlands 2, a dresser valet to organize all his pocket crap, a nice wallet, leather gloves, a craft class for us to take together (something like stained glass or woodcarving), one of the smaller Dremel rotary tool sets, some hard-to-find tabletop RPG rulebooks. (Jesus Christ, I hope he doesn't decide to start reading the Hairpin this weekend.)
My dad never wants anything, so instead of buying him an actual gift I'm going to spend money on maintaining my car and tell him that his present is The Knowledge That Your Daughter Is Driving Safely.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher
GREAT IDEA: http://shop.lego.com/en-US/LEGO-Star-Wars-Stormtrooper-Minifigure-Clock-2856080
just don't tell my roommate, shhhh, that's what I'm buying her)
@Elsajeni My dad would love that sort of thing, seriously. Every time I come in the house for a visit: "How's your car?" Every time I leave: "Park under a light!"
@Alli525 At what point does a Minifig become a regular Fig? (That thing is awesome!)
@polka dots vs stripes There's lots of stuff on Amazon! I've just been reading the reviews and looking at the suggested products.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Aw, dads. (Last year he actually requested, as his Christmas gift, that I replace my keyless entry doodad. Because apparently it pained him to think of me using the actual key to unlock my car door, as we did in the Dark Ages.)
@Valley Girl No, especially if it's tailored to their interests. When I was in college I brought my best friend a metric keychain tape measure from London and she loved it & everyone in her labs was jealous.
I think getting someone something they can actually use and that shows you pay attention to who they are and will make them think of you is exactly the perfect present.
Disclaimer: politics talk ahead. I, like everyone with a soul, was all joyful this week about all the women that got elected this year. I watched Rachel Maddow do her monologue about it and nodded along emphatically. Everyone's all, "Hell yeah! Big strides for ladies! Ladies all up in Congress - this is HUGE!" ...Which, yes, yes it is. But then I got extremely bothered by the fact that it is nearly 2013, and having 19% of the people in Congress be women is celebratory. Like, it is a huge deal to all of us that less than one fifth of the government is made up of women, yet over half the US population is. God, how sad is that? We shouldn't have to be celebrating the fact that women went from being a small handful of Congresspeople to a slightly larger handful because it should, in 2013, just be, like, the norm that Congress should be split nearly down the middle by gender. Ok, sorry, political soapbox rant over. My husband is the only one who will talk politics with me in my real life, so I had this all bottled up inside.
But speaking of other things that are fucked up...American Horror Story this season. Wow. Just wow. Nazis!
@olivebee Yeah, any progress is good but I also feel like we should be way beyond that by now.
@olivebee I hear you, especially when you consider what high-quality people the women just elected are--I mean, Elizabeth Warren for empress of the universe, please--and how shitty and dumb the dudes they beat are.
Let's not stop at a goal of 51% representation. Let's only elect women to office, since men can't seem to represent their entire constituency or understand basic human reproductive biology. I mean, it would be nice if men could serve in public office, but I just don't think we can take the risk.
@laurel Amen. They've been in charge for the past forever and look where it's gotten us. Ladies 4eva.
(Also, is this the thread where we can do our Fantasy 2016 Presidential Draft? I'm debating between Clinton/Warren 2016, Warren/Booker 2016, Clinton/Clinton 2016...)
@olivebee I think about and talk about this all the time - there are still huge institutional barriers that prevent women from getting involved in politics on the local and larger levels. I make myself feel better about it by going to Senator Gillibrand's organization's website, Off the Sidelines, and plot my run for president one day.
Or you know, my kid's (when they happen) school board or something.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher O'Malley/Booker? I feel like Hilz will a.) ultimately not want to do it and b.) people will say, "she's too old", which I don't think so, and since you can't say "she shouldn't run cause shes a woman" they will just use the age thing because People Are Jackasses.
@olivebee I was talking to my fiance about this a couple of nights ago - mentioned that I'm tired of being seen as a goddamn demographic niche when women are more than 50% of the population. He... didn't say anything. Which I think meant it was a thought he hadn't had before. It was kinda fun.
@katiemcgillicuddy I haven't heard too much about O'Malley, but we haven't fielded a governor for a while so that'd be fun.
I don't think Hilz will do it, which makes me sad, but she's said multiple times that she doesn't want to run in 16. HILLARY, WE NEEEEED YOU.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I'd love to see her run, but yeah. :( I'm almost positive O'Malley will run in 2016 and I find that very exciting.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I was so disappointed to hear that Hilary wouldn't run. But I'm thrilled beyond belief that Romney decided to leave politics.
@fondue with cheddar Also? I really want to watch this but I think it would be a bad idea to watch at work.
@fondue with cheddar Because you will CRY ALL THE TEARS, PROMISE.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I really want Clinton/Obama 2016. Yes, I mean Michelle. I know it won't happen but man, would that make me happy and be stupidly fucking amazing.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher KNOPE 2016
Need everybody's advice for things you do when you're feeling down on yourself/low-self-esteem-y. It's been a rough/hormonal week and I keep spiralling out of control with the "not-good-enough" feeling, then feeling "crazy" for not being able to calm down and keep my emotions in check. Baths have been helping—what else do you do to gain perspective and work on accepting yourself?
@planforamiracle Do you like to do anything with your hands? Crafts, or cooking, or repairing the little broken things around the house. I frequently talk myself into an anxiety spiral and the best way to get out of it is to focus on something fiddly and physical--that doesn't need to be done perfectly!--until I get some distance from myself.
@planforamiracle I run. It doesn't work for everyone, but it's one of the few times during my day/week where I'm completely by myself, not checking my phone/email, and can think. I don't listen to music while I run- I just get lost in my head- sorta meditate. I solve lots of problems on my runs.
Also. Manicures. Not joking.
@planforamiracle Honestly? Whenever I feel down, I just have a good cry and try and distract myself with film/tv/books and junk food. But mine tend to be linked with PMS so I don't feel like this too often.
Do you have any really close friends or a boyfriend/girlfriend? Sometimes when I'm really down on myself, it helps to tell them what I'm thinking/feeling and they'll usually reassure me that I'm not weird/fat etc. Sometimes its just nice to hear nice things about yourself from someone else. You had some really good advice for me above so you were more than good enough there! :)
If I can't get my insides organized, I like to organize something outside - surely you have a kitchen cabinet or shoe rack or something that could be better off? Sort it out, and put all your tea in little boxes and maybe buy a new shelf or something. Also, I find it quite helpful to say, oh, we are having a horrible hormonal meltdown, aren't we? This will pass in a few days. Let's just eat some chocolate until then.
@wallsdonotfall @Kirs those are great ideas. My usual craft is sewing but I get so hung up on perfection.. maybe I will make muffins. And I tend to forget that daylight savings time = time to start running again! And if anxiety is an excuse to get a manicure, I'll take it.
@khaleesi @lemonadefish I have been doing the 'let myself cry it out' thing but I'm on new birth control (my TMI details are on last week's open thread, haha) so the crying has tended to lead to more crying. And i have a newish boyfriend who I am afraid that I'm scaring away with all my feeeelllllingggs :( so trying to avoid that.
thanks guysss, hairpin hug <3
@planforamiracle Oops, I ran into the spam filter by posting too many links, so you'll have to google for the products' websites. Let's try again, and I apologize if everyone sees this twice--
This is so dumb and retail-therapyish, but if the baths are helping: I take great pleasure, when I'm stressed out, in contemplating all the lovely handmade bath goods at places like Savor, Chagrin Valley, or Arcana. Then, if you buy anything, you get the distraction of waiting for them to arrive and then smelling/using/obsessively organizing them when they arrive.
@planforamiracle If you're a perfectionist, it helps to ask yourself if you'd be this hard on a friend's work. It's probably wonderful already, and you'd compliment them to make them feel good about themselves. It's really just being easier on yourself and focusing on what makes you happy. Running really helps with stress because it leaves you relaxed after, and my personal thing is cleaning and organizing.
Hi Hairpin! I have no idea what's going on around here anymore and that makes me sad. I hope everyone is well!
Work has gotten mad crazy the last couple of months (it's the holidays, so, obviously; I cannot believe Black Friday is in two weeks, help me), compounded by the fact my signing lead is out for at least two months recovering from surgery. So I get to do my job and hers without any extra benefits or even extra hours. I might be slightly on edge. /quivers
Other than that, everyone's well, everything is fine, and I have been sapping all my free time playing video games -- I beat Miracle Mask last weekend (YOU GUYS, THAT GAME, easily my second favorite Layton game now) and am eagerly awaiting Paper Mario: Sticker Star's release on Sunday, which I preordered ages ago. Anyone else?
@camanda I preordered Miracle Mask and it kept getting delayed (I think maybe Amazon held off on shipping it due to the hurricane) but it's finally here today! I'm really looking forward to playing it this weekend, I feel like I've been waiting forever.
@warmsungilted It's really good! The only thing I didn't like was the 3D art style, and that was just at first. I got used to it and it grew on me as the game went on. Other than that, zero complaints. I really enjoyed it.
Well, this week I broke, because my body is apparently crap & held together with string, & would like the advice of sensible internet people on whether my reaction to it is too English for my own good?
Basicly I had a pulmonary embolism (technically two) and spent two days in hospital (most of it was incredibly boring & I'm still worried/sympathetic for the other people in my ward. Although the ct scan was fun!). Now that I'm back in real life, I don't really know how/whether to tell people about it? Obviously I told my housemates & uni tutors/admin, because they need to know where I was & that I'm on medication & need to keep going to appointments, but with friends I feel the urge to downplay it, like it's too attention-seeking, it's embarrassing to have to say such a dramatic phrase when I'm walking around just fine most of the time. On the other hand, I could have died & the medication is some serious shit (warfarin interacts with everything one can possibly take or do, and I've been having to take morphine for the pain as nothing else touches it, which messes you right up) & it was 36 hours involuntary admission. But it seems so melodramatic and over the top to take that stance! So I've essentially been telling people that the biggest medical emergency in my "what the hell, body?!" life was no big deal. Is this dumb?
PSA: do not ignore things like chest pain & shortness of breath (that includes getting out of breath quicker than you ought to)! It does not only happen to older people! I'm 22 & thought it would go away by itself! Especially if you're on birth control (farewell, nuvaring, I loved you so :'( ).
Also, it turns out that my response to most life-changing decisions/events is "how would this affect my chances in the event of an Apocalypse?" It's a particularly good motivator for exercise.
@Apocalypstick Oh honey. I have been there. Literally--I had a clot in each lung when I was 26. TELL PEOPLE. You're going to feel emotionally shaky for months, because even though you'll be fine you'll probably have some post-traumatic "What if?" moments that will SUCK. Get some people who will give you big hugs and feed you when you're having aftershocks.
And warfarin suuuuucks. My coping strategy was complaining loudly about it for the entire year I was on it.
Feel free to ask me any questions you might have!
@Apocalypstick ACK. I'm glad you're okay! I'm glad you didn't die! I hope you are feeling better soon! I have no helpful things to say here, but I'm glad you're still with us, and I'll take your PSA to heart.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Definitely tell people! In one year I knew 3 ladies who had embolisms because of their birth control, and one of them died. My best lady nearly died because after she was stabilized they gave her morphine, to which she is apparently allergic! That was three years ago, and I just got home from an evening watching bootlegged Downton Abbey and playing with her lovely 11 month old.
Tell people. It is serious. Be a PSA for fucks sake.
@Apocalypstick so sorry to hear that. It was me when I was 24. Totally freaked out, left my marriage, developed an anxiety disorder and a panic disorder that persists years later. My advice is be super, super nice to yourself, do tell people you trust or professionals about how you feel, be nice to yourself (again), make sure the people around you understand what you are thinking and feeling. It is hugely stressful, it is serious, it is scary, and what you feel is normal. Huge big big hugs, my heart goes out to you. Mine happened after orthopaedic surgery, but it turns out I also have a factor 5 deficiency (but not the more serious version of it). Anyway, ask for understanding and look after yourself xoxoxo times infinity.
@Daisy Razor Thank you all so much, I'm all overwhelmed by sympathy! Yeah, acknowledging that it's a big deal & warning people is the sensible way to go. Feeling a little less weird each day.
@Apocalypstick I had a similar experience early in the summer - a DVT that went untreated for weeks until I finally got a doctor to listen to me. I told friends about it, and acquaintances when it was relevant. The more I talked about it, the more I met other people who had had blood clots or known people who did, which made me less freaked out by the whole thing. Warfarin sucks (I just went off of it this week though!) and it's inconvenient and invasive to have to get blood tests every week, but eventually I found a dosage that worked and felt like I'd adjusted my lifestyle/diet to where I didn't worry so much. In short: it is totally normal to be freaked out and anxious, and telling people about it may really help.
I haven't posted in soooo long. I am a bad pinner.
ADVICE WANTED: I received a fucking out of the blue email from my idiot ex husband. He tells me, after an awkward prelude " I hope things go well for you. You've got an awful lot going for you, and I think you'll have no trouble finding someone who's a great match for you."
WHAT THE FUCK? What even prompted that shit? I haven't responded. I don't think I will. I think if I respond with "Actually I'm fabulous and I've met a lovely guy" it will just validate his actions. And if I respond bitchily, which I am want to do, it would also validate his actions. I think the best response is no response at all. What say you pinners?
Other stuff I would like to share: I'm running my second 5K tomorrow! I will be slow. But that's okay.
Aannddd... Current gentleman caller and I have now been together for over 3 months. Longest relationship since the dissolution of my marriage. I like him a lot. It actually might be more than like, but that's too scary to think about. I am meeting his parents in December, though- and we are going to a wedding together. BIG STEPS.
@Kirs I don't know your situation so I don't know if you should reply or not, but if you feel you should I think you should just reply, "Thank you."
@fondue with cheddar He cheated on me with at least three of my "friends" breaking up multiple marriages. The whole tone of the email was odd. Almost condescending. And I thought I had made it abundantly clear that I never wanted to hear from him again.
@Kirs DO NOT RESPOND DO NOT ENGAGE. Delete, ignore, move on with your bad self. You are awesome and you run and have an excellent-sounding gentleman caller! Good things are happening. Ignore the ex.
@Kirs I've had an ex do something similar (not on the same level, in any way, but related) and I just deleted it. There is no way you can respond that isn't going to either feed his condescension OR make him angry that you didn't respond the way he wanted, so he's going to continue to engage you until he gets what he wants.
Good luck on your 5k!! I need to start running again :/
Definitely do not respond. It sounds like your ex has some ISSUES. And problems with boundaries. No sane person would re-engage with you after such a hideous breakup. What could he possibly want? Except to suck you into some kind of dysfunction.
Ignore, ignore, ignore, but definitely make sure that you post amazing pics of yourself on facebook so that his FB stalking only mystifies him ("Why isn't Kirs crying bloody tears over my absence???") and makes him realize what he's lost..
@Kirs Have to echo The Everpresent Wordsnatcher. Can't see why he would send you a message like that if there wasn't some kind of ulterior motive. Also you not responding might drive him crazy and I'm evil enough to want that so yeah, don't respond.
@Kirs Oh, shit. I wholeheartedly echo the IGNORE THE FUCK OUT OF HIM consensus.
@Kirs He's just trolling you for attention. Ignore, block, etc.
@Kirs Another vote for don't respond! There is no way to respond and not get feeling issues or whatever he is looking for. Also, I swear exes have a 6th sense about when you are finally happy and moved on and doing good things. Good Luck on the run!
@Kirs My friend's ex is doing this shit to him and it is decidedly because she wants attention and she suspected he had stopped thinking about her for more than three minutes of the day. I am backing up the do-not-engage, reinforcing the part where He is a Drama-Seeking Douchebag and you are clearly well rid of that little game.
I am sorry he is making you feel all the feelings, though. I know it's easy to say 'just ignore him' when you're really mad he is even making you think about him at all. We are all shaking our fists at him.
@Kirs I would like to point out that Romney's concession speech had exactly the same tone.
When a creepy man has lost power over someone's life, sometimes he'll say something like "Well... I wish you the best. I know you have a lot going for you, and I really hope it works out," or something. It's a very subtle way of painting himself as a "good guy", but without any of the actual caring or good relationship give-and-take that occurs in, oh, an actual relationship.
The better part of valor is doing what's best for the person you were with (with a caveat for your own mental health first), which means backing the fuck away, with civility and composure.
This approach (is it called "concern trolling"?) can be a very subtle way of working on someone's self-esteem - first, by expressing faith in them (I always knew you were wonderful), then by being "concerned" (...I just hope things work out for you... differently than last time), etc.
@Queen of Pickles That is such an awesome analysis of the situation.
@Queen of Pickles That is uncanny, how accurate that is. I JUST 2 days ago ended a friendship with a toxic person. Her last message wished me "a wonderful life" in the same way I imagine people use the phrase, "Bless her heart". (ie: between gritted teeth). It's entirely a way for them to end the conversation feeling like the bigger person without actually *being* the bigger person in any way.
@Queen of Pickles Oh my god. You nailed it. He's totally being a concern troll.
@Linette That's exactly it- I don't care about him. At all. But I'm super annoyed he's gotten into my brain with this bullshit email. I'm just deleting it and pretending it never happened.
I recently started watching Battlestar Galactica and now I'm wondering why I bother doing anything else.
@BosomBuddy This includes work. Especially work. But also socializing.
This concern has been addressed!
@BosomBuddy That show! I wish I could erase it from my memory so I could watch it again the first time.
@BosomBuddy I am envious! I wish I could watch BSG again, all fresh and new.
@BosomBuddy I am rewatching it with a friend who is seeing it for the first time and it is so much fun experiencing it all over again! Enjoy!
@BosomBuddy So say we all.
@Kirs I wish I could watch BSG again and then manage to convince my husband to stop watching after the S2 hiatus, like I wanted. Such bliss!
@oh! valencia Yes, this. 1000 times this.
@sophia_h That is exactly when I stopped watching! Thank you for the validation!
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll Yeah, they've got me (us?) pegged. Thanks for catching me up on the times.
@BosomBuddy yes, yes, and more yes. i have seen only the last season (i know, devotees, i've heard it). i just made plans with my roommate's girlfriend to waste ridiculous amounts of time watching it from the beginning in january.
@BosomBuddy I'm almost caught up with Breaking Bad, which has been consuming my life for the past month. BSG is next. So excited :)
I need some support for my crippling emotional issues/ lack of proper social skills. Basically I can't talk to people, and whenever I try I start panicking and freak out that I'm going to annoy them because if they wanted to talk to me they would have initiated talking? And because of this I have one best friend who over school break I spent every waking second with, but now he's way too busy with school and whenever he does have free time he'd rather spend it alone (which is understandable) or with his other friends (understandable but really fucking hurts). Now that I'm not really hanging out with him most of the time I spend pretty much all of my time not at school alone, and I'm really sick of it but I don't know what to do because I can't talk to other people without freaking out/ obsessing over whether I'm annoying them. I've even started talking to myself because of how lonely I am and it's stupid and pathetic and I don't know what to do.
@HitchedUpKids Friend! That sounds stressful and anxiety-inducing and I want to give you a hug. I promise that you are not stupid or pathetic. Have you thought about giving a shout to a therapist?
@HitchedUpKids It sounds like you're in a kind of anxiety loop that's really hard to get out of on your own. A therapist can be really helpful with this kind of thing.
I'd say you might need a bit of CBT and, realistically, some drugs to turn your anxiety dial down to zero. (Just temporarily. But honestly, once you're in a spiral of anxiety, CBT/drugs really help you stop.)
@HitchedUpKids Get thee to a therapist. And maybe they will hook you up with a psychiatrist. Not that drugs are always the answer, but sometimes they are and they can help. A lot. I've got major anxiety disorders and would not be able to function without the help of modern pharmaceuticals.
@HitchedUpKids Welp, your post seems to indicate that you are very deeply stuck in your own head-space on this one. If it's as crippling as you say, it very well could be a "needs a professional"-type thing.
That said, those can be expensive and not everybody has access to that, so here are some other ideas just in case:
-Understand that other people have their own lives, ideas, and motivations for doing what they do, and if they do or don't interact with you, it very frequently won't have anything to do with you, for better or for worse. So don't worry about whether someone initiated the talking or if you did.
-It is hard to make friends. It really is. Don't mistake your difficulty in making friends for some inborn unworthiness of having friends.
-Anxiety is largely about placing too much stock in worst-case scenarios and catastrophic thinking. When you feel those feelings coming on, see if you can't counteract them with other, more likely and more rational scenarios. For example, if someone yawns when you're talking to them, is it because they're bored or because they're just sleepy? Very much more likely the latter.
-People like it when other people do the talking for a little while. It's not annoying. If you're concerned about whether or not you're engaging in a "normal" conversational ebb and flow, stop every once in a while and ask what they think about the topic. Provide direct prompts for them to get engaged in the conversation as well. And then listen for as long as they're talking. Pretty soon you might notice a rhythm to the conversation, and if you can get into that, you'll hopefully worry a lot less about what the other person is thinking.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher @laurel
I've been trying to get myself into therapy but stuff keeps coming up and I've had some not super awesome experiences with therapists so I was really hesitant with the first care team I saw. I'm hoping I can make an appointment with a psychiatrist my friend recommended but I'm not sure if the practice actually accepts adolescents or not. I'm 19 so it's that weird halfway where I'd prefer someone who specializes in working with adolescents but some practices that specialize in that area won't accept me as a new patient anymore.
@HitchedUpKids Are you in school? You should see what resources are available as a student- often there is free counseling and they can refer you to get meds if needed.
@HitchedUpKids Please don't let your previous less than awesome experiences with therapists prevent you from getting some help! I hope you live in a place that has a decent selection of therapists/psychiatrists/etc around, and that you can find one who's great for you very soon.
It might help to think that if people do get annoyed when you talk to them, it's their problem? They can walk away if you are annoying. (You probably aren't annoying.)
@Kirs I'm at a community college, and they have counseling, but it's pretty limited (6 appointments) because ,you know, 30,000 students.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher
I live in the Seattle area, so it's not so much that there aren't therapists it's that I have issues getting myself out to see one and I honestly have no clue how to even go about trying to find a therapist, and I don't want a really long string of therapy appointments that lead nowhere because I wasn't getting help from them.
@HitchedUpKids Everyone is talking about therapists and I agree with that, as someone who suffers from ridiculous anxiety myself.
But take a look at this: "I start panicking and freak out that I'm going to annoy them because if they wanted to talk to me they would have initiated talking?" Someone has to initiate the talking, you know? And if you need something to talk about, take quick stock of what's being worn or what music is playing and go from there.
Anxiety really is a bitch. It affects so much in life. I've become a better friend, worker, daughter, sister, girlfriend, driver, eater, drinker, dog owner, renter and client since I've gotten it wrangled.
A lot of the freaking out about annoying people thing is that in Elementary school and Junior High my "friends" by a note and by completely ignoring me (in that they would walk away if I came up to them, would ignore me trying to talk to them, other stupid things like that) said they didn't want to be friends with me anymore. Then, to kind of top it off this past summer I had someone I thought was a really good friend of mine say that he couldn't deal with me and that I was selfish and needy and asked too much of people while never helping them in return, which isn't true.
Aw, that sucks. There are crappy people in the world! Kids especially can be terrible. They were terrible! You were not terrible. And your last summer friend had some shit going on that he couldn't deal with, and took it out on you, which sucks, but is not a reflection on you. Maybe you are kind of weird, and you have to look a little harder for your people, but you can find them. (I myself am quite strange, and many people don't like me much, but many others do!)
@HitchedUpKids 6 sessions might be enough to teach you some tricks to help derail the anxiety. Also, they may be able to refer you to someone else outside the school.
@HitchedUpKids This advice might be more useful to near-future-you than present-you, but the way I got myself to socialize at your age was to convince myself that I wasn't actually socializing by always doing something else. So I'd bring food to gatherings and keep myself busy cooking and cleaning and getting people stuff and never move into the terrifying territory of just having a conversation. Of course, people would still talk to me, but I could convince myself that the talking was secondary to the cooking I was doing (i.e. no one will notice the terrible gaffes I am no doubt making because they will be distracted by cake), and that any social damage I did was more than outweighed by the value I added in cookies and washed dishes. Then later I was able to transition into more active socializing.
Of course, this requires you to first go to a gathering so that may be a few steps down the road, so n-thing the therapy suggestion.
@Cawendaw Oh who'm I kidding, "your age." This is still totally my default socializing mode 10 years later, unless someone drags me out of the kitchen.
@HitchedUpKids Echoing everyone here who says that therapists are very trial-and-error and that kids (well, PEOPLE, let's be honest) can be really cruel and damaging when mishandling their own feelings with someone else. You are here at the 'Pin, so you're pretty much guaranteed to be rad. I saw a series of counsellors that I HATED but just this week found one that I expected to hate but didn't! And I hear you hard on the anxiety of dealing with other people. One thing my counsellor suggested in this arena was Mindfulness meditation techniques, where you pause when you feel yourself anxiety spiralling and step back to look at the situation more holistically. Might be something to try while you find a counsellor that works for you.
Other things in the meantime, since waiting to find that magic counsellor can be agony, I know. Are you able to get a pet? My roommate's cat pretty much saved my life when I was in the worst of my loneliness and depression. I felt slightly less crazy talking to her, and it was good for me to have someone, even a non-human critter, to have an attachment to.
Are there clubs, societies, or study groups at your college or in your community that you can join? It can be a lot less intimidating to talk to new people when there are fewer of them and you have a concrete activity in common.
Participate here! Seriously, practicing talking with people in a lower-pressure, lower stakes environment can only help.
People who are really interestED tend to be really interestING I find. Do you read the news rabidly, or novels, or fashion blogs, or creative writing magazines? Do you play sports or paint or volunteer somewhere cool or watch a lot of nature documentaries? Passion is a super magnetic quality.
Take up knitting and do it in public. Seriously, the people in my grad program who did this had people talk to them ALL THE TIME. People love to talk about crafty shit.
Good luck to you! Let us know how it goes?
@HitchedUpKids Seconding the CBT plus possibly drug therapy. As a Person With Issues who moves a lot, I've used psychologytoday.com to find good therapists. They have a search with profiles, specialties, what insurance they take/how much they charge, etc. Highly recommended. A therapist will also help you figure out if meds would help and point you in the direction of a psychiatrist.
@HitchedUpKids hello. If you feel like your anxiety is too much, and is hurting you or holding you back, might be worth talking to a doctor so they can see if you need some help from the wonderful world of meds. I know they are not for everyone, but from my own panic & anxiety disorder experience, for me they were a godsend. Definitely talk to people you trust, too, but have faith in yourself and your own perceptions - if you feel like the freaking out is too much, don't feel like you need permission or validation from anyone other than your self to ask for help. You deserve to be as happy as you can be. Hugs.
@Blushingflwr @HitchedUpKids -- start the referral pathway at your school's center. they'll get you the drugs you (might) need/that might help, and they can get you in to see someone in the community if you need more than 6 sessions. they can teach you tricks until then, hook you up with a support group of other folks looking to build the skills you're building, and they can even tell you whether an adolescent or adult psychiatrist/other therapist would be the best. good luck to you--anxiety sucks. hug.
@Cawendaw Man, every time you post, I love you a little bit harder.
That's such a good description of how I used to function at parties. Bring food! Help the host/hostess! Do dishes! Clean up! In the midst of all that, I'd find myself laughing and talking, and eventually I was able to bypass the feeling that all that other stuff was the Only Way to Attend A Party. Are you a Virgo? I am a Virgo, and I wonder if I acted that way because Virgos always have to be such helpful, self-effacing little souls.
@wee_ramekin NOOO ASTROLOGY IS FAKE STOP ADDING EVIDENCE yes I am totally a Virgo. Happy relatively recent birthday, sign-buddy! I don't suppose you're a year of the boar, too? And I don't actually know my blood type, just to pre-empt that question.
@Cawendaw Heee! The stars never lie (okay i know astrology is fake buuuuuuuut i like it)!!!
Nope, year of the rat. Which is just sad because WHO wants to be a RAT? I am a Wood Rat, which idek what that means.
@HitchedUpKids oh girl, i feel you. i also experienced social anxiety out of nowhere during my freshman and sophomore year of college that still rears its head a bit. seeing a therapist helped. also, the terrible loop of isolating yourself just makes it that much harder to initiate conversations, relate to people, at least for me, because spending the whole day alone just meant reinforced my paranoia about people disliking me, etc. also i found running to be very therapeutic - for me, just channeling the anxiety into running, and then feeling physically exhausted and a little better. also it helps you sleep better! and brains like sleep. also i just graduated college a few months ago and honestly, it is a traumatic, strange period even in the best of cases. hold on to the people who are worth it, and whoever doesn't want to be your friend? fuck 'em, their loss. /sorry for rambling
Hey, once again:
Hairpin Portland Book Club! Every last Sunday of the month, 4Pm, Liberty Glass. We're reading Stephen King's 11/22/63. The first half (through chapter 17) will be discussed in November. The second half in December.
Whoever you are, you should join us!
@Reginal T. Squirge I moved to Portland recently, think I'll try to read the book and join you guys this month!
Yes, please do! Everybody in this book club is really cool and we actually discuss the book instead of only socializing.
@Reginal T. Squirge I am not in Portland, but I just bought this book this week thinking it would be decent, but OH MY GOD IT IS SO GOOD AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY! I can't even explain why I can't put it down. Stephen King, you evil genius! God, I hope he sticks the landing for once.
I know, right!? Tom Scharpling said it was the dumbest book he ever read and he still loved every page of it.
You should organize a Hairpin Book Club in your neighborhood!
I was all set to go for a run today (afternoon off+pretty weather+haven't gotten to run all week because I work all the time and it's dark SO EARLY) but then I fell off the curb scraping the ice off my car this morning and fucked up my ankle.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Dude, srsly, WHY THE ICE. I hate scraping my windshield. Your poor ankle; hopefully this injury appeases the Winter Gods of Slipping Injuries for the season.
I am all the fuck over the place this week. I haven't really slept since the hurricane, actually. And I have this odd guilt about things that I should not be guilty about, but at the same time I might be sort of manic?
I'm hoping sleeping super late tomorrow will help. But I know that what I really need is a therapist who will help me get the cyclothymia that I have actually been diagnosed with under control again.
But I don't want to lose the mania...
@thatgirl Yes, I recommend finding someone ASAP.
I know it's tough to want to hold on to the manic side of things, because you are so like "do all the things!", but when you change your perspective I find that I realize that "all the things" I had been "getting done" were not things things I really needed to be getting done (like homework, errands, eating/sleeping regularly, getting out of the house, etc). Plus, the more the severity of the mania, the more likely the swing side of the depression is going to be even worse.
I haven't seen my psych since June, so I'm really glad I'm finally seeing him again this Monday. I was mostly stable this summer, but I still tend to be leaning towards the depressive/apathetic side of thinking, so I'm hoping to get at that with something new.
Speaking of book clubs, does anyone belong to an awesome one in NYC? I joined one in my neighborhood, but it was less about discussing books and more about drinking wine and calling each other girlfriend.
@Lisa Frank Would love to know if you find one!
@Lisa Frank The NYC Hairpinners group on FB has a book club, but I haven't joined, so I'm not sure whether it skews more towards wine or literary analysis.
@Lisa Frank @Ophelia Seriously join our NYC Hairpinners book club. It's just run through the NYC Hairpinners FB group. It's been a little slow the last month or so, but I think that's because we all tried to take on 2666 and failed. (https://www.facebook.com/groups/nychairpinners/)
@Ophelia last time it was a solid hour or two of serious book talk! And then drinking/general blather (which I mean in the positive sense).
@runner in the garden @terrific Yea! I will definitely check it out. What book are you ladies reading next?
@Lisa Frank Because of the 2666 thing we haven't chosen a book yet but are planning a general pinup on the 17th (likely in the early afternoon, like 4 or 5pm at HiFi and sometime during that we'll choose a new book that is smaller than 2666 (the issue with 2666 wasn't that it was a bad book it was just a huge undertaking so it was hard to get a large group of people to have time to read and finish it for a set date). Keep an eye on the facebook group for updates : )
I made the second recipe from this for my family this evening, and it was delicious! (The writer of the blog was at the same college as me - have a look, she does great food!) I have cooked it lots over the last few months, because it is amazing.
Sadly, during the meal my parents were getting cross with my brother, because he nearly missed the train on the way to his work experience placement this morning, and his room is a tip; if he doesn't get up at 8am tomorrow and tidy it, they'll charge him rent. And I can understand all of it, but it's so stressful (and my brother reacts like me to these things, which is to cry, which doesn't improve matters), and makes living at home really hard.
Applications for library graduate trainee jobs for next year have started opening, and I sent in my first application yesterday! Scary, but it feels productive.
@Verity My parents and my brother have these kinds of arguments ALL THE TIME and it drives me insane. Except his reaction is also what mine would be, which is to shout back, and so the whole thing escalates into a screaming match with much slamming of doors. It makes it hard to know what side to be on, because everyone just ends up getting angry with everyone else.
@Flora Poste Oh, families. :(
Can anyone recommend a good sewing machine? I'd like to keep it under $300. I will be using it mainly for small, simple crafts like stuffed animals, and super simple blankets and quilts. Ideally, it would be able to handle hemming jeans.
Should I shop around for the best deal online, or find it at my local Joann's for servicing?
@barefoot cuntessa If you go the Joann's route, get on their email list before you buy! They send out coupons constantly and they're good ones.
@barefoot cuntessa My mom picked out a Brother CS-6000i for me last year. I am a novice at sewing and I have really enjoyed it. It came with a fancy hem thing and instructions but I have yet to try it out.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher WHAT! I just saw a 60% off coupon valid til the 12th! Hells yes!
@barefoot cuntessa Aw man, its for fabric only.
@barefoot cuntessa I bought a Kenmore from Sears this spring for less than $300 and I love it! but it might not be able to handle jeans. It says yes, but I'm skeptical.
@barefoot cuntessa Stick it out! They send awesome coupons out approximately constantly. I don't think I've ever paid full price for an entire purchase there.
I too have a Kenmore, which has handled up nicely on all sorts of things. Plus, it has a stitch that looks like a row of penguins!
@barefoot cuntessa Does anyone have opinions on Singers? I saw a few at Target a few days ago selling for $100-$160.
@rosaline From what I've heard, modern Singers are POS. I sew on my grandma's 1949 Singer and I love it, but they apparently have not kept up their quality, which is a huge bummer.
@barefoot cuntessa Joann's does send out great coupons all the time! HOWEVER, their coupons do not apply to sewing machines. (There might be, like, one or two a year that do, I'm not sure.) The sewing machines do go on sale, though, so getting on the email list will at least let you know when that's happening.
@rosaline I've heard that about modern Singers, but have also seen some really good reviews on some of the newest models. They seem to be trying to get their name back? Basically with all of the new Singers and Brothers, there seem to be tension problems. At least on the Amazon reviews. I wonder if I should get a more basic Janome or even a vintage Bernina instead of a new Singer or Brother?
I always do a ton of research and then get to this place where I can't decide and NEVER get whatever it is that I wanted. But, you guys, I know so much about stuff now. People think I'm real smart.
@barefoot cuntessa Muy first machine was a midrange Brother, it's fine but I wouldn't buy it again because it just doesn't have enough power and it started to make an unpleasant sound after having it about 3 years. My current machine is a 70s singer (Fashion Mate 257) in a table and it is awesome and heavy and does what it's supposed to do - someone gave me mine for free (!) but if you can get a deal on a straightforward heavy duty vintage machine, having it serviced might do everything you need. I love it but now am craving a machine that does more things with a similar quality of craftsmanship. Someone recommended the intro Janomes as a better-quality lower-cost machine.
@planforamiracle I hem all my jeans on my kenmore, it can handle everything.
NO SINGERS. Avoid anything digital that is less than $500. I vote Kenmore just because the service is easy.
@christonacracker Also too, aren't Kenmore machines basically Janome parts with a Kenmore shell on them? This is what I have been told.
@dale Oooh! Good to know! I was just looking at Janomes at overstock. There's a computerized one that retails for $500 listed at $300. I'm tempted.
@rosaline NOOOOOO Don't buy a singer. Singers from the 1970s on up are really crappy and they just get worse the newer they are. If you can find a singer from the early 40s-late 60s you'll have a really nice machine that is comparable to some of the $1000 machines today (just without the computerized stuff or crazy stitches, although there are stich attachments for the vintage one's that are pretty fun). I have a Singer from 1946 (is a 201 like this and it's a fantastic machine, I used it for all of my homework when I was a fashion major in college and now I use it for fun clothes projects or sewing curtains and things like that. If you do get a vintage singer the 201, 221, 15-91, 66 or 99. There are other good ones but these are the best of the bunch and have bobbins and needles that are sizes that can be easily found in a modern sewing store.
@Sea Ermine I think you and I have almost the same Singer, I love mine!! I'm still expanding my attachment collection, but so far there really hasn't been anything I can't do (although I'm definitely a beginner).
OP: I've seen some vintage Singers that look like they're in mostly good condition on ebay for like $200 or less, which is a steal. Check out there too!
@polka dots vs stripes I wouldn't pay $200 unless it was completely refurbished and had all the wires replaced. And even then it's pushing it unless it's a 221 Featherweight, not because those are worth more but because they are more in demand so it's hard to find one at an appropriate price. Otherwise try to stay around $40 and then either take it to a shop to get the wiring redone or if you have a soldering iron and know what you're doing you can open the whole thing up, completely rewire it, and fix it at home. Wiring is pretty cheap at home depot, look near the lamp wiring section. You should also replace the electrical plug with a new one and the cord to the foot pedal (if you open the foot pedal at the base you can take the whole thing apart. Also if it's a little grimy or dusty this is absolutely what you want to polish it up with. Sorry if I'm posting too much on this, I got into repairing vintage sewing machines for a hobby in college when I got tired of hauling all my stuff to the sewing lab every night and wanted my own machine.
@Sea Ermine POST MORE! My sister said that there is an old singer in our parents' attic somewhere! I think she'll take that one and I can give her all this great info. I think I'm going to go with the new Janome. My parents live 6 hours away and I won't see them until Thanksgiving. I need the sewing machine to make some oilcloth bibs and a couple stuffed animals for my sister's baby shower that weekend.
@barefoot cuntessa AHHH I'm making bibs for my cousin's soon-to-exist baby, why didn't I think of oilcloth??!?!?
@Sea Ermine Yes please thank you! I finally googled my machine to see what I had (a 221) and stumbled across info about oiling it and maintaining it that I hadn't been doing so....thank you! Public Service Award of the FOT goes to you!
I found out this week that my ex-boyfriend has a new girlfriend. I thought I was over this guy but this news has left me feeling like I've been punched in the guts, so turns out I'm not!
@Chrestomanci There is definitely "over the ex" and then there is "SERIOUSLY OVER THE EX." I feel you.
@Chrestomanci But maybe you are? I think even "solidly over it" can have a side dish of "ouch" if the ex makes a major life change, because of all the emotional memory attached to that person? I know I'm that way because I have really strong emotional memory (actual memory not so much, but I RECALL ALL THE FEELS). So maybe?
@par_parenthese I agree. I have been SERIOUSLY OVER someone and still got pangs of jealousy when they're with someone new. Just process it. It's a normal feeling, and you just have to remind yourself that you are not with that person for x reason. Go out with some friends and forget about it.
@par_parenthese Yeah, logically I know he is TERRIBLE for me, and I don't envy this new girlfriend the crap he is likely to put her through. I think it just hurts that he's moved on, especially as I know I'm not ready for another relationship yet. I just can't comprehend how he's still not reeling from the intensity of the feelings we had for each other (strong emotional memory here too).
@Chrestomanci I accidentally befriended my ex-BF's new GF at a Halloween party (Damn you, costumes!) and it definitely brought up a lot of the feelings that I thought I was over. That punched in the gut feeling sucks, and I'm sorry!
@Chrestomanci Yep. My ex (of 3-4 years, yikes) is pretty quiet on facebook but last year when he posted about going to Italy with his new girlfriend (that I didn't know he had)I still felt that sickening, twisty, wind-knocked-out-of-you feeling and obsessed about it for a solid week. BUT then I eventually got sick of that, forced myself to remember the bad things about our relationship, and now his girlfriend is just a fact I uneasily accept. But I still know that IF THEY GET ENGAGED SO HELP ME I AM STILL GONNA CRY IN THE BATH AND HIRE A MALE ESCORT AND CRY TO HIM AND EAT SPAGHETTI GODDAMNIT
@Chrestomanci ARE YOU ME??? i'm having a really hard time with it, partially because his new girlfriend is the girl he was sleeping with for the entirety of the long-distance period of our relationship (10 months, and in his defense we WERE in an open relationship, buuuuuuuut I didn't really want to be, way to set boundaries, self!). also because I found out via facebook. at 12:30 in the morning. and then cried hysterically in the fetal position in my bed and didn't go to sleep till 3. GREAT TIMES.
@realtalk Hello self! We were also in an open relationship that I wasn't really enthusiastic about, reasoning that getting to share him was better than not having him in my life at all. I HOPE what I've learned from this is to be better at boundaries.
@Chrestomanci yeah, same same. better at boundaries and less lying to myself about my happiness level. About halfway through the long-distance thing, I found myself uttering the words, "Well, I guess we can continue being open, because I'm better at being sad than you are." Like, was I even LISTENING to myself? sigh.
@LordHennyson That is a sucky situation, but also, that sounds like a great use of a male escort.
I haven't plucked my eyebrows since October 31. NOVEMBROW
@Anna Jayne@twitter I love that idea!
@Anna Jayne@twitter Me neither, since I'm trying to let them grow out for five weeks before my second threading appointment! (My start date was 10/25, though.) It's both immensely frustrating and strangely thrilling.
I'm a little afraid that I'll just continue to get more and more lonely- and bizarre-looking stray hairs, though, instead of having them ever come together into a luscious furry superbrow.
@wallsdonotfall Luscious furry superbrow needs to be a band name. Maybe opening for the Valium Tarts.
@Anna Jayne@twitter For some reason that's the one thing I can't No-shave November it. Maybe it's my Dad's genes sneaking through, because I just randomly get some black hairs sneaking into my blonde brows.
I actually went all summer not shaving my legs (because lazy, and fuck you Beauty Myth!) and also inadvertently did no-shave October in addition to November. I know it's uber!hippie of me to say, but it's really weird and freeing to be not only comfortable with, but actually appreciative of your body hair, and not give a flying fuck what anyone else thinks about it.
@Anna Jayne@twitter I am so on this.
@Anna Jayne@twitter As much as I would love to participate in NOVEMBROW, I have a super-important client meeting a week from tomorrow and can't afford to look like Chewbacca. *sad wookiee whine*
Hey guys - a while ago people were talking about a Diaper Pin google group? Did that ever happen? Inquiring minds want to know!
@Ophelia Diaper Pin? I am intrigued!!!
I have nowhere else to confess this, because I am not yet at the point of haunting TTC boards and none of my RL friends are anywhere near the babymaking stage so -- having been pregnant twice in the last few months, I know that the first symptom I get is super-sensitive breasts. This means round about the middle of the month I start obsessively prodding them to see if they ache yet. This makes me feel like a crazy person, and is also sad because it means I'm disappointed if I do *not* cause myself pain.
This has been a confession. Thank you.
Take it easy on your boobs (and yourself!), girl. Hopefully you will have a wee one soon and then the baby will be punching them instead of you?
That sounded like a weird thing to say. But I hope you know it was meant with love!
@sophia_h Seconded. Be nice to your boobs. Also, stay far away from the TTC boards, they are...frightening.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Haha, thank you, I know what you mean. Ugh, I wanted so much to avoid being the person who gets bitter and weird about other people having babies and being pregnant, but it turns out that you cannot pre-rationalize yourself out of that! So many life lessons being learned. (#1 leave poor boobs alone.)
@Ophelia I heard there was like, one good one, but I don't think that environment would help anxiety-prone me to calm the fuck down about the whole deal. The first time I got pregnant I had practically forgotten I was trying, which seems like the way to go.
@sophia_h Yup. What worked for me was doing everything wrong for a month and the going on vacation and drinking and eating lots of sushi, so I'm probably not the best role model '-)
@sophia_h It must be hard not to think about it the entire time, but maybe you could be less anxious about the whole what not to eat/drink thing, it must be bad enough to stress about the what if and boob-oracle. Good luck - and being bitter and weird does not make you a bad person but you know that I hope.
@Marquise de Morville Hah, boob-oracle! An excellent description. And yeah, I try to chill about everything else, I just get annoyed when my husband doesn't seem to remember that we have to actually have sex pretty darn often for this to work. (Well, annoyed for that and other reasons.)
How do people handle sleeping over at a boyfriend/girlfriend's place regularly?!
In all my previous long term relationships my boyfriends have mostly come over to my place, partly because they all live in standard yucky bachelor-pad type places and my house is always nice, and partly because I guess I'm a bit selfish about space. But now boyfriend has a kitten so he has to be home every night, and that means if I want to see him I have to go there. It's driving me crazy! My house is full of nice comfortable things sitting lonely and unloved, while he still uses a sleeping bag as a duvet! And I feel like I need to schlep a huge bag of clothes and hair products and make up and whatnot back and forth in grocery bags every day and it's driving me crazy.
Am I doing this wrong? Are there tricks to this? Please tell me there's tricks!
@MilesofMountains Bring the kitten to your place?
@MilesofMountains Definitely buy some travel-sized toiletries, put them in a little bag, and leave them at his place. Are you allowed to have pets? Cause you could just make him bring the kitten over.
@MilesofMountains Ugh. I know how you feel. I've got a slightly similar issue. The boy has two cats, one of which has medical issues so he can't be left alone all the time. I, on the other hand, have a dog, who definitely cannot be left alone. We try to split the difference as much as possible (I have my roommate look after my pup overnight) but it's annoying since I have way more beauty products/stuff I need to get ready in the morning. Plus his bathroom is gross (the rest of the house is okay- bacehlor-y, but mostly adult). I've started just keeping an overnight bag pre-packed with extras of things I need. Example: I just ordered a new mascara, so the old one (which is still kinda okay to use) will go in the overnight bag. I split up some of my makeup options, keep several pairs of underwear in there. I need to get an extra hairbrush, though. I always manage to forget it. (And I can't take an actual shower over there and wash my hair- no hair dryer! no curling iron! UGH)
Could he bring the kitten over to your place for an evening?
Why not just keep some things at his place?
@Kirs No animals allowed in my apartment, unfortunately, and a landlord who most definitely peers out her windows at everyone coming and going so I'm sure she'll notice.
A pre-packed bag is an excellent idea, though! I've felt kind of ridiculous keeping extras of EVERYTHING at his house, because I totally feel like I'm moving in, but a bag of stuff would be good.
@MilesofMountains i made what i refer to as an "emergency kit" -- makeup, undies, etc. but i don't have a traditional day job and don't use a lot of products, so i can usually shower quickly and stride-of-pride it into my day. but the travel toiletries/overnight bag other folks mentioned is a really solid idea. maybe stash some work-ready basics in there, too, or leave something at work.
@MilesofMountains I feel you! Before my ex and I moved in together, I used to hate sleeping at his place: he did not have enough pillows or towels (I ended up buying my own and leaving them there which felt silly but also necessary) and his bedroom was cold. But his place was closer to school so we often went there. I do not miss that.
@MilesofMountains My boyfriend is extremely tall and hardly fits in my (full-sized!) bed, so I mostly sleep over at his place. He gave me a drawer in his dresser where I keep basic overnight stuff. However, I have a very open schedule and he doesn't live too far away from me, so I usually end up going back to my place to take a shower. Could he allot you just a little space somewhere so you can keep basics over there without feeling like you're moving in?
Hey guess what! I'm pregnant! It's veeeerry early, and so I can't tell anyone who is actually a person and not living inside the internet. But there's a tiny parasitic embryo in me! Five weeks today. (Which is actually three weeks? Does anyone else think this is a dumb way to count?)
How in the hell am I supposed to get through a demanding schedule of holiday parties without anyone noticing that I'm not drunk? Seriously, I can't picture this secret keeping until after Christmas. I might bow out of some friend parties, but there are several work events too (we are a small and drunken workplace - it will certainly be noticed that I'm not drinking!).
@lemonadefish Become the DD? High-school-party-it-up and bring your own (non-alcoholic) beverage?
Congratulations! Good luck to you and the tiny parasitic embryo!
Can someone explain this whole five-weeks/three-weeks thing to me?
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I'm in the same boat, and here's the deal with the weeks thing - they count based on weeks since the start of your last period, which is usually roughly 2 weeks before conception. Once you get further along and they can date the pregnancy via ultrasound, sometimes they'll adjust the date (if you have a long cycle, for example).
They count from your last period, but you ovulate two weeks(ish) after that, so the first two weeks, you are in no way pregnant. I guess it's just easier to count that way?
@lemonadefish HOORAY!!! Congrats!
In addition to DDing, seltzer with ice and a lime in it is my standby for looking like I'm drinking when I'm not. The only trick is that if you're really being secretive, you have to order it (or pour it for yourself) without anyone noticing you're not adding alcohol. It helps to have one in hand most of the time so no one offers to get/buy you another. (Although at times like that, sometimes I'm like "I should take a break--can you get me water instead?" which is even SNEAKIER.)
@Ophelia @lemonadefish That is just FUNKY. Thanks for explaining! Good luck with your pregnancies! (IMPENDING PINFANTS.)
@SarahP I've also had good luck with the artisanal sort of root beer (that comes in the dark bottle) - once everyone else is drunk, they totally don't notice.
I'm just waiting for the point where I can tell people, and look pregnant instead of just kind of bloated/green around the gills!
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher thanks!!
@lemonadefish Congrats!! As for the parties...is there any way you can bring a bottle of sparkling grape juice or cider or whatever and carry it around in a glass so it looks like you are drinking champagne? Or, instead of fake-drinking, maybe just say that you have to travel and don't want to be hungover? Or claim that you have a stomach/headache?
@olivebee Or that you're on some sort of meds - I've already used that one twice, though, so it's rapidly losing its utility.
(Now how can we have some sort of internet baby shower for the pregnant pinners?)
@dinos like a giant FBB? we can post all the stuff we can't afford/don't have space for and admire it on the internet!
@lemonadefish Don't skip parties, rather make an excuse for not drinking alcohol - my friend tried not going out to parties and most people assumed that she must be pregnant. Would claiming to be designated driver work or are you happily using public transport?
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher The expression Pinfant is pretty awsome.
There are so many $1000+ cribs that I waaaaant! I wouldn't even spend that much on my own bed, but still, these cribs! My pretend internet baby will sleep in a different designer crib every night.
Also, congratulations to you!
@Marquise de Morville
Being the DD won't work often - most of the parties are actually walking distance to my apartment (which is generally awesome).
I think I am going to have to start practicing my slight of hand to pour myself non-alcoholic drinks. Tips?
@lemonadefish Yeah, I have a bunch of (nice) hand-me-downs coming my way, which is great, but not EXCITING, you know? I'm hoping if I can glom onto enough free stuff, I can buy a few schmancy things to go with it.
@Ophelia Ha, I had to look up FBB. I just want to knit a bunch of tiny hats and send them off.
@dinos Thanks! It's kind of awesome to have a nice semi-anonymous forum for this, since I haven't told many people in real life yet. :)
@lemonadefish If it is a mix yourself thing: offer to mix your friend's drink, do your own at the same time, come back with drinks and everyone assumes they are identical. Business idea (HSN level): sell fake beer for pregnant women. Or better, bring a clean beer bottle of your favorite brand and steath-fill it with sparkling water/juice (foams and looks beer-ish), I pranked my mother with that once.
Everyone's already made excellent suggestions, but for more OffbeatMama covered this too. (LOVE OffbeatMama.)
Thanks for the link! Pretend sips with a pass-off could work.
@lemonadefish I agree with pretend drinks. Or if you're going out out and you can't discreetly order, say you're on medicine. I was actually for real on antibiotics for BV once that alcohol was not compatible with.
@lemonadefish Heeee! Congratulations!
@Ophelia I wanted to congratulate you too, because if you talked about this before on the 'Pin, I hadn't seen that thread. So so so many congratulations! You have been on the 'Pin just as long as I have (2 years now!) - if not longer - and so I have seen many of your posts over the years debating whether and when to get pregnant. I'm so happy for you and your husband!
@wee_ramekin Bring a flask that you pretend is, I don't know, like good vodka that someone brought you from Russia or something, BUT IT'S ACTUALLY WATER. Okay maybe this isn't a brilliant idea, but come on, you get to carry a flask!
@lemonadefish Congratulations! I'm eight weeks myself, and I find that if I order something quietly, it can be a non-alcoholic version of any cocktail whatsoever and no one ever notices.
@wee_ramekin Awww, thanks! I hadn't mentioned it before...I'm sort of slowly getting used to the idea of people knowing, so this seemed like a good semi-anonymous place to post :)
I like that we are from the same 'pin generation!!
I was going to fly out to Seattle to meet up with this guy I've hung out with twice, but he bailed, so I'm having a staycation instead! Also, when he bailed, he mentioned that he was concerned about us living in different cities and that he couldn't move here any time soon and he didn't see me ever wanting to move to Seattle, so sometimes he wondered if it was worth it. We've never even made out!!!!
So now, here I am with the weekend off and time to hang out with my actual friends. Yay!
Also, as an aside, does anyone know a place to find (or cookbook) for healthy crockpot recipes? I need to start eating better and cooking my own food! Thanks!
@Tammy Pajamas thekitchn.com has a few! Also, boo to boys freaking out.
This is completely out of left field, but: does anyone know where I can buy crazy, fun wallpaper for my powder room? I always see amazing designer wallpaper at Apartment Therapy, etc, but it appears that with a lot of those places you can't just buy the stuff online.
You can now order wallpaper at Spoonflower.com (they started out as custom-printed fabric). You can buy all kinds of designs from all the users, or you can upload your own designs! There are cannibal unicorns and photos of chickens and clever geometric things... the possibilities are endless!
Please do your powder room in the cannibal unicorns. For all of us with no powder rooms to paper.
@odd number Not exactly wallpaper, but if I remember correctly Blik has some huge, awesome decals.
Any 'Pinners with fibrocystic breasts want to commiserate over lumpy, painful bosoms? I usually have two grape-sized lumps on the right side and now I have this, like, BB or pea depending upon where I am in my cycle, and it's under the breast almost ON a rib? And it really, really, really HURTS.
@this brave bird YES I have one lump that's pea to marble sized and during those certain times of the month when it kills I fantasize about them sticking a giant needle in and draining the damn thing forever (which I think is how they're treated?). I'm seriously going to ask at my next Pap if they'd be willing to try.
@Valley Girl Yes! I rolled over onto my lumps in the middle of the night last night, and the unbelievable pain woke me up. Some nights it's so bad that even lying on my side puts all of this strain on them but I have the hardest time sleeping with a sports bra or even a tank top with the built-in shelf bra thing on.
I've never had mine aspirated but I worked with a woman who said the relief was immediate.
@this brave bird I don't get breast cysts very often, but when I do, they hurt so bad. I have tiny boobs (like AA), and I had a cyst the size of a stack of about 6 quarters in one of mine that lasted for 3 months. It was so painful to the touch, so I definitely sympathize. My gynie told me that if I ever get one like that again to let her know because they shouldn't last so long (usually just during your period or something).
@this brave bird Yes! Mine aren't too painful, but they're really lumpy (always have been), and it's so annoying.
@olivebee OW, SIX QUARTERS?!? Almost exactly eight years ago, I started taking Yasmin after my other BC pill became too expensive. Within two months, I had a golf ball-sized rock-hard lump in my right breast. I was uninsured and FREAKING OUT, and had several ultrasounds and a mammogram and over a thousand dollars that I didn't have later, it turned out to be "fibrocystic breasts." I was worried until the golf ball turned into the two grapes, which I thought I could live with but eeeeesh, not this month. (I am also working with my doctor right now to correct a hormonal imbalance, so it might be that I need just a bit of a tweak in my progesterone dosage.)
@this brave bird I've had issues with recurring cysts off and on for years (including freaking out over the lump and a mini-biopsy). They finally got a lot better after I started wearing better fitting bras (F instead of C cup, much smaller band) that did not squish my boobage - maybe something to consider?
Have recently turned 41 and am having trouble with my self-esteem regarding my looks... my face is definitely different, a bit more saggy with some bags under my eyes... not bad when I look closely but definitely I look older when I look at whole picture, and I feel SO DEPRESSED whenever I look in the mirror.. I can't seem to get past it, I know it is NOT IMPORTANT but it still makes me feel so hopeless... How do I stop thinking about it all the time and try and enjoy life?
@somuchsugar ...Rose-tinted lightbulbs?
I KID! You are beautiful! Think about all the amazing things you have accomplished in the last 41 years, and how rad the next 41 years will probably be. And also? Fabulous French and Italian ladies lounging about on the Riviera do not give a merde about bags except for the Chanel kind, so neither should you.
Eat healthy, take care of your skin... FEELING healthy deep down below your skin is the easiest way to feel more confident, no matter how many laugh-lines you have.
@somuchsugar I hear you! Maybe it's time to shake up your skin care/make up/eyebrow/hair routine? Change is good and can lift the way you see your gorgeous self.
@somuchsugar I try to think of aging as positive, and it seems to help for me. Those bags/wrinkles/whatever aren't signs of you becoming decripit, they're an outward manifestation of the years of life experience you have. It isn't valued in our society because we don't value women's experience or knowledge the way we do men's, but if you value those things in yourself, try and remember you don't get to know and see and do everything you have without having a physical change to go along with it.
Crush/fantasy object thread! Celebrities, neighbors, cute guy/girl at the library, etc. My brain has suddenly been occupied in the last day with fantasies about someone I probably shouldn't be thinking about, which makes it all the more fun really. Also baseball players (names on request to those who follow baseball).
@sophia_h Joel Braverman. (TV characters count, right?)
I do not have as many crushes/fantasy objects as a year or two ago...not being in school and working in a small, female-dominated office means I'm not meeting as many new cute boys as before. So Joel is it!
@polka dots vs stripes OMG is Joel Graham (he's technically not a Braverman) not the perfect role model for dads & husbands everywhere? He is easily the best person on that show.
My celebrity crushes are Donald Glover (I miss Community!) and Timothy Olyphant (I miss Justified!).
@olivebee hahahahaha i am so bad at fantasy crushes, yes Joel Graham ahhh.
In addition to being a fabulous father and husband, he also is my ideal fantasy guy type: gruff and outdoorsy, but clean and neat. A nicely trimmed beard and not-torn flannel. My boyfriend and I watch Parenthood together and I always feel bad when he comes on screen...BF teases me ceaselessly about it.
@sophia_h Still on Mountie Traffic Investigator!
@sophia_h As mentioned in the Les Miserables trailer thread EDDIE REDMAYNE MY GOD WHY. He makes my Spidey Sense (by which I mean my lady-parts) tingle. And he's an Eton boy! And he sings! And he has freckles! And I loooooooooooove him.
My permanent celeb crush is David Tennant, though. That man reduces me to guttural noises faster than any man alive.
@sophia_h Oh man, ever since going off birth control (prompted by becoming single), everyone has been my crush. They weren't kidding about this libido thing, hmm? In particular: the boys at the farmer's market (which just ended for the season, booo) and I've seen Magic Mike twice so far and would be down for a rewatch like, now.
@sophia_h Ah, you have found an expert in me. Just a quick run down of hot MLB players: Brian Roberts, David Wright, Robbie Cano, Matt Kemp, Bryce Harper, Joe Mauer, Cole Hammels is objectively hot but he can go kick rocks as far as I'm concerned, Grady Sizemore, Ian Desmond (but he's mine, I call dibs) and on and on...
@olivebee @polka dots vs stripes Ahh haha, Joel Graham. Also Jason Ritter is adorable. They rock a CAST on that show. I wish it got more attention :/
@thenotestaken NO KIDDING. This year of no BC was like "I have a crush on every boy!" It was absurd.
@katiemcgillicuddy I'm a Giants girl, so Buster Posey, Brandon Belt, Tim Lincecum, Hunter Pence, Brandon Crawford &etc etc keep us warm over here in the Bay Area. I would steal Kemp in a heartbeat if I could.
@sophia_h Have you seen Brandon Belt with the baby giraffe? Because, yes.
@katiemcgillicuddy This picture is filed under my "quality asses" tag on my baseball Tumblr.
@sophia_h My reaction to this was "Ohh, hahaheh, yes".
@sophia_h I'm a Giant's girl too, born and raised! That picture--oh my. That is a fantastic donk. I feel like I was never even that into dude's bums until HORMONES.
@sophia_h Hahaha, maybe a little on my friend's little brother who is my new co-worker. He was so nice to me when I came into work late and post-therapy-too-many-feelings-stupid, and he smells really good.
Also definitely Adam Scott (I am rewatching season 4 of Parks and Rec awwww yeah).
Okay also Rae Spoon.
I have a lot of feelings this week.
@sophia_h one of the boys who works at the butcher stand at my market is incredibly tall and built well and he wears one of those aprons and I don't even like meat all that much, why the hell do I find that so sexy???
@sophia_h I rewatched the Avengers a couple of weeks ago and now I just want them all, all over again. Like, here's some Chris Evans that I'm gonna keep in the bank.
No actual real-life people, though. I think I just need to find where all of the interesting boys are hiding.
@katiemcgillicuddy I'm a Giants girl too, and I highly recommend googling George Kontos. Saw him in person at the parade and...oh my.
@thenotestaken I second the farmer's market dude option. There's one at the market near my house who is the reason behind my summer-long heirloom tomato surplus.
Also, I'm new here, so hi!
@thenotestaken Yes, I had very little interest in asses before this last year, and now I am kind of obsessed? Hormones are amazing. (So are the asses of most of the Giants players.)
@eleventyone I took this picture in September and kind of melted from being so close to the hotness. I just highly regret that I was too shy to look him in the eye or smile or anything, because UNF, he is hotter in real life even.
@sophia_h oh and I have a huge crush on a bartender, which I am embarrassed about because 1) crush on a BARTENDER, really? and 2) it's my longtime friend's cousin, so it feels inappropriate as well as pathetic. I haven't been so sexually attracted to someone in YEARS and I act really strange around him as a result.
Unfortunately, he seems a little dumb, and doesn't really have an ass, and is not impressed by my vocabulary or music trivia knowledge, so this crush is not as fun as it was a few weeks ago. WHATTA BABE, though.
@sophia_h Haha, I can't seem to find your Nick Collison comment, but a friend of mine tried to drunkenly break into his dorm room her freshman year at College Park.
(Edited to say @zamboni)
@katiemcgillicuddy I meant the Nick Collison thing to go to @zamboni! Sorry, Sunday struggles.
@katiemcgillicuddy AHAHAHA, WOW!!! I am second-hand mortified, but also terrifically amused. I assume/hope she did not succeed.
@zamboni She did not succeed but she is now a DOCTOR at a super famous hospital. The power of Nick Collison everybody.
@zamboni My email notifications had a mention of Jonathan Toews in your post, which... okay I miss Jonathan Toews more than I miss hockey. Also, that link has now been shared with all of my dearest friends and also bookmarked? Oh, hockey players. By far the most quality of all athletes. (Sorry, base ball girls.)
Also I swear I don't actually have a crush on this dude, but maybe I did at some point, and anyway he lives on the other side of the country but is going to be in town for a few days soon, so, yeah, I'm going to offer to buy him a beer or something. Or multiple beers.
@Rookie Hockey butt is proof that God* loves us and wants us to be happy. I watched the Barons-Heat AHL game last night and it was really good, but it also made me sad (also many other AHL game feeds are the scoreboard camera + the radio call, TERRIBLE).
MULTIPLE BEERS!!! Or not? You sound pretty ambivalent, and now, so is my advice.
*substitute Flying Spaghetti Monster/deity of your choice here, the point is, BOOTY LIKE POW POW POW
@katiemcgillicuddy maybe if I make a pilgrimage and lay hands on his former door it will unlock the Secrets Of My Destiny ... or I'll just be another weirdo way too old to be getting in shit with campus security
@zamboni I went to an AHL game on Friday (Bulldogs-Crunch) and was so confused by, like, what is this unfolding before me? that I hardly noticed my future husband JT Wyman on the ice.
Okay and dude update: If all goes well I'll see him a week from now (he's not in town for very long.) So, I guess we'll see how things go. Now I have no idea if anyone else will be with him, and/or if I should bring friends and then shoo them out or whatever if things get interesting.
@Rookie Hate having to worry about Crush Logistics so much (all the anxiety, none of the fun). I would arrive solo but be prepared to charm some strangers/his other friends?
This JT Wyman fellow has an exceptionally even smile. I don't trust it. On the other hand, Steve Holt appears very early on when you Google Image search him and that has to be good news.
I had really good seats in Dallas for a Hawks-Stars game a couple years ago, and did not even register James Neal, which, despite the blinding Toews-glare, I still can't excuse. (I do recall the scoreboard video of Loui Eriksson making Swedish meatballs, though.)
@zamboni JT Wyman is from Minnesota and went to college in Wisconsin, so that probably proves he could cut down a tree for me if ever needed.
ah yes, James Neal. I used to always get him and Jamie Benn mixed up, not sure why, but I have now cemented the knowledge that Jamie Benn = ugly Drew Doughty and James Neal = good looking guy on a sitcom. (Funnier now that I notice he bears a very vague resemblance to that British dude on The Mindy Project.)
@Rookie Wow, I'm taking that incredibly harsh "ugly Drew Doughty" burn and running with it.
@zamboni Please go forth and spread the good burn.
Woo Friday thread. Next Friday I'll be struggling thru the GRE...I feel fine about the verbal stuff but the math will be my undoing.
@Valley Girl You'll have to let us know how it went! Good luck to you.
@Valley Girl this this this! I'm taking them Thursday! Best of luck- and if you hear wailing from Denver on Thursday, just me remembering how badly I suck at geography
@Valley Girl Just remember to stop and breathe if your brain starts going the "ohshit wait, why is this question easier than the last one" panic. It will be okay!
@celeec4@twitter That is actually not an issue anymore! they don't do question-based difficulty adaptation. Instead, your first section of each question type will be moderate difficulty, and your second section will adjust based on your score to the first. So by the time you get to your second math section, you'll have done a Verbal in between, and the differences in difficulty level will be much less noticeable. It's way less psychologically mind-game that way. So, that's good!
Planning on donating blood for the first time today! As long as I don't get denied for being on crazy-person meds or because I'm vitamin deficient because I'm a college student whose diet consists mainly of lean pockets, cereal, coffee and those meal-replacement nutrition drinks.
Cross your fingers I don't pass out!
Ask for a Sprite while you're donating if you're worried about passing out! It will help a lot. Good luck!
@twinkiesandwine Good luck! I'm on crazy-person meds and that's never been an issue, so hopefully it'll be the same for you.
@lemonadefish Thanks for the tip! It's a bus, not a center, so I'm thinking they might not be stocked that well, but I'll make sure to stop by the 7/11 before I go.
I've never actually passed out, though, so maybe it'll be interesting. I've only blacked out after walking into a street sign in Thailand (fun story).
@twinkiesandwine Have lots of water to drink beforehand - it raises your blood pressure so it's easier for them to find a vein, and you're not too dehydrated afterwards.
@Verity Just finished my 2nd 24oz camelbak. I am a little afraid of having to use the bathroom in the middle of it now.
@twinkiesandwine Good luck! Make sure you're coldish, not warm, don't try and relax your muscles, and wiggle your fingers and toes if you start feeling woozy. These are my hard-won donating lessons.
@twinkiesandwine I always worry about that too. "If I don't drink enough then they won't be able to find a vein! But if I drink too much I'll really need the toilet!" And then I panic. (But I've given blood lots and it's always fine, so I'm sure you will be!)
@twinkiesandwine Good luck! I tried to give blood this week but failed. Don't have too much caffeine--your pulse has to be below 100 to donate. Because I had a crapload of caffeine that day my pulse was 101 and I couldn't give.
@twinkiesandwine If you have low enough blood pressure, they won't let you donate because you would def pass out. If you're worried about passing out because you're squeamish about blood, just close your eyes and/or face away from the action, and sit up/get back up slowly. Good luck--you're doing a good thing!
@Katzen-party @The Lady of Shalott @Verity @MilesofMountains @lemonadefish Thanks for all your advice! T'was a success!. Although mine was much slower than everyone else's (there were people who started and finished while I was still going), but I didn't pass out or feel woozy at all. But now that I've got the first one out of the way I feel confident about doing it as often as I'm allowed.
@twinkiesandwine Awwwww yay! I feel bad because I have cancelled my last 2 blood donation appointments. Once because I felt not good the day of one and one because I could not sneak away from work the day the mobile clinic was in my office building. I should really call and make a new appointment.
Also, this post reminded of my first blood donation appointment and how sweet and excited all the staff at the clinic were for first time donors. And the adorable first time donor sticker they put on me.
I am going to dollar hot dogs/beers/bets at a racetrack tonight, and polishing my boots, and tomorrow I want to see Wreck it Ralph and maybe Skyfall and go for a scooter ride on what will be a weirdly warm November day, AND I want to go to the zoo to see our new baby giraffe and arctic foxes.
Baby giraffes are the cutest!
@KeLynn I saw Skyfall on Wednesday night and it was awesome. I'm hoping to get to Wreck It Ralph soon, but I'm crappy at going to non pre-screening movies that I actually have to pay for.
Any other Pinners in SLC? I just moved here and would love to meet some cool ladies/get your advice on finding good booze here.
@EthelBeavers It took me like 15 minutes to figure out SLC. Ah the vodka, she is kicking in.
@katiemcgillicuddy I have a weird habit of only thinking of cities by their airport codes.
Can we please start a thread where we share good small-talk starters with each other, that we can all use in bars and such this weekend? Like, fun facts, unpolitical news, etc.?
@KeLynn Narwhals really exist and they are not fairy tale characters. Their tusks are over-grown canines, so some have two tusks, but that's very rare. These amazing creatures not only have the badassed trait of echolocation, but a group of scientists now believe "the nerves (in the tusks) can detect subtle changes of temperature, pressure, particle gradients and probably much else, giving the animal unique insights."
Did you want that in nature show/nerd format?
@whizz_dumb To continue the whale theme: in 2010 they found the carcass of a whale that had never been seen before, although they knew it existed because they'd found a couple bones previously. The species has STILL never been seen alive. IF THERE ARE THINGS AS LARGE AS WHALE THAT SOMEHOW ESCAPE OUR NOTICE WHAT ELSE IS DOWN THERE?!
Read the section on "scientific and philosophical investigations"! And also the rest of it! This article is pretty much my go-to fun fact for conversations with anyone EVER
@MilesofMountains Not sure if KeLynn wanted this to continue on the unique/rare animals kick, but your barely-discovered whale makes me think of the Tasmanian Tiger or Thylacine, which I had never heard of until 2 days ago while watching the movie The Hunter with Willam Dafoe (way better than I thought it would be though I did have a fever at the time). The story is interesting and turns out to be based on facts. Animals going extinct is sad. Poachers and sport hunters suck.
@KeLynn In some countries you can sign up to get alerts about aurora activity- like aurora australis or aurora borealis. That's pretty cool!
@all I love you all, unique/rare animals and science facts is honestly close to the only facts I know. Plus it is good small talk because if people aren't interested in these facts, then I'm not interested in these people.
@whizz_dumb - their tusks can SENSE THINGS?? I love me some sci-fi, but sometimes I'm like "why even bother, the real world is crazy enough as-is." Also! I had never heard of the Tasmanian Tiger until my boyfriend watched The Hunter a few weeks ago and I googled it and woah.
@LordHennyson - woah. I'm curious (and I guess I should google for the answer) if the woman knew what she was being tested for, or if they just said "we're going to do this to you and tell us what is going on around you"
So I posted a few weeks about how I was starting therapy, and I am really starting to get the shape of how it's going to go. I basically screamed and vented all my issues to him last night (my shitbag father emailed me when he knows I am not speaking to him anymore... my shitbag mother told me that I'm not going to find love until I'm too old to have healthy babies and then I'll have a Down syndrome baby... those were her exact words).
So I'm still a little raw but good LORD it felt good to yell about it yesterday.
Also: Get Rid of Your Parents, Seriously, They Are Awful, yes, I know.
@Alli525 I'm also just starting therapy! Super fun. (...not...) "Raw" is the best way to describe it -- sounds like my issues/background are pretty different (relationship-related anxiety/OCD, whoo hoo I love constantly reexamining how I feel about my loved ones) but ughyay, I either feel FANTASTIC or TERRIBLE. Here's hoping therapy is actually, you know, therapeutic.
@Alli525 Not to worry. That anger phase can be cathartic. Just make sure to continue to be kind to yourself, and when you move further along into grief, give yourself the space to go work it.
@dale Way to go, me...I would have edited that last sentence but IE at work doesn't let me do edits here, so it should say "..give yourself the space to work through it."
Oh, also, I met this guy on Craigslist and have been having a fantastic email conversation with him for the past week. We've evolved to these incredibly long, multi-paragraph emails about The New Yorker (we're both superfans), The Economist, grammar, Latin, other intellectual things, he went to law school and worked on juvenile wrongful conviction (<3), we both lived in Chicago but love MA, etc. etc. It's been really fun and nice and I kind of want to meet him. But he just said that he is a Republican! What! (Also that he takes some sort of weird exercise supplement.) Literally everything he had said previously about politics, law, intellectual things etc. has seemed realllly liberal. I don't know what to think. He's not from here originally and is not a citizen which is maybe a little bit mitigating? I don't know!
@Ellie Don't give up just based on political orientation alone - I think the actual opinions count more. Isn't about time that the Republicans attract more decent people, too? Also, as a non-citizen he'd not be able to vote ;-)?
@Ellie just meet him. If it's something, it's something, if it's not, then email some other cool dude.
@Ellie To add to what the others have said, if he's not from the US, then maybe he's just noted the importance of identifying as either a Democrat or a Republican when discussing politics, and is actually quite flexible on a lot of issues. It baffles me a little (I'm from the UK), as I can't imagine chatting online with someone and being all "I'm a Liberal Democrat (for example), what about you?" and the answer being a dealbreaker.
Yeah, I'm still going to meet him (if it works out to do that)! I'm not even all that political, in general, and I was surprised by how much this is legit taking me aback! I'm just confused why you'd say you belong to a certain political party when your views seem to a lay person to align with a different one. Anyway, all this is more to discuss via long emails :)
@Flora Poste A Tory is always a dealbreaker.
@Ellie internet good vibes. I am political, so it would be a dealbreaker to me. but, it will lead to good convos, I hope
@Decca Haha ohhhh, but I just can't imagine it coming up! But maybe that's just me being all trivial and shallow, and talking about biscuits and Eastenders all the time. I just can't quite equate to the whole Republican/Democrat thing in my mind? American politics seem so much more extreme, and I am so glad the election is over! (No offence intended Americans, it just got boring)
@Ellie I'm super late to this convo but if he's from somewhere with a monarchy maybe he means he wants to abolish it? When I first moved to the States I definitely incurred some side-eye while loudly proclaiming my Republican values...
@Decca Damn straight. (Although Lucy Mangan, who I adore, manages it somehow.)
@Sharna Pax He's English and he definitely means, in the American sense. :/ :/ :/ He seems extremely socially liberal (prison reform, pro-choice, gay marriage etc.) but conservative in terms of extent of government to impose on people's lives, taxes, First Amendment rights, etc. (he says he's not a libertarian, which is my single immovable dealbreaker, so, good, but having written this out it seems really suspiciously libertarian sounding). Anyway, now we're supposed to go get coffee and discuss our differing views on free speech, so I think it'll be interesting!
I am flying to my parents' house for two weeks over Christmas, and after looking over my options I decided that my kitty cat would be happier AND she would cost me less money if she stayed with me rather than boarding her at a kennel for two weeks. So I booked the in-cabin kitty ticket for United Airlines. She's required to be in a carrier that fits under the seat. The outgoing trip involves her in the carrier for 10 hours altogether (2 connections) and the return trip has her in the carrier for 6 hours (one connection). Have I made a huge mistake? Have you ever done this? Tips?
@Infinite Jess my mom has flown with her cairn before- there's a homeopathic doggie downer she uses, and she makes sure to take her for a long walk before and after, and she's been ok on a couple NYC to Denver trips (about 6 hours). Can you take her out during the connection?
I have never done this, but maybe you could get one of those fold up fabric carriers that is bigger, that you can put in your carry on, and transfer her to that while you're having a layover? So she can stretch her legs a bit? Also, maybe bring some wipes and things, in case she doesn't care for traveling? (My older cat gets carsick. It is nasty.) Good luck!
@Infinite Jess I flew from CA to IL with a young dog once! There's a carrier made by Jet Blue that's really well designed that made things easier. Once we were in the air, I was able to hold it in my lap for most of the flight, which the pup appreciated. I was even able to let him peek out for some air, but if you have allergic seatmates or strict flight attendants that might be difficult. It was stressful but not impossible. You can do it!
@Infinite Jess I sat next to a girl on my last flight who had her kitty with her. It was a much shorter flight (from Southern California to Oregon) but I think she used a little sedative, and had a soft-sided, duffle-like carrier (yeah, like the one @Valley Girl linked to). The cat didn't make a noise throughout the entire flight, but I think she was just naturally a super chill cat too. So... maybe it depends on your kitty's temperament?
My childhood cat could never. She was an indoor cat, and every time she had to go in the carrier for a vet visit she howled the ENTIRE time.
@twinkiesandwine The internet seems to be giving me conflicting information about pet sedatives. Half of it it like "you need the sedative or else the long trip in the carrier is going to be super traumatic for her, this has been tested many times" and the other half is like "the combination of sedatives and altitude is super dangerous in a cat system and is largely untested and could KILL her".
Other worries: cat needs to pee, cat dander upsets seatmate, I am unable to buy airport food because the airport food places don't allow pets and no way am I leaving her unattended
@Infinite Jess as someone who knows nothing about cats and airplanes, but who has spent way too much time in american airports, I can assure you that every one I have been to ever has a take-out option - there is also the food court, but that might not be the best. Airport food is never the best, but that is a story for another day...
@Infinite Jess I sedated my cat for a 9 hour car trip (she was basically drunk and sleepy as far as behavior goes), and it worked really well. Not a peep out of her and not much movement other than some stumbling about when I took her out of the carrier. I don't know about the altitude + drugs thing, though, but your vet definitely would. (It sounds like a myth to me, but I am not a cat doctor). My parents sedated their cats when they moved from Texas to New Jersey by way of plane 25 years ago on the recommendation of their vet, so...
Help/I need to get this out.
I'm part of the vegan community here in Denver- it's pretty tightly knit, but I dropped off due to life-craziness over the last few months. I went to volunteer at the community dinner on Wednesday to find out that one of the more recent volunteers was killed in a bike accident. I didn't know her well- well enough to recognize her and say hi, but I wouldn't have remembered her name. That sounds really cold, but I don't know of a better way to explain it.
Tonight is a potluck/get together/wake-ish event. I'm going, I'm bring "meat"balls but I'm feeling a ton of my social anxiety flare up just thinking about it. I think a big proponent is that everyone is so much more upset. I know she was a lovely person, and I feel for her friends and family, but I didn't know her personally, and I don't really know what to do. Wednesday, I mostly gave hugs and shoulders to sob on, but everyone seemed to expect me to respond in kind.
Help, if there's help to give?
@Lit Drunkard Maybe you can help out a bit with some of the logistical stuff at the pot-luck? Like, if others are really upset, maybe you can be the one who makes sure there are enough forks. I don't think you should feel bad about not grieving someone you didn't know well, and if someone asks, I think it's totally OK to say, "Well, I didn't know her well, but she seemed like a lovely person. Is there anything you need?"
@Ophelia very true... that's what I ended up doing Wednesday, and honestly, I'd rather put emotions into physical activity. I guess I have to just be prepared. Thank you.
Something like this happened to me a few years ago. A girl I knew really well in elementary school but who had moved away (yet stayed close with friends of mine from our hometown) passed away after getting hit by a car while out running. I attended her wake, but had been apprehensive to go because I felt I didn't really "belong", as we hadn't stayed close.
So, I say from experience that I don't think anybody will be giving you the side-eye if you aren't sobbing. There's nothing wrong with the fact that you didn't know her well - it's not like everyone knew she was going to pass away so soon and so tragically. Be a listener to those who need it, give hugs to those who need it, and if anyone asks, say, "I didn't know her very well, but I can tell from everyone's stories and reactions to her passing that she was a wonderful person and I wish I could have gotten to know her better." People will understand, I promise.
@Gussie ok, thank you. it's just nerve wracking, but I can handle that. I think.
@Lit Drunkard If you really get pressured into Feelings, you could say that you prefer to deal with your grief by staying busy and helping others out. I tend to play things in a very "I deal with my grief privately" way (which is true, so it works out well).
@Lit Drunkard this, this! It's how I deal with most things- either move manically, or become immobile. I did end up helping the host clean, which made me feel like I was doing something, and also had a moment to focus on something other than Feelings
Any suggestions for easily transportable but impressive Thanksgiving sides? I'm going to a "Friendsgiving" this weekend and will be going either by bike or car. A bike would further complicate things, but I'd really like to bring something that is not just a bag of rolls.
These are really very tasty, and could be assembled after you arrive: http://smittenkitchen.com/blog/2010/11/sweet-potatoes-with-pecans-and-goat-cheese/
@lisma fancy rolls? (vegandad has super easy/delicious pumpkin pull apart rolls) wine is always good. stuffing should transport well. can you cook there?
@Lit Drunkard that's the thing, I don't to get there and add to the chaos by vying for oven/stovetop space. Pumpkin pull-apart rolls sounds incredible.
@lisma Does it have to be a side? Can it be an appetizer? I'm envisioning some sort of tasty nut mixture. Or fancy cheeses and either crackers or bread (actually, just a nice loaf of homemade bread would be lovely!). Also, wine may be heavy, but depending on what bags you have available to you is certainly self-contained
@lisma "Bag of rolls" is one thing, "bag of homemade rolls" is something completely different, and completely delicious and impressive if you're baking-inclined.
Beyond that, I'd say anything that doesn't rely on fancy presentation and can handle getting sloshed around a bit in a tupperware or other container. No liquids, no pineapple upside down cake. Hmmm. Will give it some thought and report back if I am struck with inspiration.
@lisma People love fresh rolls. It's an important part of Thanksgiving.
@lisma Find a recipe for homemade cranberry sauce. I think I got mine on epicurious? Its so easy I just do it by memory now.
All you need is 2 bags cranberries, half a cup of white sugar, half a cup of brown sugar, the juice of one orange, quarter cup dark booze of your choice (I like Brandy).
Put everything but the brandy in a sauce pan and simmer, stirring every so often until it is really goopy. TAKE OFF THE STOVE (important so you don't explode yourself) and add the brandy. Voila!
My dad refused to eat it the first time I made it, but now he demands I make it every year. It is some serious delish.
@lisma I haven't made them, but they look super easy:
Also, any time of pasta/bean/rice/couscous salad- with cranberries and nuts and chickpeas?It should withstand biking and can be served room temp, so you don't have to fight for a stove (which is awful, and I've seen it work properly with everyone's food ready on time).
Bruchetta? You could assemble there pretty quickly
@lisma Mashed sweet potatoes. Bake. Peel. Mash. Butter, salt, pepper, srirachia, maple syrup. Put up in casserole dish, dot with goat cheese. Bake. Take. Can microwave to warm up, or serve room temp.
That shit will disappear like woah.
I'm getting a retired racing greyhound!!! He was supposed to arrive today, but his happy tail has flared up, so he's at the vet, and they are considering surgery. I'm still waiting to hear from the rescue group, and I'm kind of anxious planning his arrival along with my uncertain work schedule.
I'm really excited though. I've been waiting to adopt a greyhound for the past 2 years!
@the ghost of amy lee I've always always always wanted a racing greyhound. Someday when I have a different living situation! Enjoy enjoy!
(Also you have a kick ass avatar, so clearly you're my people.)
@the ghost of amy lee Oh, that's wonderful! My boyfriend's boyhood dog was a retired racing whippet. He considers that dog to be the best friend he's ever had and ever will.
Come back soon and let us know how things are going! :)
@the ghost of amy lee My brother has a retired racer and he is THE BEST DOG. Congrats to you and to your pup, and I hope he gets to come home soon!
@Everyone Thanks!!! I am so excited, and a bit nervous for how my cat will react. I'm so lucky to be getting this particular dog. He was picked out by applicants that were ahead of us in line, but they still have to do major fence repairs, and haven't been super cooperative with the rescue, so he's going to us! He is cat friendly and looks just like Santa's Little Helper!!!
@the ghost of amy lee Oooh keep us updated please? My girlfriend desperately wants a whippet but I've heard sighthounds can be a bad match with cats (and I desperately want a kitty), especially former racing dogs. But other people tell me it's totally fine. Who to believe?!
@Summer Somewhere A few of the fosters in my area have cats, so they are able to see if the dog is cat friendly beyond the single cat test that the rescue group does. The one I am getting has been with a cat in his foster home, and I've actually walked him around some small fluffy dogs at a meet and greet and he was fine. The ones that are cat safe are usually the ones that completely flunked out of racing. Just find a group that is serious about cat testing and that has a great foster network.
@Summer Somewhere Also, once I actually HAVE the dog, I'll be sure to update everyone on how he and the cat are doing. I just feel bad for the cat because I can't tell her that her ENTIRE universe is about to change!
@the ghost of amy lee That is amazing - yay! I hope your new friend gets better soon so you can take him home! Any idea what you will name him?
@olivebee His racing name was Carlos, and I think it's a good name.
@the ghost of amy lee I AM IN THE MIDDLE OF A DOG-ADOPTION QUEST so please share all of your stories, they give me liiiiiiiiiiiife.
Also greys are just intensely adorable, roaching all over the place, and excellent snugglers in my experience.
@the ghost of amy lee My brother and SIL have one and I llaaaaaafffff her. Yay for greyhounds!
@the ghost of amy lee All sight hounds potentially will chase small things that run but mostly the retired ones can't be bothered- they have done their running! Also they usually don't chase "their" cats- usually because they don't run.
@Summer Somewhere I cat/dogsat for a retired racing greyhound and a formerly feral cat. The dog didn't seem to even notice the cat--when I'd open the door, the dog would bounce around and the cat would be out of her sightline and had to dodge her paws. (Also, the dog was one of the sweetest dogs I've ever met, though incredibly needy--she was hurt when I'd stop petting her to go to sleep at night.)
if you were to have a birthday party at a bar in Williamsburg on a Saturday night and (a) didn't like huge crowds and loud music (aka not The Whiskey or Union Pool or something equally crazy) and (b) hated expensive drinks and (c) wanted to be able to at least MAYBE get a table or unofficially corner off a section of the room for your friends, where would you choose?!?!?!
Gift Question! I am think about doing one of those "Sexy bedroom" photo shoots for my longtime boyfriend for an anniversary/Christmas/going-away gift (that shit is expensive!). BUT I feel stupid cheesy about it and vaguely narcissistic about giving him basically a spank bank of me.It wouldn't be the glamor shots type thing, and I am not a "sexy" person, but willing to try. So has anyone done this(tell me how to not look like bad porn!) or have an opinion? I have gotten mixed feedback so far.
@nymeria It sounds like a great idea. A lot of photographers do those. There's nothing wrong with it if your boyfriend would enjoy them and you'd enjoy posing for them.
Also, my sister's bunny has your username.
My sister did this for her fiance when they were living in different states. The photographer will make you look not like bad porn! (probably - check their portfolio first!)
@whateverlolawants best ring up Ripley's Believe it or Not, you got a bunny that can use the internet!
@nymeria I think this is an awesome idea, you could always do more of a pin-up theme rather than an "I am sex incarnate!!" photo.
Who wouldn't want a photo of themselves looking sexy, anyway??
@lemonadefish yeah. I have seen some photographers do engagement, wedding, boudoir, baby. I think a good photographer could be wedding-price levels, so maybe find someone in your area with a decent portfolio who is starting out?
@theotherginger There are also "morning after" photos after wedding nights, but those make me shudder.
@whateverlolawants Yeah, those "morning after" photos require a Special Kind of Narcissism.
@katiemcgillicuddy ew. honestly, it has grossed me out to even go to the morning-after brunches people sometimes throw for out of town family and friends. esp. when the people were really religious. but anyway.
@theotherginger I've had people who delayed honeymoons/turned the wedding into a beach trip for the wedding party or texted me late morning with, "Yo, some of us are going to brunch, god I am hungover, you down?" So that's cool, but oh really religious people? That would be weirrrrd.
@katiemcgillicuddy hung over brunch is the best. I would be so down. but yeah. depends on the friends.
@theotherginger Yeah, depends on the people. I've had the half drunk text of "we're going to brunch, where are you, I need food, ooohhh alcohooooll" from a bride and the, "Hey man get in the waterrrrr! Let's play catch and drink beer, ooo look a sea turtle!" from another bride, so. And then there's the unsettling, "our family is throwing a weirdly early brunch the morning after". Yeah.
@lora.bee Yeah, I will probably be thankful in like 30 years when I actually finally appreciate the figure I have now. Stupid self esteem. Also, the photographer I found offers airbrushing, so that helps.
@katiemcgillicuddy I didn't even know that this morning after photo/brunch/whatever was a thing. And it is really disturbing. Morning after anything is just....awkward.
@nymeria I didn't know about it until this summer, friend of the family got married and my parents went. They were non-religious people (and people I really think the world of in all honesty) but still, I read it on the itinerary (it was sort of a destination wedding) and was like, yeah...no.
@nymeria -Do it!! I did it a couple years ago and loved the results. There were a lot of pictures I wasn't nuts about, but a few that I really liked and got prints of, which are up on my BF's dresser now. Tell the photographer you're nervous about posing, and s/he will help you. Mine was super nit-picky down to how my fingers layed. Practice your sexy faces in the mirror - the pics I didn't like, were usually because my face looked weird because I did'nt knwo what I was doing. And keep your shoulders back - I had bad posture in a few and they look awwwffullll.
@theotherginger - I have to admit I'm a little confused on why the brunch thing is gross. Any time you go to brunch the people you're with might have had sex the night before (which is the only thing I can think of that would be gross about this? knowing what happened between when you saw them last?) so what's the big deal? And I like the morning-after rehash with pals.
Today is my birthday (24)!!! I am very happy. BUT I am catching myself doing that weird obsessy thing about WHY HASN'T MY EX WISHED ME A HAPPY BIRTHDAY. Even though, whatever, but whyyyyyyyyyy? How do I banish these evil forces from my mind?
@lasso tabasco Just remember all the other people wishing you a happy birthday, and uh... I have no other advice. I am not good at banishing those things from my mind either. But HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
@lasso tabasco Happy birthday!
@lasso tabasco Happy birthday! What are you doing to celebrate?
@lasso tabasco Two days ago was my ex's birthday, and I definitely thought of him and wished him well in my mind, but I didn't want to make his birthday weird by contacting him. Things ended on a down note and we've come to terms with it and last parted on good terms, but calling him on his day would feel like unnecessarily bring myself up in his mind, you know? Maybe your ex feels the same.
@lasso tabasco Haha mine didn't wish me a happy birthday but instead confirmed his relationship with a 22 year old that I'm pretty sure started when we were still together! In short: it could be worse.
Going to my friends' engagement party at a lake out in the country. Yay! Nothing broke this week. Phew. Just an almost entirely good election night and a great sale at work. How many wishes are you going to make on Sunday, 11-11?
Question for all who read fan-fiction!
Background: I have written one fan-fiction, and it is really really long (80,000+ words), and it is unfinished. I updated it regularly when I was in school, and gained a pretty large following. Like, it became one of the most popular in the fandom.
I've been out of school for 2 years and have not updated once. I have lost touch with the text it is based on, and don't really care about it at all anymore. But... I keep getting messages from strangers on the internet to please finish. For the love of all that is sacred finish!
My question is: do I just need to bite the bullet and crank out like 5,000 more words on this bitch to end it? As a fan-fic reader, would you rather read something that is unfinished than something that has a rushed/not-as-good ending? I feel like there is no way to write something that will actually satisfy my fans at this point since I am so divorced from it, but I never wanted to leave it unfinished.
I am also considering writing a note explaining how I will not be finishing, but with a summary of how I saw things playing out so that maybe people will get closure and stop waiting?
@Fodforever Do the closing note and story summary; it will definitely be satisfying (not as satisfying as having it finished the way you would have when you were into it, but definitely more satisfying than, say, auctioning the ending off to someone else [who then might also not finish it] [I have literally seen this in action and it sucked]). You'll probably still get emails from incensed fans, though, sorry :/
@Fodforever I think the last one is possibly the best of the options you've listed here--half-heartedly finishing it when you're not invested in it anymore doesn't sound like it would be what your fans are looking for, but with the explanation there would be some sort of closure, like you said.
@Fodforever I usually only begin fics that have already been finished. I would really hate to not know how the story ends. I might end up writing fan-fiction for fan-fiction and that would create a rip in the space time-continuum and then the world would be destroyed...so yeah, I only begin reading stories that have been finished.
But, seriously, I think leaving a note to your fans would be nice gesture.
@Fodforever Oooo. I actually like, read this out loud to my roommate and we discussed it.
As someone who's also written ginormous fanfic, I get that it can take up a lot of your life, and when it finds a place in other people's lives it's really hard to remove yourself from it completely, even when you don't give two shits about the source material anymore. It feels like the people who followed it were following your life to a degree?
The only reason I hesitate on the summary is because of the hot mess that was the utilization of that tactic in the end of Josh Phillips' Avalon webcomic (not a fanfic to be fair and I am like the only person on earth who hated that BUT I DID, I'M SORRY). That's the only time I've ever seen it done and I couldn't stand it.
So, if you can find it within yourself to give your current all to this summary, and treat it with the respect your readers definitely have for you and your work, I think that's the way to go.
@Fodforever Oh god. Did you write Incantations and Deductions? I will be so sad to learn that that is never getting updated. :(
@wee_ramekin I didn't! There is still hope...
@all Thanks, I will write the note, and make it as conclusive and satisfying as possible!
I had really bad period pains all day but now I'm in bed watching the BBC documentary about "Queens of British Pop" that aired earlier this evening and enjoying all the archive footage of my favourite ladies (Sandie Shaw, Dusty Springfield, Kate Bush, and, especially, Siouxsie Sioux). And I'm going to London tomorrow to see the Pre-Raphaelite exhibition at the Tate and then the Freud museum afterwards. Yay! Happy weekend, everybody.
@Decca A friend of mine saw the Pre-Raphaelite exhibition and said it was really good. Have fun!
I completely forgot what it's like to be The New Person at an office. The people at my new job are amazingly nice and welcoming, but I still feel SUPER awkward sometimes.
I finally made my first joke this week, and everyone laughed. It felt like I had PHENOMENAL COSMIC POWER.
@lora.bee I get such a rush when I make a big group of people laugh, especially if I can do it several times in one session. From socially anxious to PUPPET MASTER!
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Hey, 'Pinners! Does anyone have any good crime fiction recommendations? I didn't think I was very interested in the genre, but then I read Gone Girl and ended up really liking it. I'm pretty averse to gore and I'm not too into the idea of reading about sexual assault, so I'm a little hesitant about just picking up books at random.
@tawdryhepburn My favorite mystery writer EVER is Sujata Massey. Her books are not girly at all, but they're definitely appealing to women, and have tons of wonderful art history, culture, historical etc. material. I'm not a big mystery reader; in fact she's the only mystery author I really read, and I've reread her books so many times. I think they're rich enough in character development to stand as real novels and not just genre work.
@Ellie Ooh, sounds awesome. I will definitely check her books out.
Sara Paretsky! V.I. Warshawski, the protagonist in many of her books, is a complex, kick-ass, explicitly feminist PI whose cases often intertwine with issues of social inequality in the United States. You can read the series out of sequence -- they'll still make sense.
@tawdryhepburn Kerstin Ekman, maybe!
I am going to take my sister out dancing for her birthday in Toronto but... it's been a DAMN LONG TIME since I went dancing.
@JadedStone not sure when her bday is but my favourite DJs are "pop lobster" (they are on facebook) - they usually play at magpie, near bathurst and dundas, the first friday of every month, but I think they do some other gigs as well. They are two awesome bamfy ladies that play the best pop/hip hop/old school collection evah.
@redheaded&crazie ARE YOU COMING WITH RED?
You totally can. It'll be Dec 1st.
(See what I did there? SNEAKY. Also, I really like this lobster duo)
@JadedStone December 1st eh? I don't have plans that night as things stand ... I could go for some dancing! I assume your sister will be like "who the eff is this chick?" and I'll be like "LESS TALKING MORE DANCING" *shakes bum*
@redheaded&crazie THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT WE NEED.
LESS TALKI MORE BOOTY SHAKING.
Plus, her friends don't go dancing. So, I am putting away my old lady shorts for an evening to revive my youth!
MORE DETAILS AS NOVEMBER PROGRESSES AND I FIGURE OUT 'the scene'.
Bleahhhhh, I am sick, my boyfriend is sick, the house is a mess and needs to be cleaned before we leave for Chicago next weekend so the friend who comes to look after our cat doesn't think we're slobs. I want none of it. I just want to sit on the couch and read my book this weekend. And maybe plan my capsule wardrobe for the Chicago trip, since we'll be there for eight full days and two half-days. So far, my colors are orange, blue, and black!
Speaking of clothes, are there any other personal style bloggers here on the Hairpin? Last I checked, I think it was just me and miss buenos aires, but things could have changed. (AKA start a personal style blog, they are so much funnnnnn~)
(also, because I haven't mentioned it in like three days, here is my personal style blog, normally I have a co-blogger but she has been busy having grad school and dancing and a life lately)
(also something with the HTML is screwed up so the sidebar is below the outfits now [????] and I don't know how to fix it)
@frigwiggin I am not a personal style blogger but I was thinking of starting a blog like that! Do you mind if I ask you for tips? I was a fashion major in school until my junior year when I decided it wasn't for me and switched last minute to Spanish Lit just to have something I could graduate on time with. After that I kind of abandoned clothes and sewing and designing and whatnot but I miss it and have no idea how to incorporate it in my life since it's no longer going to be a career for me. My boyfriend suggested that maybe a blog would be a good outlet for me to do that and I think it would be fun but I'm super self conscious and hate the idea of like, photos of me on the internet or people reading the things I say about clothes/sewing. Did you have that feeling when you started? Is it fun to blog about clothes or do you get frustrated with it? Also...how many clothes do you have? Because I have like 2 weeks worth of clothes and that's it just because I'm broke and have a huge problem finding clothes that fit me. And most of that is work clothes. I'm going to start sewing again but even then I don't have a lot of money for fabrics so I wonder if it will be weird to be up against all those bloggers that have a whole different outfit for each post.
I don't know if anyone saw this but Jimmy Kimmel asked parents to tell their kids they ate their Halloween candy? I just saw it completely by accident, and oh god, for the first 3 minutes you never want kids (or at least fear them) and then for the 45 seconds you want about a dozen.
Guys. I'm crushing SO HARD on this Dude in one of my design classes (which is somewhat interactive, like you talk to people and shit, so I'm getting to know him). I can't stop thinking about him. I don't even know him that well yet or whatever, but the idea of him, you know? (Duh, that's what crushes are.) Dude works in the lab all the time, and I'm finding myself in there more than I need to be just as an excuse to be there. And last night I was there waaaaay too late dragging out what I was working on because yeah, he was there. And we were aloneish (one other person in the same room far away but not with us) and we just talked about stuff and he's a feminist and totally adorable and talks about his girlfriend in the way that makes me smile not get jealous. And it was awesome. Eeeeeeee.
BUT, I am in a long-term relationship, with a man who is awesome and respects me and loves me and everything, and I love him, and things are great.
Plus, like I said, Dude has a girlfriend. And she's cool. Sometimes I get "Friend Crushes" on people. I kind of have a friend crush on Dude's girlfriend, because I hear about her enough to know I'd like her, and I've seen her and she is cool in the shy cute artsy way.
Anyway, in summary, I want his bod. Naked. And his brain. GAH LUST.
So my sister is really cool and a bartender, and the other night some douchebros were in her bar. They got into a little scuffle, shoving each other, but most importantly they were tossing around a lot of anti-gay curse words as insults.
My sister got their attention and politely told them there's nothing wrong with being gay, and their attitude had no place in her bar. They settled for a moment, but the larger, more aggressive douchebro started snorting and growling, using the same abusive language as before.
My sister came around the bar, stood in front of him, and said "Do we have a problem? Do we have a problem?" over every slur the guy could muster. The guy eventually bowed his head, squirmed, and actually said "I... I don't like it when people challenge me like that."
"Well, do we have a problem?"
And then everyone sat down and gave her a nice tip when they left a respectful amount of time later.
@Inkling that is the best story ever. This is inspiring.
@Inkling Your sister! So brave! I sometimes shock myself by standing up for things sometimes to scary people, and it's super rewarding. But nothing that scary!
so, i'm totally sick. what movie should i watch tonight? it has to be funny (or at least...not terribly sad), and ideally available streaming on netflix.
my week: got a job! discovered a new crush! good things on the horizon, i hope.
@daaannngg I saw Hysteria last night, and liked it a lot more than I thought I would! I def recommend.
@daaannngg I am a very crush-prone person. They are fun - some deserve to be followed through on and some don't. It's hard to know which kind I like best.
@daaannngg Clue? Waiting For Guffman or Best In Show? Goon?
@tawdryhepburn omg clue might just hit the spot.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92IkddsjtAA
@theotherginger yeah, i still can't decide whether or not to pursue this one or not. but either way, as you said, totally enjoyable. i kind of do want to follow through, since 2012 has been a year entirely lacking in romance thus far :-( but we'll see. seriously, guys, he is SO cute.
@daaannngg lady, if he is cute, and you might have a make-out, I'd say go for it, but that's my personal style. my personal style might come out more when it has been way. too. long...
@nevergiveaninch This is late but Dr.Horrible's sing along. NPH singing! On Netflix! With Nathan Fillion!
@nevergiveaninch I second Goon if you are still illin' later in the weekend.
Did anything break this week?
Just my heart.
I thought maybe y'all would enjoy this. What good dogs.
@laurel lady, I just saw that thread. :(
@theotherginger: I don't know what to tell the babydog. D:
@laurel I'm so sorry :( Give babydog lots of snuggles and s/he will snuggle you back and you'll get through the sad times together.
@laurel I'm so sorry. So, so sorry.
I hate missing Friday Open Thread, because class + teaching + West Coast. [sulks a bit]
Anyway! I need someone to Talk About My Feelings with. I have lots of feelings, and I am best at processing by talking to people, but due to life circumstances, I've grown distant from many of my friends that also like to talk about feelings. I have many wonderful friends, but they're not the kind of people I can have ~FEELINGS~ at. And it's not like my lack of gossip-y friends is really hurting my life, but it would be nice to be able to process things a bit faster, and not end up going round and round in my head. But I don't know how to find people that want to listen to me Talk About My Feelings, and it takes me years for me to trust people enough to tell them things, so.
... I'm not sure what the point of posting this to FOT was, besides that I wanted to Talk About My Feelings.
@sarantium@twitter I hear ya, girl. I want to talk about boys real bad right now but have no friends for that sort of thing right now.
@sarantium@twitter a bunch of us talk about a whole lot of feelings over here
we like to listen! i don't know how to get around the years of building up trust but maybe you can see that people are pretty much very supportive and kind over there and it would be encouraging. Or something, I dunno!
@sarantium@twitter I know what it is to struggle with vulnerability. I also know the little-but-persistent ache of having only limited emotional intimacy with one's friends (in my case, I can't open up to dudes cuz I'm gendered like that).
The thing is that people here, in the group rh&crazie linked, are open to you, and they won't judge you the way that you judge yourself. If you feel the need to talk to someone, actively ignore that part of your brain that tells you that people will resent and shun you for not keeping your inner life private. Internet feedback may not quite give that deep feeling of reassurance that close friends showing their love and openness and concern in person do, but they help nonetheless!
well, i don't know you, but i'm here. talk away. (i feel you, too: i have great friends, but my very closest friends are now all scattered about, so there are next to no people i can really spill to in person.)
@daaanng this was obviously meant to be a reply to sarantium. SIGH. moving on.
SO probably no one is looking at the open thread anymore but this seems like the perfect place to ask this question - my English department's having an unofficial pub crawl-type-event tomorrow night and it's themed "dress up like your favorite children's book character". I haven't been social in ages, so I'm dying to go, but thing is, I HAVE NO IDEA WHO TO BE.
I could be a great Harriet the Spy, but she's already been claimed by the organizer. I'm short, kind of mousy, and my wardrobe is mostly striped t-shirts, polka-dot dresses, and sneakers. I thought about Meg Murry, but I'm not really sure how to convey that besides wearing glasses to hide my dreamboat eyes and carrying around a trigonometry book?? I know you guys love children's lit and drinking and dressing up - help me combine the two!
(It's totally possible that somebody going to this is also reading the Hairpin, in which case, HEY. HI. Let's go to a Minneapolis Pinup sometime!)
@alicia jeans and a t-shirt, sloppy hair, and an empty tube of toothpaste and you could be Ramona Quimby!
@alicia can you do pigtails and wear a striped shirt and converse and some kind of clashing skirt/leggings situation? pippi longstocking? i don't know, i hate costumes. the whole idea of that forced-costume-english-dept-pub-crawl thing is giving me anxiety, even though that's not my life. aah! sorry, that's not helpful.
@alicia Bunnicula? (Bunny ears + vampire teeth.)
@alicia I won a costume costest in 2nd grade where we had to dress as our fave book character . I was Charlotte from Charlotte's Web.
@alicia ANNE SHIRLEY. Find anything with puffed sleeves, bonus if it's pink, and get yo'self a red (auburn!) wig. Books to carry around are not optional. Get crunk on cordial.
I mean, the ultimate in this is obviously Scout Finch In The Ham Costume, but that's going to get cumbersome in a bar.
@Priscilla Peel BUNNICULA! Oh my god, I can't believe I didn't think of that. If I get a chance to sneak out tomorrow and acquire these two items, this will definitely be my costume. If only I had blanched vegetables.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Thankfully it's not actually in a bar, it's actually in people's houses, but I wasn't sure how to convey "a pub crawl except not actually in pubs but in people's houses" in a way that would make people not stop reading halfway through. UNFORTUNATELY, there is is still the travel/being surrounded by lots of people/having to devise this within the next 20 hours aspect which makes Scout Finch In The Ham less appealing BUT for the next 20 hours I will indeed be contemplating "could I make a ham costume?"
eight is a lot of legs, vunder
@alicia Stop at the store and get a parsnip and a turnip! Or maybe a tiny white pumpkin!
Also Minneapolis holla!
@Priscilla Peel yeah, just circling back to say that bunnicula is a hella good idea - one that i will keep in my back pocket to consider borrowing in the future (if you don't mind)
@nevergiveaninch Do it! The more Bunniculas, the better!
@vunder I dressed as Nancy Drew for a similar contest in grade school. I do not recommend this costume, because nobody knew who I was and also my mom's attempt to flip the ends of my hair out, like in the illustrations, was completely disastrous.
Frequent international traveling Pinners! Any recommendations on sites for cheap airline tix? I'm going to Italy for Christmas and New Years, and I'm obviously terrible at planning ahead. I'm prepared to pay around $1100 both because it's last minute and I'm flying out of Phoenix. But I'd love to pay a lot less. I've been checking out Cheapo Air, SkyScanner, Kayak and Cheap Tickets, but maybe someone has a secret fare finder they'd like to share?
@lil.orphan.shannie I don't know if you have hotel/plans etc but check out this website http://www.go-today.com/ It's basically full vacation plans
@lil.orphan.shannie fly.com has some deals and http://matrix.itasoftware.com/ is good if you can be flexible with the date and gives you a month matrix of dates (although it leaves out some smaller discount airlines). good luck!
@lil.orphan.shannie Where are you going in Italy??
@A Dolly: Actually my sister lives there (my bro in law is AF), so no hotel needed! However, I will be using that soon. I want to take a solo vacay before my 30th bday.
@kangerine: I'll be in Naples. I was actually planning to post something before I left, in the hopes that I could crash a Naples holiday pinup or something. I'm sure my sister and I will go out, but she's got babies, so it's not like she can just be out all night getting hammered with me.
Can you help me stop spending hours per night trying work out if a guy likes me? I know websites like "interpret his body language" are not the answer. I've asked him to have coffee, lunch, drinks, and he's been keen and we've done all that and it is always super enjoyable. Basically, I have a crush and I'm spending time reading on the Internet trying to figure out what-ifs from our latest meeting. Like, he looks at me and smiles, what does that mean? Were we on a date? Should I have punched him playfully? Does him nudging me mean anything? Any suggestions on how I stop trying to interpret the recent past. Also, I worry about coming on too strong and making a fool of myself. Or making him want to run away. Any tips on bringing up the feelings in a mature and classy way? He's a mature and awesome guy. We've only been doing this maybe once a week for the last month and a half. We weren't friends before this but we are now.
@MissJudgeMental What's your goal here? Do you want to date him? Would you be OK staying friends with him if it turns out he isn't romantically interested in you?
I would literally say "Do you want to go out on a date with me?" Not "out to dinner" not "coffee" not "drinks", A DATE. Then you will know for sure.
@Emmanuelle Cunt yes, I definitely want to date him :) and assuming things didn't get crazy-awkward, I would want to stay friends - he's a great guy. Is there a different way I could be direct but not use the word "date"? I'm not from the US. Probably would be much easier if we did have a "dating" culture. Sadly here it's more often get drunk, fall into bed, have regrets. Thank you, I think I just have to put it out there. It's the "how" that I need to work out :)
@MissJudgeMental If that's the case, then probably just kiss him on the mouth. Seriously.
@MissJudgeMental We don't have a dating culture as such here either, I think. We also do get drunk fall into bed have regrets.
This is why "do you want to go on a date?" or "I really fancy you a lot, do you want to go have drinks" or other language that has nothing but "I LIKE YOU LET'S DATE" to interpret from it is the way to go. Just dooooooo it!
@PistolPackinMama @Emmanuelle Cunt You are awesome and I shall do it and report back. Maybe not the kiss him on the mouth bit, but maybeeee! The thought makes me giggle! :)
@MissJudgeMental duuude you are overthinking this, I know this because it is a thing that I do often. Backing up EC and PPM here, you have to take subtext and turn it into text!
@Danzig! textgardium leviosa! No, but really, make the subtext the TEXT TEXT is great advice.
@Danzig! Yes, that is genius. I'll do it. I foresee mild heartache in my future.
I made the subtext text and it's a "no" as I suspected. I realised prior to asking that the reason I did not want to ask was that I already knew the answer and didn't want to hear it. Yay for knowledge, though.
@MissJudgeMental We've all been there, dude. Onward and upward :) I hope you guys can still be friends!
@Danzig! Thanks! We can :) yay! My brain is my own again!
@MissJudgeMental Good for you, MJM. Onward!
i broke, as in broke down a bit at the beginning of the week (but feeling better now!). i moved from a (very fun) and large city abroad to a smaller (quieter but still cool) US city for grad school. area studies for the region i moved from, and i almost stayed abroad for it but the US program has a better reputation. so this 'reverse culture shock' shit is real i guess + dudes i have had sexytimes with (HP thanks forever for coining this <3) have gone AWOL (prompting a 547th 'swearing off of all dudes forever, for real this time'). but may have aced my midterms and that's what counts, right?
also finding grey hairs on my newly 25 year old head. a lady will still get laid with a few of those....?
@ghost with the most oh most definitely. Most definitely.
Have you explored yr new surroundings all that much? Try and find stuff that's interesting that you wouldn't have access to in yr old neck of the woods - different natural areas, bike stuff, food, etc. It's how I stayed sane going from a tiny, quiet town to the City
@Danzig! yeah! went to a few parks and a museum, but there are more to see. need to buy a bike too!
ugh, i broke a promise to keep something on the dl at dinner tonight - i just blurted it out - and i feel like the worst person on the planet.
@sandwiches any details yr willing to share? In any case, we've all been there. It will blow over.
@Danzig! oof. my sister's supposed to be graduating this semester, flunked an exam for a required class (her prof set attendance at 10% of the total grade, midterm at 40%, final at 50%), called me long-distance sobbing, i talked her through some options and said i'd keep my mouth shut about it until we figured it out; mom was going on about graduation announcements at dinner and i blurted out that that probably wasn't a good idea and a. was having a hard time with her required class - nothing more specific, but still pretty clear. i clued a. in that i'd let the cat out of the bag, and she's not 'particularly' mad, but i am kicking myself for breaking confidence/betraying trust/etc.
@Danzig! Thank you, by the way.
@sandwiches n/p ;) yeah, if you're not laughing about that in two months, you will be in 2 years. Don't let it get to you.
@sandwiches Aw. That does suck and I totally understand kicking yourself, but it was an accident. It's not like you gleefully ran to the dinner table going "Guess what!" So don't beat yourself up forever. And like @Danzig! said, we've all been there.
Hey FOT, how are you lovely people? My week was uneventful :) 'cept for more alarming roommate fights. They are definitely getting worse. Far worse. I wish I could go into detail but it's probably gauche to do so. Suffice to say that their relationship is clearly toxic by this point but they seem terrified of any sort of change. When they are in the same room the tension is palpable.
I'm contemplating writing them a letter reading urging them to break up and seek therapy as both have deep-seated psychological issues. If I were to write such a letter I would give it to them when I was well-moved out. I feel sorry for my friend who still has to live here for another 6 months at least.
Is this a bad idea? I think it might be a bad idea but FFS I've lived here for 6 months now, things have never been good and have only gotten worse (they have been together for either 4 or 6 years, I forget). Someone has to say these things. They are annoying / frightening as all hell when they row but they're not bad people and I wish them well.
@Danzig! Don't you write that letter. You can't save them from themselves and I guarantee you that within their little bubble of dysfunction, a letter like that would simply seem insulting and intrusive. The only reason you should write it is if your goal is to make them both think "It's you and me against the world, baby" and cling tighter to one another.
When can you move out? Move out and make a clean fucking break. OMG I feel so bad for you, it really really sucks when one's home is full of turmoil!
@Danzig! If you think there is abuse going on, physical or otherwise, you can speak gently and non judgmentally and separately to whichever one/s is/are being abused. And probably pretty indirectly, as well. "I am worried for you when X does Y because you seem really upset. If you ever need to talk to someone about that, here are some resources" kind of thing.
Otherwise, yeah, don't, if only for the other housemate's sake.
@Danzig! Until you move out, every time they fight just blast "LOVE THE WAY YOU LIE" over and over again.
Passive aggressive for the win?
@Emmanuelle Cunt Moving in a month! So soon. And yeah, my first instinct was that their insane bond would intensify if someone else were to infringe upon it.
@PistolPackinMama I've been mulling over it - they're both clearly unhappy even if they show no intention of ever stopping this - but I don't know which one I would approach. In the most basic terms, guy A has exceedingly low self-worth and seems to rely on woman B for validation / approval. Far as I can tell, A lives as a sort of servant to B, making her tea, running errands and doing chores, reading to her, cooking, tending to pets. B clearly enjoys the perks of A's fawning worship but has started resenting the fact that he's always around. She says she needs personal space, though she leaves the house only on special occasions (only friends seem to be former roommates and their weed dealer), they share a room, and she "needs" him to do all these things for her throughout the day and gets angry if he doesn't. B also constantly puts A on the rack as a bad feminist who can never understand B's POC perspective, especially when she reads something on the internet that frustrates her, which is often (in better moods she tells me she hate-reads Jez, which, don't we all).
It would seem that B has the power in this relationship (fights consist of B's apoplectic screaming and A's childlike wailing, followed by B exiling A for a few hours until she needs someone to read to her) but really it feels like codependency, as neither seems to believe they're functional w/o the other. Neither has a job but they live comfortably (wealthy parents yay) and plan on moving to Philly and getting a house next year.
@JadedStone Heh, sometimes when they're rowing upstairs i'll turn on The Mental Illness Happy Hour to stifle the noise but that's as close as I get. I feel really bad just pretending nothing's the matter (my family has always operated that way and it was terrible for me in many ways) but I am not on the lease and thus in a compromising position. At least I'm moving out!
I feel for my roomie (a friend of 10+ years) but he's paying $400 a month for a pretty nice room in Brooklyn so really, fuck him
@Danzig! Run the other way. That sounds dreadful. And yeah... what can you say? Not much.
(Why do I feel like Al Anon might be a thing one or both of them needs?)
@Danzig! I know this is late, but yeah, B sounds like an ex-friend of mine. Totally controlling and demanding. If the sexes were reversed, it would be much more obviously abusive, which it is, I feel like.
One of my biggest peeves is people who are fully capable of taking care of themselves refusing to.
The worst feeling is waking up on a day when you're supposed to have plans - fun plans! plans with friends! plans you have been looking forward to for ages! - and your body declares firmly that you are not leaving the house today.
@anachronistique Have them come to you!
Made out (with some, but not much etcetera) with a man, slept in his damn bed, had some emotionally intense cuddles (do you know what I mean) and it was awesome. Then, it was awkward the next day at a social event. So I ovaried-up and called him the next day and told him I liked him and spending time with him, and want to make out more, and lets just talk straight about this and not enter a spiral of awkward. And he said he liked spending time with me + had a good time too wanted to keep hanging out but wanted to slow down with the physical. (NB Is this a thing? Maybe he's letting me down light? Guess we'll find out.) If it is straight up... not very good at that (moving slow), but I will try to be for this dude, because I could like this dude. We'll find out.
@halfheartedyoga IT IS SUCH A THING, DUDETTE. I am actually gonna link you to a discussion I started on last week's FOT because we talked about it in detail there. It is DEFINITELY a thing for people to want to go slower with physical stuff while still liking you. That is how I function in this world, and so do many other folks.
@wee_ramekin Hi there. Meeee tooooo. Movin' fast didn't/doesn't work real well for me, so I am giving it up. Have given it up. I like it better this way.
@wee_ramekin Thanks Wee! If this dude is half as cool as you then I am doubly excited of our relaxed-pace journey.
@PistolPackinMama can you elaborate on this philosophical transition? Very obviously not asking for a friend.
Hurbityburbitymurbitychurbity...* Ah. I guess mostly, did a lot of one-night-standing-making-out-whatever. And:
1) Would never hear from/ want to talk to said person again. Often the making out wasn't great. One too many dudes who don't seem capable of erections + condoms. (Did these men in their late 30's/40's not grow up in the era when HIV/AIDS could/would/did kill you? What is their deal?)
2) One too many dudes who, after unsatisfying making out for me, wouldn't even stick around for some satisfying cuddling. Not fun for me. Hard to see how it was particularly fun for them. Didn't get fun teenaged makeouts.
3) Enough fret fret fret and self esteem issues to not take it personally. Caught myself thinking "agh. Good enough to makeout with but not good enough to communicate with?" one too many times. I don't think so. Needed to put a stop to that.
4) I am kind of a frosty bitch, and don't really warm up romance-wise very quickly, so fast-moving makeouts are usually ahead of my emotional investments. Short term FWB sex things run out of gas around the time I decide I am interested in investing, if I am interested in investing. This is a bad confluence. So not great physically, not great emotionally.
5) Am not particularly impressed with dudes as a whole category right now, I am afraid. I know intellectually they are as good now as they ever have been. My brother, other brother, other brother's BF, some colleagues, dad, and other dudes are great guys. But Guys In General? Not that great. In my head I mean. I think this is related to unsatisfying dating + general patriarchy + living in Michelle Bachmann country and teaching conservative boy-men who are figuring shit out.
5a) Decided a time + out dating slowdown most likely path to re-connecting with dudes being nice dudes as opposed to a vaguely not so nice bunch of entitled juiceboxes.
6) Meanwhile, back at the Bat Cave (aka, my office/ apartment/ wherever). For reasons that don't need exploring at this juncture, I kissed a girl and I liked it/her. That's taking some readjusting, and I really don't want to be in a hurry over that. So other dating scenarios are putting me on the very slow path. This makes me feel more secure, less rushed, more able to think about how I am feeling and why, practice (ahem), and other things.**
7) I figure once I get around to serious lady-makeouts I'll be so supercharged from waiting around till I am good and ready it's going to be kind of awesome.
8) In the meantime, getting to know people + cuddling + not stressing is fun.
Taking it light, but taking it, makes me much happier and less stressed. Also see in the thread to which Die Auflaufformchen links above my comment about it takes a hell of a boy/girlfriend to beat no boy/girlfriend at all. I do okay by myself, and being older than a young young person means I know very well how much work (I mean, worthwhile work, but work nonetheless) good relationships take. I also have spent a lot of time and energy of emotionally unavailable, sexually selfish juiceboxes and I am All. Done. feeling like a chore. No more makeouts with me if you are a soul-vampire or orgasms miser. Done done done. If I am going to work at a relationship, the other person had better be willing to, too. Or I could just hang out with my awesome friends and family and skip the whole "what is going on here heartbreak bitterness icy bitch battlements" experience.
*stolen from Die Auflaufformchen. Love this thinking noise. Is very Winnie the Pooh.
** positive outcome. When the "yeah, first-timer lady-dating convo happened, she said "huh... I had no idea. Couldn't tell at all." So that's a good feeling.
@PistolPackinMama Wow, this is awesome - GOOD LUCK on the various slow journeys mentioned here, I take inspiration from them. I'm sure the lady makeouts are gonna rock.
So is good conversation+ cuddling, as you said. When I really reflect, this which was actually the highlight of the above mentioned bed-sharing experience. OOoo like when I'm falling asleep now I can feel those damn cuddles. I hope I will get the opportunity to cuddle him SENSELESS.
Seriously, though, thank you for elaborating. I love FOT.
@halfheartedyoga You are welcome.
:) Sleepy cuddles FTW.
@PistolPackinMama i identified with so much of this post! you put into words a lot of stuff that's been going through my head lately.
also, "No more makeouts with me if you are a soul-vampire or orgasms miser." ORGASMS MISER. finally, it has a name.
@ghost with the most I... was going to say ORGASM MISER FISTBUMP. But you know what? I don't really want anyone to be inflicted with orgasm misers. It's hard affliction to clear up. DOWN WITH ORGASM MISERS!
@PistolPackinMama HURBITYMURBITYDURBITYCHURBITY!!!! Hahaha, when I read that, I was like "Wow! She and I express rumination in really similar ways!".
(wo)Man, I really enjoyed reading your thought processings. A lot of what you say parallels my thoughts/experiences. Good luck to you with your new lady-fren!
@PistolPackinMama rock on with your new discoveries/processing. can't wait to hear how everything goes for you--cutting out the orgasm misers is always a solid start, and i'm contractually obliged to fist bump you on the lady action. ;)
Welcome to the first time lady-darters club. We certainly seem to be expanding on here lately.
Also, orgasm misers? THE WORST. That's one thing that excites me about dating women, actually. I figure that kind of thing is much more rare. Plus, almost all of them have a basic understanding of how lady parts work, which I find rather useful in the bedroom.
@PistolPackinMama Frosty bitches unite! (offers upward nod of space-respecting solidarity) I am satisfied in my slow emotional travels, but it can be irritating when that vector doesn't line up with my other wants.
You are awesome.
Also, I really struggle with patience when it comes to my dudely students who are themselves struggling with Feminism 101. (That is why I cannot teach gender studies classes, though my courses are interdisciplinary and stuff comes up). Sharing/commiserating/inventing strategies to make myself a better teacher on that front would be very welcome.
@All :) Thanks y'all for writing replies. It's nice to connect with people who feel similarly about one thing or another in the whole process.
@PatatasBravas... oy. Drop me a note at kathleen dot allison dot teresa at gmail dot com? Let's commune over privilege examining struggles with undergrad boys.
ugh why is it that every time I turn on Facebook chat, someone who normally almost never speaks to me is all like "Hey, what's up?" but doesn't actually have anything to say and expects me to carry a conversation that I didn't want to initiate in the first place?
...wait... that's what Facebook chat is for, isn't it
@Rookie I haven't turned on facebook chat since last October when I screwed something up really bad at work on a Friday when my boss wasn't there and then I was freaking out so when I got home I tossed back a couple glasses of bourbon and then turned on facebook chat. Ugh, god, I ended up flirting with this guy 10 years younger than me who I don't even like that much (and whose advances I had rejected some months earlier) and I was so embarrassed that I haven't opened up chat for the past 13 months (also, I got sick as a dog because I drank another glass of bourbon and didn't eat dinner). And I think I hadn't turned on chat for a few months before that unfortunate incident because every time I did, my grandma would try to chat with me about how nice it was to get a wheelchair at the airport (??? I don't even know).
@Katzen-party Yeah, this incident was the friend of an ex, who broke up with me last fall, so obviously I haven't seen his friends in over a year? And I don't know if he expected me to flirt with him (not saying this because I'm self-involved, but rather because this guy will try to get with basically every girl he sees) or be all like "So how's my ex?" (which... don't care.) I was just confused, and am terrible at making small talk, particularly when I don't want to.
@Rookie I know--I'm really bad at making small talk in person, and chat is even more awkward because you're sort of typing over each other and/or responding to some old comment (I'm kind of a slow-ish typist I think?). But maybe I'm just exceptionally bad at it because I've never liked using instant messaging in any format (I've actually, literally NEVER used gchat or AIM)? And it's so hard to know or even guess at someone's motives when you can neither see their face nor hear their voice. It's like you were saying--do you want me to flirt with you, or are you trying to get info out of me about my ex, or what????? So stressful. Just write me a letter in longhand and send it by pony express. I'll wait here in the window seat longingly, thx.
Hey, everyone, I forgot that my FOT question was actually going to be this:
Has anyone moved to a different city for work (and not because they got transferred)? How do I go about looking for a job (not just like, teaching English or whatever, because I'm bad at that) in another city, such as I don't know maybe Rome? Or if I have to settle for somewhere closer, I guess the US somewhere?
I'm terrible at job searches, in general, so I'm completely out of my element here.
@Rookie Go to the consulate of the country you want to live in! They can helps with jobs or give you advice on how to go about it.
@Rookie NETWORK LIKE HELL. Ask friends of friends and current-city-dwellers with jobs that you like and chat up mentors in any related field. Even a flimsy (but relevant) connection is something that helps when you send out emails testing the waters!
@PatatasBravas @nymeria These are great ideas! I'm not sure who I have to network with, but I'll definitely start looking.
Aghhhh well guys, it's the weekend and once again, my borderline friend has seemingly got back in a not-great headspace. This time, by initiating contact but not responding to my emails. Aghhhh! Bloodrocuted, your advice last week was great but I feel like I don't know how to apply it to this particular situation. Aghhhh...
@puppetypuppet I know I'm the pessimist advice-giver here and probably not the one you'd most like to hear from, but I think your only play is to get on with the other areas of your life while you wait for a more reasonable form of outreach from your friend.
I don't know what his game is (shame? lashing out? control? all of the above?) but whatever it is, there's nothing you can do to force him to act reasonably, and continuing to pour energy into the vacuum he's created will only make things worse (probably worse for him, certainly worse for you). It's probably fine to tell him that what he's doing isn't ok, and that when he's ready to be reasonable you'll be there, but don't do anything to try to force reasonableness, and don't spend any further mental energy waiting for it. It'll come or it won't. And when/if it does, be skeptical and wary, since you've already been burned twice (that you've mentioned).
I know this is much easier for me to say than for you to do. I'm really sorry you're going through this. My best wishes for you and your friend.
@puppetypuppet Hey! I may be able to give you some advice, if you still need it. Specifically, what's going on with him?
@puppetypuppet If you really want to talk to them, I would maybe ask if they are all right and say you're worried because you haven't heard from them. (Obviously, you know they're fine, but it might force a response, and make it hard for them to start a fight if that's what they want but mollify them if they're just seeking more attention.)
Otherwise, I agree with Cawendaw. When they're not in a good place, people with BPD are really good at consuming massive amounts of other people's energy, concern, and time. What makes the disorder so tricky is that they feel like they need all of that attention/worry, and will go to great lengths to acquire it, but it is basically irrelevant to how they are feeling or will feel. You've shown that you're there for them, and hopefully they will eventually acknowledge that. Letting go for now isn't a punishment for them--it's really all you can do and the healthiest thing for you at the moment.
Just made the decision to "take a break" (a.k.a. the wimp's break-up) with my live-in boyfriend of 3 1/2 years. Was too hungover to process today. It's hitting. I'm dying. Help.
@shart_attack that is a huge call, you are not a wimp. Get girlfriends together for hangover late-night food and moral support? Also, if you made this call, it's a big call and you wouldn't have done it without good reasons, so believe in yourself. Hugs.
@MissJudgeMental Thank you. I'm second-guessing it, though. How do people do this?
@shart_attack I don't know of any easy way but my last breakup was made more pleasant by reading the fairly amusing "It's called a breakup because it's broken". Kind of like having a friend say, "you did the right thing. It's hard, it's scary, it's normal to be sad, but your abject misery will start to lift, and probably sooner than you think".
Hmmm. It sucks, it's never easy, especially after being a huge part of each other's lives, so expect that you'll be grieving, it's totally normal. Try and get enough sleep, try and eat properly, and call your friends, your family, talk to a counsellor if you want, and keep active. Maybe even over and above your normal work or study routine. You will feel better, I promise. If the grief hangs around for too long, ask your doctor about depression, but for now, be super nice to yourself and call on your friends, both flesh and blood and Internet, whatever it takes to make you know that you are part of a support network of people who want the best for you. You will be happy and confident again, and probably sooner than you expect.
@MissJudgeMental YES, I read that after my last breakup. I felt like a complete wanker reading it anyplace in public, but it was really great. I definitely have a great support network, though. It's just been a long time since I've done this. Argh.
@shart_attack I have other secret wanker books, too. A former boyfriend accidentally left behind a book called "I <3 Female Orgasm". Imagine whipping that out at the coffee shop. I haven't yet got my sh*t together to donate it to (sexy) charity. You did the right thing. It does suck but it will get better. Big big BIG hugs and lots of moral support.
Man I wish I could be stoic
@Danzig! I think feelings-ectomies aren't covered by most people's insurance. And also, really, stoics are not that great, as philosophers go. Ugh. Julius Ceaser was such a drag to read.
@PistolPackinMama not like that Ovid, hoo boy
@Danzig! Mmm, Zeno was so over even when the Agora was new...
@Danzig I was just thinking how strongly I disliked JC in Shakespeare in high school. Ugh. Stoic stoic stoic stoic. Blah.
But this thread delights me (not that you want to be a stoic, just the festival of Greek philosopher references). I've just wrapped up making my students read Plato and a bunch of other dead Greek people for a live action role playing game in Athens, and my Socratics killed it in the defense of Socrates at his trial.*
*And when they lost anyway, they killed him to make him a martyr and it was awesome.
Yay Greeks! Except the stoics. Boo them!
@Danzig! I feel like stoicism is way more interesting to read about than to live.
@PistolPackinMama I have to admit that I found the "ladies contemplating swallowing burning coals" part far more interesting than the "bleh bleh Caesar dramas" bits.
@PistolPackinMama Wow, every part of that is SO GREAT. My students are reading the Apology this semester, and I want to make them do that too now!
@Danzig! Ovid <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
@Priscilla Peel http://reacting.barnard.edu/curriculum/published-games/athens doooooooo it!
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I watched the emotional fountain that is Tangled with my sick, antihistamine-loopy neighbor last night. She fell asleep on me. I now have sort of a crush on her. I have not had a crush on anyone since I was five and met my jujitsu teacher. Also, she is still asleep on me, so it's hard to not only think about it. It's also hard to do anything else, so internet forever (as they say).
I'm sorry I don't have something more interesting to post about.
@Bloodrocuted I think the fact that she is still asleep on you while you're posting really ratchets up the interest level here. Don't underestimate yourself!
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