Quantcast

Friday, November 2, 2012

831

Friday Open Thread

What's good? What's not?

Tags:

time, open thread



831 Comments / Post A Comment

area@twitter

What's everybody listening to? I'm split between AWOLNation's "Kill Your Heroes" and Robyn's "Hang With Me".

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@area@twitter I'm listening to Pink's new song, "Just Give Me a Reason" and "All in My Head" by Missy Higgins. And "Closer" by Tegan and Sara.

gobblegirl

@area@twitter I'm still listening to Macklemore's new album on constant repeat.

Daisy Razor

@gobblegirl So it's good? Gimme a review!

Decca

@area@twitter SUNDAYINTHEPARKWITH....GEOOORRRRGE

Oliver St. John Mollusc

@area@twitter I'm in the Indie Discotheque room at turntable.fm! Good stuff.

gobblegirl

@Daisy Razor It's SOOOO GOOOOOOD. Most of it isn't has as up-tempo dancy as 'Thrift Shop." It's really well-crafted, full of honest and interesting lyrics. Lots of variety.

Roxanne Rholes

@gobblegirl Agreed! SO good. Definitely give it a listen. Also, Daisy Razor, he's coming to Boston in two weeks!

Reginal T. Squirge

Cruel Summer yesterday. Innervisions today.

But J. Cole and Lil Wayne's "Green Ranger" has been in my head all day.

Daisy Razor

@Roxanne Rholes Really? Where? (Who am I kidding--I am 800 years old and will never drag my sorry ass out for a show.)

sunfastrose

I just heard about "Let's Have a Kiki" by Scissor Sisters. I love the group and think this is totally their weakest song, but I can't stop listening to it!

SarcasticFringehead

@area@twitter Metalachi. Because Metalachi exists, and it is amazing.

Roxanne Rholes

@Daisy Razor House of Blues. At least consider it! Haha. You know it will be amazing.

Katastrophe

@area@twitter It's been an old favorites kind of day. The National, Okkervil River, Pavement.

And, oddly, Beasts of the Southern Wild soundtrack. Super wonderful!

Danzig!

@area@twitter http://www.thisismyjam.com/SocraticMethod B)

Lit Drunkard

@area@twitter I've been in love with Lord Huron lately, and the new Frank Ocean and Passion Pit(I just can't get over them!). I think this is a weekend for Van Morrison (though let's be honest, every weekend is a Van Morrison weekend)

yeah-elle

@area@twitter Lots and lots of The Replacements with some Neko Case and Leonard Cohen thrown in, as usual.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@yeah-elle I want to have Neko Case's red-headed babies.

Cat named Virtute

@area@twitter Oh man, my girlfriend, who is a big music nerd, just gave me a whole USB full of new tunes. I've been listening to lots of Beth Jeans Houghton (glammy folk), The Magnetic Fields (so perfect), Timber Timbre (just the right cosy music for grey days), and Big Black (good for having loud feelings to).

Blondsak

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Yes yes yes yes yes yes. One of my profs in college once interviewed her for a music magazine and got to have a beer with her in her kitchen (this was back when she lived in AZ). I am completely jealous.

Blondsak

@everyone Also, my boyfriend just sat down next to me and read this comment thread over my shoulder and said, "You have to hang out with some of these Hairpin chicks, and make us some friends who like good music." Why, Boyfriend, I completely agree!

Saskquatch

@area@twitter Re: Metalachi, thank you, you have enriched my life.

hoo:ha

@area@twitter I'm loving Peggy Sue playing the songs of Scorpion rising.

leonstj

@area@twitter Se Soltaron Los Pitbulls is my jam of the week. Cold weather always brings me into a hip-hop, semi-grimey mood, and I've been in love with a lot of latin rhythms the past few months, and tony touch has always been one of my mixtape faves...so this is in heavy rotation.

Bittersweet

@Cat named Virtute I can't listen to the Magnetic Fields without thinking of Alex Balk. (Which is a good thing.)

Reginal T. Squirge

@leon s

Holy shit, TONY TOUCH!!! Let's bro out about Tony Touch!

leonstj

@Reginal T. Squirge - Haha. My main station on pandora (which honestly I rarely listen to, it's mostly spotify - i'm a control freak about playlists) is "tony touch radio".

Some of the happiest moments of my life have been chilling in brooklyn, grilling for friends (back when i had a back yard) and blasting tony toca, a little dancing with the ladies, dominoes and shots.

Haha. I was raised blue-collar (springsteen & jovi - which i still love), but there's some shit inside me....i never really felt at home in the world until i not only moved to brooklyn, but just let go and stopped analyzing why i loved the culture and just go with it. from big & jay to mgmt & japanther, from bao in sunset park to fette sau in my hood, i could write a love letter to bk every fuckin' night. tony touch is a big part of what drew me here.

Reginal T. Squirge

I love Tony Touch! I got into him years ago because The Piece Maker had so many great features. He's one of the best DJs alive and a pretty decent rapper. But mostly he just seems like a really good dude that's fun to be around, which probably helps a lot with all the great performances he gets out of people.

mattewmc

worth watching.@t

BattyRabbit

Slut Troubles: I slept with a guy earlier in the week and tried to booty call him this morning only to find he has blocked my number, planning to send him a postcard wishing him all the best in his current troubles because I am s supremely mature and better person than he is, Greatest Idea Ever y/n? Y. I hope everyone else's week is better and nobody has been too fucked up by Sandy/jerks.

smidge

@BattyRabbit Eh, I could be wrong, but my instinct is to avoid any communication.It never feels as good as I think it will.

machinesss

@BattyRabbit Yeah I would just drop it. If it were me, I'd want to send him a postcard for the sake of getting a reaction from him, and when he never replied I'd just feel worse.

Emby

@BattyRabbit Reverse the situations. If you'd slept with a guy, decided you wanted nothing to do with him and blocked his number, then he sent you a postcard, what would your response be?

Stacy Worst

@BattyRabbit N.

katiemcgillicuddy

@BattyRabbit I also vote no.

Emby

@Emby I'll also note that I texted an ex-girlfriend of mine a while ago to say "happy birthday" and that I hoped she was doing well, after not having talked for several months, and I got a "Is this Emby?" text in response, and I felt like total dogshit. In conclusion, shit like that sucks, but it's best to get zen, accept the reality, and move on to greater happiness.

Judith Slutler

@BattyRabbit don't do it. Just fantasize about doing it and then wave goodbye to the idea as it floats away on the seas of time.

redheaded&crazy

Definitely vote to post your increasingly scathing responses here because we will validate them way more than blocked number dude would.

Pound of Salt

@BattyRabbit Agree with the others. How can you tell if someone's blocked your number?

planforamiracle

@Emby I like this. The Atticus Finch method of hookup communication decisions!

Hellcat

@BattyRabbit No--and that's coming from someone who totally appreciates the idea of these things. But you'll likely never even know the reaction, which is really the only worthwhile part of doing it. Plus, he'll probably just get a kick out of telling people that he's a great big awesome stud but you're crazy. Don't help him get these kicks.

BattyRabbit

@everybody I did it anyway and I feel great about it! I don't want a response from him, I want to feel like I've had the last word, and I do feel that way now. Oh well.

HotHead

@BattyRabbit And this is not to be snarky, but why did you ask for opinions when you already decided to send it anyway?

BattyRabbit

@HotHead I was still debating it when I posted, I just didn't have a chance to read everyone's reactions before adrenaline and hurt got the better of me and I did it. If I had ended up reading them before mail time, I probably wouldn't have done it, but now that I have I don't regret it. It wasn't an angry postcard, it was a polite goodbye with well-wishes - the sort of bare minimum farewell I wish he would have afforded me - to counter the negativity of his suddenly cutting me off. It gave me a sense of closure. I dunno. I feel compelled to apologize to you all somehow. I'm sorry I got too upset to wait and listen to your well-thought-out collective advice. Thank you for taking the time to respond to me anyhow.

katiemcgillicuddy

@BattyRabbit You don't owe anyone anything, asking for advice doesn't mean you have to take it. Even if I'm skeptical, I (and I'm sure we all) hope it works out :)

HotHead

@BattyRabbit Oh gosh, please don't feel like you need to apologize to anyone for your decision. I am trying to be less judgmental (it is one of my great faults) and I honestly wasn't trying to make you feel bad. What I have realize and hopefully you will to is that the only person that has to be comfortable about a decision that only affects you is you. If you are happy with the resolution, then that is all that counts. You showed him more respect than he showed you (and certainly more that I would have shown) and that is commendable.

Daisy Razor

General fanfic thread! What's everyone reading these days?

Valley Girl

@Daisy Razor Downton Abbey pornnnn

thatgirl

@Daisy Razor Torchwoooooood. Found one where Captain Jack Harkness is the father of Captain John "Three Continents" Watson that made me squeal with glee, which was rather nice.

Daisy Razor

@thatgirl Ooh, I recently read a Torchwood/Avengers crossover that was good, but not as porny as I thought it would be given the people involved!

thatgirl

@Daisy Razor How do you write a non-porny crossover of those two? How has the internet failed us?

Daisy Razor

@thatgirl Oh no, it was porny. It just had more plot and less porn (just one scene! come on!) than I expected.

Springtime for Voldemort

@Valley Girl Links or it never happened.

Springtime for Voldemort

@Daisy Razor A Nancy Drew/Ned porn.

AJ Sparkles

@Daisy Razor WHERE can one find this fabulous things?

anachronistique

@Daisy Razor Um... my own stuff as I work on sequels? *ducks*

Lyssachelle

@thatgirl Where did you find such a wondrous thing?!?! Reply with a link, so that I may get absolutely nothing done this weekend because I'm daydreaming about Torchwood fanfic...

thatgirl

@Lyssachelle http://archiveofourown.org/works/368646

It is not actually porn, and it is more than a little silly, but yes.

AJ Sparkles

@Daisy Razor That baby was bookmarked, hard.

Valley Girl

@Springtime for Voldemort Happy to oblige!

Springtime for Voldemort

@Valley Girl Goodbye homework, hello weekend!

sophia_h

@Daisy Razor Pulling a rec from the archives: Phoenix Burning is a Buffy fanfic set after the season 5 finale "The Gift" that is long, plotty, super well-written, and just all-around grand. Fandom classic, even if it (gulp) ten years old now.

Lyssachelle

@thatgirl I am fine with not-porny and silly. Ever since Torchwood Miracle Day dragged 4 good episodes into 10 mediocre ones, I've been needing a fix!

@sophia_h BUFFY!!!

sandwiches

@Springtime for Voldemort Where can one find this Nancy/Ned porn???

Springtime for Voldemort

@sandwiches Sorry it's taken me so long to get this to you! link

iceberg

A dude in my neighorhood that had been trying to hit on me (without ever asking if I was available/attracted to his gender) on my way to the bus was waiting for me at the bus stop the other morning. I showed him a photo of my triplets; he left a dude-shaped cloud of dust next to me in his haste to get away.

Daisy Razor

@iceberg That is hilarious. My husband is a homebody, so I usually go out on my own. I try to mention my daughter as soon as possible on the rare occasion a guy tries to chat me up. Works like a charm!

null

YESSS. The kid card: works (almost) every time.

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@iceberg
Oh that's right! You have triplets! I came up with the best triplet costume today: Cylons. (sorry if that is offensive to triplets?)

iceberg

@iceberg the succession of emotions/thoughts that ran across his face were amusingly transparent.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll Offensive or not, I'd like to see this please.

iceberg

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll Unfortch they are not even close to identical! :(

EpWs

@iceberg Drat. But did you dress them up in fantastic triplet costumes for Halloween anyway?

smidge

What's the best lunch you brought to work this week?

planforamiracle

@smidge I made this farro salad from Smitten Kitchen and it was pretty good... I liked everything but the squash. weirdly enough. I love squash, but cold in a salad, it was just not for me.

somuchsugar

@smidge rice and beans!

rimy

@smidge Leftover Pumpkin Fatayer. SO delicious! Taste somewhat like pizza but much healthier and easy to pack for lunch since they're like little pockets of deliciousness!

whateverlolawants

@planforamiracle Kashi's Mayan Harvest Bake. Mmmmmm. Best microwave food ever.

oh! valencia

@smidge I made a pot of this chipotle sweet potato soup and it was really good. I had it for lunch 2 days this week. http://sundaymorningbananapancakes.blogspot.ca/2012/03/creamy-avocado-chipolte-sweet-potato.html

kate.m

@smidge Due to extreme laziness I microwaved up frozen brussels sprouts and a veggie burger patty every day this week. It was surprisingly not terrible.

Judith Slutler

@smidge I have started on the ambitious plan of bringing lunch to the uni every day. Pretty sure my favorite thing I brought was white bean, carrot, cucumber and bulghur salad with coriander, sambal oelek, red wine vinegar, olive oil, and fresh rosemary and basil. But I also had some days with green salad and quiche! (if anyone has an idea for high protein vegetarian lunch foods that I can make in large batches, feel free to tell me about them)

Elsajeni

@smidge I did a terrible job of eating healthy homemade lunches this week, but a FANTASTIC job with dinners! Best: lemon and garlic pork loin roast (pre-seasoned from grocery store), baked potato, green salad, and sauteed apple slices for dessert.

thenotestaken

@Emmanuelle Cunt I like this one (and I always skip using a food processor when I make it): http://smittenkitchen.com/blog/2010/03/spinach-and-chickpeas/

My favorite lunch this week was amazing Burmese leftovers--I mixed together all the little bits of noodles/curries/rice/veggies that were left together and it was so good. For home-cooked things I brought rice and beans and tomatillo salsa, also all mixed together.

all the bacon and eggs

@planforamiracle I loved it (and I'm not a squash fanatic), but we cut up the squash into tiny cubes before roasting, and I think it improved the texture.

Amphora

@thenotestaken I made that spinach and chickpeas recipe last week (also without food processor...or bread) and somehow my chickpeas weren't so great. First time using dried instead of canned but I guess I messed up the soaking/cooking process?

thenotestaken

@Amphora Ooh, I always use canned due to poor planning/laziness so I can't help you there. I do really like the recipe with the bread--I usually just cut it into way smaller pieces than she suggests so I don't have to use the food processor.

ghost with the most

@smidge had a really good salad with tofu, shredded carrots, bean sprouts, cukes, maybeotherveggies? and kind of amazing pomegranate molasses as dressing. also other days bulgur, lentils, carrots & same heavenly pomegranate goodness. can someone do an article/point out articles on packing healthy & filling (& vegan?) foods? i'm commuting to school now and have to take pretty much my entire day's food with me, and so busy that i am trying to cook most of it on sundays and pack each day's up the night before. (+ grad school stress/sched = less sleep or good-for-me food takes a giant toll on my ability to function.)

phlox

@thenotestaken I made that recipe for the first time over (Canadian) Thanksgiving when all the bread in the house went into the stuffing, so we just used croutons instead. They work very well and you can kind of smash them a bit with your stirring spoon.

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

Remember my problem with United? I wrote a complaining letter and they sent me $75 in prepaid credit cards!

thisisunclear

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll I don't know why this makes me giggle but it does. Also, yay!

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll
Wait 'til I tell you what I spent it on!!

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll
And remember when we contested that ticket by mail? Just got the letter today that the administrative law judge denied the ticket as "factual inconsistent." Everything's coming up Milhouse!

JadedStone

OH GOOD.
Cause nanowrimo can WAIT.

Emby

@JadedStone I'm nanowrimo'ing RIGHT NOWWWW. Luckily I went over word count yesterday, so I can afford to slack a bit today...

smidge

@Emby Are you guys sharing your plots with people who ask or keeping them secrets? I can't decide.

Emby

@smidge I'll tell anyone who asks. Talking about it keeps me motivated to keep writing it.

smidge

@Emby I'll bite. What's it about?

Judith Slutler

@Emby HEY EMBY didn't you publish a thing in a newspaper? I never heard about what it was! Or am I confusing you with someone else?

Emby

@smidge :) It's about a newspaper reporter whose paper folds while he's living in a small town while his wife finishes her Ph.D. To make ends meet, he takes a job as a sound technician at a local church because there aren't too many other jobs available. He starts hearing whispers and weird shit in the speaker mix, though, and that leads him to start exploring the history of the church and finds out the building was originally built by a turn-of-the-century cult that borderline worshiped electricity and thought that electroshock treatments brought you closer to god. So yeah, that shit's haunted now, and as he explores the mystery of the church deeper, he comes to find that perhaps many of the town's modern residents haven't changed so many of their beliefs, after all. Dun dun DUN!

Anyway, something like that.

Emby

@Emmanuelle Cunt It was me! But I'm still working on it. One of my sources is being... difficult, to say the least. But it'll come together sooner or later.

Judith Slutler

@Emby Aw! well keep us posted :)

SarcasticFringehead

@Emby oooh, I would read that.

Ophelia

@Emby I would totally read that!

JadedStone

@JadedStone HAHAHAHA! DAILY QUOTA REACHED

This is how I manage to do nano. I write 1667 words a day. It seems less... insane... that way.

Emby

@SarcasticFringehead @Ophelia Thanks!!! I'll keep plugging away...

sandwiches

@Emby This sounds awesome!!

olivebee

My week consisted of me losing my new camera(/getting it stolen?) and then, the next day, being told by a man on the El that I look like a man.

I looked at him funny because I wasn't sure if he was talking to me, so then he looked me right in the eye and said, "So you're going to pretend like you didn't hear me? I said, you look like a man."

I got off the train and cried.

wallsdonotfall

@olivebee What the fuck. (And jesus, I'm sorry. What the fuck!)

somuchsugar

@olivebee my god what an asshole, hope you don't let it ruin your weekend xo

VolcanoMouse

@olivebee What the fuck, that guy. I'm so sorry for your shitty week.

oh! valencia

@olivebee Good lord. What kind of reaction was he expecting? Because he's SUPER LUCKY he didn't get punched in the face!

iceberg

@redheaded&crazie "I'm more of a man than you'll ever be" - that'd have him scratching his head.

redheaded&crazy

@iceberg I like yours better! I felt mine was kind of ... inappropriate.

Alternates: "I'm not pretending like I didn't hear you, I'm just in shock that you would be such a complete fucking asshole to a total stranger." *followed by a punch in the groin* *just kidding not advocating violence*

redheaded&crazy

@redheaded&crazie maybe just a little bit of violence.

Judith Slutler

@iceberg "suck my dick"

redheaded&crazy

@redheaded&crazie
"I did hear you but I can't possibly have heard you RIGHT. Were you ever in an accident where a steel bar went through your brain, rendering you incapable of understanding social norms?"

redheaded&crazy

@Emmanuelle Cunt You win.

Oliver St. John Mollusc

@olivebee WHAT A DICK I CAN'T EVEN.

Oliver St. John Mollusc

@olivebee Also, it's too bad he didn't ask if you'd ever been mistaken for a man because then you could've stolen Valdez's line from Aliens and said "No, have you?"

sunfastrose

@redheaded&crazie I'd skip the talk and just go straight to the groin punch. In my mind, at least.

olivebee

@all Thanks, everyone! I can always count on the Hairpin for an emotional pick-me-up. You guys are the best. I think what made me feel so bad is that the only thing about myself that makes me really, truly self-conscious is the fact that I worry that my prominent jaw makes me look like a man. I have very feminine facial features except for my jaw (and a petite 5'2" build), and ever since about age 10 or so, I've thought my jaw was too manly. So, that asshole hit me right where it hurts. If he had made fun of my hair or my shoes or anything like that, I would have been like, "fuck you, I like my hair this way." But instead, I broke down and cried.

melis

In cases like this, it's best to drift over to the offender gently - take their chin in your hands with infinite tenderness - gaze into their eyes until you both recognize the certainty of one another's deaths - and say, I know what it is that you fear and I cannot save you from it -

tea sonata

@olivebee WHATWHATWHAT. Seriously? Ugh, people.

angelene

@olivebee Last time someone hassled me I looked at them with what I hope was "wry pity", said "It's FUN being an asshole, isn't it", and they withered in a way that almost made me feel bad. This was the only time in my life I've come up with a zingy retort or felt even mildly impervious to harrassment. It's entirely about their own crippling insecurity and anyone who acts like that *as an adult* who should know better has got Problems. Anyway, that guy was a jerk. Hope you feel better now.

RK Fire

I just finished Season 2 of Sherlock and I think I am officially obsessed now. OBSESSED! Also: Johnlock! Neither men are quite my cup of tea but there is something about them together that makes them delightful.

EDIT: I feel like I've stumbled into another massive corner of Internet interests. Are there any tumblrs or memes I should look out for? I've already seen the otters and hedgehogs.

machinesss

@RK Fire I am so into Sherlock! And I have to admit, Sherlock and John fanfiction is the only fanfic I've ever had any interest in reading. You're right, there's something about those two that just does it.

thatgirl

@RK Fire AO3 has a lot of really good stuff, and there is a kink meme on LJ that is still going strong.

JadedStone

@RK Fire yes. This.

http://blogs.independent.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Otters-Who-Look-Like-Benedict-Cumberbatch1.jpg

oh! valencia

@RK Fire Is this a show my husband and I could enjoy together? We're all caught up on Fringe and Mad Men and are looking for a new series. I think it's between Sherlock and Twin Peaks at this point.

lagreen

@RK Fire I LOVE Sherlock so much. A Scandal in Belgravia was wonderful, as I think Nicole referenced in an earlier post on this site. And if you haven't seen this buzzfeed page yet (and aren't at work), definitely check it out. It's hilarious.

Hellcat

@oh! valencia TWIN PEAKS! I am sitting here post-hurricane (haven't been to work in four days) and trying to convince the BF that now is the time he should start watching it...

baked bean

@oh! valencia Yes, it is a show enjoyed by All.

Lucienne

@oh! valencia Oh, no, definitely watch Twin Peaks.

RK Fire

@oh! valencia: Yes! My husband and I watched all of the episodes together. I was into Sherlock Holmes when I was a kid so that was a big factor for me, and my husband was interested because it's gotten a good critical reception.

@all: thanks for links and suggestions!

wee_ramekin

@wee_ramekin *sigh* Messed up my links. Click 'Memes-wise' for the link to my favorite fanfic, and 'Misleading Moriarity' should take you to...misleading Moriartys.

planforamiracle

Good:
I am starting to do that thing where you take a photo every day! And this weekend I am going to make a second visit to The Clockat the Power Plant.

Not:
My new job is still really quiet and I feel a bit useless. I'm gonna work on stepping out of my comfort zone to "take the initiative" and whatnot.

How about you all?

phlox

@planforamiracle Oh, my parents have been to that clock thing twice, they say it's amazing!

supernintendochalmers

Hey 'pinners! How are NaNoWriMos doing? I'm at 4436 words right now, but I've been off work all week, so I'm not sure how I'll do when I'm back. How are your novels coming?

Emby

@supernintendochalmers OK! I've decided to write about whatever I feel passionate about, even if that means skipping around in the narrative a bit. I figure I'll write the transitional stuff that connects everything together later. Good idea/bad idea? I figure at least I'm writing...

churlishgreen

@Emby disclaimer that I don't do fiction, but yes: keep doing what you're doing. The blank page/screen is the worst.

smidge

@churlishgreen I started last night, made my word count, abandoned that and started over today. Whoops.

zamboni

@supernintendochalmers I am doing "rebel" NaNoWriMo, in my case 50000 words of WHATEVER to just start writing again, and I'm at 1700 (haven't done today's yet).

Elsajeni

@zamboni I think I'm probably going to end up doing this, but I'm starting out working on a novel about an aging superheroine trying to find and train a replacement.

bitchycrosstownexpress

@supernintendochalmers I did 2700 yesterday even though I had to work late so I'm kind of psyched. I'm technically starting the word count in the middle of the third chapter of a novel I started in January (and, yeah, mid-third chapter, hence NaNoWriMo), so my biggest fear is that I've been thinking through these characters for so long I'll do that thing where something that seems super obvious to me never makes it on to the page.

churlishgreen

@smidge IT'S STILL PROGRESS! Those are words you won't have to write again before getting to your destination.

SarcasticFringehead

@Emby I don't do fiction either, but I find it gets easier to write transitions when you know exactly what the "good" stuff is going to be.

supernintendochalmers

@Emby Definitely skip around. It's all going somewhere; words are words! I've been skipping around a bit myself, going back and filling in some description where I needed it. Do it!

Bittersweet

@supernintendochalmers 0 words thus far; heavy workload and (minor) health issues have conspired to keep me from writing, even on my blog. *sob*

cuminafterall

My office emptied out because everybody's getting deployed to NJ/NY for Sandy response, so there ought to be lots of stuff to do for those of us left, but somehow there's... not? It's eerily quiet.

Ophelia

@cuminafterall What do you do?

cuminafterall

@cuminafterall I work for FEMA, in a back-office/headquarters role. But anybody can get deployed, and it seems like all of us will for Sandy at some point (except those with medical issues or small children).

Valley Girl

Good/Not: Getting an extra hour of sleep; Stressing over the results of the election.

whateverlolawants

@Valley Girl I feel good about the presidential... very nervous about my state.

olivebee

@Valley Girl I saw a meme today that said, "Hey everyone! On Sunday, don't forget to turn the clocks back an hour. On Tuesday, don't forget to NOT set the country back 50 years."

lavender gooms

@Valley Girl I spend a lot of time at 538 taking deep breaths and reminding myself that the race isn't as close at the media desperately wants it to be.

thisisunclear

@Valley Girl Between the election and Sandy I am feeling very glum this week.

tea sonata

@olivebee This is great! As a Brit, I have to be honest I agree with that sentiment, seeing as our clocks have stopped. That and I wish I could vote in your country just because, you know, feels.

adorable-eggplant

@lavender gooms Read this one too! http://election.princeton.edu/ Sam Wang puts the odds even more firmly with Obama and says funny things like, "A few days ago, the word was that Team Romney was buying ads in Minnesota and Pennsylvania. If he wins either of those states I will eat a bug. Ohio...a really big bug. And yes, I will post a photo."

realtalk

@adorable-eggplant you guys, read this though D: D: D: http://harpers.org/archive/2012/11/how-to-rig-an-election/?single=1

Terrifying Wife-Avatar

Is this a safe space to admit that although I'm childless (or maybe because I'm childless) I want an Elf on the Shelf? My plan is to leave it in compromising positions every night.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@Nicole Sauvage@twitter What if you wake up and it has moved???

Daisy Razor

@Nicole Sauvage@twitter Oh my god, my friends got really drunk last year and for about three hours there were pictures of the Elf on the Shelf doing extremely non-Santa-approved things with their kids' Barbies and a Flynn Rider doll up on their Facebook.

It is still referred to as the Slutty Elf Incident of '11.

Terrifying Wife-Avatar

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose I will blame my husband, who is even more of a sick twist than I am.

Terrifying Wife-Avatar

@Daisy Razor Hahaha YES!

TheDragon

I am not gonna be all alone over thanksgiving!
I'm gonna spend it with my favorite cousin and her family :)

Cat named Virtute

@TheDragon Dragon! Where have you BEEN?! Yay for good thanksgiving plans!

TheDragon

@Cat named Virtute I've been busy with school and work, but I also have been spending a lot of time over at the pinner fashion club!
I missed you guys though!

Cat named Virtute

@TheDragon Ahhhh, I have resisted HFC, because I LITERALLY (Chris Trager voice) do not have time for any more internet obsessions and time sucks, much as I love you all. I can barely keep up here as it is! Hope school and work are good busy. I miss this place too, when I don't have time to drop every day.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

This is kind of heavy, but can we talk about how hard it is to have a sick parent? My dad is going through some shitty, shitty chemo right now, and he's confronting his mortality and I want to be supportive, but JESUS this is scary. And then I feel bad about having selfish feelings about it. It's so weird. Anyway. That's what I'm doing right now.

churlishgreen

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose I'm so sorry. It sucks. But in my experience, selfish feelings are normal. I lost my mother to cancer this year, and my father is severely depressed, drinking heavily, and having serious memory issues that go beyond depression and alcohol. I love my parents, and this has been awful. But I confess to plenty of moments (including today) when I wallow, thinking, what about me, when can I get on with MY LIFE???

Do you have any siblings? Talking/venting/etc with my sister has been a lifeline for me.

garli

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Ugh, I've been there and (I don't have kids) but it's like the worst feeling I've ever felt? My dad ended up ok after over a month in the ICU and a couple of surgeries but there were weeks of my life when I spent every second I was alone ugly crying and lost 10 lbs.

Terrifying Wife-Avatar

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose So sorry that he, and you, are going through that. It is so hard. *Internet hug*

wallsdonotfall

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose I'm sorry. That is so hard. I hope that you have someone close whom you can talk to about it, because it's terrible to realize you can't turn to your parent(s) this time.

My father went through chemo and radiation about ten years ago, when I was still in high school. It was hard, but I don't think I realized then exactly how bad it was. He's 70 now and has been all-clear since then, but he's finally starting to look his age. I'm scared too.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@churlishgreen I've got plenty of sisters to chat with, but it's tough stuff because my dad isn't a really emotional guy. He cried the other day on the phone, and I just couldn't handle it. But I want to be a strong person for him too, if that makes sense?

Lily Rowan

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose I wonder if you can find a support group and/or regular therapy to talk about your own feelings? It must be awful, and you are definitely not the only person having these feelings.

Good luck to all of you.

churlishgreen

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose That is so hard. I'm sure this is no consolation to you, but I am in the same boat with my once-stoic father. He is constantly breaking down, I never saw him cry before this year. I am also trying to be strong, and pay him back for all the support I got from him over the years, but I usually feel like a hapless imbecile, blabbering inappropriately happy talk trying to make him feel better. I wish I had constructive advice.

NeverOddOrEven

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose
Is your relationship with him good?
My mom has mental health issues as well as Parkinson's, which has been rough, but it's also put a lot of strain on an already touchy relationship.
Parents. They're hard. Yet another reason I never want kids.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@churlishgreen This is exactly what I'm doing! I feel so silly, trying to talk to him about hunting and guns and football like his bones aren't producing cancerous cells. I think the normalcy helps, though. I just wish I didn't feel so fragile on the inside while taking it on, you know?

whateverlolawants

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose
I know, it's awful. My mom had cancer when I was 11 and again when I was 20. I didn't realize how bad it was the first time, exactly, although it was more earth-shattering that time. And the selfish feelings are normal. The ones I feel guilty about are sometimes, when my mom does something that reminds me of her surgery (because it was brain surgery and she was left with some very mild mannerisms), I feel annoyed. Not with her, but with the fact that the whole thing happened and still manifests itself subtly today. Then I feel awful I felt that way. :(

And I might have only ever told one person that before.

As I get older, I empathize more with her loss of certain abilities and the temporary loss of independence she experienced. I mean, I felt bad for her back then, but now that I can see myself as an adult and realize that my mom wasn't that different from me before she had cancer... she's been through so much. And she's come through it so well, still very capable, and so optimistic. I don't know if I would have. And I get scared of it happening again, or happening to my dad or sister or myself.

I guess I just talked about myself here and didn't offer anything helpful, but I empathize, is what I'm trying to say. Hugs for you and your dad.

churlishgreen

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose I do think the normalcy helps him, even when it feels fake to you.

For me, this started about a year and a half ago, and while I have some really bad days and inappropriately-timed breakdowns, I do feel stronger over time. I also feel like I am doing something important for my dad, even if it seems totally ineffectual (if that makes any sense).

After my mom got sick, I was freaked out and didn't know what to talk about, so when I called her every day (I live in a different part of the country) I would talk about the mundane things in my life: boring stories I was working on, trying to find a contractor to fix things in my house, what I was making for dinner. I felt terrible going on about such trivial stuff, but I honestly think it was an escape for her, based on her reactions and her faithful reporting of the trivia to my sister.

Hang in there, you are doing it right.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@whateverlolawants Oh man, I'm sorry to hear about your mom. I get a similar sort of anger washing over me when my dad coughs really badly or when he kind of trips when he walks; I'm not mad at him, obviously, I'm just fruitlessly shaking my fists at the universe.

olivebee

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose So sorry to hear that - sending hugs and good thoughts to you and your family!

lil.orphan.shannie

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose :(

I went through this with my mom, although I think my selfish feelings were amplified because I was in high school when she was diagnosed/started chemo. I agree with others who have mentioned that normalcy helps, but also if you're sad, just be sad. I think it helped that my mom had a great sense of humor about it; she regularly made jokes about how weird she looked without eyelashes. But the times where she sat and cried, I sat and cried with her. I'm all for putting on a brave face, but it's like, you're still the kid, you know? Which, I guess, is to say that it's normal to feel helpless and be all "WHY ME" when this thing that is happening isn't actually happening to you. If that makes sense? I don't know. There's no right answer. Be whatever it is he needs you to be at that moment and hug a lot.

whateverlolawants

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose
Thanks, and I'm glad you understand that feeling too. I think talking about the trivial stuff is good, too. I remember being relieved when my teachers and friends' parents and parents' friends would just talk to me on a normal level. I know people were trying to show that they cared when they asked how we were, with that concerned tone, but since I was 11, I grew to hate it. I just wanted to be normal. I'm guessing most sick people often feel that way too (although not all the time.)

perfect_cursive

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Totally been there. I'm fortunate to have a sister alongside me. In the past 2 years, both of my parents have become ill in different, uniquely devastating ways. I second the having selfish feelings and also say it's totally normal. It's hard because I'm relatively young to be going through this (33) so no one really understands how painful and lonely it is. My sister and I were talking about this last month and she would get angry at people complaining about their weekends b/c this is pretty much consumed our lives. I cried at my best friend's rehearsal dinner when I walked her parents to their car b/c I couldn't help thinking that if I get married my parents will likely not be there. I expressed this to my bf and he was like, "you can't begrudge someone else happiness" and while that's totally the sane, reasonable response, it's hard to get others to understand. Wish I saw this earlier - I have some Feelings. An I'd offer if anyone who wants to talk about this stuff is in LA, maybe a beer would help? (Been too socially awkward and broke to do meetups yet)

whateverlolawants

@perfect_cursive Sisters help so much.

somuchsugar

I feel so bad for you all on the East coast... I'm out in SF and have sunny weather... To all 'pinners hope you are having a good weekend... my day at work sucks today as all the guys are out to lunch but I couldn't go because i'm TOO BUSY!!! HMMPPHT!!!

KatieBarTheDoor

Y'all, what happens if Romney wins next week? It legitimately might happen.

KatieBarTheDoor

@KatieBarTheDoor (And what I really mean by that is WTF ROMNEY MIGHT WIN YOU GUYS)

somuchsugar

@KatieBarTheDoor I am super stressed that this might happen... PLEASE UNIVERSE DO NOT LET THIS HAPPEN!!!!!

katiemcgillicuddy

@KatieBarTheDoor No way. Here is a fantastic piece (I think the Awl linked it yesterday, so you may have seen it) about all the attacks on Nate Silver by the GOP and their ilk. Part of it discusses the fact that it is not as close as these right wing jackasses would have you think. The Schadenfreude will be tasty next week.

http://updates.deadspin.com/post/34780905169/nate-silvers-braying-idiot-detractors-show-that-being

area@twitter

@KatieBarTheDoor I think (hope?) that if he wins, Moderate Mitt is the one who shows up to the White House. He was pretty middle-of-the-road in Mass, if I understand correctly? (Which does not solve the problem of Paul Ryan, but maybe we can hire Joe Biden to keep him in a headlock for the next four years.)

RK Fire

@KatieBarTheDoor: Intolerable gloating by conservative pundits, disappointment by at least half of the country, many threats of fleeing to Canada. Seriously though, it will probably be like 2004 in that we'll have to be overwhelmed by disappointment and keep a close eye on things like 1) fracking 2) reproductive health 3) foreign policy and 4) tax reform. Oh and 5) Obamacare.

(Also, why is it so close? He has said absurd things about 47% of the country's population and arghghgieh;hesiohg,.e1`...)

lobsterhug

@KatieBarTheDoor Moderate Mitt is a facade. He did his best to fuck shit up in Massachusetts(cutting social programs, gutting education) and the legislature ended up overturning a lot of his vetoes. So although Romneycare and same sex marriage both passed while he was in office, it's really more thanks to the state senators.

area@twitter

@lobsterhug Well, shit.

anachronistique

@lobsterhug Nobody hates Romney like Massholes hate Romney!

crango

@KatieBarTheDoor I am pretty sure that my anxiety over this is bringing my ulcer back :(

lobsterhug

@anachronistique I think of everything about this election I hate the American Crossroads Super PAC ads. They make me want to weep like that Bronco Bamma child on NPR.

OhMarie

@KatieBarTheDoor He is totes not going to win unless some next-level shit goes down. I am a survey researcher at my job and I could not believe more in the Nate Silver/538 method. I have been sleeping pretty well recently.

NeverOddOrEven

@RK Fire
But no one who would vote for him thinks they're in that 47%
That's the main problem with conservatives take on things, I think. None of the issues apply to them, in their minds, and therefore aren't a real concern.

Lyssachelle

@katiemcgillicuddy and @OhMarie, you are both are making me feel better. Thank you.

whateverlolawants

@OhMarie I'm glad there are other 538ers on here. I was a full-time employee of the campaign in 2008 and I based my electoral predictions on Nate's projections. The only two states I used faith on were the state where I was working (it was a total toss-up, but we were working harder, so I went with blue) and my home state (looking slightly red but I decided to have faith and color it blue.)

I was 100% correct, down to Nebraska's one electoral vote for Obama. If I'd been a betting woman I would have been rich.

OhMarie

@whateverlolawants Yeah, in 2008 I worked for a company that was one of the ones included in the 538 predictions, and I won the office electoral college prediction pool by pretty much exactly replicating the 538 predictions.

The aggregation of multiple polls is great, and there's huge pressure in the polling community to get things right for the elections, because it's really the only time when you can actually prove you are doing things right.

SarcasticFringehead

@KatieBarTheDoor If he wins I'm becoming a 2012 Truther. (I tell myself I'm joking, but I don't think I'm joking.)

whateverlolawants

@OhMarie What did you win?

melis

@KatieBarTheDoor THEN WE SHALL WRITE A THOUSAND MORE SLASHFICS AND DESPAIR

schrodingers_cat

@KatieBarTheDoor If he wins I am taking advantage of my eligibility for a post-graduation work permit in Canada come April

OxfordComma

@RK Fire : No matter who wins, a vast majority of our country will be disappointed.

melis

@OxfordComma I try not to whip this one out too often but O RLY?

OxfordComma

@melis : Yup. I do not like either Romney or Obama, and I do not believe that the majority of folks in this country feel that they are being fairly represented by either of those candidates. There is genuine fear on BOTH sides of this election--that alone should speak volumes about the tenor of the US right now.

adorable-eggplant

@OxfordComma Considering that only about half of the population will vote (let's chalk the rest up as basically meh) if the popular vote is close, than really only a quarter of our country will be disappointed. And another quarter will be freakin' ecstatic.

I have a lot of faith in the statisticians too (Y'all seen this? http://election.princeton.edu/; hours of fun), but the less rational part of my brain is still biting its nails.

OxfordComma

@adorable-eggplant : That's what I mean, though! Among the folks who care enough to vote, this is an *incredibly* polarizing election!

I was so, so hoping we could just get a nice, upfront moderate in office.

Saskquatch

@KatieBarTheDoor I am worried for Americans! A TERRIBLE conservative party won the last election in Canada and I have to have virtual antidepressants on standby each time I want to read the news. Also I don't want to read the news anymore and I think about flipping off strangers in rural Western Canada (who I blame for the government). I wish better for you all!

tea sonata

@KatieBarTheDoor You guys, vote like you've never voted before, and even though I'm technically British can I vote as well? Seriously?

RK Fire

@NeverOddOrEven: Agreed, although I feel like that line is just one of many things he has said where I then go "why do people even vote for him when he says this?!?!" It was just the first thing that came to mind.

@Oxford Comma: I agree with you in that if Obama wins there will be a lot of disappointed Republicans around. As for the implication that Obama is not a moderate.. let's agree to disagree on that one. I have some disappointments but generally though I still have some warm and fuzzies for him.

@all: I have to say though, as a Maryland resident/voter the electoral votes are pretty much a foregone conclusion barring some significant voter fraud by Republicans! I've been pretty much on pins and needles about the MD Dream Act and the gay marriage referendums. I'm going to be volunteering at the polls on Tuesday because of the referendums.

OhMarie

@RK Fire Yeah, presidential elections are not exactly exciting for Marylanders, but I am reeeaalllly nervous about the referendums. I have a good feeling about marriage but I just don't know what will happen with Dream.

@whateverlolawants I won cash money! I think it was like $20.

katiemcgillicuddy

@RK Fire You know why people will vote for Romney despite the insane things he says/backs? It's because they don't really like a brother in the White House, among other things. This country is really some shit sometimes.

@all Seriously, Obama is cool. And good, I hope a lot of people will be disappointed when he wins, they're jerkoffs, screw 'em. I mean hell, Obama isn't progressive enough for me (despite aaaaall the attacks on him) but jesus, Romney, I can't even. Anyway, MD/DC/VA residents, I'm gonna canvass in VA, so if anyone is interested, gimme a shout.

katiemcgillicuddy

@OhMarie The Dream Act actually looks pretty damn good, it was polling 57-60 percent in favor as of last week. Sometimes I am so proud to be from Maryland it hurts.

New Hoarder

@katiemcgillicuddy You don't have to say, but I am curious to know what part of VA you were canvassing in. I canvassed all weekend for O close to where I live, and I was very surprised and pleased at all of the DC/ MD/ PA/ NY/ CN people that came/ were sent down to my little ole county to hopefully help us go blue!

katiemcgillicuddy

@New Hoarder Ha, oh, I've said way more revealing things on the 'pin than where I live/work/etc (which possibly makes me a dumbass, but it's too late now). I was around Richmond, and I think tomorrow I'll be in Ballston/VA Square? I did it last election, too, a lot of us come down from Maryland/DC to canvass in VA (MD/DC are always super Dem, so it makes sense) Me and a buddy of mine like to take personal credit for VA going blue last time:)

churlishgreen

Any suggestions for people trying to control the impact of life stress on one's work? I'm a writer and I'm having a hard time focusing owing to stuff (mostly family-related) that really sucks but over which I have no control. It's starting to affect my work, which is freaking me out, which is affecting my work, on and on and on...

planforamiracle

@churlishgreen I wish I did. If I'm every in situations like that, I kinda just close up OR my emotions get out of control. Dumb question: have you tried yoga/meditation?

churlishgreen

@planforamiracle Not a dumb question at all, yes, I just started meditating recently and when I stick to it (which I have not been good about over the past few weeks) it is so helpful. Thanks for the reminder.

It's weird how you (I) can be aware that you are losing perspective and engaging in destructive thought patterns, but still keep on doing it.

The Lady of Shalott

Ha ha, I had a temp job with a chance to get hired on, and they totally didn't hire me. Out of forty people, they didn't hire SEVEN. One of whom was me. So....what's wrong with me?????? I AM A GOOD, QUALIFIED EMPLOYEE GODDAMMIT, and now I am unemployed AGAIN. And I'm starting to get crabby and bitter about it--like, why can't I get hired for a basic goddamn retail job for a couple of months, when total incompetents seem to be able to????

Luckily my boyfriend is gainfully employed, and we both kind of enjoy having me home all day to run errands and cook awesome meals and stuff, but AUGH I HATE BEING UNEMPLOYED, I FEEL LIKE SUCH A EPIC FAILURE.

smidge

@The Lady of Shalott NO. You are NOT an epic failure. The job market sucks and companies have odd reasons for not hiring people, so it's probably not you. Maybe you're just too smart for them?

SarahP

@The Lady of Shalott This is not flattery, though it will sound like it: you probably didn't get hired because they thought you were too good for the job. Retail stores see a LOT of turnover because of people leaving when something better comes up, and with your education and skills, I'm sure your resume is a red flag for them: "that girl doesn't want to be here--she's going to leave the second something better comes up."

The Lady of Shalott

@SarahP I've done a lot of retail before so I know all about turnover and everything, but I deliberately left my education off my resume precisely to avoid that, you know? I left college and postgrad off there so I'd have a better chance to get hired!

SarahP

@The Lady of Shalott They just know: you're too good for them. :/

noReally

@smidge Today we didn't hire a guy because one person in the department (who was given the opportunity to interview him kind of as a throwaway, sure-you're-important-too gesture) didn't like that he wore cologne.

jsunshine

@The Lady of Shalott I created an account because I had to reply to you. I am so in your boat, girl, and I know how frustrating it is. I had an interview a couple of weeks ago, through a friend. I heard from her later that I was veto'd as a candidate because my last name is the same as a girl my interviewer dated years ago and hates. Sometimes, it's just that silly and irrelevant (but no less frustrating)

HeyThatsMyBike

@jsunshine Man, that is so freaking illegal. But unless you have money coming out your ears and can afford to hire an employment law attorney, it's sort of like watching somebody run a red light and almost smack into your car. All you can do it be ridiculously pissed off about how illegal it is.

JustAPaperBag

@HeyThatsMyBike I don't know what state this is in or their employment laws, but it probably isn't illegal. It's stupid and ridiculous, but it isn't illegal. Not hiring someone based on his or her last name would be illegal if it were, for example, "Hernandez" and the reason for not hiring were based on race. But it isn't illegal not to hire someone because you don't like their last name. I'm not saying it's "okay"- it's definitely shitty - but the law doesn't prevent all shitty behavior. :(

HeyThatsMyBike

@JustAPaperBag I'm not in employment law, but my field requires me to know a lot about it. If there were hard evidence that this was the reason she wasn't hired (an email or something saying as much), she would win a court case (more likely a civil suit) in most states.
If you're an employment lawyer and know that to not be the case, then my employers and professors have spent a lot of time scaring me about the legal need for stringent hiring practices for nothing (which would be a bit of a relief!).

JustAPaperBag

@The Lady of Shalott First, this isn't legal advice. But I spent time in employment law, specifically, discrimination. I also worked for my state's agency in representing people who had been discriminated against, or thought they had been discriminated against. I have never come across a single law that makes it illegal not to hire someone based only on "I don't like that name." DEFINITELY if it's racially motivated, yes, that would be highly illegal, and if that is the case, I strongly encourage that person to contact legal services and/or their state's attorney general or EEOC. Finally, I would never tell you to go against what your employers and professors taught you, and I would ALWAYS err on the side of non-asshole hiring practices. I would really like to know what statutes and cases they are citing, though.

()
()

@area@twitter

Luck-One & Dekk's Beautiful Music Part 2. It's an amazing hip-hop album from a Portland MC who mixes the personal, the political and the spiritual.

planforamiracle

Can I ask all you women who have/have once had Mirenas, about what it was like, how it worked out for you, etc?
I am contemplating getting one. I have a prescription, but I'm putting off the decision in January because that's when my health coverage will begin. I'm afraid of the insertion pain (my doctor gave me a prescription for Ativan for it, which is a whole other can of worms..!?), afraid of a potential decreased sex drive (I've had this side effect form other hormonal birth control, notably NuvaRing), normal stuff like that. I've done some googling but I want the Hairpin perspective!!

Daisy Razor

@planforamiracle Have you read this post and its million comments?

I'm a Mirena evangelist, but much like every single thing related to one's uterus, everyone's experience is different.

bananalise

@planforamiracle like Daisy Razor said, there's a huge conversation about it over there but I wanted to chime in on the sex drive thing and say that the Mirena is the only thing that HASN'T diminished my sex drive whatsoever and I love love love it. ALTHOUGH the first month I felt gross so that was a no-sex Thing. Worth it.

SarahP

@planforamiracle Is there a reason you aren't considering Paragard? If hormonal birth control has given you problems, it's a good option.

Also, everyone's body is different, but remember that you rarely hear the good/neutral experiences online, only the negative. My insertion was really easy! It felt like a long menstrual cramp, but by "long" I mean 15 seconds, and only that long because my gyno had some problem inserting it at first. (I, like @Daisy Razor, am an evangelist for my IUD.)

garli

@planforamiracle I've had mine for years and no complaints about anything. Putting it in sucked but I didn't take anything for it and taught a 3 hour lab directly after the procedure.

oh! valencia

@planforamiracle Here's my story. Insertion pain was minimal - like a weird twinge during insertion, and nothing after. I did have a lot of spotting in between my normal periods during the first few months, but that stopped and now I barely even have a period, so it's all-around awesome.

planforamiracle

@Daisy Razor thanks for that link! I had read the article but it was shortly after its posting and the discussion wasn't as rich yet. I'll take some time this weekend to read ALL THE COMMENTS...
@bananalise thanks for your perspective on the sex drive thing. It is heartening to hear..
@SarahP I didn't really think about ParaGuard; asked my Dr. about it and she said in general, she didn't recommend it. & thanks for the perspective on insertion.. it is just a scary thought and it's good for me to realize it would probably not be that bad!

Since you are IUD evangelists, wanna tell me about your strings, and how long/short they are, what checking them is like, and if your partners can feel them?

garli

@planforamiracle I checked mine at first - like once or twice. Then then like...curled up around my cervix. So I had to really try to find them (I have really small fingers). I made my husband feel them with his fingers so it didn't freak him out if they poked him in the wiener but as far as I know he doesn't notice them.

Springtime for Voldemort

@planforamiracle I love my Mirena. Insertion was horrible the first time, but then I came back after they'd given me the dilation pills and it went smoothly and tolerably. I bled (both spotting and two-week-long periods) for the first 3 months pretty much every day, and then just dried up and now get about half a day of a period every few weeks. I like it a lot more than the pill, hormone-wise, and I didn't even really have that many issues on the pill.

anachronistique

@planforamiracle Commenting because I'm scheduled to get my Mirena after Thanksgiving and I want to hear what people say! (I am pretty sure I read all those comments already but more reassurance is nice.)

SarahP

@planforamiracle It's up to you/your doctor/your body, but some doctors still have outdated information about how it's best to have had children before getting the copper IUD. That info is outdated! I have had zero babies and should be the Paragard poster child, it's worked so well for me.

Strings: For the first 6 months or so, my strings just sort of dangled around in there--I could feel them easily whenever I... checked. (WOW this got personal fast.) But my husband only felt them 3-4 times in those first few months (always on day 19 of my cycle. Bodies are weird!). After 6 months, they really did soften a little, and curled up so that they're behind my cervix. The husband never feels them, and I can only feel them if I'm specifically looking for them.

polka dots vs stripes

@planforamiracle NuvaRing completely obliterated my sex drive, and my doctor recommended the mirena (or the one that gets inserted into your arm, but I was like, I'm not an alien, thank you). I haven't gotten it yet, but she says that because the small amount of hormones in the Mirena don't enter your bloodstream the way nuvaring or other pill BC does, it doesn't impact your moods/sex drive as much.

Changeling

@planforamiracle
Paragard here, and insertion for me was definitely uncomfortable, but a fairly short pain. I've probably felt worse from stubbing my toe really hard. Harsh cramps the rest of the day, but then things were pretty normal. Heavier flow/worse cramps for the next 3 periods or so, and now it's all evened out.
I think my strings are long/mid-length, and I check them whenever I remember, which is about once a month in the shower, but I don't worry about it. My boyfriend says he feels them sometimes, but they don't hurt him. They mostly hang out all curled up kind of behind my cervix. And even though they're sort of long, I haven't had any trouble using a menstrual cup.

planforamiracle

@polka dots vs stripes see, that is what my Dr said abour NuvaRing—that it's not metabolized through your liver, so the side effects should be lower. But it, as you say, obliterated my sex drive, and looks like it may again this time around (as my interim solution while I decide what to do re: mirena.)

AND thanks for telling me about your paraguards. I just assumed they were not commonly used but it looks like I'm being proven wrong.. I may ask my doc to give me a new prescription. AND thanks for telling about the strings! GUYS, I am learning so much. so grateful.

MilesofMountains

@planforamiracle I have a Mirena, and I think getting it has been the best decision I have made all year. I love this thing. I had both mood issues and a dead sex drive on every pill ever, and it took about two weeks for my mood to bounce back after I switched to the Mirena. The sex drive took a little longer, but I think it's fully back. My periods are much much lighter, and my cramps are way better. I do get cramps way more often now, like every few days or every time I exercise, but they're very mild so it's not so bad.

My insertion hurt, but my doctor gave me something to dilate my cervix so it really wasn't that bad, and it was only bad for about 30 seconds, and then it faded to persistent cramping for the rest of the day. I'm not sure how long my strings are, but they're curled up right against my cervix so my boyfriend hasn't ever felt them, and I only feel them if I go rooting around for them.

theotherginger

@MilesofMountains yeah, the insertion wasn't bad, and now, like 3 months later, am back to normal in terms of sex drive/periods/bloating. I haven't yet tried my diva cup, though.

MilesofMountains

@theotherginger I've been using my Diva Cup since pretty much the second month I had my IUD in. So far no problems, but I do make sure I break the seal before I pull it out.

theotherginger

@MilesofMountains thanks lady, will try again

Plant Fire

@planforamiracle I don't know about the hormonal aspects since I have a Paragard but I can talk about the rest of the process as I've had my IUD for 9 months now. So my insertion was pretty easy, I came first for a consultation once for a checkup and pregnancy test, and then we talked about which IUD I wanted and I got to ask any questions about the process. The consultation was required at the Planned Parenthood where I got it done but I don't know if the checkup was part of it because I also went ahead and scheduled a pap smear and STD/STI testing for that day. Then when the results of everything came back I got to schedule it for during my next period (apparently the 3rd day or so is ideal) and was told to take some ibuprofen before I went in (I took 600mg). Then I went in and they said that wasn't enough ibuprofen so I took 200 more and then after a little bit they went to do the insertion (the ibuprofen was the only medication I took the whole time, no cervix dilators or softeners and no painkillers). I had a doctor and a nurse in with me the whole time.

I cant remember all the parts of the insertion but I know they inserted this tube/stick thing to measure my cervix to determine the correct placement and then another thing went in to open my cervix (that part hurt! but then it was fine) and then they slid the IUD in. It was pretty quick and I was told it went in easily which was nice (part of the reason I did it at PP is because they insert a lot more IUDs than other doctors so they are experienced and it tends to go better). Then the doctor trimmed the string but left it long until my 6 week checkup (which I forgot to go to).

At the time...it didn't really hurt at all. The insertion felt like one big awful cramp (I was told it would feel like a contraction) but then after I was fine. I walked home (20 minute walk) and lay down and it wasn't until a little after I got home that it started to really hurt. It wasn't excruciating but it was enough that I didn't want to sit up so I just kind of lay around until my boyfriend came over to make me dinner and rub my belly. I was fine the next day though.

As far as post insertion experience, it's pretty awesome. For the first 3 months I had bad cramps during my period but after that they got less and less and my periods got shorter so now I generally have 4 day periods with one medium or two medium days and the rest light days with no cramping at all. After day one I can usually go without a tampon or pad at night (I put a towel down just in case since my flow is a bit heavier than pre-IUD but it's unnecessary as long as I take care of it first thing after waking). When the string was long my boyfriend could occasionally feel it but when I first got it I had him reach in and find my cervix and the string so that one or both of us can move it out of the way if it pokes him (usually me because it's easier and I have longer fingers). He says it doesn't hurt though, it's just a poke. Then it started to curl away so it wasn't an issue. After 2 or 3 months I tried using a menstrual cup for the first time and it was a disaster, and when I went in to get checked out (nothing happened to the IUD thank god) the doctor trimmed the string. Unfortunately that undid the curling of the string and so occasionally my boyfriend gets poked but I just shift it away. I check the strings after every period and there has been no shifting so far and everything seems fine.

4and20blkbirds

@planforamiracle I want a Mirena too but if I don't want to pay for it I have to wait until March :-/ which in the grand scheme of things isn't that long, but still annoying.

angelinha

@SarahP Same here! No one is going to go online and tell you how easy it was, but it was so easy. It hurt but was totally manageable.

frenz.lo

@planforamiracle I love my Mirena, because I have not had a period since I got it inserted in February, and vanquishing my menstrual cycle has always been my dream.
I have more acne (specifically, upper back e) than I used to. I can't tell if my sex drive is diminished, or if I'm just too tired to bone on most days. I was also too tired to bone before the Mirena.
Insertion pain was minimal. I took Motrin before and Vicodin after, and worked the rest of the day.

TheBourneApproximation

@planforamiracle Aah, a chance to talk about IUDs again? Yay!

I'm getting up to one month on my Mirena. I spotted for a while, but it's mostly let up now. And I was coming off of two years of Implanon, so it's not like I haven't gone through that before (Implanon: the bestest! Until you get your period for an entire month!). So far I feel a little less emotional than I have on other forms of hormonal contraception... Hopefully that lasts.

I've tried to feel my strings, but haven't really been able to determine whether they're there or not (like, maybe what I felt was the strings? Oh not? Apparently I don't know my lady bits well enough...). Followup appointment confirmed they were still there, however. Husband hasn't felt a thing.

The insertion honestly was the worst pain I've ever felt in my life. But it was over in about three seconds. And it's probably partially my own fault, as the only medication I'd had was 200 mg of Ibuprofen (why didn't I take those leftover 800 mg pills I had?!). Not worrying about taking a pill makes it all worthwhile.

theotherginger

@TheBourneApproximation so, first off, I love FOT, but this in particular. and now, to overshare. attempting diva cup for the first time since I got my IUD

This is my new username

@frenz.lo Hmmmmm, I sometimes start thinking I want to take the Mirena because I am having a hard time finding a birth control pill that works for me. Also the mild paranoia of feeling like maybe I should take a pregnancy test because I was 30 min late taking my pill or whatever. The main thing holding me back is the acne issue. I have had tons of hormonal acne and the birth control pills have really helped with that and I am not sure whether I am ready to go back to sad acne face.

Amphora

@planforamiracle I've had the (dubious) pleasure of having used both Paragard and Mirena, and the Mirena is WAY better in terms of its impact on your period - as in, VERY heavy periods and extreme cramping versus reduced to some light spotting on the Mirena. Using pills and the patch always gave me mood/weight problems, and neither of the IUDs has had any effect on these. The hormone level in the Mirena is minimal.
For insertion, did your doc tell you to schedule it when you were on your period? Some do this because the cervix will naturally be open, others will give you a script for a dilating medication (and if you ask, pain meds, HIGHLY recommended). Then it's just a matter of enduring the discomfort of someone having their hand ALLLL the way up in you.

@theotherginger BE VERY VERY VERY CAREFUL using the cup!! The reason I've had both kinds of IUD is because I accidentally ripped the first one out WITH MY CUP. BAD TIMES. BAD TIMES!!! (yes clearly I am not over the trauma of this event)

theotherginger

@Amphora thanks lady! I tried it for a bit today. OMG so painful, like insertion all over again (thankfully still inside!) but never. again.

Plant Fire

@Amphora I think the impact that a Paragard has on your period depends on the person though. When I first got mine I had heavy periods but after month 3 it started getting lighter and lighter and then by month 6 my periods were 4 days long and not that heavy (usually 2 medium days (sometimes one heavy one medium) and then 2 light days), with no cramping at all. I think if you're someone that already has pretty heavy periods it might not be a good idea but if your periods aren't that bad Paragard shouldn't affect you much.

planforamiracle

@Sea Ermine Gals. Serious thanks for all your input. I'm gonna go ahead with it and try Mirena. If it's not for me, it's good to know that Paragard is a legitimate option and not the thing my doc seemed to be trying to scare me away from!
Also, y'all have made me not so afraid of the insertion. It sounds like taking the Ativan script she gave me (awfully cavalier-ly, I might add) might be overkill and not worth opening that whole can o' worms. I am supposed to get a referral to an OB-GYN in my doc's building, so I will ask her about the cervical-dilation thing.

up cubed

@planforamiracle One thing I didn't expect when I got Mirena was the hormonal roller coaster of switching from my previous type of birth control. Although I'd been warned about insertion pain and spotting/cramping, I still felt stressed and anxious about all the changes to my body and mind. People here at the hairpin were very supportive :) All the symptoms have gotten much better with time (a few months). Good luck!

Plant Fire

@planforamiracle One tip I forgot to mention, if you don't have someone at home who can cook for you make and refrigerate or freeze your meals for the insertion day the night before (something comforting like mac and cheeze or pasta with tomato sauce or muffins or home made frozen burritos). If your insertion is anything like mine when you leave the doctors office you will feel 100% fine no pain but then later on in the day it will hurt and you'll want to lie down with a hot water bottle on your stomach. So having already made foods so you don't have to do anything but microwave and then curl up on the couch and eat is a nice thing.

theotherginger

@Sea Ermine so smart! I could barely walk out of the dr's office, but then biked home. and then promptly lay down. but since I had to move the next day I took a lot of ibuprofen and it was ok. Curling up on the couch would be better though.

rimy

My birthday is election day - yikes!

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@rimy Two good reasons to get drunk!

rimy

Also, what does everybody think of the Myers-Brigg personality test? Accurate/not accurate?

thatgirl

@rimy I prefer Enneagrams, honestly. It's more about basic motivations and fears, and is generally pretty accurate.

katiemcgillicuddy

@rimy It was actually really accurate for me, but then again there were times my answers were sort of toss-ups between 2 different options, so it is flawed in at least some way.

VolcanoMouse

@rimy Fun and addicting, either way! I was obsessed with the MBTI and Keirsey's 'Please Understand Me' in high school, haven't actually worked with it in any real capacity.

I'm rather suspicious about the current tests. Most of the population is supposed to skew towards SP and SJ... and I seem to live in a bubble of INFs and INTs, who should be much rarer. So!

()
()

@rimy Full of false dicotomies.

rimy

@katiemcgillicuddy I feel the same way. Mine (INTJ) was pretty accurate though, I think?? My boyfriend came up as ISTP (I sneak-quizzed him last night) and it fits him well, too, but on both there were some characteristics that were a little iffy. I feel like it's an advanced version of astrology or something?

garli

@rimy I like it because my husband and my best friend have the same score and that amuses me. I also feel pretty comfortable with how it describes me. Anecdotal can never steer you wrong.

katiemcgillicuddy

@rimy That's probably a good way to put it, which is funny, cause I'm a Scorpio and I fit that profile super well. So, grain of salt.

area@twitter

@rimy Seconding advanced astrology. We did Myers-Briggs at work and I did find it minimally helpful (i.e. "I'm reading alone at lunch not because I don't love you all, but because I need alone time to rest and recharge"), but enh. Like astrology or tarot, I tend to pick out the stuff I find somehow useful and leave the rest.

planforamiracle

@rimy I just took it this week for the firs time in years.
Pros: I got ISFP, a nurturing/guardian/people-pleasing type, which seems really accurate for me.
Cons: Every time I have done this test, I've gotten a different result. I think it is because it's hard to know yourself well enough to answer the questions honestly/accurately.

I kinda like the astrology angle.. I am a Taurus, so.

area@twitter

@planforamiracle I think it changes, too, which actually makes me more trusting of it, since it's tracking variations in your personality over time. I felt that I could track the changes in the score to specific changes in my personality. But that might be a self-fulfilling prophecy, too!

NeverOddOrEven

@rimy
I never thought much of them, but not too long ago I took an abridged version online and was Blown. Away.
I'm INFJ, which apparently is rare, and it articulated a bunch of things that I couldn't, and allowed me to forgive myself for them. As well as reinforcing my chosen career path.
It was pretty great.

lavender gooms

@rimy It was very accurate for me. Very, very accurate. INFP, although my "I" is fairly close to neutral. Everything else was off the charts.

Faintly Macabre

@rimy I find it pretty accurate, though I was on the borderline between two (very similar) types. Whether or not it's true, like NeverOddOrEven said, it made me notice patterns of behavior/relationships that I hadn't really put together before. (In my case, obsessive need for back-up plans and as much information about everything as possible, and being impatient. Yes, I am a ray of light.)

rimy

@rimy I thought the astrology/Myers-Briggs overlap was really interesting, being that both mine and my boyfriend's astrology signs complement the results I got, but at the same time I want to roll my eyes at the whole idea that you can typify the entire human population into so few narrow categories. blah.

rimy

@thatgirl I've never heard of Enneagrams - will check that out asap! I obviously get a kick out of this stuff for better or for worse...

whateverlolawants

@rimy I did the OCEAN model test recently and found it pretty interesting. Still deciding how accurate it is, but at first glance, pretty accurate.

like a rabid squirrel

@all I tried to track down the same Myers-Briggs test I took a few years ago and couldn't find it. Do you have any idea where the good test might be hiding? All the ones I could find seemed really short. I got an ENFP whenever I took it for awhile but I've been discovering my inner introvert in the years since.

rallisaurus

@thatgirl I love the enneagram! I feel like it's less career oriented and more spiritual? My new-agey coworker (she thinks she can heal herself with her mind) got me into it and since we're both the same time we can talk about it for hours. Plus it's fine to try to type the people around you!

LooseBaggyMonster

@rimy It's a fun and possibly illuminating diagnostic, but I don't think it's psychologically rigorous in any way. I know a few people who organize their world view around it, which is rather alarming.

PistolPackinMama

@rimy I also prefer Enneagrams.

But. I am so ENFP it's off the charts. Like, if there were such a thing as extra-extraverted, I would be it. A lot of the attitudes stuff in the profile really apply to me, too.

So I'd say the MB is accurate for me, at least.

Melusina

@rimy It doesn't work for me. Clinical psychologists tend not to put any stock in it. There are other personality tests that are probably better.

HeyThatsMyBike

@LooseBaggyMonster This exactly. It's fun, but has not been shown to have any predictive validity whatsoever. You should also be sure to look at where you fall on the various spectrums rather than the "letter" you get. If you're a borderline E/I, a lot of your "profile" doesn't actually apply to your results, and you'll look a lot different than somebody with the same 4 letters who is in a different spot in the spectrum on each.

VDRE

I'm working on grad school applications right now and it's really stressing me out. Yesterday I realized that one of the applications that I was doing was for the wrong program which freaked me out which made me feel dumb and then submitting my GRE scores today also made me feel dumb. I'm kind of dumb. Also I don't really want to leave my job to go to grad school but I should because if we don't get our grant renewed then there won't be money to pay me and I'll be screwed. Someone tell me anecdotes about how great grad school is and how happy you are to be/have been there?

()
()

@VDRE

Based on my recent calculations, I'm about to fork over $175 on GRE score reports. Or $225 if I choose to retake the GRE. This is ridiculous.

VDRE

@() Right? I should have just retaken it and then sent those scores to all the programs for "free" because then maybe I would have done better and also I'd feel like the money was better spent. How does it cost $25 to send out a sheet of paper?

Judith Slutler

@VDRE Um, it is pretty great, even though my grad school has been Grad School Horror Story so far. My advice would be not to overdo it in the first semester.

thenotestaken

@VDRE I am supposed to be working on grad school apps right now--hopefully I'll get some good time in this weekend. I'm in the same situation as you with regards to liking my job but knowing there is a good chance money will run out by summertime.

like a rabid squirrel

@VDRE This time last year I was working on grad school apps (while already in grad school - getting my MA, applying for PhD) and it was by far the most stressful few weeks in recent memory. GRE scores, last-minute screw-ups, trying to network and send e-mails to professors. Now I am happily settled into a new city that's WAY better than my last one, plotting the next few years of my life and feeling pretty good about the whole PhD endeavor.

Sure, school is stressful, but it's a kind of stressful you're probably well prepared for if you're applying in the first place. Application stress is a whole new ordeal and (in my opinion) a lot more harrowing than the day-to-day grind of grad school.

anachronistique

@VDRE I had a really great cohort and I feel extremely fortunate to have had two years to study something I loved surrounded by people who were interested and engaged. Unfortunately I only got my M.A. when it was supposed to be a PhD program thanks to mental health issues and my funding vanishing, but I don't really regret those two years when it comes down to it.

And the application process BLOWS. To-do lists help. (I now work at a university and being on the other side of it also sucks, if that helps at all.)

Jenn@twitter

@VDRE I'm in my second year and apart from some issues with one of my collaborators, I really love it and I'm glad I made the decision to go. :D

TheBourneApproximation

@VDRE "Someone tell me anecdotes about how great grad school is and how happy you are to be/have been there."

*Grits teeth and smiles.* IT WAS FINE.

No, seriously. It's fine. You actually might appreciate it more if you've worked out in the "real world", too. Treat it like a job rather than a personal identity, but also enjoy getting to be a student and learn stuff for a while! And the applications really generally do suck, regardless of how smart one is.

theotherginger

@VDRE people will think you are smart, and you can let them. All jokes aside, it's a lot of work, it has ruined some friendships that were never meant to be (so this is a plus), and paid for some pretty sweet trips to do research. If I were to do it again I would have a better plan for my thesis, so I could start networking and presenting earlier.

ghost with the most

@VDRE grad school is amazing! i took a few years off after my BA to work and never felt intellectually engaged with my work so it's good to be back. i have felt more stressed than anything else, but i guess there are 'dumb' moments as well (mostly with non-school issues, sigh). feeling smart in my one class that is mostly undergrads : P set to apply to phd programs next year ....

Lisa Frank

What a terrible week! I feel so guilty, because the hurricane left Upper Manhattan unscathed, but I know just a few miles away people have lost everything. Does anyone know if there is anything I can do, besides donate money? I've just been sitting at home, where I've had power/water/gas/internet the whole week, and I want to actually do something for the people or NY/NJ who are suffering, but with public transportation crippled, it's hard for me to get anywhere. I hope all 'Pinners out there are ok.

mysterygirl

@Lisa Frank: I don't know if any of these are doable since you said transportation is a problem, but Mike Dang put together this list:
http://thebillfold.com/2012/10/feeling-stir-crazy/#more-16704

HeyMatilda

@Lisa Frank Give blood? I've heard supplies are low post-Sandy and I would but I've had a tattoo too recently to be considered.

I live in North Brooklyn and came away with power too so I feel your guilt. I tried volunteering to clean up the park in my neighborhood this weekend but they already had such a big turn out that they closed the registration! I can't really get anywhere either but if all you can do is donate groceries, it's definitely appreciated somewhere!

Lisa Frank

@HeyMatilda Thanks, Ladies! I really hope the people in Staten Island/ Jersey/ Queens who need help get it. The pictures of the devastation are just awful.

meetapossum

@Lisa Frank As far as Queens goes, my friend is putting a drive together for people in the Far Rockaways. There will be a drop-off point in Astoria, which is accessible by public transit now.

See the FB invite here. If you know anyone in the Astoria area, let them know. It's an awesome effort by a teacher who really cares about her students and the community she teaches in.

Ophelia

@Lisa Frank You can sign up at nyc.gov to volunteer with cleanup/etc - you just have to let them know times you're available, and neighborhoods you can get to (for instance, if you can get to, say, Penn Station by subway, then maybe you could volunteer around Union Sq, etc.)

Lit Drunkard

@Lisa Frank Definitely give blood- I've only been able to give money, which does nothing to make my heart ease. I grew up in Seaside Heights and my family still lives in Jersey (Asbury Park, Mahwah)-- seeing the devastation-- I just can't process it

Decca

"Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show."

I finished David Copperfield this week. So great. I've been reading a lot of Dickens recently, and this is my favourite so far.

planforamiracle

@Decca that is an inspiring, terrifying quotation.

Blondsak

@Decca That reminds me of "The Cider House Rules." Also a great book!

tea sonata

@Gussie Speaking of, I'm reading Cider With Rosie by Laurie Lee. Forgot how good it is.

LooseBaggyMonster

@Decca Have you read "Our Mutual Friend"? It's amazing. Also "Bleak House."

Decca

@LooseBaggyMonster I have not read Our Mutual Friend, though I own a copy of it and want to get to it eventually. I'm currently re-reading Bleak House, and yes, it is amazing!

fuck fuck fuck

i played in my first rugby tournament on sunday! BUT now i have a concussion. and we came in third. out of four. WHATEVER.

so after reading that thread about pitbulls yesterday, i made some comment about how i wanted to open a rescue. GUYS. i think i am actually going to make that my life's work. i'm graduating in december with a worthless degree (but from an impressive-sounding school, so maybe people will not immediately throw away my application when they see i'm a GERMAN MAJOR), and i've been applying to teacher residency programs mostly. but today i applied to two shelter jobs! they will pay way less than teaching elementary, but dogssssss all the time everywhere!

RK Fire

@fuck fuck fuck: Hooray for playing in your first rugby tournament! What position did you play??

Herriot, shmerriot

@fuck fuck fuck
That is so awesome! Make sure to take care of yourself while working in a shelter, you can definitely get some compassion fatigue going on up in your brain. But cuddle ALL THE ANIMALS! Especially the old ones that still have so much loving in them!

fuck fuck fuck

@RK Fire tighthead prop!

Nocs

@fuck fuck fuck Putting on my Mom Pants here: You have a concussion, so whatever you've got planned the next couple days, CANCEL THAT SHIT and get some rest.

Long story short, I didn't take the whole concussion thing seriously enough, and lost almost all of my short-term memory and a huge chunk of my long-term memories from middle school through most of college. Some of the memory has come back but my brain is still pretty fucked. And I'm in my early 20s, so I have a lot of really bad shit to look forward to.

And there are a whole bunch of physical symptoms too, like ringing in my ears (permanent, everything sounds like eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee all the time), numbness in my hands and feet, deterioration of fine motor skills, daily headaches, frequent migraines, a couple of seizures, and so on.

In sum: Take concussions seriously, please. Don't be like me.

like a rabid squirrel

@fuck fuck fuck That was my position in college! Sorry about your concussion though... I second the above commenter - rest up!

tea sonata

@Nocs Is the permanent ringing in your ears Tinnitus, or related to? If yes, I had no idea you could get it from concussion. Scary though.

Take care of yourself! Or I'll come over there and do it for you.

RK Fire

@fuck fuck fuck: Hooray! that's a tough position. I played mostly flanker in college, but I was a hooker from time to time. And I co-sign what everyone says: take care of your noggin!

SarahP

My husband is taking me out to "a show" tonight in honor of our anniversary (a couple weeks ago). All I know is it's in the theatre district and I had to dress nicely. Normally I hate surprises but normally he's also really bad at gift-giving/thinking of gifts, so I'm actually a little excited!

(Of course, it means I miss the Hairpin book club. Have fun, everyone! Swoon over Calvin O'Keefe for me.)

Bittersweet

@SarahP Report, please! What did you see? Was it good? Would you recommend it? I feel this need to live vicariously through you, doing glamorous city things like going to shows...

SarahP

@Bittersweet He took me to the opera! Opening night of Madame Butterfly! It was totally unexpected and really great! (He was also all worried that I might hate the idea, so he ruined his own surprise by telling me at dinner just before we went, in case I didn't want to go after all, awwww.)

Bittersweet

@SarahP Madame Butterfly, asldkfa;sldkfj! We went to NYC earlier this year and saw the Met's production. I'm not really an opera fan, but I was BLOWN AWAY. Just so amazing. Glad you had a great (and unexpected) time. One of these days we'll get to the BLO...

SarahP

@Bittersweet I like opera, but am always hesitant to actually go to one, because a good opera is amazing but a bad (or even mediocre) one means you've spent a lot of money on sitting and being bored for HOURS. So yeah, I'm glad this was great, too! Butterfly herself was only okay, but Suzuki was AMAZING and totally carried the show. The production design was great, too. I'll definitely go to another BLO show sometime!

TheLetterL

What is making everyone else feel awesome this week?

I finished an enormous personal project just in time for the deadline, despite being sickly and exhausted. The combination of triumph and cold meds made me feel like I was invincible...until the stress of the day brought me down hard and now all I want is a nap, but for a good two hours there I was a god.

Judith Slutler

@TheLetterL I am back at grad school after spending 9 months being depressed! It is actually awesome? It's so nice to realize that yes, I can actually do things, and mental illness can be dealt with. I still have less energy but I can actively manage the situation and say "no" to things and cope.

Springtime for Voldemort

@TheLetterL I talked with a professor about my dissatisfaction with my internship, and we figured out a way to totally restructure it so that it's doing something I'm passionate about instead of really meh about. And, I get to take the same internship class next semester, but with a different internship that will be much more in line with what I want to do.

Laughable Walrus

@TheLetterL I went on a really great date on Halloween! Like the kind of great that I nearly missed my exit driving home because I was so giddy.

And one of my friends had a layover in my city yesterday, so I got to hang out with him all afternoon, and it was really great to reconnect!

Oh AND my campaign office had/is having the biggest phone bank in the state today! And since we're in California, maybe even in the country? It's so cool to see all the hard work we've all been doing paying off!

Plus, just writing this made me realize how awesome this week has been (after a shitty start), so thanks!

katiemcgillicuddy

A little kid came to my door on Halloween dressed basically as Charlie Chaplain minus the mustache, covered in fake blood. I asked what he was and he said, "psycho killer". It was my favorite costume this year. I didn't realize psycho killers wore such dapper suits.

cosmia

@katiemcgillicuddy Last year a 5 year old kid came to my door dressed in a PERFECT Russell from Up costume, looked and talked exactly like Russell, and called me "miss". I almost cried.

Cat named Virtute

@katiemcgillicuddy I got a tiny little boy (maybe five?) dressed as a gangster with a pinstriped jacket and a little fedora. He was SO CUTE.

null

@katiemcgillicuddy My daughter's best friend dressed up as Charlie Chaplin for their middle school dance last week and it was super cute, but she was bummed because, "Everyone kept asking me if I was Hitler!"

cosmia

I start a new job tomorrow! I'm gonna be working part-time at Davids Tea. I know only like 3 things about tea so I'm a bit overwhelmed but it's worth it just to sample tea made with roses and chocolate, mmmm.

SarahP

@cosmia Oh, hi, want to be best friends? Please answer in the form of said rose and/or chocolate tea mailed to my home.

cosmia

@SarahP Done! Feel free to stalk me if you ever visit Davids Tea in Yorkdale Mall, Toronto, Canada.

SarahP

@cosmia I have other reasons for wanting to visit Toronto, but this is now one of the top reasons. (Tea, not stalking you. Though stalking visiting you would be cool.)

redheaded&crazy

@SarahP Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaap you should come visit Toronto right now definitely.

lagreen

@cosmia Oooh, that sounds like fun! I love tea. Congrats on your new job!

SarahP

@redheaded&crazie I have no qualms admitting to wanting to stalk you.

planforamiracle

@cosmia that is super cool! I was hoping it'd be the Queen Street one since it's near my work and we could be pals :)
Congrats on the job and enjoy becoming a tea expert/connoisseur!

MilesofMountains

@cosmia Oh my god, I love Davids Tea, and thanks for reminding me I should go tomorrow when I head to the Big City.

the ghost of amy lee

@cosmia I've been working with tea for the past few years (first at Queen Mary Tea in Seattle, and now at The Steeping Room in Austin), and it is GREAT!!! I knew nothing when I first started, and now I'm completely hooked! Congrats on the new job, and have fun!!!

tea sonata

@cosmia Hoooo boy. Can you Will you deliver the the UK?

captain mal

I live on the Jersey Shore, so this whole week has been a chaotic mess. Thankfully, all of my friends and family are fine with no permanent damage to their homes. We were definitely the lucky ones.

whateverlolawants

@captain mal Hang in there. I hope things calm down soon.

tea sonata

@captain mal Stay safe, you guys!

Shara

Ahhhhh heartbreak!! Somebody make me feel better today, one week post-breakup with the workaholic (literally, seriously, in a bad way) who doesn't want to stay together because he finally decided after many months with me that he doesn't want to date/live with a single mom and he wants to work every night, every weekend. I am in the 'know it's probably not right but I'm desperate for him to change his mind and tell me he loves me and my child and wants to be with me forever' mode. With the insomnia and the crying in my office. Oh also, we work at the same university, so I have to see him a few times a month. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh it's so pathetic. Help me, pinners.

Oliver St. John Mollusc

@Shara Boo! That sucks so much. I was dating a workaholic who left me for his job back in the spring and it still smarts :( That prob doesn't help much but I know how hard it is when the feelings are there and it's just stupid circumstances getting in the way. A bejillion hugs for you!

Shara

@Oliver St. John Mollusc I so wish it was circumstances, but it's not really that. He does the same job as me and purposely creates more work for himself and that gets in the way of romance and friendship. It's complicated intimacy problems-- we broke up over this/similar a year ago (his choice then too) and when he realized that work isn't going to keep him warm at night, he came back to me. Stupid grad school, making us think that it's acceptable/encouraged to work to the detriment of relationships and love.

missedconnections

@Shara Remember all the little annoying things he did. Like, work yourself into a real snit about it. Get legitimately pissed and then thankful that you don't have to deal with it anymore. I was recently missing my ex while in bed alone one night until I remembered that he snored and farted in bed, not to mention NEVER MADE MY BED the next morning, even though I ALWAYS made his when I stayed over.

Shara

@Shara Oh and also, (venting here to anyone who will listen) when we broke up he was clear he doesn't want kids of his own (I also do not want more children, on the pill now and requesting an IUD next month) and was very upset that I would not hypothetically abort his hypothetical baby, as although I am strongly pro-choice, abortion at age 32+ while in a stable loving relationship is not for me. And that made him worried, and when he dumped me it was the first reason that he mentioned. wtf.

missedconnections

@Shara is he younger? He sounds younger. And dumb.

Shara

@missedconnections He's 28. Fresh out of his PhD program, which partially accounts for the work shit and selfishness. And yes, emotionally dumb. Completely clueless.

missedconnections

@Shara See? These are the points you need to remember. Just think of all the ridiculous things you will no longer have to deal with. Celebrate! It's a new month, a new you!

Shara

@missedconnections Thanks. I know this will be clear when I'm past the meltdown phase. I haven't been through a real non-divorce breakup for a long long long time, so I'm just re-learning how to do it.

adorable-eggplant

@Shara Oh hugs! As a component to the remember the crappy things approach, it's also nice to imagine how nice it would be to be with someone totally different. Like someone who was 100% committed or ready to move the earth for you or all the things a person in a relationship should be.

There was a dude I was totally fixated on (who was attractive but a total d-bag a lot of the time) and I was heart broken when he dumped me, except also (this took a while to uncover/feel) slightly relieved that I would never have to do the pleeeease pay attention to me fireworks and convince me that you really care about this relationship supplication dance again. So I was heartbroken, but also in the long run saved from an untenable situation that mostly made me feel crappy about myself.

I thought when X life-factor was solved, things would be perfect, but honestly being single was much, much better than clinging to someone who wasn't all in. Listen to 2pac's Me Against the World and think about what makes you awesome: that's what helped me.

RNL
RNL

@Shara Late to the game. So sorry about what you're going through!

I just wanted to say about the insomnia (in case it's new to you or something): if it persists, get help sooner rather than later. I think the emotional fallout my last serious breakup was really exacerbated by my insomnia (of course, it also caused my insomnia). One of the 1 million reasons I'm grateful for my best friend is when she came over and gave me a zopiclone and put me to bed and I slept for real for the first time in 6 weeks. It was like I was a new person in the morning. Obviously I don't recommend taking other people's prescriptions, and I try to stay away from sleeping pills if at all possible (so addictive!) but truly I think they saved my life.

Shara

@RNL No, insomnia is pretty common for me, every time I have any stress. It isn't every night, and sleeping pills aren't really possible most nights because I have a two-year-old to care for. But thanks for the suggestion!

Hey,Lookit!

Oil pulling. Who has tried it? What oil did you use? How long did you do it? Did you sit and meditate while you swished like some sources advise, or did you do other stuff? Does it have to be every day? Is it worth it? I trust the pin.

SarahP

@Hey,Lookit! I havne't done it, but this article made me want to do it. I just don't have 20 extra minutes every morning at this point in my life.

VDRE

@SarahP I was with that article until it got to the list of things it's supposed to cure:
"Mouth & Gum Disease; Stiff Joints; Allergies; Asthma; High Blood Sugar; Constipation; Migraines; Bronchitis; Eczema; Heart, Kidney, Lung Diseases; Leukemia; Arthritis; Meningitis; Insomnia; Menopause (hormonal issues); Cancer; AIDS; Chronic Infections; Varicose Veins; High Blood Pressure; Diabetes; Polio; Cracked Heels."
It seems unlikely that oil pulling can cure all of those things. Not that people shouldn't do it but it kind of seems like a waste of 20 minutes.

area@twitter

@SarahP Good article! I'm generally suspicious of any procedure that claims to remove "toxins" on a bodywide scale. On the other hand, local stuff (like periodontal health) has been linked to systemic illness (like heart disease), and hell, it's not like swishing oil around in your mouth is likely to hurt you. It seems like the evidence is pretty anecdotal at this point, but if you like it enough to want to try it, go ahead. Crazier ideas have been proven true.
@VDRE Yeah, that laundry list of ailments it's supposed to cure? Red flag. It may have an effect, but if oil pulling cures AIDS I will eat my copy of the NIH Research Principles.

SarahP

@VDRE Nooooo that's the point of his article: he goes over those claims and points out that while that's unlikely, then tells you what it actually good for (gum disease) and why, scientifically.

planforamiracle

@Hey,Lookit! sesame oil is one of my favourite tastes so maybe I'll try it :)

VDRE

@SarahP I admit that I started skimming after the list of things it cures but while I agree with what he says about bacteria in the mouth affecting things elsewhere in the body it doesn't really explain things like AIDS and Cancer which are very much not caused by bacteria or inflammatory responses to bacteria.

whateverlolawants

@Hey,Lookit! I don't know what it is but I don't like the name. I'll look it up after work.

whizz_dumb

I was talking with a coworker about whether it was too late to mail in my ballots and I walked away and this other coworker said that voting doesn't matter in CA because everyone votes the same. So I walked back over there and calmly disputed what she had just said (I didn't mansplain). I said local elections and ballot measures really do matter, "The DEATH PENALTY is on there!". She shrugged and said how she doesn't care. I asked, "So you're very apathetic huh?" at this point fuming inside. "Pretty much", she says.

The thing is, she gets really vitriolic over college sports. Those are games young adults play in costumes while these measures actually affect peoples lives. I think it has to do with her having lived in Ohio where as we all know the presidential votes really do matter, so this is somehow beneath her. That would be a poorly informed reason for apathy, in my opinion.

stonefruit

@whizz_dumb one of the secretaries in my office wasn't registered to vote for just those reasons. It would have been infuriating except that my co-worker took it upon himself to bring her a voter registration form and help her fill it out, and today in the break-room I heard her excitedly discussing voting for Obama. progress? progress!

#yeson34 all the way, folks.

OwlOfDerision

Wine obtained, cat secured on sofa. Situation good.

Changeling

Holy crap, I just went to put a rubber band around a bag and it snapped RIGHT INTO MY EYE. Sir Changeling thought I was dying/had sliced off a finger from the way I was doubled over and shouting profanities, but GOD DAMN THAT HURT.

Gwdihw

@Changeling
Ow!

The baby happened! How are you?

Lyssachelle

@Changeling NOT THE EYE!!! Dear God...your comment made me want to run and hide. I would still be on the ground whimpering...

olivebee

@Changeling I got toothpaste squirted into my eye a few nights ago, and did the exact same thing. My husband came running into the bathroom thinking I fell and hit my head on the tub. Eye injuries hurt like a goddamn bitch.

Changeling

@l'esprit de l'escalier
BABYYYY!! Yay!
Things are mostly good here, been trying to get my crap together and write to you, but I always get distracted by sewing. :)

Herriot, shmerriot

Any other vet school, vet tech, veterinarian, vet-liking Pinners out there? How are you doing? What's your best patient/client story? Best pet names? I met a cat named Cucumber the other day!

The Lady of Shalott

@Herriot, shmerriot I love pets named after food. I desperately want to have a dog to name Pretzel and a cat to name Jello.

Herriot, shmerriot

@The Lady of Shalott Those are adorable. I love pets named after inanimate objects too- just imagine, a cat named SPOON!

Oliver St. John Mollusc

@Herriot, shmerriot I love pets with normal-ass people names. One of my friends has a cat named Kevin, one used to have a cat named Susan, and a guy I dated had a dog named Katie. I kind of want another cat so I can name her Cheryl!

Elsajeni

@Herriot, shmerriot I have always wanted to name a large black dog Skillet. I don't know why.

whateverlolawants

@Oliver St. John Mollusc My dogs are Abby and Jack, and I used to have a Lucy (a fairly common person-dog name.) I'm thinking up names for a potential dog I may get, and most of them are normal people names. In fact, I might make them aggressively normal, like Mike or Julie.

@Elsajeni I feel like I've met a Skillet like that! But I'm probably just making it up in my head.

Lost penguin

@Herriot, shmerriot The best client/patient stories are usually horrifying to non vetty people but hilarious when told to other vets and nurses! At a vet ophtho conference this weekend so planning to exchange some fantastic stories.............there was this time a client rang to tell me her chihuahua was possessed by demons and could we do something about it? I have been dining out on the ensuing 90 minute phone call for the last 5 years!

Miss Maszkerádi

@The Lady of Shalott My friend has a dog named Pretzel, who is absolutely the cutest thing in the world!

sandwiches

@Lost penguin But did you perform an exorcism on the Chihuahua???

downcomforter

@Herriot, shmerriot I'm one of those vetty type people, but I don't have a story off the top of my head that's not also gross. But there's a dog named Tomato in my hood, if we got Cucumber, and found a dog and named it Feta we'd have an amazing salad.

Dorian Gray

@Herriot, shmerriot Oh lord - there is a cat in my neighborhood called "Trouser." Not "Trousers". TROUSER. Like...a single pant leg? I don't even know. It's incredibly satisfying to hear them scream his name out the front door. Also, my cousin has a miserable, lard-ass of a cat named Broccoli.
Mediocre animal names for the win!

whateverlolawants

@Countess Maritza There is a children's book about a dachshund named Pretzel!

SarahP

I went to a flower shop to get a bouquet for a coworker who was leaving this week, and the girl working there was so friendly and lovely that afterwards I realized it was beyond friendly and she was probably hitting on me! But one of the first things she'd mentioned was having a boyfriend, so I was confused. Could she have been friend hitting on me?! If so, as someone in a monogamous relationship, that's more appealing to me. If not, yeahhhh, still got it.

noodge

@SarahP maybe she was looking for sexy threesome times?

SarahP

@teenie Yeahhhhh, still got it.

whateverlolawants

@SarahP Sounds like me... I'll mention I have a boyfriend sometimes and realize I scared away some lovely lady. But that's for the best, as my relationship is monogamous. But I still want to regular-flirt and friend-flirt with all these cool girls I meet!

Oliver St. John Mollusc

Good: I met a SUPER HOT guy at a hurricane party and am working up to asking him out. He just moved to the city and I KNOW from past experience that hot guys who have just moved here are totally not going to be looking for relationships. I DON'T CARE HE'S SO HOT.

Bad: I'm already stressed out about the insane workweek I'm going to have next week due to all the non-work I did this week. If I have to wait an hour to get on a shuttle bus on Monday morning, I legit am going to cry.

Also, I mushed up my left hand real bad playing touch football on Sunday. I thought it was better but it feels worse today :( I blame the dude I slept with last night who kept putting his hand over mine and curling it into a ball -- he did it like four times and finally I had to be like "STOP IT I ALREADY TOLD YOU THAT HAND IS ALL BOOGERED UP."

Oliver St. John Mollusc

@Oliver St. John Mollusc Oh oh: and a hot guy moved in next door yesterday!

noodge

I've suddenly been attacked by insecurity about my fuzzy cheeks. I have no idea why it's NOW a problem to me. But I've been semi-obsessively looking at other women on the train, at the bar, seeing if anyone else is as fuzzy as I am, and alas - I do indeed seem to be the fuzziest of them all. It's light colored fuzz, but I'm very fair, and it does have the faintest tint of brown, and it's especially heavy at my chin points, under my ear. (chin points is, I'm convinced, the correct anatomical term. yay nursing school)

So, in a fit of - whatever - i attempted to wax the worstly fuzzed parts last night. and now i'm concerned that i look like the 40 year old virgin when he got his chest waxed - like i have these odd squares of no-fuzz, surrounded by fuzzy flesh.

and then i told mr. teenie about it when he got home, and he kinda pouted and said "but i love your fuzz :-/"

So. that's my most exciting adventure of the week.

planforamiracle

@teenie As a fellow fuzzy person (I have been self-conscious about my long, dark arm hair since I was a child), I feel like this is one of those things few people notice. If it makes you feel more comfortable to remove it (even just portions) then it's a good thing, maybe.
But I love your Mr. Teenie's response; it is very charming and heartening!

noodge

@planforamiracle
yeah, mr. teenie is really the best <3
maybe I should try to elevate it to an art form? do wax strip cutouts of butterflies? or spiders?
(it's funny you mention the arms - i've been nairing those bitches for years because i was so self-conscious of them. it makes me feel like i'm way too obsessed with my appearance, but it makes me feel so good. many feelings)

polka dots vs stripes

@teenie I have fuzz too!!

I don't have much to add to this besides: I occasionally try to get rid of it, to varying degrees of success, but more often I'm too lazy/ don't care enough about what people think to do it on the regular. So rock on with your fuzzy self.

planforamiracle

@teenie it's funny/complicated how we can have all these different feelings about different kinds of hair. I love having smooth legs, and like to get my brows and upper lip threaded on occasion, but I haven't shaved my pits in 3 years (which is, like, an offering to the body-acceptance gods for doing so many other lipstick-y things to my body..)

Marzipan

@teenie For what it is worth? I have met you, I did not notice any such fuzz. 0% noticed that. You are super cute though!

But, ugh, hair is my body-acceptance gremlin. 90% of my worries are hair-related, 10% generalized Not GoOOOoooOOod Enough Ghost. And I feel like I have better-than-average body-image.

noodge

@marzipan - thanks toots :-) i talked about it more with mr. teenie tonight, and he laughed at me, supportively (if that makes any sense) and said that it really wasn't a notable thing with me. I have a seksy new haircut that is super short except on top and I think it's making my feel much more aware of the fuzz, like suddenly it's all exposed. and it's definitely there. and LONG! like over a half inch on my chin points. but apparently light enough to blend. ANYWAY. yes. body hair and boobs are my body acceptance gremlins, and if I'm honest I know deep down that I shouldn't worry about those. stuff to work on i s'pose.
@planforamiracle - i'm so jealous of your body hair acceptance. the acreage of hair i would have if i didn't shave my pits intimidates me so much. i have pcos, and my hair issues aren't too bad, but i definitely have a wider range of the coarse hairs than most women. BIG UPS.

This is my new username

@teenie Body hair and boobs are also my body acceptance gremlins! Although due to some weight gain, the boob issue has improved but the tummy pudge is creeping in to take it's place. I have learned to accept my long dark arm hair, but I still attack all kinds of other body hair. I've also been getting laser hair removal on my thighs because they are hairy and hate being shaved. Anyway, I am betting no one notices thee cheek hair/fuzz stuff.

Audley

I have the worlds best 'pin pals. I got two letters this week, one of which was a super delightful Halloween card filled with stickers. Have any of you heard from your 'pin pals lately?

The Lady of Shalott

@Audley I am so glad you are having a good time with your Pin Pals! If anyone else wants a Pin Pal, write to hairpinpals@gmail.com and I'll hook you up! (But please be patient as I am busy, guys.)

I was interviewed by WBUR in Boston for a piece about Pin Pals yesterday, actually!

whateverlolawants

@Audley NO! I have to say, Pin Pal, whoever you are, I am just gonna wait until I hear from you. Ball's in your court. I look forward to it, I really do, because you seem really cool, but I'm not gonna hold my breath anymore. :(

Audley

@whateverlolawants Aww... If it's been a while, you should ask for another 'pin pal. I have four and only two of them ever wrote back. I think there's just a certain probability that a given 'pin pal will never get around to responding.

whateverlolawants

@Audley I probably should, good idea.

katiemcgillicuddy

The NHL cancelled the goddamn Winter Classic. This lockout BLOWS. Anyone else a hockey fan? And hey, do they just not remember what happened last time they locked out? Jesus.

zamboni

@katiemcgillicuddy This summer, I never would have guessed that the WC would have been cancelled. Good thing I'm not a betting woman (except that one time I went to the racetrack and there was a horse named No Look Pass, I mean, what would YOU have done?).

I got to take my mom to an OHL home opener a few weeks ago and that was really fun, but it's Not The Same. Normally I get Gamecenter Live, but AHL Live is really expensive and notoriously awful/unreliable. Plus, do I want to be a person with an AHL Live subscription? Probably not.

Anyway, I'm really bummed too, and I think this is terrible for the sport, never mind all the career years we're missing.

Is It a Hat?

@katiemcgillicuddy Hi fellow hockey fan! I'm SO BUMMED about the whole situation...hockey is the ONLY sport I actively enjoy and now it's cancelled. Bullshit. Luckily, my boyfriend and I are season ticket holders for our local WHL team, so that keeps us entertained.

faience

@katiemcgillicuddy My dad is coming up from Boston next week with my brother to, in theory, visit me but I also believe to get his hockey fix since all we have planned is the hockey hall of fame and an OHL game. Also if you need someone to blame, he says it's all the Bruin's owner not being willing to negotiate in the slightest. But yeah this sucks.

killer_queen

@katiemcgillicuddy Ugh, yes, fellow hockey fan (and local season ticket holder!) here. I can't believe they cancelled the Winter Classic; it makes me feel like they'll have no problem kissing another season goodbye. I don't care enough about the NBA or NFL to make it through the winter, and March Madness is SO FAR AWAY.

katiemcgillicuddy

@zamboni It's really not the same. If you want a free site for hockey watching (whatever hockey there is) use ATDHE.eu. All sports, totally free, and yeah, not the greatest feeds but they work. I've also been watching KHL games, and it's a different style of hockey than the NHL, so its interesting, but yeah, that's not the same either. If they cancel the whole season (and it's not looking good) they are in trouble. When you've got guys like Ovechkin saying he might just stay in Russia, that is Not Good.

katiemcgillicuddy

@faience Of course it's Boston's fault, of course.

lavender gooms

@katiemcgillicuddy I miss my Bruins :( :(

katiemcgillicuddy

@Is it a hat? Yeah, WHL is something, it's just not the same. I expect the Capitals to break my heart every spring/summer, dammit, summer just won't be the same without the crushing pain of being upset by considerably less talented teams?

@killer queen Yeah, they don't seem to remember 1994, which was a DISASTER for hockey. They were barely on TV for years after that!

Lit Drunkard

@katiemcgillicuddy it is bullshit. BULLSHIT. however, I plan on supporting my local am team this winter

katiemcgillicuddy

@Lit Drunkard IT IS BULLSHIT. AND I LIKE THAT YOU, TOO, STRUGGLE WITH DOUBLE POSTS.

katiemcgillicuddy

@killer_queen I meant to say this earlier in my response, I was an insane NBA fan as a kid, back when it was sort of the "golden era" of the league. I definitely fell off once Jordon, Ewing, Pacers v Knicks/Spike Lee, tapered off. But in the last couple years? It's actually become a very, very interesting league again, so if you like basketball, maybe give it a shot!

perfect_cursive

@katiemcgillicuddy Puckdaddy had an interesting take on why it was a GOOD thing it was cancelled, and the rational part of me agrees. Alls I know is I miss my Rangers.

Lit Drunkard

@katiemcgillicuddy sometimes I get so pumped about speaking I don't realize how many times I hit the reply button

katiemcgillicuddy

@perfect_cursive I saw what Puckdaddy said, and you're right. I understand the reasoning. But the fact that it was canceled really, really makes it look like the season is gone. That's my worry. Also, goddamn Rangers! I'm a Caps fan. God, you guys broke our hearts into tiny little shreds (well, I guess the Caps did it BUT STILL) I NEED THIS SEASON TO HAPPEN SO WE CAN KILL YOU GUYS (seriously, ohmygod that series broke DC into a million pieces for a while)

perfect_cursive

@katiemcgillicuddy It's okay b/c then we got SHUT DOWN by the Devils. Which was soooo upsetting. I too feel like the season is out of reach now - though the NHL and the PA are talking again today, so :shrug:? After years of having overpriced players at the end of their careers, Rangers have an awesome core of youth and it's so disheartening to lose this season. They retweet the AHL scores and every game is like "Chris Kreider scores 80 goals, saves a puppy!" And the Caps look good (they always look good, but no painful trades) so I totally get the agita over a lost season.

katiemcgillicuddy

@perfect_cursive Yeah, that loss to the Devils was brutal. I just don't see the season happening, and I really can't believe they'd risk the league like this. The Caps always look good, this is true, but (except last year, that was heartbreaking but at least they showed up for once, but they barely got into the postseason, so) their playoff performance has been pathetic for the most part. The Caps are the NHL's official dicktease.

katiemcgillicuddy

@perfect_cursive Sorry for wording that last response so poorly, I just got into my millionth fight with Verizon and am kind of twitchy right now.

perfect_cursive

@katiemcgillicuddy Ha ha! Also, love your last line - what is it with the Caps' postseason? Is just Ovi vs. Boudreau? (Before he got fired - not like Hunter was more successful)

In terms of risking the league, taking the longview, like Puckdaddy, maybe canceling the Classic and jeopardizing the full season will do less damage than cobbling together a deal no one is satisfied with for the sake of the Classic - which may cause yet another lockout. What burns me most is that Bettman is just burning through all of the goodwill the Classic and the NBC deal has created. I've been a huge fan my entire life and it's been so nice to talk shop with new fans. For a niche sport in America, I'll take the bandwagon jumpers. (Aside - spending 3 months in Toronto was amazing. Never had I felt so...normal!) I live in LA and no one really talks about hockey in the midst of the lockout, but of course the city was abuzz with Quick and his Kings. I miss the culture that was blossoming. Grrrr.

Count Chocula

@katiemcgillicuddy I had to come out of lurkerdom to say hooray for hockey fan 'pinners! I live in Pittsburgh (Pens fan) and have Wheeling Nailers (ECHL) or Erie Otters (OHL) games within reasonable driving distance, but this still suuuuuucks. I like college sports and the Steelers too, but hockey is far and away my favorite. Maybe I'll have to get a "real" hobby this winter?

katiemcgillicuddy

@Count Chocula Ha, it was a post about Andrew McCutchen's dreadlocks that pulled me from the depth of lurkerdom. Sports! I am happy you are with us now, but oh god, do you have to be a Pens fan? Kidding (sort of). In hockey solidarity I will leave you with this anecdote from last years Winter Classic (which you may very well already know, but just in case!) So, game was basically over, we were up a couple goals, and everything was winding down. As you know, Caps fans and Pens fans are not fond of each other (I know you guys always say, "blah blah, we've won multiple cups, you all hate us more than we hate you", which is probably true, but anyway) So, game is basically over, and all of a sudden Caps fans and Pens fans, together in a brilliant display of shared hatred, started chanting..."Flyers suck! Flyers suck!" Beautiful. Warms my hockey heart.

katiemcgillicuddy

@perfect_cursive Caps postseason, I have no idea where to start. I don't think the Ovi/Bordreau thing was as bad as people thought. I adore the boy, but Gabby benching him, and Hunter benching him? It made sense, he wasn't producing enough, he was only putting himself at risk with insane hits. We had other guys getting it done, so he lost some minutes. I like that they didn't cower to him just because of who he is. He's been off the past year and a half. He looks fantastic in the KHL, so he still has it. The media just likes a story. Ugh, I miss Gabby (but it was the right move, not necessarily cause of anything he did) it was fun to have Hunter, and I'm super excited about Adam Oates. I like "keeping it in the family".

I guess the results of 94's lockout just really worry me. The history is so troubling, and yeah, throwing together a deal (and a Classic for that matter) is not the greatest idea, but it all truly worries me. Bettman is the worst, and you are absolutely right about that being basically the worst part: everything the NHL has built in terms of fandom and goodwill since the last lockout is getting torpedoed. I'm a big sports fan and always have been, and I always dug hockey, but didn't get crazy until Ovi was drafted, to be honest. Now I'm a lifer. But man are they pissing me off. DC is a notorious football town, but we have really, really, really embraced the Caps in the past decade and it is just incredibly frustrating to see the league do this to itself.

Count Chocula

@katiemcgillicuddy Nice! Hating the Flyers is something everyone can agree on! :-D

perfect_cursive

@katiemcgillicuddy Well, the Flyers* DO suck, it's a fact! Agree with Adam Oates - I think that's a big step forward. Maybe too much bad blood with Gabby and Hunter's heart was not quite in the organization this go-around. He seems to perform best in the OHL, fostering amazing young talent. Agree too that the "Ovi situation" gets overblown - maybe b/c he's Russian, and North America still shows its bias. He's impressive and I just can't hate on the guy as much as I'd like to. Now Crosby... (Sorry Count Chocula!)

I just hope the NHL can bounce back. One possible bright spot is Sochi. I think the Olympics can help boost the profile of the league after we get the taste of the lockout out of our mouths.

Also - Love talking Hockey on the pin!!

*Is it wrong that I am soooo attracted to a few Flyers?? Ugh, I hate myself.

katiemcgillicuddy

@perfect_cursive Sochi is going to end up being HUGE for the NHL, especially if we end this absurdity in a lockout. My lovely, difficult, beautiful Sacha, may end up having a lot to do with the salvation of this league.

Edited to say "Sasha". Ugh, vodka. Russia!

perfect_cursive

@katiemcgillicuddy 2 more years until I can spend 14 hours a day watching hockey! I'll be secretly rooting for Sweden - for my King Henrik and their awesome graphic unis. And of course USA, with my Cap'n Cally.

lobsterhug

Can't wait for my weekend to start. I took some time off so I can do 4 days of snuggling with my cat and watching Netflix and knitting and reading.

VolcanoMouse

Can I get weird and confessional? Because it has been a Hard Week.

Every time my job (one person shop, making stuff for a niche hobby market) gets difficult or I get too behind on orders, I freak out and start thinking I should quit and try for a job where I could be someone else's employee. Only that would probably mean switching to minimum wage and/or way more hours, and feeling resentful and tired and patronized all the time, because I'm a terrible employee. I might also be a terrible entrepreneur, though.

I'm good at the actual making-stuff side of my business. I just hate customers. And advertising. And my niche market. And keeping up a business website. And answering emails. And dealing with paperwork. I sort of slid into this business by accident a couple years ago, just to make ends meet, but it turned out to be... maybe a bit more successful than I wanted? I don't want to do this forever, but I don't know how to stop.

Whine whine. I know I objectively have it pretty good, but feeling like I have two options and neither excites me is a little suffocating.

lobsterhug

@VolcanoMouse Is there someone you could hire to do all the stuff you don't like? My friend who hates people and I were joking recently about partnering up for a wedding planning outfit because she is awesome at party planning and I'm good with people and numbers.

oh! valencia

@VolcanoMouse Are you successful enough to get an intern or part-time employee to deal with the parts of your business you don't like so much?
edit, jinx @lobsterhug, forgot to refresh

VolcanoMouse

@oh! valencia It's at the point where I might have to consider it, because I'm sure my slow response time isn't making any great impressions on customers.

Or maybe I should pour money into having someone fix my website? The order process right now means I have to email back and forth with customers, which started as a personal touch but quickly became stressful and idiotic.

AJ Sparkles

@VolcanoMouse What about hiring a part time office employee? It sounds like you love what you do with few exceptions that you could entirely hire someone else to take care of for you. Of course, that adds a serious expense to your one man op but if it provides peace of mind & allows you to continue doing the things you actually DO enjoy, it may be worth it. Hope that a third option will help relieve the stress. Good luck to you!

EDIT: Just saw the above posts- ITERN, that's a great idea @oh! valencia

Tuna Surprise

@VolcanoMouse
You should also consider getting a mentor. It might be helpful to have someone to bounce your troubles off of that has real world answers for you. This article offers a good overview:

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/09/02/business/smallbusiness/02sbiz.html

Judith Slutler

Actual conversation I had this week at the train station, while I was leaning down to make sure a passed out man was still breathing:

Dude getting on the train: Hahaha, he's dead, there's nothing you can do!

Me: THAT'S NOT HOW DEAD PEOPLE LOOK YOU IGNORANT ASSHOLE! (I was sort of drunk, ok)

I ended up calling the ambulance, but had to leave the poor passed-out guy with another bystander so I could get the last train home. He was breathing though, I think he was just really drunk.

Sometimes the city is a little much for me you guys :(

whizz_dumb

@Emmanuelle Cunt hahaha that morbid sardonic prick! Don't worry, you're right he probably was just really drunk. I sleep like that sometimes: half-dead from booze.

Judith Slutler

@whizz_dumb Hopefully you don't sleep on the floor of a subway station though.

whizz_dumb

@Emmanuelle Cunt Is that better or worse than a bus stop bench?

Judith Slutler

@whizz_dumb I feel like if he had been ON the bench instead of curled up in the fetal position IN FRONT OF the bench I might've just let him be. So take that as you will!

wee_ramekin

Y'all, I need a pick-me-up.

I'm feeling kind of die-alone-y. I went out on a date with a guy that I met on OKC last night, which was a fine and pleasant date and fun and good conversation that lasted for hours and whatnot.

But I felt a bit pressured to be physical before I felt comfortable. I should preface this by saying that I emphatically don't like to kiss people on the first date (if it's the first time I'm meeting them; not if it's like, a friend or acquaintance that I'm on my first "official date" with), and it takes me a couple months - or special circumstances - before I feel comfortable sleeping with people. Note that this doesn't make me prudish sexually; it's kind of like...once you pop, you can't stop with me *waggles tiny porcelain eyebrows at nearby pot-de-creme*. For further context, the two relationships that I have been in started with people who I was *really* good friends with first, and then we had that delicious slow-burn, stomach-clenching, sparkly period of time where friendship changed to attraction. The two other folks I slept with I also knew well before I slept with them. I've never been comfortable getting intimate or having sex with someone that I just met (note: this is my personal preference *for me*; I ain't castin' shade on folks who get busy sooner!).

Anyway, I straight up told the guy that I was having fun, and that I didn't want kiss at the end of the date because it made me too nervous to keep having fun on the date. I said this with humor and grace and such, so it wasn't too awkward. But then I kept getting jokes for the rest of the date about "when he'd be allowed in 'my bubble'" and stuff like that, and I basically hit a point in my head where I was like "WELL NOW YOU'RE NEVER ALLOWED".

So I guess...basically, I just sometimes feel like I might die alone? I feel like I'm not made for this world where Sex Is Expected On The Third Date. I don't want to be a controlling, frigid bitch, but I'm also not going to have sex with someone before I feel comfortable.

Can you guys offer some support?

fondue with cheddar

@wee_ramekin You will not die alone! It probably helps you weed out the jerks. I'm the opposite of you—I always kiss on the first date if I like someone, and I've had sex on the first date lots of times. Some of these dates were with jerks, and those jerks wouldn't have stuck around if I had waited to do the deed with them, and I wouldn't have had to waste my time with them. I wish I could offer you some better support than this, but as I said, I'm kind of slutty so my personal experience really isn't much help. You're not the only person who likes to wait, and there are certainly plenty of guys who might not be waiters by default, but are willing to wait when they like someone.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@wee_ramekin There's nothing controlling or frigid about this. For me, there's nothing sexier than a lady who knows what she wants and is confident about when and how she wants it. Is it up for discussion? Maybe, but just for clarification's sake.

Anyone who would pressure you or make fun of you about this doesn't seem up to par, if you ask me.

JadedStone

@wee_ramekin SUPPORT SUPPORT SUPPORT

And I say this being the type to leap into bed with people on the first date. YOU ARE AWESOME AND NOT GOING TO DIE ALONE.

Think of it as a really great way to veto a dude. WHAT'S THAT PUSHY DUDE? YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE FOR NOT RESPECTING MY BOUNDARIES? GOODBYE.

Most of us date that same dude for MONTHS before realizing he's an asshole.

Like the support of a really great bra - we're here for ya.

redheaded&crazy

@wee_ramekin Yes! I am with you on ALL OF THIS! Although I often talk about dying alone myself so I may not be the best comfort in that respect but you are not alone in FEELING THIS WAY.

I think everything you said is totally valid and that dude is friggin weird. Most dates I've gone on, especially from the internet, there hasn't been anything physical on the first date. I mean ... I don't even know if you really look like you said you're gonna look like on this first date ... soooo ... I don't know. Getting physical with a stranger has very little appeal to me.

One dude that I went out with from okc, first date, sitting in a movie theatre he was all ... hand on my thigh, right up IN there and it made me so uncomfortable. Are you my fucking boyfriend? No. No you are not.

That dude is a dick. Seriously douchey not cool dick. I don't know. I've also never had a relationship progress from "first date" to "kiss on second date" to "sex on third date" or whatever but ... yeah. Don't have sex with someone before you feel comfortable! :(

Judith Slutler

@wee_ramekin You know, sometimes you do everything right (explain your preferences explicitly and in a low-pressure way) and the other person responds in a way that is total bullshit. This is a normal thing that happens. IDK if that helps, but I think you should keep doing what you're doing, because there are plenty of people out there who share your preferences.

noodge

@wee_ramekin ugh, dating. it can be such a numbers game, especially if you have crazy things like STANDARDS, right?

there are people out there who are similarly reserved about physical affection, and if they're otherwise awesome, then things will progress as you feel comfortable. in a way, this is a decent litmus test: if someone is going to toss it in your face like that then they mayyyy not be such a good match, no? good thing we weeded him out tout d'suite, right?
a sense of humor is invaluable when playing the dating game, try to keep yours on hand and these trials won't seem so... trying? maybe?

SarahP

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Yes! I agree! @wee_ramekin, when I was dating, I was ambivalent about kissing on the first date, so I always left it up to the other person--which meant it never happened on the first date! Not once! And I went on a lot of first dates! SO what I'm saying is, it is a totally acceptable policy, and anyone who finds it objectionable that you don't want to kiss ont he first date is probably not someone you're going to want to be with anyway.

YOU WILL NOT DIE ALONE I WON'T LET YOU

Oliver St. John Mollusc

@wee_ramekin ALWAYS. I feel the same way a lot but for kind of the opposite reason -- I like to just be in the moment and if I feel like having sex, I just have sex. Which is fine except that I think it sometimes results in dudes pigeonholing me as a "good-time" girl (is that even a thing people say anymore?) and not a girl you bring home to meet the folks. And the obvious solution would be to *not* sleep with dudes on the first date if I'm worried about that, but half the time I don't really CARE if they ever call again. But lots of times I don't know if I'm going to be into them or not *until* I sleep with them, and by then they've already made up their minds what sort of girl I am. Ugh! So yeah, in my darker moments I feel exactly the same as you do. Does that count as support? :)

Miss Maszkerádi

@wee_ramekin No advice to offer, just commiseration! I am the exact same way about not wanting to get physical with someone I don't actually know/like all that well, and, erm, it's why I'm an unspoiled virgin at an embarrassing age. There must be cool guys out there who understand/respect this kind of mindset and maybe even are the same way....right?

I mean, i deal with the situation by being emphatically single and vaguely monastic at the moment, but I don't want to actually wall myself up in a library for life.

Gwdihw

@wee_ramekin Never show 'em your wee underkins until *you* want!

polka dots vs stripes

@wee_ramekin I have only ever had sex with my boyfriend of umpteen years, but you've pretty much exactly described how I think I'd behave sexually if I wasn't with him. I've had my occasional "make out with this person I just met on the dance floor and will never see again" moment but I think in a more serious dating situation I'd probably have the same reactions are you.

That guy is a jerk for not respecting your personal space/physical boundaries, but there are definitely people out there who prefer to take it slow and have a relationship or certain level of trust with a partner before getting it on (and ditto: also my personal preference, whatever date anyone chooses to have sexytimes on is totally their prerogative!!)

ETA: in the amount of time it took my to type this, this thread went from 0 responds to 60million, nice work pinners.

stonefruit

@wee_ramekin support. SUPPORT. I have a thing where, as my dear friend N. says, "the dick goes in, the heart goes out." So I just put off the first part for as long as we can stand it because it's like an instant attachment thing for me. Kissing is less crazy-attachment-making for me, so I can do that, up to a point, but yeah, I feel like even the feministiest of feminist dudes must be looking at me like, "woman we are grown individuals who are attracted to one another, what is the hold-up here?"

Holding your hand across the country, all creepy-extending-arm-like.

bitchycrosstownexpress

@wee_ramekin Ugh, yeah if he was going to be that big of a jerk about it, I'd forget it too. Even if he thought he was "teasing" I've never been a fan of that kind of joke.

Aside from one short fling with a friend I'd known for years, I have never kissed on the first date. I met the guy I'm with now on Match and on our first date he asked if it would be okay to hug me goodbye. On our second date he asked if it would be okay before he kissed me the first time. If a guy is really interested in *you* his focus should be on making sure you are comfortable and happy.

paddlepickle

@wee_ramekin Definitely cosign fondue with cheddar (how could anyone with such an awesome name be wrong?). I'm also kinda slutty, but for awhile I tested out the whole don't-sleep-with-him-on-the-first-date-so-he'll-like-you-more theory, and found that while it's total nonsense that a guy will respect you more for waiting, it DOES help you weed out the jerks. It was kind of astounding how many guys were really pushy with the boundaries that I set, and complained that I was giving them blue balls, etc etc. When I met my lovely ex, the first night I slept over at his house I told him that I wanted to keep it at clothes-on cuddling, and he not only respected that but took the responsibility on himself to make sure he didn't get uncomfortably worked up, and to make sure I was comfortable with every move he made. I've honestly thought about making guys wait entirely for this reason! But I won't 'cause I'm a slut. Point being, this will definitely not make you die alone and you will probably bang a lot fewer jerks than the rest of us!

smidge

@wee_ramekin Ditto to what IROTRose, said, and also, my husband and I didn't have sex until after we got married. So yes, there are people out there who will respect your totally legitimate and understandable boundaries.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@wee_ramekin Would this be an appropriate time to hit on you?

garli

@wee_ramekin Not only have I never slept with a dude I've known under a month, I used to make them take STD tests before I'd have sex with them. I super understand the feeling of not being made for the way dating works now, except that now I'm married.

I know it's super cheese balls to say but if you do what you're comfortable with and it doesn't work for the dude, he's not the right dude for you? The shitty part is that people don't come with that information tattooed to their forehead.

fondue with cheddar

@Oliver St. John Mollusc Yeah, I've definitely been pigeonholed as a "good-time" girl in the past. There's a lot to be said for waiting, I'm just not good at it. I actually envy those who are, because I've slept with a lot of jerks before realizing they're jerks.

@paddlepickle Seriously…any guy who complains about blue balls needs to be kicked to the curb. Also, your username reminds me of Bumpaddle Magazine. :)

themegnapkin

@wee_ramekin commiseration? I had a similar experience with a guy on OKC recently. It was our 3rd date, I think (over maybe a month? Live was busy on both our parts). He was pushing me to sleep with him, I told him that I didn't know him well enough to feel comfortable sleeping with him, "Oh, so you're a numbers girl!!" Or a rules girl? Dunno, but he meant someone who waits for a specified number of dates that is larger than 3, like maybe date 6, and I was being ridiculous because that's an arbitrary number, and I may as well sleep with him on 3 if I'm already planning to sleep with him 6 dates later. So I tell him, "no, I don't *know* you well enough. Not ready! Number has nothing to do with it!" Him: "So what do you want to know? I'll tell you anything!" Dude, that's not the point! Never saw him again, but we work in the same (small) field, so it's only a matter of time.

Shara

@themegnapkin Ew, what an asshole.

themegnapkin

@Shara right?!! It explains why my only quasi-romantic relationship at the moment is being conducted via email with a guy on the other side of the planet from me.

Valley Girl

@wee_ramekin I had a very similar experience with an OKC dude! And then when I broke it off because I wasn't feeling it, he was all like "If only I could have won you over with the D!". I mean, I don't care if you're James Deen, dude, you have to win me over before it gets to that point.

I wish I had advice for you! I'm reading these replies with interest.

wee_ramekin

@all YOU GUYS. Thank you so much. This is exactly the sort of support and story-sharing that I needed to buck me up. I don't usually get too down about being single, since I like it and it's fun and I figure that when the time comes for me to be not single, it'll happen. But sometimes...sometimes I just need an infusion of confidence and Pinner love. Thank y'all so much for sending so many kind words and thoughts my way.

@l'espirit de l'escalier admonished me not to show my wee_underkins to anyone until I was ready. Well guys...I THINK I'M READY:

And @I'm Right On Top of That, Rose? If you like what you see after that display of crockerine knickers, then yes. Now is definitely the time to hit on me.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@wee_ramekin Well, well, well. If it's not too forward (and you feel comfortable enough letting me close enough to your crockery), I'd like to brûlée, your crème.

Lost penguin

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose there's never an inappropriate time since it always cheers one up to be fanciable!

Cat named Virtute

@wee_ramekin Oh MAN, I was single/not having sex for SO LONG for reasons that are mostly this. It was especially shitty when I was living amongst super promiscuous sexually open quipsters in Montreal (again, nothing wrong with this, but it's hard being the only one who isn't hookin' up!).

But I'm sure you won't die alone--especially because you're so rad, but also because you're so clear about knowing what you want, and you're able to articulate it, and that goes so, so far. As folks upthread have said, it does a LOT of preemptive asshole weeding, which I'm personally really grateful for. You'll be able to date people who genuinely want to be with YOU! and build good relationships with them.

I was alone foreeeeever, and now I'm finally in my first real relationship, and even though it was so hard being single/celibate sometimes, I ended up with someone who is so wondeful.

wee_ramekin

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose tee heeeeeee! I am trying to flirt back by bandying about the term 'personal pot pie', but....nothing about that term sounds even vaguely sexy.

Cat named Virtute

@Oliver St. John Mollusc That right there? About pigeonholing? That makes me SO MAD at those dudes. That is the worst.

Living My Best Life Far Away from the Hairpin!

@wee_ramekin One reason I've avoided dating since the wheels fell off my last ltr a few years ago is worry about not wanting to kiss on the first date, let alone have sex right away (I also don't want to hate on anyone who does do this, I am just emphatically NOT feeling it for myself). So I'm happy to read all the nice comments from everyone else saying that you won't die alone...but sometimes when I worry that I'm going to die alone, I just think to myself, "don't even worry about it because, ultimately, EVERYONE dies alone so it's totally cool, just chill out and have a gin and tonic." B-)

Danzig!

@wee_ramekin I feel you, the last 10 months of dating (ie my first ten months of dating) have been demonstrably fallow and I'm thinking that myself. But even if you date the odd dickhead (or the many perfectly nice people you just don't want to see again), it's not a reflection on you. Dude was a passive-aggressive scrub and you're well rid of him. Keep dating other, better people!

Saskquatch

@wee_ramekin Weeeee Suppooooort Yooouuuuuus! I have so little cupboard space that I never knew I could feel this way about crockery...but that picture! Oh my gracious! Damnable sultry ceramic internet vixens.

PistolPackinMama

@wee_ramekin Lately, for me, I've been thinking that it's going to take a hell of a guy/gal to die with to beat dying alone. Or, it takes a hell of a guy/girlfriend to beat no guy/girlfriend at all.

Also, you could die unpartnered. It does happen. But there is no way on this Earth someone as lovely as yourself could die alone unloved by friends and family (chosen or birth or some combination of).

Reginal T. Squirge

I know most people have had a really bad week but this week was pretty good for me! One of the first truly good weeks in a long time. I feel pretty much like this.

Reginal T. Squirge

Oh, also, Portland Hairpin Book Club chose Stephen King's 11/22/63 as this month's book. But then we realized it's 880 pages long so we decided to do half of the book in November and the other half in December. This should help people that are busy during the holidays, too, though!

...and we decided to help out one of the book clubbers that has to work on Sundays so we moved the meeting time back again to 4PM. That's the last Sunday of each month, at Liberty Glass.

Reginal T. Squirge

My link above should've been to this url. My bad.

fondue with cheddar

I live in New Jersey, where the governor declared Halloween would be celebrated on Monday, which is weird because Halloween will be So Over by then. I will be dressed as Velma, helping my boyfriend give out candy at his not-yet-grandly-opened photography studio instead of my house in the hopes that he might get some leads. I really hope there's a good turnout because he bought all good candy (Snickers, Reese's PBC, and something else delicious). My measly willpower is no match for such things! HOW DO YOU RESIST LEFTOVER CANDY?

Porn Peddler

I KNOW ALL SORTS OF PEOPLE ALREADY POSTED ABOUT NANOWRIMO BUT. hairpin writers group. not hosted on the nanowrimo site please. Google group? Something? Anyone? I need writing buddiesssss

JadedStone

@Porn Peddler there's a bit on the HFC? we can definitely check in there.

redheaded&crazy

@Porn Peddler there is nanowrimo talk going on over hurr but admittedly you have to ignore/bypass/read thousands of other emails if you join up :P

Porn Peddler

@redheaded&crazie ah I am not part of the google group :/ Are google groups just...tiny message boards, basically?

redheaded&crazy

@Porn Peddler yes kind of! (I mean that is one way of reading it!)

JadedStone

@Porn Peddler JOIN IT PORNY. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO.
Then we can compare our massive sex toy collections.

Porn Peddler

k I joined ACCEPT ME PLZ.

Pound of Salt

Ask Polly answered my question this week! I think this was a solid column of advice-giving.

StandardTuber

What do people think about having snacks at meetings? Good for morale? Bad for productivity? Too distracting? Welcoming, and community-building? What?

wee_ramekin

@Mabissa Good! Although I'd say refrain from providing snacks with noisy wrappers and such that would be distracting. For example, instead of individual bags of potato chips, buy one large bag, dump it in a bowl, and let people serve themselves little plates of chips.

crango

@Mabissa On one hand, it can be distracting, but sometimes you just really need a snack. You can try being covert and make sure you don't bring something with a crinkley wrapper or is overly crunchy. Orr you could just say you're hypoglycemic and need to eat STAT otherwise you'll crash

par_parenthese

@Mabissa Are there people who don't like snacks at meetings? Weird.

I agree with wee_ramekin that it's important to consider the noise element, and I would add that the mess element matters too. Something you can eat with your hands with a minimum of greasy fingers, crumbs, or spillage.

gobblegirl

@Mabissa Soft foods, not crunchy foods. Cookies are a good choice- everyone likes a nice cookie with their meeting-tea/coffee. It's tasty and professional (ie, won't make you seem like a mother hen, which can be a bad image in an office sometimes).
Also: this week and next week are the perfect time to have a bowl of halloween candy in the middle. Fun and delicious.
That said, the very occasional staff meetings we have at my work are fancy cheese and crackers and lattes, because we're a small office and get to do what we want.

phipsi

@Mabissa As a former grad student: Yes. I usually try to have a mix of healthy stuff (grapes or cut up fruit) and some sort of cake/cookie/donut treat.

gobblegirl

@phipsi Grapes is great because they're healthy, silent, and tidy.

SarcasticFringehead

@gobblegirl Except for some reason I can never eat grapes without getting into a massive coughing fit? But that's just me. Everyone else should bring grapes to meetings, always.

crango

NYC 'Pinners, I need some advice please! I started applying for jobs in the city and if I get one, it would mean moving because I am not commuting two hours both ways everyday. Is thinking I can find a one bedroom apartment that isn't a studio at a decent price (like, $800-ish) a pipe dream? Because I really do not want to have to deal with roommates again. Also, I'm really freaked out about moving to a new city because I have no idea how to make friends outside of a school setting.

Lily Rowan

@crango I'm pretty sure it is pretty much a pipe dream, sorry -- although I guess people do get lucky, thanks to rent stabilization. Three years ago I was living in an $1100 one-bed in Astoria, for a point of anecdata.

Danzig!

@crango depends on the neighborhood. It's a slim possibility but you definitely won't be living anywhere "nice" (ie anywhere flush with young white professionals). Maybe somewhere in Jersey?

crango

@Lily Rowan Drat, I figured as much. I lived in Baltimore for a few years while I was in college and got kind of spoiled because single apartments were about $600-$700 a month

Oliver St. John Mollusc

@crango Yeah it's unlikely unless you want to live out in the boonies, which probably wouldn't solve your commuting problem. My rent just went from $750 to $800 for half of a two-bedroom in a just-becoming-trendy neighborhood and people are like "OMG THAT'S ALL YOU PAY? SHUT UP."

Faintly Macabre

@Lily Rowan My aunt pays 750 for a one-bedroom in the East Village! But she has lived there for probably my whole life and is probably never, ever giving it up, so not a really current example.

Plant Fire

@crango Have you looked into the Bronx? Somewhere like Mott Haven or Parkchester might have something for you. I just did a quick search for one bedrooms under $1000 (no broker fee) and this is what came up so it's not impossible you're just limited by neighborhood.

Also is your reason for not wanting a studio size or lack of walls? Because if it's size, I have a studio (in queens) that is a bit over your budget ($1150) but is huge, I could easily fit two queen bedrooms and still have space plus there is an alcove (like a mini office) and a full separate kitchen with space for a table and chairs. The commute is ok (was 20 minutes, with my new job it will be 45 but I'm hoping to move in May). So if you don't mind there only being 3 rooms (bed, bath, kitchen) I wouldn't rule out a studio, just to give you more options. Also if you end up moving here and are worried about meeting people, feel free to send me an email (username at gmail) or message, I'm new-ish here and I'd be happy to meet someone new here/try and show you around.

crango

@Sea Ermine I have not, actually! This is all really tentative still since I haven't heard back from the places I applied to and I probably shouldn't even be worrying about it yet but I can't help it! Size isn't an issue. My problem is that I'm a painter and I need an extra room because I can't afford to rent a work studio as well. I had to sleep in my studio space for most of college and it sucked so much, everything I owned was covered in a permanent layer of charcoal and linseed oil. Also, thank you, that's so sweet! I will totally take you up on that if I wind up in the city!

LolaLooksFrench

You guys, why do boys just stop talking to you when it seems things are going swimmingly? Is it because the veggie dog might have made you a little gassy? Or because you might have gotten a little drunk and said something slightly inappropriate at a party with his friends? Those things are charming! Right? Because you asked HIM to get a drink and that seems pushy and clingy? Someone please explain the XYs to me because I do not understand.

paddlepickle

@LolaLooksFrench The answer, regardless of who you are or who the boy is or what you said when you were a little bit drunk, is 'sometimes boys are weird and stupid, and it is not your fault'

Jinxie

@paddlepickle And any boy who blows you off because you tooted after eating gaseous food isn't someone you'd want to spend your time with.

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@LolaLooksFrench
If people stopped talking to me every time I said something slightly inappropriate I would have no one to talk to ever.

tea sonata

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll I NEED to second this. NEED, y'hear.

LordHennyson

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll If someone stopped talking to me every time I farted in public I would be shunned amish-style by entire cities' worth of people (does it count if they don't know you farted in their presence?)

iwearaFEZnow

Sooo...does anyone know any songs along the lines of "Your Kisses Are Wasted on Me" by The Pipeetts? I really need to end a relationship (seriously, it's getting to be bad news bears), but I'm much better suited to being The Dumpee, and I need musical courage...

Thanks!

Hot Doom

@iwearaFEZnow 'Silver Lining' and 'Breaking Up' by Rilo Kiley are both good for this! 'Release Me' by The Like is also a good one!

Hot Doom

@Hot Doom Christ, I'll be thinking of these all night, but if you are also into dancey electronic music, 'The Rejection' by Dangerous muse is also quite enjoyable.

MilesofMountains

@iwearaFEZnow This is more post-dumping-someone, but Walk It Off by Angus and Julia Stone has been a good one for me, especially if you end up having to deal with a whiny ex blaming you for ruining everything.

iwearaFEZnow

@Hot Doom @MilesofMountains Thank you! These are wonderful - and very necessary.

mooseketeer

@iwearaFEZnow I am so late to the party, but once I got really obsessed with the song "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover," and it wasn't until many many months after I ended the terrible relationship I was in that I realized why my brain latched on to that song. I was seriously not at all putting the two together. That song is the best breakup song of all time though, just doooo it.

Gwdihw

Ladies! I would like your help!

I have a bunch of nice vintage clothing that I have accepted I'm not really going to fit into anymore. I want for sell it, and the city I live in is not much into vintage (so selling it to a store is out) so I thought about going the Etsy route. Have any of you sold clothes on Etsy successfully or unsuccessfully? Any funny or horrific stories and advice? I'm not looking to make fuckpiles of cash, but maybe I can recoup some $$$.

Jinxie

@l'esprit de l'escalier I've never sold clothes on Etsy, but I've bought some (ok, a lot). As a buyer, my advice to you would be: 1) list the measurements of each item of clothing (ie., how long from waist to hem, how wide is waist, etc.) not just the size number on the tag and 2) take model shots on an actual person if you can find someone who can fit into them. I'd be much more likely to buy a dress if I saw it on a person (or a dress form/mannequin, though an actual person is best) than if I just saw it laid out flat on the floor, or hanging on a hanger.
Good luck!

par_parenthese

Heeeeeeey, FOT. There's an elderly eastern European repairman in my house whistling cheerily while he bustles around the bathroom. Just through you should know that. As soon as he's done, I'm going to make stuffed acorn squash and go to a friend's house and drink too much.

lasso tabasco

@par_parenthese stuffed with what?!

par_parenthese

@lasso tabasco Spicy homemade sausage, spinach, black beans, onions, garlic, cumin. Topped with some cheese... like... whatever you have? It's not picky. It's one of my favorite autumnal dinners.

AND AUGH I JUST FOUND THAT GLARING TYPO. GAH. I have an English degree you guys, I swear.

JadedStone

I FINALLY FINISHED "FALL OF GIANTS"

good lord. reading Follett's books is like fighting an ogre. SO GOOD but I'm so TIRED now.

Jane Err

So, remember last week I was thinking about quitting my job and going to work at a brewery? Welp, I got fired from my job, and called for an interview on the same day this week. It was a weird one. So the interview is in two hours, wish me luck, 'Pin!

Also, @I'm right on top of that Rose, I haven't forgotten about you!

olivebee

@Jane Err Good luck!

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@Jane Err What an interesting week for you! And I haven't forgotten that you live in Whitefish! Do you have an email address I can holler at you at (sorry about that grammar).

smidge

@olivebee Good luck!

MilesofMountains

@Jane Err Good luck!

RK Fire

@Jane Err: Good luck! Also sometimes my husband and I think about a brewery jobs too, so I'm sorry I missed that discussion last week!

Jizzcliner

Hey everybody! Haven't really posted since I moved to a new town (Montréal!) and started sleeping with my roommate. Luckily we're now at the point where we're in a stable relationship of the sort where I would be glad to move in with her anyway!

Ophelia

@Jizzcliner The best part about this is that I picture you as an actual jizzcliner, and imagine your roommate sleeping ON you.

planforamiracle

@Jizzcliner that is super! And I'm a little envious of you moving to Montréal; I have wanted to live there since I was a teen growing up in Ottawa (I live in Toronto now.) What brings you there, and from where? and what area did you move to (if you;re comfortable sharing that.)

Jizzcliner

@Ophelia You have most things right, but I'm not actually a recliner.

@planforamiracle I moved from NB. I moved because my job ended, I liked Montréal and I know French. I moved to the plateau, really close to Mont-Royal and St Laurent. It's a great neighbourhood!

Hot Doom

Who's ready for a game of Up-Down? (not really a game, but roll with it)
I'll end on a high note, so Downs first: I have gripes today because:
-In England, it doesn't seem to be a 'thing' to put halloween candy on sale once Halloween is over. What the everloving faaaahhhhck? Also, where do they get the nerve to sell not-that-big bags of candy for £6.99 anyway? ENGLAND!!!

-My husband received the new Assassin's Creed game and began playing it today so my life will look like a blur of swords and CG people for the next however long it takes him to play this game, which will be weeks. WEEKS.

-Macy's cancelled a gift order I placed for my mom's birthday, and by the time I could resolve it, it was too late to replace the order to get it to her by her birthday next week. But no matter! They replaced the order anyway, which I promptly cancelled, however, they still have $100 hold on my account from the two cancelled orders, leaving...very little funds in my account.
SERENITY NOW.

Ups:

I found out that my university accepted my mitigating evidence for turning in my dissertation late, and that I passed the course with a B+ on my disso. Seriously, getting pep talks from 'Pinners on the FOT when I was down meant so much to me, so thank you so much for lending an ear and giving advice!!

-This really cute little cat followed me for a while on my walk home today and kept sitting on its hind legs and pawing the air so I would stroke her. She apparently enjoyed the attention enough to start drooling (I'm a real sucker for drooling kitties).

Any up-downs for you lovely lot? How was Halloween?

olivebee

@Hot Doom Friendly cats on your walk home are the best (except it makes me sad that people have outdoor cats in Chicago). I used to see one on my walk to class in college, and every single time, I would stop and give it belly rubs, and I couldn't walk away from it, and then I'd be late to class. Every time.

Hot Doom

@olivebee Basically. Truthfully, I wanted it to follow me all the way home so I could raise it like a child, but that's not healthy for anyone involved, and also I was walking toward a busy road and didn't want it to get hit. Damn kitties.

Lyssachelle

@Hot Doom Oooo, this is fun.

Downs:
-I signed up for NaNoWriMo but for the sake of my self-esteem, I'm going to have to pass on it. I'd rather not do it then spend the whole month hating myself for missing deadlines, but I was looking forward to it! Not enough to prepare, obviously, but...

-I am a hot mess right now. I have sciatica that makes me limp like a moonshiner with a peg-leg. I'm three months post-partum and I was overweight before I got pregnant and fine with it, even kinda liked it; but now my overweight is all weird and squishy. Plus, my grooming habits have fallen to the wayside so my eyebrows are out of control and if I break my leg, they are just going to have to set it in my pants because I don't want them to take them off and see the Wookie I'm hiding under my slacks... (that sound unnecessarily dirty.)

Ups:
-My son is really cute. Like, seriously, he's ADORABLE. I am attempting to not spam friends and family with his photo, but just flipping through his pictures on my phone makes me smile. (SAPPY, I KNOW....)

-My best friend won Miss Gay America last month and he is still just over the MOON. It's amazing to see him have his dream and just seeing his updates and know what a great MGA he's going to be makes me really really happy.

Tuna Surprise

@Hot Doom

Hah! It's my first Halloween in England and when I was at Tesco tonight I was looking for the 50% off signs at the Halloween candy stand. YOU CANNOT HAVE CHRISTMAS DISPLAYS UP AND EXPECT ME TO BUY HALLOWEEN CANDY FOR FULL PRICE, TESCO!

Hot Doom

@Tuna Surprise THANK YOU. I sent an angry taunting tweet abotu it, but they were like "we missed the memo". Slamholes.

I forgot another up! I made pumpkin butter today. Yesssssss.

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@olivebee
My neighbors' cat, Cato (Pink Panther reference), is an outdoor cat. Sometimes on summer evenings I leave the back door open and Cato wanders in. Then he sees me, spooks, and hussles out as fast as his fat cat ass can take him! Other times he is sitting on the front stoop to greet me when I come home.

But generally, yeah, outdoor cats (or, as people call them in Pilsen, "gatos callejeros," which is awesome) are fairly pitiable.

Amphora

@olivebee There was a campus cat at my college named Zipper (small rural school with a farm, so he was technically a barn cat) who would escort people around. Someone started a Facebook page for him and I think at its height it had like 5,000 fans.

carolita

Well, my genius idea of supplementing with iodine didn't change much about my period, after all. Disappointing! So, never mind. Back to the drawing board. Or back to awaiting menopause! It won't be long now, thank god!
I was all pumped up on my gluten-free diet success in avoiding hay fever this past spring (and fall, for the mold, it seems, so far so good). Thought I had dominion over my body, bwahahahaha.

Got a lot done during the storm and post-storm involuntary vacation! Everything is fixed! All buttons are sewn back on! 2012 receipts organized for tax prep, awaiting more! Everything is arranged, except a couple of drawers, and those are assigned to the BF!
All I have to do now, is sort all the clothes I never wore, take pics, and put up on either eBay or make an Etsy thrift shop. Never done that. Who knows about these things? Any preferences based on experience?

dale

@carolita What sorts of symptoms are you having trouble with?

carolita

@dale Oh, you know, the usual: heavy bleeding, painful cramps. Plagued me all my life, so tired of it. Tried everything, vitamins, supplements, herbs, exercise,"ovarian kung fu", EFT, you name it!

NuckingFux Nix

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher

Did you ask for/get a raise??!?

EpWs

@NuckingFux Nix Have not yet! Will do so as soon as I return from my next out of town trip (12th through 16th) that they assigned me to because I did so well on the last one (drat). Thanks for asking though!

Megasus

Guys I have to cover an event tomorrow. I'M NOT PREPARED.

AJ Sparkles

@Megano! What kind?

Megasus

@AJ Sparkles Gamercamp, it's about video games (obvs). They're asking me who I want to interview and I'm just like "OH GOD I AM A FRAUD"

AJ Sparkles

@Megano! You work @ a GAMERCAMP?! That's so frickin cool! I hear you on the fraud feelings. I've been dipping my toe into the the board game community & it's tense at times. So, can you interview anyone? What kind of games do you play? Have you seen that crazy kickstarter Star Citizen? The video is insane. http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/cig/star-citizen

Megasus

@AJ Sparkles Nooo I "work" for a website that covers gaming, and Gamercamp is like a yearly conference in the industry. I can interview anyone! I have never done an in person interview really though, so I'm intimidated! I have also never really covered an event like this, so again, intimidated!

AJ Sparkles

@Megano! Ah ha! Still pretty damn cool! I'm sure it'll be great- You're the one asking the questions you don't have to pretend to be an expert or know the answers. Let us know how it goes!

gobblegirl

It's SNOWVEMBER!!!!
It's still only about -5C outside, so I think it'll melt soon and be grey and gross for a while until real winter starts, but I am still excited!

meetapossum

I have been phone-less for a week, and I'm kind of going crazy. Also, I had a job interview last Friday that I was supposed to hear about today. I doubt that will happen, due to the hurricane, but I also am not sure because I have no cell phone from which to receive calls. Ahhhh.

Queen of Pickles

In Brooklyn, the "safe zone", post-hurricane.

At home mostly - offices set to reopen Monday. I plan to bike to work, but am concerned about biking home in the dark. Next week is the last week of my temp gig, which is a mixed blessing as far as commuting goes. I signed up for a networking event for women in communications next Tuesday - might be incompatible with biking clothes. Hmmm.

In the last few days, I've been applying for jobs, reading job manuals, drinking tea, eating pretty healthy, and doing the occasional bout of yoga. My new housemate likes to clean, is really funny, and we get along well. Our house is full of laughter, jokes, and good spirits. She plays the banjo. She and the other housemate and I all played banjo/guitar and sang last night.

I should volunteer, but I feel like I need to turn my energies to looking for a job. I need to ration my emotional/mental health reserves, and I have no doubt it would be extremely draining to spend all day hauling debris out of the muck. Better people than I are doing it.

I made muffins yesterday, and we're still eating them. I think I'm just going to keep continually baking as long as I'm at home.

whateverlolawants

@Queen of Pickles I know that feeling, wanting to volunteer but having to ration yourself out wisely. You're making a good decision, though. I hope the job stuff works out! The roommate situation sounds really great.

phipsi

@Queen of Pickles Do you have time to acquire a headlight and a rear blinky light? Also maybe put some reflective tape on your bike frame or the back of your bag/jacket? Good luck, and safe riding! I have biked a lot at night, but never in a major city. I think if you stick to established bike lanes and main roads, you will be ok. I am sure you will be in good company!

whateverlolawants

I have health insurance again, presumably! Phew, especially because I got inexplicably sick again for a day this week. Dizzy, light-headed, shaky, nauseous... wtf? Almost fainted on the sales floor at work. 99% sure I'm not pregnant (took a test at the doctor, got my period), so who knows? :( Feeling better now, thankfully.

And I found a car I want to buy, my friend's 2002 Honda Accord. It looks great and is in my price range. I just have to wait for her to get a replacement in the next week or two. I said goodbye to my faithful 1997 Ford Taurus, as I discussed last week. When I went to empty it out at the auto shop where it was towed the previous week, I was struck by how pathetic it suddenly looked. It was bittersweet, but I thanked it for enabling me to do so much. And I asked a girl stopping at the auto shop to take my photo with it. That's all I said, and she immediately said, "Oh man, I totally understand. I had to say goodbye to my car too," and pointed at a similarly sad-looking Pontiac. Solidarity, man.

When I got all my stuff out, I found a condom wrapper, a Walgreens reciept from 2002, and three dried-up French fries. I promise they were all embedded deeply somewhere. I do clean my car frequently...

whateverlolawants

I should say, previously faithful Taurus that almost killed me last week when the brakes failed.

Jinxie

@whateverlolawants That's the fact to keep in mind when you find yourself feeling nostaligic over the old broad.

phipsi

Hope all in hurricane-affected areas are safe, warm and well-fed! Hoping power is restored soon to everyone.

whateverlolawants

@phipsi Ditto! So many sad stories coming from this storm.

phipsi

@whateverlolawants Yes, coming from thrice-flood-ravaged Midwest regions, I can sympathize on a certain level. However, my home has never been affected to a significant extent (just boil orders and power loss). I have had many friends lose everything, and it's truly awful and stressful.

lasso tabasco

I tried to break my 8 month celibacy streak, but the dude had some alcohol-related problems and spent the next hour crying and pouting until he fell asleep. And then he woke up and cried and pouted further. I am not seeing him again. HOW HARD IS IT TO GET LAID?!

Judith Slutler

@lasso tabasco How hard is it for guys who are having erection troubles to just SWITCH TO EATING PUSSY FOR A SECOND? Gah. Talk about crying over spilled milk... or unspilled other things.

Oliver St. John Mollusc

@Emmanuelle Cunt Bahahaha! I love it. I broke a couple-months celibacy streak last night with a younger dude who could NOT fall asleep afterward -- he got up like twenty times go to the bathroom and/or get a glass of water, and at one point he was cold and wanted another blanket -- it was seriously like trying to get a little kid to go to sleep. And he kept blaming the fact that he "drank too much on an empty stomach" when we barely drank anything! I seriously could not believe a dude eight years my junior had that much trouble holding his booze. AND he gave me a giant hickey.

Porn Peddler

@lasso tabasco This is going to be the opening of my next novel, just want you to know.

lasso tabasco

@Oliver St. John Mollusc It's these episodes that make me wonderful if breaking the Celibacy Streak is even worth the trouble.... So much can happen!

whateverlolawants

@lasso tabasco These young dudes sound just like the lame-ass 20-year-old with whom I had a brief fling. He was always drunk and never went down on me. He was fun in other ways, but the charm wore off quickly.

Oliver St. John Mollusc

@lasso tabasco Right? For me it's worth it only because once I break the no-sex streak, I'm usually up to my ears in dick for the next few months. Eyes on the prize!

zamboni

@Oliver St. John Mollusc I have a really small bladder and the last time I had sex, we had been drinking earlier and then drank a ton of water between bouts of doin' it, over several hours. I had to go to the bathroom approximately one zillion times, there was no light to navigate by, and he wouldn't switch sides of the bed with me so that I was closer to the door. I stepped on the dude's legs/ankles ... whatever half of a zillion times is. On behalf of Those Kinds Of People, I apologize.

lasso tabasco

@Oliver St. John Mollusc You're giving me so much hope! Eyes on the prize!

baked bean

@zamboni I'm the same way. I have the bladder of an 80-year-old woman. After drinking, I'll have to get up 3 times at night at least.

Oliver St. John Mollusc

@zamboni So here's what makes your version OK: the phrase "between bouts of doing it, over several hours." My version was like twenty minutes of doing it, followed by five hours of him sighing loudly, flopping around like a fish, and going to and from the bathroom. YOU ARE ALL GOOD.

Danzig!

How is everyone? I felt much better this week. It looks very likely that the Cymbalta was making me crazy(/ier), and once it flushed out of my system I was in much better shape. Thanks to everyone for their concern last week, it helped a lot :) not immediately, given my state, but it was good to come back to over the days since.

I lived through Sandy (Bushwick was essentially unscathed, at least around here) but I'm finding it harder and harder to be stuck inside w/ my roommates. They're very dramatic theater kids in a codependent relationship, clearly no longer in love but too afraid of change to break up. They don't go to school, they don't have jobs, they just smoke weed, read childrens' stories aloud in Shakespearean accents, and sleep through the day. Occasionally they will have incredible shrieking fights and one will lock the other out of their shared room for several hours.

ANYWAY I wanted to go volunteer today but all of the things I signed up for started at noon and I had a therapy appt. at 11:30 :( I'm not even sure I can get to the Bronx blood drive in time from where I am, and they go pretty late.

whateverlolawants

@Danzig! I hope you can find something! Your roommates sound awful. You described them in a previous thread as shut-in stoners and that didn't sound so bad, but then you explained. And children's stories in Shakespearean accents? Ughhhhhh

Reginal T. Squirge

Glad you're doing better! Your roommates sound really good for a comedy that involves awful roommates for a single scene but awful for real life.

raised amongst catalogs

@Danzig! I am loving that you feel better! That is all!

Danzig!

@all thx :]

Plant Fire

@Danzig! Your roommates sound awful!!! Can you move or at least crash with a friend until you can move? It just sounds like a super unhealthy living situation.

Danzig!

@Sea Ermine Heh, it's a bit better when my other roommate is home (an old friend from high school), and when I can hop on the train and get fresh air :] I'm moving out in a month, back home to CO. So not long! Not long at all. I'm going to miss NYC :(

wee_ramekin

@Danzig! I am so, SO happy to hear that things are looking up. What a difference a change in medication can be! Hope you have a good weekend, and are able to get away from your Horrid Roommates.

Plant Fire

@Danzig! That's good!! I'm glad your getting out and then you can come and visit NYC in the future without having to deal with the roommate nonsense. Hopefully the train lines will be back up soon so you can get some space (or maybe find somewhere nice outside to sit and read in the finally cool November air).

Danzig!

@wee_ramekin Thanks Wee!

@Sea Ermine Yeah, I hope so. The lack of L train service means I've no easy access to any of the closest substantial parks - maybe I can hop on a bus to McCarran. I also hope to see y'all at least one more time, at a meetup or wherever :) let me know if yr bored and in Brooklyn, we'll eat or something.

Oh and the couple has moved into the fight phase of their routine :\ there is much bawling going on upstairs

Cawendaw

@Danzig! Hooray! I'm so glad Cymbalta was terrible for you!
Because it turned out to be something that you were able to just flush out, not because things were made terrible. You know what I mean.
I hope you have things you're looking forward to in Colorado. Sucks that natural and other people's personal disasters are bringing down this current period of New Yorkiness.

whateverlolawants

@Danzig! Colorado and NYC are two of my all-time favorite places. Not super-relevant, except that I hope you like them as much as I do (present circumstances aside.)

Lit Drunkard

This week has been really hard, so I’m going to finish work, go home and eat a mini vegan Thanksgiving, watch some superhero movies and drink a bottle of wine. Then finish “Cloud Atlas”, and start it again (ever have one of those books that you know is amazing, and feel as if you’re only dipping a toe into the amazing?). All are invited.

An aside, I’m trying to force myself to become a runner. It is not going well. I ran 2 miles yesterday feeling my underwear puddle slowly down- slightly ill-fitting undies, and slightly too large running stretchy pant things don’t seem to mesh.

Dirty Hands

@Lit Drunkard That week sounds really, really familiar. I tried running a year ago and it makes me ANGRY, but biking doesn't have the same effect. I wish you a "runner's high," whatever that is, and may you soon enjoy being able to run away from people well, like Julia Roberts in Conspiracy Theory!

katiemcgillicuddy

@Lit Drunkard I am a runner and I can tell you the longer you keep at it, the better it gets. Even after only doing it for a couple weeks, it'll start to feel better. It starts to become a habit. I wouldn't be able to function without it at this point. But that was not always the case!! Maybe invest in some decent, waterproof, heat-sheild gear? I love Under Armour. And dude, tight underwear (seriously, if they are lose at all it will get uncomfortable and yeah, will make you not want to run). I run in mesh shorts, I can't handle running pants, mesh is so comfy. In the cold, good ol' sweats. Works for me.

elbows on the table

@Lit Drunkard ahh! I just posted about this (sorta) downthread. the thing that got me running was the app, "Zombies, run!" which is kind of amazing (but has led to some seriously freaky dreams.) also, having the right stuff (clothes, shoes, other people to encourage me/check in regularly about how it's going) has made a huge difference with me keeping the running going this time instead of tapering off after a week or two.

Lit Drunkard

@Dirty Hands I do love biking! Once I get back the 5 mile running hump, I'll about it, but up until that point, I spend most of my time running wondering if my boobs are bouncing too much, if I should replace my sports bra, if holding my keys and making them sweaty will mean I'll develop some iron disease of the skin, if I could conceivably run from a predator (because yes, I'm still 11)

Lit Drunkard

@katiemcgillicuddy I'm trying to tell myself that- I've just been coming home from work so drained, that the thought of running sounds awful. Once I put on my stretchy RUN! pants, I get a bit more into the mindset but.... I spend most of the run thinking "over yet? over yet?". I'm hoping to turn into a runner before Denver turns super cold- then investing in some fancy RUN! gear so that I keep going over the winter.
Shorts! But the chafing! Maybe that says something about my thighs.... or my running style. Hm.

Lit Drunkard

@elbows on the table After a travel odyssey this weekend (driving from Virginia to North Carolina to escape Sand's wrath and get back for work, which may have endeared me to my boss) I have realized I need a smart phone. I held out so long!
But "Zombies, run!" sounds like the best thing ever. I did buy proper running pants in hopes I'd run to make the purchase worthwhile- so far, I'm holding to but, I worry once the weather changes, that'll pass.

baked bean

@Lit Drunkard Stretchy pants are all the rage in womens athletics, but I do not understand their merits other than aesthetics.

Cawendaw

@elbows on the table YES ZOMBIES RUN! I was just about to recommend this. Instead I will chime in and say that there are now two Zombies Run apps: the original, where you run, and the 5k trainer, which starts you off veeery slowly ("walk! Now walk some more! Now run for a few seconds! Now walk! Now run if you feel like it, but otherwise walk!") and slowly ramps up the difficulty. I don't think it has as much zombie chasing or involving story though.
Also for a hopefully encouraging anecdote, I felt that I had to really push myself to run at first, but after a while it felt more like there was something behind me pushing me forward (in a supportive way, not a pushy way), and I could either "rest" at that speed or push myself to go faster.

Cawendaw

@Lit Drunkard Oh, also I found it helpful to run to actual geographical places (movie theater, park, lake, etc.) rather than worry about times or distances.

elbows on the table

@Cawendaw sadly the 5k doesn't work for android yet (sigh), so I am doing it the old fashioned way - just going! it is amaaaazing though. actually, last night I ran without using zombies, and instead did a pace tracker (pacing myself is hard right now), and I was incredibly irritable for the entire 45 minutes. if I had to run like this all the time (speed up! slow down! SLOW DOWN! every 30 seconds or so) I would never do it.

Lit Drunkard

@baked bean I never quite understood them either, but had a friend who raved and raved. Since when I run in shorts I feel as if they're constantly moving, I thought I'd give them a shot-- so far, so good but they're definitely clingier than any other item of clothing I own or plan on owning

Sugar Kane's Hip Flask

I signed up to get a PinPal last month but I haven't had the nerve to write to her yet because I'm afraid I'll be a bore. But I promise I'll buy some fancy-ass notepaper this weekend and write to you, PinPal!
Also I dressed up as a pizza for Halloween and had a swell night, even when all my pepperoni fell off.

Dirty Hands

@Sugar Kane's Hip Flask WRITE TO HER WRITE TO HER, my PinPal stopped writing and I am sad. :(

sophia_h

@Sugar Kane's Hip Flask I never wrote to mine and now I feel guilty. I wonder if I still have the address in my gmail. Mostly I'm worried because my bad handwriting has atrophied to a joke by now.

Sugar Kane's Hip Flask

@sophia_h Right? I mean sometimes I can't even read my own handwriting so what hope do other people have?

Danzig!

@Sugar Kane's Hip Flask ugggh I need to respond to the brilliant letter I received. Thanks for the reminder!

baked bean

@sophia_h I never wrote to mine either and my pinpal never wrote to me. Perhaps we are pinpals. Equally lazy ones.

Miss Maszkerádi

UGH GUYS. I just found out one of my best friends has been in the hospital for three weeks with a massive awful case of pneumonia and various complications. He's out of hospital now and on the mend, though it will be a long recovery. He has chronically fragile health anyway and a few years ago was VERY ill, almost mortally so, so I always worry about him. This is exacerbated by the fact that he lives in another country (the one I spend half my life in as well, but am not there now) so it's not as if I can just go bring him some soup and check up on him every now and then, and email communication is always kind of on a snail-mail timetable with us. So basically I've got plenty of time to stew and worry and freak out and convince myself that my friend is about to die, even though my rational brain tells me he's surely going to be fine. Someone help me stop making myself crazy with worry! :-(

Dirty Hands

@Countess Maritza At least he has the hospital people to take care of him if all else fails! But don't feel bad, it's not your fault, you can send a care package maybe and "on the mend" sounds so so nice.

Blushingflwr

I am drunk. Only a little, but still. Company-funded Happy Hours are the best. But now I have to sober up and go teach people how not to be That Guy while balancing on heels and wearing a corset (to clarify, I will be wearing the heels and the corset, I don't know what "That Guy" will be wearing).
Also there was something I wanted to share with the FOT earlier this week but now I don't remember what it was and I am sad.
BUT I had a lot of really great sex while "working from home" during the hurricane, so that's good.

Dirty Hands

HAVE BEEN SICK FOR A MONTH NOW MAKE IT STOP! It's not, like, one sickness, it's a flu then a cough then a cold and a bellyache... I just need to sleep more... but pity me, ye masses!

LordHennyson

@Dirty Hands Ugh now I feel better. I've had a lingering flu-turned-chimbley-sweep-orphan-style black lung cough for almost two weeks now that is only finally slooowly improving. Ugh yours is so much more terrible and I'm sorry!

sophia_h

Ugh I am having my first ever sports-related withdrawl/hangover phase -- and my damn team actually WON the World Series. I've felt sad after baseball seasons or the Olympics ended before, but I never spent six solid months watching games and reading all the related media about it. How do people do this year in and year out?? Especially when by the law of averages your team won't go all the way every time (and if they do, everyone hates you). Next year maybe I will take up croquet instead of agonizing after 40 (totally hot) strange men and their athletic travails.

entangled

@sophia_h this is how I became a football fan. then a college basketball fan. then a giant ball of sports related rage 3/4 of the year. it's like any other obsession - all-consuming at first but then fades into general stuff you like only to re-emerge next season.

stonefruit

@sophia_h leeeeeeeeeet's talk about the victory parade? and how much we want to pounce on Sergio Romo? GIANTS!

110 days until pitchers and catchers report! If I used the date calculator right, that is.

sophia_h

@entangled I'm scared, though! I already have enough going on with media fandom obsession! I guess thank god hockey is on lockout this year, because there's quite the online fanbase for that.

sophia_h

@stonefruit The victory parade was the closest I've ever gotten to Beatle-mania-type celebrity hysteria in myself. We were only about 20-30 feet away from the cars, in the second row from the rails, and my friend and I got crazier and crazier as each guy went by. After Romo left (he'd been stopped for a bit and was prancing around) I said "um, that was the only time in my life I've ever had the impulse to flash someone my breasts." Crowd craziness, who knew?!

stonefruit

@sophia_h ROMO! When he just went totally off-book and started stomping around and waving his arms! Seriously I'm in love.

My office is in the state building on McAllister between Larkin and Polk, so we had *great* seats from one of my bosses' offices :) Of course, it did mean I couldn't shriek and carry on like the folks on the ground, but, you know, trade-offs.

sophia_h

@stonefruit Yeah, my last contract project was at Market and 2nd, so it was weird seeing pics later of Buster in front of my old office/Peet's/BART station. Getting out of there was a damn nightmare, but I'm glad I went, even if I did have to wait until the next day for the CSN replay of the ceremony.

katiemcgillicuddy

@stonefruit I have always said, "pitchers and catchers report" are the four most beautiful words in the English language. 110 days, 110 days...

Oliver St. John Mollusc

@sophia_h I went through the exact same thing with the last two world serieses (except that they both ended with my team losing, womp womp). It's always a relief when football season starts and I can watch all the games without worrying about whether my team is going to do anything crazy like, I don't know, win every once in a while?

sophia_h

@Oliver St. John Mollusc Ugh, sorry, I was pulling for you guys this year because I like Ron Washington. And yeah. I guess it can be easier to be a fan of a team that doesn't really contend because you lower your expectations (though I quit following the Giants for a few years last decade when they were just *awful*).

sarantium@twitter

It has been A Week. I intend to curl up with my copy of Joseph Anton and a beer this evening, and deal with midterms tomorrow. Anyone doing the same with their exciting Friday night?

ETA: oh, and get my boyfriend to give me a back massage. yyyy.

Cat named Virtute

Guysssss! I got the library job!! And I have BENEFITS. And I'll get to keep my sweet bookstore job too! And eventually move out of my parents' house! Thanks for all your excellent blazer suggestions and well wishes.

Tonight I'm going to see AC Newman with my best girl and drink a bunch of beer and eat brownies. Life is looking up just in time for the horror that is Canadian winter.

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@Cat named Virtute
I just saw him in Chicago! I love his stuff, but the sound was not so good. Perhaps a problem with needing to mic the woodwinds? Hopefully the sound is better for you? Have fun!

lasso tabasco

@Cat named Virtute Congrats!

elbows on the table

@Cat named Virtute yaaaay!

Danzig!

@Cat named Virtute that's punk rock

Chrestomanci

@Cat named Virtute Congratulations! I got a library job this week too! My first ever and I am so excited because now I can call myself a librarian instead of a library student.

Cat named Virtute

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll The sound was pretty good! I felt like the energy could have been a bit higher, but he played Miracle Drug, and that was all I really wanted. What did you think of The Mynabirds? I liked them, my ladyfriend did not. I am a sucker for a moody alto though.

@Chrestomanci Congratulations to you too! Where are you working? I'm technically not a librarian since the position is a public services supervisor, and I'm a quarter short of my MLIS, but it's something!

Chrestomanci

@Cat named Virtute At a TAFE library (TAFE is Australian for... polytech? community college? something along those lines). Can I brag here that I handed in my last ever assignment on Monday and was hired on Thursday? It's only a casual position, but as with your job, it's a foot in the door at least!

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@Cat named Virtute
Glad to hear you didn't have problems! On Saturday, I complained about the sound to a friend who manages a number of bands and he said that the Empty Bottle has a new sound guy who has been the cause of some complaints.

Yeah, Mynabirds were great! I may buy their CD.

darklingplain

I've sort of been seeing a guy, in a college-y way (hung out a couple times, danced together, made out a little) but I can't decide if I actually like him enough to keep hanging out with him?

pros: he's pretty cute, he's into me, he didn't seem to care that I hadn't shaved my legs in forever.

cons: he's kind of irritating, this one time when we were dancing he took my glasses off and put them aside with my purse (DON'T TOUCH MY GLASSES I WILL CUT YOU), he has mentioned more than once "what a bitch" his ex-girlfriend was.

Ugh, I don't know whether to text him this weekend or not.

Hot Doom

@darklingplain Don't text him. He sounds like a twerp.
OR
Next time he lays a hand on your glasses, give him an atomic wedgie and see how he likes his business being messed with. But then he might go apeshit on you, so. How bout just don't text him?

Porn Peddler

@darklingplain I mean, sometimes, your ex girlfriend is a bitch, but it should not be a subject of conversation with the girl you are now hangin' with, and if someone ever took my glasses off, I'd like to say I would open-hand slap him in the face, but what's closer to the truth is that I would swing blindly at him.

Do not text him. Ew.

elbows on the table

@darklingplain yeah, um, I have weird limits, I'll admit, but seriously - not okay that someone is messing with the glasses. I'd freak, totally - unacceptable. I have to vote no for the texting.

adorable-eggplant

@darklingplain Ohgodnoooooo. Bleh. Also, I would be a billionty dollars (as an unshorn-legged lady) that he does mind and is waiting until you are putty in his hands to suggest that you really would have hot legs if it weren't for the fuzz.

Also, any dude who drops the b-word in a serious way about a person (who may or may not have been unkind to him) is throwing out some serious red flags. Dude who talk shit about exes are giving unsubtle hints of what's to come. Srsly.

adorable-eggplant

@adorable-eggplant I mean 'bet' *cause I coundn't spend myself if I were a billionty dollars... so what would be the point?

darklingplain

@all

Thanks for the advice! It's possible I'll still text him, but I feel more justified in also sort of hating him now.

MilesofMountains

It's now pitch black until I leave for work in the mornings. It's amazing how pretty much the day it stopped being light when I woke up, I became a grumpy, lazy, unfocused pile of uselessness and spite. And I'm been having to stay at my boyfriend's place so I haven't even had my wake-up alarm lamp thingy to offset it. Winter sucks!

baked bean

@MilesofMountains How well do those alarms work? I have always kind of wanted one, but the cost!

sandwiches

@baked bean Seconding this question, because I really like the idea of waking up gently to light/chirping birds as opposed to jolting awake all at once to Superchick, but I'm notoriously reluctant to get up in the morning (my mother once locked herself out of the house and crawled into my room through my ground-floor window after rapping on the window for ten minutes. My bed was directly under the window so she literally crawled across my sleeping body. I didn't wake up) so I'm reluctant to blow that amount of money if it doesn't work.

ETA: Oh lord that is just the worst run-on sentence.

MilesofMountains

@baked bean It's definitely easier for me to wake up with it. According to one of those sleep-tracker apps I start to wake up well before the alarm goes off. What I find really useful is that it makes it easier to stay awake after it goes off and I hit the snooze button. I'm not sure if it makes me less grumpy the rest of the day, and it doesn't really seem to make my boyfriend any easier to drag out of bed, but I like it.

Oh, and I LOVE waking up to the chirping birdies, especially because if you don't turn it off right away they start sounding steadily more annoyed with me.

baked bean

@MilesofMountains That's hilarious. What brand/model do you have? I'm looking on Amazon, and they seem to run $70 and up.

As bad as I feel I am getting out of bed, my bf is THE WORST. Is this a boy thing? He likes it better when I wake him up vs. the alarm but it ends up making me SUPER PISSED at him, so I won't do it anymore. I foresee this as the reason we have separate bedrooms someday.

Although, my brother, upon hearing his alarm no matter how early, immediately hops up and runs down the stairs. Runs. This makes me so jealous. But he also is known to fall asleep in front of the tv at 8:30.

sandwiches

@MilesofMountains ok, increasingly annoyed chirps is definitely a selling point.

Is It a Hat?

Has anyone seen Detropia yet?

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@Is It a Hat?
Yes! It is awesome, unless you have a low tolerance for slow movies, ambiguity, or pictures of buildings falling down. I love all those things, so it was perfect for me.

Is It a Hat?

@Rock and Roll Ken Doll Oh that's good to hear! Sounds like my kind of film!

Porn Peddler

I flipped through some other awful erotica novel at work the other day. The line that caused me to put it down on the counter, lean on the file cabinet, and sob/cackle into my hands for several minutes: "He hardened with delectable swiftness."

HELP. ARE THOSE REALLY THE STANDARDS I'M WORKING WITH RIGHT NOW? HEEEEEEEEEEEELP.

fuck fuck fuck

@Porn Peddler ugh. i have been reading fanfiction again because i have too much time on my hands right now, and it's all that. all the time. i can't even anymore.

Porn Peddler

@fuck fuck fuck i want to sympathize because I find it very, very difficult to write porn that is both tasteful and hot, but fucking yikes.

Valley Girl

@Porn Peddler You know, on the one hand I kind of like old timey language in my written smut, I think it helps create a bit of distance that lets me enjoy it a little more unselfconsciously...But at the same time I just read about "the most intense, blissful spend", which...is that even a thing? A "spend"? Being spent, I can see. But A spend? Lolz!

Porn Peddler

@Valley Girl I'm kinda down with the old timey language, too, but delectable swiftness is just contemporarily shitty.

Danzig!

@Porn Peddler it was as if his penis had been filled with non-Newtonian fluid and given a hard slap

Porn Peddler

@Danzig! jesus tapdancing christ I love you, dude.

Danzig!

@Porn Peddler lu <3

wee_ramekin

@Porn Peddler My friends and I always refer to the passage in one of my trashy romance novels that talks about how "his erection strained against its denim prison". Denim. Prison., Peddlie. Denim prison.

Porn Peddler

@wee_ramekin THE IMAGE IN MY HEAD RIGHT NOW.

A customer of mine reported reading in a trashy romance novel (that was passed around a job of his in the 70s) the following line: "She mounted his prone appendage like a great fuzzy owl and rode it like the last banana boat to Caracas."

tea sonata

@Porn Peddler Good grief. That is so bad it's hilarious.

dale

Are any of you costumers/sewing-types? I has a dilemma and I need to talk it through!

vunder

@dale I can help a little? I'm not THAT good of a technical sewist, but maybe can help?

dale

@vunder It's mostly about fabric. I'm making a costume dress for a friend. She doesn't get nice things very often so I am debating a couple of swanky fabrics (dupioni, or silk velvet). It's an Arwen-style dress so it is full length, and a scoop neck, a fitted upper arm, and then a long, swoopy lower arm. I don't really want to make the dress out of silk velvet (it's hard to sew with, and I worry about the thickness of the seams), so am leaning towards dupioni, but then I don't know what to use for the sleeves. Sounds like charmeuse is too easy to ruin, organza/georgette etc would be too thin, silk satin is dreadfully expensive...

Plus I'm having a devil of a time finding anything that will match the green I want for the body!

vunder

@dale oh man, I wish I could help with that. I have no idea.

Tuna Surprise

Ok, the more I think about this, the more polyester is the answer. Luxe it up by doing a full lining. Add underskirts, overskirts, lace trims. Spend time on the finishes and it will be worth it.

OxfordComma

@dale : Can you afford silk chiffon? You'll need to make rolled hems or that shit will unravel, but the handfeel and flow of that fabric is GAWJEAOUS.

Tuna is also right--many, many man-made fabrics are now just as lovely as silk--see how they feel, if the weave is even and tight, and go from there.

dale

@OxfordComma If I can find a suitable colour in chiffon, I absolutely would. The lower sleeve is meant to be lined, so could I do two layers of it? Or would that make the seams too messy compared to the rolled hem?

@Tuna Surprise She doesn't want an underskirt, so I'm just sticking to the single layer dress.

I can actually get a really nice dupioni for $15/yd which is a great price, and a beautiful colour. It's just trying to find things that match that's the problem.

OxfordComma

@dale : Lining with chiffon is hella hard--you'll want to go with a smooth fabric for that--a satin or a silk.

Where are you located? 'Coz, girl, if you say "Los Angeles", I am going to poke you for thinking $15/yd is a good price. Hie thee to the fabric district!

(and if not, yeah, $15 is a decent price. try bargaining lower, if you can)

dale

@OxfordComma No, not LA with its enviable district. The $15 is online, but it's a perfect colour. My local shops, if they even have any dupioni, are more in the ranges of decorator colours, not the shades I'm looking for.

OxfordComma

@dale : Ah, I cry for you.

Purchase away--silk dupioni is so pretty, isn't it?

PistolPackinMama

@dale I wouldn't line with chiffon. But if you did, you could french seam, which would give you a clean finish.

Also, another suggestion is to buy silk habotai online. You can get it in white for relatively little cashola, and then dye it with good quality procien (sp?) dyes. You could try Rupert, Gibbon, and Spider for silk online. Their silk satin isn't even too much.

http://www.silkconnection.com/products/silk.php

vunder

Anyone have any fantastic book recommendations (I have a vacation coming up and then a long work trip)? I like smart novels, not very sentimental, not usually genre fiction, not necessarily new/contemporary. Lately(ish) I have liked The Art of Fielding, Fraction of the Whole, City of Thieves, The Tiger's Wife, Cloud Atlas, and everything by Marilynne Robinson and Edith Wharton. I did not like Gone Girl, Room, Shadow of the Wind, Girl with the Dragon Tattoo or Rules of Civility.

Anything great?

sophia_h

@vunder White Teeth, if you haven't already. Or Wind-Up Bird Chronicles. Or the Parade's End quartet, if you're up for somewhat classic lit.

vunder

@sophia_h oh wow, Ford Madox Ford! I've only read (and remember liking) The Good Soldier, so this Parade's End series is new to me. And is W-UBC your favorite Murakami? I have only read Norwegian Wood and some short stories. I am, however, going to Asia later in the month, so I thought about trying more Murakami. I have tended to be frustrated with his passive central male characters though.

sophia_h

@vunderi I picked up Parade's End because of the miniseries coming out, but I adored it so much on its own that I actually turned the show off after five minutes because it was too different. It's modernist to a degree (lots of SoC), but written by someone who was still Victorian at heart, and there's a wryness to it, especially in the war scenes, that make it feel like WWI's Catch-22.

WUBC is definitely my favorite, followed closely by Hardboiled Wonderland. Yes, passive central characters are his thing, but WUBC is the creepiest one of his, and also has some really great history elements as well.

fuck fuck fuck

@sophia_h oh my godddddd ZADIE SMITH IS GIVING A LECTURE AT MY SCHOOL NEXT WEEK SO EXCITED

Maryaed

@vunder Wolf Hall. Possession. Orley Farm. Tender Morsels. The Astonishing Life of Octavian Nothing. Yiddish Policemen's Union. Strong Poison. Year of Wonders.

vunder

@Maryaed Taking notes, thank you! I found Wolf Hall kind of a slog, but am oddly tempted by Bringing Out the Bodies. Not sure why?

Amphora

@vunder It's half as long, for one? I loved Wolf Hall and am just starting the sequel. A bit sad at its shortness, but since I only have it for two weeks from the library this is probably a help.

coconuts

What is everyone doing this weekend? My mom has been staying with me and every time I ask her what we should have for dinner I am devastated when she doesn't reply with "Pizza." Instead I am supposed to cook fish and it makes me nervous because I have never done it before.

Anyway, I plan on spending my Sunday writing cover letters and then marching out into the cold on Monday to hand them out. I'm even going to apply to the Stag Shop. Yep, 7 years of post-secondary education and this is my life.

Plant Fire

@coconuts I'm getting a night guard made tomorrow (so exciting) because my dentist is open on saturday to make up for cancelled appointments during the hurricane. Then I'm probably going to scrub my apartment from head to toe and do laundry and make sure everything is ready before I start my new job the week after next. On Sunday I should be getting lunch with two friends from middle school (one I was close with and recently reconnected with and the other I wasn't that close with and haven't seen in years).

Also a super easy recipe for fish is if you take this sauce (it's usually in the seafood section near the cocktail sauce) and then take some fish and heat up some olive oil in a pan and cook the fish in that and then add a bunch of the sauce over the top and mix in and shred the fish a little with a fork. Serve with rice on the side. It's extremely yummy.

like a rabid squirrel

@coconuts I had my first cooking-for-my-mother experience when she came out to visit me and it was nerve wracking, so I relate.

I had date night with the boyfriend last night (Belgian beer! amazing seafood!) and tonight is drinks/snacks and Cards Against Humanity with some friends. Beyond that I'm doing schoolwork and pondering whether or not it's ethical to give my cat the sedative I give her for car rides so I can clip her nails/comb out the mats on her belly.

coconuts

@Sea Ermine Congrats on the new job! And thanks for the fish cooking tip. Mine turned out okay although I realized my fillet needed a bit more time in the pan because it wasn't flaking easily.

coconuts

@like a rabid squirrel I think it's totally okay to give your cat a sedative. Grooming pets is difficult! Back when I had a dog and I tried to comb his thick fur he would either growl at me or walk away.

Llllauren

It's been a super long time since I've left a comment (Busy! Grad school applications! Research!), but I wanted to leave one today because FOR TWO WEEKS I HAVE SUCCESSFULLY BEEN DOING THE DIRTY WITH MY BOYFRIEND AND IT IS VERY EXCITING.

florabora

What's everyone doing on election night? Besides crying tears of happiness or fear.
I'm in London so I think I'm going to an election party...which will obviously involve staying up until 4:30. Oof.

katiemcgillicuddy

@florabora The numbers you're hearing are mostly bullshit. Conservative blogs and FauxNews are just trying to get those lazy idiots/racists out by saying, "it's really 50/50"! And because they're in denial. And the rest of the media? A runaway? Bad ratings. Which is pathetic and embarrassing, but hey, what's new. Look towards good crying! Check this bad boy out, it's great (and, you know, knock on wood cause why not):

http://updates.deadspin.com/post/34780905169/nate-silvers-braying-idiot-detractors-show-that-being

EpWs

@florabora Watching Daily Show/Colbert Report coverage and drinking heavily. I am placing all my hope on Nate Silver.

like a rabid squirrel

@florabora I'll be in class until 9 PM so I'll pretty much be frantically biting my nails until I can rush to the nearest television/drinking location to see the final results come in.

elbows on the table

guys! I asked about running a while ago, and this is week three! of going out! and doing butt-kicking runs! ahh! and in about fifteen minutes I'm getting out for tonight's run!

(sorry, mr elbows is super supportive, but I don't want this to turn into the only thing I ever talk about with him... but it's hard! I'm so excited!)

katiemcgillicuddy

@elbows on the table Somehow my response got screwed up and went to the bottom. But I said:

Good job, keep it up!! Enjoy your run!

entangled

@elbows on the table this is awesome! I don't know that I've ever been as proud of myself as when I first started running (having been last-girl-to-finish-the-mile my entire childhood, it just felt like such a huge accomplishment).

now I'm switching to minimalist shoes and feel almost like I'm going back to square one again getting used to them.

RK Fire

@elbows on the table: Yay! Go go go go!

elbows on the table

@all thanks, y'all!

@entangled I am terrified of those shoes. seriously. they look awesome and badass and I am so not cool enough/good enough/etc yet! but someday!

loren smith

I'm having a bad hair esteem week guys. I have shoulder length hair and it is so fine and thin - it's bumming me out! Someone at work was teasing me about how tiny my little bun was when I wore it up, and now I feel like I can't even try to do anything with it. Any other thin haired ladies that can give me any tips?

sandwiches

@loren smith No tips, but lots of commiseration - I'm totally at a loss with my thin/fine hair.

cuminafterall

@loren smith My hair is similar. I got fed up and cut it all off. Strangely, it seems the best way I found to deal with not having enough hair was to get rid of even more of it! Now I have a pixie and it's the best haircut I've ever had.

OxfordComma

@loren smith : What Cumin said! Pixie cuts are a godsend for those of us with truculent hair! Also, get ye some dry shampoo and wash your hair every three days--guarantee it'll have more fullness.

rallisaurus

@loren smith I feeeeel your pain. I have fine, thin, and flat hair. I would be fine with it if it didn't just lay flat against my big ole head. I don't have any magical hair solutions for you, I just keep trying new things hoping something will work. I think shorter is better though, with layers? My hair is usually at it's best above shoulder length, anything below and it just sorta hangs there.
And maybe try dyeing it or something totally different? I used to like to henna my hair, supposedly that helps with giving body. Generally, whenever I get in a hair funk (OFTEN) I usually try to do something different with it. It doesn't fix it, but it does make me feel a bit better.

sandwiches

@loren smith Also I'm really sorry that person is being a jerk about your hair, that sucks. There are three people on the planet allowed to make fun of my hair and two of them conceived me (they conceived the other one some years later). Anyone else is asking for a swift kick in the shins.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@loren smith OK, anyone who teases you about your hair and is too old to carry a lunchbox to school every day is clearly an idiot.

Also, no one likes their hair. My sister has hair that's like yours, and constantly wishes for more waves and more volume. My hair is nothing but volume and waves and frizz, and I wiiiiiiiish I had thin straight hair. So, run your fingers through your hair, and know that I am jealous every time you do.

loren smith

@loren smith You guys are all the best - group hug!

loren smith

@rallisaurus Huh - do you think the henna helped? Did it make it really, like, orange?

rallisaurus

@loren smith Sort of? Nothing dramatic, but it did feel a bit less like baby hair. I have dark brown hair and I already lean a bit auburn so it just sorta makes me more auburn. You can add things to it to make it lean redder or browner and obviously you don't have to leave it on until you're oompa loompa orange. It is suuuuuuuuper messy though, which I almost sorta kinda enjoy.

loren smith

@rallisaurus like finger painting your hair? I could get behind that, thanks!

sandwiches

@loren smith I just bought henna for the first time from Mehandi and I'm super excited and terrified of it (even though I've been using box dyes for years!) - the sample I did is leaning pretty orangey-auburn, although the site I linked to says it darkens over time (and I'm putting the henna over already dyed reddish brown hair).

MailerMattDaemon

@loren smith I have thin (actually, chronically thinning) hair, particularly on my scalp, and have experienced some bad days as a result. My most favorite thing is called "XFusion," which is a little shaker of keratin fibers (the same biological make-up as your own hair) that you sprinkle over your thinning areas. The fibers adhere to your existing hairs and the first time I ever used it, I didn't recognize myself. It sounds bonkers, but I swear it works. Another thing that's sort of worked is to use a dry wax/pomade and lightly work it through your hair, then spray generously with a dry shampoo. The wax helps the dry shampoo really bulk up your strands. Coupled with the XFusion, it won't give you Kardashian hair, but it's helped stop my tears on more than one occasion!

whateverlolawants

@MailerMattDaemon I don't have thinning hair, but when I needed a clarifying shampoo, someone told me about Nioxin, which is generally used for thinning hair. I liked it reasonably well and have heard people praise it for helping clear away build-up and stimulate hair follicles.

loren smith

@MailerMattDaemon oh whoa - that sounds game changing. Where did you find it?!

rallisaurus

@MailerMattDaemon Please tell me more! I looked it up on amazon and it looks like there's an applicator sold separately. Do you need it? Is it really messy? Does it make your hair feel weird and sticky like hair powder?

MailerMattDaemon

@rallisaurus @loren smith I usually order it on amazon also, but I don't have the applicator--I have never used one. The shaker the fiber comes in has always been sufficient for me. The top part is a little plastic grate, and you just tap the fibers over your thin areas. I've used Bumble & Bumble hair powder before, and found it VERY strange and messy. These fibers are not wet, so they don't have the weird, clumpy, damp feeling hair powders do. And they're easy to wipe off with a washcloth or something if you get some on your forehead when you're tapping away. I've found that they stay put for most of the day--it's only when I wake up that I notice the powder's moved around or thinned out. It washes out easily with shampoo also. Honestly, it's been a total game-changer for me. I carry it around in my purse!

katiemcgillicuddy

Good job, keep it up!! Enjoy your run!

praha1234

Someone gave me a personalized mix tape/playlist and I've spent an inordinate amount of time debating how much I should read into the song choice and lyrics. So what say you: Are playlists made to be analyzed?

Miss Maszkerádi

@sviti slunce Depends on who gave it to you. Is this person a potential romantic interest? Is this person fond of symbolism? (gauge their reactions to allegorical movies, poetry etc.) Personally if *I* ever gave a mixtape to someone, it would probably be stuffed full of meaning, but that's me.

Also love your username. Můžu se zeptat, jestli mluvíš česky? :-D

praha1234

@Countess Maritza Diky! Mluvim trochu cesky (bydlela jsem v Praze), ale...I've forgotten most of it. Didn't expect to run into someone who would recognize my username.

I, too, would make a mixtape chock-full of meaning, so I'm glad you agree. I didn't want to project. It was made by a friend, but lyrically I was a bit surprised that most of the songs were about love and relationships. Though, you know, tons and tons of songs are. It might be hard to avoid them.

I also date someone else (not the mixtape-giver), so perhaps the songs were about another lady and I was just on the receiving end? An eternal mystery!

praha1234

@Countess Maritza P.S. In the interest of full disclosure, guess I should add that I always wondered if this friend admired me as more than just, but I'm bad at reading people and so am forced to look for clues elsewhere, such as in mixtapes.

Miss Maszkerádi

@sviti slunce No jo, taky jsem bydlela a studovala v Praze (a v Plzni, Litomyšli, Valticích...asi všude.) Nepocházím z české rodiny ale Česko se stálo jako moje druhá domovina :)

As for the mix tape - ack, it sounds complex! What were the circumstances under which the tape was given? (Egads, I'm starting to sound like a CSI detective.)

praha1234

@Countess Maritza Vsude, pravda! Tvoje cestina je dobra, I'm surprised you're not Czech. Taky jsem studovala, na Univerzite Karlove, but not with classes in Czech. Moje cestina je spatna, so I survived a lot with English. I do miss being there very much.

Aren't things always complex?! Or perhaps only in my mind, but it's why I asked the question here. The mixtape was given in a regular ol' e-mail exchange; my friend and I no longer live in the same city and don't talk terribly often anymore.

PistolPackinMama

@sviti slunce I love the bilingual code-switching going on here. <3

Miss Maszkerádi

@PistolPackinMama It happens when one Czech-speaker meets another anywhere besides the Czech lands. Lots of OMG YOU ARE LIKE ME and excited babbling.

@Sluníčko - ehhh. This sounds like the kind of thing I would end up reading wayyy too much into, getting myself in an emotional pretzel shape, only to be disappointed/embarrassed when it turned out to not actually mean anything. Also, as i'm only beginning to realize myself, any guy who hasn't got the balls to say he's interested in more direct words than a vaguely emotionally-meaningful mixtape is probably not really worth consideration on the specifically romantic front....

buckachu

I need asking-for-a-raise advice!!

Without too much backstory, I have taken on a bunch of extra responsibility at my job, and when this happened in July, I got an "Oh, you'll definitely get a raise in September" speech from my boss. September came and went and I lost the nerve to ask for it, and now we are in the last quarter which is always our frighteningly slowest time and the bosses always freak out about money and start rumors of forced furloughs, so I feel like this is not the greatest time to ask.

BUT, I feel like if I wait until January, I will go crazy and be super resentful of my job and just stew about it all the time, so do you think it's possible/prudent to talk to bosses about basically signing a promise of a raise starting in January?? Like I don't get any more money know but I have a signed contract that says I will get more then? Is this a thing that happens?

I know i'm late, but any advice is much appreciated!!

vunder

@buckachu When is your fiscal year? I find that I can put raises in my fiscal year or my mid-range plan but it's more difficult to do this at other times. So the key is to catch the person before they are doing new budgets. In some ways, for you it's never going to feel like a good time, so just call the meeting, make your case, and then ask about decision timelines. Another good idea is to ask for a 1:1 about a number of things, not just the raise.

adorable-eggplant

@buckachu askamanager has great general advice. Maybe submit your question there? It's tricky.

sandwiches

If anyone is still around, I need some research email/interview (possibly?!!???) advice - I'm a junior in Health & Human Services, I just officially began the major though I've been taking classes in Public Health (my concentration) for two semesters and my minor is International Health Policy. My adviser just forwarded me an email about a paid (!?!?!!!!!!) summer research opportunity in Public Health. The email itself contained little to no info about the opportunity, how do I politely and professionally inquire for more information and express my interest without capslocking sweatily all over the place?

Because... OH MY GLOB. *flailing* (Thank you in advance for any info!)

cuminafterall

@sandwiches "Dear Advisor,

Thanks so much for telling me about this opportunity! I'm very interested in it and would love to learn more. How can I get more information about the position and how to apply for it?

Thanks again,
sandwiches."

Orrr if there's info about the organization in the email, find their website. Job/internship opportunities are usually listed under the "About Us" section of companies'/nonprofits' websites, and you might be able to find the position description/application instructions if they've already listed an announcement online.

sandwiches

@cuminafterall Thank you! Though I see I was unclear in my excitement. My adviser doesn't have much information about it, but she cc'ed another professor in the department and told me to email that professor... That is the email I am not sure how to write.

wee_ramekin

@sandwiches Cribbed liberally from cuminafterall's response:

Hello Other Professor,

Advisor Professor informed me that there is an internship open at XYZ company and that you might have some information about it. I'm very interested in this position and would love to learn more about it. How can I get more details about the position and how to apply for it?

I appreciate your time.

Thank you,

sammiches

(I'd CC the advisor on the e-mail you write.)

sandwiches

@wee_ramekin Thank you!

Dear Pinners Everywhere,

You are awesome.

<3

Danzig!

In honor of Halloween I'm sending y'all the spoOOOooOOOooky music compilation* I made for my friend Danielle out Houston way - http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?2np3fj1uma8oap2

* disclaimer: may not actually be spooky

Danzig!

@Danzig! For those interested in actual spooky music - http://www.amazon.com/Public-Castration-Is-Good-Idea/dp/B001HDUQ8A/ref=ntt_mus_dp_dpd_18

Danzig!

PS if yr feeling like a fool today, as so many of us are, delight in the exaggerated clumsiness of these people - http://imgur.com/a/WpRg2

adorable-eggplant

@Danzig! Lol. Granted I've had a glass of wine, but still, lol.

Is It a Hat?

@Danzig! Holy crap, that just made my WEEK.

wee_ramekin

@Danzig! Hahahaha. God, what would our self-sufficient colonial ancestors have thought of us if they could see those?

adorable-eggplant

@wee_ramekin Verily, those people are asses. * channeling John Adams*

Cawendaw

@wee_ramekin Having just returned from seeing the local production of "1776," I think our self sufficient colonial ancestors would throw their hands in the air and say "what, did they think we were demi-gods?" then resume wiping rum off their pantaloons.
Or they would get a slave to do it, in which case boooooo.

OxfordComma

After tomorrow I will officially never have to interact with my crazy cunt roommate again!

SO GLAD to be moved out and away from her shit!

...

But also experiencing FEELINGS because I loved that apartment so much, and she ruined my chance to say goodbye to my home.

puppetypuppet

Posting for the first time to ask if anyone here has experience with loved ones who have been diagnosed with bpd. Or, alternatively, if you have been diagnosed with it and could give me an idea of what it is like. Many thanks for your generosity/courage/frankness!

Danzig!

@puppetypuppet bipolar disorder, yeah? My mom has it, and she had good and bad days when I was a kid. During manic periods she would be really angry and cold, during her depressive periods she would cry at the drop of a hat. I kind of became wise to it as a kid and learned to wait it out. She got things under control via medication after awhile.

loren smith

@puppetypuppet My mother-in-law has it. She was diagnosed before I was in the pictures. To be honest, it's really a struggle to have a relationship with her because she's so volatile, and has been immensely selfish and cruel. She has several other mental illnesses, so I'm not sure what behaviors stem from what (and honestly, she could just be a jerk). As Danzig! mentioned, there is the cycling between moods which can be scary to experience; I always feel like I'm on eggshells around her. She has a complicated treatment history from what I understand, but she does generally seem to be doing a bit better now. Good luck :)

redheaded&crazy

@puppetypuppet bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder?

Cawendaw

@puppetypuppet Do you mean Bipolar disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder? If it's Borderline, I'm pretty sure one of my closest friends in high school had it, although I don't know if he was ever officially diagnosed. I spent a couple years getting emotional whiplash and walking on eggshells, another year standing at a not-too-far-but-cautious distance, and then we all graduated and I silently vowed not to get remotely emotionally close to anyone with BPD ever again.
As you can tell I didn't come away with the most positive feelings for him (unlike the bipolar people I've known, who could certainly be difficult but not nearly as vindictive). Interacting with him was exhausting. I'd guess I'd describe his manner (after the disorder began manifesting) as a mixture of narcissism, codependence, obsessive control, helplessness and deliberate cruelty. He was very intelligent and a great debater, and when he was in a mood the most innocuous conversation could suddenly turn into this convoluted rhetorical tug of war between my/my friends' position ("things are tough but we love you and are here for you, please don't do anything extreme") and his extremely negative and constantly shifting worldview ("everyone is out to get me, you are all terrible friends who do nothing but hurt me even though it is completely up to you to see that I am not hurt, also I am the most terrible person ever who doesn't deserve your wonderful saint-like friendship and simultaneously am an immaculately virtuous victim of your cruelty; I will probably do something extreme unless something happens, although I won't clarify what either of those somethings are"). I would say he was controlling, but his mood and his versions of reality shifted so often and so quickly that it wasn't always clear what he wanted from anyone.
One experience I remember very clearly was that he would get a certain nervous edge to his voice when he was about to say something gutting (which he had a real skill for). Because I tend to pick up mannerisms from the people around me, sometimes I would talk with that same edge to my voice, which would set off a billion alarm bells blaring inside my head and cause me to completely drop out of whatever conversation I was in and mentally curl up and wait for the metaphorical blow.
We were all teenagers, which might have made the emotional issues worse, but might have also blunted the impact a bit since he was usually under the supervision of more stable people (teachers or parents), and he wasn't responsible for or in control of anyone else.
My therapist had me read "I hate you, don't leave me," which was a bit out of date even at the time, but did give me some useful tools for interacting with him and limiting the amount of responsibility I took for what happened when I did.
I think he's pretty professionally successful now, and I haven't heard anything to suggest that he's had any personal problems, but I haven't been in a hurry to re-establish contact to find out.
I think the best piece of advice I can give you is to set limits for yourself ahead of time. In my case I eventually found that the limit I was most comfortable with was "never talk to him," but before I got to that point I found that limiting the time I would spend with him, limiting the lengths I would go to placate him, limiting my expectations of how much he could be helped, limiting how much weight I gave the things he said, and limiting the amount of influence I let him have on other areas of my life were all helpful.
Sorry for the wall of text and the pessimism. I hope things go well for you.

PistolPackinMama

@Cawendaw I have an aunt and a cousin who have borderline PD. Cousin sounds like they are about two steps less intense than Cawendaw's friend's situation. Notably, they don't have parents who are good with the boundaries and reenforcing their needs and consequences and such. So in addition to having these kinds of features in their behavior there is manipulativeness and other less than wonderful stuff.

With the aunt, there are def. things that happen that have BPD aspects to them. But mostly those things are contextualized in a bigger picture. About the big picture, I feel "oh, my god she is having a rough time of it." So I do find myself saying the reassuring things like "I understand you feel X and that sounds hard. But I have to say, from my point of view, my aunt is not a dreadful horrible person. So there is that."

I dunno. I guess the point is, depending on who they are and other circumstances, the experience of having a loved one with BPD is really varied. I feel like it helps to make sure I am paying attention to what is really happening/ what they are saying/ doing, and what we are supposed to expect a person with BPD is doing.

Also, in the end whatever the cause, the outcomes of their actions- as they affect you- are really important and it's important to set boundaries as Cawendaw says.

puppetypuppet

@PistolPackinMama

Thanks for the responses, everyone! I'm talking about borderline personality disorder. Two people in my immediate circle have it (although one also has NPD, which is no cakewalk.) I just want to know what everyone's experiences have been, basically, and to see if anyone's had luck with getting someone to try dialectical behavioural therapy.

angelene

@puppetypuppet Know someone who had a relationship with someone with BPD; it ended the relationship. It did seem like therapy helped, but as they only agreed to therapy once she left, it's hard to say if the pattern would just be repeated in a new relationship. Lack of self-awareness and memory seemed to be the worst thing; if someone can see their own behaviour and take responsibility for changing it, that makes a real difference. On one level BPD just seems to make people abusive, but the behaviour hurts them too (because it damages their relationships) and it seems like there's often trauma at the root of it. So I have sympathy, but I guess you have to respond as to any tantrum - don't reward bad behaviour, don't let the illness become a caveat for bullying you, know that you can't take responsibiity for them.

Bloodrocuted

@puppetypuppet If you have any specific questions, mood and personality disorders are in my area of study! I can provide academic understandings of causes and treatments.

Faintly Macabre

@puppetypuppet My grandmother has it, and her only interest in seeing a therapist has been to occasionally go talk about why everyone in her family is just so cruel and abusive to her. Voila BPD in a nutshell! But based on the behavior of her sister, who is seemingly "normal" but also a real piece of work, the BPD is probably enhanced by nasty unrelated aspects of her personality, or vice versa. (Ex: being a huge classist snob, alienating people by being a huge classist snob, and then not being able to be sorry about hurting them.)

Since you wanted stories, here's a little profile. In her case, 2 out of 3 of her children essentially refuse to speak to her, my grandfather wanted to divorce her when their kids were young but was worried about what she'd do to herself/the kids (she would threaten suicide at the dinner table), and her daughters-in-law make jokes about when she'll finally die. It's strange, though, because she has periods of being fairly warm, generous, and interesting. But they don't tend to last long. She has done some major damage to the psyches and relationships of her children and their families, but it's pretty obvious that she's the most miserable.

Probably fortunately, I don't think I've ever known anyone who was younger (so had more time) or had an otherwise pleasant/attractive personality who had it, so your situation might be a bit more hopeful.

puppetypuppet

@Bloodrocuted

Yes, I do (altho maybe more specific than academic? If that makes sense.) I've done a fair amount of reading on the theme. What I'm wondering is how to have a sort of difficult conversation with someone I know with BPD. Essentially, altho. I want them back in my life, they recently did something really really not ethical. I basically want to be like, "yo, let's be in each other's lives again. Errr...that said, that thing you did? Not cool." However, I don't want to start the unproductive spiral of self-hate and shame. I know about SET and some of the communication techniques, but I'm still not sure how to phrase my statement. Err....wise pinners, any ideas!

puppetypuppet

@Faintly Macabre

Wow, that is...terrible. Your grandmother sounds a lot like my family member with BPD. (The other person I know is younger, and nicer, and smarter, so I have some hope for them.) Ughhhh. So your grandmother never tried dialectical therapy, I'm guessing? I wish I knew how to communicate successfully with my BPD friend (note: my communication skills in general suck.) Because honestly, there is so much potential for my friend to improve.

Bloodrocuted

@puppetypuppet Always remember Borderline PD is a personality disorder, not a mood disorder. It's more inherently a part of someone than, for example, depression. It's not as easily treated with medication and cognitive behavioral therapy.
Positively, Borderline PD has a high remission rate of 88%. People who have it are self-aware of their problem. They don't feel comfortable with their anti-social tendencies, so they are unhappy, but willing to seek treatment.
DBT is so important, because BPD patients complete suicide at a average of 6%. DBT addresses first suicide, then self-harm, then life-improving behaviors. Patients learn how to check their emotions and impulses.
Keep that in mind when you speak with your friend. If they are the average BPD patient, they are not happy with many of their actions, and want support. It will be difficult to believe you forgive them and that therapy will help. Keep supporting them. This is curable.

Edit: I only offer academic understanding because I had not known how to deal with BPD successfully when I encountered it. Although, I am happy to say more, if you need.

puppetypuppet

@Bloodrocuted

Thank you! Your words give me some hope. I realize that personality disorders are in some ways more serious than mood disorders/other mental illnesses. I really want my friend to get help; the only thing is that with him, he tries so many things to feel better, to change, to improve, but they never work. Also, he seems to feel ALL the shame/self-loathing. So these factors together make me think he won't seek DBT. Hopefully I can find a way to get him into it. Also, I hope I can find a way to be like, "Yo, that thing you did? I don't condone it." (It's really important to me that we have this conversation.) Part of me says that he's decided he's done with our friendship, and only kind of keeps me around when he needs validation/reassurance. UGH.

Bloodrocuted

@puppetypuppet I can't believe I did not mention it, but these are critical things to know. The main feelings that fuel BPD actions are fear of abandonment and emptiness as a person. If you can imagine these feelings to an extreme degree, you'll achieve empathy with a BPD patient.
So, first imagine those feelings receiving your talk with the friend. Make it plain, he can gain your forgiveness and you won't abandon him. People with BPD are more attuned to elements of abandonment, so they will notice/imagine indicators of a relationship ending healthy people don't. They often block people out when they feel their distance or disapproval, so they will be less hurt when that person leaves. It has less to do with how he cares for you, more to do with his fear.
Demo conversation: "Hey, before we continue, we have to talk about what you did. [He must address his actions to maintain the relationship] You really (realistic description of consequences of action). Do you actually feel (action to receive a thrill) is better than (example of fun thing you and the friend do)? [juxtaposes his BPD behavior with healthy behavior.] You stand to lose people that way, and I don't want to lose you [addresses reality of fear and your empathy]. I know that's not who you want to be [room to apologize and make amends]."

Edit: Students here refer to patients with BPD as "easy babies", because BPD is one of the few PDs that involve the patient's awareness that they have a disorder. Awareness means they seek treatment, have remorse, and strive towards health. I am not trivializing how difficult the disorder is, but in terms of treatment, it's a lucky one to have.

puppetypuppet

@Bloodrocuted

Thank you so much! this is very helpful to me! Hopefully I'll be able to follow through on this without a huge or horrible falling-out.

Bloodrocuted

@puppetypuppet Good luck to you. You're a patient and loyal person for wanting to have this talk.

Chareth Cutestory

Just registered for my final semester of college classes. My entire schedule consists of: a class with American gothic novels (Flannery O'Connor, Shirley Jackson, etc.), a Jane Austen class, and my gender studies thesis. HELL YES! And I get Mondays off!

tea sonata

What's good? I'm dressing up as Mrs. Lovett for a party tomorrow and I'm actually chuffed with my outfit, its as true to the film as I can get it, whilst being items in wardrobe I a)own or b) will wear after having bought them. So, yeah.

Whats not? My eyeballs hurt a bit. I had a killer migraine on Monday for the first time in 6 years, and while I am undeniably better I still feel like a space cadet, and my eyeballs still hurt in my head, though I suspect thats the wonky sleeping, too. I'm reviewing a few things going on in college (and also my life) and generally re-evaluating, trying to generate more positive. Also, I need to practice more, but that's an ongoing thing.

And now I've seen a the PinPetTumblr I would now officially like a furry companion. 4 legs, size optional. Le sigh. So it goes.

fuck fuck fuck

i hope there is someone around still to see this: IT'S MY BROTHER'S WEBSITE! I just want to share what a weirdo crazy guy genius i think my big brother is.

fuck fuck fuck

@fuck fuck fuck ahhhhh just gonna link to my favorite page ever!

whateverlolawants

@fuck fuck fuck I find this inspirational.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

Oh, yes, FOT. I totally did not just ignore the last few minutes of this Firefly episode because I got caught up reading stuff here. I swear! (Please no one tell Joss Whedon.)

Things I learned today: An average day can seem like a good day if the first thing you hear when you wake up is "No Cars Go."
I thought this would be important to share with the world.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@Rookie Oh also, if anyone in Montreal is looking for part-time/freelance employment and has good language skills, let me know! I know someone who's hiring freelance English editors.

coconuts

@Rookie Damn, that makes me really wish I lived in Montreal. I'm not officially an editor but that seems like a fun job.

thenotestaken

@Rookie Hey, can you tell me more about this? And by language skills, do you mean French and English, or just being good within English? You can email me at thenotestaken@gmail.com. Thanks!

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@coconuts You'd be working from home, but you'd have to come to Montreal to test and train for the job (so, like, a week or two.)

lhkc

@Rookie I'm coming out of lurking to reply to this, haha... I'm currently looking for a job in Montreal, and I have editing and writing experience. Is there anyway you can also send me more information about this (you can e-mail me at strokeofluck@gmail.com).

Megasus

@Rookie Do I have to live in Montreal? Ahhh fuck. Depending on how much it paid I would go to Montreal to train (and, not gonna lie, shop. And eat).

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@Megano! Not sure it pays enough to be your only source of income, but if you've got other revenue streams and can give us 3 days a week, I can give you more info!

Also, come to Montreal right meow because it's restaurant week and YUM

coconuts

@Rookie Is there much experience required? Because I could definitely give you 3 days a week and working from home sounds great. Maybe you could email me some info? My email is wasidoingdishes@gmail.com.

Chrestomanci

@Cat named Virtute Congratulations! I got a library job this week too! My first ever and I am so excited because now I can call myself a librarian instead of a library student.

Plant Fire

@Chrestomanci CONGRATULATIONS!!! Also, I think being able to call yourself something else is one of the best things about a new job. I just got my first post college job and I'm super excited that now when people ask what I do I can say "admin assistant" (which was my ideal first full time job) instead of just "unemployed" or "temp" or "student".

Chrestomanci

Yes, it certainly makes those dreaded 'so what do you do?' questions at parties less of a drag

PistolPackinMama

@Chrestomanci PENGUIN KOOZIE ICON!

JadedStone

HEY RUNNERS

I forgot to ask about this, but my calves? I can't seem to run lately. They friggen hurt. HURT. I can walk really fast, and up hills, but after 1 min of running the pain becomes so excruciating I have to stop.
THOUGHTS? How do I make this better?

Cawendaw

@JadedStone I do remember a bit of pain after a night when I switched from "running interchangeable with walking as the mood strikes me" to "actually run all the way this time and sprint the last bit." I felt normal until I got up to a certain speed, and then it was like my body suddenly remembered that it hated me and never wanted me to move ever again. It lasted a few days and then went away on its own.
If that sounds similar to you, I'd recommend resting and easing back into it after a week or so. If not, I don't know.

EpWs

@JadedStone Hmmm. The muscles themselves hurt? What does your stretching/warmup routine look like before and after you run, and are you eating lots of bananas? (Apparently the potassium helps with things like cramps, maybe it would help with this?)

Statham

@JadedStone Have you tried yoga? I know it might sound corny, but I know a few runners who do it. I bike/spin, and I do it at least twice a week to help with my muscle tension.

adorable-eggplant

@JadedStone Do you have a foam roller? Mine makes my calves hurt for a moment, but feel great for the rest of the day. I still use it, even though I haven't run in ages.

elbows on the table

@JadedStone I second the rollers! also, if you can't do bananas (I can't - the texture, ugh), chocolate milk after a run is phenomenal. also also, is there a friendly neighborhood running store nearby? it might be worth going and chatting with them to see if this is just an it-will-go-away thing or something more serious. (for what it's worth, mine is pacers, and they are phenomenal with every question I've dropped in with over the past few weeks.)

I'm dealing with a wonky ankle as I'm running right now, so I feel you (sorta).

entangled

@JadedStone I second the foam roller and the potassium. Foam rollers are my answer to every exercise-related pain, but they're particularly effective for tight calves and hip flexors. Also, when I started running I would get really, really bad cramps from not having enough potassium. Bananas are great for that (and what I used to fix the problem), but there's other foods/drinks that will help if you can't stand bananas.

JadedStone

@entangled I swear to god that when you guys said foam roller I thought you meant the ones you paint on the wall with.
BUT NOW I KNOW. and I wants one!! Or two. A spiky one?

I usually eat lots of bananas but I haven't lately. I am going to get some now! But the pain goes away when I stop running, though it very well may be fatigue as I haven't been doing this long and I've been hitting it pretty hard. Thank you guys!

RK Fire

@JadedStone : Be careful with the spiky ones! I like them for my back but I am too tender/too tight in the quads and the IT bands to use them on my thighs. :(

Statham

I miss the Halloween advent calendar weekend editions. :{

Judith Slutler

uggggghhhhh I am putting together my first presentation of the semester and I am just so tired of it, yall. I'm at that annoying stage where it is like "ok I know what I want to say and now I have to put together the actual physical PPT presentation and handout" and my motivation is sooooo low but I know I don't want to do a rush job tomorrow so I just have to keep plugging away at it. Bleh.

Do you think I should just start writing the handout AND doing the powerpoint slide for each theme at the same time? It seems a little unfocused but then maybe I will be less annoyed at having to chew through the same crap multiple times. But then I'd have to stop doing what I'm doing, and put together a powerpoint layout.

elbows on the table

ugh, I just watched the Crest 3-d White commercial ("he could be your soulmate, but you have to get him to say hello first") -- this irks me on so many levels. I just had to vent for a sec.

ghost with the most

good: loving new grad program; having mostly normal results from campus doctor i went to last week due to feeling exhausted/generally shitty (thx grad school!), slowly learning to balance school, work, health and SLEEP.

bad: weather of new city, commute to school in city of terrible drivers/traffic, crying alone several times in my dept over generally being stressed out over lots of small things; unable to shake feeling of regret over moving back to the US to do this program.

good/bad/weird: getting the ole eye from undergrads? feeling awkwardly old AND young when most students here are 5+ years younger than me but most of my colleagues are 5+ older than me and married.

Lucienne

@ghost with the most I went to grad school and now none of my pants fit properly. Thanks, grad school.

Also, I really hear you on the colleagues being 5+ years older and married. Why are they all married. Why.

Statham

@ghost with the most Grad school is so strange. I did have a couple of guys there my age who I went to undergrad with, but since I'd already known them for a few years they'd already trotted into the friend zone.

EpWs

@Lucienne I had the grad school-->pants fitting improperly thing happen to me too. Stupid grad school.

whateverlolawants

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher
So, is anyone ever happy they went to grad school? I never hear anything very positive about the experience.

adorable-eggplant

@ghost with the most I loved it! I did a master's (which is the terminal degree for what I wanted to do) and it was super awesome. My classes were mostly on point. Since I wasn't planning (still amn't) to go into academia, there wasn't any pressure to play the political game, which I felt as an undergrad when I had professors pushing me to take sides in dept stuff and pursue grad school at the 'right' place. So I know there can be a whole lot of stress, which I totally missed out on by going from degree to outside world.

I'd be happy to talk about it more, but am afraid of sounding like a pollyanna. Maybe that's why a lot of people don't share the good bits.

HeyThatsMyBike

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Me too! I had to buy all new jeans with all the money I definitely didn't have.

whateverlolawants

@adorable-eggplant That's really good to hear!

Lucienne

@whateverlolawants This is only my first semester, but so far I'm happy to be here. It's just kind of a big change and some of the big changes are impossible to anticipate and some of them are Growing Up changes, which are awful/wonderful.

like a rabid squirrel

WHY IS THE HAIRPIN COVERED IN ROMNEY ADS MAKE IT GO AWAY.

Statham

@like a rabid squirrel GET YOU SOME ADBLOCK.

Amphora

University of Chicago Press is having its book sale! This is usually where I do my stockpiling of nerdy academic literature/Christmas shopping for other nerdy academics because everything is around ten bucks and there are So Many Subjects. For instance, God's Plagiarist: Being an Account of the Fabulous Industry and Irregular Commerce of the Abbe Migne, and Wondrous Curiosities: Ancient Egypt at the British Museum, and WHY don't I have more spending money oh right unemployment...

EpWs

DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME. Messing with my brain. Yesterday I took my birth control pill at 11:15 pm, so I'll take it at...10:15 tonight? Yes? No? Why do we do this again? Do I blame Ben Franklin for this?

whateverlolawants

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I got so confused with birth control last year too. 10:15 is correct. It's tricky when you travel to another time zone too!

Piegasm

I am pretty sure my husband has a new girlfriend. The apartment he just signed a lease for is the biggest clue. I'm still in shock, but I suspect that when this wears off, I'm going to become very stabby. This is not okay.

255
255

@Piegasm You guys are separated?

Piegasm

@255 Apparently, we are now! He dropped this bomb on me that "maybe" he should move out (I thought things were fine) and days later, he has an apartment. He says he just needs some space but...that's a little extreme for "space."

fuck fuck fuck

@Piegasm oh my god. immediate divorce.

255
255

@Piegasm OK, well. I am 9 months out from this process and if you need help you can email me [aanon 44 at g mail dot com]. I'm also willing to talk on the phone.

A couple things:
I thought things were fine too. I thought we were growing, on the road to starting a family.
There is a period where you can try to work things out, this lasted about 2 weeks for me. Usually you don't want to wait longer than 3 weeks in this situation to try and repair things where there is an affair. After 3 weeks it will become too hard on you. You want to send him a kind, clear letter, and then establish no contact. This may sound extreme extreme and you are probably not there yet. But with affairs, they are abusive and usually the wandering spouse can't deal with you without being abusive. The longer one waits for "no contact" the more fucked up they become. The affair may die out in 3 weeks-6 months but there is nothing you can do about that process. The only thing you can do is focus on your own recovery.

You are at the beginning, but I want you to know that ***there are lots of choices you have*** and this is the beginning of a process. Perhaps the divorce will be mutual and easy, with affair usually it is not. Perhaps he will be remorseful and generous. You will need a lawyer to protect you so you know your rights. I recommend getting a female lawyer, they usually know better about "no contact" in this situation.

His actions are not about you. They are not your fault. They are part of his journey and you cannot control that. Now you have to take care of you, he is not your responsibility. Breathe. Let yourself have all of your feelings. Buy a plastic bat and beat the bed.

If any of this is helpful feel free to contact me.

HeyThatsMyBike

@Piegasm Oh God. I'm so sorry.

255
255

OH MY GOD. My week was so completely OVEREXTENDED AND HORRIBLE that I forgot about the FOT. I miss you guys. Literally I forgot how centered I've been despite my hell life until this week.

Any SF 'Pinners want to do a meetup? The holidays are coming and I think we should stick together. I still haven't seen "The Master." Anyone want to go with me? Ha ha ha I am reaching out, DOING IT!

AND my birthday is on Wednesday. Birthday birthday birthday. I hate birthdays. Oddly for a person who studied ritual, I think that birthdays should not be celebrated. I've always been disappointed. It just adds to the holiday season, the most expectations/disappointment soaked period of the year. This year I'm going AWOL on a silent retreat, something I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO. And without a relationship in my life I am doing to do it without thinking "Oh I should stay in town and spend it with this asshole despite dreams I've harbored for years because they are what make me happy, not any of MY DREAMS."

Birthday advice?

adorable-eggplant

@255 Oooo silent retreat! Yes! Maybe take some normal birthday rituals and re-appropriate them. Like light a bunch of candles and then blow them out to symbolize all the burdens and things you aren't going to carry with you this next year.

Or have a slice of cake in silence and savor sweet solitude. Goodness, who knows. I had a string of bad birthdays that I broke by having a big party (which seems crazy for a shy person, but it totally worked: people brought snacks, I felt loved) so I understand the birthday dread.

Also, the number of times I've broken up/been broken up with on my birthday? Answer: a big number. Ugh, birthdays. Buuut I managed to have an awesome one this year, so there's hope for everyone!

255
255

@adorable-eggplant You know it sister. My lack of feeling centered means that since Thursday my brain has just gone to my recent ex constantly and I think of all the things I did for his birthday this year, how we had just fallen deeply in love, UGH it sucks pain pain pain. He had said we should throw a party, he would have been good at doing that for me I bet. But I think election night some new friends may do something I am sensing. I think ti will be great, and by Tuesday night I will feel centered again. You're right, it could actually be awesome if I see the actual possibilities.

planforamiracle

@255 That is really cool! I'd love it if you could report back about what the silence retreat was like.
Happy birthday!

255
255

@planforamiracle Aw thanks!!

Laughable Walrus

@255 happy birthday! seconding wanting to hear about the silent retreat, that sounds awesome!

also, I am so down for an SF meet up! Is there any kind of SF 'Pinner google group or facebook group or anything that we should also suggest it on? I don't know how to do this!

255
255

@Laughable @planforamiracle Walrus I will report back!

Right, there should be groups or a forum or something somewhere. IDK!

255
255

@Laughable @planforamiracle Alright is this going to work? I just got back from the silent retreat and it was awesome. Super simple, but still glorious in that simplicity, in the emptiness. Silence, grounds kept neat by the monks, homecooked food every day all day, mass, vespers, walks, my little room with a view (Big Sur), and my mind. Without distractions to avoid what I'm so afraid of, I learned to kind of accept it, kind of love it--it's a start. 4 days was a good amount of time. I met with a priest who went straight for the jugular way more directly and intensely than any therapist. Upsetting the amount of truth he wrenched out of me. Feels weird to be on the internet so I'm going to go now.

One thing: reentry was kind of traumatic. All the noise and distractions and obligations to interact in this fake kind of standard social interaction, that was hard.

planforamiracle

@255 Thank you for braving the internet to come and share this with us! Sounds amazing.

255
255

@planforamiracle I forgot to mention that it was also hard and painful to be left alone with my brain. Lots going on in there.

Serafina

I just got home from the Orycon volunteers' after party and that con was UH-MAY-ZING. PLUS, my Gram is out of the hospital!

btcstore30

input this URL:

( http://www.b2cstore.us/ )

you can find many cheap and high stuff

Believe you will love it.

WE ACCEPT CREDIT CARD /WESTERN UNION PAYMENT
YOU MUST NOT MISS IT!!!

Decca

@btcstore30 NO. SHUT UP.

madgemmc

@Decca these really annoy me too :)

samjohn4810

Daisy Razor It's SOOOO GOOOOOOD. Most of it isn't has as up-tempo dancy as 'Thrift Shop." It's really well-crafted, full of honest and interesting lyrics. Lots of variety. alberta medical marijuana

Post a Comment

You must be logged-in to post a comment.

Login To Your Account