...because they're too busy serving in Europe's last remaining military dovecote. Which is amazing, obviously, and also allows us to reflect on those pigeons who came before:
The bird, Le Vaillant, skipped German bullets and flew through toxic clouds, back to its dovecote, helping save 100 lives. At the end of the war, he was decorated with the Cross of War, a distinction reserved for French war heroes.
"He's my inspiration," said Mr. Decool, casting a respectful look on Le Vaillant's stuffed body, which is on display at the pigeon-post museum.
Because it never rains carrier pigeon stories but it pours, this Brit has now delivered his final message posthumously.
On this, the day after the Veterans Day you did not get to miss work for, let's remember all those soldiers, be they human or avian, who have served their countries, and sincerely hope that peace prevails in our world.