Tuesday, November 27, 2012


Man Has Questing Spirit and Hairless Arms

Elon Musk, who looks a lot like the villain from "Casino Royale" who kept weeping blood, wants to start a Martian colony, and, based on all the weird, delightfully over-the-top things people say about him, maybe he will? Entrance us, Tom Junod!

1. "And that is the key to Elon Musk. He has the will. "Elon is not afraid of breaking things — he will break himself if he has to," says Justine Musk, his first wife and the mother of his five children."

2. "In the spring of 2008, Justine told him how unhappy she was. They went to counseling for a month, and Elon delivered an ultimatum: accept the marriage as is. When she said she couldn't, he filed for divorce the next day, and six weeks later he announced his engagement to the British actress Talulah Riley."

3. "He has brown hair, reddish lips, and nearly hairless arms."

4. "He laughs readily at his own most obscure jokes, smiles faintly in equal parts amusement and disappointment, and indeed acts as though only he can see the membrane that separates him from the rest of the world. Although it would be an exaggeration to say that there is something alien about him, it would be no surprise if he lifted his shirt and revealed that he had no navel."

5. "If the Musks had arisen from literature, they would come off as an unlikely combination of Salinger's Glasses and Faulkner's Snopeses — a combination of insular giftedness and rude commercial energy."

6. ""I listened, and he said, 'Can we meet this weekend? I have a private jet, I'll fly to your house.' Well, that rang my alarm bells, and I said, 'No, I'll meet you at the airport in Salt Lake.' Tell you the truth, I wanted to meet him in a place where he couldn't bring a weapon, so we met in the Delta Crown Room.""

7. "He will ask you to leave everything you own and everything you know. He will ask you to start a colony on a planet that exists as a red star in the night sky. He doesn't want you to come back. But he doesn't want you to die, either. For a long time he thought you would have to risk death to accomplish his dream, but now he's decided he doesn't want you to. You don't have to die for Elon Musk. For you to be willing is more than enough."

35 Comments / Post A Comment

Phil Koesterer

Came for the Musk, stayed for the Whitney Cummings.


That was fucking amazing@y


Do you think he's actually fictional, and this is all an elaborate ruse?


@Ophelia Honestly I assumed he was an Evil Melis Creation (tm) when I read the quotes Nicole pulled.

Daisy Razor

I saw him on The Daily Show and said to my husband, "Good Lord, it's a real life Tony Stark." Then I went to wikipedia and saw this:

"Jon Favreau, director of the Iron Man movies, describes in his article how Musk was the inspiration for Favreau's film depiction of genius billionaire Tony Stark."


@Daisy Razor I love that that's listed under the "awards and recognition" section.


What I don't want to live on some juicebox's Martian colony.

fondue with cheddar

@Megano! Yeah, it's like the people who lived there would just be toys to him. Gross.

fondue with cheddar

@Megano! He even has a juiceboxy name! Elon Musk? I'll bet his real name is Harvey Snodgrass or something.


@Megano! juicebox or not, I still wanna go to Mars!

fondue with cheddar

@beams! Me too, but I'd rather it be arranged by someone who doesn't skeeve me out.


@Megano! What about Newt Gingrich's Moon Base?


@fondue with cheddar His father's name, apparently, is "Errol Musk." NO. That is an awful drugstore cologne set that comes with matching gloves, not a name.

fondue with cheddar

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Newt should definitely go there and take all his jerk friends with him.

Ew. That's the kind of cologne that you buy for your dad for Father's Day when you're a kid. He wears it that day, after which it sits in the bathroom cabinet, unused, until you move out of the house.


If I wanted to spend my golden years in a desert, surrounded by rich jerks in thrall to an authoritative madman, it would be cheaper to buy a condo in a gated community in the Southwest.


Both him and his ex wife are quite the burners....and pretty much case-in-point on all the things I dislike about Burning Man.


@parallel-lines HA! Of course they are.


@aphrabean See also: http://gawker.com/5837145/how-rich-people-do-burning-man


So, hairless arms is something I've been musing about for the past few days, ever since I saw on a beauty website a sidebar link titled "Why You Should Wax Your Arms." And my general feeling, minus all the stabbiness, is "Seriously? Yet another fucking thing I'm supposed to be concerned about?" So I don't have any real opinions on whether a person's arms are hairy or not, just that I shouldn't be expected to groom my goddamn arms in addition to everything else. That's my line.

And now I'll read the article.


@MoxyCrimeFighter RIGHT?! I shave a lot of things but my arms ain't one of em.


@iceberg It's like the only part of my body I have never worried about having hair on, and I refuse to give that up. I'm taking a stand!


@MoxyCrimeFighter I used to know a guy who shaved his arms. Never trusted him.


@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher i know some women who depilate (not shave per se), esp women i know from cultures that are not mine. i say, to each their own, but, that is a lot of effort.


@theotherginger Seriously. Plus my arm hair is blond, so even I can barely see it. What's the point??


@theotherginger Oh, totally, I mean, no judgment from me if you do it or don't do it, for whatever reason. I'm just annoyed that the nebulous forces of society are trying to make me feel bad about it haha.


@MoxyCrimeFighter can we please say this about anything women do, ever? no judgment. everyone is happier.


@theotherginger Ha, well, as a blanket rule that's no good because women do some terrible things (duuuude, check out today's Dear Prudence for a bridezilla who needs someone to give her the business, stat), but yeah, let's stop judging a woman's moral/ethical/personhood standing on her beauty regimen. Or if/how/when she chooses to work and/or have children and/or get married.


@theotherginger I started shaving my arms when I was 11, because I got my period earlier than everyone else and the hair that comes with it and girls are MEAN. So there's really no turning back now, although it's really not a big deal. I only have to do it once or twice a week! And of course, to each their own!


BUT Tesla cars are fucking awesome. I'm willing to put that on Tesla and not on Musk.


I thought a part of the problem with a Mars colony would be finding a group of people who can live together in a tiny group for the rest of their lives without killing each other? This guy sounds like potentially the worst person to choose for a scenario like that.

sudden but inevitable betrayal

@MilesofMountains Yeah, man...I have read Red Mars and we all know how THAT turned out.


Somehow I missed that he was rich and was like "what"? It makes a bit more sense now that I know he's real rich.

Nicole Cliffe

@MilesofMountains One of the best parts of "Packing for Mars" is hearing the weirdly-stereotype driven discussions about which countries are better at manned spaceflight. The Japanese are physically small and used to cramped quarters! Mixed-gender Russian flights are a disaster!

Oliver St. John Mollusc

Sorry, all I saw was "villain in Casino Royale" and now all I can think about is how awesome Mads Mikkelsen is. Did Elon Musk play a one-eyed Viking in a Nicolas Winding Refn movie? Nope. I think we have a clear winner here.

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