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Wednesday, November 7, 2012

269

Assumptions

If my work badge doesn’t unlock the door on the first swipe, I’ve been secretly fired.

A hairball hack from my old cat is really the beginning stages of a death rattle.

Any ache or pain will suddenly escalate, and then become permanent.

If I let someone leave an argument before the problem is resolved, they will suddenly die and I will be stuck with the guilt of a bad parting.

Every elderly person who lives alone is essentially Eleanor Rigby.

That a weird garbage bag on the side of the road contains either the whole body of a child or assorted body parts of an adult.

A phone call from my mother at an usual hour is to announce the death of a close relative.

Any phone call from a close relative is to announce the death of my mother.

That bug floating in my drink? It’s the widow of the bug I probably just drank. 

A person in my life knows all about that embarrassing message board I used to frequent and is just waiting to bring it up in front of a large group of people.

I’m so afraid of losing my vision that I will probably lose another sense, just because I wasn’t paying attention.

My descendents will be disappointed that I don’t have a “better” 9/11 story.

I will poop in my pants when I die.

Ashley Spurgeon is a writer living in Nashville, and has a Twitter account that her grandma follows. 

Illustration by Ana María Correa.



269 Comments / Post A Comment

TheDragon

If that guy doesn't text back, it's because he literally HATES me.

redheaded&crazy

@TheDragon hey girl hey

TheDragon

@redheaded&crazie
I'm not even gonna answer that, cause I'm already assuming you'll never reply back.
My poor heart couldn't take it.

redheaded&crazy

@TheDragon (silence)

iknowright

@TheDragon My fear isn't that he hates me, it's that I matter so, so very little to him that responding never once crossed his mind because he completely forgot I texted him. And later if he sees my name in his text history he'll be like, "oh yeeaahhh.....that....girl." But couldn't actually say what I looked like, except that I'm not pretty enough for him.

Hate, at least, is a strong emotion.

Ellie

Or that maybe he doesn't reply for a week and then says he lost his phone, but he "lost it" at some other girl's house. (This happened to me recently IRL)

theotherginger

@Ellie that is the worst. I think I have unresolved anxiety about phones from a particularly juiceboxy bf.

RNL
RNL

@TheDragon (prefaced with ugh this is so lame) Every unfamiliar girl who likes his status is someone he is also sleeping with. And then sometimes... it's true.

billie_crusoe

I'm not the only one who assumes that about every trash bag? When my parents bought the property they live on now, there wasn't a house there, so people had pitched their trash in the creek just up the driveway. I was SO afraid there was a body in one of them (which would not be that surprising here in moonshine and pot country).

Roxanne Rholes

@billie_crusoe I always have to use a lot of self control to not pull over and check inside cardboard boxes every time I see them by the road. What if there are KITTENS inside?

noodge

@billie_crusoe @Roxanne Rholes
me too! except I always avoid bags on the road because of this. I think my mom told me a weird story about someone's uncle pulling over to check a bag on the side of the road back in the 50's and VOILA! living healthy baby inside.

raised amongst catalogs

@billie_crusoe Yes. For me, the garbage bags are always full of puppies that I could save from suffocation if I just pull over to check...but the fear of finding a body keeps me from doing it. I am letting down all of the puppies, all of the time.

maxine of arc

@billie_crusoe My mother always warned me not to drive over discarded plastic bags in the road because they could have heads in them. I'm not sure why she landed on a severed head as a deterrent instead of a living thing, like a baby or a litter of puppies, but... okay, mom! I guess it would probably screw up my tire alignment!

StandardTuber

@teenie @this brave bird YOU GUYS! I saved a raccoon young'un from the trash last month! It was in a dumpster whose lid had been left open. I tossed in some stuff and heard a weak hissing sound and peeked in, and there he/she was, looking pretty tired and spooked. I freaked a little bit but thankfully some painters were nearby. The put their ladder in and we all made sympathetic sounds, and it crawled out, fell down, and ran up a tree to stare at the humans. I am now mildly paranoid about every dumpster I see. If its lid is propped open, I will check it out. ALWAYS CLOSE THE LID on the dumpster. I honesty don't know why companies that make those large dumpsters can't weld in some tiny steps for creatures that get stuck inside them. Not big enough for humans to use, but just enough to help those animals out.

raised amongst catalogs

@Mabissa !!!!!!!!!!!!!

StandardTuber

@this brave bird I know!!!

crane your neck

@Mabissa You are the best! My mom did this for a baby raccoon once by putting a doll ladder inside the trash can and bribing it with food to climb out.

StandardTuber

@crane your neck Neat! All that is needed is a stick that they can use to climb out. Mischievous raccoons.

lizardjellybean

@this brave bird This is like Schrodinger's Trash Bag!

StandardTuber

@billie_crusoe @teenie @this brave bird Here's the pic of the little raccoon, :) & :(
pic.twitter.com/3nDtrSy4

lizardjellybean

@Mabissa Man, one time I was walking around near the Lakeshore path at night with this dude (first-date-bad-ideas?) and we walked by the little baseball fields that had dumpsters next to them, and I kid you not, TEN raccoons were climbing into the dumpster, helping each other out by boosting them up. I think it's like the nightclub for raccoons. Maybe that little guy fell asleep at the party.

billie_crusoe

@Mabissa Ha ha ha ha ha!

GUYS now I have so many MORE fears of trash bags. Heads! Dead kittens! Live kittens that I am going to be responsible for their deaths because I'm too afraid of heads and dead kittens to open the bag!

millper

@Mabissa I peeked in a garbage can making strange animal noises once, and found that it contained four sewer rats scrabbling along the sides trying to get out! I wish they had been cute raccoons, instead.

StandardTuber

@billie_crusoe Oh wonderful. Poor rats, though.

Miss Maszkerádi

That attractive guy I just met is taken. Either married or in a serious enough relationship that he might as well be.

This axiom has never been disproven.

mbmargarita

@Countess Maritza Sounds about right.

iknowright

@Countess Maritza You me and Alanis Morisette, sister.

Alli525

@Countess Maritza Or, if you're me, he's gay. Or a priest. (You'd be surprised!!)

Miss Maszkerádi

@Alli525 Oh hon, I've fallen for three gay guys in a row now. And I think my ex might also be very deeply in the closet. I also...kind of understand the priest thing.

ejcsanfran

@Countess Maritza: Are those two options different?

garli

Oh my god, been there: If my work badge doesn’t unlock the door on the first swipe, I’ve been secretly fired.

OhMarie

@garli Or if you like, fuck up logging into your computer at first. Especially if it's a Monday.

khaleesi

@garli EVERY TIME! No idea why I think that would be their way of telling me.

excitedheart

@garli they changed our badges to a different kind but i didn't know it was happening so it wasn't just the first swipe, it was every swipe at all 3 doors. i was mentally preparing myself not to cry for the entire walk to my desk.

MilesofMountains

@garli Once I had accidentally been taken both off our employee directory and our employee gallery. I was convinced I was going to be fired.

garli

@excitedheart Dude 6 months ago I was on vacation when everyone in the company got new badges (with a new look) and they still haven't changed mine? Some times I'm convinced that they aren't bothering to change mine because MY TIME IS LIMITED. (Also I've never had a bad review and people generally like me?)

fabel

@all-of-you, I sit in the lobby of a building that requires everyone to badge themselves through multiple doors, & glitches occur all the time-- rest assured everyone gets that panicky look & makes some kind of "uh-oh, they must have fired me" haha? joke.

Anchovy Cake

Haha, I'm glad I'm not the only one that spirals this much

olivebee

@Anchovy Cake Right? I read these all thinking, "are you me?"

etheline.

Hiccuping means I will become one of those people on the news who hiccup uncontrollably for years.

freelee

@etheline. My stepfather was one of those people! He barely slept for years! That shit happens!
But, it probably won't happen to you.

melmuu

Whenever I see a single abandoned shoe on a city street (which is oddly often), I assume that the owner has been violently dragged away and stuffed into a car. Does anyone else have this? I hate it.

fondue with cheddar

@melmuu Yeah, particularly with kids' shoes. :(

teaandcakeordeath

@melmuu
Id always thought the shoes were from drunken people who were playfully throwing their shoes in the air to get them on a telephone wire/sign/high place ... UNTIL NOW.

TheDragon

@teaandcakeordeath Ummm... yeah I grew up in a part of town where shoes on the telephone wires marked the edges of gangs territories/drug lords. So that's what they remind me of.

smidge

@TheDragon THAT'S why they are there???

fondue with cheddar

@smidge Dude, that kid in the opening sequence from Sesame Street was a badass and I didn't even know it!

TheDragon

@smidge In my city yeah. I also grew up in a city with CRAZY high gang activity though.

teaandcakeordeath

@TheDragon
I never knew this was a thing. Either I'm terribly naive or I spend too much time with drunk people (more likely both).

Citizen Cunt

@melmuu No but now I will

Alli525

@melmuu Once I was on a date and we were walking around town... we came across a pair of women's flats that looked like a drunk girl had just stopped walking, stepped out of her shoes, and kept going. It was very strange.

withatwist

@melmuu I once saw a platform sandal thrown onto the street from an apartment window. I'm not sure why they threw a single shoe at the window (fight? sabotage? attempt to hit a passerby?) but for the next few days whenever I saw the increasingly mangled blue platform I felt like I had some important secret knowledge.

Pyxis

@melmuu When I was in high school I was riding back home from a debate thing with way too many people, on a way too long drive. I hung my feet out the back window and took a nap, and when I woke up one of my flip flops had fallen off. Now I always assume shoes on the side of the highway are from stupid high school students.

kinbarichan

@melmuu: Shoes on the beach. I just know I'm going to find one of those shoes that's got skeletal foot-remnants in it one day while taking a nice relaxing beach walk. I live in the heart of the beach-foot-shoe zone; it's only a matter of time, really.

amirite

@fondue with cheddar You don't have to worry abou the kids shoes! Kids love taking off their shoes and throwing them on the ground, and often if they're in a stroller the adult pushing I won't even notice.

That is what I tell myself anyway.

fondue with cheddar

@amirite Yeah. My first thought is always Something Bad, and then I console myself with "but they probably just kicked it off," which I realize is pretty much always the case.

JessicaLovejoy

Every lone, filthy shoe in the street probably came off that kid in the bag.

Also, my mom once called my high school to speak to me. NO ONE DOES THAT UNLESS SOMEONE IS DEAD. It turned out to be something like my dad was coming home from the road earlier than expected so tidy up the house when I got back. My hands shook for half an hour.

Verity

@JessicaLovejoy Last week, I turned on my mobile towards the end of the day and found a message from my mum asking me to call her. I did, and she said that she'd tell me when I got home, as I was due to leave shortly. I spent the hour or so until I got home convinced that one of the cats had died and she wanted to tell me face-to-face. (It turned out to be something so inconsequential I have already forgotten it.)

The Lady of Shalott

@JessicaLovejoy I HATE it when my mom does that. She'll leave me a message like "Call me back as soon as you can" that's super-serious and then not answer HER phone for two hours, until I'm panicking and freaking out and it turns out that she actually just wanted to tell me that she bought new nail polish.

TheLetterL

@JessicaLovejoy This one time, even though I was at work, HR tried to call me at my parents' house. My mother freaked out, because why would they call me at home unless I had been kidnapped by pirates on my way into work? Since I didn't really have phone access at my job, she called...my boss. My boss then tells me that my mother has just called, and I freak out because why would my mother call my boss unless someone had been kidnapped by pirates?

meetapossum

@The Lady of Shalott My mom uses the serious tone as a way to force me to call her. It's really cruel.

BoozinSusan

@TheLetterL And the Circle of Life continues.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@JessicaLovejoy My dad (and my mom, too, sometimes, actually) will always, ALWAYS call my cell phone when I'm busy and I'll think it's because the worst thing ever happened, and it's always for the most trivial matters, such as do you know what number my friend can call if he wants to buy tickets to this show? (when the friend is a university professor who has probably heard of Internet) or where are you and your mother? (it's Sunday morning and you saw us leave for church, dad, we're at church) or oh, I thought your mother had borrowed your cell phone today and I wanted to tell her that the snow was causing traffic (when, duh, snow is going to cause traffic, and I'm in CLASS, dad).

Meanwhile, things like illnesses, divorces, or pregnancies in the family do not merit a phone call but rather a "Oh, didn't we tell you?" a week after the news broke.

Oh, squiggles

I once woke up early in the morning, just light enough to see outside, and it was so quiet, and nothing was moving outside of the window, no cars drove by, that I thought for a good 5 mins that I might be the last person left alive. Enough time to start formulating my game plan, but not enough to try it out (I was gonna look through ALL your stuff).

fruiting body

@Absurd Bird One time, when I was living in a dorm, I woke up because the electricity had gone out and everything was dark and completely silent and I convinced myself I had died.

Princess Slayer

@fruiting body One time I was driving along a fairly deserted highway and saw at least five cars pulled over on both sides of the road over the course of maybe 20 miles. Oh, the doomsday scenarios I came up with in those 20 miles of dead road...

fondue with cheddar

@fruiting body Just after midnight on January 1, 2000, my friends and I went outside to scream and bang on pots and pans, but it was eerily silent. There were no people or cars and there was a dense fog. For a moment we thought the world had ended after all.

garli

@fondue with cheddar Oh I had a new year's day that I woke up alone and went outside and the sky was red and black and I was all "Oh neat, the world is ending?" But it was "just" an awful fire.

fondue with cheddar

@garli If the world ends in our lifetime, I really hope it ends in such a way that we'll look at it and say, "Oh, neat."

Bittersweet

@fruiting body When I was in high school, I woke up in the middle of the night to loud explosions and huge flashes of light, and was convinced for several minutes that the Soviets (yep, I'm that old) were bombing us and we'd all be dead soon. Eventually I realized it was just a thunderstorm.

lizard

@Absurd Bird i used to play this game when i walked home from school. my neighborhhod was always eerily quiet and empty so i would pretend i was the last girl on earth.

garli

@fondue with cheddar I probably will because generally when my first reaction should be "PANIC RUN STUFF IS AWFUL" I think "oh, neat". Which I guess is kinda useful.

fondue with cheddar

@garli Yeah, unless there's imminent danger (like fire raining from the sky) I probably would do the same thing.

Hellcat

@Absurd Bird This sort of happened to me a couple weeks ago! I went outside my office to smoke and, somehow, the normally busy highway had no cars on it at all for minutes! Then a helicopter went by and I felt like I was in The Stand or something.

temporal_paradox

@Absurd Bird One year in college I worked for the management of the apartment complex where I lived. During the semester turns most of the students would go home on break and I and a few others would stick around to clean apartments that were turning over to new tenants. So, basically, we were living in an area about the size of a city block and there were about 300 somewhat vacant and very lightly occupied apartments- which was eerie in and of itself. One of those mornings, as I was lying asleep in my own completely-empty-but-me apartment there was a very loud boom that jolted me awake. I remember the boom and the silence after it- the lack of tv, music, laughing, all the normal college apartment sounds I had grown accustomed to, and my first thought was that the end of the world had happened and I was completely alone. Then, my second thought was that IF the end of the world had happened, I was completely alone and wouldn't EVER be able to figure out what had happened, and that was completely worse than dying alone. Then, I got up and found my neighbor to find out what the noise was. We never found out what the noise was.

zoe
zoe

@Absurd Bird there was a massive dust storm a couple of years ago and when I woke up the whole world was completely red. I'd been sleeping and breathing in the sweet dust, and had dreamt that my flatmate had spilled a LOT of talcum powder all through the house, but obviously there was something seriously wrong now I was awake, and in my half-waking panic, first I assumed end of world, of course. Then finally, while panicking and wondering what to do, and how many other people were still alive, I saw someone in the park across the road walking their dog, and figured you don't walk your dog in the middle of a nuclear apocalypse or whatever... so the second logical explanation my sleepybrain came to the was that a biscuit factory had exploded (? yeah, it doesn't make any sense). but the photos are surreal and spectacular!
http://www.google.com.au/search?q=sydney+dust+storm+2009&hl=en&client=safari&rls=en&prmd=imvns&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=WQ-bUM31C-WTiAfbqoDoCg&ved=0CFQQsAQ&biw=1351&bih=868

Dog Ballou

@zoe Those pictures are amazing! I can't believe I'm just now seeing them.

Whenever that happens- that I discover something really amazing/wonderful/beautiful/weird exists and has existed for some time without me knowing about it, I get so excited at all the things that exist that I don't know about yet! Sooo much excitement being created, all the time. It really is a wide wide world out there.

phew. talked myself in circles there but.. you get the point?

fondue with cheddar

@Dog Ballou Me too! Want to see more amazing pictures? I can't stop looking at these.

fruiting body

A person in my life knows all about that embarrassing message board I used to frequent and is just waiting to bring it up in front of a large group of people.
I worry this about my livejournal sometimes.

Lisa Frank

@fruiting body Someone I know IRL found my tumblr which is totally anonymous (no pictures, no names) and I have no idea how. I half want to ask her how she found me, but I half want to pretend like it never happened.

sarah girl

@fruiting body This happened to me in high school. :(

Verity

@fruiting body I keep most of my livejournal locked for that reason (not hugely embarrassing, but still current and pretty personal).

Verity

@fruiting body Oh, and, shortly before we got together, I told my boyfriend about a message board I used to frequent *and* the awful fanfic I posted on it. He tracked it down, and I had to frantically remove the sex scene.

olivebee

I assume that any noise in my house when I am home alone is an intruder who has been stalking me for weeks and is making their move because I am home alone. Nevermind that I have two playful cats who like to climb things and a rattly old radiator.

olivebee

@olivebee Oh, and the thing about your mother calling? My mom often calls me when she is either tired or sick, so when I answer the phone, I immediately hear that gravelly or nasal sound in her voice and jump to the conclusion that she has been crying because she a. got diagnosed with a terminal illness b. her cat/a relative/a close friend died or c. she lost her job.

raised amongst catalogs

@olivebee My mom coughs, I feel, a lot more than anyone I know. Because she grew up in a house with two smokers, I am certain that every cough is the first indicator of lung cancer and that my nonsmoking mother needs to get a CT immediately.

Hellcat

@olivebee I find myself doing this in my new place, which has one unused (except for hiding the stuff I have yet to unpack) bedroom. In this bedroom, there is a big, deep storage closet that houses the water heater and reminds me of the closet in Paranormal Activity 3. Any unidentified noise is surely coming from the "Toby closet"! Good thing I'm in a condo situation with neighbors around; my imagination in a standalone house would probably be bad for me.

Also, when I was without power for 72 hours last week, I was playing "Final Girl in a Horror Movie." Not that "playing" consisted of much more than thinking it while huddled on the couch trying to read a Nook by a single way-too-flickery candle in an otherwise dark condo.

you're a kitty!

@olivebee Wow are you me, because it's terrible.

fondue with cheddar

Every heap of blanket/towel on the side of the road has a dead animal or baby in it.

Valley Girl

@fondue with cheddar My mom told me a story from her childhood of a neighbor girl who was playing inside a cardboard box in an alley and was run over by a car. Every heap of anything on the side of the road has a baby in it.

fondue with cheddar

@Valley Girl I always think that about leaf piles.

rayray

@fondue with cheddar I stood in dog shit hidden in a leaf pile earlier this week. Always nice to gather new assumptions for the future as one goes through life.

fondue with cheddar

@rayray I'm glad you didn't jump in it.

lora.bee

Every time I shut the medicine cabinet door, there will be a person standing behind me that I see in the mirror.

Not that this has ever happened.

....YET.

LooseBaggyMonster

@lora.bee *Shudders involuntarily*

TheDragon

@lora.bee Oh god. I don't have a medicine cabinet, but it WILL happen when I dry my face and open my eyes after washing my face. I know it.

Old Katrina

@lora.bee What about the person waiting behind the shower curtain to murder you while you're peeing?

Sam I am

@Old Katrina I always have to look!

lora.bee

@Old Katrina @Sam I am For both of you.

kickupdust

@TheDragon THIS THIS THIS. whenever I wash my face and I'm too soapy to open my eyes I imagine this weird skulking creature sneaking up behind me and then I rinse reallyreally fast and look around wildly. eeesh.

SarahP

@kickupdust I DO THE SAME THING. Especially after watching scary movies.

tea for all

@Sam I am @kickupdust @SarahP MY PEOPLE

kickupdust

@tea for all I thought it was only me! the hairpin: making you less alone since [whenever].

cupcakecore@twitter

@lora.bee clear shower curtains for the win! i'll take whatever peace of mind i can get against unnecessary worries.

Quick Brown Fox

@lora.bee
Worse. Toilet snakes. I tried to explain them to my boyfriend. They're snakes that somehow get into the pipes and then into your toilet and you don't know till they bite you on the butt! He didn't understand the dilemma, but I always check first. Always.

Sam I am

@lora.bee A little late, but thank you! These were made for me (and fellow pinners!)

frigwiggin

And so he forgot, he forgot, maybe not
Maybe he's been seriously hurt
Would that be worse?

causedbycomma

@frigwiggin OH THIS IS THE BEST SONG. I still remember the way I felt the first time I heard it.

yeahiguess

@frigwiggin OH HECK YES.

Citizen Cunt

If someone is laughing they are laughing at me

Verity

@Citizen Cunt Yep, I always think that.

lora.bee

@Citizen Cunt Without fail.

nowwhat

@Citizen Cunt Same here, and especially if the laughter is coming from behind me.

The Lady of Shalott

@Citizen Cunt If someone is talking in a foreign language and glances at me, they are talking about me.

rimy

@The Lady of Shalott Another neurosis of below example'd boyfriend. Why have I never thought these things, even though people have laughed at me and I'm sure talked about me in another language in front of me? Do I lack some paranoid impulse that most people have? What is wrong with me?! Is anyone else freakishly unparanoid??

martinipie

@rimy Me! I have some high-anxiety friends who flip out at every little thing and think everyone's looking at/judging them all the time, which I.....do not feel at all?

lasso tabasco

It's good to know I'm not alone in the world!

MilesofMountains

Every minor ailment is actually a symptom of something major, and it'll turn out that my skin being weirdly flakey + my sinuses feeling stuffed + bruising easily + some minor insomnia means I have a horrible disease and I need to remember all of those so when I end up in the hospital my doctor can put it together, House-style.

victorian rose

@MilesofMountains You and me might have the same disease. Do your fingers ever tingle??

Quick Brown Fox

@MilesofMountains
Yep. Every time I have to go to the doctor, I list every single thing that might possibly be a symptom. Just in case.

victorian rose

When a friend is late meeting me somewhere, they must've gotten into a horrific accident. And it would be all my fault.

Bebe

@i might know When my husband is late, it's not because because the bus was late or traffic was bad, it is because he is dead in a ditch somewhere. (Not sure where, as we live in New York City and there are no ditches that I am aware of, but logic is not exactly in charge here).

kickupdust

@Bebe oh yes. my partner has a really bad habit where he'll stay super late at parties without texting me and I'll wake up at 5 am alone and promptly FLIP OUT. there have been at least a handful of times I started to consider calling hospitals. not even sure if that's what you should do! police? who to call?! ahhhhh.

Bebe

@kickupdust I do the breezy text - like, "Hey! What's up? We're a little low on milk but should be fine for tomorrow. On your way?"

Which of course is totally not at all breezy but I like to make the effort to hide the crazy sometimes.

kickupdust

@Bebe haha oh yes that would work IF ONLY SOMEONE'S PHONE HAD A BATTERY LIFE OF MORE THAN HALF A SECOND.

ahem. sorry! the dead-phone thing just makes the terror worse, as I'm sure you can imagine!

olivebee

Does anyone else get really depressed when you are out to eat at a sit-down restaurant, and you see someone eating alone? I just always assume that these people's spouse/SO died or that they live a painfully lonely life with no friends or romantic partners. (Exception: lunchtime in a big city where people just grab quick lunches on their breaks/situations like that).

I think maybe this is a projection of my own self-consciousness and my need to be around people at all times.

smidge

@olivebee Seeing people sitting alone at restaurants--or even Starbucks--is peculiarly heartbreaking to me.

Bloodrocuted

@olivebee Oh, no! I like to eat out alone, but I always think What if someone is pitying me right now and feel horribly anxious.

Not Quite Sonic

@olivebee I've recently started taking myself out for dinner or a drink when I'm in the mood but no one is available to join me. I bring a book, and I often run into friend-quaintances, and I always feel a little bit awkward. But I figure it's better to be out doing what I want to do alone than sitting at home, also alone, and NOT doing what I want.

Also, I met my gentleman friend one night when I went out dancing alone after all my friends bailed. So I feel like it's good luck.

olivebee

@smidge Yes, heartbreaking. Exactly. I just fill up with so many sympathetic emotions for these total strangers when I see people eating alone. Old men kill me the most because I just think, like, "they probably came to this restaurant every Friday for date night, and then she died, and now he can't ever order the rosemary chicken ever again because it was her favorite dish there and it makes him cry to see it."

Deanna Destroi

@olivebee Is it the same for people going to movies alone? Because I love going to movies alone, except I always think people are pitying me for having no friends.

lisma

@olivebee or on holidays, when you go to pick up a last-minute pie at Coco's or something, and the old man is sitting there alone eating a sad turkey dinner. I can't stand it. Then again, I can't stand myself for pitying them. What if they don't need my pity? Probably I am terrible person!

Respondona

@Bloodrocuted Yeah, I actually like to eat out alone and sometimes I do get a little insecure about people possibly judging me. But I guess this is positive in the sense that now I have the confirmation that it's true, instead of thinking I'm just being paranoid and imagining things.

smidge

@Respondona Yeah, I enjoy eating out alone occasionally too--I think it's just with older people that I feel sad and wonder why they are there solo.

olivebee

Oh god, now I have gone and made people self-conscious! I am not judging anyone for eating alone. In fact, I admire you guys for doing it. Like I said, I am super self-conscious, for one thing, but my thing about people eating alone is more just my brain jumping to conclusions that something tragic or sad happened to someone and that is why they are eating alone. Definitely not a judgment. Plus, there is an age factor to it...I don't get the same vibe from a 30-year-old eating alone as I do from a senior citizen.

lil.orphan.shannie

@Deanna Destroi

I see movies alone all the time, and I always assume other people think I'm this terrible, lonely weirdo. Especially since I like to go to 10 a.m. showings on Saturday mornings and eat nachos for breakfast.

City_Dater

@Not Quite Sonic

I never pity people I see eating alone -- for all we know, they have just escaped a house full of noisy roommates/family for a couple hours of peace and quiet!
I also like going out alone, and I know I'm not a sad sack with no other options, so I would never assume that about someone else I saw sitting alone somewhere.

However, I am hugely paranoid that something terrible has happened whenever my mother leaves one of her cryptic "call me" phone messages.

Ellie

Wow. I go eat alone all the time, and sit in cafes, and go to the movies, and go to bars, all alone! It has never once, ever, occurred to me to be self-conscious about it or to think that someone else is like pitying me for it or something (I don't think it will now, though, anyway).

olivebee

Welp. I have verily been schooled, and I apologize. Like I said above, I believe my assumptions about people eating alone having lost a friend/loved one come from me feeling insanely uncomfortable when I am eating alone. I hate it. I admire people that can do it with confidence. I, on the other hand, don't like being in crowded places by myself, not because I worry that people are judging/pitying me, but because having someone with me distracts me from the thoughts I will inevitably have if I am by myself. It's why I never once, in my life, studied at a coffee shop or the school library (the library was probably my least favorite place on campus). If I want to be alone, it has to be in the comfort of my own home (or my car).

SarahP

@olivebee I'm with you. It's ridiculous because like others here, I have eaten out or gone to shows/movies alone many times and never felt lonely. But when I see other people alone, I worry they're lonely!

smidge

@SarahP Well put.

olivebee

@SarahP Yeah, exactly. I know it's against rational reasoning, but so are most of these assumptions that people are mentioning here.

franceschances

@olivebee No, I feel you. Especially if it's an old man who reminds me of my dad. On certain parts of my cycle I have actually felt my eyes welling up thinking about it.

liznieve

@olivebee I actually LOVE eating alone. There is something in ordering a glass or two of wine, eating something tasty, and just being by yourself (well, -ish. I do live in New York...) I have a really hectic social life, so it's nice to have a breather sometimes! Also, I usually meet people when I am alone like this! I actually like chatting with strangers.

Ellie

@liznieve Yeah, me too. Actually, one of my favorite things to do, ever, is to be alone, but out in the world in the presence of other people.

Dog Ballou

@franceschances Oh my gosh, my dad. I swear I could be a Hollywood actress based solely on the fact that I can make myself cry just thinking about people being needlessly mean or picking on my sweet dad.

And he's totally not helpless! He's fine! He would probably be totally embarrased and maybe annoyed that I feel this way!

Dorie

I'm ashamed to say that I have actually yelled at my mother for calling me at work in the middle of the day. I just assume my grandfather's dead or my brother was hit by a car while on his bike.

allofthewine

@Dorie my boyfriend's mom called me when I was at work once and I was in tears before I even answered the phone. Because, obviously, my boyfriend was dead/dying/kidnapped/missing/all of the above. I think she actually called to ask me if I was allergic to anything.

Crackity Jones

@allofthewine Yup yup, been there - my manfriend called me at work unexpectedly one afternoon and I naturally assumed he was calling to tell me one of the cats had been run over and thus went into a pretty much full-on panic attack. He only wanted me to pick up milk on my way home or something. He couldn't understand why I was hyperventilating and oh so angry with him.

rimy

@Crackity Jones Wow, I don't think this way but reading this is giving me good insight into my boyfriend, who has reacted exactly the same way (panicky, realizes I'm ok, just calling him randomly to say hey, anger that I put him through those emotions) in the past. I didn't understand either then, but I get it now.

Crackity Jones

@rimy I think it's called catastrophe thinking... I am the Queen of Catastrophe Thinking :-)

Faintly Macabre

@Crackity Jones Nope, my mom is! If you talk to her on the phone and say, "Yeah, the next 3 days are really crazy busy, I don't know how I'm going to do everything," and then you don't immediately return a call from her during those 3 days, she will assume that you are gravely ill or dead.

During Sandy, my sister was complaining to us on Gchat that her boss had made her come in even though all her students had stayed home, and finally decided to go talk to her boss. Two minutes after she logged off, my mom imed me, "Now she's not online! I hope the power didn't go out! If anything happens to her, I'll kill her boss!" (Translated from mom-typing to normal-typing)

iceberg

ALL of this, even the kitty and the alt text.

Amphora

@iceberg I used to wake my elderly dog up every twenty minutes or so to make sure he wasn't dead.

bitzy

@Amphora Boyfriend sleeping = better check his breath to make sure he isn't dead.

Fun fact: People do not enjoy waking up with your hand half an inch from their face.

iceberg

Also: brief answers or no answers to Facebook messages = this person hates me but hasn't figured out how to gracefully defriend me yet. x 1,000,000 if my message is "seen".

rimy

@iceberg oh man, I do have this one.

Not Quite Sonic

@iceberg I did this to someone once by accident (read his message, didn't respond right away because it was slightly awkward and I wanted to think it over, then promptly forgot all about it). He was SO HURT that our friendship never recovered.

Answer your Facebook messages, people. LIVES are at stake.

fondue with cheddar

@iceberg I didn't know people could see if your message has been seen! I hardly ever use Facebook, so reading the rare message I get and not responding for a long time is definitely something I've done. Is there anything else like this I should know about?

iceberg

@fondue with cheddar depends on what you're looking at FB on. It doesn't show on my iPod FB app but does in web browsers on regular computers.

TheLetterL

@iceberg What? This is a thing? Oh man. GOOD TO KNOW.

fondue with cheddar

@iceberg Yeah, definitely good to know. I use both, so from now on I'll be sure to only read messages on my iPhone. Actually, I don't even think I have the app anymore.

anachronistique

@iceberg This was me and a friend not replying to me on Twitter all day Sunday. (And then, you know, we went to the movies last night and everything was FINE, because my brain is full of jerkweasels.)

rimy

Wow... this is not me at all, but my boyfriend 100% goes on these spirals of fear and doom all the time! I think it's cute, usually.

For him,
Mysterious pang, cough, or feeling a little nauseous = SERIOUS DISEASE = OH NO WE WILL HAVE REALLY EXPENSIVE DOCTOR BILLS = BANKRUPTCY AND TERRIBLE DOCTORS!

Phone call at an unusual hour = ARE YOU OK?!?!?!!

Dog throws up = SHE HAS SOMETHING WRONG WITH HER, I KNOW IT!!!! = VETS ARE RIPOFFS! = BANKRUPTCY AND DEAD PUPPY DOG

...
Usually I can calm him down though. Sometimes. He's a cutie.

rimy

@rimy More:
** Boss looks at him askance = pretty sure boss hates me!! = whatever, screw him too!!! (the next day, I ask him how it went at work) = "oh, fine, boss and me are cool after all."

rimy

@rimy Actually, reading this over, he sounds a little crazy... he is on edge pretty much all the time and is usually somewhat paranoid. I think it's from growing up in rough neighborhoods/a third world country. What do you guys think, would you date a guy like this?

garli

@rimy One of my coworkers is like this, and his subordinates are always yelling at him to get off web md. Of if they're feeling mean they accuse him of having sneaky cancer.

rayray

@rimy I had a headache the other day and having recently read The Casual Vacancy, my bf expresses concern that I have a secret aneurysm.
I calmly took an aspirin.

redheaded&crazy

@rayray TOTAL sidenote we all had a conniption last night after realizing you snuck in and out of that gchat without revealing your identity! Many exclamation marks were used.

up cubed

@rimy Maybe get him into treatment for anxiety? I just started meditation/mindfulness classes and it is really helpful for slowing my roll :)

BoozinSusan

@rayray Oh man, EVERY headache is a secret aneurysm. I'll go take a nap with my headache and think, "Well, this is it. Time's up. But at least I'll die doing what I love most: taking an afternoon nap."

romastrega

@rimy My ex was like this..... it was kind of endearing at first but it got old and pointed to his whole negative attitude towards life & us in general. And as I have already referred to him as an "ex" I think you know how this turned out....

rayray

@redheaded&crazie I spent a good bit of time at work yesterday re-reading the chat and trying to work out who was who! Did you all do a group share at the beginning?

stonefruit

"A phone call from my mother at an usual hour is to announce the death of a close relative.

Any phone call from a close relative is to announce the death of my mother."

Hoo boy. That one hits a little too close to home. Yep. My parents called me when I was studying in Russia at a time other than our usual set time, and I immediately assumed my grandfather had died. I was in tears for the entire time it took me to get home and shakily dial their number.

Considering forwarding this article to people who have expressed curiosity as to how my brain works.

stonefruit

@stonefruit I mean, spoiler, he stayed with us for another 2.5 years.

Inconceivable!

THIS will finally be the time I get stuck in a revolving door.

BoozinSusan

@Inconceivable! My brother did that once, when he was about 8 or 10. I'm sorry, it was terrible, but hilarious to watch. It would have been less hilarious if he'd gotten hurt, though!

Ellie

@Inconceivable! I am terrified of and averse to revolving doors after becoming obsessed with fire disaster and reading about the Cocoanut Grove fire over and over again.

Hellcat

@Inconceivable! Yes! Someone else with this fear!

jeoparty

@Inconceivable! A lady was exiting the lobby of my office with a rolly briefcase and decided the revolving door was her best option. It was not. Her briefcase got caught half-outside the section of door she was in and the more she yanked on it the more stuck she became making her panic and yank on it more. It took 15 minutes and 4 people to get her unwedged. It too was terrible but hilarious...mostly hilarious.

Hellcat

@jeoparty Oh holy hell!

yeahiguess

@Inconceivable! if there is ANY WAY to NOT use a revolving door i would like to enter/leave the building that way, PLEASE.

Bayou

every escalator is actively trying to eat my shoelace, proceeding upwards to foot/leg/torso, etc. Mostly I would be so paralyzed by embarrassment if this happened that I would probably just let it proceed. Also, anytime I forget where my keys are it means Alzheimer's is around the corner.

olivebee

@Bayou OH MAN, I am slightly petrified of escalators. I feel bad for the person in line behind me to get on one (going down, usually - up isn't as bad), because I stand there and make several attempts to get on while I build up courage. It looks like I am doing a one-footed line dance or something, because I take a half step on, then take my foot off. Then on, then off. Then I finally get on and anxiously await my arrival at the bottom.

WineRanger

@Bayou I cannot blithely step on to a down escalator. I used to have nightmares about them trapping me and dragging me down. I avoid them at all costs, locating elevators if I have the time and am not embarrassed to tell my companions. If I have to get on one, it's painful to watch.

WineRanger

@olivebee yes, yes! See you at the elevator.

Bebe

@olivebee In the 70s, my parents had a friend with super-long hair, like down to her calves. And, yes, it DID get stuck in an escalator. She was fine, but she really could have gotten hurt.

I wasn't even born when this happened, the last time I saw this woman I was about 2, and yet I still think of that every single time I have to get on an elevator.

freelee

@Bayou This is the first time I have ever found other people afraid of escalators. Stick the landing and the dismount, ladies!

withatwist

@Bayou I take an escalator as part of my commute every day and am pretty confident about it but stepping onto an escalator with a piece of rolly luggage brings back all the fears.

Jinxie

@Bayou You are right to be afraid of a shoe-escalator incident. Rather than go into details, I'll just say: 1) THESE THINGS TOTALLY DO HAPPEN and 2) I wasn't injured but I was so embarrased I wanted to throw myself in front of a bus after.

Faintly Macabre

@Bebe One of my favorite professors, who wears long scarves a lot, once spent 5 minutes telling me in detail about a woman who'd gotten her scarf caught in an escalator (maybe at Porter Station?) and died despite the efforts of bystanders because no one was strong enough to fully yank the scarf out of the escalator. I am now both convinced that escalators will kill me and that one day they will grab her scarf and kill her, too.

faustbanana

@olivebee I do this too! It's especially bad if I'm wearing heels or other shoes that make walking precarious, and with very tall escalators. I envision the top step moving straight out instead of down with all the other steps and me flying off/falling. So weird. I don't have any other neuroses like this one, but I will always avoid the down escalator when possible (no problem with the up escalator! Props to the up escalator!)

kickupdust

@freelee oh god I am soooo scared of escalators, I always feel sliightly unbalanced on them and get terrified that I'm going to bash my head open on their pointy metal steps. my school has a TON of escalators but thankfully with stairs beside so I get to avoid the scary death traps and feel slightly superior/smug about the ten seconds of exercise of going up the stairs.

lizard

@Bayou i get super anxious when im on one in the train station. when im on the down one, there are always people with rolling suitcases and they stop at the bottom leaving a huge backup. where are we supposed to go? i feel bad pushing slightly but COME ON are you amish? you know how these moving stairs work

Amphora

@Faintly Macabre My husband's great-uncle died of a sudden heart attack while riding up an escalator. His body tipped backward and the momentum kept him going end over end for an undignified length of time.

kickupdust

@Amphora aaaand now I can't ride an escalator with anyone in front of me. yikes.

Faintly Macabre

@Amphora I just made a very undignified face reading that. Though I already often look behind me on escalators and think, "What if I fell backwards right now? Would I create a domino effect of DEATH?" (Luckily, I'm really lazy, so I ride escalators anyway.)

Reginal T. Squirge

You're definitely gonna shit yourself when you die, though.

iknowright

@Reginal T. Squirge I wish I were only afraid of pooping in my pants when I die. Everytime I have an upset stomach in public I consider my options if I were to potentially poop in my pants before getting home (ie do I have a sweater/sweatshirt to cover my butt, are my pants dark enough, how thick are my underpants). Poop is hilarious, but terrifying!

Hellcat

@Reginal T. Squirge Well, only if there's poop in there at the time of death. Point: Always be sure to poop before you embark on anything that might cause you to die!

raised amongst catalogs

@Hellcat This reminds me that I am alarmed by/afraid of how much of my body weight is made up of poop and bones. It's best for the living not to think too much about their bones, is my opinion.

Hellcat

@this brave bird Hmmm, I can understand about the poop (especially if you watch one of those TLC shows that lists gross things removed forcibly from the human body)... but, really, the bones too?

raised amongst catalogs

@Hellcat How do I put this so that it sounds sane...the bones thing bothers me because I hate to think of the grinning skull that lives beneath my face skin. Nope. Didn't come out sounding sane at all!

KeLynn

@iknowright - I don't believe I have ever crapped myself in my adult years, but I had digestive/medical problems for long enough where I truly feared that, that I *still* can't buy white pants because WHAT IF I CRAP MYSELF.

kickupdust

@this brave bird ok but did you have that fear before or after reading the Bradbury short story

Apocalypstick

@this brave bird I'm really sorry if you don't like this poem, but the way you phrased that reminded me of it so strongly http://www.bartleby.com/199/22.html

raised amongst catalogs

@kickupdust Never read that story, and that illustration might guarantee that I never do! :) No, it was just something that occurred to me once as a kid, maybe when we were learning about our bones in elementary school or something. Or maybe it was from watching He-Man and seeing Skeletor's face?

raised amongst catalogs

@Apocalypstick AUUUUUGHHHH "leaned backward with a lipless grin" I can't

Pyxis

@Reginal T. Squirge Also if you give birth vaginally, you will almost for sure poop on the floor. Everyone around you will be really cool about it though.

iknowright

@KeLynn Exactly! I have stomach troubles too and, well, you never know. I wore nude bike shorts under a white dress this past summer and it was 80% because the dress was super short and we were going dancing and I didn't want pervs seeing up it, and 20% because if I pooped the shorts would surely contain it enough so my nice white dress wouldn't be poopified.

Hellcat

@this brave bird Works well enough for me. I am full of neuroses and not one to judge!

Ally

@raised amongst catalogs OH MY GOSH I hate thinking about my grinning skull.

Bloodrocuted

Something will grab my ankles and drag me somewhere horrible if I sit alone with my feet on the floor.
(Or someone will pass by and pity me until I wish this would happen.)

kickupdust

@Bloodrocuted or going down stairs to a basement that don't have backs! instant grabby times. (what are those stair backs even called, I'm assuming they have some kind of special name...)

Bloodrocuted

@kickupdust That's a good one!
The back of the stair is called the rise.

Sarah Galbreath@facebook

Stray shoes on the side of the road were tossed there by serial killers or hit men. (I once heard about one of those "How To Be A Hit Man" books published by some survivalist nutball vanity press that said that was the best way to get rid of shoes that might have trace evidence on them, and it stuck in my brain like superglue.)

Inkling

@Sarah Galbreath@facebook
NEAT.
I hope they also use bricks as weapons a lot, and then leave them randomly about the city. Who's gonna look at every brick? Nobody, that's who.

Bebe

My mother sent me a text that said, "Call me. I am at home." So I immediately assumed that my father was dead, of course.

She just wanted to say hi.

sneakypete

@Bebe yep. every damn time. my mom likes to call and say things like, "I'm calling to discuss my test results." and then i call and she's like, "turns out i have a sinus infection." AAAGGGHHH.

Miss Maszkerádi

@Bebe Whew, I thought I was the only one.

Bebe

@sneakypete OK, that's even worse. The older my parents get, the more terrifying the words "test results" become.

@Countess Maritza what is it with the moms? Is this a ploy to make us call them more often???

Inkling

My biggest BIGGEST assumption is every time I find all my cabinets open/a million lights on/stuff in weird places, there is a ghost desperately trying to communicate with me and I'm just like oh lol I'm so absent-minded.

...And then when I really DID think there was a ghost, I was a big weenie. It would be so cool to help a ghost, except not when it's not scary and not when it's scary. Obviously.

c8pat8

ALL OF THESE THINGS! I used to think that I should write mystery/crime books because I could just think of the worst scenario ever. The other day, a creepy looking woman STARED INTO MY SOUL while she was crossing the street, and I was convinced that I was going to get into a horrific accident because she had cursed me.

Amphora

@c8pat8 It's the Evil Eye!!!

Bootsandcats

Blerg. The worst fight my husband and I have ever had (embarrassing!) was right after he moved in. He wanted to keep the shower curtain closed to "prevent mold". I wanted to know if there was a body in there immediately after entering.

We eventually bought a transparent shower curtain.

Also I work in the woods, and four women have disappeared in our area in the last five years, so I always ALWAYS check large boxes/abandoned cars/refrigerators/bulging tarps for bodies. I found a dead dog once.

It's better to check. Then you know you aren't a coward. (Totally am. Tricking myself.)

raised amongst catalogs

@Bootsandcats Ohhhhhhhhhhh, the shower curtain thing. Mold is the least scary thing that can be hiding out behind the curtain (sorry, Jolie, but it's true).

Bootsandcats

@this brave bird Well, it could be the cat. That's not very scary.

Vera Knoop

@Bootsandcats I also insist on a transparent shower curtain, but it's so that I can see if someone sneaks up on me while I'm showering.

OneTooManySpoons

Any time my boss and immediate supervisor are talking together and I can't hear them (x1000 if they go into the meeting room and close the door), they are discussing my impending termination.

Megasus

If I wake up and don't hear Darwin snoring away, he is dead.

victorian rose

If I don't tell anyone where I am going, I will be kidnapped/raped/murdered. And no one will be able to contact my loved ones because my phone has a passcode.

victorian rose

If my cat isn't inside or sleeping in the backyard, then she has been run over or horribly injured in a fight and can't get home. She will have also lost her collar and name tag and thus no one will be able to contact me when she's found.

Bootsandcats

@i might know Or they just won't, because it would be awkward or it would seem like they killed my cat.

SarahP

My husband has three old cats, and I never grew up with cats around, so I didn't know aboutt he horrible/weird sounds and emissions they can make. It took me a couple years of living with him/them not to panic every time one of the cats started hacking something up. Even now, when one of them does that weird wheezy cough, I sometimes worry they'll die right in front of me.

Toni Allen@facebook

@SarahP My cat is 8 years old -- not THAT old, mind you -- but I worry about feline leukemia every time he horks up a hairball.

I've also got 2 house rabbits, and when they're asleep, like really, comfortably asleep, they look dead and it always freaks me out.

smidge

Another one is that if I am eating something and I crunch on something unexpectedly it is probably a tooth that has suddenly fallen out.

shantasybaby

@smidge I am haunted by that actually happening to me as a child- my best friend will never let me forget the time I asked her "Do Rolos have nuts?" because they don't, I had just lost a tooth in a Rolo at the skating rink.

Pyxis

@shantasybaby I did the same thing, except in a Weinersnitchel chili dog. The tooth fairy came anyway.

kickupdust

@smidge once in home ec. I lost two teeth to a particularly sticky caramel thing we had just made. two within 5 minutes! it was crunchy indeed. /not helpful

sneakypete

I feel like I wrote this.
Assumption: one day I will step down from a curb and boom, leg breaks beneath me.

Apocalypstick

@sneakypete Do you ever get that thing where your leg randomly goes weak? It always happens to me after waiting at crossings, it's really embarrassing.

hoo:ha

@Apocalypstick Try not locking your knees? Maybe?

Apocalypstick

@hoo:ha Oh, is that why it happens? Never really noticed whether I was!

frigwiggin

@sneakypete My boyfriend's friend broke his foot just crossing the street, so IT COULD HAPPEN!!!

Sorry, that's not very helpful. But he was in a wheelchair for like three months!

ayo nicole

If I'm walking, I'm going to fall.

aliceinwhateverland

@ayo nicole if I'm walking inside to get out of the rain I will fall on my face

CinnamonSwirls

If I didn't have any neuroses/fears like these before, I definitely have them now. haha :/

Miss Maszkerádi

I can't really imagine my life ten years from now. IT IS A PREMONITION, I AM FATED TO DIE YOUNG.

KeLynn

If I'm home alone and sitting by a window, someone is outside looking in at me and figuring out how to kill me.

Also, I have an alarm system, but somehow I convince myself that if I'm home alone in bed, the a killer is going to come get me and he is going to have been dedicated enough to figure out how to disarm my alarm without setting it off, and that is the killer I REALLY need to be afraid of because what kind of crazy person would do that?

ejcsanfran

@KeLynn: In my family, none of us like to sit with our backs to windows, due to the danger of being shot by snipers.

Faintly Macabre

@ejcsanfran My mother and sister and I all prefer to sit with our back to a wall and a view of as much of a restaurant as possible. It's real fun when we go out to eat together.

Hellcat

@KeLynn I am thinking about this right now! Today I got some hopefully fabulous energy-efficient "blackout" curtains for my bedroom and stupidly took the other curtains before putting the new ones into the dryer to get rid of the wrinkles. And my bedroom overlooks an eerie bunch of currently dark, snow-covered trees...

Dog Ballou

@Hellcat Your bedroom view actually sounds kind of delightful.

Hellcat

@Dog Ballou It's actually not bad at all! But sometimes my brain adds creepery where there should be none.

Miss Maszkerádi

Oh my gosh, or my weirdest anxiety ever: whenever I read about people with repressed memories, whose minds have in self-preservation literally erased all knowledge of something terrible that happened to them, I start wondering: "Holy SHIT, what if something horrible and traumatic happened to ME once and I JUST DON'T KNOW ABOUT IT?!" And then I wonder if my even having that thought is evidence that it's true. And then I spend a frantic ten minutes trying to figure out how I would know if I had a hole in my memory. And then I get on some existential roller coaster about HOW DO WE EVEN KNOW WE EXIST and then I probably go get some beer and/or fattening snacks.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@Countess Maritza This is me. Also, when I was younger, if there was something that I thought everyone knew but me, "What if I actually have special needs and no one has told me because they don't want to hurt my feelings?"

Changeling

If, on my way home, a firetruck overtakes me, my house has already probably burned to the ground.

Bebe

@Changeling Ambulance overtakes me: someone I love has had a heart attack.

Pyxis

If I can't find my car in the first minute of looking, someone stole it, and someone else took the parking spot, so I will wander around for hours before I realize it.

Hellcat

I should stop reading this list because I am convinced that I have 95% of the issues listed here--falling down, the cat having some hidden and deadly problem, people seeing me in the window (and I am a hypocrite because I love when I can see into windows), Facebook embarrassments that don't really exist, etc. It's not that the comments have given me these issues, mind you; it's just that realizing it all at once is making me feel like a paranoid crazy on top of it all!

Strangely, I'm alright with escalators though.

victorian rose

Are men prone to this kind of thinking?

Toni Allen@facebook

Okay, here's mine: My husband has a genetic disease that causes him to be sick a lot, and he's been in ICU a few times from it, so I'm not TOTALLY crazy for thinking it, but every time he's more than 5 minutes late getting home in the afternoon, I automatically assume he's gone into cardiac arrest arrest and wrecked the car and is lying dead in his burning car on the side of the freeway.

amirite

If I bump my head, it's caused me to pass out, and everything I remember since is a hallucination.

hoo:ha

Late to the party, but can I just say I identify SO much with your charming morbidity. Particularly re: pet and familial death.

scamels

I logged in just so I could press "like" to all the many anxieties I also share! I had no idea that reading about other people who share my particular, ridiculous fears would feel so very good.

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