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Tuesday, November 6, 2012

58

A Pie for the American People

Ann Friedman and Mallory Ortberg both voted.



58 Comments / Post A Comment

mollyringworm

ann friedman / mallory ortberg for president 2016 except y'all should be co-presidents

Anne Helen Petersen

@mollyringworm please let me be secretary of uterus state

annlf

@mollyringworm it's actually written in the constitution that if a woman is elected president she must choose a co-president in case she needs to sign off on a nuclear attack when she is PMSing. and if her co-president is also a woman they must live in separate houses so their menstrual cycles never sync.

mollyringworm

@Anne Helen Petersen As Overlord Despot Cabinet Decider/Ruler Princess of Fantasy Hairpin United States, I hereby declare you Secretary of Uterus State. Godspeed, AHP. Make me proud.

MoxyCrimeFighter

@annlf And if more than 4 female cabinet members are in a room at the same time, then it's technically considered a brothel, and the male cabinet members are allowed to make stupid "Ova-l Office" jokes.

steve

@mollyringworm
Ortberg / Ghooost

TheMongreloid

My uterus DID vote for me! If Mitt wins, I claim no control over what my uterus does, because that result would just shut that whole (brain) thing down.

Anne Helen Petersen

Right now I'm basically just typing in every empty space in the internet to just ease my nerves so here we go yet again

laurel

@Anne Helen Petersen: I'm clicking on everything that is clickable and a few things that aren't.

bitzy

@laurel My google reader is at ZERO. I think for the first time ever. All the clicks.

Megasus

@laurel Just don't accidentally click on a news site OR IT'S ALL OVER

laurel

Among the things I've been clicking and scrolling and fake-reading is this. There's more going on than I realized. Who the hell is Kyrsten Sinema?!

par_parenthese

@Megano! OR CHECK THE WEATHER because even the mother effing WEATHER CHANNEL website has election results on it I JUST WANT TO KNOW IF I NEED A JACKET OR A CARDIGAN TOMORROW, UNIVERSE

melis

"Miss? You're up next..."

"I can't."

"I'm sorry?"

"I can't."

"Miss?"

"This dog. This dog is - it's looking at me."

"I'm sure the dog isn't looking at you."

"No, he is. He is. It's like he's trying to tell me something. But I don't know what it is. His eyes seem infinitely sad. Don't his eyes seem infinitely sad to you?"

"Miss, if you're not going to vote, please get up. You're blocking the stall -"

"I think this dog is a wizard."

laurel

#WIZARD

There, will that do?

remargaret

OMG y'all we need an Election Open Thread. Is this our EOT??

melis

@remargaret AS LONG AS YOU FILL IT WITH COMPLIMENTS ON ANN'S HANDWRITING AND MY SCATHING DOG JOKES

remargaret

@melis ANN'S HANDWRITING IS BETTER THAN MY SECOND-GRADE TEACHER'S, AND THE ONLY REASON I SENT IN AN ABSENTEE BALLOT WAS TO AVOID THE DISTRACTING POLL DOGS

HeyThatsMyBike

@remargaret Is this where we breathe into a paper bag for the next 4 hours, furiously refreshing Nate Silver's blog?

laurel

@HeyThatsMyBike This is exactly that place. Hold me, Nate Silver, I'm scared.

Linette

@laurel I am desperate for the Daily Show/Colbert Report live coverage to begin purely for the distraction factor.

schrodingers_cat

@HeyThatsMyBike The NY Times servers keep going down! It's like they don't know I'm furiously refreshing FiveThirtyEight to stay calm.

wee_ramekin

@all IT'S OKAY GUYS BECAUSE OBAMA WON! HE WON! HE GOT-DAMNED, DIGGITY-DAGGITY WON!

remargaret

@wee_ramekin FOUR MORE YEARS!! :D. For the record, I got the news from you first :) off to get donuts for the office!!

squishycat

Watching the results come in as I chop the onions for dinner was a bad idea. I really shouldn't have sharp objects as the results from the red states show up.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

Ann - your pen choice is always phenomenal. I imagine they roll super smoothly across the paper. And I also concede that you probably use a can or mug or something to draw your circles, but I like to imagine you're just really fucking good at drawing circles.

With this in mind, I trust your voting judgment.

Barracuda

I'm doing my civic duty of providing something else on people's walls.

Aka photos of koalas in mugs, giraffes holding horned animals at bay with only ONE of those very long legs and obligatory cat and dog photos.

Decca

APPARENTLY THERE IS A HAIRPIN GCHAT GOING ON AND I CANNOT FIND IT, HELP

A Dolly

@Decca WHERE IS THIS. I'm having election anxiety and no one is answering my texts.

Decca

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose I saw it here - https://twitter.com/Craftastrophies/status/265995935757238272 - but have not managed to finagle my way into said chat!

Decca

@Decca I'm in! Anyone want an invite, lemme know.

redheaded&crazy

people could message me too wombat.baby@gmail.com

HeyThatsMyBike

@Decca yesss. HeyThatsMyBike25 at gmail dot com

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@Decca Meeeeeeee irototrose at gmail dot com

redheaded&crazy

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose okay you guys have to add us as contacts in order for us to invite you!

SarcasticFringehead

@redheaded&crazie okay, I added you - I'm seattlepinners at gmail

prefacetoafable

@Decca I would like an invite! luciasdream@gmail.com

redheaded&crazy

@SarcasticFringehead you haven't shown up for me...

tandemkas

@Decca i'd love an invite! kasilee @ gmail. com

whateverlolawants

@tandemkas I am replying to this just so I remember to get on one of these chats soon.

schrodingers_cat

I did vote with my uterus aka I voted for the candidate who thinks I and I alone have control over it.

Bus Driver Stu Benedict

Schrödinger's uterus?

eta: ugh, nm... that's an actual thing in Arizona...

whateverlolawants

I was feeling so good and then I went and looked at my dumb quasi-friend's page and saw she thought Richard Mourdock's comments (on rape pregnancies being a gift from God) were totally okay. And now I'm thinking about the guy who forced himself on me and totally bumming out on what should be a happy night. And I kind of hate her for it and don't know if I ever want to hang out with her again. And then I feel bad for being so partisan. But that's not the only thing she's done to annoy me. Um... don't know where I'm going with this except I needed to vent to some people who might understand.

I'll try to cheer up before I fall asleep.

emily eileen

@whateverlolawants

I think that is a totally rational reason not to want to hang out with someone. In fact, ANY reason you don't want to hang out with someone is rational. It's your life and your time, spend it with people who make you happy.

whateverlolawants

@emily eileen Thanks. Doing the slow-fade is gonna be tough with her. I'm afraid she'll eventually call me out on it or insist we hang out and I don't know if I can explain why I don't want to see her. We've been friends off and on since 1995, you know? Ugh.

wee_ramekin

@whateverlolawants You know what else is a good thing to remember? Richard Mourdock and Todd Akin were voted out of office, largely because of their fucking horrific views on rape and abortion. These are men who probably had a good chance of winning before they spewed such vile filth. One of them was on the Committee on Science and Technology. These men don't occupy positions of power any more - positions from which they made horrible, insensitive comments - and the reason they don't hold those positions is because a majority of their constituents rebelled against their offensive and antiquated views.

So. I know that's not incredibly helpful when it comes to your specific situation with your friend. But perhaps it gives you a little bit of hope that the majority of our country does not think that rape is okay. I'm really sorry that you have to deal with your friend's insensitive attitude and comments.

Danzig!

@whateverlolawants That's rough, but it doesn't reflect badly upon you. Like any relationship, if it distresses you, you're well within yr rights to cut ties. Perhaps she'll be set straight, perhaps not. But you're not silly or cruel w/e for not wanting out

whateverlolawants

@wee_ramekin Amen!!! And I live in Indiana, where Richard Mourdock was running, so it was a huge relief.

@Danzig! Thanks, that's good to hear.

remargaret

@wee_ramekin FOUR MORE YEARS!! :D. For the record, I got the news from you first :) off to get donuts for the office!!

wharrgarbl

I voted purely for the stickery goodness.

Danzig!

@wharrgarbl Good thing you don't live in NY! Stickers are ban'd

wharrgarbl

@Danzig! First they came for the big gulps...

Nutmeg

I lost my sticker, boooo, but at least all my candidates won and questions passed and now I know what it's like to watch sports

planforamiracle

AAAAAHAHAHAHAH I just WISH that those folks who are "too racist to leave the house" would actually, y'know, not leave the house ;)

JIMMY

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