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Wednesday, October 17, 2012

53

Things I Cannot Do With a 3D iPhone Case

Cannot lay iPhone face-up flat on a table.

Cannot slip iPhone into any pocket on any item of clothing.

Cannot get the sparkle out from the bottom of my bag.

Cannot use iPhone in any sort of professional business setting.

Cannot explain why I have such an item to my boss/colleagues/grandmother/etc.

Cannot figure out how to get it off.

Cannot ever go back to using a regular iPhone case.

Things I can do with a 3D iPhone Case:

Have the coolest fucking iPhone case.

 

Haley Mlotek likes attaching tacky 3D elements to cell phones and/or body parts.



53 Comments / Post A Comment

olivebee

I cannot see anything bedazzled anymore without thinking of the word "glitzy," which, in turn, makes me think of Glitzy the Pig from Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. So it's a short trip in my brain from sparkly iPhone case to pet pig. I am sure this says a lot about me.

Myrtle

I can tell the "Twilight" stuff is at a lull when no one comments on #sparkle

olivebee

Also, "attaching tacky 3D elements to...body parts" sounds like those body modification things where people put spikes or balls under their skin so that it sticks up. Like the photo floating around the internet of the dude with a tattoo of a pin-up girl with giant 3D boobs. Tacky, indeed.

meganmaria

Cannot explain why I have such an item to my boss/colleagues/grandmother/etc.

"Because I like it." Problem solved.

nonvolleyball

I've found that I really enjoy noticing colleagues' iPhone/etc. accessories--it's an interesting insight into their aesthetic selves (particularly the people who I don't really know & only see in meetings where no one really talks).

lisma

@nonvolleyball I hope no one makes any inferences about me based on my iPhone case. It's a dusty pink Speck case and quite grubby now. I am sort of grossed out by it but a) it was a gift b) it is very protective, so I am loath to part with it.

nonvolleyball

@lisma my inferences would probably be that you were practical & non-materialistic, so I wouldn't worry. (I should also mention that I myself rock a first-generation iPod touch with a purple argyle case, so I'm hardly speaking from a position of tech/fashion superiority.)

Myrtle

@nonvolleyball You could/should/please write a regular column on this. I would read that thing until the words told me to stop.

My dream iPhone5 case would fit perfectly around the back and sides, even though it's made from black leather. There is a band of leather (perhaps tooled) in the center of the case back, just big enough to slide a finger into, so that it looks like a banded ring The case fits flat on and tightly against, my palm. I can't drop it because of the design.
Who am I?

lisma

@nonvolleyball my friend sticks her iPhone in one of those weird toe socks which also has an argyle hearts pattern.

sevanetta

@Myrtle I have a Mossimo one that is black leather with a flip cover for the front. It doesn't have a strap on the back (that would be awesome) but it does have a couple of little pockets for cards in the flip cover! I realised a couple of weeks ago that, completely by accident, it matches my handbag. I like to think it shows the Capricorn side of my personality.

RNL
RNL

I was about to post about what my iphone looks like and then I was like "oh right, anonymity" (my phone is a dead giveaway). Gah, stop reading the Hairpin, acquaintances to whom I don't want to talk about my sex life.

nonvolleyball

@Myrtle haha, I like this idea of iPhone identity analysis. your dream case sounds awesome, & I would extrapolate that you are idiosyncratic, deliberate in your choices, & have a sense of style that's unusual without being alienating (I'm thinking Design Within Reach, but maybe less modern? I don't know, "leather" goes in a lot of directions aesthetically).

fondue with cheddar

@nonvolleyball I don't like cases—I prefer my iPhone naked. It's risky, but so much more pleasurable.

lisma

@fondue with cheddar much like a penis.

parallel-lines

@nonvolleyball I've had the same wooden case for years: http://www.versaudio.com/versiPhonespec.html
I even sand and oil it on occasion. Not the funnest, most whimsical look but that thing has lasted FOREVER and I drop it at least once a day.

fondue with cheddar

@parallel-lines That's really nice, but I'm not a big fan of cases. The new iPhone is so THIN that I don't want to put a case on it and make it bulky. I have small hands, so the size is perfect for me as it is. There are thinner cases out there, but I'm a very tactile person, and cases/covers on things rarely make them feel better. I would definitely be down with wood, but then it just comes back to the bulkiness factor.

Olivia2.0

@fondue with cheddar Gizmodo has a whole post about why you should always carry it "naked" and to do anything else is wussy - so - congrats! You're not a wuss!

fondue with cheddar

@Olivia2.0 That was fabulous and I agree with it 100%! Particularly this: "And trapped inside that fat-ass case, a perfectly good looking phone that you never got to visually enjoy." I'm a sucker for style. I love the way the iPhone 5 looks and feels, and I have yet to find a case that doesn't detract from it. I don't think such a thing exists.

I broke all three of my iPhone 3G's. The first was the screen, so it had to be replaced. The second was a crack in the plastic back near the SIM card which made it unusable as a phone. The third was a crack in the plastic back near the charger input. Once I popped it back out it worked fine, the only real difference was that the phone vibrated more loudly.

This one's got an aluminum back, thank goodness.

Myrtle

@nonvolleyball I love your reply.

Pop Pop

I feel like this is the iPhone case Kelly Kapoor would have. I can support that.

SternMathPrincess

My iPhone case (purchased on impulse at one of the Chinese malls in Flushing) is about 50% more blinged out / 3D than that one - it is covered in porcelain roses, giant rhinestone butterflies, and faux pearls. I am so worried that it will break that I only put it on for special occasions but it is SO RIDICULOUSLY GORGEOUS. I feel your pain and your joy, Haley.

Chesty LaRue

@SternMathPrincess My sister's case is like that! Also with chains.

blueblazes

HOW DID SHE TAKE THIS PICTURE if the phone is on the table?!! Mirrors? Witchcraft?

Es
Es

@blueblazes An actual camera? Retro, I know...

Haley Mlotek

@blueblazes Witchcraft.

evil melis

The nice thing about having an iPhone case is that it keeps your iPhone from being slippery. This is useful if you have just set up phone verification for your gmail account so you can write for [PROMINENT MEDIA COMPANY THAT FEARS IMMINENT HACK FROM {MASSIVE WEBSITE}] and then your iPhone falls out of your coat pocket into the toilet and you have to fish it out and your phone is still broken and you lose your gmail account and have to start all over and everyone still yells at you.

That's one other thing it's good for.

theharpoon

@evil melis don't worry, I think the redditors would probably enjoy the discomfort and confusion that your posts engendered among the gawker-commenters. apparently I have something in common with them after all?

cherrispryte

@evil melis OMG DO NOT GET ME STARTED ON THE COMPLICATIONS/EVILS OF 2-STEP GMAIL VERIFICATION.

Bloodrocuted

Oh no, now I have my Friday planned.
(Glue gun, trinkets, rhinestones, pocket stress-test, assemble!)

j-furr

I could go for a furr iphone case, maybe to very well clipped sheeps wool and leather combo.

Es
Es

@j-furr I'd love a furry phone case. I have four - a zebra print rubber one, a purple rubber one, a hard butterfly-wing design one and a had Jackson Pollock one. I wanted a starscape one like my kindle cover, but couldn't find one.

Megasus

I always put my phone face down anyway so it can ventilate properly (vent's on the back)

cherrispryte

I am sorry, what are these "pockets" you speak of? on clothing? I am completely unfamiliar with this concept.

wearitcounts

my iphone case is bright purple and super awful but i can't bear to change it because my dad got it for me and was all excited about knowing my favorite color. to my dad, i will always be twelve.

fondue with cheddar

@wearitcounts That is adorable.

wearitcounts

@fondue with cheddar :D thanks! the whole story of how i got the iphone is pretty adorable. i was having a bad string of days (like, had to go to court to get a restraining order against my former neighbor bad) during which my phone broke. i had a meltdown, and my dad surprised me at work with a brand new iphone and the bright purple case. even though he kiiinda got the wrong model, and the case is the color of a lisa frank notebook, i can't be mad at any of it.

my dad is awesome.

fondue with cheddar

@wearitcounts Wow, your dad IS awesome. What a sweetheart. :)

Madeline Shoes

i faced a dilemma when i was buying my iphone case - i couldn't decide if i wanted a sparkly one or a leopard print one. imagine my glee when, as i'm checking out, a store employee takes a return for a SPARKLY LEOPARD PRINT CASE. problem solved. now my friends/coworkers mock me, but my phone is happy.

sarah girl

Oh god, I was just looking for a new case for my phone and stumbled upon so many of those bedazzled horrors. And by horrors I mean AMAZING, I would have one except my phone wouldn't fit into its dedicated pocket in my purse anymore :(

mangosara

all I can think about right now is how much I WANT IT. all I have is a boring black incase low-profile sleeve thing. boo.

ceeemcee

THAT'S MY OLD CASE! Now I alternate between rhinestone zebra and rhinestone leopard print cases. I thought I would catch a lot of shit at work, but it seems to bring a lot of joy to and admissions of jealousy from my coworkers. For the record, I could still put my phone in my back pocket with that case, but maybe the author wears tighter jeans than me?

FickleMoon

I have a rhinestone leopard print one. It's so tacky it's actually cool. Or so I tell myself.

myshone

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myshone

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myshone

like those body modification things where people put spikes or balls under their skin so that it sticks up. Like the photo floating around the internet of the dude with a tattoo of a pin-up girl with giant 3D boobs. Tacky, indeed. zynga poker hack

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Frankie

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myshone

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