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Monday, October 15, 2012

221

The League of Ordinary Ladies: Waterfalls

Previously: A Summer Reflection.

Esther C. Werdiger made more totes!



221 Comments / Post A Comment

marz

Damn that mystery dirt!

stavros

i think it looks great.@m

Lyesmith

I was kind of hoping that second-to-last panel would say "I'm enjoying myself immensely in a way that has nothing to do with how I feel about you or my romantic aspirations for our relationship" but that's the kind of thing you only think about once you've bared yourself emotionally to the other person and regretted it. At least, that's the kind of thing I think about.

Ellie

@Lyesmith I haaaaate the "What are you thinking about?" I once answered this question with "Feeling pleased with myself about having sex with you" which was replied to with, "Oh. My mind was kind of wandering" which hurt my feelings a bit (as we were in bed, having just had sex).

Bittersweet

@Ellie Oh man. Dude, listen up - don't ask "What are you thinking about," and then tell the askee that your mind was wondering. Not in any situation, and certainly not just after funtime.

The Lady of Shalott

ESTHER! I adore you. Also, let's share things people have told us about ourselves that we didn't know or appreciate, like "physically unadventurous?" Because that made me laugh and laugh and laugh!

I once referred to myself as "laid-back" and my friends laughed and laughed and LAUGHED and then informed me that I was the most high-strung person they knew. I prefer "high-strung" at least to "neurotic anxious nutbag," I think it makes me sound like a delicate Thoroughbred horse that can only be ridden by very accomplished riders in like, 1875.

SarahP

@The Lady of Shalott I'm the opposite! I'm really high-strung and anxiety-ridden, but I keep so many of my neuroses to myself that several friends have described me as calm/laid back/"zen." I feel like my social life is one long elaborate con.

frigwiggin

@The Lady of Shalott

This isn't about me, but my great-grandma once told my mom (when my mom was a teenager) that she had "legs like a Roman soldier." Mom revealed this to me on a rare occasion that I was fretting over what my legs looked like in a dress before going to, like, a middle-school dance or something. It made me feel better then, and it still makes me feel better now. (What the heck, though, great-grandma?!)

aphrabean

@The Lady of Shalott My friend told me once, as a young lady, that I was "not high-maintenance, exactly - that implies that some sort of action on my part would cause your affect to change." So. Yeah. Less intense now, but still not laid back.

Ellie

@SarahP ME TOO. I put an incredible amount of effort into that I think, in some situations, I end up overcompensating or something?
The people who know me well know that I am a basket case (if only in that I freely offer it as a self-descriptor!) but casual observers don't seem to realize.

Angry Panda

@The Lady of Shalott The Hairpin has done a good job of describing my personality today: "does not enjoy enforced fun" and "physically unadventurous".
I have also been called boring, in the context of "Your sister/best friend/boyfriend is so much fun, why are you so boring?" I am kind of boring, so I don't resent it too much. :-)
Oh, and reading SarahP's comment, I've also been called laid back/Zen, although I am not.

OhMarie

@The Lady of Shalott This is small potatoes, but I didn't realize that I hated magic until my husband told me (gleefully, in the middle of a magic show on a cruise ship where I was making some pretty bitter jokes almost nonstop). Sleight of hand and that kind of thing is ok, this is like the saw a lady in half stage magic style.

Esther C. Werdiger

@frigwiggin What the hell, right? These weird things people say about you are IMPOSSIBLE to forget. A million stories come to mind!

"Esther is so laid back, she's HORIZONTAL." - 4th grade teacher, to my mother
"Esther is the RUDEST CHILD I've ever met." best friend's mother, to mine, 2nd grade
"Esther is ROUNDED." - my grandmother, about very young Esther
"Esther is MACHIAVELLIAN about relationships." - ex
"Esther has {insert mother's maiden name} LEGS (synonym for "cankles")" - my mother
etc etc etc

smidge

@The Lady of Shalott "My mom thinks you're the rudest person ever."

fabel

Ooh man, why do I feel like a lot of mine have to do with legs? The whole "legs like a Roman soldier" thing brought back some MEMORIES.

I was 14 or so, visiting my grandmother in the hospital, & she kind of grabbed above my knee & said I had "good, sturdy" legs. As a young teenager, my heart kind of fell because I wanted to think of myself as having stick-thin model legs.

Later, maybe around 17, I was dating some guy who liked country music a lot & he referred to me as having "American thighs." Like. Whaa.

kimberussell

@The Lady of Shalott When I was 10, my dad told his friend that I ate like a horse. In front of me. I am now 40 and I can still remember that moment in time, from the plastic barrette digging into my head to my sickened stomach to the itchy knee socks.

Esther C. Werdiger

@ladygypsy
WHAT THE HELL, GROWNUPS. I still feel so awful thinking about the time a friend of my parents told my sister (13 at the time?), who had just informed her of her vegetarianism, that she doesn't "look like a vegetarian".

Edabelle

@aphrabean My husband recently told me that I'm not high maintenance, but I'm definitely upper-middle-maintenance.

E
E

@The Lady of Shalott Once in high school we were doing this award thingy and everyone got an adjective presented to them by the seniors. For instance, someone would get a paper star and the word on it would be "sweet" or "kind" or "friendly".

I got persnickety. I guess it's pretty persnickety of me to still feel bitter about it? But seriously, who calls a 16 year old girl that?! Even if I WAS a persnicket why do that in front of a gathered group of people?!

Yep. Still mad.

Esther C. Werdiger

@E
When I was in 2nd grade, I used to always get my work stamped with the "CARELESS" stamp, which had a picture of an elephant (which also seems so mean, to elephants). But for a long time, I thought it was a compliment. Care free! No cares! Careless! :(

Titania

@The Lady of Shalott My mother once commented, while we were out shopping, that she was really thrilled that I'd gotten my father's "lovely, shapely legs" and that my brother had gotten hers, which she described as "piano legs." Apparently this was something she'd worried about when I was a baby, and she was happy to see that nature had pulled a neat switch on us. The second generation of this awkward remark came when I was in bed with a gentleman who delivered a rave review of my legs, and I responded, without thinking, "Aw thanks, yeah, I have my dad's legs." Record scratch.

fondue with cheddar

@Esther C. Werdiger I also used to get things marked "careless" all the time, and I also have cankles inherited from my mother's side of the family. ARE WE RELATED?

Reginal T. Squirge

I'm picturing Lucille Bluth saying all of these things.

PistolPackinMama

@The Lady of Shalott

"You are such an extravert. Sometimes I find you so overwhelming." Mater PPM, who is by no means extraverted.

"I can see how children might cry because of you."- student.

Angry Panda

Oh man, the cankles/sturdy legs thing. My mother and sister still laugh at my legs. The last time I wore a skirt was in 1998, I think.

aliceandstuff

@The Lady of Shalott I broke up with my last boyfriend because he called me "desperate" and I was unable to cope with how right he was.

jilt

@The Lady of Shalott My aunt asked me once, a few years ago, if I had inherited the hairiness from the French side of the family. I hadn't thought of myself as hairy, but now...

Lily Rowan

@fabel I'm pretty sure that guy wanted you to shake him all night long, knock him out with those American thighs, etc.

sophi

@Angry Panda When I was 12, I wore shorts to school once, and a friend of mine told me that my legs were so white that I could land a plane with them. I've not worn shorts since. (Weirdly, I wear skirts all the time.)

Recently, my mother referred to having a moment of hypochondria as "having a Sophie moment" and it made me realize that I actually am a pretty intense hypochondriac. What, you mean convincing yourself that you have brain cancer every time you have an unexplained headache isn't normal?

Amphora

@Angry Panda Ugh, "sturdy legs" is right up there with "childbearing hips." Are we being advertised for marriage to some feudal lord in the middle ages?

lora.bee

@The Lady of Shalott I also love when people point out strange physical habits you have. Like my tendency to walk around with my hands pointed down, perched at my chest like a raptor, which I've had about four people point out while I had no idea I was doing so.

(Physical habits is not the right word, I just can't think of the one I am looking for. What is it??!)

smidge

@Amphora Have you all your teeth? Is your breath sweet or foul?

fondue with cheddar

@Angry Panda Yeah, I never wear skirts or shorts either. My legs are blinding white.

fondue with cheddar

@Amphora At least childbearing hips are sexy. I've yet to find a person who finds short, stocky legs to be sexy.

@lora.bee LIKE JACKÉE?! :)

PistolPackinMama

@lora.bee I think the word you want for Raptor Hands is "awesome."

@Amphora Cans't thy daughter manage a farm kitchen thriftily? Hath she a temperament as sweet as her breath? Or is a spendthrift Harpie, such that her husband must purchase a Link Scold's Bridle?

Also I am a bit worried by the Sexy Fantasy Art involving scold's bridles that can be found online. Great. Silencing women is always sexy sexy. Note, no sexy men's scold's bridles on the first page or so of google images.

Regina Phalange

@The Lady of Shalott As an incredibly self-conscious, admittedly wan-looking fifth-grader (wearing enormous Catholic school uniforms so I could grow into them), I was told I looked like I had AIDS. In high school, another classmate claimed her mother, sitting in the audience of our school play, had spontaneously remarked about the ugliness of my mouth. Honestly, 90% of my memories from ages 9 to 15 are people concerntrolling me.

redheaded&crazy

@Reginal T. Squirge She just wanted to be ready in case some bully at school was more clever!

fondue with cheddar

@lora.bee Idiosyncrasies?

redheaded&crazy

Also (and I think I've said this here before) my mom said she would pay for plastic surgery for my nose and "your dad would never have to know"

Angry Panda

@amphora, fondue with cheddar (formerly jen325) Right? I bought myself a skirt two years ago to break that habit but I haven't worn it out yet. And childbearing hips are sexy? What about childbearing hips with sturdy legs? :-)
Ah, this entire thread is making me sad. Why do we do this to ourselves and to people we love?

frigwiggin

@Angry Panda Aww. I have childbearing hips and sturdy legs (and some sturdy thighs to boot) and I wear skirts all the time! Granted, I'm not usually going for sexy, but still! (I actually have a much harder time with pants than with dresses and skirts, precisely because of the hips and thighs and legs.)

So much of these comments are made thoughtlessly and stick in the mind of the comment-receiver wayyyy longer than the comment-maker. I bet that girl from 7th grade who told me that my purse made from a coconut looked like a dried-up testicle doesn't remember a thing. (I don't even remember her name or what she looked like, but I don't think I'll ever forget that comment.)

Terrifying Wife-Avatar

@SarahP That is a perfect description. My professional life is definitely a long con--but I think the deception is worthwhile.

fondue with cheddar

@Angry Panda Are you kidding? Broad hips are considered sexy by a lot of people!

I recently bought myself some dresses for the same reason but also have yet to wear them. I've also got very wide, square feet (think Fred Flintstone), and cute shoes that fit me just do not exist. So when I do wear a dress or skirt I have to wear clunky shoes that look awkward and make my thick legs look even thicker or else deal with agonizing pain.

Reginal T. Squirge

I spend all day regaling you with terribly hurtful things people have said to me about my appearance...

But I do recall a very good friend, after seeing me with my shirt off, telling me that I looked like a Holocaust victim.

Reginal T. Squirge

I could spend all day*

redheaded&crazy

@frigwiggin So true about comments being made thoughtlessly and off the cuff and forgotten forever. Except in the mind of the person you said it to.

My dad also once said that if I weighed 150 pounds I would be like an elephant stomping around and mimed it for me. This was in grade 6. DADS. DAAAAAADS.

redheaded&crazy

Also, random dude at summer camp: You know your sister is prettier than you, right?

THANK YOU DUDE. YOU ARE SO KIND TO SAY SO.

fondue with cheddar

Get rid of your family/friends/acquaintances/strangers, seriously, they are revolting.

Angry Panda

@frigwiggin So true about the comments sticking in the minds of the receiver for ever.
The only thing I notice about anyone wearing skirts is how lovely and confident they look. And I have days when I am completely in love with the way I look, too, except when it comes to exposing my legs in skirts. Stupid insecurities.
And I hear you on finding pants that fit properly, which makes my ridiculous skirt ban even more ridiculous.

fondue with cheddar

@Angry Panda ME TOO. I'm really trying to wear skirts for the same reason but I just...can't.

I'm going to attempt to acquire some casual skirts and dresses and wear them with dark-colored tights. I figure that might be an effective way to ease into it, because my legs won't be quite so OUT THERE. And if I'm more used to it by the time the weather gets warmer, maybe I won't feel so weird about wearing them without tights.

But there's still the shoe problem so I don't know. :/

Esther C. Werdiger

@Reginal T. Squirge
A compliment to some! I was at wedding in a stripy dress and this woman was like, "your dress. it's a little... concentration camp-y." I was like, "but one of the nicer camps, right? One of the nicer camps."

#Theresienstadt

anachronistique

@frigwiggin My grandmother called me a floozy for wearing shorts. While visiting her in Florida.

I WAS TWELVE.

Angry Panda

@fondue with cheddar (formerly jen325) Let's do this. I have the skirt and tights, I even have boots, so there'll be even less of my legs exposed to the world. I have wide feet, too, we need them to support our sturdy legs!

KeLynn

@The Lady of Shalott I'm sure these aren't the meanest observations, but they're the ones that came to my mind while reading these comments:

My mom, a nurse, once said "Before you get X plastic surgery, consider X consequence - I'm not saying you shouldn't get the surgery, but make sure you are prepared for the recovery period before you do it because my patient didn't consider that and is dealing with Y and Z" and this is a surgery I had literally never considered or mentioned to her. She just...*assumed* I wanted it? Because I'm an ogre, clearly.

My dentist once told my mom I was the slobberiest kid he knew. And I have really taken that to heart. I'm pretty sure I am the slobberiest at dentist appointments, they're always sucking my spit out of my head kind of annoyed-like, but seriously? How am I supposed to swallow during a dentist appointment? I can't swallow with my mouth open, which is 99% of the time there. And now I get really ticked when my boyfriend surprise kisses me because I detest not having the chance to swallow all my spit first because now I'm paranoid about that, and so I pull away and he thinks I don't want to kiss him and uggggghhhh. Pediatric Dentist! Look what you did!

In college my professor exclaimed, in the middle of class and for no reason, that I was so pale he could see every one of my veins through my leg and he didn't understand how that was possible.

Amphora

@Angry Panda Reluctant Skirt-Wearers Support Group!

@KeLynn Clearly your professor had never met anyone Irish or Scandinavian. I'm not sensitive about being pale any more, but one my pet peeves is still finding myself among a group of women all comparing tans...this seems to happen more often than necessary (it's never necessary).

SlightlyOverboard

@The Lady of Shalott "You have really strong opinions." 7th grade friend, not as a compliment. Man that got lodged deep.

MilesofMountains

@redheaded&crazie The sister comparisons are the worst! I was semi-invading a boyfriend's privacy (he shouldn't have sent me a link to the message board, but I shouldn't have gone through all the old stuff he'd posted there :( ) and found a message board post he'd written after meeting my younger sister where he said looks-wise I'd "gotten the short end of the genetic stick". I mean, he wasn't WRONG, but ouch! I wouldn't have minded the comparison so much if it'd been anyone else.

Terrifying Wife-Avatar

@SlightlyOverboard Are you Lizzie Bennet? Do you give your opinion very decidedly for so young a person?

SlightlyOverboard

@Nicole Sauvage@twitter This may or may not be the kindest thing anyone has ever said to me. Thank you!

And yes, I do.

PistolPackinMama

@SlightlyOverboard Then you are one of the finest women of our acquaintance!

professionalmess

@KeLynn My dad said similar about my legs this summer!
Also:

Middle school band teacher when I was wearing platform boots (I know; it was a bad time for fashion): "Why are you wearing those? You're tall enough already."

Several adults in middle/high school: "Did you hurt your leg or something? You're walking funny."

Various nurses at various doctors' offices: "Hmm, you don't look like you weigh *that* much."

SlightlyOverboard

@PistolPackinMama Well I do have very fine eyes. And tolerable teeth.

PistolPackinMama

@SlightlyOverboard And you are not one of the angry people, and so you are more wise. Thus no one will tell you things you don't want to hear.

katiemcgillicuddy

@Amphora Oh, I've gotten "sturdy legs", ugh, the worsssst. Not quite as damaging as the times my mother said over the years, "oh, why don't you buy it in a size smaller, in case you lose weight". At worst I was 5'2" 125 when she said this.

Terrifying Wife-Avatar

@SlightlyOverboard Aww! Jane Austen makes everything better.

Nutellaface

@The Lady of Shalott My great uncle told me I had giant feet, but that was good because people wouldn't be able to push me over. The next time I saw him, he declared that I was finally growing into those feet of mine! Things went along like that for several years, then I didn't see him for a while. Two summers ago, now a fully grown woman-type person, I saw him again. He said "If that dress were any shorter, YOU'D NEED SOME PANTS!" Hilarious, Uncle Bob. Hilarious.

redheaded&crazy

@MilesofMountains Sister comparisons are seriously the worst. SERIOUSSSSLYYYYYY. Way to make me feel insecure forever.

heyhaley

@The Lady of Shalott
Ooh ooh! I have a mole on my cheek/jawline that I had never given a second thought until my mom offered to take me to the dermatologist to get it removed in high school. I was like, "AHH what?? Do you think it's cancerous??" "No...I just thought you might want it removed...?" "...Oh." And now I would proceed to think about the mole ALL THE TIME.

Hellcat

@E My grandma called me that once -- Miss Persnickety, to be exact -- when I was 12 or 13. Now, this grandma was awesome and totally a loon in the good way, but what? It's not that I can't believe it at all but she was Grandma, the person who was supposed to think I was pure awesome!

My parents used to call me "Cow Eyes"from as far back as I can remember, and legitimately couldn't understand why this would upset a small child and especially a young teenager! They claim it was complimentary because I have large brown eyes. While I like them now I guess, that nickname really made me question them then.

Hellcat

@lora.bee This made me laugh and also desperately try to picture it.

anachronistique

@Hellcat Well, cow-eyed is a complimentary epithet used for Hera in the Iliad, buuuuut expecting a kid to get that is a bit much.

Hellcat

@anachronistique Ahahahhaaaa, yeah--I doubt that's where they got it. I believe them and I have nothing against cows at all, but still. God, Mom and Dad--think before you speak!

Still better than "Bug Eye" (in the singular, for some reason) that I endured from my peers when I got to that hell called junior high school! Today, I am proud to report that these bovine/entomological/what-have-you eyes are often complimented... though I confess to still sometimes being suspicious when they are.

tea tray in the sky.

@Reginal T. Squirge Holocaust victim noooooooooooooo

tea tray in the sky.

@frigwiggin Usually yeah, re: comments sticking in the receiver's mind way longer... BUT, and ugh, me, one of my earliest ever memories is of a time when my sitter came to babysit me when I was four years old and I told her she was fat. Just as a non sequitur, for no reason! Four-year-old me was the worst. I'm sorry Laura! I hope you don't remember! I've been sitting on this guilt for 21 years.

Myrtle

@Esther C. Werdiger was your 4th grade teacher a hippie?

Myrtle

@Hellcat "Doe-Eyed" is the phrase they meant.

KatieBarTheDoor

My high school volleyball coach once told me that I had no personality. I'm still haunted by that one.

tea sonata

@The Lady of Shalott
My dad: "Get off your fat ass and do your homework." I was 13.
The day before, my mum: "Are you sure you should be eating that?" WORST PHRASE EVER IT SHOULD BE BANNED, YOU HEAR ME? BANNED.
Then she suggested diet pills, which put me in the nurses office at school. Le Sigh.

I wonder why I put on weight why I go home, I think I know why. Resisual spite, I imagine. But I lost 65lbs without them, so I think the words I'm looking for are "HA HA".

I am now going to stop being teenangsty and say what I came here to say, which was Esther, oh Esther, an inflatable dinghy date sounds like the funs, I must try this, thank you. :)

Hellcat

@Myrtle Haha--that makes sense! Those dummies!

fondue with cheddar

My dance teacher used to call me an airhead all the time, and I took classes with her from age 5 or 6 until middle school. That stuck big time. She was a horrible cuntrymusiclovinglady who affected my psyche in ways I've only recently started to understand.

My parents also called me a space cadet regularly. In their defense, they said it because I daydreamed a lot. But my dance teacher's constant name-calling cast it in a different light.

fondue with cheddar

@Hellcat Cows do have big, pretty eyes, though! LOOOK! According to this Random Internet Person, "cow eyes" is a farmer's compliment, so maybe it really is a thing.

Titania

@smidge OH MY GOD CATHERINE CALLED BIRDY???? Love love love you.

smidge

@Titania AAAH I am so glad you got that! Love you too!

KeLynn

@heyhaley - My mom did that to one of my moles, too! I kept it. Thankfully, my uncle had beaten her to the punch a few years before and told me it was a "beauty mark."

Bittersweet

@SarahP SISTERS. I feel like if my friends and colleagues knew what was really going on in my head, their entire perception of me would go right out the window. Thank goodness for my husband who's Seen It All and Loves Me Anyway.

Hellcat

@fondue with cheddar Awww, I just read that--it was so cute!

Rubyinthedust

@The Lady of Shalott

My mom constantly tells me "your face looks swollen" as a euphemism for fat, but it always sounds like she is telling me it looks like I just got into a fight, which makes me laugh to myself instead of cry, which I sort of did last weekend when a random dude at a bar told me my face was too fat for my body.

fondue with cheddar

@Rubyinthedust Maybe you should have told him his body was too fat for his face?

Lumpy Space Princess

@The Lady of Shalott My grandpa also told me I had very large feet! My shoe size is 8, wth?

Also, 4th grade, Kiernan Curly (REAL NAME) threw a red four-square ball at me really hard while shouting, "Catch, Fat Girl!"

My freshman year of high school, this boy named Greg Best teased me all the damn time. I painted my nails all a different color, like a rainbow, and he said that that meant I was a lesbian. And we were both in art class with this boy, Erik, who started sitting next to me. He was very quiet and shy and cute, he looked like James Iha from Smashing Pumpkins. I liked him very much, but then one day, we were talking and from across the big table Greg shouted, "When are you guys going to do it already??" And I felt super mortified at being accused of doing it and being called out for flirting (because EVERYTHING felt embarrassing from age 11-20!) so I freaked and went "Shut up Greg!!" And he said "What, you don't like him??" And I (still red with rage) said, "No!!!" Even though I really did like him. Then after that, Erik never sat next to me again. -Greg probably ruined what was about to be my first boyfriend! :( :( Moral of the story, GREG BEST IS THE WORST.

Lumpy Space Princess

@Lumpy Space Princess P.S. if anyone has any ideas about how to figure out where Erik is now, only knowing his first name, where he went to high school, and a general age range, let me know, yeah? I really do wonder about that guy still! : /

Ham Snadwich

@SlightlyOverboard - My wife got "You have really strong opinions. Have you considering writing a blog?" once.

Chel

@heyhaley I have a mole on my neck that my mom asks about everytime she sees me. I asked her if it bothers her so much, why didn't she take me to a dermatologist when I was still in school and on her insurance?

AniaGosia

@The Lady of Shalott An acquaintance who I hadn't seen in a while once told me that she'd, "recognize those eyebrows anywhere." I'm still mystified by that one. My mother once told me that I was so difficult that she was worried that no one would ever love me. (no one, mom?)

fondue with cheddar

@AniaGosia Yikes, mom.

I once worried that about myself. It turns out that even difficult people are lovable! In fact, there might even be people who see the ways in which you are "difficult" as positive traits, crazy as it sounds.

Hellcat

@fondue with cheddar It doesn't sound crazy to me--lots of the stuff that could be unappealing about me to certain people are appealing to others; one person's "nitpicky" (or "persnickety"!) is another's "thorough," "orderly," or "take charge" (plus, those examples are what make me good at my job). My BF is a laid-back type and while some of those are put off by me, he's laid back enough to laid back about my "quirks" too (though I sometimes can see when he's a bit baffled and/or annoyed by my... tendencies). And, while he doesn't want it turned on him, I think he is amused by my (not too often, thank god) outbursts at people who are being total asses.

fondue with cheddar

@Hellcat You and your boyfriend sound like me and my boyfriend! Except for the outbursts at people who are being total asses.

But I am totally persnickety, too (which also makes me good at my job)! He accepts and accommodates (within reason) my quirks and he actually likes that I'm picky. He also takes it as a huge compliment that such a picky person would pick him.

j-furr

@The Lady of Shalott a repair guy once described a bike of mine that was rickety but beloved as "irreparable eccentric" and I have kind of applied it to myself ever since, mostly as an excuse to avoid being normal when it doesn’t suit me.

Blackwatch Plaid

@The Lady of Shalott Why are you always staring at things? *Cue trouble making eye contact for years and years*

Reginal T. Squirge

I really needed one of these today. I ran my Google Reader down to zero before 10:30.

SarahP

I enjoy being physically unadventurous. My adventures happen mostly in my head and I am happy about that!

aphrabean

@SarahP I have a rich internal life! That is my go-to self-soothing reminder.

julia

Missed you, ECW

allofthecrafts

"What are you thinking about?" is something no dudefriend should ever ask me please because I never know what to say other than "I'm thinking about kissing your face" which I wouldn't say aloud.

Esther C. Werdiger

@allofthecrafts
Oddly, the dudes who ask me this are often ones I'd rather not be with, at that moment.
"Ohh you know, stuffff"

SarahP

@allofthecrafts I always like this question! But I'm a pretty big talker, so no one ever asks me because they figure I'm probably about to say it (or I'm in the middle of saying it already).

hahahaha, ja.

@allofthecrafts: Ooo, yes. Overall, it's a terribly dangerous thing to ask. The last time a guy I was seeing/boning asked me what I was thinking, the real answer was "I'm thinking about the guy I was really falling for that I just broke up with, and how you're not him." The answer I ended up giving was some kind of noncommittal muttering.

AWKWERRRRD

redheaded&crazy

@SarahP Haha a 1:1 ratio of thinking thoughts:speaking thoughts. I'm like that.

NuckingFux Nix

@allofthecrafts I'm one of those crazy people who asks this question all the time. But I always ask hoping to hear the truth, even if its not very nice. Also, I am a very chatty person and its a good way to make sure they get their thoughts out in the open too.

I guess I just figure its a good way to weed out people who are not that into me? Also, if its in a longer term relationship, sometimes I'll make it okay that they are not sitting there thinking about how awesome I am, and I'll say something like "I'm thinking about potato chips? What are you thinking about?"

remargaret

@allofthecrafts On the flip side of that coin, I stopped mid-makeout one time to ask, "What's a tesseract?"

Maryaed

@allofthecrafts "England" is always a good answer.

thisisunclear

I only hike for boys. But I like hiking! I guess I need to start a lady hiking group (and live somewhere with hills again).

smidge

@thisisunclear Do long relatively flat walks count?

sophi

@thisisunclear I always tell guys that "I really love hiking, I used to go all the time, I haven't done it in so long though!", leaving out the fact that the period of my life when I used to go hiking all the time was when I was 10 years old.

thisisunclear

@smidge yes! but I prefer a semi-dramatic vista. so if that flat walk is near, say, water, that would be cool.

smidge

@thisisunclear yes! Then wading could be involved.

KeLynn

@thisisunclear - I would absolutely join your lady hiking group!

TattyEmu

@thisisunclear Whenever I suggested hiking as date activity, Boys were always thrilled. Three to four hikes later, they were much less thrilled because by this time they would realize that they could not keep up with me.
When current boyfriend and I were courting, he billed himself as enthusiastic outdoorsman. Come to find out from his family years later, he'd never been on a single hike, canoe paddle, or camping trip in his ENTIRE LIFE, and HATES physical exertion. But he had determination, and no ego invested in not being shown up by a girl. So where the others failed, he succeeded. Though, I still haven't let him off the hook, and wake him up weekends with "Time for Walkies!" So he would probably bake chocolate chip cookies of gratitude for any Ladies Hiking Club girls that would take the pressure off him. Anybody in MA?

Myrtle

@TattyEmu is "Time for walkies!" A "Wallace and Gromit" reference? Because I'm signing up for All The Walks.

TattyEmu

@Myrtle Yes, yes it is. And this is the best time of year for walkies! New England colors, crisp air, a thermos of hot spiced cider...mmmmm.

tea sonata

@TattyEmu Sounds blissful. Also, jumping on all the crunchy leaves. Oddly satisfying.

AniaGosia

@TattyEmu A boyfriend of mine once billed himself as loving hikes and all things outdoorsy, and it turned out later that that meant he had wandered in the woods behind his college while tripping quiet a bit. I literally could not get him out of the house for a walk in the neighborhood once the first impressions time was over.
The lesson I guess is not to trust how people bill themselves until you've gotten to know them a bit.

marissa lanterman@twitter

My mother once informed me that I was "'too comfortable with my thighs". THANKS MOM.

KeLynn

@marissa lanterman@twitter - hahahahaha. Moms. My mom told me that I shouldn't wear skinny jeans in public with hips like mine. I told her that I kind of liked how they looked particularly because they were tight on my hips and she said "why?"

TattyEmu

@marissa lanterman@twitter My mom, while looking at my 13 year old thighs "You must be a throwback. With thighs like that you belong in eastern europe pulling a plow." My aunt while staring intently at my face "You know, when you stop smiling, you're kind of pretty." Moms. Other People. Why?

oh! valencia

The League of Ordinary Ladies is so colorful today! awesome. I love it black and white, too, though.
I kind of am future imagined Esther? Still in a small city, though.... is that a humblebrag? It is possible, Esther!
And, I am the one doing the "what are you thinking" bit all the time. I should stop that, right?

Esther C. Werdiger

@oh! valencia
Good to know! I think it's okay to ask WHAT ARE YOU THINKING when it's someone you're pretty secure with? I just find it to be such a sort of intimate thing to ask!

oh! valencia

@Esther C. Werdiger it is, yes - and I have had plenty of times where, if asked, I would not have known what to say. Even to someone I'm super secure with.

TARDIStime

@Esther C. Werdiger Mr TARDIStime asks me that frequently. I'm cool with it - it made me discover that my face is at its most intense-looking when thinking about the most mundane things.
Mr TARDIS: what are you thinking?
TARDIS: I need to paint my nails and buy some rubber gloves to I can do the washing up without ruining my mani.
Mr TARDIS: really? You look anxious about that...

ragazza

Really, you guys have regularly had guys ask what you are thinking? I can only think of one guy who ever asked me that. I stopped asking years ago, when I realized I wasn't getting the response I had hoped for (i.e. "You, and how amazing you are").

Esther C. Werdiger

@ragazza

"How...just how completely happy I feel right now."

Reginal T. Squirge

"I could die right now, Clem. I'm just... happy. I've never felt that before. I'm just exactly where I want to be."

Myrtle

@Reginal T. Squirge I love you! I thought that, too.

fondue with cheddar

Reading these comments makes me so thankful that my family rarely, if ever, makes negative comments about my appearance. My dad commented that I'd put on weight once but was not rude about it (though it still hurt).

BUT...one time when I was a teenager my younger brother told me I was prettier than my friends. Aww. :)

KeLynn

@fondue with cheddar (formerly jen325) Your younger brother is adorable.

fondue with cheddar

@KeLynn He really is. He's the reason I never gave up on men. I've made some TERRIBLE dating choices, but I always figured there MUST be more out there like him! (Turns out there are.)

meetapossum

@fondue with cheddar (formerly jen325) After I went to a homecoming, the guy I was seeing at the time said I was prettier than my college friends, but I didn't know how to respond to that. I mean, thanks, I guess? But is saying thanks accepting criticism of my friends? In which case, fuck you, guy.

cocokins

I've got big, blocky hips and short, stocky legs. Also, large breasts and, let's face it, pretty evenly-distributed fat everywhere. My go-to response in middle school was, "What? You think I don't look in the mirror?" But that might have been self-destructive, HAHAHA.

Anyway, what I really wanted to say was that my sister was blessed with big curly hair, and one time at Christmas she decided to wear it down and curly (she usually tamed it with a ponytail). My dad, upon seeing her mane, asked (in front of everyone in our family): "Can't you DO something with that?" She cried, I think.

tea sonata

@cocokins Oh, it's the parents that hurt the most. I've never understood why curly = bad! I would give ANYTHING for a hint of ringlets.

Ruchie33

Wow Esther, he sounds amazing!!!! Why aren't YOU more open with your feelings??? Do you have his number??
-Ruchie

genev1ve

all i can say is it seems like this guy is awesome and really put some thought into you.
but why was the ending so mellon collie and the infinite sadness?
was he really a caveman?

Esther C. Werdiger

@genev1ve
he was great! i'm an asshole! but i just think that if you're not super into it, then you're not super into it, you know? and when you're not into someone who's doing nice things for you, it feels shitty and you should probably break up with them.

redheaded&crazy

@Esther C. Werdiger ughhhhh and it's so sad because you want to like them because they are awesome and thoughtful but it's just not working and whyyyyy why can't things just click and be easy?!?!

theotherginger

@redheaded&crazie why life, why? I do not understand you.

fondue with cheddar

@redheaded&crazie NO REALLY I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT

Reginal T. Squirge

More about the "What are you thinking?" thing...

Sometimes I feel like I've been talking to much and it feels like a good way to open the floor to all other comments that she might have. And sometimes she just really looks like she's working through a lot in her head and/or like she has something to say but is hesitant about it so asking what she's thinking lets her know that it's ok and I want to know how she feels.

Megasus

@Reginal T. Squirge I think maybe this was asked of me once, and I just laughed and said I was never going to tell.

Reginal T. Squirge

Also, the times I've asked it , it's not so much about it being an intimidating way of making conversation. It's more about it being a less intimidating way of saying, "Hey, you can trust me. It's completely safe for you to be honest here."

Reginal T. Squirge

Oh, man. I'm really emotional today.

Esther C. Werdiger

@Reginal T. Squirge
yes, completely. i guess the story is sort of about how that is such a deeply intimate thing to ask sometimes, and he was just not the person i wanted asking me it. i would love a more right person to ask me that! i would say something wonderful back! and squeeze my eyes shut and smile! and he'll hold me close and kiss my nose! and then he'd get up out of bed BUT ONLY FOR A MINUTE TO GET THE SUNDAY TIMES but i'd miss him anyway! and he'd come back and we'd read the paper and he'd absentmindedly stroke my hair! and also my beautiful belly, where our perfect baby was growing! and then later i'd die in childbirth because, spoiler alert, it's 1902 and we are poor and remotely located.

Esther C. Werdiger

@Reginal T. Squirge
:( just kidding

meet me in montauk?

Reginal T. Squirge

LOL.

I know what you mean, though. I think (hope?) I was comfortable enough with the people I asked at the times that I asked it.

Reginal T. Squirge

Also, also, also...

Any time somebody asks me this question I want to respond like Adam Sandler in Airheads: "Swimmin' pools. Yeah. I wish I was in one right now. The water's all clear and cool, and ya spin around in there like an egg."

...but then I figure she's not as big a fan of the movie as I am and will just think I'm a weirdo.

theotherginger

@Reginal T. Squirge ok. the next time someone asks me this, this is what I will do.

Nutellaface

What I want to know is who is that strapping gentleman modeling the totes? I can tell he's attractive by his arms alone...

Esther C. Werdiger

@Nutellaface
That's Alex! Nice guy.

pekoe

Nooooo I hate the "what are you thinking?" question! You should never ask it! It should never be asked of you! Never! NEVER!

Back in high school I got into my head that it is something one should ask because it's a ~bonding~ and properly relationshippy thing to do, and 9 times out of 10 my ex would respond with "nothing, just daydreaming."

And then the next guy I was involved with would ask ME, and I'd have be totally stumped, with no clue how to respond, because asking someone what they're thinking and forcing them to pause in order to formulate it into words is like trying to take a photograph out of the window of a moving car and yeah, good luck with that.

Ahem.

Heike

@pekoe I also hate the "what are you thinking?" Q, but because I see it as pushy or controlling, "I NEED TO KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON IN YOUR HEAD" sort of 1984-type scenarios writ small and intimate.
Er. So I just reply "not much".
Maybe I have trust issues? :-(

PheasantRevolt

@pekoe it is exactly like trying to take a picture out of a moving car. Just as frustrating and jarring but once I randomly stuck my camera out of the window and pushed the button. When I checked a moment later there was a focussed, melancholy donkey centred perfectly in the frame. So, maybe, sometimes, it could be a good thing? But there were also 43294785 pictures of blurry tomatoes and smudgy fields from that car trip, so yeah.

fondue with cheddar

@pekoe Yeah, once you start processing it in your language center the thought completely falls apart!

The only time I can ever answer that question is when I want to address a Relationship Problem and I'm thinking about how to say it (or whether to say it at all). And that is NOT the moment I want to say what I'm thinking.

genev1ve

was it not the right guy or not the right time?

genev1ve

sorry if it sounds like im pushing but throughout all the sh*t in my life im still a romantic

Sultan Pepper

I feel like I've found my tribe. OK, most traumatic experience ever was being followed home from the corner store by a group of boys yelling "Booty-booty-booty!!" and trying to slap my butt. It's true, I have a really...aggressively sized ass, but now I'm actually paranoid that people behind me might be looking at my butt. I get very defensive about it on the metro.
People are always really sympathetic about that until they ask how old I was and I have to tell the truth: "Um. 28."
Oh, and there was also the time the trainer at 24Hour Fitness told me I "must just look a lot heavier than you actually are." Gaah!

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Nooooo I hate the "what are you thinking?" question! You should never ask it! It should never be asked of you! Never! NEVER!

Back in high school I got into my head that it is something one should ask because it's a ~bonding~ and properly relationshippy thing to do, and 9 times out of 10 my ex would respond with "nothing, just daydreaming."...yoga teacher training in rishikesh

Meller

Any time somebody asks me this question I want to respond like Adam Sandler in Airheads: "Swimmin' pools. Yeah. I wish I was in one right now. The water's all clear and cool, and ya spin around in there like an egg."...fashion models

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