Thursday, October 4, 2012


So You Just Got Engaged

9. “My brother knows a guy who might be able to get you a good deal on _____.”

  • booze
  • engagement photos
  • peonies
  • organza
  • birdseed
  • Porta-Potties

Birdseed Porta-Potties.

77 Comments / Post A Comment


If all of the above you should probably be a wedding planning


hahahahahah this is the best comment@l


So are the potties MADE OF birdseed, or are they FILLED WITH it?


@deepomega Disturbing thoughts of well-dressed wedding guests running, screaming and pantsless, out of porta-potties, pursued by manic assorted small brown birds.


@Bittersweet I would pay a few thousand for that.


Normally I don't regret being an only child, but this post has opened my eyes to the ways in which siblings multiply one's networking power.

barefoot cuntessa

The day I got engaged I was given more free booze than on my 21st birthday.


@barefoot cuntessa - WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME THIS. I may need to re-think my opinions on this quaint tradition which I was previously not especially a fan of.


@leon s Also free desserts (at restaurants)! Being newly engaged, being on one's honeymoon, and being newly married is fantastic for this reason.


@barefoot cuntessa YES. Although I'd expand that to the first month of engagement. Drunkest weeks of my life.


@leon s I was reading through that list going "Man, everything I've read today about weddings and getting engaged just makes it seem horrible and everyone seems to really hate it" but this little tidbit right here has made me reconsider.


You *never* go with the discount photographer. Trust me; my brother's a photographer! Here's his card!

fondue with cheddar

@chocho-san Seconded! My boyfriend is a photographer.

The Lady of Shalott

@chocho-san Oh my god, discount photographers are THE ROAD TO HELL. At the bridal salon we had a photographer who came in and wanted us to hand out flyers advertising him, and it was just THE WORST THING EVER. I mean, the flyer was just atrocious, and his "showpiece" photo on the back was a really tragic picture of a groom kneeling before a bride under a tree, and the composition was HORRIFIC (the tree, for example, took up more of the photo than the bride and groom), the selective focus was upsetting (the background was in soft-focus, but the bride, groom, and huge tree were all in focus--???), and the horizon was halfway down the photo which makes for the world's most boring pictures.

I took one home to show to my dad, the ex-wedding photographer, and he went "WHO would ADVERTISE this???? It's like advertising that you're a terrible, cut-rate doesn't-know-what-he's-doing hack!" and got all righteously indignant.

That being said, I've seen my dad's proof books from when he started out in the 1970s, and if you've ever seen a cheesy photo spread it's NOTHING compared to what people wanted back then. Pictures of the happy couple superimposed inside a wine glass on a table next to a single red rose? BAM.

fondue with cheddar

@The Lady of Shalott Oh...shit was so cheesy back then. I dated a much-older photographer when I was in my mid-twenties, and he actually had photos like that up on his wall. Also star filters! It was embarrassing.


@The Lady of Shalott Dude, I would pay top dollar for a picture of myself in a wine glass with a single red rose.

fondue with cheddar

@adorable-eggplant You should get a wine glass with your picture on one side and a red rose on the other. A WHOLE SET OF THEM.

The Lady of Shalott

@adorable-eggplant That shit is HILARIOUS! Another popular photo op was the bride and groom's faces close together in a circle in the middle of a page of sheet music (to something very 70s and cheesy, of course).

The best part is that while filing all his photos this summer (which, don't ever do, there were literally thousands of boring-ass photos to sort and file), and I found a whole big pile of PRACTICE photos of this type. And it was my dad's BFF and my mom pretending to be a couple, which my dad had clearly forced them to do so he could practice. It was so incredibly hilarious and awful.


@fondue with cheddar (formerly jen325) Like those cartoon/super hero themed slushie cups at 7-11. Yes, I can totally see this. If I ever did get married, I know what my wedding favor would be...

@The Lady of Shalott Hahaha, that's what friends are for?

fondue with cheddar

@adorable-eggplant Usually I throw away wedding favors but that one would definitely be a keeper.


@The Lady of Shalott In some places of the world, this is still A Thing:


A.B.C.B. Always Be Considering Budapest.


Haha, my husband and I tried to cheapskate our way out of everything for the wedding ("oh, we have a friend who's a good photographer," "oh, I'm crafty - I'll just make all the centerpieces/placecards/decorations/everything," "nah, we'll just use an iPod") until our mothers put the kibosh on that. I still made most of the decorations, though.

Also, speaking of port-a-potties, googling the list of port-a-potty company names is simultaneously hilarious and absolutely revolting. Mr. Pinch? Groooossss.


@olivebee Johnny on the Spot is much classier.


Pretty sure everything on her list was said to me at one point, and my engagement was only 3 months. I can't imagine having to hear stuff like that for a year or more.


@SarahP I was engaged for a year and a half, but I luckily heard none of that stuff because I got married at 23 (engaged at 22) and no one I knew was married, engaged, or knew squat about weddings. I had also never been to a wedding before my own, so if anyone had offered to help me out, it would have been the blind leading the very blind.


@olivebee Me too! AND when you get married that young, no one mentions how you need to start procreating right away in their wedding toasts, which happened no less than four times at the wedding of 30-somethings I went to this weekend.

evil melis

One way to save money on a wedding is to break up. Have you considered that? Breaking up? Cheaper than eloping. Simpler than a trip to City Hall. Clean. Easy. Efficient. Have you considered breaking up and then never speaking to anyone ever again, never leaving the house, never feeling the touch of a friend or lover, never moving, never raising your eyes to meet the gaze of another? Perfect solitude. Have you considered retreating to a sea cave where your only companion is the sound of the ceaseless pounding of the waves upon the rocks reminding you that the pulse of the earth is remorseless, ruthless and eternal? That years after your lover has died you will remain, wracked and ruined by the sound of the sea, scuttling inside of your cave like a roaming heartbeat? It's a great money-saving technique.


@evil melis Txts from Miss Havisham?

Reginal T. Squirge

@evil melis

Oh, man.


@evil melis
Evil Melis is frightening, but wise.

Emily Monstad@facebook

@evil melis between this post and reading Neil Gaiman's Snow,Glass,Apples among other links in the new fairy tales thread, my mood has gone from grim to worse.

The Dilettantista

I will likely get engaged over the next year or so and I am dreading this. The only answers I like are Budapest and sweetheart neckline ungh.


@Lindsay "The Dilettantista" Gordon apracticalwedding.com. Maybe you're already there, but.

Also, no one ever said any of this crap to me. The worst experience was a florist telling me my budget was "not reality." So, I just didn't use her. Easy. I seriously feel like I got away with something, our wedding turned out perfect (to us) and no one said anything unintentionally mean/presumptive to me and our families were the correct amount of involved (not very) and we weren't stressed except a little bit on the day of because you know nerves + executing a large event and anyway I recommend it. It's either that or Melis' way, in my opinion.

The Dilettantista

@julia I went to two very different weddings the past two weekends, one a small but still pricey affair in Boston, and the other was my boyfriend's sister's wedding, which was mid-size and VERY spendy in Charlotte, and it was all very overwhelming, and I was like: "OMG PEOPLE SPENDING SO MUCH MONEY ON WEDDINGS." The Boston one was financed by the bride and groom, the Charlotte one by the bride's parents, and both were spendy spendy. The boyfriend and I are the last in his friend group (now my friend group too but, you know, my friends through him) to get engaged. My friend group is a little older so they're already married, or they are gay so they can't get married in most states (BOOOO), or they were smart and eloped (that'd be my only friend who has ever asked me to be a bridesmaid, so I got off the hook there), so I don't feel as much WEDDING!!! from them. But seriously I feel like all anyone does now is talk about weddings and, man, it is EXHAUSTING. And yes I am entering my late 20s so, yeah, this is just the period of my life, I guess. My first close friend just got PREGNANT so I guess, there's the future, oi vey...

Your wedding sounds lovely, by the way. Well done. And that website is new to me, so I will hold onto it for the near future. Thank you for sharing.


@Lindsay "The Dilettantista" Gordon Seriously I am a Practical Wedding evangelist and I will not stop until everyone knows how great that website is. I could go on and on.

My husband is older, he is one of the very last of his good friends to marry, most of them have at least one baby. I'm in my late 20s too, so a few of my friends are married. We called on our talented friends to do things for us, found a gem of a venue, and didn't spend money on things we didn't care about (see: flowers). BUT we strongly considered not having the big party and my dad even said they would give us the money and we didn't have to have a wedding with it (did I mention how great both sets of parents were?). That is what APW is great for - it is easy to say you could have a non-Saturday wedding, or a small family-only thing, or something else outside the WIC's definition of wedding, but it's hard if you can't see examples of that. TONS of examples of that on APW.

The Dilettantista

@julia This is an amazing website and fortunately it has been slow at work, because I've been reading it all day. IT IS MY NEW FAVORITE. I love this "pre-engaged" stuff she talks about (that's basically where we are at), and I wish I could send this article to everyone I know: http://apracticalwedding.com/2010/12/dos-and-don%E2%80%99ts-for-friends-of-the-pre-engaged/


For some reason, the very idea of a first-look photo shoot makes me IRRATIONALLY AND UNREMITTINGLY FULL OF RAGE.


@Megan@twitter What is a first-look? I'm pretty close to my rage quota for the day, so I'm afraid to Google.


@cuminafterall it's when the bride and groom, who presumably haven't seen each other ALL DAY, see each other for the first time in their wedding clothes and a photographer is there to Capture The Magic.


@cuminafterall Oh god, I'm sorry to bring this into your life. It's a photo set-up where the photographer catches the groom's first look at the bride in her dress. There's always some cutesy aspect to it, like she pops out from behind a tree or something and the groom cries and IT IS ALL SO CONTRIVED. Just once, I'd like to see a groom with a sincerely unimpressed look on his face.

The Dilettantista

@cuminafterall It is when you do the bridal photos with the bride and groom and the bridal party BEFORE the ceremony, rather than after, so there isn't that awkward lull between the ceremony and the reception where everyone is standing around waiting for the couple and bridal party and close family members to get there. They call it a first look because the groom is seeing the bride before she walks down the aisle, rather than having the first look be at the wedding ceremony.


@Megan@twitter Yup, just looked Googled it and my first reaction was "oh for the love of god, that's ridiculous"

@cuminafterall Apparently it's a photoshoot designed for getting the surprised expression of the groom's face when he sees the bride for the first time in her dress and involves her popping out a bush behind him or something.

The Dilettantista

@MilesofMountains Oh see I always thought that the first look was so that the bride and groom could go straight to the reception instead of like, having to do a bunch of posed pictures. But the only person I know who has ever done a first look did it so that she could maximize the amount of time she spent with her family and friends at the reception--I like the way she put it much better than the way y'all are describing it.

barefoot cuntessa

@Megan@twitter Have you guys heard of "The Morning After" photo shoots. Basically, "Hey kid, this was approximately 8 hours after you were conceived!"


@barefoot cuntessa For that one, the "dress in the window" shot is recreated with a bloody sheet.


@Megan@twitter I'd like to see a first look with a horrified look and an 'oh hell no' caption. But I am clearly a grinch.

Also, I like the gap between wedding/reception because that is my get a coffee, stare into space for a few minutes window.


@Megan@twitter OOH, OOH, hows about a first-look where the bride unexpectedly pops out of the Porta-Potty?


@Lindsay "The Dilettantista" Gordon @adorable-eggplant I don't really care about the before wedding/after wedding photo session issue. Plan it however you'd like. But just because the pictures are before the ceremony, that doesn't excuse the ridiculous cheesy hide-and-go-seek nonsense.

@werewolfbarmitzvah I could get behind that.


@barefoot cuntessa Because the day after a big party is EXACTLY when I want a camera shoved in my face to capture every last detail.


@Megan@twitter OH THANKS. Now I know this exists. Hahaha. So terrible.


@Megan@twitter http://www.meredithperdue.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/First-Look-Wedding2.jpg

What about that guy? He looks like he's greeting and assessing a blind date.


@KatnotCat Patent that! Make a fortune! First date first looks: want to make an already awkward moment much more awkward??


@KatnotCat I love that guy. "Huh. You went with the traditional strapless. *pause* No, I like it. There aren't enough strapless wedding gowns."


@adorable-eggplant You can save them for your eventual wedding! Begin that planning early! EARLY!!


@KatnotCat that guy looks pretty unhappy about her look. "Oh you went with an A-line gown? How 1997."

**and now I see that @Megan@twitter had the exact same thoughts. Great minds!


Man, there's no way I wouldn't love a wedding where the ring bearer was a cat.

(My best friend had my boyfriend's and my stuffed giraffe be ring bearer at her wedding [long story]. I hope nobody's going around talking about how awful that was, because HE WAS ADORABLE. He wore a bow tie.)


@frigwiggin Yo but a cat would just run the total opposite way of where you wanted the ring to go, and then jump on top of the highest spot in the room/hide under the smallest darkest spot and be totally inaccessible without the one person it likes (the bride) getting on her knees in her dress and coaxing it out.....I am a cat person but ring bearer is not the job for them.


@martinipie But if you're a guest, all you have to do is sit back and laugh!


@frigwiggin This is a valid point, especially if there is also an eight-hour open bar.


@frigwiggin My Dude has said, too many times for it to be a joke, "If we weren't getting married outside, [Cat] would be my best man."

Like hell. [Cat] would be my Man of Honor.


@bot Also, our friend is making the cats bow ties to wear to the reception -- which is at our apartment -- so they will be better dressed than the bride and groom as they hide under the bed.


@martinipie Our cat will bolt at top speed towards the faintest rustle of the cat food bag. Maybe we should've advantage of this during our ceremony - we could have equipped the best man with the cat food and had our rings delivered by furry rocket.


This is basically why I've been engaged almost 6 months and haven't started a planning a damn thing. I'm down for the marriage bit but the whole wedding planning thing is petrofying.

barefoot cuntessa

@Steph I am proof you can hate every single moment of wedding planning but still have a BLAST at your wedding. Even for this socially awkward introvert, that shit was FUN! Also, honeymoons. The light at the end of the tunnel.


@Steph I got engaged almost two years ago and have no interest in planning the wedding either. Hell, we haven't even finished paying for the ring. AND we've been legally married for 18 months already, so...feels pretty anticlimactic.





Edith Zimmerman

@wee_ramekin HAhaha. Decidedly not!


I'm kin of freaked out by the couple photo there. Have they been swept in from NJ like a rouge trash island, or were they captured in the midst of trying to drown each other? Either way, it will end poorly.


My entire method for wedding planning was to make the major decisions in such a way that I would not have to make any more decisions.

So: Ceremony in a rose garden, because it required no decorating. Reception in a restaurant, because (a) it offered a (delicious) set buffet menu at a set price per head including set house wines and beers, so I didn't have to make any catering decisions; (b) it was already decorated, so no one asked me to make decisions about chairs or tablecloths or centerpieces. I asked each of my bridesmaids to wear a knee- or tea-length black dress of her choice. (I had three bridesmaids; one wore a dress she already owned, one made her dress, and one bought a new dress.)

Seriously, if I'd been asked to make all the tiny decisions about chairs and napkins and whatnot, I probably would have said "The hell with this, we're going to the courthouse."

Regina Phalange

I once had a friend (?) say to me, "Yeah, I really wanted a simple wedding, but my parents just keep giving me all this money, so I have to make it nice, you know?" WORST.

I'd like to have a wedding that goes like this: chill ceremony, some nice schmaltzy reception-y stuff for the folks, pack 'em off to the hotel, then my bashert and I just have a kick-ass party with our friends. Some funny toasts, some dancing, some wine-induced heartfelt speeches, boom, drop the mic and get outta there.

The Dilettantista

@Regina Phalange Oh you just said bashert that's the best.


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