Friday, October 5, 2012


My Boyfriend Dreams of Food: The Second Taco

Alice Rutherford is an illustrator and designer living, working, and bicycling in Los Angeles. She recently got a twitter (@TheRealAlicke) and isn't sure how she feels about it yet.

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My college roommate used to talk in his sleep! Unfortunately for my curiosity, only in Indonesian. :(


@Rock and Roll Ken Doll My roommate constantly talks in his sleep and bonus for my amusement often on the couch. My favorites are when he tries to sell me extra work on my car (he works at a dealership) and then says completely nonsensical things like "we first need to visit the Volkswagen UFO."


@Rock and Roll Ken Doll I had a roommate who did that too! But it was in Mandarin, and often yelling instead of just talking. I think she was yelling at her mom in her sleep.


@faience I just tried to read out that comment to my housemate... impossible to do with a straight face.


Omg. I just creamed.@l


Hahaha, I imagine my nighttime ramblings are probably like this.


I love this so much! And if I could draw at all, my rip-off/homage would be I Dreamt My Boyfriend Was a Taco.


My husband conducts his high school orchestra in his sleep, using both words and hand gestures. I kind of wish he'd eat that second taco instead.


@Bittersweet An ex-boyfriend's stand-up bass teacher would "play" his wife's back in his sleep. I think that is lovely :).


@wee_ramekin My boyfriend is a bass guitarist and does kind of the same thing! I can always tell when he's fallen asleep because his fingers twitch like he's playing.

tea tray in the sky.

@dirkbenedict'sfeatheredhair That's adorable.


@Bittersweet Is he a high school orchestra director now, or did he do that in high school and still has the muscle memory?


@whateverlolawants That's what he does now (though he was also in his high school orchestra in days or yore). Once a violinist, always a violinist...


I LOLed embarrassingly loud at this. Love it.
On the other hand, but also related:
I have been known to fake laugh in my sleep, followed by a polite but unconvincing, "Yeah... that's funny."


@LlamaLlama I also laughed out loud at the second taco line.


My husband is always telling me to "sit down" in his sleep, which I think means lay back down? But he says sit down instead? Also, I often laugh when falling asleep and when we were first dating he used to wake me up to ask what was so funny, but now he just lets it go. He said I never told him what was funny.


@Olivia2.0 my husband also talks in his sleep, but it's in Norwegian (his first language) so I never know what he's saying! i like to answer in the only words i know. "ja? jaaa. nei."


@LlamaLlama oh oh I am laughing so hard at this. I don't why, the mental image is hilarious.

fondue with cheddar

@LlamaLlama Your username reminds me of THIS!


Apparently one time in a semi-drunken sleepy haze, I started talking to my gf about "the streets of Argentina" and I got really agitated that she didn't know what I was talking about, and then passive-aggressively declared, "Forget it, you don't understand" before rolling over and falling back asleep.

I've never been to Argentina and know nothing of its streets.


@Emby Do you listen to Mirah? Because she has a song about the streets of Buenos Aires! (That's the exact phrase.) It's quite beautiful, actually.


@Emby My friend sleep-talks, and he always gets really indignant when people don't understand him. His roommate asked him once what he meant by "You'll be wearing the tiniest vein of clothes" and he replied, "A tiny vein, GOD, why are you such an idiot?"


@meetapossum Oh, my favorite is the snippy sleep-talk! I don't know why that's even funnier but it really is.

Roaring Girl

@meetapossum My husband has done that. I woke up because he was holding the blanket up in the air in his sleep, and he said "I have three big screen piles." I was confused, and he got all indignant, and said, "You are so hard to talk to when I've been using the bricks!"


@Emby I used to utter nonsense in my sleep and tell my ex he was useless when he couldn't understand me. Poor guy.


After a whole childhood of sharing a room, my older sister still addresses her sleep-talking to me, even though we live 3000 miles apart now. She's usually warning me about something stupid/dangerous I'm about to do in her dream. Her fiancé is not amused.


I had a roommate who would agree with things as she fell asleep. "Ok. Mmhm. Alright. Yeah," and even one time, "Sure thing."


@yeah-elle Please tell me you used this to your advantage re: chore assignments and the like.


@TheLetterL No, sadly. I should have made her promise to quit snoring and stop having her skeezy ex-con boyfriend hang out in our dorm room, though.

Judith Slutler

@yeah-elle I do this too. Pretty sure my boyfriend used to have conversations with me all the time while I was already asleep, till he figured out what was going on. I must've seemed very agreeable!


@yeah-elle I only talk when I'm just falling asleep, and once was talking about something to do with the day, and in the middle of the conversation, mumbled something about "cold milk and potatoes" and then I was out.


Once, in my sleep, I explained to my (then quite new) boyfriend why I loved him: "You bring me cheese."


@bot Well I mean, at least you make sense when you talk in your sleep!


I'll never forget the time my college roomie sat up in the middle of a dead sleep, looked over in my direction, and said, "Batsssss." Then went back to sleep. Scared the crap out of me.


@OhMyGoshYouGuys Also in animal dreams: when my sister was working on a primate project in elementary school, I sat upright in bed, yelled GIBBONS! and then went right back to sleep.


@muffalutta One night I awoke to mr plumb-bob exclaiming "look, it's an elephant! It's a big elephant!" He was waving his arm in front of his nose like a trunk. Then he started blowing raspberries, which I presume is the sound sleep-elephants make :)


I was working on my laptop one night and my ex had been asleep for a couple of hours. He suddenly sat up, started laughing, and exclaimed joyfully, "I TOLD you I'd make it half out of calculators!" He laughed again. I laughed, and then he suddenly got really upset and said "why are you laughing at me?" And then promptly went back to sleep.

A few weeks later, I apparently refused to let him crawl in bed one night. I made a big show of shaking the sheets out vigorously and informed him that he would have to wait because there were "so many beans in the bed!"

Sadly, it didn't work out it our waking lives.


@christonacracker I mean, he did tell you, didn't he? And they laughed. Oh how you and everyone else laughed.

But you aren't laughing now, are you? Nobody's laughing now that Calcutron TI-8300X reigns supreme.

Too bad about all the beans, though.


@Emby The night he left with the TI-8300X prototype, I begged him to stay. We'd buy that house we'd always dreamed of; we'd have the children I'd previously been reluctant to discuss. What was reverse polish notation compared to the strength of our love? That's when he brought out the beans. Black, kidney, pinto, cannelini, Great Northern, lima, butter, fava, garbanzo...everything we had. As the weight of them began to force audible creaks from our mattress springs, he looked at me one last time. The beans began filling my mouth, my ears, my nose. As a trickle of refried beans clouded my vision, he said, "I told you."

elbows on the table

@christonacracker why can I only like this once?!

hahahaha, ja.

This is not a sleeptalking story, but ... I once woke up to my bf at the time sleep-pawing my face, like babies do.


@hahahaha, ja. My ex rolled over one night and, as he did, he somehow ended up with his palm clutching my neck. It was startling to say the least. And another ex just sat up very early in the morning and yelled, "...BIRD?" The part that made that one extra-funny was the super-interrogative inflection he used.

hahahaha, ja.

@Hellcat: Oh my god, that first one would have freaked me out. But the second one totally made me guffaw at my desk.


One night, when I was sleeping over at the house of a friend of mine in high school, she suddenly sleep-shouted "PUT THE CHAIR BACK, SARAH" in the angriest voice I'd ever heard and it scared the living daylights out of me.

I didn't take any chairs!


The other night, my husband asked me in his sleep if he was cold. I asked him if he really wanted me to tell him whether he felt cold, and he said, "yeah." I said, "I can't do that--only you can decide if you feel cold." He said "OK," and that was it. This was different--usually he just talks to himself in Russian about trains and laughs.


The other day my fiance told me that after the debate, I fell into a restless sleeptalking state that culminated with "Fuck it. Might as well set your money on fire. Conflagration donation. Let's go to the kitchen and make some pies."


@Scandyhoovian Honestly, that pretty much sums up my waking reaction to the debate (or rather, to coverage of the debate, because I could not bring myself to suffer through it)


@Scandyhoovian Baking pies is always the right thing to do when you're frustrated.


@Scandyhoovian http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRA2fZAG7RY


I don't know why but I find sleep-talking endlessly hilarious. Every one of these comments made me LOL. (This morning my girlfriend said she couldn't wake up just yet because she needed to complete a very important mission.)


@stuffisthings Seriously, these comments have provided some real, refreshing, energizing laughter.



@stuffisthings I found out recently that I sleeptalk sometimes-- almost every night according to my study abroad roommate. I was HORRIFIED because I was like "I don't want to disturb your sleep!" and she was like "naw, it's cool, you're super sarcastic in your sleep and it's hilarious."

So embarrassed though, especially with how fussy I am about other people's snoring....


@damselfish I LOVE these comments, too. I don't think I have any particularly great stories, but I did one time sleep-walk to my parents' room when I was in high school, and declare loudly (still asleep), "I have a FIVE POINT PLAN for the FEDERAL GOVERNMENT."


My mom talks in her sleep sometimes. Apparently one time my dad went to bed after her and as he was getting into bed she started screaming "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?!", he answered that he was her husband and he wanted to go to bed and he said that she just went "oh, ok, then" and went back to sleep. Maybe it's genetic, because at one point my youngest brother got up, walked past my parents' room, through the house, downstairs, past my sister's room and my other brother's room to the end of the hallway to ask me where our parents were. I asked if he'd checked their room, he said no, and then walked straight back to his bed.


@MilesofMountains Last week, I woke up with the following memory:

I was lying in bed, very sleepy, and couldn't quite get my eyes open/focused. I vaguely saw a person walk into the bedroom. When they approached my side of the bed, I stammered out fearfully "Who -- who are you?"

The figure said, in my husband's voice, "snowmentality, it's just me."

I said "Oh. I -- I thought you already left for work."

"Not yet," he said, and headed into the bathroom. I went back to sleep, assuming I'd been half-dreaming. When I woke up for real, he was gone to work.

When we both got home from work that evening, I said "So, did I ask you who you were this morning?"

He looked at me oddly. "No?"

I described the sequence of events above. He said "No, none of that happened."

So apparently, I dreamed that I sleep-talked asking my husband who he was. I feel that my subconscious is being unnecessarily meta.


@snowmentality I apparently once dreamed that my friend told me that the movie Bully was being made into a Broadway musical. In waking life, I was so excited that I proceeded to badger him for further details because I was so sure he'd said it. He hadn't... and it isn't.


All I could think on comic 1 was, "What kind of sexual innuendo is that? What is the SECOND taco?"


@billie_crusoe I think you know.


@Emby .... yes...


When I was a kid, my parents tried to talk back to me when I was sleep-talking to see what would happen. Once when my dad was trying to get into the conversation, I stopped talking and threw up all over him. That was the last time they tried that.

Lee Van Queef

I am told I have a tendency to just yell "NO!" in my sleep a lot.


Several years ago, my husband told me very seriously that the gravy didn't taste like a dead person yet, so it was probably okay to eat. Fortunately, he sleeps much more heavily than I do, so if I've said anything like that, he hasn't heard it to tell me.


My boyfriend gestures a lot when he talks and this carries over into sleeptalking. Luckily he tends to wave into the air so I've never been injured yet, and it makes the total gibberish seem quite eloquent.


My college roommate tells me that once, I sat straight up in bed and yelled, "Honey, I've been a blonde my whole life! Why would I change that now??"

My boyfriend, although he does not say particularly amusing things in his sleep, can hold entire coherent conversations in a bizarre state of pseudo-awakeness that he doesn't remember in the morning.


@mangosara Also, a friend of mine from high school was 1. a sleep-talker and 2. couldn't stay awake while watching movies to save her life. Once she fell asleep on the floor during a movie and when we tried to wake her up afterwards to go to bed, she grabbed my friend's arm and said, in a deep and very serious voice, "You're the only one who knows." When we asked about what, she responded: "Code... Red."

We left her there.


@mangosara Now I'm wondering if you have, in fact, been a blonde your whole life.

Faintly Macabre

@mangosara I can do the sleep conversations thing, too! Maybe because I'm a light sleeper, it's easier for me to be in the weird in-between? It was useful in high school, because I could actually half-listen to the teacher while sleeping in class and then wake up and answer properly if they called on me. But it's caused a lot of "I told you to do something/that something was happening this morning and you responded! Don't you remember?!" in my family, even though I've told them not to expect me to remember any conversations held while I'm in bed.


@mangosara I dated a guy who did the pseudo-awake conversation thing too. We took to calling this state "brains mode" after one night he went on a nonsensical tangent about zombies that involved him uttering "braaiiinnnsss," and of course his general zombie-like demeanor while in this state. e.g.

Him: Hey, did that thing at work you mentioned last week ever get resolved?
Me: Yeah, I started telling you about it last night, but then I realized you were in brains mode.

The same guy also used to liken the way I looked when happily burrowed in blankets to a burrito, so the taco one made me think of that. He started using "sleep burrito-ing" as a verb, e.g. "I had to get an extra blanket last night because you were sleep burrito-ing and had most of them, but you looked too cute to unwrap."

Sweet guy, but alas the frequent premature onset of brains mode really interfered with getting some quality sexy time, so we had to part (that wasn't the only reason, but it didn't help).


@snowmentality Yes! Well, kind of. I think that the dream may have been triggered by an argument with a Midwestern friend of mine who has very different ideas of what "blonde" means. In reality, it varies depending on season. But I've never dyed it!


@NiceDress This particularly amuses me because I do that same thing with the sheets! And said current boyfriend refers to it as "cocooning." As in, "You're all cocooned!" when coming out of the shower and discovering me still asleep and in full-on blanket-stealing mode. But I think he doesn't mind.


@mangosara My mom calls it cocooning too. Cocooning/sleep burrito-ing is the best.


@Faintly Macabre I had a ten-minute phone conversation with my friend about taxes, weekend plans, work, and other topics. It was around 7 pm. I referenced it a few days later and she didn't remember a word. She worked the night shift at that point and was always sleeping at different hours, and we figured out she'd been pseudo-awake at the time.


Though not really sleep talking, two nights ago my boyfriend said I had driven him crazy in the night as I'd constantly been clicking my index finger as if using a mouse. No idea what I was dreaming about to have been doing that.


My husband once sat up in bed and said urgently "We need to close all the windows."

"The windows are all closed," I pointed out. "I think you're talking in your sleep."

"No I'm not," he replied, insulted. "We have to close the windows."

Then he flopped back down and started snoring loudly.

He works in software training, so I'm deeply curious whether he was talking about application windows or actual glass windows, and why it was so important that we close all of them. He couldn't remember the dream the next morning, unfortunately.

He talks in his sleep semi-frequently, and it's always something that almost makes sense. I always have a few seconds of wondering whether he's actually making sense and there's just some context that I missed, especially when his talking has just woken me up. Then I realize no, he's got to be sleep-talking.

And when I say "I think you're asleep," he always argues with me very strenuously that he is not asleep and this is really important. It's kind of hilarious.

In other sleep-talking news, my cat sleep-meows. She does it only when she's deeply asleep and dreaming (usually in my lap). It sounds slow, distant, and slightly drugged, like the tone of voice used by Sleep Talkin' Man. "Meeeoooooow?" It's pretty fantastic. She's an extremely talkative, loud cat when she's awake, so it makes sense that she wouldn't quit talking when she's asleep, either.

Faintly Macabre

@snowmentality My old dog sometimes made muffled sleep-barks and sleep-whines while chasing dream rabbits, and it was so adorable. Also a bit creepy.


@snowmentality Thank you for introducing me to Sleep Talkin' Man. I am now stifling laughter at my desk.


@Faintly Macabre My dog does this all the time! Like every night while we are sitting on the couch he will fall asleep and then start twitching and barking but with his mouth closed. It gets pretty loud sometimes and I have to wake him up. He is so cute. The weird thing is that he rarely barks while awake.

let's pretend we're bunny rabbits

I'm just a sleep-mumbler, myself, but check out Mike Birbiglia's sleepwalking story. It. is. incredible.


Apparently my brother once asked if I wanted to go get coffee with him early in the morning. And I, from the depths of my comforter, said "bundle nap."


My last sleep-talking sentence that I'm aware of began with, "So then I rolled up on the scene" - dream me must be cooler than waking me because waking me never rolls up on scenes.


I have a friend who sleep-talks and will answer questions. We used to have parties and wait for him to fall asleep first, and then the bombardment would begin. I don't remember much, except for someone asking him, "what sound does a mouse make when you step on it?" and his answer was, "SQUEE-ooh!" I used to wonder if he was faking it because it got him so much attention, but apparently sleep-talking is more common than I thought!


Also, my boyfriend doesn't talk in his sleep, but he's slapped and punched me. Which sounds terrible, but it's really just an accident. And I can't talk, because one night I was in the middle of a dream where I was fighting with someone, and I woke us both up when I bit him on the hand.


@frigwiggin Most of my sleep-talking events have involved doing things to my boyfriend - one night I called him an asshole and punched him, and on an entirely separate night I said "I looooveeee yooouu" and rolled over and bear-hugged him. I recalled neither of these events. He, on the other hand, told me that I was "not a cat" and didn't remember it in the later morning when I was feeling sad and rejected (it was early morning on our anniversary, we had both woken up in our lovely soft hotel bed, groaned, and rolled over, only I assumed he had gone full-awake and nudged him with my head as a cue for him to put his arm around me (hence "not a cat", as that is precisely what the cat does when he wants pets), and when he didn't I thought he didn't want to hug me :( Turns out he was just asleep and thus had no idea why I was sad that I wasn't a cat).

Also, one night in high school at a massive sleepover (it had been a snow day, and we were all (about six of us, mixed gender) at one friend's house already, so when his mom announced that school was closed the next day, too, we all decided to just stay there), one of my friends couldn't sleep and thus witnessed me sitting BOLT UPRIGHT in the squishy chair I was asleep on, going "SHHHHHHHHH!!!" (no one was making any noise), and immediately flopping straight back down and continuing to sleep.


@frigwiggin My brother was prone to unintentional violence in his sleep as well. He scared the crap out of my dad one time when they were sharing a bed while staying overnight in a hotel on the way to somewhere by slapping him in the middle of the night. My dad woke up and was like wtf until he realized the person who slapped him was his peacefully sleeping son beside him. Of course, my brother remembered nothing, and we all had a laugh about it. At least there was no biting :)


My oldladydog barks in her sleep. With her mouth closed it sounds like, "Voof!"

The babydog has on occasion howled in her sleep, the longest, most ghostly mournful "Uhwooooooooooooo" you've ever heard. It makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up.


@laurel My dog did the same thing. Twitched, too. I wonder what he was dreaming of.

They're always so disappointed when you wake them. They just lift their head to look at you for a moment and then resume their rest


@Danzig! I like the soft little woofs and growls mine do while asleep, and the twitching and peddling. We had a cocker spaniel when I was a kid, and he was normally very quiet, but very occasionally, he would just sit down and howl for a while. I don't remember if it was ever in his sleep.

Hot Doom

Apparently I become concerned with fashion in my sleep. One time I fell asleep talking to my friend about how I could win the race of womanhood once I have my own pair of iridescent heels. Another time I just kept saying "Lace. MORE LACE!"


These could so easily be illustrations of me and my boyfriend. He is the cutest sleep-talker! He doesn't dream of food exclusively, just really mundane normal-life situations. "Can you help me with my application?" "Put a banana in the smoothie!"


I have laughed out loud at these comments more than I think I have ever laughed at any comment thread, ever.

I am not a sleeptalker, and sadly, the husband isn't, either. No source of amusement there.

However, my friend Julia-from-college was a sleeptalker. She spoke fluent German in her sleep. Didn't know a word of it awake. You could have conversations where you'd say something in English; she'd reply in German. She never remembered any of it.

The Frozen Head of Dorothy Zbornak


For all of those similarly amused, I am going to second the recommendation for Sleep Talkin' Man. Consistently hilarious!


@The Frozen Head of Dorothy Zbornak Sleep Talkin' Man is incredible. I have no idea how his wife manages to get any sleep.


@catsuperhero Was it proper German? Did someone who spoke German ever verify it? Sometimes in my dreams, someone speaks to me in Spanish (or German when I studied that) and I always wonder if my dream Spanish (or German) is REAL Spanish (or German.)


Oh, how I love sleep talking/walking stories. The way the brain works while in sleep is fascinating! And hilarious!

My BF is a frequent sleep talker in the mornings. Usually when I leave for work and he's still sleeping, I will crawl in with him and say my goodbyes with a cuddle. Usually I am greeted with some completely random comment or question related to whatever is happening in his mind at that time. Last week he asked me if I remembered which train it was. This morning he described a boiler system he wants to design in detail until I interrupted him with kisses (he's a plumber). Another time he told me the candy wasn't going to be ready until thursday, "So, too bad.". It's the cutest thing ever, and makes it really hard for me to crawl back out of the bed and go to work.

While on the topic of sleep brains, I have a question. When I wake up the very first thing I do is stumble to the bathroom half asleep and pee. I always have to go BAD very first thing. Anyway, with great regularity, I find myself having a mini panic attack while sitting and going... what if I didn't actually get out of bed? What if I'm still in bed and this is a dream? What if I'm PEEING THE BED!? Does anyone else do this? No? Just me? Okay.


@breccalynn EVERY SINGLE MORNING. I totally hear you. I'm sitting there, and then I'm suddenly SURE that I'm still in bed. It doesn't help that occasionally I wind up just sort of semi-falling asleep on the toilet in the early morning.

hahahaha, ja.

@breccalynn: I do this too, but all the time, and not just the first pee of the day. I had a dream once that I thought I was peeing in a toilet but then GASP it totally wasn't a toilet, and apparently that dreamed freaked me out enough that now every time I sit down to pee I panic for a moment.

Anyway, glad to hear I'm not alone wrt toilet panics.


@breccalynn Thankfully this precise situation hasn't been a problem for me, but I've had early morning dreams where I either have to pee so badly and can't for some reason and become obsessed with finding a toilet/acceptable peeing circumstance or convincing whoever is forbidding me from peeing to allow me to. Or that I somehow end up peeing in a completely inappropriate situation because I can't hold it anymore, and am totally humiliated. This usually ends up being the fact that I have to pee in real life seeping into my dream, so when I wake up I'm always so thankful that the embarrassing/desperate situation didn't happen in real life, and I can just walk down the hall and be like, "Yay! A bathroom!"


@hahahaha, ja. I dream about peeing a lot for some reason, and it's always way more stressful than the real world (e.g., the only place to go is a giant toilet the size of a bath tub and my dress has a train that I need to keep out of the water, I'm somewhere with public bathrooms so I have to figure out a way to privately use the toilet in an open, busy room)-- I think it's mostly neuroticism, in my case. But I am always worried I, too, will one day wet the bed, but I never have and probably won't, just like I don't run for my life in my sleep despite having a crapton of "monster chasing me SCREAM" dreams.


@NiceDress Me too!!!


My BF talks in his sleep pretty often, and also laughs. Last time he did the latter, he'd rolled onto his stomach, propped himself up on his elbows, and then did this total fake-sounding chuckle (like someone might do if his boss told an unfunny joke), while making "now that's what I'm talking about!" gestures. I was expecting finger-guns and a wink too but he just plopped back over and began to snore.


AHH i love that this has made people share their own sleep talking stories. they are all true, and there are more. also i am laughing so hard at "gibbons!" right now!!!


My sophomore year roommate once went to sleep before I got back from studying. I came back in and turned on my desk lamp to get my pjs on. She sat straight up and said, quite audibly and with venom, "WHAT the FUCK are you doing?" Then she lay back down and went to sleep.

Britta Sorensen@facebook

Was your friend talking about Donut Man in Glendora? Because those are some amazing donuts.


@Britta Sorensen@facebook He was!! And we still haven't been there!

The Frozen Head of Dorothy Zbornak

@alicke Awww, I thought you were talking about JK Donuts on 3rd, near LACMA. They have the same thing, and it is wonderful!


@The Frozen Head of Dorothy Zbornak YES NEW DONUT PLACE THANK YOU

The Frozen Head of Dorothy Zbornak


Oops, I meant SK Donuts. But yes, they are great! And 24 hours. And they have boba!

Angry Panda

Once my dog howled in his sleep and my mother thought it was me. I don't know what that says about my childhood sleep-talking habits.

Michaela D@twitter

I had a roommate in college who was a frequent sleep moaner. We're talking sensual moans here, not I-have-a-lot-of-bad-dreams moans. If I was going to stay up later than her, I had to use earphones or go study/waste time somewhere else.

Michaela D@twitter

@Michaela D@twitter Ohgod, and my little sister, the last time she was in town, woke up after beer and vampire diaries in the middle of the night and listed reasons to me why I was terrible until I cried and went out to sulk on the patio. She was out cold when I returned. The next day, she apologized, but swore she remembered nothing.

So in other words, I envy you all with your cutesy sleeptalking stories and wish all of mine weren't traumatising.

The Frozen Head of Dorothy Zbornak

I live down the street from that fresh strawberries donut place! It is, indeed, great.


My favorite sleep-talking story from my childhood involved me shouting indignantly, "[sister], stop coloring on my paper!" It woke my mom up, and she was apparently about to go tell my sister to knock it off when it sank in that it was the middle of the night and we were therefore unlikely to be coloring.

Dirty Hands

I never thought I was a sleep-talker but a couple of days ago my new roommate said I talk in my sleep. Of course I was intensely curious, but she said I had only "mumbled random things"... oh, well. I'm not sure if I should even want to speak more clearly while sleeping!


My husband dreams of work.
The first time I heard it was when we were still dating and I was staying at his place.
He sat up, looked at the clock, and said, "Hold on ... yep, I'm pretty sure my bank is being robbed right now." I thought he was having a crime-solving revelation, but nope. Sleep nonsense.


Once on vacation, my brother and I were sharing a room. He was having an afternoon nap and I was reading in the other bed. He rolled over, giggled to himself, and said "Blaaaaazin'".


My brother was a sleep talker as a kid, and according to his wife, still is on occasion. When they were dating, he had gone to play recreational hockey, and she had gone out drinking with some friends. He had gotten home and gone to bed before she did. When she walked in their room, he apparently sat up and started talking to her pretty normally, so she thought he was awake. He then launched into a detailed spiel about the pros and cons of different types of hockey masks and helmets and became really insistent when she questioned why he was going on about the topic, which was when she realized he had been asleep the whole time.

He also did the pseudo-awake state thing too. One time it happened when we were leaving a distant family member's house as teenagers, and he said his goodbyes and got into the car groggy but conscious-seeming. The next day he didn't remember a thing, and asked how he got home, and was totally freaked out when I recounted the events to him. He then declared that he was going to use that state to interrogate his future children about things they wouldn't tell him, e.g. wake them up in the middle of the night and ask them if they were doing drugs, etc. He has a young daughter now, so we'll see how that goes...


I do both the half awake conversations and sleeptalking thing. The other night my boyfriend got up to go to the bathroom and in my half awake phase I had convinced myself that he had mortally injured himself and was refusing to tell me about it or go to the hospital. When he got back into bed I refused to be next to him and when he asked what was the matter I said "I'm very upset with you and you know why."


I often wake myself up sleeptalking, so I don't really know what I say. Sometimes I wake up to one of my dogs standing above me and looking down with that tilted head puzzled gaze of concern.

Ladies Who Punch

On the way to Houston from SF one Thanksgiving I woke up feeling sick before the flight & took half a Xanax to fall asleep on the plane. I ordered an adult beverage to help me get there too--Baily's & hot chocolate.

I had the drink in my hand & was starting to nod off. My husband tried to take the drink from my hand so I wouldn't spill it. When I felt it leaving my clutches, I half awake asked what he was doing & he responded he was trying to take my drink from me. In my bitchiest voice I sad "Am I finished with it?" No, he says. "Then leave it alone" I muttered.

Sleepy me is a cranky pants.


My brother talks in his sleep, but I've never shared a room with him, so I've only heard a few choice excerpts from his former roommate. My favorite: "Shhhh you gotta mingle. You can't let it look suspicious."


Just wanted to note that, Saturday morning, I woke up thinking about this and felt compelled to purchase tacos for lunch. Which I did.


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Roll Ken Doll I had a roommate who did that too! But it was in Mandarin, and often yelling instead of just talking AGEN BOLA. I think she was yelling at her mom in her sleep.


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