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Interview With a Fake Nobel Prize, Conducted by a Jar of Nutella

Nutella – You’re not a real Nobel Prize. You’re just something they invented in 1968 because economists are both pushy and insecure.

Nobel Memorial Prize in Economic Science – Well, you’re not really a breakfast food, so I guess we’re both a little misunderstood, huh?

Nutella – Whoa.

Nobel Memorial Prize in Economic Science – It can be easier to dish it out than take it, Nutella. I used to be like you. I had a real chip on my shoulder. Let me tell you, I spent a long time talking to Peace before I stopped spinning my wheels. A lot of prescription meds, a lot of lovers. Being the old guy at Burning Man. Being the young guy at Esalen.

Nutella – Look, it’s not that I’m really so angry, I just don’t always know who I am, you know? I’m not a nut butter, really, even though I’m banned from 98% of preschools. And I’m not a dessert, either. Or am I a dessert? Was my father a dessert? Was HIS father? Would he have defined himself as a dessert, or just…as a jar with edible contents?

Nobel Memorial Prize in Economic Science – But always something to be consumed.

Nutella – (uncomfortably) I guess? Heh, who’s conducting the interview here?

Nobel Memorial Prize in Economic Science – Maybe we both are. Maybe our parents are. Maybe neither. Maybe we’re just two souls, talking. Why define this?

Nutella – (cries quietly)

Nobel Memorial Prize in Economic Science – It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault.

(they kiss passionately)

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