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Friday, October 12, 2012

708

Friday Open Thread

(And: Jane gets married tomorrow!)



708 Comments / Post A Comment

smidge

JANE! Congratulations and have a wonderful time!

redheaded&crazy

JAAAAAAAANE! CONGRATULATIONS!!!

JadedStone

@redheaded&crazie SO EXCITING! CONGRATS

miss buenos aires

@redheaded&crazie

Woo-hoo! Pictures!

adorable-eggplant

How was everybody's week? I'm watching the Mindy Kaling Project because I'm her new #1 fan (listened to her book on tape and got hooked). Anyone want to discuss?

Danzig!

@adorable-eggplant I finally went to Pies'n'Thighs and now I have the task of restraining myself from going there every single day.

adorable-eggplant

@Danzig! OHMYGOD I haven't had lunch yet! I cannot even look at those piiiictures!! Ahh, pie. Love it so damn much.

annebee

@adorable-eggplant I love that show, and my bf loves it even more. I haven't watched the most recent one though. Weekend activity :)

TheLetterL

@adorable-eggplant The show has been a pleasant surprise for me. I like that the character manages to be bubbly without being vapid and is still professionally competent.

Lit Drunkard

@adorable-eggplant stressful, but pretty good! I went to the Denver-Boulder Women Who Code and fantastically inspired. Now trying to muster up the effort to resume working for the final hour.

adorable-eggplant

@TheLetterL Exactly! Her office is a little over the top, but if I were a writer who got to pretend to be a doctor, that'd pretty much be my office too, so I can't judge.

adorable-eggplant

@Lit Drunkard Count doooowwn! Final hours are for staring into space and wondering what to eat for dinner. :)

Lit Drunkard

@adorable-eggplant that's where I'm at, yup. And then quickly tabbing to work when someone walks by

thisisunclear

@adorable-eggplant I need the red dress Mindy wears to the club in this week's episode.

adorable-eggplant

@thisisunclear Yeeeessss! Does anyone want to find it and report back?

thisisunclear

@adorable-eggplant And wear it to Jane's wedding?

elsbels

@adorable-eggplant I really love that show. Like her, I love romantic comedies though I definitely prefer When Harry met Sally over You've got mail, anyways my favourite moment was when Chris Messina's character talked about how weird it would be to get off the subway and it was suddenly the 1940s and she got totally into that story although he just said that to shoot down her definition of weirdness.

adorable-eggplant

@elsbels That was a great moment. I think it's awesome how playful and fun and smart that character is. I totally dig it.

Danzig!

Congratulations to Jane!

What's up Open Thread, I went to Philadelphia over the weekend and it was exactly what I needed. Met some v. cool people I've known from the internet for ~10 years, successful and brilliant and talented people.

I also went to see my favorite band, who were loud and incredible and played a lot of new stuff. Even got a backstage pass, but I did the stammering fan thing and I don't think they were into it at all. I've met them before, though, and they're sweet people. Just tired of touring, I guess. The whole VIP thing added formality, too, which was no good.

I've got about 90 pages to read and 15 pages to write over the next 3 days and I'm procrastinating like hell. It's all good, tho.

Lucienne

@Danzig! Yeah, this is a paper-writing weekend for me.

Danzig!

@Lucienne What's your subject? I'm summarizing the evolution of American federalist politics.

Oh, another bloggy life thing about me: It's still bothering me that my best friend has yet to get in touch with me, it makes me wonder if I've done something wrong.

Lucienne

@Danzig! I am summarizing (probably very poorly) recent-ish debates on Davidson's account of metaphor.

Have you made a second try with your bf? I only ask because sometimes weird shit happens.

Danzig!

@Lucienne Yeah! Sent a letter, even. No response.

Man, I miss Philosophy, but I was not good enough.

Lucienne

@Danzig! Ugh, sorry, dude. :(

I am only just barely good enough, I think. I am definitely not good enough at philosophy of language, but luckily neither is most of my class.

Danzig!

@Lucienne Sometimes it's nice being in a course where everyone is just as clueless as you are!

katiethegreat

HAPPY MARRYING DAY JANE!

(I also have no idea of the proper conventions here)

EpWs

@katiethegreat I believe around here it's "Congratulations. How wonderful."

terrific

people at my office whisper all the time and it makes me so paranoid

Reginal T. Squirge

People do that in my office but also they have lots of discussions with each other in their offices with the door closed and I just know they're plotting my demise.

Fiddle dee dee

@terrific Do they occasionally glance over at you as they are whispering, then quickly look away?

terrific

@Fiddle dee dee Our cubicle walls are too high so I don't know!

smidge

@terrific maybe you could drill a small hole in your cubicle wall?

evil melis

Is it in Spanish? Maybe they heard you had a huge dick.

JessAndNo21

@terrific my office is so quiet that when my stomach growls i'm positive everyone can hear it.

"meatball sub," it whispers. and then i am ashamed.

Coal Tar Epoxy

@terrific The guy who sits in the cubicle behind me always whispers with people in not English. Drives me crazy.

This is my new username

@terrific I was whispering to my co-worker yesterday, and it was about period sex so it's not always plotting someone's demise.

Emby

I made kadu bourani (sauteed pumpkin with meat sauce and yogurt sauce) last night with pistachio biyrani rice and it ROCKED EVERYONE'S MINDS AND TONGUES just right off. And then with the leftover pumpkin, my gf and I made pumpkin muffins.

I'm good at this autumn shit.

adorable-eggplant

@Emby You, sir, are winning the season.

smidge

@Emby congrats, Mr. Autumn Man. Recipe?

Emby

@smidge I totally identify with Mr. Autumn Man.

OK: In a frying pan, saute onions in olive oil for about 10 minutes on medium heat. Then add chunks of fresh pumpkin with the outside skin removed and the goop scooped off. Salt and pepper the tops. Cover. Let saute for about 10 minutes, then uncover, turn the chunks, and add about a teaspoon of brown sugar to each chunk and spread it over as best you can. Then sprinkle a bit of cayenne pepper over all the chunks. Cover again. Saute for about 10 more minutes.

In a separate pan, saute more onions and some garlic in oil, then add ground beef and season with salt, pepper, and a bit of cinnamon. Add in a splash of beer (pumpkin beer, if you've got it!) and let cook until the meat is done. But don't let it get too dry!

And finally, in a small sauce pot, add some plain yogurt and about a tablespoon of butter, a little milk to thin it out, and chopped tarragon and garlic. Mix and briefly bring to a simmer, then turn off heat.

Put the pumpkin chunks on a plate, cover with them with the ground beef, then ladle the yogurt sauce over the entire thing. Eat.

smidge

@Emby Mmmmm thank you! Also can I borrow your sweater?

Emby

@smidge Yeah OK.

Mingus_Thurber

@Emby BUT WHAT ABOUT THE PISTACHIO BIRIYANI RIIIIIIIIIIIIICE

Emby

@Mingus_Thurber Okey dokey.

One cup of basmati rice and 2.5 cups of water. About half a teaspoon of tumeric, 3 whole cardamom pods, a quarter teaspoon of coriander seeds, a few dashes of cumin, half a teaspoon of garam masala, maybe 20 pistachios lightly chopped, half a cinnamon stick, and a tablespoon of butter. You get more out of it if you simmer all the dry ingredients (minus the rice) together in the butter for a few minutes before you add the water and rice, but I didn't last night and it still tasted fine. Caveat: Remove the cinnamon stick before you serve and warn your guests to look out for the cardamom pods.

I've tinkered with the idea of somehow keeping the cardamom pods and coriander seeds in a teabag while it cooks, but I've never tried it.

Linette

@Emby I've heard that cheesecloth is the thing for keeping your stick-like additions from mixing with the rest of the dish. Also then you can use it for art projects. Cheesecloth! It is a useful thing.

ReginaSavage

For some reason today I've just hit a wall of depression. Seriously crying at my desk for no real reason. I don't know what brought it on or what to do about it. :(

Danzig!

@ReginaSavage Do something for yrself when yr off work. A good comedy always lifts my spirits. Also eat something you really want!

adorable-eggplant

@ReginaSavage Ooh dear! Could it be seasonal? Maybe a plant and a growlight would help. I don't know, I'm a do-er so my suggestions run towards cup of tea, call a friend, bottle of wine, pizza. Also, sleep can help if it's an overwhelmed feeling.

Hope you feel better soon!

hijabeng

@ReginaSavage Me too =(. I've been watching Buffy recently to boost me up. And consuming too much sugar. Hugs.

lasso tabasco

@ReginaSavage I've had that! Allow yourself a highly specific amount of time to obsess/be sad (say, 15 minutes), and then move on and do something productive! Good luck!

adorable-eggplant

@hijabeng Read a Terry Pratchett novel? For some reason, he always manages to restore my faith in the universe. I'd suggest Thud! or Guards! Guards! or anything with Sam Vimes.

ReginaSavage

@ReginaSavage I think I'm gonna go home and have a beer in the bath.

The rubber duckies make me happy.

nowwhat

@ReginaSavage Sympathies, and echoes to do something for yourself when off work. Sometimes you've just got to feel it for a while...it's times like this that I'm grateful for streaming TV shows on Netflix and red wine.

hijabeng

@adorable-eggplant I have never read Terry Pratchett. Off to buy all the books....

adorable-eggplant

@hijabeng That totally makes my day!!

wallsdonotfall

Who else is applying to grad school at this very moment and feeling barfy because of it?!

Lit Drunkard

@wallsdonotfall me me me! I'm applying for my MFA, and just registered for the GRE (ugh ugh ugh). How about yourself?

wallsdonotfall

@Lit Drunkard Library school, which isn't even an academic degree so it has no business being so stressful. It's only writing to one professor to ask for a recommendation that is making me almost cry.

(GRE, ughhh! I should register for that, but only two of my four schools require it so I'm hoping I can get into one before the necessity arises?)

Writing or something else? I assume writing because of your name but, well, assumptions...!

Lit Drunkard

@wallsdonotfall Still, I think putting yourself out there, and asking for something you want is stressful.

The GRE is going to be the most frustrating part- most schools don't require it, but there are a few (3!) that I'm interested in that do. And even then, if the department likes you, they'll (probably) overlook poor scores. It just feels like I'm sending out money for no reason

Lucienne

@wallsdonotfall I was here last year. You are strong. You are beautiful. You are too good for Grad Cafe.

thenotestaken

@wallsdonotfall I'm planning on applying this winter--the next three weeks will be for narrowing down schools/programs/supervisors. Then going to a conference at the end of October that I can hopefully "network" (ahhhhhhhhhh) at. Just finished the GRE--it truly is the shittiest thing. Stay strong!

omgkitties

@wallsdonotfall Oooh, good luck! I loved library school with the heat of a thousand suns. I'm sure you'll rock the whole process.

The Lady of Shalott

@Lucienne DON'T DO GRAD CAFE, IT IS NOT WORTH IT, JESUS GOD DON'T DO IT.

Lit Drunkard

@wallsdonotfall Oh and yes! Writing! Poetry, to be exact. Hopefully I can write poetry and do communications work for nonprofits and live in a seaside city and have a dog that never barks but is always up for adventure. Not too much to ask, right?

Ellie

I'm applying to grad school this fall as well but almost all of my deadlines are in January. I am applying to Slavic Languages & Literatures Ph.D. programs. I am lucky in that I already took the GRE my senior year of college three years ago. Also I work in administration at a graduate school so the whole process is really demystified, so I'm fortunately not too stressed about it.

thenotestaken

@Ellie GIVE US YOUR WISDOM

Lit Drunkard

@Ellie Are you applying to the Pittsburgh program? I was a Former-Yugoslavian major in college, and have been interested in a possible Masters (but first! MFA!)

Ellie

@thenotestaken Do everything really far in advance (like ask your recommenders now if you haven't already . . . note, I still have not) and don't freak out. The school I work at is a pretty good school and there are a lot of people who are here with earnest and genuine personal statements and biographies, but not necessarily Mensa-level prose or qualifications.

Valley Girl

@wallsdonotfall Yup! I just registered to take the GRE in mid-November and dropped $75 on study books but I think I have not allotted nearly enough math study time. I'm not even thinking about the rest of the app process until the test is out of the way :/

Ellie

@Lit Drunkard Cool! I started out in college doing BCS but now I'm more interested in Russian literature as well as Holocaust literature and theory of narrative. I hadn't really been thinking about Pittsburgh for some reason but will re-look at it. Out of curiosity, what is your reasoning for being interested in an MA? My impression has been that there's not much point in getting an MA in an obscure humanities field unless you are only doing it in order to get a Ph.D. subsequently.

Lit Drunkard

@Ellie Honestly, I'm still operating under "BA-MA-PhD" (and PhDs scare me a little, since I don't want to go into academia).

I'm super interested in Holocaust lit/theory of narrative as well. If you're looking for a nonprofit to possibly align with (designing programming work) Facing History and Ourselves is excellent (and I kind of work for them, but not the main reason for the shout out). Are you planning on staying in academia (but shifting to teaching/researching?)?

Ellie

@Lit Drunkard Cool! I will check that out. Thanks for the tip.

I would like to stay in academia. At least in terms of Holocaust stuff I'm much more interested in the academic/literary theory perspective than in, like, policy or education (though I do appreciate that that is a huge amount of the field). I want to teach and research. Both of my parents are professors (in psychology-related fields) and I always thought I would do something different, but, here I am.

EpWs

@wallsdonotfall STAY THE FUCK OFF OF GRAD CAFE. SERIOUSLY. STAY AWAY.

EpWs

@Lit Drunkard Whoa, that's a major you can have? You are basically studying my family, yo. SO COOL.

Lit Drunkard

@wallsdonotfall that's awesome- best of luck!

Lit Drunkard

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I ended up creating it for myself- I had started as an Eastern European/IR major and just fell in love with the language and history of the Balkans. I was super lucky that my school supported it

MrsTeacherFace

@wallsdonotfall I keep trying to decide if I should go back and get my PhD; I finished my Masters in Curriculum and Instruction this summer. I would like to teach at the University level (I teach HS English), but I know it's hard to find a job as a professor making as much money as I do now (which is not much), and my husband and I just bought a house. :(

redheaded&crazy

Soooooooo myself and some other 'pinners are in the early stages of planning a big pinup in Chicago next June (weekend of the 7th). I've talked about it here and there! You may have seen!

Anyway if you're interested now that we've decided on a date, you can jump over here to sign up for updates!

And if you're in toronto and want to go you should talk to meee because I wanna buy my plane tickets but I kind of want to drive down to buffalo and oh I'm getting ahead of myself but I'm just so excited~

redheaded&crazy

ATTENTION GETTING PICTURE!

redheaded&crazy

Anyway YOU should come. Yes, you. With the eyes.

redheaded&crazy

@redheaded&crazie People who do not have eyes are also welcome you ableist sonofabitch.

raised amongst catalogs

@redheaded&crazie You could drive to Michigan and then we can carpool.

redheaded&crazy

@this brave bird (formerly vanillawaif) I've looked into the driving option! But toronto to michigan is a 7 hour drive so for a long weekend that's too much travel time for me :(

Toronto to buffalo however is only 2 hours! But the difference in flights is only about $100 right now (toronto to chicago vs buffalo to chicago) so I have a feeling I'll just end up flying the whole thing unlesss there are toronto pinners to carpool to buffalo with!

raised amongst catalogs

@redheaded&crazie Oh, lord, is it seven hours? I have no idea why I thought it was ...three or something. *The more you knoooooooow!*

redheaded&crazy

@this brave bird (formerly vanillawaif) if it was three I would do it in a hot second (well .. I would do it in three hours)! Michigan, why you so distant? Cuddle on up next to me baby!

raised amongst catalogs

@redheaded&crazie It's shaped like a mitten! It SEEMS like it would be clingy.

BornSecular

@redheaded&crazie Let me in, let me in! (just applied to join group) I want updates.

The Lady of Shalott

@this brave bird (formerly vanillawaif) Having made the drive a zillion times, Toronto to Detroit is about five hours, give or take a few. BUT Detroit to Chicago is another five hours. The Toronto - Detroit trip has always taken me 10 hours, give or take a few, and you have the added haterade of going through customs.

OR you could skip Detroit entirely and go Toronto-London-Sarnia/Port Huron and then to Chicago, which takes an equal amount of time but less stress because the Blue Water Bridge is less of a nightmare.

dale

@redheaded&crazie Hmmm...a little over $600 in airfare through Westjet...lemme think about it.

JadedStone

@redheaded&crazie I am doing my best to go to this!

Bittersweet

@redheaded&crazie Does the pincushion part mean you need to know how to sew and be crafty? Or can you just show up and buy people drinks and make fun of yourself the whole time?

redheaded&crazy

@Bittersweet it has nothing to do with craftiness! It is meant to evoke the image of 'pinners gathering in chicago like pins in a cushion!

So yes please come and buy me drinks! Jk I'll buy YOU drinks! But they will be tequila shots.

hollerithcircus

Guys, can you tell me about what you did with your college significant other when you graduated? Did you try to coordinate post-grad locations? Did you break-up? Did you go long distance? How did whatever you did work out for you?

Emby

@hollerithcircus I moved across the country, we tried long distance for a few months, and then she decided it wasn't working, I mostly agreed, and then we broke up. It worked out fine. She went her way, I went mine, and I'm still friendly with her. I was sad when it all went down, but now I look back on it like pretty much any other breakup.

terrific

@hollerithcircus Broke up. But it was long-coming and we were not a happy college couple.

MilesofMountains

@hollerithcircus I tried long distance with my first college boyfriend, and after just over a year of that we realized we no longer cared at all about the relationship. We broke up. With my second college boyfriend, the stress of moving to a post-grad location broke up our (shitty) relationship.

adorable-eggplant

@hollerithcircus Broke up. Twice (including my grad school bf here, so I've got a sample size of two). Um, mostly it worked. I'm still good friends with my first ex and haven't spoken to the second in almost a year (but finally have no hard feelings, so it's a win).

For my second, we half-heartedly tried to coordinate, but the relationship was already broken, so that didn't go too well. We broke up right before graduation (like maybe a week before) and that was tough, but also really nice to be done with. Except the bit where I ran into a mutual friend who was like, "Sorry I couldn't make so-and-so's graduation party," to which I responded, "Um yeah, I didn't either, we've broken up." But what breakup isn't fraught with crappy moments?

Scandyhoovian

@hollerithcircus Er, does it count the same way if it was a graduate school significant other? 'Cause if it does, I'm marrying him in three weeks.

My undergrad significant other extends from my left wrist, and we are doing just fine, if not seeing each other a bit less frequently than we did in college. The fiance understands this arrangement.

ReginaSavage

@hollerithcircus Toughed it out for a couple of months. Then I was unemployed trying to find a job and my mom asked me one day "So, now that you're not in school what are you and him going to do? Move in together? Get engaged?" And the thought of either of those things happening scared me so fucking badly I dumped him the next time I saw him.

Reginal T. Squirge

I decided to move several states away but hadn't asked her to come with me (she still had a year left... and I didn't want her to come with me). She noticed that I hadn't asked her to come with me and we fought about it a lot. Then she started locking me out of the bedroom so I would come home from work and have to sleep on the couch. Then I told her not to do that or we would have to break up. Then she kept doing it so I broke it off. Then I started living the other bedroom. Then she started dating someone else. Then I went on vacation for a week. Then I got back and the new bf was living with us. Then I moved to Portland. Then we never spoke again.

phipsi

@ReginaSavage Eh. Better off. I was long-distance with my collegiate SO for a year...we got married, but turned out LATER that he was cheating on me the year we were long distance. And then KABLAMMO. Divorced by 24. Enjoy the hell out of your mid-20's and don't look back.

districter

@hollerithcircus I had the 'talk' about the future of our relationship about a year out from graduation. We both agreed we were really serious so I looked for a job in the area, since he had a year left of school. We moved in together in a location that was in the middle of his school and my job. When he graduated he was able to find a job in the area too, (we live in DC so the job market is luckily decent). We will probably get married barring some major life changes, so working out ways to stay together has certianly been worth it for me. This obviously, howveer, become more diffcult when you both aren't attending schools in major metro areas with good job prospects. Hope you feel good with whatever decision you make!

Brunhilde

@hollerithcircus I think he might still be there? What did I do with that guy. Oh yeah, I moved two states away and he came with me because of the whole "being in love" thing and then it took us about 3 years to fall apart and then he moved back home with his mom.

Blondsak

@hollerithcircus

We had planned on breaking up, as we came from cities 1500 miles apart, and he wanted to go back to the East Coast. So, that was the plan from the beginning of senior year, and there was crying and random hugging on my part for the entire spring semester, and sad looks and sighs on his. I remember sobbing into his shoulder while wearing my cap and gown as his parents waited in the car for him.

This lasted for about six months. During those six months, he wasn't finding a steady job out east and I had figured out what I wanted to do with my life (library school! librarian! woooo!), so I called him up one day and basically said, "I don't know what you've got going on, job-wise or love-life-wise, but I'm still in love with you and I plan on applying to grad school and living out east next year, and I see you there with me, so are you in?" And he said, "You had me at hello" (not really, but that was the gist).

So he then made plans to visit me in the midwest for three weeks which turned into 7 months, and then we moved out east together. Now we live in a tiny east coast studio apartment, going to school and working and generally making merry. The End.

Moral of the story: it can work out! But a lot of things usually have to line up just right, and usually at least one person has to be willing to make a sacrifice of some sort, whether it be moving somewhere they don't really want to go, or turning down a job/school they really want, etc.

entangled

@hollerithcircus We broke up. We were happy enough together, but had different life plans (he wanted kids, I didn't. He wanted to live in New York. I wanted to live in California.) We talked a little bit about whether it would be worth it to try long distance but realized that it wasn't and we didn't really want to spend our lives together. It was a very strange moment when he left to go back to school (he was a year behind me). I was with him and then all of a sudden I was not.

One of the best decisions I've ever made. So anyway, part 2 of the story which is also an answer to your question. Over the course of his senior year, he and my best friend got together. By the time they were ready to graduate the following spring, they decided they did want to stay together. She was kind of in a position where she couldn't go home, couldn't stay there, so she went to NY with him, got a job, they got a place, etc, etc. (they got married and have a kid now. I was single for awhile, then met someone else with whom I had a much, much stronger romantic connection than I ever had with my college ex.)

I know a couple other couples who stayed together, dealt with moderate long distance (SF-LA, for example) for a finite period of time, then built their lives in part around being in the same place.

Basically, either way can work BUT everyone needs to be real about their life goals. Sure these things can change and being open-minded is great, but I think by college graduation most people have some idea if they want kids, how settled they want to be over the next few years, if they're going to go to grad school, etc.

City_Dater

@hollerithcircus

We went on a vacation together that would make a truly spectacular movie (think "Withnail & I" but NOT FUNNY), which should have made it clear we not compatible in anything resembling the real world, and broke up shortly thereafter, but not without trying to be a long-distance couple for a few sullen months somewhere in there.

City_Dater

@City_Dater

Parenthetically, I would wholeheartedly recommend any young post-college couple going on a trip together before doing anything like moving across the country to shack up/get married/have a baby/adopt a pet. It is a truly amazing test for the future of a relationship.

lisma

@hollerithcircus We broke up for good the week before graduation. We had had two other breaking up conversations before that and I thought we were going to be ok. Then one morning in bed, something he said made me realize it was over. It was very hard at the time because he was my first boyfriend, the first person I'd loved. Five years on, it was absolutely the right thing and I can't imagine us being together anymore.

terrific

@hollerithcircus Oh. Oh. This article is fantastic. You / anyone interested in the topic of relationships at the end of college and their possible outcomes should read it. I may or may not know the author.

KeLynn

@hollerithcircus - Ha. I graduated, moved to be with him, and I broke up with him a couple months later. Wheee!

Setsuko

@hollerithcircus It worked out. We both wanted to move to New York. I got a job, he got into grad school/a teaching fellowship. 1.3ish years later and everything is working out nicely. I am less into living in New York than I thought I would be, and his fellowship requires him to be here for the next 4 years, but I don't hate it or anything so I think it will be fine. For me what makes everything work is that we are very compatible in addition to being in love. We have similar life goals / desires, we each like the other's families, etc.

We were both very lucky to get the types of jobs that we wanted with the degrees that we have (BA art history, BA/MA mathematics). We also lived together while in college, so we didn't have the risk of moving in and hating it.

MsAndry

@hollerithcircus We both ended up staying in DC, where we went to school, which made sense because it's a big center for media and we're both reporters. He graduated a year ahead of me so we were able to stagger the will-I-ever-get-a-job post-grad stress, which was kind of nice. I graduated about a year and a half ago and we're still together and really happy, sooo... so far so good!

olivebee

@hollerithcircus Well my high school SO turned into my college SO, then we got engaged. But that probably only worked out that way because we both wanted to stay in the same city after graduation, so we moved in together, both found jobs here, and then got married. This is probably an anomaly and probably not very helpful to you. But I think that it entirely depends on both of your goals, plans, and commitment to staying together. Having A Big Talk about it all will help you determine if you are on the same page as your SO.

the roughest toughest frail

@hollerithcircus I married him this time last year.

We did have a Big Talk about what we were doing post-graduation. We're lucky in that we were from the same area and moved home together, as we planned, but there were a lot of big questions about our respective careers and futures. Mitigating the job hunt was really rough, especially since he had a very specific career path in mind whereas I was very much open to whatever, including moving abroad.
Like everyone else has pointed out, it's not easy and someone (usually both of you!) has to make sacrifices.

Megasus

@hollerithcircus I waited for like two years for him to graduate (even though he only started a year after me, but that is a different basket of eggs), he basically benefited from me actually having money that whole time, then we moved across the province and he finally got a good paying job and never reciprocated for the millions of times I treated him while he was in school and then we stopped talking to each other and he eventually left me for a 22 year old girl, the end.
I'm not bitter about it at all!

EpWs

@hollerithcircus He actually stayed in my hometown while I was at college so we did quasi-long-distance while I was at school, I went to grad school in that town, we stayed together, I graduated, we continue to stay together. Have no experience about coming into college from different towns and then going from there, though.

Sidebar: A friend of mine dated her college boyfriend long distance during undergrad and they moved to the same city for grad school. They've both graduated and got engaged last weekend.

Plant Fire

@hollerithcircus This might be a little bit of a long response but I'm in the middle of this right now and so I have many thoughts on the subject (and also there is a lot of background on how I came to my decision that I think would make my decision make more sense if I shared it).

Ok so I met my current boyfriend the summer after my junior year and one semester before I was supposed to graduate. And I had a crush and he had a crush and we hooked up. And then the school screwed up my transcripts and I had to stay for a semester and so we started dating. I assumed we'd break up but then I realized it was really worth it for me to try and see what it would be like to stay together, even though I was moving to New York and he had one semester left, because he is basically the best person I've ever met.

I think one of the big keys in my decision is that in addition to feeling very confident about this relationship (we work well together, we were good friends for about 6 months before we started dating so there's a strong foundation, we've semi lived together for short periods of time, we've gone on trips together, we get along, etc.) was that I felt fairly settled as a person. One of the bigs things I read about why college age couples split up afterwards is because they want to travel and explore and they see and do all these new things and it changes them wildly and then they are very different people. And while I'm sure I'm going to change and grow in may ways I've never been a person who went through major spikes in things like that. Not that I don't go through changes like everyone else, it's just never been a major thing for me. Also, by the time I was 18 I had visited 25 countries and lived in 6 (now 27 and 8) and I went to international schools where I was surrounded by people from cultures and countries different from my own and I also lived in a couple places where (in school and at home) there was an expectation that kids be more independent than there is in the US. So even though I still have all the changes that come with being in your 20s ahead of me, I'd also already done a lot of the things most people want to do after college so not only did I not see myself having as many life changing experiences right away but also I had different plans. I'm done with moving and I knew that after moving to New York I was pretty much done and wanted to focus on learning what it would be like to live in one place and have friends you know for more than 2 years and building a settled life for myself. So I wasn't worried so much about changing wildly in the first year and discovering that I suddenly wasn't someone who wanted to be with my boyfriend.

The other big deciding factor is that after talking it all over with my boyfriend I realized that regardless of what happened I'd be fine with it. So if we graduated and broke up 3 months later, or lived together for a year and then split even though it would suck majorly I was confident that I wouldn't feel like I missed out on having a particular post college experience, free of a boyfriend. And, because of the reasons I mentioned before, I figured the time that would be more of a big deal for me is in my late 20s and early 30s, because thats when I'll finally be realizing whether or not I'm actually capable of staying in one place and whether or not I like living in the U.S (I didn't grow up here I'm just half American) and so whether I stay with my college boyfriend or not it has no impact on how that would affect me.

Oh, and finally, I know that statistically people are really likely to break up with their college boyfriends but I think the reasons that happens have more to do with the fact that people break up and not all relationships last than having to do with something inherent in the nature of relationships that happen in one's early 20s. They're a little trickier while you look for a job and a city to live in but after that...I mean people can grow apart in their 40s and people can find out their worldview and plans change for themselves in their 30, it's not just something that happens to people our age.

tea tray in the sky.

@hollerithcircus Moved to New Zealand together for grad school, signed into a rental agreement that meant we were sharing a single bed in a res flat, and then broke up :(

All good though!

withatwist

@hollerithcircus We started dating when we were at universities about three hours apart. We knew we wanted to continue dating after graduation so we applied to graduate programs in the same general areas. Everything worked out and we wound up in the same city, moved in together, were incredibly poor for awhile, did grad school, grew up a lot, and are now getting married.
Sidebar on independence and changing as you grow up while maintaining a relationship with someone you met when you were eighteen; talk out all your options and what they might mean for your relationship and be open about what you're feeling. Post-college is difficult in so many ways for everyone, whether you're finding your first job or going to grad school or doing a long-term volunteer program like TFA. Making decisions blindly and solely based on what your significant other wants/ seems to want is not support. Don't ever decide to do anything because it seems like the next logical step. In my rational mind getting married at thirty is the "right" thing to do but instead I'm getting married at twenty-five because that's what's right for me. I have dear friends in a long-term committed relationship who intend to someday start a family but do not share an apartment yet and do not have any desire to get married right now. Different things work for different people.

withatwist

Talking things out and running through what different decisions would mean, as a couple and as individuals, is obviously recommended for all ages. I just think people tend to be less great about it when they're in their twenties.

AntesDeVerElSol

@hollerithcircus Everyone has already done a really lovely job giving their anecdotes, but I figure one more positive-but-not-perfect one can't hurt.

I started "dating" my current bf towards the end of senior year. A few months earlier, I had FINALLY ended an absolutely terrible long-distance relationship with my possessive, controlling high school boyfriend. Bf and I were exclusive, but insisted to our (many, mutual) friends that we were NOT BOYFRIEND AND GIRLFRIEND. At the time, we were both obsessed with the idea of being free and single.

Sometime around March or April we gave ourselves a firm break-up deadline of move-out day. He was going home to the DC metro area and I was going to the Caribbean for a summer internship. We DID NOT want a long distance relationship. The night before my move-out day came, we cried our eyes out and were SO SAD but still agreed we would just be friends.

After about a week of forcing ourselves not to speak to each other, we finally admitted we missed one another. We saw each other two times before I left for the summer, but still agreed we couldn't do long distance. Then we talked almost every day while I was gone. He found a cheap flight to Cancun and I took a bus to meet him. At some point he asked me to be his girlfriend over Skype (go ahead, laugh).

I came back to my parents' house in New Jersey in September with plans to move to DC ASAP. He had plans to move to NYC ASAP. We knew this didn't make any sense. We did the long distance thing. I finally decided to move to DC without a job and set a date. Two days before I moved, he got a job in NYC. We overlapped in DC FOR ONE DAY.

But I loved DC and he loved NYC. We kept on trucking with the long distance thing. I applied to law schools in DC, CA and TX. I added ONE in NJ "just in case". I got into my dream school in TX with no financial aid. Then I got a full scholarship to the NJ school. I picked the NJ school.

Currently, we've been back in the same area for over a year. Things have worked out, but in some ways they were easier when we were apart. He's not ready to move in together and I maybe am? The 50 minute trip to get to his apartment wears on me. We fight sometimes. BUT he makes me happy.

I think the best advice I can give if you want your relationship to continue is to try to make it work, but to pursue the jobs/ grad opportunities/cross-country moves/ international moves that you've always dreamed of. If long distance ends up making you miserable, end it. Alternatively, you might decide that you don't really care where you live. You might get a scholarship to a school you wouldn't have applied to if not for the other person. You might get your dream jobs in the same city.

Life is unpredictable.

Adult Footie Pajamas

@Reginal T. Squirge Moving to Portland is the best decision ever!

Reginal T. Squirge

Ever since I wrote that I've been thinking I should come back and explain a little more...

While I did end the relationship fairly abruptly (even though we were growing apart and had been fighting regularly for months), I stopped talking to her altogether because I couldn't forgive her for moving her new bf in to live with us while I was out of town. Also, she never really apologized for all of that nor did she seem actually sorry for it.

Ultimately, though, it was a good thing for both of us because she wanted to stay in Colorado and I hated it there... and we just weren't that compatible. Last I heard (years ago), she has a kid now and seems to be doing perfectly fine without me. This is good! I wish her the best, really! We had a great relationship most of the time and I look back on almost the whole thing (except for that last bit) with much fondness.

... I figured most people wouldn't give a shit about my addendum to this story, though.

Bittersweet

@hollerithcircus Reader, I married him. (After 5 years of work, crazy health emergencies, relationship drama, family drama, grad school, 2 lengthy long-distance sessions, and moves all over the Northeast from D.C. to Boston.)

Lit Drunkard

The weekend! I plan on building a fort in my living room, and curling inside with wine and tea, and some good books. Any recommendations? (love poetry that rips my heart out- Nick Flynn, Richard Siken, Frank O'Hara, Kim Addonizio- and lately, I've loved "Wild", "You Deserve Nothing", and "Once Upon a River")

bocadelperro

@Lit Drunkard oh man I am so jealous. That is just what I want to do this weekend. Instead I have to go do a bunch of family stuff because it's my grandpa's 90th birthday and as much as I love him, I find the rest of my family rather exasperating. It's also cold and rainy here and I think I'm getting a cold and I finally made some progress on "A Discovery of Witches" and it's just getting good!

(As for poetry, Philip Larkin is pretty much my jam)

smidge

@Lit Drunkard Have you read Bel Canto by Ann Patchett? It's quite lovely.

Lit Drunkard

@bocadelperro I LOVE PHILIP LARKIN.

Hmm... any possibility of slipping away and hiding from your family for an hour or two to read? This may or may not be how I get through all family gatherings. And I am in my mid-twenties.

Lit Drunkard

@smidge I've heard great things about it- going on the list to get form the library! thanks!

miss buenos aires

@smidge I am not ashamed to say that Bel Canto made me cry in public. It was on the shelf at a local coffeeshop, I started reading and literally couldn't put it down until I was done. I haven't *loved* her other stuff, but Bel Canto has a little hidey-hole in my heart.

geek_tragedy

@Lit Drunkard

I am saying...Apollinaire. Or maybe...Aragon? YES ARAGON. I have been trying to memorize a bunch of poetry lately, and these guys top the list. Also Sean O'Brien's latest collection.

geek_tragedy

@geek_tragedy

Ok also PONGE. (I am an ethnocentric French person. Sorry.) He is not read today, and his poetry is great. And weird, and very spare. And reflective.

miss buenos aires

@geek_tragedy Oh, Francis Ponge! I made a French beau read me some of that, just because I didn't have any Baudelaire on me at the time. Still sexy.

bocadelperro

@Lit Drunkard It's a series of dinners and cocktail things, so I can't really slip away. (although I do sometimes hide out and read at family gatherings, too, and I'm 30) Luckily, my grandpa goes to bed at like 7, so I should be home early enough to have a quiet evening with hot toddies (ooh the hot toddies and fuzzy slippers and fleecy blankets are CALLING ME)

Lucienne

@geek_tragedy Mallarmé!

Lit Drunkard

@geek_tragedy Will do! I've read some Apollinaire, but haven't heard of Ponge or Aragon, unfortunately. I will rectify my slight!

Lit Drunkard

@bocadelperro Hot toddies and fuzzy slippers sounds like heaven. HEAVEN.

geek_tragedy

@Lit Drunkard

You will LOVE Aragon. I can't promise Apollinaire. Mallarme, Baudelaire, those guys too.

Aragon, performed by Brassens:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ujj-F4GJ4EY

geek_tragedy

@Lucienne

You're a fine woman, Lucienne. I can already tell.

Lustful Cockmonster

@miss buenos aires Bel Canto is one of my favorite books of all time. Is that embarrassing? Should it be? I don't know and I don't care. I love love love that book.

Lucienne

@geek_tragedy Man, Mallarmé is great. I know some people are like "Mallarmé is THE LAST STRAW" but I think they're crazy. He's the best. He's like if Ingmar Bergman were French or something. Have you read Sartre's Mallarmé or the Poet of Nothingness? It's like, the only time Sartre said nice things about a writer. (If a little bit too reliant on Freud.)

geek_tragedy

@Lucienne

NO BUT I WILL IMMEDIATELY.

bocadelperro

@Lit Drunkard oooh yes it is coming up on hot toddy season and I am CRAVING THEM. How do you make yours? I like irish breakfast tea, bulleit bourbon (which has a lot of rye in it) about half a lemon's worth of juice and a generous tablespoon of honey. A friend of mine uses a little garlic and ginger which is...interesting.

Lil Sebastian

@Lustful Cockmonster I loooove Bel Canto. I read a bunch of her other books and I also loooooved State of Wonder, but it wasn't the same feeling as Bel Canto. Does anyone have any recommendations for books that give that same sense of total absorption into the book-world? Other books that gave me the feeling were The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay, Cloud Atlas, and Life of Pi. I want a lose-yourself-in-the-story weekend! I have the whole house to myself this weekend, grey weather, some Kindle credits, and unlimited tea at my disposal.

Lit Drunkard

@bocadelperro I usually make me mine with a Rooibus tea, bourbon (sometimes whiskey)(also, Bulleit Bourbon is the best!!), a squeeze or two of lemon and agave. I've also done (and this isn't quite a toddy) warmed apple cider, dash of cinnamon, cloves, lemon and bourbon

Lucienne

@Lil Sebastian Maybe try As Meat Loves Salt? It might fuck you up, though. (By "might," I mean "it definitely will.") Or, if you haven't read it, now would be a great time to read Alias Grace! Not that there's ever a bad time to read Alias Grace.

bocadelperro

@Lit Drunkard ooh Rooibus tea is brilliant--I'll have to pick some up. I just made a tisane with fresh ginger, and added some lemon and honey. I'm thinking of adding some elderflower liqueur. Not a real hot toddy, but tasty.

Lit Drunkard

@bocadelperro I love elderflower syrup- I'll have to try to track down some elderflower liqueur; it sounds amazing.

bocadelperro

@Lit Drunkard St. Germain is the most commonly-found one, but I really like Thatcher's, which is made (ironically) in Temperance, MI. There's also Chase, which comes from England, which I've never tried.

Elderflower liqueur has become my go-to "this would be nice with a little bit of booze" add-on lately.

irieagogo

ARRRRRGH!

Where is part two of Gloria Swanson's scandal? I am waiting with drumming fingers! Please, please, please, puhLEASE, A.H.P.!!!!

omgkitties

@irieagogo Yessssss! I have Swanson on Swanson checked out and waiting for me at home because I just couldn't wait. Get here quicker, 5pm.

dtowngirl

I made plans to go out with some friends of mine, and now I'm regretting it. Said friends have political opinions that differ drastically from my own, and they love to talk politics. I'm normally up for arguing about politics, but I feel like I'm too emotionally invested at this point, and I'm worried I won't be able to control my irritation and anger. I don't want to cancel because we rarely get to hang out, but there are only so many ways I can change the subject. Anyone have any tips/ideas?

phipsi

@dtowngirl Ugh. I feel like I have already lost marginal friends in this election cycle due to some (legitimate) Facebook arguing. Can you make a rule of no politics talking tonight? Or just don't engage them if the subject comes up? Someone was making my friend do shots last night every time he brought up work, religion or politics. A HILARIOUS ALTERNATIVE?

Girl Named Jack

@phipsi No no, make him BUY the shots when he brings it up. For everyone else. That will put a stop to it, or you'll all be so blotto it won't matter.

KeLynn

@dtowngirl - Can you just say "hey guys, I know we don't agree and we're not going to convince each other tonight, so can we take a break from politics tonight? I'm tired of talking about the election." I think if you frame it as "we don't agree with each other" instead of "I don't agree with you" it won't be attacky or anything.

dtowngirl

@KeLynn I think that's the route I'm going to go, but they really, really love to talk about politics. It's their main hobby/passion in life. So, we'll see what happens.

par_parenthese

@dtowngirl Totally go with a mental (OR ACTUAL) list of other topics. I think it would be kind of awesome and disarming and hilarious to whip out a list and say, "It's the WEEKEND and we are having fucking DRINKS and a GOOD TIME and talking about any or all of the following but NOT POLITICS: _________. ROCK PAPER SCISSORS FOR WHO CHOOSES THE FIRST TOPIC READY GO."

My suggestion, since Argo came out this week, is to play FMK with Affleck's characters from any three movies of your choosing.

Girl Named Jack

Due to field work and other weirdness, this is the first Friday in forever that I've been in the office for FOT. I've been obsessively f5-ing. FINALLY YOU ARE HERE.

P.S. Congrats Jane!

phipsi

I have a friend who has lost a lot of weight, but she can be a real jerk about it. Yesterday her co-worker imposed by bringing treats to work. My friend commented about how she ate a treat to be friendly, but that she "doesn't want to end up looking like the nice lady who gave [her] the treat." What in the effing eff? For the record, I have made and brought treats to this friend's house many, many times. I don't even know what to do, because I feel like she's judging me for being a fatty every time I bring her some damn treats. "I'm sorry friend, but please don't have some pie, I don't want to impose on your good looks and/or be judged on my looks because you ate some of my damn pie." Am I overreacting? I am really sad she is such a jerk about this.

(p.s. congrats to Jane! I am sure you will have a wonderful, wonderful day!)

adorable-eggplant

@phipsi Oh god, that breaks my heart! People who are that caught up in weight stuff, it just makes me so sad. And part of me wants to be like, "I wouldn't want to live inside your judgy head and never enjoy baked goods with reckless abandon or know the sweet joy of pie again." I figure probably they are torturing themselves enough already and maybe need some compassion, but ugh I feel ya.

ReginaSavage

@phipsi No, you're not. I brought some pumpkin oatmeal cookies into work one day and all the bitchy sales girls gave me dirty looks when I offered them some and one just said "Ew, carbs!"

phipsi

@adorable-eggplant It's true. She also commented on how she needed to exercise extra hard that night to negate the treat. This goes against every bit of my self-lovey intuitive eating practice. Yes, I am overweight. But I don't hate myself or hate the choices I make about food.

phipsi

@ReginaSavage Whatever happened to "no, thanks!" and then, if you're the treat-bringer, don't be pushy about it, right? Tact, people, tact.

frigwiggin

@phipsi So tired of this shit. My coworkers talk about "being good" and how "evil" cookies are and blah blah blah, bringing all this moral shit into it. It's a damn cookie! Don't blame your willpower problems on me or the cookie. If you don't want it don't eat it, and don't shit all over the people who DO want it and who don't get up at 5am to treadmill it off.

Sigh. (I know I'm preaching to the choir, but I can't say anything to my coworkers and it makes me so crabby.)

KeLynn

@phipsi - Ahhhh I'm torn. I totally get the "I feel like I have to eat this for the sake of not insulting this person who made this for me, but I really don't want to because it doesn't fit in my diet plan for today" thing.* And for the record, that *definitely* doesn't mean I don't appreciate it when my friends bring pies over. But it's kind of like...in order to be able to enjoy Friend Pies (which I actually care about) without stressing, I can't eat Coworker Cupcakes (which I don't really care about) every day, so I get stressed out when I feel like I'm expected/bullied into eating Coworker Cupcakes when I don't want to.

BUT BUT BUT her "doesn't want to end up looking like the nice lady" thing, I CANNOT get behind. What the crappy crap. Although, if she even admitted to you that she thought that about someone else, I'd hazard a guess that she does NOT think that about you (or else she wouldn't be comfortable telling you she thinks that about anyone else). Not that it keeps her from being crappy, but if your fear is that she's judging *you* when you hang out, I'd guess that she's not.

*I know that the idea of being a "diet" is controversial to begin with, but I personally do watch what I eat/weigh. I count calories almost every day to keep from losing or gaining weight. I'm not saying that's exactly healthy or well adjusted, but my point is that I get where she's coming from.

Lily Rowan

@phipsi Have you brought her treats when she was dieting? Because that's not that nice, really.

NOT THAT SHE IS RIGHT IN HOW SHE IS TALKING.

But as a person who need to pre-make food decisions, I almost never appreciate someone showing up with cookies. Especially when they are delicious!

phipsi

@Lily Rowan Well, I've just brought baked goods to various friend gatherings - like a pie to a dinner party or what have you. I don't specifically target her by bringing a plate of brownies for HER ONLY, nor do I make a dessert that I know is her FA-FA-FAVORITE and she will be unable to resist. I'm just like, hey dinner party, I want to make a pie. And I, too, have lost a bit of weight over the years and try to make recipes that are lower in sugar and not all-out-horrible.

@KeLynn Oh sure. I was just saying yesterday after I my friend said this sh*t that I, too, have to avoid eating treats at work/parties/whatever on a regular basis. I get it, I've lost quite a bit of weight over the last few years (still fat, still ok with it), and I totally understand having A PLAN and having coworkers/friends/alcohol get in the way of MY PLAN. So I also see her point.

And I know that when I bring treats to work I don't bully anyone into eating them nor ask for constant praise over the deliciousness of my banana bread. ("Sooooo whadjathinkofmy banana bread? Yeah? Delicious? THE BEST?") Like yesterday, someone in another office brought treats and emailed everyone to say "treats!" I read the content of the treats, decided "meh, I'm not in the mood for that kind of treat today," and I was done with it. It just seems like my friend wants constant praise for "being good," etc. And of course, she's not "really dieting" because this is her lifestyle or whatever, that's fine. But I'm not going to pat you on the head every time you turn your nose up at a cookie, nor is it ok to put down people who brought the cookies.

OxfordComma

@phipsi : ...This may be relevant.

Because, honestly, food is amoral.
It needs to stay that way.
Be polite when bringing treats,
be polite when turning them down, oui?

phipsi

@OxfordComma Amen, friend. That was great.

OxfordComma

@phipsi : Thanks! I thoroughly enjoyed writing that.

Lily Rowan

@phipsi OK, dessert to a party is different.

And I apologize for my own touchiness, because my skinny boss keeps putting out treats and then she doesn't eat them, but I shove them all in my piehole and then regret it. But I keep that all inside! Except here, apparently.

And YES YES YES to OxfordComma.

OxfordComma

@Lily Rowan : I completely understand the "ARGH! I WILL EAT ALL THE THINGS!", because I have a hard time not feeding my emotions--it's hard to not blame the bringer of said treats. :(

Lily Rowan

@OxfordComma Yeah, but it's still not actually right to blame them. :(

OxfordComma

@Lily Rowan : *sigh*

Grown-up Ladyness! Why are you so haaaaard?

sophi

Uh, last night my best friend told me that I was basically really annoying on facebook and that APPARENTLY people were blocking me on there? I'm correct in thinking that this was a shitty thing of her to say and that I have every right to be KIND OF annoyed with her about it, right?

Scandyhoovian

@sophi What! Who tells someone that!? I am firmly of the belief that being blocked is one thing but being made aware of it is totally another. Then again, I feel like right now is the height of Blocking People On Facebook time, as elections bring out the rage in everyone (or at least in me. I have blocked so many people).

sophi

@Scandyhoovian Right? I'm annoyed, but also, I don't really care if any of the people who we are mutual friends with blocked me? Because they're all assholes from high school, or they are HER friends who I met at her wedding this summer. The only other two people in our shared group of friends who's opinions on me matter don't even USE facebook, and also I know that they both love me and find my bullshit charming, so why should it matter?

Scandyhoovian

@sophi Haha, yeah, I sort of figure the same thing -- anyone that is annoyed by the way I choose to comfortably post about my own life in a shared space is the one that has the problem, not me. If they choose to keep exposing themselves to my things that annoy them that's their issue. I figure I will add any old schmo from high school and if they are then upset by the things they see they can unadd me just as fast.

sophi

@Scandyhoovian I don't even think I am that annoying on facebook! I post a lot, but I try to make sure that the stuff I am posting is interesting or funny. When she told me this last night, I had posted precisely one thing that day, and it was a link to an etsy shop that sold awesome leggings with cats on them. If anyone doesn't like that, they can blow me (which is actually pretty much what I told said friend, at which point I think she got the hint and changed the subject).

olivebee

CONGRATS, JANE! Happy almost-wedding day!!

This weekend I am going to see Sinister (and probably have nightmares for weeks because the commercials alone are terrifying) and finish reading The Maze Runner. I am about halfway through it. Anyone else read it? Thoughts (no spoilers please!)?

Also, I have yet to finish watching last night's Project Runway, but I think I am subconsciously putting off watching the end because I really, really like all four designers left (LOVE Fabio!), and I just don't want to face the heartbreak of seeing one of them have to leave. (Even though I am sure they show their collection anyway as a decoy).

thisisunclear

@olivebee whee! I am the last person at work and finishing my stuff up while watching last night's episode. Heidi: "You nervous for New York Fashion Week? YOU SHOULD BE."

MilesofMountains

House hunting sucks so much! I'm moving out of my nice, $750/month apartment and the only places I can find are big suites and trailers for $1000/month. I just want something small that doesn't cost me a fortune! Tips for finding rentals? Anyone?

up cubed

@MilesofMountains I found all of my places either through networking (post on FB Pin page for your city?) and craigslist (maybe a West coast thing?)

Amphora

@MilesofMountains padmapper.com was a life-saver for me last year. It's most helpful if you already have a neighborhood in mind.

OhMarie

Pin Pal, I wrote to you but can't find my stupid stamps and envelopes anywhere in my house! I will get a letter to you as soon as possible!!

oh! valencia

@OhMarie I hope it is me! I haven't heard from mine yet.

Reginal T. Squirge

Did anyone else see this? It gives me the heebie-jeebies.

Also, Portland: This month the Hairpin Book Club is reading Rip It Up And Start Again by Simon Reynolds. Last Sundays at Liberty Glass at 6PM.

Also, also... I have this nagging urge to yell at strangers on the street, "SWEATER SEASON, MOTHERFUCKER!!!"

Girl Named Jack

@Reginal T. Squirge I didn't even have to click on the link to know what you were talking about. Although I feel like there's some sort of heebie-jeebie/jeepers-creepers joke hiding in there... no? Just me?

MilesofMountains

@Reginal T. Squirge I immediately emailed that link to my standard "list of people I email about seamonsters". Nothing makes me quite so happy as creepy sea monster things.

oh! valencia

@Reginal T. Squirge Thaaat is awesome. Also, how perfect is the name "Bracken-Grissom" for a marine biology professor? I don't know why.

frigwiggin

@Reginal T. Squirge That fits right in with the weird feeling I'm having today, that somehow the fabric of normal life is fraying a bit and these are the end times. Probably that's just the weather talking, though.

Lustful Cockmonster

So my amazing gorgeous stubborn best friend was just diagnosed with Stage III breast cancer (days before her 34th birthday, thank you world!) Chemo starts next week and will go on for we're not sure how long at this point. It will be a long road. My first (of likely many) post-chemo trip to VA is next weekend and I need suggestions for the greatest chemo starting gift basket in the world to bring with me. I have a cozy blanket, eye mask, socks and these awesome loungy clothes from the Gap to start, any good (upbeat!!) books you guys can suggest? Or anything else that you think would be key? Netflix subscription will also be included, if I can remember whether she already has one or not...

Science vs. Dinosaurs

@Lustful Cockmonster I'm so sorry to hear about your friend! I do have a suggestion though...I work for an awesome company that makes recovery bags especially for cancer/chemo. Maybe take a look? www.bfflco.com

districter

@Lustful Cockmonster AHH my mom (too many time cancer survivor, one of which was breast cancer) just sent one of these and let me try to jog my memory. One thing I remember was Aquaphor becuase radiation makes your skin horribly dry (not sure if that is part of her treatment plan.) I remember she sent a magazine with Michelle Obama on it but that obviously is not cancer specific.She also sent nail polish, I think my mom's nails turned a wierd color?? Maybe an eyebrow pen or silly fake eyelashes for the hairloss?

One thing idea I will throw out there was we sent around a calendar to all my mom's friends who could sign up to take her to chemo appointments. People really loved to be able to help, and thought of so many different activites, movies, or snacks to bring. It can get so lonely being there week after week, but also a huge time commitment for one person to accompany her. One friend even took my mom there on a motorcycle one day she was feeling well and she LOVED it. Another day me and 4 of her friends showed up in pink wigs (I know pink and breast cancer is complicated) and it made a lot of people laugh.

MilesofMountains

@Lustful Cockmonster I just finished The Woefield Poultry Collective (also called Home to Woefield, I think) and it was hilarious. The basic premise is that a highly-optimistic New Yorker with dreams of a picture-perfect eco-friendly small farm inherits a rundown dump of a "farm". It's a little twee sometimes but really funny and sweet.

Faintly Macabre

@districter My dad used aquaphor, too! I had tons lying around because I was on accutane, and I think he said it was pretty soothing.

My dad also used those focused imagery or whatsit tapes to prepare for his surgery. I've never listened to them, but my cynical mom says that even she found them acceptably grounded in reality. I can ask him the name if you're interested.

olivebee

@Lustful Cockmonster I am so sorry about your friend! I hope the chemo and treatments are successful and that she kicks cancer's ass!

My co-worker died of cancer earlier this year at 33 (it was really sudden), but when he was in the hospital, my husband and I made him a care package filled with CDs (you could also fill up a flash drive to put files on an iPod) of stand-up comedy and awesome episodes of our favorite podcasts. Humor, lots and lots of humor! Perhaps Tig Notaro's recent work?

harebell

@Lustful Cockmonster
Very sorry to hear this. My only experience taking care of someone with chemo was the in-hospital, isolation room type chemo, so things may be a little different for you, but we discovered that there are some days when it is too much work to read or follow the plot of a book or movie. For those days, I brought lots and lots of music. Home-made soup to which I added that protein powder for cancer patients that the hospital will give you (minted pea & cabbage-apple were the best in our case at least -- light and non-nauseating). Frappucinos (calories!). Also I gave foot massages using the moisturizer I had brought, which relaxes anxiety as well as being comforting and good for skin. (Lots of acupuncture points that respond well to massage in the toes). A lot of people help a great deal in the beginning, and then forget/get tired of coming to see you in later weeks, so spacing out visits wisely is also really important. It sounds like you are doing a great deal already -- your friend will surely feel loved.

@Lustful Cockmonster You get all the hugs! My Ladyfriend has Stage 1c ovarian cancer, and it is really, really REALLY shitty.

I'm so, so sorry.

I write a blog about caring for cancer patients (that I will update soon, shit just got crazy), and it is itgetsreal.wordpress.com. It includes a Walgreens shopping list and will have a "what to have around the house" section tomorrow. (Blankets, moisturizer, humidifiers, Ritz crackers, frozen meals made by a human being, etc)

*big hugs*

rosaline

@Lustful Cockmonster A cozy, warm hat, because once her hair starts falling out it gets pretty chilly. I am glad she has a friend like you to be there, and I hope she gets better soon.

SarahP

@Lustful Cockmonster My grandmother got so nauseous from chemo that she pretty much lived on meal-replacement-type drinks. We made sure to get her the chocolate-flavored ones because she loves chocolate. So maybe a medley of different flavors and a promise to get mroe of what she likes best?

@SarahP V8 Fusion energy drinks. Ladyfriend loves them.

Lustful Cockmonster

Happy wedding day and happy marriage Jane! I can't wait to see pictures! (You will be sharing pictures, with us, RIGHT?)

misskatesays

Best Wishes to Jane!
My mother, always a Lady, used to say that you never congratulate a bride, as that implies she's had trouble finding someone to marry her. You do, however, congratulate the groom - he's lucky to have her!

redheaded&crazy

@misskatesays IN THAT CASE BEST WISHES JANE!!!!!!

combledore

@misskatesays I love all those old weird etiquette things. Like, I have Emily Post's Etiquette on my Kindle. In case there's a fork-placing emergency, I guess?

planforamiracle

@misskatesays No offense to your mother (who I'm sure is wonderful and Ladylike), but doesn't it seem odd that one would be congratulated and not the other?
I have always thought of it as congratulating either or both members of the couple on the decision to marry. Taking the plunge together and so on. Though I have a wedding photographer friend who is always careful not to use phrases like "your new life together" as part of her celebratory messages.. because presumably, they were "together" in some sense even before the marriage.

Signed,
Splitting Hairs
Prefers Egalitarian Language

OwlOfDerision

This weekend I am moving out of the place I share(d) with my now-ex boyfriend and two other roommates (who are also a couple - le barf). I am half-packed and watching Youtube videos of blackhead extractions. Awkward living situation nearly at an end, moron who dumped me and made me feel like shit almost out of my aura.

OwlOfDerision

@OwlOfDerision ALSO I am reading Villette and I want to smack Lucy Snowe in the face a bit? Gurl be too calm.

LordHennyson

@OwlOfDerision Villette is my favorite book of all time, no lie. But I guess I read her as only portraying calm on the surface, and she's such a beautiful wonderful unreliable narrator-lady that she won't even admit to you when she's the exact opposite of calm? Yo Lucy Snowe just wanted to get her freek on and dat standard Victorian marriage plot just cockblockin' her

Decca

@OwlOfDerision Lucy Snowe! She's the most reticent narrator in all of literature, which is such an odd and unusual stance for a narrator to take that maybe makes her kind of frustrating, sure, but also weirdly sympathetic? And just fascinating and so so sad.

OxfordComma

@OwlOfDerision : *fistbump* for getting the FUCK out of bad roommate juju.

It's okay to be pissed for a while--go get yourself some zen when and however you can.

Riggins

I am on an endless quest to find a perfume that smells like vanilla, not fake vanilla. I'd love to find one that was a vanilla cinnamon combo, any suggestions? I tried the Lavanila line at Sephora, and that smelled fake to me.

Reginal T. Squirge

Why not just use... vanilla?

Riggins

@Reginal T. Squirge I want something I can spray on and will last long, like fancy perfume :)

Blushingflwr

@Riggins Try Demeter: http://www.demeterfragrance.com/ They have a couple different vanilla scents.

TheLetterL

@Riggins Something from Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab? My skin turns most vanilla really sweet, but theirs seems to be okay. Plus, frimps! (aka free imps aka extra samples of perfume that they throw in with your order)

all the bacon and eggs

@Riggins Vanilla Musk. Just kidding.

all the bacon and eggs

@all the bacon and eggs @Riggins In all seriousness, though, Fresh Brown Sugar smells yummy.

up cubed

@Riggins I have Martha from Martha's Body Bueno mix perfume oils specifically for me. She made me some small testers with different proportions and combinations. The website isn't that helpful, so set up a phone call to talk about options. http://marthasbodybueno.com/bodybueno/

OxfordComma

@Riggins : LUSH's "Vanillary". It is soft, warm, and just perfect. No musk, not sticky, just...lovely.

(...note, my skin *does not* cooperate with anything musk-based, so this works really well on my skin.)

harebell

@Riggins
CBT I Hate Perfume almost definitely has something delicious-smelling, though pricey. (But there are places on-line where you can get a smaller amount, decanted, for cheaper - perfume court or something?).

I loooove Lolita Lempicka but it's anise + vanilla so it might not be your jam. (I also love how it's no sweat recommending perfumes to other people, because they are pretty much guaranteed to smell a little differently on each of us, so there's no replicating!)

Riggins1

@Riggins Thanks y'all! These are all fantastic suggestions... looks like I've got some serious smelling to do!

Harriet Welch

@Riggins I know I am uber behind, but I hope this finds you. It might be extinct, but the Henri Blendel vanilla flower is a-fucking-stoundingly beautiful and is the closest I have found to real. It has to be vanilla FLOWER (not to be confused with vanilla bean).
It's so quiet smelling and cozy. I have been stopped in public more than once for people to tell me I smell amazing when wearing it.

Scandyhoovian

CONGRATS JANE!!

I am going to a wedding tomorrow (not Jane's) and the bride has requested that everyone wear sparkles, so I am sure that will be SUPER FUN! I will be painting my nails gold and wearing this dress, so I feel I will be appropriately shimmery.

ALSO, Sunday I am going out with my future mother-in-law to get wedding makeup squared away. Also, brunch with my brother and his lovely girlfriend, because my brother got a new job. Exciting!

sophi

@Scandyhoovian "the bride has requested that everyone wear sparkles" that sounds like my kind of wedding!

katiethegreat

@Scandyhoovian That is an excellent wedding theme!

Lily Rowan

@Scandyhoovian I am totally making a note of that as a thing that can be requested of wedding guests! (Should I ever get married.)

KeLynn

@Scandyhoovian Awesome theme, hot dress!

Valley Girl

@Scandyhoovian I got invited-at-the-last-minute to a wedding that's tomorrow! I ordered this dress and took it to the lady that does alterations for me to close up the cleavage just a teensy bit. She put in a couple of imperceptible stitches and one terribly obvious one that I now have to cover up with a brooch. I think it looks okay, I'm just super self-conscious about looking put-together since everybody but me was invited ages ago. Hopefully I'll knock em dead.

Have fun experimenting with wedding makeup!

The Lady of Shalott

GUYS. Last weekend I went to a Thanksgiving dinner at these nice people's house, and it was lovely except for one dude who was there. And everyone else liked him fine, but there was SOMETHING about him that was just creeping me the EFF OUT. He didn't hit on me or anyone else there (though that would have been neat since everyone else there was either married, or me and my bf), he didn't say anything overtly weird or creepy, there was just something, some vibe or something, that was all AOOOOGAH, NOT COOL.

I don't know what it was. And I was trying to tell my boyfriend exactly what it was but I just COULD NOT put my finger on it. So I decided this week was time to reread The Gift of Fear because why else would I have such a weird reaction to a dude? A dude who was planning to enter the SAS next year and just had "Shines The Name." tattooed on his forearm?

Please share with me stories of creeps and Weird Feelings you've experienced, guys. It'll make me feel better.

Queen of Pickles

@The Lady of Shalott
Aughhhhh auughhhhhh I am going through this right now. Can't give too many details, but I know what you mean.

This man - there's a sort of darkness behind his jokes, a hollowness - sometimes he says things and it seems like they're tinged with fear or desperation. And all of his jokes are really really dark. And he's got depression, but also anger issues that I have not witnessed firsthand, but which he's told me about. I'm doing my best to separate our lives, but it's a bit touch and go at the moment.

It's like there's something missing - the part in his head that says "But everything's going to be okay in the end," or "But people are basically all right, or at least some are." It's not just depression, there's a scary anger/fear thing going on somewhere deep down, and sometimes I catch a glint of it and it terrifies me.

Sometimes I think he's afraid of me - like he's tiptoeing around me with his words - but if I start to get nervous, he picks up the slack so quickly and starts talking in a bossy, dominant tone, like I've done something wrong and he's losing patience with me.

I seriously have never felt this way about anyone in my life. The dog in me doesn't trust him.

dtowngirl

@The Lady of Shalott
Oh man, I met somebody who interviewed for a position where I work, and my creep alarm was going crazy. Like, I was instantly scared and felt sick to my stomach. I have no explanation for it, as she seemed perfectly nice--she didn't say anything or do anything that justified me being creeped out, but I totally was. She was not ultimately hired for the position, and I never told anyone my feelings. But it happens.

annebee

@The Lady of Shalott I just met a weird guy (friend of a friend) a couple weekends ago. Another friend and I were chatting with him, and talking about getting to know you things - where you are from, what brought you here. She mentioned that she came for university (undergrad only), and then mentioned what her job is now. His reaction was wow that's a lot of school. wtf? Not everyone has to go to university but who responds like that.

Also he kept trying to piggy back on other peoples stories. constantly. like about making butter chicken - he is sooooo "weirdly good at making that", or what time people went home the night before. Strange strange strange.

saul "the bear" berenson

@The Lady of Shalott OH MY GOD the Gift of Fear is something I have been OBSESSED with since I read it just after moving to Brookly post-college. Obsessed! I like the idea that if you are following your gut, you won't usually get much positive reinforcement, because you'll be safe and drama-free. That's an oversimplification of course, but ya know. A bunch of years after moving here, I still haven't had a single problem... who knows why, probably just chance, but the ideas in the book are helpful. Trust your gut, he's a creeper.

MilesofMountains

@The Lady of Shalott There's a guy at my gym who I've never interacted with in any way, but somehow makes my skin crawl. And it's not just me, I mentioned something to my coworker about not doing something because of "a creepy guy at the gym" and she knew exactly what I was talking about.

I totally always trust those feelings, though. My mother had a similar feeling about my aunt's new boyfriend two years ago (my aunt has no creep-radar of any sort). It turns out he did 12 years in jail, is a con man, and my aunt is currently working with her lawyer and the cops to try and charge him for harassment and threats.

JadedStone

@The Lady of Shalott I am jumping on this thread because, though I have nothing to add AT THE MOMENT, I'm sure I will.

Also, I just really love hearing these stories as I already watched Criminal Minds.

frigwiggin

@The Lady of Shalott

I had a roommate that set off these bells for me, except he was also outwardly kind of a creep. Like, just everything he said in a friendly tone sounded fakey-fakey-fake and sometimes when I would ask him something, he would just stare at me for an uncomfortably long period of time before saying anything. I hated and was creeped out by him so, so, so much and I hope I never see him again in my life.

LordHennyson

@The Lady of Shalott UGH I recently got confirmed in a minor way as regards a dude I worked with over the summer, who had this weird boisterous good-guy attitude but who I couldn't stand for reasons I couldn't figure out. It was partially that he smiled and laughed in response to everything I said, even when I mentioned things that in cadence and subject matter should have elicited negative responses. Then, a week or two ago I saw pictures of him on Facebook hanging out with this incredibly aggressive misogynist from my former high school and I felt wildly validated.

OhMarie

@The Lady of Shalott My sister was engaged to this dude (it was a whirlwind, they were engaged like 6 months after they met) who I HAAAAAAAAATED. On its face, he was just not my kind of dude. But I also just had these vibes. I made a couple of half-assed attempts to get them to break up, because I couldn't actually provide any proof.

And he turned out to be a total shitbag! Not a murderer or anything, but definitely a crappy person who was pretty emotionally abusive to my sister and when they broke up and moved out it turned out that he had been taking her bill money and then not paying the bills and she had to get his parents involved.

barefoot cuntessa

@The Lady of Shalott

GUTS! FOLLOW THEM! Each and every time I've had serious bad vibes about someone or a situation, things end up happening. Twice dudes ended up assaulting ladies, no joke. Almost every time I was told to calm down and stop being so judgmental.

garli

@The Lady of Shalott Ugh, I was stuck at a wedding last weekend with assigned seating and the dude on one side of my creeped me out to no end. It was awwwwwfuuuullll and the way the tables were set up I was kind of trapped for the speeches part of the evening. (Which went on for over an hour) Luckily I should never run into this dude again in my life.

JanieS

@The Lady of Shalott Agh, there's this guy at my work whose eyes seem like the thinnest veneers over some horrible black abyss of nothing. And his smile gives me such heebie jeebies. I'm so happy I don't have to work closely with him.

cocokins

@The Lady of Shalott I stopped taking piano lessons in 8th grade because the piano teacher creeped me out. He never did anything at all, but at the studio where I took music lessons, the doors had to be closed so that we couldn't hear other students in other rooms, and this pushed me over the edge. I didn't like playing piano to begin with, and when I got this new (young, nerdy) teacher that I had to sit on a piano bench with, I couldn't handle it. He was weird! He had a weirdness to him that I still can't put my finger on.

nana

Hi Hairpinners

Question: Hypothetically if you found out your were unexpectedly pregnant, what would you do??

Scandyhoovian

@nana Freak out, cry a lot, then get excited about babies because my internal clock is ticking like a mad fiend, then cry more, then lament the loss of sushi and alcohol, then cry more, then come to terms, then have a baby.

If you'd asked me that two years ago, though, "come to terms then have a baby" would be "find the money for an abortion," no doubt about it.

I am sure there would be a lot of crying either way. I am a crier.

Scandyhoovian

@Scandyhoovian I feel I may not have helped much in this hypothetical situation.

terrific

@nana I do this hypothetical every month soooo I would scuttle my way to my amazing gynecologist and tell her I would like to not be pregnant, stat.

ReginaSavage

@nana Freak the fuck out and then jump in front of a train.

The Lady of Shalott

@nana I feel like the first thing I would do would be vomit, more than anything. Followed by a frantic call to my boyfriend and then a frantic call to a doctor. Then more vomiting.

JanieS

@nana Be freaked out and going into neurotic planning-mode. But babies are a thing I ultimately want in my life so that's the place I'm coming from.

saul "the bear" berenson

@nana The truth is that I would not have it, but I would be very sad, and cry and cry.

OwlOfDerision

@ReginaSavage Anna Karenina, is that you?

nana

@nana Can we also pretend that you are 24, in a stable, loving relationship but not married, and are not rich but doing ok?

The Lady of Shalott

@nana I AM 24, in a stable loving relationship but unmarried, and not rich but keeping my head above water. And I'd still flip my shit.

burnername

@nana Signing in under a different name to say that a little over a year ago, this was more than a hypothetical for me.

I went to Planned Parenthood and got an abortion.

It was a pretty easy decision for me, and I don't regret it, and I didn't cry. Maybe that makes me terrible or heartless or whatever, but I'd like it known that it is not always a heart-wrenching or upsetting decision for everyone.

likethestore

@nana I would be heartbroken because as much as I want to be a mother, I'm not in a place where I can support a child.

blueblazes

@nana I'm married, so maybe a little diff than a few years ago when it was "Did anybody catch the name of that guy I slept with last night?" In those days, it would have been quick internet research for a pro-choice doctor, maybe convo with my very-most-trusted friend but otherwise absolute secrecy and taken care of. Now, I'd tell Mr.Blueblazes and THEN call the pro-choice doctor.

Faintly Macabre

@nana I would call the Pope, because the baby would have to be some kind of Jesus.

MilesofMountains

@nana Abortion, no question. I don't want kids, though, and neither does my boyfriend, so it's an easy answer.

@Faintly Macabre Me too, and then I'd be impressed that a penis purchased at Good Vibrations could have a sperm count.

districter

@nana I would have an abortion. I could not afford unpaid maternity leave or child care. I would be wracked with anxiety about the actual procedure though since I have general anxiety about any procedures at the Drs, from shots to surgery.

But excersice that choice girl! Either choice you make, don't forget it is yours.

smidge

@nana Freak out, then say welp guess I'm having a baby. And then maybe start looking at adoption agencies. Not that you are in a crisis, but crisis pregnancy centers can sometimes provide options.

dj pomegranate

@nana Probably freak out, stop breathing, start breathing, and immediately call the stable-relationship-partner to discuss as soon as possible, no seriously immediately, like, right now we need to talk. Then I would probably take a fitful nap, wake up, cry some more, etc, and then start a new conversation, "So I guess we're having a baby!!!???" (NOTE: I am 30, not 24. Different calculus, but there you go.)

OhMarie

@nana I've been married since 22 and we've been doing ok in terms of financial/life stability. I've not dealt with this, but I feel like 26 would have been the tipping point--before then, abort, 26 through present day (28) freak out but have a baby. We may have been objectively ready (married adults, ok financially) but we were not emotionally prepared.

Blushingflwr

@nana Today? (it would be REALLY Unexpected because of the IUD and the current bleeding)

But: have a long conversation with my gentleman friend. Probably not have an abortion, because I very much want children and while I am not in an IDEAL situation to have a baby, I have good insurance and a job that is friendly to mothers and a partner I am kinda-sorta planning on spending my life with. But it would be hard and complicated, especially because we are also polyamorous.

When it happened 7 years ago (when I was 23) I called Planned Parenthood to make an appointment, and then called the boyfriend (at the time) to tell him. We had agreed that that was what we would do, I was in Grad school, he was in undergrad, I had shitty student health insurance and I got pregnant the weekend he said he was pretty sure he didn't want to marry me because I wasn't Jewish.

nana

@nana
I think we are gonna go for it. Life: it's messy. And potentially great? I think I can still do all the things I want to do, and although initially I freaked out and cried a lot, something in my fuzzy brain is telling me it's meant to be? Full disclosure: I had an abortion 3 years ago and did not regret it. I was still getting my BA and was terrified. I still don't regret it. But I feel that it would be inexcusable to do that twice. Also for some reason I'm feeling happy about it this time. But also nervous! It is a serious decision...

Advice/guidance/your stories are much, much appreciated- thank you!

Megasus

@nana I would be like, "STAY OUT OF MY VAGINA GOD" because there is no other way it could have gotten in there.

Blushingflwr

@nana In which case, congratulations! Best wishes for a healthy pregnancy and delivery. And if you make a different decision, that is okay too. You have to make the choice that is right for you and your family, and no one else can tell you what that is.

dj pomegranate

@nana Congratulations, then! I am a big believer in trusting your gut and it sounds like you are being both optimistic and realistic. Best wishes and all the hugs!

nana

@dj pomegranate @Blushingflwr
Thank you guys. I have not told anyone besides bf yet, I just wanted a safe/anonymous place to get opinions on the issue. I'm kind of all over the place about it.

Blushingflwr

@nana Yeah, it's a scary and confusing thing when it is not something that you planned for. It is totally okay to be all over the place. The 'Pin is here for you if you need to talk about it more!

geek_tragedy

@nana

It seems like you've made the choice, so congrats. You sound like a friend of mine. She got pregnant at 24 and was working a stable but not amazing job, with a partner (altho he's no prize.) She just went for it. Her kid is two.

I personally would have an abortion, and I'm older etc. but it sounds like you feel like a baby is in the cards. My friend's a great parent and her baby is pretty cool, too. Until I saw her do it I wouldn't have known it was possible, but you're going to be fine.

nana

@nana
Update, Saturday morning: Never the fuck mind. I just started my period. I am a fucking idiot. Ugh. But I even started having morning sickness...??! What the hell is wrong with me?? :(

nana

@nana Apologies everyone. I guess its a relief that I'm not pregnant but I had psyched myself up to be happy about it... I do want kids eventually... but I need to be more responsible. I suck. Feel free to judge me. Thank you. :(

dj pomegranate

@nana No judgment! (Haven't we alllll been there at some point?!) You're allowed to have Many Feelings about this!

nana

@nana The "morning sickness" was actually food poisoning btw. Combined with a late period. What a horrible conspiracy. Bf was getting excited at the thought of a baby on the way. He is thirty so he is at the age when he is beginning to think about having kids. He is great and sweet. But we are both a little relieved. On to grad school!!

Blushingflwr

@nana No judging! And you are not an idiot.

darklingplain

What are people's opinions on eating strong-smelling food on trains? I wouldn't eat something like curry or fishy-smelling things, but what about peeling and eating an orange? It's a strong smell, but pretty pleasant, I think, and unlikely to make someone train-sick (can you tell I'm in the process of an Amtrak trip?)

ReginaSavage

@darklingplain As someone who takes a commuter train everyday I say you should be fine. I have seen people eat far smellier things on trains.

The Lady of Shalott

@ReginaSavage I wouldn't eat fish on a train, but an orange is a goddamn breath of fresh air compared to some of the things I've seen people eat on public transportation. Like one girl I saw who had an entire Tupperware thing of RIBS. On an airplane. No.

Decca

@darklingplain I was sitting in a movie theater once and the woman sitting directly in front of me whipped out a can of tuna to eat during the film, so you're probably okay with an orange.

The Lady of Shalott

@Decca For some reason this post made me laugh like a fool. I don't know why. I'm envisioning someone in the dark fiddling with a can opener and then just chowing down and drinking the tuna liquid.

lisma

@The Lady of Shalott that just sounds like so much more trouble than it is worth. Would beef jerky not suffice just for the duration of the flight?

The Lady of Shalott

@lisma YOU WOULD THINK, WOULDN'T YOU. I love ribs WAY more than the next person, but even I have been able to go an hour and a half without ribs. And the flight ended at Chicago where I'm PRETTY SURE you can get ribs RIGHT AT THE AIRPORT.

Hot Doom

@darklingplain Ok, I swear I am not normally THAT PERSON who says 'think of the allergies!' and I'm sort of typing/doing a simultaneous eye-roll at myself, but basically, as someone who's allergic to orange oils from the peel (like, the little bits of orange oil vapor to spritzes off when you peel an orange), I freak out a little when people start peeling stuff in closed areas because I turn into a watery, sneezing, itchy-faced mess if I'm too close.

That said, I'm also just a sensitive smeller, so when I have to ride night trains full of drunk people eating McDonalds, I just try to find a relatively not-smelly place/open window to stick my nose in.

lora.bee

Tomorrow I am going to the Apple Festival!! I LOVE APPLES. And then attempting to make applesauce with one of my best gals. Gotta love fall.

Boys who disappear to the Island of Men Who Said They Really Liked You And Then Mysteriously Stopped Texting You....no. You don't gotta love them.

annebee

@lora.bee I went to an apple festival recently. Drank so many ciders :) and I saw the cutest little tree frog sitting on an apple on a tree. Oh yes I instagramed the hell out of that. http://instagram.com/p/QNtDhQvpVN/

Lit Drunkard

@lora.bee I love making applesauce-- don't fret! It's insanely easily, and I highly recommend add ginger in with the cinnamon

lora.bee

@annebee OH MY LAND that frog makes my day. He is so content. I want to be like this frog.

(P.S. hooray for bee usernames!)

annebee

@lora.bee My best applesauce time is don't worry about peeling. Just boil it all down then puree it after. Saves like one million hours of work.

dale

@lora.bee Which one which one which one???
(apple festival, that is)

lora.bee

@dale The UBC Apple Festival!!

dale

@lora.bee Oh. *sadface* I was hoping it was one closer to me so I could pop in and say hello, and then run away shyly.

I will be in Pt Grey but probably not until late in the day after the festival's closed.

lora.bee

@lora.bee Oh no!! It's over at 4, if you will be around then?

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@lora.bee
Lucky you! There are no apples in Michigan because of the weather. :(

dale

@lora.bee Nope - attending a wedding but probably won't hit Vancouver until at least 5:30. :-(

Another time!

area@twitter

Today's my last day at my job. I've been going around and cleaning out my files and saying my goodbyes. It's so strange to me that I won't be back here on Monday- I'll be off to try and see if I can cut it in a new place. It's exciting, it's scary, it feels a little bit like I've thrown myself off a cliff- willingly- and I'm falling or flying or both. Strange but good.

area@twitter

@area@twitter ALSO: Some gorgeous person put the whole Neon Bible album up on Youtube, so I'm listening to that while I Have Feels.

Scandyhoovian

@area@twitter A new job! Exciting! Congrats :)

OxfordComma

@area@twitter : Be amazing! :D

area@twitter

@OxfordComma @Scandyhoovian Thanks y'all's! :D I am fortified with sushi and an excellent business suit, so it's time to just jump in and see how things go. And thank you for "be amazing". That is wonderful advice and I am going to try and follow it daily.

OxfordComma

@area@twitter : You're welcome! It's a ritual that the Fiance and I say to each other every morning before work. :)

cecil hungry

Can I get some advice from readers, writers, and/or people of color (or your preferred terminology)?

I am writing a novel, set in college, and am planning to have several of the characters be not-white. One is definitely Indian (as in East Indian, not Native American), and another is either Chinese or Black. Both are female, and major characters (although my narrator is white).

I want to make sure that I write and treat these characters well, but I'm not sure exactly how. Is it better to give COC ethnic-coded names (a la Shameeka and Ling Su in the Princess Diaries) or generic "American" names. Is it better to bring up their race/heritage/culture (possibly inviting stereotypes), or just treat it like no big deal (which might be white washing and/or whatever happened to Rue where people were OUTRAGED that the character they liked was actually black. The horror!)?

I'm really torn on this and want to treat everybody right, and also not have a uniformly all-white het cast. I feel like it's easier to right sexual orientation because you can talk about a character's girlfriend pretty easily, but it's difficult to talk about race without crossing boundaries.

The 'Pin community is so good at discussing stuff like this concisely, coherently, and compassionately that y'all seemed like a good place to come to!

[I can elucidate more of plot/character/basis as needed]

She was a retail whore

@cecil hungry Speaking as a black person with the most generic (notice I did not say white) name ever, I get really annoyed when black characters have super ethnic names. Yes, this definitely happens in real life, but it just seems like laziness to me. If there's a great reason for it, go ahead. If it's just because you want people to realize that your character isn't white, I'd pass (ha! no pun intended).

For an Indian character, you have more latitude, especially depending on how recently her family came to your novel's location (the US? UK? Canada?). Anyway, I have first and second generation Indian friends, and their names range from very common in the US to very common in India.

Happy character-naming!

adorable-eggplant

@cecil hungry Umm, I haven't got many suggestions, but as for names: I'd say it would be good to pay a lot of attention to the background you imagine for the character and then do a bunch of research. Like where are the parents of the character from and what were the naming trends at that time? Would their parents have given them a name that reflects their ethnicity or an "american" name. My name is an anglicized version of my grandmother's name, and I think that's pretty common in my culture/generation thereof, so that's a compromise possibility.

What I guess I'm saying is maybe worry less about signaling to the reader and more about making authentic/motivated choices for the character.

Also, if you're near a college, consider dropping in to the student activity center and seeing if there are any cultural groups that would welcome a guest. My campus has lots of parties on the plaza and a kickass Holi celebration, so maybe consider attending events and meeting with student groups and stuff to get more comfortable talking about race.

Angry Panda

@cecil hungry Just wanted to say it's great that you're writing something with major characters that are not white. Indian names can range from very ethnic-coded to very Anglicized or Western, but that depends on their backgrounds. If you do decide to go with ethnic-coded names, my major pet-peeve is when the author gets their background all wrong, or mixes up stuff from different parts of India. It is so easy to look up and so many people get it wrong, it's annoying. Good luck!

thiscallsforsoap

@cecil hungry Some Indian names are also western names, so those could work. Sonia, Mona, Tara and so on. Which could also work in that the reader would initially think it's a white character, and then at some point ethnicity is mentioned and the reader would be all "examining my preconceptions!!!"

cecil hungry

@adorable-eggplant Thanks, guys. I do plan on doing the full character study/research-type stuff, I just also want opinions. I am super white, and I went to an extremely affluent & white college. I had a several non-white friends, but they were very Anglicized due to the college culture, so I'm not sure how much their experiences will help me. If I write my characters like my friends I'm afraid of whitewashing my cast, but I also don't want to get all jive-talking walking-stereotype, either. It's so tough! Anyway, I really appreciate the advice.

Angry Panda

@cecil hungry What I'd always wanted was for someone to write a book that had characters like me, meaning POC, but where that wasn't the only defining thing about the character. In your case, it would be college-related stuff, and sure, the character's Indian but that's more of a by-the-way thing.
I am not sure if this is the best example, but I really liked the movie "Harold and Kumar go to White Castle". They are both people of colour, and their cultural backgrounds are dealt with in a great way (at least, I thought so, please correct me if I am wrong in this), but at the end of the day, they're just two college students with the munchies.

up cubed

@cecil hungry I heard on NPR (blanking on author's name) where she discussed how people's race usually isn't mentioned if they are white, but is if they aren't (due to hegemony usually). She did the flip of that, and only indicated if the character was white.

Angry Panda

@adorable-eggplant I can't see your comment here, but I was just watching another video with Hari Kondabalu! He is funny, and that video is hilarious and true. Even Indian movies make these stupid mix-ups, which is even worse.

adorable-eggplant

@Angry Panda Yeah, I like when it's a non-issue issue. Because really, it's a large part of who I am, but also not a big deal? That feels hard to explain. What makes me uncomfortable is when people treat characters of color as somehow exceptional.

The only example I can think of is I was reading this advice column about business stuff, and the manager was asking if it would be a good idea to ask his supervisees for a getting to know you coffee. [answer: that's a great idea. Keep it short, buy their coffee drink] And then he asked, how should I ask the women?

And the advice-giver was like: wowowow, red flag. Either exactly the same way you would ask the guys, or don't ask anyone at all. Because they're your supervisees, not your male supervisees and female supervisees.

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@upupandaway
That's Zadie Smith! I heard that, too!

No end of respect for Zadie Smith.

Scandyhoovian

So, this morning I experienced for the first time ever the CRIPPLING BURNING PAIN of putting in a contact that had picked up dust or dirt between coming out of the solution and getting in my eye.

I ended up getting it out of my eye and opting to wear my glasses instead but that eye has been uncomfortable and somewhat blurry ALL DAY... should I be worried or will it settle down? It doesn't HURT, it just feels... not right.

Lit Drunkard

@Scandyhoovian You may have scratched your eye- if it keeps going, I'd say meet with your doctor. Scratched corneas are no fun

redheaded&crazy

@Scandyhoovian You could also go to a drug store and pick up some eye drops, something like blink or renu or something. not vysine. put a bunch in, see if it helps.

Jolie Kerr

Oooh oooh! Just a quick reminder that our Calendar will continue throughout the weekend!

The Lady of Shalott

@Jolie Kerr OMG YAAAY!!!!!

cecil hungry

@Jolie Kerr JOLIE WHERE IS ASK A CLEAN PERSON?? I missssss you and my house has become a black hole of filth without your energizing advice. Did I miss an announcement about this? Am I being too needy? Are we on a break?

Jolie Kerr

@cecil hungry Hi yes no no! The column will be back next week, here's the announcement! Kissies on all your Bleachie parts. xoJK

saul "the bear" berenson

Hi guys! I just wanted to say that I'm the LW from a while back who was nervous about officiating a wedding, and it happened a few weeks ago, and it was totally awesome! Writing the ceremony was scary and fun, and a really big honor. I did the questionnaire thing, and had each bride answer separately, and used that to make it super personal. Their answers also allowed me to include tidbits that neither knew the other had shared, which made it pretty special. They were pleased, many people said nice things, and someone asked me to officiate for them next year! I'm so super grateful for all the advice. Thank you, 'pin!

Also, congrats Jane!

invisible n

Congrats Jane!!!!

Yo, this is my first FOT post!! Also, feelin' mighty productive this week. FINALLY updated my profile on OKC after ignoring it for like 3 years and posted my resume on Monster to get out of the stagnant, increasingly hostile work environment for a job that I honestly haven't been happy about in like 6+ months. AND, I've been chatting with an absolutely adorable Irish dude I met last month while in Edinburgh. In my head I've already played out the Meg-Ryan-esque-movie-ending many times in my head, and I know it'll probably only end up being a fantasy, BUT, HOPE. I'm annoyingly optimistic on this Friday.

So, hurray for change -- the good kind! Hope everyone else had a decent week as well! :)

garli

Advice please. The situation is one of my best friends who is the queen of sleeping with dudes who are mistakes is currently sleeping with a married dude. A married dude with 2 young kids. I knew about it and my response was generally along the lines of "Dude that's a pretty big mistake" but not like "YOU ARE A TERRIBLE HUMAN BEING WHO DESERVES BAD THINGS AND ARE BROKEN INSIDE"

But then I met him. Not on purpose he was just at a bar we went to. She tried to play it off like "this isn't the married dude I'm sleeping with" but it's not my first day as a person so it didn't work.

First of all he was trying way, way too hard for me to like him. That wasn't the bad part though, the bad part was all of the really awful, horrible gross things he said about his wife. (She's incredibly stupid, a suck on his bank account, and her only positive quality is producing attractive children).

And now I don't even know how to talk to her about it. Like she's super super into this dude, who says worse things about his current wife then I would about any of my exes? There's more but that's the main deal.

Do I just pretend nothing is going on? This is coming from a place of caring about my friend. (Also I facebook stalked the current wife and she has a bunch of pictures of her and her husband looking happy which makes me feel super sad)

redheaded&crazy

@garli UGH! I think I would be super curt about it. Next time she brings it up "I'm not comfortable discussing that topic with you." Repeat ad nauseum.

BAH! I don't know. Problem with that response is it's in no way constructive if she feels like she wants to talk to you about it she may not feel comfortable doing so? Fack I don't know.

Scandyhoovian

@redheaded&crazie I second the "I don't want to talk about that with you" feelings. This guy sounds like the grossest. D:

smidge

@garli Wow. And I'm not sure if your friend intends any kind of future with this guy, but, how does she know he won't describe her that way some day?

garli

@smidge That is exactly my point. 100% exactly. Also he has a daughter and I wanted to yell WHAT IF SOME DAY SOME ONE TALKED ABOUT YOUR DAUGHTER THAT WAY but making a scene isn't always the best way to deal with things.

Amphora

@Scandyhoovian It's sometimes the only way to get across to a friend that you don't want to humor her bad relationship decisions.

Megasus

@garli I would have gotten up, gave him the finger, and left, personally. That dude sucks in so many ways.

Congrats, Jane!

Yesterday I posted a facebook status about Coming Out Day. I thought it was a little sappy, but I Had So Many Feelings, especially about Ladyfriend. 62 people liked it (WHAT?), including my 2 very Catholic cousins.

It was really touching to see that. I think Ladyfriend might be the person I'd like to marry, and it stresses me out to think that I have extended family members who might not be okay with that, and might want to shun me or be awful. But I have a few cousins on my side, and they are fabulous, wonderful allies and they made my heart grow 3 sizes.

Chel

@S. Elizabeth I didn't post a status, but I changed my interested in to women. No response, but I only have a couple dozen facebook friends. Most of them are family members, so I was a little (very) nervous about it.

amirite

@S. Elizabeth Aw, yay! I posted a status too, and way more people liked it than usually like my "here's a picture of a thing I ate" statuses, including some people who I'm pretty sure had no previous idea that I'm bi, and it was heartwarming, Moreso than I thought it would be.

She was a retail whore

What was up with the season premiere of The Vampire Diaries???? That episode did weird thing with time and space and I didn't love it (although I was super stoked to see Ian Somerhalder, so...)

I hope next week is better.

paper bag princess

@She was a retail whore I didn't love it either! I was hoping that after [spoiler maybe?] transition Elena would get to be a little more fun/sassy or something, but if she's still going to just be emo about everything that's no fun. Also, when is Damon going to take off his shirt?

Brunhilde

Does anyone have tips on waking up? I am very bad at it. I have broken many alarms. I have thrown a clock radio into a parking lot from my window to get it to shut the fuck up. I hit snooze and pray I die in my sleep before the alarm goes off again. Also, every morning I look at my phone when the alarm goes off and think that "snooze" and "dismiss" must be in a language other than english, because they look so weird.

Scandyhoovian

@Brunhilde Allow me to just hop in this thread right here, because your comment sounds like my morning routine.

likethestore

@Brunhilde I'm terrible at mornings so I set my alarm extra early so I can snooze a couple times, because snooze sleeps feel so good. But really the only thing that truly works is getting more sleep. :/

Emby

@Brunhilde To start, try to find something the night before that you're looking forward to doing when you wake up. And I mean, immediately. Something you want to do within 10 minutes of getting out of bed. Making coffee, making breakfast, putting on some snazzy outfit you picked out the night before, etc. It doesn't work 100% of the time, but I find it'll usually get me out of bed much more quickly than if it feels routine, and I'm a little bit more excited about my morning.

Ooh, and as much as possible, prep the thing you're excited for the night before. Lay out and iron your outfit; get your coffee in the filter and in the machine; have your breakfast ingredients pre-chopped or whatever. That makes the idea of doing them much more enticing if there's minimal effort involved.

JadedStone

@Brunhilde
My boyfriend has that clock that's a helicopter and it takes off in the morning and you need to catch it.
there's the vibrating pillow alarm clock.

I use an app for my iphone that incorporates binural beats and hypnosis which put me to sleep BUT also help me wake up more alert.

Though I struggle now that there's less sun and it's so chilly.

Lucienne

@Brunhilde If it's possible, given the layout of your bedroom, can you arrange your furniture so that you face a window when you're lying in bed? I found exposure to sunlight made a HUGE difference in my ability to wake up in the morning.

Roxanne Rholes

@Brunhilde The other night I thought I slept through my alarm (by four hours!) but then my Gentleman Friend told me that when my alarm went off at 5:30am, I got out of bed, put pajamas on, and got back in bed. Sleep-Me was confused about what the alarm meant, I guess?

Ellie

@Brunhilde My number one piece of advice is to go to bed earlier and make sure you are getting enough sleep. I know this sounds like punch-able advice but I would try it before any other weird strategies. I would also try taking melatonin - I started taking it for insomnia but I swear it makes me feel better rested and more alert when I wake up, too.

Faintly Macabre

@Brunhilde Get a phone that doesn't randomly reset itself to 20 minutes slow, causing you to cry a little on the metro at 7:15AM on the way to the place you where you were supposed to be at 7AM. Oh, that's just me.

More generally, I have found that buying cereal with tiny chocolate chips in it helps.

katiethegreat

@Brunhilde I too am very bad at waking up. And getting to sleep. Transitioning, I guess! I have no real advice but some sympathy! I find having something to read really helps me adjust into awakeness - normally this is facebook or twitter because of the bitesize inanity. Texts are good because they take some focus. Also I quite often cannot tell the difference between "snooze" and "dismiss" on first waking (extra disorientating!)

Blushingflwr

@Brunhilde Most "experts" say that the trick to waking up better is sleeping better. Like @Lucienne, I find that I wake up better to light (I day dream about furnishing my room with one of these). Also, going to bed earlier, avoiding artifical light (like TV/computer) for an hour before bed, and other good sleep practices can help.

Also, if you currently consume caffeine, try cutting back. You will have withdrawal for a while, but you may find that you sleep better and wake up more refreshed.

miss buenos aires

@Brunhilde Can you get some kind of animal that will wake you up by licking and biting your face? That works really, really well for me.

Lucienne

@Blushingflwr OH MY GOD I NEED ONE. I actually have almost no sun exposure in my apartment right now, and it makes it almost impossible to wake up without an aggressive alarm (and even then . . . weekends are a lost cause).

christonacracker

@Brunhilde 1) Not only do snooze and dismiss look weird, but it usually takes me about 30 seconds to distinguish between their meanings 2) I bought a superautomatic coffee maker that literally involves pushing a button twice and within 60 second, coffee. THEN I PUT IT NEXT TO MY BED. seriously, I don't even have to leave the bed to make coffee.

Gracefully and Grandly

@Brunhilde My tip isn't that creative but like many I like to snooze my alarm. My problem is when instead of snooze, I hit dismiss and oops look at that now it's three hours later and I'm late to work.

So I set two alarms within 4 minutes of each other about 30 minutes earlier than the time I absolutely must get out of bed. If I have to be out of bed by 7 latest, first alarm goes off at 6:30, and 2nd goes off at 6:34. That way I have plenty of time to hit the snooze button and I end up hearing so many alarms by 7 that I'm out of bed before then. So basically double the alarms, double the snooze.

Terrifying Wife-Avatar

@Brunhilde I'm afraid @Faintly Macabre is right. I am obsessive about getting enough sleep and as a result have rarely had trouble getting up as soon as the alarm goes off. I'm also a total bore at parties because I can barely stay awake past 11, but you can't have everything.

As for what to do first in the morning, I get out of bed and straight into the shower so that just-woke-up total befuddlement dissipates by the time I'm done showering. Set the coffeepot the night before (ours has a timer) so coffee is ready post-shower; it's a powerful motivator.

Yikes, I'm afraid I am a Smug Morning Person. Sorry about that.

thiscallsforsoap

@Brunhilde Diuretic/laxative right before bed will provide motivation in the morning. Note: I am not licensed to practice medicine in the continental US.

olivebee

@miss buenos aires Hahah my first instinct was to say that my hungry cats are much more effective alarm clocks than my actual alarm. They will gnaw on my head and mew plaintively until I get my ass out of bed to feed them.

KeLynn

@Brunhilde - I feel you. I get ridiculous amounts of sleep (in quantity and quality). I go to bed and set my alarm to wake up at pretty much the same time every day, even on weekends. But I can. not. wake. up. Honestly my only solution is kind of to buy a new, weird alarm clock every once in a while. Right now I'm using Clocky (google it - he has wheels and hides under your bed before he starts beeping) but Asleep KeLynn figured out a way to "snooze" him after a few months (I'm not going to tell you because that would clearly be counterproductive.) A new alarm I'm not used to wakes me up better because I can't do everything in my sleep. Also, put a lamp on a timer to turn on a few minutes before your alarm goes off, so the light is on when you wake up. *Also* if you use the alarm on your phone, name the alarm something you're excited about in the morning ("Frankenberry for breakfast!") to perk your brain up.

Despite all this, I still sleep through my alarm 70% of the time. But it's all I've got.

Uncommon Hussy

@Brunhilde I got a coffee machine that you can set up the night before and then it brews at a specific time, and then I set that to 5 minutes before my alarm goes off, so my house already smelled like coffee and it was ready when I got up. Also, if you're into using your computer until way late at night, you could get something like f.lux, that reduces the amount of blue light from your computer after sunset, because that can supposedly mess up your biological clock and lead to sleep problems.

nowwhat

@Gracefully and Grandly I was doing this too, with the two alarms, but it increased my rage so much that I went back to just the one. The risk of being late is worth it, it's hard enough just to leave the bed in the morning, and my journey to coffee is sadly a long one.

Changeling

@Ellie
I just started taking melatonin a month ago, and I find it very nice. I usually get to sleep faster, and in the morning my body seems to think it's time to get up (compare this to my previous habit of sleeping until I couldn't possibly sleep any more, but that was mostly depression).

up cubed

@Brunhilde One alarm with music set to 5 minutes before second alarm which beeps, so I'm already starting to wake up when the second one goes off.
Wear work-out clothes to bed, with everything for the next day prepped the night before. In the morning, get the hot tea in the travel cup and put on shoes; consume tea on walk to bus stop; work out. By the time I get to the gym I'm mostly awake, and by the time I get to work I am a fully functioning human.

MilesofMountains

@Blushingflwr I have one of those! I don't think it's quite as good as I hoped, but it does seem to help. Also, I get to wake up to the sounds of increasingly-persistent and annoying birdies which I get a kick out of.

florabora

@Brunhilde I haven't read this whole thread's advice, but...go to bed before midnight. Believe me, I understand that night time routines are an incredibly difficult habit to change, and I don't know what it is about 12am, but going to be before then (not even a little after!) seems to help amazingly

Brunhilde

@Brunhilde everybody thank you! Also, I didn't mention that I crazy dream. As in, my alarm went off this morning, I turned it off, got out of bed, got dressed, I was late so I called a cab, had a convo with the cab driver, got to work but WAIT A MINUTE THIS IS NOT WHERE I WORK OH FUCK I'M STILL ASLEEP. Spot on with everyone that says I need better sleep (I get plenty, I drug myself to make me pass out early before work). And thanks to everyone for the suggestions!

Danzig!

@Lucienne Going to back up this one. I had massive trouble waking up until I moved to a room that had a window NOT facing an alleyway, even when I got plenty of sleep (I would routinely oversleep, in fact). Ambient light isn't the same as sunlight. One of the reasons why overcast Winter days suck so much.

Porn Peddler

This whole thread, I need it. I was getting kind of good at waking up on time with the help of the built-in-alarm that is Mister, but now he's away during the week and I have been late SO MANY GODDAMN TIMES :(

Blushingflwr

@Porn Peddler Yes, my Gentleman Friend is waaaaaaay better than an alarm clock. Groping and kissing beat the pants off any chimes, and also he doesn't have a snooze button.

up cubed

@Brunhilde Tardy to the party: changing behavior is a good start, but there might also be medical reasons- sleep apnea, etc.

TeresaOtter

@Brunhilde ALSO REALLY LATE RESPONSE

Ok. I pretty much have the same problem. Maybe not throwing things? But similar.

I read somewhere a great way of helping yourself get out of bed in the morning is to practice every night until your body gets used to getting out of bed.

Basically, you recreate your morning. Be sure to practice late-ish, once the sun has gone down. Make sure the temperature and noises in your room/house/apartment/living space are exactly the way they would be when you wake up.

Then, for a while, maybe like an hour, you practice waking up and getting RIGHT OUT OF BED. You use the alarm(s) you'll have in the morning, set them for ten minutes later, and when they go off, YOU STAND UP STRAIGHT OUT OF BED. Then, develop some sort of mini routine before you head out to your Big Morning Routine. For example, STAND UP STRAIGHT OUT OF BED, and go grab your clothes from your closet and drawers for your day's outfit.

Then... REPEAT. Put those clothes back in the closet and drawers, set the alarm for ten minutes later, then when it goes off, YOU STAND UP STRAIGHT OUT OF BED. Supposedly doing this every day for a week-ish will help with getting out of bed.

*NOTE* I have not tried this, but I really want to! And it seems like the best help to make mornings better. Good luck!

Alli525

@Brunhilde REALLY LATE! But I found a ringtone of Adam Lambert's ex-boyfriend (you know, from the O'Reilly Factor "scandal" ... eyeroll) saying "Wake up girl! It is time to get up and be a business! woman!"

I wake up every time. Smile on my face some of the time.

likethestore

One of my last single friends is now seeing someone. Sigh. I better get some cats so I can properly fufill my role of forever alone lady. (And on that note CONGRATULATIONS JANE, hahaha sorry about my bitterness.)

Also it SNOWED here today.

rosaline

@likethestore Everything is better when it snows. :)

rosaline

@rosaline Well, unless you hate snow. If so, please ignore.

likethestore

@rosaline I'm Canadian. Have you seen the winter in Game of Thrones? That's my life for the next six months.

rosaline

@likethestore I'll just sit here (in an unfortunately temperate place, IMO) quietly envying you. It's been known to snow in my hometown in June, yet somehow I still love the stuff.

Kira-Lynn@twitter

@likethestore Riiight? I'm in Ottawa. It was crazy.

blueblazes

So a few weeks ago I was on the Friday thread and I mentioned how I was a big pile of guilt because I hate my job but they really need me here but I was secretly interviewing somewhere else and my coping mechanisms weren't working?

I got offered the new job. And it was like a dream come true. LOVE the people there, love the way they do their work, love the location, love the actual work itself.ENJOYED interviewing because the people were my soulmates.

But they could only pay 70% of what I'm making now, so in the end I had to decline for financial reasons (credit card debt and Mr. Blueblazes' recent decline in income.

So now I hate my current job just a little bit extra for turning me into the kind of person who puts money above actual happiness.

frigwiggin

@blueblazes Oh nooooo, I preemptively thumbs-upped this at the second paragraph before I read all the way down! I'm sorry, that sucks so bad, dudette. :(

olivebee

@blueblazes I'm so sorry! That's a huge bummer, but I totally understand that choice.

SarahP

@blueblazes Aw, I'm sorry. But to stop you from being bitter, remember that you were totally qualified for and wanted at a position that would be perfect for you and would make you happy, which means when you're ready to leave your current job, you are like 100% likely to be qualified for and wanted at a similar place!

Uncommon Hussy

Hey crafty 'Pinners! I'm in need of a bit of advice. My awesome, super-sweet boyfriend sews as a hobby, and as part of my birthday present he is going to sew me the garment of my choice. Trouble is, I know nothing about sewing and have absolutely no idea what I want and augh... I don't even know where to start with making a decision. I don't want to ask for anything that would be very expensive or time-consuming, but if I'm going to have something made just for me, I'd like it to be something nice that I would get lots of use out of. Are there particular types of clothes that are better to have made specifically to fit you? If I look at my wardrobe, I could use a casual dress or skirt or blouse probably... But I have absolutely no idea where to even start with picking a pattern or material or anything. Any sort of ideas or knowledge or whatnot would be appreciated! Or just tell me what you would want, if somebody offered to make something for you!

JadedStone

@Uncommon Hussy
the perfect little black dress!

Just the right length, the right amount of cleavage, the right amount of sleeve.

That, or a full bodysuit made of jersey knit. But that might just be me.

VolcanoMouse

@Uncommon Hussy Asking for a cute sundress would be far less evil of you than asking for, say, a lined blazer or (I think) a collared blouse with buttonholes. A more summer-y dress doesn't take too expensive materials but still gives you LOTs of options for fabric, especially if you go for a cotton, which should be washable but versatile. If you need ideas for fabric, try browsing FabricMartFabrics.com's cotton section, or take a look around JoAnn's selection. Examining the material in person is often helpful if you don't often work with fabric!

A simple skirt would be easier, but a sleeveless dress in a quirky print is probably what I would ask for if someone asked me. Simplicity's Amazing Fit line has prooved surprisingly good for me. The patterns come with different bodice pieces for different cup sizes, so they're much more likely to fit up top. If you pick something with a full skirt, that shouldn't need as much fitting as something tighter, too.

Blushingflwr

@Uncommon Hussy I agree with @JadedStone on the perfect LBD. Or any other classic wardrobe staple that you can wear for years. Alternately, are there things that you keep searching for in the store but never seem to fit just right? He might be able to make that for you. Everything is better when it's tailored for you.

In terms of materials, etc: if he is experienced, let him be in charge of that part. Maybe go shopping with him to look at colors/textures, but he (hopefully) knows what will and won't work with the pattern you've requested. One of my friends makes jewelry, and it's worked out better for me when I leave her to her own devices; when I make crocheted pieces for friends, I usually pick the yarn out myself (though I ask for input on color and fiber allergies/preferences and general style).

Valley Girl

@Uncommon Hussy Pick out a pattern for something that you like! From there, he can determine if he can do it (they are rated by difficulty) or else he can find a similar pattern. Then he can either create it on his own or get your input about fabric, etc. Check out Burda Style or Simplicity and just pick something cute.

reveal

@Uncommon Hussy My husband made me a purse for my birthday (and had my children pick out the fabric!) and it makes me happy everyday.

JadedStone

MARIANA'S TRENCH CONCERT TOMORROW I AM SO EXCITED YOU GUYS

combledore

Supposed to have a long training run tomorrow morning. My knees and feet are rebelling by being extremely achy. I'm alternately pouting about that and being happy that I don't have to get up at 5:00 AM tomorrow. I am a bad runner.

par_parenthese

@combledore UGH, I am SUCH a bad runner. My muscles have been so sore post-run lately that I haven't wanted to go on my mid-level OR my long runs. So much for the 10k I'm supposed to run in a month. :(

combledore

@par_parenthese I'm thinking this is plantar fascitiis, but I'm waiting on my doctor visit to confirm. I hope it's not.

VolcanoMouse

Okay, so random health-related-stuff poll:

People whose work involves standing for long hours on hard surfaces: do you get that weird twinge of pain that radiates up through your thigh and along one side of your lower back? It's getting annoyingly frequent for me, despite my flat shoes and the rubbery mat I get to stand on. I'm not wearing heels on concrete, so what gives?

Scandyhoovian

@VolcanoMouse My sister had that and she ended up having pinched her sciatic nerve. Maybe ask a doctor?

blueblazes

@VolcanoMouse THIS is a great stretch to relax the muscles around teh angry nerve. 30 secs on each side. don't forget to breathe. http://clevergems.com/magical-simple-stretch-for-lower-back-pain/

VolcanoMouse

@Scandyhoovian Ahhh, that's basically what I'm afraid it could be. I've been hoping it'll clear up (stoopid) so I don't have to test how good (read: awful) my health insurance is 1000 miles out of their provider network.

Faintly Macabre

@Scandyhoovian Yeah, I was thinking sciatica, too. I've had it before, though usually from a combination of sitting too much and bad feet and knees. Are your flat shoes supportive and/or designed for standing? If you have good health care, I'd probably go to a physical therapist first--they can pinpoint what muscles/tendons are messed up and give you targeted exercises. (Though a primary care doc wouldn't hurt, especially if you need a referral!)

up cubed

@VolcanoMouse If it seems like maybe a muscle thing, try foam rolling or other myofascial release? FYI: in the beginning it feels miserably painful.

Faintly Macabre

Wee dilemma: I've been looking for jobs babysitting from 10-20 hours a week. A few weeks ago, I met a family with 2 kids in a very cute neighborhood. The kids are adorable and seem good (the elder one seems mature and tolerates his little sister, the little sister is hyperactive but really funny), the mom seems nice, and while it might be too many hours per week (~20), the days and times they'd need me work perfectly with my schedule.

However. The mom says they pay 8 euro/hour, and actually a bit less on Wednesdays because it's 10 hours, a logic I've never heard before. This is a bit low but still in the range of normal--for a French babysitter. English mother tongue babysitters usually make between 10 and 12 (or even 15!) an hour, since it's a bit fancier and the kids get built-in language lessons. I didn't bring this up when I met the mom, since I was more interested in hearing about the housing opportunity she'd mentioned in her ad. The mom texted me last night and asked if I could do a trial babysitting this week. When I told her that I had reservations about the rate for the reasons above, she said what they offer is normal for her neighborhood and that they couldn't do 10e/hour. I proposed meeting in the middle (still below standard!) but don't know if she'll agree.

Long story short, would I be a fool to take 8 euro/hour? I am already potentially looking at 60-hour workweeks if I do an internship, so working extra hours for the same money is kind of a big deal, and I would kind of feel like a fool. BUT the kids seem like they'd be fun/pleasant to babysit, and I got much better vibes from the mom than from most of the rich Parisian moms I've met.

Uncommon Hussy

@Faintly Macabre If they're offering housing could you negotiate a discount on that, or some other benefit to make up for the low wage, maybe? Otherwise, maybe just think about how many euros/hour it's worth to you to have a job you're happy with? I worked as an au pair for a while, and the first family I worked for paid a lot, but they were horrible and I was too busy being miserable to enjoy the money. Eventually I left and took a job that paid significantly less, but with a family I get along really well with, and I don't regret that decision for an instant. The difference in my quality of life was worth probably twice the money I gave up by switching jobs.

olivebee

@Faintly Macabre I babysit for about 8 different families regularly (in the US), and I never get less than $10/hr (usually $13-15), so 8 euros seems really low to me (although it may not be with the exchange rate?). HOWEVER, when it comes to babysitting, feeling good about the family is pretty damn important, especially if you are going to be there that many hours a week. If you were babysitting for nightmarish kids or for parents that made you feel uncomfortable and making a lot more money, you would still want to bang your head against a wall repeatedly.

I guess, my overall takeaway is that the pay doesn't seem horrifically low, especially because you are going to be there for a lot of hours, but at the same time, since you are maybe going to be working really, really hard, you probably deserve a little more pay. Can you afford to look around a little while longer?

Faintly Macabre

@Uncommon Hussy They're not offering housing, it turns out--their friend rents a teeny tiny room nearby for quite cheap! And I am probably taking that room once it becomes available, so yay. (It actually balances it out a bit, as I met some families who wanted over 15 hours a week of childcare in exchange for just a tiny room, no pay. (Ugh, cheap rich people.)

@olivebee Yeah, I've started making about $12/hour for babysitting in the U.S., so making less than that in a country where English is an in-demand skillset seems weird. The exchange rate makes 8e about $10.50/hour. And yeah, I've still been contacting other families, for schedule/pay/backup-plan reasons, and I can very fortunately afford to shop around for a little while.

terrific

Can we have a "brilliant Halloween costume idea" adoption thread for people who can't think of ANYTHING and like lots of time to prepare?

Ellie

@terrific I already have my costume, but I just got the idea of being Kitty from Arrested Development (glasses, crazy hair, bun, pencil skirt, blue handprints on tits) which maybe I'll do some other year. Someone else should do it this year though! It's kind of current now, too!

thenotestaken

@Ellie I really want to do an AD costume! I could do a mean Lucille with the hairstyle I have right now (plus then it would be a requirement that I be drunk and snarky all night which is AWESOME), but I feel like a group costume would be better, it would be hard to be a stand-alone character unless it's blue Tobias or something. I would need at least to rope in an Annyong.

The Lady of Shalott

@terrific I'm going to steal someone else's idea from the other day and be The Morning After. I'll borrow one of my bf's shirts and wear it inside-out/backwards, a miniskirt that's all askew, smeared makeup, just-been-fucked hair, mismatched stockings, painted-on hickeys and lipstick marks, a thong hanging out of my pocket, and a condom wrapper pinned to my skirt. "The Walk of Shame."

sophi

@terrific Aside from my "sexy Teddy Roosevelt" costume that I mentioned here a few weeks back, but have decided that I am too lazy for, my most recent great idea (that I am not going to do) was the walking personification of the put a bird on it sketch from Portlandia!

dj pomegranate

@sophi This thread is relevant to my interests. I was thinking of doing a group costume (there are five of us) with a Disney villains theme. Lame: Y/N?

nowwhat

@terrific My housemates don't seem into the group costume thing, and I don't have much money for costume prep, so I stole the "bad news" idea from last year's thread. Excuse to make newspaper clothing!

lisma

@dj pomegranate yes. And choose to be Ursula, because she gets the best song.

sophi

@terrific Oh, also if anyone wants to get together a group of friends and go as the cast from Party Down, PLEASE DO because it will be super easy, but I was unable to convince my friends to do it with me. THANKS.

Girl Named Jack

@dj pomegranate Be Madame Mim! Then you can have bonus meta-points for being a hipster villain that no one's heard of. Also, that was back when Disney was totally cheaping out on the animation, so her costume is super easy.

@sophi I think I'm in love with sexy Teddy Roosevelt as an idea.

rallisaurus

@terrific I was thinking of being Lady Mary the night she killed the Turk with her vagina and then dragged him down the hallway, mostly because I have a purple corset I want to wear. But I feel like it's going to be too hard to pull that off, also I'll just look like a prostitute.

OxfordComma

@terrific : Oh, girl. I am going as Honey Boo-Boo for Halloween, complete with frilly socks, a tiara, stuffed pig, and a bad fake tan.

Girrrrrl, it's going to be EPIC.

Summer Somewhere

@dj pomegranate what! that is totally awesome, and please share pictures of your whole group with us!

sophi

@Girl Named Jack Seriously, someone needs to do Sexy TR because it's SUCH A GREAT IDEA, I just don't don't have the means or the motivation to actually put it together.

City_Dater

Have a beautiful wedding day, Jane, and best wishes for a happy marriage!!!

Gracefully and Grandly

Someone (a few someones) on an open thread recently was talking about how good Sacre Bleu was. I needed a new book so I just picked it up last week and I'm loving it so far. So thank you hairpinners who I can't remember!

dj pomegranate

@Gracefully and Grandly ME TOO I picked it up after a threat I was lurking around in last week, and I just finished it. Thanks, Pinners!

lisma

So, Bay Area people...are you happy about the Giants but also sad about the A's or any other combination of feelings re: baseball?

evil melis

The guy who works the grill at my office cafeteria honestly did not believe me when I asked why the soup of the day was called "Posey Knockabout (or Hardaknocks?? something)" and thought I was kidding when I did not know who Buster Posey was. In my defense that sounds like a fake old-timey apothecary shopkeep.

adorable-eggplant

@evil melis If it helps, I just furrowed my brow and wondered: who?

lisma

@evil melis I know. The first time I heard his name I actually shouted, "That is not your real name!" And it's not! His real name is Gerald.

frigwiggin

@lisma I dyed my hair black and orange on Tuesday, and everybody thinks I did it for the Giants. Sigh.

bocadelperro

@lisma I am happy about the Giants and the A's. But I am old enough to remember the canseco era and therefore harbor an intense like of the A's. So there.

Reginal T. Squirge

I'm from the School Of The Posey Hardaknocks.

katiemcgillicuddy

@lisma I am not from the Bay Area but from the DC area and I've spent most of the last week losing my absolute shit over the Nats/Cards series and being generally incredibly anxious over baseball. I haven't eaten all day and am kind of twitchy. Anyone from DC or Baltimore feel like all the stress has cut years off your life?? Also, Jayson Werth, funny how one hit can be worth your ridiculous contract. And good luck Orioles! (And congrats Giants, sorry A's fans, you guys were a lot of fun to watch)

the roughest toughest frail

@lisma Everyone in my office is a die-hard Giants fan. I'm a mostly apathetic A's fan (loved them as a kid, but now I barely pay attention). I was sincerely hoping for another Battle of the Bay Series, so I'm a teeny bit bummed.

stonefruit

@katiemcgillicuddy I just want the Orioles to win tonight. SO MUCH. Effing Yankees.

I mean, yay Giants, so sad/but amazing season As, but really: I just want the Yankees to go down.

lisma

@katiemcgillicuddy can't wait to see who the Giants are going to play!

katiemcgillicuddy

@stonefruit Yeah, some of my closest friends are diehard O's fans and I want it so bad for them. It's funny, I am a DC girl and not a Baltimore girl (but I adore Baltimore) but I was obsessed (and remain so) with baseball, so I followed my dad's team...the Yankees. Hard to blame a kid for rooting for her dad's team. I was over the top defensive about them cause it always felt wrong, despite my craziness over them. When the Nats came to town it was a dream come fucking true, so now I pull for the O's against the Yanks and I've become some sort of pariah to my family. Ah well. Let's go O's! Also, I am going to be so drunk by the first pitch of the Nats game, goddamn 8:30 start.

katiemcgillicuddy

@lisma I can't wait either because the stress is killing me. WHY CAN'T WE JUST START THE GAME ALREADY OH MY GOD.

RK Fire

@katiemcgillicuddy: Katie, I am still a little heartbroken over the Os game veen though I know that we have had an AMAZING season that has defied all expectations. But still.. losing to the Yankees... ::sigh::

On the flipside, this series has given me a crush on Nate McLouth, which is kind of hilarious to me. It was already in the works because he is kind of surly/angry looking and I apparently like that in a man. I was at game 2 with amazing seats behind homeplate so I got to see many of the players up close and personal!

I also haven't slept very much this week and my nerves have been frayed due to stress. I will admit that I am (perhaps treacherously) a little relieved to be able to return to normal, non-baseball anxiety filled life now.

katiemcgillicuddy

@RK Fire First of all, I'm sorry about the O's, jesus, bases loaded in the 8th and nothin? Brutal. But hey, great young line-up, we'll see you next year, GO BIRDS. And Nate McLouth is adorable. But, since I literally can't talk about it out loud, I just need to say the way the Nats lost last night was...I don't even know. I'm up at 7 after a night of heavy drinking and yelling (and I fell asleep at what, 4?) and I cannot sleep if that gives any indication of how painful it was. I feel like I won't be able to even go near a TV or radio until I head the words, "Pitchers and catchers report".

katiemcgillicuddy

@katiemcgillicuddy (But I am really, really proud of what they did this season, the whole town is, it was amazing to watch and be a part of. So I'll just be over here, waiting desperately for Opening Day, ready to do it all again.)

RK Fire

@katiemcgillicuddy: DUDE! I went to bed shortly after writing my comment last night, and I am so sorry about the Nats! I was rooting for you guys after the Os game.. if we couldn't make, I was hoping that you guys could. (I was also hoping for an Os/Nats world series so Maryland could explode with baseball, but that's a whole other story!)

BUT.. there is next year! I am totally looking forward to it. My husband and I are planning on going to NZ in April for a few months but I definitely want to be able to show up for Opening Day before we go.

P.S. I definitely feel like a bit of a fairweather fan because this is the first year I've gotten into baseball to the level of constant cringing and nail biting and excitement, but it's really awesome to get into it like this. Which sounds weird. My family was never a sports family and I didn't really get into sports fandom until 2004 or so, but I've always been a hometown supporter so.. here I am. :D

katiemcgillicuddy

@RK Fire God dude, it was so awful, I lost my mind. And I was hoping you guys would win if we didn't, so :( But hey man, welcome to the "cringing and nail biting sportsfan club"! It will kind of kill you but it's the best. My family was always pretty into sports but no one is as bad as me. I'm the son my father never had, and he has two sons. Now is the time I say, "I AM NOT WATCHING ANY BASEBALL THE REST OF THE YEAR" and then I end up watching it and hoping everyone loses somehow, and we end up giving the World Series title to like, a Japanese team. Maybe next year we can hit up Os Opening Day, dudefriend just went to his first this year (he's a big Os fan) and I ADORE Camden Yards, hands down the best stadium in baseball. NEXT YEAR! Alright, now reluctantly back to football (Get those picks in, I freaking forgot Thursday again, but I would have lost this time so whatever). And awesome about NZ, I'm heading to Ireland myself around the same time!

Sidenote: If it ends up being Yankees/Cards I swear to god, I swear to fucking god.

RK Fire

@katiemcgillicuddy: I've never been Opening Day but we are definitely doing it now! My husband and I finally had our "okay, we are going to NZ, what is the plan" talk this weekend and the plan is working/living there for 6 months starting in mid-April, which effectively means missing the entire season. We'll probably be able to see the first series at home though, so that's the game plan. (And maybe if they make it to the World Series we can catch that when we get back?) Anyways, Camden Yards is fantastic! I will say that I've only been there and Fenway (and I was at Fenway for a drawing class, long story) so Camden Yards is kind of my standard for stadiums.

Also, exciting about Ireland! Hooray for international travel. :D

Alces alces

hello! just delurking over here, after an awfully long time!
So, for this weekend: I just made a tarte tatin, and I'm running my first ever 5k! so, yeah, food and exercise. And the rest will be study time.
oooh, and Congrats Jane!

olivebee

@Alces alces I ran my first 5k this summer and had a blast. Congrats and good luck on the run!

Plant Fire

Ah! So my last two weeks have been pretty awesome! Last weekend my boyfriend came to visit and we hung out in my apartment and ran around central park and saw Frankenweenie! Which was a really good movie up until it got racist (which I should have expected with Tim Burton) and then...it was still good but also super uncomfortable whenever they'd sprinkle those parts in.

Oh and then I got two more interviews (technically 4 but I had to pass on two) which continues my streak of having one interview for each week I've been applying (since July 1). The first was a phone interview that I thought went really well...they were supposed to contact people about doing an in person interview by the end of this week but I haven't heard anything so..I'm hoping they're just taking their time and it's not that they just decided not to interview me and never told me. I also got a temp job. It's only 3 days long (today is the last day, so I'll be unemployed again tomorrow) but the company is really interesting and it got me out of the house and busy. Oh and I have my second interview this weekend (it's for a part time night job that I thought would be good to doin the mean time since it leaves my days free for applying for full time jobs). All in all I'm in a really good mood and the weathers awesome and it's Friday!

sophi

@Sea Ermine Yay interviews! I've applied to several jobs this past week, and have yet to get any nibbles, so hopefully some of your luck can rub off on me?

miss buenos aires

@Sea Ermine Yay! Have an awesome weekend.

Plant Fire

@Sea Ermine Thanks!!

Plant Fire

@Sea Ermine And I just found out my temp job was extended through next week! Which cheers me up as I'm starting to think I wont get called back for that in person interview after all (but not giving up hope yet!)

miss buenos aires

Sooo, I just found out what my insurance covers vis-à-vis this pregnancy, and it is basically nil. My deductible is $4,000 (I thought it was $2,500 but that was when I was single), and it starts over as of January 1. Also, the wonderful gyno and the hospital that I can literally see from my apartment? They no longer accept my insurance. Lovely!

OxfordComma

@miss buenos aires : Burn the insurance companies with FIRE.

Steph

How do you figure out what kind of hair style to get? Right now my hair is long and dirty blonde (natural color) but I haven't cut it in 6+ months so it's all straggly and also I'm bored. Thinking about going shoulder length with side swept bangs and also maybe dying it brunette to spice things up. I'm just going to have to take the plunge aren't I?

Gracefully and Grandly

@Steph I took the plunge two years ago and I love my shorter hair so much more than I could have guessed after having long hair for so...long. I went from below boob length to just above the collarbone. I use less shampoo, less conditioner, and it takes less time to dry it. I love it!

SarahP

@Steph I almost never decide what kind of style. I figure out approximately what length I want it, and go to hairdressers I trust (or who have awesome yelp reviews), and ask them to do whatever they think will look best on me for that length. It has always worked out for me!

fondue with cheddar

Congratulations, Jane!!!

Tonight my boyfriend's son (the only child who isn't acting like an asshole and isn't afraid of his mother [long story] is coming home from college for the weekend and staying with us for the first time. I don't know what it will be like. I never had kids so this is kind of new for me. He's 18 and pretty chill so I'm sure it won't be bad, but it will be weird.

EpWs

@fondue with cheddar (formerly jen325) 18 year old boy in your house?

STOCK UP ON FOOD. When both my brothers come home we go through a box of Wheat Thins and a gallon of milk a day.

fondue with cheddar

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Haha, we did! Not only is he an 18-year-old boy, he's also an 18-year-old ATHLETE. So yeah, lots of food. There's also a grocer around the corner in case of emergency. ;)

My boyfriend has 4 kids, 3 of whom are boys. It took a long time of living in a 2-person household with me for him to stop ridiculously overbuying food out of habit!

katiemcgillicuddy

@fondue with cheddar (formerly jen325) Oh man, yeah, my brother just turned 20 and I haven't seen him eat one sandwich at a time in about 6 years. He eats *pairs* of sandwiches a few times a day, 4 kinds of meat, some sort of cheese, giant kaiser rolls and nothing else. And then very weirdly will eat a plate of lettuce (I have no idea). When he makes omelets he uses about 6 eggs. It's absolutely horrifying. And the son of a bitch is like, 5'7" 130lbs, makes me freaking crazy.

iwearaFEZnow

Hi 'Pinner's - finally, a FOT to participate in, rather than ruefully looking back at all the missed fun over the weekend...

!!HOORAY FOR, JANE!!

Also, does anyone else compulsively check in on WC Qualifying scores (or the odd Friday league football match) while at work (hey, internet radio)? And make odd noises/facial expressions/dancy movements depending on the results? No...just me? Oh. Well then...

Decca

I am finding living in a new city a little bit more difficult than I'd expected. I don't regret my choice to move - as a city, Brighton is fantastic and I'm finding my MA course really interesting and tough (in the best possible way), but I'm just missing my friends in Dublin so much. My last three months before I moved were some of the most fun I have ever had; maybe it's because I knew I was moving away at the end of the summer, because it was like a three month-long bacchanalia of hilarity and drunkeness and being social. Here, my social life has been radically curtailed.
I get along really well with my housemates, and I have friends on my course that I can hang out with in the evenings and go to the pub with, but I still haven't found "My People".

It's not my first time away from Dublin; I lived in Boston for a year, which was a far bigger move than this one, but I was lucky enough to meet an Irish guy in Boston who I now consider my (platonic) soul mate. We instantly became best friends, and it made the whole experience far less painful than it could've been otherwise. I think I just assumed the same would happen everywhere I went - that I'd meet a best friend instantly and constant hilarity would result. I'm not lonely here, exactly, but I don't have a partner in nonsense yet.

I also have my period this week, which may account for my moping.

Decca

@Decca Also, can we talk about the most recent episode of This American Life? I've been listening to the show for years now, and have never been as utterly disturbed and freaked out as I was by this one. The Tig Notaro piece at the start of the episode was fantastic, but then acts two and three made me feel physically ill and really umcomfortable and yet I couldn't turn it off. I was listening to it in bed on Wednesday night as I went to sleep, but it kept me up for hours in the horrors and even now I cannot stop thinking about them. Eeeeeesh.

Reginal T. Squirge

I haven't listened to it yet! I usually listen to stuff like this while working out but everybody has said this episode made them cry so I might have to save it for some other kind of activity. I'll come back here and let you know what I think, though.

Sharna Pax

@Decca Hi! I just joined the Hairpin and I'm glad that I get to use my first ever comment to speak to something so close to my heart. I, too, moved to Brighton right after uni to do an MA at Sussex. I guess I kind of expected it to be like undergrad as far as instantly finding my people and having close friends went, but...hell no. I spent a lot of time there feeling lonely and like I was missing some trick to make friends. I think, moving to Brighton is a lot like moving anywhere else - join clubs! volunteer! - except it feels like you shouldn't have to because it's such a great city and everyone is so nice! It is a great city, and everyone is so nice - but that doesn't translate into friends in any straightforward way, which for me was a big shock. The one thing I ever figured out was that becoming a regular in a pub can really help you feel like you have a place, and for me led to some lasting friendships. Find one you like the vibe of, and just keep showing up!

like a rabid squirrel

@Decca I recently moved to a new city, and I relate to this very much. I have a lot on my social calendar but I'm still in the process of rolling out my personality and getting to know people well, so I don't feel close to anyone AND social situations are extra exhausting. Are you meeting people outside of your program? I've also ended up finding events that I want to go to (story slams, lectures, etc) by following bars and coffee shops on Facebook, as they often post special events there. I even made a friend at one!

SarahP

@Decca UGH this episode was too awful! I was only worried about the Tig Notaro one (I've had two familiy members get cancer in the past year, so I was nervous I couldn't handle it), but that was fine! But then I squirmed and was uncomfortable through the whole shark bite story, and the third was so graphic that I had to turn it off less than halfway through... and almost started crying afterwards because of how creeped out I was.

Reginal T. Squirge

GAH! That shark story was terrifying! It was gave me the Rosemary's Baby, nobody-will-believe-you-when-you-really-need-help willies!

frigwiggin

I unpacked my winter clothing box last night, and ohhhh myyyy goooodddd why did I buy so many hand-wash-only sweaters from Goodwill last year. I love them, but whyyyyyy. I am going to be hand-washing things for days in order to be ready for the cold weather. (Also currently trying to decide if it's worth it to take my beautiful new-to-me blue Pendleton wool maxi-skirt to the dry-cleaner, or just hand-wash it myself at home. Going to the dry cleaner is so much effort, but is it more or less effort than washing it myself? Also the potential ruining-of-the-skirt, but whatever, I've hand-washed wool things before and they're fine.)

KeLynn

@frigwiggin - Two suggestions: #1 Do you have a washer with a "delicates" cycle? I just put hand wash only stuff in lingerie bags and wash it on delicates. #2 Have you tried Soak wash? You literally just throw your clothes in a bucket full of water and Soak, then walk away for like 20 minutes while it soaks, then come back and hang your crap up. (I usually agitate just a leeeeetle bit because I feel weird not doing it at all, but nothing on the directions says you have to do that.)

BornSecular

@KeLynn Wait, don't you have to RINSE?!?!?

frigwiggin

@KeLynn Hahaha, it's funny because that's kind of what I do anyway? Because I'm lazy. But mostly it's the wringing-things-out-with-a-towel and finding-space-on-my-drying-rack that end up being a pain in the butt. It's cool that there's an actual product made for how lazy I am about hand-washing!

I haven't tried the delicates cycle, but I should get a lingerie bag or two and try it.

Megasus

@frigwiggin I just throw those suckers in on cold and hang dry them?

Amphora

@frigwiggin I broke out my cashmere sweater collection last week (oh cashmere, I'd wear it all the time if it wasn't such a pain to clean) and have only gotten around to washing one of them so far. But I do the same method, just using Woolite instead of Soak and stain spray on anything that looks like it would need help coming off. The challenge is finding a place to let the sweater dry flat where my cat won't come sit on it and shed.

KeLynn

@BornSecular Nope! Just soak. That's it. I don't understand it. But it works. http://www.soakwash.com/instructions

frigwiggin

@KeLynn Holy crap. Is it made of magic? Also, where do you find it? Is it a Target-style product or do I need to order it online? Because I want some, right now.

Faintly Macabre

@frigwiggin Ooh, ooh, I can share my new fabric care knowledge from staying with a friend who's majoring in fabric! I was trying to insist on washing a bunch of wool stuff on cold, as I do at home. She told me that the things that screw wool up/make it shrink are: soaking in water (not Soak, but letting it sit for too long), soap (if you use too much and/or don't rinse it out), and friction. So unless the sweater is actually insanely delicate or ornamented, your best bet is probably washing it on the delicate cycle on warm or cold, assuming it's a short cycle.

Amphora

@KeLynn Wow, this stuff is fascinating. And since I don't trust my apartment building's washing machine as far as I can throw it, on the shopping list it goes!

sherbet

@frigwiggin I use this for my knitting! If you have a yarn store near you they should have some, in many different fragrances (or fragrance free!)

phlox

@frigwiggin Yarn stores or fancy lingerie stores. You can order it from their website, too. It is amazing, it took spaghetti sauce out of a white wool sweater once!

carolita

@Amphora I find that throwing my cashmere sweaters in the dryer (dry, not just washed), freshens them up between hand washings. Obviously use the low setting. I've never put anything in with them (like a fabric softener), just straight. It helps.

dj pomegranate

Hiiiii 'Pinners! I feel I have been absent so much these last two weeks but it is for a good reason which is that I am doing all kinds of awesome things at my job.

ALSO! To those of you who wished me happy 30th birthday a few weeks ago when I was feeling sorry for myself because mr. pomegranate was in Libya, thanks so much--y'all made me feel better, and now mr. pomegranate is NOT in Libya, he is IN MY APARTMENT so that is just wonderful.

In other news, I am going to a play tonight called The Old Man and The Old Moon and I don't know anything about it except that the NY Times says it will make viewers "giddy."

Cakebot

Hello friends! I know there are a lot of comedy nerds/anglophiles/David Mitchell enthusiasts around, so I thought I'd mention he published a memoir this week called "Back Story." And glory be, it's available in the US! I downloaded it for Kindle and have enjoyed what I have read thus far. http://www.amazon.com/David-Mitchell-Back-Story/dp/0007351720

Girl Named Jack

@Cakebot David Mitchell... or David MYTHCHILD?

nowwhat

This week has been the week of romantic turmoil. Just...ugh. So much so that I decided to find a therapist. What do you even ask when you are asking a therapist to find out if they are the right therapist for you? I am bad at interviewing (other people and being interviewed).

Reginal T. Squirge

It's kind of like dating. You just know when it works.

superfluous consonants

@nowwhat when i first started with my therapist, she gave me a little one-sheet outlining her general interests and therapeutic philosophy. it actually helped, because it talked about how she was most interested in helping people who feel "stuck" at some point in their life, rather than on any particular condition, and that described me pretty well. maybe that's something they all do?

geek_tragedy

@nowwhat

Honestly, a huge part of it is knowing yourself (which is great when you're already in therapy/turmoil, lemme tell you.) Also, knowing what you need. One thing for me is that I'm a feminist, of a particular national/ethnic background, and a bluestocking lady, all of which seriously inform my worldview/values. Also, I wanted to talk to someone who was compassionate, intelligent, and perceptive.

I have some horror stories, but basically, I shopped around a bit (which sucks when you're already sad/in turmoil whatevs) and found my shrink, who's this brilliant, well-read feminist lady with a good sense of humour. Basically, me as I would like to be/see myself, save for her strange taste in sweaters. She's a gem. She's also compassionate, rational, and has a lot of good sense, which is what I need. I think you have to decide what will help you--someone a bit maternal/paternal? Someone young? Someone who's very spiritual, or perhaps more no-nonsense? Also, do you tend to bs a lot? If so, you'll need someone who can call you on that. Etc.

Reginal T. Squirge is right, tho. Sometimes it just works--as evidence, I cite my friend who's seeing this Christian hypnotist/psychotherapist. I would never go for that, and in theory, neither would he (altho he's vaguely Xtian) but she's compassionate and great.

Also, practical question--where do you live? Some places have tons of great possibilities, some have fewer. Also, insurance is an issue in the US.

nowwhat

Thanks -- @geek_tragedy, seeing all those questions written out is very helpful, I just had no idea where to even start.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

I JUST TOOK A 5-HOUR ENERGY FOR THE FIRST TIME IT IS MAKING ME FEEL ALL-CAPS AND I AM VERY HAPPY FOR JANE.

katiemcgillicuddy

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose For some reason, I feel like this should have ended with "WOOO SNAP INTO A SLIM JIM!"

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@katiemcgillicuddy I like your style and will say that at least once before this shit wears off. Seriously, I've never tried cocaine, but I imagine it's like this x1000.

katiemcgillicuddy

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Five hour energy just made me weird and jumpy. And yes, you're about right on that second count. Oh and after "SNAP INTO A SLIM JIM" try and work in "VICTORY FOR THE FORCES OF DEMOCRATIC FREEDOM!"

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@katiemcgillicuddy Maybe a little "THUNDERCATS, HOOOOOO!" for the road.

katiemcgillicuddy

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Haha, yes. And, I dont know if you've ever seen the Anne Hathaway SNL Black Friday commercial but...it made me love her, and I am assuming this is how you are acting (she comes in at about 1:10 but it's worth watching the whole thing to get the full effect) http://www.hulu.com/watch/194723

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@katiemcgillicuddy Yes. That is accurate.

katiemcgillicuddy

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose I HAVE MADE PEACE WITH MY GOD AND THE PEOPLE AROUND ME

thiscallsforsoap

I've got the PhD finishing blues...I figured I was done experiments so I moved back with my folks in the burbs to save rent while I wrote my thesis, and then my PI decided I wasn't done so I've been commuting 3 1/2 hours a day for two weeks. Nyarghl. Next week should be my last one in the lab (I said for the 20th time).

Here's a bit of a situation for peeps to consider: a friend of mine met a girl (in a bar, if that's relevant). They seemed to hit it off, but she was just visiting and flew back to her hometown on the other side of the country. The following week, by his telling they sent more than a thousand texts to each other, with the content becoming increasingly...Lawrentian. That weekend, she flew in to see him, and the weekend after he flew there to see her. Which brings us to now. I congratulated him on his new relationship, as he had been single for a long time. He said they're not dating, that it was just a hookup and that's what he, and presumably she, had intended from the beginning. He's a student like me, not particularly flush, but he spent all that money on the flight and hotel and it seemed to be worth it to him. I couldn't imagine myself doing the same - would you?

KeLynn

@thiscallsforsoap

#1 3.5 hour commute. What I can't even. I get cranky when traffic is bad and my commute dragggggggs on to 45 minutes.

#2 Maybe it depends on the probability of me hooking up with someone easier to access. Or depending on how small of the town he lives in right now is (i.e. if he had a one night stand with someone who lives closer, would the whole town know about it?) But in general, no, I cannot imagine paying that much money for a random hookup when it seems like that should be easy enough to come by for less money.

Passion Fruit

@thiscallsforsoap

If I was totally broke, no, I wouldn't because I couldn't. But if I had a job? Yes. I've done all types of crazy things for a good lay, that fits right physically and emotionally. Ha. Does this girl seem sane?

harebell

@thiscallsforsoap
Maybe it's not so much a hook-up as an adventure.
Some adventures need to last a little longer than others.
Hook-up implies a certain amount of randomness, but maybe there's a very specific powerful thing turning them on that is not necessarily an ingredient they want in a relationship but is absolutely amazing for an adventure/fling. Maybe it's even more of a turn on as a fling. THat's what it sounds like from the 1000+ texts.

Summer Somewhere

my favorite salesperson at my favorite comic shop just showed me an ad in the back of a DC comic playing on the "fake geek girl" trope. she was mad about it and now i'm mad about it and you all should get mad about it too: http://tiny.cc/kh42lw.

Summer Somewhere

@Summer Somewhere Apparently that URL isn't working for some - see "the imposter" at this article: http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6795459/the-six-supervillains-of-nerd-culture

frigwiggin

@Summer Somewhere I...just...RGHHHH. It's safe to say I'm mad about it too.

Summer Somewhere

@frigwiggin Can we please rip this thing apart? The thing that is galling me is that it makes ZERO SENSE.

1) Spending all day looking at lolcats is hella nerdy.

2a) What's not nerdy about spreading "bad memes" and how do you even know the demographics of who spreads them?

2b) Self-identified nerd women are not the target audience of the Big Bang Theory. It features zero nerd women or adds them later, in the background, as an afterthought and is more about the "hot girl + awkward nerd boy = hilarity" trope, which is sexist as fuck and I refuse to follow it for that reason alone. Besides, the IT Crowd also does that and is a lot funnier about it.

3) What the fuck is wrong with Mario Kart? I've played every version since it first came out for the SNES and even played in a MK tournament. Anyway, not all nerds play video games, and some paper & pencil gamers shit on the format - for example, comparing D&D 4th edition to World of Warcraft unfavorably for being too accessible to new players. They would rather roll their dice in the most complicated ways possible, without any visuals if preferable, thanks, and they think YOU'RE a weaker nerd for letting a computer do the math for you.

katiemcgillicuddy

@Summer Somewhere Anyone who hates on Mario Kart is dead to me DEAD TO ME I SAY.

frigwiggin

@Summer Somewhere

In general, I am Very Not Down with the competitive nature of nerdery. Like, I'm a better/more genuine nerd than you because -I- like XYZ and own all the commentary tracks and blah blah blee blee bloo and also I'm a guy. That just makes people feel like they have to front in order to fit in, when it should be about celebrating a shared love of media and other things.

par_parenthese

@Summer Somewhere I share your consternation, because that is such bullshit. Nerdier-than-thou attitudes, like, defeat the whole fucking purpose of nerd culture as a thing. I mean?

I guess judgmental dickbags can be found in every layer of society. FTS.

Summer Somewhere

@frigwiggin Some of my (male) friends argue that this fake geek girl shit isn't sexist because male nerds also try to one-up other males. I see that nerdboy competition operating on an underlying assumption that both are nerds, you're just trying to suss out who has the bigger lightsaber. When nerd boys do it to nerd girls, the underlying assumption is that she ISN'T a nerd based on her gender (and possibly appearance), so the conversation is less about proving whose better than proving her right to exist in nerd boy spaces. I need to come up with a better way to talk about that one, because right now I'm all Carrie meets Pig's Blood when a friend tells me that they think fake geek girls are A Real Problem.

adorable-eggplant

@Summer Somewhere No, I think Carrie meets Pig's Blood is the proper level of angry there. It's just so stupid it really kills me. Luckily nobody I know would be brazen enough to make that suggestion in my presence (because I have flipped my shit before on that subject and cut out a lot of folks who couldn't seem to get it), so it's not an on going problem.

But anyone who can't figure out how 'fake geek girls' is an othering, marginalizing, problematic meme is either very stupid or pretending to be very stupid. And I will probably never find out which because I won't be speaking to them again.

Summer Somewhere

@Summer Somewhere * whose => who's

@par_parenthese Right?! Aren't we all supposed to be bonding over our uncool, unbridled LOVE for things?

Summer Somewhere

@adorable-eggplant I agree with you, and unfortunately I'm also simultaneously interested in genuinely trying to change these dudes' minds because I have years of invested friendship with them. As gratifying as I find pure She-Hulk rage, I find it to be more of a short-term solution. I want to hone my argument to a fine point and give them a wound they won't be able to deflect or forget.

elsbels

I'm going to Canada for the first time on Monday. Montreal to be exact, i'm so excited. Any must see or do's?

geek_tragedy

@elsbels Yes! Many!

For places to eat, go to La Banquise for poutine. And even better, Patati Patata on Rachel for a nice little lunch counter.

Um, and like there's cultural stuff.

Megasus

@elsbels MONTREAL STYLE. BAGELS.
the end.

Kira-Lynn@twitter

@elsbels go drink chocolate at Juliet et chocolat

lasso tabasco

Happy Friday 'Pinners!
I'm taking my best friend to a "Haunted" House for her very first "Haunted" House experience tomorrow! So excited!
Also, for the very first time in the history of my life, successfully ran away from and attractive male someone at the first sign of a Red Flag!! I think this means I may have reached the point where I am Taking Control of My Life. I hope!

lasso tabasco

@lasso tabasco damn typos! I've been staring at a screen too long and my retinas are not functioning properly!

christonacracker

@lasso tabasco I need to learn this. What was the red flag, and how attractive was he?

lasso tabasco

@lasso tabasco The red flag was: when he asked me to go home with him the first time we hung out and I said no, he made a snide remark about how I must think very highly of myself. Woman hater? Perhaps, but I don't want to find out. Attractiveness pre-insult was about an 8, and I haven't gotten any in 7 months, so I was up against a lot!

Queen of Pickles

@lasso tabasco Aaaauuughhhhhh that is SUCH a red flag. Good for you!

Amphora

I was trying to find an article from a while back and instead ran into this awesome article on an eccentric lady's dollhouse-like studies of murder scenes and you all should look!

frigwiggin

Booooooo, I just tore a hole in my tights with my boot zipper and I feel dumb complaining about it, but I liked these tights. Grump grump grump.

KeLynn

@frigwiggin you are not dumb, that shit is terrible.

Gracefully and Grandly

How would you deal with a coworker who farts audibly all the time in an open office and his work space is near your work space?

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@Gracefully and Grandly
Isn't the house answer 'fire'?

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@Gracefully and Grandly Shouldn't you deal with it "gracefully and grandly"? (snicker)

christonacracker

@Gracefully and Grandly go to HR on the assumption that he has a disability/medical condition and can't help it. Ask them to discretely move you. If you can't be moved then you may just have to cope. Medical issues trump comfort in the HR world, and I find that the excessive farters of the world usually think they can't help it even if they totally can.

Besides, there are probably plenty of people in the office farting inaudibly to the same degree. Ew.

stonefruit

@Gracefully and Grandly when my friend got promoted to management, she had to have an awkward conversation with one of her cube-farm subordinates about his flatulence after receiving complaints. I think if you complain to HR (or your supervisor, assuming your supervisor is not the gasbag in question), someone will have to talk to the flatulator.

to be clear, it's not not like "have to" in a legal way, just "we don't want to appear insensitive to our employees."

PomoFrannyGlass

Everyone have a good weekend. I like you all.

rallisaurus

I was at a networking event most of the day today and then I went to Trader Joe's for a serious grocery expedition. Turns out, the stress of those two events led me to defrost the leftover birthday cake (double chocolate raspberry!) I had in my freezer. And it was like 70% grocery store stress. Does anyone else hate grocery shopping as much as me? Why is the cart etiquette at Trader Joe's THE WORST?

Reginal T. Squirge

What is the cart etiquette? I never noticed it.

VolcanoMouse

@rallisaurus DAWG. I was ready to hyperventilate after this week's half hour at the rich suburban Publix. I was so bewildered and overwhelmed that a kindly old lady asked if it was the first time I'd done food shopping by myself. D:

I almost always shop at a little hippy store. During the midafternoon. On a weekday. I now remember WHY that is my MO.

The Lady of Shalott

@rallisaurus I hate grocery shopping because of all the other idiots who are there. No matter WHEN I go, the store is full of fools. Or people who continually stop their carts in the middle of the aisle. Or people who sneeze and then touch the produce or the meat. Or let their kids poke all the meat packages with their grubby fingers. Or huff and puff when you have the temerity to go in front of them to get something off a shelf as they stand there pondering what brand of peanut butter to get. Or people who bring six of their nearest and dearest and twelve children and move around the store like a giant, frothing amoeba.

I COULD GO ON BUT I WON'T.

KeLynn

@rallisaurus - I want to come do all your grocery shopping for you! I love grocery shopping. But my boyfriend definitely has a LOW LOW tolerance for it.

Also, I have no idea about the cart etiquette at Trader Joe's, I feel like their checkout lanes are set up so weirdly and every single time I have to re-figure-out what in the world to do with my basket.

rallisaurus

@Reginal T. Squirge I think in general it's the basic, don't leave your cart in the middle of the aisle. But for smaller grocery stores like Trader Joe's or Whole Foods people just go bananas and leave their carts everywhere! Also, I pretty much park my cart somewhere out of the way, but centrally located and just bring stuff to it. I get annoyed when people move their carts like a foot to go pick some cheese up or something.

rallisaurus

@VolcanoMouse Our hippie stores can sometimes be worse than the regular grocery stores. Too many health nuts in a concentrated area maybe? Or maybe everyone in my area is just a jerk? I'm really sad that the grocery store in my neighborhood closed, because now there's just so much pressure to get everything all at once. I liked being able to go out and buy whatever random thing I forgot to get, because no matter what, I always forget something.

adorable-eggplant

@KeLynn Oh me too! I love grocery shopping. Do people hire personal shoppers for groceries? I would do that.

I'm a central cart parker or I go with an arm basket (because I grocery shop at three different stores, and only really need a cart for my staples store). Also, I will totally skip ahead, get my sample cup of coffee, and then start my serious shopping. Love it.

rallisaurus

@KeLynn I always have weird guilt about letting them pack my bag for me. Like, I'm just standing there doing nothing, I should help pack!
Also, if I were rich I would hire you to go grocery shopping for me!

Decca

@The Lady of Shalott A+ for "a giant, frothing amoeba."

Reginal T. Squirge

@rallisaurus

I see what you mean now. I get really upset of people with their 8 million kids running about the store. And with people who always seem to be stopped right in front of the shit I need while the rest of the aisle is perfectly empty.

Since I don't have a car, I go to the grocery every weekend and just buy what I can carry. I find this makes things a little easier because I'm in and out pretty quickly before I murder someone.

Summer Somewhere

@The Lady of Shalott It's mostly the children that get to me, and their stupid mothers who act as if they're the only two people in the whole wide world.

Summer Somewhere

@Summer Somewhere Uh, and I realize now that the editing window has passed that I could probably have phrased that better, sorry to moms everywhere.

professionalmess

@The Lady of Shalott I once went to the grocery store and children climbed INTO THE HAMS. Not just poking them, but their whole little bodies playing and climbing in the refrigerated container of hams.

Reginal T. Squirge

Gives new meaning to the term "going HAM".

KeLynn

@rallisaurus - To be honest, your comment about keeping your cart centrally located took me by surprise because it has not once occurred to me *not* to move my cart two feet to get cheese or something. I would feel weird "abandoning" it halfway down the aisle or something, I guess. I drag it everywhere I go.

superfluous consonants

i'm pregnant? i mean, i am, but i'm still getting used to saying it "out loud". it's totally cool and planned and responsible, but i still have moments of total panic, like, "HOW DID I LET THIS HAPPEN IT MUST BE REMEDIED IMMEDIATELY." and then i remember that it was my empty uterus i wanted remedied! and then i want a glass of wine and change my mind again.

most importantly: does anyone else find the concept of "two brains in my body" as weird/terrifying as i do?

Decca

@superfluous consonants Hey, congratulations! You're a Pinner so you're going to make a great mother.

wee_ramekin

@superfluous consonants Congratulations!!

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@superfluous consonants Congrats! Babies are weird and fun and difficult. Case in point: my sister's sonogram makes her baby's profile make it look like Voldemort. Scary and hilarious!

Danzig!

@superfluous consonants Congrats!

nana

@superfluous consonants. Yay! ! Scary!! But great! I wish you all the best.

SarahP

@superfluous consonants Just think, if it's a boy, you'll not only have two brains in your body, you'll have a penis too. So weird!

And congrats! I'm really excited for you ^_^

Lyesmith

You guys, I got a job at the end of September at my university (from which I graduated yesterday), and things are going well and I'm learning even though it involves financial documents and payroll and all these things I haven't done before! And it's great, and it's an amazing opportunity, and I'm happy.

On the other hand, my condo's superintendent is being a creep and I'm almost gleefully angry about it. He had asked me out a couple of times during the summer and I said no and kind of thought he was joking. Then, he kept saying hi to me when I'd leave or come back - and he says hi to some other people, but not everyone, so at first I didn't feel he was singling me out. Eventually, I'd say hi back only when I couldn't pretend I didn't see him. I think he realized he was making me uncomfortable because he asked me to talk and apologized about it. Then, blasting straight through weird and into creepy, he told me he had wanted to get me a birthday present to apologize for creeping me out (I don't think he got the irony of this). I have never told him my when my birthday is, which makes me think he looked me up in the management records - which is creepy as fuck. I explained to him I was uncomfortable, not interested, and that he had to respect my boundaries. After that, I found that I was keeping my headphones on when walking home because I wanted to pretend I couldn't hear him saying hi, realized what I was doing, and got pissed the fuck off. I decided to stop replying to his "hi" as he is not my friend or acquaintance and is not entitled to my time or greetings. After a few times of me not replying, he stopped saying "hi" and I considered the matter over. He's also asked after me when talking to my grandmother, who thankfully replies along the lines of "she's good. Busy with work and school." Then yesterday, my mom told me that he had spoken to her when she was coming home, saying "Oh, Lyesmith doesn't talk to me anymore, she just walks right past me. I love her, I'll love her even if she gets married."

After I told her I'd be bringing this up with our building's management, she told me 1) not to tell anyone 2) what if he says she was making it up? 3) a spark starts a fire 4) she can't deal with this right now 5) she shouldn't have told me because now I'm upset and 6) it would be like my mom was spreading rumors because she told me what he said.! Trust me that I shot down all of this bullshit immediately. I also got her and my grandmother to promise they'd tell me if he asks after me because my safety > my mom thinking "what if Lyesmith feels upset?". I am so pissed, it's ridiculous. I'm going to the building manager on Monday and they better deal with this.

adorable-eggplant

@Lyesmith Yeah for assertively dealing with creeps!

Lyesmith

@adorable-eggplant I walk home thinking things like "I WILL FUCK YOUR SHIT UP" or "DON'T FUCK WITH ME", i.e. things I'd never say in real life. Does keep my fighting spirit up, though.

saul "the bear" berenson

@Lyesmith What a cruddy situation, especially because it's happening where you live. The great book The Gift of Fear was mentioned up thread, and I'd recommend you pick up a copy, as it talks a good bit about stuff like this.

This guy sounds very creepy, and one of the things that can make you most vulnerable to creepiness is the wish to be nice, and not rude. Be rude! Be assertive and continue telling him "NO" in a direct way. Don't talk to him, don't engage with him, don't be nice.

Lyesmith

@Moxie I went to the building manager today, who was concerned, said he'd talk to the superintendent immediately, and to report any more harassing comments to him right away. So yay! It was totally easy and fine!

Inkling

Today's "Apropos of Completely Nothing", featuring Apparently Still Alive Evo-Psyche Dude:

so when do i get to paint you?

What?

you know, depict you by applying paint, pigment, color or another medium to a surface.
[He sends a picture of The Girl with the Pearl Earring as if to describe a painting.]

Why?

because you have pretty and interesting features(?).

That sounds like the artsy equivalent of being serenaded.

i promise to be as clinical and technocratic as possible.

No

:(

#YOLO #THANK GOD

KeLynn

@Inkling -I realize he was probably trying to be sweet but the idea of anyone asking to paint me gives me the creeps. Like guys who play guitar and want to write songs for you. Just...stop. Stop doing that.

Sorty, artsy guys, you give me the willies when you try to love.

wee_ramekin

@Inkling I think the real question is: WHAT HAPPENED WITH THAT GUY WHOSE ASS YOU COMPLIMENTED?!?!

Reginal T. Squirge

Yeah, that whole songwriting thing is never a good idea.

JadedStone

@KeLynn songwriters trying to be sweet.
Reminds me of the garfunkle and oates song 'girl in the moonlight'

"Where do I look when someone's serenading me, I look him in the eye but it feels really awkward. Am i supposed to stare at him the entire song, if I look away will he know I'm bored??"
http://youtu.be/Y3Qgp_rGJYM

stonefruit

@wee_ramekin JESUS, YES. Updates, please, @Inkling!

Inkling

@all
I knooooow. Serenading and portraiting are totally all about the artist, not the passive audience. If he really wanted to paint me for his own artistic interests, without forcing me to pay attention to him, which I can totally see 'cause I look a little unusual, he would have just painted me from Facebook pictures.

@wee_ramekin
Oh well we've been texting. It's fall break right now, though, so he's in New York for the first time ever. He comes off as insecure and striving for self-betterment. I will (likely) have sex him in a week or two.

Danzig!

@Inkling He'll be technocratic? I don't think that means what he thinks it means.

OxfordComma

JANE!

Happiest of all happy weddings to you, lady!
I wish you a day with fantastic memories,
much laughter, and eyeshadow that doesn't crease.

The 'Pinners love you, Jane.

wee_ramekin

PINNERS WHO WATCH DOWNTON ABBEY

You guyyyyyyyyyyyys! I have watched everything but the finale of Season 2 and I want to talk about it!! Okay, some talking points [SPOILER ALERT for all of season 2 except the finale {also, please don't talk about the finale because I haven't watched it yet!}]:

1. I think it is dumb and stupid that they tried to make the Lord Grantham/Jane the Maid thing "happen". It was completely out of character for him, she was a cardboard nothing of a character, and the "feelings" between them caused him to be making out with her in his room as his wife nearly dies next door? Not believable in the slightest. I was also kind of pissed that her character was given so little to do. It would have been cool to get to know her and see her character develop.

2. I kind of hate Branson and don't really feel like the love story between him and Sibyl is believable. It's like, the most chemistry-less pairing I have ever seen, and I feel like there's got to be a LOT of chemistry to justify what they end up doing. Not feeling it.

3. Jesus, Sibyl is awesome. I want to be her (minus the whole Branson thing) when I grow up.

4. CAN WE TALK ABOUT LAVINIA DYING and how RIDICULOUSLY OVERWROUGHT that was? I mean, I actually liked her character and was sad to see her die, but for FUCK'S SAKE, if you don't want me to laugh at a character's death, you should probably not have her gasping out "See...isn't...it...better..this...way...?" consumptively as she succumbs to the Spanish flu (whatever that is).

5. Heh heh heh. When Matthew realizes that he has feeling in his legs that first time, I have decided to believe that he got a stiffy. Heh.

6. Mary, you're lovely.

7. Why didn't they use Lady Grantham's character that much this season? She is interesting and American, and I didn't love seeing her delegated to the sidelines.

8. When did Cousin Isobel go from being righteously badass to a complete and utter shrew? I mean, I like that they show that her persistence can be annoying, but I felt like they made her too irredeemably irksome.

9. I actually scream "Erh Maggeh!" (rough aural translation of a snobby upperclass version of "Oh Maggie!") about six or seven times per episode. Cousin Violet = best character...ever?

10. I want Mrs. Hughes and Carson to get a house together and live platonically and amicably their entire lives.

11. I am interested in what will happen with Edith next season/this season's finale. I like how they have developed her character.

12. Burny McBurnerface totally IS NOT Patrick, right? (Don't tell me if that is revealed in the Season 2 finale.) I don't like him.

13. Not a fan of Sir Richard Carlyle, not at all. AND NOT A FAN OF MY ROOMMATE, WHO SAYS THAT HE IS "NOT THAT BAD". ugh.

14. So...maybe this is sacrilege, but I'm not creaming myself over Mr. Bates. I like him because Anna likes him and she's MAH GIRL, but I...don't think he's that great. Just sayin'.

Okay...so much to talk about! As much as I have griped here, I'm obviously addicted, so let's talk!

Valley Girl

@wee_ramekin Aaaaugh I've been waiting for such a chance to dish.

1: I felt like the maid thing came out of nowhere are was just tacked on because Robert never had any storylines of his own. I liked Jane as a character but that whole thing was a mess.

2-3: I never really feel any heat between Sibyl and Branson, so I don't have much to add. Except that I was floored when I realized that Branson totally played a big supporting character on HBO's Rome, my last big historical drama favorite. He boned Octavia! Man, how good would Downton be with the same gratuitous male nudity that Rome had?

4: I had a case of the Mary/Matthew shipper fever about as severe as Lavinia's Spanish flu, so I was pretty gleeful to see her kick it anyway, but yes that dying declaration was worth a giggle.

5: I'm pretty sure that's considered canon.

11: Edith has gradually grown on me much more than I thought she would.

14: I don't know why he's gotten tiresome exactly but Bates isn't nearly so loveable any more. It's like by the time they showed Anna falling for him, you couldn't really see what she saw in him any more. Except kindly twinkling eyes.

JadedStone

@wee_ramekin BRANSON IS SMOKING HOT.
The thing with Branson is that he's righteously indignant, and the way we see him is mildly TOO indignant from the point of view of the Downton'ers.

I just want to watch cousin Violet all day every day.

EDITH. Did you see that sketch at the Emmy's of downton? Where he was like 'this is my eldest daughter, and here is my smoking hot youngest daughter, and.. here's the OTHER one. And it's a dude in a dress? EDITH. EDITH YOU HORRIBLE CREATURE YET I LOVE YOU ANYWAY.

Actually, my fav character will always be Mr. Carson. C'MON. He's amazing.

The thing about Jane the Maid seems to be a lack of chemistry. I think they wanted to go there, but then they were like 'eh. not happening'. And I do find it believable, because she looks like Cora. And I doubt it's ever the smoking hot ones, it's just a matter of opportunity and newness and being able to.

Sir Richard is AWESOME in an evil way. I love that actor.

I want Mary's eyebrows DESPERATELY.

JadedStone

@wee_ramekin ALSO
I feel like the Sibyl thing was supposed to be her falling for MATTHEW and then they veered in a new direction with Branson. But maybe that's life? We think we're falling for somebody and then WHAM.

dtowngirl

@wee_ramekin
I pretty much have all the same thoughts, though it's been several months since I've watched. The Lord Grantham/Jane the Maid seemed overly forced and totally unbelievable, in my opinion.

Lavinia's death was so, so obvious in my mind. As soon as the first person got sick, I totally knew they were going to kill her off, because everybody knows Mary and Matthew have to be together.

I also want to see more Edith. She seems cool.

I think Bates did it, just because.

wee_ramekin

@Valley Girl A throaty "hear hear" to your last point. I really liked Mr. Bates in Season 1, and was really interested in his story and love with Anna. But this season, he's just sort of...boring and wry in an almost dick-ish way? I dunno, I'm living off the memories of their love from Season 1 to keep me believin'.

@JadedStone See, the thing with Branson that I don't love is that he's all like "Pssssh to your work/dreams" when Sibyl says that she likes working and doesn't want to leave that to run away with him. That got my dander up. I also just really didn't see any chemistry between them. I believe that he likes her, but I don't buy that she is into him as anything other than a friend. It's hard for me to get behind a relationship that's going to significantly alter her life when I'm freezing over here from the lack of spark between them.

Also, have y'all seen this SNL parody of Downton? Hilar.

dany

@Valley Girl I totally just registered after months of lurking for this. I can never talk about Downton enough.

1. I agree, that Lord Grantham/Jane story was completely out of character, and just an attempt to rustle up some drama that didn't really go anywhere.

2. Sybil/Branson really annoys me, because I thought it had some really sweet potential at the end of season 1, and the way it played out was just really boring and kind of gross - like, every episode Branson tells Sybil "I know you're in love with me, just say it!" and Sybil is like "I dunno" over something like *two years* until she just gives in? They were obviously going for the lovers from two different worlds who can never be together (until they are) angle but they didn't pull it off at all. I think part of the problem is that Sybil didn't have enough agency in the storyline. I'm not sure, but I loved her suffragette stuff in season 1, and then becoming a nurse in season 2, I thought that was fantastic.

14. Oh, Bates! Yeah, he really got old this season. I think something about him always being right and honourable and good became really boring. If he made a mistake and actually did what he's accused of it could have been more interesting, but this way it just makes me sad for Anna because she's stuck with this boring guy.

Other thoughts about season 2:

Overall I was disappointed with the way it dealt with the war. It felt like it completely brushed over it, and all the massive social changes it brought. Obviously they had the war hospital and Thomas as a Sergeant, but it just felt like background noise. Especially with Matthew just coming and going from the front as he liked. My grandma (who is English, and very invested in their history) was very disappointed.

Even more than that, I felt like it descended into more of a soap opera, which I think you can tell with the Robert/Jane storyline, and the ridiculous end to the Lavinia storyline. Not to say that's necessarily a bad thing, I love soaps! But there was a difference in tone to the first season. Even so, I'm still watching the third season!

Megasus

@dany Yeah season 2 is...not great. But I feel like season 3 has been pretty good and resolves some of this? (particularly Sybil/Branson, though I am also in the Branson is smoking hot camp, and I didn't realize it was him in Rome FOREVER and it may be purely subconscious but oh lord was the male nudity in that show good, lol. Also remember how like THREE PEOPLE FROM ROME are gonna be on Game of Thrones in the new season and I just about peed myself?)
Oh I started the new Upstairs Downstairs last night and it is DELICIOUS.

rosaline

@wee_ramekin Uggggghh yes, Mr. Bates. I feel like he does all this to himself. If he hadn't been so caught up in HONOR and DUTY and HUBRIS and just told the truth from the beginning, he would never have gotten into such dire straits.

rosaline

@rosaline That is, HONOUR.

Amphora

@Valley Girl Aaahh he was Marcus Agrippa on Rome! He looked so familiar, thank you for placing him!

Amelia Bedelia

The Vice Presidential Debate was at my school yesterday! It was so incredibly surreal and incredible and crazy and awesome. Even if I did have to watch the debate with an angry pro-life protester yelling from a tree.

The Lady of Shalott

@Amelia Bedelia WTF? A tree?

EpWs

@Amelia Bedelia CENTRE CHILD. As if I didn't already love you for your username.

Amelia Bedelia

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Did you go to Centre!?! And yes, one of my favorite books/similar to my name.

EpWs

@Amelia Bedelia I did! And was, of course, stupid levels of excited all week. You guys did great!

Amelia Bedelia

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher What a small world! Are you planning on coming back for homecoming this weekend?

EpWs

@Amelia Bedelia I might! I'm on a business trip right now and am getting back Friday night, but if I'm alive on Saturday, Nappy Roots and I are gonna get down.

OxfordComma

And, hey!

Remember when I had a bad roommate?

Still do.

I may, in fact, set her sorry pampered Narcissistic Princess ass on fire, y'all.

Bitch is trying to make me pay rent for the first three days of November, when I was not given the legally required 30-days notice to move out. I have been in the middle of packing up, but she is trying to get me out a full two weeks early. Additionally, she has been manipulating my other roommate (and friend) into believing that I am the trouble-maker, and that I am the one refusing to compromise!

Asslicking twat.

And *then* she had the audacity to send me an email full of ANXIETY and STRESS about how my packing was upsetting her DOG and made it hard for her to STUDY.

...

I'm sorry that your brain is so puny, you can't possibly concentrate over the sound of books being put in boxes, but seriously?

If you want me out sooner, quit yer whining that I'm PACKING.

Does anyone have sneaky, juvenile pranks that I can play on her? Because I am SO game for making her miserable.

...

Sometimes, The Hairpin, I am just done with being a Nice Person.

dale

@OxfordComma Could you leave annoying notes around the place that she won't find until you're gone?

OxfordComma

@dale : I might! I was thinking about spraying sugar water around her windowsill, but that might be a bit much?

stonefruit

@OxfordComma no no no! that would affect more than just her. What about short-sheeting her bed? unscrewing all the screws in some item of furniture that wouldn't be dangerous if it fell apart (like the doorknob fixture or the light-switch plate)?

OxfordComma

@stonefruit : ...True. I think I'm picking up what you're putting down.

whateverlolawants

@OxfordComma What does that do? Attract bugs?

OxfordComma

@whateverlolawants : Ants. Loads of ants. To crawl into her clothes and to make her living space as unholy uncomfortable as she has made mine for the last five months.

...

Feelings.

I have them.

professionalmess

@OxfordComma My only juvenilve prank ideas come from what my mom told me they did at her religious boarding school in the late 70s, but saran wrap the toilet, so that when she uses it next, she gets pee everywhere? I always feel like I would notice that, but maybe not? There were others, but they are too far, like Nair in shampoo, which you definitely should not do.

Megasus

@professionalmess Do it on the toilet and not the seat and she might not

Queen of Pickles

@OxfordComma Oh you guys I am in the midst of a Scary Roommate Situation right now and I would be so paranoid if any of these things happened.

I mean, I'm all for pranks if she's not going to have a panic attack about it. But if she's legit freaked out, don't play with her fear... unscrewing things and whatnot.

Signed,
Someone who's extra-sensitive because she's afraid of the anger of the person she's asking to leave

OxfordComma

@Queen of Pickles : Oh, girl, I get that. Moving out was my decision, she's just trying to bully me into moving out sooner.

I limited myself to overwatering her orchid.

dale

I need to be good and get off my butt this weekend and do some serious job hunting. This job is driving me to drink, and my coworkers aren't helping. *pokes self*

But I did get some awesome linen fabric yesterday so I can start sewing hobbit costumes! I am excite.

adorable-eggplant

@dale Did you see the new york times article about hobbit tourism?? I want to go so bad.

dale

@adorable-eggplant Noooo, I didn't! I remember being very jealous when they first started doing them. NZ! Y U SO FAR AWAY?

whimsy

I had a "surprise" week off work this week (I only had two weeks notice, so not much time to plan anything) and am now a little stir-crazy and cranking my anxiety through the roof due to applications for residency (what a nightmare, This has honestly been the worst part of medical school ever)

So in comparison with the person applying to graduate schools up above, any recommendations on how to suck-up without looking like a suck-up?

But! I did cook the pumpkin chili recipe for my friends! and it turned out really well!

Slutface

I broke up with my boyfriend last week because he doesn't have the emotional capacity to care about anyone else but himself. I love him and am sad about it, but I'm over the sadness and just REALLY VERY ANGRY at him for all the shit he put me through and realized how much he lied to me and manipulated me. Then I see him on Facebook updating with jokes like he's happy as could be and nothing's changed in his life. He's one of these people that constantly updates Facebook because he needs validation, but I just.dont.get.him. How can he be so unemotional?

Rant over.

Jolie Kerr

GIIIIIIIIIIRL. UNFRIEND. BLOCK. NOTHING TO SEE THERE.

Plant Fire

@Slutface BLOCK HIM. And if you see him in person and are in a position where you cannot escape interacting with him just be polite but curt and a teensy bit cold (but in an aloof way rather than a mean way, because you are above that). Outside of that situation act like he no longer exists.

whateverlolawants

@Slutface Oh man, grrrrr. I hate that shit. Hugz for you. Icy glares for him.

Slutface

@Sea Ermine I know I should block him, but I'm nosy! Remember before Facebook when we actually lost contact with people?

Megasus

@Slutface Um, based on some stuff you have said elsewhere, is it at all possible he might be doing it to manipulate you (again) into having this reaction?

Slutface

@Megano! Possibly. I didn't think of that. Good call :)

entangled

@Slutface hide him. that way he won't show up on your feed, but he won't know you've done it. that way you're not cutting yourself off from the possibility of nosiness, but you'll be prepared for what you're seeing when you look.

saul "the bear" berenson

@entangled Agreed. After my last breakup, I unsubscribed from my ex and many of our mutual friends. I was still close with the mutuals (still am) but I had to rid my feed of any and all news of him. It took years before I could properly check in on the ex via facebook without having Feelings of one kind or another, so even though the unsubscribing felt overzealous, it was needed.

Briar

Hello Hairpin! After lurking quietly in the shadows for some time I've decided to join. Said lurking revealed the yumminess of cookie butter from trader joes, and I do believe I have found my new favorite food. I just know one day I'm gonna be the lady with a cart full of the little jars and nothing else.

wee_ramekin

@Briar Welcome! Man, I don't have a Trader Joe's near me, but the day I travel to a city that has one, Ima load up on SO.MUCH.COOKIE BUTTER.

Plant Fire

@Briar That sounds delicious! I'm definitely going to investigate this cookie butter next time I go to Trader Joes

olivebee

@Briar Welcome! And you're welcome! (Because I'm the one who brought up cookie butter for the first time on a FOT several months ago, and I've seen it mentioned here a few times since). It really is The Best Stuff.

LordHennyson

@wee_ramekin I already know that where I move to out of college will partially be determined by the availability of a Trader Joe's. Right now it's an hour-long odyssey. I NEED PEANUT BUTTER FILLED PRETZELS

sherbet

@Briar YES YES YES. I just went to Trader Joe's (which is sort of near me but just far enough that I never go), and I made damn sure I got some of that cookie butter that everyone was talking about. I was worried that it would not live up to its expectations since it's been so, so hyped, but DAMN. so good.

SarahP

@wee_ramekin I think a lot of mainstream grocery stores have it, too! It's called Biscoff or Speculoos spread. Friends of mine have even seen it at CVS. I'm sure you can find some somewhere!

wee_ramekin

@SarahP Sarahhhhhhhhhhhh...where were you?! You called us "Hairpin Twins" and then you vanished off the face of the earth! I am glad you are back.

SarahP

@wee_ramekin I was off visiting family in the land of no internet access, but I am here now! I am always with you in spirit!

par_parenthese

I just (like yesterday) started reading the new Julie Rose translation of Les Miserables, and I really really like it so far! So chatty! My goal is to finish "Fantine" by Thanksgiving. I'm just trying to think of it as like five separate books rather than one giant one.

I'm a little nervous, because the last really thick book I successfully waded through (prior to Deathly Hallows if you count that) was Gone With the Wind and that was SOOOOOO long ago. My comfort zone is like sub-500 pages.

Shayna

@par_parenthese Ah, The Brick! I'm reading Charles E. Wilbours translation. What does chatty mean? Is it more informal? Because Hugo goes on about politics and does this whole retelling of the Battle of Waterloo and needs to examine everyones grandparents, parents, and cousins before he gets to The Main Characters. How's the Julie Rose translation?

par_parenthese

@Shayna Julie Rose is Aussie which in my extensive experience with Aussies (being in-lawed to several and good friends with many more) means that it's bound to be way more informal. ;)

Example, from the end of chapter eight: "'Great speech!' he cried. 'This materialism of yours is a splendid thing, really, marvellous! Pity those who can't bring it off. Ah, because when you can, you're nobody's fool anymore. You're not about to let yourself be stupidly exiled like Cato, or stoned to death like Stephen, or burned alive like Joan of Arc. Those who have managed to avail themselves of this admirable materialism have the joy of feeling totally irresponsible and of imagining they can devour everything without a worry -- positions, sinecures, honors, power rightly or wrongly come by, lucrative recantations, handy betrayals, juicy little capitulations of conscience -- and they'll go to their grave, having digested the lot. How sweet it is!'"

*grins* Loving it. The tone is really warm and inviting and cozy, which is fantastic given how grand and epic it is!

whateverlolawants

Congrats, Jane!

So mad at the BMV not accepting a letter from my insurance company with my new address as proof of residency, but whatever. I wouldn't care so much except
1) I went to the trouble of looking nice so my photo wouldn't be as awful as usual and
b) I have to do it early tomorrow morning now.

But the good news is, I have to do it early because I'm leaving for a vacation and my birthday is happening during that vacation! And it's to my favorite city, New York!!!

And I voted today!!!

And I got my hair cut!!!

And I got my computer this week!!!

And I'm considering getting a rescued dog I met last week. A middle-aged chihuahua mix. He's so chill and easy-going. I typically like medium-sized dogs best, but my lease has a weight limit and this little guy is just adorable. So I'm trying to stay positive and not stress about packing and licenses.

Have a great weekend, everyone. :)

sarantium@twitter

Fighting a lot when you and your SO are living together in 100 sq. ft. does not mean the relationship is doomed, right? Maybe?

(We're in college, and for various reasons, I didn't properly move into my room for a bit over a week, so we were both living in his room. Which is his space, not mine, and we had a screaming fight and then we moved stuff into my room so that I didn't feel trapped and we're OK now? I think? But I am worried about The Future, and if this means we are doomed. In case it wasn't clear, we haven't lived together before, even for a week; I always had my room as well.)

Megasus

@sarantium@twitter Um well it is definitely not a sustainable living situation.

sarantium@twitter

@Megano! We know! And we are living separately now, but with me staying over often.

(also, I feel I should clarify "fighting a lot" -- we had one screaming argument, which is not something we do often.)

entangled

@sarantium@twitter yeah that sounds like a situational thing and not a sign of trouble. I'm pretty sure if I were living in 100 square feet with two people's stuff in the room, I'd get into a screaming match with myself at least once.

olivebee

@sarantium@twitter If it makes you feel any better, the few screaming fights I had with my husband were back when we were in college. We started dating in HS, were great, then sophomore year of college came around and it nearly destroyed our relationship. But we bounced back and are now very happily married. College is stressful and brings up a lot of ifs in people's minds, so it can put a strain on relationships, but that definitely doesn't mean you're doomed. If you start having screaming fights over and over, then try and evaluate what's causing them. But just one? You'll be fine.

florabora

Anyone want to throw some random job-hunting and/or application- or cover letter-writing advice at me? I've been looking and applying for a few weeks now but could always use some more advice!

Amphora

@florabora askamanager.org has some good advice on applications and cover letters (turns out mine were way too formal??)

siniichulok

Dear Hairpinners--I have a burning, geographically specific fashion/wardrobe question. I'm going to be going with my husband to Monterey, CA to hang around Monterey for the better part of next week while he does some work. Can anyone give me advice on clothing? We have a friend here who used to live in Monterey who was full of eager advice (it's his favorite place on Earth), but it was all, "you should be fine with layers, as long as they consist partly of long shorts and tall socks and sneakers and a windbreaker and maybe a baseball cap," and I was like, "but you see, I want to wear comfortable yet chic dresses and footwear while sketching in outdoor cafes and by the water, see...what should I do?" And he was all like, "um, I don't know--I don't have any experience wearing dresses." If you know Monterey or the area in general, can you please advise me? (I'm also not the long-shorts-plus-knee-socks type unless it's absolutely necessary. Is it necessary?)

rosaline

@siniichulok I'm in a Californian seaside city rather further to the south, so this may not translate, but it's definitely started getting chilly here. (I say this as someone who is originally and recently from a cold place.) My advice is tights/stockings, pretty flats, and cute jackets. Also scarves. Because these will not look out of place and will keep you warm if it is chilly, and you can also do without them if it's warmer than expected!

Plant Fire

@siniichulok Maybe bring a couple different thicknesses of tights (so regular and thick and superthickwool tights) a pair of flats and a pair of boots and some layering items that work with dresses (undershirts, blazers, cardigans, wraps, etc). That way you have options and can mix and match based on the weather. And check to see if it gets rainy there so maybe you can toss in a trenchcoat and umbrella.

entangled

@siniichulok layers is right. it will probably be cold. I have been to Monterey a bunch of times and only once was it warm (granted, that was this time of year, so you might have good luck). But the weather patterns out here are crazy and it's usually pretty chilly by the coast. I think you'll be good with warmer tights and a dress, as long as you have layers on top.

rosaline

@siniichulok Good call. BOOTS. How could I have forgotten? Boots are ideal.

LaLoba

@siniichulok Don't forget a warm scarf which is a nice way to add an extra layer without bulking yourself up and remaining spritely and fashionable. It also comes in very handy when the ocean winds arise and your head gets cold or there is dampness in the air.

Warm, thick tights or sleek long johns are ideal. I have a couple of pairs of smart wool knee socks which are thin (smartwool!) and also very warm (smaaaart wool!!) and they add extra color and warmth. Then boots. And then an adorable dress, then a little sweater, then a warm coat the ratios of warmth and style and waterproofness depending on the precise weather patterns.

My layering ability is one of my best attributes and I can't shut up about it!

siniichulok

@siniichulok Thanks La Loba, rosaline, entangled, and Sea Ermine (by the way, you all have really neat names)! I love these suggestions and am getting a better idea of what it'll be like there weather-wise. Also, yay--reason to buy tights and more wool socks!

sandwiches

@siniichulok I live near Monterey and yes - layer, layer, layer. Tights, boots (you should be fine with thickish tights & flats if that is more your speed), cardigans & scarves are all really good ideas, but be aware that there are weird patches of incredibly sunny + warm places (Toro Park along 68 going into Salinas - really beautiful hills if you guys get time to hike/are hiking-inclined), sunny + brisk places (Pacific Grove, Carmel), usually foggy + brisk places (Seaside, Marina, Moss Landing which is further up 1 towards Santa Cruz) and sometimes sunny/sometimes foggy + usually brisk (Monterey proper). Basically you're fine with layers unless you're going into Toro Park which is almost always broiling and ridiculous (I apologize if you go there in shorts and a shirt and it's unseasonably freezing).

Kulojam

Happy weekend everyone, and happy wedding Jane! Good week so far: hung out twice with a new guy, booked my flight to the US for my best friend's wedding and just all around had a good time apart from having to work the late shift today. But just 24 minutes to go and i'm off to a party.

The new guy thing, tho: I'm pretty tall, and he is a good head shorter than me. I am really trying not to care because I am attracted to him and he is good at the sex and we get along really really well, but I'm having a hard time looking past the height. Am I being silly? Looking for a dealbreaker? I mean, it isn't like I can tell him to grow.

professionalmess

@Kulojam Is it weird just because you are taller or because he makes it weird? I'm fairly tall, and I don't mind being taller than a guy unless he gets all "Don't wear heels." "You look so much taller than me in those shoes." "You're freakishly tall."

MilesofMountains

@Kulojam My boyfriend is only 2 inches shorter than me, so it's not quite the same, but I found that it was a bit weird at first but I got over it. I missed the "cuddling up to a big strong man" part, but I realized wanting that was mostly just being used to having that. If it really bugs you, though, then he's not the guy for you. Just don't tell him it's his height that's the problem when you break up with him.

Kulojam

@professionalmess He is not weird about it at all; we've actually talked about it because the height difference is so great we kind of had to, and he's pretty self confident. I think I'll get past it - I think the main problem is that my ex-husband is shorter than me and i was all "no more shorties, freedom!" but I realize it doesn't really matter. He's a great, nice guy and I'll try to get over it. There aren't that many tall Chileans, anyway, so it isn't like i have a lot of options here :)
And I would never tell him his height is a problem, lord no!

Thanks, guys!

Plant Fire

@Kulojam Is it the way he acts about it that bothers you or the height itself? My boyfriend is a little over an inch shorter than me and I love it and generally find short guys to be more attractive that tall guys. But if a guys starts making a big deal over his height, or commenting a ton on the difference, or suggesting I stop wearing heels then it stops being hot and starts being annoying and uncomfortable. So I think that's something to consider. If it's just the height itself and not his behavior I'd give it a little more time to see if it's just weird because it's different for you or if it's genuinely something you're not attracted to.

cocokins

1. Yay, Jane!
2. I've had a great week!
3. My infant storytime (I'm a children's librarian) is slowly gaining participants--up to 5 babies on Wed.! This is a new thing for our library so it's been slow-going, but it's totally promising.
4. Husband is away for the weekend, so I played Animal Crossing ALL NIGHT LONG. :)

dj pomegranate

@cocokins The thought of five babies listening to stories in the library just made my morning .

Passion Fruit

@dj pomegranate Yes, OMG. Please set up a video camera, like a Panda Cam or something. This sounds spectacular.

cocokins

@Passion Fruit Imagine the following items: a quilt, a stuffed polar bear named "Petey," five drooling babies and their mothers/babysitters/grandmas, and a SHIT LOAD of Raffi music, all rolled up into a 25-minute singing/reading sesh in the basement meeting room of the library, under a portrait of an old town mayor that time (but not the library) forgot.

JadedStone

CANADIANS

I just found out clearly contacts is having a 50% off sale that ends Monday on ALL glasses! NOW IS THE TIME.
it's clearlycontacts.ca - I order glasses here ALL THE TIME and they are FAB just keep an eye on the width of the glasses.

The Lovecats

@JadedStone Thank you for the PSA!!!

apples and oranges

Where can I find some good quality leggings that aren't see through/are a little thicker?

lobsterhug

@kangerine How thick? I have leggings from Old Navy and Loft that have good coverage and are reasonably sturdy.

Also, I saw pleather leggings at H&M and I would have bought them but they weren't available in my size.

LaLoba

@kangerine If you come from a land where there is JC Penney, they almost always have thick but not too thick leggings for approximately $7, in my experience.

Lucienne

@kangerine I have some sweater tights from Hue that are thick and not-see-through. And I got them at TJ Maxx or something so they were like $3 instead of whatever Hue tights usually cost. Maybe try a TJ Maxx-like place?

SarahP

@kangerine I like my American Apparel leggings a lot.

lobsterhug

Ugh, I have a huge painful pimple/cyst/grossness under my chin. It hurts and I just want to lay down with a nice hot compress and watch tv, but I have to work.

So Pinners, please tell me your zit remedies/gross stories.

JadedStone

@lobsterhug
you might think I'm crazy, but I put toothpaste on them.

lobsterhug

@JadedStone I have heard this before but I'm skeptical. Any old toothpaste will work?

royaljunk

@lobsterhug Toothpaste is good (esp. ones with baking soda), BUT a paste of baking soda + water works pretty well too.

siniichulok

@lobsterhug I have a book called Babushka's Beauty Secrets (really)that recommends rubbing garlic on them. I haven't tried it yet, but I plan to at some point. Also, I got these sort of wipes-in-a-pack for about $10 called Yes To Tomatoes in my local pharmacy (I'm in Canada but I think they're from the US) that I HAVE used, and it was kind of amazing--the zit shrank a little before my eyes as I was applying the thing, and then proceeded to disappear over the course of a day.

royaljunk

Starting a new full-time job on Monday with a bunch of added responsibilites, simultaneously excited/nervous as hell, aaaAAAAAHHHH.

Adult Footie Pajamas

@royaljunk You are going to own that shit like WHAAAAT.

royaljunk

@Adult Footie Pajamas Thanks, I hope so!!

wee_ramekin

@royaljunk Hope your job is going well so far!

LaLoba

The dishwasher has grown too quiet. It rests in the kitchen, mid cycle. The dishes are not yet clean. Why does the quiet arise? Awake, sweet machine, awake! Brush the casserole crumbs from my plates, the potato skins caked to the bottom of the roasting pan. Let me unhitch your sorry black tubes from my faucet and let the water run again. Let me have coffee, coffee in a clean cup!

LaLoba

@LaLoba Ah- the outlet! The outlet had lost it's power! The coffee pot, too, was off! One push from one tip of a useless or hapless finger and the roaring water rushes from spout to dishes once more, soaking them, sloshing their clean rinsed water about, the coffee drips one two, one two, the pot grows warm again, I swallow commas by the mouthful and spit them stoutly into sentences that have no place for them to stay or sleep or sit to supper, I swallow them back up again and wait for the coffee, the coffee.

wee_ramekin

@LaLoba Haha! More of this, I command thee! Do the vacuum cleaner or washing machine next!

Faintly Macabre

Hellooo weekend 'pinners, I have another question!

My damn Blackberry has gotten on my last nerve, so I am having a family member buy me a new phone on eBay this weekend to send to France via family friend. (It's had plenty of small problems, but the little scrolly ball is refusing to respond when I scroll down, and the only phone repair place I could find here wanted 40 euro to replace it!)

Anyway, does anyone have suggestions of good smartphones? I don't want another Blackberry and I am not fond of iPhones but am willing to get one if it's the best option.

Needed/Preferred features:
-actual keyboard (this is why I got the Blackberry. I can probably live without, though.)
-3G or 4G
-takes SIM cards (I use AT&T in the U.S. and all phones here use SIM cards)
-easy to use with wifi
-halfway decent camera
-fairly durable (this was a plus with the Blackberry and a reservation I have about iPhones)

Megasus

@Faintly Macabre I have a Samsung Galaxy Q and I like it. Pretty sure all cell phones have SIM cards.

Faintly Macabre

@Megano! A lot of Verizon phones don't, and in the past they never did. I learned this the hard way when my phone broke in college and my cousin mailed me her Verizon phone. Thank you for the suggestion--I'll add it to my little list.

siniichulok

I guess this is my weekend to prevail upon the Hairpin's generous wisdom, but I was wondering--does anybody know of a decent bacon (or pancetta, which I guess is the same thing?) substitute to use in all of these nice fall salad recipes that keep popping up everywhere? I'm always excited when I see them, and then it says, "....then take half a pound of bacon...." I'm Jewish (though I like pork--maybe influence of my Slav dad) and my husband is Muslim so our house is pork-free. Do you think turkey bacon is as good as the real thing? Also, do you have thoughts on chorizo substitutes in recipes, or on what kind of meat would go well in meatballs that are supposed to be part-to-all pork?

Fitzsimmons

@siniichulok I'm vegetarian. There's a product called Soyrizo that is an awesome chorizo sub. I get it at a walmart in rural Missouri, so I would think it's pretty widely available. I remember liking turkey bacon before I went veggie, and seitan bacon is a really good (and similar to the real thing!) vegetarian substitute :)

Queen of Pickles

@siniichulok Oddly enough, I tend to use kalamata olives, artichoke hearts, and garlic to replace stuff like that.

You could also try: smoked duck, smoked venison, lox

Reginal T. Squirge

@siniichulok

Turkey bacon is a decent substitute but doesn't taste as good as real bacon. I say this as someone who hasn't really eaten pork at all in over 10 years.

saul "the bear" berenson

@siniichulok You totally could use turkey bacon, but I think @Queen of Pickles suggestion of smoked duck or venison would be a ton better. Turkey bacon is just so processed and narsty, in my opinion. You might be able to find beef bacon at a halal butcher or gourmet place. What about Bresaola, which is cured beef?

theotherginger

@siniichulok or just go to your local kosher deli if you have one (I am not Jewish and I don't know if these things are only found in certain cities/areas, fwiw), but think that smoked meat is to. die. for. I might like it better than bacon.

Fitzsimmons

My writing got published! Well, online, but I'm getting paid. I'm a little hesitant to post a link though, because my full name is associated with it... But I'm very happy!!

Danzig!

@Fitzsimmons Awesome!

plumb-bob

OMG you guys! Melis is on the Gawker! They're all like, WTF?! :)

Danzig!

@plumb-bob (formerly Pixa) It's a trip, right? I don't want to have to start making snide comments about Melis!

theotherginger

@Danzig! she can change it from within

plumb-bob

She has manage to infiltrate them. We should help by giving her all the pageviews.

(I made this comment earlier I can only see the first one when I am logged in - strange…)

Megasus

@plumb-bob (formerly Pixa) I know! I kind of want to punch them all?

theotherginger

@Megano! I tried to find her, but since I didn't want to get too far into gawker, I failed. what is her real name/title of blogging?

Megasus

@theotherginger Mallory Ortberg (I am pretty sure)

Danzig!

@Megano! Yeah, that's her! She's written here before, of course, and she's on Twitter, as @Mallelis

Bittersweet

@theotherginger The post concerns a partial list of things she's not sure exists. And the comments are making me really happy that I hang out on the Hairpin and not Gawker.

melis

@Bittersweet I'M BACK

Hi!!

Bittersweet

@melis I'd say hi, but as a Boston-area Radiohead fan who's worked in finance and likes capers and sports, I'm now not quite sure I actually exist.

melis

tell me ur secrets u mysterious wraith

thiscallsforsoap

Melis! Ahem. Have you met Caity Weaver yet? How is she?

melis

@thiscallsforsoap no! Plus i am in CA and they are mostly in points east. Talked lots with Mobutu and Max and Emma, though, all of whom are delightful and very smart.

TheDragon

Hey Y'all! I haven't posted in a few weeks, but just wanted to let you know that I enjoyed catching up on everyone's goings-on!
(and I am still making stupid decisions Re: boys)

theotherginger

@TheDragon shoot. that is too bad. I hope you are ok otherwise

TheDragon

@theotherginger
Getting there. Luckily my best guy friend is amazing, even if he lives four hours away and is a complete jerk to most girls. Called him in tears tonight, and hung up in tears from laughter

theotherginger

@TheDragon too bad he lives so far away, good you can talk to him!

saul "the bear" berenson

I bought my very first can of Bon Ami today at Whole Foods (for less than two dollars!), and I scrubbed my kitchen, and everything is so clean! Especially the stove. It's like a dream. Now my bathmats are all in the tub taking a nice oxiclean bath, and my house is so clean and nice, it's like there are little Clean Person elves running around celebrating.

theotherginger

@Moxie I needed this. I miss clean person columns! Jolie! Jolie! I know you are famous and all... but...

saul "the bear" berenson

@theotherginger She's coming back! She's doing a monthly column, one this month and then another in November to get us ready for the holidays. Here, read this, it will cheer you right up.

http://www.theawl.com/2010/01/half-baked-with-jolie-kerr-the-real-recipe-for-pink-panty-pulldown-punch

Faintly Macabre

@Moxie Bon Ami is possibly my favorite cleaning product. I love scrubbing chrome faucets with it! I think it's actually usually cheaper at big supermarkets or pharmacies than Whole Foods (since Whole Foods pretends it's a fancy natural product), though it's been a while since I bought some.

area@twitter

@Moxie Bon Ami!! YES. I had a filthy coffee-stained teaspoon that I despaired of getting clean (this is the teaspoon that went in my coffee mug at work). I brought it home, stared at it, then saw the Bon Ami I'd bought the week before hiding under the sink. Worked like MAGIC. Sprinkle on, rub gently with sponge, BAM gorgeous sparkling flatware. <3 u, Bon Ami and Clean Person!

Porn Peddler

Pretty sure my comments from Friday did not show up to anyone except me. I had a rage blog and some porn to share :(

theotherginger

@Porn Peddler pls share.

Danzig!

@Porn Peddler Put yr rage on the page and yr porn... on the... just give it to us!

Porn Peddler

@Danzig! RAGE ON THE PAGE AND PORN ON THE FAAAAAA...UH....

anyway, links are above!

Danzig!

@Porn Peddler I don't see em!

OwlOfDerision

HOLY (almost) HALLOWEEN APPROPRIATENESS, BATMAN! http://imgur.com/wWg3p

elbows on the table

dear pinners who run: do you ever get beyond having to absolutely force yourself to get out there and do so? and oh god, when?

related: i have running shoes, i have exercise clothes (some of them are even cute clothes.) i have a nice doggie that will run with me (he! loves! running!)... but i just don't have any staying power, i guess. i start running with the best of intentions, keep with it for about two weeks or so, and then just stop ("oh, i'll do it tomorrow and sleep in this morning as a treat" turns into "oh man, have i really not gone running in two months?") - wash, rinse, repeat. i have no excuse.

wee_ramekin

@elbows on the table What is your running schedule like? Are you trying to go every day? A certain number of times a week?

I find that setting a certain number of times to go per week helps me to avoid dreading running. I'll commit to going three times a week, say, and then spread them out over the week on whatever day works. It gives me a chance to avoid running if I'm legitimately too busy to do so without feeling guilty about not running, and that, conversely, makes me want to run more.

SarahP

@wee_ramekin I do this, and it works best for me.

I also used to set mileage goals for the week, like 10 miles, and it was okay if I went on 2 long runs or 5-6 shorter runs throughout the week; I just wanted to meet my goal (this is making me realize what a wimp I've become in the past couple years, because I run nowhere near 10 miles a week anymore).

elbows on the table

@wee_ramekin so I generally attempt to go 3-4 times a week (this shakes down to nearly every other day, pretty much.)

however! a friend just suggested the "Zombie, run!" app, which I will try out tomorrow morning... so I will let you know.

(another friend suggested a rewards system, which might also work.)

vernon hardapple

Jane!! MUST SEE PICTURES OF ULTIMATE HAIR / MAKE-UP SCHEME. I'm sure you're in a loved up ball of love right now but girl, priorities. Congratulations!

SarahP

Congratulations, Jame! That is awesome, I hope you're now enjoying being married and not having to plan a wedding anymore ^_^

On an unrelated-and-yet-related note: My one-year wedding anniversary is today! I feel a little weird talking/posting (on facebook) about it, because we had two sets of friends get married within a couple weeks of us, both of which are now going through divorces... but at the same time, I am so happy and lucky to be married to my husband!

Miss Maszkerádi

So I know it's, like, Monday, but does anybody want to be a Downton Abbey Bereavement Support Group with me? :( I downloaded it over last night, then got up early this morning to watch it, all excited, and then halfway through the episode that thing happened and BOOM. Day ruined. I was weepy for hours.

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