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Wednesday, October 17, 2012

39

Spoiler: It's Not Gonna Work

Equine therapy: will it cure you of your homosexuality, or will it fight a losing battle with the rugged good looks of the cowboy/cowgirl who helps you mount? Heh, "mount." Heh, "chaps." Heh, "delicious chuckwagon breakfast."

(Source is NSFW if kind-of-sweaty-looking guys in underwear is a problem? Quit that job, become a blogger! But not for the RNC.)



39 Comments / Post A Comment

The Lady of Shalott

Cures "nymphomania" AND "satyriasis?" What is this, 1899?

No, forget it, even in 1899 people would have been like "Hell no, I'm not sending my nubile 18-year-old daughter with nymphomania to a COWBOY RANCH filled with COWBOYS!" or "Fuck no I'm not sending my strapping young man to a COWBOY RANCH!" Come on, isn't there a reason there's all those "romance novels" that are thinly-veiled porn that take place on ranches with cowboys and stuff?

Decca

@The Lady of Shalott Right?! And the dykey horsewoman stereotype! Have the good folks at E.A.P. never seen a cover of a salacious pulp novel?

Also, big LOL at the copy: "Natural horse and herd behavior are observed and honored a a models for healthful human behavior." And what does "designed to elicit metaphor" mean?

Megasus

@The Lady of Shalott Seriously, so many cowboys.

schrodingers_cat

@Decca dykey horsewoman stereotype right here!

City_Dater

@Decca

Never mind the pulp novels, even watching one episode of "The Big Valley" would suggest this is not going to work out as planned.

melis

"Well, he doesn't seem to be as effeminate in his mannerisms, Mrs. Wandersnatch. But he has taken to fucking the horses."

"Close enough! OUR SON IS CURED!"

Cawendaw

@melis "WAIT WAIT STALLIONS, MARES, OR GELDINGS?"

Decca

I'm reading an article about EAP (not this particular group, sadly) and the opening sentences made me so happy: "Look out, Freud. There's a new therapist in town and he's a formative 1,600 pounds. That's right, I'm talking about a horse."

leonstj

I don't know about horses as a cure for The Gay. I learned to ride as a kid, but a close relative who happened to be a lady who was dating a lady who owned horses. Lesbians and horses are some of my fondest childhood memories!

Judith Slutler

I just got a flyer in the mail that offered "business horse training", and to my disappointment, it turned out to be about equine therapy for businesspeople who need to learn more confidence, instead of a CPA training course for horses.

remargaret

@Emmanuelle Cunt For your Business Horse!

Decca

@Emmanuelle Cunt Do you have some sort of business horse special? Because we're business horses. From LA.

redheaded&crazy

@remargaret I read "Cunt for your business horse!"

remargaret

@redheaded&crazie Now THAT would be a flyer.

Judith Slutler

@redheaded&crazie Cunty username strikes again!

alannaofdoom

@Decca - Well, now I know what I'm going to watch tonight.

The Lady of Shalott

Also I found this quote "People and horses form a natural bond that establishes both trust and comoradere." Which I THINK they meant "camaraderie," but I prefer to think it means "sexual relationships."

fondue with cheddar

@The Lady of Shalott MORE LIKE HOMORADERIE AMIRITE

Miss Maszkerádi

@The Lady of Shalott Because I am tired and loopy, I saw the word "comoradere" and immediately started giggling because I read it as a mash-up of "commode" and "derriere." And apparently i'm ten.

Decca

To be serious for a second, this type of discriminatory thinking really upsets me. What about all the gay equinophobes out there?

Es
Es

I can unequivocally promise that my ponies will never try to cure anyone of being gay. Or nymphomania. They certainly haven't done anything to minimise my libido in the 30 years I've been riding them...

tea sonata

Pretty sure the only problem here is thinking that Being Gay is a problem.

Reminds me of Ali G Indahouse - "I put it to you that you sucked off a 'orse". But that might just be me.

dtowngirl

My mom really wanted me to be a cowgirl for some reason, and made me ride horses. I hated it and am as far away from being a cowgirl as one can be (maybe?). And I'm a lesbian. Clearly, if I had only ridden horses longer, I'd now be riding cowboys.

blueblazes

Um... that "natural herd behavior" that cures the gay? Pretty gay itself. There are these groups of young male horses called bachelor bands, and they would remind you a lot of that "bachelor uncle" you had as a kid.

alannaofdoom

@blueblazes - But, on the flip side, their stalls are always very neat, and the hay is so coordinated and stylish!

schrodingers_cat

@blueblazes Yeah, I've known some pretty gay geldings

J Walter Weatherman

@schrodingers_cat The best ones are the troublemaker haflinger geldings who try to mount 17hh thoroughbred geldings.

schrodingers_cat

@J Walter Weatherman I imagine that is pretty hilarious to watch. In my experience, the gayest horses are Arabs.

George Templeton Strong

This totally does not work. When I was very small, like 4 or 5 years old, my much older brother would throw me in the back of his car (a Camaro!) and he and his girl friend at the time used to take me on these amazing road trips. I don't know why. We would often visit a friend of his who owned a horse. For fun they used to put me on the horse, no saddle or leads or anything, and much as I loved the horse it used to freak me out. Inevitably the friend would rouse himself from a pot-induced stupor and grab me around the waist and I would hang onto his neck and he would take me down off the horse. I can still see the guy, who must be in his 60s by now. He looked like Owen Wilson. He was the first guy I fell in love with, or at least had a real crush on.

Joshie

Horses are for Aspergers. Quit gentrifying horse therapy neurotypicals

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

Mmmmm, cowgirls....

fondue with cheddar

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose
I'm right on top of that cowgirl.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@fondue with cheddar Bravo. Now bring over some wine and artisan bread and this will be a PARTY.

fondue with cheddar

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose OH, THIS IS SO ON.

White wine would probably taste best, but I'm thinking maybe it needs to be rosé?

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@fondue with cheddar Hmmm. Yes. This sounds nice. Maybe I'll just call it a day at the office and head out to the ranch...

fondue with cheddar

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose I'll meet you there.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@fondue with cheddar Yeehaw.

Cures homosexuality, huh?

Yeah, I realized I was gay when I had All The Feelings for the barn manager at the summer camp where I was a riding instructor. I've been a practicing gay ever since.

sudden but inevitable betrayal

Haven't read the article, but maybe the hope is that after one's immersion in the horse world, their cocaine addiction will overwhelm their gayness?

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