1. "It is a large collection of blood vessels pushing through the scalp which will be gone by the time she's four." (This is the one you say out loud.)
2. "Oh, that? It's a clump of uterus that will just NOT come off, darn it!"
3. "Oh, you're so sweet. You didn't realize the whole thing is a cunning little hat, hair included."
4. "The propeller fell off."
5. "It's an ingrown hair. We're going to use TendSkin going forward."
6. "It's a Life Alert button. If we don't press it firmly every morning, the paramedics come."
7. "All indigo children have them."
8. "Oh, bless your heart. Are you the Make-a-Wish representative who's meeting our plane? We can't believe she's really getting to meet her hero, Dov Charney."
9. "They call it pediatric mammarian envy. In laymen's terms, a sympathy nipple."
10. "She's a never-nude, so we had a tiny tiny pair of jean shorts grafted onto her skull."
11. "She's half-Klingon."
12. "Trust me: if there's a sign telling you not to feed the seagulls, don't feed the seagulls."
13. "It's a punishment from God for being lesbians." (if the person traveling with you is a woman)
14. "It's a punishment from God because my husband isn't her real father." (if the person traveling with you is a man)
15. "We missed a spot with the sunscreen."
16. "We owed Suge Knight a lot of money."