Thursday, October 25, 2012


Alizé Gold Passion Pineapple Upside Down Cake

There may come a time in your life when you have a bottle of the weirdest alcohol you can possibly imagine. Perhaps someone brought some Green Apple Vodka to your house dorm room, and it has somehow made it to the cabinets in the apartment you live in as a 26-year-old. Maybe you got some 99 Bananas to make one very specific shot at a very specific party and now the bottle is gathering dust. You may have even been totally qurious about Qream and what it can do for you. We’ve all been there.

I’m not going to even pretend to know what’s going on with liquor flavors these days. I saw Swedish Fish vodka in my liquor store the other day, which is just, I don’t know, Artificial Cherry Flavor Flavored Vodka? But waste not, want not. I mean, not that you particularly wanted that Cotton Candy vodka in the first place, and that “starving children in Africa” saying doesn't exactly work here ... whatever, let’s get rid of some gross liquor, okay? When life gives you 99 Bananas, make a cake? My god I’m drunk just thinking about this project.

Hopefully you’ve graduated from Boone's up to Alizé, which is what we’ll be cooking with today. 

First, preheat the oven to 350. Then take a can of pineapple rings and drain it of its juice. Replace that juice with Alizé Gold Passion, and let it marinate for, say, 15 minutes? That sounds good. Meanwhile, make your cake batter. I did this by combining 1 cup flour, 1 tsp baking powder, ½ tsp salt, 2 eggs, ⅔ cup sugar, and ¼ cup milk, but you can used whatever yellow cake recipe you have. Yes, that includes using a box mix. We’re making Alizé cake here #nojudgements.

Melt ⅔ cup butter (which is so much butter, you will be grossed out by this butter) and ½ cup dark brown sugar in a cast iron skillet. Do not even look at this mixture if you’re on a diet. When it starts bubbling, arrange however many pineapple slices you can fit into the pan, and add a maraschino cherry to the center of each one. I fit eight, leaving me with a few Alizé-soaked pineapple slices for snacking.

Taste your Alizé Gold Passion. Realizé it just tastes like a mimosa in a bottle. Keep drinking. I guess finding out you enjoy some of these ridiculous products is just a consequence of this project? Boo hoo.

Anyway, pour about ¼ cup of the Alizé over the bubbling butter-sugar-pineapple mixture, and let bubble for about 5 more minutes. Then, pour your cake batter over it, as evenly as possible but don’t stress about it, it’ll all settle and cook anyway. Pop the pan in the oven for about half an hour, or until the cake is golden and a knife stuck in the middle comes out clean.

Let cool for a few minutes, then flip the cake onto a large serving plate. Et voila! An actually good cake! Serve with your favorite tiki drink.

Previously: The Cooking With Qream Sextet.

Jaya Saxena really hopes somebody caught the Quad City DJs reference.

76 Comments / Post A Comment

the little c

Before I was a legal drinker, I spent a summer teaching middle school girls. One of my students was named, I kid you not, Alize. I didn't even know that was a product you could buy in a store until a year or so later, when I had turned 21 and went to a liquor store and saw blue Alize on the shelf. The weird thing was, she was the sweetest, most soft-spoken and eager-to-please girl, and her parents were the same way - the last people you would ever expect to name a child after a gross liqueur. It is kind of a pretty name though.


@the little c I think Alize is also a variant of a Hebrew name, meaning joy. So, maybe her parents were Jewish, not too young to be having a kid (that's what I assume if you are if you knowingly name your kid after a liquor).

the other lisa

@the little c
My niece is named Alize and she is named after the beverage because her very young parents believed it played a role in her conception.

the little c

That is lovely! But I am 99% certain this girl was not Jewish.

Albert H. Barnett@twitter

@the little c
Heh.., I'm pretty sure they didn't name her after the liqueur. Alizé is a French name that's not exactly popular but it's fairly common.., also heard it in Spain and Italy.


That songs is going to be stuck in my head all day.


Now THAT deserves an Arbor Mist.


I'm here to defend the honor of Swedish Fish vodka.

Earlier this year, when my buddy got his EMT license, he took us to this bar that boasted the LARGEST SELECTION OF FLAVORED VODKAS IN TOWN and was determined to try all of them that night. He didn't get too far, especially not after Cotton Candy flavor, but he did get to Swedish Fish vodka, which the bartender served with pink lemonade. It was delicious, he insisted we all order our own, and Swedish Fish pink lemonade totally became a summer staple for our fairly extensive friend-group.

Flavored vodkas are awful but Swedish Fish vodka is delicious and somehow totally legit tastes like Swedish Fish.


@I AM DIAPHENA I hope your friend made use of his EMT connections by getting all y'all an IV re-hydration hook up the next morning, as I'm feeling hungover just thinking about Swedish Fish vodka.


@I AM DIAPHENA I KNOW!! I was going to say the exact same thing. The Swedish Fish vodka tastes exactly like the candy and smells like it, too! All of those sweet flavored vodkas taste wonderful with plain soda water because it cuts down on the sweetness but you can still taste the flavor. Also, chocolate vodka + Sprite tastes exactly like chocolate soda and not a whole lot like alcohol.

Living My Best Life Far Away from the Hairpin!

@I AM DIAPHENA I laughed so hard at "I'm here to defend the honor of Swedish Fish vodka." And that Swedish Fish vodka and pink lemonade combo actually sounds...delicious?????


@Jinxie That's the thing--built-in excuse for gigantic, greasy diner breakfast the next morning. Should people judge you, "I had Swedish Fish vodka last night" silences them instantly. A win-win!!


@Elleohelle I have never had chocolate soda, but the combination of chocolate flavor and Sprite sounds......................???????????????????????????????????????


@Katzen-party IT IS DELICIOUS, and fit for any party, Katzen or otherwise.


@I AM DIAPHENA Haha no I feel you- I was skeptical at first too. But you can't taste the lemon-lime flavor at all, so it just tastes chocolate-y and fizzy and not like alcohol. So good.

so what?

@I AM DIAPHENA I'm pretty late the party (thread) on this one, but I just have to say that Smirnoff Marshmallow vodka and root beer tastes exactly like a melted root boor float. I was disdainful until I tasted it. SO GOOD.


I can't ever think about Alize without remembering the ANTM episode where Angelea served a coffee mug full of Alize to Andre Leon Talley and he winced and then commented "this is strong" while his eyes darted about looking for a place to subtly dump it out.

Also, Alize + cheap champagne is good. Not on an empty stomach.


Liquor bottles gathering dust? Ha, ha!

Tuna Surprise

@fabel I've got a bottle of Unicum Zwack that regularly taunts me.


Ha, "graduated from Boone's up to Alize." Whatever, I am a super snotty drinker and even I have a giant bottle of Galliano gathering dust on my liquor shelf.


@SternMathPrincess Don't sniff at Boone's! Chuggability nonpareil!


@SternMathPrincess Harvey Wallbangers are pretty good, with just a smidge of Galliano rather than the historic slug. This will take a very long time to polish that bottle off, so make a bunch of Harvey Wallbanger bundt cakes for Christmas this year. People will think you're brilliant, they are VERY easy, and that bottle will be gone.


@Exene Not sniffing at Boone's just at the idea that Alize is any better. And @WineRanger, Harvey Wallbanger bundt cakes sound just delightful.


@SternMathPrincess Oh, it is. A box of cake mix, a box of pudding mix, some eggs, and some orange juice (I think) combined with a quarter cup of Galliano. You're done. Glaze with powdered sugar mixed with orange juice. Seriously good. You can find a million versions on the interwebs.


Me and a friend bought a bottle of Alize a couple of summers ago, for reasons I can't remember? I do remember vomiting it over her front porch railing several hours later though.

sudden but inevitable betrayal

Oh god...I have 99 Bananas AND Swedish Fish Vodka AND Cake Vodka at home right now...my life is a mess.


@sudden but inevitable betrayal But they sound like they might be good together? Maybe if you try layering them into a shot glass?

sudden but inevitable betrayal

@insouciantlover Swedish Fish is pretty amazing with Sprite, and Cake is good with ginger ale. 99 Bananas is a scourge on the earth and will never pass these lips again.


@sudden but inevitable betrayal I have a friend who soaks strawberries in 99 Bananas, then dips them in chocolate. Surprisingly not that bad!


@sudden but inevitable betrayal What is this Cake Vodka of which you speak?


@sudden but inevitable betrayal Cake vodka+Orange Crush=creamsicle cocktail. Sorry. I warned you.

sudden but inevitable betrayal

@dale I think Pinnacle makes it? It's flavored like cake. I mean, artificial, cloyingly sweet, slightly chemically cake...but still very tasty mixed with things.


I secretly love Alize, I don't even care. For some reason my cousins buy it for me every Christmas and although I love it, I don't love it that much - my love for it is kind of an ironic love, like how I love Qream, but if Qream was actually pretty decent.


This recipe looks amazing- I am going to make it as soon as I get myself a cast iron skillet.

Also, fun fact about Qream: once you open the bottle, close it again, and let it sit for awhile, you WILL NOT BE ABLE TO REMOVE THE TOP. 3 very strong men were unable to get the lid of my bottle off, and I also witnessed this in a bar. This leads me to believe that one of the ingredients in Qream is actually Gorilla Glue.


@Elleohelle Gorilla Glue IS 95% lactose free.


@Elleohelle OMG Thank you I thought it was just me and I was freaking out over my lack of hand strength.

Living My Best Life Far Away from the Hairpin!

@Elleohelle I had the same thing happen with Bailey's--I actually had to throw it out after trying everything short of breaking the bottle. It occurs to me now that it was probably too old to drink anyway, so I'm doubtlessly better off...

Reginal T. Squirge

2pac would be proud.

fondue with cheddar

I can't read the post because I'm too distracted by the picture!


Living My Best Life Far Away from the Hairpin!

@fondue with cheddar I've never been wild about pineapple upside down cake, but this one looks so good!

Beatrix Kiddo

I'm not a flavored vodka fan at all, but I just want to point out that Swedish Fish aren't cherry flavor. I'm not sure what flavor they are (wikipedia doesn't know either), but they're delicious, while cherry flavor is the scourge of the earth.


@Beatrix Kiddo I think they're Red flavor, much like many artificially-blue food products are Blue flavor. (Blue Boone's Farm, for instance.)

Beatrix Kiddo

@Elsajeni I think so too. I apparently like completely artificial flavors better than flavors that poorly approximate something found in nature.


@Beatrix Kiddo I recently tried a cherry-flavoured coffee (it was free), and it was the worst kind of Fake Cherry Flavour - children's Benadryl.


@Beatrix Kiddo I feel you. I, too, am a huge fan of Red flavor (also found in popsicles and Jolly Ranchers). You might think that because these things are labeled "cherry" that you might enjoy a cherry liqueur like Kirsch, but YOU WOULD BE WRONG.

Blue Alize + Gin. Shake and pour into a martini glass, garnish with an orange slice. Voila, a smurftini.

(HAIRPIN, how do you know about my weird liquor cabinet with 2 year old blue Alize in it purchased by an ex? WHY? HOW?)


@S. Elizabeth I have both of those things in my weird liquor cabinet! DONE!


@S. Elizabeth I'm glad to know I'm not the only person who ended up with Alize purchased by an ex. I ended up hate drinking my bottle while watching Kill Bill after we broke up.

@coconuts I still have mine. I also have a bottle of pomegranate vodka that an FWB type left in my kitchen. And 4 year old Kahlua. Gross, right?


@S. Elizabeth As long as it's not 4 year old Bailey's you're in the clear.


I've looked at drinks, food, and Dudes with that exact expression!


Alright, I guess I have to be the lone person to defend green apple vodka. I don't care what anyone says, it's delicious. I just put it in the freezer and then drink shots of it all night. You can't go wrong when you do that!


@coconuts Last New Year's Eve I went to a vodka bar, but a super chill, nerdy one where the bartender was thrilled by my saying that I love the combination of apple + alcohol but thought green apple vodka was too sweet. He made me a drink with this apple-flavoured vodka that I will never remember the name of because I was too drunk at the time, but it was nice and mellow and didn't taste like fake apple at all, like really delicious mildly sour granny smith apples. I think the bottle had some sort of decorative fake stick in it, or something? I don't know! I've googled so hard but to no avail.


@cosmia You could try putting some apple slices in a bottle of vodka for a few days? That would probably work, right?


@cosmia Maybe Zubrovka? It's.. bison grass? It isn't apple flavoured but it goes really well with apple?


@coconuts omg, this is totally what it was and now I love you and need to go buy this.

regina dentata

you think 2/3 cup of butter is so much butter i'll be grossed out by it? i grew up in the MIDWEST


My freshman year of college we discovered that mango rum and diet Coke tastes exactly like gummy peach rings; use this knowledge wisely


@Nutmeg Whoa. i have a tail gate Saturday. Busting this out.


@Nutmeg Good to know because this is the Bottle I Will Never Drink in my liquor cabinet. I never thought I'd even have this problem. But there it sits, 1.5 years later...mango rum. Ughhhhhhhhhhh


When I first saw this I was like, "The author cooked with the French popstar? How quaint! I guess it makes sense, she's aging out of teen stardom, hmn..."
...Then, I realized that was "Alizée."

Charismatic Megafauna

Slug suggestion for future installments of this brilliant series: "Bake the Shame Away."


I love this Gold pineapple recipe, I want to try a "lighter" version so I can still walk by the time Christmas is over
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