Thursday, October 11, 2012


A Text Dialogue With a Twist

The background: a few months ago, I borrowed a friend's car to make a short trip and was, within minutes, in a car accident. (Ugh.) Both cars were rendered undriveable. The man with whom I collided texted me a couple of days later. The following is what ensued. 

Ms. Double Awww is a generally safe driver who regrets the misspelling of "too" in the above correspondence and is, in fact, not in a relationship.

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@MoxyCrimeFighter Seriously! Jesus god >_<;
Just trying to read the first one makes my head hurt.

New Hoarder

@MoxyCrimeFighter I can't even... read this. Can anyone type out what the texts were? My IE browser at work won't show the "picture," nor will my phone. =-(


@MoxyCrimeFighter I can't see it either. Only have my phone, laptop is recently dead


Thank you for answering my questions!@m


ummm...smiley faces? really?!


@bitzyboozer Yeah, there's no effin' way I would smiley-face at this shady-ass mofo. But then again, I take a REALLY hard line on what I view as creepy creeping from creepy creepers, and I am coming to realize from the past two Hairpin text posts that I am very far to the right of what other 'Pinners find non-threatening.


@bitzyboozer I'm with both of you. The first beautiful - fine, I will repsond with "thank you". After that, when you continue being creepy, I will tell you off and proceed to ignore you.

None of the texts would have smiley faces, had I been involved in this conversation.


@wee_ramekin no you are not. I am right with you lady. Excusing low-level harassment is also part of a widespread rape culture (according to me).


@theotherginger whoaaa there, no need to accuse the poster of enabling rape culture, yikes.


@theotherginger not to say i'm not equally as perplexed by her reaction at a distance, but as an overly-polite-to-a-fault i can sort of understand in the moment feeling super awkward and just trying to be nice


@Esther I don't think she's enabling. just reflecting a widespread cultural trend that I have chosen to label as rape culture.




Wow, you were WAY nicer than I would have been. Horrifying.


@kellyography I think I would have reacted the same way, knowing I was dealing with a obviously craz-AYY person. I kept waiting for him to go back to "god hate ugly, u, need, to tell the insurance it was yur, fault" after the author said she had a boyfriend.


@kellyography The view from the High Road is, as Miss Manners would agree, satisfying in both the short and long term.


@kellyography I think "The High Road" would involve ignoring the first text entirely. But I have a very finely tuned "This dude is going to inappropriately hit on me" sensor.


@muddgirl (Actually my "a complete stranger wants a ride" sensor was pinging, but it's pretty analogous, IME)


@kellyography I think the BEST high road would have been one short "thanks" and then the ignoring of all non-accident, non-insurance related commentary. I think we all get kind of baffled as to how to respond to such weirdos (especially ones that have our phone number) but yeah. Smiley faces? "Very sweet"? Giiirrrllll... noooo. I know you were just trying to be nice! But no, girl. No. Stooooppp thaaaaattt. :[


You are a cold hearted and ugly but I think you are my soul mate. Yes. Makes total sense.

Reginal T. Squirge

"God don't like ugly but, luckily, I love it."

Also, this dude got off really, really easy for being such a douche.


@AmyB Mother? Is that you?






@anachronistique the commas made it almost completely incoherent. it hurt my eyes.

fondue with cheddar

@anachronistique OH GOD THE EVERYTHING.


@anachronistique his style of writing is almost identical to that of a mentally challenged boy i went to high school with who regularly spams facebook with insanely long posts about his undying love for Kate Middleton and his hellfire-fueled hatred of random celebrities/things/acquaintances. sorry if that's mean.


I read this twice and couldn't find where you misspelled "too"


@HLW: I am really, really glad I am not the only one who did this.

I cannot find the misspell, either. And I would have caught it on the first pass.


@karion "Thank you, that's a nice perspective. I think everything happens for a reason to."


Most of that exchange was (the parts that weren't you)...practically incomprehensible to me. O.o


Why would you even reply to the first texts, much less the later ones??? Are you the biggest pushover EVER?

Edith Zimmerman

@allyscully Hey!


@allyscully Speaking as the biggest pushover ever, I can attest that I am not the author of this article.


@Edith Zimmerman It's just, nobody has the right to talk to her that way and yell/bully at her over a car accident that hurt her too. Plus, insurance companies will jump on any kind of admission of guilt, IDK if I'd even want to talk about a pending insurance investigation.

evil melis



@allyscully But she has the right to deal with the situation however she pleases/feels appropriate! And regardless of what you may think, it seems to have worked in her favor.


"You are beautiful to me" always seems like a vaguely backhanded comment to me. Like "you're not actually beautiful, but I have a very specific type of brain damage that warps your image into an acceptable one."


@MilesofMountains "I want you to think the rest of the world doesn't think you are beautiful so you come to meeeeee"

fondue with cheddar

@redheaded&crazie "You're ugly but you've got a sweet bod."

evil melis


♪THATS COS UR AN oLd dEAd DoG ♪ ♪ ♫


@MilesofMountains I so agree! I've always hated that stupid "You are so beautiful, to me" song because of that precise reason. "You are so beautiful" "Oh, thank you!" "...To me. You should have let me finish."

fondue with cheddar

@emkay If the woman became severely disfigured, like third degree burns all over her face or something, leaving her not objectively beautiful by any stretch of the imagination...THEN this song could be a nice sentiment.


@evil melis don, u, say my deD DOG is, butiful u are UGLY like an old OLD


I guess insurance drama would similarly lead me to think "better be nice to this [non-stigmatizing word for nutjob] in case he makes matters worse."


@redheaded&crazie yes.

Sella Turcica

@fabel I follow that line of thinking. Be nice and polite and then ignore all future texts from [non-stigmatizing word for nutjob]. Then I'd spend a few weeks with every Lifetime stalker movie scenario running through my head, analyzing lines of incoherent texts, interspersed, with, commas and wondering what I said at the scene to deserve the weirdos I attract.
Then we'd both get our insurance settled and forget it.


The commas *alone* have me breathing into a paper bag right now. I cannot even venture into the rest of this yet.


Oh, god, this text message thread is like the horrible mutant grandchild of AOL chat rooms and frat parties.


Also: "Good thing I had a license huh" is cracking me up and I'm not entirely sure why.


@redheaded&crazie Because he's making it sound like a coincidence? "Oh hey, I DO have a driver's licence in here! That's a spot of luck, eh, officer?"


@redheaded&crazie It's like the time I was ringing a woman out, and her debit card didn't work, and she was like, "lucky for you, I have cash!" like she thought she was walking out of there with the merchandise regardless.


@MilesofMountains I mean, the guy has a sense of humour right?! Clearly he's a keeper ladies.


@SarcasticFringehead I'm kind of disappointed to see no typo where you typed "ringing a woman out".

Flora Poste

"yur, beautifulness that day had me, in a double awwww" I think he's really blaming your "beautifulness" for the whole incident. The only responsible thing would be to stay off the road for ever.

The Lady of Shalott

@Flora Poste And the article is BY "Ms. Double Awww!"

Flora Poste

@The Lady of Shalott How did I miss that?!


@Flora Poste By the end it was almost kinda sounding to me like he hit her car on purpose to have an excuse to get her number.


I think the facial response to this was as close as a human being can come to making the D: face in real life.


The Lady of Shalott

@frigwiggin I was pretty much making the Jenna Marbles D: face in real life reading this as well.

captain mal

My shoulders actually hurt from cringing while reading this.


He doesn't like to brake! He said so, right in the messages!
... oh.


@MashaNigel --I believe this will be admissible evidence when it comes to a court hearing. I had almost given up on teaching the world about the dangerous consequences of homophone errors*, but your comment made me realize this sort of situation could finally do the trick.

*how about when people say they were "balling" instead of "bawling"? YUCKO. And really surprisingly common, even in the most awkward of textual situations, e.g., relating an interaction with one's family members.

Lamar Anderson


This is why the world.


"so member threw this situation dont,forget me or my number u might b,my solemate for reals but i wil always stay,incontact"
My god it's...it's beautiful. It's like poetry.


@Jinxie It's a kind of heroin-chic, Rickie Lee Jones beat-poetry.


@Jinxie --that "always" is chilling.


I think you're all being too hard on the guy, he doesn't seem that bad. He goes to his kids sporting events.


@Decca And he's (maybe) single. What more could a lady want?


@dtowngirl And he has a license huh.

Sella Turcica

@Decca He even had a car, with insurance and everything, until a certain little incident.


I've been a lawyer for too long because I was screaming "don't admit ANYTHING!!!" inside my head the entire time I was reading this.


@Megan@twitter IANAL, but my mom is, and I could hear her voice yelling that at me the whole time I was reading.

(I don't think my mom's been my mom for too long, for the record.)

polka dots vs stripes

@Megan@twitter My boyfriend just graduated law school and from the beginning of this exchange I just thought AHH DON'T ANSWER and AHHH SENDING ALL OF THIS TO THE INSURANCE COMPANY.


@Poubelle has "IANAL" always been a thing??? using this forever now thx


@Esther I spent a little too long wondering why anyone would say "I ANAL" before a sentence having nothing to do with sex before I realized it was "I am not a lawyer," so... facepalm.

Pocket Witch

Reading this gave me the feeling of biting tinfoil. No. Just no.


I used to read Failbook a lot, and these texts are downright legible--even poetic--compared with some of the entries I saw. If you are yet foolish enough to think that humanity isn't spiraling ever downward into a dytopian hellscape, go read Failbook for a while.


@SuperGogo Or, alternatively, Literally Unbelievable.


AHA! "comi date" = acommodate


@theharpoon --then I'll get that image of Karl Marx with a bouquet of flowers in hand out of my mind.


I can't judge this person properly without knowing what type of keypad/interface he was using


@theharpoon Well, probably not a recent-model iPhone, since none of the messages are blue. So maybe an old school non-smartphone where you have to hit the numbers several times in a row for certain letters? Though that doesn't explain the commas--all punctuation was annoying on my old Nokia, iirc.


@theharpoon Ah remember writing all texts in lower case, with no punctuation, because it was easier that way? No? Just me? Ok...

emily eileen

@Poubelle My mom used to use plus signs on her little trac phone because she didn't know what that space symbol was. Maybe he doesn't know how to use his phone?


@theharpoon Hah that made me laugh out loud. I too am a natural judger, but touchscreens can be a bitch.


Dross into gold!

Reginal T. Squirge

Dudes: This is why we can't have nice things.


@Reginal T. Squirge This comment made me laugh.



You know what, the bus is fine. I don't actually need to learn to drive.


Did the smiley face get him to back off of his insurance claim? That's the only way I can see this being worth it. @MoxyCrimeFighter, I also can't even. @Jinxie, it sounds like Ryan Lochte poetry to me.


@ummmmmm "ball till u fall"


I was in a car accident out of my old apartment parking lot (100% my fault) and the fellow asked me out, too. What. What?? He was cute. He was also parked in front of the building next door to mine. A lot. So, ah, yeah, no date.


@gidgetjones It would sound too much like a bad romcom. "So how did you two meet?" "Oh we were in a car accident and fell for each other."

Regina Phalange

"i,really need to b mobile" is going to be my response to everything now. It's the new "I can't do this question."


I am usually the last one to say something like this, but this whole exchange made me wicked uncomfortable. The all-too-familiar forced, artificial, and nervous sweetness and mock expressions of having been flattered, all to de-escalate a rapidly inappropriate and kind of scary interaction.

Be a nice girl and don't give the crazy man any reason to get angry with you and hurt you. GAH. I hate when I revert to that kind of shit, and the truth is, I only do it when I am legitimately afraid of someone.

Also, as others said, for the love of Christ, don't admit fault, liability, or anything of this sort on text messages, voice mail, or anywhere else. JESUS.


@karion It's like that girl who a man yelled at her a lot on some metro-type system for refusing to talk to him and then people blamed her for making him angry!! Ugh why can't I find that blog now when I need it.


@theharpoon yes. it is always the woman's fault. thanks rape culture.


@theharpoon I recently read that too! Here!


@BornSecular People are blaming her for that? Holy misogyny Batman. (which is the worst kind of Batman)


@BornSecular YES. I shared that with a friend who COMPLETELY MISUNDERSTOOD IT and blamed the girl for being "a bitch" who thought she was too pretty! I had to sit her down and be like, "NO."

I think a TON of people misread that blog because there's a line or two in there where she says it's because she was "too pretty" and they thought "oh this girl must be full of herself!" not realizing that she was just repeating what the dude TOLD her on the metro, and not actually bragging or whatever the fuck.

Sorry. AUGH. So many feelings about that!


@SBGBlogs I haven't read the post, but, given the pin context, your response seems valid.


@karion Yeah, I totally got what she was doing, but evidently a lot of people didn't. She has a few other posts about that. If that ever happened to me, I don't know how I'd handle it. I'm super sensitive to stuff like that and hate to go anywhere alone. I'm sure it's generally safe, but every once in a while stuff like that happens so I'd rather always have a friend (or husband) with me! I can go to the bathroom by myself though. ;)


@SBGBlogs Holy Mother of Heck, I just read that and I can't believe that your friend's reaction to that - to a situation where a complete stranger was screaming at a woman on a train - was to call the woman a bitch. Are you fucking kidding me?


@wee_ramekin ok now I have to read it. that's awful. not ok to call her a bitch. not ok at all.

polka dots vs stripes

Ahhh when you get into a car accident with someone do you have to give them your personal phone info?? I would just be like...whelp, here's my insurance company, you can have a chitchat with them if you have anything to say. This was creepy creepy creepy.


@polka dots vs stripes This is what freaks me out about ebay.
I just bought a vacuum cleaner yesterday and the seller messaged me their address and phone number and asked me to call them to organise pickup.
It freaks me out that I now have to call them and then these strangers from the internet/Western Sydney now have my number! Eek!

Audrey Mark

Is this a joke? What kind of person (people?) deal with something as complex and legally fraught as the issue of fault in a car accident through texting? I know giving out a phone number is standard, but I would have made it clear that I'm not going to discuss anything via text message. Why risk typing something that might be misconstrued by an insurance company? Especially since Mac Daddy there seems wacko enough that he might later "discover" that the accident gave him whiplash or something.

That said, kudos to the dude for (belatedly) pitching the accident as some sort of rom-com setup. (That plus his relentless dedication to turning a bad situation in his favor.)

Diaphanous Gown

I can't see the texts...is something broken?

New Hoarder

@Diaphanous Gown I can't either; not on my work computer (IE, ugh), nor on my phone.


@Diaphanous Gown me either!


Well, I thought it was funny and he struck me as harmless. I wasn't however sure if his sudden digression into mash notes was calculated to make her think she should tell the insurance monsters it was her fault.


@Maryaed I TOTALLY THOUGHT THAT. Like, "Oh maybe if I sweet talk this lady she'll get me out from under shit mountain."

Blousey Brown

I wonder if a male EMT or ER doctor has ever asked a woman out while trying to save her life?


@Blousey Brown "I know your bone is jutting out of your arm right now, but would you like to have dinner sometime?"


@HeyThatsMyBike I have heard creepy stories from women my mom's age. I hope to god that stuff is in the past.


OMG, no!! I too am a huge pushover, but I would have just at least ignored the creepy flirty texts. I can't even handle those types of situations. Plus it's just so creepy creepy! I wanted to yell at the computer "No! Don't do it! You'll just encourage him!"


I'm thinking she was most likely more patient than she might have been otherwise because of the nature of the situation - trying to be overly polite and non-confrontational to keep this potentially volatile character decent until their insurance conundrums are sorted out?

I also hope that all of this is firmly wrapped and finished business! And be careful when you are discussing accidents especially in a way that is easily recorded!


Everyone is overlooking the obvious here. What if this guy was ACTUALLY HOT?


@davidwatts I still wouldn't date him. He can't text in complete sentences and he can't spell.


Holy crap, this happened to me too! Except I backed into his car while pulling out of a parking spot. I don't remember if any damage was done to his car (most of the damage happened to mine) but he asked me out to dinner right after it happened, and then later, when I called him to say that the insurance company would be taking charge. Dude, no.




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I understand the motivation to keep the situation from escalating, but I've never been able to do it. I just can't do the whole "being nice to a crazy motherfucker with serious boundary issues" thing. My first instinct would be to reply "Fuck off. Talk to the insurance company. If you contact me again, I'll file a police report for harassment." My more moderate reply that I'd actually send would be "I have no control over the insurance company. If you have any questions, talk to them, not me. Don't contact me again."


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You're super nice. Way to go way out of the way for the other party in the accident.

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If it was me, after the first couple texts I would have left it to my insurance company.

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