Thursday, September 6, 2012


Your 2012 Baby Name Guide: Baseball Edition

1. Chub Sullivan

2. Lip Pike

3. Buttercup Dickerson

4. Oyster Burns

5. Abner Dalrymple

6. Boileryard Clarke

7. Buttons Briggs

8. Bones Ely

9. Duke Esper

10. Dummy Hoy 
11. Cumberland (Cum) Posey

12. Chippy Britt

13. Barney Longest

14. Burlin White

15. Doc Amole

16. Pud Galvin

17. Dip Orange

18. Bug Holliday

19. Pythias Russ

20. Mule Suttles

21. Noodles Hahn

22. Orator Shafer

23. Peek-A-Boo Veach

24. Butts Wagner

25. Live Oak Taylor

26. Cannonball Titcomb

27. Mother Watson

28. Dick Hunt

29. Fancy O’Neil

30. Frog Redus

31. The Only Nolan

Previously: Miss America Contestant Edition.

Sarah Marshall is a graduate student living in Portland, Oregon.

62 Comments / Post A Comment


Buttercup Dickerson just might give Creature Cheesman a run for his money.

Creature Cheeseman

@Dancercise You watch your mouth.




We, as a society, are so boring compared to our forebears. Let's bring back the bullshit names!!!

From now on, I'm Comstock Orwelle.


@Emby I think I'd like to be Cannonball Titcomb

Tuna Surprise

I had a great-uncle with the first name "Bus". I remember being a teenager when it finally dawned on me that Uncle Bus was an unusual name. Why not give my future child the honor of being named after him.


@Emby I think I'll go by...Pippen Banglesnap.


@Emby I shall be Ambidexter O'Toole.


@katiemcgillicuddy No, wait, maybe Crispy O'Callahan. Want to keep that Irish in there. Pippen Banglesnap is way too British.

fondue with cheddar

@Tuna Surprise I had a great uncle named Uncle Bunny. I was really disappointed to learn that his real name was Vinny. Apparently someone in the family couldn't say Vinny when they were little so they called him Bunny and it stuck.


@katiemcgillicuddy I think I want to go by Xenophilia Saddleback.


@Scandyhoovian Oh, that's good, I like involving "X". Maybe "Xylophone McGee".

J Walter Weatherman

@Tuna Surprise Are we related?! I had a great uncle Bus and still have an uncle Price.

George Templeton Strong

@jen325 Bunny is not actually that strange a nickname. Edmund Wilson, the literary critic and former husband of Mary McCarthy, was known, at least to his friends, as "Bunny." I went to school with a guy whose nickname was Bunny. I went to college with not one but two women named Bunny.

fondue with cheddar

@George Templeton Strong One of my mom's old record albums is of a guy named Bunny, though I don't know if it's his real name.

My boyfriend's son's nickname is Bun, but that's from a family joke involving hot dog buns.


#15 can't possibly be true. Unless he's the heir to the Hass avocado fortune or something.


@Ophelia Dude's first name/nickname should have been "Whack".


I'd like to know more about Butts Wagner's at-bat stance.

Aunt Ada Doom

@laurel God help me, I tried to hold in the laugh and snorted in the library instead. I thought I was so much more sophisticated than that. I was wrong.


/flushes with pride.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@Aunt Ada Doom Yeah, I just giggled at my desk.


I cannot wait for 10 years from now when all the Katnisses put those smug Edward and Jacob 12-year-olds in their places.


Duke Esper is a pretty good dog name. Butts Wagner is Darwin's spirit name.


Well, my inner 12-year-old boy snickered at Oyster Burns. And then wrinkled my nose because, gross/ouch.


@olivebee Yet somehow, I still want it to be my name.


Also, these all sound like names generated from that "Blues Name Generator" that went viral several months ago. My Blues name is Pretty Money Davis.

My favorites from the above list are Chippy Britt, because it sounds like a happy British person, and Buttons Briggs. Buttons!


One night in a Chicago dive bar, three friends and I sat around drinking pitchers and came up with SO MANY band member names for a made-up gypsy band and their respective instruments. We were on a roll that night. As a sample, I remember Tugg Boothly and Floon Jekker and Chirp Chirp Tackleberry and Mustache "Beardly" Mustaffa. I don't remember the ridiculous instruments but I remember my stomach hurting from laughing so much. Funny names are always funny to me.


15, 16, and 17 is when I increasingly lost it.


"Orator Shafer" is so incredible. Orator Shafer. Orator Shafer! ORATOR SHAFER! sorry.

Daisy Razor

Are these actual names or nicknames? A mix, I hope?

The Red Sox had a player named Pumpsie Green. I always wondered how he got that name.


@Daisy Razor I am pretty sure at least some of these must be nicknames!

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

Mr. Titcomb may be able to help those of us with insufficiently glossy nipple hairs....


11. Cumberland (Cum) Posey

Well, the extremely bangable Buster Posey just got a new nickname around my condo.


Those are good'uns. (Though I'd have added Hunter Catfish to the list as well.) Baseball names are the best!

I got to see Cum Posey's plaque at the Hall of Fame recently, when on a baseball tour holiday. Good times.

For this year's best names from the MLB draft:


My favourites are probably Brock Dykxhhoorn and Phildrick Llewellyn.

fondue with cheddar

WHAT? No Urban Shocker?

fondue with cheddar

@jen325 Or my favorite when I was a kid, Goose Gossage?

Blousey Brown

I love you, Sarah Marshall! I live for this stuff.


I know this has been around a while, but just in case you ladies missed it, please do fall in love with this animated short video about Doc Ellis, the Pirates pitcher who pitched a no-hitter on LSD in 1970

Doc Ellis and the LSD No-No


Cum Posey/Butts Wagner 4evah otp!1!11!


We used to play a baseball game on Nintendo and one character was named Can O'Corn, and suddenly it doesn't seem so far-fetched.


The name Noodles is killing me right now.

Queen Elisatits

32. Rollie Fingers

fondue with cheddar

@Queen Elisatits I always loved him for both his name and his fabulous moustache.


I can't believe I didn't think to post this yesterday: http://youtu.be/nKzobTlF8fM

fondue with cheddar

@Blushingflwr Danny Gardello? Who thinks that's a weird name? I actually like it—it rolls off the tongue nicely.


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