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Tuesday, September 25, 2012

162

Who Will Save the Worms

This weekend, it rained overnight, and as a result the streets were covered with worms in the morning. She wanted to go out and save as many as she could before the sun warmed up the road and baked them to death. She also insisted that I go with her, and when I said I'd rather sleep in, she got tears in her eyes and told me she couldn't believe I would just sleep in knowing that hundreds of living creatures suffered a horrible death. After a short lecture on Karma, I gave in and helped save the worms (which was totally gross). I love my fiancée, and want to support the causes that are important to her, but how can I tell her that I find some of her behavior bizarre and over the top without causing a huge fight?

The latest installment of Emily Yoffe's Dear Prudence advice column is exceptionally good. There are worms and witches, breast implants and baby names, fog machines and adultery. A little something for everyone. Enjoy.



162 Comments / Post A Comment

Quinn A@twitter

Did anyone else read that excerpt and think "oh my God, just dump the manic pixie?"

It's not quite as bad if you read the whole letter, but yeah. Get rid of your Manic Pixie Dream Girls, they are revolting.

parallel-lines

@Quinn A@twitter Seriously. And this one is more revolting than most.

Dancercise

@Quinn A@twitter
My thoughts were more along the lines of "Aw, that's so cu- wait, finance? Not three-year old daughter? Yikes."

City_Dater

@Quinn A@twitter

Oh, no. It is just as bad if you read the whole letter. She traps and releases cockroaches. I was getting an intense "Hello Kitty barrettes and filthy pink Crocs" vibe.

TheBourneApproximation

@Dancercise It gratifies me that within the first three comments, my two responses have already been written: A) What, this is a full-grown women and not a sensitive child? B) *Hits MPDG Contamination Button to lock down the whole facility!*

gobblegirl

@Quinn A@twitter I read the most of the excerpt and thought "Aw, 3 year olds are SO CUTE." Then I got to the last sentence and my brain did a spit take.
I have cold coffee on the inside of my eyeballs now.

OhShesArtsy

@Quinn A@twitter Manic Puxie Dreamgirls will be the ruination of all women. Seriously, Manic Pizie Dreamgirls, stop it. It's annoying at best in movies and revolting in real life.

Realtalk: I recently may have refused to go out with a friend who showed up at my place in full on "punk" (scene, maybe? Is that what the 13 year old punks are wearing now??) Hello Kitty complete with pink streaks in her hair. I just... no....

There was a Jezebel article recently about this bullshit.

Spice&Snails&PuppyDogTails

@Quinn A@twitter MPDG have also ruined everything for those of us who do things like rescue worms. I have no interest in being some stuffy guy's quirky, adorable spirit guide, and I am a very competent adult...but I also like rescuing worms and jumping in puddles and playing on swing-sets and eating ice cream for dinner, because those things are awesome.

I know, I can hear the gagging from here. If it weren't for MPDGs, would it be quite so gag-worthy, though?

Quinn A@twitter

@Spice&Snails&PuppyDogTails See, it's not even the worm-rescuing that bugs me (though the thought of actually touching a worm makes me shiver; I hate touching anything even remotely slimy). It's the teary-eyed lecture on karma that gets me.

Playing on swing sets and occasionally eating ice cream for dinner are awesome activities! Sometimes I do those things too. You can avoid MPDGdom without being a completely joyless adult. The lecture was just a bridge too far.

wharrgarbl

@Dancercise Yeah, pretty much. "Wait, we're discussing an adult? Nope. Shut it down."

professionalmess

@Dancercise Exactly. I was thinking "Aww, sounds just like my 4 year old niece and her "pet" worm (whichever one she finds that day.)"

meetapossum

@City_Dater The worst is that it sounds like HE has to trap and release the cockroaches.

No, thanks. You can save all the insects you want, but don't pressure someone else into doing it, too.

Nicole Cliffe

All I can think of is that Family Guy thing where they're showing a fake clip from "Dharma and Greg" in which Dharma is standing on a chair, and Greg is all "come down!" and she's all "no, YOU come up!" and then he does.

Dump this woman, guy.

Nicole Cliffe

@Nicole Cliffe Oh, that was harsh. I now need all my hate for the letter writer who had the affair, got busted, and is now trying to figure out if he can ask his girlfriend to take care of him during his medical emergency even though they are on a break.

HIRE A NURSE.

City_Dater

@Nicole Cliffe

Indeed! The best part is that the ONLY choices he considers to look after him are the wronged long-term girlfriend and the recently-dumped woman he was cheating with! What, you have no friends who will look in on you, dude? Wonder why...

Nicole Cliffe

I suspect he's hoping for a bit of a "Rear Window" deal in which Grace Kelly will bring him his itchin' stick at regular intervals.

Dancercise

@Nicole Cliffe
To be fair, who wouldn't want Grace Kelly in Rear Window?

VDRE

@Nicole Cliffe Right? He seems so nonchalant about how he was cheating on his GF of 15 years with another woman making her angry enough to not want to speak with him for 2 months. Honestly if I was her and got an email from him with "Important Medical Emergency: please read" as the subject I'd trash it because I definitely wouldn't believe him. He sounds like a total juicebox.

MilesofMountains

@City_Dater I actually don't know whether it's crueler to ask the girlfriend or the mistress. He probably broke both their hearts and now he wants them to nursemaid him? He's probably hoping Prudence will tell him to get the mistress to do it so he can restart the affair and blame his girlfriend for it.

theharpoon

I kind of expected that response to end with, "Also, you're an asshole."

dj pomegranate

@Nicole Cliffe You don't understand though, NO ONE ELSE IN THE WHOLE WORLD CAN HELP HIM.

Veronica Mars is smarter than me

@VDRE idk, I think that in general, a life-threatening scenario is grounds for "breaking" the agreement to remain incommunicado. BUT, I still don't want the LW to do it, because I am so worried for his (hopefully ex-)gf! If she spent 15 years with him and finds out he has whatever he has, then her heartstrings might be pulled enough for her to return. Don't do it, LW's gf! Stay awayyyyyy!

Bootsandcats

@Veronica Mars is smarter than me Maybe he'll die on the table!

I IMed this letter to my husband- his only response; NEW PUSSY CAN'T READ.

VDRE

@Veronica Mars is smarter than me Oh I agree, I just think that if my partner of over a decade had an affair which only stopped when I found out about it I wouldn't be inclined to believe him when he tried to break the silence by saying that he has a life threatening condition. Like I obviously don't know the LW and I still kind of don't believe him even though there would really be no reason for him to write to Prudie if he was lying.

elbows on the table

@VDRE Why is Prudie so okay with telling him to cross those boundaries that the woman herself set? I have a huge problem with that...

beecaveroad

@VDRE I feel like the "girlfriend of 15 years" thing is also a sign. Like, I get not wanting to get married, but referring to someone you've been with for 15 years as your girlfriend like you're still in high school... eh. I wouldn't call it a 100% accurate sign of a middle aged juicebox, but in context? His lady friend should extend that 8 weeks indefinitely, IMO.

fabel

@VDRE seriously-- "I broke it off with the other woman as soon as my wife found out." OH OKAY THEN. YOU ARE GREAT.

finguns

@margaret_r Totally agreed, that's where my infantile-asshole-ometer started pinging. After you've been together that long and obviously decided not to get married, you've need another word to describe that relationship. Partner comes to mind. Or even lover, though that makes me want to gag in a whole different way. Plus any woman who has been with you for 15 years better not be a "girl" at this point, which makes "girlfriend" seem even wronger somehow.

entangled

@Nicole Cliffe I was severely disappointed that Prudie did not tell him that it sounded like he wasn't sorry he cheated but sorry he got caught. Guy sounds like a total creep. Hire a nurse, and if he doesn't have the money to hire a nurse, then he should take this as an excellent opportunity think about how he got so damn alone in the world that he thinks the only people who would care for him (seriously... who are they that they would do that?!) are the two women he's most recently wronged.

seaview

@margaret_r I have been with my ...'significant other'... for more than 10 years. I don't believe in marriage, so never plan on doing it. So 'husband' and 'fiance' are out. Partner sounds like work. I'd love a better term than boyfriend (which yes make me feel about 15 when i say it) but haven't thought of one yet that isn't cutesy or sexy. Any suggestions?

The Lady of Shalott

I may just be in a crabby mood but I am reading the comments over there and come ON, oh my GOD. Why is it that this weird article full of weird questions (worm rescues? Cockroach rescues???) is being monopolized in the comments by PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT SOME WOMAN'S BOOBS? She didn't want a crowdsourced opinion on whether or not to get a boob job! And the comments are full of people telling her to do it, to not do it, or just dudes being like HEY BOOBS LET'S TALK ABOUT BOOBS.

There are fifty zillion places on the internet to talk about boobs! Isn't that the reason that the Chive exists? GODDAMN COMMENTS.

dj pomegranate

@The Lady of Shalott Boobs are obviously the most important and interesting thing on the entire planet and maybe also the universe.

Biketastrophy

@dj pomegranate Even the most interesting man in the world cannot compete with boobs.

effystonem

@The Lady of Shalott Ha my co-worker always showed me hilarious memes and photos and shit, and they were always from The Chive, so I went there one day and was like - "um, this is just a cataloge of young females' boobs. Specifically mostly "underboob" (which I didn't even know was a "hot" thing). WHERE ARE THE HILARIOUS DOG PICTURES?" One of the biggest disappointments in recent memory.

OhMyGoshYouGuys

@The Lady of Shalott I KNOW!!! She wasn't taking a poll as to whether she should get them or how big a size she should get. She made HER decision and wanted advice on how to broach the subject. Even Prudie couldn't resist trying to talk her out of it.

daisicles

@The Lady of Shalott Reading comments on Slate is the most painful experience. I had a hideously dull job last year that left me with a lot of time to kill waiting for phones to ring, so I used to trawl through Slate articles. Staring at the phone willing it to ring immediately became preferable to reading the comments sections. And it's even worse because the idiot commenters don't seem idiotic -- they can usually spell and write in complete sentences! -- until you're halfway through a thread and raging at the wall. Grumble.

Lily Rowan

@OhMyGoshYouGuys Right? Prudie all, "Have you REALLY thought about it???" That's not what the question was about!!

MilesofMountains

@The Lady of Shalott How can they focus on the family practically building an anti-Satan bunker for Halloween when there are WOMEN making CHOICES about THEIR OWN BODIES??! Although I bet if the anti-Halloween parents had been an anti-Halloween single mother they'd find it more interesting.

Veronica Mars is smarter than me

@Lily Rowan Yes! I didn't even make it to the comments, I just got too offended by Prudie's reaction! "Nope, nobody who ever gets a boob job has really thought about it. Just like abortions!" I'm sure this woman has planned and paid for breast augmentation without even considering what she would look like after. And she definitely never got falsies to wear around to try it out. Because it's not like that's standard pre-aug fare. Also. A straight-up D cup is NOT really that big. I mean, sizable breasts, yes, but "gigantic"? Far from it.

I also think it's pretty dumb of Prudie to think it's better to have everyone talking about it behind her back instead of in front of her.

supernintendochalmers

@Lily Rowan Seriously! "Try wearing some falsies around first, dearie!" That is so condescending.

Why does Prudie always have to have one response like this? She was doing so well...

datalass

@Veronica Mars is smarter than me Also, shouldn't any woman (i.e., Prudie) get that D cups are only OMG BIG! if you have the ribcage of a toddler.

whateverlolawants

@Biketastrophy Some dude who liked me in college made a comment like that on a photo of me on Facebook. My friend made a photo album of all of us eating lunch, and the first photo showed my boyfriend telling his best friend a story, and then I show up and everyone is looking at me. I'm saying something in the photo. And this dude, who was all butthurt that I wasn't with him, commented, "Good storytelling is no match for b00bs. That was Shakespeare's problem too."

First of all, what? Shakespeare? Second, wow. Third, I was wearing a high-necked T-shirt and I'm not remotely busty, not that it should matter either way. So I just said, "So, you're saying I'm not a good storyteller." No response.

Uh... I guess that was sort of off-topic. But my point was, some people just want to insert boobs into everything.

rianne marie

Until the last sentence I assumed the excerpt was someone talking about their child.
Because children do batshit crazy stuff like that all the time. Grown people? weird.

olivebee

Errr...I posted here a couple weeks ago on that Rock Turning article that I like to rescue worms who have been washed up after a rainfall. I don't make it a point to go outside and do it (and I would never drag my husband into it), but if I am outside walking around for another reason, I will pick up any wriggling worms I see and toss them back into the grass/dirt. Based on all your comments, I should apparently stop doing this because I am obnoxious/a child.

Judith Slutler

@olivebee do you cry when people refuse to get up early and save worms with you, or lecture them on karma?

julnyes

@olivebee No, no, no ... I save worms as well. It saddens me to see them on the sidewalk after a heavy rainfall. What I would not do is wake someone up at the buttcrack of dawn and make them go on a worm rescue mission with me - that is just cray-cray.

dj pomegranate

@olivebee I feel like it's not the worm-rescuing that is the problem, it's the 1. making a point to do it on an early Saturday morning, 2. making your husband join you, and 3. doing so in a petulant way.

cuminafterall

@olivebee Nope. I don't rescue worms myself, because gross, but if you have the power to save a worm's life, then why the fuck not? I think as long as you're not dragging the unwilling into your project, you're fine.

But some would probably accuse me of MPDGitude because I trap and release insects from my apartment (except mosquitos, which I kill in self-defense, and crickets, which I peacefully coexist with because they're lucky).

olivebee

@Emmanuelle Cunt No, I do not. But I couldn't tell if everyone here was drawing a line between "rescuing worms" and "all the other crazy karma shit" or just drawing a line before "rescuing worms," period. I also hope I'm not coming across as defensive - I just wanted to be clear where 'Pinners think the crazy starts.

VerityStandingStill

@olivebee and @julnyes
another opportunistic worm-saver here.

Biketastrophy

@olivebee Prudence herself said that she also does save worms, and counts it as balance against the moth killing she does in her home.

So I'd say yeah you're cool.

Judith Slutler

@olivebee IDK, you seem to be pretty clear on the fact that there are some substantive differences between you and the girl from the letter! I say rescue away.

Dancercise

@olivebee
Apologies if I came across poorly in my brevity. I meant her attitude about the whole thing came across to me as child-like and petulant (to borrow dj pomegranate's perfect word choice). Personally, if I come across snails on the sidewalk, I'll move them to the grass so they don't get stepped on.

olivebee

@Biketastrophy @all Ok, well I feel a bit better now! Glad to know I am not the only one, and glad to know it's the woman in the letter's attitude that is putting people off and not the worm-saving (hopefully). Actually, even if it is the worm-saving, oh well. I've never really outgrown my massive soft spot for all living things, and if that makes me veer toward MPDG territory, then so be it.

gobblegirl

@olivebee It's not the worm rescuing, it's the hissy-fit-as-emotional-blackmail that we find childish.

Ellie

@cuminafterall I trap and release most insects too. I kill mosquitos and flies and silverfish, unless it's easier to catch the fly than kill it or the silverfish is so huge that it would be grosser to kill. I let spiders live in the house, but I will save anything else (incl. cockroaches).

Spice&Snails&PuppyDogTails

@olivebee I'm a worm-saver too. Also, big admission time, I did once cry when my jerk ex-boyfriend smashed an innocent spider that I was trying to rescue and take outside -- mostly because he killed something in order to mock the fact that I was trying to save it and he thought that was stupid and illogical. Because, jerk.

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@olivebee
I thought the Saturday morning worm rescue request was kind of sweet and within the range of the sorts of bizarre things that you do for someone you really like?

Also, Prudie's point about Jains is well-made, I think! And caused me to reflect on my one acquaintance ever who is a Jain. She also moved to Chicago after graduation and perhaps someday I will run into her on the street?

OhShesArtsy

@olivebee I also rescue worms (along with any creature happen across that I am able to help). I take any beneficial bugs outside my home rather than smash them (moths, crickets, certain types of spiders, etc) but I do kill roaches and ants. Having a soft spot for critters is not the issue.

What made me cry Manic Pixie Dreamgirl on this woman was the bratty way she forced her fiance to get out of bed and help her.

swirrlygrrl

@cuminafterall Curious: do you get good luck from the crickets, or do you consider them lucky to get to live with you?

werewolfbarmitzvah

@olivebee I'm also a person who's been known to help out little lost ants here and there, and I'm not big on bug-killing around the house unless it's a mosquito, and I'm generally very soft-hearted on anything pertaining to animals, but this worm lady was definitely taking it to the next level with making a day out of rescuing a bajillion worms and forcing unwilling participants into the insanity along with her. There's having a soft spot for little creatures, and then there's this. 1) There's the lecturing, self-righteous aspect of it which is just terrible. Giving self-righteous lectures is rarely an effective thing to do. 2) There's helping out a stray worm here and there, and then there's what she was doing, which begins to cross the line into disrupting the natural order of things. Start rescuing every worm you encounter, and before you know it, the world is completely overrun and overpopulated with worms and we'll be living in that Tremors movie.

SuperGogo

@olivebee I was on a group trip last February and one of the members of the group was this very sweet, early 20s girl from Michigan. One night at dinner on the patio, she noticed that several grasshoppers and large bugs were attracted to the lights in the hotel pool and were drowning in the water. She waded in fully clothed to start rescuing the ones she could. Bless her heart. She saved a few, but soon realized the task was to mammoth for her to make a dent and waded back out. A few minutes later a beautiful crane landed on the pool edge and started eating the drowning/drowned bugs. The server confirmed that the crane came regularly to feast on this reliable source of food.

SuperGogo

@SuperGogo Also, too mammoth. Also, it was a heron, not a crane. Comment editing fail.

Judith Slutler

How about the two seperate letters involving people who hate on Halloween? That was just sad.

Does Axl have a jack?

@Emmanuelle Cunt I know, right? You can mess with a lot of things, but not Halloween.

Lily Rowan

@Emmanuelle Cunt Also people who think their 6-year-old will have the same reactions to things as their 5-year-old.

fondue with cheddar

@Does Axl have a jack? Seriously. Halloween is better than all the other holidays combined.

meetapossum

@Emmanuelle Cunt I hate Halloween.

There, I said it!

hahahaha, ja.

@fondue with cheddar (formerly jen325): Hahaha, I read your response as "Does Axl have a jack? Seriously." As in, "Does Axl have a jack?" is a rhetorical question and an alternative to "Does a bear shit in the woods?" or something.

meetapossum

@fondue with cheddar (formerly jen325) Perhaps I should qualify:

I like the idea of Halloween. I like autumn and scary things. You want to watch horror movies (or Hocus Pocus and The Worst Witch) and eat candy and drink hot cider? Ok! You want to go on a haunted hay ride? You want to see Jack O'Lanterns in Tarrytown? Great!

You want me to buy/make a costume to wear one night of the year and expect me to get another one every year after the age of 13? No, thanks. You'll ridicule me for not participating? Eff you!

fondue with cheddar

@meetapossum I can understand that. As a compromise (if you don't want to get ridiculed), you can always go the half-assed costume route. One year I had a Halloween party in which the theme was superheroes. My friend taped notes all over himself identifying things, like "shirt" "foot", etc. He was Captain Obvious. Clever AND easy!

meetapossum

@fondue with cheddar (formerly jen325) My easiest costume to date was a deer (which will probably happen this year), which just required some face paint and antlers made out of hangers and an old sheet. But honestly, last year was the best because the guy I was dating and I went to a concert. No costumes necessary!

fondue with cheddar

@meetapossum Haha, that's great. I was too poor to buy costumes for several years so I got pretty good at pulling together cheap ones. I have this cheap black costume dress which was long and flowy and had big bell sleeves. I used that dress for a bunch of different costumes, including a witch, a space witch (I wore a tinsel wig) and Sandra Day O'Connor (I attached a piece of lace to the front and carried around a crab mallet).

Also, maybe you can make a costume out of clothes you already own. For example, you could easily be a hippie if you own that kind of clothing. I was a 60's space alien (like Mars Attacks style) a few years ago, and I wore were my own clothes in silver and black. All I had to buy were a cheap piece of sparkly fabric (safety pinned to my shirt as a cape) and one of those bobbly antennae headbands. A few years before that I bought a bunch of gaudy 80's clothes at a thrift store, wore some cheap gaudy jewelry, spray painted my hair red and went as Cyndi Lauper.

Easiest costume ever: wear all black, draw eyes on a sock, and be a puppeteer!

Elsajeni

@Lily Rowan Yeah, I mean... I was a scaredy kid (I am now a scaredy adult), and I absolutely had neighbors whose Halloween festivities were too scary for me. Not just when I was little, either. But most of them, within a couple years, I was brave enough to try again. And the one or two that I never got over, well... no great loss! More candy for the brave kids! I was not permanently damaged!

That said, I don't really see a problem with asking a neighbor something like, "Hey, Susie's bedroom window looks out on your motion-activated ghost and it really scares her. Would you be willing to move it to the other side of the house/turn it off until the actual night of Halloween?" Holding a grudge over it is unreasonable, but asking your neighbors to keep in mind that your much younger, scared-er kid has to see their decorations every day isn't.

MissHalfway

@meetapossum I also went to a concert last year with a bunch of friends and we all dressed up - we had a theme and everything. It wasn't even on halloween itself, but a halloween-themed concert two days after. It was one of the most fun concerts I've ever been to, but that being said I would never ridicule someone for not participating in costumes if it's not their thing, and anyone who would is an asshole.

fondue with cheddar

@Emmanuelle Cunt That sounds fun! And you're right, ridiculing someone for not dressing up is definitely not cool. Everybody be nice!

Veronica Mars is smarter than me

@fondue with cheddar (formerly jen325)

Actually, this is the easiest costume ever.

fondue with cheddar

@Veronica Mars is smarter than me Ha! Nice. I guess you could be anybody. You could even change costumes in the middle of the party!

Blushingflwr

@Emmanuelle Cunt Well, I mean, I'm not a fan (I'm terrible at costumes, I procrastinate because Halloween is at the end of the month, and I don't like scary things), but I don't expect other people not to celebrate. Also, the main thing I DO like about Halloween is small children in costume.

I was a little pissed at my neighbors for having like some sort of mannequin hanging from their tree that I didn't notice until one night when I was coming home (after dark, as is my wont) and it twitched and scared the crap out of me.

Megasus

How does he not slap her? I would totally slap her, that's how much I love my sleep.

tales

@Megano! Yes, I personally assault my fiancee whenever they do something I don't like.

Megasus

@tales Ugh, OK my definition of half-asleep slapping someone away from you is obviously very different from yours.

Daisy Razor

@Megano! Also: hyperbole. You know how to use it.

Greta M.

Are these letters to Prudie real? (Dan Savage always says she can never figure out which letters are made up just to get in the column. It sort of seems that way.)

MilesofMountains

@Greta M. I'm not sure she actually cares. To be honest, I don't really care either. I'm just there for the entertainment.

Jinxie

@MilesofMountains I'm just there to hate-read the comments.

Blackwatch Plaid

Full disclosure: I am revolting and save worms when I'm out on walks.
That said, who the fuck would forcibly include someone else in that activity? In the morning, no less! Jeeze, people, pick your causes.

blueblazes

I really didn't care for the way the cheater presented his case. "I deeply regret my actions" sounds like politician-speak to me.

And THIS: "I cut off the relationship as soon as Lisa found out about it."

Great. But does that mean that you would have continued cheating indefinitely if she hadn't found out? No wonder you have no friends, you jackass.

OhMyGoshYouGuys

@blueblazes He's sorry he got caught.

blueblazes

@OhMyGoshYouGuys EXACTLY.

wharrgarbl

@blueblazes Well, he has friends. But they're male friends. And it's insulting to ask your male friends to take care of you when that's what women are for. Duh.

D. Lurker

I immediately sang this headline in my best Jewel voice (which is the worst Jewel voice).

olivebee

@D. Lurker That's why I have Jewel stuck in my head! I have been sitting here humming it and trying to figure out why it's stuck in my head when I haven't actually heard the song recently.

dj pomegranate

@olivebee I immediately sang this headline in my best Eric Clapton voice: "If I could...sa-ee-ave the worms! I would be the sunlight of their universe!"

D. Lurker

@dj pomegranate oh ma gah that is so much better!!

Gracefully and Grandly

@D. Lurker I did the same exact thing! Who will saaaaaaaaaaa-aaaaaaaave the worms.

dj pomegranate

@D. Lurker Except I guess sunlight is a bad metaphor, since worm-savers are technically saving them from the sun...

Scandyhoovian

For Emily Yoffe, that was a pretty solid set. She usually says a few more infuriating and misguided things per column. This time around the only thing I didn't like was her little jab about "But why do you want to augment your breasts anyway?" after the question about how to handle the workplace after getting the surgery.

The lady asked a question and it wasn't "Should I get a boob job," so maybe don't answer "Should I get a boob job?"

Judith Slutler

@Scandyhoovian BUT THEY WOULD BE D-CUPS DON'T YOU KNOW HOW ENORMOUS THAT IS??? Ugh. Most people have no idea what different cup sizes look like on different women anyway.

Scandyhoovian

@Emmanuelle Cunt Seriously! My D's look pretty proportional considering I'm built like a Scandinavian bar wench named Olga-Helga Brunhilde von Nieminen. These boobs on a wispy woman would look hugely out of place.

yeah-elle

@Emmanuelle Cunt Seriously, all the "oh no, D's are sooo huge" comments are ridiculous. Not only do cup sizes look different on different women, but we don't even know what band size she is. 32Ds are really not on the "oh my god, HUGE BOOBS" side.

disco_clone

@yeah-elle My Ds are too small for most tops/dresses I buy. I'm basically what they used to call a B but something ~mysterious~ seems to have happened in the World Of Bras.

SibylDisobedience

Emily Yoffe is an awful advice columnist and this week's came up typically short. Un-asked for judginess about a LW's chosen cup size, telling the cheater to violate his cheated-on girlfriend's firmly established boundary rather than hire a nurse - double awful.

elbows on the table

@SibylDisobedience This. I think I feel really sorry for the cheated-on girlfriend... I had a real jerk of an ex (to make a long story short, I broke up with him due to emotional abuse + long distance) who pulled something like that once*, and I got suckered back in for a few more months (longer than I should have - definitely should have just deleted his text in the first place.)

*something like that: sort of but not really at all, to be honest. He basically claimed depression/threatened suicide. Turns out he wasn't depressed, just trying to worm his way back into my life again.

leonstj

My fiancee hates Halloween, but she also loves to save worms with her new giant fake boobs. Can I ask her to change her name to match that of my lovely grandma, who is dying of a terminal disease with only her mistress and cuckolded husband to take care of her? HELP ME.

Reginal T. Squirge

Hold up, you have a fiancee now? When did that happen? Where was I?

Reginal T. Squirge

Oh, wait. Just actually read your comment and now I get it. I am a dumb.

christonacracker

@leon s I hope she actually saves worms with her new giant fake boobs, like picking them up off the sidewalk and nestling them into her dirt-filled cleavage.

HeyThatsMyBike

@leon s But is your fiancee sure she wants that boob job?

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@christonacracker "You think that stripper with the ping-pong ball was impressive? Check THIS out!"

squeegy beckenheim

@Reginal T. Squirge
I was rather startled by that revelation too... I have a bit of an imaginary crush on Leon. Don't tell anyone, k?

Scandyhoovian

Also, what is with that first letter writer's neighbor? It's not your house, you can't say how it's decorated! Kids get scared sometimes, most of us eventually got over those (and if we didn't we still grew up relatively well-balanced otherwise, you know).

Jinxie

EDITH THANK YOU FOR USING GUMMY WORMS TO ILLUSTRATE THIS POST AND NOT REAL ONES GAH.

ThatWench

@Jinxie Right, but now I'm going to be craving gummy worms until I go out and taunt death by eating a whole bag of them

Inconceivable!

I can't even imagine what I would say if I was in conversation with some nice-seeming people who dropped the bomb that they think liking Halloween is akin to devil worship. Seriously, what do you say to that?

"Well actually, I used to worship the devil but I'm lapsed at this point. Still celebrate Halloween, though, just like many ex-Christians still celebrate Christmas."

gobblegirl

@Inconceivable! "I'm just a cultural Satanist at this point, but we keep it up for the kids, you know?"

KatnotCat

@Inconceivable! I grew up in an area with a very large Evangelical population. You get used to it pretty quickly. Warning, LW--within the next three dinner dates, they will ask if you've been saved and it will not be able to skirt around the subject.

christonacracker

@Inconceivable! Once I told a distant cousin that I was trying out yoga, to which she casually responded that yoga opens up doors to the demon world. I don't recall how I responded but I think I just chirped, "Well I'll be careful then!" I mean, what do you say to that??

KatnotCat

@christonacracker I do queef quite a bit doing yoga....

finguns

@KatnotCat I grew up similarly and this doesn't surprise me at all. When I was in 2nd grade our school cancelled the "Halloween party" they had had for 10+ years and started having a "fall festival" several weeks before. It was so lame. Also, there was at least 1 year in the middle of the whole satanism-scare of the mid- to late-80's where our small town all but outlawed trick-or-treating and no one got to go. It was also the year that I convinced my parents to let us bob-for-apples, which ends up being pretty lame compared to trick-or-treating.

HeyThatsMyBike

@Inconceivable! I know! We had a neighbor like this. We were always instructed not to trick or treat at their house at Halloween. I can't even imagine the conversation somebody had to have with them in order to make this information readily available to everyone in the subdivision.

TheBourneApproximation

@Inconceivable! Why do fundamentalist Christians insist on making Satanism seem so darn fun to kids? Halloween! Harry Potter! Dungeons and Dragons! Sleeping late on Sundays! The Mark of the Beast = guaranteed awesome!

christonacracker

@KatnotCat omg is that the launguage of the demon world?? or do you store the hellmouth in your yoga pants?

KatnotCat

@christonacracker It is the portal. Hence the need for yoga pants to be so tight. And why evangelicals are often frightened of vaginas.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@KatnotCat That made me laugh probably a little too much.

Bebe

@KatnotCat I grew up in a similarly Evangelical area, and YES THEY WILL. Seriously, the second I read that I was thinking, "Run! Run! Find the cool agnostic family down the street who will drink wine with you while the kids go trick or treating dressed as Satan!"

datalass

@Veronica Mars is smarter than me Also, shouldn't any woman (i.e., Prudie) get that D cups are only OMG BIG! if you have the ribcage of a toddler.

fabel

@VDRE seriously-- "I broke it off with the other woman as soon as my wife found out." OH OKAY THEN. YOU ARE GREAT.

fabel

Why is my comment showing up in 3 differen tplaces, holy fuck. Sorry.

HeyThatsMyBike

@fabel It bears repeating.

fabel

@VDRE seriously-- "I broke it off with the other woman as soon as my wife found out." OH OKAY THEN. YOU ARE GREAT.

Verity

Aww. I used to save worms! Although I wasn't quite as passionate about it as this person.

whateverlolawants

Can we please discuss every Prudie column? The comment section there is just awful, and I like you guys better.

I once wrote to Prudie in a moment of irrationality, telling her that I couldn't handle reading the victim-blaming comments (yep, rape, how did you guess?) I even asked her if she felt like publicly answering questions about rape in her column was helpful. I felt silly afterwards, b/c it's not her fault what commenters say, but she wrote back and said she agreed the comments got nasty. And like a day later she published an article about being groped as a teenager.

beanie

@whateverlolawants I'm seconding wanting to discuss every Dear Prudence column, because I need to share my anger with the Pin. And make fun of the ridiculous things that get printed/be grateful that I (hopefully) don't know these people.

whateverlolawants

@beanie Did you read today's? OMG! Really twisted shit.

baked bean

Maybe controversial, but I hate the "let's make everyone conform to what our kid wants" idea. Or even "let's make everything we as parents do conform to what our kid wants." Your kid has to learn how to live in the world, and that things don't revolve around one person.

The Halloween thing I can relate to. My uncle and aunt don't celebrate holidays because of religious (super conservative Christian) beliefs. Which was ok when they didn't have kids, because they just didn't come to holidays. But then they adopted 4 children (which is awesome, btw, not mad about that) and my grandpa decided to cancel Christmas for everyone because it just wasn't fair to those kids. My aunt and uncle didn't ask him to do that, and didn't expect him to, but also didn't speak up and say, "Hey, you're not cancelling something the rest of the family wants to participate in for us are you?" because they probably thought that saying that would be causing us to go back to doing Christmas, thus sinning again because of them.

Chrestomanci

@baked bean but why is your grandpa the boss of Christmas? Can't the rest of your family just organise christmas without him and without the super religious aunt and uncle?

baked bean

@Chrestomanci Because my family is very patriarchal, and Grandpa is very old, and no one wants to say no to him. My Grandma and my aunt tried to change his mind but he didn't listen. Each household held their own Christmas at home instead of having big family Christmas at Grandma and Grandpa's like normal. It was lameeeee.

baked bean

Also, I LOVE HALLOWEEN!!!!!

My mom was somewhat conservative and had friends (and a brother) that didn't do Halloween. We could do it, we just weren't allowed to be "scary things" like witches, devils, grim reapers, etc. We had to be cute things like animals. But I don't think that was ever a conflict for me anyway because I always wanted to be cute things like animals.

beanie

Calling a baby when it is still in a belly (aka hasn't checked out of the womb) a name freaks me out. I think because I'm highly superstitious? Anyone else?

TARDIStime

@beanie I liked how on Offspring the family called the baby "peanut" while he was a foetus - like it will be a baby, but not yet, but still it's more personal than "the baby" as something to refer to it by.

baked bean

@beanie I could do a "back in my day..." thing and talk about how even in the early 90s when people could find out the sex, most couples did not share that information with others, and the name wasn't released until the baby was born.
I also find it kind of weird to tell everyone you're pregnant way way early. Because 10-20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, mostly in the first trimester. That's a lot.
Yes, it's exciting to have a baby, and it's exciting that that baby is wanted so much, but yeah, I agree on the superstitious thing.

datalass

@baked bean I'm the same way. Recently, a coworker told me she was pregnant the morning after she'd taken a pregnancy test (at that point she was 2 weeks pregnant). I was uneasy both because of the risks the pregnancy still faced and because it felt so intimate. (The latter feeling was exacerbated by the fact that she also referred to the night the baby was conceived.)

baked bean

@datalass Yeah, and you're her coworker, not like, her sister.

I don't mean to criticize the way people do things, or to "know it all" or be another person who tells mothers how to do stuff, but just saying if *I* were pregnant I'd try as hard as possible to not get attached (and I'm sure it's hard when you really want a child) or get other people attached until past the safe zone.

I feel like either facebook/social media is reflective of this "over-sharing" age or has caused the "over-sharing" age.

Carrie Ann

@beanie I feel the same way, but I understand if people choose to do it. I'm about a month away from my due date, and even if we'd decided on a name, there is no way I would refer to the baby by it, even privately. I had a miscarriage previously though, and I would guess many others in that position feel the same.

@datalass I feel really uncomfortable learning about people's pregnancies early for the same reason. To be honest, it feels arrogant and immature to me. It's like those people truly believe that nothing bad could ever happen to them. And I've been there. I know how much you want to tell, how crazy it is to walk around for a few months knowing this thing and thinking about it all the time and not being able to say anything. But then when I lost my first pregnancy, I was pretty relieved not to talk about that either.

area@twitter

So I'm reading down this comment section and I stopped to take a drink, and I had to close my eyes because otherwise I was going to see another hilarious comment and spit ginger ale all over my computer. I love you, fellow 'Pinners.

Veronica Mars is smarter than me

@seaview Agreed. I've been with my guy for 8 years, and IF we ever get married, it's certainly not happening anytime soon. Partner is, I guess, appropriate; but it feels pretty awkward saying it. Boyfriend seems like the least... question-provoking(?) term. (Of course I still have to field all those questions once they ask how long we've been together, so.)

Veronica Mars is smarter than me

Why are comments showing up all over the place? SEAVIEW, I was trying to respond to yooouuuu.

Blushingflwr

The last letter writer should name her daughter Evelyn, if for no other reason than because it is an awesome name and there are fewer Evelyns than Elizabeths.

squeegy beckenheim

Ok, for some reason I read the whole cheating, sick person story as if it involved three women. Not sure why, perhaps the 15 years dating thing? Like they can't get married in their state maybe?

highgirrrll

thats totally me, (the woman), and my hubby would totally do that. <3

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