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Thursday, September 20, 2012

170

The Period Pie

Previously: The Purse Pie.

Ann Friedman is shedding her uterine lining.



170 Comments / Post A Comment

The Hyperbolic Julia Set

I support this city ban. RISE UP!! LET THE REVOLUTION BEGIN! Sweats are the new pant suit!

Beatrix Kiddo

@The Hyperbolic Julia Set But for a classy, "evening" look, you should switch to yoga pants.

falafelwaffle

@Beatrix Kiddo Edith can bring the bedazzled sweatshirts!

TARDIStime

@Beatrix Kiddo
The revolutions has already begun at my desk right now! I have totally embraced at least three outfits that are the combo of leggings and a long, flowy shirt that covers my arse.
For my menstrual comfort this fashion trend is not allowed to die!!!

Verity

@TARDIStime Aren't leggings really tight, though? That sounds uncomfortable. (I speak as one who hasn't worn leggings since the age of about six, so it is entirely possibly that I'm wrong.)

stavros

ya that's nice @m

Lily Rowan

Yessss.

Hey, as long as I'm commenting, I'm super happy that Rookie is buying ads here! So good for the general welfare!

travelmugs

@Lily Rowan Same with Buzzfeed. Both actually have things I'm interested in clicking on.

iknowright

@Lily Rowan Hey! As long as you're commenting, wanna talk Big Brother finale?

Lily Rowan

@iknowright Yessss! I was legit surprised! I thought they would give it to Dan for playing the most.

iknowright

@Lily Rowan I was so bummed. I wanted Dani to win and take Dan, and have Dan win. Basically the only way it could have been worse is if it were Dani and Ian in the final two.

What pisses me off is that the entire jury took things sooo personally. For people outside of jury, I think Boogie was giving Ian credit solely because Ian got HIM out, and he's a narcissist who thinks of himself as the greatest player ever. I thought Frank would be smart enough to give Dan props, but I wasn't surprised that Shane (sooo bitter) and Jen gave it to Ian instead.

And yet, everyone will always think Will was an amazing player, despite the fact that he's famous for playing an even more ruthless game, where he did not only lie, but emotionally/sexually manipulated women to get himself to the end. Why can he do it but Dan can't? Can it really be the Bible stuff?

Lily Rowan

@iknowright I was really pissed at Danielle for throwing part 1 to Dan, because seriously. I figure it was Brittany really bringing it home for Ian with the jury, but agree with you about Frank.

Original Recipe Dr. Will had more charm, and I think people were just shocked/impressed at how he could lie to their faces, because it was unexpected at that point.

I AM DIAPHENA

Pinners, please help me feel better about myself and the things that happened to me at 4:30 this morning. Has anyone else ever period-blooded on their boyfriend's (or someone else's) stuff?

Are They Biting Ducks?

@I AM DIAPHENA Yup. Good boyfriends may tease you about it, but will be over it quite quickly - I can almost guarantee they've done something more embarrassing in their lives.

maybe partying will help

@I AM DIAPHENA

Dude, I was driving to New Hampshire with my mom once and I got my period on the way, and even though I had tampons and pads and stuff, shifting position in the car led to some leakage issues. Which I did not realize until I stepped out of the car in the driveway in New Hampshire and there was a giant red spot on the seat.

@serenityfound

@I AM DIAPHENA No (unless you count Mom's sheets on more than one occasion while home visiting), but that is one of my top 10 social fears. All the hugs, I give them to you.

karenb

@I AM DIAPHENA in the aftermath, in case you haven't hunted down the relevant "ask a clean person" thread, you want oxiclean for this one!

log lady

@I AM DIAPHENA yes! when I was 24, I was sleeping over at a (very new) boyfriend's house. he went to work in the morning, and I had the day off so he told me to sleep in as late as I wanted to. When I got up, I realized that the sheets were absolutely SOAKED in blood! I was freaking out so hard. Luckily, only the sole lady roommate out of his 3 roommates was home, and she helped me wash and dry everything good-as-new before he got home. We had a good laugh about it later! You're not alone! Also, pour hydrogen peroxide on the stains and rub the fabric against itself under cold running water, it'll work wonders!

SarahP

@I AM DIAPHENA So many times. AND the first time we ever bought sheets together, I bled on them the first night we had them on the bed.

freelee

@I AM DIAPHENA GIRL, PLEASE, YES. It is SO OK. Consider it a Litmus test for men who are to be slept with often. "Time to see if you're able to not to act like a big weirdo about this tiny little non-thing...and ready...GO!"
You're amazing! Forgetaboutit!

all the bacon and eggs

@I AM DIAPHENA It's ok, men know about periods! At least, the ones who are worth sleeping with do.

Plus, if you and this guy stay together for any length of time you will both be forced to confront all sorts of disgusting bodily functions. You might as well get used to it.

whizz_dumb

@freelee Seriously, at the sight of a stain or mess or whatever, dudes need to shrug it off unfazed like, "Yep, I know that this happens, no biggie." If a man is grossed out or gets angry about a little blood I say he is not really a man.

Lush Life

@I AM DIAPHENA Oh, yes. I usually make a joke about The Godfather and aren't you glad I got rid of the horse head already.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@I AM DIAPHENA Yes, I've done this, and it is a normal thing! It's not like peeing the bed when drunk (which plenty of dudes are guilty of); it's a dynamic bodily function, rendering it unpredictable.

up cubed

@I AM DIAPHENA If I am a semi-regular evening visitor I'll give the host a nice set of very dark sheets :) In commiserating embarrassing news, a few weeks ago I met an adorable man at a wedding and promptly threw up repeatedly. Oy vey.

E
E

@I AM DIAPHENA: Misery loves company, so just for you, shortly after I started dating a fellow I went through a serious shake up in period function (always had heavy periods, but suddenly switched to having 2 crazy heavy days instead of a more even flow), and on our way home from a date I could feel my tampon give way, so I had to go home on the subway with him in jeans absolutely drenched at the crotch, then wash said jeans in his bathroom for what felt like hours, then send him to the drugstore for heavy pads, then slept in fear on his matress ontop of his darkest towel. It was not romantic at all. But he was very nice and much less phased by it then I was.

LizF

@I AM DIAPHENA Totally. Once it even happened with a dude that I picked up at a bar for a one night stand (Having your period should not preclude you from going home with someone at a bar). He continued to text me for a second night stand for a couple months. He was totally unphased.

Plant Fire

@I AM DIAPHENA I think that a dude's reaction to having your period blood on their things says a lot about whether or not they are a decent guy (also, if you keep dating you're probably going to come in more contact with each other's bodily fluids so it's good practice). For what it's worth, I have bleed on my boyfriend's sheets before and it was fine, I just apologized and bought him a bottle of shout to keep on hand for any future accidents (it also worked for the various lube handprints I've left on his bed). I've also bleed all over my boyfriend shortly after we started dating (to be fair, we were having sex and he was aware I was on my period so it wasn't totally shocking). And one time when my tampons were irritating me but I didn't have any pads I slept next to him on top of a towel without any sort of extra protection or device in.

So basically what I'm saying is don't worry! Everyone does it at some point. Just keep some oxiclean on hand and make sure to wash in cold water. Also weirdly, soaking the item in cold water and baking soda will take it all out (I've only done this with underwear in the sink before but you could probably rinse out bloody section of the sheets in the sink and then toss them in the wash with baking soda on cold).

ColdFinger

@I AM DIAPHENA On top of what everyone else said, I actually find blood to be one of the easiest things to wash off, especially if you soak the soiled item soon after impact. Just put it in a cold bucket of water and watch most or all of the stain disappear before you even put it in the wash.

(Mattresses are a bit trickier, but I'm sure whoever suggested Oxy Clean knows what they're talking about.)

Bloodrocuted

@I AM DIAPHENA My neighbor accidentally got blood on my couch, and somehow my world did not fly off its axis and hurdle violenty towards the Sun. It comes right off with cold water! No one needs an informative pamphlet Everybody Bleeds (Everybody Poops's existentialist sister book.)

Roxanne Rholes

@I AM DIAPHENA I was gettin' down with a dude who had never knocked boots before, and suddenly had to be like "oh, no, put on the breaks, my period started!" and his reaction was adorable. "That's okay! Blood is fine! I'm full of blood! The sheets can get dirty!"

falafelwaffle

@I AM DIAPHENA I got period blood on my brand-new couch. Big ol' spot. I poured hydrogen peroxide on it and the blood all fizzed away! I've had good luck washing underwear/sheets with cold water in the sink and rubbing the stain with bar soap and letting that sit for awhile.

Nocs

@Roxanne Rholes THAT is fantastic. Very sweet reaction.

TARDIStime

@I AM DIAPHENA Are you me? Seriously, right down to the exact same time and everything! I didn't bleed on stuff though - I have been waiting for this motherbitch since Monday, and boy was I glad it came.
I came back into the bedroom after getting what I needed in the bathroom and fist-pumped my bleary-eyed partner. "No babies!!!" and that, my friend, was that.
But also: not I have a job interview tomorrow and this shit always makes me all fuzzy-brained. This happened the last time I interviewed for a Dream Job, too.
Seriously uterus, you work against my career on so many levels!

bookbike

@I AM DIAPHENA Most guys are extremely cool about this & my theory as to why is that -for the most part- men's young ideas of what "period-ing" is are soo repulsive and horrible that, when confronted with the reality, it just ain't even a thang.

NiceDress

@I AM DIAPHENA As all of these responses show, it's a common occurrence, and I agree that if a guy freaks out he's probably immature/not comfortable with women and their bodies in general, and therefore not an optimum person to sleep with.

I'm pretty sure I "marked" every set of sheets my now-ex-bf owns (sometimes I randomly bleed during sex during non-period time). He was totally cool about it, even though he admitted it was a bit awkward to have to explain the problem to the laundry (we live in NYC, so a lot of people send out their laundry). We used to joke that the laundry people probably thought he was a serial killer because of all the blood. He eventually gave up on white sheets and got some dark ones, which ended up being a win for everyone because they were a super-comfy type of sheet I didn't even know existed.

Ophelia

Chocolate-coat those Midol, and I'm in.

annlf

@Ophelia MISSED OPPORTUNITY! gah.

annlf

@Ophelia new idea: get cabana boy to hand-dip each midol caplet in organic 70% dark chocolate.

Ophelia

@annlf Now THAT, my friend, is a win.

Sella Turcica

@annlf How about we just dip the cabana boy in chocolate? I tend to need something stronger than midol anyway.

dabbyfanny

@Ophelia I'm in. When do we do this?

NeverOddOrEven

@Ophelia
I just learned yesterday from Julie Klausner's podcast that in Europe they have an OTC Midol-type product with codeine in it. Codeine!
This on my heaviest day, after having soaked through my pants, possibly developing a UTI, and getting slammed at work.
I need globe trotting friends.

NeverOddOrEven

@NeverOddOrEven
Also, I made an appointment yesterday to discuss an ablation with someone. Any advice/notes/experiences are welcome.

The Hyperbolic Julia Set

@Ophelia That is the only way I'd take Midol. I could eat that stuff like candy and no effect (PAMPRIN IS THE WORST!). But chocolate covered pretty much anything during the menstrual woes WILL BE EATEN. The good news is that even though I've only been married a little over a year my husband has been trained to recognize that chocolate is a necessity in the house.

Carrie Ann

@NeverOddOrEven A friend of mine used to order that stuff from Australia or New Zealand for years until the post office finally caught it.... She was devastated. I think codeine is generally easier to get OTC anywhere other than the US.

serendipity

@NeverOddOrEven http://thehairpin.com/2012/06/what-its-like-to-get-an-endometrial-ablation
Just about to read this, maybe it'll help? Good luck :)

maybe partying will help

Just going to sleep and waking up when the Communists have gone would be nice.

log lady

@maybe partying will help period-coma! Yes, please.

SarahP

@maybe partying will help I feel like I could do that this week if only my life would allow me to take a week off.

Lexa Lane

@SarahP SERIOUSLY. This entire week has been miserable. For the safety of myself and those around me, I should just be allowed to go home on day one and stay in my room with my heating pad, my chocolate, and my hours of crime dramas on dvd for three straight days. Why is this not an option?

TARDIStime

@maybe partying will help
That thing with the bed and the heating pad? Usually me on day 1. Every month a day off work. This would be easier to handle with a female boss, but ALL my managers are male and discussing this with them would be The Most Mortifying even more than that time I was walking by my manager in the street and the wind blew up my skirt and he got an eyeful of my underwear (he was pretty classy about it though, which I appreciated).

Fissionchips

@Lexa Lane Yeah I've always felt like calling in sick to work with horrible period side effects wouldn't be o.k, even though if a person felt like that for any other reason they'd probably consider them self to be ill and unfit to work.

Atheist Watermelon

@maybe partying will help Mine was a fucking week and a half early, and I got it on the train on the way to play a really important concert with an amazing but somewhat socially awkward musician and I had to explain to him that we were going to have to stop at a drugstore on the way there and had to explain why and OMG MOST AWKWARD CONVERSATION IN THE HISTORY OF AWKWARD.

JessicaLovejoy

Midol-Vodka Fusion (Absolut Lady?)

NiceDress

@JessicaLovejoy OMG, someone who is good at science needs to get on this. I suspect the combo would probably do a number on the liver, but if it numbs my uterus and period feelings I don't care (Sorry, liver. I really do appreciate everything you do for me).

karenb

i have the kind of hormones where my actual period is no big thing (3 days! light flow! bless the goddess of nuvaring!) but the week before my period all i feel capable of doing is staying home, watching ellen and sobbing into my cereal. that's a viable option, right? RIGHT?

freelee

@karenb @karenb
Samesies, except maybe swap Ellen for Luther ( IDRIS ELBA ) and sobbing for fist-fighting while crying. Oh, and cheesecake.
Can you believe this shit happens every month? And, can you believe Idris Elba's face? ME EITHER.

yeah-elle

@freelee Oh man, I did the My Pre-Period Made Me Watch All Of Luther Over A Three Day Span thing last month (while eating half a wheel of smoked gouda) and it MESSED ME UP but oh man, Idris Elba's faaaace.

karenb

@yeah-elle @freelee ok, ok, so... should i watch this luther business? i have not yet, should i save it for my weepiest of weepy days or some time when i feel more fully able to Handle My Shit?

yeah-elle

@karenb It's subjective? To me, the show could be a bit scary. They do not fuck around with violence and/or creepy-as-fuck criminals on that show. For instance, the very first episode features a dog that has been shot repeatedly, and later episodes include a satanic guy who drinks blood, and a guy who maims people by squirting them with acid out of a watergun. So...intense.

On an emotional level—also intense. The whole idea of the show, I guess, is that Luther continually makes kind of horrible decisions and struggles to balance his personal life and his work life and all the moral implications that run between the two, ahhhh.

So if you have a hard time handling that stuff (whether you're on your period or not!) it might not be the show for you.

But...Idris Elba's face.

meetapossum

@karenb Word. The actual period is not the problem for me, it's the week of depression/crying/self-loathing that happens the week/days before that's the issue.

charmcity

@karenb Literally every time I am on my period I think GOD I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS HAPPENS EVERY MONTH FOR DECADES WTF SCIENCE!? Most recently, this revelation happened when I started crying at the deli counter because the sandwich guy was spreading mayo on bread particularly tenderly. Fucking hormones.

karenb

@charmcity right? how have we not fixed this? HOW?

yeah-elle

@charmcity The inappropriate crying! Last month I was at a cafe, and I saw a grandfather holding a baby, and THE WATERWORKS. I had to do that thing where I opened my eyes as wide as possible in hope that the tears would somehow be reabsorbed by my eyeballs, but nope, that never works.

freelee

@karenb
It's definitely INTENSE and sometimes too scary / violent for me if I'm in a fragile state. But, most of the time (as in, during most of my waking hours) I want to be watching Luther because the acting is supreme and their accents and intensity are stunning and hypnotic. And if Idris' face doesn't make you fall over, gnash your teeth, then there is also the absolutely brilliant Alice
In brief, yes - must watch - just maybe not if you are home alone at night feeling fragile to the dangers of the world

charmcity

@yeah-elle UGH why aren't eyeballs made of sponges WHY

freelee

@charmcity
YES. Jeez, I can't tell you the joy it brings my heart to hear my monthly surprise/indignation/science awe echoed.

FickleMoon

@charmcity YES. Screw natural/becoming a woman/preparing to incubate babies - if men were bleeding out of their crotch every month while turning into a grease pit and whimpering in pain, I feel this whole thing would have been fixed a long time ago.

theotherginger

@FickleMoon yes. agree. also, why do I forget every month. And furthermore, where are those studies that say women are not emotionally volatile due to hormones (ok, I have lived with women who were and weren't, as roommies, so I realize it varies greatly from individual to individual) that they are just emotional all the time. can someone explain this to me please?

TARDIStime

@yeah-elle
The Awwww factor of men holding babies also has a similar effect on me at a Certain Time of the Month. I Feel You.
I also had a hormonal crying moment at work on Monday. I usually wear my Tough Girl Suit when answering the phone because I'm the first point of contact at my company but there was a guy who was just WAY over the line, totally aggressive and misogynistic and yelly. I hung up on him and cried on-and-off for the rest of the day at my desk.
It was humiliating on quite a few levels and I hated reinforcing the "crying hormonal young girl" stereotype in my extremely masculine work culture. Then there was the shame crying. It was a crying snowball...

Blushingflwr

@yeah-elle I once almost broke down in history class discussing the Crusades. I had a lot of FEELINGS about something that had happened centuries ago.

(To be fair, I do often have FEELINGS about historical things, but this was over-the-top)

datalass

@Blushingflwr I once cried when trying to explain to my husband that Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" was NOT a simple pop song but in fact a feminist ANTHEM.

yeah-elle

@datalass !!! Once during my pre-period malaise, I started tearing up over "I want to be the one to walk in the sun." It got to me, okay?

log lady

Any fellow-pinners out there who use the nuva-ring and have been having extra hormonal, weepy periods? I need some validation because I just started the ring 2 months ago and I feel so crazy when I take it out at period-time.

karenb

@log lady hi, new friend! see above! i take the ring out on fridays, but it's the previous wednesday and thursday that i feel like my emotional cup doth runneth over or whatever. i am here to validate you!

up cubed

@log lady Is it possible to just continue the ring and not take a period-break? I know some hormones BC are better for this, but it really improved my quality of life to not have as many periods (via generic seasonique).

Lily Rowan

@upupandaway My understand is YES. You can totally wear the NuvaRing for all four weeks and just swap in the new one when it's time.

Lorelei@twitter

@upupandaway yes, super-easy! Like Lily Rowan says, you just leave the ring in for 4 weeks and switch to the new one on schedule. I am one of those lucky jerks who's never had much in the way of emotional effects from PMS or birth control (the constipation is another story though...my period pie needs a lot more fiber than this one contains), but I'll skip a period now and then if the timing is inconvenient, and never had any problems.

Punk-assBookJockey

@log lady I use to be on Nuvaring and had the opposite problem: I was feeling awful for the entire time I had it in and I would take it out at the end of the month and within hours feel like a human again. So I quit it. I have the copper iud now and I like it fine for baby prevention, but the hormones definitely did some ok things for my skin and hair that I am missing! Give and take I guess.

smidge

@log lady yeah, the NuvaRing had the opposite effect on me. When I was just all natural, I had Emotions and periods twice a month, when I was on the pill I had EMOTIONS, and now with the NuvaRing, I am a zen goddess who never has to worry about spare tampons again

falafelwaffle

@log lady I'm on a freak nuvaring-middle-of-the-cycle-period and spent over an hour today watching youtube videos of dogs greeting their soldier owners after they come home from the middle east. So do with that what you will.

laurel

A lap cat that purrs on command.

fondue with cheddar

@laurel Purring cats on period belly are the Best Thing.

olivebee

@a whole thing of candy beans (formerly jen325) Oooh, while I love a purring cat on my belly most times, my period, having to pee, and when I've eaten too much are big no-nos for my furry beasts. I want nothing but the light touch of a soft sweatpant on my belly during those times.

maybe partying will help

@laurel

A cat on a belly is so much better than clutching my laptop like a heating pad! :/

laurel

@maybe partying will help: But it will do in a pinch. Heat. Heeeaaaaat.

fondue with cheddar

@laurel The heat is great of course, but also the purring is SO SOOTHING.

anachronistique

@maybe partying will help I am so glad that we're reaching the temperatures where I can use a heating pad again.

yourstruly

@a whole thing of candy beans (formerly jen325) GOD YES. Purring cats on the belly = perfect. Also, Jane Austen movies and hot drinks and yoga pants.

Elsajeni

@laurel My cat will only drape across my legs and put a single paw on my belly, which is totally unsatisfactory. "Oh, you want my warmth? Here is a sample of how warm and pleasant I could be, if I weren't a jerk."

fondue with cheddar

@Elsajeni Haha...man, cats are such assholes sometimes, aren't they?

Princess Gigglyfart

+1000 for Scrooge McDuck as a verb.

whizz_dumb

@Princess Gigglyfart If I were rich, I'd have whole Scrooge McDucking parties where pools would be filled with cotton balls or pudding or more realistically: whiskey.

Nocs

An electric heating pad. I never remember to buy one for myself until it is too late, and I've already been reduced to curl-up-in-a-ball-and-feel-like-death mode.

Lily Rowan

@Nocs Go buy one now! They are brilliant.

Nocs

@Lily Rowan They ARE brilliant. I've just never owned my own before, and all of a sudden I live alone and really need one!

FickleMoon

@Nocs I suggest overheating laptop and/or small dog as subsitutes.

Lily Rowan

@FickleMoon Good one!

But also, Nocs, what I mean is buy one next time you're at the drug store, before you need it, so you have it!

Elsajeni

@Nocs Another good alternative: a thick sock, filled with dry rice and knotted closed, heated in the microwave for a minute or two. I drew a face on the end of mine.

NiceDress

@Nocs I like the stick-on heat patches made for sore muscles, especially if I actually have to get up and go places instead of just laying in bed. I'll stick one on my abdomen, and if things are really terrible, another on my lower back. Soooo helpful... like an electric heating pad, but mobile. And they usually last about 12 hours, even though the packaging only promises 6-8.

Canard

The hottest of heating pads and a book with wizards in it.

Edit: @Nocs, jinx!

Nocs

@Canard Somebody owes somebody a Coke, I believe. Rum in yours?

Princess Gigglyfart

Also, hot sex, macaroni and cheese from a box, and fantasy novels in the bath tub.

wallsdonotfall

My last period was three weeks late, and although four pregnancy tests told me I was fine, the quickly-mounting stress probably didn't help the situation. But it finally came, it was fine, and I started the pill that very first day so I could get on a regular track again...

...And now eight days later I'm having another full-blown period. WHAT IS THIS INSANITY.

werewolfbarmitzvah

@wallsdonotfall Oy, welcome to my world. After a lifetime of clockwork periods, for the last two months my periods have been bananas, with one showing up 2 weeks late and the next one showing up a week early and I'm starting to feel like it's never safe to leave the house without a hundred tampons jammed up there. (Side note: it would be REALLY COOL to be able to see my doctor about this, if getting an appointment weren't about as easy as getting an appointment to meet with the Wizard of Oz!)

TARDIStime

@werewolfbarmitzvah
Major Feels you guys!
I also had clockwork periods from the age of 11 through to 17. Then I lost my Grandfather to old age, my best friend to student exchange in France and began my final year of school, all within a month.
I gained: Shingles and a cycle that ran anywhere from 21 - 38 days. Still have the latter 4 years later. :-(

staircases

The word and concept of "chocolate" is conspicuously absent from this pie chart.

sprayfaint

Pants??? It's all muumuus, all the time.

olivebee

A magic cream (or gel or toner) that eliminates period zits right off your face within seconds (and ideally replaces them with beautiful skin and a solid-color complexion, but baby steps...).

SarahP

@olivebee I agree with this so much I could cry. But that's probably my period talking.

TheBourneApproximation

This is relevant to my interests. I just got a Mirena inserted yesterday, and while I am doing fine today... Yesterday? HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

up cubed

@TheBourneApproximation I got mirena about 6 weeks ago and have had approx 1 week without spotting, strong random cramping, and weird deep acne alternating with dry peeling skin. However! It seems to be getting better with time.

MilesofMountains

@upupandaway I got a Mirena 5 months ago and have had probably about 1 week with no random cramping, but I don't think that's normal.

Judith Slutler

@TheBourneApproximation oh boy. I know it goes fine for a lot of women but I'll never forget the time my flatmate's now-ex-gf walked out of the gyno's office after getting hers, FAINTED ON THE SIDEWALK, and proceeded to spend the next 24 hours completely dazed in my apartment. That poor thing!!! She said it didn't hurt, but apparently her body was just like "wtf is this shit" or something.

RueMcClanaHamSandwich

@TheBourneApproximation I have a generic Mirena and I've had no problems with my actual periods and I don't have spotting or anything (though I've noticed my actual period length has gotten longer- it used to just be 3 days) but yes, I'm with you on Day 0.

That being said, everything gets better! It gets better, Mirena friends! I've had mine in for months now and your skin, your bod, everything, they all calm down. There is a great discussion on here re: IUDs and some beautiful comments, if you've not had the chance to read through them.

I have to go back to eating ice cream and crying over Animal Cops now, because I'm a cliche.

TheBourneApproximation

@RueMcClanaHamSandwich I think my body was still in semi-shock from the sounding and all that jazz (Brain: "Ugggh, this hurts." Doctor: "You may feel some cramping now." Brain: "Wait, that wasn't the- :O!!!!!"), and so I was shaky for a few hours afterwards. Otherwise, the whole thing felt mostly like the worst days of my teenage period. And then the next morning...fine.

Honestly, I have only hope for the future at this point. I've been on Implanon for the past two years. I've adored the whole not-taking-pills or worrying thing, and I haven't had any major side effects (I seem to be one of the few people to actually lose weight on hormonal contraceptives), but my periods never settled down. I went from having six weeks periods of moderate spotting to having a heavy period every three weeks. Soo...hopefully things can only get better. I am also happy about only having paid a $20 copay for the whole experience. Thankee, Obama!

theotherginger

@TheBourneApproximation what a good thread. I've had almost non-stop spotting since I got it (taken up eating red meat in enormous amounts. I used to eat steak like once a month or two, now this week I'm at three.) and face and weight were super weird (fluctuating wildly in terms of weight an massive acne...)

Fissionchips

@TheBourneApproximation has anybody else tried the depo-provera injection? That's what I have and don't have periods at all whilst I on it. Which is convenient I suppose, but a little strange.

olivebee

Since we're on the subject of periods, you know how evolution and mating and pheromones and all that jazz allow men to "smell" when women are in different parts of their cycle? Well, every night when we go to bed, my husband buries his face where my hair meets my neck and comments on how good I smell. On my period before last, we got into bed, and he did that, and he yanked his face away and goes "your smell - it's gone!" And I kind of just shrugged, like, I dunno where my smell went since I can't smell my smell anyway. And he sits up and goes "WAIT A MINUTE. Are you on your period?" And I was. So we tested this theory out again on my last period, and again, my good smell went away.

Has anyone else's significant other noticed this, too?

Megasus

@olivebee Uhhh no but my ex would always attempt sexytimes during Shark Week pretty much like clockwork.

MmeLibrarian

@olivebee I don't know about my smell, but my husband smells approximately ten million times better in the week before I fall to the Communists. I stalk him around the apartment. I think it weirds him out.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@Megano! So...did you ever make a joke, like, "You're going to need a bigger boat," or something like that?

Megasus

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose I was usually also half asleep, so my responses tended to be either mumbling or less than kind.

SarahP

@MmeLibrarian Yes I get really horny right before my period too! Which makes no sense evolution-wise, since at that point I've already ovulated. Uteri!

fabel

@olivebee I haver never noticed this in time with my period, but I had a boyfriend who did this exact same thing, like saying my smell emanated from my neck & one time he was all "your smell is gone!" but I didn't think anything of it. So maybe this is a thing!

fabel

@SarahP yeah, also, there's always like a day or two where I'm like "damn, I am horny. SO HORNY" & then by the 3rd day, I realize it's because I'm getting my period.

Kulojam

@fabel Yep, me too. I've never been able to figure out the why but I just go with it.

TARDIStime

@olivebee
My partner's olfactory cells do not work at ALL. So, no, he's never noticed how I smell (which is SO great because I have IBS and can drop some serious silent-but-deadly gas and he'll never know/it doesn't bother him, muahahaha!).
@Sarah P - Uteri totally don't make sense for a LOT of people. There is a book called The Billings Method that explains things really well (It's by Dr Jane Billings). Basically, if you're trying to make a baby and the regular temperature-taking method isn't working, the Billings Method will be more effective because it understands that women do not actually have clocks in their nether regions.
Long story short, you check out how your vagina is doing every day and you keep a diary of what it's doing (Is it wet? Dry? Slimy? A funny colour?) and you learn to read what all these things mean about your stage of fertility on that day (a lot of women are at their most fertile the day/week before they menstruate). There are Billings Method teachers and everything!
I work for a natural therapies clinic and this is one of the main things taught to people who seek fertility assistance (which is our specialty).
The Billings method can also be used in reverse, to keep you baby-free (learning to read your fertile days and using a condom on those days or abstaining from P-in-the-V) - great for those who are Catholics/allergic to latex/hate the Pill!

NeverOddOrEven

@olivebee
My husband likes to smell my head. It's adorable. I'll start taking note of timing and frequency.

werewolfbarmitzvah

All right, here's what I've wanted for years: a device, similar to a turkey baster, that you can insert on the first day of your period and have it go VOOOOOOP and it sucks out all of the blood in one fell swoop, thereby eliminating the gory misery of the next 7 days. I've wanted this device to exist forever. For the love of god, someone make it exist!

MmeLibrarian

@werewolfbarmitzvah Ahem - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Menstrual_extraction

werewolfbarmitzvah

@MmeLibrarian OOH, I WANT IT. There's gotta be a way to make a safe, gentle, legal, at-home version of this.

fabel

@werewolfbarmitzvah ME TOO

The Frozen Head of Dorothy Zbornak

@werewolfbarmitzvah

One of many, many reasons why we need more female scientists!

dale

@werewolfbarmitzvah And then please someone go back in time with the invention so we can have had it for a while? I don't want all the useful things to happen after I don't need them anymore!

TARDIStime

@The Frozen Head of Dorothy Zbornak
Seriously this has SO MUCH POTENTIAL!!! Not just as a convenient way to solve the annoying menses issue as a whole, but also - this collects blood. This blood is just the same as the blood in your veins (as far as I know). Imagine what the Blood Bank could do with this!!! Millions of women donating their menses to save lives! Sounds gross, but are you going to be fussy when you need a transfusion? I would take it as long as it was healthy blood!

TARDIStime

@dale I don't think we'll be able to actually produce this for real, though.
I think fem. hygiene companies would go ape shit and buy the patent and suppress it because then who would keep buying all their tampons/pads?

TheLetterL

And what if I want my life to be shredded cheese and yoga pants all the time, hmmm?

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

As a person who enjoys pie of all kinds, this headline is grossing me out. My fault. But still.

Sierra

When i have pms, my boyfriend always comforts me by saying "oh, but baby! you're gonna have nice, fresh lining!!"

fabel

@Sierra That is adorable.

themegnapkin

This is directly relevant to my interests at the moment. Are we on the same cycle? 'pinners unite?

catspajamas

@themegnapkin I was just thinking the same thing. How cute we're all synced up!

Blackwatch Plaid

Anyone else's bodies change dramatically when they have PMS. I go up 2-3 cupsizes and gain 5-10 lbs of bloat EVERY DAMN TIME. Then it all drops off within a day. Rinse and repeat.

TattyEmu

@glittercock AAARGH. what is with the inflatable boobs? and the inevitable deflating? My breasts have a serious personality disorder, and I totally resent it. I used to just want small boobs. Now I'd take big boobs, or medium boobs, BUT I DO NOT WANT ALL THREE SIZES.

Blackwatch Plaid

@TattyEmu This. It's a little ridiculous to have to own so many bras.

RNL
RNL

@glittercock Combine this effect with some significant weight overall loss, and my non-period boobs are a sad, floppy affair. You better believe I revel in those period boobs, as tender as they may be.

TattyEmu

@RobotsNeedLove "I might scream a little every time you touch them, but you have three days with these E cups, and we're going to enjoy every minute of it, goddammit."

RNL
RNL

Can we discuss why nobody (or almost nobody) tells you that PMS get sooo much worse in your later 20s? Like you turn 27 and holy shit.

I think it's because nobody likes to hear 28 year olds bitch about anything. Even though that's all we know how to do.

theotherginger

@RobotsNeedLove omg. I feel you.

Jinxie

The off-brand Pamprin in the medicine chest at work is pink. Like, HOT PINK. Which I think I kind of find a little offensive? "Well, if it's just for the ladiezz, then we HAVE to make it pink." On the other hand, my work provides us with free period meds, so maybe I shouldn't complain.

The Hyperbolic Julia Set

@Jinxie Yo. I'm jealous. My cubicle houses the extra pads/tampons/pain meds/emergency chocolate for my floor because I refuse to spend 40 hours a week where those are not present. But mos def not offered by the company, even though they are by all other accounts a female-friendly work place.

carolita

You know what? The last 20 years I must've spent hundreds if not thousands on all sorts of herbs, supplements, books, not to mention hours of research, but the last time I had my period, I had been taking three drops of nascent iodine in my morning tea for a week when I got my last period, and guess what? Least painful, most orderly, least heavy period I've had since I was fourteen. I was in total misery mode, out of habit, lying on the sofa, when I realized I wasn't as bad as I thought I'd be. It only dawned on me when it was all over that iodine might have been responsible for the change. I was taking the iodine because I read that it was good for shrinking fibroids, which, due to my heavy periods I suspected I might have. Well, I'll be damned. I will report back in a few weeks and tell you all how the next period goes, but I suspect I have finally figured the darned thing out. If anyone's interested in trying it themselves, do some research about iodine supplementation, particularly in relation to fibroids and menstruation first. (I'm not a doctor! I'm not prescribing anything. I'm just telling you guys what happened. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm a DIY'er, and have no time for doctors telling me they know better than me what I need. My doctors, when I last saw them, simply suggested the Pill.) But damned if that wasn't the best period I've had in over thirty years. Note: I only took the 3 drop dose once a day, but the instructions on the bottle said to do it two or three times a day. And it was Nascent Iodine, not Lugol's, which is gross.

NiceDress

Okay, so this is my brilliant idea: prescription painkillers for periods! I usually end up taking a double or triple dose of Advil for the cramps, so obviously something stronger is necessary. And the emotions! Just think: pain relief + happy high feeling = perfect period misery remedy. Of course, the medical establishment would probably abhor this idea because oh they're just cramps, every woman gets them, don't be such a dramatic emotional hormonal vagina person. It.is.that.bad. Also, everyone who has to deal with us would be much happier as well. Even the pharmaceutical companies profit! Seriously, everybody wins!

Blushingflwr

@NiceDress See, if your doctor is all "they're just cramps", get a new doc. Mine asked me how mine were after he gave me an IUD, and I said they were worse than then used to be, and he told me to take 4 advil every four hours (WITH FOOD - he always emphasizes that part). I like a doc whose answer is to take more than the bottle says.

Valley Girl

@Blushingflwr A clinician at the student health center gave me the same advice about doubling up ibuprofen so now I try to keep myself loaded on the stuff during crampy times, but it never truly RELIEVES pain like a real painkiller like a pilfered Vicodin or codeine would. Surely taking fewer, stronger meds would be better for my body than taking tons of less effective ones? It would certainly be better for my soul.

Jen.Bernstein

@NiceDress These do exist! Ask your GYN! If he/she refuses, get a new GYN! Mine just gave me a prescription for diclofenac and it's like I'm living in a whole new world, no exaggeration.

Rebecs

1. I wanted to say that I genuinely really enjoy these pie charts. Thanks, Ann Friedman.
2. The best thing to do during PMS if you are prone to cying for no damn reason, like me, is give yourself a good ole shower cry (or 2). This involves taking a longer than average shower in which you just cry your eyeballs out.
3. My husband loves quoting Tracy Jordan from 30 Rock when he knows I am PMSing, "Uh Oh. Emotions. Are you having your woman times?" Some would be annoyed but I find it highly entertaining.

Atheist Watermelon

does this mean us hairpinners are all synced up right now...? ;-)

ATinySpark

Just in time for ladytimes! In sync with the rest of you 'pinners.

serendipity

I love love love my IUS. Seriously, no periods at all. My boyfriend's pretty happy too, since he doesn't have to work sexy times around shark week. I still get cramps, but only every so often, not for the whole 7-10 days constant. And I'm saving money by not having to buy period paraphernalia. Though the insertion was a bitch. I think if I were to do it again, I would be so drunk and drugged up!

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