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Wednesday, September 26, 2012

273

Texts From the Baby-Sitters Club

Hey Claudia
I know math is really tough for you
but even you should know
that two dollars an hour
for six hours
means we’re at least twelve dollars short
of what should be in the treasury
i know how much twelve is, Kristy
and i didn't take your stupid money
look
all I'm saying
is that someone that good at hiding candy in her room
probably has a few great places to hide twelve dollars
like maybe in an incredibly ugly macrame wallet with velvet appliqués
yeah well
at least my dad still lives at home
unlike some people’s dads
unlike your dad 
Kristy

Kristy? It's Mallory
I hope you don't mind my texting you; I had to get your number from Mary Anne
but she's not around or something
I guess
I was just wondering if we had a meeting today?
I'll check with Stacey 

Kristy, Mrs. Dawes said that you never showed up on Friday
to babysit the girls
She had to cancel her plans
she's really upset
What's going on with you lately?
oh sorry 
i probably just couldn't hear the phone ring when she called 
this mansion is sooooo big 
Watson's mansion i mean 
I know which mansion you mean
my new dad Watson 
who does live with us 
Claaaaaudia
Claudia's not here
i know 
i know that

Hey Stacey!
It's Mallory
do you know if we're meeting today?
I heard Dawn mention something about it but for some reason I can't get a hold of anybody
let me know if this is the right number for you
might be an old number
I made brownie bars so I hope it's today haha
i mean any time we meet is fine
it's all fine with me
oh my god and the brownies have sugar in them
I swear to God I wasn't thinking
I'm really sorry, Stacey

shit 
shit 
claudia have you seen karen
not lately
i can't find her 
like she's not in the house
last i saw her
she was borrowing your glue gun to put rhinestones on her homework like i told her
well what have you been doing for the last hour then
i was enamelling
what have YOU been doing for the last hour
you know i don't like you guys to watch me take my insulin shots 
oh i didn't know that's what we were calling robbie brewster now
CLAUDIA
i cannot believe you
oh my god
by the way did you give mallory my real phone number?
because that is not okay
i got like thirty texts from her this morning

 

Previously: Texts From Rebecca.

Mallory Ortberg is a writer in the Bay Area. Her work has also appeared on Slacktory and Ecosalon.



273 Comments / Post A Comment

oh! valencia

Oh, yes. Mallory is so annoying.

oh! valencia

@oh! valencia Hold on! Not Mallory Ortberg! BSC Mallory.

melis

@oh! valencia NOBODY LIKES MALLORY

werewolfbarmitzvah

@oh! valencia I always felt a strong kinship with Mallory because she wore glasses and she got no respect, and I, too, wore glasses and got no respect! Poooooooor Mallory.

redheaded&crazy

@melis this is because she had red hair and glasses HUH?

MESSAGE RECEIVED.

redheaded&crazy

@redheaded&crazie possibly more to do with her obnoxious, attention-seeking personality, something you would know nothing about i'm sure.

Jinxie

@redheaded&crazie Aw, I always liked Mallory 'cause she had red hair and glasses! (I had the latter and always wanted the former.) I was also a little jealous of her large family since I'd always wanted sisters.

Disco Sheets

@Jinxie I liked her for her red hair AND the fact that she loved reading. And also my favorite Super Special was the one where everyone gets snowed in, and for some reason I remember it being more Mallory-centric? What I'm saying is: I didn't hate her. Although she wasn't my favorite.

PistolPackinMama

@melis personally I couldn't STAND Miss Diabetic and her rice cakes and not wanting anyone to see her take shots.

Thanks for making my life way more complicated, kid. I had a lot of explaining to do on account of you.

Mallory- I felt affection for her. Specs and red hair!

Dirty Hands

@oh! valencia I thought that Mallory was, like, the character who was actually (author) Ann M. Martin.

oh! valencia

I mean, I guess I related to Mallory a lot (big family, introverted, constantly forgotten about), but that made her books the least interesting to me.
@Dirty Hands, there is a Buzzfeed thing linked down the page a ways that says Mary Anne is the Ann Martin stand-in of the series.

Dirty Hands

@oh! valencia NEVER WILL I BELIEVE IT! Pshhh Buzzfeed. Interfering with my reality.

Pyxis

@PistolPackinMama Even as a kid I found how she treated her diabetes really weird. She would always freak out that her crush would find out and think she was a horrible freak. Who thinks that way!?!

tea tray in the sky.

@oh! valencia Oh, I like that. Mary Anne, Anne Martin... Mary Sue? It's all the same!

joana

@Pyxis In fairness Stacey had some pretty traumatic experiences around her diagnosis (wetting the bed at Laine's slumber party and them kicking her out is probably the most salient one) and some asshole friends who bullied her for it so her issues were paranoid but probably justified

oh! valencia

@tea tray in the sky. That's what I was thinking! It would have been amazing if she actually named her Mary Sue.

vittoriama

i m totaly inspired!! o.O@v

frigwiggin

Karen: the worst or the worst? There's this picture of my best friend from when she was 7 and she looks JUST LIKE KAREN. It kind of freaks me out.

frigwiggin

@frigwiggin Ugh Karen your neighbor is not a witch that's so rude and also dumb.

frigwiggin

@frigwiggin Karen did you really name a sparrow Magic Tastee, what the hell is wrong with you

oh! valencia

@frigwiggin Was Karen Kristy's little stepsister, or am I misrememebring?

frigwiggin

@frigwiggin I can't remember my boyfriend's phone number or my stepdad's birthday, but I remember facts about Karen Brewer. Like when she misspelled "crepe" on her birthday shopping list. AHHHHHHH.

frigwiggin

@oh! valencia

Yes, you remember correctly. She had her own book series, portions of which are apparently embossed in my brain for all time.

lil_bobbytables

@frigwiggin oh god yessss I remember the one where she got a mullet and her friends abandoned her but then the mullet became cool and even as a wee lilerbobbytables I knew that MULLETS WERE NEVER OK. And also she was so. Annoying.

Dancercise

@frigwiggin
As they are on mine.
I remember her wanting both flashlights and windshield wipers on her glasses within the same book.
I remember her making a capybara out of clay for a school project, while her little boyfriend (what was his name again?) makes a marmoset.

frigwiggin

@Dancercise And they had a sleepover where the new bitchy "grown-up" girl in class came (and she had cool sneakers where she rolled the tongue down, ~oooooooooh~) and made fun of them for thinking The Wizard of Oz is scary. Which, yeah, c'mon.

And that time that she went to the old-folks' home and her old person was Jewish and she didn't understand what the High Holidays were and ended up hooking the old person up with her Jewish friend, because apparently only Jews can understand and enjoy the company of other Jews?

thatgirl

@Dancercise RICKY TORRES

And her friends Nancy Dawes and Hannie Papadakis (whose real name is Hannah, which is a PALINDROME). And their teacher, Ms. Coleman

Oh god, I'll show myself out.

Dancercise

@frigwiggin
Now I'm just reading all of the book descriptions.
Karen's School Mystery: There might be a thief in Karen's school!
Karen's Ski Trip: Why can Andrew ski better than Karen?
Karen's Leprechaun: Karen thinks that she saw a real leprechaun.
Karen's Pony: Blueberry needs a friend like Karen!

High stakes, these books had!

werewolfbarmitzvah

@lil_bobbytables KAREN'S MULLET. I just went searching to find a picture of her mullet, and instead I found a WHOLE ESSAY about it!! http://bsc-snark.livejournal.com/178732.html

I never understood why she didn't just chop the back off of it and go about her business.

SarahP

@Dancercise I LIKED THE KAREN BOOKS YOU GUYS

I was fascinated by the idea that children of divorced parents had two of so many things. (Ie, toothbrushes.)

thatgirl

@SarahP I am sketchy at best on the BSC trivia, but I can probably recount the plots of most of the Karen books. It's okay.

themmases

@SarahP I kind of liked them too, but after a while I had to skim the inevitable first chapter all about her divorced parents and having two of stuff. It was like it was copied and pasted into the beginning of every book!

...Although I did always picture her as having two halves of my baby quilt that my mom made for me, for some reason. Shhhh.

LMac

@lil_bobbytables The mullet! And she couldn't be in a fake wedding cause she was too ugly. That stuck with me. Maybe I'll mullet myself to avoid having to be a bridesmaid ever again.

The Attic Wife

@SarahP I also enjoyed the Karen books, I will not tell a lie. However, I also think Karen is the poster child for being too emotionally immature to skip a grade.

But does anyone remember the time she ruined the rice for dinner because she couldn't read recipe abbreviations?

TheLetterL

@frigwiggin Magic Tastee the sparrow! The mullet!
Her broken arm! (which, in my memory, somehow gets her an ice cream "date" with her older stepbrother(s). Y/N?)

Inconceivable!

@Dancercise Why can Andrew ski better than Karen hahahahahaha, take THAT, Karen

panquecito

@frigwiggin // Didn't she call herself and her brother Karen Two-Two and Andrew Two-Two, because they had two of everything? Good god, how is this still in my brain?

TheLetterL

@elenachicago Yup. She got the idea from a book her teacher read the class, "Jacob Two Two and the Hooded Fang." (My braaaaaaaaaain)

frigwiggin

@TheLetterL Which was written by Mordecai Richler! I like to imagine grown-up Karen reading Barney's Version.

frigwiggin

@TheLetterL I think she got an Italian soda? That was one of the early books before she got glasses.

HA when she got glasses because she was pouring milk onto the counter a good inch away from the glass.

Also in the mullet book, she changed her name a few times. I think to Gazelle or something? And also Crystal. Even as an eight-year-old I thought that was some weird shit.

TheLetterL

@frigwiggin YES! She was having a really traumatic day, and Charlie and...not Charlie took her out to the ice cream store to cheer her up, and something something out of chocolate milkshakes?

catsuperhero

@thatgirl 22 years later, it still bothers me that Hannah--after playing up the tension of YOU CAN ONLY HAVE ONE FLAVOR OF CANDY throughout the whole story--found the loophole and got both cherry and licorice drops at the end.

HeyThatsMyBike

@frigwiggin My sister named her goldfish Crystal Light after Karen's goldfish.

Blackwatch Plaid

@werewolfbarmitzvah Oh my gosh. The essay. I am actually crying.

Verity

@frigwiggin Karen is absolutely the worst.

yourstruly

@frigwiggin Karen's catchprase! GIGUNDO! whyyyyyyyy

I smell burnt toast

@lil_bobbytables YOU GUYS. I am dying. Oh the memories. The mullet story.

Faintly Macabre

@frigwiggin How about when idiot Karen told the other kids they could skate on the bad ice because she felt like skating, but then one fell in and she helped him get out, which made her a hero so they gave her a toy shopping spree--but then she felt so guilty that she gave all the toys away?

Greedy little me who only got new toys on special occasions was BAFFLED and angered by that decision.

kellyography

@SarahP My mom got me ALL of the Karen books because I was a (yes, redheaded) stepchild and I devoured those things. I think they are still in her basement, along with most of the regular BSC series, of course. And I didn't have two of really anything because I didn't live with my dad long-term, just every other weekend.

PS There is no way Claudia spells "rhinestones" or "enameling" correctly, especially via text.

anitabath

@themmases It was always Chapter TWO outlining two of everything! You could totally skip that chapter in every single one. Man, Scholastic Book Fairs and Book order day was the best - definitely signed up for the mail-order BSC Little Sister series and read every one before graduating to my inherited stack of BSC proper from my cool older cousin.

angelinha

@thatgirl Hannah Papadakis, whose socks were always falling down.

joana

@themmases I did this with the "oh yeah about my friends and I we have a club!" chapter of the BSC books after awhile too, exceptions were only made for Claudia and Stacey outfit descriptions (which also double up in certain books in the series! Lazy ghostwriters!). I could probably still recount word for word all the trivia about the BSC members and their various broken homes and how Dawn is so California Casual

Tala Patel@twitter

@angelinha not even!! that was Natalie!! tsk, tsk, tsk, I'm disappointed in your karen trivia...LOOOOOL

verna3

@anitabath UGH the inevitable Chapter 2.

KatnotCat

Glad to see the constant Claudia-Kristy tension was palpable to others.

HeyThatsMyBike

@KatnotCat Team Claudia. That's right, I said it.

Pyxis

@HeyThatsMyBike Claudia all the way!

Craftastrophies

@Pyxis I'm team Kristy for everything except this one showdown. Then I'm switching to team Claudia.

I will never ever ever be as cool as Claudia.

Miss Maszkerádi

@KatnotCat I actually had a doll of Claudia when I was about 8. That oddly smelling, strangely tall plastic teenage girl was my absolute best freaking friend for a year. That was the year we lived in Scandinavia, and a jet-lagged me accidentally left Claudia on a bus in Oslo, and while I was back in the apartment having high holy hysterics at my equally jet-lagged mother, my blessed and saintly father stood patiently out in the cold rain for two hours checking every bus on the route. The last one before he was going to give up, the driver had Claudia perched cheerfully on the dashboard, in her purple overalls with rhinestones all over them waiting to be found.

Megasus

Don't Mallory and Stacey live in the same house or whatever? I remember someone's parents married each other.

oh! valencia

@Megano! Dawn and Mary Anne.

calamity

@Megano! Dawn's mom married Mary Anne's dad! Apparently they were high school sweethearts.

(Later, Dawn moved back to California and we got the AMAAAZING California Diaries spinoff series, which involved drinking, eating disorders, parents dying, and an ambiguously gay friend. They were the best!!)

Megasus

@calamity I had two of those books! Now I don't remember who Mallory is at all.

Brunhilde

@Megano! Mallory was the one who was younger than the rest of them and had 7 little brothers and sisters, including a set of triplets.

Springtime for Voldemort

@Megano! Except for Jessie, who was also 11 (??) instead of 13 (??). Jessie was the black ballet dancer, who was much less annoying, and once tried out anorexia.

lue
lue

@Brunhilde
Adam, Jordan, and Byron!--I remember feeling deeply offended when I realized it was Byron and not, as I had been reading it for years, Bryon (Brian). Also, remember she had that younger sister Vanessa who was a poet? But just said really silly rhymes?

Megasus

@Springtime for Voldemort (formerly papayalily) I don't remember ANY OF THESE PEOPLE.

oh! valencia

@calamity I don't think I read the California ones, but I remember the descriptions of the old farmhouse Dawn and Mary Anne lived in, so vividly, I can practically see it. The doorways were all low (because people were smaller back then), and it was dark so she needed lots of lamps, and there was a huge map of California hanging in the kitchen.

Brunhilde

@oh! valencia Oh yeah, and it had a SECRET PASSAGE from when the house was part of the underground railroad!

Verity

@lue Yes! And Margo who threw up a lot, and Claire who threw tantrums and was deeply irritating, and Nicky who was just a bit dull.

@Brunhilde A secret HAUNTED passage.

JLA
JLA

@Megano! When Stacey returned to Stoneybrook with her mom post divorce, they moved into a house by Mallory, their backyards faced each other.

supernintendochalmers

@Springtime for Voldemort (formerly papayalily) Ooh, and there was that book where Claudia and Jessie babysat some kids whose parents were RACIST? And they were like just kinda cold to Claudia but they slammed the door in Jessie's face? That got REAL.

Craftastrophies

@Verity That led to... the barn? Am I making that up? I also have an extremely clear mind-picture of that house.

Craftastrophies

@Craftastrophies Also, pretty much every member of the BSC has a twitter - just by random people who, I think, don't know each other irl? But who interact. There was a time when my twitter feed was only imaginary people. Anyway, one time Mary Anne tweeted something to Dawn about the secret passage and tagged it #singleentendre and I think about that probably once a month and laugh really hard.

isitisabel

@calamity Whaaat? I have never heard of the California Diaries spinoff and now I want to read all of them. Dawn was my favorite.

mizadventure

@oh! valencia @Craftastrophies Ann M. must have described that house a heck of a lot, because, me too
also I forever wanted to find a secret passage in my own house and was sad there wasn't one

tea tray in the sky.

@Springtime for Voldemort (formerly papayalily) I can't believe they were only 11/13 years old. Even in my now 25-year-old mind, they seem so old and mature and coooooool.

Springtime for Voldemort

@tea tray in the sky. ME TOO. However much older characters are to me when I first read/watch them, that is how much older than me they are, forever.

joana

@Craftastrophies It did, indeed, lead to the barn. I still don't understand how a passage connecting their barn to their house was useful to the Underground Railroad but whatever

teaandcakeordeath

@lue
BYRON?!

I dont know why but my brain feels cheated in some way.

anachronistique

@Brunhilde I remember making a diorama of that secret passageway for a book report!

DIORAMAS. Man.

Miss Maszkerádi

@calamity holy crap, the California Diaries! Those were a guilty pleasure of mine at about age twelve. I knew they were all "edgy" and "real-life drama" and had stuff like teenage substance abuse in them ooooh, so I always surreptitiously hid them from my mom (who wouldn't have given a crap) when I got them from the library. Then about a few months later my literary taste had grown so discerning that I was all like.....man....these books are cautionary tales for teenagers, because grownups think that teenagers have Really Troubled Lives, and I'm just gonna move on to Chekhov now.

JessicaLovejoy

Mallory, you are the Gail the Snail of Stoneybrook.

Dancercise

@JessicaLovejoy
She is the Jerry of Stoneybrook.

lisma

Mallory! Are you trying to KILL STACEY?

PistolPackinMama

@lisma Don't stop her, if she is!

Anne Helen Petersen

From Ann M. Martin's own predictions re: The Club as adults: "I have no strong feelings about Mallory"

SarahP

I don't know what's better, Anne Helen Peterson's revelation, or melis's reaction.

SarahP

@SarahP Peterseeeeeeeeeen, I know this, arghhhh

Anne Helen Petersen

@SarahP No Big Deal, my Norwegian Grandmother's just gonna come beat you up

Dirty Hands

@Anne Helen Petersen ANN M. MARTIN IS MALLORY! Just puttin that out there.

blueruin

Oh my god not SUGAR NO

HeyThatsMyBike

@blueruin Diabeetus.

mizadventure

@blueruin Is your avatar an image of Stacy from one of the like MYSTERY SERIES covers? I'm going to pretend it is.

melmuu

Kristy: Dawn? Where have you been? Emergency meeting. Mary Anne is upset because she took her braids out and feels guilty yet empowered, and can't go home.

Dawn: Oh, I forgot to tell you guys -- I'm out in California! I'm just sitting here. Sitting on my hair specifically, which is white-blonde and so long I can actually sit on it!

falafelwaffle

@melmuu Dawn: I'm also eating an avocado from the tree in my yard!

Why do I remember this random fact almost 20 years later? Inquiring minds, etc.

Pyxis

@falafelwaffle Who eats an avocado raw? No seasoning or anything?

Craftastrophies

@Pyxis ME. Mmmmmm avocado.

Lila Fowler

@melmuu Um, who eats an avocado cooked??? Both Stoneybrook and Sweet Valley concur: Raw! Raw! Raw!

emily eileen

@Pyxis I would totally eat it raw.....ON A BACON SANDWICH! Suck it, Dawn!

Dancercise

If there's anything I learned from the Baby Sitters Club, it's that diabetes was the literal worst thing in the world and it must be kept a secret or no one love or employ you.

melis

@Dancercise RIGHT? I kind of feel like, given the era in which the books were written, Ann M. Martin was trying to get a Ryan White thing going with Stacey and maybe even originally wrote her as HIV positive but her squeamish editors changed the disease at the last possible second, leaving in every terrified reference to "WHAT IF MY FRIENDS FIND OUT I HAVE _____ THEY'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND." That is the only way that makes sense to me.

Veronica Mars is smarter than me

@Dancercise Haaaaaa yes, how much shit did she get herself into because she was "embarrassed" that she was diabetic.

Disco Sheets

@Dancercise Is this a safe place to admit that I actually *wanted* diabetes when I was little because I wanted to be like Stacey?! She was my favorite (and also explains why I eat so much candy and am completely boy-crazy--to this very day I am still trying to be her.)

sarah girl

@Disco Sheets Hahaha me too! Whenever I'd get really thirsty I was like "YES, diabetes"

PistolPackinMama

@Dancercise Yeah. And if you happend to be a diabetic kid in the 80's, that meant you had a lot of busybody girls telling you you were going to DIEEEEEEEE when you had a doctor-approved Girl Scout cookie. You have no idea how many conversations were had about Stacy at diabetic summer camp. Where a bunch of diabetics who had no problem with being diabetic talked about how much her character was a pain in the ass. Because of course if you are found eating, like, a mini Hershey's bar after Halloween as your doc said you could you must be lying.

Thanks Ann M. Martin or whoever you are.

crane your neck

@Dancercise And you will pee in your sleep at every sleepover!

supernintendochalmers

@crane your neck Oh God, yes, there was one book that was like the origin story of Stacey's diabetes and the part about peeing herself at a sleepover was deeply traumatic to me at that age. D:

teaandcakeordeath

@Disco Sheets
I wanted it too! Wow kids are really impressionable.

@melis
That theory makes so. much. sense. Particularly the bit where she breaks the 'terrible' news to the others in an overly dramatic fashion and all they do is shrug their shoulders and ask 'is that it?' and she flips out.
This stuff is lodged in my brain.

Yahtzii

Even ANM hated Mallory! EVIDENCE

LacunaKale

@Yahtzii Aha. I was on that Prodigy proto message board. And at one point, I read the authorized biography of ANM. I was so freaking cool

Yahtzii

@LacunaKale I once wrote into the "Ask Ann" column! I told her all my friends were mean to me and said I couldn't make new friends because this was FOURTH GRADE and she wrote me back and said I need to try to make new friends, thereby TOTALLY MISSING THE POINT.

falafelwaffle

@LacunaKale I read the autobiography for a book report in 2nd grade! My teacher was surely like "whaaat? Why didn't she just read a BSC book and call it a day?"

LacunaKale

@Yahtzii Right. Geez, lady. Did they take out your reading comprehension along with your spleen?
(My 8th grade class had 16 people. I feel you)

raised amongst catalogs

@Yahtzii I wish you had warned us that the first thing you'd see when clicking that link is the cover to CLAUDIA AND THE PHANTOM PHONE CALLS. That book scared the shit out of me as a kid with divorced parents, who had to be home alone a lot.
HAVE YOU SEEN MY RED RIBBON?
NO, THE BLUE ONE.

dj pomegranate

@vanillawaif That was the FIRST BSC BOOK I OWNED. I read it so many, many times. aaaahhhhh.

raised amongst catalogs

@dj pomegranate It giving me the royal creeps didn't stop me from reading it over and over again! Glutton for punishment!

Craftastrophies

@Yahtzii I laughed really hard at "Dawn is permanently in California". Apparently that's all the information you need.

angelinha

@vanillawaif This always bothered me so much, because "No, the blue one" is not a logical response to "Have you seen the red ribbon?" I could understand if they said "No, but I have seen the blue one," but as it stands it just doesn't make sense.

dj pomegranate

@Yahtzii Agreed. "No, I haven't!" or "Yes, I have!" would make WAY MORE SENSE!

LacunaKale

"No Dawn, your Mom's weird looking flower vase with a hole at the bottom (HOW DUMB THE WATER WOULD FALL OUT) does not go in the activity packs. This isn't California, we have florists to do our flower arranging"--Stacy
"Mallory's brothers set fire to my ballet shoes! I have one word for her parents. Condoms" --Jessi

mizadventure

@LacunaKale OH MY WORD, ACTIVITY PACKS.
This and the oddly precise mental images of Mary-Anne and Dawn's barn/house... it's all coming back to me.

emily eileen

@mizadventure Sorry guys, but I believe the phrase is "Kid Kits".....

nonvolleyball

I loved the Rebecca ones even though I never read Rebecca, but THIS--this is my SHIT.

nonvolleyball

@nonvolleyball also, omg, the book about their trip to NYC! I was in New York this summer, & when we happened upon the Alice in Wonderland statue in Central Park, my husband (who shares my love of Lewis Carroll) was all, "I didn't even know this existed--how do you know about it?" & I was like, "from...um...a BabySittersClubbookshutupIdontwannatalkaboutit."

faience

@nonvolleyball I was pretty excited by both the Cloisters themselves and the fact that I remembered them from that book. I kept this to myself to avoid judgement from my manfriend.

nonvolleyball

@faience we didn't go to the Cloisters...because I'd already seen them on a family trip in high school, because I insisted we go, because I remembered them from the BSC book AND because I'm obsessed with unicorns.

teaandcakeordeath

@nonvolleyball
I once pretty much diagnosed someone with diabetes based on BSC knowledge and when they asked where Id got all this diabetes knowledge from I responded with 'ohhh ... its just ... erm ... general knowledge ...'

yup.

Kristy? It's Stacey. Why did you give the Charlotte Johanssen job to Dawn?
Diabetes.
But the Johanssens were the only family that accepted me for who I am, even though I have diabetes.
They just felt sorry for you, but they got over it.
Oh, and it wasn't Dawn, it was Mallory.
Don't worry, you can still come to the meeting. Claudia brought candy.
Oh haha whoops sorry about that. Bring some carob or whatever.

Jinxie

@yup. Was Charlotte the kid who always got motion sick? As a VERY motion-sensitive kid I both hated and identified with that character.

Yahtzii

I entertained a little "where-are-they-now" fantasy in which vampires had overrun Stonybrook and the BSC had turned into the Babyslayer's Club and Mallory was the Vampire Queen of Pikes, but even I didn't *really* believe it. She probably would have been staked in the first wave.

SarahP

@Yahtzii Babyslayer's Club!

Yahtzii

@SarahP In this fantasy most of the vampires are children that the BSC has at one time sat for. Jenny Prezzioso, you are going DOWN.

SarahP

@Yahtzii Wait, is that Miss Priss?! The neatest vampire of all, won't even spill blood on her dress.

Lucienne

@Yahtzii I feel like someone wrote this fanfic? Can anyone verify it, because I'm worried about the places Google will take me.

Yahtzii

@Lucienne Somebody's written a fanfic about EVERYTHING, believe me. If you ever wanted to see a Kristy/Mallory BDSM slashfic, I'm sure you could find that, too.

SarahP

@Yahtzii OFF I GO

travelmugs

@Yahtzii No, no, Mallory would have totally been the Harmony Kendall: completely annoying and incompetent, but inexplicably outliving everyone.

Yahtzii

@travelmugs As the Queen of Pikes, I imagined her in a leather bustier over a turtleneck and spiked glasses.

the roughest toughest frail

@SarahP OH MY GOD.
"My little Anastasia, my little Elizabeth and my little McGill. They're all for you Stacey. I've always loved you." I'M DYING.

the roughest toughest frail

There are so many choice quotes. I think I broke something trying to keep from laughing at "Daddy Shannon".

SarahP

@abetterfate The last chapter takes place on the moon.

Yahtzii

@SarahP I really should just give up writing, for this is PERFECTION.

Yahtzii

@SarahP "But with Karen being the U.S. Commander of the Moon Colony" this is everything I need to know about this fic.

Megasus

@SarahP Welp, this is coming with me to Hairlequin next week

HeyThatsMyBike

@Yahtzii "Pike isn't a name, it's a fish."

Verity

@Yahtzii Jackie Rowdowski, the least deadly vampire ever because he trips over his own feet when trying to attack people.

Springtime for Voldemort

@SarahP This fanfic has literally everything. I never need to read anything else again.

FloraPosteHaste

@HeyThatsMyBike you mean like that homeless Poke?

MR
MR

@SarahP As the author of this fic, I am glad it is finally being read by people who understand its true majesty. That said, Kid Kit Obsession is truly my co-author and my finest work.

SarahP

Say hello to your friends!
Say hello to the people who care!
Nothing's better than friends
'Cause you know your friends are always there!

wee_ramekin

@SarahP
♫♪Thank you for bein' a friend
A pal and a confidante...
♫♪

Do you think...that the BSC BECAME THE GOLDEN GIRLS when they grew up?!?!?!!!

SarahP

@wee_ramekin !!!!!!

TheLetterL

@SarahP Curse you for that. Welp, now I know what will be in my head the rest of the afternoon.

Nocs

@SarahP I was mentally singing the backing vocal parts as I read that, and now all of a sudden I like myself a lot less than i did 30 seconds ago. Or maybe more?

Dirty Hands

@SarahP You can always count on me
and I can count on youuuuu
good times, bad times, in between,
friends will see us throughhhhhh!

blueblazes

Mallory was a horse person. Ergo she wins. Pax forever!

Dancercise

SHE WAS A CENTAUR?

Jennifer Culp

@blueblazes I renamed one of my Grand Champions Pax after reading that book.

Yahtzii

@Dancercise THIS EXPLAINS EVERYTHING

angelinha

@blueblazes We both love horses. There's one tiny difference though...

FloraPosteHaste

@angelinha well, not tiny.

Dancercise

My 9th birthday party was me and a bunch of friends going to see the movie in the theater. I have not been able to top that party since.

Pyxis

@Dancercise That movie was the best/worst movie ever.

sarah girl

Did anyone else watch the Babysitter's Club Christmas movie? OMG I just found it on Youtuuuuuuube - memories!

HOLY SHIT little Pete is in it!

sarah girl

@Sarah H. Argh, the edit stripped out my link

Jinxie

@Sarah H. Was that part of the tv show? I vaguely remember the show (I remember thinking it was terrible, even as a kid with poor taste in tv shows.) and googling informs me that there was also a movie-movie made in 1995 (that Ellen Burstyn was in!) which I do not remember at all. (Of course, by 1995, I was in high school and too busy being angsty and wearing black lipstick to care about the BSC.)

sarah girl

@Jinxie It looks like it was, although I didn't watch any of the other episodes. And yes, it's AWFUL.

The Attic Wife

@Jinxie Oh, you need to watch the movie-movie. They teach Claudia anatomy through the power of rap.

travelmugs

@The Attic Wife And the short video where Dawn gets all environmentalist and ZACH BRAFF plays her boyfriend!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-vEqz9H1VZA

Blackwatch Plaid

@travelmugs Apparently Zach Braff posts that video to his twitter, like, once a month.

travelmugs

@Blackwatch Plaid (formerly glittercock) Oh, that makes it less fun. :-/

Blackwatch Plaid

@travelmugs Eh, I'm still pretty pleased with it. His 90s hair makes it all worth it.

tea tray in the sky.

@The Attic Wife "The brain, the brain, the center of the chain"

Sassafrass

@travelmugs That may be my new favorite video. I loved Dawn!

The Attic Wife

@tea tray in the sky. That was in my head all day yesterday, thanks to this article.

Jinxie

OMG. OMG, Melis, this is the best ever. I remember having a conversation once with my dad about whether or not there really was a Stonybrook, CT and could we go visit it. (There was not and we did not.)
Dunno about this Karen business, though - was she a late addition to the series? 'Cause I quite reading BSC when I hit middle school and discovered Christopher Pike and V.C. Andrews.

Jinxie

@Jinxie Somewhat related: I picked up a copy of Sweet Valley High #56, "Lost at Sea", at a book sale this weekend and finding it was definitely the highlight of my weekend. I haven't read it yet - I'm a little afraid it won't be quite as good as I remember it being.

Verity

@Jinxie No, Karen was introduced fairly early; she became Kristy's stepsister in book 6. (I did not have to look that up. Why is my brain filled with all of this useless information?)

joana

@Verity Kristy's mom married Watson in book 6? I always thought it was like aaaages later in the series

Jennifer Culp

Jessi's much too busy rehearsing for her LEAD ROLE OF THE SUGAR PLUM FAIRY AT AGE 11 to reply to texts. (Or was she the Mouse King? Either way, it didn't make any damn sense.)

melis

@Jennifer Culp Jessie's entire personality was "girl who goes to dance class."

The Attic Wife

@melis Don't forget being the victim of occasional racism! I honestly don't remember any of the Jessi books apart from the one where she had a class project and one kid in her group wasn't allowed to go to her house. Because black families living in the suburbs of Connecticut are scary to white people.

Nocs

@melis And stretches during meetings!

Jennifer Culp

Hahahaha, I went to Wikipedia to refresh my memory about Mary Anne's boyfriend and am dying over the level of detail provided on each BSC member's family members and pet names. And a couple mentions of ear piercing related drama! (Or maybe I'm just noticing that because I convinced my mom to let me get my ears pierced at Claire's so that I could wear a fishing lure in one ear and pretend I was as cool as Claudia.)

Jennifer Culp

Jessi Ramsey: "Goes to dance class, tolerates Mallory. Oh yeah, and she's black."

Verity

@Jennifer Culp She was the lead in everything. EVERYTHING.

Jinxie

@Jennifer Culp I'm both impressed and dismayed that I knew the boyfriend's name was Logan without having to look it up.

dj pomegranate

@The Attic Wife There was one where she showed up at the kids' house and the mom slammed the door in her face, too!

Craftastrophies

@Jinxie In my head, Logan and Nancy Drew's boyfriend (Ned?) are the same person.

The Attic Wife

@dj pomegranate Oh my god, which one was that one? Was that the same one with classmate mom!racism?

packedsuitcase

@Jinxie "Logan Likes Mary Anne!" was my first BSC book. I also distinctly remember reading it "Mary Annie" in my head and wondered why her name would rhyme like that.

cupcakecore@twitter

@packedsuitcase That was my first BSC book too!

lisma

There was a news anchor when I was little, her name was Ann Martin. For months, I kept telling my mom I needed to write her a letter to check if she was THE ANN M. MARTIN.

TheLetterL

Safe space to admit I had the Stacey and Claudia fashion dolls? And Stacey's hair was crimped! And they came with little Charlotte and Jenny (I think) dolls.

ETA: Google image search suggests there were many lines of BSC dolls. Fascinating...

joana

@TheLetterL I am so jealous. I always wanted those dolls but BSC was no longer really a thing by the time I was old enough (late 90s)

emily eileen

@TheLetterL Am I wrong, or wasn't Claudia's favorite charge Jamie, the clutz?

TheLetterL

@emily eileen Ah. Here is an old post from someone on a BSC Proboard. The take away seems to be that it was Claudia and Jenny because no one likes Mary Anne.

"For the 18 Inches dolls, all 7 main characters are made, and they released several sets a 1991 set and 1992 sets. They are the following pairing:

1991 The Baby-Sitters Club sets by Remco:

*Jessi/Becca
*Claudia/Jamie
*Stacey/Charlotte
*Kristy/Karen
*Mallory/Claire
*Mary Anne/Jenny(This is the hardest to find and was released in few quantity!)

1992 The Baby-Sitters Club sets by Remco:

*Stacey/Charlotte
*Kristy/Karen
*Claudia/Jenny
*Jessi/Becca"

emmacatherine

@TheLetterL The klutz was Jackie Rodowsky, I think (walking disaster?). Jamie Newton, I don't remember anything about except that he was part Polish.
Can we have texts from Boxcar Children next?

TheLetterL

@emmacatherine Did Jamie Newton have a little sister? A little sister that Mrs. Newton pushed in some sort of baby pageant parade dressed as the Queen of Hearts? And she (Mrs. Newton?) dressed like a page? And whatever babysitter was involved was like "Alllllrighty then, lady."

Also, I think my list from above is missing the Dawn/Jackie set, which showed up somewhere on the Google.

Inconceivable!

My favorite BSC books were always the "specials" that were super-sized. There was a good one in California, I think, and a Halloween one? And also the best one, a road trip one where Kristy wants to go to lots of baseball games looking for her dad (I mostly liked this because I too want to go to every baseball stadium), and they visit a ghost town, AND MaryAnne (I think) makes them all go to the Mall of America (MN represent!) and they all think they're going to hate it but then they have a blast, because the MoA is both the best and worst thing ever.

maybe partying will help

@Inconceivable!

THERE WAS ONE WHERE THEY WENT TO A SKI LODGE AND GOT SNOWED IN

Not sure why this is so exciting to me. There was also a cruise!

I liked the mystery ones. Like "Beware, Dawn!" whaaaaat?

sarah girl

@maybe partying will help THE SKI LODGE ONE IS THE BEST

Inconceivable!

@maybe partying will help
YES how could I forget the ski lodge one? A classic.

Lucienne

@Inconceivable! There was a London one too! Mallory found out she was distantly related to Shakespeare, I think.

yourstruly

@Lucienne YISSSSSS. The London/Paris trip (school trip, yes?) remains one of my favorites. They went with a Canadian school! And Kristy got a boyfriend (Michele? WHY DO I KNOW THIS?).

Verity

@Sarah H. Yes!

Craftastrophies

@Sarah H. YES SNOWED IN. And also one where they got stuck on a desert island, which I found comforting because now I know how to get fresh water. As long as I have a tarp. And am somewhere where it dews in the morning (hint: not Australia, most of the time).

Dancercise

@Craftastrophies
Yes! The desert island one and the one where they have a slumber party and relate their most vivid memories were my two favorites.

tea tray in the sky.

@Dancercise I like the one where they were Camp Counselors, and Jessi and Mallory were CITs. I can't remember anything about the plot. It probably didn't matter. Aaahh did anyone else LOVE ALL THE DIFFERENT HANDWRITING?!

TheLetterL

@tea tray in the sky. The different handwriting, yes! I remember being so little I had to bring the book to my mom whenever anybody wrote in cursive (JESSIE AND MARY ANNE, I AM LOOKING AT YOU...I THINK)

dj pomegranate

Does anyone else remember this/was this actually something that happened:

There was one part where Stacey was in NYC with her dad and he took her to Bloomingdales and told her that she could have anything she wanted and she almost got a purple suede jacket but then ended up getting sunglasses instead (but they were really COOL sunglasses)?

Who chooses free sunglasses over free suede jacket? That was a poor choice, Stacey.

maybe partying will help

@dj pomegranate

I will confirm a memory of a purple suede jacket. It was fringed, y/y?

Yahtzii

@maybe partying will help What is even the point of a suede jacket without a fringe.

dj pomegranate

@maybe partying will help Fringe: yes.

Pyxis

@Yahtzii What is the point of suede if it's not purple?

Dancingbear

@dj pomegranate YES! also stacey loves new york because all the rich people and the poor people are in such proximity to each other.

she may have dotted her i's with hearts but she was a secret socialist/philosopher. also she made diabetes seem super cute.

The Attic Wife

@Dancingbear GAH! Her homeless friend who hangs out by their stoop with her grocery cart. And was it Dawn who thought every car backfiring was a mugger trying to break in and kill them when they slept at her dad's apartment? Or Mary Anne?

teaandcakeordeath

@dj pomegranate
If this helps, Claudia begrudgingly said they were good sunglasses. I remember this book as she was wearing a white poloneck with a pink dress over the top and white socks with red hearts on them and she even mentions 'white and pink together? nooo!'

So yes, it happened.

TheLetterL

@The Attic Wife I can't say for sure, but it just sounds like Mary Anne.

Yarnybarny

@dj pomegranate It was Dawn! And she met a boy who showed her the great parts of NYC by taking her to a ton of restaurants and, I think the wording is something like, 'eating her way through the city.' Yeah, I may have spent too many Saturdays reading these books.

The Attic Wife

@Yarnybarny But, of course, these could only be vegetarian restaurants since aside from having long hair and hating everything that wasn't California, being a vegetarian was Dawn's only personality trait. As I recall, her sandwiches for school lunch had sprouts on them which HORRIFIED Claudia to no end.

sudden but inevitable betrayal

Reading over these comments, I am suddenly struck by how little impact BSC had on my young life. I remember reading them, but have retained nothing? Seriously, though, these comments and memories are the best and I'm probably having more fun reading them than I did with the books.

SarahP

@sudden but inevitable betrayal I'm the other way around--if you'd asked me, I'd say I didn't really care about BSC, just happened to read them because they were around... and yet I am all over this thread! Every time someone mentions a detail it brings back a swarm of memories I have of reading/reenacting these books!

lavender gooms

How did no one recognize the symptoms of sunburn in Boy-Crazy Stacey? They lived in Connecticut, not a cave on the moon.

Sorry, that's been bugging me for like... twenty years now.

wee_ramekin

"Connecticut: Better than a Cave on the Moon"

a small sea

@lavender gooms UNTIL THEY DO LIVE IN A CAVE ON THE MOON (SEE PREVIOUSLY LINKED FAN FICTION).

supernintendochalmers

@lavender gooms Which is the book where someone (Stacey??? Dawn???) gets cast in a sunscreen commercial and has to play volleyball on the beach all day and ends up getting terribly sunburned? Amateur.

mizadventure

@supernintendochalmers I feel like it was Dawn? I should possibly not show off the remnants of my once-detailed knowledge of this subject area.

travelmugs

@mizadventure This was a superspecial. I actually think it was Abby?

TheLetterL

@travelmugs Abby? Pssh, Abby is the Shemp of the BSC.

hahahaha, ja.

@travelmugs: It was a superspecial. There were two weddings at once -- one in Hawaii, one in Stoneybrook -- and half the girls went to the Hawaii wedding. Abby was in a sunscreen commercial where she had to play volleyball and have fun, but when she opened her bag she realized she had the wrong brand of sunscreen, which is totally a faux pas, so she went without, and ended up a lobster. Somewhere in there was a joke about how Steven Spielberg would see the commercial and discover her. Also, during the first take, she went up and spiked the ball and yelled, and the director was all "sweetie this is a commercial not a game" and had her take it down a notch.

I remember eeeeeverything about this, apparently.

supernintendochalmers

@hahahaha, ja. Thank you! Also: Abby? I do not remember a thing about her. Man, I was a huge BSC nerd as a kid and consumed pretttty much everything having to do with them, but reading through this thread I can see I've retained nothing. Hairpinners showing me up!

TheLetterL

To discuss: Is "Honey Boo Boo" a ripoff of Claire and Margo calling everyone "Silly Billy Goo Goo?"

jooya

@TheLetterL Ohmigod, SILLY BILLY GOO GOO!

maybe partying will help

Every text Mary Anne should have sent: Hi guys, sorry for the mass text, but I can't make the meeting tonight. I'm going out with my boyfriend, Logan Bruno. The dreamy one who looks like an actor and has a cute Southern accent. Just in case you forgot who Logan Bruno is, and that he is my boyfriend.

Faintly Macabre

@maybe partying will help Sweet, stupid Logan who once broke his family's shower by trying to do pull-ups on the bar like he'd learned in gym class.

withatwist

I only scanned the comments since I'm at work, but it's very important that everyone who read BSC reads What Claudia Wore! Which is basically never updated now. I actually read all of it about a year ago, after the postings had slowed. I laughed often and couldn't explain why it was funny to my boyfriend.
http://www.whatclaudiawore.com/

Craftastrophies

@withatwist I miss What Claudia Wore.

sarah girl

Did anyone else hide candy around their room like Claudia? My mom was like "UGH why do I always find candy wrappers in your pillowcase and closet?!"

sarah girl

@Sarah H. I also made my own Babysitting Kit but oddly, no one wanted to hire an 8-year old babysitter.

Springtime for Voldemort

@Sarah H. I totally hid candy around my room, but "like Claudia" would probably be a stretch; I put NO real effort into it, and it was easy to find if you had working eyes.

TheLetterL

@Sarah H. No lie, I actually made a babysitting kit when I had a regular babysitting gig, and it worked like a charm/saved my butt on a regular basis. KRISTY HAD GREAT IDEAS.

raised amongst catalogs

@Sarah H. I had a wall-clock, and on the top of the little case on the back for the battery? PERFECT SIZE for a mini box of Nerds.

teaandcakeordeath

@Sarah H.
I had a surprising talent for hiding sweets, but then a poor memory so Id find them ages later. You take the good with the bad ...

amirite

@Sarah H. I did this but then my mom thought I had an eating disorder because her parenting magazines told her that hiding food was one of the signs.

cosmia

Karen! Karen was super annoying. I got a box set of the Karen series from my school Scholastic book order once because I wanted the cute cardboard plastic stand it came with, but then I actually read them and couldn't believe how much I hated Karen. "I'M KAREN I LIVE IN TWO HOUSES MY BROTHER CAN'T SAY 'STRAWBERRIES'"

LE Correia

@cosmia The "Little Sister" books!

Got pretty far up my own second-grade ass about how I didn't read those, because they were shorter and for simpletons. Only the real deal BSC chapter books for me thanks very much.

That's right. "Chapter books."

TheLetterL

@LE Correia I remember being in kindergarten and noticing my 3rd grade bus buddy reading a Little Sister I had just finished. I distinctly remember realizing it would be awkward to bring it up.

Dancingbear

i could read this comment thread forever. love.

tea tray in the sky.

My ex-boyfriend pretends not to like The Hairpin, but gets noticeably excited when I tell him there's a new Texts from [Fictional Characters]. Hee.

hoo:ha

I am enamored with the name Logan Bruno if I ever had a son... would it be wrong to suggest this without telling the baby daddy that it is a "literary reference"?

quimby

I totally blame Claudia for my penchant for wearing tights under boxer shorts for most of Grade 7.

supernintendochalmers

Did anyone else have the BSC "chain letter" books that were a series of letters between the characters? I think the premise was that the characters were all split up over summer vacation or something. I believe there were at least two of them but I can't find them on Amazon now. The book had little envelopes glued into it and you could pull out the letters and unfold them. Did I dream this?

The Attic Wife

@supernintendochalmers I did! Wasn't one of those the summer camp books? I think Karen got her own chapter in that one, and they were all printed in their handwriting?

Did anyone else have the BSC CD-Rom game that came out in the late 90s? Now that I think about it, it was the worst game ever since it takes place entirely in Claudia's room and the highlight is waiting around obsessively for a piece of 'mail' from someone in the BSC for you. There may have also been puzzles.

cupcakecore@twitter

@supernintendochalmers I had at least one of these books, I thought they were so cool!

MarlaRae

Did you guys read the one where Claudia and Stacy went to Fire Island? Stacy only wanted to go because her boyfriend was also staying at Fire Island. But Claudia just wanted to hang out with Stacy. Then Stacy's boyfriend asked her to go on a sunset sailboat ride on the very same night that Stacy had already made dinner plans with Claudia, who really wanted to hang out with her. So Stacy scheduled an early dinner with Claudia, thinking she'd have PLENTY of time to meet up with her BF after dinner. Then Claudia ordered Lobster Thermidor, which takes 40 minutes to prepare! "That's all right, I'm in no hurry," said Claudia to the waitress. "I, on the other hand, was in a HUGE hurry!" thought Stacy. If anyone can tell me why this is so cemented in my brain, I would love to know. I'm willing to bet those last two quotes are pretty damn close.

verna3

@MarlaRae It's so funny the lines we remember. For instance, I've always loved it when in "Claudia Queen of the 7th Grade," she was wearing a "moss green" scrunchie. Also, now that I know more about Fire Island, I have to say I'm not so sure about Robert...

Tala Patel@twitter

OMG, I spent SOO long reading each and every one of these comments, and it made me realize how obsessed I was with these books. I had 50 or so lined up on my bookshelf, and it's all I ever read. I would start at the beginning, and then make my way through the series. When I was done the last book, I started over again. Is it sad I remember every detail of them?

CharcoalEyes

I'm having a very hazy memory of some sort of double date on the boardwalk-perhaps in a summer-related Super Special? There's a lot of detail given to the type of new sweatshirt being worn, color of lip gloss, etc. I remember being very disappointed in real life that there were no boys taking me to get ice cream on the boardwalk.

verna3

I bet Mary Anne's dad didn't even let her get a cell phone.

Julia Williams@facebook

Ha ha ha ha. I used to edit the Babysitter's Club and to me these girls are Real, I tell you. I also posed for Mallory on several of our covers. Make of that what you will.

My only question, is, WHY NO LOGAN???

samjohn4810

I liked her for her red hair AND the fact that she loved reading. And also my favorite Super Special was the one where everyone gets snowed in, and for some reason I remember it being more Mallory-centric? What I'm saying is: I didn't hate her. Although she wasn't my favorite. for structured settlement

samjohn4810

Claudia's room and the highlight is waiting around obsessively for a piece of 'mail' from someone in the BSC for you. There may have also been puzzles.

myshone

Great Post.....I've always loved it when in "Claudia Queen of the 7th Grade," she was wearing a "moss green" scrunchie. Also, now that I know more about Fire Island, I have to say I'm not so sure about Robert... marijuana butter recipes

myshone

oh yea! valencia I usually experienced a powerful kinship along with Mallory due to the fact the girl used eyeglasses and he or she obtained simply no regard, and am, as well, used eyeglasses plus obtained simply no regard! Economics Degree

stuart

Wow! What an eye opener this post has been for me. Very much appreciated, bookmarked, I can’t wait for more!
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Xa Hoi@facebook

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Angelo1

sbobet
This is a topic that is near to my heart... Many thanks! Where are your contact details though?

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