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Wednesday, September 19, 2012

91

Your Own Private [State You Live In]

Was your Nineties crush a scrub? Depends, says This Recording. River Phoenix?

You grew up in California or Florida. Your parents were hippie artists and were in fact the first ones to show you My Own Private Idaho. River’s button nose, wickedly intelligent eyes and lustrous coif overshadowed the fact that he played a gay junkie, and you were smitten. You forced your girlfriends to watch the movie at sleepovers and though none you understood much, you all agreed River was cute. You were greatly relieved to discover he was not in fact gay. (The dead thing was still a bummer.) You became a vegetarian because River had been one. You made your parents buy you leather-free shoes and enroll you in drama classes. In high school you fell in with a crowd of slumming-it trust-funders. You dated at least one ecstasy dealer and were probably sent on Outward Bound.

You’re a crunchy granola type now. You have a weakness for yogis and pretty boys, and are loathe to admit you actually fell for the let-me-give-you-a-Chakra-massage line once. You have probably lived in Ecuador. You don’t care much for Joaquin.



91 Comments / Post A Comment

Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood

in the 90s i was scared of girls still

Reginal T. Squirge

Some of us still have issues.

stavros

Haha!! Love it.@m

redheaded&crazy

AS IF you can have just one crush for an entire decade!

My 90s crush was Leonardo DiCaprio, all of the Backstreet Boys at one time or another, Freddie Prinze Jr. (omg so much), Tuxedo Mask, Captain Planet, and last but actually most important, Speedy the Samurai Pizza Cat.

Lucienne

@redheaded&crazie Mine was probably Aladdin.

And Gabriel Byrne? IDK.

redheaded&crazy

What this says about me: I was very young in the 90s.

@Lucienne pretty sure I also had a Kenny Loggins phase after watching the Last Unicorn one too many times.

What THAT says about me: god only knows.

toastercat

@redheaded&crazie TUXEDO MASK!! My sister and I swooned over him. Still have the ENTIRE theme song memorized, to the point where I was in a group of people playing "guess that theme song" and the guy playing the songs actually laughed and said "Well, no one is going to get THIS one.." It took me all of one second of instrumental intro....

olivebee

@redheaded&crazie Yup. I was not yet a teenager in the 90s, so my 90s crushes were Brian Litrell from the Backstreet Boys, Erik von Detton, and Nick Cannon waaaay back when he was on All That.

Everyone else I knew luuuuuuv-ed JTT. Not me, though.

Gracefully and Grandly

@redheaded&crazie How about a little Devon Sawa cira Now and Then?

Megasus

@redheaded&crazie I had a crush on Bob from Reboot, ESPECIALLY in his dreadlocked incarnation, and I don't even want to think about what this says about me.

redheaded&crazy

@Megano! oh my god BOB FROM REBOOT HOW COULD I FORGET. No I'm totally on board with you.

But I never kissed the television screen for anybody except Speedy. (god I was cool when I was ten)

(okay twelve)

(OKAY FIFTEEN)

frigwiggin

@Megano! BOB BOB BOB

Megasus

@frigwiggin omg y'all are truly my people
also: everyone on Xena, male or female

the roughest toughest frail

@Gracefully and Grandly In Casper, even! Devon Sawa was totally my 90's crush.

Ophelia

@Lucienne @abetterfate Word.

Baby Fish Mouth

@redheaded&crazie No lie, my only celebrity crushes as a child were Danny Tamberelli (Pete and Pete) then Seth Green. I had a thing for red heads, I guess.

area@twitter

@Megano! @frigwiggin @redheaded&crazie FUCK YES BOB FROM "REBOOT". All of my early teen feels, ALL of them. And I loved the silver dreadlocks too. ::dreamy sighs:: I also had a consuming crush on Kevin from the Backstreet Boys when I probably should have been old enough to know better. But c'mon! That goatee. No regrets.

solaria

@olivebee Erik von Detten in Brink!! And the older brother/Rider Strong on Boy Meets World. And, retroactively, Ethan Hawk in Reality Bites.

Also: JTT=tres overrated.

Megasus

@sunshinefiasco WILL FRIEDLE. And I only know this because of Batman Beyond, which is the greatest.

redheaded&crazy

@Megano! oh god chris o'donnell. As robin hahaha

the roughest toughest frail

Also: Benny "The Jet" Rodriguez from 'The Sandlot'.

(Not ashamed to admit I didn't have to look up the character's name, even though I probably should be.)

olivebee

@abetterfate OMG Benny! Yes, I had such a crush on him. Actually, I thought a few of The Sandlot boys were cute. I love that movie so much. I probably quote it at least once a week.

Megasus

@olivebee That reminds me: RUFFIO.

redheaded&crazy

@Megano! RU-FFI-OOOOOOO!!!!!

redheaded&crazy

@Megano! the jacob black of our generation?

Megasus

@redheaded&crazie OMG definitely

solaria

@abetterfate BENNY THE JET. ABSOLUTELY.

Elsajeni

@redheaded&crazie I also thought Chris O'Donnell as Robin was hot, and, I will not lie, I am still fond of Batman and Robin for this reason.

cupcake

@redheaded&crazie Gabriel Byrne in Siesta, right ?! Although that may have been the 80's .
I could be some of yous aunt.

Beatrix Kiddo

@abetterfate Yes, Benny from The Sandlot!

Lexa Lane

@Elsajeni Ummm...I'm still in love with him from The Three Musketeers. Dreadful wig and all. ::sigh::

Also: David Boreanez as Angel, Leo as Romeo and as Jack, and JORDAN CATALANO OF COURSE. And Devon Sawa in Casper. And Jonathan Brandis on SeaQuest DSV. Oooh, and Christian Bale circa Newsies...

punkahontas

Joaquin was good in Walk The Line but lately can suckit.

Also, River first caught my attention in Stand By Me.

Jenn@twitter

@punkahontas Two Lovers was really good too, though? if horribly depressing.

Megasus

OK so I had my "'90s crushes" like in the early 2000s BUT not even accurate really.

JG3
JG3

I had a great many celebrity crushes throughout the 90's. I even made rank order lists in my diary every month from like, 1991-1995. Edward Furlong was usually somewhere at the top of said lists. I also had crushes on all of the Kids in the Hall at various points in time.

christonacracker

I had all of these crushes, plus Brad Pitt in A River Runs Through It, Johnny Depp (What's Eating Gilbert Grape era), and what's his name from Alice in Chains.

Hellcat

@christonacracker Oh, Gilbert Grape Johnny might be the best Johnny. He's been my big celebrity crush since I was 13 (I think) and saw him in A Nightmare on Elm Street, unflattering half-shirt and all.

solaria

@Hellcat Hmmm. Maybe. But what about french braided Chocolat Johnny?

Hellcat

@sunshinefiasco I never actually saw that one...

martinipie

Hahahaaaa the Bradley Nowell one sounds like my senior year of highschool...and then all the people who stayed in my county instead of getting out for college. Oh, Marin.

Gwdihw

I had no trouble segueing from River to Joaquin. No trouble at all!

flapadactyl

I still can't figure out what twisted my 13-year-old knickers so much about Jonathan Brandis, but boy did he give me FEELINGS! Like subscribe to BOP and kiss ALL the posters every night feelings! But I remember being struck even at that age that it was indicative of pubescent fickleness when these VERY POWERFUL feelings somehow dissipated like so much smoke after 8 months. Also indicative of my never-fully-developed gaydar that would plague me through high school and early college. Did anyone else get a bittersweet twinge of simultaneously maternal and nostalgic sadness upon hearing of his death? To this day I still feel protective toward that tender boy with the floppy bangs...

Blushingflwr

@flapadactyl oh, man, I loved me some Jonathan Brandis, but I think that's mostly b/c I loved his character on SeaQuest.

ViciousCersei

@flapadactyl How could they leave out Jonathan Brandis! Repeated viewings of Ladybugs explain any confusion I ever felt about my sexual identity.

Amanda@twitter

@flapadactyl If I ever have a son I'm naming him Sebastian because Neverending Story 2 with Jonathan Brandis was one of my favorite movies as a child. (I know the kid was named Sebastian in the first one too and that one has aged a lot better but still. Jonathan Brandis!)

FloraPosteHaste

@Amanda@twitter Bastian Balthazar Bux!

Lexa Lane

@Blushingflwr Oh, Lucas. I was so sad when I heard he'd killed himself.

Roaring Girl

@flapadactyl Jonathan Brandis! Oh, you gave me a sad.

rararuby

I loved this movie as a 14 year-old, but the title kind of confused me. I'm not American and had no real knowledge of American geography, so I assumed that an 'idaho' was some kind of dwelling, like a shack or a tipi.

Ophelia

Very weirdly, this description, if you moved it back in time 30 years, sounds like my parents. My grandparents are hippie artists, my parents were sent on Outward Bound, etc. etc.

I suppose I just transcend time.

Mrs. Hutchinson

Mm! There sure was something about Shannon Hoon, huh?

fondue with cheddar

@Mrs. Hutchinson I thought Shannon Hoon was hot, but I always got distracted from him in the "No Rain" video by the fact that the curly-haired guitarist looked, dressed, and even moved just like my guitar-playing boyfriend at the time.

renemargarita

this is VERY incorrect re: having a crush on elliott smith

Amanda@twitter

My River Phoenix crush was (is?) more "Running on Empty" than "My Own Private Idaho", but I guess that would technically make it an 80's crush.

flapadactyl

C.f. shorter-lived but no less meaningfully felt crushes: Omri Katz, Rob Lowe as Nick Andros in The Stand. I'm wondering if 12-14 is basically a period of intense, sustained, confused limerance

JG3
JG3

@flapadactyl Sweet baby J, I totally forgot about Omri Katz! I had a short lived crush on him too. I miss Eerie, Indiana...

dr. annabel lies

@flapadactyl Life is basically a period of intense, sustained, confused limerence.

Hellcat

It sounds cliched now but in the '90s, I loved me some pre-buff-era Chris Cornell, with his pale skin and long hair and visible ribs. Oh, I loved that man! I guess I still do but he probably has fallen from The List on which Johnny Depp, Rob Zombie, Christopher Meloni, and Harrison Ford* have steadily remained.

* Harrison showed up on this list when I was 7, well before I knew a list was a thing.

fondue with cheddar

@Hellcat YOU ARE MY CRUSH TWIN. Particularly long-haired Chris Cornell...mmmm.

Hellcat

@a whole thing of candy beans (formerly jen325) YESSSSS! Why did he get that Brandon Walsh hair--why? He's still very handsome and all, but I want the old waify-looking Chris Cornell (who, now that I think about it, is so opposite of my other list-worthy Chris).

fondue with cheddar

@Hellcat Right? Haha. You're right though, Chris Cornell is still good-looking, but now the attraction is housed in my brain whereas back then it was housed in my ladyparts.

Christopher Meloni is totally not the type I'm attracted to, body-wise. It's mostly the subtle, sexy nuances in his facial expressions.

Hellcat

@a whole thing of candy beans (formerly jen325) Same here. But that beautiful face and the fact that he's funny just secure his place in my heart!

fondue with cheddar

@Hellcat Oh, totally. He's got a good-looking face for sure, but I love the way his personality shines through. And when he's being funny he's just the best.

I was so in love with his character on Oz. He was just so goddamn charming, even when he was being a complete juicebox.

Hellcat

@a whole thing of candy beans (formerly jen325) I know; he was a monster, yet the show was best when he was there! I also loved Schillinger too--well, I love J.K. Simmons, at least. I want him to be the voice on my navigation thingy in the car.

Have you seen his video for some award he one for a children's charity (I think)? It might have been on Funny or Die, but I forget.

fondue with cheddar

@Hellcat Yeah, Schillinger was fantastic. It was hard to like him, but I did empathize with him now and then. OMG his voice would be GREAT for GPS navigation.

I DID see that video but I forget where I saw it or really anything about it. I just remember it was HILARIOUS.

Hellcat

@a whole thing of candy beans (formerly jen325) I'll try to find it again... There's a part where he's auditioning for Broadway and, in addition to jazz hands, sings, "Special Victims Uuuuunit, baby!" to the tune of the L&O theme song.

fondue with cheddar

@Hellcat HAHA YES. I remember that now. He's so fucking fantastic. :)

Reginal T. Squirge

Rachel Green, Rachel Green and Rachel Green.

Cavendish

My 90s crush was Balthazar Getty. I'm so ashamed.

FloraPosteHaste

I identify with the Shannon Hoon writeup (and loved me some Shannon Hoon), but my boy experiences are closer to Brandon Lee's. Except it all happened when I was in my mid-20s, not high school.

Briony Fields

Mmmm, Shannon Hoon. Be still my heart. Blind Melon had so many good songs! They were underrated, imo.

Most of my other crushes are thankfully still alive. JTT was big, and Elijah Wood *swoon* - the dueling Huck Finns!

Es
Es

Mine is slightly before this era, but I was just hitting puberty when I first saw the Lost Boys. I have never quite gotten over David (or Dwayne). These days it's still pretty much All About Spike. So the celebrities aren't dead, but their characters are!

Hellcat

@Es I forgot that Spike counts! I was a legit grownup by the time of Buffy so I guess I discounted him because I was associating '90s with only my college years, which were during the birth (or at least the widespread debut) of grunge.

Diaphanous Gown

Jared Leto, anyone? Actually most of the main cast of MSCL can go on the list.

Beatrix Kiddo

@Diaphanous Gown Not so much Jared Leto himself, but definitely Jordan Catalano.

Lexa Lane

@Beatrix Kiddo Yes. See my comment above. I still love that song by Buffalo Tom.

NeverOddOrEven

Okay, so they're talking about hippies and crunchy stuff, so I'm going to go ahead and use this tenuous connection to thread jack:

HELP ME I'M GETTING A UTI AT WORK!

I pretty sure I had heard about some awesome OTC remedy that worked for some wonderful ladies like yourselves but can't for the life of me recall what it was.
The best fucking part is I can't touch anything with cranberry in it because I'm on coumadin. Balls.
I emailed my doctor, but I'm thinking she probably wont want to prescribe anything since this just started overnight and everything I've read says to wait a few days to see if it clears up on it's own. FUCK YOU. This is horrible. Treat me.

Ophelia

@NeverOddOrEven OK, start off by drinking like, a gallon of water. In as short a span of time as you can.

If you don't hear back from the doctor, and you're near a "minute clinic" or something else in a drugstore, seriously, go and have them give you a prescription. You probably do not want to wait a few day.

You can also take some Vitamin C, if it's just starting - it can help sometimes (and probably can't hurt, frankly).

NeverOddOrEven

@Ophelia
I'm on the water, and oddly already starting to feel a little better?
The home remedies I've found are odd - some are saying fruit to increase acidity of the urine, and then they turn around and say baking soda to neutralize it. WTF?

Ophelia

@NeverOddOrEven Yeah, I'm not sure. I *think* that increasing the acidity counters the cause (hence the cranberry juice recommendation), while neutralizing it helps the symptoms.

I've also heard of recommendations to mix a tablespoon of (real, with the Mother of Vinegar at the bottom) apple cider vinegar into a glass of water and drink that, but I can't do it w/out gagging, so YMMV.

(also, I'm not a medical person, but I do manage to only get UTI's when I'm traveling overseas with no easy access to a doctor, which is why this topic is so near and dear to my heart)

Brunhilde

@NeverOddOrEven Uristat and a shitload of water. If you can handle anything acidic (orange juice, vinegar) that would help, but if not you just have to try and flush it out.

youresmalltime

Oh God I miss Is Your Man a Scrub so much.

Scandyhoovian

Well, yes, River Phoenix, but because he was young Indiana Jones in the opening of The Last Crusade and not because of, oh, uh, ANY other reasons.

Also, my list of crushes is best summarized by look and not names, as the list is long: floppy mid-nose-length hair falling in eyes, dreamy smoldering teenage face, pillow lips, bonus points for musical talent. Hello, Christian Bale in Newsies. Hello, Devon Sawa and Leonardo DiCaprio. Hello.

The Widow Muspratt

my 90s dead celebrity crush was Jim Morrison. Or maybe just Val Kilmer.

Roaring Girl

The Shannon Hoon bit was basically me except for the extremely-specific-to-Blind-Melon details. My crushes were slightly later, so 12 year old me was really mad for Gavin Rossdale.

Gilgongo

Yes to quite a bit of that (only he was still alive when I had a crush on him. That's how old I am. 39)
I'm going to name drop now. I met River Phoenix. His band, Aleka's Attic (sp?) was playing at a coffee house & my mom took my best friend & myself to see him. I was waiting in line for the ladies' room, and someone whispered that he had just gone into the men's room. We all crowded around it waiting for him to come out. He did and began signing autographs (looking a but stunned, heh). When he got to me (and my cool 80s/90s hat), someone yelled for him and he had to go. He looked deeply into my eyes and said "I'm so sorry. I have to go on stage now." I'm pretty sure he was devastated. After the show, we left, but I'd left my umbrella at the club so we went back. AND HE WAS OUTSIDE JUST HANGING OUT! I went up to him and said "Can I have your autograph?" He said sure and walked over with me to my mom's car. I then was unable to speak at all while he did one for me & my best friend. My mom chatted with him, intelligently, for 5 or 10 minutes about his music while I stood there with my mouth gaping open. He was really nice & sweet. I was really upset when he died. My best friend (who I hadn't talked to for years and years at that point) called me and left a message about it, crying.

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