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Tuesday, September 25, 2012

207

If at First You Don’t Conceive, Try, Try Again (and Don’t BD Until Your CM Is EW)

There’s a myth promulgated by high school Sex Ed classes nationwide: having sex gets you pregnant. Sure, some women seem to grow a bump merely by caressing a virile man. But not me, and not millions like me (officially, the CDC reports nearly 11 percent of all Americans suffer ‘impaired fecundity’ — a nicer way of putting it). And while my thirty-something-year-old friends believe the recession fostered a baby boom, anecdotal evidence of baby strollers crowding Park Slope does not a trend make — The Atlantic reports that births in the U.S. fell to a 12-year low in 2011.

For reproductively challenged women like myself, the Internet has become a meeting place for a smorgasbord of disorders. Do you have PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome)? Join SoulCysters.com. Concerned about undergoing IVF?Meet others like you at FertileThoughts.com.

When you’re in ‘trying’ mode, everyone has a story about their fertility woes — my hair colorist has been trying for years, with bouts of unsuccessful IUI (intrauterine insemination). A woman I met at a spa gave herself hormone shots of hCG — human chorionic gonadotropin — after two and a half years trying; luckily, that worked. A writer friend underwent several rounds of unsuccessful IUI before conceiving twin boys through IVF. For women suffering ‘impaired fecundity,' the language of fertility becomes a secret handshake: one mention of ‘TTC’ (trying to conceive), ‘fertile CM’ (cervical mucus) or ‘temp charting’ and you’re in.

But I don’t have any diagnosed reproductive issues. In fact, I’ve been told by a series of Ob-Gyns I have a ‘beautiful cervix’ (my reproductive tract gushes with pride). I’m just your standard candidate for internet-obsessed fertility assistance who has been TTC long enough to be well versed in the subject. Also, I’m Type A and apparently not schooled in the art of waiting. Like most women my age (32), I spent my twenties blissfully unmarried. I traveled, drank at bars, slept in on weekends, pursued my dream of becoming a fiction writer (where the waiting game is as intolerable), and finally, at age 31, married my long-term partner. When it came to getting pregnant (i.e., when we finally decided we were ready), I thought my baby would be waiting for me, as if my eggs, so woefully unused all these years, would be bursting with excitement when finally given the chance to meet my husband’s unimpeded sperm.

My obsession with the online fertility world began slowly. The first month, I found Fertility Friend, a website (and iPhone app) that for a fee will help you track your daily temperature and a range of symptoms (including cervical position — charting is not for the sexually modest). Armed with a basal thermometer (something all wannabe moms must acquire), I dutifully took my temperature every morning waiting for that spike to suggest I was ovulating. It spiked. I was. (Insert sigh of relief.)

After tracking my temperatures and timing intercourse didn’t work, the next step was the Ovulation Predictor Kit — a scientific-sounding test that’s really just a plastic stick you urinate on (if you have trouble reading the results, check out aptly named PeeOnaStick.com, which displays hundreds of real results). The stick measures the amount of luteinizing hormone (LH) in your system, predicting when your lovely little hatchling will burst from your ovary. Contrary to what I believed as a teenager (that all unprotected sex would send me to Planned Parenthood with $500 cash in my back pocket), the egg only lives an average of 24 hours. That means your partner’s sperm (or donated sperm in the case of my TTC lesbian friends), has only a one-day window to hammer through the egg’s outer membrane.

Now let’s talk sperm, or spermatozoa for the science geeks. Sure, sperm can loiter for up to five days around a woman’s cervix. But if you’ve got an ‘acidic’ vagina, forget it — sperm don’t like acid. That’s right: as if being a woman wasn’t difficult enough, now you’ve got to worry about the happiness of your vagina (countless TTC friends have, while casually sipping coffee, mentioned their ‘hostile’ uteruses to me — perhaps the origin of the God-awful, misogynistic term ‘frigid bitch’?).

Along these lines, the beef I have with the online fertility world, and fertility in general, is that the focus nearly always lies with the woman — despite the fact that, as an LA Times article attests, in 40 to 50 percent of infertility cases, male factors contribute. Yet it’s women I see daily on messaging boards, exchanging advice and asking for tips. Men are nameless and faceless, known as ‘DH’ (Dear Husband), painted as hapless victims of female trouncing on +OPK days, when the CM is EW, Cervix LSO, and it’s time to BD (translation: on Positive Ovulation Predictor Kit days, when the Cervical Mucus is the consistency of Egg Whites, the Cervix Low, Soft, and Open, and it’s time to Baby Dance).

Messaging boards are full of Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex (*But Were Afraid to Ask) (with gratitude, Woody). Is missionary position best or should you try doggy style? Does the use of actual egg whites improve sperm mobility? Should you do a shoulder stand after sex to allow gravity to do the work? (My Jewish husband and I joke his sperm are elderly Jewish men tapping their canes along my vaginal walls muttering ‘Oy vey! Are we there yet?’)

After you’ve tracked ovulation and timed intercourse as perfectly as possible (my Ob-Gyn told me to ‘flood that egg,’ surely doctor-speak for ‘fuck like bunnies’), you enter the period women lovingly term the ‘Two Week Wait’ (the time between ovulation and a missed period is a near-regular 14 days). And yes, there’s a website for this too: TwoWeekWait.com is the alluringly dark rabbit’s hole of the online fertility world. I’ve spent countless hours searching its boards to know if lower abdominal cramping on 5 DPO (days past ovulation) means implantation or just gas. On the site, pregnant woman chronicle exactly what symptoms they had on what day past ovulation. It is utterly unscientific and insanely addicting — who wouldn’t want to believe that the Tarzanian nipples they’re experiencing at 8 DPO are attributable to a growing pea in the pod?

And the crowning achievement of all this ‘trying’? The BFP on the HPT: Big Fat Positive on the Home Pregnancy Test (for months, I thought BFP stood for ‘Big Fucking Positive’ — surely a more apt description). Women awarded the double lined test announcing their pregnancy share this news with online friends by posting ultrasound images accompanied by due dates and baby names. Sadly, miscarriages are denoted by angel baby emoticons and the date of loss. This could be construed as either sweet or creepy, depending on one’s mood and fertility struggles.

Still, the overarching theme of these websites, messaging boards, and books like Taking Charge of Your Fertility, is the mistaken idea that fertility is something we (men and women alike) can control. Sure, it helps to have a good diet, a healthy BMI, and to address any real fertility issues like PCOS, endometriosis, and a low sperm count. But for the vast majority of women who while away their still-fertile years looking for answers to unanswerable questions, popping endless Vitex pills (chaste tree berry is said to regulate hormone levels), pricked by acupuncture needles (to balance one’s qi), and sipping fertility shakes of whole milk, raw eggs, cinnamon, and the revered Maca root (the tuber is believed to cure Andean Peruvians of altitude-induced infertility), the only real lesson is this: Cultivate Patience — or CP.

CP is a strange concept in a post-Steinem world where women are taught, from a young age, that we can do anything we set our minds on. We are, quite wrongfully, instructed that so long as we want something enough and work incredibly hard, we will succeed and our efforts will be rewarded. Clearly, when it comes to having a child (or, one could argue, scaling the corporate ladder), this isn’t always the case. The psychological effects of not ‘achieving’ pregnancy are deep and lasting. Women need other women to commiserate when we feel our bodies have betrayed us. After all, isn’t it our biological imperative to have children? Didn’t that virile-looking white bearded man, Charles Darwin (who, incidentally, married his first cousin and sired 10 children), teach us this?

A week before I received my umpteenth BFN (Big Fat Negative), I attended a yoga class for fertility (these exist too!). After the class, I told the instructor of my fertility woes and she said, “In the yogic tradition we have a saying: When you plant a seed, you don’t constantly scratch the soil to see the sprout.” I smiled, immediately making a vow to let my uterus germinate unimpeded by my obsessive interfering. During our next BD, my husband and I lit candles, played Bon Iver on the iPod, and reminded ourselves what it was we intended to do: create a life.

By the end of our first month trying without scratching at the soil, we were not rewarded: yet another BFN, that solid, lonely line lacking its matching ‘positive’ indicator. I threw it in the trash feeling defeated. If my husband weren’t there, I would’ve snapped the darn thing in half or burned it as an effigy of my unborn, unconceived (ill-conceived?) child.

The unspoken problem with infertility is that time marches on. You do everything correctly (or, at least, according to messaging boards and online articles) and yet you don’t conceive. You relax, doing it the ‘natural’ way like those sex-hungry teens knocked up in high school, and receive the same result: BFN. Meanwhile, that tempting course of action followed by so many before, beckons, an entirely new code to learn: Clomid, hCG, IUI, IVF, surrogacy, adoption…

But for now, I’m swearing off the messaging boards, as comforting as it is to know that PreSeed worked for a couple in Tennessee trying for a year, that the Floridian who seduced her husband to the tune of Pearl Jam is now pregnant with a boy named Jeremy, or that the Australian who switched from soy milk to whole milk in her cereal is soon birthing twins.

I’ve always strongly believed that a baby is a baby is a baby. I’ll take whatever someone hands me, but at the same time, there’s the inevitable feeling my body has disappointed me in failing to do the one thing it’s innately wired to do: I’ve got the wide hips, the beautiful cervix, the pretty uterus. What is wrong with me?

We, the ‘fecundity impaired,’ are women caught between the double-edged sword of contemporary American society: we must be sexy and seductive (not a whiff of temperature charting or cervical position), but just as quickly morph, post-marriage, into a fertile, baby-making Mama. What happens when we fail to fall into either camp? For many of us, we are lost to the wilds of the online fertility world, where women convince one another there are a million reasons you’re not sprouting that bump, with so many competing causes and cures it could make your uterus spin (note: tilted uteruses exist in one of three women). In truth, the art of baby making is not an art at all, nor even a science, but completely governed by the absolute nonsensical unknown that is at the heart of all existence here on earth and elsewhere.

Unfortunately, none of the fertility messaging boards address this. Angel baby emoticons float like judgmental Seraphim, chastising us for our every margarita consumed, the days we forgot to take our folic acid, or didn’t pounce on our tired husbands after an exhausting day at the office.

We, the infertile and fertile alike, sometimes forget to be in awe of the unknown. We have forgotten that which is so beyond us, so infinite, we cannot give it an acronym or search for it on messaging boards. A recent scientific study at Stanford University (forthcoming in Psychological Science) touched on this very subject, noting that awe has the ability to “alter the subjective experience of time.” But what awe is there in chronicling one’s every psychosomatic symptom on TwoWeekWait.com?

Even that beautifully fertile chump Darwin understood the strange power of creation, as he wrote at the end of The Origin of Species: “There is grandeur in this view of life, with its several powers, having been originally breathed into a few forms or into one; and that, whilst this planet has gone cycling on according to the fixed law of gravity, from so simple a beginning endless forms most beautiful and most wonderful have been, and are being, evolved.”

My lower abdomen flutters and I reach for my mouse to Google whether or not this is a sign of pregnancy, but I slap my own hand and retreat. I remind myself that perhaps we are better off without answers, and that, for this, I will wait … and wait … and wait … for my BFP in whatever form it may arrive. And then, I know, I will battle a host of forthcoming obsessions and their online answers: what is normal weight gain during the third trimester? How to increase the odds of a natural birth? Why does my baby sneeze when I change her diaper?

The digital age has fostered a new psychology of impatience, one rewarded by the near-instantaneous ‘answers’ at our fingertips. But what if waiting is the answer? What if the unknown is actually the known course of action?

I would search the fertility messaging boards for answers to those questions too, but I have a feeling most obsessive wannabe moms online aren’t suffering fertility-induced existential crises just yet, or there would be a new acronym to add to the list: FIEC. As in, ‘How do I cure my FIEC while also CP and enjoying tonight’s BD with DH?’

Kaitlin Solimine has been the Donald E. Axinn Scholar in Fiction at the Bread Loaf Writers' Conference, and a Fulbright Fellow in China. An excerpt from her forthcoming novel, 'Empire of Glass,' was awarded the 2012 Dzanc Books/Disquiet International Literary Program award. She's on Twitter @LetsGoKato, and she takes issue with the word 'fecundity.' 



207 Comments / Post A Comment

eraserface

Oh yeah baby, flood that egg.

stavros

♥♥♥..@m

Nicole Margarete@facebook

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iceberg

That switch from trying NOT to conceive to trying to conceive is the weirdest thing - as soon as you become sexually active you freak out every time your period is like ten minutes late, if it takes a couple extra days you're looking up Planned Parenthood and praying... then suddenly you're crying when it does come and you have that feeling of failure & self-betrayal every 28 days...

iceberg

@iceberg also, to the OP - not to get all up in your business but if your junk all looks good and you haven't been able to conceive, has your husband had his shit checked out?

glow bug

I entered this strange world of acronyms about a year ago. Luckily we conceived before I got too into it. CM, BFP, TTC and TWW (two week wait) are the only acronyms that have stuck. I would post my own conception story but it sounds like there are enough of those around. In short, I like your technique. Chill out, do some sexin', take your folic acid & what will be will be. Best of luck.

The Lady of Shalott

I am totally unfamiliar with any sort of conception community stuff (being firmly in camp "let's try to keep the babies away for another couple of years"), so maybe I'm missing something. But is there a reason why BD ("baby dance?") is popular in the community, rather than "have sex" or "do it" or whatever else? Is it something unique to the TTC community or...where did it come from, basically?

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@The Lady of Shalott I just posted the same idea. Baby dance is really, really weird.

SarahP

@The Lady of Shalott and @I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Comment triplets! Let's all promise never to use "BD" or what it stands for, ever.

queenofbithynia

@The Lady of Shalott maybe that is the source of some particular conception problems? like, someone could gently suggest that instead of doing a baby dance, they try fucking.

lavender gooms

@The Lady of Shalott They also use "DH", a term I find is encroaching upon all of the internet like an invasive weed. It all just seems so... Victorian.

(And apologies if you like that phrase! It's fine!)

SarahP

@queenofbithynia OH MAN I change my mind about "baby dance." People are totally allowed to use it if they're referring to prancing around their bedroom chanting "baby baby baby" with their partner instead of having sex.

hands_down

@The Lady of Shalott My experience with baby/parenting boards is that cutesy acronyms are all the rage. It's a little barf-inducing.

Leanne

@The Lady of Shalott IDK about the community at large, but on one site I am a member of (it began as a place for makeup reviews but now there are many topic specific forums), referring to anything sexually explicit is against the terms of use. So people call it "holding hands."

werewolfbarmitzvah

@The Lady of Shalott Mulling over the kinds of people who would use terms like "baby dance" or "dear husband" (which I hilariously just mistyped as "dead husband" for a second there) feels like it zooms me 5-10 years into the future, having excruciating small talk with the most insufferable parents ever at my future children's school functions. It feels like an episode of Louie. I completely understand now why my mom was known for not getting along with the other moms.

cuminafterall

@The Lady of Shalott It just makes me think of this. dancing baby

parallel-lines

@The Lady of Shalott It's like they're implying sex is icky/impolite, like calling your vagina a 'vajayjay'. USE YOUR GROWN UP WORDS. If people didn't know babies were made by fucking they wouldn't be up on a message board.

Ellie

@parallel-lines I find both acronyms UNBELIEVABLY revolting. Especially "D" anything. It crawls across the face of the internet like a plague of locusts.

E
E

@The Lady of Shalott It's ever so coy. But not the sexy kind of coy. We all KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN, you and your "Dear Husband" doing the "Baby Dance". I guess you just mean that when you have sex, disney birds come and hold a wispy veil made of unicorns hairs over your gentle soft focus bodies.

Ladies Who Punch

@lavender gooms My sister-in-law [husband's brother's wife] would refer to her husband as DH in Facebook posts CONSTANTLY. I had no idea it was in reference to baby-making until right now. I had a Kaiser Soze moment reading it since I knew they were trying to conceive [& now have an odd 1 year old].

Canard

@Brewing Mischief DH doesn't have to be in reference to baby-making -- it just tends to pop up where women are gathered to talk about traditionally female things. Like stretchy cervical mucus.

Agarina

@Brewing Mischief To be fair, DH doesn't have to be baby-making-related. It's pretty much just cutesy internet shorthand for talking about your husband. Especially on sites that tend to be populated mostly with women. I see it in reviews on recipe sites all the time (i.e. "fast, easy, and DH actually liked it/had seconds!").

slutberry

@E Wait... you mean the Disney birds don't show up when you have sex?

slutberry

@Agarina "Fast, easy, and DH actually liked it/ had seconds!" .... THAT WAS SOME BD, HONEY!

E
E

@slutberry nope. Yet to have any cartoon vermin show up for sex. No rats, pigeons, crickets, what have you. I haven't had sex in a subway tunnel yet though, so I guess there's still a chance.

slutberry

@E You are so obviously doing it wrong.

E
E

@slutberry Very very wrong. So Wrong (it's right).

slutberry

@E Did you forget to cover the lens with vaseline?

selenalynn

@Agarina Where I've seen it, the "D" can mean "dear" or "damn" interchangably, depending on the mood of the writer and the context. Handy like that! Also paired with "W" (wife) "S" (son) "D" (daughter) etc.

MissHalfway

@Selena Hoy@facebook So would that make one's dear daughter "DD"?

Toothbrush Bearcat

@The Lady of Shalott I'd never heard of BD while trolling those stupid boards, but I didn't look up every single acronym as I thought they were all ridiculous. It infantilizes the whole thing. If were to ever comment, I would definitely say grown up words, like "have sex." These people have such a weird, immature language. Maybe it goes with the Pollyanna-ish way of thinking during this ordeal.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

I can't get over Baby Dance. BABY DANCE?

kinbarichan

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose: Okay, so try thinking of it less as "Yay! We're gonna cutesie wootsie BABY DANCE tonight!!!" and more like, "Oh God, I'm ovulating - time to do the (shudder) baby dance..."
"Baby dance", for a lot of women, is a safe way to express the frustration of sex-as-conception-tool. We're used to enjoying sex, to having sex when we and our partner want, and trying to conceive changes the meaning of sex - there's one day of peak fertility per cycle, and you have to get the sperm in there somehow. I dunno - it gets grim, and 'baby dance' becomes the cutesy equivalent of whistling in the dark.
Also, maybe there's an aspect of not wanting to spoil the very idea of having sex by calling it something else - 'sex' means fun, 'baby dance' means work.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@kinbarichan I get that there's a difference, and I think it's too bad couples have to delineate which type of intercourse they are having at the moment. However, whatever you call it, it's sex, and someone has to enjoy it (i.e., the man) to inseminate the lady involved.

I'm all for women using whatever coping skills they can to endure such a situation, but I'm just not built to appreciate cutesy things like that.

To each their own.

PatatasBravas

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Hahahahahahaha the part I couldn't get over was my husband and I lit candles, played Bon Iver on the iPod, and reminded ourselves...

BON IVER?!

MEETAPOSSUM WHERE YOU AT

acid burn

@kinbarichan I'm kind of surprised nobody's mentioned my favorite: GOF, or "goal-oriented fucking."

katiethegreat

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose At first glance I totes thought the baby dance was some kind of fertility ritual with stomping and chanting, like a rain dance or something? (People are weird, but not the same kind of weird that I expect!)

SarahP

Aw, I'm sorry you're going through this. Good luck to you and your husband in creating a family together!

All the wedding/baby/family acronyms drive me crazy (DH? of course he's dear to me, he's my husband--having to say and then abbreviate it makes it sound condescending or cutesy), but BD for "baby dance" actively disgusts me.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@SarahP It's like these women are trying to sound as immature as the fertile high schoolers they wish to emulate.

ThatWench

@SarahP I read through this right after it was posted, and then spent a few minutes trying to figure out just how many comments down was the right time to start muttering about "Dear Husband." For some reason, that one is still worse to me than Baby Dance. (Possibly due to your comment about the chanting.)

Canard

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Right? And sometimes they employ lingo that doesn't even save any time, or that flies so thick and fast that additional posts are required to gloss it. Yes, it is technically quicker to type DH than "husband," though if that adds up to significant time savings you are either a phenomenally slow typist or talk about your husband too much. No, it is not quicker to type "eggie" than "egg," and it makes you sound like a 4-year-old.

City_Dater

@Canard

Not to be cruel to anyone who desperately wants to have a baby, but if anyone I know started using "eggie" or "baby dance" in conversations about trying to conceive I would be sorely tempted to suggest childish coy euphemisms are a cause of infertility. Yuk.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@Canard The thing is, I feel for these couples who are trying. It's got to be heartbreaking and stressful, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. But as a fan of words, these abbreviations offend me in places I didn't know I had.

Canard

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Agreed on both counts!

TheLetterL

These abbreviations ick me out, as well, but it's speculating about why they're in use that gets me thoughtful. By controlling the vocab and making it into something cutesie and non-threatening, there is a sense of control over the situation, of creating an in-group, and of keeping up the expected cheerleader role in the face of science/medicine. (See also: The pinkifying and warrior narratives around breast cancer)

bocadelperro

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose seriously. I can't think of much that is more grown up than caring for another human being (especially a tiny, helpless one), and so much stuff surrounding pregnancy is so. infantilizing.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@TheLetterL I think you've hit on something there. People should use whatever coping skills they've got. But that doesn't mean I won't think it's silly.

ThatWench

@TheLetterL Ditto to IRoTotRose; I get it at least a bit (or at least as well as one can "get it" from the outside, I suppose).

But I think it makes the choice of cutesie-ifying it even more horrifying (to me), on some level. By making these big, scary, grown-up issues into "eggies" and pink, it comes across as "I can face my problems by further embracing my role that exists entirely in the woman's sphere. My problems shall be solved by my best woman's weapons: toddler speak and pink clothing."

TheLetterL

@ThatWench Definitely agree that it can be horrifying on some levels. There's probably also something more to be said about the fact that the examples we're discussing (infertility and breast cancer) are conditions which are counter to the notion of femininity in our society. It's kind of like if we force enough Pink Sparkly Girlhood on these issues, we maintain social approval. And that hits me like a punch to the gut. (I say "we" because I am a woman, not because I have had firsthand experience)

I mean, look at the apparently popular phrase we're objecting to: Baby Dance. On one level, it's very "tee hee, don't talk about s-e-x." On another level, if something is the [blank] dance, it's like an invocation of that [thing], with certain proscribed movements. For the dancers, it's rote, mechanical, and uncreative. (For argument's sake, the Chicken Dance works as well as any example) That seems to echo a lot of sentiments regarding sex and TTC in a kind of heart-achey way.

Canard

@TheLetterL I'm fascinated by your interpretation here! Write this up for a journal and send me the link, will you?

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@TheLetterL I like your reasoning on this. And yes, I'm sure the sex these women are having is at times heart-achey, as you say. I just can't handle infantilizing the language when it comes to something so adult; my worldview doesn't allow me to see that as helpful. It reminds me of people who hide behind euphemism when it comes to talking about genitalia.

whateverlolawants

@TheLetterL Are there any good articles or discussions I can read about this phenomenon? I've been thinking about the girl-power, warrior, save-the-tatas thing lately, and it's not even October yet.

TheLetterL

@Canard If only I could apply to grad school using internet comments... ;)

@whateverlolawants Barbara Ehrenreich's article "Welcome to Cancerland" is amazing, if you haven't come across it already. http://www.barbaraehrenreich.com/cancerland.htm

Toothbrush Bearcat

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose I am a sub-fertile person AND a fan of words. I always wondered why these women were speaking in baby-talk before they even had a kid. It was unsettling and drove me away.

Leanne

It's so stressful watching my pals who are TTC go through this experience. I think the creepiest thing has been seeing/hearing how parents and in-laws get involved once people know a couple is trying. I know other people are more mature than I am, but I can't imagine I would find discussing sex with my (hypothetical) MIL helpful to conceiving anything but a stomach ache.

iceberg

@Leanne No, the concept grosses me out. The most anyone in my family wanted to know was, like, ARE you trying, because we'd like some grandchildren please.

SarahP

@iceberg I've seen several advice columnists who advise shooting down the "Are you trying to have a baby?" question with "No, but we're getting in a lot of practice!" I imagine parents/in-laws who are really into the process would just be interested in critiquing your practice. "Ooo, while you're at it, practice standing on your head after."

Judith Slutler

@Leanne Uggghhhh my old neighbors just had a baby, and she is the first of her friend group to have conceived, and said that some of her friends were actively jealous of her. And that she didn't really hang out with a couple of them that much anymore.

Of course their method was nothing more than "ok, a baby would be fine right now, let's just stop using BC and see what happens" and she basically told everyone that. So I can see how some of her friends who might be having trouble conceiving could get a little bit huffy about her good luck.

Leanne

@Emmanuelle Cunt Oh man this is so blue for both sides :( I don't really ever know what to say to friends about this stuff. Usually I go with, do you want a drink, ice cream, or both?

entangled

@Emmanuelle Cunt ok, I totally read "old neighbors" as your neighbors who are old people and yet the first in their friends group to have children. Then I imagined all these 80 year old ladies cutting out their friend because they were jealous she conceived naturally first and realized that maybe I had a comprehension issue.

finguns

@Leanne Oh my word. When my sister-in-law was having problems getting pregnant, my MIL was so all up in her business about it that it drove me crazy. Seriously, she was always paying for my sister-in-law and her husband to go away for the weekend and relax, and it freaked me out that we all knew they were basically on a sexcation that would be so awkward to discuss when they got home. And if my MIL ever overheard any of my friends talking about their issues getting pregnant, she would CALL MY SIL on the phone and make her talk to them. It felt so invasive and horrible, and oddly my sister-in-law was bothered about it way less than I was.

MrsTeacherFace

@Leanne My mother-in-law is still in the "so where are babies in your five year plan" phase; once we actively start trying, I am horrified to think that they might try to give us baby-making advice.

Toothbrush Bearcat

@MrsTeacherFace
Ugh. Don't tell her! Don't tell anyone! I made the mistake of telling my sisters.

smidge

Thank you for this.

BreezyK

@smidge Ditto. It is the acronyms that keep me away from those particular boards, even though I'm sure it could be helpful to not feel quite so alone in all this (just hit the year mark and had first RE appt)

Nutria

@BreezyK @smidge Yes, I really appreciated this. I feel like I have to stay away from those boards because they will make me more stressed and neurotic about everything. I wish there was a way to talk to other people about this and feel without it being so horribly awkward.

yeahsurefine

@Nutria @BreezyK @smidge Every time I go to one of those boards, I have to spend 15 minutes calming myself down so I don't have a panic attack. I have never experienced anything more stressful than TTC (yeah, I used it). Can't talk to single friends. Can't talk to childed friends (or parents, as I suppose they are more commonly knownn...) Don't have a single friend who is actively TTC. And msg boards make me crazy. Sigh.

Canard

Baby Dance is the WORST. I'm ashamed every time I add sex to my Fertility Friend chart and an X appears in the "BD" row. I feel complicit in linguistic atrocities. If I ever start posting on the boards, I will be tempted to apply countermeasures. "I'm not sure if we FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKED on the best days this month. Can you guys check out my chart?"

This is a well timed article for me, obviously. I've actually spent a fair amount of my day chastising myself for not insisting on FUUUUUUUUUUUCKING last night even though we were both exhausted and not in the mood. Which is so dumb, but, but, he's about to go on a business trip, and my friend just got pregnant by accident and is all, "Hurry up so we can be pregnant together!", and HURRY HURRY RUSH RUSH BABY NOW.

stinapag

@Canard I use Ovaova, and they just have a heart.

SarahP

I do find it very interesting that men are almost a nonentity in the online trying-to-conceive world.

I wonder how much it has to do, though, with how invasive it would be for a male partner to be posting on message boards about his female partner's body. It's easy for a guy to know if he has contributed his half of the genetic material, but I doubt many men would feel they had the right to wake up their partner every morning at 6am to check her temperature, then record it in his iPhone app, then tell her when she's ovulating, --and then post about the process/her body on the internet.

stinapag

@SarahP My husband looks at my charts and frets and asks whether the recent peed upon stick means we should have sex or not. Since we're on month four and no baby, he's convinced that somehow it's his fault. I point out that he's managed to be successful at this at least once before, and my advanced age (39) has a shit ton more to do with it than his.

spanglepants

@SarahP Women whose male partners are the infertile half of the couple do post about sperm counts, possibilities of donor sperm (not just for lesbian couples!) etc etc, though. Ask me how I know.

SarahP

@spanglepants Aw, I'm sorry :(

It still seems different to me, because the male side (sperm count, etc) is only clinical. A dude can't count his sperm at home. (I hope not, anyway.) When/whether a lady ovulates is something she can (usually) figure out at home, through those various charting methods--all of which strike me as being more personal than clinical, if that makes sense?

Derbel McDillet

I'm just now emerging from my own FIEC. Recurrent unexplained miscarriages here. So I had that added joy of hoping for a BFP while also dreading it. I've finally achieved a sort of "meh" feeling, where I'm embracing my childfree existence (represented by drinking apple cider and spiced rum while watching horror movies until the early morning with my husband) but would also welcome a child.
I can't with the online boards, though. Really, I just CANNOT.

Derbel McDillet

@AconyBelle Oh, and I had totally assumed the BD stood for Bumping Dirties. Whoops!

TheBourneApproximation

@AconyBelle It's not Bangin' Dong?

parallel-lines

@TheBourneApproximation burying the dingus

finguns

@parallel-lines The alternatives on these threads are so much better than the reality.

sophia_h

@AconyBelle I just had my second miscarriage in three months, and I am not really sure how to go on from here. I know it's just an odds thing, I don't think there's anything wrong with me medically, but after finding out I was pregnant and then not even being able to get happy about it because I was so anxious... ugh. I never imagined the transition from years of birth control would be so awkward and awful.

Nicole Cliffe

I have two aunts who had several miscarriages in a row, and they each went on to have two lovely, kind, handsome sons (each!) who are healthy and fabulous. xoxoxoxoxo

Toothbrush Bearcat

@AconyBelle
I feel you. I'm over it. Although I haven't been pregnant ever, I knew that if I did get pregnant at this point I'd just be worried constantly about losing it. I'm sorry biology has let you down, but bring on the fall-themed alcohol!

atipofthehat

Then there's the Goodfellas method:

"Business bad? Time for sex."

"Had a fire? Time for sex."

"The place got hit by lightning? Time for sex."

"Exhausted after 10-hour drive? Time for sex."

Hey, that last one worked.

JadedStone

@atipofthehat EXACTLY WHAT I WAS THINKING

redheaded&crazy

@atipofthehat you're alive!!!

wee_ramekin

@redheaded&crazie

Time for sex.

pistolwhip

Also when they want to wish each other luck, they're all, "Sticky baby dust to you!!!!!!!!!"

And some of them have these crazy animated signatures where they list out all their pets ("fur babies") alongside their pregnancy losses ("angel babies"), and then there are these undulating glitter swirl GIFs, which I guess is what the ACTUAL baby dust looks like.

Canard

@pistolwhip And tickers for everything! Pregnancy tickers make sense; it's a finite amount of time for a countdown, and something is always happening. But tickers about how long you've been married or how long you've been trying to conceive?

What always pulls me up short are the wishes for a "sticky bean." I guess it's nicer than "Hope you don't have a miscarriage!" but it just makes me think of those Chinese sweets with the sesame seeds on the outside and the ball of bean paste in the middle (what are those called?).

The Lady of Shalott

@Canard JIN DEUI http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jin_deui

I could eat like, dozens of those. Easily. Oh my god so good.

Kim@twitter

@pistolwhip Yes! Every single time I see that I want to get angry, but then feel bad that I started to get angry because thry did miscarry. But it's such a strange part of Internet culture. We are only on month two and I really hope that if things aren't working a year from now I don't turn into one of them.

El Grande Fluffio

@pistolwhip Thank you for saying it. I was just going to ask when there would be a "Ask a Lady who is Trying to Conceive" and then this showed up. Have been on sites after several miscarriages, a loss, and TTC and all the abbreviations make me more stressed than anything else. Especially the damn baby dust and sticky babies and the angels and oh I'll just be quiet now.

noReally

If you want to really dip your toe in the freaking-out bath, try the SMC (Single Mother by Choice) TTC lists.

blueblazes

Sidenote: "The Atlantic reports that births in the U.S. fell to a 12-year low in 2011."

I have anecdotal evidence! Friend runs daycare from home and accepts children from 6 months to preschool. All of the kids she has now are aging out, and there aren't any tottlers to replace them. If anything, the recession dropped the birth rate in our town. Where are the kids born in 2008-2010? There are none.

hallu

@blueblazes They are ALL in Portland.

PatatasBravas

@blueblazes I wonder if there aren't other reasons why the birthrate has fallen, though? (Excellent birth control for those who have access, people choosing not to have kids, economic reasons to wait.)

blueblazes

@PatatasBravas That's exactly what I mean. I think that a lot of people are waiting (or choosing not to have a second or third child) because they are unsure of the economy. The implications go a long way. Maybe you are in a two-bedroom place, and you literally don't have room for another child (and the housing market is keeping you from moving into a larger house).

MrsTeacherFace

@PatatasBravas OH MAN, it just occurred to me that the delightful "no charge!" I heard at CVS the last time I picked up my birth control (instead of the usual $75) could lead to whatever you call the opposite of a Baby Boom. Obamacare! Somewhere an elderly Republican man is shaking his fist.

Attractive Nuisance

@blueblazes Maybe daycare is less necessary when unemployment is higher, since there's someone to take care of kids at home, and no money to pay for ooutside care.

Poubelle

@PatatasBravas It dropped during the Depression, too, though, and birth control wasn't quite as excellent then. Babies is expensive!

Megasus

So many acronyms!

stinapag

I just left the bridal forums (though to be honest Offbeat Bride wasn't bad at all) and am now venturing into the wanna baby fora. Half my effort is googling the acronyms.

I will say that I was pretty clueless on the temp charting/cervical mucus viewing/hormonal surges prior to "trying". I went off the pill in January, figured I should have sex more often a week or so after my period and was somewhat startled every month that my period still showed up. Googled for more info on ovluation. Aha! A calendar! Had sex during the time frames that the calendars gave. Ddin't work. Aha! Ovulation prediction kits! Peed on a stick a lot. Didn't work. Temp charting? Cervical mucus and/or position? Lots of googling and no pregnancy. Yet.

And so we continue to have sex on a more scheduled basis than before and hope for the best and wonder why waiting those extra two years were so important.

SarahP

@stinapag Stay on the Offbeat sites! Offbeat Bride and Offbeat Mama don't allow the ridiculous acronyms.

Greta M.

@SarahP Which I was so glad about. Although I was very confused, then amused when other wedding sites had commenters kvetching repeatedly about their "difficult BMs!"
(BM = bridesmaid, for the uninitiated)

stinapag

@SarahP I wish that Offbeat Mama had a forum similar to the Offbeat Bride forum, but I totally understand the nightmare that would be to moderate. The Tribe was AWESOME when I was planning my wedding. I could be all crazy about it, and no one but other women going through the same bullshit had to know. Saved my friends from teh crazy. I still lurk there, even though my wedding was back in April. I found the ovulation calendar that I use now through Offbeat Mama.

Incidentally, my favorite bridal acronym is STD.

TheLetterL

@stinapag STD? Start time delay? Shrimp toast debacle? Shoes to dance [in]?

cc
cc

@stinapag yay another OBB'er here! :D was the tribe not the shizzle!

i would have withered and died a tragic bridal death over at the kn*t or some such.

also love the STD's. i got a kick of mailing out STD's to ALL OUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY.

kind of want to meander back to OBB, but it's gonna be a while before i can check out offbeat mama, and i don't have the fliff to check out offbeat home quite yet. but offbeat bride? hells yeah. i even sent my very-not-offbeat sister there.

somethingobscure

@Greta M. HA..."difficult BM" means something TOTALLY different on the pregnancy forums where I roll. Skipped right past the wedding and TTC communities thanks to Ye Olde Birth Control Pill Failure.

Killerpants

"...known as ‘DH’ (Dear Husband), painted as hapless victims of female trouncing on +OPK days, when the CM is EW, Cervix LSO, and it’s time to BD (translation: on Positive Ovulation Predictor Kit days, when the Cervical Mucus is the consistency of Egg Whites, the Cervix Low, Soft, and Open, and it’s time to Baby Dance)."

I wish I could unread that. Baby Dance? Really?

packedsuitcase

Okay, so, 'Pinners! This is actually a decent place to ask my big question of the week - if a friend is going through this problem, what do you do? It's not like I can help her make a baby, and I don't want to make her talk about something that's obviously hard and painful, but I don't want her to think that it doesn't matter/I have no interest in this Really Big Thing that's going on in her life.

Right now I'm basically just hanging out when she can, and making sure our plans have minimal chances of including references to pregnancy/babies/families, and trying to make sure she knows I'm around if she wants to talk or be distracted or just try to be normal. But is there anything you can think of that would be a really good idea? Or am I doing something I should avoid? This is one of my best friends and I love her dearly and I know she's hurting so at this point I just want to make sure I don't add to that, since it seems like the only thing that will take the pain away is a baby.

Nicole Cliffe

A close friend of mine was struggling through IVF when I got knocked up immediately after pulling the goalie. I waited until she was enjoying her post-retrieval Valium to tell her, and thank God that cycle took. Just be kind, and listen, and PLEASE SAY THIS PHRASE OR SOMETHING LIKE IT:

"We can talk about this if you want to, or talk about other things if you want distraction, and if you ever change your mind on that, just let me know. I love you." It sounds like you're doing a good job, because just not being oblivious is a massive step.

spanglepants

@packedsuitcase If she knows she can talk to you about it if she wants, that's good. I wouldn't bring it up endlessly; I'm sure she'll start the topic if she wants to. It annoys me when one of my close friends is all like 'so, progress update?!' - makes me not want to spend time alone with her, because I really don't always want to talk about it. But, of course, you know your friend and I don't!

Clare

@Nicole Cliffe This is good advice not just for people struggling with infertility, but anyone who's generally going through something horrible.

packedsuitcase

@spanglepants That's exactly what I'm trying to avoid. I figure, she's a fully grown woman, she knows when she's ready to talk about this and who she's ready to talk about it with. So I try to ask more specific questions - "How was that concert you were talking about?" "How is the new job?" etc, with the more general "How are things going?" saved for when I know we've got time if she wants to go into it, or I'll ask her about it if she brings the topic up.

Seeing your friends go through this is awful. (Obviously not as awful as going through it, to be clear.) But to see your friends hurting and not be able to help...ugh. So if all I can do is not make it worse, I will do that like it's my job!

pistolwhip

@packedsuitcase So, my first baby died of a terrible genetic disease that wasn't detected in utero, and after that getting pregnant again was complicated (because of genetics stuff) and took a long time. (I'm at 13.5 weeks now.) During my two years of grief and waiting, every time I heard that someone I knew was pregnant or had had a healthy baby, it was like a knife in my heart. But at the same time, I wanted to know. I didn't want anyone to protect me by withholding or delaying the news, or by avoiding general discussion of baby plans or family stuff. That would've made me feel like an invalid.

I think the best thing is to ask your friend what she wants and needs from you.

packedsuitcase

@pistolwhip Thank you. That's not a perspective that would have occurred to me, and I really appreciate it. The pregnancy/baby/family thing actually came from a discussion we had, and I told her for girls nights I will pre-screen movies for references to pregnancy/babies. But the next time we're having a conversation that lends itself to this, I will ask what she prefers/how to handle the real life things.

Thanks again. To everybody, really. (I'm seeing her tonight, but in a group setting, and I know she got a negative test this weekend, so it's been on my mind.)

packedsuitcase

@pistolwhip Also, congratulations on your pregnancy! And I'm sorry for your loss.

stinapag

@packedsuitcase I hate, hate, hate the "so, you guys going to have kids? What's the timeline?" questions. I hated them before we started trying, and now that we're a few months into this I downright LOATHE them.

I have one friend who can't seem to help herself. She's a few years older than I am, and I think that she's hoping that it's a piece of cake for me so she can continue to think that one day it'll be a piece of cake for her.

bloodorange

@Nicole Cliffe Your advice is wonderful, but I really logged in just to say "ahhahahahaaa OMG 'pulling the goalie'"

Nicole Cliffe

@pistolwhip Oh, I am so sorry, and echo many, many congratulations about your current pregnancy. Would you email me? It's on the sidebar ---->

momo147

@packedsuitcase i say just talk about it. doesnt need to be all the time but, as you said, it is an ongoing thing so an every so often check in on that ongoing thing makes sense. just like if she was in a complicated relationship or a difficult work situation. ive been trying for a while with miscarriage, ectopic and plenty of bad moments and i appreciate it when friends check in and ask how "all that" is going.

Cavendish

I entered TTC craziness after miscarrying my surprise pregnancy this spring. It is mind boggling once you realize how small the window you can get pregnant in actually is! Or maybe it's just small once you get past 30, since virtually every woman I know with a baby is under 25 and got pregnant accidentally.

BD is the worst. I used to think it meant Big Deed (I don't know, my brain made that up and I moved on), and was so grossed out when I found out what it really means! Luckily I found a board on The Bump where any use of BD gets a "We're all adults. Just say you had sex. [Subtext: you idiot]"

Oh, but after 5 months temping, charting my CM, and using a fertility monitor, I am almost 7 weeks pregnant!

anachronistique

@Cavendish Mazel tov and good luck!

ormaisonogrande

@Cavendish Link, please? I lurk on a different board but am rapidly getting fed up with all the baby dust. And good luck!

Cavendish

@ormaisonogrande It's the TTC After A Loss group.

Cavendish

@anachronistique Thank you! :)

ormaisonogrande

@Cavendish Thanks!

karion

It will always be Big Fucking Negative to me.

I was waiting for an essay like this, and it did not disappoint.

NeenerNeener

No, no, no, it's worse. It's Darling Husband.

Canard

@NeenerNeener It is? Oh no.

NeenerNeener

@Canard I think it started that way, but either is probably... acceptable. And to many, I'm sure it's Darling Hubby.

Mel!ssa

I really enjoyed this article except for one small comment that got under my skin: "...and finally, at age 31, married my long-term partner". FINALLY at the OLD AGE of 31, marriage.

MrsTeacherFace

@Mel!ssa Yes, BUT we are part of a society that sighs "finally!" if you get married after the age of 30, and it's hard not to feel that way ourselves.

ormaisonogrande

@Mel!ssa She might also be like my brother who got married at 29 after dating/living together for 9 years, so the finally refers to the relationship, not her age.

Ten Thousand Buckets

@Mel!ssa Ugggh. I'm Facebook friends with a lovely former co-worker who recently had her first baby. When she announced her pregnancy, some asshole pipes up with "It's about time lol!" I was in a rage for days. Girlfriend is 28, married for only about 3-4 years, and she didn't hop on the baby making train quickly enough for you?

apb
apb

@Mel!ssa Agreed! I am constantly mindboggled that even in the most friendly of forums, there is the implication, however veiled, that being single/unpregnant in one's early 30s is An Apt Punishment for pursuing career/fun/"drinking in bars" in one's 20s. How is this still a thing, you guys?

siniichulok

@apb Good question! I'm TTC (which I can't stop thinking of as Toronto Transit Commission), and am in the last part of my early thirties, and it seems to me like those forums tend to be just patriarchy clusterf*cks where all those people who hated you (and by "you" I mean "me" because I'm generalizing based on my own limited experience) for getting the heck out of your small town and going to college and graduate school and living and working in the Big City get to have a platform to air resentment cloaked in a self-righteous "but it's BIOLOGY, see? And here's an area in which *I'M* an expert and you're not--and it's the one women are SUPPOSED to know about." Or more succinctly, "I made the right decision and you didn't!" As if no one ever conceived after their twenties, or as if these factors are all within our control, or as if everyone wants to be partnered/conceiving. It's ridiculous but disheartening, which is why I try to stay off them, though some perverse part of me can't resist every so often.

MrsTeacherFace

When I turned 27 someone mentioned to me that, by the way, 26 is the age at which women leave their peak fertility. Awesome, thanks. My husband and I have decided May of 2013 is when we will begin trying, at which point I will be about 6 months away from 30. I am a little scared to think that while I spent my 20's trying to avoid pregnancy, I will spend my 30's unable to conceive. My mother had four kids in four years, but she was done with making babies by the time she was the age I am now. Argh.

frenz.lo

I am playing such a long game to keep from having to discuss issues of fertility and conception with my co-workers. Like, I am mentally counting the months until it becomes remotely practical to consider having my IUD removed, and spend I spend a lot of time zoning out during mindless tasks, thinking about clever or absurd baby names. I made major changes to my life and career when I decided I probably did want kids. In some ways, I am just burning up wanting to talk about this stuff, and yet! I will refrain from any number of potentially pleasant or illuminating conversations in order to protect my future privacy about conception plans and issues. It makes for a weird conflict between my inner baby obsession and my outer baby indifference.

Pool Party

@frenz.lo "It makes for a weird conflict between my inner baby obsession and my outer baby indifference."
Oh my god girl FOR REAL. Outside I am all "Kids? Maybe," to the Nosy Nellys who ask about my boyfriend and me. Inside (my phone) I have a note cleverly ("cleverly") saved as Character Names that is actually my secret baby name list. It's long. I've been collecting names for two years, before I even decided I wanted kids. You know, just to be prepared.
My biggest concern is not being too young or old (I'm 25) but if I'll be the first/only member of my friends group to have kids. Making friends is hard and being the only be-childed couple must get awfully lonely.

frenz.lo

@Pool Party The baby name game is such a weird and vaguely shameful obsession. It feels like buying a fancy sports outfit for a sport you've never played.

Ten Thousand Buckets

@frenz.lo My only regret about not having/wanting kids is that it means I don't get to name a human. Naming things is the best.

hototogisu

@frenz.lo oh, GURL. Baby/parenting/pregnancy blogs and forums are my secret, secret shame. It would kill me if anyone aside from my partner knew how desperately I was in the throes of primal, brain-stem baby lust, because our circumstances mean we just can't raise a kid right now.

We both want to have kids when we're in the kind of financial place to support them, but in the meantime I'm just privately consumed by it.

Maybe there's room for another forum on the internet for women who won't ever talk about this stuff in public and who also use words like 'partner' and 'husband' and 'fucking.'

somethingobscure

@Pool Party Not having other pregnant/child-toting friends is making me so sad right now. I am 13 weeks surprise-pregnant (seriously, fuck LO-LO-ESTRIN FE!). All of my friends have been so supportive, but I am unexpectedly pregnant at not-quite-25 and NONE of my friends have babies. Or even an inkling of babies. Only a couple of them even have long term jobs or boyfriends, and now that I'm "settling down" already, I'm afraid that our paths will diverge and I'll lose them. I know they love me and won't abandon me or whatever, but I fear that things will be too different in our friendship once I suddenly have a baby and we are just at different places in our lives. I used to think that I would be right there with them, unattached, living the crazy life in my early/mid 20s. Yet, somehow still with 'that guy' I hooked up with after 'that party' freshman spring. Somehow I'm in a place where having a family is doable and actually kind of awesome. When I realized I was pregnant, I surprised myself and shocked my friends by deciding to actually stay pregnant. I have a feeling none of them will be having babies for approximately 5 years...which is wonderful for them and just kind of aww, shucks, for me. Anyway, I'm trying to think of ways to meet some new mom-ly friends (pregnancy yoga, maybe??) but there's a huge part of me that wishes I was going through all of this at the same time as the rest of my friends.

geek_tragedy

@somethingobscure

Hey I just wanted to console you! My friend got pregnant at 23 or so (I am a couple of years older) and she had her baby 2 years ago. It's true that we don't see each other as often, but when we do, it's basically the same. It's just that her daughter has become one of the many topics we discuss. I promise that unless you majorly drink the baby Koolaid/unless your friends are jerks you will still have your group. They just might have to ask you more questions, since they won't have gone through labour/teething/etc.

Toothbrush Bearcat

@Pool Party
I truly believe the Name Thing is the real reason I ever wanted kids.

frigwiggin

I'm kind of late on this, but a few months ago a friend lent me her copy of Local Babies, Global Science, which is all about infertility, IVF, and the social implications of childlessness in Egypt. That's pretty much the only personal reference I have to infertility, but it's really interesting and covers some of the topics referenced here, if anybody wants to do more reading. (While there ARE cultural differences between the US and Egypt, there are a lot of similarities, too.)

InvisibleFinishLine

Considering that the author of this article spent time on message boards, I'm pretty appalled that she would refer to symbols of lost babies as "emoticons" that are "sweet and creepy." I've been fortunate to not suffer a loss, but I am CF after IF (childfree after infertility). Having spent nearly three years on the Trying to Get Pregnant and then TTC boards on TB (The Bump), those angel baby symbols and loss dates are important to the mothers who lost those babies. Mothers of babies lost at 9 weeks don't get gravestones, and their losses are very real. For many, the boards are the only place they find understanding and acceptance as they mourn what most of the people they know in real life either don't acknowledge or think they should "get over." This writing smacks of lack of sensitivity to loss. Also, BD came from a host of safe-for-work acronyms. On TB, "sex," "penis," and "vagina" are much prefered to "BD," "the deed," or any other euphemism for sex or body parts. However, let's be honest, some people are on message boards at work and those words aren't appropriate. Cutesy isn't acceptable on many boards - if you use the word "prego" on TB, your responses will consist of ridicule in the form of pictures of spaghetti sauce. Just the two cents of someone who's proud of her TTC community and while I see the truth in some of this author's description, it's not representative of all communities.

Toothbrush Bearcat

THIS IS MY FUCKING LIIIIIIIIFFFFFEEE! Or it was, until we gave up. After a few too many sleepless nights on those goddamn message boards (never commented because I'm in the closet and was sure I'd be found out) I have walked away and never looked back. Undiagnosed infertility is shitty. I think I'd have had an even harder time dealing if I wasn't an atheist, because at least I don't feel as if someone is doing this to me or that I deserve it. But the three IVFs with nothing to show for it except ten extra stress pounds has actually made me rethink the whole thing. Now I'm working on being content as a childfree person while also being able to have unprotected, Pill-free sex! And that whole sleeping-in thing is so great...why would I give that up?

IfOnly

Soooooo Kaitlin....what is your SN?

My most hated term is not BD, but baby dust. Baby dust. Really. Is it made of babies? No, but it might be something that unicorns shit while the rosie rainbow crowd continually chirps "I hope this is your month!!!!!!!! Baby dust!!!!!!"

And I totally had some type of FIEC. I called it the "spectre of ambivalence."

Yes, the lesson of infertility is patience. And loss of control. I can't say I learned either one very well.

reality chick@twitter

This is my life too. Although I'm still at the stage of fielding comments like, 'It'll happen when you RELAAAAX' and 'Just go away for a dirty weekend and see what happens'. *hi-YAH mental karate chop*

Ophelia

@reality chick@twitter Urgh, yes. There needs to be a hairpin baby forum so we can avoid this crap, and all of the ridiculous acronyms.

El Grande Fluffio

I was just going to ask the Hairpin, "Where's the Ask a Lady who Can't Conceive" and then I scrolled to the next page and found this. It is so hard. Having had miscarriages, including a loss at 17.5 weeks, and no luck getting pregnant and no one to talk to where I live, I identify with so many of these comments and the article, in a way I don't identify with the women on the baby boards. Different personalities, I guess.

Filthyknitter

@reality chick@twitter - "It'll happen when you RELAAAAAX" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGHH. By which I mean - I empathise with your frustration. @El Grande Fluffio - no-one should have no-one to talk to, and I hope you find some comfort in this article and comments. Chin up (and I mean that in the least flippant way possible).

El Grande Fluffio

@Filthyknitter You are very sweet. Thank you!

Ebonie McCloud

My name is Ebonie McCloud, My partner and I have been trying for a baby for over two years now, We were going to a fertility clinic for about 9 months before somebody told us to contact this spell caster who is so powerful, We contacted him at this email; dovasagawhitemagictemple@yahoo.com , for him to help us, then we told him our problem, he told us that she we either conceive in January 2013 or February 2013,but after two years of trying we were at a point where we were willing to try anything. And I'm glad we came to Dr. Dova Saga, Because he predictions put us at ease, and I honestly believe him, and his gods really helped us as well, I am thankful for all he has done. If you are in this kind of problem i will advice you to contact him with this email: dovasagawhitemagictemple@yahoo.com web site: www.dovasagawhitemagictemple.webs.com. Thanks

Jessica Wilson

Hi there, Im 27 and I know exactly what ur going through!! Ive been trying to get pregnant for 2 years now and not having any luck as my periods are very irregular, the doc has told me i may have a blocked tube. I also have brown discharge nearly everyday... so i am very confused with whats happening... and not forgetting...everyone else around me is getting pregnant including both my sister in laws they fell pregnant, We want a baby so badly, one faithful day someone told me to contact this spell caster that help her aunty to get pregnant, then i contacted the spell caster on this email: dovasagawhitemagictemple@yahoo.com after four months the doctor confirm that i am pregnant thank you. Dr.Dova Saga, once again his email: dovasagawhitemagictemple@yahoo.com

Jessica Carol

Hi there, Im 27 and I know exactly what ur going through!! Ive been trying to get pregnant for 2 years now and not having any luck as my periods are very irregular, the doc has told me i may have a blocked tube. I also have brown discharge nearly everyday... so i am very confused with whats happening... and not forgetting...everyone else around me is getting pregnant including both my sister in laws they fell pregnant, We want a baby so badly, one faithful day someone told me to contact this spell caster that help her aunty to get pregnant, then i contacted the spell caster on this email: dovasagawhitemagictemple@yahoo.com after four months the doctor confirm that i am pregnant thank you. Dr.Dova Saga, once again his email: dovasagawhitemagictemple@yahoo.com

ryan ughu

My name is RYAN from LONDON please i want the world to help me to thank HIGH PRIEST ASHRA for bringing back happiness into my life , i contacted ashra in regards to my wife inability to get pregnant and give birth for over 12years will have been trying to get a child but after i contacted ashra and he made and caste a pregnancy spell on my wife , its exactly too months now and the doctor just confirmed it that my wife is pregnant, Please you can contact ASHRA on these contact details which are +2348058176311 or ashraspelltemple@yahoo.com. ASHRA thank you so much i really appreciate what you have done in my life.

Marian Bailey@facebook

upesalovetemple@gmail.com i just want to share with you all about my testimony i recently had a love spell cast on me by this man called Dr upesa which help me to return my lover back to me so i really want to thank this man and his gods for what he has done for me i will advice anyone in need of help to contact him upesalovetemple@gmail.com

Michelle Leonard@facebook

My Name is S , From United States. I wish to share my testimonies with the general public about what this man called Dr Dahiru has just done for me , this man has just brought back my lost Ex husband to me with his great spell, I was married to this man called williams we were together for a long time and we loved our self's but when I was unable to give him a child for 2 years he left me and told me he can't continue anymore then I was now looking for ways to get him back until a friend of mine told me about this man and gave his contact email, then you won't believe this when I contacted this man on my problems he prepared this spell cast and bring my lost husband back, and after a month I miss my month and go for a test and the result stated am pregnant am happy today am a mother of a baby girl, thank you once again the great Dr Dahiru for what you have done for me, if you are out there passing through any of this problems listed below: (1) If you want your ex back. (2) if you always have bad dreams. (3) You want to be promoted in your office. (4) You want women/men to run after you. (5) If you want a child. (6) You want to be rich. (7) You want to tie your husband/wife to be yours forever. (8) If you need financial assistance. (9) How you been scammed and you want to recover you lost money (10) Cure for HIV - you can contact hem via: email arewaspecialisttemple@yahoo.com or cell phone +2348074601888.

Moniquee Curryy@facebook

My Names is Monique Curry ,AM from United states .i never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster once when i went to Africa in June last year on a business summit i ment a man called Dr Dahiru, is powerful he could help you cast a spells to bring back my love s gone misbehaving lover looking for some one to love you bring back lost money and magic money spell or spell for a good job i m now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 4weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 3 year i really loved him, but his mother was against me and he had no good paying job so when i met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him at first i was undecided,skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try and in 6 days when i returned to taxes my boyfriend (is now my husband ) he called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married i didn't believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid and my husband also got a new job and our lives became much better in case anyone needs the spell caster for some help his email address: arewaspecialisttemple@yahoo.com

Kite Monica@facebook

I am posting on this site on how a great Dr.help me bring back my ex husbandr after 9 months of divorce with two kids. I love him so much,so a friend of mine clara introduced this Dr to me who also help her. he did a spell to bring him back within 24 hours, now we are together no more fight and argument. my lover now loves me more than any thing in the wolrd Thank for helping me bring back my husband to me. If you need any help like
1 LOVE SPELL
2 WIN EX BACK
3 FRUIT OF THE WOMB
4 PROMOTION SPELL
5 PROTECTION SPELL
6 BUSINESS SPELL
7 GOOD JOB SPELL
8 LOTTERY SPELL
9 COURT CASE SPELL
contact him via email: (Ultimatespellcast@gmail.com) call +2348156885231 for help.

Nelson Pamela@facebook

Hello everybody, My name is Nelson Pamela, Am from USA, Me and my husband have been trying to have baby for over two years now, We were going to a fertility clinic for about 1year and 8months before someone told us to contact this great spell caster who is so powerful, We contacted him with his email: supersolutionhome@gmail.com , for him to help us, then we told him our problem, he told us that i will either conceive in May 2013 or June 2013, but after two years of trying we were at a point where we were willing to do possible to make us get a baby even if is just one. And I’m glad we came to Dr. Ken, Because he predictions put us at ease, and I honestly believe him, and his gods really helped us as well, I am thankful for all he has done. If you are in this kind of problem i will advice you to contact him with this email: supersolutionhome@gmail.com. "The ability to have a baby is one of the most amazing gifts ever given to humans. The act of carrying a baby and being pregnant is one of the most beautiful experiences to ever have. Thanks.

George Gates@facebook

I'm 58 and childless, until i met oduwa legba who help me out and this is his details; +2348165061583 or oduwalegba@outlook.com.God did so that He will be glorified.

Wright Eva@facebook

Are you need help to solve your infertility problem or to get pregnant? contact Dr. Ken solution home on this email (supersolutionhome@gmail.com) I am Wright Eva from USA, I have been trying for 5years to get pregnant and needed help! i have Been going to the doctors but still nothing. The doctor said that me and my husband are fine and I don’t know where else to turn. Until one day my friend introduce me to this great spell caster who helped her to get back her lost husband back with love spell and also made her pregnant, So I decided to contact this spell caster Dr.Ken on his email (supersolutionhome@gmail.com) after interaction with him he instructed me on what to do, after then i should have sex with the my husband or any man I love in this world, And i did so, within the next one months i went for a check up and my doctor confirmed that i am 2weeks pregnant of two babies. I am so happy!! if you also need help to get pregnant or need your ex back please contact his email address: supersolutionhome@gmail.com or through His web address http://supersolutionhome.webs.com As HE did it for me, I am now a mother of twins. He will also do it for you. THANKS.

Moore Juliet@facebook

I have a testimony to share,,My Name is Mrs Juliet am from the United State Of America am now 54years old Am a Medical doctor in California,I married for about 54years ago without any child then me and my husband go for an adoption of 2kids male/female.Last years something wonderful and gracious happened to me i came across this witch doctor in the internet that promise to help me get pregnant which i totally disagree,,,How can i be pregnant looking my age he ask me not to worry that he only specialize on pregnancy no other. That after the job has been completed there is no any side effect,that was how he told me what to do which i did, could you believe i miss my periodical time that same Month and i was pregnant.Today am now the happiest woman on Earth,,While am i testify to this site i know there are a lot of people that are in this kind of trouble some will decide to commit suicide. please just do and contact him for help make him to understand that Mrs Juliet from USA directed you, his email drogisospiritualhome@gmail.com
or you can also contact him through his web site:
http://drogisospiritualhome.webs.com

Moore Juliet@facebook

I have a testimony to share,,My Name is Mrs Juliet am from the United State Of America am now 54years old Am a Medical doctor in California,I married for about 54years ago without any child then me and my husband go for an adoption of 2kids male/female.Last years something wonderful and gracious happened to me i came across this witch doctor in the internet that promise to help me get pregnant which i totally disagree,,,How can i be pregnant looking my age he ask me not to worry that he only specialize on pregnancy no other. That after the job has been completed there is no any side effect,that was how he told me what to do which i did, could you believe i miss my periodical time that same Month and i was pregnant.Today am now the happiest woman on Earth,,While am i testify to this site i know there are a lot of people that are in this kind of trouble some will decide to commit suicide. please just do and contact him for help make him to understand that Mrs Juliet from USA directed you, his email drogisospiritualhome@gmail.com
or you can also contact him through his web site:
http://drogisospiritualhome.webs.com

Wright Eva@facebook

Are you need help to solve your infertility problem or to get pregnant? contact Dr. Ken solution home on this email (supersolutionhome@gmail.com) I am Wright Eva from USA, I have been trying for 5years to get pregnant and needed help! i have Been going to the doctors but still nothing. The doctor said that me and my husband are fine and I don’t know where else to turn. Until one day my friend introduce me to this great spell caster who helped her to get back her lost husband back with love spell and also made her pregnant, So I decided to contact this spell caster Dr.Ken on his email (supersolutionhome@gmail.com) after interaction with him he instructed me on what to do, after then i should have sex with the my husband or any man I love in this world, And i did so, within the next one months i went for a check up and my doctor confirmed that i am 2weeks pregnant of two babies. I am so happy!! if you also need help to get pregnant or need your ex back please contact his email address: supersolutionhome@gmail.com or through His web address http://supersolutionhome.webs.com As HE did it for me, I am now a mother of twins. He will also do it for you. THANKS.

Wright Eva@facebook

Are you need help to solve your infertility problem or to get pregnant? contact Dr. Ken solution home on this email (supersolutionhome@gmail.com) I am Wright Eva from USA, I have been trying for 5years to get pregnant and needed help! i have Been going to the doctors but still nothing. The doctor said that me and my husband are fine and I don’t know where else to turn. Until one day my friend introduce me to this great spell caster who helped her to get back her lost husband back with love spell and also made her pregnant, So I decided to contact this spell caster Dr.Ken on his email (supersolutionhome@gmail.com) after interaction with him he instructed me on what to do, after then i should have sex with the my husband or any man I love in this world, And i did so, within the next one months i went for a check up and my doctor confirmed that i am 2weeks pregnant of two babies. I am so happy!! if you also need help to get pregnant or need your ex back please contact his email address: supersolutionhome@gmail.com or through His web address http://supersolutionhome.webs.com As HE did it for me, I am now a mother of twins. He will also do it for you. THANKS.

Wright Eva@facebook

Are you need help to solve your infertility problem or to get pregnant? contact Dr. Ken solution home on this email (supersolutionhome@gmail.com) I am Wright Eva from USA, I have been trying for 5years to get pregnant and needed help! i have Been going to the doctors but still nothing. The doctor said that me and my husband are fine and I don’t know where else to turn. Until one day my friend introduce me to this great spell caster who helped her to get back her lost husband back with love spell and also made her pregnant, So I decided to contact this spell caster Dr.Ken on his email (supersolutionhome@gmail.com) after interaction with him he instructed me on what to do, after then i should have sex with the my husband or any man I love in this world, And i did so, within the next one months i went for a check up and my doctor confirmed that i am 2weeks pregnant of two babies. I am so happy!! if you also need help to get pregnant or need your ex back please contact his email address: supersolutionhome@gmail.com or through His web address http://supersolutionhome.webs.com His private number is +2348074433380. As HE did it for me, I am now a mother of twins. He will also do it for you. THANKS.

annette

Annettee is my name:: You need help to solve your infertility problem or to get pregnant? contact Dr. ZOGO solution home on this email zogospellcasters@gmail.com I am from USA, I have been trying for 5years to get pregnant and needed help! i have Been going to the doctors but still nothing. The doctor said that me and my husband are fine and I don’t know where else to turn. Until one day my friend introduce me to this great Man who helped her to get back her Divorce husband back with love spell and also made her pregnant, So I decided to contact Dr. Zogo on his email zogospellcasters@gmail.com after interaction with him he instructed me on what to do, after then i should have sex with the my partner, And i did so, within the next one months i went for a check up and my doctor confirmed that i am 2weeks pregnant of twins. I am so happy!! if you also need help to get pregnant or need your ex back please contact his email address: zogospellcasters@gmail.com or through His web address http://zogospellcasters.webs.com As HE did it for me, I am now a mother of twins. He will also do it for you. THANKS.

Will Augustina@facebook

when i first got married every body in my husband life love me but after five years they turn against me because i was unable to bear children and one faithful day i discover a testimony through the internet and now i am happy because the email address i found the man who owns it help me for good and now am eight months pregnant and i know i am going going to give birth because he told me that antelope give birth without losing a child,until i met oduwa legba who help me out and this is his details; +2348165061583 or oduwalegba@outlook.com

Victoria Glen@facebook

My partner and I have been trying for a baby for over two years now, We were going to a fertility clinic for about 5 months before somebody told us to contact this spell caster who is so powerful, We contacted him at this email; babaka.wolf@gmail.com , for him to help us, then we told him our problem, he told us that we will either conceive in January 2013 or February 2013,but after two years of trying we were at a point where we were willing to try anything. And I'm glad we came to Dr Babaka, Because his pregnancy spell cast put us at ease, and I honestly believe him, and his gods really helped us as well, I am thankful for all he has done. contact him via email: babaka.wolf@gmail.com if you are trying to get a baby or want your lover back. he has powers to do it, he has done mine.

Edmon

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vincenzoll

Last week was my first time going to Life Matters with my wife and it was great. The environment was very kid friendly and she loves going to see the fish in the tank. The doctors were great, they explained everything very well and made my wife and i very comfortable.

John Melissa@facebook

I have a testimony to share,,My Name is Mrs melissa am from the United State Of America am now 54years old Am a Medical doctor in California,I married for about 54years ago without any child then me and my husband go for an adoption of 2kids male/female.Last years something wonderful and gracious happened to me i came across this witch doctor in the internet that promise to help me get pregnant which i totally disagree,,,How can i be pregnant looking my age he ask me not to worry that he only specialize on pregnancy and love spell. That after the job has been completed there is no any side effect,that was how he told me what to do which i did, could you believe i miss my periodical time that same Month and i was pregnant.Today am now the happiest woman on Earth,,While am i testify to this site i know there are a lot of people that are in this kind of trouble some will decide to commit suicide. please just do and contact him for help make him to understand that Mrs Melissa from USA directed you, his email abolospell@gmail.com or call +2347052534659.

Nace Weath@facebook

Thank you very much prophetjakula for i never thought any thing could make my husband come back to me as his wife again after he broke up with me and left to settle down with another woman who never Knew how we both suffered and share feelings together in USA but thank God today i was lucky to see this great spell caster on a site after seeing a lots of testimony and good work he have done in the lives of people helping them to get their ex,husbands and wife renewing many relationships thank you very much prophetjakula@gmail.com or call him +2348110037989

Mariam Michell@facebook

i am here to give testimony of how i got back my husband, we got married for more than 9 years and have gotten two kids. thing were going well with us and we are always happy. until one day my husband started to behave in a way i could not understand, i was very confused by the way he treat me and the kids. later that month he did not come home again and he called me that he want a divorce, i asked him what have i done wrong to deserve this from him, all he was saying is that he want a divorce that he hate me and do not want to see me again in his life, i was mad and also frustrated do not know what to do,i was sick for more than 2 weeks because of the divorce. i love him so much he was everything to me without him my life is incomplete. i told my sister and she told me to contact a spell caster, i never believe in all this spell casting of a thing. i just want to try if something will come out of it. i contacted jato for the return of my husband to me, they told me that my husband have been taken by another woman, that she cast a spell on him that is why he hate me and also want us to divorce. then they told me that they have to cast a spell on him that will make him return to me and the kids, they casted the spell and after 1 week my husband called me and he told me that i should forgive him, he started to apologize on phone and said that he still live me that he did not know what happen to him that he left me. it was the spell that he jato casted on him that make him comeback to me today,me and my family are now happy again today. thank you jato for what you have done for me i would have been nothing today if not for your great spell. i want you my friends who are passing through all this kind of love problem of getting back their husband, wife , or ex boyfriend and girlfriend to contact jatosolution@hotmail.com and you will see that your problem will be solved without any delay.

Selina Jackson@facebook

Hi everyone, I do hope my post gets read and hopefully helps somebody along the line.i will never forget the help priest okpobo temple render to me in my marital life. i have been married for 4 years now and my husband and i love each other very dearly . after 3 years of our marriage my husband suddenly change he was having an affair with a lady outside,i notice it then i was praying for divine intervention the thing became more serious i told my pastor about it we prayed but nothing happen. my husband just came home one day he pick up his things and left me and the kids to his mistress outside at this time i was confuse not knowing what to do again because i have lost my husband and my marriage too. i was just checking my mails in the office when i saw someone sharing her testimony on how priest okpobo temple help her out with her marital problems so i contacted the email of priest okpobo i told him my problem and i was told to be calm that i have come to the right place that i should fill some information concerning my self i did after 30 minus he called me again congratulating me that my problems will be solve within 5days. he told me what went wrong with my husband and how it happen.that they will restored my marriage but i will make a free donation to their Priest home anything my heart told me. to my greatest surprise my husband came to my office begging me on his knees that i should find a place in my heart to forgive him i quickly ask him up that i have forgiven him.friends your case is not too hard why don't you give priest okpobo a try they work surprises because i know they will also bring back your husband. contact him via priestokpobomagictemple131@gmail.com

Nicolas Nayla@facebook

Hello my is NICOLAS NAYLA i want to share my testimony on how i married for the pass 10yrs without even conceiving a baby and i have done all the medical check up and the doctors said am okay yet i was still unable to conceive until one faithful day i was on the internet doing some research and i saw a testimony share by someone on how a man call Dr ALEKA help her to get conceive a baby after casting a pregnancy spell for her and i have no option than to also contact this man on this same email which is supernaturalsolutioncenter@gmail.com and to my greatest surprise after he has cast the spell for me and he told me to have sex with my husband and i did as he instructed me and to God be the glory at the end of the month i miss my period and i want for hospital for check up again and the doctor said am two weeks pregnant and i was so surprise and all this all came through with the help of Dr ALEKA once again contact him supernaturalsolutioncenter@gmail.com or you can also reach him on his website http://supernaturalsolutioncental.webs.com/ for your help because he just save my marriage and i know many of you are out there with the same problem don't hesitate to contact him now.

Nicolas Nayla@facebook

Hello my is NICOLAS NAYLA i want to share my testimony on how i married for the pass 10yrs without even conceiving a baby and i have done all the medical check up and the doctors said am okay yet i was still unable to conceive until one faithful day i was on the internet doing some research and i saw a testimony share by someone on how a man call Dr ALEKA help her to get conceive a baby after casting a pregnancy spell for her and i have no option than to also contact this man on this same email which is supernaturalsolutioncenter@gmail.com and to my greatest surprise after he has cast the spell for me and he told me to have sex with my husband and i did as he instructed me and to God be the glory at the end of the month i miss my period and i want for hospital for check up again and the doctor said am two weeks pregnant and i was so surprise and all this all came through with the help of Dr ALEKA once again contact him supernaturalsolutioncenter@gmail.com or you can also reach him on his website http://supernaturalsolutioncental.webs.com/ for your help because he just save my marriage and i know many of you are out there with the same problem don't hesitate to contact him now.

William Brendy@facebook

A WONDERFUL AND POWERFUL SPELL CASTER THAT HELP ME TO GET PREGNANT,,
Testimony On A Spell Caster Who help me to get pregnant, So me and my HUSBAND have been trying for a baby for the last 2 years now and to all in vein. I don't have a regular cycle so it is hard for me to tell when I'm ovulating or not, but we always have sex at least 2 times a week, sometimes more. I know it can take up to 9 months to conceive but everyone i know who have had a baby have conceived within 2-3months of trying and it is was really hurting me so badly. My HUSBAND had a fertility test about a year ago and his sperm were fine. I'm thinking it could be a problem with me but I've never had any symptoms of any problems. My HUSBAND does smoke and have the occasional drink, and i used to smoke and also have the occasional drink. i know I'm slightly overweight but that shouldn't affect our chances too much,one faithful day my friend told me to contact a spell caster that help sister, then i contact the DR.Ehiaghe on this email: ehiaghespellhome@gmail.com . DR.Ehiaghe told us all our problem and promise to help us, he told us that 2 month later i will be pregnant, with the faith in me i believed him but my husband never believe. And after 2months later i was really pregnant and i gave birth to a set of twin, a girl and a boy. what a wonderful spell caster. Once again contact him with his email if you need any kind of help such as bring your ex back, curing of hiv and cancer i believe you can find a solution in him: ehiaghespellhome@gmail.com Thanks.

Ekuma Solutiontemple@facebook

My name is Floa Dee, and I base in UK...My life is back!!! After 2 years of Broken marriage, my husband left me with two kids . I felt like my life was about to end i almost committed suicide, i was emotionally down for a very long time. Thanks to a spell caster called Dr Ekuma, which i met online. On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet,I came across a lot of testimonies about this particular spell caster. Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he restores womb,cure cancer,and other sickness, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop divorce and so on. i also come across one particular testimony,it was about a woman called Elizabeth,she testified about how he brought back her Ex lover in less than 2 days, and at the end of her testimony she dropped Dr Ekuma's e-mail address. After reading all these,I decided to give it a try. I contacted him via email and explained my problem to him. In just 48hours, my husband came back to me. We solved our issues, and we are even happier than before Dr Ekuma, is really a gifted man and i will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man... If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster to solve all your problems for you. Try ekumasolutiontemple@gmail.com anytime, he might be the answer to your problems. Here's his contact: ekumasolutiontemple@gmail.com

Mercy Brown@facebook

I’m Mercy brown by name I have a few testimony to share with you all about myself, I was in a relationship with this guy and for 3years and we were about getting married when we both have misunderstanding with each other and he ask me for a divorce and we both agreed and after 4months I head that he was having an affair with one of my closest friend and I was very upset and worried so a friend of my advice me and told me if I still love my ex and if I really want to have him back so I told her yes, and she ask me to contact Dr. Madurai the spell caster and I did although I never believe on spell so he gave me something when he was casting the spell and ask me to say my wishes on it and after the casting of the spell a receive a phone call from my ex and was ask me at which I did and now we are back together again I’m so happy and I wish not to ever have this mistake again in my life. I will also advice anyone with this kind of issue to contact him for help he is really nice on phone and always there to answer you question giving you the good advice that you need. his email is maduraitemple@yahoo.com

2207900408@twitter

I am Victoria from USA, i and my husband were married for 4 years without any child, will tried so many effort and all were in veil the test we had all testify that i have low fertile womb as a result i will not be able to get pregnant. So i couldn't bear the taught that i will not be able to have any baby so i search the internet for some help and advise then i came across Dr Babaka a spell caster email address : babaka.wolf@gmail.com , And after contacting Dr Babaka he told me that everything will be ok and he gave me some herbal soap and to my greatest surprise for the first time in my life i became pregnant within 2 months, and now as i am writing this testimony now i am a mother of one lovely kid all thanks to Dr Babaka whose email address is: babaka.wolf@gmail.com, contact him now as he is a great herbal and spiritual doctor, as he spell put me at easy.

Michel Doglas@facebook

My Name is Michel,
On the behalf of me and my wife i want to give a very big thanks to priest Obom of solutiontemple220@gmail.com, who did it for me and my wife to have a baby of our own, and now my wife is having another one. this is great of Obom, i don't know how to thank this great man for what he has done for me and my wife for bringing back happiness into my wife family, and my family, priest Obom give us hope when all hope was lost, you are the best , thanks to you my brother, my friend, my priest. any one out there looking for help to get pregnant should contact priest Obom on solutiontemple220@gmail.com for i know him will help you just like him did for me and my wife

Lucas Aaron@facebook

HELLO i have read testimonies about this great man called Dr. Sambo how he helped people to get pregnant and also help people to cure HIV with his herbal medicine, so i decided to give him a try, i am here today to give my own testimony on how this great man helped me to cure my HIV disease and also helped my sister to get pregnant, i just told him and he said he was going to work on it miraculously and in a short period of time i was lifted from these terrible disease. And it took my sister just a week to get pregnant after he was done. Contact this great man and He will help you no matter the the problem you are facing. Email him at sambolaherbalcurecentre@gmail.com

Lucas Aaron@facebook

HELLO i have read testimonies about this great man called Dr. Sambo how he helped people to get pregnant and also help people to cure HIV with his herbal medicine, so i decided to give him a try, i am here today to give my own testimony on how this great man helped me to cure my HIV disease and also helped my sister to get pregnant, i just told him and he said he was going to work on it miraculously and in a short period of time i was lifted from these terrible disease. And it took my sister just a week to get pregnant after he was done. Contact this great man and He will help you no matter the the problem you are facing. Email him at sambolaherbalcurecentre@gmail.com

Brown Mark@facebook

My name is Brown Mark and am from USA,let me share this testimony to the world to hear about him too this man really exit I was HIV positive over 6year I have being in medication and I try to look for cure to my problem and I go through internet doctor and I found a tradition named DR. CAFAI i contacted cafaispiritualtemple@yahoo.com for help he give me all his laws and rule that if I get cured I should write about him and that is what am doing now, this man ask for some information about me, which I give him this man cure me from HIV what a great man thank for your help when he get the information he told me that he is about to work on it 20 to 30 minute this man email me and told me what to do for the curing which I did after all the things needed for the cure is provide the man call me in 45mins later and tell me to go for test what a great day to me I was negative thanks Dr CAFAi you can through his email address,cafaispiritualtemple@yahoo.com or his phone number +234 7067607073

Sandey Wilson@facebook

My name is SANDEY WILSON and I base in LONDON. UNITED KINGDOM ..“My life is back!!! After 14 years of Broken marriage, my husband left me and our two twins . I felt like my life was about to end i almost committed suicide, i was emotionally down for a very long time. Thanks to a spell caster called Dr OKAYA who i meet online. On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet, I was searching for a good spell caster that can solve my problems. I came across alot of testimonies about this particular spell caster. Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he restores womb,cure cancer,and other sickness, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop divorce and so on. i also come across one particular testimony,it was about a woman called sarah,she testified about how Dr OKAYA brought back her Ex lover in less than 2 days and reverse the effect of their little boys cancer, and at the end of her testimony she dropped Dr OKAYA e-mail address. After reading all these,I decided to give Dr OKAYA
a try. I contacted him via email and explained my problem to him. In just 2 days, my husband came back to me. We solved our issues, and we are even happier than before. Dr OKAYA is really a gifted man and i will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man... If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster to solve all your problems for you. Try Dr OKAYA anytime, he is the answer to your problems. Here's his contact OKAYASPELLHELP@GMAIL.COM Thank you Dr OKAYA.

Sandey Wilson@facebook

My name is SANDEY WILSON and I base in LONDON. UNITED KINGDOM ..“My life is back!!! After 14 years of Broken marriage, my husband left me and our two twins . I felt like my life was about to end i almost committed suicide, i was emotionally down for a very long time. Thanks to a spell caster called Dr OKAYA who i meet online. On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet, I was searching for a good spell caster that can solve my problems. I came across alot of testimonies about this particular spell caster. Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he restores womb,cure cancer,and other sickness, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop divorce and so on. i also come across one particular testimony,it was about a woman called sarah,she testified about how Dr OKAYA brought back her Ex lover in less than 2 days and reverse the effect of their little boys cancer, and at the end of her testimony she dropped Dr OKAYA e-mail address. After reading all these,I decided to give Dr OKAYA
a try. I contacted him via email and explained my problem to him. In just 2 days, my husband came back to me. We solved our issues, and we are even happier than before. Dr OKAYA is really a gifted man and i will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man... If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster to solve all your problems for you. Try Dr OKAYA anytime, he is the answer to your problems. Here's his contact OKAYASPELLHELP@GMAIL.COM Thank you Dr OKAYA.

Sandey Wilson@facebook

My name is SANDEY WILSON and I base in LONDON. UNITED KINGDOM ..“My life is back!!! After 14 years of Broken marriage, my husband left me and our two twins . I felt like my life was about to end i almost committed suicide, i was emotionally down for a very long time. Thanks to a spell caster called Dr OKAYA who i meet online. On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet, I was searching for a good spell caster that can solve my problems. I came across alot of testimonies about this particular spell caster. Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he restores womb,cure cancer,and other sickness, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop divorce and so on. i also come across one particular testimony,it was about a woman called sarah,she testified about how Dr OKAYA brought back her Ex lover in less than 2 days and reverse the effect of their little boys cancer, and at the end of her testimony she dropped Dr OKAYA e-mail address. After reading all these,I decided to give Dr OKAYA
a try. I contacted him via email and explained my problem to him. In just 2 days, my husband came back to me. We solved our issues, and we are even happier than before. Dr OKAYA is really a gifted man and i will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man... If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster to solve all your problems for you. Try Dr OKAYA anytime, he is the answer to your problems. Here's his contact OKAYASPELLHELP@GMAIL.COM Thank you Dr OKAYA.

Us Yonda@facebook

My husband and I were trying to conceive for 3 years with no luck. Finally earlier this year we found out my husband had a low/abnormal sperm count. I had heard of a spell Herbalist Priest Hallifat from a friend and decided it was worth a shot. We ordered spell for Motility Boost. After the first 3 weeks i find out that I was already expecting a baby! for more info here is Priest Hallifat contact E-mail; lifecentre@live.com

Lucas Aaron@facebook

A GREAT MAN THAT HELP ME CURE MY HIV DISEASE AND ALSO HELP MY SISTER TO GET PREGNANT.

I have read testimonies about this great man called Dr. Sambo how he helped people to get pregnant and also help people to cure HIV with his herbal medicine, so i decided to give him a try, i am here today to give my own testimony on how this great man helped me to cure my HIV disease and also helped my sister to get pregnant, i just told him and he said he was going to work on it miraculously and in a short period of time i was lifted from these terrible disease. And it took my sister just a week to get pregnant after he was done. Contact this great man and He will help you no matter the the problem you are facing. Email him at sambolaherbalcurecentre@gmail.com

Jackson Precious@facebook

When I was 17 I had my right ovary and falopian tube removed due to having a cyst, I have been trying for a baby for the past 8years and nothing has happened ,my partner and i have undergo ivf but it doesn't work, until i saw somelady comment here how she got pregnant by the help of a spiritulist named azuba who did a pregnancy and a cleanse spell for her, i then decided to give a try 2months ago and contacted the same prophet azuba and did the spell , and my doctor just confirm it that am pregnant , thanks every1 for the support and for putting the email of the spell caster that helped me , you can also contact azuba for what every situation you are on:azubaspelltemple@gmail.com or +2348149271063

Wayne Kimberly@facebook

I want to share my true life story and how i got help to save my life and my marriage firstly i want to thank a great man called Dr. ogbefun. i was married for the past 8years looking for a baby badly and i have spend alot of money for medical description all to no avail until the 9years after loosing hope already and my husband has already made up his mind to marry another woman and it was like big slap on my face till one faithful day i was on the internet checking on what to do to get pregnant and i saw a testimony share by Marina Belyaskaya in Brooklyn NY, USA on how she got help to have a baby of her own today and she now live a happy life with her husband and she also pregnant again and i quickly contacted the email and number wrote which is miracletemple11@gmail.com and +2347060552255 now am pregnant after doing what this man ask me to do and the instruction he gave to me, am now 7months pregnant after 8years of marriage am so so happy and if you are out there having this similar problem quickly contact him now for your help

Selina Jackson@facebook

Hello to all my Name is Selina from United States of America , I do hope my post gets read and hopefully helps somebody along the line. i will never forget the help the priest of JAYEMA temple render to me in my marital life. i have been married for 4 years now and my husband and i love each other very dearly . after 3 years of our marriage my husband suddenly change he was having an affair with a lady outside,i notice it then i was praying for divine intervention the thing became more serious i told my pastor about it we prayed but nothing happen. my husband just came home one day he pick up his things and left me and the kids to his mistress outside at this time i was confuse not knowing what to do again because i have lost my husband and my marriage too. i was just checking my mails in the office when i saw someone sharing her testimony on how the priest of JAYEMA temple help her out with her marital problems so i contacted the email of priest JAYEMA i told him my problem and i was told to be calm that i have come to the right place that i should fill some information concerning my self i did after 30 minus he called me again congratulating me that my problems will be solve within 48 hours. he told me what went wrong with my husband and how it happen.that they will restored my marriage but i will make a free donation to their JAYEMA home anything my heart told me. to my greatest surprise my husband came to my office begging me on his knees that i should find a place in my heart to forgive him i quickly ask him up that i have forgiven him.friends your case is not too hard why don't you give priest JAYEMA a try they work surprises because i know they will also bring back your husband. contact him via jayemamagictemple@gmail.com you can still visit his web site http://jayemamagictemple.webs.com/ or Tel; +(234)-706819-3499. sure he will help you get the problem solved okay.

anan

I want to share a great testimony on this website on how great Dr.Azuba help me in falling pregnant,me and my husband have been trying to have a baby for over 6 years,but they where no luck so we decided to contact the family doctor and after all the test have been done,he said to us that my fallopian tube is not functioning.then one day i was in the office when a friend of mine who have the same problem with me, fall pregnant after she contacted Dr.Azuba.she directed me to him and when i contacted him through is email and he did the purification on the pregnancy spell and in 8weeks time i was feeling some how and i want to me the family doctor who told me that i m pregnant.if you know that you have a similar problem like this and you want to be pregnant you can contact Dr.Azuba via Email:azubaspelltemple@gmail.com,or cell phone +2348149271063

anan

I want to share a great testimony on this website on how great Dr.Azuba help me in falling pregnant,me and my husband have been trying to have a baby for over 6 years,but they where no luck so we decided to contact the family doctor and after all the test have been done,he said to us that my fallopian tube is not functioning.then one day i was in the office when a friend of mine who have the same problem with me, fall pregnant after she contacted Dr.Azuba.she directed me to him and when i contacted him through is email and he did the purification on the pregnancy spell and in 8weeks time i was feeling some how and i want to me the family doctor who told me that i m pregnant.if you know that you have a similar problem like this and you want to be pregnant you can contact Dr.Azuba via Email:azubaspelltemple@gmail.com,or cell phone +2348149271063

anan

My partner and I have been trying for a baby for over two years now, We were going to a fertility clinic for about 5 months before somebody told us to contact this spell caster who is so powerful, We contacted him at this email; azubaspelltemple@gmail.com , for him to help us, then we told him our problem, he told us that we will either conceive in January 2013 or February 2013,but after two years of trying we were at a point where we were willing to try anything. And I'm glad we came to Dr Azuba, Because his pregnancy spell cast put us at ease, and I honestly believe him, and his gods really helped us as well, I am thankful for all he has done. contact him via email: azubaspelltemple@gmail.com or cell phone +2348149271063
if you are trying to get a baby or want your lover back. he has powers to do it, he has done mine.

Real Illuminati Firm@facebook

My name is Camille bruno Valdez my partner and I have been trying for a baby for over two years now, We were going to a fertility clinic for about 5 months before somebody told us to contact this spell caster who is so powerful, We contacted him at this email; ojemiritemple@gmail.com, for him to help us, then we told him our problem, he told us that we will either conceive in February 2014 or March 2014,but after two years of trying we were at a point where we were willing to try anything. And I'm glad we came to Dr okoye, Because his pregnancy spell cast put us at ease, and I honestly believe him, and his gods really helped us as well, I am thankful for all he has done. contact him via email: Ojemiritemple@gmail.com.com if you are trying to get a baby or want your lover back, and ifyou wish to see your future. he has powers to do it, he has done mine

Nicole Margarete@facebook

I want to testify to the general public on how i get pregnant, and the love my husband have for me was restored. with the help of great power's of priest Obom after 9years we have been together of marriage. i thought i may never get pregnant again, so i cry out for help online, on how to get solution to my problem. my husband, my family's, and friends, i think you fine will be fine they were all telling me. i could not stop thinking my life will end like this without having a baby of my own, so one i sew some people online saying things about this great man called priest obom, on how him can help people get pregnant. i contacted him, i told him what my problem is. him did a spell for me to get pregnant, also him after 3 week i should go for chick up, which i did, i took a pregnancy test and sure enough it was POSITIVE! I was so excited. all thanks to the great priest obom, pls keep on the good work, for i know there are people out there that still need your help just like me. if you ever need the help of the great man, you can reach on his email address (solutiontemple220@gmail.com)

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