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Tuesday, September 25, 2012

77

How to Host a Dinner For "The" Strangers

...as opposed to strangers.

Whyyyy are you doing this? Okay. Uhhhh. Buy a house without windows, make sure there's a really deep concrete foundation, and bolt the door. Buy a gun. Then make a bunch of aspics and undercooked chicken and have your hot boyfriend slowly open the front door while you cover him with the gun. Put the plate on the front step. If anyone approaches it, make sure they are not your good friend coming to save you, then shoot them in the chest. Shoot them again. Cut their head off and put it on a spike to warn the others. Then move to the city.

Oh, and maybe play that Madeline Peyroux album. It's very soothing to the digestion.

77 Comments / Post A Comment

Michelle Dean@twitter

Nicole but this was a great movie though! It was a little weird that the fashion model was the serial killer, but you know, I guess it happens.

redheaded&crazy

@Michelle Dean@twitter SPOILER. ALERT.

SarahP

@redheaded&crazie Not really, though? It's about people who try to kill people, one of them just happens to be a model in real life.

redheaded&crazy

@SarahP yeahhh I guess in fairly generic horror movies there's only so much to be spoiled? I was going to follow up my comment with another one like "I just read plot synopses on wikipedia like a tool anyway so spoil away."

also, i clearly have no idea what I'm talking about.

Michelle Dean@twitter

@redheaded&crazie Well the other person is right. This spoils nothing.

Chesty LaRue

@redheaded&crazie Don't you know you can't complain about spoilers on a movie this old? That's just, like, the rules of feminism.

redheaded&crazy

@Chesty LaRue i mean, i was being facetious BUT i kind of ruined that with my stupid long follow-up comment, and now this stupid follow-up comment SO -3 for me on the internet today.

(is this an old movie? I don't even KNOW ANYTHING)

Chesty LaRue

@redheaded&crazie Not actually old, but it came out in 2008. If you like scary movies, you should watch it, actually. Also, I had a wisdom tooth out and 4 fillings replaced yesterday, I wouldn't be able to tell sarcasm through the haze of drugs anyway.

SarahP

@redheaded&crazie (I was just worried people would see your comment and not read Michelle Dean@twitter's comment for fear it was really a spoiler.)

MoxyCrimeFighter

@redheaded&crazie I ALWAYS read plot synopses of horror movies on Wikipedia. Sometimes I just want to know what happens without having to sit through a shitty movie! (Also, sometimes when I'm actually watching a movie, I'll get to scared to finish it and have to find out how it ended from the safety and comfort of under all the covers on my bed.)

Pyxis

@MoxyCrimeFighter Yes! I have to remind myself that other people actually do care about spoilers, even though I don't! My thoughts are that if it's really that good, knowing the ending is not going to ruin it.

wharrgarbl

@Pyxis Statute of limitations, though. It's kind to keep spoilers to yourself if you're advocating for someone else to go see the movie, but aside from that, I'd think anything that's been out on DVD for over a year is kind of fair game.

Pariah Carey

Full stop, one of the best (as in scariest, most well made, most plausible) horror films in the last 20 years. "Why are you doing this??!" "Because you were home."

AAAAAHHHH!!! THIS COULD HAPPEN TO MEEEEEE!!

Spooky Behaviour

@Pariah Carey OH GOD I'M ALWAYS HOME !!!!

M'fly

@Pariah Carey OH MY GOD I'M HOME RIGHT! NOW!

olivebee

I love watching horror movies, so I have seen a lot, but The Strangers scared me more than any other that I can remember. I tend to always be more terrified by serial killer-type horror flicks than supernatural ones. It's been a few years since I've watched it...maybe I should break it out this Halloween.

On a funny note, the night I was watching The Strangers, I was in my pitch black bedroom, watching it on my laptop in bed. My cat somehow snuck onto the bed without me noticing, and right as one of the attackers came up behind one of the victims, my cat's head popped up over the back of the laptop screen. I screamed bloody murder. She has excellent timing.

sudden but inevitable betrayal

@olivebee Trying really really hard not to read the plot summary of this movie.

OhMyGoshYouGuys

@olivebee I'm fighting back tears and laughter after reading your story. If that had happened to me, I would either have punched the cat in the face or launched the laptop at the wall.

The Attic Wife

That lines up nicely with my general advice for people who suddenly find themselves in a horror movie:

1. Don't be curious. If a door is locked, it's probably locked for a reason. Don't pry it open for funsies. Also, should someone ask this question: "What was that noise? Should we check it out?" The only appropriate answer is: "NO. NO WE SHOULD NOT. AS A MATTER OF FACT, LET'S DRIVE AWAY. NOW."
2. Your house appears to be possessed/beset by monsters and or serial killers? GET OUT OF THE HOUSE. No, I don't care that you just signed the lease/you just inherited it/you're tired and it's late and raining, GET OUT OF THE HOUSE.
3. Remember to call the police when things START to get weird, not AFTER they've cut the phone lines/screwed up your cell phone/cut off your hands.
4. Never split up, if you're in a group. It will not help you find the monster/killer faster, it will just taken you all longer to die.
5. Don't go upstairs if you can avoid it. Then, when the monster/killer follows you, you're going to have to jump out a window to escape, inevitably breaking/spraining something and making your slow crawl away from death that much more agonizing.

Veronica Mars is smarter than me

@The Attic Wife <3 the username. ETA: Which I guess you've had for like forever. OK, I have obviously been wayyyyyy out of the loop!

fondue with cheddar

@The Attic Wife YES. If I am ever in a horror movie I feel like I'd be okay because I'm so much smarter than almost every person in every horror movie ever.

laserbeams

@The Attic Wife Except horror movies know you're wise to that now so they've changed the rules. Now moving house is what gets you. Or the demon follows you, not the house.

meetapossum

@The Attic Wife This is why Insidious was pretty clever. "Oh, the house is haunted? We're MOVING." Like, duh. Why doesn't everyone do that?

Is It a Hat?

@meetapossum Did you like Insidious? I just re-watched it this weekend, and I think it's a pretty decent horror film. All the terrifying scenes and characters have lodged themselves into my subconscious and like to pop up when I'm trying to fall asleep.

meetapossum

@Is It a Hat? Yeah, I agree that it's decent. Haunted house movies are my favorite (the original version of The Haunting is the best), but demon plots usually turn me a little cold. That being said, I thought it had some good scares and a good story, and it's obviously much better than Paranormal Activity.

SarahP

@meetapossum I thought Insidious's first half was the best scary movie ever! ...and then the second half got weird and the weirdness sort of canceled out the awesomeness, so once I got to the end, I found it just a decently scary movie.

meetapossum

@SarahP Yeah, I think that's my problems with demon plots in general! It always starts out as a cool story about a haunting, and then ends up in a weird religious supernatural place that ruins the first part for me.

Like, in Paranormal Activity when the ouija board catches on fire, I was like "FORGET THIS."

SarahP

@meetapossum I'm basically content with anything that happens in a Paranormal Activity movie. But I agree with you on the "weird religious supernatural place" being a negative for me. I used to be really fascinated with plots like that, mostly because I wasn't raised Christian, so I would be like "Do they do that? DO THEY REALLY BELIEVE THAT?!" but then even simple googling showed me that the only people who knew less about actual religious views of these things were the people making these movies. Now I just get angry. "I've seen Wikipedia! Priests don't do that!"

meetapossum

@SarahP I grew up Christian, but not Catholic, so I didn't really have the rituals and traditions associated with demons v. angels. Demonic possessions just overstep my ability to sustain disbelief.

NB: I am aware of the irony in saying, "Ghosts, obviously real. Demons, DON'T BE RIDICULOUS."

fondue with cheddar

@meetapossum IWhile both ghosts and demons are pretty low on the plausibility scale, I do think ghosts are slightly higher.

nogreeneggs

@The Attic Wife Has anyone seen Cabin in the Woods? I felt bad for those kids. They were trying to be smart, but it didn’t really work out that great. Also, I spent the entire movie being like…man that guy really looks like Chris Hemsworth, does he have another brother? I’m dumb.

Blackwatch Plaid

@nogreeneggs Cabin in the Woods pretty much dismantled the entire genre. It was Joss Whedon's love of killing his characters extended to its logical endpoint.

meetapossum

@nogreeneggs I LOVE Cabin in the Woods. I was just talking to my friend about it yesterday. Merman!

The Attic Wife

@nogreeneggs I haven't seen Cabin In the Woods, but I know the plot (I'm waiting for it to get to the library so I can watch it for free, I literally just blew $20 on the Universal Legacy version of The Invisible Man) and I think it's pretty genius. Of course, I think most of what Joss Whedon does is pretty genius, so I'm biased.

@meetapossum Same with Insidious (the first half), they tried to play by the rules and got SCREWED, which makes for good 21st century horror, IMO. I also like that Insidious wasn't too meta, like Scream...again, until the second half. Once Darth Maul's gay twin brother showed up, it was pure comedy for me. Still love that movie to bits, though.

nogreeneggs

@The Attic Wife Haha "Darth Maul's gay twin brother" perfectly sums up my feelings about the second half of that movie! I could not understand the costume choices in that movie. Sometimes though when I'm looking through pictures I think "what if I notice some scary, old, semi-transparent lady creeping on me!" and freak out a little bit.

The Attic Wife

@nogreeneggs RIGHT?! Why not just make it the witch lady all the way through? SHE (He? I think she was played by a dude) was legitimately scary! When I saw him pop up in the dining room, I laughed and thought it was a one-off, 'Oh, how funny, they had a demon that looks like Darth Maul, they must be Star Wars fans.' And then he didn't go away.

Kulojam

I haven't seen The Strangers, but I did watch Them (Ils), a French movie that sounds reallllllly similar based on plot synopsis I read on Wikipedia. I mean, the details are different but the premise - couple terrorized in their remote home - is the same. Googling says The Strangers isn't a remake though. Anyone know? I want to watch The Strangers anyway, I'm just curious.

Allie J

@Kulojam
They are similar films, but The Strangers is not a remake of Them. Incidentally, there is a remake in production, scheduled for 2014 according to the IMDb. I wonder if people will see the preview and say, "That looks just like that movie The Strangers."

These movies also remind me of another French film, "Funny Games" which was also remade in the US. All three films are terrifying, but the moment that sticks with me most is in The Strangers, when Liv Tyler's character is standing at the sink and you see the mask of one of the killers emerge from the dark hallway behind her. I have never recovered from that. And I never will.

fondue with cheddar

I don't know anything about this movie (why no link to the trailer?), but I kind of like this stranger dinner idea. Telling friends to invite people is a neat, safe idea. But I would be comfortable throwing out an invite to 'Pinners as well. Once my crazy life settles down a bit I may try this.

TARDIStime

@fondue with cheddar (formerly jen325)
Yes, I would do this if inviting people over didn't make my mum hyperventilate.
Also, I'm not sure how I would explain The Hairpin to my partner so that he'd feel comfortable with internet strangers (you're not really strangers!)

fondue with cheddar

@TARDIStime Call it an online community. I talk to my boyfriend about discussions on The Hairpin all the time, and sometimes he forgets that I've never met you all in person. One time he asked me to call "your friend who's getting married" and it took me a minute to realize he was talking about someone from The Hairpin. I had to remind him that I only know her from the site and, although I met her once at a 'Pinup, I don't really know her well enough to call her up and I certainly don't have her phone number. I don't know where the line between "friendly" and "friends" is, but The Hairpin is somewhere in between.

cd
cd

I'm pretty sure I didn't sleep for a week after seeing this movie. with anything involving ghost/monster/haunting, you can reason with yourself, "oh thats not real." but home invasions? I cannot fuck with those movies.

cd
cd

@cd also tomorrow begins my one (or two) months of living alone for the first time ever. so I'm glad I'm revisiting my horror :/

TARDIStime

@cd
For me it's all about the psychological thriller (Silence of the Lambs fucked up my sleep for a very long time).
Paranormal Activity, on the other hand - laughable. Everyone in my cinema giggled.

meetapossum

Speaking of horror movies, who else is intrigued by Sinister?

MoxyCrimeFighter

@meetapossum I fell down an IMDb k-hole of horror movies a few days ago, and I kinda can't watch the trailer for Sinister. I've seen it at least twice, and the Jigsaw-demon thing really creeps me out. I suspect I will not be seeing it! Definitely not alone, gah.

I am very intrigued by "Mama," though (Jessica Chastain with a hot haircut! Jaime Lannister! Feral children!).

meetapossum

@MoxyCrimeFighter Ok, I just watched the trailer, and Mama looks pretty awesome.

The Attic Wife

@meetapossum Ooh, looks promising. Slender Man meets the Weeping Angels, maybe? I might just watch it for Ethan Hawke.

Though, seriously, Rule #1 - Don't be curious. Find home movies presumable belonging to the horribly murdered people who previously owned your house? Don't watch them.

'Mama' looks interesting, Guillermo del Toro just loves projects where children are in danger, doesn't he?

Is It a Hat?

@The Attic Wife LOVE Guillermo del Toro! 'The Devil's Backbone' will always be one of my favorite films.

The Attic Wife

@Is It a Hat? I do love him, but I'm kind of annoyed with him over Don't Be Afraid of the Dark because it started off SO well and then became incredibly 'Meh,' for me by the end.

Decca

Even just the trailer for this scared the beejaysus out of me. I love Liv Tyler's plaid shirt though.

Nicole Cliffe

IT IS TOO SCARY TO WATCH. And I own that album that kept sticking and replaying in the movie, and it's kind of obscure, so now I can't hear it without fear.

Is It a Hat?

@Nicole Cliffe Was it a Joanna Newsom album??

Nicole Cliffe

Gillian Welch. And, having googled, it's not obscure for people who enjoy alt-country.

RK Fire

Every time I look at that movie poster I think it's the Slender Man. :(

Decca

On the topic of horror movies - We Need To Speak About Orphan. Actual best/worst twist of all time.

Pyxis

@Decca I was shocked and impressed for about 2 minutes after the reveal. Then, when I started to think about it I was yelling "that's not how it works!" at the TV screen. I'm the worst to watch movies with.

Decca

@Pyxis I just started laughing in the cinema, along with every other member of the audience.

The Attic Wife

@Decca Gah, WORST TWIST. It was the best twist in Don't Look Now (with Donald Sutherland in full 70s glory, I have a weird crush on him), but the WORST in Orphan.

nogreeneggs

Noooo Nicole why did you bring up this movie?! I saw this movie at midnight at a drive-in in the middle of nowhere. It me think I should own a gun, NOT THAT IT HELPED THEM. Guess who won’t be sleeping tonight?

nogreeneggs

@nogreeneggs Ugh pretend that middle sentence says It *made* me think. I'm so flustered by this movie I'm not even coherent!

Old Timey Dino

Tell me your favorite horror/psychological suspense/thriller/ghost movie! Please?! I love the thrill!

Is It a Hat?

@Old Timey Dino Oh god can I give you a list??

Suspiria, Repulsion, Rosemary's Baby, Devil's Backbone, Them, Inside, High Tension, Paranormal Activity, The Machinist, Dawn of the Dead, 28 Days Later....I think that covers all the genres!

Old Timey Dino

@Is It a Hat? Thank you! I'm going to rent 28 Days Later tonight and give myself a panic attack while I watch it alone with my cats...like a cat lady.

I think Suspiria is too hardcore for me. Would you say that it's not for beginners?

Is It a Hat?

@Old Timey Dino Ah 28 Days Later is so good! And Cillian Murphy is nice to look at if the zombies get too scary!

Suspiria isn't extremely scary. It's got a good creepy/weird vibe...plus ballet and witches! Plus, the sets and cinematography are beautiful!

fuck fuck fuck

@Is It a Hat? oh my god, there is a scene in Inside that sometimes still keeps me from falling asleep. it involves THE GUY WHOSE EYES ARE GONE.

fuck fuck fuck

@fuck fuck fuck also has anyone seen Antichrist? WHEN THE RACCOON TALKS? fuck everything. i hate horror movies but my friends always want to watch them!

Is It a Hat?

@fuck fuck fuck Inside is just so over the top intense and brutal. I can't really deal with the scissors stabbed into the belly button scene. NOPE! But the whole home-invasion scenario and the crazy woman appearing out of the dark inside the house...eeeesssh I love it!

Antichrist was...just weird.

Betsy Murgatroyd

@Old Timey Dino Suspiria forever. I second what Is It A Hat says about Suspiria with a definite shout out to the music because oh that music is creepy.

The Attic Wife

@Old Timey Dino List! The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (the original), The Evil Dead (I and II), A Nightmare on Elm Street, Hellraiser (I and II), Curse of Frankenstein, Psycho, Son of Frankenstein and The Wicker Man.

@fuck fuck fuck I don't have the brass ovaries necessary to watch Antichrist, though I am SUPER intrigued.

TARDIStime

@Old Timey Dino
Quarantine stole my sleep. Enjoy if you like rabies.

so what?

i love this movie. i'm not really into horror films of the supernatural/monster variety cause my far-too-logical brain is always like, "nah, that can't happen." but THIS movie... it preyed on my biggest fear of all time and i was terrified throughout the entire thing. everyone watch it!

KatnotCat

Seriously, fuck this post*. My boyfriend is working an overnight shift, ahhhhhhhhh.

But love you guuuuuuys!

Roxy Throatpunch

(SUPER LATE COMMENTS WHAT'S UP)

No lie, my friends and husband and I tried to watch this a few Halloweens ago and I straight up made them turn it off about twenty minutes in. I can't remember what we watched instead, but I'm pretty sure it didn't make me want to throw up the whole time.

Also, am I the only one who loved The Descent? I had to literally watch from around the corner at one point, and it's the only movie that's made me scream out loud.

Ojo
Ojo

@Roxy Throatpunch The Descent is a really, really good film. Very creepy, and the ending I saw (apparently the US got a different one) is very fitting with the tone of the movie.

Roxy Throatpunch

Also, I just watched the Strangers trailer ON MUTE. AT WORK. And it still scared the shit out of me. Aruuugghhh.

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