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Monday, September 10, 2012

207

How to Become a Bisexual/Queer-Identified/Questioning Person in Several Easy Steps

(Four women’s experiences.)

1. Crush on your boyfriend’s female roommate. Spend way more time in your strained relationship than you should.

2. Date your first girlfriend, in college.

3. Tell EVERYBODY.

4. Have a terrifying existential crisis about “what you are." Come out to your parents, who are more confused than you are.

5. Graduate, still date men and women. Feel excited about not being a LUG, then feel ashamed of yourself.

6. Debate whether it’s worth coming out to your extended family. Wonder whether you’ll be allowed to bring your girlfriend to your brother’s wedding.

***

1. Make out with boys when drunk.

2. Date boy.

3. Make out with girl when drunk (kissed a girl and I liked it).

4. Break up with boy.

5. Sudden desire to spend time with girl.

6. Watch first episode of The L Word.

7. Watch three whole seasons of The L Word ... in two weeks.

8. Become Best Friends with girl.

9. Fall in love with girl.

10. Date girl.

11. Family is confused/concerned.

12. Still sometimes make out with boys.

13. Cut hair off.

14. Date another girl.

15. Become a top.

16. Date straight and straight-looking girls.

17. Develop "Shane Complex."

18. Become an outspoken sex activist.

19. One day my girlfriend tops me and I really like it.

20. Enter working world, learn how to dress professionally.

21. If I like wearing dresses, am I attracted to men?

22. Try dating men.

23. Family is confused.

24. Grow hair out.

25. Make out with men.

26. Underwhelmed, but I like a man-made penis.

27. Attracted to men when they are handsome and seem like good guys.

28. Wonder.

29. Fall in love with a girl who loves me and likes to be both top and bottom.

30. She is beautiful and I am very happy.

31. Not out at work.

32. Human sexuality is not in the scope and sequence for 10th grade Geometry.

33. And yet, straight teachers show pictures of themselves with their partners in first-day powerpoints and on their desks.

34. I am visible and I am invisible. In love with a woman but still attracted to men.

35. Wouldn't know what to say, or what would be okay.

36. I choose silence and safety.

***

1. Crush on boys who read books you like. Crush on boys who announce their attraction to you to the entire class. Crush on any and every male friend you make.

2. Develop a dazzlingly close friendship with the most fascinating girl you have ever met. After two years of sleepovers and cuddling, realize that you want to kiss her. And do.

3. Remember that you are in high school and homosexuality is something for only gross, perverted people. Recoil and tell the girl that you made a horrible mistake. But you still love her. Platonically, of course.

4. Agonize for a while over the implications of your attraction, because you are still attracted to many boys and (even though you won't admit it to yourself) girls as well. Tell your closest friend, "I think I might be bisexual," and wait for her horrified reaction. It doesn't come. Instead, she acts like this is totally normal.

5. After the thing with the girl doesn't work out and after exclusively dating men for years, feel uncomfortable identifying as "biexual," but equally uncomfortable identifying as "straight." Make up your own identity and realize that the shape of your genitalia is just not as important as the book you're reading.

***

1. Pretend to be a lesbian in high school to “get back” at a boy you were seeing who was nonconsentually non-monogamous.

2. Realize that you actually have romantic feelings for your fake lesbian partner.

3. Come out as bisexual, but date solely men for the next seen years with the occasional casual lady-partner.

4. Realize that you’d rather sleep with women, and end a long-term relationship with a man to pursue the unexplored territory of actually dating women.

5. Embrace new identity as “gay” or “lesbian,” whichever is most poetic at the time.

6. Fall in love with a male friend, have a crisis of identity because “lesbians aren’t supposed to love guys!”

7. Remember that being queer doesn’t mean you can’t love men, too.

8. Dream of having a big house with multiple partners of various sexes and genders along with children and pets.

Karen D. wants to create more posts like these! If you have them, please send your experiences of being attracted to more than one gender to mybisexualexperience@gmail.com.



207 Comments / Post A Comment

Megan@twitter

Oh! Oh. All of the above.

vittoriama

is a m a z i n g.@v

Genghis Khat

I love how detailed the second one is. Still need to watch the L word!

Heather@twitter

@Genghis Khat omggggg. it is SO good. get yoself a free trial of amazon prime and crank that shit OUT.

wee_ramekin

Um, PS everyone. L-WORD SPOILERS DOWN-THREAD!

no bricks

@wee_ramekin Ahh, thanks for the heads up! My plans for tonight include starting season six!

billie_crusoe

@Genghis Khat
Watch 2 seasons of the L-word in your boss's bed at girl scout camp.

theotherginger

@Genghis Khat the L word is awesome. Also Shane.

sarah girl

Oh shit, the first two steps of #4 might have been me in college. Maybe.

JoanTition

1. Always have a boyfriend but also always want a girlfriend
2. Flirt with girls. Fail.
3. Flirt with girls and feel like a liar because you have a boyfriend.
4. Make charming OKCupid profile that lays this whole thing out and only boys send messages
5. Wonder if you're even *allowed* to identify as queer because you STILL have no idea how to meet girls that are into girls and are also okay with said girl having manfriend
6. Get drunk at shows and make eyes at cute girls that probably don't shave their armpits (swoon).
7. Go home and sit on the floor and holler to the heavens that you just don't know how to make ANY OF THIS WORK
8. Repeat several steps
9. Overshare on the internet.

entangled

@JoanTition I can relate to so much of this.

fondue with cheddar

@JoanTition @entangled Seriously, are you me?

fondue with cheddar

@jen325 Actually, that's not true. I'm great at flirting with girls...who have boyfriends.

Until they get married and then they don't even want to flirt anymore. :(

JoanTition

@jen325
I have a boyfriend- let's flirt!

[I'm great at flirting with girls when *they* initiate it... I will not have you thinking I'm terrible at flirting. UNACCEPTABLE. ;) ]

JoanTition

@entangled @jen325

and I would like to add: I AM SO GLAD I'M NOT ALONE.

mabellegueule

@JoanTition Me! Too!

entangled

@jen325 I am married and can still flirt. ;)

and yes, it is so nice to know that I am not the only person who just totally flails over this and then ends up with a dude. path of least resistance? but also how can I call the guy I am with the path of least resistance because he is awesome.

also I feel the need to share that I wrote out my own steps in figuring this out and there were over 40 of them. because apparently there are so many important moments of flail in my life.

JoanTition

@mabellegueule

clearly we need to start some sort of coalition.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@JoanTition Hey, you come here often? [Initiating.]

fondue with cheddar

@JoanTition Actually, it's not so much that I want to flirt with girls who have boyfriends, it's that I want to flirt with girls, and the girls who will flirt with me have always had boyfriends. Of course, I'm talking about friends and not strangers, because flirting with strangers is daunting. This is why I've never had a romantic relationship with a lady. :(

entangled

@JoanTition can the coalition include making out?
(and see, here is where I FAIL to actually get anywhere with girls when I am (was) single, because I would BE SO INCREDIBLY TERRIFIED of being creepy by saying something like that to a stranger.)

fondue with cheddar

@entangled Path of least resistance, but also path of greatest opportunity! Because the vast majority of people out there are straight.

JoanTition

@entangled

Hi. Would you like to join my "ladies who like ladies but may or may not have any idea how to actually pick-up ladies" coalition? Yeah? Great. Wanna make out?

JoanTition

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

In which I don't realize a girl was flirting with me until after I've gone home for the night

:/

entangled

@JoanTition that is pretty much my level of flirting. which is why I am so terrified of ever unleashing it on strangers.

fondue with cheddar

@JoanTition That sounds fantastic. Let's all flirt and make out!

I miss making out with girls in college, even though they all had boyfriends and were much closer to the straight end of the spectrum then I was. At least I still got to make out with girls.

PistolPackinMama

@all

I love you all so much. This is kind of the most endearing thing I've read in... a while.

mabellegueule

@entangled Ahhh Making out with girls coalition! Sometimes I honestly wish we still had spin-the-bottle or 7minutes in heaven parties.

entangled

@mabellegueule playing spin the bottle with a bunch of ladies in my early twenties was one of the most fun nights of my life.

fondue with cheddar

@entangled That sounds awesome. I haven't played spin the bottle since middle school, when you shook hands if the bottle landed on someone of the same sex. :(

JoanTition

@all y'all

Flirt and make-out with girls party!

I wonder if I could actually successfully throw a party called that because THAT WOULD BE AMAZING.

and now my mind is wandering.

entangled

@JoanTition I would so go to that party.
I have had several parties that basically devolved into this. I also have several friends who are scared to come to my parties anymore. This whole post has reminded me that I am probably the sketchiest person ever.

JoanTition

@entangled

I definitely think we should be friends.

candybeans

@JoanTition oh dooood. flirt with all the girls, and aside from that one adorable swedish lady, the first gay lady i deliberately flirted with and who flirted back (IT WAS MAGICAL), alllll of them are straight and don't even pick up on the flirts. Repeat. At least i'm getting good practice! but no makeouts :/ (yet)

fondue with cheddar

@entangled Haha. My college friends and I regularly had parties like this, until one day there was a particularly sexy makeout session between two girls in the middle of the living room which made the straight people uncomfortable. As a result, everyone decided not to have fun girly makeout times at parties anymore. :(

The Frozen Head of Dorothy Zbornak

@JoanTition

I humbly request an invitation to this party.

JoanTition

@candybeans

your advice just made my life
I will start practicing IMMEDIATELY

I will also have anxiety
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek

entangled

@jen325 that makes me so sad. we had a couple in college but mostly they have been scattered events. it always feels like such a tough line between not wanting to make people uncomfortable (because I hate making people uncomfortable) but still letting things get a little out of hand in a good way.

candybeans

@JoanTition just dooo itttt! no one doesn't like being smiled at and flirted with by a cute girl! (caveat: within reason, i guess?) i just walk around town these days flirting with All the People, All the Time, and, i have to say, it's pretty fun. What have you got to lose? Not a thing, i say!
Being newly single has made me the nation's sluttiest person who's not actually having any sex.

ColdFinger

@JoanTition Oh God! I'm working, but I'm afraid this discussion will be gone by the time I'm not. Can I reserve a spot here for talking about flirting with a girl who is theoretically bisexual but doesn't appear to have a lot of experience with women (and being very bad at it)?

Also, I would go to this party for sure.

Danzig!

@JoanTition just don't tell any teenage boys that you do this

JoanTition

@everyone

Please be in Chicago so I can make my dream of a Flirt and Makeout with Girls Party HAPPEN

you're all invited
bring friends

Danzig!

@JoanTition oh man I am so down

fondue with cheddar

@entangled Yeah, it crossed the line that one time because those two were pretty drunk. But it was really hot! The only thing about that party that was awkward for me was the fact that my brother was there so I had my makeouts in the bedroom where he couldn't see. Actually, I think that's part of what made people uncomfortable, because the straights knew there were secret things going on in the bedroom and they probably assumed it was a lot less innocent than it actually was. During past parties that stuff happened out in the open, and I guess that was better.

I'm not sure I could handle a makeout party these days though, because it's been SO LONG since I've had ladysex that I don't know if I could restrain myself from crossing that line (assuming my partner was willing, of course).

The Frozen Head of Dorothy Zbornak

@JoanTition

Dammit. All the good stuff happens in Chicago.

Bisexual, queer-identified, questioning, Los Angeles-area 'pinners, where you at?

candybeans

@The Frozen Head of Dorothy Zbornak RIGHT HERE RIGHT HERE I AM RIGHT HERE
Next LA Pin 'up: Makeout Party 20Doz? To the Facebook page!

JoanTition

@candybeans @The Frozen Head of Dorothy Zbornak @everyone

Oh man. I'm so jealous. Have future fun, ladies. I'll just be over here sipping my drink.

CHICAGO? CHICAAAAGOOOOO HERE! COME ON CHICAGO.

entangled

@JoanTition I am not in Chicago but I have a friend who is...

The Frozen Head of Dorothy Zbornak

@candybeans

Can we please actually make this happen? Also, @JoanTition, I think Virgin America has specials going on...

wallsdonotfall

@JoanTition YES. Fewer Chicago happy hours, please, and more makeouts.

candybeans

@The Frozen Head of Dorothy Zbornak Uh, yes! Yes we can! I don't have a home of my own right now, or else I'd offer to host! (i'm bunking with an older friend and, while she's generally a pretty down biddy, I think this might be too much even for her)

Blackwatch Plaid

@JoanTition This is so exactly me that it's almost creepy. (Also I don't shave my armpits. Am I swoonworthy?)

The Frozen Head of Dorothy Zbornak

@candybeans

Damn! I can't host either. My place has too few making out surfaces and a 90-year-old neighbor who is sweet but a bit too attentive to my business.

Anyone?

JoanTition

@glittercock
you relate to me, you don't shave your armpits (total swooooooon), and your name is GLITTERCOCK[!]....

wanna makeout?
I mean hang out
I mean make out
I mean... heyyyy there can I buy you a drink

Blackwatch Plaid

@JoanTition Are you a Boston resident who's fine with my also-boyfriend-having self?

Lurkasaurus

@JoanTition YES YOUR LIST. Whyyyy do I not understand how to flirt with girls. Whyyyy am I always boyfriended.

Also, I am not in Chicago or LA :'( but I would totally be willing to host this party! It sounds like perfection. Actually I know it would be perfection because I have been in a similar situation once in my life and yeah, perfection.

JoanTition

@glittercock @Lurkasaurus
ahhh the bittersweet internet
we all learn there are others who feel our feelings
and would attend/ host all girl flirt and makeout parties
and yet they do not live where we live

*sigh*

the world it is smaller
the world it is vast

PistolPackinMama

@JoanTition OKAY OKAY OKAY. I am having flashbacks to college. (Usually not bad, but.) The thing is? 18yo me? Would more or less just have been TERRIFIED that she'd be the one at the spin the bottle makeout fest of cute girls and NO ONE WOULD WANT TO MAKE OUT WITH HER.

It's giving me hives thinking about it nearly 20 years later.

The idea of a festival of kissing being a low-stakes-comfy way of smooching All The Cute People has the flip side of... what if you were the like, slightly weird person people wanted to avoid? And you were shuffling your feet wishing you were anywhere but there or dead. Or elsewhere AND dead?

(Side note: thing that is reassuring about OKC etc. is, everyone knows that unless you say otherwise flirting is on the table as an interest. So people won't talk to you, or will quit talking to you, if makeouts aren't at least nominally interesting.)

How are/were you all such BAMFY types?

The Frozen Head of Dorothy Zbornak

@PistolPackinMama

There is definitely always that latent fear with these kinds of things. In my experience, you just have to balance it out with the potential payoff. Yes, I might feel terrible and awkward if I am systematically excluded from the awesome makeout party, but it's surely worth taking that risk if it might mean I get to makeout with that sexy BAMF, PistolPackinMama. ;)

PistolPackinMama

@The Frozen Head of Dorothy Zbornak

;)

You'll find me over here behind the sofa, blushing.

The Red Plumed Freckled Woodland Lake Pistol Packin' Mama has a very hard time working up the courage to do her I WANT TO MAKE OUT WITH YOU feather display.

entangled

@PistolPackinMama Oh, gosh, I can totally feel that concern. You have hit on exactly why I thought online dating was such a brilliant idea. You KNOW that the person is interested in dating someone of your gender.

As far as when these things actually do occur, though, I think the short answer is alcohol (or alcohol + safe space). More seriously, it's pretty much always been at a party where I am already friends with everyone. Sure, some of these people are not my type in general but I feel generally positive about them so of course I don't think that they're slightly weird (ok I probably do, but weird in a good way!). If there is someone giving out creep vibes (like a friend of a friend who got brought to the party) or creeped out vibes (like early-stages debauchery such as someone taking their shirt off or people doing rock paper scissors to make out with someone else is totally not their thing), then things tend not to escalate. [I think also that I have had enough parties escalate to this level that people who are not into it will either come early and leave or just not show up.]

I'm of the attitude that kissing/sex/whatever with people you respect who respect you are not such a huge thing. Maybe it has something to do with my sexuality or maybe I am just a pervball but I feel like it's totally fine to just go for it and not worry about feeling like it should be awkward or prevent you from being just friends with someone again in the morning.

Wine + Kings is always a good combination, too.

fondue with cheddar

@PistolPackinMama All this talk is making me wish I lived in Chicago!

On the other hand, my boyfriend wouldn't be comfortable with me going to a makeout party, so if there were one and I didn't go that would be worse.

PistolPackinMama

@jen325 Chicago... American City I Would Like to Live in Most Some Day.

@entagled... well yeah. In PRINCIPLE. FOR COOL PEOPLE. FOR COOL PEOPLE it would be easy to be all *giggle fumble snerk okay that was awesome see you tomorrow in archaeology lab!*

(God, I must have been such a mothereffing pain in the neck for confident people to be around when I was 18/19. Seriously, what an emotion sink.)

Nothing is more sexy than confident. Fortunately I've had a while to work on being confident. Because damn, self loathing is just so much work. Miserable work.

entangled

@PistolPackinMama I am so not at all cool. Some days I am pretty confident, but that is mostly 30 year old me who has learned how to say fuck it to the world at large. 21 year old me? Definitely wasn't there yet.

I think like anything else it's practice. We've had it drilled into us for so long that this stuff should be awkward. That we should feel vaguely weird and ashamed anytime we are around someone we did things with or saw naked or whatever. It takes some time to wear over those passages. I'd be lying if I said that the first time anything like this happened or the first time I hung out with a guy (or lady) friend I'd had sex with there wasn't this "should we mention/not mention/oh god what if we're thinking about each other naked." But you get used to it, and reset those friend circuits and once I'd done it a few times it wasn't even something to think about.

PistolPackinMama

@entangled It's so true, how self-love (hur hur) and self-confidemce and ability to handle rejection like a BAMF, like all worthwhile things, takes practice. And sometimes the deliberate choice to get there.

I did the OKC profile making thing because I was all GET OVER YOURSELF ALREADY JEEZUS WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM. It helped. A lot.

AND ENOUGH WITH THE ANGSTY TEEN BLAH BLAH- you should all go back to the giggling makeout fest plan you were working on. The Angel of Death of Giggling has been dismissed from the Assembly.

entangled

@PistolPackinMama yes yes yes.

It gets easier. Also, pretending you don't give a shit what people think is often a really good first step towards not actually caring. And realizing that most of the time (as long as we take care to stay safe), lousy dates and awkward hookups make for really good stories.

fondue with cheddar

@entangled "lousy dates and awkward hookups make for really good stories"
Truer words were never spoken.

PistolPackinMama

@jen325 Remind me to tell y'all about the dude who got nicknamed Kaiser Soze on FOT by me and my bar stories buddies. That one might be the classic cake taker in my dating life.

fondue with cheddar

@PistolPackinMama Haha, I can't wait!

Lurkasaurus

@PistolPackinMama Okay, okay, you got me. I was hoping to sneak this one by but you're right, if I make myself consider how I would feel going to one of these in real life, terrified is the answer. I don't know if I am cool and confident enough to walk into an actual makeout party where you have to interact with people first and not be afraid that everyone would think I was the weird/fat/ugly one and avoid me! I have had this experience because it is actually a school tradition for the entire student body to gather on the quad and have a giant drunk makeout fest. If you have a mouth and show up, you're pretty much guaranteed some makeout action if that's what you want. Of course it was only senior year that I was enlightened enough to wander over to the Queer Corner, and now I'm graduated and too old...*sniff*

PistolPackinMama

@Lurkasaurus Late bloomers in the confidence game can gather over here. Where there might be makeouts, if any one of us can get over our paralyzing anxiety. I'd say we should play Spin the Bottle with, like, something that reacts with alcohol (muscle relaxants, maybe?), but then I would just fall asleep.

entangled

@Lurkasaurus ooo I think I know what school you are talking about and if so um... yeah that is where I live.

@PistolPackingMama ALCOHOL. ALL THE ALCOHOL.

also, giving people the chance to say no. seriously, I think there is something super cute about "is it ok if I kiss you right now" and if the person says no, it's okay. Maybe they are not interested in kissing girls. Maybe they are worried that they have bad breath or just had dental work done. It's so easy to get caught up in insecurity, but it's so destructive. It destroys fun and is thus the enemy.

fondue with cheddar

@Lurkasaurus Wow, your school sounds awesome.

@PistolPackinMama Spin the bottle is much less anxiety-inducing than just walking up to someone and asking if they want to make out.

fondue with cheddar

@entangled If the person doesn't want to kiss you, they should hug you! Because seriously, hugs are the best (I daresay even better than kissing).

pekm

@JoanTition Oh my god, my life. Seriously. I just wrote one in that outlines mine a bit more, but yes. I'm convinced that I'm the straightest bi girl in existence.

pekm

@a whole thing of candy beans (formerly jen325) I'm married and I would happily flirt back with girls. (But he doesn't care if I were to sleep with girls, let alone flirt. And he doesn't even want details!)

fondue with cheddar

@pekm Dude, you're so lucky. I don't see myself getting any lady action unless it's a threesome. At least not anytime in the near future. Not to knock threesomes. They're awesome and I've never had one with a dude I was in a relationship with so I'm looking forward to the possibility.

Alexmen

I were to sleep with girls, let alone flirt. And he doesn't even want details....ira investing

MoonBat

Um, what is a LUG? Other than, obviously, one of several that hold my wheel onto my truck.

sarah girl

@MoonBat Lesbian Until Graduation.

boysplz

@MoonBat Lesbian Until Graduation. It riffs on girls who get drunk and make out with girls in college and then straighten up.

MoonBat

@boysplz Oh. I thought those girls were "attention whores", doing that in order to attract more boyz. But that is because the few times I've tried the "I'm with her" brush-off in order to have a testosterone free girls' night out, it's had the opposite effect.

sarah girl

@MoonBat FYI, it means something very different at women's colleges - because of the intense female-only atmosphere, it's VERY common for female encounters/relationships to crop up even among the most "straight" women. It's not an attention thing at all.

MoonBat

@Sarah H. No, in that case it's definitely not for a "look at me" thing. And I probably did Cause Offense, and I'm sorry, because I have lots of awesome LGBT friends and have nothing but love and admiration for the strength it takes to fight against this stupid our way or no way culture. I meant only, I've seen it be an attention getter. College should totally be about finding yourself, sexual identity included. I didn't really get to be immersed in any of that while in college, because I was a newly single mom of three.

entangled

@MoonBat this reminds me of something I've wanted to bring up for awhile and get people's opinions on...

Personally, as a girl who is attracted to girls, the idea of being used as a means to attract male attention creeps me out (though I might make exceptions if it was someone I really wanted to make out with because I am not a paragon of virtue over here).

But what about genuine exhibitionism? If someone really does love being on display and isn't looking for attention/attracting guys, but being watched IS a turn-on? Is that a legit turn-on to have? for undisclosed reasons, this has been on my mind lately.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@entangled Exhibitionism is a real thing (having seen a large naked man jacking it on the riverbank while I was floating...*shivers*) and I think it applies to all sorts of people. Am I personally into it? No. Would I want to be part of it if it helps get the lady I'm kissing more turned on? Eh, maybe, but probably not; I just don't swing that way.

entangled

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose eek that story is so creepy. and I feel like I am in general pretty ok with exhibitionism, but maybe not with guys just jacking it wherever they like.

boysplz

@entangled That's the tricky thing about exhibitionism because you're unwittingly/unwillingly involving others in your sex, so CONSENT. I agree with you that there's levels of it. I'd say so long as you keep your pants on you're coool.

Blushingflwr

@entangled Exhibitionism is a real and legit thing, but I think both people being watched need to be aware of and okay with it. And the thing is, making out for attention is one thing, making out to get men you want to make out with to pay attention to you is another. You're playing to the male gaze (which occasionally has its place, I guess), co-opting a sexuality that is not your own in order to get attention, and you're also I think playing with possessive feelings.

So - two people making out in public because they enjoy being watched? AOK.
Two girls making out to get boys excited? Not so much.

entangled

@boysplz - yeah I think it is probably never a good idea to expose your junk to someone who has not consented to see it. I'm also a big fan of keeping things sanitary.

@Blushingflwr - it's weird because I feel like there's a line. I feel like it is not cool for two girls to make out in the sort of stereotypical sorority way solely as a way of getting attention from guys. But what if the attention itself is what is the turn-on? Is that using the guys' sexuality who are watching? Is it OK if that gaze is in some ways the end and not the means? If it's among people who know each other and where each other stand on these spectrums rather than at a frat party?

MoonBat

@Blushingflwr Honesty and Respect: Real and Legit Things.

Blushingflwr

@entangled Well, right, exhibitionism is about the attention being the turn on. And it can be problematic, because the people watching didn't necessarily consent to seeing that, depending on the venue. Presumably, if you are making out with someone in an exhibitionist way, they are someone you would make out with regardless of an audience, whereas the stereotypical girls who make out to get boys' attention only do it when they know someone is watching, because its' not about the person they're kissing, it's about the people watching. Whereas when I do something with my partner and other people are watching, yes, the fact that they're watching can make it hotter, but it's about the interaction that I'm having with the person I'm doing things with (I'm not a true exhibitionist, but I do occasionally like being watched).
As for whether or not you're using the men's sexuality: I don't know, that's a good question. I suppose it depends on whether or not you need your audience to be aroused, or just attentive.

@MoonBat: true fact

Alexmen

or not you need your audience to be aroused, or just attentive....gold coins ira

itmakesmewonder

SHANE COMPLEX

See also: Maddow Complex

candybeans

@itmakesmewonder I know this is a tangent, but i have to talk about it: it's getting to the point that i can't listen to the Rachel Maddow show podcasts anymore, because they fill me with such tremendous and overwhelming lust for her. She made a cocktail on friday's show and giggled as she spilled things and OHMYJESUS i almost had to sit down. What IS it with her.

superdreaming

@candybeans HAH
It's the good hair/casual "menswear" thing!! SWOON.

candybeans

@superdreaming and the brilliance! and humor! and wittiness! *sighs*

superdreaming

@candybeans
CANDY i found something for you on the internettttt
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7EawQmXou38&feature=results_video&playnext=1&list=PLB46347A699DA0CBF

superdreaming

@superdreaming let's drink Rickeys and talk about how cute Rachel Maddow is plz

candybeans

@superdreaming Dreamy, you know me so well.... Booze and dead-sexy ladies. Oh rachellllllll Susan will understand, just this once...
Ever considered grad school in LA, muffin? Come heeeere it's always Rickey weather in southern California!

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

Hahaha, when I encounter ladies who are questioning their sexuality, which happens a lot as I am a confidently out lesbian in a conservative community, my go-to move is to lend them the first three seasons of The L Word (because I will not discuss seasons 4 or 5 because I have too many rage-y feelings about them). It's easier than telling them about my sex experiences.

melis

OH LET'S TALK ABOUT SEASONS 4 &5 (dear sweet beautiful Moira what did they do to you)

wee_ramekin

@melis I KILLED JENNY*.

There. Now no one has to wonder.

* OK, no, I didn't. But I would have if I'd been on the show.

Mira

@melis The only way to talk about seasons 4 & 5 is to pretend they never happened.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@melis That image of him barbecuing barefoot while miserably pregnant is forever burned into my mind. Plus? Can we talk about how AWFUL Shane and Jenny together was? Like, not even believable and it hurt my feelings that they would try to write it like it was.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@wee_ramekin Yeah, J-bomb wouldn't have made it to Season 3 in my life. I would have cut that crazy out of my circle of friends and invited more people like Alice in instead.

wee_ramekin

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

Man, I don't know if I can go into how fucking rage-face The L-word's treatment of transgender issues makes me. Like, let's NOT ONLY have Alice take constant pot-shots at transgendered folks without any repercussions whatsoever, but then let's make Max a grotesque pregnant freak with fucked-up facial hair! What a good idea, we are so inclusive. #spits nails of rage

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@wee_ramekin Yeah, I sort of forgot all those horrible things Alice said about Max. I think I blacked them out, and only want to remember things like, "I'm a bisexual love addict," and "maybe she'll stop by, give me a little prezzie, maybe kiss my eyelids."

melis

NOTHING MADE ANY SENSE BY THE END (Dana I'm so glad you didn't live to see any of this)

wee_ramekin

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

I will disagree with you on one thing, though. I actually thought Jenny and Shane made perfect, fucked-up sense. I mean, I don't think anyone's arguing that that was a healthy relationship for either of them, but are either of them actually capable of a healthy relationship? Methinks not.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@wee_ramekin I see your point, and have felt that Shane deserved Jenny as punishment for leaving Carmen at the altar (what an IDIOT), but I've always had a soft spot for Shane, and hoped she would pull through and get normal, get happy. But, alas; Jenny happened.

Canard

@wee_ramekin Good for you!

The very last scene of the show, with the awkward sort of curtain call? When it began, I thought, I really thought, that it meant that all the characters who were entering the scene one by one with faraway smiles had teamed up to do a Murder on the Orient Express on Jenny, and I was SO SO EXCITED AND HAPPY.

Mira

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose "But alas, Jenny happened" pretty much sums up that whole show for me.

mabellegueule

@wee_ramekin I would have supported you. I could never get into the show because of her.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@Canard TINA CANARD, by chance?

wee_ramekin

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

Oh Rose. You're such a Portard.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@wee_ramekin "Hey Portard, how's yer two moms, you big gaymo."
I'm more of a Kenter.

wee_ramekin

@redheaded&crazie Hahaha, GingerNut, I love you so much it hurts.

redheaded&crazy

@wee_ramekin haha I deleted my comment because I felt like an INTRUSIVE STRAIGHT PERSON MAKING EVERYTHING ABOUT STRAIGHT PEOPLE. but i'm glad you saw it before I did that :P

melis

THIS IS MY LOVER CINDI

wee_ramekin

@melis Dawn Denbo was so much hotter than Lover Cindi. I never got why Shane didn't get it on with her instead.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@wee_ramekin Dawn Denbo had some pipes on her. Lover Cindi was just the right amount of soft. Toss up.

wee_ramekin

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

I guess we'll have to Lesbian Turkish Oil Wrestle about it, huh? *long-suffering sigh*

Blondsak

@Everyone Does anybody around here watch the Scottish TV show "Lip Service"? I think it's only two series in so far, but darn good and (IMO) way better than the L Word ever was. It's on Netflix Instant, for interested parties.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@Gussie Fink-Nottle OH MY GOD LIP SERVICE. The whole time I was in Scotland last month, I kept thinking, "I need to find the corner where Cat stood on her birthday..." (You know what I mean; I don't want to give away any spoilers.)

So, so good. Tess! I love Tess!

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@wee_ramekin Only if there are special brownies (that part of that episode may be one of my favorite parts of all the episodes).

Blondsak

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Yes! Did you find the corner?!

And oh my goodness yes about Tess. She is sooo cheery and amazing and clumsy/adorable and one of my biggest TV crushes.

Decca

@Gussie Fink-Nottle Sadie!

Blondsak

@Decca Sadie is.... daaaaamn. Yes. Also, I think of all the mini heart-breaking-for-characters moments in series 2, it was her moments that hit me the most.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@Gussie Fink-Nottle I may have found it, but all the corners in Glasgow looked the same to me? And Tess' little heartbreaks killed me. Everyone was so great in Season 2. I hope it's reupped for a Season 3.

Decca

@Gussie Fink-Nottle It's all about Sadie, Lexy and Tess for me. Don't give a hoot about the others.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@Decca No joke, when I was in Scotland, there was a hot, lady Australian doctor on my tour. I nearly had a heart attack, just so she'd give me mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

JadedStone

I like "heteroflexible"

Cause I am mostly straight but really I'd sleep with everybody.

redheaded&crazy

@JadedStone haha if that's the meaning you ascribe to heteroflexible I guess that's the bandwagon I should jump on.

mabellegueule

@JadedStone Ooh I like this!

I saw a play once where a character called herself "ambisextrous" which I also like, but it does presuppose two genders.

fondue with cheddar

@JadedStone I like "heteroflexible", too. Though really, if there were a greater number of ladies who like ladies in the dating pool, I would probably consider myself "homoflexible". I've never had a same-sex relationship even though I would really like to. I just keep ending up with men, and I don't want to say no to a relationship with a man I like just to hold out for a lady.

candybeans

@JadedStone i wish OKC had those kinds of options, because i finally made a profile, and, I haaaate seeing "bisexual" next to my face. Why can't it say, "queer"? or, "would like to sex both the ladies and the gentlemen"? Also, what is MY problem that i hate the word "bisexual" so much? Why does it evoke such negative connotations for me? I guess this is a whole another discussion, but still.

fondue with cheddar

@candybeans I'm with you on the word "bisexual". For me, I think it evokes the whole male-centric view of girls who make out with other girls to get guys' attention, or a girlfriend who will have a threesome with you. In fact, my ex husband thought he had the right to a threesome with me because I was attracted to ladies, and because I'd had threesomes before and he hadn't.

That's one thing Facebook has right. It merely says whether you're interested in men and/or women without asking you to label yourself.

allinmycar

@JadedStone I was going with "vaguely queer" for a while, and I said that in front of my lady umfriend, and she goes, "Oh, girl, there isn't anything vague about what you and I get up to." That made me laugh.

whimseywisp

LOVE THIS SO MUCH. Thank you, Hairpin! You always manage to hit it right on the nose.

mabellegueule

@whimseywisp Seriously! Thehairpin is so my peiple.

mabellegueule

@mabellegueule People.

Dirty Hands

@mabellegueule All the same I like your spelling.

whateverlolawants

@mabellegueule "Peiple" looks like it would be some weird body-related thing.

TARDIStime

@mabellegueule
I read it with "i before e" and saw "pieple". Mmmmm... pie. people.

whimseywisp

Also, in case anyone hasn't read this AMAZING article about bisexuality in New York Magazine... http://nymag.com/nymag/features/bisexual-testimonials/

Dirty Hands

@whimseywisp Yes, it is good.

fondue with cheddar

@whimseywisp Wow, that's really good. I relate to a lot of what the first person said.

When I was in my early twenties I was talking to a lady in the waiting area at the car repair shop. We chatted for a good 15 minutes, and she suggested we get together sometime and gave me her number just before she left. The whole time I didn't even realize she was flirting with me. I thought about it after I got home and realized how stereotypically butch she was (short hair, bomber jacket, plain white t-shirt, jeans, work boots, Jeep, factory worker) and realized OMG she's a lesbian! I wanted to call her but I was afraid. I was slightly curious but hadn't come to terms with my bisexuality. I certainly hadn't yet had any same-sex experiences. She was a little intimidating and a few years older than me, and I didn't know what she would expect. I feel like if I'd just gone out with her that one time my life would have been very different. I didn't really become comfortable with my bisexuality until I was much older and married.

whimseywisp

@jen325 Such a bittersweet story! I'm a little jealous you had a hot lady in a bomber jacket flirting with you and giving you her number(!!!) but I'm sorry you weren't able to take that next step at the time. I think we all have regrets like that. Coming to terms with yourself is never easy. <3

fondue with cheddar

@whimseywisp I'm sorry I didn't call you, Renie! It's not you, it's me! Yeah, I'm sure we all do. It was flattering, at least.

I also had the chance to sleep with two hot sisters and their friend (together or separately, I don't know) and I dropped the ball on that, too. They called it "consummating the friendship". Damn, they were hot. And sweet girls, too.

whateverlolawants

I am SO HAPPY to see this and so happy to see the author is taking more submissions.

entangled

@whateverlolawants I was, too... I may have sent one in that got a little bit too long a little bit too personal to post as a comment. But just writing it out was pretty cathartic.

fondue with cheddar

@entangled Me too! I really want to write one but mine would be too long, too. I still think writing it out would be good, though I think I'd have to ditch the "steps" format because it's just not working for mine. But just thinking about it* is making me realize just how many missed chances I had.

*I accidentally typed "abou tit". Freudian slip?

Sometimes I wish I'd been born later, because it seems so much easier to be nonstraight these days. I didn't have any role models (celebrity or personal) growing up.

Also, I suppose if I'd been gay it would have been different, because straightness just wouldn't have resonated with me. But when you're bi, heterosexuality DOES feel right, so it's easier to push down the part of you that desires anything different.

entangled

@jen325 Writing it out was really great. I'm actually tempted to email it to a friend of mine to sound off on because it really did show me what is and isn't an issue in my mind.

I feel like it's a lot easier for queer people in general nowadays but I'm also not sure how much I can point to people as role models because there is the whole fetishization of bisexuality vs. seeing it as natural and legit to not define attraction by sex or gender. sometimes I feel like I fit into that male gaze defined stereotype of the femme-looking, tomboy-acting bisexual girl who will make out with chicks at parties, but DAMMIT that's not me.

I've only had one relationship with a woman (though, um... I've had a lot more interactions) and despite the fact that we were really terrible for each other (she's a great girl, just not for me) I really loved that it was open and out there. That was when I came out to my parents and I couldn't take the easy way out and hide who I was. I feel like part of what's been bugging me lately is that heterosexuality doesn't feel right to me. I look like a typical married straight lady and there is just this part of me raging underneath being like DAMMIT I AM NOT WHAT YOU THINK I AM.

fondue with cheddar

@entangled Yeah, the fetishization is definitely a problem. But while there is a dearth of bisexual role models, there are gay role models, and that's certainly a good thing. When I was a kid the only gay people I saw on TV were a joke, like "Men on Film" from In Living Color. I didn't understand that being gay was a real thing that people are and that it's okay. That's why I didn't recognize my first girl crush on that cute hippie in high school as an actual crush, nor did I recognize my second girl crush in college.

I totally relate to the "DAMMIT I AM NOT WHAT YOU THINK I AM." Part of me wants to tell everyone that there is this whole part of me that they don't see, but on the other hand it's really none of their business. It's really hard to reconcile in your head.

entangled

@jen325 Yes, I think seeing gay people as normal people who live normal lives instead of just as caricatures or jokes is huge.

You're right that it's not really anyone'e business and I think that's why I'm not out in the areas of my life where I am not out (like to my husband's family... I know 110% they would be accepting but it just seems weird to bring it up, especially since so much of my history with women is NSFW). Maybe it's the oversharer in me that just needs to get over herself.

fondue with cheddar

@entangled Yeah, I know my boyfriend's family would be totally accepting too. In fact, both his mom and sister set off my gaydar even though they've only been known to date men. It does seem weird to bring it up for the same reason as you. Also, I wouldn't want them to have the common misconception that my attraction to women means I will cheat on him or that I'm unhappy being in a monogamous relationship with a man.

whateverlolawants

@jen325 "Abou tit" = frequent Freudian slip I have.

Some of the people I'm afraid to talk to about my sexuality are gay or have expressed very pro-LGBT-rights sentiments. Weird. There's a lot of reasons, but it's still odd when I boil it down.

I also haven't told my female cousin and her wife that I'm bisexual. I only met them once, so that makes sense, and it just didn't really come up, and it felt weird to just slip it into the conversation when we had bigger things to discuss than sexual orientation (like our crazy family history and how we got to be 25 before we met.) Still, I hope I can talk to her again sometime and for the topic to arise naturally.

fondue with cheddar

@whateverlolawants Yeah, it is pretty weird to bring it up out of the blue, which is pretty much the only reason I haven't told my brother and sister-in-law (I'm sure they would be accepting). I hope you do get an opportunity to talk to them again and that the topic arises naturally, because I'm sure it will feel good to tell them.

jules

1. Fall madly in love with a bad boy
2. Fall out of of love, then date a string of gay boys
3. Become sexually frustrated
4. Meet a real, out lesbian who is amazing and fall madly in love with her
5. Be confused
6. Cut hair and come out to family in order to be a "good enough" lesbian partner
7. Get dumped
8. Date some really hot women
9. Discover/remember that cock is really hot too
10. Date dudes
11. Decide not to worry about what other people think, and if pressed, identify as "queer" and refuse to get anymore specific than that because you really don't have to

mabellegueule

I was having a conversation about coming out as bi with my best friend, who thoughtfully pointed out that she is worried about identifying as bisexual because she has benefitted so much from straight privelege, which is how I feel without being able to put into words. I feel like I don't have a _right_to the label queer somehow...

mabellegueule

I was having a conversation about coming out as bi with my best friend, who thoughtfully pointed out that she is worried about identifying as bisexual because she has benefitted so much from straight privelege, which is how I feel without being able to put into words. I feel like I don't have a _right_to the label queer somehow...

mustelid

1) Decide that after only one short relationship with a woman and SO MANY with dudes, I am going to really try to focus on meeting women for a while.
2) Go to a party.
3) Hit on an attractive woman who seems down with it.
4) Ask her outright, "So, are you queer?"
5) Listen to her say, "No, but I'm flattered."
6) Get a little grumpy.
7) Start talking to a guy at the party in a purely platonic fashion.
8) Alcohol.
9) Make out with him.
10) Take him home for a one night stand.
11) Assure myself that I'll probably never see him again.
12) Feel weirdly compelled to spend time with him and occasionally sleep with him for a few months.
13) Get into a committed relationship with him for going on threeish years now.

Sigh. I mean he's wonderful and I am happy! But, sigh.

JoanTition

@mustelid

I feel your frustration.
Oh man do I feel it.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@mustelid You know, it's so odd; I've been in a relationship with a woman for a while now, and things are sort of on the rocks/confusing, so I've been flirting with women in my area (which is largely conservative and doesn't have much of a visible LGBT population). Ladies, even the straight ones, love it when you bring the confidence.

Next time, instead of getting grumpy, flash her what I can only imagine is a splendid smile, and say, "Too bad, you're pretty cool and pretty good looking," then keep on chatting like it didn't phase you. Might get you a free drink, anyway.

fondue with cheddar

@JoanTition Me too! I told myself after my last breakup that I would really start making more of an effort to date ladies, but then I met my current boyfriend before I'd even started looking. I wasn't even ready to date yet. I thought it would just be a fling but he's just so wonderful. But there's still that tiny part of me that's a little sad. But I'm really happy! But I haven't had ladysex in 12 years! Ugh...it's just hard.

JoanTition

@jen325
and this is why I force myself to imagine ALL THE OTHER MEs and ALL THE OTHER CHOICES are living out there somewhere in a bazillion alternate universes because I made a good choice, but unfortunately that then means, you know, I missed out on other stuff.

ah multiverse... you are great.

fondue with cheddar

@JoanTition I do that all the time! Sometimes bittersweet, but still fun.

PistolPackinMama

@jen325 I guess this is a reason why it's good to be a person who has nearly always made the first move?

I mean, REALLY made. I don't seem to end up in accidental meeting relationships?

fondue with cheddar

@PistolPackinMama That's true! I'm super confident about making the first move, but only with guys.

PistolPackinMama

@jen325 Oh, I'd say with me less confident and more if I don't do it won't get done.

litothela

@mustelid
http://www.viruscomix.com/page569.html

Speaking of multiverse versions of you!

fondue with cheddar

@litothela That was great! They really should have made out with themselves, though.

JoanTition

@litothela
that was so great! now I want to know what I'd look like as a blonde?

Shayna

1) Tell your mother when you're very young that "you've thought about it, but don't like girls".
2) Crush on a good girl friend in middle school. Be confused. Very confused.
3) Come to terms with your apparent bisexuality. Never act on it ever.
4) He comes out to you as a guy years later. Have another crisis because maybe that means you're straight.
5) Start finding girls more and more attractive. Have another mini-crisis.
6) Kiss your roommate at a study-abroad in Italy, have a lot of fun for the last two weeks of your visit. Jokingly refer to her as "your Italian lover" even though she lives a few towns over.
7) End up falling in love with her. She doesn't do committed relationships. Oops. Continue to hook-up for over a year even though it kills you inside.
8) Hook up with A Dude over the summer. Have a fling. You swear to each other that you'll end it when he goes back to college.
9) End up in a semi-monogamous long distance relationship with that dude. The Dude is a feminist, and doesn't mind that you're queer and are not going to abandon that label. So you don't. Your mutual appreciation of tits helps the LDR.

MissHalfway

@Shayna "2) Crush on a good girl friend in middle school. Be confused. Very confused. 3) Come to terms with your apparent bisexuality. Never act on it ever." OH HI, THIS IS ME.

Shayna

@MissHalfway Ahhh I totally recommend it though. If you think that's your shtick. Girls are pretty awesome (I... actually think everyone is awesome because bodies, so I'm biased).

MissHalfway

@Shayna Yeah, I'm still working through the "coming to terms with it", and working up the nerve to eventually act on it, but I do fully intend to do so. This whole post/thread has been really encouraging in terms of confirming that other people have felt this way too and been confused about it and figured it out. I actually wrote out my own list, as a few other people have mentioned doing - it's a bit too long and personal to post but definitely helped me clarify a lot of stuff for myself. Also, glad you and your dude have figured out something that works!

Cat named Virtute

I want to say a lot of oversharey things that I can't really find the words to express elegantly, so I'm just going to go with I like this, it resonates, I'm happy it exists, and that we're talking about grappling with queerness that isn't obvious right out of the gate.

The Frozen Head of Dorothy Zbornak

Also, to celebrate our heterosexual sides, here is Jon Hamm's (NFSW)

Miel

1. Date boys few & far between starting late in high school.
2. Kiss a couple girls, know off the bat 'straight' doesn't fit.
3. Crush on guy-friend for a year.
4. Guy-friend becomes boyfriend for 2 years, meets the entire extended family, who get their hopes up for engagement & grandkids.
5. Go on a trip a month after graduation. Meet amazing girl.
6. Alcohol.
7. Get grabbed and kissed by girl.
8. Spend a week flirting with girl at dear sweet boyfriend's expense.
9. FREAK OUT when home, think about it, break boy's heart & kinda own.
10. Sleep & flirt around with the ladies & watch all of Lip Service & a good chunk of The L Word.
11. Go visit amazing girl in the states.
12. Fall in love, decide to date, come out to parents who flip, still have NO FREAKIN CLUE what to call sexual preferences but thrilled all the same.

katiemcgillicuddy

I love everything happening on this post. Goddamn not having internet all day, goddammit all to hell.

Barry Grant

Wow, and I thought basic man/woman partnering was hard! I'd still be a virgin if I had to go through all that heart-aching confusion as well as the more common forms of dumb-fuckedness.

Remember passing notes in grade school? "Do you like me? Check one -- Yes or No". I wish things were that clear still.

Summer Somewhere

this post somehow makes me wistful for a time in my life that i am really, really glad is over.

TARDIStime

Is there something in the photo of this post that I'm not getting the nuts and bolts of?
This reference is over my head.

AW@twitter

@TARDIStime
LUGnuts

itiresias

1. Crush on boys who read books you like. Admit it to no one because it makes you uncomfortable. Do nothing with them.

2. Be utterly fascinated by girls. Know you're attracted to them. Wonder if you are a lesbian. Be extremely intimidated by the idea of acting on it. Do nothing with them.

3. Go to college and kiss people. Hate it, but kind of like it. Do more than kiss them. Sometimes hate it, sometimes like it.

4. Develop a dazzlingly close friendship with the most easy to be around boy you have ever met. Know it's more like female friendships you've had than male. Scoff at your friends' suggestions of the two of you together and use this explanation in your defense. After two years of sleepovers and cuddling, realize that you want to kiss him. And do.

5. Fall in love. Share self and stop worrying. Realize that sexual orientation is fluid, alive, not to be pinned down. Realize you find men attractive in the way your peers did in high school and you never understood. Know you still find women attractive, and that for you at least, it's a function of the individual person you want, not their gender.

6. Not know what the future will bring. Be happy for now and happy with that notion.

For me, anyway.

Trilby

Become asexual:

1. Cease caring about all of the above.

fondue with cheddar

@Trilby If only that were possible, life would be SO much easier.

prefacetoafable

1. Grow up having enormous crushes on girls, boys, pretty much anyone who does something charming in your vicinity, but be confident that you'll grow out of it.

2. Don't grow out of it. Finally accept being bi, but assume you'll probably never act on it.

3. Start having intense feelings for your female best friend in highschool. Panic about coming out.

4. Break up with that girl in college, and wonder if you're actually secretly gay, because the only people you're interested in dating are gay girls who remind you of her.

5. Get drunk and make out with boys. Maybe not gay. Definitely a horrible stereotype.

6. Have a crisis of identity because now you're that bisexual girl who gets drunk at parties and makes out with people. Hesitate to date anyone for fear of infecting them with your crazy.

7. Get over it after having flings with cute/funny/smart who don't care what label you take. Decide you're ready for a relationship again.

8. Be aggravatingly single.

Tafadhali

1. Wish you were gay or bisexual really hard for all of middle school.
2. Fall in love with female best friend.
3. Immediately call her to say YAY I AM BISEXUAL. (Though obviously not to tell her circs of said self-revelation.)
4. Spend a couple years agonizing about not being into other women enough to qualify as bi.
5. Laugh and laugh and laugh when you remember that concern in college.

Tafadhali

@Tafadhali Coming out as demisexual on the other hand was a hell of a lot harder and also probably explains why I had so much agony about maybe not being attracted enough to girls to count, in high school.

(I get crushes and I am drawn to certain people and...I'm attracted to people but I don't want to have sex with them 99% of the time. I was even less interested in people as a teenager, but I didn't know any boys so I think I confused finding them mysterious and confusing with being more into them than I was into girls. Actually dating boys proved that in fact the opposite was the case.)

catalina

1. enjoy a friends with benefits relationship with your best male friend. sex and conversation are great, no emotional connection.

2. start new job at a hospital. become intimidated by one of the female attending physicians. first encounter nearly puts you in tears.

3. resolve to bring your A game every time you work with said physician.

4. physician warms up to you a bit. even asks you for advice regarding a patient.

5. she shows interest in the album you're listening to, thus cementing a mutual love of music.

6. notice that every time she enters the room, your stomach does flip flops.

7. start picking up overtime. but only when it means your schedules will coincide.

8. continue to fuck FWB, but mind is always on the doctor; who she fucks, how she fucks, if she fucks.

9. on your last day of work at hospital, physician is looking for reasons to linger, has a tear in her eye (!) and finally says 'I think we are kindred spirits.' Gives you her email address. SHUT THE FRONT DOOR.

kella

1. have crushes on guys, and have strong urges to befriend interesting girls all through teen years
2. get first boyfriend at 23, date, move in, live together for 6 years
3. turn 30 and single, decide you might be into women
4. no makeouts, no dates for a year and half, then sleep with 3 dudes in the span of about 6 months (2 bad, one really good)
5. decide you've really gotta focus on the lady thing
6. makeout, drunk, with a girl at a party, think about it lots even though she's "not your type" (tall, skinny, blonde)
7. find yourself sharing a bed with her twice in a weekend, both times with other friends, no hanky panky the first night, LOTS the second night, don't really talk about it, laugh about it lots
8. still wonder every time you see her if you'll get up to it again?
9. worry about the state of your liver

mstroubleinmind

Love this! Thank you.

1963248500@twitter

to dump him to win his love anyway. If you dump him and he then decides to be with you instead of living with his ex and dating other people, you may be onto something. If not, maybe you can make a go of it with someone else you’re seeing.indoor dog fence systems

1963248500@twitter

If you dump him and he then decides to be with you instead of living with his ex and dating other people, you may be onto something. If not, maybe you can make a go of it with someone else you’re seeing food storage

Shahzaib Soomrow@facebook

It was great to see the old printshop and everyone who works there again. I am excited to see a printing business still operating and growing, great job guys
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Alexmen

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Alexmen

or not you need your audience to be aroused, or just attentive....gold coins ira

Alexmen

or not you need your audience to be aroused, or just attentive....gold coins ira

Alexmen

or not you need your audience to be aroused, or just attentive....gold coins ira

Alexmen

or not you need your audience to be aroused, or just attentive....gold coins ira

Alexmen

or not you need your audience to be aroused, or just attentive....gold coins ira

Alexmen

or not you need your audience to be aroused, or just attentive....gold coins ira

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