Tuesday, September 18, 2012


Fu-Blah Blah Blah

Um, Wyclef is talking about Lauryn. FOREVERRR. 

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I feel like when someone says they're an "old soul" it's a positive litmus test for narcissism. Someone prove me wrong.


@teenie What if other people have described you as such, and therefore you occasionally describe yourself in such terms, though never in a Salon think piece..?

(suddenly very self-conscious)


@Emby I don't think it counts as narcissism if someone else says it, though!

fondue with cheddar

@teenie Yeah, it only seems appropriate when it's an observation of someone else.


@Scandyhoovian I mean... even though people have said that a few times about me, I know it's not true (if anything it's completely incorrect) - they're just... trying to flatter me or something, so I would never pass that idea about me along.
So I know there are old souls out there, but to boast about it like some people do (I'M LOOKING AT YOU M. JEAN) seems decidedly not-old-soul-ish.

Eudora Quilt@twitter


to me, the "old soul"-thing is something you say about precocious kids. The German word is "altklug". If someone had ever said that about me (and as far as I remember no one ever did that to my face), I would have felt somewhat patronized. I'm always kind of baffled when I meet people who feel flattered by that label.


still looks good@l


This piece could have been edited down to around half its length. Maybe belaboring the point is kind of... the point? But it makes for one hell of a repetitious read.


"My father married Claudinette and me in his church and Lauryn was there at the ceremony, the reception, all of it — and that was definitely heavy. Lauryn respected the day so there was no confrontation because I’d told her that I’d made up my mind and that was it. Of course later, when we were on the road again, I fell back into indulging myself with her."

WYCLEFFF never stop talking


"If Lauryn and I had a rocky relationship full of breakups and make-ups before, my getting married turned up the heat 100 percent."

WYCLEF I bet that it did!!!


" It’s sad but true that she’s not been herself as an artist in the years since “The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill.” No one is more upset about that than I am. I mean it; I am her biggest fan and I always will be.

I’ve been told by many angry people who are also her fans that if I hadn’t messed with her she would not have gone so insane."

oh mannnn wyclef you better stop talking actually now :(

Reginal T. Squirge

My career, on the other hand, has been nothing short of amazing since 1997.

Lustful Cockmonster

What a narcissistic fuck he is. He and his hologram can go straight to hell. Team Lauryn forever.

I can't ever remember and excerpt making me less inclined to read the book.

Edited: Also, Wyclef, you are a terrible writer. EDIT sir, edit.

Lustful Cockmonster

@Lustful Cockmonster Apparently I also need to edit..."an excerpt..." :(

I'm not withdrawing my statement though.


@Lustful Cockmonster
This was my progression in reading this:
- 'oh he's saying such nice things about Lauryn, I'd love to hear someone say something like that about me'
- to 'i ... guess ... this is a somewhat honest account of infidelity'
- then 'You .. what?! you JUICEBOX!!!!'
- and finally 'Shut up, Wyclef!'

Judith Slutler

oh clef don't even! arrrrggggghhhh

New Hoarder

Oh no, now I only see this post. Hairpin sponsored posts, you're killing me!


@New Hoarder Now two of the three are sponsored ads and the rest of the page won't load. :( I really don't want to have to do work today instead of reading Hairpin.

New Hoarder

@SuperGogo Exactly. I mean, it's Tuesday.

New Hoarder

@New Hoarder It's currently working better today- HURRAH! No work today!


I just realized I've thought Lauryn was dead. Why did I think that? She's very much alive. Weird.

give cheese some pants

Before I got to the end (skim skim scroll, skim skim scrollll) and saw that this was an excerpt from an actual published book, I thought someone had accidentally posted a draft from Wyclef's LiveJournal.

glow bug

As much as I appreciate hearing the dirty details, that is so uncool, mang.

Faintly Macabre

"I didn’t think racism like that existed outside of the United States, because why would it? Racism here, and that word specifically, is a product of slavery and American history."

Lolwut. Does he actually think that Europe (or even the rest of the world!) had absolutely no connection with slavery, let alone racism? And he was surprised that German skinheads wouldn't like black people?


@Faintly Macabre Racism and nationalism...European-made since before 3,000 B.C. Get thee to a European History textbook, already, Wyclef.

RK Fire

@Faintly Macabre: Not to mention Asian nations... people are assholes and tend to think their group--however they identify it--is the best group.

As for me, I'll over here plotting to establish the breakaway nation of Long haired, Tan skinned Chicago Deep Dish Pizza & Game of Thrones & Downton Abbey Lovers. We are clearly the master race.


@RK Fire Game of Thrones and Downton Abbey were clearly created by God only for long-haired, pale but slightly freckly people. We will take those, and you can make do with your deep dish pizza on this reservation we've created for you over here.

Enjoy the 3,000 mile walk. Cars are only for us freckleds, as well!

RK Fire

@pterodactgirl: THIS MEANS WAR

I know your weakness: THE SUN.


@RK Fire No! No!

Why did we leave them their pizza?! It gave them strength!!


@Faintly Macabre I think he knew they had racists, or that they might have issues with black people, but it's the appearance/alliance with word in particular that is nonsensical when there's no German context for it.

When you're in what feels like another world, it's surprising to see overt racism, but it's extra surprising to have US-style or US-flavored racism pop up-- and it does sometimes. Occasionally one of my (Korean) middle school students will use a US-invented racial slur against an ethnic group that is nearly non-existent in their country, usually because they want a reaction or saw it online/in a film/something, and does add another layer of WHHHAAAA?

Lush Life

"I’d made up my mind to go with the rock, not the feather." Yet, despite how demonstrably emotionally upset she was about that decision, it wasn't "natural" to stop putting my penis inside her.

Wyclef, you have no honor.


@Lush Life Not to mention, I'm sure his wife is pleased as punch to be referred to as "the rock" in this trite little metaphor.

Reginal T. Squirge

Look, he's clearly a douche and everything but yo... I'd like to see you try and resist Fugees-era Lauryn.

elbows on the table

Best line? "The two of us were just crazy; that’s all. She is a Gemini, and anyone who has known one intimately can tell you that they can flip like a switch."



100% unrelated but 100% more awesome than Wyclef's oversharing narcissism, amirite?


"In return I got her hooked up in my dad’s church, where she began to sing and became an important member of the congregation."

I am just reading all of this with a confused look on my face. Does one really need the "hook up" at a church?


@meetapossum Yo, if you meet me behind the school at 3 PM today I can hook you up with some mad Jesus.

New Hoarder

@meetapossum Whatever, everyone knows Sister Mary Clarence gave her her big break.

lasso tabasco

This is disgusting


ugh, well, at least this whole mess of a relationship inspired ex factor. Also, speaking of Biggie (in the first paragraph when everything was still good), I only really started listening to him about 5 years ago and Ready to Die is a masterpiece. Sure, I knew Hypnotize, but I mostly knew of him through Puff Daddys R.I.P.-fest and he was an idiot so I didn't venture further. Good thing I did, eventually.

Regina Phalange

Jane, I think you meant FOREVVVVVERRRRR (I see you JLoveHew!)


Am I the only one who found this oddly touching? I mean, clearly he is a narcissist and all the rest, but it's a far cry from "my wife just wasn't meeting my needs," which is what you so often here. It's interesting to me to see someone say "I was just in love with both of them, for different reasons, and I didn't want to give either one up, so I didn't."

I mean, there's definitely the down side that, um, sometimes you have to give one up like a grown-up, yo, but I just sympathized, a bit, with that feeling of "I just wanted to have everything so I pretended I could."

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