There's a harvest moon this weekend! See you back here on Monday...
Gentle 'Pinners: I request your best deviled egg recipes. GO.
@area@twitter Oh god, I just ad lib it with a lot of paprika and don't go shy on the vinegar. But I'm hopping on this thread because I want to hear people's deviled egg recipes.
@area@twitter I don't have a recipe but: Sriracha! Mmm.
Stir the eggs frequently while they're boiling; old wives say that it keeps the yolks centered.
Chopped pickles, yaller mustard and mothereffin' DUKE'S MAYO, paprika on top if you want to be old school. Capers (!!!), tarragon vinegar, grain mustard, Duke's mayo (I will accept Hellman's/Best Foods but DO NOT COME AT ME WITH YOUR KRAFT IT IS VILE) and smoked paprika if you want to be like chic and shit.
@area@twitter Veganaise (preferably the one with dijon) and curry powder. What, that's normal, right?
@area@twitter I just tried eggs stuff with crab! It is so good. I found on Epicurious
Here are a couple of my favorites
@area@twitter Trying to get a head start on winning the deviled eggs competition eh?
I respect your initiative and will be factoring it into my decision making come 2013.
@area@twitter Here's a bunch. I have made the bacon & cheddar ones. I halved the bacon fat and crumbled about 4 slices of really crispy bacon right into the yolk mixture. They were amazing.
@area@twitter THESE ONES are amazing: http://smittenkitchen.com/blog/2011/12/caesar-salad-deviled-eggs/
@area@twitter Hummous and paprika.
@area@twitter I ad lib it with yellow mustard, organic mayo (from Trader Joe's), and dill relish. Plus paprika. Now I want to try bacon.
obat sipilis ampuh
Loving it all day@v
I landed a project ON MY OWN at work (I don't like this job a lot of the time, but I appear to be pretty damn good at it) and my baby brother got a job and now I'm watching Freaks and Geeks and baking bread. TELL ME ABOUT YOUR GOODNESS THIS WEEKEND, HAIRPIN.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I am going to go home and watch "The Avengers" and play the new Warcraft expansion until my brains ooze gently from my ears. Also I am going to eat all the deviled eggs, and possibly make onion casserole.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I'm waiting for the new Harry Potter (yeah yeah whatever) AND I'm going to see two movies tomorrow with a friend! Then I'm visiting my friend's church (I am not Christian or religious but I am sooo excited) but before that I'm Skyping with a gentleman friend and after that I'm Skyping with a girlfriend!!
Also I have to watch a movie for my class oh nooo ;)
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I am going out for fancy brunch with friends tomorrow at a place that has a special called The Paula Deen! And I want to see Pitch Perfect and Looper but may only manage one. And I plan to bake and cook all the foods.
@anachronistique If you don't report back with a complete report of everything you ate for brunch tomorrow, we are going to be SO DISAPPOINTED. Also PITCH PERFECT AND LOOPER, I do not have enough time this weekend.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I have a terrible desire to go see DREDD Starring: Karl Urban's Chin this weekend too.
@area@twitter I have terrible desires to see any and everything Karl Urban is in.
This means I have watched a lot of shows from the 90s, filmed in New Zealand, good times! :D
I'm working from home today and Monday, which is basically like a 4-day weekend, considering I'm still in my PJs and had a beer with lunch.
Also, I'm taking a free archery lesson tomorrow that I signed up for on a whim after watching The Hunger Games back-to-back with The Avengers.
@Dancercise Use Katniss as your example, not Hawkeye.
It pains me, I'm a rank amateur who dropped archery after a year or so as a kid, but even I was like, wtf is up with your form, Hawkeye?
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I'm going to a free wild salmon BBQ and live music in the park thingy on Sunday!
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I am hanging out with my do El Guapo and taking in the great SF outdoors!! After yucky workweek, it is so good to get dog-time...
I assume you are hip to Karl Urban's many roles on Xena: Warrior Princess?
@miss buenos aires Love them all. Cupid might have been my favorite for the sheer lulz. Though Caesar was made of awesome Magnificent Bastardry.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I rediscovered Ezra Pound's short early poems last night.I am miserable at work, but...
When I carefully consider the curious habits of dogs
I am compelled to conclude
That man is the superior animal.
When I consider the curious habits of man
I confess, my friend, I am puzzled.
(If you know me on FB, I'm sure I've just given myself away.)
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Tonight I am on my own, which I crave every so often. I will put together fall outfits, drink wine, and watch The West Wing.
I am going to see Looper with dear friends and my affianced tomorrow and on Sunday I've agreed to babysit for some old nannying charges. I've only seen them in passing in the last two years and hanging out for five hours is going to be fun. Their dad is paying me in cash that I will not be reporting to the IRS. I miss the park, story-time snuggles, an unlimited supply of goldfish crackers, and untaxed income the most about nannying.
@withatwist There is not much better than wine & The West Wing. I salute you.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher A screaming argument with my ex-partner last night gave me the motivation to forget about trying to buy a house and instead I found a great apartment to rent this morning. So two months after splitting up, I'm movin' out! Halle-freakin'-lujah. Also, I saw an exceptionally cool show at the local art museum, and got a very nice pay raise. Pretty good Friday!
I am still proud of myself for calling out Xena's mishmashy historical figure M.O. I saw a hot guy in a toga and said, "Gaul is divided into three parts." Then he said it! My husband was half-impressed, half-unnerved.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Congratulations on your work successes! It is (mostly) still warmer than 20 degrees Celcius in central Canada and that alone is enough for celebration in this part of the world. I'll be out and about this weekend, I know not where.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I finally got a contract at work (I've been working without one for a few months now) and I.have.benefits. DENTAL INSURANCE. DENTAL. IN.SUR.ANCE. (and all the other good stuff too). I had my second to last poetry class and the professor complimented the hell out of me in front of the class. Now I'm watching Dr. Who and making stir fry. Yay week!
@Lit Drunkard All of the Hoorays to you!!
@Myrtle thank you! I feel the need to store those Hoorays for winter
@Dancercise I am in awe of all of this. Perfection.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Heck, sometimes I unnerve me with how much I apparently have retained from the show when doing a rewatch.
Who's read A Casual Vacancy yet?! I'm still waiting for my book to arrive from Amazon! ack!!
@mystique I bought a copy yesterday, but I've been so busy that I'm only about 50 pages in. Sad!
@mystique I'm 5% in. My reaction so far: "what the crap??".
My headphones just broke, travesty. I'm also trying to take two weeks off drinking, but then my friend had to go and offer me free Shiner Bock that our friend brought up from Texas. Alcohol Gods, why must you tempt me so??
@meetapossum "This isn't temptation, this is Shiner."--Alcohol Gods
@meetapossum I'm pretty sure there's a law that if you turn down Shiner Bock when you're out of the state, you'll never be let back into Texas.
@meetapossum I really like Sony earbud headphones! I've destroyed a lot in my day but those last forever!
@sophi I'm not from Texas, but it's more the "free" that's the temptation. It's much easier to avoid things if I have to pay for them.
@mystique I hate earbuds, but the ones I have now are also Sony (retractable cord! Magic!) I've had them for about a year, I guess, so it was coming. Right now they're taped together so I can still listen to music on my commute home.
@meetapossum Well, you won't ever be let in to visit and drink more of our delicious beer, then. Much less for free!
@meetapossum I read this as you were taking two weeks off FOR drinking, so.
Broken headphones means you get to buy new ones! Blessing in disguise?
So my four-month LDR ends tomorrow. And I am glad, but also really nervous?
Someone, tell me how great it is to not be in an LDR anymore! And that it will be OK and he will be glad to see me again (even though I've gained 10 pounds or so)?
@sarantium@twitter YAY! I'm so excited for you :) Why so nervous? What are the deets? Is (s)he moving back? Are you? Are you moving together?
@sarantium@twitter At first I thought you were breaking up tomorrow and thought wow, you're taking this really well!
Once comprehension dawned: Of course it's going to be great and all you will probably want to do is kiss each other! That's what happened to me when that happy day arrived.
@mystique I am heading back to university -- I was working at a national lab ~2,000 miles away from said university for the summer, and then both of us went home to see parents (~3,000 miles away). (It would have been harder for us to be geographically further apart and still in the US -- he's currently in WA, I'm in FL.)
We don't live together -- or, at least, not exactly, although I spend enough time with him that we may as well. (Also, our dorm rooms are <5 minutes walking distance apart.)
I don't know; it's weird going back to a partner! He is my first ever partner, and first ever LDR, so it's all a bit new. And it's been a bit rough, being long-distance (for roughly half the duration of the relationship), so I am hoping that we stop having arguments about communication all the damn time, and -- basically, am vaguely anxious that we have over-estimated how well we work together, although there is absolutely no evidence of such.
@sarantium@twitter I was in a relationship that was like 6 months together, 3 months apart -- and when I came back for good it was awesome! So much lust! And also love! The feeling of missing him had become this dull pain that I was accustomed to, but it felt so good to be relieved of it! (We argued way more about communication when we were LDR-ing it, probably because I am a Use Your Words person and he is a Let Me Show You person, and it's hard to show love when you're not in the same place, so I was often wanting more. Now that we're in the same place, it's much easier.)
No guarantees, but I'm hoping it'll be great. (I am still with that LDR dude, so sometimes things go well :))
@sarantium@twitter was one of you working for PNNL? That's the only national lab I know. At any rate, he will be ecstatic about seeing your loveliness again.
@bot thank you, that was exactly what I needed to hear! I am also a Use Your Words person, and boyfriend is physically but not verbally demonstrative. It took me about six weeks to convince him that while we were long-distance, he would have to use his words more than he'd strictly like.
@smidge no! although we're now in WA/FL, for most of the summer, I was outside Chicago working at Fermilab (http://www.fnal.gov/), while he was at the university we both attend (in Los Angeles).
@sarantium@twitter Speaking from personal experience, it will be fabulous and he will not even notice you gained weight and when you tell him (I don't know why I felt I had to, but I did) he will tell you "you are gorgeous, what are you talking about."
No seriously, ending an LDR is one of the best feelings ever.
@bot " The feeling of missing him had become this dull pain that I was accustomed to, but it felt so good to be relieved of it! "
:( you almost made me cry. My boyfriend left about two weeks ago for a program in France and I have begun to experience a dull ache and find myself sighing for what seems like no reason. I wish Europe was right here instead of all the way over here.
My boyfriend left about two weeks ago for a program in France and I have begun to experience a dull ache and find myself sighing for what seems like no reason. I wish Europe was right here instead of all the way over here.....chistesdejaimito
I am babysitting for a grand total of 17 hours over the course of this weekend, which doesn't really give me any time for fun plans. Although, my B-I-L sent my husband the Mighty Ducks boxed set for his birthday as probably the most nostalgic gift ever, so maybe we'll watch D2 (the best in the series, obviously) after the kids I'm babysitting go to bed on Sunday night. And then we'll spend the next month dropping quotes about knucklepucks and Iceland and the like.
I'm really excited for next week, though, because I am getting my hair chopped off and then going to see both Maria Bamford and Pete Holmes live! Any other comedy nerd 'Pinners in Chicago going to either show?
@olivebee Pin Pal! I am ALSO getting my hair chopped this weekend. And I just snagged some stamps so your letter will be sent off finally. (It's going to be interesting because I wrote it last week but left it open while I hunted for stamps so now I have more things to add! LOTS MORE THINGS.)
@Disco Sheets Yay! I can't wait to get it! How short are you going with your hair? I'm going in for a just-below-the-ears bob.
@melis is coming to stay with me this weekend and we are going to watch "Rebecca" together, but, whatever, maybe you have plans too?
@Nicole Cliffe I am consumed by jealousy, damn you BOTH. What version are you watching?
@Nicole Cliffe Man, that sounds like the best sleepover ever. Please take pictures and submit to:
68 Jay St., Ste. 405
Brooklyn, NY 11201
*NOTE: Please make sure to take a picture at the exact moment that your relationship curdles into BFF-ship.*
Pics or it didn't happen.
@area@twitter There can be only one.*
*Joan Fontaine and Sir Larry
WHICH VERSION??? I WILL FIGHT YOU THERE IS ONE VERSION ONLY
@Nicole Cliffe This sounds like an amazing sleepover and no one else will be able to compete, no matter how glorious their weekend plans are.
I am drinking a pretty great cup of coffee right now, but not as great as the pumpkin soda & cake vodka cocktail I'm making as soon as I get home.
Also, if you like Gone Girl, try Fingersmith.
@Vicky Johnson Tell me more about this pumpkin soda you speak of.
@Vicky Johnson I agree. Pumpkin soda sounds fascinating. I tried celery soda and liked it . . .
@meetapossum Maine Root makes it, but Woodchuck's Pumpkin Cider is basically a pumpkin soda. Either one works. Harpoon makes a fantastic pumpkin cider also, but I can't speak to it's cocktail suitability.
I live for pumpkin season.
@Vicky Johnson This is fascinating. I didn't know anyone made pumpkin ciders. I need to investigate this further.
@Vicky Johnson Maine Root? Where are you from? Do you have any idea if that makes it into the rest of New England?
@Biketastrophy Oh, no idea. My sister brought it to my house (in Arlington) last weekend. She got it in Baltimore, so it shouldn't be too hard to find.
We have Maine Root in Vermont - mostly in little independent stores.
@Biketastrophy I live in the midwest and they sell Maine Root at Whole Foods here. (Their ginger beer is AMAZING. Very spicy.) Which does not answer your question at all. But it might indicate that it makes it pretty far from Maine.
@all the bacon and eggs @Vicky Johnson Great! I'm in Worcester, I'll have to check local Trader Joes and the like, if it makes it to the midwest, it has to make it to Mass.
@Vicky Johnson Is Gone Girl any good? Should I read it?
I loved Fingersmith, so you are making want to read Gone Girl.
@Biketastrophy I saw the pumpkin pie soda at the Whole Foods by Charles/MGH today, so you are PROBABLY GOOD.
@miss buenos aires Yeah, if it is really like Fingersmith then I am very interested.
Also like Sarah Waters, but (SPOILERS no lesbians, and I don't totally understand why not) is Jane Harris' The Observations.
@Vicky Johnson Yes for Maine Root!
Houston Hairpinners--YALL, IT IS GETTING FALL HERE. And although we lack the rustic oranges and yellows and comfy layers and hot teas of the Northeast, let us all attempt to get outside more often and try to enjoy what is hopefully a cool autumn/winter.
@Alex Barton I heard it was supposed to rain all weekend :(. It has been super nice walking out to my car or walking the dog with out breaking out into a sweat. That is now the sign of fall for this Midwestern transplant.
@Wiscowhitney Hey, I'm a native Texan and that's my sign too. 'Wait, I can wear pants and NOT sweat? Hoo boy.'
@Alex Barton The other day, I thought about wearing a cardigan. I (wisely, because it was 87*) decided against it, but still, sweaters are on the mind again.
Are we making Halloween costumes yet?
I'm going to be a Chinese parade dragon for trick-or-treating with my roommate and her little sister (PAPER MACHE HEAD Y'ALL) and I'm undecided on a party costume.
How about yoooou?
ETA Competing ideas are a WWF Panda (panda in wrestler clothing) or a Lisa Frank leopard. Just whatever affords me the most face paint/fur costuming.
@Inkling I came up with a great costume idea over the summer (sexy Teddy Roosevelt), but I don't know if I care enough to actually put the effort in? It's been years since I actually dressed up for Halloween. It is entirely possible that I will just not do anything again this year, OR that I will just be lazy and find a pair of kitty ears somewhere.
@Inkling: At first I thought you meant a World Wildlife Federation panda (their logo is a panda) and now I realize you don't. Would you consider merging the two together?
@sophi: All my thumbs for sexy Teddy Roosevelt!
@Inkling Chinese parade dragon is SUCH a fantastic idea. Which part of the dragon are you going to be? I also love your face paint/fur rubric for costume desirability.
I'm very seriously considering being Catwoman (Anne Hathaway version). I feel I could do the bodysuit but would ideally lose like 5 lbs first (doable, I think). Target has this which could work and then I could add on the other stuff like boots and gloves. My other idea is Megan Draper, which is boring, but I kind of look like her, and could possibly make my roommate be Don.
Yeah, I mean the two together! Black and white baseball shirt, black ears, facepaint, bruises, wrestler shorts/onesie, taped fingers, champion belt. Combining my love for wrestling and animals.
Would sexy Teddy Roosevelt be erm in a teddy?
I will be the head, because I'm the one making it. We have a satin sheet for the body and we're gonna put fur and scales and glitter and shiny balls and shit all over it. Gonna look sweet.
I can't follow your link for some reason and I'm hugely curious what Target has for bodysuits. Catwoman would be fun! You could steal candy all night under the guise of being In Character :D
@sophi We will be Sexy Olde-Timey American Figures twins because I decided last year that I'm going as sexy Ben Franklin!
@Inkling I had my heart set on a specific Halloween costume this year, but I am going to be out of town on Halloween (and the 4 days leading up to it), so I don't even think I will be celebrating. :( :( And I don't think my costume idea will be relevant next year. Basically, I wanted to go with my husband as Sam & Susie from Moonrise Kingdom.
I love your Lisa Frank leopard idea! Lisa Frank anything would be an awesome get-up.
My dog may possibly be mature enough this year to participate in our neighborhood Dog Halloween Party (meaning she won't eat her costume off her body before we even get outside). Trying to decide: should she be a ballerina or a flower?
@Inkling Oh, the link turned out weird. It's actually their "Catwoman" costume and is here: http://www.target.com/p/women-s-catwoman-costume/-/A-14069306?reco=Rec|pdp|14069306|ClickCP|item_page.vertical_1&lnk=Rec|pdp|ClickCP|item_page.vertical_1 as much as I hate the idea of a "premade" costume (I have always made them).
@Disco Sheets That is awesome! If I knew anyone who was willing to be Sexy Olde-Timey American Figures twins with me IRL, I might be more willing to put the effort in.
@Disco Sheets I really want to go at Abe Lincoln because I have the hat and so I can say, "Four score and seven beers ago...I am much inebriated." I wasn't GOING to make him Sexy, but if I have to to make this Sexy Olde-Timey threesome work, I will.
also fwiw: http://hailtotheslash.com/
@Inkling: BOTH OF THOSE IDEAS ARE BRILLIANT.
Also, I didn't think of "sexy Teddy Roosevelt" in a teddy but I may have to borrow that. On the other hand, I've been thinking about just buying one of these horse heads and learning how to dance Gangnam style. I've been practicing in my office but I don't think I'm coordinated enough.
@Marzipan Babe Lincoln!
@Inkling My neighbor is very insistent that we go as gender-and-race-bent Dethklok in concert face-paint.
Sadly, I don't have any planning, because all I need is to see what happens when I grow out facial hair.
@sophi sexy teddy roosevelt sounds awesome! also it really makes me want to say "bull moose" over and over again in suggestive tones. I am not positive if it is possible to make that phrase sound sexy, but I will practice!
@Inkling - I'm going to be a flying squirrel! I'm not making the costume, I found it over the summer and have been saving it ever since because it's so awesome. Bonus: it's one size fits all, and enormous, so there is room for me to wear a fanny pack underneath so I don't ruin my costume with a purse.
Babe Lincoln = "Four scores" puns.
Maybe she can be a DOGWOOD flower.
Especially if she happens to smell like asshole all the time. Seriously those trees are pollinated solely by vultures and flies.
The thing is, everyone's gonna be drunk and not know how accurate your dance is, and you're gonna be so topical and cool. You should absolutely do that.
Thanks for the encouragement! I'm pretty unemployed and I think the panda costume might be cheaper. You guys liking it makes me want to do it more.
ETA FLYING SQUIRREL YES.
Should we have a place to post our Halloween pictures? On Facebook or whatever?
@sophi Oh man a friend and I were trying to come up with presidential puns and be sexy presidents and so far we just have Babe-raham Lincoln and Grover Clevage. But more realistically I think my husband and are going to be Janet Snakehole and Bert Macklin.
@RK Fire I wanted to be the person in the yellow suit in the Gangham style video but I just don't think it's going to happen for so many, many reasons.
@Inkling I'm going as Daria, because I already own everything but the green sweater.
@Inkling I am toying with making a 1920s style Egyptian costume based on some plates I found sometime last year. My costumes tend toward the esoteric or the sort of lazy. Last year I made myself a brain slug and Slurm t-shirt and hosted small gathering of mostly costume-less people. BUT this year I have a sewing machine of my own so bring on the complex overthought Halloween costumes :)
@Inkling I'm being Robyn! I've already bought a pair of ridiculous leggings.
@RK Fire Gangnam Style is actually surprisingly more difficult than one'd think based on how silly it looks.
...or maybe I'm just that uncoordinated. :\
@Inkling I'm trying to make a She-Hulk costume! I don't know if I'll manage to actually complete a wearable version before Halloween, though. (Never worked with swimwear-type fabric before, never significantly modified a pattern before, and of course I haven't figured out what to do about body paint, wig, etc. yet either.)
I am going as a post-partum Rosemary Woodhouse. Ingredients: short blond wig, sixties dress, baby sling, monsterized baby doll.
My husband is going as John Hurt's character from Alien and has crafted a shocking believable torso-bursting alien out of a water bottle. Must be seen to be believed.
@Inkling I am waffling between "Slutty Ron Swanson" and "Slutty Jon Snow". My roommate is going to be Leslie Knope, so "Slutty Ron Swanson" fits the theme, but I have more of a vision for "Slutty Jon Snow". Tough decisions.
@Inkling I'm leaning Captain Planet.... but might go Jonny Quest. Initially I was going to be Charlie Chaplin, but got worried that someone might think I was Hitler.
@Inkling: I find that it's really hard too! I spent a half hour today hoping maybe someone did very basic tutorial on the moves, but no dice. I didn't want to just watch a youtube video on loop at work. :(
@Inkling I am not really making a costume, but I am going as McKayla Maroney (the not impressed version). I bought a freaking leotard. And my gym is having a costume workout on Saturday the 27th so I will be showing off said leotard.
@Inkling A few years ago, I put together a "Sexy Davy Crockett" costume, and I am here to tell you that that look scores like a motherfucker.
You can do Charlie Chaplin if you also do dancey, moustache-twiddle, cane things! I have a picture of my dad as Charlie Chaplin, with young sister and I (something devious and something furry, kids' costumes are truly indicators of their futures) and it looks awesome because he was making a Chaplin face.
I want to see all of these! Can we guest-appear on pinpets or something?
I mistakenly watched Pokemon last night and now it's between WWF Panda and Cubone. I think it's about to be Cubone for real.
@Inkling I think the cane might be what makes it Chaplin.... hmm. Suddenly he's back in the game!
Okay: natural deodorant! Who knows a good one? I started using Tom's but I'm a shower-every-other-day gal when the weather is cooler and things have been uh, getting real on day 2. Suggestions?
@supernintendochalmers Oh, are you not familiar with Edith's obsession? Be prepared to have your question answered x1000. Just type deodorant or natural deodorant into the hairpin search box. Then spend the rest of the day reading, probably.
@supernintendochalmers I make my own. Smoosh together equal parts coconut oil, baking soda, and cornstarch (non-gmo, pls, I do not like frankenfood in my pits either kthx), a few drops of tea tree oil and whatever nice-smelling essential oil you like. Lavender is my jam 4eva, so I do lavender. Smoosh (lots of smooshing, yay!) it into your old deo container or just keep it in a jar and rub it on with your fingers. It should be about the texture of toothpaste as you mix it and the texture of spackel when it sets up. If your pits are divas like mine, cut back on the proportion of baking soda and up the cornstarch.
I am like evangelical about this shit. I could go on and on. It legit changed my life. I no longer ever have that 3:00 pm "Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu my deo just gave out." EVER.
@gobblegirl Oooh, I knew I read something about this on here but couldn't remember. I'll have to check out Soapwalla.
@supernintendochalmers I like it quite a lot, purchased some after reading about Soapwalla deodorant here. However, its not anti-perspirant, like, at all. For some people it might be, but I live in the South. Not so much, really, no.
@supernintendochalmers My experience with natural deodorants is that it's all about the frequent switching of brands. I don't care if it isn't SCIENCE; I say my pits become immune. So, I get whichever ones I can and cycle through them. I do break down and use a commercial one more heavily during the summer.
I haven't tried the Soapwalla.
So, for anyone who witnessed my freak-out in the open thread last week about being convinced that my former boyfriend hates me, thank you for putting up with my crazy? I hung out with him and two other friends last Sunday, and we broke into a cemetery. It was extraordinarily fun, and I still am covered with bruises from it. I am still not 100% sure what is happening between us, but I am not freaking out about it anymore at least.
In completely unrelated news, I applied for a job this week that I think would be really cool, and I am trying not to get my hopes up too bad, BUT fingers crossed that I at least get an interview?
@sophi Oh god, are you ok? Is anyone gaunting you???
(Also yay! I support you not being freaked out, and good luck on the interview!)
(But mostly I'm hung up on how this sounds like a pitch for a horror film. Is the job in a former asylum, by any chance?)
@Cawendaw I did not come across a SINGLE ghost the whole time we were there, which was really disappointing. They do official ghost tours throughout the year, especially around Halloween, though, so we probably are going to go back and see what we were missing. I left offerings for John Wesley Hardin and some Chinese railroad works, though, so maybe that was where I went wrong? Dang, why did I have to appease those ghosts?
(Also the job is not in a former asylum, I WISH, god.)
Did you know that you can’t contract gonorrhea from cunnilingus? Okay, you probably did, but it was news to me.
Legitimate vagina facts!
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll I think it's "are very unlikely to, because saliva is strong." But if the germs get in your throat without being killed first, you can still get it - you can get it from bjs. Or at least that is my understanding.
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll
I just read about this in the New Yorker! And it was exciting to learn! But the rest of the article was horrible. Drug-resistant gonorrhea, yall. It's coming to get us.
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll Really? Does this include if you have a cut in your mouth or your lip?
@Sea Ermine Almost certainly not.
@gobblegirl Oh ok that's what I thought. Because most of the information I got way back in middle school on cunnilingus and stds/stis was always connected to cuts or sores in the mouth, so it's good to know that's still something to look out for.
Hey, do you want to be in a writers' critique group in San Francisco (or do you know anyone who would want to)? We have a lot of fun! We meet in the Mission district every Tuesday night. I've had some of my stuff on The Hairpin, if you want to check me out. http://thehairpin.com/tag/melissa-chandler/
There are 6 of us right now and we're hoping to have a group of 8 eventually. Come join!
@melmuu Yes, please! But like seriously yes. Who can I e-mail about this?
@Khrushchev Cool! You can email me. It's melissa chandler 7 g mail
Maybe send a writing sample if you have one ready, or just email me and I can tell you more about the group!
Crowdsourcing! What music do you guys listen to during sexytimes? I need recommendations, please.
(The songs I tend to think are sexy when listening alone via headphones are often too on-the-nose and seem ridiculous in the moment, or have love-me/abuse-me lyrics that might make the moment weird.)
@PomoFrannyGlass I have no suggestions, but hoping on in hopes of learning the secrets of sexy tunes.
@PomoFrannyGlass Put on Erykah Badu's album Worldwide Underground, especially "I Want You". Go to town!
(Seriously though. I played this album when my sister and I were on a road trip, and by the time we got to our destination, she made me promise to copy it for her so she could use it during sexytimes with her boyfriend.)
@PomoFrannyGlass I tried to make a sexytimes playlist just recently, because I realized that I didn't have one, and apparently I only got as far as adding a bunch of Metric songs and Merry Clayton's version of Gimme Shelter to the playlist before I got distracted. So, uh, those are my suggestions.
@PomoFrannyGlass I would say Portishead (Glory Box is basically the sexiest song ever recorded), but I don't think I've ever done it because it feels a little too-too. You know? I also would advise RJD2 but your mileage may vary.
@PomoFrannyGlass My boyfriend used to put on Ratatat and Dead Can Dance, which was the first I'd heard of either, so they're both firmly Sexy Times Music to me now.
@PomoFrannyGlass Earth. Yes, it's doom metal, but it's all slow and throbbingly resonant.
@PomoFrannyGlass This is incredibly random, but check out Pelican City's album "Rhode Island." It's a little-known nom de plume of DJ Danger Mouse, and if you delete the track "Sesame Street" you can knock boots all night to it.
You kind of have to be careful which Portishead songs you pick, though! "The Rip" is AMAZING for this purpose, but many other songs from "Third" are...difficult.
@ayo nicole Definitely Portishead. "Earth Linger" on loop.
@PomoFrannyGlass I don't really believe in "too on-the-nose," and just reading the question put Maxwell's Urban Hang Suite in my head.
My answer is kind of boring in that I listen to whatever happens to be playing on the tv at the time or just heavy breathing...
@PomoFrannyGlass I just found my boyfriend's pre-our-relationship "sexy time" cd. It is all Taylor Swift and Alicia Keys and whatnot. I would...not recommend that.
Somebody asked about this not too long ago. I stand by my choices of Teddy Pendergrass, Teddy Pendergrass and more Teddy Pendergrass. Also, listen to your president and try some Al Green.
@Reginal T. Squirge YES to Al Green.
Oh, and you get me a CD of Obama singing more than a few lines of Al Green, and these panties will drop faster than Mitt Romney's approval ratings.
@Reginal T. Squirge Al Green today, Al Green tomorrow, Al Green forever.
THANK YOU, guys, this is so helpful! I had basically forgotten about Portishead (their first record came out before I had sexytimes in my life...OLD). Boning to Glory Box would probably make me laugh, but I guess that's still sexy (and my main reference point for Ratatat is that Wildcat song, which would DEFINITELY make me laugh). I am dumb for not even thinking of Al Green, I like Metric and Danger Mouse, and I suspect doom metal would go over really well with my current gentleman caller. And I look forward to checking out everyone else's suggestions! Except the Taylor Swift. I think that might get me dumped. :)
'Pin for the win, as ever.
@PomoFrannyGlass I've never listened to music during sexytimes but I bet J*Davey would work.
@PomoFrannyGlass Also the xx, especially their new album and also especially a lot of the remixes. Every time I hear "Angels" on the radio, I want to race home to knock boots with the boyf.
Definitely Portishead. Definitely. I have defo gotten laid while listening to Sleater-Kinney before, but it's a bit unusual, I understand. What about something like Billie Holiday? Or Nina Simone?
@frigwiggin I think Dead Can Dance in Sexxytime would equal Dead Stop for me.
Wild Flag's "Racehorse," though? That always works like a charm.
Billie Holiday too quickly veers into tears for the singer's misfortune!
@PomoFrannyGlass Luther Vandross, old-school R+B.
A ladyfriend once played music from my virginal adolescence, and so I kissed her to the Smashing Pumpkins, full of joy at what 14-year me hadn't even imagined.
@PomoFrannyGlass the postal service. works every time.
@PomoFrannyGlass Sledgehammer, on loop.
This is how everyone has sex, right?
@PomoFrannyGlass Late to this thread, but Cocteau Twins is our go-to sexytimes music. We tried using Barry White one time and kept busting out laughing.
BB CREAM. I know Jane talked about it ages ago, but they discontinued my favourite brand of light foundation/tinted moisturizer and bb cream was half the price of my second-choice foundation. And it is amazing!
It's just the right amount of coverage (basically evens out my blotchy-but-pale skin tone, disguises my pores a bit), feels like there's nothing on, is really moisturizing, and is high spf!
@gobblegirl WEIRD, but I have just dipped my toe into the crazy waters of BB cream. This week is the stuff from Dr. Jart that I somehow acquired (probably through a Sephora sample). I'm actually kind of liking it well enough, feels like nothing's on, and the tube says spf 45. However, it doesn't feel super-moisturizing...so maybe its not what you're looking for.
(Also, I have a 750ml tube of St. Tropez tanning lotion stuff, does anyone want it/willing to swap some other similarly sized sample thingy for it? If no one here's interested, gonna take it to the MUA swap boards.)
@celeec4@twitter Mine is maybelline and really cheap. Lurvvvve it. I live in a very very dry climate, and at the end of the day I usually feel like my face needs a whole glass of water. But no more! I still moisturize at night, but it no longer feels like an emergency.
@gobblegirl There was a beauty Q&A thing on thehairpin a while back that had lots of discussion about BB creams in the comments. Maybe you can look there for suggestions?
I personally don't mind things not being super moisturizing, because while its dry where I live, its also hot, and always feels like I'm sweating all the time. (the worst)
So much easier than doing the foundation + full face thing. And sliiiightly more coverage than tinted moisturizer, which is nice.
@celeec4@twitter I think you misunderstand. I am not looking for a bb cream, I have one. It is inexpensive, effective, and I love it. It is the maybelline one. As detailed above.
@gobblegirl Agreed it is perfect for my needs, which are that I don't like to put a bunch of stuff on my face. IT DOES IT ALL AT ONCE! So great.
The one I'm using is still a sample that a nice Sephora lady gave me FOR FREE! No questions asked! I guess I should go back and buy the real thing, y'know, some day. When I run out I suppose.
@gobblegirl Sorry! I read something about discontinued and...I'm having a reading comprehension fail moment.
But yes! I'm slowly coming around to the idea of BB creams, despite my initial skepticism of the very fad-ish type of hype surrounding it. Simplicity is a beautiful thing.
@gobblegirl Oh man guys I don't wanna overwhelm you, but in Korea BB Cream is SO OVER and CC (Color Control) is where it's at! WE ARE ALREADY OBSOLETE LADIES!!! :o
@Megano! But the question of course is whether CC cream is also just a variation on tinted moisturizer? Because from what I can tell, that's basically what BB cream is (at least the non-lightening U.S. brands).
@Megano! To follow up on hulia's question: what is the difference between BB cream and CC??
@RK Fire Apparently less oily, higher SPF, lighter texture, more brightening stuff, lasts longer, and even more natural looking finish.
@Megano! Mind = BLOWN.
@gobblegirl BB cream, yay! (Or CC cream or whatever it is they sell at Target) But I will fight you on Maybelline. It didn't do much for me, although at least I didn't break out like I did with the Garnier one. No, L'Oreal's is the best in the drugstoreland. And apparently they just came out with an age defying version?
Any suggestions for a bona fide Low Self Esteem Day? Served with a side of depression and loneliness.
@frigwiggin Served with a side of depression and loneliness, and sudden splurge spending on cosmetics/haircuts/blah blah blah.
@frigwiggin I'm sorry :( I like to marathon Mad Men or some other drama where the characters' lives seem way harder and more depressing than mine. Alternately, a) go shopping for nothing (or nail polish, earrings, whatever's your "small impulse purchase" addiction) b) go to a movie by yourself (the best) c) call your parents or friends who love you d) go buy a bunch of books or e) just get into pjs and build a fortress of snacks around your TV
@frigwiggin All I do is eat and journal at 750words.com so your mileage may very if that helps. Those days are the worst!
@frigwiggin Can I interest you in some Emotionally Supportive Manatee? http://irishrover.tumblr.com/post/24036637988
@frigwiggin Apartment dance party. High kicks, dance punches, butt wiggles, booty drops, charleston arm swings, running man. Ideally you will be completely winded after. If you aren't, you are not dancing hard enough.
It takes your mind off everything, and gives you a temporary rush of endorphins that fake self-esteem and will cheer you up a bit.
@frigwiggin Lemme have a bite. I got my own spoon.
@frigwiggin Carly Rae Jepson, max volume, on repeat.
@sarantium@twitter Trying this now.
@frigwiggin Maybe this too: http://thehairpin.com/2012/09/christina-aguilera-your-body
@Alex Barton I've seen ESM before and always love it, but it legit made me tear up this time. I want someone to say those things to me! But my boyfriend is not someone who expresses himself with words (and who gets incredibly awkward and doesn't know how to comfort me when I'm sad), and I don't want to ask anybody else for it. Which is dumb but whine whine whine saaaaaaaaaaaads.
@frigwiggin Make a pillow fort, scavenge for snacks, and watch tv while inside of it?
Cocktails, superhero makeup, and crazy dancing?
Try to see what kind of a Halloween costume you can make with just your wardrobe/belongings (I can come up with a decent gypsy, which leads me to believe that my normal wardrobe is just watered down gypsy :/)
Try something creative? Something silly? Searching for free events in the area that you can go to and chat with a few people?
@frigwiggin: I agree with the above. Loud music and dancing around in the kitchen have rescued more than one day for me. Shake it 'til you make it.
I've been out of the house all day, sitting in parks and cafes, so that has at least delayed the inevitable despair.
@frigwiggin ESM: You had a good week, I know it. Now hug me.
(Because manatees are eminently huggable, and I think they would agree with the aforementioned frigwiggin dance party. I recommend Robyn)
@frigwiggin Listen to Chuck Mangione's "Feels So Good" on repeat until you believe it.
@frigwiggin Listen to an all-female-artists Pin Mix!
Whatever you listen to (I am partial to early Elvis Costello, myself), listen to it AS LOUD AS YOU CAN. That part is really important.
@Alex Barton I'm having a pretty crappy day and just changed my computer background to a calming manatee. Thank you for that link.
@miss buenos aires
You are so right.
@PPM It's working! Y'all with the music...I don't know why I didn't think about it. The (loud) tunes, they help immensely.
@Changeling Dreamt I ran out of meds and failed my classes. My imagination is not very creative.
So the girl im seeing showed me some heeled boots she wants to get the other day, bc she wants to be tall enough that my head is at boob level at all times.
you guys i think i hit the jackpot.
@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood
See, this is why I don't understand why my boyfriend gets huffy when I wear heels that make me taller than him.
@frigwiggin she already has 5'' on me, so there isnt THAT much ground to cover.
I would love suggestions for pretty, chunky, bead-y necklaces that people have bought or have seen on Etsy etc? I have only one necklace right now that I like, and so many current styles bore me to tears.
@Ashley Lange@facebook A friend of mine does jewelery. Maybe you could find something your like in her collections? http://www.facebook.com/groups/247601358629321/
@KanadrAllegria@twitter Thanks for the suggestion! I like the looks of it for sure at first glance.
Update from last week: I e-mailed the guy Friday night saying, "I enjoyed meeting you and I think we should go out sometime. I think _____ gave you my number, but just in case, it's _____."
He e-mailed back on Saturday basically saying, "I was nice to meet you too, and yes I have your number." No call or contact since then. Pretty sure that was his nice guy rejection, so that's that. I'm a little disappointed since really did want to get to know him better, but I'm not broken up over it.
Mostly I'm just proud of myself for stating my intentions clearly and directly to a guy, which I've (sadly) never done before. Thanks, last week's Ask a Lady, for the inspiration.
@Dancercise That is to be proud of! It's also decent that he replied to you instead of just never replying. But still, I would be disappointed as well.
@Dancercise This reminds me of going on an online date/get coffee with a person I realize, in retrospect, was just looking for tail, and I am certainly not his type at all! Why he didn't gather that from my photos I will never know, as I am clearly fat in every photo I am in. However, he did try and escape for the date by saying he needed to escape to attend to his "grandmother's sick dog" after learning how much I loved dogs. (Strike two, after the fat ass, I'm sure!)
He also must have assumed I was stupid, as that's the worst excuse ever penned by human hands. However, I was still really happy I was brave enough to go and put myself out like that, and now I have a delightful anecdote. So congrats!
@Dancercise I am SO impressed you were direct! You are my new assertive hero. That is such a classy way to do it, too. (My most recent method of being assertive was to wait until I had about five million flashing "go" lights from my crush, and then I drunkenly jumped him.)
Oh, no! I was really hoping this would work out better!
@Reginal T. Squirge
*shrugs* Me too, but what can you do?
My choice is to shoot arrows at things in the woods.
What were y'all's dreams this week?
I dreamed I found a hidden floor in the attic of my old house, and in it were boxes of my old things, two dead bodies, and a room full of kittens.
@Changeling I had really terrible lucid dreaming about...being at work. Leading to spaz attacks of, what do you mean I haven't finished this yet, I did this yester...oh, no, not yesterday. Last night. In my dreams.
Boringest dreams ever.
@Changeling I had a dream last night that I got knifed by someone when I was trying to find a Subway? And then I like, collapsed right next to a pet store, and a cat came and cuddled me, and then I got to adopt that cat! Also everyone was aliens.
YES THIS THREAD.
I dreamt I was having nightmares after watching a scary movie, and there were these creepy grey ghouls inside my head, so my cat Alex jumped through my dilated pupils and killed them. He's such a good kitty.
I love your dream.
PS Lotsa cats so far.
@Inkling :( You guys have way more interesting dreams than mine.
@Changeling I finished Soulless and that night I dreamt that Queen Victoria came to my tea party/wedding. Also, I was making my cat give kisses to the guests.
@Changeling I dreamed that I was hanging out with Patton Oswalt. First we were playing basketball in a gym (I don't know why), then he drove us through LA all crazily (he jumped this hill in the road and we got so much air), then we went to his apartment where about 10 to 14 other people were living in various stages of squalor. One roommate was wearing a Teenage Ninja Turtles costume. Then I went to a huge record shop (without Patton) where kids and young adults were lounging around smoking cigs, looking cool.
I don't remember it, but bedtime companion says I was thrashing around saying something like "they're bombing L.A."! I did wake up feeling mighty refreshed, so...
@celeec4@twitter aww I hope you have some cool dreams tonight! I hate the realistic ones - I don't need more boring daily routine, thank you brain.
ps loving all the cat guest stars :)
@Changeling Seriously, right? Especially since I'm convinced my coworkers think I'm crazy now for forgetting to do important stuff at lab due to dreams.
@Changeling I dreamed I ended up at a Sam Cooke show (Sam Cooke hologram? I don't even know) also attended by a Dude I Once Had A Fraught Quasi-Involvement With, his girlfriend, and his rogue wheelchair-bound grandmother (don't think he has one). Dude wouldn't acknowledge me but his grandmother kept talking to me, stealing other people's seats, asking me why such a nice girl didn't have a date to the show, and generally being a hilarious nuisance.
Then I abruptly turned into a muskrat eating through a bag of garbage in a park.
@Changeling I had a long bizarre dream last night in which there were Hogwarts teachers, but all but one of them were secretly evil robots, and if you chopped off the robots' heads a large screw would come out proving they were robots, and then they'd disappear in a puff of smoke.
I promise I am not actually eight years old.
@Changeling I dreamt that my boyfriend had fallen in love with another woman who was thin with awesome hair. I was taking a shower in the living room when he revealed this, so I threw the woman's awesome vintage cateye frames out the window onto the street below. Bonus dream analysis: I've been having low self confidence issues related to weight and getting the haircut and glasses that I want so maybe I'm worried that I'm only capable of receiving love if I figure my shit out?
@Changeling Last night I had some terrifying nightmares that the things in American Horror Story are real, and I was stuck right in the middle of them, fighting for my life from creepy, psychopathic, murderous ghosts. I think it's because I had seen a few promos for the new season while watching FX, and I got so excited (I love horror) for it to start. But after those nightmares, I might have to watch the new season with all the lights on.
I think it might have been last week, but I recently had a dream which involved me and Jason Mraz being naked, and chased by ninja turtles, down a snowy mountainside, and we just slid like penguins. Also, Jason Mraz had orange hair, and tail like a lions tail. It was pretty random and fantastic.
@Changeling Last night I dreamed I was trying to explain "Gangnam Style" to my parents. It was going about as well as it probably would in real life.
@olivebee I had a weird an intricate dream where I was travelling through war-torn Libya avoiding bombers and trying to find my luggage and getting all my notebooks in the same place because I kept leaving them in messy desk piles I had to sort through while the building was burning down around me. Also Stephen King was stealing robot designs from my kitchen and Khan from Star Trek II was somehow involved, although I forget how.
@Changeling I've probably made a similar comment before but the majority of my dreams include partying, and I drink fairly often so I basically keep the party going 'til the break of dawn...in my brain.
@Changeling I had a dream last night that my dog got run over a car, and I got so upset it woke me up. Like almost scream sobbing upset.
Then I heard the little poop snoring away like an old man in his bed and felt better.
@Changeling I actually woke up from a nightmare last night, for the first time I can remember. It was horror-movie style, with a creepy guy who was trying to get me and my father and people kept disappearing and reappearing and I don't know.
@Changeling I dreamt that I got to hang out with my far-away crush of 5+ years! We had so much fun flirting and laughing and it was perfect! UNTIL his girlfriend showed up and hung out out with us. Worse, she was really cool, and I was like "damn, even I like this girl."
So the next morning I officially removed Mr. Crush from my newsfeed, because really, this needs to stop.
@celeec4@twitter Pre-unemployment I used to have work anxiety dreams all the time, it's the worst! Now I keep having dreams where I go back to my old college and realize I haven't signed up for any classes. Misplaced nostalgia?
@Amphora Aaaah, I wouldn't call them work anxiety dreams? There's pretty much little to no anxiety involved, just routine work. Hahaha, it really throws me for a loop for a few days though. Since they're so vivid and detailed that I honestly think I already did the work IRL.
PSST! You should register to vote if you haven't already and then vote at some point. Some people say it doesn't matter but they are wrong, it does matter. Pass it on.
@whizz_dumb Especially swing state voters! Otherwise: MITT ROMNEY.
"This message has been approved by the Society of Registered Voters."
ETA: You should vote even if you're not in a swing state! What kind of ballot questions or referendums are on your ballot?
@whizz_dumb And research the candidates downballot, too! Particularly if you're a filthy liberal like myself, it's important not only to have strong congressfolk but get women-friendly liberals in to the state legislatures , city councils, etc etc too. These are the people that will be our candidates in 2016, 2020....
(this is my first year voting in a bona-fide SWING STATE and oh boy am I excited)
@whizz_dumb SO TRUE. I live in a state that always goes blue so a lot of my friends don't care about voting, but we were also just redistricted so new seats and people from that. PLUS we have two major state ballot initiatives and it makes me CRAZY that so many young people don't know about them. FELLOW YOUNG PEOPLE, LET'S VOTE OK!?
@whizz_dumb Ahhh, I have the Voter Registration Application sitting on my desk and I keep forgetting about it! Taking it home, finding an envelope, mailing that shit in.
@Vicky Johnson Yusss, I actually enjoy investigating before voting for the people running for city council and judges and local stuff. That is the most power I wield, and I wouldn't want any more really.
@whizz_dumb Yesss!!! My absentee ballot application is going in the mail on Monday!
@whizz_dumb vote NO NO Minnesota. No to the marriage ban, no to voter ID laws!
@whizz_dumb I just wish my Mass. vote for president actually counted - this electoral crap is for the birds.
We do have 2 important referenda (on assisted suicide and medical marijuana) to vote on, though, and a key Senate race, so there's that.
I've been really busy all this week, probably ruining my life. All these terrible decisions ain't gonna make themselves! Anyway, two things:
I was watching last night's episode of Louie and it occurred to me that he and Amy Poehler would make a wonderful couple. If I knew either of them even remotely, I would do everything I could to make that relationship happen.
Also, the greatest Fall albums, as of 09/28/12, 1:47PM:
43. The Untouchable - Scarface
42. Soundbombing II - Various Artists
41. Train Of Thought - Reflection Eternal
40. The Listening - Little Brother
39. As I Am - Alicia Keys
38. The Grind Date - De La Soul
37. Baduism - Erykah Badu
36. The Hip-Hop Violinist - Miri Ben-Ari
35. Teaser And The Firecat - Cat Stevens
34. Pieces Of A Man - Gil Scott-Heron
33. Out Of My Mind - Pharrell & The Yessirs (not to be confused with Pharrell's In My Mind)
32.St. Elsewhere - Gnarls Barkley
31. The Renaissance - Q-Tip
30. The Score - The Fugees
29. E.L.E. (Extinction Level Event) - Busta Rhymes
28. Talking Book - Stevie Wonder
27. Bulletproof Wallets - Ghostface Killah
26. Underground Kingz - UGK
25. Phrenology - The Roots
24. Meaty Beaty Big And Bouncy - The Who
23. StyleFREE: the EP - John Forté
22. Let's Stay Together - Al Green
20. Captain Fantastic & The Brown Dirt Cowboy - Elton John
19. Amethyst Rock Star - Saul Williams
18. Lupe Fiasco's Food & Liquor - Lupe Fiasco
17. In My Lifetime, Vol. 1 - Jay-Z
16. Live At The London Palladium - Marvin Gaye
15. Space Oddity - David Bowie
14. Be - Common
13. Led Zeppelin III - Led Zeppelin
12. Curtis - Curtis Mayfield
11. It Was Written - Nas
10. Buhloone Mindstate - De La Soul
9. Songs In The Key Of Life - Stevie Wonder
8. Black On Both Sides - Mos Def
7. Heavier Things - John Mayer
6. Blonde On Blonde - Bob Dylan
5. Brown Sugar - D'Angelo
4. Begin To Hope - Regina Spektor
3. Late Registration - Kanye West
2. ATLiens - OutKast
1. A Love Supreme - John Coltrane
Surely, I forgot some and enraged you with those that were chosen. What's on your list?
Pink Moon - Nick Drake
Actually, all of The Nick Drake, but Pink Moon will do for one.
Also, Astral Weeks - Van Morrison
@Reginal T. Squirge: So much good here but I'd substitute Station to Station for Space Oddity were I to have to choose.
@Reginal T. Squirge Jesus and Mary Chain - Automatic. And Electric Warrior
Nice choice with Astral Weeks.
@Reginal T. Squirge Regarding Louis & Amy: I don't think so really, because he has said some ridiculously dumb things about ladies, and Amy is a resolute champion of the ladies. I've always actually wondered how she felt about that, since he's guested on Parks & Rec and they appear to be at the very least friendly acquaintances and colleagues.
Regarding the autumn albums:
Yo La Tengo - I Can Hear The Heart Beating As One
Neko Case - Middle Cyclone
The Wrens - The Meadowlands
Smog - A River Ain't Too Much To Love
Otis Redding - Otis Blue
@Reginal T. Squirge I like your list. And now I'm listening to Astral Weeks ("And I shall drive my chariot down your streets and cry / Hey, it's me, I'm dynamite")!
I will also add:
Beth Gibbons and Rustin Man, Out of Season
Belle & Sebastian, Tigermilk
Joni Mitchell, Herjira
Judee Sill, Judee Sill
Oliver Nelson, Blues and the Abstract Truth
@Reginal T. Squirge
World Without Tears, Lucinda Williams
Mighty Joe Moon, Grant Lee Buffalo
Surfer Rosa, Pixies
It Still Moves, My Morning Jacket (actually, just "One In The Same" on repeat for hours)
all albums of Neil Young
@Decca Oh oh oh how I could forgot Stevie Nicks, Belladonna
@Reginal T. Squirge There are only four women on that list! Yeesh. Or maybe a couple more, considering Various Artists and a couple of the groups I'm unfamiliar with. Still.
Ah, I know! Norah Jones was an honorable mention! For what it's worth this list doesn't reflect pure quality, just what's best for listening to on an Autumn day. Also, the winter albums list is full of ladies.
@Reginal T. Squirge Okaaaaaaaay well, I look forward to the winter list. :P I listen to lady artists almost exclusively but am really bad at making best-of lists. These albums, they are all my babies!
I might have to do movies in the winter because I think a winter albums list would just be a ranking of Regina Spektor and Mobb Deep albums.
@Reginal T. Squirge In my opinion, Astral Weeks is THE perfect album, but it is especially great for autumn.
@vanillawaif I do believe it is Neil Young season again. There are 3 to 5 Neil Young seasons in a calendar year.
@whizz_dumb First I cracked up at your second sentence and then I nodded my head very seriously at it.
@Reginal T. Squirge Oooh, I love this game. (But Begin to Hope is clearly a summer album!)
Broken Social Scene: Broken Social Scene
The New Pornographers: Mass Romantic
Gillian Welch: Soul Journey
Stars: Set Yourself on Fire
Visqueen: Message to Garcia
The Weakerthans: Fallow
Martha Wainwright: Martha Wainwright
Sufjan Stevens: Illinois
Do Make Say Think: & Yet & Yet
Godspeed You! Black Emperor: F#A#
Alllllll the Leonard Cohen
Fuck I love fall you guys.
@Cat named Virtute Yessss on the Leonard Cohen! I don't know how I forgot him. Mostly because I listen to him obsessively year round...but The Songs of Leonard Cohen has a special place in fall, I think.
Shit, I forgot Kid Cudi! Man On The Moon: The End Of Day should be in there somewhere. I knew I forgot something...
@Cat named Virtute That is a brilliant list! My fall listening thus far involves strange combos of Band of Horses, Explosions in the Sky, Prokofiev and Adam & the Ants. (Thanks, Spotify.)
@Reginal T. Squirge This is great because I've been looking for fall music. I don't have a list of fall albums necessarily, but some bands I've been loving for the weather change: The Tallest Man On Earth, The Shins, the new Passion Pit album, The Hold Steady, The Mynabirds, Heartless Bastards (seeing them in a few weeks, so excited).
Hey guys, I just started the no shampoo method this week! I've been using sulfate/paraben free shampoo for awhile, usually once every 2-3 days. I've got coarse, straight hair. With fall coming, I decided now would be the time to try the baking soda/apple cider vinegar approach. I used it for the second time last night and my hair is pretty okay! Hair does not smell like ACV, although I haven't confirmed it yet because my husband has no sense of smell.
A few questions:
-My hair is a little dry, but I should just water down my baking soda a bit, right? Right now my baking soda concoction is like a gooey paste, and I feel like I have to use a lot of it to get baking soda all over my gigantic noggin.
-I'm thinking about adding something to the ACV mixture, like lemon juice. Will lemon juice also lighten my hair? If so, will it affect its texture as well?
Yes, you should definitely water down your baking soda a bit! I usually do about 2 tbsp to a cup of water, shake it up really well, and squirt it or pour it onto my scalp, and then scrub well with my fingers. From most of what I've heard, it's not supposed to be a paste, though I know some people have done it that way.
Try adding some honey to the ACV, if you don't mind the smell. It's very moisturizing.
Yes I believe lemon juice may lighten your hair, but probably not a whole lot.I used lemon juice in my hair rince for a while this summer, and didn't notice anything out of the usual.
@RK Fire I have thick, coarse, curly hair and have been using baking soda only for a long time (four years? more?) If your hair isn't looking oily maybe just baking soda less often. I only baking soda once a week or so but I don't use product other than leave-in-conditioner most days so YMMV. In between I get my hair wet, condition it, and comb it out with a wide-tooth comb. I never feel like my hair is dirty and I'm hella sweaty and am involved in sweaty activities at least once a day. Also, my hair dressers have only ever commented on how healthy my hair and scalp are.
I don't ACV. Sorry!
@RK Fire !!!!! Am considering this, finally, and wanted to jump on here in case more comments about no-shampooing are helpful to me!
@KanadrAllegria@twitter: Thank you so much for all of these tips! I was actually looking at the Hairpin post on this from way back when for reference, and it had suggested doing it as a paste. A lot of the internet varies on how much water to baking soda to use, but I think my research today suggested doing a ration similar to what you suggest. I will definitely try it.
Also, thanks for the honey suggestion! I have a little bit of honey right now that I'm not using, so I will definitely try it.
@withatwist: I figured I would do this once every other day.. so last night was the second time I tried it. I'm going to feel it out tomorrow to see how it feels. The suggestion about conditioner and combing it out on the imbetween days in the shower is great though. (I still have Trader Joe's and Organix conditioner hanging around.) One of the things that drives me nuts on my second day of not shampooing is usually feelings of scalp itchiness.
@RK Fire I tried all kinds of No Poo systems for my hair. I have fine, limp, OILY hair. Like, 8 am oil slick oily.
Now, I was my hair with Trader Joes Nourish conditioner. I've tried other natural, silicone free conditioners and this particular one is the best for me. I use it once as kind of a shampoo, really working it in my scalp, rinse, add more like you would conditioner, and rinse. I do this maybe 3x per week? Sometimes I'll rinse my hair with plain water on in between days. My hair is now super silky, soft, and healthy. I was using baking soda as dry shampoo, but I noticed a lot of breakage and stopped. I've also started applying dry shampoo (I like Klorane) at night, which gives me lots of volume and no white residue left over.
@RK Fire Seconding the TJ nourish stuff. The ingredients are mostly botanical oils, so it seems pretty gentle.
I just started using the lush natural shampoo - youre essentially washing your hair with honey, and it feels really really weird. Until you wash it off and then your hair is really soft.
@all: Thanks for all of the suggestions! I combined a couple of suggestions since my hair was still fairly dry for awhile. Over the weekend I rinsed my scalp and hair with hot water, really trying to scrub it with my fingers (I have short nails so this is not painful, and then applied a lot of TJ's Refresh shampoo (it's what I got) to all of my hair from 2 inches away from the scalp on. My bangs were slightly greasier than I would've liked so I threw some dry shampoo on it this morning but otherwise my hair is looking/feeling pretty good! I am trying to move away from using prepackaged conditioners too so I am going to have to try the honey/ACV combo this week.
My former landlord is withholding my security deposit. I gave written notice at the end of June that I was moving out August 31. At the beginning of August, a new company took ownership of my building. They refuse to acknowledge my move out, are incredibly incompetent, and did not send me my deposit or statement by the 21st even though I let them know my forwarding address via THREE different channels.
My state law says that if they haven't mailed a statement by the 21st they are considered to be acting in bad faith and are liable for twice the amount of the deposit if they go to court. I let them know and asked them to just send it to me so we wouldn't have to go to court.
I'm totally going to have to go to court. Which means paying filing fees up front and taking a day off work. I'm a teacher - after built in vacations I only get one personal day a year. AAUGHGHUH
@MissMushkila They have, however, called me "Rude" for citing state law and asking them to resolve the manner amicably.
Can you wait for the money? Maybe you could hold off on filing in court until you can schedule the court date over the summer?
@MissMushkila That...awfully rude of THEM.
On some level, I know that Americans (sorry, assumption, is it true) that we are overly litigious, buuuut, damnit, security deposits are a lot of monies! Get it back however you need to.
@celeec4@twitter I KNOW. I DONT WANT TO GO TO COURT. And no, I probably can't put it off until next summer. On the upside, I have documented every interaction with them because they have been super sketchy from the beginning, so I'm fairly confident they would have to pay up. On the downside, ugh ugh ugh court.
(also, a tiny part of me wants to take them down hard in court, because they YELLED AT ME on the phone when I called them about moving out)
@MissMushkila I hear you, lady. Do you have any lawyer-type friends you can try to hire for a consult? (ie- they are probably more willing than random stranger lawyers to try and schedule things to talk to you so you don't have to use a day off.)
In the meantime, continue to make sure every interaction is documented? Sounds like they're terrible management, and that you should be totally in the clear to get your money back.
@celeec4@twitter Also my university has a legal clinic open to the public that is either free/or a sliding scale of fees and is often used for this sort of thing. You might have something like that in your area.
@MissMushkila Ulgh, these people! I am on your side, as I've lost my last deposit to thieves. From now on, everything in writing. Send your by Registered Mail and keep a copy.If they phone, tell them it has to be in writing.
Do they have a Yelp! page? Start one and say "so far I haven't gotten my deposit back, despite requests." Do they have a Twitter page? I've read of the customer service via Twitter being much better for people on our side. They get away with stealing because no one hears about it. it's time to get loud and PUBLIC.
Does your city or town have a Renter's department for arbitration? Do they list with an agent, whom you could call?
@MissMushkila Solidarity! I took an old landlord to small claims court and I got my $800 back! It was time consuming (filing papers, on my bike at three differnet buildings in three different parts of town) and scary when I had to speak in court and it was SO worth it! Good luck!
@MissMushkila OhmiGOSH that is terrible! I am so sorry that you have had to deal with all this stress! I second @Myrtle about giving them negative reviews on Yelp and twitter and really any online place where the management company might be listed. What's happening to you is awful, but hopefully your experience can stop it from happening to someone else. And I second everyone else who said that you should consult a friend/family member/someone with legal experience to see what your best course of action would be. Because those assholes aren't going to give you your money until you fight it out of them.
@olivebee That was the reason they yelled at me on the phone. I posted what I thought was a very balanced complaint on Google Reviews saying "This company has only owned my building for a month, so I don't know if this is typical, but they haven't responded to any of my phone calls or emails. So I'm just confirming other people's complaints here that they don't seem very responsive"
I have a screen shot of my comment, and of two other people complaining of being unable to reach them at the same time.
I also have several email threads with them, including one where they acknowledge not having sent the statement or deposit by several days after their deadline. And the check out I did with another employee with their company where she signed that everything was pristine and in good condition upon move out. And the acknowledgment letter of my notice being received and envelope from the previous owner. And the successful transmission receipt of a fax I sent at move out with my forwarding address and summary of my business with their company.
I do have lawyer friends, and the procedure in my city/state would be to file in small claims court. The law is pretty clear about landlord penalties for not returning deposits. I've had friends who have had trouble with landlords who DID return part of their deposit along with ridiculous and unfounded deductions. Those are more difficult to win in court. But you can't just NOT RETURN THE DEPOSIT AT ALL.
@MissMushkila Sounds like you're good to go with all the paper evidence of their douchebaggery. I'd say go for it, security deposits are a lot of money, and not just that, their rudeness makes me want to be vindictive on your behalf. Weird? Maybe, but that's apparently how my brain is wired.
My wedding may just have been the best wedding of 2012. Thank goddess it is over.
@lobsterhug If you posted wedding photos and notes (the best of all photos) I wouldn't complain! Either way, I hope you enjoy the happy aftermath!
@Ashley Lange@facebook Blerg, Facebook changed the photo album and I can't get to any of the pictures my friends took. I should have my photographer's this weekend!
I'm loving the aftermath. I have a Batman ring. It rocks.
Of course the baby talk started like immediately, but mostly in a good-natured joking kind of way.
@lobsterhug That makes me happy to hear! Yay strangers on the internet sharing their joy, for reals.
At first I thought you meant that your marriage was ruined because right after the wedding, your husband started talking to you in a baby voice. Then I thought you meant that everyone at your wedding was talking to you in a baby voice. Then I realized what you actually meant.
@lobsterhug Woohoo! Congrats.
My wedding was the weekend before last - when people asked me how I felt I kept saying, "really f*ing glad I never have to do this again." (But it was fun. I swear. It's just that we'd already been married for 5 months and I'm not into crowds.)
@fruiting body Mine was on the 15th! I'm so glad I never have to do it again but it was a great party.
How much do I love Friday Open Thread!!! I love the Hairpin, thanks to all of you for making my day less lonely! I work with all men, unfortunately this has been the case most of my life, working in technology... I know there are good men out there but why do I seem to be stuck working with jerks... happy Friday!
@somuchsugar This thread is the closest to the man-free world I often wish I could escape to. Happy Friday to you!
@somuchsugar I work with all men as well. Hairpin saves me.
@somuchsugar Me too.
@somuchsugar Me three.
@somuchsugar Me four. Sigh. I miss having fun female friends to hang out with. Or even fun male friends.
YOU GUYS IS RORY NO LONGER RORY BUT THE MASTER IN DISGUISE?! Fob watch on his dresser (this was pointed out to me by an even more obsessed fan). Too subtle? Or does it mean he is concealing his timelord consciousness in there until the next time the Doctor kisses him? AND THEN POW. Yea or nay?
Also: general thoughts about River coming up next ep? My thoughts on the subject are limited to SQUEEEEEEEEE!
@par_parenthese Oh my gosh that would be so devious! My bf is convinced that Rory or Amy or both will die in their last episode.
@par_parenthese I am fully prepared to sob through the last Pond episode. Much as I dislike what happened to Amy's character, these were the first companions I truly got (and the first Doctor I really loved).
Oh no you guys/gals, I think I'm breaking up with my girlfriend of six years. I hit my bullshit limit and I'm sort of stunned at how resolute I am about this right now? We live together and I'm leaving for the night to do some thinking/drinking, so maybe I'll change my mind later? I don't know. This is sad/hard/overwhelming/sort-of-liberating.
@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Haven't you been struggling with this for a while? I'm sorry this is happening :( You'll get through it, even though it feels horrible right now. Here's an internet hug from a stranger *HUG*
@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose [infinite non-tactile hugs]
@DamnHippies Yeah, it's been an issue that I thought would get better and I gave it time, and it's not getting better. And she's now realizing how serious I am and is being all sad and it's killing me.
@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose What would you think if I said it your post sounds like this:
"I'm breaking up with my girlfriend of six years. I hit my bullshit limit and I'm stunned at how resolute I am about this right now. We live(d) together and I'm leaving for the night to do some thinking/drinking. This is overwhelming/liberating."
@Myrtle I'd say you're pretty close, but I'm still very much in the question-mark stage. Also, as if my day hasn't already been weird, the lady at the bakery just asked me if I was pregnant because I ordered a glass of milk. I just like milk, ok lady?
@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Hugs to you.
@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Maybe she's free-associating? I guess lucky she didn't throw a cat toy at you?
@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Hugs! Also, mmmm milk.
OK so you guys I am having a perpetual panic attack because there was a note on my door saying that the building I live in might have bed bugs. I am having a genuine freak out going on for about 36 hours now. I check and recheck stuff and I’ve been itchy all day. There is nothing in my apartment that indicates I have any but OMG! They are here, somewhere, waiting to find my lazy body. FREAKING OUT. Freakingout. So only reply with awesomeness not horror stories please. I have to get this out of my head. I wanted to write this in all caps because that’s how I feel inside.
Speaking of feeling inside, I did start therapy. We are working on meds right now because holy Hannah! Apparently depression gets more intense when you start therapy. I mean, I knew I needed meds before but I really do now. She wanted to give me pristiq but that can raise your heart rate and I’m already on meds for that, so…who’s had good luck with what?
@sovereignann@twitter I have been there! Are they going through with bed bug sniffing dogs? Do you know where the building the bed bugs are? Maybe they are far away and thus not much more likely to affect you than before!
@sovereignann@twitter I once stayed at a hotel that I later found out had reports of bed bugs, so I had a very similar freak out. It turned out that we did not take any home with us (thank god), but just in case, we did all the things it says to do on the internet. We bought diatomaceous earth (called D-Earth on places like Amazon) and sprinkled it everywhere. It's pet-friendly, too. We washed every single thing on the bed with scalding water and so on and so forth. Luckily, if your building notified you that there has been an instance of bed bugs, it hopefully means they have called in a professional to get rid of them. But definitely take precautionary measures so that the little fuckers don't take up residence in your storage bins, linen closet, clothes drawers, etc.
I am actually doing better on Pristiq than I did on some other stuff. It turns out that I am really really sensitive to SSRIs -- they make me ridiculously sleepy. But that is a personal idiosyncrasy; different meds affect different people in different ways.
Check out Crazy Meds -- lot of good info about how various meds work, common side effects, etc. Stuff you can ask your doctor about. Also some discussion boards, although take those with a grain of salt -- you can freak yourself out thinking "OH GOD EVERYTHING HAS SUCH AWFUL SIDE EFFECTS" because of course, only people who are having issues tend to post.
In general, it might take you trying a few (or several) different meds before you find one that helps you with minimal side effects. It's useful to know that that's normal and common, and it doesn't mean you're difficult or that meds are hopeless or anything. It's just that brain chemistry is a highly individual thing, and unfortunately medical science isn't at the point yet where you can just get a blood test and say "Oh, neurotransmitters X and Y are low, so take drug Z." So it's normal to try a few meds before finding one that works well for you.
Also, it's okay to come back to your doctor and say "The side effects are just not cool" even if this is the fourth or fifth med you've tried. I wasted a lot of time thinking that I could somehow bootstrap my way out of the sleepiness that was my primary side effect with SSRIs, because I worried that I was being too high-maintenance asking to try different meds. When I finally got up the courage to tell my doctor about it, he was like "Yeah, it's really not normal to feel that sleepy all the time! Let's try a different drug." And it was better.
So those are my thoughts on meds. Yay for you starting therapy!
@snowmentality Methinks thou art a fake poster. Thou Spam! Get thee hence from this thread.
@Myrtle What? Why?
sovereignann@twitter asked about meds in the last paragraph of her post, so I was responding to that. I promise I'm a real person and not a spammer?
Is it the name of the site I linked to? I guess that name could seem like a dodgy online pharma site, but it's really not. It honestly is a reference site with information.
@snowmentality I've been drinking too much coffee, and didn't see the last part of the comment you replied to...
Sigh. I am sorry, Snow.
@Myrtle Awww. It is okay! Happens to all of us at one time or another.
I'm just glad I didn't accidentally post anything sketchy -- like screwing up the link so it went to a sketchy website instead of the one I intended or something.
Haha, I totally thought the same thing. "Ahh geez bedbugs... what, a medicine spambot? ....That's such a cool username for a spambot. ...Ooooohohhhhhhh."
Sorry, Snowmentality :( if this was a zombie movie, I might have run from you.
@sovereignann@twitter This has bugged me ever since! I'd told my Dr about some posts on here about a drug and she said they were probably fake posts. On my Hairpin?! They were under user names I hadn't seen before. Indignant! So when I'd seen a Reply on drugs I'd looked for other posts under the name, and hadn't seen anything about drugs (as I didn't read the bottom part of your post-due to caffeine-sketchy) and that prompted my leap. Which, I am ashamed of. Sounds like I jumped such a nice person, too! Hopefully, it's just a flesh wound/will buff out, etc.
@Inkling Bless you, Ink. It's you and me, Thelma and Louise.
@Myrtle Looking it over, I think we are all ok with no harm done. I guess I am with you: I wouldn't have thought about fake posts on my Hairpin either. Luckily that turned out to be the case and we are still in the company of internet friends.
@snowmentality Thanks for the link. I have such an aversion to meds that the chances of me being fully accepting of them right off the bat is pretty low, but that particular one just worries me as it has the hypertension/heart rate thing which is already part of my life due to genetics. I've tried others in the past each of which came with it's own problems, but it's good to have a resource for all of them.
Therapy...it's messing with me, which I believe is normal at first. Hopfully I can get on the right track soon though.
@everyone Bed bugs. After having a moment to calm myself and refusing to look at the internet, I feel much better. Also, the D-Earth is something I'm looking into because if there is something I can do to prevent it, I'm going to. Everynow and then there will be an "AAAHHH!" moment but hopefully that is a bullet I've dodged. Thanks you guys!
I have a Masquerade Ball to go to in a few weeks but I cannot find a dress because I am plus-sized and picky.
(Also thank you for the nice responses to my whiny post last week. I just needed to get it out somewhere and I complain too much on Twitter as it is).
@aliceandstuff Got any friends with a sewing machine?
Last year for Halloween, I wound up hand-stitching Disney's Mulan's costume because somehow, there are NO COSTUMES of the girl to be found, ever. No more hand-work on that scale for me. @_@
@aliceandstuff Do you have a Torrid near you?
My plus sized wife and I love us some Torrid, they always have a bunch of dresses and usually we can find at least one that fits her shape/style.
@aliceandstuff This store is pretty pricy but it's worth a look, maybe there will be something in the sale section.
@aliceandstuff I bought a dress from eShakti.com that arrived on Monday, and it was beautiful and fit like it was made for me. They carry a large range of sizes and will even make a dress to your measurements for a small fee (it's free the first time though). If you know what cuts are flattering on you and you have 2+ weeks to wait (they ship from India), I recommend them highly.
I finally sent my mix CD to my PinPal today (ugh I'm so late). But it is on its way to you!
@Decca High-five! I hope everyone else is getting theirs out! I got one from Pistol Packin' Mama earlier this week and I listened to part of it at work today (got interrupted)--awesome tunes, all by ladies!
@Decca Uhhhhhhh this is like the fifth time I've posted this so I'm just whining at this point, but I sill haven't received anything and it makes me sad. I am a broken record. (Broken cd? Broken cd swap?)
@alannaofdoom I didn't hear anything from your pinpal when I sent out the reminder last week, so I'm going to email them and ask them what's up.
@Decca Me too! My biggest hurdle was getting one of those cardboard CD mailers, how lame is that.
HEY! Did you guys all see this thing? Where we all party in Chicago? Together? In June next year? And it's really fun? CLICK HERE!
I don't think all of you saw it because it looks like only 105 of you saw it and I know that at least 50 of those views were me re-reading all your comments!
So go check it out. IMPERIO.
@redheaded&crazie OMGosh I really want to attend this and there's a little ache in my heart that it's pretty much impossible ahhhh
@Decca WIN THE LOTTERY
I mean ... start saving a little bit every month and then who knows maybe by June you'll have enough saved, and if you don't have enough saved you can buy like four pairs of sweet boots and console yourself with them. :\
@redheaded&crazie Remember that scene in Calamity Jane when she visits Chicago and keeps calling it "Chi-caggy" and mistakes a wig shop for the site of a massacre (except she calls it a "mass-a-cray")? If I win the lottery I will come to the PinUp and re-enact that scene.
@redheaded&crazie Oh man. I wonder if I could make this work. My best friend lives in Chicago, and I am seeing her in November...I wonder if I will have enough vacation days by next June to make it work.
@Decca If I win the lottery I will send my moneys to you so that I can witness you re-enact that scene.
@redheaded&crazie I am one of the Chicagoans you emailed, but I never got back to you - sorry! I am definitely willing to host out-of-town Pinners at my home.
@frigwiggin It's just for a little weekend! Well, hopefully a loooong weekend!
@olivebee that's okay ... it's a long ways away! But that is very good to know. I will add you to my list of Chicagoans with places to crash at :D
This will be awesome!
@redheaded&crazie Hey, if you need any help organizing, I'll be done school in three weeks and then I'll do whatever I can, as a person in another country, who has never been to Chicago.
@redheaded&crazie: I really love the Chicago and am very intrigued by your ideas and would like to subscribe to your newsletter, but my husband and I plan to be in NZ (!!!!) at that time next year. :(
@redheaded&crazie I just replied, I am in Chicago!
I think I have mastered the usa jobs website! I didn't actually get a job from there but I got an email today from something I applied to saying that while I was not one of the most qualified candidates I was qualified and that if more applicants are asked for my application might be passed on. Reading that out now it doesn't sound nearly as good as I was thinking but at least I know how to 1) get my application through the system and 2) how to seem qualified (now I just need to work on seeming most qualified). So that's good! Aaaannd I went to another temp agency and they seemed very impressed with my resume so the fact that I just got an email saying I did not get the job I interviewed for is no longer bothering me. Because maybe I'll have a temp job soon in my future!!
@Sea Ermine I've been thinking about your work related questions all week. Great news that you're having some success! If you do want to talk about academic work, please feel free to email me at azulocean at hot mail.
@Sea Ermine I thumbs up this! I tried using that site last year and had noooo idea what level I was of anything and mostly gave up. And then they redid the site and made it almost harder to use! Congratulations on successfully submitting an application!
@upupandaway Yes it is suuuuuper weird. I remember one summer (before I figured out how the site works) I applied for a particular job and got it and the next summer I applied from the same job and then never heard back, even though I had extra experience by that point! But I think I had an edge in figuring it out because I worked for a us embassy overseas every summer from age 16-18 and then again one summer in college so I knew what my grade was for those, and then I could compare and contrast them to my non government jobs to figure out how to classify those. I think the most important part though for this website is full sentences and crazy repetitive practically copied from the website detail in your resumes (just because of how it gets checked through HR, so you absolutely can't use a normal resume like you'd submit anywhere else) and then filling out the bubbles correctly with the questions. I always have so many issues with those stupid bubbles.
@upupandaway Thank you!! That's so amazing I will definitely write you an email this weekend, I really appreciate the offer!!!!
Also! I'm going to see my sister for parents weekend in a couple weeks and so this weekend I'm going to work on sewing myself a 1950s dress so that I can show up styled like betty draper and tell everyone I am her mother and we'll see how many people believe me (I'm 2 years older than her).
@Sea Ermine Also! I just burned my mix CDs and packed them and put the addresses on and I will take them to the post office first thing tomorrow morning
WHAT HAVE YOU GUYS BEEN COOKING LATELY?! (I don't know, I felt like getting shouty.) This weekend I am going to make liver and mushrooms and onions (yeah yeah whatever liver rocks), lamb shoulder chops with North African spices (New Best Recipe, omitting the figs because I've been to the store twice this week), and some kind of berry cobbler thing. And maybe pancakes and waffle hashbrowns for dinner tonight.
FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD
@frigwiggin I made a spicy chana masala the other night and put spinach in it on a kind of insane "what about adding this?!?" whim. It turned out delicious!
@frigwiggin I made whole wheat pasta and dumped a thing of kale in right after the pasta, then tossed it with somewhat copious amounts of olive oil after draining. Salt and pepper and pine nuts (I'll toast them next time) and it was a healthy, ridiculously cheap lunch for most of the week.
Other than that, I've been lazy.
@frigwiggin Last weekend was my cooking everything weekend. So I made sea salt chocolate chip cookies, butternut squash and tomatillo soup and rosemary focaccia. And the plan tonight it to convince my sole American expat friend to come to my place for Canadian Thanksgiving for six-hour goat.
@frigwiggin I made kickass tomato sauce from the Frankies Spuntino cookbook, and I plan on cooking many many more things from that book AND THEN EATING THEM.
@frigwiggin I am planning to make carnitas in the crockpot this weekend. Need to get some tequila to cook it with. (And possibly drink.)
Sir Changeling made a delicious creamy tomato and red pepper soup, so we've been eating that with grilled cheese like, every other meal. And then we made eggs Florentine with shallots cooked into the spinach and home-made hollandaise sauce, which we eat at least once a week. It is one of my favorite meals, and it doesn't take too long, and we always have spinach to use up.
@frigwiggin I made the braised oxtail with mushroom tartine recipe from Ad Hoc at Home, and it was delicious and not difficult at all! (Though the oxtail does have to, you know, cook in the oven for several hours.)
@frigwiggin I just cooked for the first time in waaaaay too long--family recipe of chicken and mushrooms in white wine/chicken broth/lemon sauce. And then I made bread. Bread! We'll see how it goes.
@frigwiggin I am currently bastardizing an old family stew recipe and I'm sliiiiightly worried about vengeful ancestral spirits but oh well. Also, last night was broccoli-parmesan fritters and they were so so good!
@all the bacon and eggs
OMGOMGOMG I have a serious weakness for oxtails. My mom makes this oxtail stew...mmmph. I space out just thinking about it. Gotta call her, get that recipe.
@all COOK ASS AND CHEW BUBBLE GUM, people! I didn't realize until recently just how much I like cooking and how sad I would be if I didn't get to cook anymore. Gimme them cookbooks! *makes grabby hands*
@punkahontas Ooh that looks like a great tomato sauce! Thanks for the recipe! I've been uninspired/out of town/insanely busy/dealing with a broken oven lately but am hoping to get back on track with some roasted veggies this weekend because faaaaaaaaall!!! (Why yes, I am ignoring the fact that it's supposed to be in the 90s here on Sunday. DETAILS.)
@frigwiggin I'm attempting an apple galette this weekend. Wish me luck, I have questionable luck with pie crust/pate brisee!
@TN DON'T MESS WITH THE CRUST TOO MUCH. Keep it cold and don't overwork it. And throw some vodka up in that bitch. Let us know how it goes!
@frigwiggin The bread turned out GREAT, I am eating some now.
@hulia That tomato sauce looks similar to a recipe I made where you add a half onion and then take it out before serving (and if you're me, eat it in delirious happiness because sweet tender onions are the best).
I got excited at the grocery store about sweet potatoes and squash and then found this recipe for roast chicken where you drizzle on a little maple syrup and it was fantastic except a little too juicy cause I don't have a roasting pan. Gotta figure out a way to MacGyver one for next time.
On Tuesday I mashed soybeans with my feet (covered in sterile plastic obviously y'all). It was done on top of a high steel table and I thought I was going to die every five seconds. MG's hands were the only thing I could brace myself on and he kept walking away. WHAT IF I BROKE MY HEAD OPEN ON YOUR FLOOR, MG? WHAT THEN?
Let's try something new: tell me about the crassest thing that has gone through your head this week. You know, the shit I like to hear about.
@Porn Peddler Have you "gone to market" with MG yet? I kept dipping in and out of the twists and turns of that tale, but I would like updates!
@wee_ramekin I have not and mark my words if ever I should you will never hear the end of it. I don't think it's inaccurate to say it is literally on my list of life goals right now. I. ache. for that shit. ugh. so hot.
But I guess you missed a few weeks ago when I met his girlfriend. WOMP WOMP.
I seem to just have sexy business constantly on the brain recently, so it's been a nonstop highlights reel of my three most recent partners...
@Porn Peddler I have nothing crass, but I am curious why you were smashing up soy beans? It sounds like an interesting recipe.
@Bloodrocuted A lot of red miso. A lot. Like 40kg probably. In case it's unclear, this was in a commercial kitchen...this isn't just what I do on my Tuesdays home alone. Hah.
@Porn Peddler I thought of you like 5 times this week!!
I bought some LELO Beeds. Was grocery shopping and the one in the harness was trying to escape. I was like "GODDAMIT PORN PEDDLER WHAT IS GOING ON MY KEGALS ARE GREAT"
Then today my bf and I made a clone a willy and I was so proud we got it right the first time.
And then I was thinking "man. Porn peddler and I should write an adorable sex positive guide for the vanilla with kindly partners. It would be upbeat and pink"
@JadedStone omggggg my face right now, if only you could see. It's so gleeful.
On a different soliciting note, we still talk about fashion in this google group here. But mostly today we've been talking about blow jobs. So y'know, if that's your scene, along with getting a bajillion emails, you should come join us.
@redheaded&crazie I have zero fashion sense, so hopefully it is OK if I join for ideas. I am convinced that this fall I will conquer tights. (though, really, you had me at blow jobs)
@redheaded&crazie Just had to say: this is a fantastic promotional post.
My boss told me today that I passed probation, so I'm now a permanent employee, with lots of rights! and it's much harder to get rid of me! and I like my job!
This day last year I got laid off in the nastiest, most mean-spirited way. I'm so beyond grateful/relieved at how different things are today.
@stonefruit Yay, congrats! That is very happy news.
@olivebee thank you!
and, sappy-time: thank you The Hairpin/'Pinners for making me giggle involuntarily during both the 4.5-month unemployment period and the past 6 months of probationary employment. giggles were in short supply for quite a while over here, I tell you what.
@stonefruit YAY!!! Start contributing to your 401k if your employer does matching? What cool perks do you get now?
ALSO what am I going to do in a month or two when I get let go from my job? I don't know yet! Suggestions?
@social theory ROAD TRIP USAAAAAAA
travel sounds like a good plan.
@redheaded&crazie you can crash all the 'pinups!
Ladies, WEDDING FLOWERS. Help me, please.
So I am making my niece's wedding bouquet in a few weeks. I have never made one before. She asked me because I have been studying ikebana (japanese flower arranging, see my pinterest for examples http://pinterest.com/romastrega/ikebana/) for about 4 years and as her wedding is non-traditional she liked the idea of an ikebana-inspired bouquet.
So for those of you who have done your own flowers, is this going to be hard? Did you take a class? (My local community college has a 7 hour class this Sunday but I really don't think I need it.) Anyone have any recommended youtube instructional videos? Any tips?
@romastrega Use your pincher fingers.
@romastrega Maybe you should ask her to send you some of the arrangements, specifically, that she likes, and you can recreate or be inspired by something more specific? Alternatively, you can turn to that DIY Bride post from earlier this week!
@romastrega I had ikebana flowers for my wedding! My nextdoor neighbor growing up teaches classes on ikebana, and I invited her to the wedding, and she did all of our flowers as her wedding present (which was insanely generous). Since I didn't do them myself, I have no idea how hard it is to do a bouquet, but she kept my bouquet quite simple, with white lilies and some other accoutrements. I think the beauty in ikebana is that it's unusual-looking and minimalistic, not some giant sphere of 30 different flowers. I realize this does not answer your question and is not very helpful, but I think, since you have been studying ikebana for several years, that anything you create for her will be beautiful! Use one of the techniques you feel most confident doing so that you are not stressing over it.
@romastrega I am not familiar with this specific type of flower arranging, but I did help make the bouquets for my friends wedding. it actually worked out pretty well. We mostly just picked a group of flowers and stuck 'em together in a way that looked half decent. Then we stuck them together with that green florist tape stuff and covered that with satiny ribbon and boom! Bouquets.
Whew, been awhile since I been in these parts.
SO my mother did something sort of awful this week, BUT I have a few fun things over the weekend to make up for it (chiefly attempting to find jeans at the awesome thrift store, and hopefully seeing Pitch Perfect and/or Looper and/or Dredd).
Also Regina Spektor concert in two weeks! And a new Sword album a week after that!
@Reginal T. Squirge
Is it weird to admit I thought of you when I bought the tickets? :B
I've never seen her live and I'm so excited!
Connecting us in your ticket-buying thoughts brings us that much closer to she and I being connect IRL, so I'm all for it.
Some of my fellow MA students are a little intense. I'm taking a Derrida seminar and during the first session we all went around the table explaining our interest in, and previous knowledge of, Derrida. Most answers were either something like "I've taken one undergraduate course on deconstruction" or "I've read a few articles but I don't know much about him", until the last student calmly says "I translated 6 of Derrida's books into Farsi".
That is...maybe the most hardcore thing I have ever heard.
@maybe partying will help Right?! Also in MA news, I'm rereading Wuthering Heights for the first time since I was about 15. Christ, I forgot how fucked up this book is.
@Decca Oh my god, that reminds me of Legally Blonde when the orientation group is supposed to say something about themselves and Elle talks about majoring in fashion and the next guy says, "I spent last summer delousing orphans in Rwanda."
@Decca Wow, that is full-on.
Wuthering Heights is so fucked up! DO NOT MARRY HEATHCLIFF, HE HANGED YOUR PUPPY.
@Verity "Aww, look at those cute little kitte- no, wait, oops, that's a bunch of dead rabbits, my bad"
@Decca OMG. Amazing, and @Daisy Razor that was EXACTLY my thought.
I teach high school and my students LOVE Derrida and his, "You guys, language doesn't communicate anything, it's just this game we play pretending it does isn't that hilarious and awesome especially because I'm communicating this to you IN LANGUAGE HAHA" stuff. Talking about Derrida is the most reliable laughter-inducer apart from armpit noises and farting (I teach mostly boys).
@par_parenthese Haha that is fantastic, and what is Derrida doing in a high school classroom?! This seminar is the first time I have ever felt genuinely thick in a classroom setting.
@Decca I mean, it's not totally in the curriculum except in an essay we read about Lit Crit (we are talking sophomores here) but I was an English major so I gotsta throw my shit in the ring. We talk about everything and spend a ton of time on the whole concept of postmodernism and where it came from, and I frickin' ADORE post-structuralism for its utter zaniness. So we talk about Derrida. You know. As one does with tenth graders. We haven't talked about Foucault or Barthes that much just because they don't crack me up as much as Derrida. And I'm the teacher, bitchez, so we'll talk about the French post-structuralists of MY CHOOSING, TYVM!!! :D
That is nuts in the best way! Where on earth do you teach? I never even heard of Derrida until I got to college.
@maybe partying will help I AM SO GLAD YOU ASKED because it's only the best school in the universe. It's this itty-bitty (like 50 students in K-12) classical school where, for example, two my girls wait outside my classroom (in their mega-cute uniforms with the best plaid of any school in my whole city) for fifteen minutes while I'm having a heart-to-heart with one of my boys about why he's flunking and they are waiting to squee with me about how one of them can totally eat dairy now and will I please do a cooking class for them? And where, for another example, I teach Greek and rhetoric in between talking about Doctor Who and reining in one boy's massively overgrown punning instinct. And where we just finished reading Augustine and Malory and the Koran and are moving on next week to Boethius and Tennyson. Mmm hmmm. NOT BRAGGING. CELEBRATING. BECAUSE IT IS THE BEST JOB IN THE WORLD. HALLE-FRICKING-LUJAH.
@par_parenthese I stopped at Ancient Greek in high school. That shit was tough enough in college! How do you choose between Homeric, Attic, and Koine?
@par_parenthese I want to go to your high school!
Alright, folks: TATTOOS!
I bought myself a birthday present of two new ones earlier this week and I'm mighty pleased! I posted about it in last week's FOT (and maybe the week before, even) and I've been looking forward to them forever. One's a botanical illustration of poppies, and the other is a drawing of a mouse holding a piece of paper/book/thing.
Tell me all about yours! Good ones, bad ones, potential future ones...
@yeah-elle I have one, a dandelion clock on my leg. I loooove your mouse tattoo, sounds adorable. I'm planning to get a Harry Potter themed one pretty soon.
@yeah-elle Yay, tats! Yours sound delightful! I think we may have talked here before about our tattoos, but I have my upper arm done in a bunch of colorful wildlife (a doe, some warblers, mountain laurel [shout out to my home state of PA], etc.). I have a red leaf that goes with my husband's yellow leaf tattoo because one of the readings at our wedding was an excerpt from the children's book, The Little Yellow Leaf. I also have a Matisse painting on my stomach, and I am going to get the second painting in the series on the back of my neck as soon as I save up some money. I just keep coming up with tattoo ideas, and I have to put them all on a waiting list because, damn, I would be so broke.
@SlightlyOverboard Yay for book tattoos! One of my other tattoos is of Ferdinand the bull from The Story of Ferdinand.
@olivebee Yes, I remember we talked about our wildlife tattoos, haha. Why must they be so expensive?? So frustrating. On the other hand, having an idea and then having to wait for a considerable amount of time helps with the knowing for sure.
@yeah-elle Where did you get your botanical illustration? I have some planty tattoos in mind and the internet does not have very exciting photos of the plant I have in mind.
@Summer Somewhere I did a lot of internet searching and then I went to the library and looked through the botanical encyclopedias in the reference section. I took some photocopies and scanned them in and actually cobbled together two illustrations. I just wanted black and white line work, though, so it was easier than if color had been involved...although I'm sure your tattoo artist could help you with that! Here's what I ended up with: link to picture.
@yeah-elle TELL ME ABOUT YOUR POPPY TATTOO! I have really wanted to get a tattoo of a poppy (for finishing my Master's in WWI history), but I can't find a design or a picture of a poppy that is exactly what I want but I am not inclined to art so I couldn't draw one for myselff.
@yeah-elle Never mind, that is gorgeous, and a really smart idea.
@The Lady of Shalott Look above! Edit: Oop. Thank you! :) I like your idea of getting a poppy tattoo after getting your Master's.
@yeah-elle I only have one that I've prattled on and on about before, but I've definitely been thinking about more. One I've been thinking about is text, though, and I've definitely seen some issues with blurring with smaller text tattoos, and I wouldn't want this one to be huge so...I dunno. The other one would just be three horizontal parallel lines between my boobs, from Riddley Walker, because I am dorky and apparently because I like choosing tattoo locations that will hurt like damn. Neither of them will be for a looooong while, though.
@yeah-elle Wow, that's gorgeous. I also plan on a b+w tattoo. Last time I did a plant tattoo, I lucked out and someone had posted an artsy photo of my flower on flickr that we ended up cobbling something together from. This time, real books!
@yeah-elle Woo! I have a tattoo of the words for the four types of love in Greek philosophy in a circle on my upper back. Next up will be a line from the Aeneid on my inner left arm ("forsan et haec olim meminisse iuvabit", "and someday even these things will be pleasant to remember") once I find someone good at text around here. And then I want to get a Mucha picture on my right shoulder.
My brother has a tattoo of a big red robot.
@yeah-elle I have two- "I am going to tell you something" was my first- it's a line from a Kenneth Patchen poem, written on my collar bone. The other is on my stomach: "And here I am the center of all beauty. Imagine!" (Frank O'Hara). Oddly enough, when my mom saw it and started to freak, I explained that it was a testament to the fact that for the first time in my life I feel comfortable in my skin; she calmed down, and actually apologized for making me feel bad about myself as a kid.
I have plans for a globe on the back of my calf, Ferdinand the Bull on my arm (triple score! love of Elliott Smith, Bosnia and Ferdinand), and a lifeboat on my other leg (from the quote "Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats").
Sorry for the novel...
@yeah-elle Aaah I love everyone's tattoos. I've had one in mind for a looong time but still no solid concept for it; I want "and blossom in purple and red," the last loveliest lines of "Maud" (seriously! you don't have to read the whole thing! the last two stanzas are the most beautiful thing in the world!) and then some illustration of the bronchial tree but inverted so it looks like a flower, but there are still so many questions in my mind! Where to put? Where does the text go? It'll probably be a graduation present to myself.
@anachronistique Aeneid tattoo is so brilliant, why is it so beeauutifuul
@yeah-elle I have the front door of Bag End on my ribcage! And it's lovely and meaningful and I'm not sure I'll ever get another one. (Kicking your tattoos off with a full-color four-inch disk on your ribcage is...ow.) I've been toying with the idea of getting something on my shoulder cap but don't know if I want anything with that kind of visibility--admittedly not VERY visible, but I kind of love being able to stash mine away all the time.
I had to tell the nicest, sweetest guy ever that unfortunately he does not set my butterflies fluttering yesterday. It sucked but nipping it in the bud is the fair thing, right?
In other news: Planning a trip to visit friends in New York, loving my new job, feeling like all the good vibes are coming my way :)
I have got to start taking notes of the things I want to bring up here every week. Thanks a lot, Swiss cheese head.
I just want to go back to bed at this point in the day. So tired, headache-y, and a little bit sad.
@dale I prescribe a delicious nap, followed by coming back later and seeing us.
@Myrtle I will hopefully get a good 30-40 minutes of napping in on the train ride home, and then we'll see.
I'm still unemployeed despite being told by a manager at a previous job that he has a job for me two weeks ago. Every time I call him to follow up on that, I get told that he's going to "get the ball rolling" on that position asap. It's been two weeks, man! What do you mean you haven't even started??
I'm still applying to every other job that looks at all interesting but UGH. Job hunting sucks. Being unfairly fired sucks. Having a college degree and heading right back to swing shifts in retail sucks.
Just fuck this shit, you know?
@OhShesArtsy Oh, have I been there! So hated it.
First, have they made you a formal job offer, and have you accepted it? These are in writing. If not, that is your next step.
What I've done successfully in the past was first, agree with everything the foot-dragger says. "You are absolutely right in that you want to get the ball rolling and how can I help?"
Right now, he's the customer and what you are selling is You.
Sales 101 says you always offer a choice, and refusal to buy is never one of the choices.
So "Is (HR person) the one I should contact next for the appointment, or do I see you first?" With this answered, up next is, "Is Monday morning best for you to have me come in, or should we schedule it for the afternoon?"
Assume the sale, but Smile as you're talking! You're about to make his life better by working for him. You're not a stranger. You're the new employee who needs to be set up, with his help. You're on his team.
Another tip is to stand when you make this call. You'll sound more focused and energetic.
Let him "drive" in answering your questions. See where that leads you?
What do you think of these?
I think the main reason I'm sad about this OKC prospect not working out is because she had "LOVE" tattooed on both knuckles and it fuckin ruled like hell.
@Danzig! i'm sorry it didn't work out. on the bright side, okc dates are the best! the internet is full of interesting people!
@social theory Hopefully someone interesting wants to see me more than once sometime ;)
@Danzig! i predict you will kiss lots of interesting frogs before you find an interesting princess ;)
@social theory Here's hoping :)
I started on a paying freelance writing story this week! I mean, it's only enough for like one trip to the grocery store, but still!
Also I went to the mall today, and while I got good stuff it was still terrible b/c malls here are crazy.
I STILL have not been paid for working a week last month, but apparently it's actually coming in the mail now?
I have such a love/hate relationship with the mall. They are terrible places, yet so fascinating.
@maybe partying will help My least favourite thing ever is when people stop directly in front of me, and that seems to be other people's favourite thing to do at the mall.
Looking at pretty dresses on the internet, but then the internet tells me I am the WRONG SHAPE TO WEAR THEM. Grrrrrr shame and anger and self-esteem in the shitter cycle is roaring into motion!
Pinners, how have you used the internet lately to ruin your own mood?
@Ashley Lange@facebook Sounds like you are in the Bitchy part of the Internet. I suggest not listening to that part of the Internet, and instead, wearing what you love.
My mother used to tell me I couldn't wear striped clothing with patterned clothes. I thought it looked awesome. Time proved me right.
@Myrtle It's somewhere inbetween! It's the part of the internet that wants to sell you fat lady clothes, but only after attempting to create the most "flattering" silhouette.
Mostly I am irrationally angry about being a triangle and not an hourglass. Why is the hourglass the sexiest shape??
(P.S. It's not even close the sexiest shape, but social conditioning exceptions for myself blah blah blah)
@Ashley Lange@facebook But... you've already indicated you are smarter than their "shaming" and you see through the whole scam-?
@Ashley Lange@facebook Mostly I stalk people I vaguely know on facebook, just to assure myself their lives are way better than mine.
Also, bitchy internet experts are meant to be ignored. I bet you'll look amazing in those dresses!
@Myrtle The path of irrational self-loathing never did run smooth, ha! My heart is never as smart as my brain, and either way I need to buy a pretty dress somewhere.
So just a shout-out to people who listened to me a ramble about the end of my relationship this week. It's been rough but Im realizing that I am much happier. In this light, any thoughts on asking out a boy whose probably about 10 years younger than me? We are talking early twenties and technically a fellow student. Like I dont think its that weird but...
Also homecoming is terrible if you work on campus. I spent a bazillion hours folding university themed clothing items. Also apparently I was supposed to be wearing school colors today for work and did not get the memo.
Also, you guys, I just took out my starter earrings (which have been in for five months or so -- I'm immunosuppressed, so healing time is super slow). Link me to places to buy cute, cheap earrings!
@sarantium@twitter Forever Twenty Onnnnnnnnnnnnne!! Fashiony and so cheap that you won't care that you hate them in two months.
@sarantium@twitter I second f21 for cute, cheap earrings, but...be careful if you're immunosuppressed. I'm not, but cheap earrings always manage to infect my ear piercings. I have no idea why, as I've never had any problems with my other piercings, tattoos, general scrapes, etc.
@sarantium@twitter YAY EARRINGS!!! I just got mine pierced this last summer, and it rules. And everyone thinks it's so weird that I went so long, but every time I got them pierced as a kid they never healed then they got infected. Have you looked on etsy at all? They're not necessarily super cheap, but there is some more inexpensive stuff on there.
@yeah-elle and @sarantium@twitter Sometimes cheap earrings bother my ears too but I paint them with a few coats of clear nail polish and somehow it blocks the irritating stuff? Anyway it works for me. And yes to etsy as well, @sherbet!!
I would like to respectfully open the agenda and submit the first vote, to change the name of "Friday Open Thread" to "Weekend Open Thread."
In effecting this change, Hairpin members wishing to post would not have to preface said post with the disclaimer, "Sorry I'm late to the post." The change also welcomes post-ers who comment over the weekend. Lastly, we gain an improved TLA (Three Letter Acronym) over the current "FOT", which does not lend itself to a polite abbreviation, to "WOT," which can sub for "What?"
What sayest thou, 'Pinners? Anyone second the motion?
@Decca Seconded. Any 'Pinners with questions or comments before we turn this over to the Moderator/Board for a decision?
@Myrtle Sounds like an excellent idea to me.
@Verity @Decca I shall now leave this in the manicured, well-hydrated hands of The People Who Turn Comments to Pink.
Earlier in the summer I found a home for two of my six orphan lambs and now that lady is having financial trouble and has to sell her barn, which she uses to house all of her rescued animals. I am taking the two lambs back and am nervous that they won't remember me even though I have been thinking about them EVERY DAY. Also, I am taking a rooster and three hens off of her hands, and possibly a goose.
@vanillawaif I AM SO JEALOUS OF YOU. My dream is to have a bunch of farm animals as pets, to rescue them from certain death. Where do you live that you can have these animals? Are you on a farm? Enjoy your new brood of animals! They are lucky to have you.
@olivebee I'm jealous too! LAMBS!
@vanillawaif This is a total compliment but you sound like my mother. Because of her we have a number of horses, a pair of once orphaned sheep, two pigmy goats and now an alpaca who is living with his herd at the neighbors. She bought the alpaca without telling my father and he had a hard time believing her at first.
@olivebee Well, I live on a farm in Michigan. We raise sheep (for meat, unfortunately, but they have wonderful lives and excellent care while they're in our hands). Every spring there are a few who are rejected by their moms, or whose moms don't have milk or something -- so I bottle feed them and raise them close to the house and I fall crazy, head over heels in love with all of them. I can only have so many "saves" or else the place would be overrun with my "pets" but I do what I can. Some of them just end up special, dear-to-my-heart loves.
Thanks for saying such nice things! Wish I knew you in real life so you could visit the farm!
@faience I was scrolling down this page quickly and just read "She bought the alpaca without telling my father"... I definitely thought bought the alpaca was some kind of euphemism that I had never heard of.
@faience That is so funny! And thank you!
@olivebee and all: Well, two hours into being a first time rooster owner and I have lost my rooster. He rounded up his girls and they were in one of the barns but I didn't feel that they were safe, so (stupid interfering human that I am) one by one I moved the hens into the coop for the night. Well, that freaked out the rooster (his name was Clyde when I got him) and he ran off into the dark. I could barely make out his silhouette in the yard and thought I could convince him to go to the coop. Instead he ran into the road, almost got hit, didn't get hit and then ran ACROSS the road and into some tall weeds. Then I lost sight of him. He may be in a neighbor's cornfield, he may be in a tree, he may never know how to get back to his new home and he might be torn apart in the night by a hungry predator. I have changed my username in Clyde's honor, and also because it is the name of a great song by Rebecca Pearcy.
CLYDE COME HOME I AM SO SO SORRY I MISS YOU CLYDE
@this brave bird (formerly vanillawaif) No it is not the name of a song, it is a lyric from a song called This Bird Insists. Get it together, you loser of roosters you.
@this brave bird (formerly vanillawaif) Update/Happy Ending? #teamclyde
@Myrtle He came back in the morning, crowing and crowing! Last night he figured out where he was supposed to sleep (well, I kind of helped him out by leaving a trail of popcorn for him but still) and all is well for now.
@this brave bird (formerly vanillawaif) I am so happy to hear the good news! Good job, Clyde! (And good job, vanillawaif, for the smart popcorn tactic!)
@this brave bird (formerly vanillawaif) Yay Clyde! I felt happy at seeing your message. Are you back to Vanillawaif?
@Myrtle Keeping the new name for now -- in honor of the chicken I've had for years who is being bullied by Clyde (and his main squeeze, Bonnie). At this rate I'll never go back to vanillawaif.
A question about adult orthodontia: I told my dentist this morning during my cleaning that I was concerned that one of my bottom front teeth is starting to turn sideways and she recommended I get an Invisalign style retainer for my bottom teeth, but because I am an adult, it's not covered by insurance. Does anyone else have one of these? Is it worth the $$? Did it fix your teeth? I reeeeally don't want a weird snaggletooth, but I want to make sure this shit actually works before dropping what I am guessing will be about $250 on it.
@olivebee I know nothing about adult orthodontia, but do you still have your wisdom teeth? I got mine out when they started moving the rest of my teef around.
@olivebee $250 seems cheap vs what it would cost you in a few years if the teeth that meet it get worn weirdly/cracked/moved out of place. Especially if cracked tooth needed a crown.
@Myrtle Yeah, I know that in the grand scheme of things, it's not a ton of money, but due to my current financial situation, I'd rather not spend it if there is a chance that the thing doesn't work or do what it is supposed to do.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Yeah, I had my widsom teeth out in 9th grade because they all grew in sideways and started pushing the rest of my teeth out of alignment. Wisdom teeth: fucking up nice smiles everywhere.
@olivebee I had crowding with my bottom teeth somewhat corrected with a retainer, pre-invisalign era. I eventually stopped using it and my teeth started crowding again. Maybe ask them what sort of ongoing committment you're getting into?
@upupandaway You are never supposed to stop wearing your retainer at night, but I have no idea how it works with Invisalign. If it only costs $250 though that is a fucking STEAL.
Serious question: am I the only person in the world who does not like Regina Spektor's music? The more I hear of it, the more it grates my every last nerve.
I can't even look at you right now.
@miss buenos aires I don't love it, that's for sure. I read a profile/review of her in the NY Times and she sounded really sweet, but yeah, her music drives me up a wall.
@miss buenos aires Sometimes I have trouble listening to eeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEeeeeteeeeteeeet...
Sorry, Reginald! I tried, I really tried. I even bought a CD and listened to it.
It saddens me that you are missing out on one of life's greatest joys. And that you and I will never be as close as we could be.
@Reginal T. Squirge On my way to pick up some dinner tonight, I heard Regina on the radio and instantly thought of you, a person I have never met.
Why aren't there any cute clothes anywhere? I feel like I've been shopping a LOT lately but I always either buy nothing, or super basic stuff that I need, but is in no way cute or exciting.
@KeLynn Oof, my bank account can attest to the fact that this is NOT a problem I have been having lately. Zara has been my absolute downfall.
@KeLynn I am having the same problem! I've been trying modcloth a bit lately and the sorta seems better? But I am just so sick of wearing clothes that are fine. I have like maybe a handful of truly awesome clothes and the rest of them are just meh. I started looking at asos a bit, and it seems slightly promising, but I have no clue how good their clothes actually are.
Western clothes are super boring and never cute. Aliexpress has all kinds of cute clothes! Cheaply! I'll tout them 'til death, they're so good.
@hulia I live nowhere near a Zara! Maybe that is my problem.
@rallisaurus "I am just so sick of wearing clothes that are fine" - YES! I'm trying to make a real effort lately to buy less stuff that I feel great in instead of more stuff that I feel fine in. But as it turns out, there's not that much great stuff out there from what I can see. I feel like I know exactly what I want in my brain, it's just that no one ever seems to want to make and sell that to me.
@Inkling - I'd never heard of that website! I went there and I am slightly confused. Is it like ebay, where anyone can sell anything? Or is it like amazon, one website with a bunch of smaller sellers?
It's like amazon! Select Free Shipping and Show Retail Only, and rake in the deals. Just make sure you buy from a company with good reviews and you're set!
I'm seeing Rufus Wainwright next Tuesday!!! And tomorrow is ONE MONTH UNTIL I SEE BARBRA STREISAND IN CONCERT.
And am I the only one that kind of hates really liking someone? I mean obviously I don't hate it, but it makes me nervous.
@lora.bee OMG BARBRA STREISAND FOR SERIOUS?
@Decca YES FOR SERIOUS and I swear if I think about it now I will start crying at work.
@lora.bee Wow. That's amazing! The closest I've come is seeing Barbra impersonator Steve Brinberg live. Which was pretty damn good.
@Decca I know!! I had kind of resigned myself to never seeing her live, but lo and behold, she is coming to Vancouver! I THANK MY LUCKY STARS.
@lora.bee I want to come to the concert with you and then have a Burlesque viewing party afterwards.
@Decca GREATEST NIGHT EVER but the Burlesque viewing must be a sing-along!
@lora.bee OK confession time, I was once listening to "Express" from the Burlesque soundtrack on my mp3 player while on a city bus and got so into it that I accidentally sang a line out loud. I got some awkward looks.
@Decca The people on the bus should have spontaneously broken into a choreographed dance to that song.
OKAY GIRLS, LET'S SHOW EM HOW IT'S DONE
@lora.bee Omg, that is amazing...I have been driving around doing errands and listening to Babs like it's my job. I thought I was the only one!
@lora.bee I remember in the cinema when that song started, my sister and I were frantically like "Wait what word are they spelling?! We need to sing along!"
@vanillawaif I wish that WAS my job...I would be rollin in the dough by now. Barbra forever.
@lora.bee My jams this week are "What Kind of Fool" (with Barry Gibb! I die!) and "Woman In Love." So much over-the-top gesticulating has been going on in my car, but I never, ever beat my chest with my fist. That's too Celine.
@vanillawaif My Best of Barbra: "Lover, Come Back To Me", "Come To The Supermarket in Old Peking", "new York State of Mind" and yes, "Woman in Love".
@Decca If you come on a goose, you can park it!!
Ok guys, realtalk. I have returned to undergrad to do a second degree after graduating a few years ago. I have 99% failed at getting back into "school mode", and classes started over a month ago. I frequently skip class, don't do homework, the works. I've talked to my psychiatrist about this and he thinks it's a behavioral problem rather than a "time to change your meds problem". This is becoming real serious and if I don't get my shit together, I will fail. PLEASE ADVISE. Please.
@falafelwaffle - What are you going back for? I don't mean your degree, I mean...are you going back so you can get a better job? Are you going back so you can enter a new field? Are you going back to prepare yourself for grad school? Are you going back so you get supersmart and awesome so you can get a baller job and buy a log cabin mansion on your own private mountain? When you're tempted to slack off, maybe thinking about the reason you're doing this *at all* will get you in gear?
@falafelwaffle And I just got an "I've noticed you're struggling" email from one of my TAs. This is humiliating.
I'm going back to school because my BA was ultra-fun (foreign language, holla) but ultimately not useful in terms of employment that interests me, so I'm going back for a science that I took a few classes of so I can have a real adult job, like consulting.
@falafelwaffle My skipping class remedy was calculating how much I was paying in tuition per class, then every time I wanted to skip, reminding myself that that was like throwing that much into the garbage and since I'm a cheapskate that helped.
@falafelwaffle Can you determine what it is that is keeping you from being productive? Like, are you feeling symptoms of depression or difficulty concentrating? I've been dealing with Bipolar and Generalized Anxiety for around a year now, and managed to stay in Uni for all of it so far. I'm Type A, so I'm the kind of person who will force myself to go to class even when I have a cold, or am in a depressive episode, but getting shit like homework done is the bigger struggle for me in those times (and in my more hypo-manic states, my brain feels like it's on fire and that also makes it impossible to do homework).
Perhaps a med change could be helpful; your brain is having to switch back to a different way of working and it sounds like it might need a little help with making that transition. And I don't know if it's an option in your case, but I ended up making some schedule adjustments to have a more manageable course load, and at one point I did have a discussion about taking medical leave for a quarter. Also, do you have a Disability Services department at your school? I was able to get approval to record lectures/have a note-taker/other helpful things with a note from my psychiatrist. Pretty sure it's a Americans w/ Disabilities Act type thing they might be required to have available? I've also just found speaking honestly with my profs is a good step in helping things go more smoothly.
It's definitely been a struggle, and one that kind of blind-sided me, but I've talked to other students who are also struggling with mental health issues and hearing their stories (and seeing them graduate) has made me much more hopeful that I too can be successful and finish up my stuff.
@twinkiesandwine I think some of my anxiety issues are kicking in, which increases depressive symptoms, which makes me more anxious. I'm seeing the shrink on Tuesday, so upping one of my meds may be in order.
I think a lot of it is my fear of failure and tendency to avoid things that are hard/make me uncomfortable, which, right now, is school. I know I'm capable of this-- I was undiagnosed/unmedicated bipolar my entire undergrad career and managed to scrape by at this university. I just don't know how to get over the hurdle of being worried about school and then trying to fix it, rather than living in denial like I'm doing now.
@falafelwaffle have you reached out to instructors/tas? I had a bad time as undergrad (OCD, depression, anxiety while working full time/school full time)- for the most part, they want to succeed (not only because they're good people but because it looks good for them). They might be able to work with you a bit this first semester.
@falafelwaffle Just a note that you have an awful lot of people who care about your success and are offering to help you. This is not humiliating in my book. Humiliating is *not* having anyone offer help.
Be well, deep breaths.
@falafelwaffle Are you willing to reply to that TA and tell them what's going on? I think it might help. When I was in undergrad, I went through a similar anxiety-depression-anxiety spiral, with similar effects -- I skipped a lot of classes, I didn't turn in assignments because they weren't good enough, etc. I don't know if this is exactly what you're dealing with, but I found that most of the times I skipped classes, it was because I was thinking "I can't face the professor because of [pre-existing failure, real or imagined]" and totally psyching myself out that they would judge me or yell at me or something. So telling them what was going on really helped short-circuit that cycle -- it meant that the next time I started down that particular fear-spiral, I was able to say "Well, I actually ALREADY faced Scary Professor and it wasn't that bad, so fuck off, brain, I'm going to class."
@Elsajeni Thanks, guys. I'll start reaching out and make a plan to figure out what I need to catch up on so I can move forward and not stew on this any more. It really helps to know that people have dealt with this and succeeded.
@falafelwaffle Do you have only a psychiatrist, or do you have a counselor to talk to? Maybe try talking to student mental health services at your university?
@falafelwaffle I'm late to this, but I also went through undergrad with anxiety issues, and a few years later took a few courses while dealing with anxiety plus a plunge into depression. One trick I did to get around my avoidance behaviors (fear-of-failure high five?) and perfectionism was to think of everything as a damage minimization exercise. As in: "ok, I accept that things are already half-screwed because of procrastinating/oversleeping/whatever, so what can I do to somewhat limit the damage to the un-screwed half?" Or, if I was in a really depressive and self-destructive mood: "yeah, I am going to deliberately sabotage myself, BUT I'll only do it a little bit at a time, and much more slowly than originally planned." (That last one would hopefully be followed up with "...and also I will tell my psychologist about my deliberate self-sabotage.")
It's probably not the world's best coping mechanism (talk to a therapist!), but it did help me bang out solidly C+ assignments (and, occasionally, some A- papers!) when otherwise I probably would have spent the whole time denying the existence of assignments in general (which I, um, also did, more frequently and more recently than I'd really like to admit).
@falafelwaffle In case you are still checking this, if you're not already on Wellbutrin, I HIGHLY recommend trying to go on Wellbutrin. I had the EXACT same experience my senior year of college and then went on Wellbutrin which turned everything around. It gets rid of the anxiety and depression that was keeping you from being productive, and also gives you energy as it's a little bit of an upper (just make sure you do homework in addition to cleaning). I honestly think it's a wonder drug.
@Ellie Yeah, I get emails when people respond to a thread I'm in. I do already take Wellbutrin, quite a bit actually. Got me out of the worst depressed phase of my life last Christmas. I'm thinking maybe I should increase my Abilify, since my doctor and I have been using it as a boost for everything else I'm on (Wellbutrin, Zoloft, Lamictal....my brain is broken).
@falafelwaffle Aw, sorry to hear that this wasn't a useful suggestion. I am constantly going around trying to convince people to take it. Good luck!
This sounds dumb and inane, but you might want to check out "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin (I hope the suggestion of a book to help you with a chemical imbalance is not offensive). It has about a thousand useful, small scale and practiceable tips for living a more organized, more productive and more well-adjusted and well-balanced life.
Request for IUD advice: I got Mirena about 1.5 months ago and I'm still spotting. Folks here suggested Vitex/Chasteberry, which I've started. It is labeled as "slow acting" so I'm going to keep trying it. Any other suggestions for managing the spotting and/or hormone issues from stopping the pill? Thanks!
@upupandaway Black underwear?
I totally feel you, I spotted for like 6 months, but I totally love my Mirena and it was completely worth it. I've never heard of Vitex/Chasteberry, but I wish I had! No real advice, just commiserating.
@upupandaway No suggestions but I think sometimes you cycle takes a little while to settle down with an IUD. I have a Paragard (the copper one) and my period was heavier for the first 3 months, and then slowly started to dial back until now 7 months later I have my usual light-medium 3-4 day periods. My doctor said that with either type of IUD it can take 4-6 months to get itself sorted out with regards to your period.
Also, I read somewhere that vitamin e helps with heavy bleeding. I've never tried it and I'm not sure how it would do with spotting but it might be something you'd like to check out.
Tattoo question for the inked folks: I want to get a tattoo, but the place in my town is really terrible so I want to go to a big one in Vancouver. I've found an artist I think I'd like to work with. The problem is: I live far away, so I can't really meet her to consult then come back later to get it done, but it's not a simple "please trace this photo" tattoo exactly. Can this kind of thing be done over email? Is that a terrible idea/so much headache she won't want to do it?
@MilesofMountains I got a tattoo from a shop that's 1.5 hours away from my home, but it was simple (a semicolon) so he just waived the mandatory consultation and I showed up for the actual tattooing appointment, he showed me his sketches, and we went forth. I guess...that's not very helpful, I'm sorry. Ask them!
@MilesofMountains Call and ask! Or email and ask! Just explain the situation and let them know what's up--they might book you in for the time of the tattoo + X amount of time for consultation beforehand.
Explain as much as you can beforehand (the tattoo you want, the placement, how you are far away) and then see what they say. Usually tattoo artists are very understanding people, though!
@The Lady of Shalott definitely this. I'd suggest emailing, and then when they follow up, have scans of the design at the ready- see if you can communicate a bit like that. It'll make it easier. Depending on the size of the ink you want, you might not be able to get it all in one sitting
I got into an argument with my coworkers earlier today about cake vs. ice cream, and I was in the minority on the side of ice cream. I mean, yeah, if it were homemade cake vs. homemade ice cream, I would be more on the fence, but even supermarket ice cream is CLEARLY superior to supermarket cake. I hate that grainy icing, yugh. Who's with me?!?!
@frigwiggin Supermarket cake is terrible, but that isn't a valid reason for choosing ice cream. That's like saying you don't like pasta because Kraft Dinner is gross.
WHY MUST WE CHOOSE?
@frigwiggin ICE CREAM ALL THE TIME!!!
@frigwiggin Detente: Ice cream cake.
@frigwiggin ICE CREAM. Also sorbet and frozen yogurt and custard and milkshakes.
Cake is good and all, but come on, people. Bad cake is so bad, whereas bad ice cream is completely passable.
@frigwiggin I scream for ice cream, always.
@frigwiggin Pfffft ICE CREAM ALL THE WAY!
But this cake from David Lebovitz is probably my favorite. Make it. It is mind blowingly easy. I will likely make this for my sister for her wedding cake.
@frigwiggin Cake is only really good the day of, while ice cream continues to rock even after weeks in the freezer. Why is this even a question?
@barefoot cuntessa DAVID LEBOVITZ. Is there anything he can't do? That recipe has been waiting to be made by me for months now...there's really no excuse.
I just had the BEST pumpkin ice cream from the little small-batch place across the road from the farm where I work. We actually gave them the organic pumpkins, so that's doubly great. TEAM ICE CREAM
@frigwiggin Dude, it is the best cake recipe, I've made it at least 5 times. Just make sure you check it about 3/4 through, its really forgiving but so much better when its super moist. I've even made it for my friend who has celiac disease by using almond flour instead of regular flour, I just add a little more leavener. It also makes awesome cupcakes.
My plan for the wedding cake is to make a buttercream with David's caramelized white chocolate sauce recipe and a layer of lemon curd. CARAMELIZED WHITE CHOCOLATE! He's kind of my hero. I might have read his entire (autographed) cookbook cover to cover on my way home from my honeymoon.
@gobblegirl - Totally agreed. If it was "we MUST buy this dessert ready-made from Kroger" I'd pick ice cream. But if it is just generically cake vs ice cream, or EVEN if it was ice cream vs a box cake mix (egads!) I'd still choose cake.
@frigwiggin Always Ice Cream. Every time. Hands down. Cake is just... meh...
@frigwiggin I dunno, I love ice cream but my local supermarket actually makes really yummy vanilla sheet cake, which my daughter always requests for her birthday. And it's cake, which is somehow always fancier than ice cream.
Compromise: cake and ice cream together?
I found out on Monday that I, my manager and her manager are going to be moving offices. No surprise there; my manager and I used to share an office with two other people, who have just moved to another building, and the room is too big to justify having just two part-time people in it. However, it turns out that we are also going to be moving to the other building. My manager and I are both furious (she found out at the end of last week, but didn't tell me then as she was so upset about it she thought she might cry). Neither of us was consulted at all over the move, even though my manager repeatedly asked to be involved in the discussion; it was sprung upon us by senior management, and apparently there is no way the decision will be reversed. The building is on the other side of town to where we currently work, and the two people who just moved there are the only people currently there. A big part of our work is training other staff members in the database software we use; being on a different site to them will make this so much harder. Rather than getting the train to work, I will have to get the bus, which takes ten minutes longer, is less reliable, and will result in my having an hour and a half of wasted time every day I work, as I can't read on buses without feeling vile extremely quickly. (I know this sounds petty, but reading on my commute to and from work is an important part of my day.) My manager will have to spend an extra hour cycling around each day - she takes her daughter to school and picks her up every day, and does all of this by bike. Our current workplace is near her daughter's school, so she doesn't have to go out of her way, but the new arrangement would be a massive inconvenience. The area that the new building is in is one my manager has previously said she does not feel overly comfortable being in after dark (i.e., leaving work in winter). Its IT stuff still hasn't been set up properly, and the people who work there are doing their emailing through Remote Access Outlook (hideously clunky) as our head of IT can't work out how to network the computers properly, so actually getting work done might be a challenge.
The three of us had a meeting about this on Monday to discuss how to overcome problems (because changing the decision is Not An Option). I ended up crying in front of my manager's manager and now feel really stupid. But it's made me so angry. Without any consultation, we're having to move to the other side of town, which will cause quite a lot of inconvenience. And be lonely.
@Verity Your data says this move is costing your company money, directly (proximity to audience you're training as well as problems with IT) and indirectly (stress on coworkers). It doesn't sound as if you'll be able to do your job correctly, which is what the company will be interested in hearing as that's their $$$.
You must now whip out your Advanced Office Skillz to solve this. Your solution will need to be a company-oriented Win-Win. It is also going to put you in view of management who hasn't seen you on paper before. Make it good.
Thus, "We'll be lonely cross-town" is not the right premise for this argument. As you found out, it actually weakened your position by making you cry. That's in the past.
Is the space you're currently in wanted for another project and if so, by whom? What is the reason you can't be absorbed into other space in the building you're currently in?
Who provided the data that made this move look like a good idea? How can you prove that data wrong while making the person who suggested it, right?
My gut says that this move is not adequately researched or costed out and that's why your group didn't get a say in it. Is someone trying to make some "Fourth Quarter Cost-Savings," which will cost the company more money to fix?
Did they factor in the additional expenses of hiring Security people walk you to your bikes/autos at night? (Because, per the attached data of crime in the new area, you will need that now and here are some figures, etc.)
Are janitorial services for the new building already contracted? Will the cost for this be higher than finding your group space in your existing building? What about your company's information security/document shredding, etc?
How long does IT expect to leave you without a secure connection to others in the main office?
What is IT's timetable for the move and re-connect? What if this isn't done on time?
Get their report, which should already exist.
What about the furniture move and set-up? Do the new offices need to be re-painted/carpeted and what will that cost? Will the new offices be habitable during this and if not, where will you work?
What about stationery, business cards, etc? Cost to have printed?
**What problems are the two people already moved, having?
Can you agree to a "trial" of this move, with the understanding that if it hasn't been turned into a smoothly working operation by (date) you can move back?
What's the cost of not being able to meet with members as freely as you used to? Document anything possible.
Are all these costs already budgeted for?
This all may be a bit jangled as I'm trying to edit as more things occur to me.
"You clearly want to do what's best for the Company, and are making sure all the costs regarding the move are budgeted for." Document everything in many emails or reports.
@Myrtle Unfortunately, the fact that we are a small charitable organisation makes some of these things tricky. The building I'm currently in is our main office, a three-story Victorian house which is not really big enough for all of the staff (especially as we can't put extra desks in some rooms because the floors will collapse); my manager and I are the ones leaving because most of the other staff are the ones who actually meet with clients and need to stay there. As far as I'm aware, the decision was made by my manager's manager and our CEO.
We definitely don't have security people, and I can't imagine that changing. (We run two women's refuges, and if we ever had security people, that's where they'd go. In our offices, we just get mass emails saying things like "this client's ex-partner apparently has access to guns; we don't think he knows where the client is, but keep an eye out just in case he turns up".) I don't think the situation is likely to warrant it, anyway - I don't know the exact details of my manager's objections, but I assume it's because it's a bit of a run-down seafront area where drug users are likely to congregate. But yes, security people definitely aren't likely. (Maybe this is a UK difference? I've never known companies to have security staff for the purposes of escorting staff out of the building. If I suggested it in this situation, I think the managers would look at me like I was mad.)
Our IT department, I should probably explain, is one person, who is also the head of finance. I doubt very much that there is a report; the organisation is so small and everyone is so overworked and busy that there's not much time free.
Our communications are pretty much all internal, so we don't have/need specific business cards or stationery (the company has a stock of branded stationery for anyone to use, but we have a PO Box address rather than giving out our location, due to the nature of our work, so that can be used no matter where we work). (Also, ha, your comment about "document shredding" is timely - my manager's been trying to organise that for weeks. But I think this is the first time we've sent things off to be shredded in years, so it's not likely to come up again for a long time.)
Thank you for your advice - I do appreciate it - but the dynamics of the organisation are such that I'm not sure if all of it is applicable. I will continue to see if I can change things, but the general word from management is that it's a done deal.
@Verity And now I've provided an excellent example of giving advice without having enough information. :P I'd pictured a more vanilla, corporate environment. And you're right, having Security in the US/asking to be walked to one's car, isn't unusual.
BTW,"Floors collapsing" has gotta be best ever reason for moving staff...
I have so much admiration for people who do the work you're doing-can I just say "Thank You" to you? I was under my own desk at your "access to guns."
Back to your topic-what do you think of the new office group, in part or in whole, meeting at a safe parking lot uptown and carpooling to the new office together? Were this my manager objecting, I would ask for specifics on his/her concerns.
@Myrtle That's very kind of you - I'd say "you're welcome", but don't think I deserve to be the one accepting your thanks. (I am in a very junior admin position - this is my first job out of university, and I only work two days a week because there isn't funding for anything else.) But I think the people who actually do the frontline work are really impressive - I couldn't do what they do.
Carpooling is unlikely; we're all coming from different areas and I think most of us don't drive (my manager and her manager cycle, and I get the train), plus going to a car park would cost money. I will ask my manager what her concerns about the area are, but I think it's unlikely to be actively unsafe (again, I think that might be specific to where I am; I've never lived anywhere where there are places that I don't feel safe walking though). The new office is in less of a residential area to our current building, so I think there's just a different atmosphere and it's a bit rougher, but it's not like we'll be walking through knife fights to get to work.
@Verity This sounds way better than my initial impression!! Best of luck-and yes, still, thanks-you're part of the team- for doing this work.
@Verity - I too have a loooong commute, and I started drinking my coffee on the train to save time in the morning, which means I can no longer read. (Cannot balance coffee + book and there's never a seat.) My point is, have you tried audiobooks? Or podcasts? There are a bunch of short story podcasts (I like Escape Pod for sci fi myself). I find they keep me more engaged and alert than just listening to music.
@alannaofdoom Unfortunately, I don't have anything to listen to them on - my iPod started to break about four years ago and I sadly gave it up for good last year - and I've just bought a new laptop and am trying to spend less money.
@Verity - ...maybe a commuting buddy can read aloud to you? Heh.
@alannaofdoom That's clearly the best option! I'll see if I can recruit one.
I have a first date tomorrow!!! He's sweet, smart, sexy and is planning everything! I'm not really sure how to react to this other than panic up til the moment he picks me up.
@Mad as a Hatter! Best of luck!
@Mad as a Hatter! Have fun! Hope it goes well!
@Mad as a Hatter!
That's how I'd handle it.
@all He just left about an hour ago and it was great! We went to a nice restaurant and a comedy club. Afterwards we just sat on my couch for a couple hours and talked and I received some very sweet goodbye kisses!
I am officially on Cloud 9.
@Mad as a Hatter! hooray!
Anyone have a spare apartment in Paris to lend? I'm getting to the point where I passed an RV parked by the side of the road today (who drives RVs in Paris? And how?) and thought, hm, that's an idea...
On the plus side, I finally got a replacement for the laptop cord/charger I left in America, and the friends I'm staying with keep urging me to eat as much yogurt and nutella as I want!
@Faintly Macabre Did you have an article on The Billfold today?
@miss buenos aires Oh, I hadn't seen that! Funny timing. Nope, I just got here a week ago and have a job, just no apartment. I also wonder what visa that person used.
@Faintly Macabre A Facebook friend of mine has just posted this (it's a roommate-type situation, though):
"Grande chambre meublée à louer dans une colloc à 3 (3pièces - environ 55m2) (une mère active très cool et son fils de 13 ans charmant) dans le 12e(Paris) près de gare de Lyon (rue Rambouillet). salle de bain/wc, mini cuisine équipée, internet, ascenseur (3e étage) - 500 €/mois + charges (partage électricité et internet) libre a partir d'octobre
@[sic] Ha, I actually saw where she posted that elsewhere! I already called the lady and we played a bit of phone tag and then I gave up. (I'd rather live with people my age and my friend said the rent was kind of high for the location/situation, so it wasn't worth the chase.) But thank you for passing it on!
I think I need to stop joking about staying on my friends' couch forever, because they might start to think I'm serious and pre-emptively kick me out...
I just started We Have Always Lived in the Castle! The libarary gave me a nice old 1970s edition. I can't wait to cozy up tonight with my book and some Woodchuck!
@lasso tabasco Ooh, that is a good good read for a cozying up night! Enjoy and if you get a little creeped out...more Woodchuck!
@yeah-elle Yes! I might even be adventerous and buy the Pumpkin Cider Woodchuck. I love fall!
Have any of you bought Jambu shoes before? I found a Mary Jane style of theirs on sale & I'm sorely tempted to get it, but I've never seen them anywhere. Are they comfy?
@dale I own a pair of sandals by them. I love them. They are super comfy and I get all the compliments when I wear them.
@PistolPackinMama The sizing isn't too wonky compared to other brands, hopefully? The shoes are online so I don't want to get caught with the wrong size if I can help it!
@dale I have a pair of Jambu pseudo-sneakers, halfway between sandals and conventional close-toed walking shoes, that are incredibly comfortable. I've worn them hiking, teaching, and city-walking for days at a time. They do run big, though, so I sized down a smidge. Also: when things start to get too smelly, you can pull out the insole, scrub it with soap, and voila! almost new shoes.
I just scored some sweet deals at JCrew. Going to have a date night with my huzzzzbin tonight, going to see The Black Keys on Tuesday, and just joined a photography club with some girlfriends and two guyfriends. Pretty sweet Friday.
Seattle 'Pinners, any good bar recommendations and/or desire to hang out. This is my last year in school up here and I'm finally 21, so I want to take full advantage.
Also I'm applying for the Disney College Program this weekend and I'm really nervous. Last time I failed because I answered questions honestly instead of "Disney 'honestly'", but I'm still worried about it.
So late to the party but I GOT OFFERED A FULL-TIME JOB THIS WEEK
Also yay harvest moon, it makes me want to make soup and baked apples despite the fact the temperature's still in the mid-upper 80s.
@royaljunk CONGRATULATIONS!!! It must feel awesome and I'm very happy and you'll probably kick an inordinate amount of ass at this job.
@royaljunk ALL the high fiiives!
Sorry if this was mentioned already, as I have sadly missed the last couple of Friday Open Threads, but is there any sort of plan for a Bay Area Pinup relating to Hardly Strictly/the million of other awesome activities happening that weekend?
I know that I will be down in the Bay that weekend, and I would love to meet other Pinners if anyone is interested!
My thumb-ups aren't registering for some reason... Did I like too many things? This happened once on the Achewood comments. D:
@Summer Somewhere Mine weren't either a while ago, but I just gave you one for this comment so I guess log out and then log back in later and you'll be fine?
There I was just minding my own business, buying some yay it's friday nail polish at a beauty supply store near my office. I'm paying for the polish, debating whether I should wait for my change of one penny or just leave. But a penny is still money so I wait for the guy at the register to give me my change.
He leans over the counter hands me a silver package. "Oh cool! Free gift," I think. "That never happens to me." I glance down to see what the package is, what my lucky prize is, and I see it. There's a headless body of a naked lady with a strategically place scarf and the pink label says "Feminine Hygiene Wipes." The best (worst) part? When the guy says to me "I want to see you smile."
And here I thought I didn't have anything to post on the open thread this week.
@Gracefully and Grandly
So it sort of sounds like I saw a dead body from how I wrote it. But being handed a pack of feminine hygiene wipes plus the smile comment is just about as creepy. All I could manage to do was to put the package on the counter, give him a death glare, say "Nope, I'm good," and leave. Creep.
@Gracefully and Grandly I... wait. I cannot even interpret that...
@Gracefully and Grandly I think I would be so flabbergasted and confused that I'd ask if they were giving those out as free samples or something, and why, of all products, they'd be promoting those. When confronted with crazy and/or rude strangers, it usually takes me way longer to realize what actually happened than it did for you. Good response!
@Gracefully and Grandly My mouth... is still... hanging open... That just shut my brain off. There are no fucks what-y enough.
@Gracefully and Grandly
Your reply honors your username so well! What a CREEEEEP.
omg yay Friday Open Thread I am so excite
I was waiting for this since early this week, when I was all grumbly and sick and didn't understand people AT ALL. I am now slightly less sick (thanks, homemade Mexican equivalent of Vicks vapo-rub!) but still slightly grumbly and do not understand people, probably, and just want to be friends with cats, but...
I put in my request for two weeks of vacation at work and I went to the travel agent to book a long-awaited flight to Italy to see my family. (I might've posted a few months ago about my cousin who'd been diagnosed with cancer. She finished chemo last week and is psyched to have me visit her, and I can't wait to take her out and give her hugs and take her shopping or whatever.) I'm so excited about this it's almost ridiculous.
So, dear Hairpin, happy weekend and do not wait nine years to visit your European families like I did.
With love, Rookie
PS: Did you know that when you google "Hairpin," this site comes up before the Wikipedia entry that defines the actual word hairpin?
@Rookie I hope you have an amazing time in Italy, and I hope your cousin recovers swiftly from the chemo!
@Rookie So glad you're going home and be sure and take *all* the hugs with you, but- could we have the recipe for homemade Vicks Vapo-rub?
@Myrtle Thank you!
As for the Vapo-Rub recipe... I'll ask my sister for the specifics, because all I know so far is that it's camphor oil, eucalyptus, and Vaseline.
@Rookie I'll look forward to it! I've never read the label for the Vicks actual ingredients. I did read the directions, which said Dont eat this, or stick it directly in nostrils. Two things my mother always did when I was sick, ha!
Are there any 'pinners out there with good Madrid/Spain in general recommendations? Or even good stories?
@Franigans Spain is awesome!!! I loved it, I was there last summer and I really enjoyed it and had a lot of fun. I also met my boyfriend there (he is not Spanish though). I didn't really love Madrid (and neither did my cousin, who lived there for half a year or so, he said it was either very unfriendly/snobby or very touristy depending on where you go) when I was there but San Sebastian has the most beautiful wonderful beaches (the restaurants nearby are not cheap though, but they do have good seafood).
If you like literature, especially old Spanish literature, and even more so if you have read La Celestina, Salamanca is a gorgeous old town where a lot of important writers lived or passed through (because of the Universidad de Salamanca). I'd go for a weekend (not more, because it's a college town so there isn't that much to do but it's very pretty and you can go see the garden that was in La Celestina (el Huerto de Calisto y Melibea).
Also definitely go to Toledo, it is insanely beautiful and very very very old and very very interesting. Lots of castles and winding cobblestone streets. Also some of my friends went to Sevilla while I was there and they said it was wonderful and to definitely go see a flamenco show while you are there.
@Franigans GET THE THINGS THAT YOU DIP IN THE MELTED DRINKING CHOCOLATE. That is all. Also I did not see a ton of Madrid when I went, because I was there on a holiday and nothing was open, but it's beautiful, and the architecture is amazing.
@Sea Ermine Seconding the San Sebastian rec- spent a short summer there "learning Spanish" and the beach and food (pintxos!) were lovely. I also really loved Seville- so picturesque, and again, delicious tapas.
@Sea Ermine - I studied in Madrid for a semester and loved it... Trying to remember my favorite spots, it was almost 10 years ago so who knows. My favorite tapas place was La Mazmorra in Plaza Mayor. I think it has gotten more touristy lately but is probably still worth checking out. And any night out should end with chocolate and churros at Chocolateria San Gines.
@Franigans If you head south at all, definitely take a trip to Morocco! It's right there, so there's no reason not to go.
@Franigans I spent about 4 months in Leon, Spain, which is north of Madrid. I wouldn't say it was the #1 most awesome city in Spain but I had a great time. So much medieval-ness, the bars and even the clubs were really good and pretty down-to-earth, and I met a lot of cool people. There was one club that didn't even open till 3 am, but it was the best club! It's really untouristy since it's a smaller city and not really a destination. I also went to Madrid for a weekend and it was fun. The Prado was great.
However if I went back I'd like to go to Barcelona, or maybe Seville & Cadiz to see the North African/Islamic meets European/Catholic architectural/cultural mash-up. My sister went to Cadiz and her photos were gorgeous.
@Franigans I CANNOT SAY ENOUGH GOOD THINGS ABOUT TOLEDO. GO. GO GO GO. THE TRAIN TAKES YOU RIGHT THERE FROM MADRID, GO TO TOLEDO, YAY.
Also seconding the rec for churros at San Gines. I saved the receipt from that place (haha "the" receipt, more like "one of the receipts") for a scrapbook.
Spend the better part of an evening tasting your way around the Mercado de San Miguel, which is delightful. (www.mercadodesanmiguel.es) I heartily recommend getting croquetas de bacalo, a cup of aceitunas, and drinking some vermut!
Then, if you're me and a moron, tipsily wander into the region where there are seven or eight sex workers on every corner and ask one of them for a recommendation on where to drink some more, and STUMBLE INTO THE BEST GIN AND TONIC PLACE IN THE WORLD. Drink pink gin and eat jamon iberico and feel triumphant.
@PatatasBravas Also definitely, definitely get the reduced-price ticket for all three museums (Prado, Reina Sofia, Thyssen) and prepare to be overwhelmed. Honestly, you'll never see it all, not in a lifetime, but plan to wander in to each and spend about three hours before desperately needing a snack and a rest and putting your eyeballs on something that isn't genius for a change.
Also, if you don't go see Guernica in person, you're MAKING A TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE MISTAKE because seeing it from mere feet away is a life-changing event. I cannot even explain. I am not well-schooled in arts, but that piece is magnificent.
@Franigans I live in Madrid! Malasaña has the best bars, and empanadas! (el cambalache! off of espirtu santo, delicious). Chueca and Lavapies are cool too, and so is the area off of san bernardo!
Caixa Forum is a great exhibition space and is free! And the Prado is free after 7 every day! and the Reina Sofia is free on Saturdays! and you can get a bocadillo de calamares at el brillante after the reina sofia too if you'd like! and go for a walk in retiro park, and check out the rastro on sunday! super touristy, but huge and with neat stuff! madrid is just a great walking city, so explore! and I used to live in Barcelona too (I've lived in Spain for a couple years, all over) – so just let me know if you want any other advice! when are you coming? (sorry this is kind of late)!
edited to say omg so many exclamation marks, sorry
I am so trying those empanadas, like, tomorrow. and thanks for the bocadillo rec too, I never know which places are the best for specific things. Do you have any more recommendations?
I'm studying abroad here for the semester.I've gone to almost all of the museums (still have to go back to the Prado to see some stuff) but since I'm a student I GET IN FREE TO ALL OF THEM. AMAZING.
@PatatasBravas PLEASE TELL ME YOU REMEMBER THE NAME OF THE GIN AND TONIC PLACE
@Franigans right now at mapfre there's an expo of isabel cunningham! and on atocha (near atocha renfe stop) there is a cuban disco called azucar that is super fun and has great mojitos, etc! and for cheap bocadillos there's always 100 montaditos! (but more like the alonso martinez one, not the one near sol that is llena de guiris!) or nostrum on maria de molina, in case you live more salamanca/chamberi-y and less centro centro
(sorry, i work a lot so all my recommendations are all food all the time)
@Franigans I can't remember the name of the place, but I know it was within a fifteen minute walk northwest of the Callao metro stop on Gran Via.
Honestly, it wouldn't be a bad thing to just walk around and visit all of the G&T spots until you find one you love. I was so damn smitten with the pink gin that I am going to look through all of my receipts and see if I can find it for you though!
I want a remote control for my life to skip over the bad parts. And this is where I become my paranoid self and wonder if anyone I know from real life reads the Hairpin. I don't want to be outed.
@Angry Panda *hugs*
@4and20blkbirds Thank you. Hugs from wonderful strangers on the internet are always welcome.
Mister just got home from work, filthy, hands all fucked up, wearing his big dark climbing boots and jeans that are still not completely destroyed and just fitted enough to show off his ass and a heather gray thermal shirt and RED GODDAMN PLAID FLANNEL rolled up to his elbows and he hasn't shaved in like a month and his hair is just greasy enough and then he opened his paycheck and help, help, omg, sobbing at the sexy, how is he even real.
i need a minute you guys.
@Porn Peddler And a bunk...
@Porn Peddler GET IN YOUR BUNK GIRL
@Megano! the trials and tribulations of a libido mismatched relationship~
and one in which the low-libido partner is the hottest shit in the universe.
dying. you guys. dying.
@Porn Peddler But he's been away!
@Megano! He was actually home by late on Tuesday night this week and that is the longest he's been gone thus far. He works locally and semi-locally when he's not out on a job. But he will be away all next week :(
Also, can't blame him terribly much, as his job is very physically demanding (like but can you just lay down and let me sit on it 4 u....)
@Porn Peddler Oh no!
LADY. I know that feel. Especially the "can you just kay down". And PS that guy sounds VERY attractive.
My FWB is all curly hair/sharp features/intense eyes, but all like "I'm so fat" etc, but that makes his jeans really tight around his delicious curves and I'm like LET ME TAKE CARE OF THAT PILE OF ASS FOR YOU but instead we gossip.
@Porn Peddler Thank you very much for this because it's both sweet and sexy and so funny to picture your plight. Hope you can get your sexiness needs met.
Update: it is sunday night and Mister just fucked me like he loved me and then went down on me until i came all over his beard twice.
thank you and good night.
Does anyone have recommendations for where to find cute, not-too-expensive boots? Shoe manufacturers hardly make anything I like for size 10.5, it's really annoying.
@4and20blkbirds The lack of size 10.5 is the worst! I am not a 10, I am not an 11, I am a 10.5. Simple Shoes made some really cute boots that came in a 10.5, but I heard they went out of business. Maybe some are still floating around the internet?
@4and20blkbirds I think zappos has a lot of sizes, you might want to try there? Also, and I know this doesn't fit the category of "not-too-expensive" because they are generally $150-200 for boots and $115 for flats but camper goes up to size 42, and in my experience (as someone who's had a lot of foot operations) they are sooo sooo comfortable. I wear a 10 and in camper I'm a 41, except in heels where I wear 40. Also Nordstrom tens to carry a lot in the upper size ranges (as do most fancy department stores like Bloomingdales and whatnot) and if you go during a sale there is always a decent selection for around $50. I bet Nordstrom Rack would have something as well.
@Sea Ermine Spiegel? They're a good go-to for handsome, not-dead-yet shoes in Wide sizes-?
@4and20blkbirds Hopping on the 10.5 thread! I also have narrow 10.5 feet which is a hassle. Stupid shoe companies. I need new sources for well-fitting shoes!
@Queen of Pickles This is relevant to our interests.
NYC Pinners! I will be in your fair city Sunday - Thursday!!!!
I have been to NYC twice, but both times was when I was a teenager with my mom. Now that I am a legal adult and going with friends, I would like to experience all the nightlife your city has to offer but I'm not sure what's really fun to do mid-week, since we won't really be there on any weekends. Help a lady out! I'm staying around 44th and 8th but we're planning on going all over! I'm from Toronto so I'm always really stoked to ride a subway system that is actually efficient and convenient.
@cosmia Go to the Beauty Bar on 14th and 3rd and get a manicure and cocktail! There's a lot of great restaurants around there, too. For example, S'MAC which does everything you could think of with mac 'n' cheese. If you go south towards St. Mark's Place there's a few awesome Asian bakeries, too.
@cosmia Try to go see Sleep No More. If you can't go in, go the the bar and drink absinthe. Or go to the roof top and drink beer. Just go.
@cosmia Go see some comedy shows at the UCB or UCBEast! Cheap cheap cheap during the week ($5 tickets, $3-4 beers), and the East Village one is next to a Two Boots which has some of my fave pizza in the city. http://newyork.ucbtheatre.com/
So this weekend I'm moving to St. Louis and I have to pack my apartment by myself but I have movers to help tomorrow and I don't have a place to live yet but I'm staying in an extended stay hotel for a week or so with my cat. Whew! I'm nervous but I'm starting some kind of adventure. Which is good because my mentally ill/violent/alcoholic brother just moved back to town a couple of weeks ago. So, here's to adventures and moving on to safer pastures.
@vanuatu Good luck with the move and hope your new adventure turns out to be a lovely one!
@olivebee Thank you, me too! :)
Plus-size 'pinners! I needs advice. Have any of you bought tights from We Love Colors? I really need sturdy, opaque black tights (mainly because my entire wardrobe is dresses and I need to be able to wear them in the winter...) and I've heard that We Love Colors is the place to get them. Thoughts (or other suggestions), before I drop $$$ on internet tights?
@allofthecrafts I have! I like them, they actually fit (maybe even a bit big), I just wish they weren't $15.
@allofthecrafts I just ordered some tonight! I'm very excited.
@allofthecrafts I just bought some, like, a couple of weeks ago for a conference because, dude! Opaque black tights!
They are awesome and I don't regret dropping $20 on them because they seem to be nigh-on indestructible. :D
@allofthecrafts Late to the party on this, but yes, I really like my tights. They seem pretty sturdy, but at least for me, they ripped around the crotch region when I was first breaking them in? This has not at all extended down to the parts that matter for me, and I think helped them fit better but, uh, word to the wise? I might have had the wrong size too. Anyway, I do think they're worth 15 bucks and they ship quickly and they really are beautiful colors.
Denver 'Pinners? Do we exist? I'm a poetry loving, beer loving, bike riding, big boobed girl trying to be more bold. So... be friends? *fingers crossed*!
@Lit Drunkard I'm a beer-loving, bike riding (although extremely flat-chested) lady, too, but I unfortunately live in Chicago. But hey, we can hang out here on the 'pin and talk about that stuff?
Speaking of beer, I am going to Asheville, NC at the end of October, and I hear it's the best beer/brewery city in the country. I am going with my mother, who is NOT a beer person, so I am thinking that ordering flights of different types of beer is out of the question, lest I wind up falling-on-my-ass drunk from drinking all by myself. Also, my husband doesn't drink. I need people with whom to try new beers!
@olivebee Friend! And between the two of us, our chests even out, I bet!
I've heard great things about Asheville (considering it for grad school, though not solely for the beer), though I've been a bit spoiled by Denver (it's odd to see the beers that I loved at my bar in Virgina, hoping they'd come back, be sold everywhere). Is your mom against all beers ever? My mom isn't a big beer fan, but will usually try a flight.
If not...well, at least you have people to help you stagger home?
Pinners, I need you! I'm having a communications issue. To summarize: I'm a pretty blunt foreigner trying to deal with WASPy New Englanders, and although my English is great I feel like I don't know the language. If that makes sense. Please tell me how to talk WASP. It's uber-confusing for me. Like, how do you make WASP small talk? What's the sense of humor like?
@boxlady RELENTLESSLY CHEERFUL AND ICILY POLITE
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher
Thank you! and if you are...sexing one? I am still confused by this. Halp.
@boxlady (Relentlessly cheerful and icily polite TM PistolPackinMama)
Having never sexed a WASP before, I don't really have any help on that front. Maybe just...boobs?
@boxlady Maybe watch Now, Voyager and pick up some tips?
@boxlady I do know what you mean. Can you give an example of Awkward NonConvo happening. (I am a blunt midwestern Catholic... bluunt.)
@boxlady I know exactly what you're dealing with, having grown up in a family of those fools. (Moooooooooom)
It's a delicate language, full of subtle intonations and insinuations, and the goal (far as I know) is to gradually make everyone equally unsure of themselves and build solidarity in weird passive aggressive ways, and then, THEN, bust into self-deprecatory humor. It takes a little while to break through that gyre of cool small talk though.
(or maybe my mom and her side of the family are outliers?)
Honestly, I just like to treat them the way I want to be treated, which is more exuberant and upfront. They can rise to the occasion and step out of their comfort zone too!
Yes! Exactly! You hit the nail on the head with the 'subtle intonations and insinuationts' comment!! I guess I feel like WASP is its own language, which is fine with me (I am good with languages and I speak a few, so I can learn.) I just feel like I need a guide to do that, and all will be peachy.
@PistolPackinMama: it's hard to remember, but I'll say something outrageous (totes my MO, and I think that the WASPs legit enjoy it, since I'm not being rude/mean, and they seem to laugh sincerely) but then they seem to shut down, and are unable to respond. And then conversation dies.
I should also note that when I try to say more ordinary, chit-chatty things, it also seems to make them shut down. So much reserve! So much introversion! So many codes I don't understand!
@boxlady Having lived both WASP-adjacent, and used to have a super-WASPy roommate who'd tell me about shenanigans. From what I gather, the trick is apparently to ply everyone with gin & tonics.
@boxlady I absolutely understand. I think I've been here forever but I still mix some things up, especially sentence structure. Such as "Really I don't mind" and "I don't really mind" are entirely different! And "I really don't care" is like the rude version, even though they should have the same meaning.
Something I keep in mind is longer sentences seem less blunt and rude. Instead of "Doughnuts are your favorite thing", "Are doughnuts your favorite thing to buy here at this place", for example.
Also, sometimes people don't want to talk to you when they hear your accent because they think you will not understand. They might also have a stereotype about foreigners being people who make jokes. That can't be helped.
Aha! Now that you mention the long sentences, I'm realizing that it's definitely a thing!
What IS the different between "Really, I don't mind" and "I really don't mind"? ("I really don't care," I can see how that's rude.)
@boxlady I think "I really don't mind" is like "I am indifferent" and "Really I don't mind" is like "Rest assured, I am fine", because the "really" at the start means assurance. They are not entirely different, I suppose, but they are appropriate for different events.
Also, I thought "I apologize" was formal and "I'm sorry" was informal, but that's not quite right. You don't say "I apologize" if you bump into a stranger, for instance.
How was learning that neither Cursive alphabet is actually used, other than for signatures?
"I'm sorry" was informal, but that's not quite right. You don't say "I apologize" if you bump into a stranger, for instance....List on MLS
I have been celebrating the anniversary of my birth this week by buying myself many, many presents. Also my dear friend (a professional) re-pierced my nostril as I'd pulled the tiny hoops out several months ago, and immediately regretted it. As part of my celebration, I bought a pricey, upclose ticket to see Peter Gabriel, some new French perfume and a new phone. I also broiled a very good Ribeye steak and watched "Bridesmaids" from my antique DVD collection. Next up, I may don some false eyelashes and go out strollin'. Poor Spinster me! #lolztomaigravebitches
@Myrtle Everything on this list sounds awesome.
@falafelwaffle Thank you, falafel!
@Myrtle Happy birthday! It was my birthday too, so I bought myself two new tattoos, a chocolate chip cookie, an ugly sweater, and pad thai. I watched four episodes of Community in a row while wearing a blanket. That's the way to do it! I might go out with some friends this weekend, but mostly I think the best moments in life involve wearing a blanket and eating pad thai.
@yeah-elle Happy Birthday to you!! And I agree with you on the blanket/pad thai.
I want nothing more than to party with you D: Ribeye! Strollin'! Daaamn!
Happy birthday :)
Pinners!! The boyfriend and I moved to San Diego/Coronado very recently for a temporary stay (as in a few months, possibly up to 10) before we go to Portland. Does anyone need some friends? We don't know anyone. :/
@JustAPaperBag i will be back in SD in a month! we have a small 'pinner group--come join us or stay in touch here and we can 'pin up sometime!
@JustAPaperBag I like either one of those ideas! Thank you!
You guys. Autumn in New England. Is there anything as beautiful in the world?!
I spent my first 22 years living south of the Mason-Dixon line and now I live in Boston and the crispness of the air and the clarity of the sunshine! Even though it is rainy and gross right this minute I still find it somehow romantic? I guess this is the honeymoon phase. Should end in February when the sixteenth straight week of snow rolls around.
Also, re: living in Boston. I got the best (appearance-related) compliment I've ever gotten on the T a couple days ago. I'm on the train, on the phone just minding my own business. This lady gets on the train. She starts snapping at me from across the car and going "HEY!" I turn around really shocked, expecting her to chew me out or something, but then she goes, "YOU! You are gorgeous! Take it from a pregnant lesbian, you are GORGEOUS." And then I got all blushy and stuff. Made my day.
@MademoiselleML: Hooray for compliments from strangers!
@MademoiselleML I would live off of that for MONTHS.
As for autumn in MA, I totally get it, and I've lived here my whole life. Swoon. I've already done my apple picking and am plotting my yearly trip to Salem. Unfortunately, you're also right about February.
@MademoiselleML You will probably want to move to Mexico by February! Also, buy wool socks now! But I totally get the fall in New England thing. When I was on my college's ultimate team, we had a lot of meets at nearish colleges in the fall, which meant lots of morning and sunset drives through fall landscapes. So pretty! Spring in Boston is also underrated--it's such a relief after the cold, wet, dark winters, and there are flowering trees everywhere and bright green grass.
@MademoiselleML I hope "Take it from a pregnant lesbian..." is how she starts all of her sentences!
OH my god you guys I don't know how I didn't mention this earlier. I am being sent to FUCKING BAT COUNTRY for work--northeastern Nevada for ten days--I will probably die. Help me pack/prepare/not die. Will not be camping, but will be trekking. I'm in decent shape but HIGH DESERT, 5,000 FT, WHAT TO DO. Help.
(Also I'm PISSED that I'm being sent on this job because I know why they're sending me and it's not because of my skills, it's just so they can say that they've done ____________ work in Nevada. Grrrrr.)
(Bonus best: my supervisor said "Oh maybe you'll get lucky and be the only girl so you wouldn't have to share a room!" So my options are 10 days in the desert with a bunch of dudes I don't know, or 10 days in the desert while rooming with a lady I don't know. FABULOUS.)
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Water water water water water water omg water. Like starting now. And bring a camera and a notebook because it will be amazing.
@par_parenthese Like I should start drinking more water now, like a camel, or I should start hoarding it now? Because I think the TSA might have issues with me taking five gallons of water on the plane.
(I am probably leaving in a couple weeks? We don't know. No one tells me anything.)
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher No like start hydrating a couple days before you leave, two or three quarts of water a day and really clear pee. And a B complex in the morning -- protects your immune system against all that dryness and the strange new irritants and stuff.
@par_parenthese Fascinating. I will start doing this. Last time I went to the desert my skin turned into a lizard, so anything to avoid that is a step in the right direction. Many thanks!
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Also, I apologize in advance for discussing nasal emissions/snot/boogers/bogies/your word of choice, but I would wholeheartedly recommend bringing a couple of red or patterned bandanas to blow your nose with. Nevada-dry levels will up your chances of nosebleeds or bloody crusty boogers, and you'll want to get that stuff out without needing to pack a thousand used tissues out of the desert, or ruining white/light/nice handkerchiefs.
Also, seconding the hydration. Get going on that at least a day before you leave, maybe two or three, especially if you're flying (since flying is also dehydrating and drying). I recommend bringing an empty water bottle in your carry-on and filling it at the water fountain once you pass security. I always hydrate hardcore when flying!
@PatatasBravas Also bring a travel-sized thing of really rich lotion. Shea lotion all over my hands and feet and face helped a lot when I was backpacking around the desert!
@PatatasBravas THESE are the tips I need, thank you (and thank you again, par_parenthese!). Red bandanas, heavy lotion, check and check. I have a massive water bottle that goes with me everywhere so that'll definitely be coming.
I have a really lame question: how do I make new friends? I have good friends in the sense that they are good people, but they tend to disappear for weeks or cancel on plans, which leaves me feeling frustrated and worried I'm imposing on them and their no-shows are a way of telling me they're pulling a slow fade. My friends are from different friend groups and they're all fairly busy; I tend to socialize with them one on one, so there's not really the kind of magical group friendship a la Happy Endings that's sort of my ideal situation, and I'm often the one making the plans or the first move to hang out. I also have to say that despite being (I think) a nice, funny person, I don't make friends easily and going to a commuter university didn't help. I don't need to be around people all the time, but I'd like the people I'm around to not just respond to me, but to also initiate plans with me. Help?
@Lyesmith Hugs. I don't really have any advice for you, unfortunately; I just moved to a new city and got in touch with high school friends who are here and also went to a couple awesome pin-ups (holla) and have met some nice people that way. I'm going to start volunteering with Planned Parenthood soon, so I hope maybe I meet some people there, too. But I've been where you are, friends-wise, and it sucks. I guess try to start putting yourself out there in different ways, and maybe some new people will come out of the woodwork?
@Lyesmith If you like your coworkers, you can bring up after-work drinks. I've also taken classes for fun at a nearby university, which is good practice for making small talk with strangers if nothing else. There's also meetup, though I haven't used it myself. Oh, and if I had more free time, I'd volunteer, which has in the past also been a good setting for meeting people. You could also start a book club or something like that and strongly encourage your friends to invite their friends, to expand your circle?
@Lyesmith I've mostly met people though online stuff (CL, in the platonic section), and then meeting their friends and sometimes finding that their friends are cool.
@Lyesmith I am super late checking FOT this week, so probably you won't even see this, but I am in your exact situation right now and it sucks. I went to a commuter school, maintained tenuous relationships with some old friends from high school and a few college classmates, but now that I've graduated and everyone has gone their own way it has been really hard to stay close. Everyone has also hit different places in life, too, so I feel out of sync with a lot of people I used to know, and my interests have changed over time, too. Things have just naturally diverged. Right now I mostly just hang out with my sisters and my boyfriend and his sisters. I have also been thinking of moving to a new city so I haven't felt like I should make the effort to meet new people, but I wish I could go out for coffee or drinks with someone sometimes! ugh. My coworkers are all way older than me (I'm 24, they're all in their mid-30's-50's with kids and everything) and I just cannot relate...
Recently I've thought about joining a yoga class or maybe a writer's group, since I would guess I'd meet people with similar interests to mine through those 2 outlets. What are you interested in? I would recommend you find a group of people who are also interested in that thing - runner's group, book club, crafting class, etc etc, and just go for it!
For some reason I am so weirded out about meeting potential friends on CL, though. I imagine it would be a super awkward friend-date? Gives me the nervous sweats just thinking about it!!
@rimy I've had really good luck finding friends on CL. No one has been creepy or unsafe (that I've actually met with, in person), and met two of my closest friend on there. My now-bff and I had a date where we were supposed to meet for coffee for like an hour, and ended up hanging out for about 7 hours. But I only do the W4W section of CL, because there are just way too many dudes using the platonic section to meet ladies who want to have an actual relationship and not just casual fucking. That might be the key.
@Lyesmith Seconding book club, classes, etc. and adding meetup.com. My town (not a huge metropolis by any means) has everything from a newcomers group to a hiking club to crafters' guilds. There's a lesbian social club. There's a women's atheist group. There's a bunch of things I've literally never heard of before -- preppers? quantified self? Anyway, the point is, there's probably a group of people in your area that share at least some interest with you that you could hang with and DO something. Because I'm an introvert and totally understand the pressure of "making friends" when you don't have anything to talk about. Stuff like this is an automatic ice breaker.
Oh! Lots of places (coffee shops, community centers, bars) have a Stitch n Bitch meetup once or twice a month, if you're into (or would like to try) knitting.
Korean fried chicken is THE BEST! But it doesn't leave room in my tummy for a root beer float. The horror!
There's ALWAYS room for a root beer float.
Okay so I'm watching The Prince of Egypt on Friday night because that's how I roll and what the crap does "land of milk and honey" even mean? I mean both of those things are really hard to harvest without factory farming. Sounds like this shrub hasn't worked a day in its life.
-BROTHERS URNNGH there is no better dynamic than brothers
-Whoah dog his stick a snake
@Inkling Prince of Egypt! That movie has a weirdly A-List cast, right?
Also, that's the whole point of a land of milk and honey. Israel is so awesome that it's flowing in milk and honey, you don't even have to work very hard for it. (Oh my god, maybe you know this and are just being funny. It is funny! I'm tired.)
@Inkling Makes me think of the folk song "Big Rock Candy Mountain" where the streams flow with liquor and there is both a lake of gin and one of whiskey which is much more relevant to my interests because it seems my tastes run more to hobo than anything else.
Hah! I wasn't being funny, I just didn't understand it. If the milk and honey are naturally occurring, that's one thing--I just thought it was like "this land is full of bees and cows and you should eat from them" and I'd be like "shrub those things are hard to get and not nutritional" and the shrub would be like "idk I am just a shrub".
Haha WHAT. Maybe that's where the parents go when the kids break their teeth and faces on the rock candy?
Hah Moses perioded into the Nile.
Okay there's a part where Moses turns some water into blood and his brother's priests just turn some water red, and his brother is fooled by it, and for some FUCKSHIT REASON Moses doesn't say "BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER, BROTHER" who even writes movies.
Sidenote, there is a song about plagues that is pretty much the I Hope You're Happy parts of Defying Gravity.
Exes have a radar, don't they? A my-ex-is-moving-on-better-do-something-to-impede-that-progress radar? Ugh. However, the comments above about cake vs. ice cream and root beer floats have led me to thinking about gin gimlet/gin and tonic floats? Using lime sherbet, maybe? Is this a good idea or a horrible one?
@TN this is the best idea in the history of thinking.
please be my best friend.
@TN yes. gin, champagne, lemon sorbet. i'll be right over!
@social theory OH SWEET JEEBUS gin champagne lemon sorbet WHY am I not drinking this RIGHT THE FUCK NOW waaaaaaaaaaaaant
I bought the awesomest dykiest motorcycle boots (https://twitter.com/i/#!/magpiecalling/media/slideshow?url=pic.twitter.com%2FYvpRUSza) and I love them and tomorrow I'm going to wear them to run around town for Nuit Blanche (Americans, do you have that? It's an all night arts and exhibition festival).
Also the ladyfriend and I are watching Twin Peaks for the first time and it's so fucked up and amazing and I LOVE IT.
@Cat named Virtute "Who's the lady with the log?" "We call her the Log Lady."
@Cat named Virtute Oh man, I watched TP for the first time last fall, and I was mostly alone in the house by myself. It was the worst/best thing. And I really wanted donuts the whole time. Twin Peaks! So great.
@Lucienne Haha, watching it alone kinda leaves you questioning your sanity. But donuts can help with that too!
@Cat named Virtute hey, those are engineer boots! :)
@Amphora I actually remembered the Log Lady just as I was falling asleep and had to really seriously restrain myself because I just kept laughing and laughing in bed.
@Where Pies Go When They Die I thought of you when we got to the episode with your username in it! I actually went OHHHH! really loud and Ladyfriend laughed at me. But I don't know about the Log Lady intros! Do they come later in the season, or do you have to look them up separately? We're four episodes in.
@Cat named Virtute If you're watching on Netflix, then you won't get the Log Lady intros. It's a complete injustice. I think the Wikiquotes page has all of them, though.
@Cat named Virtute - I love boots season! Just bought some ankle boots myself as I seem to have the whole riding boots/heeled boots/motorcycle boots categories covered. But clearly I cannot go through an autumn without buying one new pair, you know?
@Where Pies Go When They Die Aww, I will see if I can track them down on YouTube or something.
And speaking of making it, I read your lovely article about your Katherine Hepburn pants and street harassment, so you just keep making it all over the internet, lady!
Tomorrow (Saturday) is the Smithsonian's Museum Day! Their web site gives out free tickets to museums around the country. My original plan was to hit up the International Museum of Surgical Science here in Chicago, but now it's looking like the Swedish American Museum instead because there's better brunch in that neighborhood. Yes I am obsessed with museums.
@Amphora I never knew this was a thing! And now it's too late! Arg. I should catch up on FOT sooner.
@KeLynn Oddly it's not very well publicized. But there's always next year! (this was the first year I actually went, too)
I forgot to ask this at a normal-human-being hour, but in case anyone creeps it during the weekend: I have a serious yen to add a secret (peekaboo?) streak to my hair but am completely unable to come up with a color. Right now I have not-super-bright copper/red hair. Any recommendations?
I was originally thinking a blue/purple gradient but then got chicken-y, and thought maybe lavender or peach, but it's fall so maybe a more saturated jewel-tone would be better. Does a bright color in the same color family make the rest of your hair look brown? Aaah I am not in my wheelhouse when it comes to fancy streaks.
@MollyculeTheory I think a bright sapphire blue would look swell, although blue does look kind of weird as it fades. I am less brave than you, even, so would probably just do a white streak.
@MollyculeTheory That sounds like an awesome idea. I've been in kind of a blah/bored state re: my hair, uhm...I may swipe your idea for peekaboo streaks of color. <3
@MollyculeTheory - I think these ladies are on to something with the blue/turquoise angle. Last summer my hairdresser had these CRAZY pink streaks and I asked her how she got them so bright and not faded (since I was going to her to get my own peekaboo red streaks at the time and mine always faded super fast) and she said they were extensions. Since they were fake hair the color never faded, or something? So, I don't know how you feel about that, but if you're worried about a blue color fading weirdly, that might be an option?
Aaaah I have my first OKCupid meet/date tomorrow night and I am excited! Except, this guy is already texting me a lot and it's kind of making me panic. Like, dude, we might have zero physical chemistry, calm down. I don't even text people I love this much.
@Lucienne oh, have fun! i like okc dates when i'm feeling extroverted, but like any other perpetual first date thing, they can get really tiring. report back with the news?
@Lucienne Lol, I had an OkCupid date just today where he was getting a little bit (ok, a lot, for me, someone who hates texting [but loves Twitter], but a little bit for probably normal texters, maybe) too texty. Like, a couple hours before the date, he texted me to make sure we were still on (fine), and then started asking me about my day, where do I go to school again, did I have class today, etc. And I wanted to be like, yo, it's our first date, save the conversation topics in case we need them.
And then we had NO physical chemistry, and he totally dominated the conversation and we didn't have that much in common. And I went home and took a nap.
@Springtime for Voldemort (formerly papayalily) Right! Like, you will see me tonight, we can talk about my pet history then. I did quite like talking to him on OKC and I think part of this is that he's worried I might cancel if he doesn't latch on or something? But: boundaries! We hardly even like each other as individuals yet, come on.
@Lucienne Which I get, but is also wrong. It's like that whole 'let it go, if it comes back, then it loves you' thing. But with first dates.
Oddly, at the end of the date, I thought he got that it went badly, because it was just like "bye!" and over within about 5 seconds. No drawn out, "well, it was nice meeting you......... we should do this again...." and all that. And then he texts me at 9pm to say he had a great time. I do not get people! (Also, I deleted his text.)
@social theory So, yeah, it didn't go great. I ended up having to do most of the work which is annoying because that's exhausting. And mostly I was doing it because I didn't want to just . . . sit there, or be stuck in a "well, you didn't give me much to work with" situation after. But I was ready to leave after 45 minutes, and I thought he was too but now he wants to know if I still want to get dinner on Monday (which was our original plan, and I KNEW we shouldn't have changed it). I'm not opposed to second attempts, but I'm also not . . . actively interested in one right now. So.
@Lucienne boooo. i'm sorry. i've done the second chance thing with okc dates...it only occasionally works.
@social theory Okay, well, I'm willing to gamble on that. This date is one with a time limit, anyway, which should make things easier.
I went out for beers with one of the people I TA'd for today (I TA'd for his 101 class a year ago). He bought me beer and told me I was one of the best TAs he'd had. WARM'N'FUZZIES. :3
@Jenn@twitter One time someone I TA'd for said I was "half the reason the class happens at all" and I floated on that for like three weeks. It's really great to hear you do a good job as a TA!
@Where Pies Go When They Die This is the most excellent thing! And I also really want to get myself a pair of Katharine Hepburn trousers now.
Pinfriends, does anyone know what post had a comment section that became people sharing "I love you" stories? I really want to read it and can't find it...
(yes... I am a sap.)
You guys I just ate vegan kebab and I am soooooo full. How did I even fit all that food in my stomach! So full!
Okay, Saturday edition: Fitness 'Pinners! I have been working out, in some form or another, for about six months--before that I was pretty much sedentary, so even though it's been ups and downs in that span it's been more than I've ever done before. I am definitely stronger now, and healthier (I've been more conscious of what I eat, especially in the past month or so) but I'm starting to get pissed that I have not lost an ounce of weight. I'm not overweight, but the stubborn pudge around the middle that showed up this year is refusing to move, and it's FRUSTRATING. I need commiseration, encouragement, something--I'd just like to be able to see some outward results of all the hard work, you know?
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I have that now, and I never did before. The reason for me is too much overall fat/alcohol in my diet. My liver goes "What" and just shoves it out, and the evolution's set up the gut as the first and handiest place. On purpose, because it's stored energy. So it's not a place that exercise reaches, it's a long-term diet thing.
Well done on the exercise! Measuring your weight won't tell you how much of your body fat has been converted to muscle, which weighs more.
So you see it's highly likely that you are, in fact, killin' it. You said yourself that you're stronger. Family should be jealous by, say, Thanksgiving at least.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher You've just guilted me into going out to the pool. I will dedicate my exercises to you.
@Myrtle Thank you! I just figured that since I'm exercising more and actually burning more calories than I take in, I'd be losing weight. Silly body. I'll just keep on keepin' on and hope that things get moving. HURRY IT UP, BODY, I'M BORED.
Hooray for exercise! I hate it, but then I actually do it and then I feel better.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I went too, thanks to seeing your post. Thanks!!
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher OHGAWD. YES. I am one of those weirdos though who denies the existence of cause and effect, or rather, in this case, of calories in and calories out. I feel like there's some math involved in losing weight but a whole lot of chemistry as well. Just as one example: when I'm eating low grain and no sugar, weight kind of falls off, even if I'm practically smearing lard on my thighs and drowning myself in olive oil. Other people really have to focus on the right fats and no alcohol. Or no beans/dairy. Or whatever. Totally different for everyone. Which I guess sucks while you're figuring it out but is awesome once you do?
I'm actually terrified of losing weight and being potentially desired for having a conventionally-hot body rather than an intelligent mind and razor-sharp wit, so I subconsciously self-sabotage over the weekend (she says, going into the kitchen for her third bourbon and ginger)... Paging Doctor Freud.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I don't know enough to say why you aren't losing anything, but I can tell you what has been working for me: tracking everything I eat online. There are lots of sites that will do this for you. I use caloriecount.com and it really helps to make sure that I actually have more calories going out than coming in. It keeps track of different nutrients too.
@par_parenthese That makes sense, kind of, but I can't imagine anything that I eat that I'd be willing to drop completely, you know? I do pretty much everything in moderation. Also I believe in long-term habit changes, not "diets" per se, so I want to just change how I eat, not cut out something I love forever. (Added that last sentence so I sounded like less of a spoiled butt--I DON'T WANT TO STOP EATING ANYTHING BUT I WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT, etc. No bueno.)
@4and20 I just started tracking a few weeks back, on the website I use to map out my runs and such, so it factors in how much you exercise and such (MapMyFitness). I average between 1,000 and 1,200 calories a day, and the site says my base metabolic whatever is around 2,000 calories, so I should be losing...2ish pounds a week? Which definitely isn't happening. Frustrating little thing, nutrition.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Ooh, only 1000-1200? You might not be losing anything because you're not eating enough. If you're not getting enough calories to sustain your activity level, your body might be hanging on to your energy reserves. I would try increasing intake by a couple hundred calories, see if that helps.
@4and20blkbirds That is crazy/kind of makes sense? But hey, I'll try anything. Thanks! Off to eat second breakfast!
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Just viewing you via my email-another thought- what about checking your overall body fat using calipers? I just know there's a win here somewhere.
Do not come near me with those calipers. It traumatizes the fat attached to my bodyfat.
Inspired by Myrtle's Weekend Open Thread suggestion, I won't feel absolutely tardy writing this up! (Take it, anxieties.)
What is everyone's favorite scar removal treatment? I finished my project of turning a room into a dojo, and all the mirrors on the wall are now saying "dang, get yourself cleaned up".
On a different note, when you have a friend attracted to your gender, do you feel uncomfortable when they are starting to date someone new and maybe you shouldn't do all the stuff you used to do, because you get side-eyed for it?
@Bloodrocuted Yo! And let me please apologise for being the Pin Know It All this(any?) weekend. I'm just and Old who's read the entire internet...
Is your scar fairly new and puckered? That means it's got "adhesions" that are attaching the surface skin and maybe close muscles as well, to muscles further under. I have an 8" scar that my Physical Therapist is working down by stretching and manipulating it to break those connections. It is taking the pucker out of it, so the skin lays flat. Hurts, tho.
I've seen some stuff in the store that says it will take down the scar's surface mass and lessen the red. It's 35 bucks, though. I've also seen a type of bandage that flattens the scars, have no data on how good this stuff works.
I've decided my scar is "not a bug, it's a feature" as we used to say in Sales. I've renamed it my Racing Stripe and told my therapist to leave some of it for bragging rights.
But let us know if you try any of those?
@Myrtle Every website needs a few Know It Alls! This way, we can consult our inner circle instead of Amazon consumer reviews.
They are all a few years old, some much older. (Maybe I missed the time to fix them?) I might try the bandage! I have been looking at a lot of lightening cream, just wondering has anyone tried anything they love.
I admire your stance on yours a lot! That is admirable confidence.
@Bloodrocuted Aw, you're nice! So, the labels I did read on those scar-diminishing products whilst at the drugstore claimed they worked especially well on long-established scars. Luckily, I did not bother to retain their names! I would just go up to the counter and say, "Hey you know that product kinda like a bandage, has a bump in it I think that puts pressure on a scar..." Phew.
Deciding my long scar snaking down my leg gives me all kinds of street cred definitely brought my outlook around 180 degrees. MY PT said "This is going to show pretty completely in a swimsuit" and I said, "Oh yes, it will." I'll probably be insufferable n make everyone look at it. Other reason it's awesome is that I was in constant pain and now I can sit stand and walk without pain. Please do let us know how your treatments go!!
@Bloodrocuted NewGel silicone sheets work well on scars; I used to work for a surgeon and a lot of patients had success with those. They also make a gel that you can use if you prefer not to use the silicone sheet or if it's in an area that a sheet might not stay on well. NewMedical is the company that makes them, I think. They're not cheap but you can use them for a month and wear them for at least six hours a day.
Don't bother with Mederma; my old boss said it doesn't work at all. ScarGuard MD is sold over the counter and worked better than Mederma.
Hope that helps!
@this brave bird (formerly vanillawaif) yeah, seriously. I used 2 tubes of Mederma on these scars I have on my foot and they're still there. They're a little lighter, but I think that might just be from time, they are still VERY noticeable. Mederma isn't cheap either! I found vitamin E oil works kind of well if you put it on a fresh scar, YMMV.
@Bloodrocuted The one on the table next to me is called Scar Zone (With Green Tea! cause why not!) and it seems to be working okay on these cat scratch scars on my hands and the big thing on my arm from the oven. It's got sunscreen, maybe that helps?
@Myrtle Wow, you are brave! As for me, I wouldn't wear a swim suit right now, but I'm impressed with your attitude.
Thank you for the Mederma warning, and I'm sorry you wasted money on it. I'll try some Scar Zone on one side and ScarGuard (the cooler name) on the other side. Good to know it works on burns, too!
I think I'm getting side-eyed by an old friend's new girlfriend, but I'm not gonna fret about it unless he actually tells me there are some problems. She'll just get used to us hanging out and I won't intrude on their space/time.
Also she's 19 and he's 30 and he wants to marry her so I don't want to touch that mess in all kinds of ways.
Remember the recent letter about the LW being jealous about her long-distance boyfriend's best friend, and how everyone here was like whaaaaaaat!!!!!!! The majority of (cool) people don't find platonic relationships to be an issue. Your friend is maybe dating someone irrational OR someone who needs to get used to the idea of a platonic dudefriend in the picture. BUT keep in mind you MIGHT be intruding on them. Listen to your friend on these matters.
Also your mirror room sounds fucking horrifying.
i really hate to link to gawker so i won't but did anyone read yesterday's "confessions of a therapist" column? i really, really hope gawker is just trolling everyone because if this guy actually exists, he needs to have his license taken away. i get the same urge to rage-puke reading his articles that i used to feel whenever i stumbled across something written by that hack hugo schwyzer.
@geometree I haven't been a Gawker reader in a while, but I remember that series and I'm really surprised they're still doing it in light of how many people complained. Then again, their penchant for unethical posts designed purely to drive page views despite spreading negativity and-- okay, you know what, this kind of anger is why I stopped reading them in the first place.
@supernintendochalmers yeah i was already hate-reading at this point but now i don't want to give them the pageviews and i want to tar-and-feather the editors. the latest article is about how he has no regrets about sleeping with a woman he treated as a teenager (wtfffff). in his family home, with his kids asleep in their bedrooms, while his spouse was away. no regrets. it's okay, you see, because he wasn't her therapist anymore.
it's probably a complete fake, pageview-bait etc. i hope.
@geometree I just read it and I kind of want to vomit. And then I want my vomit to turn into a copy editor who will correct his terrible terrible sentence structure ("One time in my career, upon termination of the therapeutic relationship, did a patient and I acknowledge a connection and an attraction, almost in the presentation that we could exist together in another lifetime" <--what the hell even is this?). I only read it because your description made me morbidly curious, though, so I guess I'm with you on the hate reading.
@supernintendochalmers Do you remember when, after running yet another hideously unforgivable article, Jezebel (I think? Maybe Gawker?) responded to the backlash by saying, no, we aren't chasing pageviews at all, because our business model isn't based on ad revenue? And then didn't clarify what, exactly, their business model was? I'm pretty sure now that most of their revenue comes from a league of cthonic nightmare gods who are paying them in to spread pain and negativity.
@Cawendaw i'm sure their "business model" isn't BASED on pageviews, yeah, but it probably factors into it heavily. so fuck that.
@Cawendaw @geometree Ugh, I just read it and I wish I hadn't. It does seem fake to me. Particularly this portion: "My patient was gorgeous, tatooed all over with a perfect body. For the next two nights, after my kids were asleep, we fucked and sucked and kissed and held until they had to go before sunrise. It was the ultimate physical and emotional expression and outlet."
Before, when people were complaining about this column, the therapist said that they changed enough details about their patients so they would never be recognizable, but I don't see how that could possibly hold true. Also, how could you ever use the phrase "fucked and sucked" seriously? Also also, I agree that the writing/editing was horrible and think they probably wrote it drunk.
@Cawendaw When Jezebel ran their "What if the Penn State victims had been girls?!" article, Gawker followed shortly thereafter with a "What if the Penn State victims had been black?!" article, which seemed to be about as overt as needling over clickbait gets over there. Fight fire with fire!
"Fucked and sucked" IS the phrase of virginal slashfic writers.
@geometree As someone who is trying to monetize their own website, there's no way their business model isn't based on ad revenue, UNLESS it's based entirely on reader contributions.
@Megano! I'm sure you're right, although that won't stop me from making up ridiculously implausible alternate scenarios. Like...
"Pay up, or we will run another installment of 'Confessions of a Psychiatrist.' And we promise, the next one will be so much worse.
"Dear All Feminist Blogs,
"Pay up, or we will run another horrible article and poison the discussion for yet another news cycle.
"P.S. Hey how come you guys never pay us? Don't you bloggers make money?"
"Pay up, and we will continue poisoning the discussion and causing your users so much pain and anger that they will never think to look for another blogging platform.
@Cawendaw Tumblr doesn't need Jezebel to poison its discussion!
@Danzig! Hm, good point. Maybe this?
"Pay us a cut of the APA money and we will keep everyone so angry that they won't have the energy to complain about your latest terrible and unusable commenting system.
Ugggh. My husband and I had some plans for today, which he was more excited about than I was. This morning I started feeling kind of anxious and weird about it and told him I wasn't really feeling it, but that he should go ahead and do it; instead he said that he didn't want to do it if I didn't and canceled, and now he's insisting that everything is totally fine but also not talking to me. (Which, I mean... he could just be absorbed in what he's doing? But it's stressing me out.) I feel like a jerk for spoiling his fun, but also like he's being a jerk because he's the one who made the call to cancel and now his sulking is making it "my fault."
@Elsajeni NEVER MIND, we had a super-awkward conversation and now we're cool.
@Elsajeni (I used my words like a grown-up! Although not before whining on the internet.)
@Elsajeni Eh, sometimes whining on the internet helps you get your own feelings sorted before you actually talk about it. I think it can sometimes be a wise idea. At least that is what I like to tell myself.
@Elsajeni That scenario is eerily familiar to me. Glad it worked out though!
guys, seriously, why is every dress I ever want waaaayyyy too expensive for my just-out-of-grad-school budget? ugh, sigh. first world problems, right?
@elbows on the table
What kinds of dresses are you looking for? I'm sure we could send you some cheap-ass dress sites!
@elbows on the table oh gosh, cute wear-to-work dresses, really. I have enough of the casual weekend wear.
@Inkling I ALSO WANT IN ON THIS THREAD. Cute wear to work dresses that are cheap-ass are exactly what I need!
@PatatasBravas Since no one else replied, I'm gonna throw out my standard asos, 15dollarstore, and aliexpress. Go worth and treat yourselves!
@PatatasBravas @elbows on the table JC Penney is surprisingly awesome these days! Massive selection and the stores (at least my local store) are much nicer than they used to be. Check it out!
@elbows on the table thanks, y'all!
How was the London Pinup? I am crosser than the X on a pirate treasure map that I couldn't go, but I was dying - DYING - from a combination of cold-like virus and the 'orrible side-effects of new meds. I will be at the next one, I promise!
But! Meds are starting to settle down and work! I am now crying less and less over my immature idiot of an ex-boyfriend, and in 2 weeks I am moving out of the flat we share to a new place WHERE THERE IS A KITTY.
AWESOME, I HAS IT. Well, I pretends to has it until eventually it's the real thing.
@OwlOfDerision Yay, meds! And cats!
*hic* I love you FOT
I was late cause work and crap, and now I'm at a thing in a bar and reading the FOT instead.
@JadedStone And we love you, drunken Chinese dragon statue!
DEAR FOT. I am tipsy (bourbon and ginger what whaaaat) and so THIS IS BOTH CAPSY AND IMPORTANT: The Lizzie Bennet Diaries.
@par_parenthese Argh, why am stuck I banging my head against cover letters when this exists? Whyyyyyyy?!
(Thank you! Ooh, and let me reciprocate: Regency House Party)
@Cawendaw Do you know about the Jane Austen Facebook game? If you don't: there is a Jane Austen Facebook game! Now you know.
@Cawendaw I LOVE Regency House Party! So wonderful!!!
@par_parenthese And I love Lizzie Bennet Diaries, now that I have time to watch it!
I just got to Bing and Jane's letter to Charlotte. It's like watching a basket of kittens cuddle a bushel of puppies on a blanket made of affectionate marmosets, all of which are masters of situation comedy.
Also, if you'll let me proselytize one more thing: "Supersizers!" Because Supersizers is the apex of human achievement.
@Lucienne I'm currently trying my hardest to make Facebook disappear by ignoring it, but if I eventually give in I shall check it out.
@Cawendaw I watched ten seconds and immediately wondered where it had been all my life. HUZZAH. AND YES I KNOW about Lizzie Bennet Diaries. Just brace yourself though. The SAD is COMING for you when Bing... well, you know.
@par_parenthese RIGHT? Such a perfect program for so many reasons. Mostly unknown, so far, but it's spreading like a virus through my friend group (and I am proud to be patient zero!).
And, yeah, I know it won't be all wine and roses and kittens and puppies and marmosets, but they can't make it *that* terribly tragic. I mean, it's Austen, not Plath... right? Right??
JUST finished watching the newest ep of Doctor Who! Amy and Rory are gone! Ughhh I loved Rory, didn't think the episode was the best however it's still very sad to see a companion go.
@Mad as a Hatter! <3 Rory <3 I thought this episode was better than the previous one, if not perfect. I'm sad that Amy and Rory are gone too but I was satisfied with the way they left. Tied up their storyline neatly but not tragically.
@Mad as a Hatter! Oh Rory. Sigh.
It has me musing... The Vulture recapper said something that made a lot of sense to me -- that he has to watch the show as the Who that Moffatt wants to make, vs. the Who HE wants it to be. Which, yeah. *I* want less madcap zany HURRY AND GET THROUGH THE PLOT WE ONLY HAVE 48 MINUTES and more story arc. I want steadier pacing and the Doctor actually doing a thing from episode to episode rather than WHOA WE'RE IN THE MIDST OF A THING RUN PANIC. But that's clearly not the show Moffatt wants to make, and I either have to quit watching it (even though it's my favorite show) or just enjoy it for the show it IS. And then go back and watch all the David Tennant episodes back to back. ;) Because TEN FOREVER.
@Mad as a Hatter! I was okay until the ending voiceover and then SOBBING UNCONTROLLABLY IN MY KITCHEN OH GOD.
@anachronistique Me too, except on my couch. SOBBING into my blanket.
@par_parenthese Sobbing into my bowl of popcorn here. I'm not sure how it happened but affection for those two crept up on me.
Side note: River is an archaeologist now. Do you think that means she's being pushed to her death in Silence In the Library?
@Mad as a Hatter! OH if they go back to Silence in the Library this season... I'm like pre-crying. Please God let me have a daughter someday just so I can name her River. She is my hero.
@par_parenthese I know what you mean, River has been added as a possible to my list of girl names just because of her. Her story is just so weird, that we saw the end in the very beginning, and now that we've seen so much of her I really want him to be able to somehow change that end. Gaaaaaaah I can't lose Amy, Rory, AND River all in one season!
i have been listening to that new ke$ha song almost non-stop since posted here whenever.
whyyyyy oh why do i like such bad music?
it's so good
@Where Pies Go When They Die
This is really good! And yeah, those pants are divine.
This week, in People Acting Irrationally:
-A very good-natured friend I haven't talked to in months texted me out of the blue, asking me to do him a favor. I said no. He persisted angrily, asking me if I was "mental" because he couldn't do it himself. I didn't respond.
-He told me I was being hormonal and also a bitch. I deleted his number.
-He texted me the next morning with a favor I asked of him months ago and told me being mad is stupid and to stop.
-He added my new roommate on Facebook and said I hated him but maybe they could be friends.
-He posted and liked a lot of things on my Facebook at random.
-He messaged my name repeatedly until I responded with "oh no. stahp." and distracted myself on the 'Pin for two minutes. He says
WHY ARE YOU STILL MAD AT ME
only reason im being a dick is because there is literally no reason
what do I have to do?
(new roommate) said butts but i dont think thats going to work
well I guess ill just go fuck myself then
and logs off.
This has been People Acting Irrationally. Please top this story, for I have nothing better to do than gossip while I clean my room.
@Inkling So that all sounds very confusing. Especially how this is supposed to be from a good-natured 'friend'.
Can't help but be curious about what this favor was, that could lead to this much harassment.
@Inkling i found out yesterday that the spa gift card i received from a guy friend (also friend of my ex) (also has a girlfriend) last year for my birthday has a value of four hundred dollars.
FOUR. HUNDRED. DOLLARS. I spent all of yesterday overanalyzing this so I'm not going to start again but WHAT THE FUCK. (note: i am not a "give gifts of four hundred dollars to friends" person. I am a "buy 5 dollar shots for friends" person.
@redheaded&crazie I don't think I've ever given even family members a gift that expensive. Although my very lovely sis did buy me a PS Vita for my birthday (which is $300) and I feel incredibly guilty about it because I don't know if I will ever be able to reciprocate.
@redheaded&crazie Maybe it was a groupon? Even still.
I am a "forget to buy my brother a Christmas present (oh ask me about THAT story sometime, because that was the year he bought me the $$$BRITISH EDITION HARRY POTTER BOX SET guilt guilt guilt)" person and an "oh, right, it's my birthday today so let's go get a cocktail somewhere besides our usual" person, so I would absolutely not know what to do in that situation. Besides panic and maybe mentally write several overdramatic hypothetical situations that explained it.
@par_parenthese You know, maybe it WAS a groupon, let's go with that RH&C!
@redheaded&crazie Dahm, Red, that is a lot of spa. After reading your description of the event, I (respectfully!) wonder if he wasn't regifting something he's got no use for?
Giving the original to a guy sounds like something I might have done back when... well, never mind. This is your story.
My dream is you report back on what it's like to spend all that at a spa, instead of having to stay in a budget. Also, can one include the tips in the unspent part of the card, or is that not done? I don't get out much.
That's irrational as FUCK! Maybe he got it as a gift (distant well-off well-meaning relative) and decided to pass on all its goodness to the only person he knows doesn't hate spas?
He wanted me to ask my roommate why she was facebook friends with an old high school friend of his. It seemed like it was gonna be a lot of relaying uninteresting information, so I told him no, but he could ask her--he's welcome to my house and can add her on facebook--and then he EX. PLODED.
@Inkling That definitely gets the Irrational Seal of Approval.
@Inkling Oh man, fuck that guy!
So this is a little late, not sure if anyone will see this, but I could really use some relocating advice.
Currently looking at moving to Baltimore or the surrounding area, from northern VA. Will probably live there for a couple of years while my best friend finishes his degree at MICA. Anyone know of a good neighborhood to look into? This will be for a recent college grad and a current college student, so we are on a budget, but also interested in a safe area. Any help would be appreciated!
Bolton hill is super cute and full of MICA students and also very close to Penn station (public transport). Mount Vernon is also wonderful and close to MICA- home to UMB and many restaurants and an art museum. Both are safe! Also look into Charles Village, Station North. Farther away from MICA: Patterson Park.
The fiancee woke up sick this morning so I am attempting to make chicken noodle soup. I have filled my largest pot up to the brim, so now I am trying to make sure it doesn't boil over and cause a disaster. :S
@Where Pies Go When They Die Great article! Those pants fit you so perfectly, too. I love that feminine ankle length, which I'm always afraid my feet are too big for. The cuff would be on the top of my foot. Also, how clever of you to put that gorgeous colored top next to the trousers. Also you matched your lip color perfectly, something I often do a near miss at. Lastly, your bangs are so cute! I'm sorry this is too long to yell out at you.
Been having a rough go of it lately, I can't find the lynchpin of my support system, she hasn't returned calls or texts for the last month. I tried opening up to a friend but she got frustrated and I got that feeling you get when you know someone has decided you're a hassle, so I apologized and dropped contact. It's not her fault, she did all she could, she just couldn't relate. She's a normal person.
I saw The Master and felt really deep empathy for the Freddie character. It made me want to kill myself. I feel crazy all the time now. I can't tell anyone because they'll lock me away and then everyone will know I'm capital F Fucked Up and beyond help, and that will be that. I wish I could do it but I'm too scared. I'm always too scared. I'm sick of it.
@Danzig! I'm a total stranger but I just sent you a gchat invitation if you feel like you don't have any better options to talk to at this hour. I'll be up for a while.
Please to talk to someone, and please tell someone about what you're feeling (it takes a lot to get locked away forever, and I'm pretty damn sure you haven't done any of it). And please, please don't kill yourself. I know I'm an internet stranger but you're a cool dude and I'd hate to think we'd lost you (not to mention what the people who are actually close to you would think). Please reach out to someone and get some of the shame off your chest (I just did this about 10 hours ago).
There's lots of help around you, please take advantage of some of it.
@Danzig! I always feel a little crazy, a little more prone to shattering when fall rolls around. I know it's hard, but definitely definitely don't give up. <3
Danzig, no! No, no, no. Please don't hurt yourself. That bleakness and despair you are feeling is real, but it is not you (or it is not the entirety of you, even though it feels that way). It is pain and depression. You are a unique and interesting person; I love reading your comments here. I want you to be happy and well and feel loved, and you have to be alive to get that stuff. I know you are suffering right now; please reach out for help.
@Danzig! Jumping on this thread with my super secret identity to tell you that it's time to reach out for help no matter what other people will think or what will happen next.
My best friend was briefly committed and I doubt more than a handful of people know this, but none of us love her any less. In fact, I thank god daily that she took the step of talking to someone professional, because I know that I couldn't even begin to know all the right things to say. And I am so happy and grateful now that she's still alive, plus has all these amazing coping skills and relaxation techniques and she has taught me alot about being vulnerable and dealing with my own issues.
@thequietbird Mine was as well, and I definitely didn't give up on her! Do what you have to do to get the help you need, and don't worry about what other will think of it. The people who actually give a crap about you will stick around.
@Megano! Checking in to the open thread late this weekend, but I wanted to chime in here in agreement. I think anyone who has lost a friend or loved one or nearly lost a friend will agree that it's time to take this situation very seriously. Call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or visit http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ (it can be nice to look at the pictures of volunteers and stuff and see how many people care a whole lot)
There's really no need to do the hard stuff alone. Talking to a neutral, trained professional can make a world of difference, especially because depression can cloud perception and make it hard to feel connected to close friends, etc. Sometimes a third party can be so much easier. You can totally do this. And (maybe I'm stealing this from AA, but whatever, it works) the first step to getting help is the hardest, but it's also totally doable.
Congrats to your friend, @thequietbird. :)
@Danzig! just one more jumping in late on the thread to voice support and care for you - i know how frustrating it is from experience to have people say, "you need to talk to someone" when attempts to reach out to friends you think can help just fall through (as it sounds like happened to you earlier...) but there are people who are trained to listen to the craziest shit - i really hope you can find someone, either on a hotline or if you just walk into a school clinic, etc. who can listen to you and give you at least the immediate support you need. we're all thinking of you, and if you'd like to reach out to me, you can email me at this username at gmail.... holding you in the light dear internet stranger!
@liverwortlaura I think that's a great point! Sometimes it can be frustrating, I think, because it feels like the person who says "please, talk to someone" is being really dense. Like, hey, you are someone right? But it's part of being an empathetic friend who listens and supports. Analogy: if my friend were complaining to me about a particularly rough allergy season, I'd say "Yeah, it's bad, hang in there." But if they told me about having an acute asthma attack, I'd be like "Please go talk to someone. That can be dangerous. There's totally medicine for that, and it will be rough (ugh the steroid side effects) but so worth it."
Thanks for pointing that out, @liverwortlaura, cause it's worth acknowledging that those words can feel like a brush off, but they really aren't. @Danzig! your friends and all of us on the 'pin really do want you to thrive. :)
@everyone thank you. I laid down for a long while and my cat came to see me and I think it helped, she's good about that. I must have fallen asleep, so I missed all your comments, but I really appreciate them. I've got the hotline number in my phone now and I'll use it next time my thoughts become too loud.
Love all of you. I don't think I got your invite, cawendaw, but I'll check around my old email addresses to see if it got rerouted somewhere. I've got liverwortlaura on file too
@Danzig! hey guy, thanks for responding! I really appreciate the update :) are you moved back to colorado?
@Danzig! How is it that cats seem to know when they need to be less aloof and act more like dogs? Glad you got some sleep but even more glad hear from you. Dude, feel free to ask liverwortlaura for my email address -- she's my self-appointed PinPal and (as adorable-eggplant realized a few replies up) basically awesome.
@Danzig! Yay for cats. Cats are nice. I'm glad things are less worse for you and I hope the trend continues.
Sorry about the missed connection. Although I'm leery about leaving my e-mail address in the comments forever (even that's how I found what I think is yours so I'm a total hypocrite aaah) here's a paste with my contact info (look at it soon, the paste expires in 24 hours):
@Cawendaw got it!
@Danzig! Thank you, the paste is down now.
@Danzig! Cats are awesome! I love my animal pal too, even though he's a jerk 99 percent of the time.
So glad you are out of the blip. I deal with anxiety and sometimes get panic attacks so I know what it's like to go into crisis mode. Overtime it gets easier to anticipate when I need to pause and refocus with cat cuddle time or a glass of warm milk or a hot shower.
The biggest thing I learned from my friend is that the brain can be a big old liar sometimes. When ever you find yourself using "always" think about replacing it with "right now" or "at this moment" because it's probably more true. Plus I add "I feel like" infront of just about everything to remind myself that these are my feelings and maybe their not the whole story and probably their influenced by a whole bunch of things (that change all the time) .
When you feel ready, think about pulling up a journal and write out a plan. Mine includes maintenance stuff like cutting out all cafiene and also stuff that I know of as my warning signs like if I start triple checking locks so I know when to schedule an appointment with a counselor for a check in. I probably only have about one visit every nine months and I do the rest of the work by myself. It helps me feel less powerless. I've had public panic attacks and you think it's going to be really bad but it honestly isn't.
@thequietbird Yeah I've been trying cognitive exercises lately but they haven't been working as well. I think I just need some sort of grounding mechanism (my friend was that mechanism, but I don't know where she is).
@Danzig! That's great! Glad your cat stepped up to snuggle. :)
Friends are a great resource, but it can be a hard dynamic to maintain. My bff moved to a big city and was totally busy, and I thought she was doing a slow fade and I panicked, so I totally get that 'where arrrre you, friend??' feeling, and it's especially rough when it's at a needy time. But that's why we pay therapists/counselors the big bucks to mostly not take vacations and to be available weekly/monthly. Because that's really reassuring. Really, like so awesome for a naturally anxious person (hear you on that one @thequietbird)
Talk to the profesh about good mechanisms, but I would bet that they suggest something at hand, like a mantra or breathing exercises or similar distraction techniques. Coupled with some calming rituals.
Also, a counselor can work like a spotter for cognitive exercises. Analogy: I wouldn't lift free weights alone because if your alignment is bad, then you can get repetitive stress injuries. You need someone to look at you and say, "Hey, lift with your legs." (do personal trainers do this? Obviously I'm only imagining what it might be like to actually go to a gym).
I hope you keep feeling better and check in in the next open thread. :)
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