Happy last day of summer! Hopefully it's pretty where you are this weekend — perhaps at this castle-type mansion thing? Hm.
open thread, mansions
I am trying to sew again! Sewing blogs are way intimidating.
@themmases What are you sewing? (And I totally agree, sewing blogs are often super-advanced.)
@WhiskeySour Mostly right now, shirts. I am working on this tunic and have a few vintage blouse patterns because I really just need a few sleeveless tie-neck blouses to class up my cardigans. It's been a while and I don't have a place I can leave my machine out, so I'm taking it slooooow and taking up knitting again to scratch the craft itch when I can't take apart my living room.
But the Colette blog! What deal with the devil do I need to make to be able to do all of that this weekend?
@themmases That tunic is really nice. I love View C. Is it actually "easy to sew" or is it a lying liar? I find the Colette blog is great for inspiration but super advanced, at least for me. Have you checked out the Colette book? I own it and it's really good.
@themmases I only read sewing blows when the projects look feasible! I made a skirt from what would a nerd wear and have almost finished a dress i started when i went to sewing class! I love crafting but am always slightly nervous about making a mess!
@themmases sewing garments is scary to me! I did it a bit when I was a teenager, but haven't done anything quite right as an adult. I bought this pattern: http://www.victorypatterns.com/products/hazel/ but am intimidated to start it.
@WhiskeySour Apparently I am slightly more advanced than I thought I was, because I planned to get the Colette book but it felt a little too basic. I've been following the blog for quite a bit now, though, along with a lot of others, so maybe that was why. The stuff I'm finding most helpful now are things like Fit for Real People, and I am super excited to pick up Gertie's New Book for Better Sewing when I have a little scratch.
@WhiskeySour It's fairly easy (I'm making view A, but I'm not bothering with the side tabs, only the sleeve tabs), but I'm discovering firsthand why I've seen so many recommendations for rotary cutters and pattern weights because my cutting left something to be desired. I think I'm calling this first one a muslin/wear around the house.
I do want the book though! I taught myself to crochet many years ago from a book and I feel like I could do the same with this if I had a book full of hand-holding and pictures.
@vunder None of my stuff is quite right, either. I've sewn a lot and I haven't ruined anything, but I haven't kept much either. I'm trying to re-teach myself with scrupulous attention to directions. Also, that dress is adorable. I love the 2-color thing.
@themmases I got a rotary cutter for quilting and it's very nice, but having a mat that will be large enough for garment size is hard. You may already know this but you can get a decent cutting mat from an art supply store for much cheaper than the fiskars ones from the sewing shops. For pattern weights you can use almost anything heavy (saw tin cans suggested), as well.
@themmases I am making this: http://www.craftpassion.com/2012/08/strawberry-reusable-grocery-bag.html
Not clothing but so awesome & useful! I am planning to hang it as a keychain on my bag for emergencies.
@themmases That dress is awesome. I bought a sewing machine in the spring but all summer my office/craft space has been too hot for life so everything Ive had on the go has been languishing. Now a new reason to hit up the fabric store.
Happy Friday, y'all. Did anyone else make an ill-advised advance toward an attractive friend yesterday, or was that just me?
@Nocs Get it gurl ;-*
@Nocs I did this two weeks ago! I hope yours works out better than mine did :/
@katiethegreat Oh no! What happened with yours?
I haven't heard anything from mine yet; it was right at the end of the night. He's my brother's friend, but my brother would be cool with it if Guy and I got together. The suspense is killing me though; I feel rather stupid.
@Nocs suspense is the worst. I hope it works out! let us know, lady
@Nocs I made out with a guy I've been friends with for years and recently developed a mad crush on, and the next day was super brave and told him I liked him, and asked if he foresaw anything else ensuing between us (apparently I come over all Edwardian in awkward conversations), and he was like "errr, probably not." And it sucked. And now my brain is like: "you can do better! Move on! He is a fool of a Took!" but my heart/vagina say: "pounce upon him! Stroke his beard!"
Sorry my tale is a total bummer, fingers crossed for you and your dude! When are you likely to resolve the sitch?
@katiethegreat Oh man, that is a bummer. How very noble of him to make out with you and then brush you off, because that totally will not make Things Complicated. Oh wait. I'm so sorry that is happening to you!
I have no idea when I'll see the guy again, and I don't want to be too aggressive with any Facebook messages in the meantime since he is my brother's friend and I don't want to create awkwardness between them. So I play the waiting game.
PS My guy has a beard too! What is it about these guys and their beards?
@katiethegreat "Fool of a Took"! Barely started sifting through the thread, and already my day is made! Bless you top to bottom.
@Nocs Beards: so damn strokable!
Good luck! I hope there is not too much waiting, and instead much making out.
@Nocs OK, I totally did this recently and it worked out okay for me, except I did it a week before I moved away permanently, so that part wasn't okay. But the making out was good!
Hi heres that mix i said id make i hope u dont hate it: http://www.mediafire.com/?y4814o0x1811a5a
Got my absentee ballot! Democracy like whoa!
@RobotsNeedLove I applied for mine weeks ago, and I still haven't gotten it!
@RobotsNeedLove My friend works for Long Distance Voter. Let me know if you need help long distance voting.
@RobotsNeedLove I need help! I live in Chile and the mail system here is painfully, ridiculously unreliable (sorry, Chile, I still love ya). I guess the main thing is I'm scared my ballot won't make it here/make it back?
@Kulojam Maybe contact your local voters office (in the district where you vote). Mine is quite amazing.
WHERE IS THAT CASTLE MANSION TYPE THING???? I MUST GO THERE.
@miss olsen Looks very Swiss/German/here come the guys in lederhosen playing alpenhorns to me...
Also this! Aaah, so lovely...
@miss olsen Piney smells, but also, mosquitoes in house from such still water? But also TROUT. And probably Ice Skating.
It finally feels like autumn! The best part of autumn to me is the food (oh how I love cider, winter squash, apples, etc.) But I'm kind of stuck for ideas. My go-to autumnal recipes are apple crisp and pumpkin bread but I feel like I need to branch out more. What are you most looking forward to cooking or baking this fall?
@WhiskeySour Butternut bisque! Pumpkin waffles!
@WhiskeySour If autumn ever comes here in SoCal (it's so hot still), I am looking forward to finally making that short rib truffle casserole from earlier this year. I didn't have a Dutch oven when it was published but, by the time I got one, it was too hot to cook casseroles. Also, all the pumpkin cookies (with cinnamon schnaps frosting) and boozy hot apple ciders!
@WhiskeySour I just made this roasted squash pasta, which I love.
@WhiskeySour pecan pies all the livelong day. Baked apples. Many different roasts with roasted vegetables. Roasted autumnal veggie tart.
@WhiskeySour Anything chai flavored!
@WhiskeySour Pumpkin ravioli! Anything with butternut squash! Sweet potato EVERYTHING. Can we all link to our favorite fall recipes plz?
@WhiskeySour I found a recipe for pumpkin bagels that I thinking about trying this weekend.
@WhiskeySour Oh, here's an awesome thing!
Roast up some pieces of butternut squash, onions, garlic, and tons of greens (I like kale or escarole for this.) Make sure you throw in either some sage or some thyme, too.
Toss these roasted veggies with bowtie/similar pasta, a little milk or cream, and plenty of parmesan. YUM YUM YUM!
@WhiskeySour Pumpkin bourbon cheesecake.
Also, butternut squash soup ala the Moosewood Cookbook.
@WhiskeySour also tis the season when my husband starts making sauerbraten and red cabbage. I am so spoiled.
@meetapossum Boozy baking is my favorite thing, so please please post the recipe for this pumpkin bourbon cheesecake?
Also, I have a butternut squash and kale pasta recipe bookmarked on my home computer that I would share were I not at work. So tasty.
@WhiskeySour I love all of the orange vegetables. I've been craving sweet potatoes and I love them with black beans, and it's only just gotten nice enough to eat them. My boyfriend made a Moosewood sweet potato and black bean hash this week, and I will probably make baked sweet potatoes with vegetarian chili coming up.
Also: butternut squash. I roast it, mash it up with cayenne, and fill egg roll wrappers with it. Om nom nom.
@@serenityfound It's here!
Though I followed the instructions of some of the reviewers and used ginger snaps instead of graham crackers and much more bourbon. It was delicious!
@meetapossum Thanks! I almost always use "much more" liquor than the recipe calls for, although it did cause an issue at last year's Halloween potluck at work. I didn't adjust the cooking time enough, so the centers of my Kahlua cupcakes didn't bake all the way through and all my coworkers (at my new job) teased me about my trying to get them drunk on dessert.
@OhMyGoshYouGuys My old roommate makes an AMAZING sweet potato soup, which is basically boil cut-up sweet potatoes until they are mushy, then combine them with some chicken broth and a can of coconut milk, and as much grated ginger as you can handle, and use an immersion blender (or pour into a regular blender, CAREFULLY, because hot) until it's all smooth and delicious like a bisque. And then eat it FOR EVER because omg so good.
Also, make biscuits to go with it. Trust me.
@all I knew y'all would have wonderful ideas! Of course now I'm super hungry...
@WhiskeySour Chicken pot pieeeeeee.
Also want to branch out a little and try making empanadas. Or oooh potato and pea samosas...
@@serenityfound Haha. More booze is good booze!
I think I may have also doubled the spices. I'm considering getting a spring form pan for the next time I make it, but I used two pie tins last time, and it turned out just fine.
Soup! All the soup! And chili. And this baked oatmeal, which I've made twice in the past two weeks (it lasts for about a week of breakfasts) and will never, ever get sick of: http://host.madison.com/wsj/entertainment/dining/meet-the-chef-steven-buchholz/article_74b902e8-42cb-11e1-b250-0019bb2963f4.html
@all Chili! I made turkey chili last weekend, and have been happily eating it all week. And also puttanesca sauce, butternut-lentil soup (use the little red lentils), and always home-made mac and cheese.
@all My sister just made borscht and it was hella good! I've always been intimidated by the beet-stainyness but oh man.
@WhiskeySour Cranapple bake! Apple halves layered with cranberries, sugar, and pecans.
@The Lady of Shalott I must do this. Using coconut milk is genius. One of my favorite soups is a recipe for creamy sweet potato chipotle avocado soup and could also eat for days and days.
@TheclaAndTheSeals Ooh, kind of similarly - I made apple-blueberry crisp last weekend - apples, blueberries, and molasses, with a little bit of flour for the filling, and the topping is flour, butter, brown sugar and oats. YUMMY.
@Ophelia Oh yeah, I left out oats.
My thing is less of a crisp and more of a "dump this in a baking pan and stick it in the oven" dish. Yours sounds delicious what with all this filling business.
@WhiskeySour Pumpkin curry! PUMPKIN CURRY.
@OhMyGoshYouGuys Coconut milk is so good in that situation! My favorite soup involves roasted butternut squash, sweet potatoes, coconut milk, and curry spices.
Great idea! Here's one of my favorite fall dinners- Pumpkin Ziti.
I can't wait to see everyone else's faves.
@OhMyGoshYouGuys I am making that sooo soon! An immersion blender just landed in my house last week! I usually make the butternut squash soup from the Big Sur Bakery cookbook (you can see it on google books) but last winter my friend and I made a sweet potato soup with MISO and it was a revelation!
@thenotestaken Ooh, I love my immersion blender. Hurray for creamy fall soups!
@sceps yarx lady. beet borscht is delish, but if you are scared of beets, or just lazy, sub with tomatoes. this might be a mennonite thing - so search mennonite borscht for recipes.
This thread is making me so hungry! I did not eat enough at lunch. And now I'm drinking a cup of hot chocolate stirred with a paper clip because I forgot to wash my spoon. Only an hour of work left...
@theotherginger Whoa, you totally called out my Mennonite heritage! My dad's parents are full-on Mennonite, and my grandma's borscht has no beets, just cabbage and tomatoes and other vegetables. I guess being scared of beets is just in my blood or something.
Calling @Yahtzii to this thread! We already enjoyed round 1 of AUTUMNAL MADNESS and no @melis you are not invited h8r.
@WhiskeySour Pate a la viande! Pumpkin gingerbread cheesecakes! So many soups!
@sceps yarx It's like playing the mennonite game even if I don't know your name. (just kidding.) (yeah, I really don't love beet borscht. This friend of my parents makes it and it's good, but then I make cabbage, tomato and dill soup and then I'm like, damn this borscht is good)
@theotherginger For a fantastic collection of Mennonite recipes, I always use www.mennonitegirlscancook.ca. They're amazing!
@CoffeeAddict204 I was going to recommend it, but that seemed somehow odd. I did try to make rollkuchen from it with my mom (who does not cook menno traditional food - she is more the more with less cookbook). they were not as delicious as my grandma's, but what is, really?
I stayed up until 2:00 in the morning last night on YouTube watching military reunion videos, which somehow spiraled into watching videos about people putting their dogs down? #what?
PS - Don't click on that link unless you want to start sobbing huge, ugly sobs complete with snot dripping down your face.
@wee_ramekin Oh my dear Lord, I love the dog reunion videos but I could NEVER. I'm spiraling into despondency just thinking about it.
@wee_ramekin ARE YOU ME?? I spent hours yesterday afternoon watching dog-military reunion videos, then videos about dogs rescuing various other animals from burning buildings. The worst sob-inducer, though, was a video with a dog who lay by his person's casket during his whole funeral. And my eyes are sweating again...
@wee_ramekin http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/106498 Happy Friday!
@wee_ramekin I have brothers in the military. I cannot watch those videos without crying hysterically. Especially the ones with dogs.
@wee_ramekin Can I offer this great update to the kitteh who went for 2 weeks w/o food or water, story?
HI BALTIMORE PEOPLE THAT LIKE BOARD GAMES
Wanna come drink some stuff and play some board/card games? Come to the Windup Space this coming Tuesday from 6-9 pm for the Brews and Board Games Happy Hour. It will be delightful! (more info)
@mustelid: My husband and I are tentatively down for it. I say tentatively only because next week is a busy week at work but color me intrigued!
@mustelid Turns out I will be out of town next week but I will ABSOLUTELY be at a future event.
There is a Baltimore hairpin facebook group! A cross-post might be welcome... it is moderated, but maybe check it out?
@ClogginBoydCrowder: say whaaaaaaat?
Brand new! Come on over!
@ClogginBoydCrowder ALL OVER JOINING THAT GROUP. A long time ago I planned a Baltimore Pinup through email and it was really fun but then I was too awkward/lazy to ever do it again. I hope there are more, Facebook makes it easier.
I'm finally starting to get over this stupid illness that overtook me last weekend (and ruined all my birthday weekend plans), so I couldn't figure out why I'm so much more tired yesterday and today than I was on Wednesday. Then I started my period unexpectedly. Emergency tampon in my desk, to the rescue! #TMI
Taking alternate swigs of wine and cystitis medicine. Man alive UTIs are fun! Counting my blessings: I AM somewhere pretty! Saw a tremendous waterfall this afternoon.
@questingbeast I adore waterfalls. I just returned from a trip to Iceland. That has got to be the country of waterfalls.
@questingbeast Hah, I first read that as "I am somewhat pretty," and I was amused at your way of making yourself feel better. Enjoy the waterfall, though!
@questingbeast oh no I'm sorry. This is the PITS. I used to get them chronically (like 2x a month) and sometimes drinking baking soda dissolved in water helped ease the discomfort a bit. It's not delicious, but it helped. Feel better.
@Kinloch Ah the Icelandic ones are great! After my trip to Iceland I looked at my photos and there's just 50 of Skogafoss. How long were you there?
@Leanne Oh that's a good tip, thanks! It's just all alkali stuff right, to make it less acid?
@questingbeast I was there for a week, last week in fact. The scenery there was just crazy beautiful. I think I managed over 1000 photos in 7 days. Fantastic country, I can't wait to go back next year. I did not make it to Skogafoss, so jealous, but- I did make it to Udrrifoss (sp), and um, the other one that is visible from 1?
@questingbeast yep, you got it! I get very annoyed when I see the cranberry advise because once you've already got one -- there is nothing MORE irritating than cranberry juice for your poor upset bladdy. Take good care!!!
@Kinloch I spent 4 days in Iceland as part of my honeymoon in October. I loved it. It is the best place for photo taking. I'd love to spend more time in the country side. We went scuba diving in Silfra, I'd really love to do some of the other dive sites. Generally, I'd love to do/see/take photos of everything there.
Anybody wanna party in Chicago?
that was my attempt at cool nonchalance. BUT REALLY I'M SUPER PUMPED YOU SHOULD ALL CLICK ON THAT LINK.
@redheaded&crazie Aaaah so excited!!! (Not nonchalant.)
We are meeting at Quesadilla at 4pm on Sunday, September 23 for a late lunch 'Pin-Up! Heads up: it's BYOB and cash-only.
Turns out I don't have to go downstate for work so I'll see you there! Maybe we can plan for the International 'Pinup?
okay i have yet to figure out how to post a poster. working on it. BUT! in case it wasn't clear, that link is for all 'pinners who might want to travel to chicago to have a big ol party next summer!
@redheaded&crazie like that!
@redheaded&crazie Travelling to Chicago is actually doable for me! I AM EXCITED ABOUT THIS IDEA!
I'm going downtown like a bass machine
Going to Chicago like a bass machine
Going to Chicago to party with Oprah
(Party with Oprah)
Me me me! And I love your poster.
@Curiouser and curiouser agree. please make that poster come up to the front of the pin every time I go on it. Do you know what I mean?
@redheaded&crazie I AM SO DOWN.
Just getting on here to plug the book Sacré Bleu by Christopher Moore. It is a tour de force. I loved it so hard. It, and Ragnorak by A.S. Byatt, have been my 2 favorite books of 2012. And 2 of my favorite books EVER.
What's everyone else reading?
@charlesbois I'm trying to get into Dreamcatcher by Stephen King. I've had it sitting around for like ten years, I feel sort of obligated. It's kind of arbitrary so far.
@charlesbois OH! But I've heard great things about Sacre Bleu from basically EVERYONE, I plan to pick it up after this :)
@charlesbois Oh man, I loooooved Sacré Bleu way more than I thought I was. It was perfect!
I'm reading 2666 for the NY 'Pinners book club and it is a BEAST. I've got what, a week? to read the last half. Eep.
@charlesbois I JUST GOT A KINDLE so this question is relevant to my interests! I just finished Cailin Moran's book which I had to read after the interview on the Pin. And I started Brothers Karamazov because I feel like I should just read it already. I will add this one to my list! What else should I be reading?!
@charlesbois I love love love Christopher Moore but haven't read that one yet! It is on my infinitely long TBR list, though.
I am currently reading a) Black Powder War by Naomi Novik (3rd Temeraire book) because I wanted some escapist reading, b) The Valley of Horses by Jean Auel because I wanted something dumb and cracky, and c) Holding Wonder by Zenna Henderson because I wanted some sci-fi.
Soon I will have to pick my book for A More Diverse Universe because my book-blogging partner and I signed up to do a post on the tour. Anybody got suggestions of speculative fiction written by and featuring people of color? I'm thinking Octavia Butler or Samuel Delany.
@charlesbois OMG I JUST FINISHED THAT BOOK!
THAT BOOK WAS AMAZING.
And I promptly got everything else by Christopher Moore. Almost done "A Dirty Job" which is also really good.
@charlesbois 'Sacré Bleu' was incredible. I'm a big Christopher Moore fan, but it was way better than I could have ever hoped, especially after 'Fool'.
I finally picked up 'American Gods' because Amazon was doing a super-sale on the Kindle version. It's my first Gaiman and I'm really digging it.
@charlesbois Ooh I love Christopher Moore but I haven't read that one yet, I'm looking forward to it! I just started The Elegance Of The Hedgehog, and I love it so far, but I somehow misplaced it somewhere in my apartment, so it's on hold for the moment. GAH! I do highly recommend it though.
@charlesbois I'm reading The Handmaid's Tale and it's kind of terrifying!
@ayo nicole it is SERIOUSLY terrifying. That's why I re-read it every couple years :)
@everyone I AM LOVING the Christopher Moore love on here!!!
@charlesbois I am reading Zone One by Colson Whitehead and I will tell you what, zombie apocalypse books might generally be really low on my "genres that I enjoy" lists, but the writing is just perfect.
Also Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed which had me openly weeping this morning.
@charlesbois Houses of Stone by Barbara Michaels, it is SO META! A Gothic novel about gothic novels! A woman writer on women writers! Snark & lurve & research! Delightful. Also all the P.G. Wodehouse I can get my hands on, because that is what holidays are for.
@dj pomegranate I just looked, Sacre bleu not available on Kindle!
@charlesbois I'm rereading the Anne of Green Gables books and they are so good and perfect and charming.
@Cat named Virtute Bring Up the Bodies by Hilary Mantel. Thanks Nicole Cliffe!
@smidge I'm reading the Grapes of Wrath for the first time ever. At first it was bugging me that I was taking so long to read it, because I am generally a very fast reader, but then I thought, it's okay to take your time reading one of the classics of the twentieth century.
It's beautifully written. In a way you don't often think of as beautiful.
@Cat named Virtute
I am reading the Anne of Green Gables as well, out loud, at bedtime, to my 9 and 5 year old daughters. Very charming.
@charlesbois I read Ragnarok over the summer and loved it.
I am reading Macaria, or Altars of Sacrifice (the edition edited and introduced by Drew Gilpin Faust). It's a Civil War novel about a young woman struggling to support the Confederate cause as best she can. I'm not sure how long my historical interest can sustain me, though, given the heroine's penchant for asking other characters to give her long, boring lectures about Protestant ethics and morality. Also, the whole supporting-the-Confederate-cause thing might get old.
@frigwiggin Yes! Blood Child! It's great.
@charlesbois I spent the weekend with CASSANDRA AT THE WEDDING by Dorothy Baker. Highly recommend it!
@crane your neck I wish I could give this 1000 thumbs. I loved this book. It was surprising and lovely, over and over.
I have a thing tonight that feels like a date but I'm not sure SHOULD I MAKE IT A DATE?
@chrysopoeia If you're not sure how, definitely follow this method!
@chrysopoeia be bold and direct! (to paraphrase a person's advice from today)
@chrysopoeia Ask right away. It will be the MOST AWKWARD MOMENT EVER as you're asking, but it saves the awkwardness of wondering all night. It sounds crazy to be that upfront, but I've tried it a few times and it has been an improvement over all that fretting!
ETA: couple of jinxes! Glad we're all on the same page on this!
My original panic was confusing - I could make it a date if I wanted to, there's no confusion there. But SHOULD I? I'm just indecisive.
@chrysopoeia Always, yes.
@wallsdonotfall the alt-text, oh wow
@chrysopoeia I mean... depends if you like the person? If yes, then make it a date. If no, don't. This is one of the few actually easy binary decisions in life!
It is Unmarried and Single Americans Week. Did you know that? I'm still not sure what that means. But I'm pretty sure the implication is, make it a date. In fact, just make out with whoever this person is, like, as soon as he/she steps off the bus. You can find out if you like each other later!
Finding out if you like each other is the purpose of making out.
Also, if your date doesn't arrive on a bus, it's not a date, it's showing off.
Man, that was easy. I feel great. I'm going to walk around the city looking for people who need advice. Do you need advice? I also know about pets.
Hi. I haven't been posting this month, I don't feel very witty or interesting lately. Did anyone do anything fun this week?
@OhShesArtsy My best friend who normally lives across the continent is in the state this weekend for a conference, so I got to have dinner with her last night, and will have dinner with her again tonight before the conference encloses her within its walls. That was nice!
@OhShesArtsy I got a puppy.
@OhShesArtsy I bought a laser for my cat. She goes apeshit for that little red dot and hops around on her 3 legs to catch it.
@falafelwaffle Three-legged cats rule! *high-five* My three-legged cat's favorite game is to bolt down the length of the house and jump onto the rag rug in the living room, causing it to slide into the wall. Rug surfing!
@frigwiggin I did karaoke and started dance lessons. I am so cultured and so unemployed!
@All These fun things are delightful :)
@OhShesArtsy I went to a "halfway to St. Patrick's Day" thing and ate reuben sliders, drank Guinness, and listened to some wonderful Celtic music. I also got my hair cut the shortest it's ever been and I love it.
What kind of dance?!
@Dancercise Waltz! I tried tango last week but I found it mostly confusing and I'm used to Japanese standards of personal space so AAAH PANIC PANIC. Also I preemptively love waltz because of A Little Night Music.
Awesome! Dance lessons are the best. Waltz is the best. You're the best.
@falafelwaffle My parents' big fat boy cat is *terrified* of their laser pen. It's kind of the greatest thing ever. When he aggressively picks on his brother, it's little red dot time. He freaks out and hisses at it and then runs away (his brother just stands there looking very confused).
Sooooooo I'm going to be writing a feature article for the Washington Post! :D It's been a dream of mine for a while!
@chrysopoeia Thank yooooou. I'll share it like the dickens when it comes out. I'll be insufferable. And insufferably happy.
@Lily Rowan Hey now! That is very impressive, congratulations!
Yesterday, I saw two 20ish kids goofing around taking pictures with an eagle-feather headdress. I told them it was racist and that they should think about what they are doing. I was so proud of myself!
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll Yay! I always want to tell people they are being racist, but then I remember that I hate confrontation.
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll
Good for you! I don't quite know what to say in some cases like that because it's not necessarily my battle to fight (as opposed to sexist stuff). The restaurant I went to last night had a, like...bust of a person in war paint wearing a headdress over the door of the bathroom? I felt so troubled by it but said nothing because I am a coward.
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll
Good for you! I'm often too wimpy to say something in situations like that (to my great shame)What was their response?
Enh, something something "oh, we don't know about that," then I started walking away. "What did he say?" "He said it was racist." I kept walking.
I very much agree that it's often hard to know what to say in others' defense, but thinking about it more, I am convicted that I did the right thing. Perhaps it would have been better to say more than just a brief, direct statement, but I'm sure it was better to say what I did versus just to continue on walking and say nothing. I don't know enough about Indians to speak for them generally, but it's clear enough that headdresses are sacred symbols and no one should ever be using them as a goofy prop.
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll It turns out that a bunch of my friend's friends (who are in their late 20s) are racist and think it's funny.
I found this out at her going-away party because she's moving to Japan for the fall/winter. So, yeah, that was... awkward?
I guess I'm just glad that I'm not the only person who calls people out on their racism.
@frigwiggin! I haven't forgotten to take a picture of my new hair colour(s) (except I totally have), but I will attempt to take one when I get home from work and then post it here, under this.
@dale Yay! I totally understand forgetting because I have been a lazy-ass/forgetful person this week about doing little things like that. If/when you get around to it, I look forward to seeing it!
@frigwiggin Let us try this again. I don't know why photobucket insists on putting the image in when you're just trying to make a link. Pic.
I'm going to a memorial this weekend, but it IS at a huge-as-fuck house where my family used to attend these lavish Christmas parties. So, 50/50?
Ladyfriend had her first chemo infusion last week and she is SUCH A BAMF. My ladyfriend is a lean, mean, cancer-fighting machine.
She only puked twice! We fist-bumped after the second time, like "yeah, we got this."
@S. Elizabeth You two warm my heart so much. Keep on being your awesome, strong selves!
@SarahP YAY! I'm so glad I can warm your heart!
@S. Elizabeth I don't mean to plug my job while your ladyfriend suffers, but I work for this really awesome company that makes recovery packs for people going through chemo. bfflco.com, check it out, maybe?
@S. Elizabeth I am totally double-posting because I put this downthread, but my six year old son is taking his last dose of chemo tomorrow, after a three-and-a-half year treatment. I got so good at catching puke! Chemo blows, but being there for someone you love is a transformative experience. You get to give grace and also receive it. You feel both trapped and somehow freer than you've ever been. It's crazy. It also is terrible. I'm glad you guys love each other.
@Science vs. Dinosaurs Oh HELLS YES I will check it out!
By the way, I just started a blog about the cancer caregiving stuff. www.itgetsreal.wordpress.com
@S. Elizabeth I will totally be reading this. Thank you.
@S. Elizabeth Hugs and good thoughts to you both!
@Science vs. Dinosaurs Your company is brilliant. It's a little bit outside my budget but IT IS SO GENIUS.
@S. Elizabeth Make cancer your bitch.
@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Cancer is totally my bitch.
@S. Elizabeth I spent last summer and fall caring for my partner through his chemo for Burkitt's lymphoma. He's been in remission since October, and is currently healthy, happy, and making me dinner.
Know that by sitting next to her and stroking her hand (or back, or hair), you are offering a measure of comfort that nothing can match. Know that this experience makes the two of you amazing. Once you have gotten through this, there will be nothing you cannot get through together.
And never be afraid to rage and cry about how miserable and unfair it all is.
@sceps yarx What great news about your son's chemo ending! ALL THE HOORAYS!!
I bought a new tablet one week ago and the screen cracked on Wednesday (it's an Asus Transformer Infinity) even though I didn't drop it or do anything rough--I think the dock that it came with actually broke the screen. I tried returning it to J&R and they said no--anyone had any luck dealing with Asus or have recommendations? I've read online that their customer support service is terrible and I'm freaking out/really upset about this bullshit.
@parallel-lines Also: FUCK J&R, do not buy computers here, their service is terrible and they told me there was a 1 year warranty on this item when I purchased it.
This is probably the first time I've ever said on a Friday, "I can't wait until the week starts!" But I can't, because, I'm seeing Adam Lambert on Tuesday night.
@Kinloch Awesome! I love Adam Lambert so, so much. He's the only American Idol contestant whose album I've bought. So good. I hope the concert is wonderful!
@WhiskeySour I am so excited- he is doing a benefit concert at a small club. Proceeds go to the push for marriage equality in Maryland! Combines two of my favorite things- Adam Lambert + human rights
@Kinloch OH! I'll bet his shows are cool. He's the only memorable Idol contestant since...ever? Kelly Clarkson, I guess.
@Kinloch That's one thing I'm sad about having moved out of Maryland this summer: I can't vote for marriage equality. But I will be voting in a swing state, so I hope it balances out.
Speaking of castle-type mansions, I finally started watching Downton Abbey this week and I'm as hooked as I hoped. I'm halfway through series 2...now I just have to decide if I should watch series 3 with the Brits or wait for PBS. What is everyone else doing?
@Valley Girl I couldn't wait so I'm stealing it from the internet.
What do you think of Season 2 so far?
@Valley Girl I hate waiting. Plus with PBS, you never know how they are going to edit it to fit the commercial breaks. I am still scarred by what they did to "Sherlock".
@lisma: I am thinking about stealing it from the internet..
@lisma I love it! I'm really into Thomas and O'Brien's evolution beyond their original one-note eeeeeevil hijinks.
I don't think I'll be able to wait either!
Edit: @Kinloch The editing issue is worrying me too!
@Valley Girl ExpatShield. It's not stealing if they think you're in the UK, right?
@minijen: I understand that Tunnel Bear is also good for this.
@Valley Girl WATCH WITH THE BRITS IT IS SO MUCH BETTER
@Valley Girl I'm totally watching with the Brits. Mostly because that's when all the conversation happens. Also, because patience is not my virtue.
@Valley Girl Watch it with us! So then we can discuss up-to-date ludicrousnesses. This week's episode was extra ludicrous, you are in for a treat. (Kissing! Dresses! Allusions to sex!)
@everybody You have convinced me, I expect that by the end of this weekend I'll be all caught up to the latest!
WHen you're done, you totally have to take a brek and then watch Upstairs Downstairs!! Downtown Abbey is a lot of fun, and U. D. is even better -- lots of good stuff in store!
(I am in the middle of it now -- say, about 1908?)
@katiethegreat I live in Aus and get The Downton even later than the US :-(
How do I steal it? I still haven't seen the final episode of Season 2 because I didn't have TV reception that weekend!
@TARDIStime 1channel.ch is pretty good. There will be a load of annoying pop up ads but you will get yer Downton :). You need to click on the tv shows tab before you search; sockshare and putlocker tend to be the best quality links.
I feel a bit nefarious, advising people how to steal telly..
@TARDIStime I myself torrent stuff, which if you don't know how to do, you can email me at papayalily at gmail and I will teach you how to do.
Wow, I want to go to that castle house.
But also, has anyone here tried Proactiv? I whined here a few weeks ago about my skin, which this year has decided to make up for 28 years of being relatively clear by breaking out constantly. I haven't had much success with the (numerous) things I've been trying, so I'm considering Proactiv as one last shot before visiting my derm. Does it work? Or are the attractive celeb advertisers just fooling me?
@KatieBarTheDoor my face is seriously sensitive and flakes like a mofo. Proactiv made it so much worse. It's basically prescription-strength benzoyl peroxide. I also ruined a set of my mother-in-law's towels with it, which was not cool.
My breakouts started getting worse and I actually had to go see an allergist for them. Turns out there's a lot of stuff that can look like acne, but isn't.
It was mostly useless for me. A dermatologist and a million different combinations of prescriptions is what finally worked.
Hmm, a couple of friends also said it did nothing for them. Don't really want to ruin any towels, either. But my skin is combination and not usually sensitive, so maybe it would react ok? Or maybe I'll just see the derm first...
@KatieBarTheDoor Using Proactive was how I found out I'm allergic to Benozyl Peroxide.
@KatieBarTheDoor I used it for several years (like age 16-21) and it worked really really good for me. I don't think I had breakouts as bad as the normal people "befores" but I had really clear skin for most of the time I was using it.
I do think that some of the improvement was related to going on birth control too. I will also say that I now have a different kind of bad skin (i.e. I used to get blackheads and pimples, mainly on my nose and chin; now I just have random bumps on my forehead and cheeks) and Proactiv did very little to help. In summary, I think it's worth a shot, because it's probably(?) cheaper than a derm visit.
@KatieBarTheDoor I am not fan. I found it to be way too harsh for me (and my towels). But if you're looking for new products I like to look things up here. The woman who writes the reviews does have her own product line but that being said it's a pretty good source of information. It's not fool proof (everyone reacts to products differently) but I've found it really helpful when I'm in the market for something new.
@KatieBarTheDoor I'm trying to be more cautious about recommending Clarisonic because of the investment but it was seriously a face life changer for me.
@Wiscowhitney Olay has a 20 buck knock off! I learned about it here on the 'pin and I love it. Using it with Ren moisture milk has banished my adult acne to the hell from whence it came.
@sceps yarx That's really good to hear! I got my older sister to buy a Clarisonic and it wasn't as life changing for her. I want my little sister and mom to try it but feel bad after older sister didn't go as well as hoped. I may just start recommending the Olay one!
@KatieBarTheDoor I used it in high school. It didn't really work, because my skin problems are entirely hormone related, so really the only thing that really works on my skin is the pill. Which I recently started taking again because my periods/skin have been INSANE and oh shit I forgot to take it this morning AGAIN.
@KatieBarTheDoor I used Proactiv and it worked fine, except for the aforementioned towel-ruining issue. The big problems I had with it were: a) I couldn't order product as I needed it, they had me sign up for a subscription that sent me their shit way too often; b) their customer service people are SUPER PUSHY and resorted to threats when I called to cancel my orders ("why are you canceling? why? why? WELL IF YOU CANCEL NOW YOU'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO SIGN UP AGAIN!") Of course they sent me an email a couple months later offering me a discount if I came back. 9_9
I think a big part of what worked for me was just instituting a regimen of exfoliating, benzoyl peroxide-ing (I use 2.5% now, works much better than the 10% lotion they give you), moisturize.
@KatieBarTheDoor Basically none of the rub-on-skin medications worked for me. Antibiotics all the way.
@KatieBarTheDoor I thought Proactiv worked really well for me for some years but it definitely did ruin all the towels I have ever owned. I ordered mine through QVC because my mom has an account with them and we had automatic renewals so it just showed up at the door every few months.
I started having adverse reactions to it and saw it wasn't really helping me around January. Went to the dermatologist and she switched me to plain old Cetaphil and I haven't had any problems since.
@HeyMatilda Yeah, I've mostly found that my skin responds much better to Cetaphil and Cerave with a little exfoliation here and there then it ever did to chemical treatments.
@KatieBarTheDoor If you have insurance, I vote just go to the derm and save yourself the week/months of waiting to see if Proactiv works. I finally did in January and am now annoyed at myself for waiting so long. Also, he/she may very well recommend a benzoyl peroxide wash.
@KatieBarTheDoor As many Pinners above have mentioned, its basically just benzoyl peroxide and/or salicylic acid. You can get similar topical ointments and facewashes for similar/less at the drugstore. The important thing to read is the % content of the active ingredient.
@charlesbois Yeah, I ended up ruining washcloths and then developed severe dermatitis on my EYELIDS. I had to take Elidel to clear it up and it's still sensitive years later. I have to moisturize my eyelids with cocoa butter now after I shower, but at least it looks normal again.
@KatieBarTheDoor My skin has been generally shitty for 26 years. I have FINALLY found a routine that works for me and my skin is now glowing except for a single hormonal zit on my chin or cheek every month. The secret ingredient in my regimen? Raw, unfiltered honey. It is anti microbial, anti septic, moisturizing, mildly exfoliating, and delicious. I use Ultrabland from Lush to get most of my make up off, but cetaphil or some other super mild cleanser should work well. Then I cleanse with honey after, and use only honey in the morning. For that single zit, I got the Tanda Zap from sephora. It uses LED light, heat, and vibrations to kill the bacteria causing the pimple. I use it if I get any little flare ups of black heads anywhere with very good results.
@KatieBarTheDoor I bought the Proactiv body wash, hoping it was the magic bullet, but it wasn't, which is fine, I guess. But the WEIRD thing was, I hadn't even used a third of the HUGE bottle I bought and they were already hassling me to buy more product. Within the month, even, IIRC.
Like, OK, y'all *know* what size bottle I bought, why are you bugging me already? And THEN they started sending me these bizarro, passive-aggressive "greeting cards" that were addressed to me in that "hand-written" font to try to fool me into thinking somebody was sending me a for-real card. Only, no, it was this weird sad-eyed cartoon puppy essentially WEEPING tears of TRUE SORROW because I wasn't buying more of their snake oil already. To date, I think I've gotten four or five of those stupid sad puppy cards in the mail.
Seriously, Proactiv? Don't you think that I was probably kinda desperate in the first place to buy your product, and if your stuff really WORKED for me, you totally wouldn't have to beg me to buy more. Straight up, I'd stock the hell up without prodding. GAH!
Ahem. Right, glad I got that off my chest.
What's working for my face is the Olay scrubby machine that's like Clarisonic, only much, much less expensive. Plus Arcona's Berry Fruit Bar cleanser, which is glycerine-based, and which lasts FOREVER. I bought a new bar in January, and I know it'll last at least until the end of October, if not longer.
@Summer Somewhere Actually, you can buy individual Proactiv products as you need them, without any automatic subscription BS: www.proactivcatalog.com Don't know if this is new since you were using their stuff or not, but I found out when I phoned in to ask if I could buy only the body wash, because I didn't need the stuff for my face.
@KatieBarTheDoor I use AcneFree which is a weirdo drugstore knockoff, usually $20 for the three little things (because the more bottles the better it works, right? [I scoff as I refuse to buy anything involving fewer bottles]) where I get it, and it does OK, though it's not magic. I have dry skin everywhere else, but a bit of oiliness and just a ton of non-red bumps on my forehead instead of full-on acne. I use it once a day instead of the recommended twice and moisturize my face at night, and that does pretty solidly
Can you all please share your SUCCESSFUL Long Distance Relationship Stories? My boyfriend of almost two years just moved to Europe to teach English and though we've decided to make it work, part of him does still think it might be the "right" thing to be on his own.
Hairpinners, I could use your success stories.
@lisma I just finished four months of LDR, which is not long, and yes, it sucked A LOT. The advice that I got was to make it a priority to talk to one another--not necessarily every day, but a couple times a week. Skype if you can--it's really nice to see their face! But the thing is, teh relationship has to be a priority for both of you, and you both really have to be invested to make it work. And it will STILL suck and be hard and difficult.
But it's worth it! I am now with my man and we are so happy it's sickening.
@lisma I've been in two LDR and for me they only worked with firm end points in mind, so that's something to keep in mind.
It's important to always express how you feel and let your partner know what you need. "I need to talk on the phone more" or "could you email me every day even if we can't find another good time to talk" are things you can and should ask for if you need (and vice versa.)
It's also important to still have a life outside of staying home waiting to IM/Skype/phone each other. It helps keeps you sane and feeling awesome, which helps stave off insecurity and loneliness, which breeds trouble I find.
@The Lady of Shalott It is a priority for us both, I think/know.
We both agreed that it feels wrong to break up when we are so happy and when it feels like things will only get better as long as we're together. We spent the last couple of weeks being besotted with each other, but I realize there will be a transition phase when he won't be able to talk as much as I want. Trying to focus on how much we love each other, but sometimes I feel afraid.
Thanks for sharing your story!
@lisma My husband and I spent a year living in separate cities when we were engaged but we arranged it so we saw each other in every three months. It definitely helps to have an end in mind or know specifically the next time you're going to see them. My favorite thing to do was to have "movie dates" where we'd pick a movie or tv show and watch it at the same time. Then when you talk on the phone afterwards, it gives you something to talk about that isn't just about how much you miss him/her or what you did that day (which is usually pretty boring stuff).
@The Lady of Shalott (fist bump of solidarity). My four months of an LDR end NEXT SATURDAY.
@lisma My partner and I were apart for most of our third year. It really helped that there was an end date and we had the shared goal of moving to a specific city at the end of that year.
@lisma Met my now husband of 4 years while in grad school abroad. Made it work for 3 years while we got closer, decided to get married, and planned all of the pain-in-the-ass visa stuff. It can totally work out. This was just at the start of skype, so we didn't use that, but lots of emailing, lots of phone calls. Just keeping each other up with our boring boring lives so it felt like we were together, sharing the same silly little stuff that we do on the commute home now. Kind of like what @wiscowhitney says. Just things that happened that day. Don't say "you don't know him/her/it so you don't care". Explain who that person/place/thing is, so you can talk about your life even when it's not big important events.
My best friend and her boyfriend dated for a little less than a year when she decided to move from California to New York for grad school. Boyfriend couldn't go with her because of his job, so they were apart for a year and a half. He was lucky enough to have enough disposable income to visit her for one weekend a month, and she was home for Christmas and three weeks in the summer. It was really tough for them, but now she's home for good and they're talking about getting engaged.
Another friend got married a few years ago and started an amazing new job in Utah. Her brand new husband got accepted into Stanford's Master's program and couldn't turn it down. She had signed a contract to work for the company for the next 9 months and couldn't leave. So they spent the first several months of their marriage apart. She visited him every other weekend, but he was living in the dorms with a roommate, so it's not like it was super romantic and newlywed-y when they did see each other. But after her contract ended, she joined him in California and are still happily married with two beautiful kids.
Since I haven't been in an LDR, I don't have any specific advice for you, but I hope you're encouraged that it can work!
@lisma 2 years LDR, but in SF and LA so we'd visit every 3 weeks or so. We'd dated a year before the move. Now we're in the same city and have been dating 4 more years. We didn't have a end-date set for when we'd get to be together, and I don't think it hurt the relationship. Our weekends together were a bit like honeymoons, so it took some restructuring our habits when we got to live in the same city.
Before that I had a BF in the Navy who was deployed 6 months while I was studying abroad. This relationship was too new and our experiences led to personal development, so we we grew up and apart.
I think two conditions help (1) both people have rich lives apart, so you don't feel alone, and (2) get together regularly.
@lisma You can do it! It will be hard, but have faith! My husband and I have been together since high school, and our freshman year of college, we were long distance. We saw each other once every 4 months or so, and only for 2 days at a time. It was incredibly difficult because that year is a huge year for transitions and growing and experiencing and whatnot. We made it through, obviously, since we are now married. So don't give up all hope!
@lisma My husband and I lived apart for about a year and a half, which included our wedding and the first several months of our marriage. During that time, we got together in person about 3 times, one of which was the wedding. I don't know if you game at all, but one thing that really helped us feel like we were still "together" was playing online games together and using voice chat -- it was almost like we were still playing together from the same room.
It also helped that both of us were busy with our own stuff and had people besides each other to hang out with. He was the one who moved to a new place, and he spent a lot of time exploring that area and finding interesting things to do when I visited.
Good luck! Keep busy, talk regularly even if you don't have anything that interesting to say, and plan visits if/when you can.
I've been travelling on work, and I am so tired. I can only take being surrounded by people constantly for about two days. By the third day, I become totally grumpy and murderous.
Also, working in a heavily male-dominated field is annoying. I am annoyed, and I was dying for FOT so I could proclaim it to the internet.
On the plus side, all the travelling and being annoyed distracted me from thinking too much about the end of my relationship.
When is the world coming to an end again?
@Angry Panda That sounds tough on so many levels! Hugs.
@Angry Panda Feels on working in a male dominated field, I'm there too. Hairpin is my release and sanity keeper. Duck out for alone time when you can, schedule it in like the necessity it is. Also, good luck, strangers on the internet are sending you good thoughts!
@adorable-eggplant Thank you. It's all a little overwhelming right now.
@Sasquatch Thank you, Hairpin is totally my sanity keeper too! I don't have too many friends here, which is also part of the problem. And these men were all exhibiting stereotypical men behaviour, which got on my nerves. The weekend is here, at least I can recharge my batteries now. :-)
I'm going hiking this weekend! I haven't been since May! And this will be much easier because I'm in better shape and also it won't be in the Rockies.
Also, I bought new awesome fall clothes. I own sweaters! And riding boots! Hooray for fall!
@meetapossum I always have to clarify when asked if I like hiking that yes, I do, but not in places with actual topography. My state is flat and nice to my knees.
If all goes well, I will be getting my first smartphone this weekend! I am excited!
Also this was the longest week ever and I'm so glad it's over.
@SarahP I got my first smartphone two weeks ago and eee it is SO COOL! I got a Samsung Galaxy SII and wow, it is COOL.
@The Lady of Shalott I'm so looking forward to not getting lost as often.
@SarahP Mine has already helped me with that!!! It's AMAZING.
@SarahP I got my first smartphone in the spring! (I actually did not even get a cellphone at all until like, 2 years ago)
@SarahP LONGEST WEEK EVER. Word.
@SarahP I still have no smart phone, and have been kind of lamenting that fact lately. But then last night, I dropped my ancient flip phone in my bowl of broccoli soup, and it still works perfectly. Those suckers are hardy! I'm excited for you, though. Someday, my time will come.
1. I have been doing the Whole Life Challenge! Are there any other Pinners that are doing this?
2. My husband got Borderlands 2 and Torchlight and we have just been playing video games non-stop.
3. I got Os postseason tickets! :D :D I'm hedging my bets and got myself and my husband tickets to the wild card game (if they are in wild card contention) and the second game of the division series. Of course, I want them to take FIRST PLACE FIRST PLACE.
4. Pinners, make your picks in the Pigskin Pick'em league! If you are interested in joining (we're in week three, but why the fuck not?) you can join the league here. The passcode is: Pinners1.
@RK Fire My husband got Borderlands 2 last night too! I don't really play video games, but I watch him play, so "we" put in a couple hours last night.
@SarahP: I do that with my husband on some of his games too! It's kind of funny how much you can get into watching someone play a video game.
@RK Fire I'm enjoying Pigskin Pick'em but man oh man, my picking skills really suck rocks this year. I'm already 0-1 for this week. Sadface.
@RK Fire Yes! He was basically just my human game controller for ME3.
@RK Fire We got Borderlands 2 this week! It is much, much harder than Borderlands 1. It is rough going playing by myself with Zero; marginally better when my boyfriend joins in with Maya.
@lavender gooms It also doesn't help that we have 4 XBox controllers and every single one of them has some sort of issue with the calibration... very difficult to aim a sniper rifle when the reticle is constantly drifting around.
@Bittersweet: Last week was TERRRIBLE. I wish I could blame the refs but it was negative bizarro week.
@SarahP: Yeah, I have been thinking of video games as just very interative, very long movies. :D
@lavender gooms: I hadn't played Borderlands before for reasons I can't remember, and the first time I played with my husband I was still trying to get used to the controls (after 100 hours of skyrim it is.. confusing). I had 3-4 hour session last night on my own though so hopefully multiplayer will go better this time. also, we found out today that you can split the screens vertically, which will hopefully irritate me less.
I have a character going as Zero and another going as Salvador. I'm finding that I prefer mostly sniping with Zero, but that feels weird in a multiplayer situation.. not sure why yet. I guess I feel like I should be in on the action whenever I'm doing multiplayer.
@lavender gooms: Ahhhh we have that going on with our PS3 controllers. One of them is bad that I can't even manage to zoom, which makes the whole exercise frustrating.
@RK Fire Im lookin', right now, at Nats playoff tix! Chance dudefriend will scoop some O's tix. Nationals/ Orioles World Series!?!?
@RK Fire My husband and I bought and attempted to play Borderlands 2 on Wednesday, but it keeps crashing my computer! My video card seems to have overheated, so I guess I'm replacing that? I have no idea how computers work. I will be so mad if this doesn't help; I have been looking forward to this game for months.
Whoa! In before 1000 comments, for once. I am SO EXCITED to have my own computer and my own internet (and my own god-damn apartment, for that matter) finally, and it feels gooooood.
*eats nutella off a spoon*
@M'fly I've had my own of those things for a couple years now and I gotta say, it never gets old. I appreciate having my own apartment and multimedia entertainment devices so much. Eating pizza pantsless in the living room while steaming netflix to my TV, hungover, is a wonderful thing. And let us give thanks for not having to put underwear on just to go to the bathroom. *adult hi-five
Hey pinners. I hate to stir up emotions but I a) need to release this into the ether, and b) need some communal advice from smart ladies.
My dad was diagnosed with chronic lymphocytic leukemia this week. He's waiting on test results to find out how advanced it is, so we know next to nothing right now. My immediate family is just me, my mom, and my dad. They've been married 30 years this August. I live several states away from them both, but he's coming into town this weekend for a trip planned well before this news hit. He's the very stoic type -- not the kind of guy who never says "I love you" (though he does normally spin it to a more jovial "love ya, kiddo") but definitely the kind who doesn't talk about touchy subjects and isn't emotionally expressive. I'm an utter wreck. This is all very new to me. Talking to my mom, we're both at a loss as to how to deal with it. Our primary concern is his quality of life. He's become very withdrawn and quiet. She's not sure how to talk to him, or how to support him. She's stuck in that "try to stay upbeat without making light of the situation" limbo. I'm focusing on her because while I have the same concerns, she lives with him, I don't. Can you guys point me to some resources? Or share experience? We're normally a very sarcastic, jokey family, so I hope that after things settle we can come to accept it and make the best of a shitty situation, but for now it's completely unfamiliar territory. We both need advice on what HE needs, and how we can support him and help him through this.
@breccia First - I am so, so sorry and I really, truly hope your father gets better and feels great again as soon as possible.
I don't know if this will be genuinely useful to you, but I was in exactly this situation not long ago. It was the worst case scenario, and my beloved mother passed away.
What I will tell you is that he probably doesn't really know what he wants or needs. However, based on what I learned with my mom, behavior that reminds them of real life can help. But on other days, it can really hurt. I think being there for him, even if it's just sitting near him or talking on the phone when he isn't too tired does a lot. Don't feel like you need to act a certain way. Honesty can be hard, but it is the only way to really get to the heart of what you all really need. In addition, your behavior and methods with which you cope will probably be different than your moms, so don't judge yourself or your mother harshly for it. It will only make you feel regretful, which I learned firsthand.
Please, please be kind to yourself too, right now. This is so incredibly hard to deal with. If you want someone to converse with about this in private, reach out to me, for reals.
@breccia: I don't have experience with this personally but I think if I were your stoic, low-demonstrative, jokey dad, I'd want nothing much to change except to maybe hear from you perhaps a little more often? Not necessarily inquiring constantly about how he's feeeling but just to chat?
@breccia I just wanted to say I'm sorry.
@breccia Hey girl. My dad was diagnosed with stage-4 lymphoma a couple of months ago, and I couldn't feel actual feelings for about a week after I heard the news. It's so fucking shitty, and I'm sorry you and your family have to go through this.
Depending on your relationship with your dad, it may be helpful to just ask how he's doing. He's likely concerned about you guys, and probably doesn't want to upset you. I navigated this by talking about the facts that my dad knows about the disease and the possible treatments/plan of action type stuff. Then that morphed into what I was feeling and what he needed.
These situations tend to bring out the gravitas in a relationship, but your personalities will still be there. My advice would be to acknowledge any fear out loud, because you'll likely find you are not alone in it, thus taking away some of its power on you.
As for your mom? Make sure she's eating. Treat her gently, but don't baby her. When we were in the waiting room during one of my dad's initial surgeries, my mom looked at my sisters and me (all over the age of 24) and said in desperation, "I need an adult." We are her kids, forever and always, and not her peer support system. Contact aunts and uncles if you've got them and if they're in good standing with your mom and enlist them to help.
Most of all, keep your sarcastic, jokey attitudes, because hospitals and treatment centers are dull and scary places. Don't forget the nugget of truth within your family - that you're all in it together and you have each others backs - but if someone does something ridic, call it out like old times.
@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Love your articulate advice. Great stuff.
@breccia S. Elizabeth just started a blog on this subject! From what you describe I think it would be right up your alley.
I totally feel you on the stoic dad going through shit front. I hope you get a good prognosis.
Thanks, all. I figured there were some of you who've been through a very similar situation... Yes, the advice just to chat with him more often is spot-on. Especially since I'm long-distance, I'm going to try to get in touch with him way more often now (and text more) just to have normal conversations with him.
About him not wanting to upset me and my mom, also spot on. I'm trying to be strong, because I don't want him to feel like this is a burden and he's at fault for making us sad. This weekend will be rough. He's in town to see his siblings (they live an hour outside of where i am) so I'm going to visit... He hasn't told any of them, yet, since he's waiting on an actual "stage" diagnosis (whatever that is called.) I'm going to have to try pretty hard not to lose it when he leaves. Once we know more about the future I'll probably respond more accordingly and be more emotional and open with him, but for now I'm trying not to make a big deal of it.
I'm really sorry about everything you guys are going through, too. It's so otherworldly when this shit that you read about so often actually hits close to home, isn't it? Yeah, I've read plenty of tales of how cancer sucks, but, wow, it doesn't really prepare you. I'm glad you're all doing well enough to give me some support.
@breccia You get all the hugs. All of them.
@breccia Your presence means so much to your dad. Enjoy his visit as much as you can, and let him know how happy you are to see him. Don't beat yourself up about feeling the right feelings or finding the right words to say.
@breccia I, unfortunately, don't have any advice to offer. But I am so sorry for you and your family, and I am sending positive thoughts your way. I hope you and your dad have a lovely time together - you both need that right now. Hugs to you!
@breccia See if they offer support groups that you could check out. Your local hospital would be a good place to ask, or there might be info on the American Cancer Assoc. website. You can totally go on your own, or bring a friend. I've never seen a support group that didn't love when family and friends came. It might be hard to hear some of the people talk about their experiences, but on the whole I think it is helpful to talk to and ask questions of people who are in the same situation. This also helps yous get out some of your stress.
Good luck to you and your family.
@breccia Oh, good luck to you, and all my sympathy. I think you will have to follow your dad's lead in this, and expect that in different periods, he may need different responses from you. I only know the reactions of my loved mother, who had a fatal case of leukemia, so I can't predict how it'll be for your dad, but often good humor and jokes are really helpful for getting through the experience of living in a hospital. Also a good radio/ipod for playing classical music, when she wasn't feeling well enough to read or follow a movie. Also frappucinos (for all the calories) and soups (minted pea or apple-cabbage soups seemed especially easy for her to keep down -- they are both light. And good vehicles for those weird "protein-for-cancer-patients" powders).
If you're up to it, you might also want to look up clinical trials and talk to your doctor (plus, if you're up to it, call the staff of the doctor running the trial), if there are any trials in your area that your mother would be a good match for. They often have clinical trials for palliative medicine and wellbeing issues (e.g. free reiki) for cancer patients, in addition to clinical trials for new treatments of a particular disease. It's worth looking into. http://www.cancer.gov/clinicaltrials
It's also really important to remember that your dad can't be his own advocate with doctors since he almost definitely not feeling well enough, so you or your mom will need to be the ones who ask questions, make sure he actually reports important body signals like pain, & make sure (in a respectful way) that his nurses and doctors know you and know you are paying attention to his care and want the best care possible for him (and are ready to help them with that). All the good luck to you.
I feel terrible and tired and lonely and angry at myself because everything is my fault. Ahhhhhhhhhh I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep until December.
@aliceandstuff Sounds like a hangover, depression or both. What's up?
@aliceandstuff tell the 'pin. We got you. (I feel some variation of the same feelings at the moment, I hope you feel better soon).
HOUSTON HAIRPINNERS: There is a pin-up this Sunday night, 7p, at Aka Sushi House! Last week's pin-up was so fun, we decided to keep the party going.
@falafelwaffle Where do you usually post these meetups? I can't go on Sunday because of the Emmys (I know it sounds lame but they're my Super Bowl, I love them).
@Wiscowhitney Search for "Houston Hairpinners" on facebook. I think you need to request to join, but obvs the owner will let you in.
You guys, I moved in with my boyfriend three weeks ago and I am so stupidly, deliriously happy that it's embarrassing.
I DID have a job interview yesterday that went horribly and I didn't get the job, but you know what, oh well. I still got to come home to my lovely, beyond-hot boyfriend. And in the meantime I get to be a military wife par excellence. I cook EVERY NIGHT.
Tonight I made pot roast with mashed potatoes and MELTED MY FACE OFF WITH HOW GOOD IT WAS.
@The Lady of Shalott Aww, cute! I'm happy for you guys! Sucks about the job interview, but there will be others. :)
@The Lady of Shalott Your awesomeness sounds dangerous.
@The Lady of Shalott Congrats on such successful cohabiting! Getting to live with the person you love is THE BEST.
@The Lady of Shalott You're totally going to get more interviews!
Last winter flew ALL THE WAY from Tennessee to Vermont for an interview at UVM, and then the dipshit said he was looking for someone with experience doing small-animal surgeries. Did I list anything on my resume to suggest I had done surgeries? Did you ask me that 2 days ago when you called to have me catch a last-minute flight up? No, jerkface, no. $400 on that plane ticket, plus I was 4 hours from home at a different interview when he called so I had crazy scrambling "drive home to get cold-weather gear then drive back to this town for the airport."
Also, I once passed out during an interview. Awwwwkward.
@billie_crusoe Jesus fuck WHY do interviewers do that??? Wouldn't it be easier to ask me in the two days of email exchanges, whether or not I spoke French? Rather than making me go all the way to the goddamn interview, SPEAKING TO ME IN FRENCH, then rejecting me because "you're not French enough?"
Honest to God.
@The Lady of Shalott I moved in with my partner a year ago (after dating long-distance for two years) and I STILL can't believe how lucky I am. I mean, every day after work, I get to hang out with someone I love! In our very own home!
May your delirious happiness never end.
i invited the girls i work with to dinner at my place next week and they are SO EXCITED about it! my inner middle-schooler/outer baby adult are psyched and thrilled that people want to hang out with me.
this evening, though, i'm sitting here with a belly full of Single Lady Night Bacon and watching last week's SNL. who else finds bill hader crazy attractive?
@plonk That IS exciting! I hope you all have a blast. :D
@plonk I'd hit it.
@plonk what are you making for dinner?
and what is Single Lady Night Bacon? Is there Ron Swanson involved in any way?
@plonk Bill Hader is totally crazy attractive. What is it about him? Even when he's being creepy he's kind of hot.
@WhiskeySour i think it's his talent plus his general intensity plus his aura of good-naturedness.
@lisma I WILL MAKE smitten kitchen's buttermilk roasted chicken, wild rice, and a green salad. my baking-friend is bringing dessert.
single lady night bacon is simply bacon eaten at night by a single lady. i did watch parks and rec while doing so though!
@plonk I see a business venture: SINGLE LADY NIGHT BACON. Sold in convenience stores next to the wine, for single ladies and non-single ladies who enjoy bacon.
@plonk @WhiskeySour Seriously, what is it? When he's breaking character and his one eye gets all squinty, my heart flutters. HOW?
@yeah-elle there's also something sort of familiar about him? like he's a nice fun smart cousin your friend introduced you to once when he was visiting and you were like "why doesn't anyone like that live in OUR town?"
Okay, I'm going to attempt to change my username again, because last time I picked something that's too close to someone else's. Does anyone know if there's anybody named "fondue with cheddar"?
@a whole thing of candy beans (formerly jen325) Will the avatar change too? FORMERLY JEN325 HOW WILL I FIND YOU
@a whole thing of candy beans (formerly jen325)
Oh just go fondle your sweaters and be honest about it already, Jen.
@SarahP The avatar will change too I'M SORRY TO BE SO CONFUSING. I'll keep the (formerly) up for a little while.
@wee_ramekin Okay. Then I'm going to go smear mud on my ass.
@a whole thing of candy beans (formerly jen325) that sounds kind of like NACHOS to me :-D
@a whole thing of candy beans (formerly jen325) It's probably not me, but if it is me, a fellow bean, I don't care :)
If it's someone else, then idk.
@a whole thing of candy beans (formerly jen325) Just be "ALL OF THE NACHOS".
@entangled @katiemcgillicuddy MMM...nachos. There's no way I could name myself after nachos, because then I would always eat nachos. At least fondue requires a lot more preparation and isn't something I could eat every day (not that I wouldn't want to).
@baked bean No, a fellow bean is okay, but someone's got the username "candybeans" and that's just too close.
@fondue with cheddar (formerly jen325) CHANGED!
@fondue with cheddar (formerly jen325)
(i kind of wish your userpic could be a fondled sweater. but. how would you show a "fondled sweater"?)
(googles a bit)
(HA! apparently this is how: )
@wee_ramekin That's sexy.
So in the week since the breakup, I've gone from crying myself to sleep the night of and waking up 5 hours later fervently wishing he'd get his shit together so we can date again, to bravado about what a jerk he was and how right I was about The Everything, to moping around feeling like a crappy person whom no one will ever love again, to weird anger and having conversations with him in my head ("Well, since our relationship is over, we now HAVE no relationship to each other and if you ever act towards me as more than a casual acquaintance I will DECK you"), to blocking him on Skype, taking him and his friends off my Facebook notifications (but not defriending - I'm too much of a wuss) and making a new OkCupid account today. And also being okay with his existence but not wanting any part of it right now.
Funnily enough, I never actually wanted to drunk-text him or call him since we broke up, so it is really well and truly over. The only thing I actually worried about was what he'd say to his friends about me, but I remembered that 1) not everyone has to like me and 2) I don't care and 3) I really was Right About Everything so it doesn't matter what he told them.
I cycle through the stages of grief pretty quickly, it turns out. Also, Kpop is the best breakup music.
@Lyesmith As someone who also just went through a big stupid breakup, I totally agree about the Kpop.
@Lyesmith I did all of that last week too! Except Mr. Dude decided to actually get his shit together! So we ended up making up and getting back together on the condition that he also work on a few things and I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it. All I know is I missed his sexy beardy face. And now that he's back I can sleep again.
@Lyesmith Ooh, we're breakup twins! I'm sorry you're going through this. And maybe I'll give Kpop a try too.
@ReginaSavage One of the hurtful things about this breakup was that the things I needed from him (making equal contributions to the relationship, being thoughtful and proactive in terms of planning dates, commuting to my place, etc) would never happen unless I push for them, and I don't want to ask for basic necessities in a relationship. He's capable of planning a date, but he needs me to tell him to do it, etc. I had to explain to him during the summer semester why when he's unemployed and I'm working and going to class from 9am to 7pm twice a week, he has to take my schedule into account and make an effort to call before bed... or we won't talk at all.
When we were having the breakup conversation and I suggested taking a break so he could work on his shit without me having to be there to suffer through it, he said "so you want me to become Perfect in and I'll have a breakup hanging over my head the entire time?" In short, the only way he could change is if he was sure I'd be waiting for him in the end, but if I had stayed with him, he'd get what he wanted (me) already and would therefore have no reason to change. So I had to leave.
And yeah, it was discussed that if he works on his shit and we're still friends later, maybe we'll end up trying again .. But now that I'm gone, he has no impetus to change, and in the immortal words of Taylor Swift, we are never ever ever getting back together.
@M'fly Gangnam Style is like free therapy for me.
@Lyesmith Aww bummer! That really is terrible! Things for me ended in a similar kind of way. He has some pretty heavy financial stuff to take care of and said to me "One day next week we need to both take a day off and get this stuff sorted." Which basically meant he wanted me to take care of it for him like everything else if I don't do it, it doesn't get done. So that led to us breaking up. We were apart for a week, he went and stayed at his parents place and did some thinking. He ended up admitting that he knows he takes advantage of me and that the relationship is basically held together by me and everything I do. He decided to man up and actually start taking things seriously and getting shit done. Once he had that fire lit under his ass he was pretty amazingly productive and I was actually impressed.
Its hard when you're the one that has to do everything and plan everything. Especially if you've got other stuff going on (work, school, etc) its just too much stress.
@ReginaSavage I'm really glad he's decided to work on things, and it really sucks to feel taken for granted and that without your efforts, there would be no relationship. Since we're coming from the same kind of place (though with different results), I want to urge you to keep an eye on things in case he backslides and to watch out for your interests and emotions first. He's taken first place long enough, and now it's your turn. Eventually, when you see that the progress is solid, it should become a more give and take partnership, but for now, you're the priority. With my ex, we mutually decided I would no longer commute to his place because it was feeding into an unequal dynamic. Unfortunately, it still didn't work out, but maybe a similar arrangement will work for you.
Also, I'm recommending this Captain Awkward article: http://captainawkward.com/2012/07/23/309-310-the-broken-record/ Although it's much more extreme than either of our situations, the point about who does the relationship work still stands. I wish you the best of luck!
@Lyesmith Gosh I'm sorry! I was in a similiar situation a few months ago... And instead of getting his shit together and finding a job and working on being a grown up, he starting dating a college droppout who lives at home with her parents and has a two year old. Ughajg;akdfg;ofnbd
@Lyesmith I have found that revisiting Alkaline Trio and Saves The Day are great breakup music for me right now. Emphasis on all the swears. Also emphasis on all the beers and ice cream.
I totally feel you on the "every emotion vacillating" thing, too. I have discovered that the times when I want to be back together the most are when other things are getting weird, so it's most likely that I am largely wanting security. Don't know if that helps!
@remargaret Totally true! I only felt like a crappy, inferior person when bad breakup feelings were being reinforced by echoes of depression and anxiety. They weren't actually about the breakup, though, but about General Life Things I've had issues with before, which is helpful to realize!
@Lyesmith If you need some more KPop stress relief, Bigbang and 2NE1 got me through back to back 60 hour work weeks partially sane. I recommend them highly. And I'm assuming my neighbors do too since no one came by to murder me.
Good luck to you in staying post-breakup strong!
@Lyesmith For what it's worth, I had a similar relationship except it took me the better part of my twenties to realize it wasn't what I wanted. So, good for you, you are on the right track.
@Saskquatch Thanks. I'm glad I'm out of it, but he messaged me on Facebook last night and opened a can of worms again. Talking about a failed relationship is not only painful but futile. Yay! Thankfully, I can probably get angry enough to get back on the track of dealing with this.
@Kate Kane Good lord, that sounds stressful. And I love BigBang! I've been listening to Fantastic Baby and Bad Boy nonstop. Thank you for the well-wishes!
Also, I am looking for a roommate and/or a new apartment because my lease is up soon and I hate it so much. *le sigh*
@@serenityfound Good luck! That's super stressful but it'll work out.
Conan has an interview with Tig Notaro up that is full of all kinds of good news.
Is there anyone here from EDMONTON, ALBERTA (or nearby) who'd be interested in a pin-up? Because I would be all over organizing that, y'all. I just remembered that I've been meaning to post this for weeks now!
@M'fly Post this on the google group, too!
@M'fly I would maybe be interested!
I am going to visit my parents/younger sister tomorrow night and am tempted to invite my boyfriend to come meet them. This makes me NERVOUS because I have never brought a guy home before. We have been dating for a month and a half, known each other for a year (so my parents have heard occasional stories about his as my friend), and he brought me to meet his parents two weeks ago.
I should just go for it and ask right? BE BOLD?!
@Beaker Ask your parents or ask him? Because if he's already introduced you to his family, I'm sure he won't think it's a big deal to meet yours! But yes, on all accounts, go for it.
@Beaker Yes, do it! There really isn't any harm in doing it, and it will probably be fun.
You guys, a Trader Joe's opened down the street from me today! I have a friend-date to go there tonight. What should I buy?? Please advise.
@falafelwaffle Oh my god, buy that cookie butter that everyone has been talking about. I don't even know what it is but it sounds amazing. OR TJ's used to have these amazing chocolate truffles covered in cocoa dust? Man, they were good.
@falafelwaffle Chocolate and sea salt covered almonds.
@falafelwaffle Organic Spaghetti. Frozen Mac and Cheese. Their non-fat Greek yogurt. Pumpkin butter. Any of the "Moon" wines (i.e. Velvet Moon, Old Moon, etc.).
@frigwiggin Also good: the green-tea flavored ice-cream mochi, the peach juice, the frozen latkes. The reasonably-priced cheeses.
The orange chicken (frozen aisle) is the dope shit.
Also, the kettle corn cookies.
@falafelwaffle Frozen naan with extra garlic. Gingerbread mix if it's that time yet.
@falafelwaffle KALE AND GREEK YOGURT DIP! I think that's what it's called. Another pinner recommended it to me and it is so good. SO GOOD.
@falafelwaffle: Alpine gruyere bread and a nice hunk of cheese! Also, if you are a meat-eater: their angus flank steak is a little pricey but all you have to do is season it, broil it for 12 minutes and you are good to go for your next 2-3 meals.
@ayo nicole: The kale and greek yogurt dip is truly the shit.
@falafelwaffle Everything!!! All the things! Cookie butter of course. Cheap fancy cheese. Freeze dried grapes, if that seems like a thing. Ice Cream mochi and the frozen food section in general. Tiny banana chocolate protein muffins!
ETA: Oh, I forgot about the Greek yogurt. So good! Must check out this dip everyone's talking about
Definitely the chocolate and sea salt covered almonds. They're so so delicious. And the cookie butter. Mmmmmm....
@falafelwaffle I always enjoyed these maple leaf shaped, maple flavored sandwich cookies immensely, and it's Fall-ish time here up in the Northern Hemisphere, so that might be right up your alley!
@falafelwaffle: Sweet potato fries!! Pita chips. Pita crackers. Oh god, everything.
Their mushroom brie is fabulous. Cookie butter. Gnocchi with gorganzola. Chocolate covered almonds with turbinado sugar and sea salt.
@falafelwaffle I do not like to be without their dark chocolate covered pretzels in my freezer.
@falafelwaffle OMG the mini frozen spanakopita! Also: shampoo, lotion, etc. All of the toiletries.
@falafelwaffle The frozen falafel is really yummy. And I'm addicted to their Roasted Garlic (I think that's what it's called) jarred pasta sauce. It's more acidic and tomato-y than any other jarred sauce I've found (I find most jarred sauces way too sweet)
@falafelwaffle I'm surprised no one has suggested wine. All the cheap 3 buck chuck you can carry.
Cab Sauv and Merlot are pretty good, stay away from whatever I had that was labeled "Table Wine" that was undrinkable. And I think they had a Noir something (not Pinot, maybe?) that was bad as well.
Seconding the sweet potato fries. Also the tahini dip(sooo good on everything) and the Korean BBQ ribs. *waves TEAM TJs pennant/giant foam finger*
@falafelwaffle GOAT CHEESE. Seriously, their standard log of it is both cheap and delicious. Also, refried black beans. And whole wheat tortillas. And the smoked salmon pieces.
@Biketastrophy trader joes brand sake is actually fancy, expensive sake re-branded and set at a cheap price point. I learned this from an actual, professional sake distributer at a tasting I went to once. Hooray for TJ!
@falafelwaffle Another vote for cookie butter. You can dip the TJ's animal crackers into it and it's like Cookieception.
@sceps yarx I DIDN'T KNOW THEY HAD SAKE
I may stop there tonight, I'm driving by one of the ones that carries booze (damn Massachusetts puritan laws)
GUYS I'M LIVING IN A COUNTRY WITHOUT TRADER JOE'S AND THIS THREAD MADE ME WANT TO REPATRIATE MYSELF IMMEDIATELY
@falafelwaffle ALL THE TRAIL MIX. seriously, so much trail mix. also, chiming in on the cookie butter.
@Valley Girl Apples + cookie butter = apple pie!
@falafelwaffle Pound Plus giant chocolate bar. I think it is supposed to be for baking but I usually just eat the whole thing(not at once).
@falafelwaffle also something really embarrassing happened to me there because I like their brand of Spaghetti-O's. I crouched down to the bottom shelf where they keep the stuff and bumped hands with a six-year-old whose mother had just begrudingly said, "Ok, you can get TWO cans." I smiled at the kid, shrugged, and said sheepishly, "It's good."
@falafelwaffle Chocolate Coated Chocolate Chip Dunkers!!!
@plonk I live in a state without Trader Joe's, and I feel your pain.
(It's a college town and everything, I don't understand why there isn't a TJ here.)
@falafelwaffle One just opened near me too, and I've never been. Thanks for this! Now I know what to buy - ALL THE THINGS (plus Cookie Butter, whatever that is).
@falafelwaffle I just moved to my first city with a Trader Joe's so I'm commenting so I can find this thread again before the next time I go. :)
They have a dark chocolate, caramel, sea salt bar up by the registers. Run, don't walk.
Also: second on the orange chicken in the frozen section. It's like take-out, but cheaper. Olive oil is cheap there, which is great.
Aaaaand, you can take back anything there at any time without a receipt. For any reason. It's great. They are suuuuper nice about it. This way, it's not so scary to try their weird things.
OH also, the medium roast coffee. $5 for a big can. That stuff's great, too.
I luh you, TJ's.
frozen garlic naan! frozen cubes of chopped basil or cilantro!
also those bags of actual lavender that you can put in the dryer along with your sheets or towels... using their unscented detergent followed by a (reusable) bag of actual lavender to dry = no allergies and relaxing, sleep-inducing, wonderful old-school natural scent to your sheets!
(None of the frozen greek yogurt vanilla ice cream, though... that stuff is horribly sweet and has a weird zero-fat taste).
I forgot. Free-range, organic eggs. I know this sounds ridiculous, but those eggs are fantastic. Bright orange yolks, actually taste like eggs. They spoiled me for regular eggs, which just taste watery and strange by comparison now. All of the organic, foo-foo stuff is more than conventionally farmed stuff at TJ's, but soo much cheaper than organic foo foo stuff even at regular grocery stores. Also, the little yogurts they sell are really good too.
@ClogginBoydCrowder There is a bunch of stuff that's just staples but really good there for decent prices. Like the previously mentioned olive oil, and brown basmati rice, and jarred marinara sauce.
Also I forgot to mention the chipotle salsa and the pineapple salsa. I don't even LIKE pineapple.
Also, hey guys! I was interviewed by Alyson Ward of the Houston Chronicle for this piece: http://www.chron.com/default/article/Letter-writers-fall-in-love-with-mail-again-3863693.php about Pin Pals!
Everyone write to your Pin Pals (and read the article I helped contribute to)! And if you want another Pin Pal, email firstname.lastname@example.org so I can hook you up. If you have any questions or comments I will be super glad to help you out!
@The Lady of Shalott Thank you for the reminder! I received a letter a couple of weeks ago and just can't seem to get the dang thing written. I shall complete it by the end of the weekend. (Now that I've written that I will do it, I have to stick to it!)
Oh, and congratulations on the write-up! Yay for Pin Pals!
@The Lady of Shalott YAY FOR WRITING! Even if stationery is blastedly tough to find.
@WhiskeySour Me, too. I feel like a jerk, and I keep the letter on my table so I'll remember, but I forget anyway. I will dash something off RIGHT NOW because I have to go past the drop box later.
how in the crap do you crochet a bootie?
NO REALLY. Why can't I wrap my head around this?
@JadedStone: I'm trying to knit socks for the first time. I can't understand the pattern.
@laurel I finished some socks last winter and they don't fit me at all but it was very exciting to get through them because there were so many times that I didn't understand. verypinkknits on youtube has tutorials that were helpful for turning the heels.
@Clarisse McClellan: Thank you, I will have a look. I'd like to finish them before winter 2013.
@JadedStone Let's start having knitting/crocheting conversations on Ravelry!! If you are a knitter or crocheter and not on ravelry get there and join the Hairpin group! It is dead but I would so participate in any discussions on there.
I mentioned this briefly on the Ask A Lady comments, but long story short, I'm waiting to hear from a guy that a friend of mine knows and who gave him my phone number. He knows I was on vacation until Wednesday, so I'm giving him until this evening to call. I have his email address through a group email thing from this same friend. So... hopefully it's not too weird that I pull out his address and email him to ask him to call me if he wants to go out. I am nervous because my entire life has been waiting for guys to make a move, but I'm tired of it.
Also a casual, "Hey, just want to let you know I'm back in town and I'd like to go out with you sometime, I know you have my number so call if you're interested, too!" email seems fairly unintimidating.
I actually like the wording of that email. DO IT.
@Dancercise Ask him!
@Dancercise Go for it. Whether or not something comes from it, at least you can give yourself a pat on the back for being assertive.
The idea you could somehow intimidate a man by showing interest does both genders a disservice, I think.
@Dancercise Be bold! Go for it!
@Gracefully and Grandly
I would just like you to know that I read your comment in the voice of that lady from A League of Their Own.
@Dancercise What do I know, but I would leave off "If you're interested" because that implies to both of you that a) he has to decide right now if he's interested or not b) if you don't hear from him, the sole reason is lack of interest. I'd just say "Hey, just want to let you know I'm back in town and I'd like to go out with you sometime, in case X didn't give you my number before, it's [number]."
@Dancercise Do it! I decided waiting on guys sucks 1000 times more than just being brave. Less stressful for me, at least. At least you'll know then and that worry will be out of the way!
IT IS SENT
Oh good. This week needed to end. (imagine paragraph of whinging about school, tiredness, and the never ending sore throat)
It appears that I can no longer wear earrings. I put in a pair of silver studs that were labeled as nickel free and 5 minutes later my earlobes looked like delicious hams. Are there affordable and cute totally hypoallergenic earrings? Or should I just admit defeat and eat some ham?
Now for the really long shot question. Any other pinners going to get their hippie on at Common Ground this weekend? Maybe bring in a Big Mac and see the what happens?
@LacunaKale I would also like to hear about earrings because this happens to me as well. I've maybe heard about something you can put on the posts to make them hypoallergenic? Or am I just crazy? But cheap huge dangly earrings are my favs so I want that to be true.
@LacunaKale I don't have nickel allergies, and almost all my earrings are sterling silver, but often unless I sanitize my earrings first (with rubbing alcohol), my earlobes get swollen/itchy.
@LacunaKale If you're super-sensitive, you can also go to a jewelry store and see if they'll sell you some of the hook part of the earrings? If you have needle-nose pliers, you can just swap out the cheap ones for nickel-free ones. Try surgical steel if you're having issues with generic nickel-free stuff.
@billie_crusoe I have very little actual helpful hypoallergenic advice here, but just want to share that my ears WERE wildly sensitive and now, after repeated and constant exposure to various ear-wires, are not. When I first started wearing earrings, my ears could only handle 24-carat gold wire. Which is not incredibly practical or at all the look I was going for, BUT, after wearing it for some time I graduated to sterling silver with very little irritation, and now stick what the hell ever in there (for a reasonable amount of time) without any problem. GRANTED, I clearly have no allergies, just ears that tend to be sensitive to new materials, but starting with purer metals helped me sensitize my earlobes to cheapo earrings. And SarahP is right, keeping them crazy clean often helps. Good luck! With earrings and Big Macs at Common Ground.
@LacunaKale Earrings with titanium posts are supposed to be non-reactive, and I think they make plastic-posted earrings as well? But that might just be in larger gauges. I can manage cheapo earrings for a little while, so I haven't gone on a titanium hunt in recent memory.
@Roaring Girl Yes to titanium, if you can find them. I've never been able to wear stainless steel or sterling silver earrings for more than a day at a time (I don't know how I left them in long enough after I got them pierced), but I have titanium posts in my nipples and haven't had problems with them. I haven't tried titanium in my ears yet, though.
@LacunaKale Check our your local, reputable tattoo/piercing parlor. They often have starter stud earrings that go for around $20 range with titanium posts, which are supposed to be about as non-reactive as they can get.
ETA: ...and there's generally any gauge size you could need or want, so that's another bonus. :D
@LacunaKale Paint the hook/posts with clear nail polish. It'll buy time until you can replace the hooks. Claire's, craft stores, and bead stores usually have some cheap replacement hooks if you can chance trial-and-error. You probably need a set of needle nose pliars to replace the hooks. For post-type earrings, I superglue cute stuff (buttons, little toys) onto posts from the craft store to make my own earrings. I don't know if there is a way to replace posts on existing earrings.
@LacunaKale I think what you want is Surgical steel. That's what went into new piercings I got last fall and I had zero problems acclimating. If I understood my piercer, the steel's been heated and the impurities are lifted out by vacuum, so the steel's very clean (inert?)
oh man i saw deerhoof this week and they were AMAZING (got a signed poster, LP of THE RUNNERS FOUR, a cool shirt, and one of greg saunier's drumsticks)!!!!
@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood My mind put an "a" in "oh man I saw a deerhoof" and I was confused why you were so excited by deer feet.
Then I finished the sentence.
@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood I saw them Wednesday! Did you see them Wednesday?? They were awesome!
@thenotestaken I saw them tuesday at the middle east!!!
Do any Pinners play Guild Wars 2? I am rather addicted and want to have a Pinner guild! (Not that I even know how to start one!) So if you do, let me be in your guild or something.
@BornSecular My husband and I intend to buy it after we are tired of Borderlands 2. I would join your Pinner Guild!
Can we talk about embarrassing/guilty habit books?
I am reading "The Wheel of Time" series and it is really interesting but embarrassingly nerdy and has horrible early 1990s cover art and if I read it in public will everyone laugh at me?
@professionalmess Oh my god, I am lugging around THE BIGGEST hardcover copy of The Valley of Horses by Jean Auel (aka softcore neanderthal porn) because I wanted something cheesy and terrible, but if anybody gives me the side-eye they can go suck rocks. Own the embarrassing nerdiness, I say! But I also looooove old/terrible sci-fi/fantasy cover art, so.
@professionalmess: Isn't that what the kindle is for?
@professionalmess This is why Jesus invented ebook readers. Now nobody has any idea what kind of fuckery I'm reading, and that's the way I like it.
@professionalmess Not at all.
@professionalmess Ha ha ha ha oh I used to read those and the cover art is so bad!
@professionalmess Probably won't laugh, but I find that's the only time I get hit on by the well meaning, older nerd gentlemen. Awkwardly hit on where they start a conversation then just sort of trail off. So enjoy!
@RK Fire Right? When I'm reading embarrassing YA lit about a girl who turns into a werecat, NO ONE CAN TELL.
@professionalmess Just checked, looks like the pub date for the final book is Jan 1st, so you have enough time to get them all read in anticipation! And I have enough time to reread!
@frigwiggin I called my grandma a few weeks ago to see if she still owned these books because I want to read them!
@RK Fire and other Kindle supporters: I would buy future ones for Kindle, but I literally got two paperback ones for free (Yay, friends of the library!) and two more for almost and I can't pass up free books, right?
@professionalmess everyone here is making me laugh: 1) "softcore neanderthal porn" 2) "This is why Jesus invented ebook readers. Now nobody has any idea what kind of fuckery I'm reading, and that's the way I like it."
@professionalmess I just got a kindle and am so excited to read terribly embarrassing books on the subway again.
@professionalmess You definitely should, they are amazing/terrible. AYLA CAN DO ANYTHING
@Ophelia Was the werecat book that one about the woman who's a calico in her cat form, so her hair is all multicolored red, black, blonde, and white? I read that as an impressionable age and still want that hair.
(After some research, maybe it was The Catsworld Portal? I remember a lot of sex, so it was probably not supposed to be YA...)
@professionalmess I'm in the middle of "A Crown of Swords" getting ready for the final book in January. Hopefully I'll finish the rest before it comes out (I'm a slow reader)
So excited for the series to be over though. Its been so long.
@professionalmess: Yeah, I am totally feeling you on this. Of course you can't pass up the free books! Hmmmm.
Honestly, they are gigantic, you might want to just do a hard copy and an e-copy anyway, if only to save space.
@wallsdonotfall Sadly, it was not, although that sounds fantastic and I will look it up now. I can't remember the title of the one I was reading, but it was one of the $.99 downloads Barnes and Noble sometimes makes available on the Nook.
@professionalmess Hahah I had to take the cover off one of the Kushiel books (Namaah's Kiss, I think it's called?) because it was super stereotypically corny/porny. I both loved and hated how it was entirely a book about this girl's magic vagina and she boned everyone she met. Everyone!
@Megano!: A magical vaginal wants what a magical vagina wants.
@RK Fire this one was particularly greedy
@professionalmess I kind of love 1980s and 1990s-vintage Kathleen A. Woodiwiss romance novels. They're typical bodice ripper captain jack (and some of them have upsetting rape-y scenes) but I can't stop reading them.
@professionalmess I don't have/need/want a kindle because I can get books for free from the library, or cheaper than e-books at used book stores, or borrow them for free from friends.
@professionalmess The primary purpose of my Kindle thus far has been to reduce the shelf space/potential public embarrassment involved in working my way through the Wheel of Time series. HOWEVER, I read books 1-5 and am now reading New Spring in real book form, Tor Fantasy covers and all. If anyone in the various public places I have read them in judged me, they kept their juiceboxy opinions to themselves, and a couple people have come up to say "cool series, huh?" or similar things. If I saw you reading Wheel of Time in public I would think you were awesome!
Also, if anyone is up for a discussion of Robert Jordan's views on gender relations, I am kind of dying for one...I have SUCH a love/hate relationship with these books...
@Megano! Really? In the world of tasteless covers, Carey's are fairly...innocent. I'm ok reading her stuff in public, as long as no one notices my heaving bosom and quivering loins (slight exaggeration).
@Lurkasaurus I'm down with it...have to ask, have you checked out any Marion Zimmer Bradley or Mercedes Lackey (early work)? MZB sucked at mixing up the colors on her worlds, but excelled (and, I believe, was the first) at treating non-trad relationships as standard. I read the stuff growing up, warped my mind in the right way:) I now am of the "I don't care what you do with your bits and pieces, as long as 1) you are of age, 2) are able to make a conscious choice and aren't hurting others. Or, at least, aren't doing what others don't want you to do." Really, I cannot comprehend why what people do behind closed doors is the business of anyone NOT behind those doors. Savages.
@minijen this one was a shadowed naked chick's back/butt
@professionalmess If I saw you reading that book in public I would give you the eye, and that eye would be saying, you are wonderful. Think of any glances as such.
@frigwiggin I loved the Clan of the Cave Bear series; I read the first two when I was in seventh grade (11? 12?), and when I got to the sexy bits, I was like, "Ew, wtf, why would anyone ever do that?" Then I reread them in 10th grade (15), I thought, "Oh. Hmm. That does sound interesting."
@baked bean Oh! I also thought that, but then I got a kindle and found out that you can download free ebooks from your local library if they have an overdrive account. I haven't purchased an ebook since and have read more in 9 months than I did the past 4 years! But borrowing and used books are still awesome, too.
@sergeant tibbs What?!? You just inspired me to look for this, and my library has it. Completely unadvertised and hidden on the site, but it's there!
@professionalmess Overdrive is great. Also, check out http://baencd.thefifthimperium.com/ for more free (legit free, from Baen publishing!) books. Love Lois McMaster Bujold, David Weber, etc. Depending on your device, it may or may not be a pain in the butt to transfer and read.
Fridaaay! Really can't wait to have a real house all of my own. I know it won't be like that one but I can pick out the cutlery and put things on the walls and generally be very boring about it.
I came out to my little brother (was not really sure why I should be doing so, so accidently snapped at him mid-support, it went "Ok, I'm cool with that" "I should think so too!") so combined with planned Interesting Haircut that's another step towards not living my life according to what the bitchy girls at school would have thought, and actually just getting on with being me. Anyone else have an unreasonable influence like that? Said bitchy girls at school did not give much of a crap about me while we were there and certainly have forgotten who I even am, but the "rules" for how you're allowed to act & dress so as not to attract their ire seem to have sunk in really deep.
Totally unrelated: got any paté or terrine recipes? Apparently it's way easier to make than it looks, might give it a go.
@Apocalypstick I've been kicking around the idea of making a sardine pâté, because sardines are hella good for you. Apparently all you need is sardines, butter, green onions, and lemon juice. And in case anyone thinks i'm being very fancy by having all the accents on the word "pâté", let me confess that my phone autocorrected it for me.
Also, I'm sorry you had such a crap time in school. Come hang out with us Goth and punk kids behind the gym and have a clove cigarette!
@sceps yarx I saw a recipe for sardine pate that was sardine, greek yogurt, and cottage cheese on chow.com
@sceps yarx That sounds delicious, I wonder if sardines would go well with paprika too? (Have been putting it in everything).
Thanks :) it wasn't so bad, & years ago which is why I'm surprised they're still in my head, but the Goth kids gangs are always the best :p
Pinner moms, how long into your pregnancy before you started to show? I confided in a coworker/friend today that I'm pregnant (I think around 5 weeks) and she replied she already knew.
I'm trying to hide it from my editor at least until the three month mark, but am worried that wont be possible. Is it weird I'm already in a Season 1 Peggy Olsen situation?
@etheline. High-waisted dresses! Unless you are like me and you start puking every five minutes all day long, because then there's no hiding it. Barrrrrffffff.
@etheline. Is it possible your coworker was just being one of those people who are like, "I totally knew you were pregnant," "I totally knew it was going to be a boy" (Great job genius, you had a 50-50 shot), etc., and that it is in fact not obvious?
@sceps yarx so far I'm vomit-free, but I worry I'm gonna let it slip with my secret appointments or scaled-back caffeine addiction. But thanks for the tip on the dresses! Tomorrow is going to be a shopping day so I can better disguise this growing baby.
@all the bacon and eggs I hope so, but there are days I swear I LOOK pregnant already. I tried googling it to see when this typically happens, but the photos of flat tummys captioned "16 weeks!" made me feel bad.
@etheline. She might just assume a lot of people are pregnant and this is the first time she's ever gotten it right.
But yeah, big tops are in right now, get the trendy ones that the kids all get and people will just think you're hip.
NYC Pinners: At least a couple of us are going to see the Diana Vreeland tomorrow. Please feel free to join us if you're around. We're going to the 2:30 pm showing at the Angelika, and we're meeting at 2:15 pm. Join our country!
NYC PINNERS! Book club and general pinup to follow on the 27th! Location details will be posted to the facebook group and on google groups. If you have not yet joined the facebook group, it is super happy fun times.
@chrysopoeia And if last book club pinup says anything, it was an especially fun pinup! So you should come, even if you haven't finished the MASSIVE TOME we've assigned. It's really good. and soooo long.
MY SIX YEAR OLD IS DONE WITH HIS THREE AND A HALF YEARS OF CHEMO TOMORROW! I have so many feelings. I'm dealing with them by obsessively reading the Hairpin. Thanks for being here for me you guys!
@sceps yarx Congratulations! And the very, very best of luck to him and to you!
@sceps yarx Can I like this more than once! That is amazing! All the internet hugs for you and your boy!!
@sceps yarx: Congratulations!!
@sceps yarx Congrats!
@sceps yarx That's SUCH WONDERFUL NEWS! I've read your comments about your son and his illness before, and whenever I see your commenter name I send good thoughts your way. So many happy hugs for you two.
@sceps yarx Congratulations!!! I can't even imagine 3 1/2 years of chemo.
@sceps yarx Amazing.
@sceps yarx Wow!! I honestly didn't know what to reply when you talked about this situation yesterday on the Jessica Valenti thread, because I don't have kids or know anything about cancer, but wow. That is amazing. You and your kid are both rockstars.
@sceps yarx Congrats and best wishes to you both, you are both indeed rockstars. 50 high fives to you both, and one extra for the kiddo.
@sceps yarx I love you guys, thank you so much! (happy weeping)
@sceps yarx Congratulations! I wish you and your family the best.
@sceps yarx You all are amazing and strong!!! Congratulations!
@sceps yarx all the best in your new chapter!
Tonight is grad student pub night. I'm not a student, I work in graduate administration, but I'm the same age and like hanging out with students. I don't really "belong" at it so I would feel nervous, but at the last official event I was working at I was joking about how I would sneak into pub night and was encouraged to do so. But what if I don't know anyone there? Should I go?
Also I started a four day juice fast today because I want to lose some vanity weight fast. (My brother did a SIXTY DAY juice fast last year.)
@Ellie I thought a 60-day juice fast was more rightly called a hunger strike?
You should totally go to pub night :)
@Ellie Go! I totally went to grad student functions when I was staff at Dartmouth. I was / am grad student age and they were totally welcoming.
@Ellie When I was a grad student I would've loved making friends my age outside my department. Do it!
Yeah, if I was doing a 60-day juice fast I'd find a cause or something, y'know, make it worthwhile.
He lost 38 pounds (he's 6'2", so this is not so terrible) but has pretty much gained it back I think. I think he still thinks it was a good experience though and that he achieved unprecedented "mental clarity."
I guess I will go! I probably won't bring my official nametag, though, haha.
@Ellie Oh, I get you re: grad student event-crashing. I'm doing a second bachelor's, though I am grad-school aged, and want to hang out with people who are not 18 :/ Haven't worked up the courage to do it, though.
@Ellie Crash it. Often some of my favorite people to talk to at graduate student mixers are the non-grad school significant others/friends that crash the event for free food. Aka, ohmygod, a novel opinion/different mindset on life.
It can get really boring to ask about how live has been and everyone just going, oh yeah, lab, and my boss, blah.
@Ellie As a grad student, I can say that it's refreshing to have non-grad students around. Just last night I went to a mostly-student party and had by far the most fun talking to an employee from the media center. Talking about school gets really tiring after awhile.
I went to the pub night and it was really fun. Well, I stopped by it about when it was ending and a few people I sort of knew were going to a divier place afterward, so I hung out with them there for quite a long time, made a bunch of new friends, and got invited to come out with them again tonight, which I am happy about if it materializes!
Juice fast is still going ok. I don't really like juice that much, it turns out, so I haven't really been eating anything.
Has anyone around here been following the Amanda Palmer controversy with the crowdsourced musicians? How have you been feeling about it? I'm glad she decided to pay them after all, but the whole scenario has just made me think a lot, and I'm curious about other people's opinions.
@frigwiggin What is this? I haven't heard of it and don't feel like googling, I just want the answers to pour into my email inbox...
@frigwiggin Oh! I didn't know it had turned into a controversy. I'm not a musician, so, speaking as an outsider, I'm kind of okay with crowdsourcing musicians. I think there is a point where I would be uncomfortable with it, but I feel like it's good exposure.
@frigwiggin My rudimentary understanding is that AFP sent out a call for volunteer musicians to play along with her band at each show on her tour, and then people complained that she should pay them, and she decided to do so in the end.
I am not a musician but I feel like there are lots of musicians who would be thrilled to play for free with her. I imagine that the experience of just playing would be fun and a good learning experience for a non-pro. On his blog Neil Gaiman said that he doesn't always take writing jobs for the money, just for the joy of the project, and it's up to the artist whether or not to work for free. I agree with him. Although, if she's able to afford to pay them, that's even better, but I don't feel like it's deserving of a big controversy.
@miss buenos aires
Basically: Amanda Palmer and the Grand Theft Orchestra are touring, and wanted to fill out the band with more horns and strings and things at each stop. Now, if I remember correctly, in the bigger cities where the shows were also going to be bigger, they're going ahead and paying proven musicians they already know to do that, but for the smaller gigs Amanda put out a call for musically-inclined fans to come audition and play with them for "beer and hugs." There was kind of an explosion about it, with some people feeling offended that she'd decided to pay some musicians and not others (and that she hadn't budgeted for it at all), and that she was exploiting her fans by not paying them. Other people lashed back saying that folks can play for free if they want, but the argument came back that she's reinforcing the difficulties that musicians already have by driving down the value of the musicians who weren't okay playing for free. The other day she made a new blog post saying that they'd scraped together money from other parts of the tour and were going to pay everyone from here on out and send cash to those who'd already played with them. Which I think is good! I do agree that her general attitude of "well I had to play for free when I was a young starving musician and I was happy to do it!" is problematic, though.
@frigwiggin I think asking people to work for free is, in most situations, total bullshit. I'm glad she is paying them now,
This thread is missing the big picture point of the controversy: the absolutely enormous amount of money that she raised on Kickstarter for her latest album and tour, far beyond what she initially said those things would cost, which apparently in no way went towards...paying musicians. This situation would be tricky enough, but the fact that she asked for free playing right after people donated MILLIONS OF DOLLARS to her tour? What the fuck?
Basically it sounds like she should pay people, is my takeaway here. Her plan sounds kind of shitty.
Musicians needing the exposure or not, they should be paid for their time. She was asking them to learn her songs and play her entire show, not little a backyard concert or a situation a la Zach Galifianakis' comedy tours where he'd ask a local music student to play one song at one show.
If she were less of a known name in certain circles (and if she hadn't just blown through all her Kickstarter money) maybe the idea would be less icky to me. (though the situation I was thinking of, say a small, new band just starting up is looking for a volunteer drummer for one show - at least that volunteer drummer still gets beer tickets and maybe $20.) But her wanting to be paid but not pay other people just doesn't sit well with me.
@Kate Kane So long as no one was forced to play, or tricked into thinking this was a paid gig, what the fuck? Why would there even be a controversy? Play for beer and hugs or don't! I would be thrilled to hang out with Amanda Palmer and hope for the chance to meet Neil Gaiman.
@MrsTeacherFace Well the fuck was the way Palmer presented her plan. I've seen a number of people respond that it could easily have come off as no big deal, 'we've volunteered our services before' - except:
• She'd just had a *very* successful Kickstarter program, so people felt she really could have raised the money for musicians if she wanted to (and since she's decided to pay her musicians now, that there was money somewhere).
• I've also seen criticisms of the way she burned through the Kickstarter funds, but I don't personally know all the details to that.
• There were people upset because she would be financially profiting from the tour while not paying her musicians. (Behind that belief I think there were some bitter thoughts that she was looking for one-city volunteers, not because it was an awesome fun thing, but because it made it more likely people wouldn't mind not being paid for a one-city gig, even though overall it's a multi-city tour.)
• And there are people who are upset because her plan furthers the idea that if you really loved playing, you'd understand that you don't need money in return for your skills. Palmer herself had previously spoken against musicians not being paid enough.
• And her belief that this is the way of the future for the music industry (crowd-sourcing for money and talent) really irked a lot of professional musicians when that way doesn't involve payment.
Guys, I... I like grad school. I'm mostly taking boring and/or terrible classes (ahem stats), and I'm not doing anything terribly stimulating yet, but... It's nice to (a) be doing something productive and (b) get paid to think, which was discouraged at all my post-master's jobs. And my advisor is lovely and thinks I'm brilliant even though I've felt like I'm still off my game so far. Also I felt snobbishly flattered that I was one of only 2 grad students invited to the department potluck last night, and I got lots of compliments on my pies and also bonded with my environmental health professor about how much we miss Berkeley Bowl.
Isn't grad school supposed to suck? Why do I always wait for the other shoe to drop? Anyway, YAY, after the soul-killing jobs I've had over the past 3 years.
@billie_crusoe Yayyy! I'm glad it's going well!
@billie_crusoe For me, the only thing that sucked about grad school was that it ended. Enjoy!
@billie_crusoe Grad school is GREAT. Enjoy it!
@all I'm glad I'm not the only one ;) I should have known, since I even liked med school (except clinicals, which is why I didn't finish), and this is more chill than med school.
PLEASE convince me that the fact that I am not terribly overwhelmed and I am getting shit done on time and have a life outside school means that I have an appropriate workload, not that I am obviously underworked and should take an additional class next term. I think I have the optimum amount of work:leisure (I work a lot and barely fit in my 20 hours for assistantship, but I also get to take an occasional weekend off, work in the garden, run every morning), and one more class would push me over the edge into hating my life. Why do I feel like I SHOULD be overwhelmed and miserable?
@billie_crusoe lady. I have friends who only do work. I did that until my comps. That was not a good life choice. I also began working out in my master's. That was a good life choice. Keep up with what works for you (sounds like gardening and running). Now, I take lots of time off and I'm way better off when I do work.
There is also a heavy cult of self-pity among some grad students - stay away from them and work on making connections with people who feel the same way as you.
@theotherginger Thank you thank you. My friends (at other schools) must be in the self-pity cult because I made the mistake of posting on FB asking how many classes other people take, and it was all "15 hours plus an assistantship plus a real job." I did the "OH GOD OVERWHELMED ALL THE TIME" shit in grad school round 1 and it just didn't work for me. I get overwhelmed and then freeze up and can't get shit done. This time 'round, I took last weekend off (3 whole days, maybe excessive), then I worked my ass off this weekend and just turned 2 assignments in early and finished lesson planning for Thursday. My advisor and I are talking publications and presentations, my advisor is pleased with my work (and so is the organization she's contracting with for an evaluation of their program), and I'm taking a grant-writing seminar for funsies, so probably I'm on track. Also my advisor is way into work-life balance, so that's a major plus. (I seriously lucked out in the advisor department.)
But how do you not let those people make you feel like a huge self-indulgent slacker??? Why did I post to Facebook? I went from being all "wooo life is great!" to "I'm a terrible student why am I so lazy" in the course of 2 facebook comments. I'll snap out of it though. Probably here in half an hour when I decide to go to bed and sleep for 8 hours :)
I am happy right now for the first time in years and years and I like that. I have a community here, I do shit I like, I see my dad and my sister (and unfortunately my mom) a decent amount, and then I feel good about the work I produce for school. And, frankly, my life goals are to find a decent job with decent job security (community college is fine) that allows me to live where I want (New England) and do what I want (be outside always).
I'm going out for a manicure and drinks with my neighborhood mama friends tonight. When I told my mom, she said, "Need a night to bitch about your husbands, huh?"
Me: "No, of course not! Erin has a wife."
Happy last day of summer! In other news, I've been taking kinda big beatings in the Self Image:Physical Appearance department lately and was wondering if all y'all, clever and lovely as you are, have any tried-and-true tricks for combating that kind of thing.
@errata stigmata I have lately insisted a lot on wearing clothes that fit me comfortably and well. For me that means lots of dresses and pretty, bright colors. Today I had to wear crummy business casual stuff I don't care for and it really made me "feel gross" though I realized half way through the day that it was due to the restricting, frumpy clothes! Might give that a go, if you have the option to.
@errata stigmata This is maybe dumb, but when I realize I'm hating on my body too much, I make myself like one body part a week. I start with my favorite body part, and work up from there. It sounds silly but has worked for me.
@Ashley Lange@facebook Yes, I definitely have clothes that I avoid on bad body image days/weeks. I also avoid mirrors because I know once I'm in that mindset I'll be more critical than is called for. (EXCEPT I sometimes like to goof around in front of the mirror with makeup I'd normally never wear, because it makes me happy.)
@errata stigmata Exercise improved my self image pretty dramatically. My physical appearance less so, but I'm more confident because I feel like I can run for miles and break shit. Therapy made a big difference, too!
@errata stigmata I'm less critical about other people than I am about myself, so sometimes I look in the mirror and pretend I am looking at someone else and imagine how I would feel about that person. I think, "would I want to be this girl's friend?"
Also, I like to find musicians and other well-known people that look like me and internet stalk them. If you can find someone who is rocking the very attribute that you consider a "flaw", that's very empowering. The alternative pin-up girl scene has a really wide variety of body types, which is rad.
@errata stigmata Seconding @Ashley Lange@facebook's remark on wearing clothes that are comfortable and fit well. Figuring out what sorts of silhouettes I like and what cuts of clothing are flattering on my body type was also very helpful. I figured that out by looking at fa(t)shion blogs on tumblr featuring bodies like mine or bigger, and by trying on a LOT of clothes. Online shopping is my preferred method because then I don't have to physically go to several stores to find something that I like & that fits. Thrift store shopping can be nice as well - I'll try on things that I wouldn't normally consider since sizing varies so much between brands/eras.
@errata stigmata I second the exercise suggestion (try kickboxing, I love it and need to do it more often), and also the pretty clothes suggestion (dresses are the best mood elevators, especially in bright colors). I would also suggest buying a wig that's totally different from your normal hair, and just wearing it out and about like it's no big. It takes you out of yourself a little, and (bonus) you don't have to worry about your hair!
Note: do not wear wigs to the gym. They'll get sweaty.
@errata stigmata What she says at the end about your daughter or sister or best friend...so good.
@all wow, these are all really good suggestions(and way cheaper than a nose job)! Thanks everybody! I especially like the notion that avoiding mirrors is good NOT BECAUSE they will remind one how ugly one is(one is NOT), but because a crummy state of mind can really warp your perception of the things you see.
@errata stigmata An AWESOME reality check for me during bad body image times is http://www.mybodygallery.com . You can see real people with your same body shape/height/weight/etc and it always amazes me how truly different everyone looks, even when all the "numbers" are the same. It gave me a little perspective and reminded me that everyone really is beautifully unique (and also that I don't judge strangers on the internet half as harshly as I judge myself). Awesome website, basically.
When is there gonna be an option to unsend texts? iPhone 6?
@ayo nicole Hope so, this new option to let people know you've read their text? HELL FUCKING NO. How would I then ignore them and text back waayyyyy later?
@falafelwaffle Yeah, I have no interest in that on either side. I want to ignore texts and I don't want to know if I'm being ignored.
@falafelwaffle Oh, no. No no no. That's why I would only BBM with people that I felt comfortable with, so I could say "I KNOW YOU READ THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!" So, like, my sister. Read notifications are the wrong direction!
Anyone who needs a bit of cheer, remember to take a look at:
pinpets.tumblr.com/submit <---here is where you submit pictures of your own!
Current pets, former pets, the puppy you're adopting next week. Send 'em in! Use the Photo Post option - gives the best result for the picture itself, and it does allow you space to write underneath. Leave your 'pin name in that space too, so we know who's adorable pet we're looking at!
Sorry I fell behind a bit in approving posts - I'm a bit behind on a personal project and it's eating all of my outside-of-work time.
I went to the eye doctor this morning so then the rest of my morning at work was mostly me walking around not seeing things because my pupils were dilated. The eye doctor gave me a vision test with my glasses on and then is like 'your vision is 20/20! you don't need glasses!' and I was like '....' Also I was there to get tested for diabetic retinopathy which he kept calling 'eye diabetes' for reasons that are lost to me. I'm pretty sure I have full body diabetes?
@VDRE I feel like "eye diabetes" is not science.
@VDRE Apparently eye doctors can detect the earliest signs of diabetes in your eyes? I don't remember how this works, but my eye doctor had some gigantic eye picture taking machine thing (this sounds made up, but I swear it wasn't) and he showed me a picture of my eyes and then pointed out how/where he knew I didn't have diabetes (this was at a point when my GP wasn't listening to my constant repeating of "extreme family history of thyroid problems!" and was worried that I did have early stage diabetes because of the results of a fasting glucose test and my "unnatural vegan diet" where I ate too many vegetables and legumes and didn't get any "real protein." Ugh. That is also not science.) But it's a good thing if the eye doctor catches diabetes early! It means you probably have a better shot at managing it with diet for a longer amount of time and might not need insulin immediately/ever.
@iwannabekait I didn't realize people used the test to actually diagnose diabetes. I already have diabetes and I'm supposed to go to the eye doctor every year to get my retinas looked at for bleeding because that's the first sign that, as the doctors say, I've fucked up big time in my diabetes management and need to worry more about possible kidney failure/heart attack/etc. I was more complaining that he called it eye diabetes when there's an actual name for the retina bleeding (diabetic retinopathy).
I don't even understand how a doctor would think a vegan diet had anything to do with diabetes though. I'm pretty sure my endo would be thrilled if I went vegan- my cholesterol would go down making secondary diabetes complications less likely.
Stuck at home in bed with the nasty flu that's been making the rounds in my house. Am mainlining the fifth season of Project Runway and being grumpy about all things I'm missing this week.
But! What of the things I'm missing is worrrrrk, because I finally have a job. It's just a few days at week at the secondhand bookstore where I worked during undergrad, but I love it there and man is it nice to have a paycheque again, even if it's tiny.
But tomorrow a bunch of my friends are having a potluck fall feast and I swear if I'm not better by then I am going to be SO CRANKY.
@Cat named Virtute I'm stuck in bed with the flu, too! That's why I'm posting so much. Working in a second hand bookstore sounds rad! Being sick for fun things sucks!
@sceps yarx I hope you feel better soon too! The bookstore is pretty awesome. And while having the flu is not, the amount of time I've spent watching tv in my pjs guilt-free is nothing to, ahem, sneeze at.
Advise me, Hairpin. How do you manage your FWB situations? Although I've had a few, they always seem to go off the rails.
I'm in one now. The sex is great. Not a super close friend before this. We share lots and lots of friends. I do not want to screw this up socially, after screwing my way out of several groups of friends in professional school.
I'm pretty sure, but not 100% sure we have no romantic compatibility. We get along well, enjoy each other's company, and have lots of fun in bed. He doesn't live in town so there's a natural limit/brake on it all. He has told me that he sees this as casual, and that he can't maintain a relationship with someone in the city. I've told him that I don't think we have romantic compatibility.
But still, I feel myself slowly getting a little crazy. I want more I guess, but I think it's just attention that I want. Or validation that he cares. But the more I feel that way, the colder I act. He does stuff like hold my hand. I do stuff like talk about other guys in front of him.
How do I 1) figure out what I want here; and 2) get it?
This is a dumb and impossible question.
@RobotsNeedLove This sounds like the end of a FWB situation to me, to be honest. Better to cut your losses now, since it seems like you're not on the same track. You becoming colder to me means you're trying to shut off feelings (before they start? as they start?). It'll be easier to stay friends by leaving now than waiting longer.
@meetapossum Yuuuuuup. End of the line. Fun ride while it lasted.
@RobotsNeedLove Having done fwb, I agree to end it. I went through this exact thing and ended it basically saying exactly that "this is making me crazy and I do not want to be crazy." note also, time apart might give you the space needed to reflect on whether you want something more or whatever, and perhaps give him space to do that as well. or not! but it sounds like you want more, and the best way to get it is to end the fwb situation.
But you guuuyyyysss. If I have to end everything when I get a little crazy, I'll have to end everything at all ever. Sad/crazy robot.
But seriously, you all are calling it. We hung out all day/night last weekend, and that was le big mistake.
@RobotsNeedLove aw I feel like my answer may have been harsh now. But I don't think you'll have to end everything whenever you get a little crazy. The relationship I was in over the summer made me feel remarkably non-crazy when normally I am anxious over-thinker to the max. And when I did feel anxious and overthinky, I talked about it with dude, and it worked out.
I mean, the other option to ending it, is saying "I want more OR I'm ending it" and be very specific about what you want. The thing is, you still have to be willing to walk away if he isn't willing to give that. And it's tough to do.
In my situation, I was like "I'm ending this because I'm going crazy because I want more." and dude actually came back after a month or so and said he was willing to give me more, and we dated for a year and that ended in horror. HORROR. So anyway that was just my situation. You could try that approach.
@redheaded&crazie aw thanks. I hate crazy me. Also, major hormones happening at this moment, so that's probably/definitely not helping matters.
What I hate hate hate about these situations and myself in them is how pathetic I feel because I don't know what I want. If I did, I would try to get it. But I don't know what I want out of this situation, except what I irrationally want out of every situation: unconditional love. Putting that crazy aside, do I actually want to be with this guy? No. Or maybe. I don't know. I truly don't.
What is going on between us, today, in this moment, is making me feel a bit crazy and post on the 'Pin instead of working. That's a problem. But if I can't figure myself out, I can't take a productive step towards getting what I want, which is basically my MO. Sitting around waiting? No thanks. Guh.
So... why aren't you telling him how you feel? Just because you're not in a committed relationship doesn't mean you're both robots with no care for each other's emotions. He is a friend with benefits, after all!
The thing that has made my FWB relationship work (2+ years holla) is that we talk about our feelings all the time. If he wants to imagine what it would be like if we dated, fine. If I tell him I love him, fine. If he gets jealous when I meet a new guy, fine. I'm not gonna freak out if he says something romancy! We just talk it over until we both don't feel weird. Although we don't have the romance part, we're still friends who love and respect each other deeply.
The dynamics of respect/sex/love in American culture are all fucked up and intertwined, so a noncommital relationship IS something that requires a lot of emotional therapy.
ETA Although, when he holds your hand, is it in public? Because that's weird. I snuggle my FWB in private because I love him, but we're platonic in public so we both have chances to get it on with other people. If I held his hand in public, that'd be a cock block and that would indicate I wasn't comfortable with the noncommital part. Dudefriend might have some emotions to air as well.
May I ask why you two aren't dating? Having fun sex with someone I love, who I can talk to about my feelings and snuggle with would basically be a romantic relationship for me.
He has a lot of mental health problems which, by his standards, hinder him from being able to have a romantic relationship. There's fewer obligations with the FWB dynamic, so he has less cause to feel like he's failing me during his less healthy times.
Also the only thing we both find romantic is cooking--he doesn't get much out of hiking, for instance, and I don't get much out of watching movies. It's nearly romantic but not quite. He's like a sexy brother or something!
@Inkling Yeah, in public. Which is weird, right? We clearly have some things to work out. It doesn't help that I have some communication/emotional intimacy issues. Or, my communication/emotional intimacy issues have caused my problems.
It was all well and good when the rules were pretty defined, but last weekend they seemed to go out the window. Holding hands in public, hanging out all day, he took me by his parent's house (bah why did I go?). And now I'm feeling adrift. If I knew what I wanted, then I would ask for it. But I don't.
Well, what you don't want is uncertainty, right? So why not explain him why his actions are not what you expect?
I don't see spending a lot of time together or meeting parents outside of the FWB realm--again, these fall under the friend portion, it is expected to enjoy each other's company--but being publicly affectionate definitely excludes you from other relationships. I would tell it to him just like that. He may have taken your hand out of habit or didn't process what it implied to strangers you may want to prowl on, so it does need to be clarified. If it turns out you'd like to date him, it's better to say "let's date" than slowly, "accidentally" easing into romantic tendencies. You can PDA with him later if you decide to, but not when he is a FWB.
Again, it's just the context of the action. My FWB holds my hand when he goes down on me, for example, and I find it so affectionate. However, it doesn't harm my sexual freedom, and sexual freedom is the key with this dynamic. Because it would impede my benefits of the nonexclusive relationship, it would be disrespectful of our arrangement to hold my hand in public.
the wedding is in a week! and i can't sleep because I have all these "must remember this, and must remember that, and can't forget all these things" thoughts going through my head. and my future MIL is really kinda an awesome bad ass, but right now she's just a semi psychotic control freak and i'm actually completely intimidated by her party prowess because, let's face it, the lesbian communist mom wasn't into throwing soirees and so i never learned how to do it "right". so i'm busily writing all sorts of lists for the next week so i feel like i actually have a shot at this.
TLDR: ::whimper:: it will be ok, right?
@teenie IT'S GOING TO BE MORE THAN OK IT'S GOING TO BE AWESOME
@ayo nicole thank you, i find your caps lock strangely reassuring <3
@teenie You're welcome! I was going for a motivational speaker vibe.
@teenie It is going to be great! It's okay to be stressed now, but just know that lass than halfway through your reception you will be super happy and with your HUSBAND and you will not care if the centerpieces are missing a ribbon or whatever. You'll have an awesome day with people you care about you!
@SarahP **Less, not lass. Work computer doesn't let me edit, so I sound like I'm Scottish...
@teenie people are always at their worst right before a wedding. This is probably as bad as it's ever going to be with her, so if you can get through this week it's smooth sailing!
My mom wasn't a lesbian communist, but she IS an aspergers-syndrome-having, open-source nerd-hippie, so I feel your pain. Anything I learned about performing heteronormative female social roles, I had to teach myself. Which is kind of awesome, amiright?
@teenie You will remember all the necessary things, and you will have a blast, and you will be married. It's going to be amazing.
@teenie I was married just over a month ago and about a week before I was a total wreck - there were so many things to remember/worry about! I'd never planned such a big party, and my MIL and I had had some serious draaaama in the lead up, but it all went fine! More than fine! Everyone who came, even those people we'd been pressured to invite and were unsure if they would have a good time, came through and had a blast. Every single one. It will be okay! It will be amazing! So many exclamation points!
Urgent assignments that come up on Friday afternoons can go straight to hell, do not pass Go, do not collect $200.
And that is all I can post on the FOT today. Back to the grind...
@cuminafterall You will never read this so I feel strangely empowered to say Good Luck! I wish you a shorter-than-expected grind!
SO if anyone remembers me complaining last week about not knowing if I could take time off to do a job interview because work is crazy right now...
I couldn't. There's no way I could have missed work that whole morning. And I'm sad, because I want to get out of this job, ASAP, but also, would I really want to work for somewhere that schedules an inflexible group interview?
It's just really upsetting. I'm too exhausted and quasi-depressed to look for jobs or put in the effort of applying for them, and it's worse because clearly the field I'm in isn't right for me but I don't know what field is.
Anyone got any tips on moving from journalism to non-profit or eduction communications (does that make sense)? Because that's what I want to do. I THINK. (And if anyone knows any super-cool non-profits hiring in NYC, hi.)
@terrific Look at university communications departments, especially universities that have hospitals. The university where I work has dozens of dedicated communications staff members. School-specific magazines, fundraising pieces, admissions brochures, website content... tons of opportunity there. Plus you get a living wage and sweet benefits.
@TheclaAndTheSeals Btw, higheredjobs.com is a good place to start if this sounds at all appealing.
Did I mention job security at universities?
...sorry to evangelize. I just know several communications people who love that they get to make a living writing AND have a normal schedule AND a decent salary/benefits AND no downsizing.
@TheclaAndTheSeals A friend of mine did this to escape small town newspaper reporting and she loves it! Now she gets to produce short films, help design websites and all kinds of other cool shit.
PLUS! She would get hella reduced tuition if she decides to do a master's degree while working there, so she can develop her skills more!
I'm pretty proud of her honestly
Dog-loving 'pinners in Atlanta-- Go to Paws in the Park this Sunday!
Lots of dogs + nice weather + good cause = GO GO GO.
urgh I still did not get paid for working last month! I don't want to make it a thing but they're being super annoying.
My week was pretty boring BUT that fantasy thread earlier this week put lots of good sounding stuff on my amazon wishlist, and OMG TV IS BACK GUYS.
Oh and Toronto 'Pinners, probably gonna do another Hairlequin on October 4th!
@Megano! I AM PUTTING IT IN MY CALENDAR.
@redheaded&crazie Event created!
@Megano! There's going to be a meetup? This is exciting! I've never been to one.
@coconuts October 4th, 6pm, No one Writes to the Colonel on College, bring a book with a terrible sex scene in it.
@Megano! 1. I very much wish I could attend this event with a book that has a terrible sex scene in it, because performing dramatic readings of terrible sex scenes is one of my favorite things in the world, and 2. It...IS a thing that you didn't get paid for working last month. Not because you're making it so, but, WTF? It is *their* thing, and you contacting whoever-they-may-be about the problem is not what makes it a Thing. Their failure to pay you in a timely fashion did that. So get yours, yo.
@Megano! I am also still waiting for my last paycheck from the job that ended over a month ago. As long as it shows up next week, I'm going to let it go, but if it doesn't my very sweet boss is getting the "THIS IS FUCKING UNACCEPTABLE" email.
@Megano! Thank you! I'll do my best to find a good bad sex scene.
@Roaring Girl Well I already emailed them about it last week, and they were like, "Oh you have to fill out a timesheet, you were supposed to do it when you were here, oh and lunches are included" so I had to like, remember what days I took an hour lunch and which I didn't and stuff (which is hard b/c it had already been a month!), and it's been a week since then and still nothing!
AAAAAAAAH FIVE DAYS TILL I SEE GOSSIP. SO EXCITED.
I am soooo sick of being unemployed. I'm on month 3 now and I'm really not sure what it is I'm doing (or not doing) that is keeping me from getting a job. All the interviews I've had are from the same department at the same place so while it's awesome to be getting interviews I have no idea how to get other places to look at my resume. And I signed up at like 5 temp agencies and whenever I call in to check up they say the don't have anything for me.
And now I feel like every job I see requires 5 years of experience and I only have 1. I know I just have to keep trying but it's really frustrating and I wish I could find out what it is I'm doing wrong. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that something will work out soon but it's just so frustrating!
@Sea Ermine I HAVE NOT HAD A SINGLE INTERVIEW
@Megano! I wish there was some sort of guide? Like a list of things you need to do to make hiring managers love you. Because I think I do really really well in interviews but I can't get anyone to look at my resume or call me in so...my interview skills are pointless?
@Sea Ermine No advice, but solidarity. Month 2 of unemployment is finishing up and I am about to limp into Month 3 not feeling any closer to actually getting a job. I hate this feeling of being useless to society.
@Lurkasaurus "I hate this feeling of being useless to society." Yes THIS! I think this sentiment is my biggest issue with unemployment (aside from the whole not having any money which leads me into piles and piles of debt because I have no more savings and still need to eat). Particularly because I'm 22 and graduated from college this May so that mean that me being unemployed makes me part of the whole "millennial's are spoiled and lazy and are too unqualified to do any jobs ever" phenomenon which is kind of sucky.
I'm not even that pick about work! I mean 50-70% of what I apply to are jobs that I think I'd love but my idea of a job that I'd love is entry level admin/clerical work in a university or a interesting sounding company. Which I feel should be an ok standard to have? The rest is everything from stocking shelves to temp work to whatever pops up as not needing tons of highly specific experience.
@Sea Ermine If you apply to a minimum-wage job like a store or restaurant or something, leave your college stuff off. They'll assume you'll leave right away when something better comes along and won't call you.
I have friends in the same boat. Every job available wants years of experience because they can ask for it, because people with experience are jobless too. My one friend got a job anyway even though she wasn't qualified originally. They loved her resume and portfolio. Apply for those jobs just in case, sometimes hardly anyone that actually qualifies applies, or you still look better than them.
@Sea Ermine I'm in the process of hiring someone for an entry-level position right now, and things that I like are: (1) coming across in a professional manner and organizing all the requested information in a clear way, (2) demonstrating interest in the field-either via work, research, education, volunteering, etc. (3) demonstrating experience doing the tasks that are part of the job, in the ways from item 2. I would recommend reaching out to alumna from your program or any other older professionals you know, doing informational interviews to learn about their jobs and what they think young people in the field should know and do. If they seem open to it, ask them to review your materials and give feedback. I bet there are Pinners who would be willing to do the same for you. If you do develop a relationship, try to keep it up so they'll think of you if they see any relevent job opportunities. Also, most people's early years are rough. I recall applying to 50+ jobs during my senior year of college, pre-recession.
@baked bean But what am I supposed to say when they ask, "so why is there a giant gap where you didn't work while you were in university?" (I know, I am an idiot)
@baked bean With the minimum wage jobs, how would I explain gaps in my work history? The job situation in the town I went to college in was really terrible and worse for people who didn't have cars and couldn't leave the town (I didn't have a car and also can't drive) so I was only able to work summers (because that's when I went home, where there were more jobs) and then finally got a during school job one semester in my junior year. If I leave college on I can explain the gaps by saying I was focusing on school those semesters but if I take it off it looks like I spent 3.5 years only working summers. It also looks weird because one of those jobs was not in the US (because of where my parents were living) and so trying to explain why I bounced between a major US city, a major foreign city, and a tiny US college town might be tricky without mentioning that I was in certain places for school. Did you or anyone you know have a situation like that (the work gaps situation, I'm assuming most people don't have the weird location situation), and if so, how did they explain it?
@Megano! Say you were concentrating on your studies? That classes were demanding and left little time for work. I have a lot of friends that can't find jobs in college that will work around their schedules because they are so busy with studies and involvement in organizations and such.
@Sea Ermine Minimum wage jobs don't generally ask all the questions higher-paying jobs do. I can't say I have experience with higher-paying ones but I've had like 8 minimum wage jobs in my life.
I'm honestly just passing on advice from my mother-like boss about the Real World. If you're over-qualified, and they're not the type of place to check history, then don't put everything.
Also, don't have to put months on resume, can just put "2009-2010" for jobs, or leave jobs off. Some jobs I've had in the past only want to hear about the jobs that matter for experience for what they're looking for anyway. So like, I worked for a daycare, and they only wanted to hear about childcare experience, so I only put that one job on there.
Someone told me the last 3 jobs max on your resume or application, don't list off all 10 jobs you've had in the past. And if you were only there for a little bit or you don't want them to call that place, leave them off and put a different one on there.
@baked bean Also, not an expert, just a person that has had a lot of low-paying jobs.
If you're looking for something "in the mean-time" while you're waiting for the job you really want, find friends or family, or friends-of-friends who have jobs at those restaurants and stores. That's how most people get hired, not applications. Or at least around here.
@upupandaway I think part of my problem is that all of my work experience is in my desired field but my desired field is to be an administrative assistant (ideally at a university but anywhere is fine right now) so I can't differentiate myself with research or internships in the way that someone wanting to go into biochem or accounting could...just because clerical and admin work draws a super wide pool of candidates but doesn't require a lot of very specific knowledge.
I have reached out to someone who works at one of the universities I'd like to work at (I knew someone who knew someone who knew her and they put me in touch) and managed to meet with her and she talked with me and looked over my resume and said that I seemed very professional and had all the right experience for what I was applying to and that she'd be happy to pass on my resume if I let her know when I'd applied to a particular job there (which I have done several times so far) but so far it hasn't come to anything (however I am beyond grateful for the advice she gave me and the fact that she even agreed to meet with me in the first place). I keep in contact with her though because she's been really helpful and I don't want to lose this relationship.
I also tried to reach out to a number of people who previously said they'd be interested in meeting with me to talk about what they do and what their industry is like but I haven't had any responses so far.
I also tried the alumni thing, however at the school I went to that is only really useful if you are planning to stay in the town where the school was (the whole career services department is really setup only to help people who are able to stay in the area, when I went in they even told me that they don't really have resources for people who are leaving the area or who want to do what I want to do) or if you are planning to work in accounting or engineering (the alumni networks are mostly setup for that because that's where the huge job networks from my school are). I'm going to keep trying with that and maybe eventually I'll get through to someone who works in nyc (where I currently live) even if they work in a different field (because really, any chance to talk with someone would be great right now).
I don't want to seem like I'm shutting down your advice, I think it's really helpful and I definitely appreciate the fact that you took the time to respond to my anxiety ridden post. I guess I'm just frustrated because whenever I do meet with someone everything goes great and they seem really interested in me but that's only on the rare occasion I can get someone to meet with me. Generally, I hear nothing or I get an interview (or even several interviews) and they go great and then it gets filled by an internal candidate. But really, thank you so much and I'll definitely keep all of your advice in mind and just try to stay focused and optimistic.
@baked bean What would you do if you had the opposite problem, and you're trying to make it look like you have more experience? Because post high school I've only had 4 jobs and the longest one was 4 months long so I don't have to worry about cutting anything I just have to figure out how to explain the gaps for a job where I'm leaving off education (when I leave on college I just say that I was focusing on my studies and that always works fine). I think my biggest issue is that I'm actually underqualified for many of the standard minimum wage jobs (like waitressing or stocking shelves or retail) because for various reasons all of my work experience starting from my first job when I was 15 or 16 was in different fields...and since it's not hard to find someone with at least a little experience in restaurants/retail/etc I get passed over.
I like the idea about going through connections. Currently I don't know anyone who works in a job that doesn't require piles and piles of experience but I'll keep my eye out. I'll definitely take your advice about leaving college off as well, and hopefully they wont ask what I did in the meantime or if they do maybe by then I'll have thought of a non school based excuse for why I have so many gaps in my work history.
@baked bean @everyoneelse Also I don't know if I mentioned it but I am super super grateful for all the advice everyone has been passing around here. I totally copy and pasted all the responses into a word document to look over and start working on some of the ideas given to me here!
@Sea Ermine It sounds like you are doing all the right things. All my work experience is in academic environments, starting with research internships and part-time clerical work. Although clerical work doesn't require specific knowledge, all jobs in academic departments (no idea about admin departments like Purchasing) prefer to hire people whose skills/knowledge go beyond that. These positions are usually funded by short-term grants, so people's jobs will change depending on the project. We don't want to hire someone who can only do clerical work because it means we'll have to lay them off if we don't have that type of work. Someone who can also write reports and do analysis would be better, because they can be shifter to different projects depending on who has money at the time. There is also the ego, where professors want to hire people who are interested in their research, even if it has nothing to do with the duties of the job.
@Sea Ermine I'd say if you're worried about the gaps, leave college on. It's not super solid advice, just advice. I imagine everyone is used to seeing college kids apply for everything now, and the person that gave me that advice was older so maybe not used to this environment :)
Also people do not generally want to see your jobs from high school unless they apply to the job you're applying to, too long ago.
Put a lot of focus in on thinking of friends and such with jobs, it's the best way in. Most of my jobs were because of friends. I think only like 2 were otherwise.
I went through a very frustrating time two years ago when I was jobless and couldn't find anything in the summer in my small college town that went dead during the summer.
ALSO, my plan when school's up and I can't find a job is to substitute teach. In my state, you qualify if you have 60 credit hours of college no matter what it was for. It pays more per hour than most per-hour places. If you can stand kids, most school districts always need more subs. And you can just pick to do high school or whatever. If I go back to my hometown I know they'll let me on because they know who I am there.
@Sea Ermine ALSO, I heard that more openings come up in the fall/winter than in the summer so keep your head up! More productivity going on now in businesses, and college interns are gone now.
@upupandaway Just based on what you've observed amongst people you've worked with, what kinds of things would help to show work beyond clerical experience? Right now the only thing I have beyond that is a bachelors degree which is the only thing I can use to prove anything extra. I think I have an edge because my clerical experience is mostly in foreign embassies as well as fancy government places in the U.S so at least I can prove I can work in a fast paced environment where I'm doing a lot of tasks at once. But beyond that I don't know.
I have gone on about 12 interviews, all for admin assistant positions at universities (8 of the interviews were for the same job) and all the people I met with seemed to be really pleased with my resume and impressed with what I did at my past jobs but then the first one (with 8 interviews) was filled by an internal candidate and the rest I haven't heard back from (although one of those was fairly recent and I went on 2 interviews so...fingers crossed). I also met with someone who works in the administrative side of universities in an area I'd really like to work in and she also seemed pleased with my resume and cover letter and said that she thinks I'd be a great fit for the jobs I'm applying to. I think my issue is that because I'm getting mostly positive feedback I don't know what to fix that's keeping me from getting a job. Does that make sense? I guess I should just focus on getting some sort of volunteer work or internship along with applying for jobs so at least I don't look like I've been sitting around doing nothing.
@baked bean I will keep that in mind! I think I get nervous because it's so recommended to use your connections but I don't really have any? I moved to the US when I was 18 and didn't manage to make friends in college and then after graduation I moved to a brand new city because at least I had cousins there (my parents don't live in the US) so I'm kind of...floating on my own right now. But I'm keeping my eyes open and I'm going to dinner with those cousins soon and maybe they can let me know of openings where they work. Thanks again for your advice!!!
@Sea Ermine I know what you mean! I am NOT a people person, and befriending someone just for job benefits to me seems... awful? A lot of professors in my major are always stressing that we make connections! Network! And that does not sound fun to me at all!
Channel the cousins! They might at least be able to get you a little job or a part time job so you don't starve to death, or a place to live while you look for something else.
I just sent some work off to my adviser and now I am done for the weekend! And I'm going to see David Byrne and St Vincent in concert!!! I am slightly nervous because I am going by myself and I've never been to a concert by myself before, but DAVID BYRNE.
@many things do not fly Jealousssss! Have an amazing time.
@many things do not fly I love going to concerts by myself! I can get much better seats as there's always singles and I get to hang with other true fans. The last show I went to was A Perfect Circle and the collective vibe had enough room for all of us. So good. Have a great time!
I discovered "Ben Folds Presents: University A Cappella" on Spotify today and it significantly brightened my work day. Also, I saw Ben Folds Five live on Tuesday night this past week and I'm still riding the "finally saw Ben Folds live" high 'cause he's probably one of my very favorites, and it was awesome.
In other news, is "Once Upon a December" (the movie version, with the music box and the bridge with the dramatic swelling Soviet choir) an appropriate father/daughter dance? 'Cause I'm leaning toward it hard.
ALSO, I dripped black bean sauce on my pale yellow-beige shirt today and so I've had a brownish streak down my tit all day long 'cause I couldn't get all of it out. Curses.
@Scandyhoovian Oh man! I saw Ben Folds at the symphony a year or two ago and he was INCREDIBLE. I was on a high for days as well. During the encore he did his playing-the-audience bit for the horns on "Army" and also got the whole audience to scream FUCK at the top of our lungs. In the symphony hall! So good.
@Scandyhoovian I am obsessed with that Ben Folds a cappella album. I listen to it ALL THE TIME!! I saw BF live probably about five years ago and it was amazing, I'd love to see him again.
@Scandyhoovian How do you feel about Ben Folds' collaborations with William Shatner?
@Scandyhoovian Seriously, "Selfless, Cold and Composed" by the Sacramento State Choir? Amazing.
Pinners, can you help? Has anyone tried the Philips Lumea Precision hair removal zapper? I am thinking of buying one, to use of the bikini line; every form of hair removal (waxing, cream, sugaring, shaving) gives me red bumps, and I would love to be able to wear a swimming costume without looking like I have intruiging crotch-acne. Would anyone recommend it/similar home-use ipl machines?
@chope des puces replying because inquiring minds would like to know.
@falafelwaffle agree. answers? people?
Ricki Hall retweeted me, I sold lots of shit at work today, I made a badass display (based on a theme that I hate, however), Mister was only gone one night, I spent two days at MG's this week, NEW PARKS AND REC. AAAAAAAAAAAH!
But I am on my period. Ick.
@Porn Peddler Can we talk about the new Parks and Rec? Did it seem...different to anyone else? Or was it just me?
What was different about it? Seemed the same to me.
@WhiskeySour It was the same to me, but Amy Poehler has lost a TON of weight.
@WhiskeySour AWESOMELY DIFFERENT?
I got a slightly different vibe from it but am attributing that to the change in location.
...off to write Leslie/Ben fanfic...
Also nice work Porn Peddler!
@Reginal T. Squirge
I don't know. To me it seemed a bit more manic than usual, kind of like they had way too much footage and had to edit it all together really quickly. (I'm guessing there will be an extended version when it's out on DVD.) And I guess the pacing just seemed a bit different than how it's been in the past.
And this is totally a nitpick, but in past seasons all of the women on the show have had normal hair; hair that looks like they are regular people who do their own hair? But last night everyone's hair was really done up and perfect and it was weird to me.
Don't even get me started on the clothes of the people who work for the parks department of a tiny Indiana town.
@Porn Peddler All y'all, watch this amazing Ben/Leslie music video (okay, so maybe it's set to Call Me Maybe but so what!). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9zk7kelN2M
@WhiskeySour YES though I did see your comment before watching it. Also feel sad about Amy and Will. I know those affected me...
Aziz is what's really throwing me, as he just seems so pouty and barely in character. It's like the guy who played Leslie's, then Ann's, love interest in the first season-as soon as these guys aren't the central characters, they lose it. I did perk up at what's being stirred up between Ron Swanson and Rob Lowe's characters. That shows real promise to me.
But I may be losing my heart to Matthew Perry's "Go On" as it's multilayered, whipsmart and has people-shaped people in it, who look lived-in.
Hey, people in their early twenties: have you heard of Alien and/or Rosemary's Baby? I brought them up to some young people today in the context of Halloween costumes and got nothing but blank stares, even after I used the phrases "Mia Farrow has Satan's baby" and "John Hurt has an alien busting out of his chest."
@miss buenos aires (I'm 26, so past "early 20's". so there's that) I've both heard of and seen both of those movies. Seems like both would be pretty well-known even for being old? There are pop culture references to them all over the place.
SPOILER ALERT, yo!
I saw Rosemary's Baby for the first time a few years ago and it may be the best horror movie I've ever seen?
@Reginal T. Squirge I feel like they shouldn't count as spoiler alerts because they're so old! And how else would you make sure that someone had really never heard of those movies?
And yes, Rosemary's Baby is FANTASTIC.
@miss buenos aires I'm almost 28 so I'm not in my early twenties but yes, I have heard of both. I haven't actually seen Alien but I would definitely get that reference.
@miss buenos aires I'm 22 and I've heard of both of those, and most people I know have seen at least one. The only reason I haven't seen them is because I get scared incredibly easily so I figure it would be a bad idea.
24. Have seen Alien (when I was 8 or so?), haven't seen Rosemary's Baby. I am at least familiar with the story, though. My boyfriend (25) completely fucking dumbfounded me when I asked him if he wanted to go see a showing of The Birds and his response was, "what's The Birds?"
@frigwiggin Can you please make seeing Rosemary's Baby a priority for this Halloween season? It is so good! I love it even though I think Polanski is a horrible human being.
Will do! I'll watch it with my boyfriend, won't that be ~*romantic*~.
@Sea Ermine The Unwanted Old here! I saw "Alien" in a drive-in in Texas, and I knew that damn thing was right in the back seat, waiting to grab me.
The hard part was/is that I'm highly suggestible and seeing pregnant women, even now, makes me bite back a scream. Not even kidding. It's def not for everyone.
@miss buenos aires I watched all the Alien films and the Terminators when I was 5 at a cousins house. Poor child-care management, or most effective child-care management?! I was so terrified and so well behaved for that trip, because what if one of those monsters showed up to get me.
I am 23 now, and still scared of basements, and enclosed dark spaces. Also most bugs.
@miss buenos aires "I've been to Vidal Sassoon." Favorite quote from a horror movie.
@miss buenos aires I'm 23. I've seen Alien (and its sequels, including Prometheus WHYYYY) and so have most if not all of my friends. Its pop culture presence is still pretty strong IMHO. Rosemary's Baby I've heard of, but barely (couldn't have told you any plot details or actors involved). That might be because I am emphatically NOT a horror movie person, though.
@miss buenos aires
18. I have seen Alien, and know a bit about Rosemary's Baby.
@miss buenos aires Im ashamed to admit that Im thirty and only just watched Alien so I could justify going to see Prometheus...but I do get references to things I havent seen which does weird people out sometimes.
I learned last night that I should not read Caitlin Moran's How To Be A Woman in public, lest I want people to stare at my snort-laughs.
Also, Chicago pin-up this weekend! Sunday at 4! Exciting! And I will top off the evening by watching the Emmys and Emmy fashion.
@olivebee Ooh, I'm about to start reading that! Glad to know it is snort-inducing.
@olivebee I used to have the same problem with Terry Pratchett. Tears of laughter on public transit can be kinda weird for other people!
@olivebee I wish I could go!! I have a family event! Have fun, lovely Chicagoans!
@olivebee I've never made it to a pin-up! Do I need to send some indication that I'll be there so somebody knows roughly how many people to expect?
I'm excited/ weirdly nervous. Strangers!
@withatwist Nope, you can just show up, and we will be there to greet you. :) It'll be fun, because pin-up strangers are nice!
@olivebee Also read How To Be A Woman in public this week. Also snort-laughed in the subway. Just gotta own it!
@olivebee That book made me laugh aloud a lot, which led to my husband asking, "What's so funny?" all the time, except 1) out of context she is not as funny and 2) I think she might be less funny if you have a penis? Not sure. He didn't laugh much.
You guys, this week has been so awesome! I got my first tattoo, got my braces off (maybe I'll be carded less now), and today I passed the boards for my career so I can get a raise! Toss in sex and I'll call it the perfect week.
@Mad as a Hatter! YAYYY to all of those! What / where is your tattoo?
@billie_crusoe Lovebirds on the right lower quadrant of my pelvis. It barely hurt and now I'm already thinking about another! (Probably shouldn't though!)
@Mad as a Hatter! Ooh! My first tattoo is (and my next tattoo will be) birds.
They're so addictive. I seem to get a new one about every 2 years, but I start planning the next one right after I get one. Fortunately, the guy I want to do my next one has a years'-long waiting list, so I will have to wait and save ;)
'Pinners! What is the best lipstick for a pale girl with dark hair/eyes? I find the cosmetic aisle highly intimidating and understand zero things about undertones and berries and reds and corals. Advice?
Okay, it isn't actual lipstick, but as someone who never wears makeup and who has the same coloring you're describing, the Burt's Bees Hibiscus Tinted Lip Balm looks fantastic on me. I bought it on a whim and somehow smearing it on my lips also makes me look like I'm wearing mascara? Baffling but enjoyable.
@lasso tabasco I love the Nars matte lipsticks. I'd veer towards pinky colors/reds rather than orangy/coraly colors.
@falafelwaffle It's mostly just trial-and-error, though.
@lasso tabasco Try Korres lip butter. They are tinted so you can pick the shade that suits you best. You can find it at Sephora: http://www.sephora.com/lip-butter-P199109
@frigwiggin you never wear makeup?! TEACH ME
@Lyesmith Nice! I've always wanted to order things online from Sephora (I don't live near one) but I have this nervous feeling about buying things without trying them on.
Teach you how not to wear makeup? It's pretty easy if a) you don't own any and b) you never really learned how to put it on. I do play around with it a little (a couple weekends ago my friend did me up and we determined that I enjoy bright red lips), but mostly I'm lazy and only give myself 15-20 minutes to get ready most mornings. I also plaster my face all over the internet on my personal style blog five days a week and nobody's given me any crap about my makeuplessness, so I'm happy to carry on as I have been!
@lasso tabasco The beauty of Sephora is that you can return stuff even after you've opened it/tried it. So, at least you're not stuck with something horrible. You might also like the Clinique almost lipstick in black honey. It's one of those supposed-to-be-flattering-on-everyone colors.
@lasso tabasco I have this coloring (with yellow/light olive undertones in my skin), and I swear by clinique almost lipstick in black honey, and ellis faas (http://www.ellisfaas.com/collection/lips) in glazed, numbers 301 (blood red) and 304 (berry)
ellis faas stuff is also super-easy to use, because it comes in pens. it also doesn't have much of a strong taste, which is really important to some people.
@lasso tabasco I have the same coloring (except for eye color). Mostly, I wear lipgloss, but for lipstick I like YSL's Rouge Pur Couture #1. It's very red . . . which is my top priority when I look at lipstick, to be honest. YMMV.
@lasso tabasco ALL OF THEM. Pick a color you like and prepare to own it when you smear it on your face. Such is the magic of your coloring.
Thank you all so much for your helpful suggestions! I am persuing on Sephora.com right now, can't wait to try some of this stuff out!!
@frigwiggin what is this blog of which you speak? I am in dire need of some style inspiration.
@lasso tabasco Oh, it's right over here--my best friend Tia blogs there too, but she's been too busy with grad school lately to post much. (Which is sad, because I love seeing HER makeupless face around the blog too.)
@frigwiggin Dude I never learned make-up either! My mother doesn't wear it, and my friends were always the geeky girls.
I occasionally do under-eye concealer and some foundation on my chin because it is red, but that is about it. If I put foundation everywhere it makes me look flat and colorless, and hides my freckles. My eyelashes are dark, so why mascara? I'm probably not used to how make-up looks on my face, because eyeshadow and lip color gets immediately washed off when I try it out. But my manfriend likes me without makeup, he says often, because sometimes I worry out loud that I should wear it to conform.
Also if that is you in the first blog post, your face is beautiful!
@lasso tabasco Ooh, if you're pale with dark hair and eyes, the world is your oyster for trying lipstick colors. Your coloring looks good with almost anything, except for "nude" lipstick, because that stuff looks terrible on every type of coloring. I'd recommend trying any type of red or pink. If you're feeling bold, try on NARS "Schiap," which is a BRIGHT pink that looks incredible against dark hair. If you're feeling less bold, try some sort of tinted gloss (I likey the Clinique chubby sticks) or a sheer coral. And if you're completely lost, go to Sephora and ask one of the Sephora ladies what they think would look good on you - the Sephora ladies are great because they're helpful if you ASK for help, but otherwise they leave you in peace and don't hassle you to buy $100 worth of things you don't want or need (unlike the ladies at, say, Lush, who have driven me out of the store forever with their aggressive sales pitches). I hope this helps!
Is anybody else doing Dewey's 24 Hour Read-a-Thon in October? I always do it with my book-blogging partner, and this time will be no different. We're even planning on hosting a mini-challenge this time!
I am a little bummed, though, that it is the same weekend as the Alternative Press Expo. I love APE but will probably be exhausted on Sunday and driving myself to San Francisco after 24 hours of no sleep seems like a bad idea.
Today is my last day at a job I've had for 2 years and even though I hate this place, it feels totally weird. I'm sad which can surely be attributed to change but it's also so hard to find a group of people you genuinely like working with. My friends are here, I met my boyfriend at this job. I'm already dreading having to go to the new job on Monday (just a little).
On top of this, I had a second interview on Wednesday for my dream job and I haven't heard back from them yet. I told them I had another offer so the sooner I could hear back, the better but of course they are going to make me wait.
Facts of life but how do I deal with change??
@HeyMatilda You've gotta roll with it, because it never stops! That's absolutely all life is, there is no static. Do you really want to dread such a huge part of life forever?
ALSO this Marlo Meekins comic.
@remargaret thank you for reminding me how much I love Marlo Meekins
I am going thrift-shopping for corduroy and flannel tonight (Dress Your Margaret in Flannel and Corduroy).
Am I pregnant? Let's take a vote!
(Please vote yes, in case you are wondering.)
If it's yes, will there be Dressopotamia: Maternity Edition?
@frigwiggin I would have to have some really cute threads to do that. But the owner of my local vintage shop (who pulls things out for me every time I walk in) just had a baby, so maybe? Although Mad Men is not very encouraging when it comes to '60s maternity wear.
Either way, I'm voting yes for you!
@frigwiggin Thanks! I'm sick of taking my temperature every day.
@miss buenos aires - Congratulations. How wonderful.
(No seriously though - congrats!)
@miss buenos aires Dude earth mother is my favorite maternity look. No lie. Grow that beautiful pregnant hair out, wear those long flowy dresses!
@alannaofdoom Congratulations are premature (pardon the pun)... I haven't missed a period yet. But here's hoping...
@miss buenos aires Good Luck!
I don't want to sound whiny but I am feeling lonely and left out. I'm on a certain message board and it seems like all of my posts there go ignored. Also a friend of mine told me that I should come to her birthday party tomorrow but has so far neglected to tell me the time and place even though I've asked her TWICE. wtf? I'm definitely feeling forever alone.
@coconuts I know that feel, bro. Do you have another friend you can text for some small fun chatty stuff? That makes me feel better.
@coconuts I hope this isn't the message board! keep posting. We heart everyone here on the Pin.
@coconuts I so feel you on the invitation that maybe isn't? I've a friend who's invited me TO HER CHURCH--TWICE and I can't get followup info from her. Where is it? is Not an unanswerable question!! To me, it seems cruel and manipulative and I'm with you, the word TWICE must be in all caps.
I'm adopting Radio Silence towards her and hiding her news feed in FB so I'm not tempted to comment. What actions are you planning?
@Myrtle that's extra weird- seriously - church is a thing church-people are socialized to feel good about bringing people to. yeah, follow @Myrtle's advice and passive aggressively hide their feed on fb.
@frigwiggin I don't feel like I do. It's strange, I have friends but I don't have a close group of friends and I no longer feel like I have a super close friend that I can call or text at any time.
@theotherginger No, it's not this place! Truthfully I don't comment here often enough. I think I'm going to leave the other board anyway as there has been too much drama of late anyway.
@Myrtle Exactly! It's rude and rather manipulative. I'm surprised too because usually this friend isn't so flaky. I'm going to try texting her but the thing is she was travelling out of the country for several months so I don't even know if she still has the same phone number. I figure that plus one more facebook message and if she doesn't respond by tomorrow afternoon then I will have to spend the evening alone and bitter. And probably calling my mom to vent.
@theotherginger @coconuts For my thing, maybe it's just a sign of the whole friendship? My friend just seems like one of those happy-in-her-church people, and I was happy to be invited and looking forward to going. I appreciate you commiserating with me. I hope coconuts' thing goes better.
@coconuts PS With the variables you mention, your plan seems like a good one. :>
@Myrtle Thanks! I just texted her and now I'm waiting. I'm just annoyed because it would be nice to go out tomorrow but I can't just show up at her place at whatever random time.
@coconuts Hooray for being brave and wanting to spend time with this fellow silly human who's so like us!
@Myrtle Okay I feel so silly. I finally had the "radical" idea of actually calling my friend. She picked up and gave me the details. I feel just a little bit ridiculous. Why do we always rely on text and fb messages?
@coconuts I'm glad this had a happy ending!
The links on our page... one points to a CafeMom shaming "56-year old Kris Jenner for wearing a leather mini dress!!!!!1!!1!!" Oh how dare she. The age-shaming makes me ragey. Methinks "author" little Miss JuiceBox Lindsay Mannering could contain the jealous a bit better. I gotta say, when the description of said dress was expanded to include lace and bows, it did sound a bit over the top. Bad taste is one thing. But her age isn't a faux pas, dearie. I only wish I could see Mannering when she's over 50. What do you guys think?
@Myrtle I think there should be an age limit (and a weight limit) on leather, thongs, Daisy Duke short shorts and hotpants, miniskirts, visible buttcheeks, and bikinis; I am over the weight limit (I think) for all of those things, although I'm not sure what the age cut off is. I'm sure that makes me ageist or something; people are gonna do what they're gonna do. Just... do it with dignity?
@MrsTeacherFace I know a super-swanky, fashionable lady who is originally from Germany, and she's 70-something and still rocks a pair of leather pants on the regular and she looks FANTASTIC! How her sawed-off little short man husband ever scored such a hot number is beyond me. Of course, she is all class and decorum, which, let's face it, Mrs. Jenner ain't, so that's a point.
@MrsTeacherFace I am deeply sorry to all of the people I have imposed my bikini and shorts wearing upon.
Signed, a not that thin person.
@contrary Pish posh I say to that sentiment, and a Time Out in a corner for whatever addlebrained Cosmo-reading nitwit who taught it to you. Wear what you like, for heaven's sakes!
Unless you're being what Miss Manners would term "drool" in which case, you hooked me.
I made an appointment to get my next tattoo this coming Wednesday! It is my birthday present to myself, and I cannot waiiiiit.
@yeah-elle Ooh, ooh, what are you getting?
@frigwiggin A black and white botanical drawing of poppies! And depending maybe how far the money stretches, also a black and white engraving of a mouse holding a book.
@yeah-elle Ooh, those both sound excellent. I love the mouse with book idea in particular.
@Kate Kane I want tattoooooooooos! I even work in a field in which they are almost perfunctory, but I am far too fickle. Yours sound beautiful!
I just turned in my MA dissertation! I turned it in two weeks late and had to submit mitigating evidence to show that I was too depressed to write it all summer, so I technically don't know if the late penalty will be removed, but now it's finallllyyyy innnnn! Agh, 15,470 words is no longer a monkey on my back and it feels so good :)
@LolaLaBalc I'm pretty sure this counts as a superpower.
@LolaLaBalc Those are so many words! And they are original! And yours! Way to go! Also, I hope turning it in means you are out of your depression?
@All Thank you!!! Yeah, not writing/worrying anymore is almost like I had an evil conjoined twin that I am glad was removed, but in a way, I sort of miss it in a masochistic way. But I did start getting anti-anxiety meds for when I freak out and have had one therapy session so far. A lot of the depression was stress induced, but there are a whole lot of issues there, so we'll see. I do feel a ton better though and things feel like they're evening out, so thank you for asking!
Hi everybody! I'm a long time listener, firs time caller writing in to see if anyone has suggestions for a gynecologist (or a family practice doc who offers women's health services) in the D.C. area, as I am new to the city. I am 25 and living in NW D.C., for what that's worth. Thanks!
p.s. I kind of hate that my first post is some perfunctory advice-seeking plea, rather than a pithy one-liner in keeping with the considerable wit of this site, but there you go.
@HesterPrynne this is very important advice. I don't live in DC, but if no one else chimes in, I'd recommend your local PP. Or, call PP and see if they recommend someone closer.
@HesterPrynne Hey! My doctor (Dr. Bonita Coe) is an internist but does pap smears, breast/pelvic exams, and prescribes the pill/ring. I don't know about cost because my health insurance got an early start on fully covering well-woman visits, and I just started seeing her this summer, but I like her a lot. She is by Foggy Bottom. http://www.gwdocs.com
Hairpin! I miss you guys! I feel so out of the loop.
One of my managers retired and today was her last day and I am a mix of emotions -- sad to lose her, happy for her that she's leaving, terrified of who her replacement will be. Mostly the last one. I keep hearing a particular name being bandied about, and if it comes true, I will be very unhappy. The now-former manager was kind and a hard worker and if she had a problem with something you'd done, she would pull you aside and tell you herself, rather than running to her boss to rat you out. The rumored person...not so much any of those things.
But it is Friday and I got my car fixed and I am off all weekend and the market actually had clamcakes this time. So on the whole I'm pretty happy.
Seeing Tegan & Sarah on Monday even though the show was sold out when I found out about it. I mentioned it to a well connected music-loving show-hopping lesbian friend and it turns out (of course) she has an extra ticket!! :D Also I spent way too much money on Book of Mormon tickets, but um, a Tony-winning musical on its first national tour is totally worth blowing rent money on, right? Because Broadway lives in a special category of spendy?
Hi everyone! I'm in need of some dog training advice and am delurking with the hope that one (or more!) of you can help me.
Essentially my question is: how can I get my puppy to stop stealing shoes from the shoe rack?
Some background information. My boyfriend and I have had our puppy (he is a very cute pug!) for about a month and a half and he's our first dog. I've been taking him to dog training classes and he is pretty smart about learning commands. So when he puts his feet up on the shoe rack to get the shoes he'll generally listen to "off" or "leave it." The problem is that he doesn't understand that I want him to keep leaving them alone, not leave them alone when I ask and then go back to them seconds/minutes later.
I've tried a variety of different things to try to break the habit, including off/leave it (plus lots of praise when he sits nicely by the shoe rack or walks away from it), squirting him with water (it doesn't bother him), and walking him by it on his leash and gently pulling him away when he tries to jump. The last method was suggested by the instructor of the classes we go to -- she thought that telling him "off" again and again might seem too much like a game.
...in any case, so far nothing has made an impression.
Are we expecting too much? Are shoes just too tempting? We could move the shoe rack to our bedroom, but would prefer not to since it's already fairly cramped in there.
Any pointers would be much appreciated :)
@no bricks Shoes are hard for them, they smell soooooooo goooood. My awful roommate had an awful cat that would not leave them alone, and cats aren't that trainable.
I think he'll eventually get it. My dog was not allowed in the garage, and dog food was kept in there, and she eventually learned to stay out.
The cats learned to stay out by my dad chasing them out with a broom and screaming (not hitting them, just being scary, and maybe a light butt tap).
@no bricks When he was a puppy, my dog ate two of my very favorite pairs of shoes, and my sister's favorite pair of shoes, and my sister still hasn't forgiven him. We just yelled at him a lot, and then, after he got to be about one and a half, he stopped caring about shoes. He's a good dog, too! My best advice is, stay the course.
@sceps yarx Yeah that, too. My dog just kind of snapped at age 3 and became a Well Behaved Dog instantly.
@baked bean @sceps yarx Thanks you guys! That makes me feel much better. I guess we'll persist with what we've been doing!
@no bricks I really learned a lot about training my pup from Victoria Stillwell. Could you spend a half hour hanging out with him and shoes, continuing whatever command/noise you have for no (I'm a big fan of the super annoying "EEEEEH-EH") every time he goes for the shoes, and give him a treat whenever he obeys? I would do that as many days in a row as I could stand. Or maybe put a blanket over the rack until he loses interest.
Also, lots of fun toys.
My neighbors trained a stray to not gnaw on their porch (??) by shaking powdered jalapeno peppers on the wood. Maybe you could put some essential oils on your shoes, like tea tree or lemongrass, that you would like but a dog would hate?
@no bricks CONSISTENCY IS KEY. If you're doing something that you think even slightly works, continue with it forever. If he listens to off/leave it, GO WITH THAT.
Two other options that come to mind:
1. You can make putting paws/whatnot up on the shoe rack more unpleasant--not physically, but get something that makes a large and unexpected amount of noise (we use a milk jug with pennies in it) and shake it at him when he puts paws up on the rack. You need something new and startling if water doesn't cut it.
2. You can make a proclivity for shoes into something productive for you. Our dog was obsessed with wandering around with footwear (socks, shoes, shin guards) when we first got him, so we taught him to fetch slippers. Now he does it only when we want him to (to an extent--sometimes he gets over-eager and will fetch shoes to the drop spot without anyone asking), and only with those particular shoes.
If he's into shoes, maybe get him to bring them to the shoe rack (with snacks/incentives) and drop them there (more snacks/incentives), so the shoe rack is established as a Drop Off Zone Only. Sometimes the best measure is to turn something into a positive or productive game, rather than a "I am doing this and I am bad and I am having fun, yay me!" thing.
Thank you all so much for the suggestions! Victoria Stilwell's website looks like it'll be really useful. I've been searching the internet high and low for dog training information, but I hadn't come across her.
I like the idea of training him to fetch shoes or leave them in a designated area, although I might have to hold off on teaching him that until he has a better handle on "drop it." In the meantime, I think we'll spend some quality time working on off/leave it and maybe see if noise or an unpleasant taste will work as a deterrent.
Thanks again for the helpful advice -- I don't know many dog owners, so my pool of people to ask has been limited!
Guys, I think Coco the cat figured out the laser. She's not chasing it, she's just staring at my hand. Too smart for her own good, this one.
@falafelwaffle She also frequently gets in cabinets and can't get out.
@falafelwaffle Maybe she feels you're just phoning it in, what with your sitting on the couch and waving the laser at her. The really smart cats are on to us and smirking, as you know.
My F.U.R. liked to be chased through the house, his little butt bouncing from room to room. He also loved a fresh set of sheets going onto the bed, and would come running to "help" smooth the trapped air out.
@falafelwaffle I remember the day when my cat figured out the laser. She looked at me like I broke her heart.
@falafelwaffle Don't worry, she'll forget again. Every time my cat plays with string, the length of the session is dependant on her gullibility. First she chases the frayed end, then tries to break its neck by attacking the rest of the string, then realises it's my hand & gets in a mood because I cruelly tricked her into having fun & looking silly. Again.
@falafelwaffle My cat figured out the laser recently too... except she just chases/attacks my hand now. This is a funny game too because she's adorable when she sits on her hind legs and reaches for stuff.
@falafelwaffle My cat figured out the laser toy thing a long time ago but it hasn't diminished her interest in playing with it. Rather, she now knows that if the laser light suddenly turns off, I did it. This makes it very hard to stop playing with her when my hand is sick of holding down that darn button.
@lasso tabasco I have this coloring (with yellow/light olive undertones in my skin), and I swear by clinique almost lipstick in black honey, and ellis faas (http://www.ellisfaas.com/collection/lips) in glazed, numbers 301 (blood red) and 304 (berry)
This is not a very big deal or important outside of me, but I'm supposed to be moving (back) to Jerusalem in a week and half, and the consulate in San Francisco is holding my passport hostage, and they have had it for 2 weeks and just called me this morning to ask me to call them back and have a phone interview about my visa: they don't answer their phones on Friday?
So I'm stuck with this sort of untenable situation, where everything needs to just, work, and it isn't at all!
This is for sure my first active contribution to the open feed, so I hate that it's a) stupid and b) my tiny sorrow/frustration. I really wanted to be like this week has been sunshine and sparkles (it totally has been!) but this situation just ate all of the unicorns.
@bibliostitute I'm sorry you have to deal with that pain in the ass. If it makes you feel any better I am trying to move from Portland to London next month and I'm already SO over it that I never want to move ever again. Getting my visa was SUCH a pain.
@fruiting body VISAS! Like, why even are they? (I totally understand the purpose of visas, but the difficulty involved is just absurd.)
I am moving from Seattle, and I think my greatest confusion was and is that San Francisco was the obvious best choice for a consulate that services Alaska, Washington, Oregon, Norcal, Idaho, Montana and Wyoming!
@bibliostitute Yeah, it's really a convoluted process. Luckily we are moving for my husband's work so the company hooked us up with lawyers to help through the process. (Also luckily, they paid for it.)
I'm also moving my cat and my dog, which is even a bigger hassle... it's already made me cry twice and we aren't even leaving for 4 weeks.
@fruiting body Rawk! I am certain that everything will work out for the whole of us doing transatlantic moves in the near future. I have to believe! And snuggle the crap out of those pets! That's what they for.
@bibliostitute Oh heck yes to the visa hating. If I hadn't spent 4 of the last 5 years worrying I'd have had the energy to... I don't know what, exactly, but it'd have been really cool!
If I ever become Autocrat of the World, doing away with visa requirements will be my third maniacal act of tyranny (first maniacal act: all schools everywhere must use Steiner education; second maniacal act: laugh maniacally at my ex-colleagues who now must Steiner education)
@bibliostitute Visa pain is awful, awful pain. I've gotten visas twice now, both for the UK, and I might have just a tiny bit of hate for the British government now. Just a tiny bit. Partly because I had to drive three hours one way to go get fingerprinted for both of them and had to wrangle a ride both times because my ancient car wouldn't have made it there and back. Hmph.
Hope the necessary people get their acts together for you because it's not like international moves aren't stressful enough on their own, right?
Okay, I know someone mentioned that they used henna around here some weeks ago--can anybody recommend a brand (henna comes in brands, right?) or tell me what they use? I remember reading a long time ago about certain hennas that can do terrible things to your hair, so I'd like to, um, avoid that. Sometime in the next couple of months (maybe after I go purple again, after the pink has grown out) I'd like to give henna a try!
@frigwiggin I use the stuff from lush. You need a decent chunk of time between chemical hair stuff and henna. The general rule I've always adhered to is 3 months, but I'm very scared of making my hair orange. And you can't chemically dye your hair while the henna is in. Bad things will happen.
@LacunaKale Oh, good to know! (I probably should have found that out via looking it up instead of coming to the Hairpin all harebrained-like, but at least I wasn't planning on doing it for some months anyway.)
@frigwiggin I've used the LIght Mountain kind -- I think I got it at Whole Foods. I would mix Red and Burgundy together. I LOVED it but eventually decided to cut all my hair off and start over with my natural color.
Yep, just used that kind on Tuesday. Should have bought a darker color for the resulting shade I wanted, but that's on me.
@frigwiggin I henna-ed my hair for years using Colora brand, usually in the powdered Red Sunset (as opposed to the creme, which is more synthetic/processed). It's pretty low-rent, but as long as I did a really thorough application and let it sit for over an hour, I got really rad results--like, people assumed I was a natural redhead good. Definitely do it on an evening when you don't have to do anything else. Shampoo your hair, mix the henna powder into a very thick paste in a glass or metal, and apply it all over your scalp/hair, making especial sure to get your temples and all along your hairline and part, which show the most if you miss a spot. Cover your scalp in a shower cap or plastic bag, then in another, then in an old towel you don't mind staining, because it WILL stain. Wipe off the excess around the edges, being careful not to wipe it out of your temples, and then lounge around in a robe watching tv for 60-90 minutes for a really intense colour. Do not let your head touch ANYTHING because you will stain it for sure. Carefully remove all the wrapping (I usually do this over a sink to contain the mess), then hop in the shower to rinse off the weird dark-greeny-red asparagus-scented paste (I usually kneel in the shower and do this part right under the faucet to avoid splashing dye everywhere). Once most of the grit is out, deep shampoo, then condition, then towel dry. Your hair will smell vaguely vegetation-y, and you may have a slightly orange scalp and hairline for a day or two, so maybe do this on the Friday of a weekend you don't have to go anywhere fancy.
Good luck! I LOVED henna-ing my hair. The colour always turned out really well and it looked really natural. Plus my hair was SO HEALTHY.
@frigwiggin: It might have been me who yammered on about henna- and indigo-ing my hair. I get it from these people. Their website is badly organized but it does have tons of good info re how-to, dos and don'ts, etc.
I like their skin art quality materials better than the twiggy, smelly stuff from the grocery store.
YOU GUYS. As of next week, my job moves back into REAL offices, and after four months of Port-a-Potties I will have REAL BATHROOMS AGAIN.
There are much worse things than 4 months of Port-a-Potties but DEAR GOD I am excited.
@lora.bee Four months?! Your strength of character is impressive.
@lora.bee I don't know, 4 months of Port-a-Potties sounds like my own personal hell. Yay for real bathrooms!!!!
@Lurkasaurus We do it for 4 months every year...but I have REAL BATHROOMS until next May.
Argh, Nook please connect to my wi fi already. I want to read the book I bought. I do not want to have to go to a Starbucks, hook into their less evil wi fi and get it. Because, pants. That's why.
I'm having my 21st birthday party tonight (my actual birthday was on Wednesday) and it's going to be so much fun! I have about an hour to finish sewing tiger stripes on an orange sweatshirt--the party's Calvin and Hobbes themed, isn't that the greatest?--and I hope I can make it in time. I always forget how long sewing projects take when one doesn't have a sewing machine...
Oh my god that is the best theme. Happy Birthday!
@isitisabel Happy Calvin and Hobbs Day, then!! Also, there's that iron-on fabric glue (looks like a mesh) if you run out of time. Or fabric glue. Or hot glue gun.
Doubles as your Halloween costume?
@Myrtle Thanks! It was not my idea, but I recognized it as the greatest theme ever, so that counts? I made it, though I may improve it by adding more/better stripes at a later date. And yeah, it's very possible it will double as my Halloween costume, since I usually don't even remember about Halloween until like, the 29th.
I'm going to visit my friend in Portland (Maine) for the weekend! We will try to use her new dehydrator to make chips, and sew some things, and watch Community and eat delicious Thai food. Yaaaaaaaaaaay!
@Changeling Um this sounds so perfect. I have been tempted to buy a dehydrator before. And sewing! and Community! and Thai food! Have a fantastic time!
Thanks! We had been looking at different models on amazon, and then she found one for like $5 at a Goodwill. Thank you, Universe!
@Changeling This sounds like an awesome weekend - have so much fun!
Whoa! For any latecomers, Lucy Knisley is going to do a travelogue thing about Oscar Wilde, so if you like comics or travelogues or literature, you should go look at it. She has consistently knocked my socks off with the comics she does.
@frigwiggin I was really hopeful I'd see her at the Small Press Expo, because she said she'd be around, but no dice. It was still cool!
I'm going to be a downer:
My 77-year-old grandpa has prostate cancer that has spread, has been pretty bad for about a year.
My cousin sent me a text while I was at work today that said the doctor told them Gpa had 1 week- a month to live. I thought I'd be ok, as I've been expecting this, and have actually been hoping for a swift and more comfortable death for him for months now, but then started breaking down at work today. My lovely motherly boss gave me a ride home because I couldn't really work anymore.
Family drama kind of sucks now. My mother has been kind of distant, I hear all news from my aunt/uncle/cousin. They and my grandparents have been ticked about how little time she is over there, how little she is helping, and say things to me hoping I'll get mad at her or something. She's 100 miles away from them, but has no job and no kids at home, and plenty of money for travel and such.
I hear all these hints of anger from them and want to help out since she isn't, and be there for them, but then my mom thinks they are pressuring me to do something I don't want to.
And even now, I'm pissed because this may be her father's last week or month of (painful) life and she's going home today (after only being there a few hours) and only going back for two days next week. Her excuses to me seem insignificant compared to dying parent. I don't know if she just can't handle it, or what.
I feel like if I were in her place, and she was the one dying, and I had the money and no children to take care of, I'd be spending that last month with her.
I love my mom, but she has never been one to talk about her feelings. I was not really raised to not open up with my family, but also not really encouraged to either.
@baked bean Do you want to help out? If your mom was dead instead of distant, would you go? Because this really should be about your own relationship with your grandparents, not your relationship with your mom. If it would be meaningful for you, personally, to be there, then go. Do it for your future self, so that you won't have regrets. But as an alternative to visiting, a few heartfelt phone calls to your grandparents is another valid choice.
From another perspective, maybe everyone's feeling mad so they don't have to feel sad? Anger is easier to handle than grief.
@sceps yarx I do, and I do want to be there, and I try to be there when I can (I am a full-time student with a part-time job). But then it makes my mother look worse because I am a granddaughter, not a daughter, putting in more time than her! Plus they don't let me help really, which is ok, I'm sure being there is important. They are just happy I'm there and try to take care of me because I'm a little girl to them.
Anyway, I am going next weekend with my brother. We're having a birthday party for Grandma and my cousin's son, hoping we can have a good last memory with Grandpa. Mom said already she's not going to be there.
And for me, I think anger is harder than grief. Like, I'm more upset about the family drama than the sadness about Grandpa dying. And I'm pissed that this is a distraction instead of us all getting along and making sure he's comfortable and loved.
@baked bean I'm so sorry about your grandfather, Bean. This absolutely sucks.
I think sceps yarx gave you some great advice. Focus on your own direct relationships with your family. Whenever I get into a "he should" with my family member, it's always a short slippery slope to disaster. I think I know what's in his head, but I don't. My chant to myself is "I don't know what I don't know."
There's so much I wish I'd said to both of my grandfathers before they passed away. Now I work at telling the people in my life how important they are to me. Even clerks light up when I say, "Thank you for helping me."
Sending warm thoughts your way.
@Myrtle Thank you. I think I'll just do my best to ignore the drama, and be there for my grandparents and my family members that are having a rougher time. Perhaps I'll try to ask my mom what she's feeling, since I doubt anyone has asked her yet.
@baked bean Oh, that's so good, about asking your Mom. Wow.
@baked bean I'm so sorry you have to go through this and I can tell that you love your grandpa. Death is so hard! I hope this situation can end up being a blessing to you, and your mom, and your whole fam. Good luck, sister. :-)
Do any pinners work in grant writing or fundraising? I ask because lately I've been applying for jobs and a lot of the one's that sound super interesting to me require experience in one or both of those things and I can't figure out where to get that experience. So I thought to ask here if anyone who works in either of those areas could tell me about how they got started and what they like/dislike about their jobs that would be awesome!! I'm mostly just trying to find out more about it so that maybe I could move into that area in the future (right now I'm just looking for anything).
I do all of the accounting for the fundraising side of the non-profit I work for. So... getting started, I just got a bachelor's in accounting. I somehow doubt that information would help you, though.
Anyway, I work very closely with the development department (and am sort of part of that department myself). Everybody seems to really like their jobs. The pay isn't much but everyone is really relaxed about time off and the benefits are decent.
If you're looking to get started in the field, I highly recommend just volunteering for the non-profit where you want to work and getting to know the people there while also keeping your eye out for job openings.
@Reginal T. Squirge Oooh that's smart. I'm currently applying for volunteer stuff at a couple non profits I'm interested in so hopefully that would be a way to slowly shimmy over to the development side. Thanks!
Glad I could help! Keep us updated on how it goes.
@Sea Ermine My ex broke into this field with an internship at a local credit union, where he helped out on a grant proposal that they ended up getting (so he could say "Hey I wrote this and got money!"). His job search prior to the internship was rough, but once he had the internship he got a bunch of interviews and a job not long after.
So, two weeks ago, I went out with my ex-boyfriend (who I still have ~feelings~ for or whatever). It went, I thought, really well. I've not seen him since then, because of work/my being sick, but while we talked a couple of times in the days after the date, I've become convinced this week that he straight up hates me?? I've been having really awful anxiety this week, so I know that this is all probably made up in my head, but I can't get past it, and I don't know what to do next. Advice? Anyone? Anything?
@sophi Do you have a mutual friend who can give you some objectivity on the situation? Or just a friend familiar with both of you who can give you a reality check? It doesn't seem that likely that he hates you, considering he's still interacting with you, and that you chose to say "I've *become convinced* that he straight up hates me" rather than (for example) "he threw holy water on me, yelled 'Away, Antichrist!' and he keeps sending priests to exorcise everything I touch, so I have concluded based on reasonable evidence that he hates me."
It sounds like some part of you knows that the part of you that thinks he hates you is full of it. But it's hard to make that assessment from inside your own head, which is why if possible it'd be good to ask a friend/several friends for an outside assessment. And/or send him an e-mail.
@sophi Honestly, I would try to avoid him/cut off contact. Partly because you still have feelings for him and this might help you move past him but mostly because of the fact that you think he hates you. It sounds like that's connected to the anxiety and because you're still into him (even if it's only a little bit) your brain is going to pull these things out of proportion and tell you all kinds of awful things that aren't true. Especially if he is acting differently around you in an attempt to get over you. I'd just quickly and quietly phase him out of your life. Focus on telling yourself that not only does he not hate you, what he thinks about you doesn't matter and try and stick to that whenever he pops up into your head. Good luck!
@Cawendaw Most of our mutual friends are really more his friends/my casual acquaintances? There is a movie I was planning to see this weekend that is only playing on his side of town, so I had considered texting him and being like, "hey [friend x] and I are going to be in your neighborhood tomorrow, do you and [friend y, etc] want to see it with us or get drinks afterwards?" (friend x is my bff, they've met and get along, friend y is his bff who I like a lot who is in town). At least them I can get both of them to weigh in and get a clearer perspective of how he's acting around me?
And yeah, my reasons for thinking he hates me are basically like... he's maybe been kind of standoffish the last few times we've spoke, and I'm crazy in the head so I just took all that and ran with it. EHHH.
@Sea Ermine I feel like I should clarify that while I still have feelings, I've made this clear to him and he's expressed the same interest in me, and I feel like we both agree that the reasons why we broke up are really stupid? Because they are. So I'm like, I don't necessarily want to go into this like, oh let's be friends and just hang out and be cool, I want to straight up get back together with him again. I DUNNO.
@sophi In between is no good for anyone. I'd say call Friend X to talk it out, and to get your feelings ironed out (and get a reality check), then call your ex, and either make a hail mary pass at his heart or negotiate the "let's be friends and hang out and be cool" thing (of which step 1 would be, "let's take a break for a few weeks/months until things are less weird").
@sophi OOoh ok in that case I'd call him to meet for coffee and explain how you're feeling and and talk to him about how he's feeling and try and work something out. If he's into it you can get back together (after, of course, talking about the issues that caused your breakup and working out a plan so that they are dealt with) and if he isn't I'd take a break for at least 3 months before contacting him again, to give your brain some time to breathe.
NEW YORK. The 27th (this coming Thursday) we are having a little Pinup. Where? I don't know yet, but let me know if you're interested / check the NYC Pinner Facebook Group (which, if you want in, also let me know). It will probably be in the evening. Last time we met up in Manhattan.
Also, hello. I have made sporadic comments here and there when I felt the urge, since I live in New York I have a very poor grasp of time, and I don't know how long I held out, but I'm not all back yet. Come and see me! We have good people.
Can any pinners recommend a good sulfate free shampoo? About 3 years ago I developed an allergic reaction to the sulfates in shampoo and since then I've been trying and failing to find something that works with my hair.
I've tried the Redken sulfate free, several Nature's Gate Shampoos, Avalon Organics, several Aubrey Organics shampoos, Living Proof restore shampoo, several Burt's Bees shampoos, Jasön Naturals, and a couple other's that I don't even remember anymore. None of them worked well and almost all of them made my hair really really dry and rough (before this I had really soft hair). Oh and I also tried the whole apple cider vinegar and baking soda thing for about 4 months and it was a disaster, as was conditioner only washing. Right now I'm using SheaMoisture shampoo which is the best so far but leaves a weird residue all over my hair that feels gross.
It's really frustrating as before my scalp started reacting badly to the sulfates my hair was really pretty and now that I can't use sulfates it's like all the "natural" shampoos are so harsh and drying. I'm not sure what to look for now, all I know is I can't use sulfates and my hair reacts badly to coconut oil and also shampoos with a lot of proteins. Beyond that...I have no idea. So if any of you have had success with a sulfate free shampoo let me know!
@Sea Ermine Dude, ShiKai shampoo! It's totally non-drying and non-stripping. I love it. I use the purple malva shampoo (supposedly for grey and platinum hair) over my purple hair dye and it doesn't even strip my color.
@Sea Ermine I do NOT like the Jason's naturals shampoos. So drying! I found the same thing with the Burt's Bees shampoo too! I'm currently using Just Natural and it smells amazing and is pretty cheap, because it's a huge bottle for like 6 bucks, and I'm pretty happy with it.
@Sea Ermine if you're not TOTALLY OPPOSED TO THE IDEA, there are always solid shampoos? I buy from DressGreen on Etsy, because her turnaround is really good and it works for my hair, but it's a loooot of work compared to normal shampoo (as she outlines on her page!), and ordering stuff off of the internet is always sketchy.
Just, um, if you decide to go the solid shampoo route, don't buy from LUSH, because their bars list sulfates as one of the first ingredients (and also they are expensive and not worth it :P ).
Also I feel the need to add that I switched to solid shampoo not because of THE TOXINS (I'm a chemist, for Christ's sake), but because I could not find a commercial shampoo that did not leave my hair feeling like straw, and because, like you, I am sulfate-sensitive.
@Jenn@twitter I'll look into it. I was worried because I heard that solid shampoos are also drying and my past experience with solid body wash (I tried dr. bronners and couple other random brands at the health foods store near me) was very drying to my skin. Have you also had good experiences with solid body soap in addition to solid shampoo bars or was it just the shampoo bars?
@Sea Ermine Oddly enough, I've found that Randall's/Safeway brand sulfate-free is the most shampoo-like of the natural shampoos. It comes in swishy looking brown bottles and smells like cinnamon. I kind of suspect it's shampooeyness comes from other chemicals, but I have pretty sensitive skin and it doesn't bother me. I have since switched back to tresemme, but really only because I can buy it in bulk, which is necessary because my hair is stupidly long. Good luck! I am allergic to laundry detergent and sunscreen, so I feel your pain.
@Sea Ermine I use Aveeno sulfate-free shampoo and conditioner and have not had any of the problems you describe. It's available at Target and must drugstores and not hideously expensive, so it might be worth a go! I know L'Oreal also has a sulfate-free line, but I really didn't like the way they smelled and Aveeno has done much nicer things to my hair.
@Sea Ermine yeah, they can be--see also what I said about LUSH. It's a matter of checking ingredients lists and going, "OK, so, I'm going to try this, and if it doesn't work, whatever". It was kind of a months-long experiment before I found something that worked for me.
I haven't tried solid bodywash! I mostly just stick with regular soap, but I don't experience dry skin the same way I have issues with my hair.
@Sea Ermine Griffin Remedy and John Masters Organics are good brands that didn't dry out my hair.
I know you said that conditioner only didn't work for you, which it hadn't for me in the past until I tried cheap-ass Trader Joes Refresh conditioner with the blue top and white bottle. I get my head super wet, massaging my scalp to loosen everything up, use A TON of the conditioner, really agitating my scalp to get the grime out, dash my head under the shower head, massage scalp some more, dash, massage, dash, massage, rinse, rinse, rinse. I only wash my hair every two or so days, using Kloraine dry shampoo powder in between, and wash with the Griffin Remedy once a month or so to get rid of any build up. My hair is shiny, and healthy, and CLEAN!
@sceps yarx Ooh I will order that one! The ingredients look pretty good, I don't see anything in there that I know my hair doesn't like.
@MademoiselleML Sadly my hair is protein sensitive so I have a feeling aveeno will make my hair really crunchy like most other shampoos with proteins in them. I really don't know why my hair is so picky!
@oodelally Thanks! I'll check it out. I'm not sure if there is a safeway near me but I'll look online or see if a friend can pick one up for me.
@barefoot cuntessa I can't use the Griffin one (coconut oil and proteins both mess up my hair) but I will definitely look into the John Masters one, I think I've seen it at a health foods store near me! I'm making a little shopping list from all of the replies I got. Sadly the Trader Joes Refresh condition worked terribly for me as a regular conditioner (there wasn't anything really wrong with it it just didn't do anything, like if I hadn't conditioned) so I'm not sure if I want to put it on the rest of my hair. My issue with conditioner only wasn't really a scalp thing, that part was generally fine it was that it just made the rest of my hair look kind of flat. I have no idea why I'm having so many hair problems, 4 years ago I used to be able to use even crap like Herbal Essences with no problem.
Do you guys who don't wash your hair very often work out? Sooooo many people say things like "Oh I only wash my hair once a week/twice a month!" I work out five times a week and get DRENCHED in sweat every time. If I don't wash my hair afterwards, my mom will tell me readily that it looks dirty. (Same with if I just don't wash it for a couple days.) When people say they don't wash their hair, do they mean they get it wet but don't use shampoo, or that they "wash it" with conditioner, or that they literally just do not touch it with water except for once a week? I have thick, dry, frizzy, damaged hair, so I would love to wash it less, but it gets so sweaty and dirty when I work out.
@Ellie I work out, and ride my bike a lot, and wash my hair 2x per week. I have two approaches, depending on how dirty it is. 1) sweat is a great root lifter! Just aim that blowdryer at your roots, dry it, rock it. 2) I slick my hair back into a low bun and hairspray it. Works really well in a corporate office. This is day 3-4 stuff.
It gets so much easier. My hair just stopped looking so dirty.
@Sea Ermine I used the Grapefruit and Patchouli one from Nezza Naturals for a while (you order it from their website). I eventually decided I wanted a slightly heavier-duty one for my oily hair, but it wasn't drying at all and smelled amazing. Also, the owner is really nice.
Okay so anybody have any advice on finding and securing a job abroad (from US)? The only way I can see myself being able to afford going anywhere ever is by being able to continue working, plus I love my career. But I need to go out and SEE THINGS before I die... you know? Also, I don't know that I have a PARTICULAR place I want to go, although it has to be English speaking because I'm a speech language pathologist who is not multilingual. Necessitates working with English speakers.
http://www.escapethecity.org is the place for youuuu!
@Vaness Would you be into any of the teaching English abroad programs? I those, the country would not be English but you would be speaking English during your job and wouldn't generally be required to learn the countries language (unless you wanted to). You could also look into places that do au pair programs abroad, in somewhere like the UK or Australia.
A more complicated but (IMHO) more awesome idea would be to look into the Foreign Service. The downside to this approach is that it's really really hard to get into. The application process is really long, there are several steps all of which are tricky to pass, and everyone fails the test at least once. But if you have the right qualifications I think it would be an awesome job. I should probably mention that I have not worked in the Foreign Service so I can't offer any kind of insider perspective, however, my Dad became a Foreign Service Officer when I was 5 and I loved getting to move around to so many places (plus, his job seemed fairly interesting). Also, if you are interested in the Foreign Service but don't necessarily want to be an FSO you could look into Foreign Service specialist positions? Again, difficult to get into but the range of jobs that are there is wider so you might be able to find something that fits your experience. Again, hard to get into but if you're interested here is the list of specialist career tracks.
Also maybe you could look into the Peace Corps or some sort of internship abroad?
@Sea Ermine Is there any truth to the "Once you've done Peace Corps, it's easier to get into Foreign Service?" Thought I'd read that somewhere.
@Myrtle I don't know for sure but I really really wouldn't think so. Just because of what the application consists of and the tests you have to take I don't see how the Peace Corps would help with that at all. I mean, I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of people went from one to the other but I don't think it's because it makes it easier, just that people who are already interested in Foreign Service type work also tend to be interested in the Peace Corps. Plus, if a lot of people are doing the Peace Corps before applying to be an FSO then it probably is less helpful because it just makes you one of many many former Peace Corps people. But I don't think it would hurt, I just think that it's better to do it because you have a passion for it, not because you think it would help with the foreign service.
@Vaness If you don't mind working outside of your field, and you have a clean criminal record, look into teaching in Korea or Japan. All of Southeast Asia awaits!
CALIFORNIANS RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU FORGOT TO WATCH THE SPACE SHUTTLE.
I am the dumbest. I love stuff like that. I stayed up late to watch the Mars landing. Sigh.
@Diana Present. And pissed!
@Diana I somehow didn't know anything was happening until my coworkers were all scurrying around trying to look out the windows. I didn't see shit and was very confused. OH WELL.
GUYS. what a stupid thing my life is right now. my boyfriend broke up with me three weeks ago. at first, we tried to stay friends, with predictable results: i still found myself feeling possessive, felt really bad when he hooked up with someone else, etc. so, i asked for as much space as possible (it can't be no contact because we go to a really small school and we're in a seminar together). the main problem was that i learned a lot about myself and the relationship because of the breakup, and i realized that i'd been essentially martyring myself for the sake of his feelings for the past year and a half. knowing this made the breakup actually pretty easy for me after the first couple of days. HE, on the other hand, only wanted to break up because he had an existential crisis and started questioning his concept of love in general, plus he was super afraid of getting married. in short, i think he is still in love with me. EVIDENCE: he constantly tells me he misses me; he sends me facebook messages at 4 in the morning asking why i need so much space; he tells me, several times, that i am his favorite person; he drunkenly wonders aloud, TO ME, whether he will ever find someone like me again. GUY, you broke up with me! let me gooooo please. it's so hard, because i don't have feelings for him anymore, but i do feel SO BAD that he's hurting so much right now. last night, we were both drunk, and i was pissed about something unrelated, and i did not follow my own rules and went to talk to him about it (MISTAKE). the end result was him crying and asking whether if he hadn't been such an asshole, we'd still be together, and me just breaking down because that is the saddest thing, and giving him a hug, but still firmly telling him he would get over me, and that we needed real space from each other for him to do that.
skip forward to today. i went to the doctor, and they were really worried about some possible seizures i'd had in high school, and they recommended that i go see someone about it ASAP. this summer, there'd been an episode where i'd passed out in front of my ex, and he said i'd made some weird noises. this concerned the doctors, so to get more info i texted my ex and asked for details about the sounds and how long i'd been out. then he was all, "do you need someone to go to the doctor with you?" "you can come hang out in my room if you're freaked out." "i thought you didn't have anyone else to turn to!" come onnnnnnn.
how does this end? i have just this last semester at school here with him, and after that i'll be free and clear. but i don't know how to make myself heard. i am not good at getting angry. HELP MEEEE
@fuck fuck fuck 1. sometimes you have to get angry. I know it's not your style. 2. cut off contact as much as possible. tell him straight up no fb, no phone, no whatever. 3. rely on your friends to keep you strong. if you don't think they will, check in with us on the pin.
@fuck fuck fuck Oh gosh that sounds...complicated. What I'd do is I'd delete his number from your phone. Don't answer his calls or texts (if you can't somehow block them then leave his number in your phone but don't text or call him ever). Block him on facebook. If you absolutely have to interact with him in a school or work context be polite but distant and don't reach out to him. If he asks you why you are behaving this way say for the foreseeable future you will be needing space from him to process and get over the breakup and that you would appreciate it if he respected that and that you think it would be best for both of you if you didn't see or contact each other anymore. If you want you can acknowledge that in the past after you said you needed space you continued to contact him but that you realize now that this was a mistake and only made things harder for both of you and that you think it is for the best if you take some time from each other. After that cut off all contact and if he tries to contact you in person politely shut him down. Good luck.
@fuck fuck fuck Hey buddy. The Doctor thing is first priority, k? I'm guessing you have someone other than this man to go to Dr with. Do that.
I've had a seizure once, too, and while mine was probably from living on only instant coffee and no food for about three days (hi, college!) I still feel worried about bright sunlight...
The tricky part of your relationship with him is it's Too Soon and also Feelings-did I get that right?
What if you and he agree not to talk when either has been drinking? And/or texts and messages will be returned after two days? Some sort of boundary so that things are not so hot and immediate. Other than telling him the results of your exam and that everything is OK (!!!) let him relearn what his world is like, without checking in with you.
@fuck fuck fuck PS: Re-read your description of his actions? Manipulation is not love.
@fuck fuck fuck This sounds really complicated, and of course it's very hard to stop caring, but he needs to stop contacting you NOW. Right now, he is not doing you any favors by talking to you, and I think he knows it. I'd suggest emailing him so you don't have to engage with him one on one or on the phone, saying something like:
"Ex, I have been having a hard time with our break up. However, you are not the appropriate source of support for dealing with it, and I need space to heal without seeing or hearing from you. I also want to clarify: while you may be having second thoughts about the breakup, I do not want to date you again and I am not capable of being your friend at the moment, either. Please do not text me, call me, come over, or contact me in any way. When I am feeling better, I will reach out to you myself. Thank you for respecting my wishes."
And then do not reply to anything he says, okay? I know it's hard, but if he really respected your needs, he would leave you alone to get yourself together instead of mowing right through your feelings to get what he wants (you) back. Please take care of yourself.
@fuck fuck fuck
whaaaaaat. From this description I am pissed at your ex and want to punch him in the neck. It's so uncalled for for him to string you along this way and use things like a potentially stressful dr's appointment to play this ooooohhh I am soooo conceeeeerned for yoooooou game. Gross. You do not deserve this!
Listen to Lyesmith, he needs to stop with this drunk texting / emailing / etc. bullshit. Tell him not to contact you and go into radio silence mode. Either block him on Facebook or stick him into a new friend group called "total assholes" with restrictions that prevent him from seeing or posting on your wall, and hide all his stuff from showing up in your news feed. Create an email filter that will send all his messages into a folder of their own that you never look at. Change his name in your phone to DO NOT ANSWER.
And then, focus on your health and on good positive things in your life! Do you have some friends who you could do stuff with? Want to pick up a new hobby? Focus on kicking ass at school? Do that, and maybe pick a weekend or two this fall to get out of town and visit family or friends or even just go on a trip by yourself.
Good luck and take care!
I miss you so.
I'm half done my 8 week school module and soon I can return to spending huge amounts of free time on the internet, mostly with you all.
I wrote three tests this week and got over 80 on all of them! which is important because you need a 70 to pass...so not great, marks-wise but I understood the material really well, so I feel good!
I also decided to toss all caution aside and start dating a coworker! Stakes are high around here y'all. Like, every chip on the table high. It's an intoxicating high of stress and amazing sex.
Oh, I'm late to the thread again. But this time it was from being able to leave work super early (like, before lunch early), so there was lunch with boyfriend to be had, then naps, because 3:00 is THE BEST time to nap, and then there was Equinox-y stuff to do out in the woods. So that is a good way to end summer, I think?
So I need advice on voting. This will be my first time voting in Texas (previously lived and voted in Wisconsin) and while I realized that my vote for president would probably not be counted since our electoral votes tend to go the opposite direction, I figured at least I can have a say in local politics. But the choices are not looking good. So I'm starting to think I may skip the November election this year. I'm thinking maybe spend the evening writing to politicians about issues that matter to me, or maybe working overtime if possible and donating that money to one of the various organizations that work towards marriage equality.
@Wiscowhitney: Please vote anyway, even if you do the other excellent things you suggest. As social media gains momentum, even votes in places antagonistic to one's opinions are noted. Please never don't vote.
If time on election day is an issue, one can vote absentee at one's leisure.
@laurel Yeah, you're right and that's primarily how I've always felt. It's just that I started looking at who's running and the person on the democratic ticket for my district wants Obama impeached. Not sure how to go about that one.
But I'll at least show up and vote on other things that are less complicated.
@Wiscowhitney: AAaalglrg, that's ridiculous! Maybe you should run for office?
@miss buenos aires Yes, there is a Green Party candidate running for this district but I can't find much info about him! So, I could assume that he aligns with much of the Green Party's platforms but had I done that with the current candidate for the Democratic party, I would've been really misled. I'll figure it all out, I'm glad I didn't wait until last minute since this all takes some digging!
@laurel Always vote!
Grad school, man! The department picnic is tonight and it is kind of a Big Deal, as such I'm dragging my parents (who are in town) and my boyfriend and I'm going to hope for the best? I'm in charge of BEER HANDLING, i.e. making sure that everyone that gets beer is actually old enough to drink said beer, and cleanup afterward, and it is not going to be particularly fun. :/
ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, I'm probably going to the beach Sunday? :D
Well, since I was supposed to leave 2 1/2 hours ago but am here reading FOT instead, I guess I'm not going out tonight! On the one hand, I've been swamped with work and should go out while I have a chance, on the other, I have beer - and also cheesy garlic bread - here at home.
Hot bath, a silly mystery novel, and good scotch. I am thoroughly relaxed now.
@LacunaKale That sounds ideal! What mystery?
Long-time lurker, first-time poster here! (Why am I nervous??) I have some Big Things going on, but for my first post I just wanted to share that this week I met a charming group of interesting women. We got along swimmingly, and they laughed at my jokes! I was FUNNY! Ugh, laugher = the best thing ever.
Happy weekend everyone!
@Fingers Crossed Hi there! I lurk sometimes too. Nice to make your aquaintance.
@Fingers Crossed Welcome! That sounds like a delightful week.
@Fingers Crossed Making friends when you're older seems so much more difficult. (It is for me) Good for you! Yay interesting women!
@olivebee OMG! That was my cat walking across my laptop. But I thought it was too funny that she managed to post it that I kept it here for you all to see instead of deleting it. So, zzz111 to you all!
@olivebee HI, CAT
@olivebee the best thing about this is that kitty probably actually did want to talk about how sleeping is great. Sleep #1!
@Megano! I could have a long conversation with the cat on this topic.
I am so late, but I've been meaning to ask since the Jessica Valenti interview if you guys might have any other websites/books/resources to recommend in that same sort of vein?
Thinking about having kids a lot myself recently (getting to 30 will do that, I suppose), and I'm enthralled by all of the politics surrounding it. I googled a bit, but I'm terrified of all of those scary "conception" message boards and "mommy" boards. Ahhh!
Anyone got any other sane & rational sources to send my way?
I'm at the tour kickoff show for my husband's band! They leave our lovely hometown of Seattle tonight and are going east. I'm flying out to Denver, our previous hometown, the day after tomorrow to join them for their three shows there and to see all my other old friends. I'm all jittery and excited!!!
I just saw Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros. I am filled with immense joy and whimsy and magic and tears, and also desire for Alex Ebert oh my.
@Fitzsimmons Jealous! "Home" has been the song of this summer for me, so good <3
@katiethegreat It was fabulous. It was outdoors at a festival, and the weather was perfect, and it was very summery and happy and wonderful. They closed with Home, and during the part when the whole "Jade?" "Alexander?" "Do you remember that day you fell out of my window?" shtick typically happens, they passed the mic around in the audience and had people talk about what they did that day. And the best part? NO ONE WAS A JUICEBOX ABOUT IT. :D:D:D:D:D
@Fitzsimmons That sounds amazing!
Supposed to be cleaning everything that did not get cleaned while I was at a nerd convention (also: all the stuff I bought there) but instead am reading you all and listening to a playlist called "'90s Crowd Pleasing Hits" and it is the best.
i'm late to the FOT, but i wanted to give an update on my life, since i spent a couple of FOTs whining about myself last month. update: things are so great! left the city with the toxic friends, went to a new city (long story), immediately fell in with a great crowd AND i'm getting my summer fling. so happy these days! thanks for your support, pinners--it really helped me get my attitude in check and feel secure enough to be open to new possibilities!
@social theory Congrats on taking big steps to make change and welcome new possibilities. In all earnestness, I know how hard that is and how rewarding it is when it pays off! Keep kicking ass!
Yayyy! I remember your earlier posts. Glad to hear things are working out, enjoy it!
@Passion Fruit @Kulojam -- thanks so much!
I'm late, but happy new seasons to all of y'all wherever you are (happy spring to ME, thanks south america!). Also, kind of like social theory above, I wanted to take a moment to be thankful for the pin coming into my life when it did. This virtual community of kind, funny, smart people is so special - just reading y'all's comments makes me think, makes me cry, or makes me laugh - sometimes all 3. Thanks for that.
@Kulojam lady, I hope you find pinners to celebrate spring with!
Podcasts! Tell me your podcasts! I'll be driving a lot soon with my husband, and I'm pretty new to podcasts and looking for interesting things. Maybe some general interest stuff, like This American Life? Or weird things; any suggestion, really.
@KatieBarTheDoor As a Canadian, we have a radio show called The Vinyl Cafe, which is a collection of stories about this couple and their kids and neighbors. It's a great combination of hilarious and touching. I download their podcast from iTunes.
@KatieBarTheDoor I am also canadian, so do hardcore CBC love - the Vinyl Cafe is hilarious, and if you like spirituality things, Tapestry is good. From NPR Obvs. this American Life. Wait Wait Don't Tell Me is also good, as is Snap (just started snap this week, so haven't come to a complete judgement yet). BBC also has amazing ones - you can go to a show like In Our Time - and pick if you like culture, religion, history, whatever and just subscribe to that. Sometimes (ok most of the time) they are too highbrow for jogging, maybe not driving? There is also a podcast called this week in parasitism - if you like gross science things.
Ooh, thank you all for the excellent suggestions! Subscribing to lots of these as we speak. Now I'm actually excited for long periods in the car!
@Cawendaw and @ClogginBoydCrowder-- I got the email notifications for your responses, but for some reason (at least on my computer) they're not showing up here? But thank you thank you as well!!
@KatieBarTheDoor My regulars are This American Life, The Moth, RadioLab, and Savage Love (if you like advice/raunchy sex discussions). I'm also SUPER into The Truth lately - they're fictional stories done in a radio/podcast format. Kind of like modern radio drama.
@KatieBarTheDoor That is weird. Here, try this:
Please tell me if it still doesn't work. I am a hardcore evangelist for my podcasts (although several have been mentioned already).
@like a rabid squirrel (formerly olliegrace) this has been such a fun thread for me. a great day for podcasts - although the Moth this week was about the flagrant abuses of justice in the US - so disturbing.
@KatieBarTheDoor @likearabidsquirrel Thank you for posting this question, as I'm now an excited new subscriber to "The Truth." I love podcasts. I'm currently listening to "Penn Jillette's Sunday School," "The Nerdist" and "99% Invisible" through iTunes, in addition to "The Moth."
Yes, I also am glad I asked! Definitely fun/useful. I listened to my first "The Moth" on my way to work this morning-- Damien Echols talking about his Death Row experience-- and I'm hooked.
By the way, can everyone else see the first two replies from Cawendaw and ClogginBoydCrowder? Is it just my account being weird? If not, I will paste the email replies here, because they are awesome.
@KatieBarTheDoor If you like standup comedy, WTF with Marc Maron is pretty dang good.
@KatieBarTheDoor That story was a tough introduction! If you like, go to themoth.org Home page and check out "Small Town Prisoner" by Wanda Bullard. Great story by the storyteller who inspired "The Moth's" creation.
@KatieBarTheDoor I can see my comment when I'm logged in, but not when I'm logged out. I don't know why that is. For anyone who's curious, I linked my comment in the pastebin link above.
Anyone still around? If so ...
Lelo Siri. Discuss.
@() I don't have opinions re: Siri, but I bought the Soraya for myself for my birthday and it is AMAZZZZZZINNNNGGGG. Seriously. I would not think twice about buying another Lelo toy, this thing is pure luxe and works...very well. Definitely worth the money.
(Also Babeland has a coupon this week for $25 off $125 + free shipping, it's SAVE25. It's good until Thursday)
@() Siri is one of the cutest little shits I've ever come across. If you just want something for your clit and vaginal opening, go nuts. Especially if it's between Siri/Nea and the WeVibe Touch. BUY. LELO.
Excellent. Sounds like it's my next toy.
Guys I have drunk a meagre 2 pints of beer and I feel like wheeee and keep telling people how I am in love with Spike from Buffy. My stoopid masters degree has ruined my liquor tolerance!
@katiethegreat grad school'll do that to you. don't worry, you can recoup. just find friends in your program who don't like it very much and drink their sorrow away (/maybe not best life decision, but whatevs)
@theotherginger I actually just finished my masters a couple of days ago (hence drinking to assuage the emptiness of post-dissertation in my soul).
@katiethegreat #1 congrats on the master's!
#2 i adore your userpic
@redheaded&crazie Thanks!! (Two exclamation marks, one for each instance of thanking).
After close to 24 hours straight of traveling, I am in Paris!
And it only took me about 3 hours to get homesick for American customer service, thanks to my bizarre failure to obtain any sort of SIM card/phone plan today. On the plus side, cookies are really cheap here!
Any Joss Whedon fan 'pinners rewatching Firefly because 10th anniversary and stuff?
@Rookie When I finish re-watching Buffy I am going to watch it for the first time, seems especially timely with the anniversary!
@Rookie Firefly drinking game: whenever someone gets shot or punched.
Welp, today I helped one of my best friends find a wedding dress, I had a massive awesome talk about Life, the Universe, and Everything with another of my best friends on the several-hour-long car ride home, and now I am all feelings'd out and am oddly mopey and sad. There is still a part of me that is fighting this whole growing up thing, because it's a lot sometimes.
Can I get a 'Pin Amen?
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher A-MEN.
i feel totally feelings'd out right now. there is a part of me that wishes my grown up life were coming sooner because this in-between stage feels like it's dragging on forever.
(mid-20s ennui ... i don't even know what the appropriate hashtag is for that but i guess #jeezsuckitup will do)
@redheaded&crazie #changessuck #non-problems? #hormonesbecrazy
(It is not helping that I am now on a full week of spotting--new birth control, spotting to be expected--and am SICK TO DEATH OF EVERYTHING.)
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I'M GOING TO DIE ALOOOOOOOONEE
@redheaded&crazie yes but a cadre of internet admirers will come to your fuuuneraaaaal
@redheaded&crazie what is with the mid-20s? I swore I was having a quarter-life crisis but it has been going on since I was 25. It didn't stop. So many of my friends are going through the same thing too
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher
Mid-20s fucking suck. Early 20s were awesome, and late 20s are looking up. Mid-20s were the pits.
@billie_crusoe I'm almost 27 and truly hope that is the case. I will embrace my late 20s. And live the f out of them.
@theotherginger I have only been 27 for a month, so I could be wrong, but so far it's much better than previous 20s. There wasn't anywhere to go but up after 26. I am suddenly (over the past 3 months?) way more chill about things... I don't give a shit that I'm not dating / getting laid, I am not freaking out about whether I will find a job post-PhD, I find myself to be better company in general.
@billie_crusoe are you my life twin? I have finally stopped freaking out about the job market, determined to try my best, and then figure things out. as for the dating, am not yet so zen! perhaps next week will bring me that. I can only hope.
@theotherginger Isn't it great!?! I'll probably start freaking out again when I finish school because that's my way, but normally I would be panicking now, 4 years in advance.
I have been single for 2 years, sooooo I've had some time (and some visits to Good Vibrations ;) to get used to it. Not-dating is also by choice right now, as part of an "improve your life before you draw someone else into it" project, so that makes it easier to be zen about it.
@redheaded&crazie My plan is to die under a pack of corgis, fuck boyfriends/family.
@billie_crusoe hey - you sound like my shrink. that is what I have been thrown into not by choice, but it is probably better for everyone who could be involved.
@theotherginger I sound like my shrink too. Seriously, though, it's good! I am sooooo OK with going on dates with myself now. And, really, my last / only relationship wasn't really good for anyone and isn't something I care to repeat. My mom is super dysfunctional and manipulative, and as long as I'm anything like her, I refuse to inflict myself on anyone. Or on myself, since my mom only comes out of me when I'm dating. I really, really don't want anything to tie me to the south when I graduate, so that's an extra incentive.
I also happen to be better at pleasing myself than my one and only ex, so there's that. I mean, sometimes I miss cuddling, and I want to date again someday not too far off, but, eh.
@billie_crusoe Seconding the 27-plateau-goodness. It's like you know who you are, what you want, and how to get it. If only the unemployment wasn't stretching into month five....
@billie_crusoe In a sick way this makes me feel better about turning 24? Because I have a case of the dooms. Three weeks in and I'm panicking!
Also: anyone with tips for reminding yourself that you're hormonal when you're hormonal? Feeling on the verge of a number of bad decisions.
I haven't done this before, so please forgive me if this is a faux pas.
Have you guys seen this story on the soldier Taylor Morris and his girlfriend, Danielle?
They have a love of a depth that's beyond anything I've ever experienced, which is why I wanted to share it here. I do not agree with the validity of these "wars" but I know these two people are good people. http://www.buzzfeed.com/txblacklabel/true-love-in-pictures-only-28m7
@Myrtle That's so sweet! And I thought buzzfeed was just for News of the Weird.
@Amphora I see (by subscribing to their FB page) they've now gone viral, so it may now be a matter of avoiding them. Much rather see these kids than slutlebrities, still.
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