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Thursday, August 16, 2012

128

WYMM? ;)

Dear Miss Manners: In the past year, two male friends whom I have known for years proposed marriage. I turned them down due to the fact that both asked me in a text message.

So. Many. Questions! 1. How old are you guys? (27) 2. Two in one year! Not so much a question. 3. Did you get a new hairdo recently or something? 4. Is it possible they were being funny? Sarcasm in text messages is hard to read. 5. What were you guys doing for all those years? 6. Being friends? 7. Are you sure? 8. Did you turn them down also via text? 9. How? Just read what you texted back. 10. Etc, ∞



128 Comments / Post A Comment

Nicole Cliffe

"Did u ask my dad?"

"brb"

"That was a test. u are too patriarchal to marry."

Genghis Khat

@Nicole Cliffe I assume you must mean "U R 2 patriarchal to marry."

EpWs

@Genghis Khat "u r 2 patriarchal 2 marry"

cuminafterall

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher That's a Prince song, right?

runner in the garden

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher
starring Vin Diesel.

deepomega

There's an emoji for that, dude.

mkpatter@twitter

I mean, they had to be joking right? Or is this my sister?

TheDragon

@mkpatter@twitter I feel like there's a story there.

Megasus

@mkpatter@twitter Well sort of. It just sounds like something that would happen based on her boatloads of boy dramz.
Also I feel really bad now because the comment count was at "69" and I ruined it.

packedsuitcase

@mkpatter@twitter I was giggling over this and then realized I actually have been proposed to via text by a guy friend of mine. Awkward.

Techmo

Wait, did they ask in the same message?
"Hi Stacy, this is Tom. Marry me? If not will you marry Sean? (he's writing this with me) If not do you want to chk out the new Ramen place on Court St after work?"

TARDIStime

@Techmo
Why can I only thumbs-up this once? MORE THUMBS PLEASE!

Techmo

Everyone it's ok! My gf and I went to the ramen place with Stacy and Tom. They are doing great. Just friends for now but we'll see!

whizz_dumb

Which is more romantic: marriage proposal via text from dude you've known for years or marriage proposal via comment thread from dude you've never met? This question is for everyone, especially Edith.

mkpatter@twitter

@whizz_dumb Hahah I totally have proposed to Mike Dang on one of these things

Judith Slutler

@mkpatter@twitter It's his last name, just so irresistable.

mkpatter@twitter

@Emmanuelle Cunt He has also been offered the use of several uteri, though that wasn't me

Xanthophyllippa

@whizz_dumb I can't comment on romantic, but I think you'd probably fare better with the Pinner in the end.

werewolfbarmitzvah

A friend of mine once had a roommate (who was also 27 at the time) who claimed to have been proposed to by SEVEN different men. Whaaaaaaaaat!

Daisy Razor

@werewolfbarmitzvah Did she work at an asylum?

Veronica Mars is smarter than me

@werewolfbarmitzvah Daaaa-yum! Was this roommate's name Felicia Day or something?

supernintendochalmers

Were they even dating, though? She describes them as male friends she's known for years, not boyfriends. How is this happening to someone in her late twenties? So many questions.

leonstj

@twinkiecowboy - Maybe they live in Logan's Run, and 27 is actually kind of old.

Brunhilde

@leon s But people in Logan's Run don't get married! They just put themselves on the circuit and party down.

Steph

I read this yesterday and was so confused! SO CONFUSED. Miss Manners is too polite to judge though I guess.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

Well, last week, I proposed to a sweet gay boy who shifted a few inches to give me access to the bartender in a crowded bar. Maybe the letter writer is too literal?

whizz_dumb

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Good point. "Marry me!"

mkpatter@twitter

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Or they were watching a lot of Arrested Development at the time. This is usually my excuse.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@whizz_dumb "Dear Miss Manners; a person on the Internet proposed to me in a discussion about digital text proposals. Aside from being really meta (which I sort of dig), I don't know if I can live with the name 'I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Dumb.' Is it OK for me to ask that whizz take my name instead?"

whizz_dumb

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Actually Whizz Rose has a nice ring to it, or ring on it.

TheDragon

@whizz_dumb & @I'm Right on Top of that, Rose
I wish you all the happiness in the world. I also want an invite to the blessed occasion.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@whizz_dumb Your comment has made me think of Beyonce, thus making me quite happy. Marry me?

whizz_dumb

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Yes. A thousand times Yes. @ The Kendragon It's settled, I'm creating a gift registry right now.

thenotestaken

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Congratulations, How Wonderful.

TheDragon

@whizz_dumb I was just gonna get you everything in the next Friday Bargain Bin.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@The Kendragon Yesssss. I hope there are more pant options. PS: you can just drop them off in person because I think we're both from MT and everyone knows everyone here.

TheDragon

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose I'M IN MT NOW!!

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@The Kendragon MEEE TOOOOO

TheDragon

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose I leave tomorrow though :(

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@The Kendragon Ah well; come back soon!

Veronica Mars is smarter than me

@The Kendragon

Ceremony will commence at three o'clock in the afternoon, this Friday, the seventeenth of August, in the year two thousand twelve.

TheDragon

I was proposed to over text at the grand old age of eighteen. But that was only because he was called on deployment, he got scared, and he was trying any means possible to post-pone it.

My ideal proposal will obviously be a ring on top of a pizza, with the promise that I will never have to wear pants in our house for the rest of my life.

EpWs

@The Kendragon Oooh, girl, ring+pizza+me=ring gets eaten. Seriously, rings are small and pizzas are large and delicious. (Will the ring be BOXED, on the pizza? Because that changes everything.)

But amen to the pantslessness clause.

TheDragon

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I was picturing it placed on one of those little white plastic three legged things used to keep the box top from collapsing on the pizza. Or boxed. Or just SO HUGE and sparkly that the magpie in me can't miss it?
(Not that having a huge ring matters. The pantless clause matters way more than the ring!)
OR IT COULD BE A RING OF ARTICHOKE HEARTS, ROMA TOMATOES, AND FETA!
If I ever get serious with a dude, can we direct him to this webpage?

EpWs

@The Kendragon

TheDragon

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Yes.
Man. This article is leading to a lot of 'Pinner Pair-Ups.

yeah-elle

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher AHHHH pizza proposal. Pizzaprosal? Propizzal?

EpWs

@The Kendragon OUR RECEPTION SHALL SERVE NOTHING BUT PIZZA AND CAKE

EVERYONE IS INVITED

TheDragon

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher AND EVERYONE SHALL BE PANTSLESS. Or in sweats or palazzo pants, or caftans.

Danzig!

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I aspire to one day be featured on Wedinator.com

EpWs

@Danzig! As we all should, really. (The sad/happy thing is that I didn't even have to go directly to Wedinator for that, I just googled "proposal pizza" and had faith that the internet would not let me down. HUZZAH.)
@The Kendragon Can we get Melis and Evil Melis to officiate simultaneously?

WaityKatie

@The Kendragon Texting existed when you were 18! I'm going to go slink off and be old over here now...

TheDragon

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Yes. But I may stutter over my lines. I mean, I'm marrying Everpresent and have Melis AND Evil Melis officiating.
Can Xanthophyllippa be my maid of honor/official pizza-bearer?

TheDragon

@WaityKatie It was still pretty new! (AKA: I am still horrified by elementary/middle-schoolers with phones.)

EpWs

@The Kendragon Yes obvs. Can redheadedandcrazie be our wedding mascot?

WaityKatie

@The Kendragon My nephew was typing on the computer by age 4. (the hooorrrooorrr!!!)

Xanthophyllippa

@The Kendragon YES! I even have a homemade tiara I can wear. Along with my pretty PrAna dress and my Keen H2 Newports.

@WaityKatie I was typing on the computer at age 4, but it was an Apple IIe that my dad used to bring home from work. He'd bring home the computer, a printer, and a massive modem and dial into a special line at his company that would make the printer spit out pictures of snowflakes.

TheDragon

@Xanthophyllippa & @Everpresent
YES! This will be the amazing. EVERY pinner can be involved!

@WaityKatie I quickly found out that the best way to learn how to use any electronics were to hand them to my three year old cousin.

WaityKatie

@Xanthophyllippa I made snowflakes on an IBM Selectric typewriter in typing class! (in high school....wah wah waaaaahhhhh).

purefog

@The Kendragon Melis and Evil Melis have never been seen in the same place at the same time. Coincidence? I think not.

Xanthophyllippa

@WaityKatie I didn't take typing because I could already type ~90 words a minute by the time I was ten thanks to dad's work computer. But I did take our Apple IIc (bought when I was 9) to college with me, and was still typing papers on it my senior year.

Plant Fire

@The Kendragon I had a cell phone in middle school (circa 2003). In my defense, I bought it myself and paid for the phone cards (where I lived, prepaid cards were wayyyy more common than they are in the US). One day in 7th grade, while on the subway I taught my mom how to text on her phone, and now I get to receive messages from her with tons of little smiley faces in them.

Genghis Khat

@The Kendragon I tell all my gbfs to tell any suitor to put my ring inside a burrito and to watch carefully to make sure I don't choke.

TheDragon

@Genghis Khat Yeah, I don't chew. Like ever. I eat like a dog. So I probably wouldn't choke, but swallowing it unawares would be entirely possible.

@Sea Ermine I'm sorry to sound so judgey! I pretty much meant I'm horrified by the kids you see in elementary school, who spend all recess sitting down, playing on their phones. That makes me sad. I LOVED recess, and will still sprint around willy-nilly if you give me have a chance. (I do understand the joy of teaching a parent to text, though! I taught my dad and was so proud when he sent his first coherent text.)

Xanthophyllippa

@The Kendragon I'm pretty much horrified by anyone who spends outdoors time playing on their phones, child or not. Or even indoors time.

JadedStone

I wish there was an app for ALL the great advice columns. I friggen love advice columns. They're like cupcakes to me

Jinxie

@Jade Ooh, that'd be great - some sort of advice column aggregator! Tech people: get on this right away!

Scandyhoovian

@Jade YES! And then I spend loooots of time debating in my head with the columnists. Especially Prudie. LADY, RELAX, IT'S JUST A FEW BEERS, NO ONE'S TURNING INTO AN ALCOHOLIC TODAY or so I like to think (she's really weird about sex and alcohol, just saying).

georgette hair

@Jade
Me too! I am addicted to them. Ask Prudence especially.
Also, did anyone read the second question in the column?
It sounded like the LW built a guest cottage for random people who arent visiting them to stay in...

JadedStone

@Scandyhoovian Talking about advice columns is basically my whole life. I forgot about miss manners, I will have to binge.

Prudence! I love her. Of course she's a prude, it's right in the name! Love it.

Prudence, Dan Savage, Sasha von bon bon, dear coquette. These are my necessary weekly doses. EH TU?

supernintendochalmers

@Scandyhoovian Apparently the Prudie commenters on Slate have made up a drinking game to her column.

Alli525

@Jade YOU GUYS!!! From our lips to NYMag's deity-like ears.

http://nymag.com/thecut/2012/08/other-peoples-problems-grandmas-butt-tattoo.html

OhMarie

This is, like, Anne of Green Gables series frequency of proposals.

Bittersweet

@OhMarie will u marry me

no, charlie, u ruined miss ada's cushion. + ur eyes r buggy. sorrry. xo

EpWs

@Bittersweet If this doesn't go in melis's book, I will riot.

Liz Derosier@facebook

@OhMarie And Jane's brother, Billy Andrews, who couldn't even muster up the gumption to make his proposal in person!

Bittersweet

@Liz Derosier@facebook Maybe he would've been more direct if he and Anne had had Droids.

Chills

My uncle proposed to my (now!) aunt by text.
But he was at the top of Mount Kilimanjaro, so it was sort of romantic...!

WaityKatie

@Chills I'm impressed that they had reception up there.

VDRE

I'd be a million times more likely to accept a texted proposal than one that involved asking my father's permission first.

WaityKatie

@VDRE But what if he texted your father??

georgette hair

@WaityKatie
What if he emailled your father and Cc'd you??

VDRE

@WaityKatie I guess it would be acceptable if the proposal was a texted screenshot of his text to my father (& my father's response). No email though, it's too impersonal.

WaityKatie

@VDRE I will accept nothing less than proposal via LOLcat.

alannaofdoom

@WaityKatie I CAN HAZ HAND IN MAWWAGE?

terrific

Who are these people that get multiple proposals from people they aren't even dating? The only time anyone has ever proposed to me was when I was six. I think I met him twice.

But seriously, are there actually guys out there that toss marriage proposals around like pizzas?

Emma Peel

Somehow both of my long-term boyfriends were promiscuous proposers (only to me, when we were dating, as far as I know). I've probably been proposed to more than 500 times, with varying degrees of seriousness (unserious to "serious but not right this second we're 22") but never actually got engaged to either.

I thought it was a sweet habit, and while it was going on I did honestly plan to marry them (especially guy #2, since it was less infatuated teenager and more "we're not in the right place in our lives now, but we will be one day and we want to be together forever") or I would have stopped it, but it's still SO WEIRD that it's the one thing these two very dissimilar guys had in common.

Especially given that I was not marriage-minded at the time AT ALL.

Judith Slutler

@terrific They were joking, right? ... I hope?

terrific

@Emmanuelle Cunt We are not currently married (or in contact at all in any way, because I literally haven't seen him since the proposal), but whether he was joking... um... I hope so. I didn't think he was though, and I came home and threw open the door and yelled I'M GETTING MARRIED to my startled mother.

Blushingflwr

@terrific Well, there was the time this guy I was sort of seeing and definitely entertaining in my room late at night (though I don't remember if this was before or after "entertaining" becomes a euphemism in this context) proposed to me and I said yes and we told people we were getting married even though we weren't dating. And then we ended up dating. And he ended up not marrying me because I am not Jewish.

The Lady of Shalott

@terrific When I was in my first year of undergrad, a couple guys from somewhere else in my 600-person dorm wandered into our suite. I still don't know who they were looking for? And one of them looked at me and threw up his hands and said "PLEASE will you marry me??? You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen! Marry me and come back to Ghana with me!" because he was from Ghana.

At the time I was wearing yoga pants, a dirty T-shirt, and I had my hair all scraped off my face in a ugly knot. I declined his kind proposal (even after he offered to introduce me to his family and told me we would have many beautiful children (which frankly we probably would have because he was not a bad-looking dude)) as you can probably tell because I am now not living in Ghana married to a stranger I met at age 18.

Xanthophyllippa

@The Lady of Shalott A friend of mine was proposed to by a man from an African country at a conference. She told him that was sweet (lie, of course), but she was already married. He told her it didn't matter, and that he would let her come back to see her children on occasion.

aphrabean

@terrific When I was younger, I was "proposed" to on a couple of occasions but. . . 1) my gay friend wanted to take over the family ranch, and his plan was that we'd have tiny beard-babies and ride horses all the time. 2) Much older friend who would periodically ask me to be his child bride and move to the hills to grow marijuana. The first was MOSTLY a joke, and took place when we were very young and the cultural matrix was such that running the family ranch un-closeted seemed impossible. The second, I thought was a joke till he did indeed find an actual child bride, etc. Currently I live in a major metropolis and my porch-tomatoes are the closest I come to cultivation of any kind and I'm never going to get married.

stonefruit

SIGTPTMNVTMOIGTTYBD?

EpWs

@stonefruit Someone is going to...text message or I'm going to text to your baby daddy?

(Sorry, sickness+too much caffeine today=brain death)

Saaoirse

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Someone is going to propose to me not via text message or I'm going to tell to you back down???

stonefruit

@Saaoirse so close!

yeah-elle

@stonefruit Someone is going to propose to me not via text message or I'm going to turn your bid down? Take your butt disease?? Test your best dick???

stonefruit

@yeah-elle CLOSER STILL!

Saaoirse

@stonefruit TURN YOU BOTH DOWN?????!!!!

stonefruit

@Saaoirse YES DING DING DING WE HAVE A WINNER.

yeah-elle

@Saaoirse Ahhh it's always so obvious in hindsight. For some reason, butt disease made more sense to me (doesn't it always?).

stonefruit

@yeah-elle I wish I had thought to work butt disease into it. Next time, Gadget!

Saaoirse

@yeah-elle I FEEL SO PROUD I WOULD LIKE TO THANK MY MOTHER FOR TEACHING ME TO BELIEVE IN MYSELF

JessicaLovejoy

@yeah-elle HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST DICK!

stonefruit

@JessicaLovejoy great, THANKS, now that's stuck in my head.

yeah-elle

@JessicaLovejoy FIRE AWAAAAYYY!

Xanthophyllippa

@yeah-elle There is a plant disease called butt rot. It kills palm trees.

candybeans

I LOVE ALL THESE THREADS SO HARD I MAY WEEP. But butt disease/best dick medley really got me **here** (points to heart).

Jinxie

I just...I mean...Ok. This lady got not one, but TWO, proposals of marriage from dudes she's not even DATING but the thing the puzzled her was the fact that their chosen medium was texting and NOT that two random friends were asking her to marry them? Buh?

TheDragon

@Jinxie I hope for the one dude's sake, that he wasn't kidding. The one that she would "love to marry."
Cause I think he just sentenced himself to having this chick's CLAWS firmly snagged into him. (figuratively and possibly literally.)

pompompom

Do people who are just friends propose to each other out of the blue in real life? Does this not just happen in books/films?? So confused.

I have had a friend propose via text before but a) it was 90% not serious b) the 10% of it that was serious was just loneliness I guess, in a sort of "we're both single and I'm lonely" kinda way and c)at the time of said text he was so drunk that later that evening he tried to steal a car.

My (now) ex also proposed via text. I thought he was joking. Turns out he was perfectly serious. We only cleared up this misunderstanding about 2 years later during our break up (him: I told you I wanted to get married years ago! me: wtf, was that actually serious??) Good times.

megmurray

I got proposed to via IM once. A guy I worked with, who was from South America and wanted to stay in the country. But he also admitted to being in love with me, so who knows.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@xtinamarie I also got proposed to over IM! In like Grade 9. It was weird.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

I just proposed marriage to my gay male friend via text a few minutes before reading this.

...because he only thing on TV is Four Weddings and this wedding had a mashed potato bar.

You'll be sorry Jo March

I have been soooo confused by this since I read it the first time...so glad to see it here on the 'pin. And I HAVE A THEORY. Here goes: in Miss Manners-ese, "friend" can mean "boyfriend/girlfriend" as well as "platonic friend," since some adults have a problem with referring to their significant other by what they perceive as juvenile terms. SO, perhaps she was boyfriending with first dude, he proposed via text, she broke it off because that shit does not fly, she gets together with second dude, 9 months into the relationship he proposes via text as well. *breath* That way, she has two proposals within the year, from "friends," and she remains firmly in the 21st century. Whaddya'll think?

OhMarie

@You'll be sorry Jo March I like your theory. That, or this girl's definition of "proposal" is iffy, like one of those things where you guys are buds and you are both having trouble in the dating world, and one of you says fuck it, let's just marry each other if we're still single in 5 years.

Xanthophyllippa

@OhMarie I had a (half-joking) arrangement like that with someone and then realized slowly over the last two years that he's A Nice Guy, in the "Ask A Lady" sense. Now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure he suggested it because he said, "We can still date other people, of course" and was hoping I'd find a hot chick who would let him watch.

fondue with cheddar

Perhaps it was more like...

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