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Wednesday, August 1, 2012

116

What Do We Have in Common With Michael Phelps?

Previously: Are We in Vegas?

Ann Friedman is open to a Wheaties endorsement deal.



116 Comments / Post A Comment

special_boots

I have always felt a strong kinship with Phelps due to my freakishly long torso, but just to clarify, that is NOT why I don't wear rompers. Is that a thing?? Ew.

TheRisottoRacket

@special_boots Um.

special_boots

@TheRisottoRacket You're gonna have to expound a little there.

TheRisottoRacket

@special_boots They make them so short that there's just not enough of myself to actually fit well into the romper. Which is the nicest way I can put it.

I also have a large rear end which makes it a little more difficult as well. These are the same reasons I can't reasonably wear a one piece bathing suit even though I think so many of them are adorable.

Marquise de Morville

@special_boots I have the same issue! J Crew makes tall size one piece swimming suit, first one that fit me, and they are usually still around for the sales. I intensely dislike current dress fashions that make all dresses look like babydolls on me.

special_boots

@TheRisottoRacket Hahahahaha. I've never actually tried on a romper. I'm a woman who knows her limits.

I just roll with the inability to wear a one-piece. I think my long torso is rather nice-looking, tbh, and since bathing suits force me to reveal my lamentable thigh region (I know, I know), I feel like it's only fair that my bathing suit should also allow me to show off my rather nice midsection. Cosmic balance. Or... something?

The worst part about having a long torso was when I was in grade school and shorter shirts were in fashion. We weren't allowed to reveal any midsection at all, but the thing was, ALL shirts revealed a little bit of my midsection. I was frequently in trouble and it felt deeply unfair.

I've noticed, of late, that crop tops seem to be coming back, and it makes me deeply afraid. Long layering tanks 4 lyfe!

meetapossum

@special_boots Due to my long torso, I have not put a t-shirt in the dryer for probably 10 years. Hang dry that shit! It will stay long forever.

olivebee

@all Ya'll are my people. I agree with everything everyone said. Dresses are SO SHORT on me and the waistband always hits at my ribcage. I also hang dry all of my clothes.

But like @special_boots, I do enjoy the way my torso looks. It's way more svelte than my ass or upper legs. My only problem with having a long torso is that, on my 5'2" frame, it means my legs are unnaturally short.

Tragically Ludicrous

@special_boots Why would anyone wear a romper, ever? Besides maybe 2-year-olds, and even then they have to be forced into them.

Burly-Q

@special_boots In college I was trying on a dress at one of those CharlotteRusse/Forever21/cheapassclothes places and decided it was cuter on the rack. When I went to take it off I discovered, to my horror, that it was ACTUALLY A ROMPER. Somehow I had gotten myself through one of the legs as if it was the skirt portion of the dress and now I was stuck. It took me about 20 minutes to inch my way out of it during which the changing room girls kept knocking to see if I was ok or needed help. I'm sure they thought I was up to no good due to the inordinate amount of soft cursing and falling into the walls of the changing booth...

That is when I discovered the evil invention that is rompers

special_boots

@Tragically Ludicrous That was my initial point, yeah.

Fissionchips

@special_boots aww I quite like them! Playsuits, rompers, really just 'cuter' words for jumpsuits/boiler suits with shorts. Boiler suit with shorts sound way more sensible. I probably only like them due to my freakishly short torso, though. It's a torso issue.

Kitekatze

@special_boots long torso sisters unite!

I also have problems with high waisted pants due to long torso plus no waist but that's another story, dang.

New Hoarder

@olivebee Yep, I have a long torso AND a bIG butt, so all dresses on me are mullet-y: business in the front, indecent exposure in the back.

nina

@special_boots I'm a long torso sister too and I find every cute dress is indecently short on me with the waist up under my boobs and my crotch plainly visible. Ugh.

5bells

@Burly-Q Ha! I had a similar experience at BeBe when I mistakenly thought trying on a couple ridiculous, skanky dresses would make me feel better about various issues that make clothes shopping sometimes awful. (Worked when I was in high school...) So I got stuck in an absurdly teeny bandage dress (designed with anorexic call girls with bendy clavicles/pelvic bones in mind; I have no idea how or why I fit into it in the first place) & got all panicky that I'd have to get a salesperson to free my contorted, pasty body from that thing/cut it off & have to pay for it. Instead I just came out like 15 min later looking sweaty and sad/disgruntled.

area@twitter

15%- have drunk National Bohemian non-ironically

special_boots

@area@twitter I'm suspicious of the whole idea of "ironic" beer-drinking. I thought we drank those beers because they are $2 at happy hour. That's just economics!

sarah girl

@area@twitter I didn't realize until this exact moment that Natty Boh wasn't the given name of that beer.

OhMarie

@area@twitter I also fully support drinking National Bohemian unironically. My college had an easter tradition where the upperclassmen would spray paint cans of Boh in Easter colors and then hide them around campus. This was such a bonanza to me as a 19 and 20 year old.

Mira

@Sarah H. Can I tell you a super embarrassing story? I actually ordered "a National Bohemian, please" at a sports bar a few weeks ago, with no idea that it was the SAME BEER as the Natty Boh that made my college years so great. The waitress kind of smirked at me and said, "You want a pitcher of Natty Boh?" and I almost died of humiliation.

charmcity

@area@twitter ...but instead you regained your poise and clocked that judgmental waitress with a can of Old Bay, RIGHT?

all the bacon and eggs

@Mira This is great, and reminds me that when I studied abroad in England, I heard multiple English guys refer to Budweiser as "The King of Beers" non-ironically. As in, "give me one of The King of Beers."

Mira

@charmcity Who me, regain poise? Nahhh. I was like, "Oh, right, yes, Natty Boh, that's what I said, of course" (although I could feel myself blushing furiously) and then we drank them and shouted at the English soccer team. How was I supposed to know? It looked all fancy there on the page, all "National Bohemian Pilsener" and you're all "Why yes, I think I would like to have a pint of this respectable-looking yet reasonably-priced beverage" and then it comes and suddenly you're back in a sticky-floored frat house basement holding your friend's hair back while she pukes on some 19-year-old bro. A bait and switch!

katiemcgillicuddy

@OhMarie I think I know where you went to school, I remember hearing about this like, last year. I believe I went to another school in the same state and can't explain how jealous I am/was when I heard about this thing. Considering there was always a suitcase of Natty Boh in every fridge of every house I ever lived in college, I am ashamed that my school wasn't the one to come up with this. Ashamed.

Chesty LaRue

@katiemcgillicuddy Just how cheap is this beer? The cheapest stuff in Canada (like Lucky or something) is still like $8 for a 6-pack, but I remember the fancy stuff being less than than in the states.

katiemcgillicuddy

@Chesty LaRue I want to say it's like, oh, 12 bucks for a 24 pack suitcase? (It looks like a suitcase). It's a beer you can sometimes find at bars in Baltimore for a dollar a pop (and other places in Maryland). Drink it fast, it's not quite as good warmed up...it's like a sport! I love it though, reminds me of happy times. Still drink it. They started serving it on tap at Camden Yards recently, which is exciting.

Chesty LaRue

@katiemcgillicuddy Awesome, so it is the american equivalent of lucky! I know exactly what you mean.

OhMarie

@katiemcgillicuddy Oh, I'm sure you have the right college! I actually didn't find out about this tradition until someone knocked on my dorm room door when I was a freshman. It was magical. The hunting part is actually pretty hard, too, so that's delightful.

I maintain that Natty Boh is like, not even that bad when you compare it to other cheapo beers like Bud Light.

whateverlolawants

@area@twitter I don't even know about Natty Boh. I know about Natty Lite... legend in my college town was that the local liquor store had a plaque from Anheiser-Busch proclaiming them the top Natural Light seller per capita or something. I never saw the plaque, though. It could be true: I went to one of those schools that frequently appears in the Princeton Review as a party school... and also highly for academics... for whatever that's worth (not much.)

katiemcgillicuddy

@OhMarie Just keep it cold, man. Keep it cold. And fuck Bud Light.

packedsuitcase

@whateverlolawants NATTY LITE! A friend of mine and her housemates got a dog our senior year and they named her Natural Light (nickname: Nat). At Halloween the kids would knock on the door and Nat would run and sit and wag her tail at them. The kids would ask the dog's name, and my friend's roommate would say, "Oh, it's Nat."
"Is that short for something?"
"Yeah...Natalie." To which my friend would yell beligerently from the couch, "It is not, you liar! It's short for NATURAL LIGHT!" whilst holding up a 24 pack. Yeah. Ah, college.

katiemcgillicuddy

@OhMarie Seeing as how it's sort of the same area (in a very relative way) have you ever done the Easter Keg Hunt? I've spent a lot of gas and frustrating/super fun time doing that the past few years.

OhShesArtsy

@area@twitter I have never heard of Natty Boh. Is that like Natty Lite??

Confession: I have always been a beer snob, I would never drink Natty Lite....

OhMarie

@OhShesArtsy It's mostly a local phenomenon--I don't know if you can buy it outside of the mid-Atlantic. It's definitely cheap but I believe it's better than a Natural Light.

@katiemcgillicuddy I have never even heard of the Easter Keg Hunt!

katiemcgillicuddy

@OhMarie I live in the DC area and the local rock station, DC101, does it every year. They paint 101 (empty) kegs like easter eggs. Put them all around the DC metro area, bus stops, parking garages, behind buildings, in plain sight on the road. Find one, win a prize (tickets to something, etc). Find the golden one and you get free beer for a year! (Which, yeah right, its like 12 cases or something). But still! I've done it a few times, we always start at like 3 a.m, it's always on a Friday so that makes it a little easier to swing. I love it.

whateverlolawants

@katiemcgillicuddy That sounds awesome. Probably 20 years ago when I was a small kid, there was some kind of beer hunt my dad would get an invitation for every Easter in Kentucky. No idea why he got invited, since he doesn't drink and it was a couple of hours away, but I always thought the invitations were funny.

ThundaCunt

@katiemcgillicuddy Hmmmm...Natty Boh? I guess that's the South's equivalent to Natural Light! The cheapest, crappiest beer around!!! Natty Light & Natty Ice are found EVERYWHERE in the College town!! (Tallahassee) It's practically a Redneck staple!

katiemcgillicuddy

@ThundaCunt I've never really seen Boh anywhere other than Maryland and VA (it might be, though). Oh, Natty Lite, jesus, I am not kidding when I tell you at one point the house I lived for most of college had a giant Natty Lite banner in one room and actual *boxes* flattened out and put on the wall which, CLASSY. This was BEFORE I lived there. Natty Lite is erryywhere.

katiemcgillicuddy

@whateverlolawants One of the most entertaining things about it is, if you really go for it and drive around all night, you can spot the other people out hunting! I've sped around many a parking lot while other cars did the same, trying to beat each other to kegs. You just see random cars suddenly chasing each other down otherwise empty streets at 4 a.m, racing off the line at stoplights and yelling at each other through windows. And then everyone hauls their kegs to a bar downtown and drinks. It's great.

Ham Snadwich

@special_boots - There's still a lot of bars that have $1 Natty Bohs at happy hour.

whateverlolawants

@katiemcgillicuddy I went to college in the midwest. That Natty Lite decor sounds super classy! And sadly, all too familiar. I will keep my ears to the ground for keg hunts.

katiemcgillicuddy

@whateverlolawants Oh yeah, like, hey look a Natty Lite box next to a poster of a neon mushroom in a room lit by a lamp made out of a giant bottle of Seagrams. Looks, great guys, looks great. I'll look out for beer hunts because that sounds pretty spectacular, too.

whateverlolawants

@katiemcgillicuddy But was there a poster of the Pink Floyd albums painted on nude women's backs/butts???

katiemcgillicuddy

@whateverlolawants Ha, no but my brother did! Though we did have, FRAMED IN GLASS, Seurat's, "A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte"...but with Simpsons characters. Which, I actually love that! But ha ha, still, god.

katiemcgillicuddy

@all the bacon and eggs I just want to say that I am pretty new here and your handle is wonderful, thank you for the fact that it exists. Ron Swanson forever. God, it makes me want to change mine to, "breakfast food and brunettes" or, "child labor laws are ruining this country" which please, if anyone wants that, take it.

all the bacon and eggs

@katiemcgillicuddy Yay!!! Thank you! Although, in retrospect, I feel pretty regretful that I didn't choose "The Four Horsemeals of the Eggporkalypse" instead.

katiemcgillicuddy

@all the bacon and eggs Ha ha, no no..."all the bacon and eggs"...that's it, I swear. It's perfect. I can hear his mustache. It's honorably insidious, if that makes any sense.

Megasus

I was watching men's swimming while waiting at the dr's office and they kept putting clothes on and I was like "what are you doing swimmers?"

Marzipan

@Megano! Me watching Olympic swimming: "Jesus, he has abs in places I didn't know it was possible to have abs" and "Oh, don't get in the water, you are ruining it!"

Megasus

@Marzipan And then when they got out of the water, immediately put track suits on! Which look ridic with swim caps, btw

Dancercise

@Marzipan But they they show the slow-mo replays of them underwater and that kind of makes up for it.

C.SanDiego

@Megano! But when they interview them and they're all out of breath and their abs are contracting - that is the stuff of which dreams are made.

packedsuitcase

@C.SanDiego No lie, my mom and I were talking on the phone and watching swimming, and we would both go silent during the interviews and then start talking again once the menfolks were clothed.

redheaded&crazy

@Megano! swim caps > shaving your head bald. brent hayden, what are you doing.

(oh you're telling me that your swimming career is more important than how some nobody girl thinks you look?) (well ryan lochte doesn't have to shave his head to win gold) (yes i realize i have zero olympic gold medals to my name)

OhShesArtsy

@Megano! There's a reason that I always dated swimmers ;) I married one, too.

Alli525

@Dancercise And then Ryan Lochte does this thing where as soon as he pokes his head out of the water and takes off his swim cap, he looks for the clock/results and his eyes do this sexy-eyes thing... I just can't even try to concentrate anymore.

BRB MOVING TO FLORIDA.

Megasus

@OhShesArtsy WHERE DO YOU FIND THEM (all the swimmers I have known were girls)

OhShesArtsy

@Megano! I may or may not have creeped swim meets.

Kidding! I just happened to meet them and find them easy on the eyes/fun to be with without really knowing they were all swimmers. Also, swim meets are some boring ass events. Just sayin'....

katiemcgillicuddy

@Megano! See, I would go to the doctor for once if this was how it always was! I did once watch General Hospital at a car repair shop. Not that I youtube GH at night. Nope. I also work at a pool/rec center type place and aspire only to marry one of the swim coaches who roam around in nothing but smiles and towels.

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

Michael Phelps Camel Toe®

Dancercise

I'll just be over here in the long-torso'd quadrant.

kickupdust

@Dancercise Do you ever get extra sad that you can't wear those retro-y one-piece bathing suits? I SURE DO.

Dancercise

@kickupdust It's the leotards that make me the saddest. Perpetual wedgies are not conducive to good dancing.

That and the fact that I have never had a coat or jacket that hits me in the right place. I gave up trying to find something "hip-length" ages ago.

WhiskeySour

@Dancercise People with super long torsos unite! And I have the double whammy of large-ish boobs. I have the worst luck finding swimsuits that don't ride up at the bottom or pull down at the top. Those retro suits do make me super sad. They seem they would be so flattering in every other way.

TheRisottoRacket

@WhiskeySour I have the double whammy of long torso and big booty, so no one pieces for me either.

Dancercise

Oh, my long torso'd friends! Land's End makes long swimsuits. The options aren't endless, but it's one of the few places that carries long one-pieces. They are the only place I will ever buy a suit, and they last forever!

wee_ramekin

@Dancercise When I was a freshman in college and extremely sensitive to criticism/jokes, a frenemy started calling me "LT". Short (heh) for "Long Torso".

I cried myself to sleep a few nights because of that.

Terrifying Wife-Avatar

@Dancercise You are a ballroom competitor, right? Why does no one ever list girth measurement when selling a used dress? Can I blame "gown wedgie" for the fact that I am not yet a U.S. 9-dance champion?

Dancercise

@Nicole Sauvage@twitter
I am! I am lucky enough that my coach knows a fabulous designer who custom made my Smooth dress for super, super cheap. But on the other hand, I'm on a formation team, and we all have to wear the same thing. Not as lucky there...

(Also I am jealous of your ability to do 9-dance. Smooth and Standard are my jam. Rhythm and Latin... well, I just try not to look foolish.)

dtowngirl

@wee_ramekin Everybody knows long torsos are sexy. So, I hope you told your frenemy to screw off.

Terrifying Wife-Avatar

@Dancercise At Silver-trying-to-be-Gold level I can hardly call myself a 9-dancer yet. But it's important to have a goal, right? And, yeah, Rhythm is HARD. *side-eye at the cha-cha*

Formation team = super cool, though I can see the drawbacks of the matching dresses!

wee_ramekin

@dtowngirl Well, I did not have the cojonas to tell her off, but my friend at the time looked her dead in the eye and said "You know, sometimes you are really mean to [wee_ramekin], and you need to stop".

That girl became my best friend for all of college, and was the friend I moved to Austin with. I am a sucker for folks who come to my defense.

dtowngirl

@wee_ramekin That's awesome. Having strong friends who will stand up for you is seriously one of the greatest things ever.

Dancercise

@wee_ramekin
Those are the best kinds of folks to be suckers for.

OhMarie

I had a fun time last night imagining that he was referring to bongs pretty much all of the time. "[My coach] has had to put up with a lot." "You know, since Beijing I've done what I've done and that's all in the past." "Sometimes I wasn't training as hard as I could have been."

whateverlolawants

@OhMarie I was thinking the same thing too! Bong-ba-bong-bong.

fondue with cheddar

@whateverlolawants Bongs are the only thing I have in common with Michael Phelps.

-----------

100% want to make sweet love to Michael Phelps.

special_boots

@Kate Croy Noooo, I'm saving myself for Ryan-Lock-the-bedroom-door-and-throw-away-the-key.

olivebee

After hearing interviews with both of them, I was like "No, thanks." Unintelligible mumbling (especially with Lochte's dumb diamond grill!!) just ain't my thang.

Tragically Ludicrous

@Kate Croy Ian Thorpe is doing BBC swimming coverage and Ian Thorpe forever please.

Amphora

@Tragically Ludicrous Is he the one making hilarious comments? When Phelps was getting a medal the other day one of the announcers said "Imagine the size of his medal box" and the other one started giggling, and then the first one said "I bet he's got a big one" and by this point I'd lost it.

-----------

@special_boots I am unable to have any sort of sexy fantasy about Ryan Lochte, because whenever I try to just as it starts getting good he smiles... and I see the glint of that damned grill. Also in his interviews he comes across as having the intelligence of a woodpecker, but as a large-minded woman I am willing to overlook that.

-----------

@olivebee But Michael's abs are so eloquent! (Just joking) (mostly) (would NOT kick them abs out of bed)

special_boots

@Kate Croy Right, I mean, I don't need him to talk.

As for the grill, well, my friends and I discussed this. I figure he probably has to take it out for sex if only for logistical reasons, right. So then, as my friend Vanessa noted, it's just having sex with a guy who's probably an asshole but is super hot, and we've all been there, right?

OR WOULD LIKE TO BE.

packedsuitcase

@Tragically Ludicrous Yes, yes, 1,000 times, yes!

buttercup empire

@olivebee Oh gosh yes. The whole time Ryan Lochte talks I'm just like "shhhhh...quiet. Just stand there silently and I can pretend you have an attractive personality to go with your super hot body."

So basically what I'm saying is that I'm not too big of a person to objectify the hell out of him.

mmmcheese

@Kate Croy I think he looks like Paul Newman....Anyone?

anachronistique

@Tragically Ludicrous THORPEDO! Man, I was in love with him back in... high school? When was that? God, I'm old.

Lenora Jane

@special_boots Did you hear about how Ryan Lochte only has one-night stands? And his mother told the media about it? And also apparently he cried during the Notebook? And told ESPN that all women are evil? Mixed bag, I guess. UGH this is hilarious.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/01/ryan-lochte-sex-one-night-stands-deep-thoughts-olympian-love-romance_n_1729720.html

aphrabean

@Kate Croy Absolutely none of that is surprising to me.

Lenora Jane

@aphrabean 100% believe all of it. That hasn't stopped me from giggling inappropriately at my desk pretty much consistently since I clicked on the MSN homepage link and started down the rabbit hole of Lochte goss.

katiemcgillicuddy

@buttercup empire Oh, he's something of a juicebox, but I'd still hit that into next Tuesday. I have no shame.

mollyringworm

I kept reading 'bongs' as 'bones' and thought, yeah, I guess 10% of my body is a skeleton. BONGS.

meetapossum

No one should wear rompers anyway.

ryan latham@twitter

75% --- Eating 12,000 per day

alexandra

10% seems kind of low for bongs

redheaded&crazy

@alexandra for reals.

Sarah Coe@twitter

@C.SanDiego - Well played.

Ham Snadwich

I have also eaten a shitload of pancakes at Pete's Gril

George Templeton Strong

When I was in high school I was 6' 4" as a freshman and had a predictably sadistic gym (phys ed) teacher. All the freshmen males had to run track trials and I did really really well in the 440 m sprints. The sadistic gym teacher basically drafted me for the junior varsity team. I refused to be drafted. He took me aside and said "We can't field a Negro team. It's you and [X] and eight Negroes." This was up in suburban Boston in the late 1970s. I said "I'm a smart guy and I don't think a track scholarship is going to get me into college three years from now. I hope the black, not Negro, guys do as well."

I refused to join that team and the next year I was branded "the faggot" by the sadistic gym teacher. In my sophomore year I was handed a tennis racket and told that for "gym class" I could hit some balls with some of the stoners while the "real guys" played football and baseball. Little did the idiot gym teacher know that I was also a pretty good tennis player, and ambidextrous, so I didn't really have a backhand. He noticed this and then tried to recruit me to the tennis team, which was failing under his watch, and again I said no.

Then came the swimming. My high school didn't have a swimming pool but there was a lake nearby and the sad, sadistic gym coach herded us all over there to assess our swimming abilities. I said to him that I could swim enough so that I wouldn't drown but no, I wasn't a swimmer. There was another racist remark from him and then I started to do my version of the Australian Crawl. Again I was recruited.

At this point I was 16 or 17 and my father took me out for a beer and a chat and I finally confessed it all. The next day he drove to the High School, confronted the gym teacher, got him fired, and I got high-fives all around. The best time I got a sadistic gym teacher fired.

katiemcgillicuddy

@George Templeton Strong Fuck that guy/You are great. So is your dad.

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