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Thursday, August 23, 2012

120

The Pussy Riot Pie

Previously: Law & Order: Special Pie Charts Unit.

Ann Friedman is sweating through her ski mask.



120 Comments / Post A Comment

lobsterhug

The Red Vadge of Courage is my favorite. And this is probably the best pie chart.

olivebee

@lobsterhug That was my second favorite. Cervix-A-Lot made me laugh out loud (probably because I was picturing Sir Mix A Lot with all theses ladies around him, and just when you think it's a typical rap video, it turns into a PSA about the government staying out of lady parts).

"O-M-G Becky, Todd Akin & Co. SUCK. They are like, soooo, dumb."
"He looks like one of those Tea Party dirtbags. But who understands those bigots anyway?"
"He won't even talk to her, because he thinks all women are total prostitutes."

NiceDress

@olivebee I bow down to you for that remix.

And I agree that this is the best pie chart yet!

MoonBat

@olivebee You are amazing!!! Please take the day off to work on posting the complete lyrics to your rap!

olivebee

@MoonBat @NiceDress Thanks!! I actually did consider writing the rest of the song out as a pro-lady rap, but 1. I am at work (work: always gettin' in the way) and 2. It is LONG and I would probably fizzle out somewhere around "my anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hun." ("My vagina don't want none unless The Pill is covered, son.")

MoonBat

@olivebee
*Clapping wildly*

office of the carver@twitter

@olivebee Maybe I should be ashamed of this, but that is my absolute favorite line the entire song. Also, you are amazing. I'd contribute to a kickstarter or something that would fund the production of the Cervix-A-Lot remix.

EpWs

@olivebee I get Pap TESTS and I cannot lie. You other ladies should know why.

olivebee

@all Okay, so I am home from work, and I am now re-writing the lyrics to the whole song (no, I don't have a life, why do you ask?). Stay tuned. I will either post it in the FoT tomorrow....or maybe (hoping against hope) Jane & Edith & Nicole will publish it? Probably FoT.

MoonBat

@olivebee When a guy walks in with an itty bitty dick, and an even smaller mind, he's PRO LIFE!

MoonBat

@olivebee I have no life, either, so I'm here if you get stuck!

Inkling

@office of the carver@twitter
That line is my LIFE.

Danzig!

@lobsterhug Someone listens to Superego!

NiceDress

@olivebee I hope you're serious, because that is awesome!

D.@twitter

@lobsterhug Mine too! I was like "Red Vadge of Courage" 100%!!!

gna207

@lobsterhug YES. I used to have this humidifier from CVS with a red top that my friend lovingly dubbed "the red vag of courage" seeing it on this pie chart made my day 100x

Jill_Tata

WHY U ARE SO AWESOMEEEEE .@k

maybe partying will help

I think mine would just be called Bonerkiller.

CERVIX-A-LOT, though. CERVIX-A-LOT.

wharrgarbl

@maybe partying will help Bonerkiller and the Lady Parts.

Bonnie Downing

Once I met a lovely lesbian couple at a brunch. I had a long fascinating conversation with the half of that couple who is a psychotherapist/performance artist. She encouraged me to come to her next show, and explained that she would be giving a talk on some sort of feminist theory (details now fuzzy) while demonstrating a recipe. "And... tap dancing!" I said, because that's what I am like, always with the sarcastic little jokes, even when talking to the nicest person ever.
That nice person responded, "Yes, exactly! So you heard about it. (Her partner) will be tap dancing!"

The borderline-bitchy one liner that had escaped my mouth turned out to be the actual truth. Which was great in two ways: 1. That supernice, brilliant woman didn't know I was semi-mocking her. 2. It delights me deeply that humans put together absurd little shows to make their (probably brilliant) points on feminist theory, etc. Almost nothing is better than earnest performances that are too absurd to be jokes about earnest performances.

The only thing better than that is the dog shaming tumblr I just read all of while procrastinating.

I wonder if they had a name they performed under.

wharrgarbl

@Bonnie Downing The dogshaming tumblr is turning out to be the best thing.

NiceDress

@Bonnie Downing Omg, I just saw the dogshaming tumblr this morning. My quality of life has just, like, doubled.

Ophelia

@Bonnie Downing To your point #2, I think that's precisely why Christopher Guest has a career.

nowwhat

@NiceDress Same here! Had to disguise my laughter as coughing. All the guilty dog-expressions made me want a dog all the more.

frigwiggin

@Ophelia "I feel ready for whatever the experience is that we will...take with us after the show. I'm sure it will be...an adventure...a voyage on this...magnificent vessel...into unchartered waters! What if we see sailfish...jumping...and flying across the magnificent orb of a setting sun?"

NiceDress

@nowwhat Me too! I've been having serious dog cravings lately, but reality (i.e. my budget, the tininess of my apartment, my probable resentment at the loss of spontaneity that would result)reminds me that that can't happen. But at least I don't have any creature residing with me that eats my tampons or whatever, right? (my old dog had a taste for that...ew.)

applestoapples

I don't know what I'd call my band, but the title of this post sounds like an excellent dessert filled with cherries and disenfranchisement with the patriarchy.

maybe partying will help

@applestoapples

You could serve it with schadenfreude pie! http://whatever.scalzi.com/2006/09/26/how-to-make-a-schadenfreude-pie/

Hot Doom

@maybe partying will help Schadenfreude pie, with cherries, whipped cream and disenfranchisement on top are what I plan on serving at my next birthday party. DELISHUS

JessicaLovejoy

I wish "Beyond Caring If You Think I'm Misandrist" was catchier.

JuiceBox

@JessicaLovejoy perfect for a debut album though

Megasus

@JessicaLovejoy I could definitely come up with a song that is called "Misandry is Not a Thing"

NiceDress

@Megano! I got 99 problems but misandry ain't one!

ReginaSavage

I saw 'Hail to the Queef' and pretty much just died laughing!

rayray

The Straw Feminists

ThundaCunt

Backstreet alley abortion girls. Meh, not as catchy!

Ophelia

@ThundaCunt Honestly, I might go with "ThundaCunt."

Hot Doom

I read the title as 'Pussy Pot Pie' so I'd probs go with that one.

frigwiggin

@LolaLaBalc Thank god I'm not the only one. Now I want a chicken pot pie like mad.

Reginal T. Squirge

These are all pretty genius.

My favorite commentary on the "legitimate rape" thing was Neal Brennan's tweet that he just couldn't stop hearing Will Ferrell in his head going, "I will rape you! I will legitimately rape you!"

fondue with cheddar

Cuntry Music Loving Ladies

LacunaKale

Muffy and the Red Lake Country Club- We'll perform as ladies who lunch...on the remains of the patriarchy. I'm thinking zombie makeup, pearls, and Lilly Pultizer with combat boots.

EpWs

@LacunaKale HALLOWEEN IS COMING

fondue with cheddar

Estrogeneration Y

(or X as the case may be)

cuminafterall

@jen325 Progestin Protestin'

Probs

Polemical Pudendae?

I'm trying to figure out something to do with Labia Majora's Mask, and like you get ski masks that help you fight patriarchy, but I can't get it to gel.

NiceDress

@Probs Hmm, maybe something with labia majora and minora in a way that relates it to major and minor, as in the music keys (e.g. a-minor)? I can't quite put it together at the moment either.

Das Rad

@Probs My Jewish feminist performance art group would totally be Labia Menorah.

yeah-elle

For beautiful harmonies and acoustic stylings, Hymen and Garfunkel. Otherwise, Shark Week.

fondue with cheddar

@yeah-elle HYMEN AND GARFUNKEL I love you.

Probs

@yeah-elle amazing

UncleStu

@yeah-elle

HYMEN AND GARFUNKEL - that took my breath away - too funny, and just after I regained my composure after seeing Labia Menorah

yeah-elle

Also, radical reworkings of Beatles songs in a collection titled Re-Vulva. "Taxman (Stay Out Of My Vagina)" and "Love You To (Stop Harassing Me On The Street)" would be the breakout hits.

fondue with cheddar

@yeah-elle Oh, that's great! And there's always "Got to Get You Into My Vag" and "I'm only Spotting"

fondue with cheddar

@jen325 And "Doctor Roberta"

yeah-elle

@jen325 Yes! Later hits include "Hey Lube," "All You Need is Consent" and "I Want You (She's So Body Positive)."

Ophelia

@yeah-elle And from the very early record, "I wanna hold your tongue"

fondue with cheddar

@Ophelia "Queer, There, and Everywhere"

Ophelia

@jen325 "We can work it out (of the kitchen)"

yeah-elle

@Ophelia A rousing cover of Motown hit "Funding For Planned Parenthood (That's What I Want)"

Chrestomanci

@yeah-elle Ooh ooh! 'Ovary, Ob-la-da, (life does not begin at conception, brah)'

yeah-elle

@Chrestomanci "I'm So Tired (Of The Patriarchy)"

Veronica Mars is smarter than me

@Chrestomanci I wish I had more likes to give this one.

fondue with cheddar

Trendometrium

yeah-elle

@jen325 Psssst, your avatar would be very appropriate in the frozen-bananas-as-ice-cream post right now.

fondue with cheddar

@yeah-elle Ooh, I haven't gotten to that one yet! Thanks. :)

Xanthophyllippa

@jen325 That sounds like some kind of arena. CLIT ROMNEY PLAYS LIVE AT THE TRENDOMETRIUM!

fondue with cheddar

@Xanthophyllippa I hear it will be so loud your ears will bleed, among other things.

Tim Donnelly

Bet the opposition really clams up after seeing this.

MoonBat

@Tim Donnelly
Ovary funny.

Tim Donnelly

@MoonBat That's it, no more vagina puns. Period.

ejcsanfran

@Tim Donnelly: Well, it is a pie chart.

MoonBat

Twat would make you say that, @Tim Donnelly? The Pintariat loves puns, we muff keep going!

Blackwatch Plaid

@Tim Donnelly I cunt take this anymore.

MoonBat

@glittercock So sorry, were we being too vulvar for you?

Blackwatch Plaid

@MoonBat No, in fact I think you deserve a standing ovulation.

MoonBat

@glittercock Oh, good! It was all menses in fun.

fondue with cheddar

@MoonBat WAS?You're talking like it's all ovum.

MoonBat

@jen325 Noooooo, did you think I was some three-pump chump? That wombs me deeply, Jen.

fondue with cheddar

@MoonBat I never meant to hurt you! My sincere papologies from the bottom of my heart/vagina.

Tim Donnelly

@MoonBat You're really doing The Hairpin a great discervix by continuing the puns.

MoonBat

Don't act all hymen mighty, @Tim Donnelly! And don't think you can finger me for these crimes of pun, when you obviously started it.

Tim Donnelly

@MoonBat Determining who is responsible is the yeast of our problems.

fondue with cheddar

@MoonBat STOP FIGHTING, PEOPLE! THIS NEEDS TO END...ometrium.

Tim Donnelly

@MoonBat i hate for this to come to fistercuffs.

fondue with cheddar

@Tim Donnelly This discussion has reached a clitical mass.

MoonBat

@jen325 and @Tim Donnelly We are all such cunning linguists.

fondue with cheddar

@MoonBat We're not just good, we're the breast.

Rubyinthedust

or, great names for my fantasy roller derby team...

RK Fire

@Rubyinthedust: Cervix-a-lot would be a good one..

NiceDress

Akin Breakin' Heart?

Must close this article, or I will never get any work done.

Ophelia

Boobs in Boyland?

KatieBarTheDoor

O-vary, Where Art Thou? ok that's kind of a stretch.

dabbyfanny

The Vagina Den-Ta-Ta's?

dabbyfanny

@dabbyfanny I'll make the posters!

mustelid

Menarche in the U.K.?

cuminafterall

@mustelid LOVE IT

frigwiggin

@mustelid And this is where I learned that I've been mentally pronouncing "menarche" incorrectly all this time...

(Thank god I haven't had too many opportunities to use it in casual conversation.)

Xanthophyllippa

I might have to change my username to Clit Romney.

frigwiggin

@Xanthophyllippa It's punchy! Between that and Little Face Mitt, he's almost becoming a harmless figure of fun and whimsy to me.

Xanthophyllippa

@frigwiggin Me too! I haven't been able to take him seriously since I saw Bad Lip Reading. "No it wouldn't because wait no never mind."

NiceDress

Aunt Flo Rida

ELECTROMAGNETIC CHAOS

'Down with Putin, free the Pussycat Dolls!'

- stolen from some tumblr

FoxyRoxy

All of the above.

NeverOddOrEven

The Mouring and After Pills

NeverOddOrEven

@NeverOddOrEven
Mourning! God damn it. Posted on the bus...

annlf

I LOVE YOU ALL! Totally knew this thread would be full of 1 million other great names. From friends of mine: The Cunt For Red October, The Maude Squad, Militia Etheridge

dj pomegranate

I was stuck at work all day and just logged on to find all of these most excellent suggestions and it basically made my day a million times better and I <3 u hairpinnnnnnersssss!

Vera Knoop

My wife's ex was in a band called Ovary Action. I know. I know.

Frog Doctress

http://radicalhub.com/2012/08/20/pussy-riot-whose-freedom-whose-riot/

trampandthetramp

I always joke with my s.o. that I'd name my riot grrl group, "Boobs Everywhere". It's not a pun but I still think it's a rad band name.

Hworks

Tim Donnelly! And don't think you can finger me for these crimes of pun, when you obviously started it facebook hack password

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