Previously: "There's an actual sadness in finding out a guy has really beautiful sisters."
Esther C. Werdiger made more totes!
weddings, art, jobs, comics, work, illustration, the league of ordinary ladies, esther c. werdiger, juice
The Meat Sweats are real.
@Rebekah My penchant for rhyming words, and mild dyslexia are combining to make "Meat Sweats" into "Meat Sweets"
@The Kendragon As I typed words out, it was odd to me that they both had the same last 4 letters but sound different. I kept wanting to type it the same way you too!
@Rebekah I don't know what Meat Sweets are but I think I might like them. I have odd taste buds
@The Kendragon My brain always does the same thing whenever I read anything about Sean Bean...
@Rebekah You post reminds me of a part of an I Love Lucy episode where Ricky is stumped by how crazy English is when he tries to read the words (I think) "through," "cough," "bough," and "rough."
Beautiful. This broke my heart. @n
ETA: scooped by Rebekah.
@Barry Grant I will gladly scoop your "Meat Sweat" any day.
(nervously tugs at collar)
You must have sabotaged your self-sabotage. Congratulations!
sardines are the best
@Mlle Mlle Please please tell me how to make myself like sardines. I have tried. They just taste...real fishy.
@chevyvan It seems that the fishiness of oily fish like sardines cannot be masked. I just mix a tin with a bunch of leafy greens and lots of dressing for an easy and filling lunch. It's definitely fishy but people still want to eat next to me so not terribly I guess. If the healthy/sustainable/cheap mantra doesn't do it for you...more sardines for me?!
@chevyvan actually maybe something here!
@Mlle Mlle When eating sardines, am I supposed to eat the whole tin? It seems like a lot. I want to make sure I'm sardineing correctly!
@Mlle Mlle I'm a fan of making pasta con sardine. Saute/mash the sardines with a bit of garlic (and the olive oil that the sardines are swimming in, in the can) and then add some tomato paste. (about 3 Tbs if you want to be exact) You want to caramelize that business and then add some water. (scraping up all those tasty bits) Then once it begins to bubble a bit, you will reduce the heat and let it simmer for about 20 minutes. Maybe add some capers at the end, some basil, and toss with pasta. You will feel smug as you eat your sardines.
@Mlle Mlle This sounds fabulous. And easy.
I fry some chopped onion, then mix in chopped sardines and herbs (coriander or parsley?), and then put it on toast. It's easy and tasty! (it's a Mum recipe)
So are you moving to New York!??!
@DenimGlow That is also what I am wondering!!
@DenimGlow Me too!
Psst, the Madewell on Broadway and Broome has the best sales.
@redacted there goes half an hour browsing their website.
Still must negotiate VISA application but yes, that's the plan! Friends???????
@Esther C. Werdiger Maybe a Welcome Pin-Up?
@Esther C. Werdiger Yay! Come hang out with us in New York!
Yes to everything!
@Esther C. Werdiger hot diggity!
@DenimGlow I am also moving to New York! I would also like to be friends!! Oct or Nov.
@DenimGlow I'm moving to Brooklyn in 2 weeks and I've been meaning to find out about 'Pinups. Now I find out my favorite (extra)Ordinary Lady is moving there too! Amazing.
I've never had canned sardines, only fresh. Am I missing out?
@hijabeng I've never had fresh ones! Where do fresh ones come from? The canned ones are quite tasty; I enjoy them frequently. (At least, the ones in water. The ones in oil are kind of gross.) My cat tries to enjoy them, too, but I tend to shove her off the couch when she does this.
I thought "sardines" was a term for small canned fish... Like you couldn't catch a wild sardine, because it's not a sardine until it's canned?
If I am incorrect, then I retract my idea that Wild Sardine would be a good band name.
@Inkling Nope, sardines are a fish! Although the term doesn't seem to be very precise and covers a number of types of small fish. But I've definitely seen sardines at the aquarium, they're pretty cute.
Ohh, I see!
"Small, oily fish". I have found my people. Or at least I have found what it would say if there was a rude wiki article about my people.
@frigwiggin I come from fish-eating peoples, we buy all the fish at the fish market. True fact: I spent many an hour in my childhood squeezing out the guts of fresh sardines. We used to get them from the fish store on 30th Ave in Astoria. Fried them with potatoes and onions, yummmmmmm.
@hijabeng - Not really, fresh sardines are amazing. Canned are good too, but not as good as fresh.
omg the horrible diarhea I know I would get from a juice fasts means NO JUICE FASTS IN THIS HOUSE
@Megano! WORD. My tummy/bum/mind could NOT cope with any kind of liquid-only diet.
@Megano! This entire thing made my stomach nervous. I totally thought the end to the "eat all the salad greens" story was going to be, "and then I got the poops so bad I was stuck in the bathroom for a day and had to delay my flight."
Ugh, lame stomachs are THE WORST.
@iknowright Yeah, I was totally surprised when I made it to the end of the strip and there was no unpleasant poop scenario.
@iknowright Is there a... well, a thing connecting the leafy green stuff to stomach issues, like more so than other foods? Because it seems like my favorite good-for-me things are the ones I have to watch out for -- spinach, seaweed (does that count?), Romaine lettuce, whatever...
@Megano! Oy, I suppose that's a good thing, then... but maybe more of an at-home kind of menu.
@Hellcat I don't know if it's just a fiber issue. I have IBS and flare-ups can often just be stress related, but while I can always eat a lot of fiber and be fine (like oatmeal and smoothies almost daily), eating dark, leafy greens always cause PAIN, not just the need-to-go.
I have found that I can eat the stuff, in moderation, if it's cooked well. Like brussel sprouts! Or kale in soups! But raw, nooo waaaaayyy.
@iknowright SAME! Other high-fiber stuff is mostly OK. It's mostly my beloved spinach that can cause trouble! And I don't even dare with seaweed salad anymore, even though I love it.
True confession: I run because I love to run. But I also run because I love carbs WAY to much to ever complete a juice fast.
I'm gonna go eat a muffin now.
@The Kendragon Ok. So most juice is carbs. But I like grain-carbs. baked bread-like grain-carbs.
@The Kendragon I ONLY run because I love carbs. Carbs!
(I do go a little nuts if I don't exercise, but I still hate it. But I love carbs more than I hate exercise.)
@billie_crusoe I'm a former cross country runner, and you can't run xc for four years without being a little crazy.
@The Kendragon Give me pasta or give me an early death
That last one: right in the feels.
But also, congrats!
totes!! Am I bold enough to carry around a tote with adorable cartoon drawings of ladies' underthings on it? help.
-a prude :(
@elysian fields i know. this is what I asked myself last time I clicked on the link.
There's always the other one, with the punchline about shitting.
I got a little scared for you eating all those greens and getting on a plane, but it looks like it worked out for you and hopefully cured the meat sweats.
That processed meat in the picture? ...Doesn't look like a slim jim.
@Ophelia Yeah, that's a wang.
@Emby That's Number Wang!
@wee_ramekin OMG Mitchell + Webb 4EVA.
@Ophelia it looks like the penis snake! or....just a penis.
@Ophelia I'm glad someone else said it so I didn't have to...
@Nutellaface Same here. (It's totally a peen!)
Especially since it says JUNK, your mind is like, "oh, someone's junk."
"Someone's dark-toned, uncircumcised junk."
and that was the last time I ever tried to draw mini wurst (in my hand).
@Esther C. Werdiger
@Esther C. Werdiger
This has been made even more awesomesauce by the fact that just yesterday I received my "Girl, What's Your Thing" tote in the mail! *wink, wink*, "Hey, Esther, what's your thing?"
PS: I love the tote. I'm going to be running around toting things that I don't need, just to show it off!
Yeah!!!! I'm so glad!
@Ophelia See, to me, it looked like a pickle until I read the bit about "processed meat".
@Ophelia I was like "'processed meat'... is THAT what they're calling it these days?"
Oh god, Madewell is the biggest time & money suck. I love iiiit.
I eat way too many of those large boxes of salad greens because I despise chopping/washing lettuce.
@Reginal T. Squirge If you're eating "way too much" (because really, there's no such thing) salad greens of any variety, you still come out ahead.
Unless you turn green.
A giant 1 lb. box every week, minimum.
@Reginal T. Squirge Way better than buying them and letting them turn into silage (which I routinely do) :(
You have to be quick with lettuces of any kind!
@liverwortlaura I buy them weekly with the best intentions...and then have spaghetti instead.
@cuminafterall Weird thing: I'm actually not allowed by my doctor to binge on salad or other leafy greens because of a medication I'm on, so for me there IS such a thing as too much salad.
Considering I'm the type of person who occasionally forgets to eat vegetables for several days and then does exactly what the comic depicts, this news was somewhat bothersome.
@cuminafterall You still come out ahead... of lettuce!
@Reginal T. Squirge But are you laughing while you eat them?
@beanie I have found the "herb blend" one to be a total life-saver. Normally, I am not a salad fan, but something about the greens all turning into dill somehow makes it infinitely better, especially since I always top it with shrimp tossed with a ton of paprika and a touch of cayenne. (Dill + shrimp + lemon juice (duh) + avocado (double-duh) = Wench-friendly salad for dinner)
@ThatWench That sounds like the most amazing food ever invented. I must make that.
@ThatWench What is the brand of this inspiring herb blend salad?
I may print out the second comic and post it above my desk. Which will help *me* self-sabotage for another 15 minutes. The circle of life...
My boyfriend bought me a juicer, mostly because he gets excited about Technology and One-Use Kitchenware, and I thought I would use it every day, but it turns out that when the kitchen is already clutterfucked with dishes the last thing you want to do is use something that has five separate washable parts. Also he doesn't like vegetables so the ten-pound bag of carrots was a bit ambitious on my part.
@frigwiggin Also, people (I feel like) keep going on about kale juice and kale smoothies and how great they are? But when I tried to juice some kale it was bitter as fuck. Also I got roughly one drop of liquid per kale leaf, although that may be because our juicer is not ideal for juicing greens, and acted more like a wood chipper, with little microscopic fragments of kale leaf getting every-fucking-where. And it sprayed carrot juice down the cabinet door one time when the cup I was using wasn't tall enough, so maybe the juicer just hates me.
[/TALES OF FRIGWIGGIN AND JUICING]
@frigwiggin UGH DISHES, RIGHT???? (Even with a dishwasher I can't keep them under control, because a couple of things have to be hand-washed, and it NEVER ENDS.)
@frigwiggin OH GOD MY EX-HUSBAND HAD A JUICER. It was one of those awful cylindrical ones that costs a zillion bucks and splatters juice out of the middle of a plastic extension and poops vegetable gorp out the end of the same extension. It was impossible to clean and messy and had to be coddled and oiled and have burning sage waved over it every time he used it.
Except he never actually cleaned the damn thing, so I'd come in after work and find VEGETABLE POOP GORP all over the counter and splatters of whatever juice he'd just drunk in the sink.
I fucking hated that juicer. Anybody who talks about how great juicing is gets my fingers in their eyes, Three-Stooges-style.
@frigwiggin My husband read somewhere that if you stick kale in the freezer for an hour or so, and then let it thaw on the counter, it gets less bitter? I don't know that I believe this, but he happily eats it raw, so...
@frigwiggin Maybe you're supposed to take your 3 drops of kale juice and mix them with something that actually tastes good? Like a milkshake. And the Magical Health Powers of Kale turn the whole thing healthy.
@Ophelia: It sounds about right! It's like the old practicethat collard greens are more tender and less bitter if you harvest them after the first frost.. except you're creating an artificial frost scenario. All bitter thick greens are the same.
@frigwiggin when people talk about the kale juice, they have to be using like 5 pounds of kale right? Because I only got a teeny amount as well!
@Elsajeni I mean, if I was ever to attempt to drink kale juice (this is very unlikely to ever happen) I would probably want to put it in a peanut butter chocolate banana milkshake. You know, because nuts and fruit are good for you, too? So, healthy? That's how health food works, right?
@Ophelia I love kale (I don't think my taste buds pick up on the bitter, because I also like brussel sprouts and asparagus and such). But I have yet to be sold on kale juice.
@frigwiggin yeah you only get a tiny bit of juice from any leafy green. the key is to mix them with other, juicier things. i used to work at a place with a juice bar and one of the more popular combos was kale, spinach, cucumber, celery, apple and lemon. it was delicious and delightfully green (in color, not really in taste).
@so what? Hmm, I tried tempering the tiny amount of kale juice with a large amount of carrot juice, but it was still pretty bitter...maybe because I don't mix them together very well. I'm willing to try again, but after that it's back to kale chips for me.
@frigwiggin We like this combo in the Hambulance House:
Kale (about two bunches, stemmed)
5 Green Apples
An inch of ginger
Depending on seasonality I will add pineapple
Telling you, it's yummy. And bright green.
@Hambulance HAMBULANCE! That is the best name ever. All the high fives forever.
Aw, Esther, these make me feel so melancholy. I totally relate to the second one. But congrats on the new job--amazing!
And all weddings and juice cleanses and meat sweats notwithstanding, you are lovely as you are. The jerkcircus wants us to buy skinnyness from that, but it's just a fucking ruse, and your instagram suggests you are already just fine.
A fan who is trying real hard to love and work with the twenty pounds she put on in grad school while constantly self sabotaging
@Cat named Virtute How come no-one warns about the GRAD SCHOOL weight gain? I feel like the undergrad one was manageable since I walked everywhere anyways. Now its, parking lot to lab, lab to lunch, lunch to lab, to parking, to home. *flails*
@celeec4@twitter I had to walk up a hugeass hill to get to school four days a week and still managed to gain weight. However grad school also made me miserable, which I tempered with making big pans of mac'n'cheese and cookies. And my metabolism grew up I guess.
@Cat named Virtute mac'n'cheese'n'cookies sounds kind of gross, but also kind of like the best way to achieve all my dietary needs under time constraints (i.e. grad school). I'm stroking my chin in contemplation.
@redheaded&crazie If anyone can pull this off, RH&C, it is us. I'll bring the bechamel, you bring the chocolate chips.
@Cat named Virtute Did you say bechamel? Can I please be involved too?
@Sam I am Come sit over here, friend, and help grate some cheese.
@Cat named Virtute I'll supply all the booze for drowning grad school sorrows? Making sad puppy eyes here, bechamel~
I just finished a juice cleanse last night. Literally all of the things you were worried about happening happened. I got REALLY weak and mean, and actually DID say the phrase "HERBAL. GREEN TEA IS NOT HERBAL. IT IS GREEN TEA." But I did get sort of thin I guess? I don't know, I caved on the first night and ate a veggie burger and rice, so I'm a juicing failure anyway.
@Nutellaface I figure if the universe wanted us to juice cleanse, it wouldn't have given us pointy teeth or hanger.
@Nutellaface I'm not, too thrilled about the idea of only consuming juice. Because it makes no sense. However, I hate trying to eat a bazillion servings of veggies a day...so, juice? :D
Seriously, though. Juice cleanse would probably result in my workplace banding together to kill me as my blood sugar levels tanked.
@celeec4@twitter I mean I'm pretty surprised my fiancé didn't kill me in my sleep.
@Nutellaface I love how you are berating yuorself for eating a veggie burger and rice. "Why can't we just get along" says me to my body every single day.
@CrescentMelissa It was the PRINCIPLE of the thing. If it makes you feel better, I was supposed to come out of the cleanse "gently" (fruit, vegetable broth, etc) and instead I had a sandwich, giant dinner, and cookie dough frozen yogurt. (I say that to my body too, by the way. I have IBS, so we get along never.)
@Nutellaface Seriously. Keep that fiance. Meanness due to tanking blood sugar is no joke.
Ah, this is timely. It's been a weekend of trying to revamp my (a) eating habits and (b) rampant self-sabotage. I'm wrapping up Monday by staying up too late to watch It's Always Sunny and finish a sleeve of Lorna Doones, so, the plan is coming together nicely.
@Regina Phalange You cannot resist the power of Lorna Doones. I know I can't.
@jen325 Truth. Besides, my life motto is, "Time wasted imagining how you would mack on the Sunny boys is not wasted time." Or something.
I am going to start yelling "I said HERBAL. HER-BAL" to all of the people in all of the places.
Hey Ester! I love how honest you are with yourself. I always get the sense after reading these that you really know yourself--one of the best qualities in a person, I think. Congratulations, and I hope you have fun at your new job!
Aaah, that last strip! "Isn't it funny how I...."/"No, fabel, it's actually really devastating." Is. My. Life.
Esther, your expression where you are browsing madewell.com is exactly my expression when I am browsing madewell.com. Uncanny!
Oh, God, that second one.
Actual conversation I had with my boyfriend recently:
"And then I did the entire paper at 2am, because I am just like that! hah, hah, hah!"
"I wish you would stop treating yourself like a joke, and hiding behind "I'm a fuck up!" as an excuse for not realizing your potential. You could do so much."
@Hammitt Where, do tell, did you find an awesome boyfriend like that?
@Esther C. Werdiger
You mention doing a month-long trial for a job. Do you do litigation graphics? Cause I work at a firm that does graphics for lawyers to show in trial and I just had to ask.
That is a cool job that I didn't even know existed!
The meat sweats that come with travel. How I know it well. I was in Italy and I had been eating a lot of meaty things. (because it was delicious) I did reach that point where I was in a restaurant one night and I needed a salad, and some fruit. Because I felt bloaty and grumpy.
I worry that I'm doing that self sabotage thing at my current job. Case in point: it's quarter to midnight and I'm reading web comics in bed on the laptop I convinced myself I needed for this job. Worrying, very worrying. I hope my bout with self sabotage turns out as well as yours did.
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