Are you a Czech synchronized swimmer or an Italian 20km walker or a Bulgarian fencer or a South African weightlifter? What if you were an inch taller? What if you were two hundred pounds heavier? What time is it? Why is it dark out now?
sports, olympics, your body is a wonderland of bulgarian fencing
I did this earlier this week, and got a taekwondo guy. A guy! I'm the size of a guy! I don't like this game. :|
@Eva@twitter I also got a guy! A male weightlifter from Iran!
@Eva@twitter Worldwide average height is probably between 5'2" and 5'5". It doesn't have to be a thing.
@Eva@twitter I am 5'2" and was closest to an American male gymnast and a male weightlifter from Indonesia. I am actually kind of built that way (not that the internet would know based on height/weight) - super muscular and more v-shaped than hourglass. Too bad I am way too much of a klutz to actually be good at sports, so my mass of accumulated muscle serves to make my flailing around even more dangerous, mostly.
@arrr starr , I am the size of Chinese male weightlifter... If only it was muscle mass...
@ArgosMama whatever kind of mass or amount you have is okay! I just find it interesting that the people my ht/wt tend to be men who are about my shape (but still WAY more fit than I am). I find this stuff interesting, but there's always something that feels off to me about all this "amazing olympic bodies" stuff. I love seeing the variety, but on some level it's just a less common variation of the usual treatment of bodies in the media.
I am built like a Ukrainian diver (Anna Pysmenska) and a British sailer (Hannah Mills). I was having a conversation with a girl in my dance class yesterday about how athletes in different sports are built, and I concluded that my freakishly long torso would make me a swimmer, but I am probably waaaaay too short for that (and I have no upper body strength). I also hate being in water, so apparently I'm built for a handful of sports I will never do.
Ecuadorian weightlifter! AW YISS.
(I was actually saying to my boss yesterday how I love seeing the female weightlifters as examples of women my size who aren't instant targets of ridicule or pity. They are STRONG AS FUCK.)
@anachronistique I got a weightlifter too! Until I put my actual height in (1 inch shorter) and then I got Judo. Which is still awesome.
Dude, those weightlifter women are incredible. We were watching it the other day when the smallest weight class was on and they were these very petite women lifting more than twice their body weight!
@Punk-assBookJockey: I'm a male Indonesian weightlifter, which is cool, somewhat expected (weightlifters tend to be short) but also.. how am I not matching up with any of the women in the 63kg weight class? I am slightly confused. At local meets, there are women of my height/size there. Maybe there's just so many data points that the very, very best match is a small Indonesian dude?
@anachronistique I just watched the Olympics live, a Kazakhstani women lifted 117 kg, she looked so happy and somewhat astounded at her own feat and in the background her coach was jumping and twirling with joy.
@Punk-assBookJockey Yeah! It's insane. I kept saying to myself "THEY WEIGH 106 POUNDS."
@RK Fire Yeah, I think there are so many and I think that even though some points on the chart have multiple people on them, maybe not everyone competeing is accounted for? I mean, there are dozens of female gymnasts but I clicked around the graph and didn't see that many on there. I was kind of suprised both my matches were women, because I'm not extremely short (for a lady) and weigh quite a bit, so I was expecting to get some male athlete matches.
@Punk-assBookJockey It's all of the British competitors and then a representative bunch of the rest of the world thrown in, I think. I'm GB diver Pete Waterfield or a female Peruvian sailor!
@Punk-assBookJockey: Yeah, that would make sense! I think what moosette says also holds true.
@Marquise de Morville - I saw that too! She looked so happy and smiley instead of all intense and scary. Adorable.
Like I needed that quiz to tell me I'm practically the exact body double of Ecuadorian male light-welterweight boxing champion Anderson Rojas Mina.
Women's hockey eh?
I can't say I didn't see this coming.
@redheaded&crazie do i have any team mates? i think we could put together a solid hockey team. i'm aggressive, but i seem to have forgotten how to come to a stop on ice (aside from crashing into the boards)
@redheaded&crazie When I changed my weight I became a women's hockey player. From Team USA, though, so we'd probably be enemies.
@SarahP ARCH enemies thank you very much
@redheaded&crazie HockeyPins! Yup I got like 3 hockey players.Not good considerign my bruiseability as discussed yesterday!
@redheaded&crazie But you're Canadian, so you'd be all polite about it. "I'm sorry for slamming you into the wall on purpose."
@SarahP this ... is sadly accurate
@redheaded&crazie It's the BBC, so "hockey" means "field hockey." So you don't have to remember anything about ice!
@Tragically Ludicrous !!!
...that makes a lot more sense. I was wondering why a winter sport was being featured!
@redheaded&crazie In Holland, where I live, field hockey is kind of a big deal (behind soccer and speed skating, but big enough) so they seem to always be talking about it during their Olympics coverage.
I am apparently a British synchronized swimmer and a British judoka.
Also, I was so heartened by seeing Catalina Ponor on the balance beam last night, after her teeny Romanian teammate. It was like, "ah, an adult is competing! (Maybe I could be a gymnast too?) (Oh wait, haha, nope!)"
@cuminafterall I'm a Canadian judoka or American swimmer as well, or Russian triple jumper if I'd be a few cm taller.
I had the similar 'adult competing' impression when Katharina Witt was still ice-skating (and she's apparently' 5 feet 5 inches but looks very tall in comparison).
Chinese Judoka. I went along with a friend to a Judo class to try out as a kid and hid in the dressing room. I was terrified.
HAMMER (THROWER) OF THE GODS
@leon.saintjean ME TOO. EXCEPT... I am a lady. Or I thought I was. I'm apparently a Finnish lady hammer thrower. HOWEVER, I don't weigh myself, but my pants have been much looser (especially after my bathroom trip 10 minutes ago, BUHBAM), so when I size down 10 pounds I become a male Ecuadorian soccer player. Sounds about right.
@New Hoarder Oops, soccer player is Egyptian. Either one could resemble me, though, apparently.
@New Hoarder I don't weigh myself either, so am basing this on an estimate. I am apparently a female swimmer or a male hockey player! (There aren't many people who are really short and fairly heavy like me, though.)
Hungarian shot putter or Chilean discus thrower. Looks like I'd be in the "throwing stuff" genre of Track and Field. Too bad in reality I have noodle arms.
@WhiskeySour me too! that Hungarian shot putter looks like she is OVER IT and just wants to get to the throwing.
@Anna Jayne@twitter Yeah she does! She looks like a badass. I like that.
A (male) Thai weightlifter. Woohoo?
@Does Axl have a jack? I think you and I got the same guy!
Is this a place to ask for advice on how to deal with my boss when he starts bodysnarking on female athletes? I have tried to convey to him how demeaning and irrelevant these comments are, to no avail.
My dream is to reenact the scene from 'Annie Hall' by dragging Sarah Robles out from behind a potted plant to kick his ass.
@SarahDances: Would pointing to this blog post help: http://prettystrongblog.blogspot.com/2012/06/does-size-health.html ?
@SarahDances I have no advice, just sympathy! Gross.
@RK Fire Sadly, it's not just about the heavier women. The female swimmers have no necks! The gymnasts are so androgynous! Oh my god, have you seen the thighs on those divers?!
He flat out says he has a problem with the female shooters looking the way do, but not with the men having the same build. I also get upset when he talks about the Dutch field hockey team being the most attractive team, and he just can't understand why I have a problem with him talking about female athletes completely irrespective of their athletic abilities in a way that he would never talk about male athletes!
He is generally not awful, but this is the one thing that upsets me so tremendously, and he doesn't get it, and I can't seem to make him. Having also been on the receiving end of body snark as an athlete when it was completely irrelevant to my performance, in a manner that affected my success, I am also perhaps more sensitive to this than most, but still. SO MUCH RAGE.
@SarahDances What a dick. I basically have a crush on every female athlete (and most of the guys too) competing. The range of body types on display is so fascinating, and the fact that each person has such a finely-tuned relationship with their body is really attractive.
@SarahDances Congratulations, you have won a visit to Human Resources. That is a lot of rage, produced through absolutely no fault of your own, which is not a productive, business-enhancing way to go through the day.
@SarahDances Ugh that sucks. I tend to go with either sarcasm or absurdity in these sorts of situations. Point out how very much these elite athletes who dedicate their lives to excellence care what he thinks of the size of their neck, maybe?
In a less polite, non-work environment, I'd probably make some sort of comment about clearly he seems to have issues with the size of certain body parts, but that probably won't work here.
@SarahDances Yeah, if it wasn't your boss, I'd say take the Andrew Ti route and tell that motherfucker to fuck off and then stop hanging out with him, but maybe HR, like HereKitty said.
@Lily Rowan My office consists of four people, me and my boss included. There is no HR. Thankfully, my last day is a week from Friday. Deep breathing exercises until then.
@SarahDances: Ahhh, that is terrible, but stay strong until Friday! It's such a shame because it's so fantastic what all of these people can do. Even the worst performing person at the Olympics at their respective events could kick all of our asses.
@SarahDances How about a flat stare and "My last day is a week from Friday. Between now and then, you will NOT talk to me about Olympic athletes"?
I'm either a British hockey and/or soccer player OR a Belarusian pentathlete, which I most definitely prefer. (They can do FIVE DIFFERENT THINGS REAL GOOD!)
@SarahP They are magnificent, aren't they? (Of course, I could be biased, being married to a road biker...)
@Bittersweet I just wish that instead of their faces, the results would show me their calves.
@SarahP I was on the train recently with a guy in sportswear who had massive calves. I kept surreptitiously looking in awe, and then feeling guilty for objectifying him.
@Verity Last November a caterer at the conference I was attending (...I was so eager for breakfast that I showed up 20 minutes too early) yelled across the room that I had awesome calves, then called his co-worker out to come look at them. It was simultaneously the most AWESOME and the most charmingly embarrassing I've ever had about my appearance.
Girl 100m sprinter.
If my level of fitness were a person, it would be giggling in to a bucket of fried chicken hearing that.
@teaandcakeordeath I'm a dude 100m sprinter from Cameroon. Subtract the dude's leg muscles (most muscles really), add a beer gut, and swarm in some waspy heredity and you got me.
You sound like my kind of sprinter.
On your marks, get set, GO ... to the bar.
@teaandcakeordeath a few months ago I actually did drunkenly jog from a house party to a bar. I was too late to walk and the cab fare saved was enough for an old fashioned.
Alco-nomics! The science of evaluating money saved in units of bourbon. I approve.
Drunken jogging is probably way harder than all this 'professional' jogging. Maybe that should be in its own olympic category.
I got an Ecuadorian 20km walker, which ticked me off at first because I did a half marathon a couple of months ago. Then I looked at her records and realised she was still 45 minutes faster than me :(
CHINESE TABLE TENNIS PLAYER YESSS MY DREAM TO BECOME A PING PONG CHAMPION IS NOW 1.2% COMPLETE
@cosmia first rule of ping pong championship is you NEVER CALL IT PING PONG.
there now you're 1.3% on your way!
@redheaded&crazie And the second rule is, you never talk about - oh, wait, that's the other one.
Male kayaker! But a month ago, closer to Team USA lady hammer thrower! (in weight, NOT fitness, she looks hardcore)
Also, at the bar last night, I irritated everyone by repeatedly proclaiming loudly "I COULD DO THAT" while watching gymnastics. I switched to making "swoosh-woosh-woosh" or rocket noises (uneven bars were GREAT). (Tonight, I plan to amuse myself/no one else by making fart noises every time an athlete bends over! Can't wait!)
@for realsy .....and now, I want to watch the Olympics. But only with you.
@for realsy Wow I had never heard of hammer throwing as a sport, but I just googled it and now I am Disappointed. No hammers!
@bellekaren WOW I had no idea no hammers are harmed in the sport of hammer throwing! I just assumed everything was in the name, but apparently not. Other interesting facts I just learned about hammer throwing from wikipedia: the women's hammer is about half the weight of the men's! It's only been an Olympic sport for women since 2000! The "Hammer" is actually a ball attached to a handle with wire!
The More You Know.
I got a British gymnast, which I am surprised by because I thought I was way too tall to be a gymnast. I'm really pleased though because I am so comically bad at gymnastics that I was demoted into a class for 4-6 year olds when I was 9.
Everyone else's Olympic alter-egos seem way more athletic than mine! For real though, how much training does it take to become a table tennis competitor? Is it hard? PING PONG I LOVE YOU!
@cosmia I'm also a ping-pong player. I challenge you to a ping-duel!
Do we have any contenders for a judo fight against Ricardo Blas Jr? No? Thought not...
British- Equestrian, Handball and Tennis.
But mostly now I'm trolling my preferred men's sexy body type and then saying things like, "Helloooooo Phillipp Wende! I'd watch you quadruple scull anytime!" Meow Drew Sullivan!
In a related note I enjoyed that article about the olympic village sexfest.
@E RIGHT? that was so fun! Plus they ended it with that SUPER ADORABLE cyclist who was all confused about whether he should focus on getting Shawn Johnston to like him or winning an olympic medal. We've all been there, little dude, we've all been there.
NORTH KOREAN TABLE TENNIS!
Seriously, though, guys, when I was in high school, we discovered that I can walk REALLY fast (duh, says everyone who's been in an airport with me) and my gym teacher was like, "We can get serious about this! You could go places!"
But I decided I'd rather not be famous for WALKING and moved on with my life.
British (female)soccer player or American or Korean(also female)freestyle relay swimmer, YAY! I'm a fairly tall girlzilla, so I am much relieved.
@MoonBat I'm also fairly tall, and am either a German (female) rower or a Hong Kong (male) cyclist. So I'm either girlzilla or a strange hermaphrodite with amazing quads?
@Bittersweet HAHA! Yeah, mine actually said "football" and I was looking at the photo of a rather pretty GIRL, so my first thought was "Wait, wat....?" before realizing that I was being obnoxiously American-centric, and it wasn't a reminder that I am, indeed, built like a wide receiver.
A Finnish lady hammer thrower. YOU'RE DAMN SKIPPY.
@reebs14 ME TOO.
@New Hoarder High five! Although with my pathetic upper-body strength, it'd be more of a hammer gentle toss.
@reebs14 Yep, hammer-drop-on-toe for me. I can already see the ER bill.
British 1500m runner, who conveniently has the first name as me and whose last name is the same as her own country's.
I also enjoy ("enjoy") running, but my knees staged a rebellion last week, which is mildly upsetting.
I got one male and one female footballer. For a moment I was like: football. FOOTBALL?!?!!!? before I realized, ah yes, the footy, not, like, linebackers.
@MollyculeTheory Haha I did the same thing!
bwahahaha apparently I am a Trinidad-and-Tobagoan lady runner (sprinter? 100m/4x100m relay). This could not be any funnier to me with my janky back and cranky knees. Actual quote from my physical therapist: "Yeah, probably you don't want to take up running. Not a good match for your body."
On the other hand, papastonefruit always did want one of his girls to be a runner, so.
I'm mostly like male sailors and "athletics" competitors of the European extraction, with two awesome exceptions: a male Brazilian pole-vaulter and a female British rower. Holla, tall athletes!
@SuperGogo SAMESIES. took me a while to realize "athletics competitors" are actually marathoners.
@liznieve I stand corrected! General track and field athletes, I guess? ugh, idk.
British (female) handball player! I forgot the annoyance that is the stone as a weight of measurement.
@meetapossum I originally forgot to convert and was like HOLY SHIT I'M OFF THE CHARt... oh.
I'm a female archer and a male hockey player... I'm just going to hope he's a forward...
I am a male Camaroonian sprinter, or British equestrian (male) with a smattering of Mongolian female archer. Finally, the numbers are adding up that I'm meant to take up falconry on horseback.
I have a choice between Francisco D'Aniello, an Italian competitor in shooting (is there an actual noun for "person who competes in shooting"? it's been bothering me), or Saadeldin Saad, an Egyptian footballer. Saadeldin Saad is cuter, so I'll go with him.
I'm a sprinter dude. Nooa Takooa.
Xia Lian NI-DANIELSSON, a table tenniser from Luxembourg!
This is really cool. I love the Olympics, I love what it does for female athletes, I love that women's bodies get put to use, and in a million different ways, and that they get celebrated as super sick instruments. This graph is a cool way to show all the different ways in which women (and men!!) can be strong. Like yeah, you can be a six foot volleyballer and that's awesome! But you can also be a 5 foot gymnast or a 5'6" archer or a 7 foot basketball player or a 5'8" rower or whatever, they're all fit in different ways. I love, love, love the Olympics because it always reminds me of how amazing and different human bodies are and all the cool things we can do with them, no matter what your body is like. TEAM BODY.
I am Jillian Tyler, a Canadian swimmer who does 100m breaststroke. Which was actually one of my events when I was a swimmer, so. Then I put in the two other weights I've clocked in at over the last eyar and came up with a British swimmer. Apparently I have a "type-form."
I had to guess at weight, but I'm about the size of Jonathan Horton, USA gymnast. He is also less than a year older than me and of the same nationality. I also am close to a US female cyclist and hockey player. This is so cool. So many ways to excel at whatever size you are.
One inch taller: Olga Butkevych, British wrestler. The time: 2:12 am. It's dark because of the Earth's rotation, or witchcraft, maybe.
I am either Qatari trap shooter Rashid al-Athba or British archer Simon Terry. If I've eaten a lot I'm Chinese women's shot putter Lijao Gong.
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