Monday, August 13, 2012


Name That Bride, Part Two

A. “A strapless Vera Wang gown and flip-flops.”

B. “A nipped-at-the-waist dress created by Mainbocher in what was termed [the bride’s] signature color of … blue reportedly to match her eyes. Her coordinating straw hat, by Caroline Reboux, had a halo effect with pale blue tulle and her matching gloves were created from the same blue silk crepe as her dress. [Thirteen years after the wedding, the bride] presented the dress to the Metropolitan Museum.”

C. “A dark blue outfit, which for years after was a serviceable lab garment.”

D. “Given the hour, the justice [of the peace] was wearing pajamas and a bathrobe. [The bride], dressed for a date, was wearing a little navy blue dress trimmed in red with matching jacket and suede shoes.”

E. “A beige suit, ruffled white blouse, and a veil.” 

F. A gown “cut from luminous, white-hued cloth-of-silver: the traditionally prescribed material … enhanced by masses of exquisite white diamonds, which [the bride] had received as wedding gifts from her mother … The ensemble would have been a masterpiece but for one tiny detail … the dressmakers who had confected the wedding gown had misestimated [the bride’s] measurements, and cut the bodice far too small.”

G. The bride “wore a lovely white muslin dress” and “neither a veil nor flowers in her hair.”

H. The bride wrote that she “wore gray because this was my second marriage, but on top I wore a white silk blouse with lace on the collar and sleeves.” The bride’s dog “wore a small hat … with pink streamers.”

I. The bride looked “like a snowdrop” in a dress made of “white embroidered muslin, with a lace mantle, and white bonnet trimmed with green leaves.”

J. “A blue velvet dress topped off with a blue velvet hat decorated with a white ostrich feather,” which the bride continued to wear to various public functions throughout her career.

K. A “white, dotted tulle Alita Graham retrofitted with lace sleeves and a sweetheart neckline to conform to Mormon standards.”

L. “A gold damask dress trimmed with lace, over a petticoat of fine white fabric decorated with silver threads … along with purple satin slippers embellished with silver metallic thread and sequins, and pearl jewelry.”

M. The bride baked the cake and made the dress herself, saying of it that “I had decided it was to look as little like a wedding dress as possible, yet not be so plain as to be pointless. I settled on a caftan, made out of a loosely woven white material, with angel sleeves, onto which, the last morning, so that no one but I saw it before the ceremony, I was going to stitch a hood.”

N. The bride wore “a light blue short lacy dress” and had “light blue flowers in her hair.”

O. The bride’s “dress was white silk taffeta — off the shoulders but with sleeves capped just above the elbow. The rusching of the fitted bodice opened up into beautiful open folds of the skirt that draped on the floor. Amazing beading was at the neck and waist.” The bride wrote that “the wedding planner had convinced me to tone down my love of purple a little.”

P. A “pink wool knitted dress” made for the bride by her mother.

Q. The bride wrote that she “wore a silk, off-white dress that I’d bought in Toronto, and I was wearing flowers in my hair. It rained all morning and most of the day, which was considered good luck. It doesn’t seem like it now … That night [we] danced our first real waltz … We were not good dancers on the floor, I can definitely say this.”

R. The bride went barefoot, and wore a “loose, floor-length white sheath” that, according to one of the groom’s relatives, “looked more like a slip that should go under a wedding dress,” and “a floor-length piece of tulle that held her hair back off her forehead.”

S. An “embroidered Swiss organdy gown and matching hat” that the bride had made herself.

T. The bride “wore a simple white satin gown with a white crocheted Juliet cap, looking even younger than her nineteen years. As soon as the ceremony was over, [she] removed her wedding band to show it to friends and relives. This gesture made [her mother] extremely upset.”


1. Maria Antonia Josepha Johanna, Archduchess of Austria (later known as Marie Antoinette), to Louis-Auguste, Dauphin of France (later known as Louis XVI)

2. Charlotte Brontë to Arthur Bell Nicholls

3. Ekaterina Gordeeva to Sergei Grinkov

4. Elizabeth Smart to Matthew Gilmour

5. Mary Todd to Abraham Lincoln

6. Gilda Radner to Gene Wilder

7. Julia Roberts to Lyle Lovett

8. Wallis Simpson to Edward, Duke of Windsor

9. Rita Hayworth to Orson Welles

10. Martha Kostyra to Andrew Stewart

11. Margaret Roberts to Denis Thatcher

12. Sarah Michelle Gellar to Freddie Prinze, Jr.

13. June Carter to Johnny Cash

14. Margaret Sinclair to Pierre Trudeau

15. Sylvia Plath to Ted Hughes

16. Marie Skłodowska to Pierre Curie

17. Vivian Hartley (later known as Vivien Leigh) to Leigh Holman

18. Marlee Matlin to Kevin Grandalski

19. Martha Dandridge Custis to George Washington

20. Lana Turner to Artie Shaw

Answers: 1=F, 2=I, 3=Q, 4=K, 5=G, 6=H, 7=R, 8=B, 9=E, 10=S, 11=J, 12=A, 13=N, 14=M, 15=P, 16=C, 17=T, 18=O, 19=L, 20=D

Previously: Part One ("I had to be the ugliest bride you ever saw").

Sarah Marshall's fiction has most recently appeared in Hayden's Ferry Review.

Photo via Flickr/artbyheather

41 Comments / Post A Comment

Harriet Kierkegaard@facebook

Oh, Rita Hayworth. Of course you did & I love you even more now.


I LOVE that Gilda Radner's dog dressed up, too.


Marie Curie is the greatest (as an expert on Maries).


The only one I was able to guess was Sarah Michelle Gellar :-/

Oh, and Marie Curie. I feel better now.


@Ophelia I knew the SMG one because somehow in the recesses of my mind it has stayed, all these years. Ugh. Ask me what I learned in grad school and I'll stare at you blankly; ask for every film Freddie Prinze, Jr. has starred in, in chronological order, and I will answer fully and confidently.


@iknowright I knew the SMG one without even looking at the options, too.


I like the idea of the straw hat.


@frigwiggin Really, it's time to bring the boater back into style anyway. Whaddaya say, ladies/fellas/dogs?


@frigwiggin Slogan: "Boater hats: not just for barbershop quartets anymore!"


Martha Washington is an ancestor of mine. Nice to know she had awesome taste.


@Dancercise Right? All I could read was PURPLE SLIPPPPEERRRRS! Divine.


This was fun! Not because I was able to accurately guess, oh, ANYONE, but because of the links in the answer key.

happy go lucky scamp

@Scandyhoovian yay for pictures!


I want to get married outside, in my cowboy boots. Or in obnoxiously bright heels.
That's as far as my "dream wedding" planning has ever gone.

The Lady of Shalott

@The Kendragon Both of those things are super, super, super in right now. Cowboy boots for the bride (under her dress), bridal party (wearing short dresses to show them), the groom (with his tux) and the groomsmen with theirs.

Orrrrrr a nice white wedding dress with super bright and colourful heels or flip-flops.


@The Lady of Shalott Really? Huh. I had no idea I was so trendy.

The Lady of Shalott

@The Kendragon For reals! Right now you are super on-trend.

femme cassidy

@The Kendragon I did both! Short dress, bright turquoise heels for the ceremony, then changed to turquoise cowboy boots for dancing. (Also I wore different heels for pictures than for the ceremony, LOOK, it was important that wear every pair of turquoise shoes in existence OKAY?)


@femme cassidy I don't know how to dance in anything other than cowboy boots. Also, my dear dad, while an amazing man, has zero sense of rhythm and will CRUSH my little toes during the father-daughter dance. At least with boots they will only feel pressure, not be completely squashed. I may steal your wedding shoe sequence.
I love turquoise! I obviously approve.


All the creyz at Ekaterina and Sergei. All of them :(


@Clare It's so cute that they couldn't figure out how to dance off ice.


Marie Curie is the best.

Heat Signature

Totally forgot that Julia Roberts was married to Lyle Lovett at one point. If they bred, those children would be the most strongly-featured humans on the planet.

Reginal T. Squirge

Ugh, of course she went barefoot.


@Heat Signature I...kind of would totally marry Lyle Lovett just so I could listen to him talk.

sarah girl

WOW did I misunderstand the answer key. I was like "the hell, Marie Antoinette did NOT wear flip flops!"


@Sarah H. Pretty sure she wasn't wearing Vera Wang either.
Though if she was, I have GOT to get my hands on Vera's skin care routine...


@Sarah H. I am re-reading it now imagining that the list of brides is in the same order as the list of outfits. So far none of them are as hilarious as the image of Marie Antoinette in a strapless Vera Wang gown and flipflops. (Also, I learned that I am really bad at remembering A=1, B=2, etc. I might have recited the alphabet while counting on my fingers multiple times.)


@snowmentality I saw Marie Antoinette wearing Vera Wang and flipflops, so I bought Vera Wang and flipflops.


I totally thought E was going to be Jane Lynch to Lara Embry. But then I realized Jane Lynch would never wear a veil.

Charismatic Megafauna

Of course, I immediately wanted to get the scoop on Martha Kostyra Stewart's homemade hat (the mind reels), but the link goes to Martha Custis Washington. :(


@Charismatic Megafauna http://thebridesguide.marthastewartweddings.com/2012/04/recognize-this-blushing-bride.html

Charismatic Megafauna

@ulrikemarie Thank you!


I didn't guess what Wallis Simpson wore, but of course she wore that - even the description sounds condescending and bitchy.

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