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Monday, August 27, 2012

231

20 Irrational But Nonetheless Persistent Beauty Fears I’ve Picked Up From My Time as a Female Human Being

If I forget to wear bronzer, I’ll look like Powder.

If I don’t replace my mascara every six months, I will develop huge, painful styes on both eyes. And then I’ll probably go blind.

My deodorant is definitely giving me armpit cancer, right this very minute.

If I use the wrong shade of foundation, women’s magazine editors will swoop down from the sky, hawk-like, and pelt me to death with bottles of the correct shade.

If I neglect to wash my face before bed, I will wake up the next morning with cystic acne, dirty sheets, and probably cancer?

I will likely contract tetanus from shaving with a rusty razor.

If I overpluck my eyebrows, they’ll never grow back, and I will be stuck looking like Powder (again!) for the rest of my godforsaken life.

If I part my hair in the middle, my face will look fat. If I part my hair on the side, my face will look long. If I don’t part my hair, I’ll look like Cousin Itt.

If I use chapstick every day, my lips will become addicted, to the point that if I don’t apply it every 10 minutes, they'll peel off and just be two bloody lines under my nose.

If I use two different kinds of zit treatments on top of one another, my face will become so dry it ignites, like lightning on loose kindling.

That gel polish turns your nails yellow, brittle, and witch-like, right? No? I thought I read that somewhere.

If I shave my bikini line instead of waxing it, the hair will grow back in the shape of the words ‘YOU IDIOT.’ And it will all be ingrown.

Exfoliating scrubs with big beads will rip off many layers of my skin, leaving me red, scabby, and pale like Powder.

If I put on too much makeup, I’ll look like a character on Toddlers & Tiaras. If I put on too little makeup, I’ll look like a character on Deadliest Catch (one of the fish).

If I wear too much perfume, I will get eaten alive by mosquitos. If I wear too little perfume, I will be mistaken for a large and odorous man.

If I borrow an eyelash curler from you, I will die. Like, right there and then. But at least my eyelashes will look good at my funeral.

Previously: I ... Tried to Adopt a Cat.

Emma Rosenblum is an editor at Glamour. She spends her free time watching TV and looking up diseases that she might have on WebMD.com



231 Comments / Post A Comment

Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood

a friend kept telling me that if i rolled my jeans id look shorter but GUESS WHOSE JEANS ARE ROLLED RIGHT NOW

mabellegueule

@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood

You look the same height, but weirdly like Powder.

mabellegueule

@mabellegueule
Ok now I have to admit that I only made that Powder reference so I could post this link to a funny Picnicface song about Powder. This is worth your time, internet commenters!!

mabellegueule

@mabellegueule
Aaand the embed link did not work. Here is the link. Canadians do comedy troupes right!

http://youtu.be/NmXe0vs9BVM

skyslang

@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood Tim Gunn says that shit all the time lately. He's like got a vendetta against rolled jeans. He doesn't want anyone but 6ft tall models to do it. Fuck that shit. Know what? I don't care if I look short. Guess what? I AM SHORT. I'm owning it.

HeyMatilda

If I could just freeze my eyebrows from ever growing anymore (and thus never having to tweeze ever ever again), I would be the happiest.

shantasybaby

@HeyMatilda Be careful what you wish for- my eyebrows are overplucked and I WISH they would grow out a little bit so I could actually give them a shape, they are just this side of super thin chola eyebrows.

HeyMatilda

@shantasybaby So are mine. In a perfect world, I would have the nicest looking eyebrows that I never overplucked or had to fill in with pencil. And they would just say that way!

Pyxis

@shantasybaby If they are already chola you might as well go the whole way and line your lips with black eyeliner. Own it!

m. marie

@Pyxis Hey now, as an ex-chola, let me say it was all about SOPHISTICATED DARK RED lip liner. Sexy, not gothic! ;)

mlle.gateau

@shantasybaby Well, I don't know if this is really helpful, but Mary Kay makes some kind of magic stuff that you can use on eyebrows and lashes to make them grow... it's not that Latisse stuff that turns your eyes brown, and it's made specifically to help those kind of issues. So... maybe call a Mary Kay lady? The lady who sold it to me told me her mom had hardcore overplucked brows and it worked well for her, and also, all that Mary Kay stuff is money-back guaranteed, so worse case scenario you get your money back.

Stevie

@mlle.gateau My eyebrow threader-lady said to rub castor oil on mine...not sure if it helped that much, but mine had been thin for a long time so I was a tough case. She seemed to swear by it.

Sam I am

@Stevie My mom says to use oil as well. I once upon a time had beautiful lush, thick eyebrows that I over tweezed/threaded (against my moms advice) and now they are thin, with holes, and sometimes I even pencil them in if Im feeling it. Buyers remorse, or something like it?

Ten Thousand Buckets

The Chapstick thing is totally true. That's why I bought myself a 36 pack for Christmas.

matilda

@Ten Thousand Buckets Chapstick Lip Moisturizer! Right? The only good kind (and Burt's Bees if I want to wear lipstick-- there's no way that regular lipstick is going on my lips without being mixed with chapstick)

frigwiggin

@Ten Thousand Buckets I have two sticks of mint chapstick right now and I am obsessed with them. I feel so fresh!

Pyxis

@Ten Thousand Buckets I need to do this! I can never keep chapstick. I always lose mine and have to buy new ones. Then six months later I'll find my lost chapstick melted all over my trunk.

collier

@Ten Thousand Buckets : I used to go through Dr Pepper Lip Smackers at a rate of one about every 3 weeks. Never without one on bedside table. But then all of a sudden? BOOM, a couple months ago my lips got all swollen and tingly feeling, like a combination of bad collagen job and a chemical burn. Kept applying Lip Smacker (also Cherry Coke flavor, mmmm) thinking they were dry or that I'd left my Dermalogica chemical exfoliant on too long, finally switched to Neosporin out of desperation and ...it went away.

Yep, random out-of-the-blue chemical sensitivity acquired literally overnight. Now all chapstick type things make my lips feel burn-y and swollen and weird. LAME. Even plain Blistex! I'm guessing it's one of the nasty petroleum derivatives they all contain. All-natural stuff only for me now. Or cheap gloss in a tube.

Hello Kidney

@collier, I feel your pain! I developed at flip-flop allergy overnight. The plastic straps created big itchy blisters everywhere they touched the top of my feet. Since I don't wear leather, my only choice is to now buy ugly cloth-strapped ones.

collier

@Hello Kidney : Oh that is SO WEIRD. !!! Seriously. But, I can't really relate because the very idea of having something between my toes is like OH GOD GET IT OFF ME RIGHT NOW ARGH.

Doesn't anybody (Birkenstock, maybe? Or Simple?) make "vegan leather" ones?

Es
Es

@collier I developed random out of the blue allergies to aspirin, ibuprofen, paracetamol and fake-cherry flavouring after overexposure. ibuprofen and aspirin after a knee injury skiing, paracetamol after flu and taking it every four hours for about 2 weeks, and fake cherry after a serious addiction to cherry drops when I was about 16. Sigh.

Scandyhoovian

@collier I also developed an overnight wtf sensitivity to chapstick that manifested as horrendous peeling lips and cracked corners with little tiny blisters (OW) so I switched to those Eos things (which are SUPER CUTE and a little dangerous in that they are fun to toss back and forth between my hands because they are round and sometimes I suck at catching) and it cleared up beautifully.

Ten Thousand Buckets

@matilda Lip Moisturizer for sure! I'll put up with other kinds (or flavored) in a pinch, or sometimes try out a different brand for novelty, but I always go back to the little blue tubes.

@Scandyhoovian I had major peeling and the cracking a couple winters back. I piled on the Chapstick, rubbed sudocrem into the corners and tried to open my mouth as little as possible (drink with a straw, eat tiny bites) to keep it from getting worse. I also slammed B-complex vitamins and iron supplements. I don't know what caused it or what cured it, but I've never had a relapse. It was the worst though. I could usually exfoliate my lips before going out and manage to get back home before they started peeling again, but I know I was out in public looking diseased a few times... :(

avienndha

@Ten Thousand Buckets Chapstick did change their formula at one point, the "natural" one now contains Mango Butter. I used it like crazy forever, bought a new tube and had a raging allergy attack. Split itchy lips...ugh. It was awful. Just a thought if anyone is allergic it could be the culprit! I'm super allergic to poison ivy and now mangos too due to the oils in the rind. (just the rind but I think the rind ends up ground up in most stuff with mango in it...sucks!)

Derbel McDillet

@Ten Thousand Buckets I have the exact same allergy! Tiny little blisters all over my lips from chapstick! For me it seems to be a petroleum wax issue. I get it if I don't wash the wax off apples, too. I use Buddah Butter or some other hippie lip balm without petroleum to keep the bumpies at bay.

Scandyhoovian

@Ten Thousand Buckets That sounds like EXACTLY what I had this winter! What the hell! It's finally clearing up now but I know there were a few times this past winter where I legitimately looked like I had some serious health issues.

kella

@Ten Thousand Buckets I keep a little tub of Vaseline beside the bed and glop it on to my lips every night before bed. Feels so good and I always have soft lips!

maybe partying will help

Who or what is Powder, please?

Also the Chapstick thing is true. *applies more Chapstick even though humidity is currently 60%*

Ophelia

@maybe partying will help

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQ2Cg6koHPQ

KeLynn

@maybe partying will help - I need to use chapstick every day, because my lips are disgusting, but I try to only use it when I REALLY need to, because I'm afraid of getting addicted, so I guess now I'm at the point where I need to decide: Do I want gross lips 95% of the time and not be addicted to chapstick? or nice ones most of the time but constantly putting goop on my face and god forbid I ever lose it and have to try to make it through a day without it? ahhhh!

Ten Thousand Buckets

@KeLynn It's ok, you can always buy more Chapstick, even if it's a slimy feeling off-brand from a bathroom vending machine.

I like to keep at least 6 open tubes around at all times so if I forget to grab one (which I don't, because: addiction), there's an excellent chance there's already one in my pocket or bag.

The Lady of Shalott

@Ten Thousand Buckets My dad receives Chapsticks for Christmas, his birthday, and Father's Day. (Well obviously not JUST chapstick, we buy him other things too.) And STILL randomly loses them everywhere. And complains about having to pay $2.50 for a tube at the airport. My mom has started collecting the ones she finds around the house and stacking them up on his nightstand, so he has like a dozen tubes just hanging next to the clock. It's like he's waiting for them to breed and produce more tubes of Chapstick and he will never have to purchase one ever again.

It's like those 50-cent combs we buy him for every holiday. Where do they go? How does he lose them constantly?

Ophelia

@Ten Thousand Buckets You can also rub it on your cuticles/knuckles in the winter, and then feel virtuous and thrifty as you gnaw at the loose skin on your lip.

Hot Doom

@maybe partying will help Man. I wanted to see Powder so bad when it came out but my mom lectured me about the director being sleazy and didn't want to support it financially and for some reason I thought it has Joe Eszterhas involved? I never really knew exactly why it was verboten.

... so I just looked it up and the director molested a 12 year old boy. Now I get it, mom. And Joe Eszterhas, while sleazy, was not involved in the production.

Xanthophyllippa

@Ophelia I...may or may not have also rubbed it on my nose when it gets chapped from too much hanky during allergy season.

schrodingers_cat

@The Lady of Shalott I used to get chapstick from my parents every year at Christmas too.

BattyRabbit

@Xanthophyllippa If I can't find my lotion I will put chapstick on dry spots on my legs, as needed.

NiceDress

@KeLynn My name is NiceDress, and I am a lip balm addict. It all started one day in the third grade, with an assorted pack of Lip Smackers that had been a Christmas gift, a blustery northeastern winter, and a well-meaning mother. "Honey, your lips are so dry, doesn't that hurt?" she asked. "Why don't you rub off the dead skin with a wash cloth and put some lip gloss on before you go to bed?"

It sounded so innocent, but my 8-year-old self could never have guess what was in store. What was in store was a lifetime of lip balm addiction... the never-ending quest for a perfect lip product, begging my mom to take me to the drugstore late on school nights when I lost my balm of the moment at school, countless instances of devastation upon discovering a chewed-up, empty lip gloss case between the paws of my dog (apparently the addiction seized him too) or melted in a pants pocket in the dryer, wondering why I couldn't wear colorful but oh-so-unmoisturizing lipstick like all the other girls, frantic searches for drugstores on the way to class or work upon realizing I didn't have one of my many tubes of gloss on me, trying to accommodate the tastes of the boys who also tasted my lips at any given time. It's traumatic, I tell you.

But seriously, the best I've found are Lush's lip balm (Honey Trap or Whipstick), and the roll-on NYC (New York Color) stuff that costs like $2. I vastly prefer the scent of the Lush ones, but they only come in a pot, so I like the roll-on one when I'm not totally sure how clean my fingers are.

amarz

@NiceDress have you tried EOS lip balms? in the little ball? move over, burt, there's a new lip balm sherrif in town!

NiceDress

@amarz Ooh no, where would I get that?

amarz

@NiceDress I've seen them at ulta, drug stores and some grocery stores. Sweet mint is the best flavor :o

sidral mundet

@KeLynn I'm totally going to be That Person and say that if you want to keep them nice, try exfoliating as needed and rubbing them with a little raw shea butter or jojoba oil every night before bed. I'm allergic to Burt's Bees, and have been trying to find inexpensive natural alternatives--these work great!

KeLynn

@sidral mundet - Hmmmm I guess I have been afraid that putting shea butter/oils on them would be just as addicting, so even that I only do now and then. But exfoliating, I do all the live long day. See: I have disgusting lips and am irrationally afraid of chapstick.

@LolaLaBalc - woah, my parents also refused to let me see powder, even though I really wanted to, but I never knew why. Maybe that was it!

sidral mundet

@KeLynn Not addicting! It's more like general maintenance that will make your lips healthier, less likely to get dry and flaky/cracked, etc.

itiresias

@sidral mundet I've been in the Vaseline camp my entire life, and don't think I'll ever leave. Once a day, if even that. Chapstick does bad things to me.

amarz

@amarz also I should mention that Sephora's current free 'birthday present' for 'VIBs' is two little Fresh sugar lip balms. Regular and rose :o

The Lady of Shalott

@amarz I LOVE THE FRESH SUGAR ROSE LIP BALM SO MUCH. Oh my god. It smells AMAZING and delicious and looks perfect and so smooth and UGH LOVE. I love it so much I bought a full-priced full-size one after experiencing the tiny one!

SuperGogo

You in particular must have a tough time shutting down all that Noise, what with your place of employment. I look forward to your follow-up piece, The Best Time I Edited Glamour Without Reading It.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@SuperGogo Yeah, that little addendum at the bottom made me think, "Oh, poor lady. Her job perpetuates her irrational fears and makes money on them."

puncturedbicycle

@SuperGogo Ditto. 20 Irrational Beauty Fears I Compiled in a Magazine and Sold Every Day of my Life. I mean, those of us not in the vanguard of the revolution are all complicit in one way or another, but being an editor at Glamour is kind of taking a leading role.

Zahra B.

@SuperGogo Have you ever actually read Glamour? If you had, you'd know that they make a firm commitment to helping women embrace themselves, flaws and all. They also put a lot of emphasis on celebrating powerful women who are making positive changes in the world. No women's magazine is perfect, but Glamour tries HARD.

bureaucrette

Mine is: If I use my eyelash curler in the car, the driver will need to slam on the brakes, and the curler will pop my eye out.

Beatrix Kiddo

@bureaucrette I often see women applying eye makeup on the subway, and the very idea of an eye getting poked out makes me nauseous. Eyelash curling in the car??

Linette

@bureaucrette This makes me think of a story my friend tells about how she lost her front teeth. She was about three years old, she was sitting in between the middle seats of a van, and she was drinking from a glass Coke bottle. They got into an accident and a chunk of windshield flew right at her and bonked the Coke bottle into her mouth.

Things to know: 1) This was many years ago, 2) before seatbelts were even a thing, and 3) in the South, at which time and place Coke was apparently an acceptable alternative to milk.

And that is why I refuse to hold anything harder than my own hand up in front of my face while in a car.

theotherginger

@Beatrix Kiddo in Mexico City, women's car, they have it down to an art. I did it one day, figuring that if I could apply eye make up on the DF subway, I could make it anywhere.

Ellie

@bureaucrette At least they weren't her grownup teeth!

Ophelia

That one about the bikini line is true, though.

PistolPackinMama

@Ophelia WORD. It totally happened to... a friend... of a friend of mine.

*ahem*

I was just coming down here to say I howled with laughter at that one.

ellbeejay

If I use the wrong shade of foundation, women’s magazine editors will swoop down from the sky, hawk-like, and pelt me to death with bottles of the correct shade.

That would be super helpful, though!

@ellbeejay OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH oooooh this new Smashbox stuff really is awesomeOUCH DAMMIT OKAY I GET IT.

Apocalypstick

@ellbeejay Yeah, so far as I can tell the alternative is to suddenly catch sight of yourself in a mirrored window and realise you've been looking like a parsnip for the past two weeks.

Megasus

@ellbeejay I am all for free foundation, I will accept the bruises happily! THAT is how much I like free shit.

tootsky

@ellbeejay - that's what I was going to say! AT LEAST I WOULD KNOW THE RIGHT SHADE.

Diana

@Megano!

"Look at these bruises. Luckily I now have JUST THE THING to deal with them!"

Slutface

My worst fear used to be looking like Powder. Something clicked in my brain this summer though and I realized how ridiculous people actually look with a tan. I mean, it does.not.look.right.

Reginal T. Squirge

Two friends of mine are getting married soon and their wedding website is just pictures of them with their dumb tans and unnaturally fluorescent teeth. What is it with Michigan people and the tanning?

NiceDress

@Reginal T. Squirge I call it the deep-fried look -- when people (usually female people) bleach their hair and tan their hides to ridiculous, patently artificial extents that are discordant with anything within the realm of nature or sanity. As you said, the teeth get in on the action sometimes too. But maybe I'm just jealous because I'm pale and afraid of wrinkles and skin cancer and spray tan chemicals.

baked bean

@Reginal T. Squirge Someone from my highschool got married and there were pictures all over facebook of all the bridesmaids, also almost all from my highschool, so I got All The Notifications. Anyway, they were all ORANGE.

@NiceDress Ditto on the artificial colors of skin and hair. Don't be ashamed of your pale skin, I'm convinced the orange will be out of fashion in 5 years, and we'll be the ones that don't look silly. From one pasty white girl to another.

NiceDress

@baked bean Indeed. I always lost the "let's compare tans" contest as a kid/tween, but sometime in my late teens I just decided to accept the pale. Besides, I like to think that we'll still look fairly smooth and youthful as we age, while all the orange people will be leathery and, well, orange.

baked bean

@NiceDress Oh god, I cannot imagine how gross they will look. We'll be getting all the men at the senior center ;)

I don't really have the ability to tan. I'm a freckler. I burn a lot. It goes away and leaves pink for a long time that eventually fades to the teeniest tan ever by the end of the summer (which is paler than 97% of people in the winter), only to fade again quickly.

I don't really sweat it anymore, but it really pissses me off when people think they should comment on my paleness. I'd be totally cool with it if it weren't for those assholes. I never scale peoples' attractiveness on how brown or white they are! Skin color is like hair color to me, it doesn't make no dif. Except when either are horribly fake :)

Megoon

@Slutface I've learned that the secret is to start tanning at age 80. My husband's grandma is brown brown brown and she looks GREAT because it just hides her wrinkles, and who gives a shit about getting more/skin cancer when you're already 87? She oils up and lies out in a baby pool in her backyard. Also, she is crazy.

baked bean

@Megoon LOL I love crazy old grandma stories. I have a ton of 'em.

Heather@twitter

@NiceDress OMG. I totally had a "let's compare tans" contest with my first boyfriend when I was 17 and he was 15. Oy...that was a relationship that was totally unnecessary on so many levels...

conniving little shit

@baked bean http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yLrYN8CgVPY david o'doherty had some things to sing about this

The Lady of Shalott

The amount of time I spend thinking about the part in my hair (my natural part is dead-center like a little girl, or Wednesday Adams) is WAY TOO HIGH for my comfort.

Actually, I think I've thought everything on this list! And more! Mostly as the result of reading women's magazines (DAMN YOU ALLURE!!!!!!!).

Amphora

@The Lady of Shalott The last hair revelation I had was discovering that I could part my hair on the side in my late teens (the first one was realizing neck ponytails with scrunchies are not a good everyday look). Really lessens the creepy pale chick vibe.

I smell burnt toast

@Amphora Ahhhh, neck ponytails with scrunchies, hair parted in the centre, was my go-to look until the age of 15 or so. When I went away to university I re-invented myself with a side-part.

SarahP

@I smell burnt toast ME TOO! Every day! So severe! I thought I was doomed to the center part forever, until a hair stylist was like "You can change your part, you know. Just do the same thing every day, and it trains your hair." I now have a "natural" side part! (But only on one side.)

Scandyhoovian

@SarahP I did that! I had a middle part all the way through high school (which is immortalized in my mother's living room in my senior picture, sigh) and then one day in college I just parted it to the side on a whim and loved it. I've never gone back.

Though, I have swapped from a left-side part to a right-side part along the way, as apparently I have a thin patch right along the part on the left side so when I part it on that side it looks like I"m losing my hair. The trauma I felt when I realized I have A THIN PATCH was a little much. Freaky!

KeLynn

@SarahP I started parting my hair on the side when I read in some magazine that it would make people notice big noses less. I'm sure it doesn't exactly make people miss the fact that I have a huge nose, but it looks much better anyway so I've been doing it for 13 or so years. BUT my hair has yet to be "trained"! left to its own devices, it still goes back to a middle part. I always have to part it for my hairdressers because they all just assume I do a middle part based on the way my hair is acting.

matilda

@SarahP What I REALLY want to know is how those people without parts that go really far back do it. Like, how they have their hair start going backward earlier on in their part. I'm get self-conscious about how long my part is, if that makes sense, and I'm also sure that nobody has ever noticed but STILL is that something that people have or train or what??

lynzillla

@KeLynn My hair still wants to do a center part too! whyyyyyy? My sister is always saying "you have a center part again..." :-/

SarahP

@matilda I've always wondered that too! Where does the part gooooo?

rebecca@twitter

I have always parted my hair sideways since a (possibly?) well meaning hairdresser told me a centre part made me look like I had a manly face. I was 18 and impressionable. I'm now 26 and stil hear her words whenever I get a haircut and the stylist asks me where my parting goes,

HeyMatilda

@rebecca@twitter Funny how beauty experts can make such an impression. A stylist once told me my hair was a "mousy" color and it's never been my natural color since.

Lu2
Lu2

@HeyMatilda --Once, a department-store makeup lady told me, as she was applying lipliner, "You have no upper lipline to speak of." Thank you? And for sure I will be buying all my makeup from you in the future, you sweet-tongued flatterer.

p.s. I do! It's actually quite defined! at least it is in the parts that don't turn under and fade away into my mouth itself.

matilda

@Lu2 yeah wait how does one not have an upper lip line??

Hot Doom

@rebecca@twitter In my sophomore year of college, my two best friends took me aside one day and said I should really consider parting my hair on the side, instead of down the center. Part of of me was like 'ugh! I do what I want!' and part of me thought 'hmm, peer pressure. ok.' So, I have been doing a side part for the past 9 years. And you know what? Post-intervention, I made out with way more people in a short span of time than I had with a center part. Science.

Veronica Mars is smarter than me

@rebecca@twitter I have always switched my part around since a (possibly?) well meaning hairdresser told me having my part in the same place all the time gave me a bald spot there. And it is totally truuueeeee.

tootsky

@rebecca@twitter In middle school, I read in a magazine that if you have a large nose, to part your hair on the side, so as to direct attention away from large nose. So: Side part ever since. (And people say, "but you don't have a big nose!" And I say: You can't see it, because my hair is parted on the side. Science.

SarahSJE

@LolaLaBalc @tootsky I went to a one day finishing school and they told me the same thing. "No dear, your nose is FAAR too large for a centre part." Quite an impressionable 12 year old I was. Never parted down the middle again UNTIL two weeks ago. And I got hit on. Twice in one day. NOW I'M TORN. And also terrified I have a bald patch at the front on one side :-/

KeLynn

@tootsky - ha! just moments ago I made a similar comment above. We must have read the same article that suggested this as a remedy for large noses. Sounds like it's working out for you. Teach me your secrets! My nose is still big!

tootsky

@KeLynn - Well, the rest of my face probably caught up to my nose somewhat, I bet yours is not as big anymore either! but I look at myself in profile, and all I see is Bob Hope. I keep my hair big! To balance my hips...maybe it dwarfs my nose too. It's all an illluuuuuuusion.

snowmentality

When I was just becoming a teenager, my mom told me "Never pluck your eyebrows. If you pluck your eyebrows they will NEVER GROW BACK."

So I had giant bushy eyebrows all the way up until I was 25, when I decided to take a risk and get them threaded. It turns out my eyebrows grow RIGHT BACK, like back to 100% giant bushiness within a month.

Recently I mentioned eyebrow threading to my mom, and she warned me again that my eyebrows would NEVER GROW BACK. So it wasn't just something she told me to keep me from trying to mess with my eyebrows when I was 13 -- it's something she really believes. I guess my mom's eyebrows didn't grow back when she plucked them the first time? She does have fairly thin eyebrows.

(I told her that in fact, my eyebrows persist in growing back. She looked like she wasn't quite sure she believed me.)

Lu2
Lu2

@snowmentality --I think it can be true. I'm quite a bit older than you, and I've always had really weakling eyebrows that I think finally gave up after my Plucking Years. And I was never intense with it, either. It was just a matter of the occasional cleanup. But I think the follicles just got tired and threw in the towel.

I do think that if you thread or pluck enough, the follicles will weaken, but now that I've typed it out, that looks like a load of bull, so maybe not.

ELECTROMAGNETIC CHAOS

@Lu2: Plucking/pulling hairs damages the root, and eventually they will not grow back.

Xanthophyllippa

@snowmentality ELECTROMAGNETIC CHAOS (oh hai, u!) is right. Partly because I looked it up somewhere credible, and partly because it happened to my mother. But it's repeated, long-term plucking that does it.

onthesideofmyface

@ELECTROMAGNETIC CHAOS Awesome, you mean I just have to keep doing this and eventually I won't have to anymore? GOOD.

Pyxis

@Xanthophyllippa I can vouch for this. I had always had a unibrow that I had plucked since I was 13 (side note- don't give a 13 year old tweezers. It will not end well). Just recently I realized I only have about 3 unibrow hairs left. All the rest just stopped growing.

Better to Eat You With

@onthesideofmyface My mother's stopped growing back sometime in her 40s or 50s.

baked bean

@Pyxis I too have a unibrow. The hairs in the middle are lighter and not as course, but it is a unibrow. I would be ok if those middle ones stopped growing back.
I pluck like, every other day. Idk how people get away with once a month. I suppose black hair + transparent white skin + fast growing hair = needing to pluck all the time.

What made me obsessive? In 7th grade a boy that was mean made fun of my unibrow. I didn't even think of it as a unibrow before that, just longer eyebrows that almost went to the middle, but those middle hairs were thin and no one noticed anyway!

Now my current bf has a unibrowish brow a la George Harrison and I think it's adorbs. I like bushy eyebrows on men :)
I would say my eyebrows are thicker than most women's too, I dislike the pencil thin grossness.

So anyway... unibrows.

baked bean

@baked bean P.S. mmmmmm
lol oopss edit: http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Z_b5WEDtGBM/T389wrfn4qI/AAAAAAAABuI/LtONTtvBYFw/s1600/george%2Bharrison%2Bliving.jpg

I originally linked to a picture of some curry I bought. Which fits with "mmmmm" pretty well too.

KeLynn

@snowmentality - My mom used to tell me not to shave any hair above my knees because I would get little dark spots all over my legs (???). She had thick leg hair, as did I at that time, and there were the unavoidable under-skin dots from hairs that were thick and black but below the skin. But I never did understand how that was a worse fate than keeping my thighs naturally hairy? Or was she just trying to keep me from getting laid in high school?

Sam I am

@Lu2 True, true, true. I used to have super thick brows. With enough threading/tweezing trama, thats not the case anymore, much to my dismay. My mom was right to tell me to wait.

melis

BUT WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT CAT MARNELL

melis

is it true as witch-queen of new york she has enormous leather-ribbed wings and sleeps on a pile of bones from the corpses of old Gawker commenters

melis

is it true that she is in fact an animated high heeled shoe with eyelashes that learned how to type after falling into a vat of radioactive nail gel

tea tray in the sky.

@melis Oh my goodness, it's a turtle munching a strawberry! I never noticed. I mean, I did, but just now.

nyikint

If I don't wear sunscreen every.single.day, my Basil Hallward painting is worthless!

Yahtzii

I'm afraid I am parting my hair on the wrong side and I think it's the right side because I only see it backwards in the mirror.

Don't try to science me with your "photographs" either.

thebestjasmine

@Yahtzii Do you have a mother or a sister? Because mine have very Strong Opinions about my hair part.

Edith Zimmerman

@Yahtzii lol I have this fear too!!

bluestreakmama

@Yahtzii I also have this fear. But at this point my hair refuses to part any other way.

maybe partying will help

@bluestreakmama

This is all so Jessica Darling!

Yahtzii

@maybe partying will help That book was probably the source of this fear, TBH. That and the fear that I will puke on my crush's shoes at a bonfire.

TheDragon

@Yahtzii
Now that I have straight bangs I worry about this! When I had side bangs, I just parted my hair so that my prettier eyebrow would show. (Uneven eyebrows. I have them.)

Chesty LaRue

@Dragon I have them too! But really, both of my eyebrows are fabulous if not symmetrical and I get to call a lot of attention to them when I show people how their glasses should line up with their eyes and not their eyebrows. I also just got mine threaded!
I am in love with my eyebrows, also.

TheDragon

@Chesty LaRue I'm jealous! I like mine ok, but they are only really there until the arch, and then they become little wisps of hair growing everywhere! Maybe I should get mine threaded. Should I let them grow out a little first, to give the threader the best chance of properly shaping them?

KeLynn

@Yahtzii - ahhh that's always the question. Do I part my hair so I look good to myself in the mirror, or do I part it so I look good to everyone who looks at me?

So far I have parted in favor of the mirror.

Faintly Macabre

@Yahtzii Me too! I part my hair far on one side, and it's always a shock to see photos. But whenever I've tried parting it on the other side, all my hair just hangs down in front of my face. I'm dooooooomed.

Diana

@Yahtzii

Next East Bay Pinup: we all get together and figure out our most flattering hair parts, as a family.

playingpossum

@Yahtzii Please please please - I have three disadvantages - I am old, I am not beautiful, I am Australian. What oh what is threading your eyebrows and how does it work? I have plucked a monobrow since 1976 and it still grows back (curse you Science!)

Myrtle

@Yahtzii You'll have someone do it for you. Here's a video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EIeHYNt-rl4

lora.bee

But what happens if you part your hair in Ye Olde Zig-zag Part? Man I loved doing that.

SuperGogo

@lora.bee Preach. I've been zigging and zagging every morning for years now.

NiceDress

@lora.bee My hair won't do the zig zag, but I want it to. Teach me your ways, oh wise one.

MoonBat

@NiceDress Comb hair straight back when it's wet. Put point of comb against hairline in front, draw a neverending z to the back of your head, and the hair separates easily into the zig zag part.

spuntino

I legit said to my SO in the shower last night: "my boobs are set too far apart."

EpWs

@spuntino It's fine, as long as they weren't closer to begin with and they're starting to migrate. In twenty years they'll be behind your back...

matilda

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher GAH as a young one I thought that when my boobs "finally" touched each other in the middle then I'd know that i was done with puberty. Because obviously they were supposed to touch or there was something wrong.
Guess puberty's still going on, then.

Oh, squiggles

I have thought this too. But I am not willing to go through the discomfort of a bra smooshing them in the center of my chest just so I can have cleavage. They aren't small, but they don't like being relocated. But! I have heard that the breastbone is in, and cleavage is out. So ahead of the trend!

tales

@matilda http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pencil_test_(breasts)

I remember reading about this in a Judy Blume book and being weirded the hell out by it. But from this page, I learned that bras and sagging are totally unrelated. Thank god, now the next time my mother tries to make me wear a bra "so I don't regret it later" I'll just tell her this!

EDIT: what reminded me of this here is that when I read it, I thought it was a pencil between breasts, which, you know, would never ever stay up on its own for anyone.

matilda

@tales Maybe Judy Blume is where I got it from-- I vaguely remember the phrase "pencil test" and it wouldn't have been surprising, not having boobs yet, that I misinterpreted it like you did! Either that or Victoria's Secret catalogs.

Wait but explain: people think that not wearing bras leads to saggy boobs later? I've never heard that!

Ellie

@matilda No, it's true. Bras totally make your boobs not sag. (When you're wearing one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

angelinha

@tales YES!!! In the Pencil Test, if you put a pencil underneath your boob (between your boob and your rib) and it stayed there, you needed to wear a bra. And if it didn't, you didn't. I was pretty sure it was time for me to be wearing a bra but your boobs have to be pretty big in order to flop down low enough on your ribcage to hold a pencil! I am now big-bosomed enough to pass the Pencil Test, but I once said something to a fellow adult friend about how I don't like the feeling of being braless and feeling my boobs rub against my ribcage, and she had nooo ideaaaa what I was talking about. All this to say, I think the Pencil Test's a load of crock.

Danzig!

@tales There's apparently a boutique bra shop in Portland called the Pencil Test. One of the fine ladies from Tits and Sass was raving about it

EpWs

@Danzig! Everything about that sentence is the best thing ever.

Danzig!

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Wait, which one? Now I don't know what to think

EpWs

@Danzig! "boutique bra shop"+Portland+"Pencil Test"+"Tits and Sass"

Danzig!

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher They have a student discount! http://www.yelp.com/biz/the-pencil-test-portland

baked bean

@tales My boobs would no way pass the pencil test. Lol. They are too small to hang down at all really. This must be why I hate wearing bras! It was not meant to be!

Really though, I go without a lot if the shirt is bigger, but mostly I wear a wireless bra with slight padding to keep my pointy nipples from being like >> at my shirt. This is probably overly self-conscious, as I don't know how often people would be able to tell.

TARDIStime

@spuntino
I'm of the slightly padded bra camp, too. I'm pretty certain it is obvious when the nerps are >> on the shirt, so if that's a concern for you (I know it is for me - I have pretty sensitive headlight bulbs) keep the bra on! I've done the experiment of seeing if people notice. Most people won't say anything, but you can see their faces when the temperature drops and you get cold and... you know. ;-)

Hot Doom

@baked bean So I have wee breasts (my nickname in high school was 'Tiny Titties' in the boob hierarchy of my friends, from me being the tiniest to the other end of the spectrum of 'Gigantic Titties'. Puerile.) and anyway, I was wearing a halter top with no bra on a sweltering day in Houston. My friend, Big Titties, had a stupid, evangelical, ass of a bf at the time, who asked her if I was wearing a bra, in front of me. And I said no, and asked if he had a problem with that, and he said no. But he obviously thought it was weird, gross, etc BECAUSE WHY WOULD HE ASK? So even though he was the one being a Costco-sized J-box, now I feel weird about not wearing a bra in public, so I usually am padded and underwired. Because people are assholes and I can't deal with it. Hrmph.

Bretley

@tales Sadly at this point I could hold a couple pencils and a Judy Blume paperback under each breast, easily.

MoonBat

@LolaLaBalc He didn't think it was weird, he wanted an excuse for being caught looking at your nips by his gf. He was being a giant douche. Carry on with your free-boobing ways, it's not your problem to deal with.

baked bean

@TARDIStime Dude my nerps are always pointy, and when it gets cold they're just more pointy.

Hot Doom

@MoonBat ugh. UGH. You are right.

supernintendochalmers

@LolaLaBalc What a jerk. Nobody should be expected to wear a bra with a halter top. That would be some seriously annoying specialty shizz.

iknowright

I have a question. But I'm embarassed so be nice! Ugh ugh ok so what if you have two differently shaped eyebrows? Is this a thing or only a thing I have? Also I like, maintain them, but....they're never gonna be mirror images of each other. I have also never had them plucked by a Facial Hair Professional. If I maintain them and do like, a C+/B- job on them, and then go to A Person, will they just laugh and laugh or, alternatively, just pluck them more than they're already plucked so they're too thin and then I'll cry and cry? Because, I might be OK with the former, but the latter makes me queasy because they're already naturally not that thick. (Though I sort of think they were once and that they really don't grow back as full as they once were.) Also, when you go in do they just pluck or do they trim, too, because I know sometimes it looks like my brows are a little unshaped but it's because the hairs are long and out of place?

I'm super low maintance (face-wise!) so I don't really know how To Do Things, but I'm sort of haunted by having read/heard that one good eyebrow appointment can change your whole face (for the better). Thoughts? Expert anecdotes? Tips? Anyone else with unidentical brows?

redheadedtwit

@iknowright I think most people have unidentical brows- but either have them done by A Professional, pencil them in, or ignore them. Most likely- no one else can tell and you are just freaking out about it cause you stare at your face more than everyone else. My advice is to go to A Professional- they have probably seen worse, and if they laugh at you they lose a future customer and their tip. Most professionals are not stupid enough to do that.

Lu2
Lu2

@iknowright --I don't think anyone's brows are identical. It seems biologically unlikely to me. What about trimming a bit and doing some fill-in (with a pencil or powder) to make them match where necessary?

Gracefully and Grandly

@iknowright my brows are not identical and I do get them done. I think it just depends on how the hair grows/if there are any gaps in the hair. If you want your brows professionally shaped definitely let them grow out first. No one is going to laugh at you for it. It’s better that you give them something to work with! You wouldn't got to the hairdresser with a pixie cut and tell them that you want long rapunzel layers, right?. Oh and yes! Most places will trim the brows too.

all the bacon and eggs

@iknowright Don't be scared. Anyone who does hair removal professionally has seen a LOT WORSE than asymmetrical eyebrows.

theotherginger

@all the bacon and eggs bahahahaha. Yeah. If an aesthetician or hairdresser makes fun of you, stop them right there, and don't go back. Or, do what I do, which is tune them out, tip them, and never go back.

Sunny Schomaker

@iknowright I have one eyebrow that is more arched than the other, which probably makes me look like I'm going to say something sarcastic at the drop of a hat. However, I often will say something sarcastic at the drop of a hat, so it works, I guess.

Edith Zimmerman

@iknowright My brows are very different, too -- one even has this extra feature (?) of hair growing in a totally direction that the other doesn't have. I realize that's very difficult to envision. But it's made me primed to notice when other people have it, too -- and a lot of models and actresses, etc., do, people just don't notice other people's eyebrows. I've been to professional places, and they can handle all kinds of asymmetry, if you want that (I like threading), but the reason I learned how different they are is because I grew them out this past year, after 17 years of plucking them to varying degrees of extremity, and it's been cool. I like that they're different. Although I'm on a very "everything natural! everything natural!" kick, and might be a little Kool-Aidy...

I smell burnt toast

@iknowright Your comment is very similar to my thought process re: eyebrows. For years and years, I did not know that people trimmed their eyebrows. Also, one of my eyebrows is thicker than the other.
Also, the last time I went to get my hair cut, the expert lady hairdresser cut my bangs really quickly and in doing so she cut off a part of each eyebrow, so yeah, they are not symmetrical. I am fairly certain that no one except me looks with interest at my eyebrows, though.

frigwiggin

@Edith Zimmerman My boyfriend's eyebrows do this; at the inner edge of one, the hairs kind of fan out toward the center, and at the inner edge of the other, they just grow straight up. Eyebrow cowlicks!

Edith Zimmerman

@frigwiggin YES THAT'S WHAT IT IS!!! Eyeb...licks?

Pound of Salt

@frigwiggin One of mine grows straight up on the inside too! I've thought about trimming it down, people do that right? But then once I was at a restaurant and a guy I hadn't seen in like 5 years came up to me and said "The only reason i recognized you was because of your eyebrows." So now I can't change them.

bitzy

@iknowright I have this too! But just on one. Fourteen year old me tried to make it "less noticeable" by just removing that 1/4 inch portion of that one eyebrow. All gone!

Right now I just trim the top, so the general shape is in the shape of the other brow? But that can't be right.

Xanthophyllippa

@frigwiggin Mine do, too. The right one grows all nice and right-leaning in a little arch; the left one grows all nice and left-leaning in a little arch except the part right at the bulb, which grows straight up. Every now and then I miss a hair when shaping and end up looking like Andy Rooney.

Better to Eat You With

@iknowright I had the worst eyebrows when I was young, and it was true, the first time I went to somebody who really knew what he was doing, it changed my eyebrow-life. But it did take me three or four different salons to find anyone--anyone--who could locate anything resembling a natural arch in my brows.

schrodingers_cat

@frigwiggin yes, I have a cowlick in my left eyebrow, but so do my mom and my sister, so I pretty much just ignore it.

Better to Eat You With

@frigwiggin I have that, too.

baked bean

@frigwiggin That sounds cute!

eustaceia

@iknowright A few months ago I got my eyebrows done for the first time and when they were done, the aesthetician said, "Now remember- eyebrows are sisters, not twins!"

raised amongst catalogs

@Edith Zimmerman Have always just called mine The Browlick.

SarahSJE

@Edith Zimmerman Me too! Browlick here! My right brow grows straight up on the inner corner. Lefty just grows to the left. Am still self conscious about it.

PistolPackinMama

@iknowright I have uneven brows - no browlicks, alas alack- and I just get the stray stuff cleared up. I want those arches left to themselves.
I think it gives me a natural sort of side-eyed look. But not in a sarcastic way, just in a "curious looking at you" way.

branza

@iknowright Also very important eyebrow related business: make sure you go to A Reputable Professional. One time, I went to this shadier lady, and she certainly made my eyebrows look identical to one another, but that's because she waxed and trimmed them into perfect, evenly thick, upside down arcs. I looked like a cartoon character for three months until enough hair grew back to fix it. It's on my graduate student ID! NEVER AGAIN

redheadedtwit

@Yahtzii I just try to forget about my hair in general and let it part wherever it wants. This leads to my coworkers maing fun of my "angry hair days" aka whenever I wash it. Otherwise I think it looks fine.

frigwiggin

no, but seriously, why was Latrice Royale's face always so orange on RuPaul's Drag Race

redheadedtwit

@frigwiggin I know!! And why does NO ONE ever mention anything? Not even Ru!

Amphora

@frigwiggin For all the crap they gave Willam about her stubble...

Then again Latrice is awesome and can do no wrong in my eyes.

frigwiggin

@Amphora Oh, I know, Latrice is the greatest and can sop me up with a biscuit anytime. Just...orange?

Blackwatch Plaid

@frigwiggin As far as I can tell, it was because finding foundation and highlighter in a dark enough shade for her was damn near impossible.

frigwiggin

@glittercock I was wondering if it was something like that, but I have zero experience trying to match foundation to skin, so I also wondered if it was intentional. Either way, she WERQS.

TheShe

@frigwiggin I think Ru never mentioned anything about it because she knows how hard it is to find makeup for dark skin, and it probably looked better in person than it did on TV.
It's hard to find drug or department store foundation in very dark shades, and even harder with the kind of makeup you use for drag. The ingredient in makeup that "covers" is titanium dioxide, as in 'titanium white'. Drag foundation has a LOT of this ingredient in it, in order to cover more (that's why the other queens advised Willem to wear better foundation to cover his stubble). You can add a lot of dark pigment, but the base will always be white and it will read oddly on dark skin, especially under harsh light.
I clearly did some thinking about this, over the season.

frigwiggin

@TheShe That makes a lot of sense! I didn't know that about drag makeup.

[The More You Know Rainbow]

redheadedtwit

@TheShe I wondered if that was the reason, but couldn't figure out why. Looks like you did the research for me. Yay!

Citizen Cunt

Don't worry, deodorant won't give you armpit cancer. It will give you Parkinson's.

.abbey

@Citizen Cunt yes, i was thinking to myself "well, no, obviously not armpit cancer, but it DOES give you alzheimer's"

gobblegirl

The dirty sheets thing is true though.

Caitlyn Dover@facebook

My whole life I've always plucked my eyebrows until there was almost nothing left, possibly due to stress or just being bored who knows? My mom also did the same thing and hers eventually never grew back in the manor they should have, so instead of doing it myself I just leave it to the professionals. Saved me a lot of headaches.....and embarrassment..Ha! Just an idea for everyone :)

RNL
RNL

I do all of these. Still alive. Gross pillowcases.

Oh, squiggles

If I don't rub strange potions full of ingredients I can't pronounce my face will literally fall apart.

Amphora

My fear (still!) is that if I try to put on any eye makeup beyond some mascara and a tiny smudge of grey shadow I will look like an overcaffeinated clown and everyone will laugh at me.

Pocket Witch

@Amphora Yeah, eye makeup is terrifying. Especially eyeshadow. But last spring, I discovered that dark colored eyeliner, like purple or green, is okay. My eyes are shaped so that you can hardly see any of my eyelid, so I feel like eyeliner is pretty subtle, even the purple stuff.
And nobody has laughed at me.

TheDragon

@Pocket Witch I'm the opposite. Bright green sparkily eyeshadow, with emerald green liner? Well, why the hell not?
I probably look like a clown most days but oh well

baked bean

@Amphora I'm just scared of eye makeup in general. The few times I've done it I've washed it immediately off because I thought it looked awful.

Once, my cousin's friend did my eyes for cousin's wedding, and they looked good. She kept it light and subtle, which is good since I never wear it and any will be noticed. Anyway. Idk how to replicate that. None of my friends wear makeup. haha.

Regina Phalange

@Amphora Recently, a coworker said, "Oh, your eye makeup is running." Nope, totally a deliberate choice to put a little dab of darker shadow in the crease. THX 4 THAT, GURL.

TheDragon

My eyebrows are nice and full and shaped. Until the arch. Then all the little hairs fan out all over, and get really thin. I look like I only have half of my eyebrows.

sudden but inevitable betrayal

@Dragon Mine too! WTF, eyebrows. Just cooperate. :(

m. marie

"If I overpluck my eyebrows, they’ll never grow back, and I will be stuck looking like Powder (again!) for the rest of my godforsaken life."

Oh girl. This is so true. Everybody is talking about how it happened to their mom, or whoever, but it happpened to ME, personally, so I know it's not a myth. If your eyebrows are uncontrollably bushy, though, they probably won't thin out with time. I think the guiding rules are that eyebrows that are too thin never grow back after plucking, eyebrows that are too thick never thin with plucking, and eyebrows in general will do their damnedest to work against your wishes, no matter what!

Sam I am

@m. marie My too thick brows have thinned over time. Despite wanting the professions to keep them thick, they did what they thought looked best and made them thin (also forcing me to visit them more often to maintain the look). Now I have sad looking holes :(

Myrtle

@m. marie I wish that Brooke Shields and Madonna would let their heavy, unique eyebrows grow back, in the way that they wore them when they were younger. But maybe they've overplucked the brows and they can't grow back?

Better to Eat You With

@frigwiggin I have that, too.

NiceDress

Okay, so don't hate me, but I don't get eyebrow things because... I've never done a thing to mine, and I think they generally look fine. I actually don't think about them at all. No plucking, no waxing, no threading, no penciling, no shading. I kind of feel like I'm supposed to, but I don't know? I remember reading once that "having your arches done" can subtly make your whole face look better, but I'm kind of skeptical, and my eyebrows are fairly symmetrical I think and light so "having them done" seems like a waste, but maybe I'm missing out on having a more awesome face? I tried to tweeze a stray hair or two as a teenager but I couldn't because ow! Thoughts anyone? Am I missing out by not mutilating my eyebrows in some way? If so, where would I begin said mutilation?

collier

@NiceDress : There's the whole "if it ain't broke" thing, but you could always ask a trusted (and chic, and who shares your aesthetic sensibilities) friend for an opinion? Don't ask a beautician or makeup counter person, because of COURSE they're going to try to get you to do/buy something. Or hey, if you're any good with photoshop, load up a good face pic and go to town...risk-free, pain-free experimentation.

(Also, plucking hurts much less after the first time...assuming you're just plucking the same hairs as they grow back.)

TARDIStime

@NiceDress
Google "Images of Natalie Portman" and you'll see why what you're doing is fine.

hotdog

@TARDIStime wait, what? Natalie Portmans brows are not only shaped, they're filled in AFTER their shaped. You'd be hard-pressed to find anyone in Hollywood with natural eyebrows.

TARDIStime

@hotdog Oh. They always looked like they hadn't been "done" to me. Natural-like.
Ah well. I'd go with @collier's advice, then - I would never have thought of photoshop as a risk-free way to play with one's appearance! *loads up photoshop to see what she would look like with bubblegum pink hair*

hopelessshade

@NiceDress I, too, have managed to avoid this bandwagon. I would pick at my almost unibrow in HS and once in college when some friends did a little makeover I think they picked at it some more, but I have kept to leaving it alone. And a new girlfriend of my friend complimented me on them, so it's not just that I've decided to embrace the unkempt look.

I have done the photoshop thing, and I probably would look a little more polished if I tweezed out an area above my nose, but I shall stay the way I am / Because I do not give a damn.

Bgwee

@NiceDress I'm totally with you. 25 years and I have yet to let anyone touch my eyebrows, including myself. I figure I've already got enough beauty regimens to worry about, so as long as my brows are looking moderately ok I'm pretty cool with leaving them alone forever.

sudden but inevitable betrayal

@NiceDress Go on with your bad self! :)

NiceDress

@sudden but inevitable betrayal @Everyone thanks for the advice and perspectives. Maybe I'll try the Photoshop thing or ask a trusted friend, but being fair, blonde, and fine-haired, I will probably continue leaving them alone and rocking on with my bad self :)

SarahP

I thought Powder was cute.

mlle.gateau

@SarahP ...and when I was in middle school, kids used to make fun of me by calling me powder, and this was deeply traumatic and I feel ridiculously self-conscious when I go out without putting mascara on and coloring in my (white blonde) eyebrows.

SarahP

@mlle.gateau Noooo! First of all, Powder didn't even have eyebrows. Second, I don't understand why kids are so mean to each other, I am sure your eyebrows are great all by themselves!

fabel

Oops, my brain saw "Emma Rosenblum" & for a second, I was like "Oh, how cool! Emmy Rossum wrote a peice for The Hairpin!" D'oh

werewolfbarmitzvah

Looking like Powder is sort of a GOAL for me. Whenever I come back from a trip and coworkers say, "Hey, you look like you got some sun!" I think, "YOU TAKE THAT BACK."

elbows on the table

So in middle school I freaked out about my eyebrows (big bushy unibrowish caterpillary things that they were) and, instead of tweezing them or getting them waxed like a normal person, I took a razor to them. Seriously. I don't know why I thought this was a good idea at the time... And of course I was in a hurry that day and managed to swipe off half of one eyebrow. I didn't have the guts to go mutilate the other, and no bangs to hide the poor pitiful thing. That was a rough few weeks.

skyslang

@elbows on the table Ha ha. I did the same thing. What is it with middle school and razor mishaps?

elbows on the table

@skyslang My mother took one look at me and, to her credit, didn't laugh in my face. She had to turn away a minute, though.

so what?

@elbows on the table Your mother sounds like a saint, I think I would have died laughing at that. Speaking of mothers and eyebrows, I never groom my brows as they have a pretty good natural shape and I just don't care that much. When I was in high school, my mom would always try to get me to clean up the stray hairs under my arch and after weeks of wearing me down, I finally agreed to let her wax my eyebrows before my senior prom (keep in mind my mother has no experience as an esthetician). Long story short, she accidentally ripped out a giant chunk in the center of one of my eyebrow and I have never touched them again. Also, I had to change my part for prom to try to cover the obviously-filled-in hole and I discovered that it doesn't really matter which way I part my hair as long as it's not a center part.

itiresias

@elbows on the table I did the same thing in seventh grade! And worse, I tried to even them out after that fateful swipe - I came into school the next day and a girl I didn't like to begin with went "Oh, I'm so sorry - did you get them waxed wrong? That happened to me once and I was so mad." Entirely genuinely. Bitch.

elbows on the table

@itiresias Oh man this! An eighth-grade girl in gym (ugh, gym) asked me what had happened, kinda nastily. I froze, but before I could explain anything at all another eighth-grade girl interrupted with, "Duhhh, she got them, like, arched, can't you tell?" (That pause was probably like a second and a half but it felt like five years as I was trying to figure out how to explain my poor mangled eyebrow without telling her the truth.)

The mean eighth-grade girl went, "Oh, uh, yeah, my bad," and walked away.

elbows on the table

@so what? My mom's pretty awesome. She did laugh at other beauty mishaps, but she managed to keep a straight face this time. Every time I think back on it I bless her.

Oh man, right before prom! That's horrifying.

elbows on the table

@elbows on the table Maybe I should specify that I was a lowly 6th grader at the time, too, so it was doubly horrifying that these older girls were Inspecting My Face, especially that closely.

Lindsay Strand@facebook

Mine: If I don't use mosturizer after my shower, my skin on my face will be so tight, it will rip.

dj pomegranate

You guys I seriously worry about underarm cancer every time I put on deodorant. :( :( :(

TheShe

For deodorant worriers: I'm here to tell you that crystal deodorant can really work. It does for me, at least.
I'm usually the very last to hop on the hippie-natural-beauty-products wagon, but a friend of mine swore by it so I gave it a shot (because I can't stand the smells of all deodorants that smell, and the unscented ones never worked for me), and it totally keeps my pits smelling like NOTHING all day.
(it's not an antiperspirant, though.)

Liz81

@TheShe My boyfriend uses crystal deodorant (or "stink rock" as we sometimes call it) and I tried it to see if it would work, but unfortunately, for the extremely sweaty/smelly like myself, it does not. I use men's Degree; no women's deodorants seem to work, either.

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