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Things I Cannot Do With 3D Nails

Cannot retrieve keys from small pocket inside purse.
Cannot retrieve subway tokens from bottom of purse.
Cannot apply liquid eyeliner.
Cannot sleep with hands under face, as per usual.
Cannot work bottle opener (!!!!).
Cannot run my fingers through hair.
Cannot put my hair in ponytail.
Really cannot do anything involving hair. 
Cannot go for more than two-minute periods of typing without staring at my nails.
Cannot go for more than two-minute periods of anything in general without staring at my nails.

Things I can do when I have 3D nails:
Have the coolest fucking nails.

Haley Mlotek is pleased to meet you, but she really shouldn’t shake your hand right now. She gets her nails done at Pinky’s Nails in Toronto.

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