Previously: Code Name Dolphin Capricorn.
Esther C. Werdiger made more totes!
art, photography, comics, travel, the internet, bikinis, illustration, sunburns, the league of ordinary ladies, esther c. werdiger
I missed youuuu!
I missed you too!
Losing/ dropping/ breaking things is NOT out of the ordinary for me, but if I told my friend Laura about something that WAS, I'm pretty sure her first suggestion would also be consulting my astrological chart.
@fleurdelivre My name is Laura, and this would also be a suggestion of mine. (We're a ridiculous bunch)
@nevernude cutoffs Your icon and username are amazing! As is your Laura-ness.
i already recounted this story elsewhere BUT I lost a ring (that was actually my sister's hahahaaa awful but no she'll never find out probably oh gosh) recently because it fell into the toilet!
today my feelings about this are, i should have reached in and gotten it (even though .. there .. was .. THINGS in that toilet) (knaw mean). I SHOULD HAVE REACHED IN AND GOTTEN ITTTTT
all this to say, I need to go check my astrology chart. (I don't really know how to do that aside from horoscopes.com???)
@redheaded&crazie "Here's a reminder that it's OK to be you. ...[blah blah blah] ... There may have been recent arguments with a partner, but those should subside now, thanks to today's serene feelings. Perhaps you've gained greater insight into the cause of the tension. Share this with the person you've been arguing with."
omg its SO TRUE. if uh, you replace partner with parent. also I could always use a reminder that its OK to be me! also I do not feel serene.
@redheaded&crazie Oh GingerNutball. I love you so much.
@redheaded&crazie to be fair, if I were your sister and you dropped my ring into the poop toilet, I would totally support your decision not to go in after it - it's not like I would want it back...
@crookedlegs How nice a ring was it? If my sister borrowed my blue topaz ring and flushed it down the poop toilet, I would've been PISSED (so to speak). I mean, that's what bleach is for, right, Jolie?
@Bittersweet I concur. Get a pencil, or chopstick and fish that sucker out then into the bleachie!
@redheaded&crazie This reminds me of The Best Time I Touched The Poop In The Toilet. I was with my boyfriend-at-the-time's friend's house, and we were drinking, and drinking usually makes me have to go. Also, alcohol means ambivalence about pooping in someone else's house, sort of.
Anyway, the toilet just would not flush. I took the back off the toilet tank and pulled on the parts and prayed but no dice. I was like ohnoohnoohnoohno I'm going to be found out and hauled away and put in poop jail, and the conclusion I came to was that the ONLY WAY OUT was to grab the poop and throw it out the bathroom window, which I did. Into their shrubbery. Wrapped in toilet paper.
I was 19 at the time.
The more you know!
@redheaded&crazie I may have fished my cell phone out of the toilet. And then washed it off in the sink (with soap), 'cause that totally helps electronics. In my defense, a cell phone would likely not have flushed.
@babs WOWZA! To be a Peeping Tom hiding in that shrubbery! This is an unforgettable tale!
@redheaded&crazie Poop stories! Once, when I was babysitting, the little girl, J--- (who was completely potty trained and I think 8 years old) went to the bathroom, came back, continued coloring with her brother ... and I started to smell something. After a few minutes, I was like, "Hey, do you guys smell something? Something smells gross." And J--- looks up, gives me this weird smile, holds out her hand, and nestled in her little palm is a dry turd.
@babs YOU HAVE ONE-UPPED DAVID SEDARIS
a badge of honor I am sure
his poop-flinging considerations here
@babs I really wish I could give this more thumbs up. POOP JAIL.
you all are so zany - the stories. just - I can't - so much laughter. I love it.
@werewolfbarmitzvah More like POOPING TOM amirite
@PatatasBravas This is EXACTLY what came to my mind.
@dtowngirl No it totally would. One time my best friend lost her cell phone and could not find it anywhere. She got a new one and carried on with her life, but was soon having toilet clogging problems. She got her landlord to call a plumber. You'll never guess what he found. Aparently she was in the habit of carrying her phone in her back pocket and it fell out in the toilet and she flushed it without knowing it. The most shocking thing about this story is that it happened twice.
@Bittersweet I cannot be the only one who was reminded of "OH MY GOD, CAT JAIL".
@babs LMAO!!! That is the best story I have heard in a long time. Well done friend, well done.
@babs The Best Time I Ever Flung My Poo
@babs I have done that like three times when it's just... too big to flush. I used a plastic bag, though, so I didn't have to touch it. I was at home. And once I left it on my dog-neglecting neighbor's driveway.
I feel like that was a big confession.
Good thing this is an old thread.
@whateverlolawants It may be an old thread, BUT I STILL GET E-MAIL UPDATES....bwahahahahahahaha.
I love sunscreen, but it can get legitimately weird to be rubbing yourself down with it in public. I get you.
@KeLynn I always apply sunscreen in the privacy of my home before I go out. I also kind of hate going to the beach because I'm paranoid about burning and don't want to reapply sunscreen in public. I'm neurotic.
@lorenzo The trick is to apply the lotion kind all over your entire body before you even put your bikini on. THEN, while you're out, you reapply with the spray. (The spray rubs off really easily too, which is why it's good to have an undercoating of lotion.)
@punkahontas Good tip :) I burn so easily so two coats are usually necessary anyway.
@lorenzo It's so much easier to reapply with the sprays! I can't stand the idea of rubbing sticky lotion on me when I'm hot and sandy. I used to just never do it, but then I turned into a grownup and learned stuff about sun damage and skin cancer so now I'm paranoid. :(
@KeLynn I was relieved to read that panel because I went swimming in a bikini for the first time recently, and the belly-rubbing was incredibly awkward. I usually use a spray but ran out just in time.
@punkahontas Don't you have to rub the spray in still? I use the spray because there's *less* rubbing, but I've still always rubbed. I don't know why, I just do it automatically.
I am so glad I'm not alone on the feeling weird when a guy has beautiful sisters. My boyfriend's mom and younger sister are reallllly gorgeous and it causes some Feelings from time to time.
@margaret_r What kinds of feelings? I was not aware that this was a thing and am now curious about it.
@Emby I didn't know this was a thing, either! Beautiful ex-girlfriends, yes. Beautiful sisters, I did not know.
@margaret_r Ah I totally get this though! Like in high school there was this one really good looking guy who I had a slight crush on and I happened to meet his family once and his little sister was the whole tall-blonde knockout package and that was so disappointing. But why? I don't understand...
@Emby: ... Me too. The assumption I'm going to make is that, (a girl) would feel that a guy with beautiful female members of his own family would then have high standards of beauty (is the only thing I can think of at the moment)
@Too Much Internet That's exactly it
@Too Much Internet Yeah basically. In my case it's also that his family is generally thin/athletic, and I'm not so much.
I once dropped a bottle of perfume on the floor and kind of tried to salvage what was left into a weird old school perfume bottle with a glass thing you stick in? It didn't really work.
Anyway, the perfume was a birthday gift from my then boyfriend, who promptly dumped me 2 days later. I used to call it my breakup perfume. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised that it was cursed.
@cmcm: I have a tiny bottle of Hugo Boss cologne that my grandma gave me... 14 years ago. Does cologne go bad? I'm so sorry grandma, you thought I would go out with ladies more, at least enough to go through a 2oz bottle of cologne, alas I did not
It does good bad. It'll start to smell... stale after a while...
These awful breakages and losses do seem to come in clusters.
But do other people's pretty, naked sisters come in clusters?
Must ... resist ... badjoke!
@atipofthehat The only way we'll know... is by looking at erotic photographs online!
Every moment of my life ends with that fridge panel.
@JessicaLovejoy although it looks like her fridge is filled with... cake?
@liverwortlaura CAKE AND WINE ALL THE CAKE AND WINE
@Didldidi (AND CHEESE)
@JessicaLovejoy replace fridge with the cupboard where i keep the chocolate chipits, and yes.
i get the sisters thing...i get irrationally satisfied/hopeful when i stalk a guy i am interested in on facebook and i am better looking than his sisters, and unsure of myself if they are perfect and skinny and blonde or something. you read my mind!!
Have you ever casually facebooked/googled a person, like, to find a picture or a specific thing, and then learned something that is really kind of deeply personal and sad, and you're like, "SHIT I KNOW TOO MUCH. This was a bad idea". that happened to me twice recently. I gotta stop googling people.
AND ALSO then whenever that person comes up in conversation, I kind of want to be like, "DID YOU KNOW *personal thing about a stranger*" because it is this thing that I know about them, it is interesting, and then I feel like a terrible, horrible gossip/person. Anyways. I just wanted to talk about googling. It's a weird world out there!
(RELATED/DISCUSS: spotting someone you know on OKCupid??)
@Marzipan A friend of mine spotted one of our female acquaintances on plentyoffish... seeking a relationship with a woman, when previously she had only dated guys. We thought it was great and wanted to like, give her all of the hugs or whatever, but obviously couldn't. Thankfully a few months later, she was like "oh hey crookedlegs, meet my girlfriend" and it was nbd.
@Marzipan Today I was casually Facebooking someone I grew up with, and I found out that he lives in a halfway house now, and I've been going :-O ever since.
@Marzipan I've had a few of these experiences recently! I really think I need to stop Googling people, very rarely has the information I've found done anything but confuse and unnerve me.
Also, I am a world-class breaker-of-things...recently I was walking down the street with a delicious, frosty bottle of juice, and the bottle slipped right out of my hands, and broke in half. Since it was a residential street with lots of kids, I didn't want to just leave all the glass, so I cleaned up as best I could, but the nearest trash can was legitimately a mile away. So I had to walk a mile with my bag in one hand and in the other...the bottom half of the bottle, jagged side out, filled with tiny glass chips. I must have looked terrifying.
@Marzipan It's why I'm glad to have a stupidly common name B)
@Marzipan YES to casual Googling, but rather than click on "web" I click on "images" so if I see a pic of enchanting Someone with a pretty girl, I can stop there, or click "web" for All the pain.
@Marzipan My aunt once phoned because she had found her sister-in-law's husband on a dating site and had to tell someone, but didn't know how to go about telling the SIL. It was actually kinda funny because he lied SO MUCH. Like claimed he earned 3x what he did (why do you have to put your wage on a dating site anyway? Ew.) and claiming he liked all these stereotypical chick flicks to look sensitive I guess.
@Marzipan I once googled this guy I had just started dating who was a writer (and had been my writing teacher – HOT) and I found out he had been on one of my favourite tv shows! Like, was a regular cast member! I didn't tell him I knew or that I had ever watched the show until seven years later. I don't know why?
@Marzipan UGH my friends keep getting matched with my little brother on OkCupid.
It grosses me out.
@Marzipan i had a reverse OKcupid thing happen. A really cute guy started a conversation with me on the bus and we hit it off, but then I had to abruptly get off at my stop. A couple weeks later I stumbled across the same guy on OKcupid. I messaged him asking if he remembered me and wanted to hang out...no reply.
Nailed it yet again.
hook me up with the sisters
either is fine
I'm actually very much okay with the beautiful sister thing. My husband's sister is incredibly attractive, and I think to myself "yesss, this means our kids might turn out really good-looking!" Husband's not bad looking either, but his sister is definitely above average.
@ms. alex I need to remember this, my boyfriend's sister is not only gorgeous but also super-talented and probably better than me at the stuff I thought I was good at. So maybe we'll get gorgeous artist babies!
This is my very favorite 'Pin feature.
I am a vessel for you.
So happy to see this post! I really needed something to lift my spirits today. Thank you, Esther!
Hey I just want to say that I've been rocking my TLOOL tote at Duane Reade and the co-op and it has gotten rave reviews!
Also, the package came with really pretty Israeli stamps which I saved because they are so much cooler than my American-flag versions.
Yeah! I'm so glad!
You guys, she loves her tote! Join the TLOOL tote-carrying club!
@Esther C. Werdiger That is a seriously sexy arm toting the 'Girl What's Your Thing' tote
@Speaking of cake, I have cake
Meet Alex, yet another nice boy I am not dating.
@Esther C. Werdiger Ah, so....he's single then?
@Esther C. Werdiger I would love to purchase a laminate (many?) of your work!!!
@Esther C. Werdiger
I added myself to the TLOOL tote club! Will have a reason to be excited about checking my mail now! (Other than for awesome letters from my lovely 'Pin Pal, of course)
Yeah! I'll mail that off tomorrow. Thank you! xoxo
@Esther C. Werdiger That fast? Esther, you're awesomeness!
@Esther C. Werdiger Yay. I just bought mine too [finally].
Also, that perfume looks like my perfume. Maybe we smell the same.
Thank you!! Will be shipped promptly!
(is it narciso rodriguez?)
@Esther C. Werdiger So excited!
And Bingo. For Her. I knew it.
@Hambulance @Esther C. Werdiger
I also recognised it! I am a member of your For Her club also. Except I left it at home when I came overseas and am excited to be re-united with it shortly.
Yes! I love that actually cared to draw the bottle accurately. ANYWAY, should one of you drop your bottle of For Her, know that even if the glass breaks, the actual perfume is actually kept inside a plastic pouch INSIDE that. so even if the bottle looks awful and doesn't stand up and you feel hopeless, it's still usable.
@Esther C. Werdiger That pouch business is kind of amazing and really good to know.
I luckily landed myself a deluxe sample from Sephora and it changed my life. Now I just have to resign myself to paying for a full sizer after I squeeze all the fumes out.
Nice! I discovered this stuff when I was with friends of my parents, and I hugged the Mrs. and I was like, RUTH! What is this thing you smell of?? When I got it, I couldn't stop smelling myself. I felt like, attracted to myself for maybe two weeks.
I've done the broken perfume bottle. It broke while inside my handbag while on the way to work. The entire office building smelled of Red Door x100,000. Choking-levels of badness.
@TARDIStime I had that happen with Fetish, some celebrity perfume marketed to teenagers in the 90s. All over my backpack purse.
I get really upset when I break or lose small things, too. Even if they're cheap, easily replaceable things.
I usually am not at work late enough to get the last post, so I read it the next morning. I'm so so so so (SO) glad for this post and the comments because I've been laughing and laughing... wonderfultastic way to start the day.
@teenie Yes, same here. All of the poop stories! I am dying. TLOOL generates some of the best comments.
Oh my gosh. The first panel was so fortuitous. I misplaced (I refuse to say lost) my watch yesterday. It's an incredibly important watch! A 30-year old, belonged to my mother forever watch! I didn't sleep last night. I've scoured the house a dozen times. I called into work saying I couldn't be there today, not being able to face a day with a bare wrist. I made my boyfriend scour the side of the highway with a flashlight at 1am. I've posted on craigslist, notified building maintenance, called the bus company a half dozen times- if I don't find it, WHICH I WILL, how does one get over such a loss??? Arggggh!
@carrbourbon Arrgh. I lost my watch four months ago and I refuse to buy another one because 1) I'm convinced it has to be SOMEWHERE in either my apartment or my boyfriend's 2)it was a really nice Anne Klein watch that I only bought because I had both a gift certificate and it was on clearance and I won't be able to afford a replacement as nice. I hope yours turns up!
My astrological chart is always telling me to expect extra money/great career stuff, but so far it has ALL BEEN LIES /sob
Also I hate breaking and losing stuff too. I broke a plate in fury when I was cleaning out my cupboards last weekend.
@Megano! breaking a plate is good luck!
ahhhhh i keep my headphones in a change purse my friend brought me from south america whoooaaa!!! i love it and would so sad if i lost it, i feel your pain :(
I broke two really awesome rings, one on Sunday, one on Monday. So I decided not to wear any rings today.
I never buy nice things because I lose or break almost everything I own. I have been in a constant state of panic since the day I got my engagement ring that I am going to lose/break this Big Deal expensive, important sentimental things.
Things I have broken/ruined this month: toenail, nail polish bottle, cool colored necklace, favorite jeans+3 cute tank tops (bleach accident), Q button on my third kindle (since I broke the other two, luckily Amazon is the shit and replaced them), glasses, cute yellow sunglasses.
This is why I try not to spend more than about $5 on anything.
Ester! I'll be honest too: Two years ago I FINALLY purchased a pair of bona fide bikini bottoms after roughly 15 years of wearing black undies to swim in. I thought bikinis were a big scam! Haha. Seriously though, if you try wearing a bikini again, try real bottoms! They don't slide off when you dive into the water.
I'm gonna! One of my next LifeChallenges.
For me, the saddest thing is when I lose one of a pair of beloved earrings (it's never the ones I don't care about). I always keep the one that I have left, in the hopes that someday I can find the missing one again... *drunken tears*
@Hella Ugh, I feel you. I have a wonderful friend who has awesome taste in jewelery who has gifted me several pairs of earrings over the years and I lost one of each pair! I love them all, and I miss them. I'm sure she thinks I don't like them and thats why she never sees me wearing them, but I can't bear to tell her the truth.
I really feel a deep sense of despair and shame and RAGE when I lose or break or ruin things too!! If it's something I love, I rarely get over it quickly. One of the best ways to safeguard yourself against ruining or losing things, I have found, is to keep a tidy living space/car/work space. If you are less distracted or cluttered, it's less easy to spill bleach or drop your ring down the sink. Keeping things tidy and throwing away often basically does the trick for me.
Rubbing in lotion-sunscreen: gross, smelly, slippery.
Misting self in spray-sunscreen: SO easy, non-greasy, dry.
Take it from a pale lady who lives in Hawaii and uses this stuff every day.
Haha well my first thought too was about checking your astrology chart. Mercury is retrograde right now, one of the side-effects is sometimes losing things, being clumsy (with your hands especially, mercury rules the hands!) or things being delayed, gummed up, etc. It goes direct on the 7th, see if some of your stuff doesn't turn up around then!
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I'm pretty sure her first suggestion would also be consulting my astrological chart. click here to read more
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