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Monday, July 2, 2012

257

The League of Ordinary Ladies: Code Name Dolphin Capricorn

Previously: Summertime.

Esther Werdiger made more totes!



257 Comments / Post A Comment

Euglena

I hate hate HATE when people say "do you know where the bathroom is?" when we're at places neither of us have ever been, and it's a normal setting like a bar/restaurant/mall I'm just like OBVIOUSLY JUST WALK TOWARD THE BACK/CORNER/DOORWAYS/NEXT TO THE KITCHEN! Props for knowing where bathrooms are.

JoanTition

@Euglena Well maybe you spotted it on the way in and I didn't! Maybe you know a secret! MAYBE I just like to ask questions to, like, the general universal air particles while looking directly at someone I'm sitting with!

GOD, GET OFF MY BACK.

but seriously... do you know where the bathroom is?

laurel

@JoanTition Like Euglena says, it's over by the kitchen. You know, where the rest of the plumbing is.

LornaLoo

@Euglena I used to host a traveling band and their drummer would without fail, even if he'd been in my house 10 times before ask the question, "Do you have a bathroom?"

Not where is the bathroom, could you show me to the bathroom? But do you HAVE a bathroom. That memory never fails to make me smile.

Lily Rowan

@LornaLoo OH god, sometimes I do that and always feel like a jerk! OF COURSE THERE IS A BATHROOM.

Felicia

@Euglena There is a fondue place in Chicago that is set up like a freaking maze. Like, it's supposed to be really romantic with sweet little nooks and crannies to snuggle and eat fondue in (I guess? Fondue might be too messy for that.). But the bathroom is IMPOSSIBLE to find! And since I have a bladder the size of a walnut, I will inevitably have to go to the bathroom and stumble upon unsuspecting couples' nooks and crannies. You practically have to go in the kitchen to find the bathroom, but the kitchen is impossible to find. It's so embarrassing.

Also, "stumble upon unsuspecting couples' nooks and crannies" sounds really dirty, and I only half mean it the way it sounds.

MoonBat

@LornaLoo Why would you not take that opportunity to soberly shake your head while answering "No." in a sad tone?

LornaLoo

@Felicia UGH! GEJA'S! I don't understand how fondue is supposed to be sexy. I don't know about you, but I don't feel like getting down to nasty business after I've stuffed myself with a few pounds of melted cheese and bread.

LornaLoo

@MoonBat Once or twice I mentioned it was outside, behind the shed, and to the left, but then I realized he's slightly autistic and it was probably really mean of me.

Felicia

@LornaLoo Yes! My boyfriend and I went there for one Valentine's and one anniversary. Needless to say, Valentine's and anniversary magic did not happen either of those nights. The fondue is pretty tasty, though.

living internationally

@LornaLoo I did that to my friends when they threw us a surprise housewarming - turns out we did actually have a fully functioning toilet out there

frigwiggin

@LornaLoo My boyfriend's good friend does that, because for some reason he is just incredibly indirect with everything he does. He must verify that it exists before asking to use it, instead of just barging back there like the rest of us hooligans.

Eva@twitter

@Euglena I will ask others where the bathroom is (but usually after they've been), even if I can perfectly well find it myself. It's a sort of conversation topic, I guess. Or maybe I think it's a politer way of saying "I am going to go to the bathroom now." I don't even know....

Olivia2.0

@Euglena My mother and sister CONSTANTLY and REPEATEDLY throughout my/our entire lives have always turned to me in the middle of a NEW movie/TV show I have NEVER SEEN and asked:"Ohhhh, what happens next???".

I always give them an answer. But I'm always flabbergasted like I HAVEN'T SEEN THIS BEFORE BE QUIET.

Hellcat

@Olivia2.0 My sister is the opposite, kind of. If I'm watching something she's seen, she'll say, "That's the guy who [just two seconds ago, and perfectly visible to me!] drove the car into a waterfall" or "She's not really as nice as she seems now--just wait, you'll see." Yes, I will (or did already) see--stop it!

sorry for the convenience

@LornaLoo A customer at a bar I worked at once asked my co-worker if he knew where the bathroom was.

I was SO happy she hadn't asked me, because I definitely would have said "actually I don't!! If you find it, can you PLEASE let me know where it is? I've been working here for a year and I've had to pee SO BAD!"

jilt

@Olivia2.0@Hellcat That's my dad. He and I are often each others movie buddies when some awful new monster/alien flick comes out, since nobody else will see this trash with us. (For example, the last remake of "The Thing", "Battle: Los Angeles", etc.)

And every time we go, I'm reminded of how CRAZY it drives me that he does both of these things. He'll try to predict the movie, while also making sure I remember what happened a minute ago. I'm afraid we're ruining the quality cinema for the 5 other people in the theater.

TheDragon

@Euglena "I have no idea" Look around nervously "If you find it, let me know? please?"
That's my tactic. They go find the bathroom themselves. and FAST.

Nutmeg

@Hellcat AHHHH I am this person, and I hate it! I was watching the pilot for Dead Like Me with this dude the other day and in the first two minutes I just blurted out, "She gets killed by a toilet seat," and he is a normal person so he goes, "Oh, great, thanks for ruining that." I don't know, sometimes I just want to share things with people but I am too excited to wait!

Hellcat

@Nutmeg I have to say, I don't get too upset by being spoiled. It's just that I wonder if the people who do this think I'm a dope who can't get through a movie without them! And, to be fair, I probably drive my BF crazy by (A) leaving GoodFellas and Jaws on any time I find them, and (B) saying lines right before the actors do. But it's fun (especially, "Yeah, Nunzio up in... ECCHHH!")

whateverlolawants

@Felicia That sounds like all the Buca di Beppos ever.

sudden but inevitable betrayal

@Hellcat The thing that kills me is when people (my boyfriend) watch three minutes of a movie and then say, "I don't get it. What's happening?" MAYBE IF YOU SHUT UP YOU'LL FIND OUT. Jeeeeeeeez.

rivetingrosie

@Euglena I used to work at Borders (!!) in the cafe and EVERY DAY, EVERY 15 MINUTES, some customer would come up to me and ask where the bathroom was. There was literally a gigantic sign, visible from where I stood, that indicated where the bathrooms were. My co-workers and I would get so frustrated by having to answer this question (especially by impatient people who interrupted others in line just to ask this question) that we'd start responding in the snarkiest way possible: "It's right over where that huge sign is."

cimoreneismyspiritprincess

@lessis'more that straight up made my day....I am just imagining the flabbergasted looks.

mattewmc

something really beautiful.@t

allofthecrafts

I WISH I had that bathroom-finding superpower. Instead, I get to wander around all buildings looking very obviously lost and doing the gotta-pee dance.

Also, I REALLY want to hear the rest of "Let me explain New Jersey to you."

meetapossum

@allofthecrafts Me, too! How did he explain New Jersey?

MoonBat

@allofthecrafts I too want to hear The Explanation of New Jersey!
How could that possibly be said in any way that isn't pedantic and condescending and at least five other high-Scrabble-score words?!?!?

meetapossum

@MoonBat Right? Is he FROM New Jersey? Because then his explanation will have a completely different tone.

I usually sum NJ as, "New Jersey is like my family -- I can make fun of it because I'm from there. You're not allowed to."

evil melis

"It's shaped like California, but it isn't California. Very different, in fact. A lot of people don't know that, so don't worry or anything. The way you can tell them apart, is New Jersey is facing left and California is facing right on a map. Two different states. One big, one little. They look the same but they aren't. Another key difference is the size: California is significantly larger, space-wise. I could go on, so I will."

allofthecrafts

@meetapossum YES this sums up my feels about lovely NJ. I somehow harbor both love and loathing for it.

@evil melis oh lord that so perfectly conveys the condescending-pedantic-asshole-dude tone.

MoonBat

@evil melis <3<3<3 you, so much!

Canard

Giggling out loud in a coffee shop and resisting the urge to show the (very accurate) bit with the only-child guy to my only-child husband.

LurkiLoo

@Canard ha, totally sitting on my hands to not forward this to my only-child husband :-) Definitely on the nose!

bitzyboozer

Cool Water! Yes, that was definite middle school crush material.

allofthecrafts

@bitzyboozer "for all the bitches I might take home/I got the Johnson baby powder and Cool Water cologne"

Snoop liked it too.

diesel_vontrapp

@bitzyboozer I am only just remembering this, and it's so bizarre-- but for some reason my (all girls catholic) high school gave out samples of Cool Water to guys we brought to jr. prom. What??

girlandtonic

Oh god, my best friend and I came up with SO MANY CODE NAMES when were teens (and, still, now). My favourite, and really the only one that springs readily to mind was "Evil Lisa Simpson" for a sort of cute punk boy with liberty spikes (that were black, obvi).

stonefruit

@girlandtonic my friends and I had a bunch of these in law school. The two I remember the most clearly were O-Town (the surprisingly nice/cool guy with the asinine facial hair) and Stiffler (the mean bully guy who had weensy little pig-eyes like the guy in American Pie).

OH G-D I just remembered the series of them we had at choir camp one summer. Shower (because he needed one), Whistle That Only Dogs Hear (yes yes yes I read a lot of early Sassy), Turtle (deeply hot kid who had the solo in Turtledove), what was wrong with us for the love of all that is good and holy.

Bittersweet

@Gone Away Lass During my junior year abroad, my friends and I had huge crushes on "Aidan Quinn" and "Ricky Schoeder" but not huge crushes on "Greasy Steve Buscemi."

Ophelia

@Bittersweet Hee hee. I was at a friend's house for dinner the other night, and we were talking about a new coffee shop that opened. And this dude that was at dinner was like, "OH! Have you seen Poor Man's Andrew McCarthy who works there?" And he was totally right.

isitisabel

@girlandtonic I can only think of one, which my friend came up with in our freshman year of college. He was the Beautiful Man, and he sure was beautiful.

trappedinabay

@stonefruit - In high school, my friends on the newspaper staff and I came up with a code name for the artsy boy who drew our monthly comics. One day he came to the newspaper meeting with some soup, so we started referring to him as Soup. We thought we were being really clever about it and could even talk about him openly, right infront of him, and he'd have no idea. "Who's in the mood for some Soup??" "The Soup is really hot today. I like hot Soup." Mortifyingly, he was not a complete idiot and knew we were talking about him.

trappedinabay

@stonefruit - The Faucet was a guy I had a major crush on, and our first makeout session was an unmitigated disaster. Pinners, I needed to towel off my CHEEKS! My CHIN! It was like making out with an enthusiastic puppy!

yeah-elle

@girlandtonic Yesss. And codenames even for exes. My personal favorite is The Swede Who Burned Me.

Hellcat

@girlandtonic My friend Evan and I did this in college, each of us with distinct nicknaming styles (he would always just put "Boy" or "Lady" after whatever it was that made the person earn a nickname, and I would just add a Y to it). We had Necky for a guy with a very long neck, Bikey/Bike Boy (we couldn't agree, apparently), Mother Love Bone Boy, whose name we knew and who could have been given any number of not-flattering names instead (in fact, this one was not given to honor MLB but more to insult the guy because he was one of those "I was into them waaaaaaay before everyone else" types), Rudey because he was rude... I guess we were not very creative with our naming for anyone who didn't actually bother us, but those who did got "better" names. Our school's dean (I think) was the Zesty Olive, the office guy who told on us for climbing onto the student center roof was The Fun-Killer, and the jerky cafeteria guy, who we came to love eventually precisely because of his jerkiness, was Meanie Fettucine (we also made a song about him).

Oh, I also have The Pizza, who was a guy I was conflicted about dating even though he was a pretty great guy. I made a food analogy once trying to explain the situation to my sister (apparently, it's often food in my analogies) without revealing it was about me. And an ex sort-of-BF will forever be known to all of my friends (and current BF) as The Waverer.

Bretley

@girlandtonic Soooo many code names in college!! Even now, twenty years later (ahem) my girlfriends and I still joke about Yort Ni Sivel, the guy who worked in the convenience shop below said BFF's apartment... Troy in Levi's...man, he was fucking hot. Also roaming about campus were Steve Winwood, The Craze, Rubber Band Man, Sound Proof Dude, and Gary.

whateverlolawants

@Bretley "And Gary."

liznieve

@Bittersweet
"Greasy Steve Buscemi" might be redundant.

log lady

@girlandtonic My favorite ever code name for a guy: Shitty Pizza! It was invented to justify hooking up with a totally unacceptable dude. As in, sometimes all the good pizza places are closed but you're still hungry and you have to settle for Shitty Pizza!

pixieg

@isitisabel Aaaaa! I had my OWN Beautiful Man! No one else saw it, but he was bloody beautiful to me.

isitisabel

@pixieg Haha yeah, he was really more my friend's Beautiful Man than my Beautiful Man. He was certainly attractive, though.

Xanthophyllippa

@girlandtonic This reminds me of Giant Walking Sea Bass Boy, who rode the same bus I used to ride. Three years after I moved to the other side of town, I mentioned him in a conversation and got all set to explain and my friend was all, "OMG he rides the #5, right?!" RIGHT.

Katie Heaney

I love love love fake (real) superpowers! WHAT IS EVERYONE'S?? Mine are: knowing what my friends are going to wear before I see them that day, picking up my phone exactly when I am texted (well, that's maybe just...sadder) and having a vice-like grip disproportionate to the rest of my bodily strength.

erindubitably

@Katie Heaney OMG Fake superpowers! Mine is picking the exact right number of things I need (like paper clips, or envelopes) without looking/counting them out. But I can't be thinking about it beforehand or it... doesn't work?

Ophelia

@Katie Heaney Ooh, yes! Mine are: almost always knowing the time, down to a few minutes (I rarely even set an alarm, I just wake up at the time I need to), and fanatically remembering details when walking through new places.

Oh, and I can tell the sizes of drill bits to 1/16th of an inch by looking at them, but I think I learned that one, it's not really innate.

remargaret

@Katie Heaney I love superpowers too! Mine is being able to determine the song playing, in a crowded room, within the first 3 notes.

DianaPrince

@Katie Heaney Mine is knowing where everything is, but it only works in my own house. Wallet? Under the chair in the bedroom. Sunglasses? In my other purse in the back of the coat closet. It even works for things that don't get used often, like sticky-tac (in a smaller box in the green box on the bookshelf.)

My other one is knowing where people's silverware drawers are without asking.

laurel

@Katie Heaney My superpowers are naming dogs (Dioggi [fake phonetic Italian for d.o.g.], Ned, Humphrey), telling you what a cloud is shaped like ("plesiosaur", "cauliflower", "airedale") and parallel parking (uphill, downhill, on either side of the street, with just inches to spare; I learned to drive in a Dodge Dart in San Francisco).

queenieliz

@Katie Heaney my fake superpower is being able to cut a pound of butter into perfect increments, down to the half ounce....

SarcasticFringehead

@Katie Heaney I can do bill/tip math, even (especially?) when drunk. The problem is that I don't like to boss everybody around, so I don't insist on it, but I can split a check between seven people, who ordered drinks and appetizers both during and after happy hour, three of whom are paying with cash and four with cards, in about five minutes.

I can also wake my husband up three minutes before his alarm goes off, no matter when he sets it, but that's more of a supervillain power.

Katie Heaney

@queenieliz I love these all, they are so incredibly specific and useful at very particular times, ESPECIALLY this butter one.

gin twin

@Katie Heaney and everyone: Very Mild Superpowers! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ghxnKDBadSk
Mine is always knowing the correct temperature outside.

insouciantlover

@Katie Heaney I'm really good at picking out clothes for other people.... which sounds kind of lame but I swear, I've helped out friends with Outfit Emergencies before.

Also I'm really good at scoring drugs but that's all about being persistent.

Ophelia

@SarcasticFringehead With our powers combined, we could be Captain AlarmClock.

noodge

@Katie Heaney I can always remember directions, like how to get back someplace, years after I've been there. maybe forever. as long as I had to actually figure it out once before, like I was the one driving or walking or biking there once before.

I also magically forget everyone's name as soon as they tell it to me. But that seems like less of a magical power than a magical failure.

teaandcakeordeath

@Katie Heaney
I have extraordinary powers of facial recognition of celebrities. When I watch tv and I see an actor/actress who looks familiar, within ten minutes my brain will remember that they had one line in 10 Things I Hate About You or something.
Though I suppose I dont need this power any more now that imdb exists. Damn technology!

Megasus

@Katie Heaney Mine are if I have been to a place at least once, I will know my way around it forever (very handy when traveling), and every time I go to a restaurant it gets busy right after I arrived. My dog has this superpower where he knows when someone is calling me EVEN WHEN THE PHONE IS OFF.

MoonBat

@Katie Heaney Yay for superpowers, especially totally useless ones! I am exceedingly good at Crane Games, and at singing a song and then turning on the radio only to have that exact song be playing.

collier

@erindubitably : YES. ME TOO. We should start a club. I bet we could both instantly grab the proper number of sign-up sheets and logo jackets.

Fat Apollo

@Katie Heaney my boyfriend is very proud of his superpower, the ability to state the obvious.

Carrie Ann

@Katie Heaney I think I have three!

1) If I set a timer when I'm baking or something, I will get up to check on it less than a minute before it goes off.

2) I'm really good at thinking up last-minute Halloween costume ideas for people.

3) I have a really intense scream that I think could be recorded as like a canned soundclip for movies. I learned about this talent by working in a haunted house freshman year of high school with some of my classmates. I was in the first room of the haunted house, and my scream would alert everyone else that people were coming through.

Later, we had a freshmen retreat and for some reason as like an ice breaker they had a screaming contest. Some of the Mean Girls in my group wanted to be the designated screamer but this Super Cool Guy who'd worked the haunted house with me shot them all down and insisted that I do it. He promised that I was going to win, which I totally did and then I crushed on him for the rest of high school.

fizzle

@Katie Heaney I also know where everything is! And I guess this is sort of photographic memory-style shit, but I know where a sentence is in a book if I've read it once, like, I'll flip to the approximate part of the book and run my eyes down the page, and BAM, the sentence I was just telling someone about that was sooooooooo good. It's not really that useful.

Also the knowing-where-everything is superpower is great because sometimes in the morning, when I'm lying in bed with the covers over my eyes and my boyfriend is banging around in the kitchen, he'll be like, Oh MY GOD where is the last garlic clove, and I'll be like, second cabinet from the fridge, middle shelf, all the way to left in the very back corner. And then he is less annoyed briefly.

living internationally

@gin twin Yay for David O Doherty!

AniaGosia

@teenie I have the directions superpower too! And (maybe you have this too!) the ability to always know which direction is which, even when hiking deep in the woods. I can also pour out a bottle of wine into equals portions on the first try. My husband can forecast the weather days in advance!

JoanTition

@Katie Heaney
I can tell what celebrity is doing a voice over on a commercial in a matter of moments
successfully hum/sing along to a song AS I'm hearing it for the first time
have almost photographic memory about reoccurring strangers which makes me feel super creepy because it's like.. semi-stalker level information I can provide about people without even knowing them

...and I always have pot.

DianaPrince

@fizzle My super knowing-where-everything-is power is ALSO mostly used by my boyfriend! Unfortunately it has gotten him into the habit of never even bothering to look for things, and he will call me in the middle of the day to ask where the printer paper is, without bothering to look for it, or ask me where multiple things (of his!) are when I'm still trying to sleep in the morning. Sigh... with great power, comes great responsibility.

DianaPrince

@Katie Heaney Oh! I thought of another one: I always pick exactly the right size tupperware to put leftovers in.

lue
lue

@Katie Heaney. I can find four leaf clovers. Inherited magic power from my dad. Like, sometimes by searching, but often while walking the dog or something, I just glance over and there it is. I started saving them in a book 2 years ago, to keep track, and so far I have almost 200.

And @fizzle, the book thing is perfect. I always search around, fail to find the passage I'm looking for, then do a lousy attempt at a paraphrase. I feel like yours is real magic.

frigwiggin

@Katie Heaney Like Esther, I am an incredibly efficient eater. Those bones? Those crabshells? Picked CLEAN AS CAN BE. This is a source of family pride, because we are all of us bone-gnawers. This is related to my power of eating anything, even things that maybe aren't meant to be eaten. (Cartilage, gristle...paper wrappers...)

Katie Heaney

@lue WHOA. THAT IS AMAZING.

living internationally

@Katie Heaney I'm a printer whisperer - if ever it looks like it's going to spew reams of paper and ink at you just call me and I'll step in in a Robert Redford/Nicholas Evans way and make it all alright.

erindubitably

@collier And (just) enough pens for everyone!!

I smell burnt toast

@lue SERIOUSLY?? Might you be a wizard?

Chesty LaRue

@Katie Heaney I remember EVERYTHING, like creepy remembering 7th grade crush's birthday everything. Which is actually a very helpful superpower for the most part, even though it freaks people out sometimes.

My dad is an expert dice-roller, which always comes in handy when he's playing craps, or I'm on his team in trivial pursuit and the other team can't get to the pie squares and we can! Mwahahah

okaycrochet

@Katie Heaney I can assign perfect animal and/or celebrity dopplegangers to strangers (and some acquaintances who are just too obvious to ignore).
I can also open any romance novel to a sex scene. I inherited this power from my dad, who would open at random EVERY book my grandmother gave me as a child, show me a few lines on the page, say "Yeah... you're not reading this," and call his mom to chew her out. LOVE.

highfivesforall

@fizzle Ooh, I have a complementary power to your book sentence one! I rarely remember how far into a book a particular sentence is, but I remember almost exactly where it is on the page, and which side. So I scan through the pages, looking at the same spot on each, and find the quote I wanted that way.

I also have the one where I know where everything is in my house, and can tell the boyfriend while still mostly asleep. And like @xx-xx-xx, my power is often abused.

highfivesforall

@okaycrochet You know, that last one is probably related to the fact that people tend to reread the sex scenes, so the binding is creased more at those pages, so the book is more likely to fall open at them. So it is more of a superpower of books!

bellekaren

@Chesty LaRue
I remember everything, too! People get mad at me over it pretty often though, so I pretend I don't.

Katie Heaney

@bellekaren YES! I wonder if there is something to being able to remember everything about everyone else that makes you unable to remember anything from your own life...anyone else have that problem?? ............orrrr

Megasus

@highfivesforall I have never done this. Do people do this?

candybeans

WHOA i love this game!! I also have a creepy memory for details about people I don't know well/strangers ("oh, yeah, you went to Yale, right? You were wearing that tshirt in the gym that one time." "...yikes"). I sort of have perfect pitch? but that doesn't mean I can *sing* perfectly in pitch; I can just pluck a middle C out of thin air if given a second. I'm also pretty entertained by sorting out where i've seen someone before and what famous person someone looks like, but i don't know if i'd say i'm good at the latter. **I** think i'm amazing at it.

whizz_dumb

@Katie Heaney I find folded up receipts to my purchases months or years later and they seem to appear from nowhere but at appropriate/meaningless times. Yesterday I bought my second pair of awesome jeans (different superpower) from this store Slash. This morning I found the receipt for the first pair I bought there last August. It was on the floor of my car right by the brake pedal. I don't get it.

highfivesforall

@Megano! You mean rereading the sex scenes? I think that is actually a superpower of...internet-deprived pleasure seekers? Teenage girls who can't get a hold of anything better?

Hellcat

@Katie Heaney I ruin electronics by just being near them. It's a terrible power to have. I can also smell anything and everything, which is also no fun. But, on the bright side, I am one of those small-but-strangely-strong people. I think that comes from living alone and not being patient enough to wait for anyone to come help me do something that requires two people.

Chesty LaRue

@bellekaren People don't often get mad at me for my superpower. Please elaborate

aubrey!

@Katie Heaney I can always find a good deal in Targets. No matter when or where, I always seem to walk out with a $5 purse or $7 dress. This may have to do with how often I go to Target, though.

Also, when people are talking about movies and they are like "the one girl with the hair who was in that movie with the dog" (fake example), I always know who they are talking about.

And I have a very good memory when I'm actually paying attention--like, almost photographic good. But I usually don't pay attention.

PistolPackinMama

@Katie Heaney I can mix dyes/paints/inks and not need to measure proportions to get a color match. Which, if you are a dyer or ran out of paint for a project is useful, but pretty much never after.

I am a very, very good manual transmission driver- I mean, you learn how, of course, but I didn't have much stalling-crunchking when learning, and now people will sometimes not even notice I am driving stick.

And I can pack your kitchen with an efficiency and neatness that you would not even believe.

laurel

@Katie Heaney Re @Queenieliz's butter cutting superpower: extra appealing as a superpower because you just know she's baking stuff with that precision butter.

katiethegreat

@Katie Heaney I can always skip the credits in tv shows to the exact right moment, especially while watching Parks and Rec. It is quite impressive, if indicative of an excessive online-TV watching habit.

Gwdihw

@Katie Heaney

I can shake out exactly two ibuprofen from a bottle even if it's totally full and doesn't have any sort of cap that restricts an outpouring of pills!

remargaret

@candybeans Somewhat related to your "creepy details about strangers," I noticed this girl on my morning walk who walks a distinctively tiny dog, and one day I passed her and a friend of hers was introducing her to someone else. I accidentally caught the whole thing, and now I can't NOT remember that her name is Nina Choudry, she went to Kenyon, and was a ZTA. Nina, if you're on the Hairpin, sorry for freaking you out by knowing that.

Faintly Macabre

@lue I had to check your little profile to see if you were my friend! I think she found at least 7 last summer and had at least 3 by June this year. It makes her boyfriend really jealous.

I can remember what I wore to pretty much every memorable occasion since 6th grade, like school dances, graduations, job interviews, birthdays... If it's someone else's event, I usually remember what they wore for years onwards, which is how I know that one of my best friends wore the same dress to 3 birthday parties and New Year's Eve, and why I am neurotic about repeating clothes.

I also remember dogs' names for years after meeting them once. However, I can't remember my own relatives' names or how they're related to me. Luckily, my sister's weird skill is basically having our entire family tree and their life stories memorized, so I tell her what to wear and she tells me who is about to start talking to us!

Inkling

@lue
Ooh, my superpower is also four leaf clovers! I will crush on anyone who is impressed by my clover finding, not much luck yet. My theory is because I am also a very fast reader so I can visually process efficiently; is the same true for you?

I also have the superpower of getting song lyrics stuck in my head that I gradually become aware of, and realize are relevant to whatever personal problem I'm working on. It's like the musical left brain is giving the logical right brain advice (that's probably not how brains work).

queenieliz

@lue would it be possible to maybe barter with you for some lucky clovers? I could provide you with perfectly proportioned pays of butter...

PistolPackinMama

@queenieliz Do either of you need some perfectly mixed ink/paint/dye?

TheDragon

@teenie ARE YOU ME? The remembering directions/forgetting names thing? You are me, aren't you>

My other talent is animal names. I never forget an animal's name. I'll have no idea of the owners name, but will know the owners name.
Also, you Pinners have convinced me that my man finding skills are extraordinary. I'll take it.
I also inherited two awesome ones from my dad, and one from my mom. From my dad I got an IRON stomach (food poisoning and motion sickness don't exist for us) and crazy endurance, even when we are out of shape. From my mom I got a hard core bitchface, that will keep my airplane/bus row empty even when every other seat is taken.
My not awesome skill? I can lose anything. ANYTHING. From keys to cars.

simalie

@Katie Heaney I don't have any special superpowers (sad trombone) but my friend has the ability to tell exactly what a person is like from a photograph. Seriously, people he has never met, and he'll tell you what they're like in relationships, their personality, their vices. It is amazing!

Queen of Pickles

@Katie Heaney Choosing the exact right tupperware container for big pots of soup/curry/rice whatever, so that it fills up exactly to the top but never over.

When I was a kid I always predicted coin tosses wrong. It got so that my brother always wanted me to be the coin-toss-guesser whenever he and I flipped for something. I finally lost patience and got him to flip over and over (throwing the coin in the air) and guessing it in the air. I guessed it wrong 12 times in a row... and then refused to guess any more. I didn't have to flip him after that.

Inkling

@simalie
CHARLIE BONE

simalie

@Inkcrafter I never read the series, though my brother loved it. Is that kind of what he does? Wikipedia just tells me that he can travel into photos (?).

p.s. I like your profpic!

Inkling

@simalie
It was a stretch, but Charlie could hear the pieces of conversation going on before the photo was taken, which is kinda how I pictured your friend figuring things out.
It's a really good series and you should totally borrow the books--dunno if it holds up to the test of time, but I remember it being very imaginative and sweet. Also, Uncle Paton was a foxy fox.
Oh and thanks :) Derpy Hooves 5ever

Myrtle

@frigwiggin Yes to bone-gnawing, sadly mine was due to being hungry as a kid...
My regular superpower is that I always know when someone is going to change lanes next to me. Even if they haven't looked back or moved from the center of their lane, or signaled. I'm also good at recognizing singers and songs quickly, but this like other superpowers has been rendered obsolete by technology.

mustelid

@Katie Heaney Mine are:

1) Lighting cigarettes without breaking stride.
2) Leaving really difficult shots for the next player in pool. (Getting balls in would be good too but hey I'll take what I can get.)

anachronistique

@candybeans I can do the almost-perfect-pitch thing, but it's from years of playing violin so I can give you an A, D, G or E. So maybe my superpower is tuning string instruments?

Also, I look like I know where I'm going at all times. I get asked for directions a lot. (I often cannot give them.)

Atheist Watermelon

@Hellcat oh my god, we have the same superpowers (ruining electronics- ALSO PLANTS- just by being near them, and a really really sensitive nose, which really, really sucks when you have a roommate who douses himself head-to-toe in AXE bodyspray every time he leaves the apartment)- I didn't think that was possible!!

I also have the magical ability to completely forget how to get somewhere, even if I've been there a thousand times. I will ALWAYS turn in exactly the opposite direction from the one in which I need to go; I have no sense of direction, and even in NYC, which is probably one of the easiest places in which to find your way around, every... single... time I get off the subway, I have to stand there looking in all directions for street signs, align myself, and go Never... Eat... Soggy... Waffles before walking anywhere.

Heat Signature

@Katie Heaney I can guess the correct time with a two-minute margin of error.

Killerpants

@Katie Heaney I can recognize celebrity voiceovers in movies, commercials, whatever. I'm really good at it, and I have no idea why because I'm not excessively steeped in pop culture or movies or teevee or anything. I can also make my eyes vibrate back and forth really fast. It's very creepy and make me feel kind of queasy, so I don't do it often. Usually only to impress small children.

crane your neck

@Queen of Pickles Jealous of your Tupperware talents.

oboe-d-amore

@Hellcat I kind of do this too, but mostly I just turn off street lights by walking under or near them. Occasionally I can turn them on too, but mostly just off.

Verity

@katiethegreat I can change the channel when the adverts start, and change back just as the break ends and the programme is beginning again. My sister and I also like to watch films on television when one is on a channel an hour behind the other (like E4 and E4+1) and keep flicking from one to the other in the breaks, putting all the bits into a seamless whole in our minds.

Inkling

@oboe-d-amore
UNCLE PATON!!

Hellcat

@Didldidi Yup, same superpowers, apparently. I too can get lost coming out of a mall bathroom just five minutes after going in.

@oboe-d-amore I was in a remote-taught (if that's a term) InDesign class today with two coworkers. Guess whose classroom lost its internet three times?

lue
lue

@Inkcrafter
I am a semi fast reader, but I have always thought that my clover finding is related to me also being good at magic eye pictures! We had a big one in my bathroom as a child, and I could see the hidden picture in the mirror, even.

PistolPackinMama

@lue I can time a meal perfectly, so that all the things are ready when it's supposed to be time to eat. Except roasts. I struggle with large hunks of meat. (heh heh)

Punk-assBookJockey

@fizzle I also have these powers! They are very useful. But I still lose things sometimes... I guess I don't often watch myself set my keys or phone down. It's also really helpful for finding your way around, because I remember what intersections look like or where there was a Target or whatever.

remargaret

@Katie Heaney Just found a timely book ! Check out the first bullet point in "Unrecognized Awesomeness." Haircut!

Ophelia

I didn't even get to the 2nd comic yet, just had to come down to say:

1. TOTALLY did that in lectures in college, which is why a perfectly nice guy is forever "brown teddy bear guy" in my head; and
2. When I was in high school, for some reason my best friend and I referred to this guy I had a crush on as "toothpaste" - and I can't remember why AT ALL. We then dated for 3 years.

Leanne

@Ophelia Did you keep calling him toothpaste once he was elevated to boyfriend status? I love this.

Ophelia

@Leanne Only occasionally, and never to his face :)

I smell burnt toast

@Ophelia In my university dining hall, there was The Sim (from the computer game The Sims. He just looked like a Sim, somehow) and Graceful Al, because he carried his tray gracefully.

This is a particularly charming edition of The League of Ordinary Ladies, I must say.

living internationally

@Ophelia Peanut - thankfully he grew his hair back

frigwiggin

@Ophelia I did the animal thing at a work meeting the other day, mostly because it's kind of alarming how cartoonishly like animals a few of my coworkers appear. There's no way to say this to anybody without offending them, though.

Chesty LaRue

@I smell burnt toast Oooooh, another superpower I have is to create Sims that look EXACTLY like me and people I know. I think it makes the game more interesting, personally.

JoanTition

My mom can tell by TASTE the color of a peanut M&M.
I have no idea how she does it
either she's a lying liar with a gullible daughter
OR she's a witch.

(also: I'm a huge fan birth order!!!!! maybe it's a middle child thing?)

travelmugs

@JoanTition Me too (the birth order thing, not M&Ms). In my friend group, every single one of my romantically-linked friends is in an oldest-youngest relationship.

insouciantlover

@travelmugs Literally every boyfriend I've ever had except one (so like, a lot) have been youngest children. And I'm the oldest of two with a younger brother. Love that birth order shit!

noodge

@travelmugs That's so funny! almost everyone I know is a matched birth order thing (mr. teenie and myself are both youngest, my parents are both youngest, my sister and her spouse are both oldest, etc..."

TheUnchosenOne

@JoanTition I think she's a lying liar! While it is definitely possible to tell the difference between holiday and regular M&Ms (my dad and I can do this, or could anyway, and we proved it with a blind taste test), I am super skeptical about telling the color.

JoanTition

@TheUnchosenOne
I have spent approx. 22 of my 28 years trying to figure out how she does it. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND. It's crazy!

The only thing I can tell by taste is when something has mushrooms in it
BECAUSE I HATE THEM

stephanieboland

@travelmugs There's birth-order relationship theories?! Well, it seems my bedtime has just morphed into googletime...

okaycrochet

@teenie He-man and I are both the second oldest with three sisters. WEIRD.
I am a firm believer in birth order-- Little Women and Meet Me In St. Louis made me realize that as the second oldest, I was definitely the star of my own life-- and that my loathing/love of my youngest sister was totally a scientific phenomenon, not an irrational vendetta.
BUT SERIOUSLY GUYS, she is such a brat.
Also, when the sister immediately younger than myself got cancer, I was like OH MY GOD BETH OKAY MY LIFE IS LITTLE WOMEN. Except she hasn't died yet, so whewf.

rhubarb

@JoanTition me tooo. about the birth order thing. almost everyone close to me in my life (boyfriends and bffs) are middle children. both my parents are middle children. yet i'm an only child. i think it's some longing to have multiple siblings and all the sibling angst that comes with it.

meetapossum

I sometimes like to mess with people who guess my birth order because I'm both an only child and a youngest (mom's only, dad's baby). I was told once that I'm not like an only child...I think it was supposed to be some kind of compliment.

New Commenter Name

@meetapossum
I have been told several times that I don't seem like an only child, pretty much any time the subject comes up people react with surprise. Yeah, what's up with that? People think it's supposed to be a compliment...? What are they really saying, "Oh! You don't SEEM like a self absorbed asshole!" ??? (because that's the impression I get, that only children are perceived that way)

TheLetterL

@Curiouser and curiouser I get "You don't SEEM like an only child" a lot, too, and I interpret it the same as you guys. :(

Lily Rowan

@Curiouser and curiouser ALL THE TIME. It makes me crazy.

WhiskeySour

@Curiouser and curiouser Yep. It's rather annoying.

Roxanne Rholes

@meetapossum Haha, I get this too. I think it's because while some parents spoil, other parents decide that since the kid is outnumbered, she should just be treated like an adult.

Genghis Khat

@Curiouser and curiouser Yeah, I've heard that, which surprises me, since my association with only children is that they are extremely generous. Like, "I like that scarf!" "Oh, you can have it!" generous.

I assume this is because they never had to compete with anyone for resources and don't have a lot of anxiety about keeping/storing things. But I could be off base.

plumb-bob

@Genghis Khat I think you're right about the competition for resources thing. I'm one of four and I often find I have to battle my selfish, hoarding instincts (particularly around food) which stem from a deep-seated fear that if I don't grab now it I'll miss out.

MrsLlama

My college BFF and I are the QUEEN/KINGS (Rulers?) of nicknames. Sometimes we have nicknames for people that we no longer remember what they meant, because they are like...puns of the original nickname that actually made sense like 10 years ago.

When I first met my husband, said friend code-named him Cusack (because he looks like him so that's not that good) and Manwich (I do not recall why, but this stuck).

My fave was this guy we called Urban Suburban (again, don't remember why but it sounds so cool!). And this girl we called The Unfortunate Incident because she was always being really awkward and doing embarrassing things in front of large groups of people.

Ophelia

@MrsLlama My husband calls one of his best friends T-MOF (for The Myth of Fingerprints), and I'm not sure why. But now, in my head, I always refer to HER husband as "Special Sauce" because I think "T-MOF and Special Sauce" sounds really funny.

Giggling to myself now. I'll just be over here in the corner.

remargaret

@MrsLlama My favorite nickname was for a guy who went by his initials, RNA. I exclusively called him "Clay," for RibonuCLEic acid, obviously.

MrsLlama

@remargaret OMG that is so good.

erindubitably

@MrsLlama I remember in high school we called my best friend's crush 'Trash Can' and I have NO IDEA why. And I think mine was called Batman? Again, can't remember any reason why he would've been gifted with that lofty moniker.

sudden but inevitable betrayal

@MrsLlama When I first met my boyfriend's friends, I was introduced to one guy whose name sounded like V-Tach. I've watched a fair bit of ER in my day ("he's going into v-fib! V-tach!" etc), so I figured it was a nickname and he was a doctor or something. Turned out, it's Polish and it's his name. Whoooooooops.

wee_ramekin

So what you're admitting with Guy # 3 is that you went to school with Benedict Cumberbatch.

SarcasticFringehead

@wee_ramekin I see him as more of a bemused brown horse. Or an otter.

wee_ramekin

@SarcasticFringehead Or as the father of my children. Any of those, really.

sarah girl

@SarcasticFringehead THIS IS THE BEST THING

SarcasticFringehead

@Sarah H. This may also be relevant to your interests.

New Commenter Name

I like the color on the last one!

bitzyboozer

It bums me out that people always do the "You're totally an only child" thing when someone's being a total juicebox. We're not all monsters!

ironhoneybee

@bitzyboozer You know who's a monster? The guy who posted that 'Real Eyes Realize Real Lies' thing.

Bittersweet

@ironhoneybee A very tame monster that engenders major eye-rolling instead of terrified screams.

russell brandom

I am going to start pointing at people and yelling, "haircut!"

HAIRCUT!

Nutmeg

I have this tendency to give EVERYONE I date/sleep with a nickname in my head. There's been Bar Boy, Funeral Boy, Downstairs, Big Penis (BP in polite company, I later referred to him as The Hippie and then as My Gentleman Caller), and probably others I'm forgetting. Last summer I was sleeping around a lot and it was easier to say Downstairs than Mike, and have them go, "Wait, who?"

My current gentleman caller came with a built-in nickname, so I'm all set!

LornaLoo

@Nutmeg Oh I get that.
There was Manic-Depressive Matthew, the Queerly Canadian, IMDB, The Mormon... the list goes on for me.

MoonBat

@Nutmeg I used to do this, too! And it's slightly rude, sometimes, though my version of BP was called "Pringles" (the size/shape of the can?) so I don't know that anyone but me and my roommate got the joke.

Ophelia

@LornaLoo Hahahha, a friend of mine once dated a guy we called "Marginally Mormon Mike"

Oh, and I once dated a guy for a while who I (and all my co-workers) referred to exclusively as Mysterious Hat Guy.

Does Axl have a jack?

@Nutmeg Alas, I haven't had anyone nicknamed BP or Pringles, but I did have the opposite: The One Who Didn't Count. He is legendary under that moniker.

bitzyboozer

@LornaLoo Queerly Canadian is giving me a gigglefit.

LornaLoo

@bitzyboozer That one is certainly my favorite. The worst part about it is I run into him all the time and I don't always remember his name right away, but I ALWAYS remember Queerly Canadian.

Steph

@Nutmeg Off the top of my head: Good Scott (not to be confused with Bad Scott), Things White People Like Nick and 42% Vietnamese Boy.

Inkling

@LornaLoo
I paused mid hair-combing and KNEW the manic-depressed Matthew in my life was your Manic-Depressive Matthew, and how had a solid ring to it but it was very bullyish, and then I felt very defensive, and then I realized I know like eight Matthews and it's a pretty common name.
That said, it does have a nice ring to it.

LornaLoo

@Inkcrafter Who knows... we could have the same Matthew. Mine is a musician. He broke my heart, as I am sure he's broken many-a-heart, and possibly yours. The bullish nature of the nickname comes from a place of deep pain, no doubt.

remargaret

@LornaLoo I had Hot Chris and Tiny Kevin. The Hot Chris was because I knew a lot of Chris's, but Kevin was so small that it was just a superlative. He even called himself that!

Inkling

@LornaLoo
Ohhh okay, mine is a screenwriter and not a heartbreaker in the traditional sense, just in the close-friends-and-mother-are-so-worried-about-him sense. I am very relieved! Bully your Matthew all you want, he sounds like a toooool.

ETA Unless he is literally manic-depressive, and then... kinda mean? But he was mean to you and you're a 'Pinner, thus, awesome, sucks to him.

mustelid

@Nutmeg My favorite big penis nickname is "Baby Arm"

charlesbois

Did the last few panels suddenly have random color? B/c that is neat.

rachelrachel

Codenames are ESSENTIAL.

byrdfish

I can't see the first two images! Damn you little X's!

teaandcakeordeath

I have a theory that Cool Water is a love potion. Or it was in 2005 and has stopped working. I know of entire relationships based on Cool Water!

fondue with cheddar

I used to give code names to all the guys I dated, much to the amusement of my much older and married coworkers.* There was Cloudy, Ankle Bracelet Guy, Buttcrack, Soup Guitar Guy, Trailer Park Guy...man, just thinking about this makes me want to make up code names for everyone I've dated, not just the ones I dated during that four-year span.

frigwiggin

@jen325 I am doing this retroactively with the few guys I dated in college, because sometimes I forget their real names, or their names aren't worth remembering? Girlfriend Guy, Deathmetal Guy, Flatiron Guy, Smoochy.

(What's the story with Cloudy? Wait, no, Buttcrack, I want to hear about Buttcrack.)

Llllauren

@frigwiggin Buttcrack! I want to hear about Buttcrack, too.

fondue with cheddar

@frigwiggin @Llllauren Buttcrack! So you thought online dating was bad? Back before the Internet became so pervasive, I actually did the newspaper personal ad thing. There was this one guy who seemed really nice and we hit it off on the phone. He was a firefighter, and he did tell me his height and weight. For some reason I pictured this really muscular, hunky guy. So anyway, we made plans to meet. We met at Denny's (no, seriously...Denny's) in the parking lot. He described his car, so I knew it was him when I saw the car. I walked over to it and realized the picture I'd built in my head was completely wrong. He wasn't muscular, he was just overweight. (Not to disparage people who are overweight, because that would make me a hypocrite! He just didn't look like what I was expecting.) He really dressed for the occasion, too, in a navy blue firefighter t-shirt and navy blue work pants. I don't know if it was a sort of uniform or if it just looked like one, but it wasn't exactly date-wear (though it was Denny's). Anyway, after I very politely introduced myself, he turned around and bent over to get something from his car. And that's when I saw it...a good 6 inches of buttcrack. He didn't even wear a belt to our first date! So we had an awkward dinner, as these types of dates usually go, and although he was very sweet I just couldn't get over the fact that he didn't even try to look nice and make a good impression. At the end of the date I told him he was a nice guy, but I couldn't help being a little intimidated because of the size difference (I was a tiny 5-foot, 120 lbs, and he was well over 6 feet and weighed a hell of a lot more). I think he understood, or at least he pretended to. I felt bad, but was easier than telling him it was because of his sloppy appearance, and I didn't want him to say he'd dress better next time if I give him another chance. I hope this doesn't make me seem shallow.

@frigwiggin Cloudy just smoked a lot of pot.

fondue with cheddar

@frigwiggin Did Flatiron Guy straighten his hair? And did Girlfriend Guy have a girlfriend or was he like a girlfriend? Or something else?

frigwiggin

@jen325 Oh, Buttcrack. I kind of hope he got himself together! (And you're not shallow to want someone to try to present themselves well on a first date.)

Flatiron Guy DID straighten his hair, and it was kind of my fault because at that point in my college career I did too, excessively. And his hair was naturally quite curly but when he flatironed it he had sort of boy-band floppy 90s hair that, now that I look back, really wasn't the best look for him.

And yeah, Girlfriend Guy apparently had a girlfriend back home, and also wasn't really a catch other than being the first guy in my wee inexperienced college life to take an interest. Fortunately we didn't do much before I found out. None of my stories are nearly as interesting as yours--I haven't really dated a lot.

fondue with cheddar

@frigwiggin I hope he did, too!

Flatiron Guy! I've got a weakness for curly floppy hair (most likely because of Michael Hutchence) so that definitely would have been a minus for me.

Did you find out that Girlfriend Guy had a girlfriend after the fact? What a jerk! I had one of those, too.

Oh, I've got stories. I've dated a lot: long-term, short-term, blind/internet/newspaper dates, wingwoman double-dates, you name it. I've dated guys 18 years older and 11 years younger. I've dated professionals and trailer trash. I've dated guys who turned out to be gay. I've dated a Christian camp counselor who was saving sex for marriage, a Jehovah's witness with very strict parents, and a pastor's son. I've also dated an alcoholic, a meth addict, a stalker, a rapist, and a con artist. Oh, and a guy who was under house arrest (AKA Ankle Bracelet Guy). I'd better stop now or I'll never get any work done. So many stories!

fondue with cheddar

@jen325 I just reread your comment and I see that you did find out GG had a girlfriend after the fact. So I will say again: What a jerk! Thank goodness you found out when you did.

frigwiggin

@jen325 I won't ask you for more stories. I will just sit at your feet with a starry look in my eyes.

fondue with cheddar

@frigwiggin Some of the stories may be fun (or at the very least interesting), but living them was not always fun! I do sort of want to write "88 Lines about 44 Men" lyrics, though.

rebecca the brave

@jen325 When I first started dating my boyfriend, i called him "Interobang" to my friends due to his tendency to use them in text messages?! he was always so surprised and excited!?

Now we don't even punctuate. The thrill is gone?! (I kid?!)

fondue with cheddar

@fancyschmancy That's adorable?!

Xanthophyllippa

@jen325 Pretty much my reaction when I read "his tendency to use them in text messages," in fact.

rebecca the brave

for REAL: I have birth-order superpower too! I get it right MOST of the time, and always when someone is an eldest. But I have a pretty major conviction that in my life, birth order matters. I am an eldest who flocks, naturally, to other eldests. I think it's because you don't have to worry that you're being bossy, because they are being bossy too, and so no one will notice.

It is true that I often have difficulty with people who I later find out are youngest children. Unfortunately, i can be too forthcoming about this at parties when i have had some drinks.

wee_ramekin

@fancyschmancy UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH youngests, amirite? (brought to you by an Eldest Sibling Underappreciated by All, Especially her Youngest Sibling)

Naw, Youngests, I kid. Y'all are exactly as special and lovable as you think you are. ;o)

frigwiggin

@wee_ramekin Wahhhhh, you hurt my feelings! I'm telling and then someone has to rock and comfort me because I take myself too seriously. (Yeah, we are the worst. I take solace in the fact that my older brother is having trouble getting his act together, though, and thus is not conforming to the Elder Sibling stereotype. We're both terrible!)

redheaded&crazy

@wee_ramekin eldest sibling high five. YOUNGER SIBLINGS. SO DIFFICULT. OH MY GOD. RIGHT.

I mean, I love them. But I just worry insanely about them in a way that I don't think it would even occur to them to reciprocate. especially my brother. but ESPECIALLY my sister. but. especially my brother.

frigwiggin

@redheaded&crazie *pouts, cries, needs attention*

Though my older brother is the one that the whole family worries about. I'm not sure he's ever needed to worry about me (except maybe to worry that I'm not as intellectually gifted as he is because he listens to difficult music).

Carrie Ann

These are so good, Esther. I especially loved Bike Guy and that you googled the pills right in front of him. You are a delight.

Also! My friend dated a guy in college for a bit who was a total mess in most ways but HIS special super power was identifying people's "spirit animals" (like you did with Happy Brown Horse). It was incredible. It was partially looks and partially personality, but his pronouncements were always so accurate. He was actually a little embarrassed about how good he was at it, how naturally and automatically it came to him. Like, we'd just point at someone and say, "What about her?" And he'd say, "Baby panda bear!" "What about him?" "Water buffalo!"

TheMnemosyne

My superpower is detecting when people have the Crazy Eyes. I have never ever been wrong yet.

Esther C. Werdiger

@TheMnemosyne
Valuable!

stephanieboland

So many university nicknames that have come and gone- Sneaky Ed, Harmonica James- and regular names that are prefixed by 'slightly racist' or 'slightly creepy'. My favourite is King Prawn; I have no idea who came up with it or why it so suits the gentleman in question, but it's immaculate.

We also have house nicknames. The one I lived in last year, for instance, was Tuscany House, due to a print of a Tuscan field the landlady had put up. Does anyone else nickname communal residences?

New Commenter Name

@stephanieboland
No, but I name my cars.

Amy Rosenbaum@twitter

@stephanieboland My three-lady household in Boston was "the Venus Man Trap." Our house number was 69.

BuffyBot

@stephanieboland My last house was "Cuckoo Run" since the apartment complex came up in t9 as cuckoo, and my current house is "The Brothel" because our neighbors told us upon moving in that they were pretty sure the last tenants were running a Brothel out of the house (lots of men coming and going, wild parties, etc) and we're roommates of 4 women and 1 man so we're hopefully keeping it going.

BattyRabbit

@stephanieboland I live in the One Loo Blue, so named because it is painted blue and has a very very small number of bathrooms.

Myrtle

@stephanieboland Yes, but I don't do it right- all my homes are always named "Casa del Chaos."

mustelid

@stephanieboland My friends nicknamed their house Checkpoint Charlie, I guess because it's on Charles Street. Somebody even painted a replica of the sign to put in the entryway.

isitisabel

I think of what animals people look like ALL THE TIME. It's so much fun!

Also, I am fascinated by birth order stuff. I tend to be skeptical of things like that, so I'm hesitant to believe in it's behavior predicting powers, but it's way better than horoscopes or anything else. One of my music professors is a little obsessed, too, and we have had multiple conversations about how I don't seem like a youngest child. I am in a lot of ways, but certain characteristics of youngests (especially concerning responsibility) do not apply, and I can point to specific circumstances/events in my childhood regarding my older siblings that I think have caused that divergence. It's fascinating!

dtowngirl

What happens to birth order when there are more than 3 kids (oldest, middle, youngest)? What if there are 4 kids--an oldest and two middles? 5 kids--three middles? 6 kids--oldest third, middle third, youngest third?

remargaret

@dtowngirl They are usually easier to get along with, from having to deal with so many other people all the time.

TheDragon

@remargaret ONLY IN SOME CASES! My mom is one of seven and has the most amazingly disfunctional, self obsessed, manipulative, and easily offended family ever. She says she married my dad because he was the most easy going man she'd ever met, and it was the biggest turn on ever

Sugar Kane's Hip Flask

@dtowngirl Coming from a family of 4 kids, I usually think of it as the eldest, two middles and the youngest. If you have a lot of kids I think the years between said kids is also a factor. And yes, I do think about this way too much.

sudden but inevitable betrayal

@The Kendragon My mom too! She's one of 8 and her family is ridiculous. Dad is one of 3 and they're all so nice and, like, familial.

redheaded&crazy

@dtowngirl i think birth order matters less once you get past three - the oldest, middle, and youngest set up.

Lustful Cockmonster

@dtowngirl Oldest of four here, and you could absolutely still guess birth order in my house...I am a bossy protective planner, the two middles went through MAJOR shit show phases, and the youngest is totally spoiled, but also totally knew how to work the system by being a pleasant dream daughter...that being said, none of us take ourselves too seriously because we would have been endlessly mocked and ridiculed if we did. And we all get along...with four of us my parents did not have much time or patience for offspring infighting.

TheDragon

@sudden but inevitable betrayal
Yeah, my dad is one of four, and his family is as even keeled as he is.
Dad's family reunions: "Oh yay! family! I can't wait to see everyone."
Mom's family reunions: "Oh dear lord. Pass the whiskey."

LurkiLoo

I met a boy at freshman orientation and referred to him as Sketchy Lodge Boy in emails to all of my hometown friends. Five years later, I married him, and my friends had great joy in drunkenly shouting "I can't believe you're marrying Sketchy Lodge Boy!!!" at the reception. Still married to Sketchy Lodge Boy ten years later!

the little c

@LurkiLoo Can I ask why? If only because I went to a college where the main party hubs were referred to as 'lodges', and I've never heard of another school that did that. I'm wondering if you too went to a small liberal arts college in an important Civil War city? Perhaps your school's colors were red and blue and there was a lake on campus? If I'm crazy then feel free to say so.

LurkiLoo

@the little c No, I was at college up way north :-) Freshman orientation involved taking hiking trips through the local mountains, and then everyone met up at an actual lodge for a night of line dancing. I met him at the lodge, thus he was christened!

sumbitcomment

I have your Mom's superpower! But, for real, though. This is something that my parents have, too, so it's likely genetic. As proof: My Mom and I were eating yogurt at this place the other day and there was NO ONE in the store when we walked in. In a span of about 15 minutes, 28 PEOPLE came in and ordered some yogurt - yes, we counted, mostly because we've been trying to prove that this power exists for years. I've often told people that struggling businesses should hire me to just stand in the store so people will come in and buy things. I could turn this economy around.

Atheist Watermelon

@sumbitcomment this reminds me of another one that I have: I'm the person that people who need to get across a room through a queue/ line walk in front of. It doesn't matter if I'm standing less than an inch from the person in front of me, people will make coughing noises and excuse mes until i give them enough space to walk in front of me. Also, I have a special talent for picking whatever line will take the longest. It doesn't matter if it's the shortest line in the grocery store/ dmv/ wherever, i just manage to pick the line with THAT PERSON in front of me who has clipped a coupon for every item they're buying/ is paying in pennies/ keeps dropping everything on the floor and rummaging through their bag to find their card, etc., as I sigh and longingly observe those super long lines I'd avoided sailing through quickly and efficiently.

Smallison

@Didldidi Oh my god! I have similar superpowers. Definitely people crossing in front of me. And while I don't always pick the slowest line, if I go through a fast food drivethrough, it's guaranteed that the car in front of me will be ordering one of everything on the menu.

martinipie

My friends and I have come up with some ridiculous nicknames, for both romantical interests and random people we saw around campus...Flash, Mini Flash, Nabob, Wannabe Mischa Barton, Wheat Thins, Fifteen Going On Fifty, The Villain, Hegel, Tiny Professor, Cheese and Blue who were best friends so they became BlueCheese....sigh, I love that shit.

TheDragon

@martinipie
I feel like all the Pin knows mine. Except Foxy Cowboy was orginally "Turquoise shirt guy" and even though we've both hung out with him, my friend and I still call him TSG more often then we call him his real name.
One of my guy friends who I breifly had a fling with pretty much has a relvoing door on his bedroom, so his roommates have names for all the girls. "Needy, Ducklaugh, Squealer, The Smart One, The Red Head, Stage 5 Clinger, The Stalker, The Dumb One, The One With the Chihuahua, The Buff One, and The Insane One. I was pleased to learn I'm "The Smart One"

Mr. Kitty

YES to birth order analysis! I find it fascinating (my mom is a psychologist, so maybe that's why) and I think it is a huge factor of one's personality. It's usually pretty obvious once you know the general traits.

On Saturday I spent the day with my brother and sister-in-law and my mom in Houston. After a couple hours of conversation, I realized I was sitting with 3 oldest-children. I am the youngest child. I always revert into "notice me! notice me!" mode when I'm around my immediate family. It's bizarre.

Seriously, though, the thought of being in a relationship with another youngest child is terrifying. We would both be irresponsible and never on time. On the same vein, I don't know how my brother's marriage with another oldest will be! All the bossiness, how do you survive? I have never dated a middle child, strangely enough. Only oldest and only.

TheDragon

I'm not sure why but I just remembered I went to school and had a mild crush on a guy named, I shit you not, Indiana Jones.

My mom thought that was my code name for him for quite some time and was surprised to realize some mother actually named her baby boy that.

Xanthophyllippa

@The Kendragon When he grew up, he could routinely be heard mumbling, "The DOG's name was 'Indiana'."

Waiting

I look forward to this comic every week more than I'd like to admit.

Waiting

@MalPal oh and MIDDLE CHILDREN FTW. Represent.

Myrtle

@MalPal I used to have a thing for men who are the baby of the family b/c they seemed so female friendly, but I think I'll move up to the middle child. Sometimes those youngest-sibling people want an awful lot done for them, or forgiven. I'm an oldest, so my life medical ID should read "Please find something likeable about my bossiness and knowitall-ness, because I like love, too. "

sudden but inevitable betrayal

@Myrtle I'm not a bossy know-it-all, I just happen to be very knowledgeable and right all of the time.

redheaded&crazy

@sudden but inevitable betrayal this is me also

MoonBat

@Myrtle AHHHHHH, THIS!!! "those youngest-sibling people want an awful lot done for them, or forgiven". THIS explains very nearly every one of my failed relationships ever. The most recent being an only son with three older sisters. Hella entitlement going on with that one!

MoonBat

@Myrtle And yes, I'm a bossy/smart/responsible older sibling. My little sister is and always has been a hot mess.

Christina @twitter

Ugh, so many people like Dolphin Capricorn in my life. I can't stand people who think they are deeply philosophical who in reality analyze things at a surface level and sound slightly drug-addled.

redheaded&crazy

I definitely think birth order and number have an impact. Sorry, onlys. The only children I have known (disclaimer: i realize this is anecdotal) really have been self-absorbed assholes.

Birth order aside, another thing I find fascinating is guys who grew up with sisters versus those who do not have sisters. I had a roommate who would only date dudes with sisters. I do think there is a definite behavioural distinction between the two groups.

Heat Signature

@redheaded&crazie Hahaha I'm an only child and I am TOTALLY a self-absorbed asshole! Although, getting married and having children has been a really great way to slowly cure myself of this.

JaneDoe

@redheaded&crazie
I am the youngest of three. With a large gap between my siblings and me, so I was independent, defiant, stubborn, and yes, needed lots of attention, because they teamed up against me. The oldest is not bossy, or nosy, or a perfectionist, not really leader-like either, he's very laid back. The middle is more order oriented, she likes things to have their place.

But now, as a teenager, after simultaneously losing all of my 'friends' in Junior High and getting sick(was out of school for a good long while. Which I guess was blessing). I have definitely changed, I no longer trust easily, or let myself out of the designated emotions and reactions I am 'allowed' to feel(I know I've got problems). I am ADHD and used to show it. Now, I don't. I became a perfectionist. I also, get along better with adults rather than peers(hmm, maybe I'm just seeking different attention?). I'm more responsible but also more stressed, and get depressed easily. *shrug* It's probably both nature and nurture. Or maybe, I just pushed myself into maturing more quickly, after my life completely changed within a few months.

charlesbois

Code names we had for various men were Jesus Jeff (looked like Jesus), dress Jeff (would occasionally wear dresses) and Horse Dick (self-explanatory).

Xanthophyllippa

@charlesbois We had a teacher we called "Jesus" because he had long hair, a beard, and wore Birkenstocks. He also rode a little scooter to school.

Heat Signature

I am an only child and pretty much EVERYone who spends more than five minutes with me guesses that because I require ALL of the attention ALL of the time (I'm working on that, though, I swear.).

marianlibrarian

Shout out for early morning crushes! I had a crush on a guy I never actually saw, but I could always hear him practicing piano. Romantic Brahms!

Llllauren

I have Library Eyes Guy. He came up to me one day in the library and proceeded to tell me that I had the most beautiful eyes he'd ever seen. He didn't seem creepy, so I responded well to it. Apparently that was code for "eye fuck me every time you see me" because now he watches me every time we're in the same place on campus...

Dana Galbraith@facebook

The store thing is actually just because people are way more likely to enter a shop if there's already someone in there. Customers try to pull that on me like 'look at all the people who followed me!' but it actually happens all the time.

she's full of secrets

I'm an only child who seems to be naturally drawn to friends/boyfriends who I later discover are fellow only children (or children with older half-siblings they never encountered much growing up). It works out pretty well for us, except when we catch chance glimpses of ourselves in reflective surfaces or find a good opportunity to brag about one of our myriad accomplishments. I'm not entirely kidding here, unfortunately...

The worst thing is that I'm attracted to men who are only children, smart, -and- nerdy. Since they're 1) used to being the center of attention and 2) not used to being cut off or not taken seriously like women are, 3) not good at picking up signs of boredom, I've listened to a lot of long-winded, highly detailed monologues in my day. I'm in no position to judge them harshly, though, and it can sometimes be endearing.

Punk-assBookJockey

@introverted excavator in response to your first paragraph: I definitely see this type in male onlies a lot! I think it is interesting that rarely do I hear about the intersection of gender and birth order affecting personality. I think it is a HUGE deal.
As a fellow only-child I have to say that I don't think I really fit the type in most ways, and that's coming from the people I have discussed it with not necessarily my own opinion. Although I did read something recently about how only children are forced to have a split introvert/extrovert personality as they learn to be happy with their own company and also make friends that they don't have "built in" with siblings, that actually rang really true to me.

she's full of secrets

@Punk-assBookJockey I've been behaving more "ambiverted" as an adult, but I still doubt that anyone I encounter socially takes me for a (primarily) extroverted person. I'm by no means implying that all introverts are doomed to have poor social skills but for various reasons, I think I'm still far behind most of my peers in that area.

Also, props for the Parks and Rec/library reference in your username, as someone who's heartbroken over the lack of new episodes on Netflix -and- a current library and information sciences grad student.

Punk-assBookJockey

Ah, I see. I totally get that; I think I behave more ambivertedly as well. Most people tell me they think I am very outgoing and are surprised once they get to know me how introverted I am in other ways. It's definitely something I force myself to do. I do enjoy people and having friends but I am so that friend that ducks out of gatherings or cancels get-togethers to stay home for some alone time. I didn't until recently think about it being because of being an only child though.
And thank you! I actually just finished my MLIS in May. And I miss Parks and Rec too! :(

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