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Monday, July 9, 2012

250

Texts From Jane Eyre

JANE
MY LITTLE SUNBEAM
WHERE ARE YOU
I NEED YOU BY MY SIDE
I’m taking a walk
be back for dinner
AH YES MY CAGED SPRITE
COMMUNE WITH NATURE AND UPON YOUR RETURN
RELATE TO ME THE VAGRANT GLORIES OF THE  RUINED WOODS
do you really want me to describe my walk to you
MORE THAN ANYTHING YOU POCKET WITCH
it is fairly cloudy out
looks like rain soon
AHHH TO THINK THAT MY LITTLE STARLING JANE
SHOULD RETURN
TO PERCH ON MY BROKEN MALFORMED SHOULDER
SINGING A SONG OF THE GREY AND WRACKING SKIES
MAKES MY HEART SWELL TO BURST
all right

JANE
JANE I BOUGHT YOU A DRESS MADE OF TEN THOUSAND PEARLS AS A BRIDAL PRESENT
where on earth would I wear that
YOU COULD WEAR IT ON THE MOON
that seems impractical
how would i even breathe on the moon?
I WOULD BREATHE FOR YOU MY JANE

JANE WHERE HAVE YOU GONE
I AM BEREFT AND WITHOUT MY JANE I SHALL SINK INTO ROGUERY
i am  with my cousins
WHICH COUSIN
IS IT THE SEXY ONE
Please don’t try to talk to me again
IT IS YOUR SEXY COUSIN
“ST. JOHN”
WHAT KIND OF A NAME IS ST. JOHN
I’m not going to answer that
I KNEW IT
DID YOU LEAVE BECAUSE OF MY ATTIC WIFE
IS THAT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT
yes
absolutely
BECAUSE MY HOUSE IN FRANCE DOESN’T EVEN HAVE AN ATTIC
IF THAT’S WHAT YOU WERE WORRIED ABOUT
IT HAS A CELLAR THOUGH SO YOU KNOW
DON’T CROSS ME
HAHA I’M ONLY JOKING

I hope you’re packed for India already
I’m not going to India with you, St. John
That’s not what these TWO TICKETS TO INDIA say
You know I don’t want to marry you
Why don’t you marry Rosamond instead? 
Take her with you
Marry her?
MARRY HER?
Don’t be ridiculous, I’m attracted to her
That’s disgusting
You are disgusting, Jane

So you’re really not coming then
I’m really not
I would be an amazing husband
you know that?
I know
I taught you Hindi and everything
That’s basically the same as getting engaged
for missionaries
And I really appreciate that
It will be terribly useful in my career as an English governess
See? That. There.
that is exactly the kind of tone I mean
One round of cholera in the tropics would sear that sarcasm right out of you
guess I really missed out
Guess so

PreviouslyTexts From Scarlett O'Hara.

Mallory Ortberg is a writer in the Bay Area. Her work has also appeared on Slacktory and Ecosalon.

250 Comments / Post A Comment

Scandyhoovian

Don't mind the incessant giggling coming from my cubicle. Really, it'll pass... any second now...

MoonBat

@Scandyhoovian Seriously still dying at "guess I really missed out", coupled with the bitch, please expression in the picture.

Aunt Ada Doom

@Scandyhoovian My boss is standing in front of my desk while I try not to giggle at this. He would probably understand.

Oliver St. John Mollusc

@Aunt Ada Doom I should have known the Hairpin would be the place I'd finally find someone else who has seen Cold Comfort Farm :) "I saw something nasty in the woodshed!"

ThundaCunt

@Scandyhoovian the best EVAR!!! LMAAAOOO!!!

City_Dater

Of course Mr. Rochester is an all-caps person.

Yahtzii

@City_Dater HOW ELSE WILL YOU UNDERSTAND THAT HE LOVES YOU AND IS VAGUELY THREATENING YOU, SWEET JANE

TheBourneApproximation

@City_Dater CAPS LOCK IS HOW HE FEELS INSIDE SWEET JANE. ALL THE TIME.

Beaker

@City_Dater Yet another thing Mr. Rochester and Kanye West have in common.

Yahtzii

@Beaker I HATE IT WHEN I WAKE UP AND THERE'S A WIFE IN MY ATTIC, LIKE OH GREAT NOW I HAVE TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS WIFE

Bittersweet

@Yahtzii ...although the idea of Kim Kardashian locked in an attic is vaguely appealing?

Genghis Khat

@City_Dater Everybody knows he's a motherfucking monster.

I smell burnt toast

@Yahtzii I bet Mr. Rochester would be into a persian rug with cherub imagery.

rockproblems

@Yahtzii YESSSSSS I am SO excited that that tweet, possibly my favorite tweet by anyone, is becoming a recognizable meme all by itself!

rockproblems

@Yahtzii YESSSSSS I am SO excited that that tweet, possibly my favorite tweet by anyone, is becoming a recognizable meme all by itself!

mlle.gateau

@Yahtzii Now I have it in my head that the attic wife ordered fur pillows just to fuck with him.

passivecashblueprint

I hope you have a nice day! Very good article, well written and very thought out.
social media optimizer

maybe partying will help

Someone needs to change their screenname to Pocket Witch, please?

staircases

@maybe partying will help I have it filed under 'euphemisms for vaginas'.

C_Webb

@maybe partying will help Yes, that was perfect.

Pocket Witch

@maybe partying will help Can I change my name to Pocket Witch? My current name is the result of uninspiration and really wanting to register.

Does Axl have a jack?

@comedy_of_customs Do eeet!

Hot Doom

@maybe partying will help My first action upon reading 'PARTY WITCH' was to check the comments to see who took the name first.

wharrgarbl

Yeeeeeeeeeeees.

Faintly Macabre

Whenever I read St. John, I think of St. John's Bay. Which I guess the wife of a missionary would wear?

Melis, will you be my pocket witch?

maybe partying will help

@Faintly Macabre

I think of the St Johns River in Florida. Imagine how blown my fourteen-year-old mind was when I encountered this character named...ST JOHN RIVERS.

Faintly Macabre

@maybe partying will help The Brontes went to Florida? Where is the gothic travelogue of wretched snake-charming creatures stumbling out of steaming swamps?

wharrgarbl

@Faintly Macabre It's that faint light patch on the dirt five feet down, midway between five dark patches that used to be poles, and that's how you can tell it was once a house. (Tropical archaeology is a pain in the ass.)

maybe partying will help

@Faintly Macabre

Solipsistic teenage me said to my mother, Do you think he was named after OUR RIVER?? and my mother said, No.

But my headcanon remains the same.

barnhouse

@Faintly Macabre it is pronounced "sinjun" which makes the whole thing immeasurably worse, if you ask me.

evil melis

@Faintly Macabre ok but i'm signed in as evil melis right now so get ready for ur pocket to be full of shrew skeletons and reverse blood and sree-enchantments

Faintly Macabre

@evil melis Fine with me, though if you are a shrew skeleton, I might turn you into a necklace.

MoonBat

@maybe partying will help WHAT? I live (almost on) the St. Johns River, in all its tea-colored splendor! Are we neighbors?

atipofthehat

@evil melis

Lucky. I tried to create an evil identity and the system said I already was.

maybe partying will help

@MoonBat

Alas, no, I left FL for OH awhile back...but I grew up on the east coast and spend a good chunk of my childhood wandering around in Ocala and environs.

wee_ramekin

@atipofthehat Well see, your avatar is too black...you wouldn't be able to add a little evil black pointy mustachio to it.

atipofthehat

@wee_ramekin

Oooh, what would Evil wee_ramekin be like?

MoonBat

@maybe partying will help Wow, big difference! I grew up in Crystal River, and rode my horse (is it still called "riding competitively", if you never ever won?) in Ocala! I'm at the North end of the St. Johns now. And I recently ended a short, stupid relationship with a former OSU football player, ha ha! Weird, small Hairpin world here!

PistolPackinMama

@atipofthehat I can't seem to reply to your convo with olivebee on that other post right now. But I just wanted to drop in and say it was super adorbs. I was going to tell you what to do with your condescension, but... it was just nice convo. So there we are.

atipofthehat

@PistolPackinMama

Thanks! I'm so glad she wrote back. It would be like going to be angry, you know?

leonstj

@barnhouse - THERE IS NOTHING WRONG W PRONOUNCING IT SINJUN!!!

barnhouse

@leon.saintjean Bah, English people and their wacky pronunciation notions.

PistolPackinMama

@atipofthehat I do, yeah. That's exactly what I was thinking!

Sarah Marshall@facebook

I hope we get texts from Becky Sharp next.

Megasus

@Sarah Marshall@facebook YES THEY WOULD BE DELICIOUS

evil melis

Probably not because I have never read Vanity Fair, ahh, sorryyyy!!!!!!!!!!!

atipofthehat

@evil melis

Please?

hedgehog

@evil melis We'll wait.

LMac

I just finished reading this for the first time on Saturday! KISMET.

And thank you, this is effing amazing.

Dandyliongirl

Yessss this is everything I have wanted in life. (And for the record, if I had a dress made of ten thousand pearls I would wear it EVERYWHERE).

Yahtzii

I haven't read Jane Eyre and I've only seen the Michael Fassbender version of the movie and let me tell you, this piece is EVEN MORE effective if you picture him creepily offering you a dress made out of a thousand pearls.

Bittersweet

@Yahtzii Read it! Read it now, my little sunbeam! Reeeeeeeaaaaaaad it.

SarahP

@Yahtzii THERE IS A MICHAEL FASSBENDER VERSION?! I may finally like Jane Eyre if he's involved...

maybe partying will help

@SarahP

He was troublingly sexy in it. I don't want to be attracted to Rochester!

TheLetterL

@Yahtzii So IMDb says the first choice for Jane was not Mia Wasikowska. It was Ellen Page. Hmmm.

ayo nicole

@maybe partying will help HE'S TOO SEXY IT DOESN'T WORK.

redonion

@Yahtzii The Orson Welles version was one of my hangover movies in college, and his version is perfect for imagining the all-caps crazy speaking.

@maybe partying will help Yes, Fassbender = troublingly sexy in many things (including Prometheus). I have been avoiding Hunger for this reason, even though Netflix keeps telling me it's going to be my FAVORITE MOVIE EVER!

TheDangQuesadilluh

@redonion - i had this conversation earlier with a friend. the two movies i've seen Fassbender in were decidedly unsexy, even "Shame", which stars his underpants area *NAKED*. in "Hunger", you will find him completely unsexy, i assure you. YET, in spite of all this, i love him and hope that on my next trip to the bay area (which i have found to be packed with irish, much to my delight) that i'll find one who looks even a little like him.

Yahtzii

@TheDangQuesadilluh I live in the Bay Area and have not found any sexy Michael Fassbender lookalikes. Perhaps I'm looking in the wrong places? Because believe me, I'm looking.

redonion

@TheDangQuesadilluh @Yahtzii If you find the Irish Fassbender lookalike compound, would you maybe post about it in a Friday Open Thread?

Yahtzii

@redonion Uh, no. There is no way I would share that information. All Fassbenders for me.

redonion

@Yahtzii I knew it would be asking too much. I understand. In fact, I am cheering you on if in fact you have found the compound and are sitting in it right now, kicking back with the Fassbenders and enjoying cocktails and The Hairpin. You don't have to tell us. We are probably better off not knowing.

Bittersweet

@redonion et al: It's time to start a movement and always write FASSBENDER in all caps, just ilke the Fug Girls do with SWINTON. Plus we need to make it into a verb. When you FASSBENDER, it means you...take off your clothes all the time? Smolder, freckledly?

Samantha

@Yahtzii Even his horse thought he was too sexy. http://www.dlisted.com/node/41067

Elsajeni

@ayo nicole This comment reminds me that, the last time my mom was in town, we for some reason were talking about Michael Fassbender and she
1) complained that he was way too hot to be Rochester, and then
2) said "But my friend saw Shame and she said he has, hmm, unusual physical attributes." And made A HIGHLY EXPRESSIVE GESTURE.

The Attic Wife

@SarahP Not to rain on the Fass-love, but honestly, it's not a great adaptation (I am biased because I can't STAND Mia Wasikowska). They cut out SO much dialogue, it's mostly a movie full of longing glances and Fassbender's smouldering eyes. Then again, if you're not generally a fan of Jane Eyre, you might prefer this one because of that.

My favorite version is the Toby Stephens/Ruth Wilson miniseries. I can SO picture his Rochester reading these texts in his growly Batman voice.

Bittersweet

@The Attic Wife Yesss, the miniseries is the best. There is time for the story to unfold, and they don't cut out major characters, and the gypsy woman is an actual gypsy woman, and St. John really is a Greek god (sorry, Jamie Bell). And Toby Stephens and his growly Batman voice... *fans self*

laurel

"all right"

Anne Helen Petersen

Things to do this summer: 1.) Sink into roguery

Megasus

@Anne Helen Petersen That is a thing I want to do every day

Megasus

I like how her face in that picture is like, "Oh ROCHESTER I am about to smack you upside the head!"
Because really, who doesn't want to do that?

stonefruit

@Megano! I KNOW! The side-eye in that picture: epic and perfect.

LooseBaggyMonster

@Megano! That's Charlotte Bronte!

TheBourneApproximation

This is a far more accurate adaptation of Jane Eyre than most of the movie versions.

staircases

cellars: less or more worrisome than attics?

Yahtzii

@staircases BE A GOOD WIFE AND YOU WON'T HAVE TO WORRY, MY BEAUTIFUL SWEET PRISM NECKLACE ANGEL

Slapfight

@staircases More. They have less windows to scream and throw yourself out of. Then again, there might be stone babies in the attic walls...

Lustful Cockmonster

I read this initially as "Texts from Jane Austen"...I got a confusing start. The ship has been righted, however. I blame the misread on still recovering from my weekend of roguery.

beeline96

@Grumplestiltskin I would read those.

Genghis Khat

@Grumplestiltskin I thought that too and was briefly confused.

rallisaurus

@beeline96 Word.

evil melis

Do not even worry, I am pretty sure they are going to make me do texts from Elizabeth Bennett in the book (even though I think that if no one talked about Jane Austen ever again from now until the universe crystallizes in a frozen death I would still be sick of Pride and Prejudice).

Does Axl have a jack?

@evil melis You could do texts from various Dashwoods/Willoughby/Hugh Grant/Alan Rickman instead...

RK Fire

@evil melis: How do you feel about Persuasion?

Lustful Cockmonster

@Does Axl have a jack? OH MY GOD Texts from Willoughby. Please yes.

LMac

@Grumplestiltskin Why Miss Bennet, you're looking very amiable today. If only Mr. Darcy had not cruelly withheld my parish, we could go walking together...
you kind of need to get over that
But his pride and caprice have taken me away from you!
i read the letter, wickham
....can you text me your sister's #?

wee_ramekin

@Grumplestiltskin Except that texts from Willoughby would be all like:

I love you, Maryanne. Passionately and with the fire of one thousand suns.
LOL JK 4EVER HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
tags several pictures on Facebook of wedding to rich, hot wife
updates profile picture to annoying couple-picture of the two of them on honeymoon on Greek island

three years later...

2:04 AM: ...You were the one who got away...you know that, right?

FUCK FUCKING WILLOGHBY. AAUGH.

LMac

@LMac Oh no, I read Willoughby as Wickham!

Eh, pretty much the same thing.

Diana

@RK Fire

CAPwentworth2U: i can no longer listen in silence
CAPwentworth2U: i must speak to you by such means r within my reach
CAPwentworth2U: do u like me anne y/n

Does Axl have a jack?

@Grumplestiltskin GOING TO LONDON BRB
Cool, I'll see you there
(no reply)

wee_ramekin

@Diana HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA*gasp*.

That is the funniest thing I have read all day.

melis

you guys i'm just going to steal all your jokes and then not credit you so keep giving me free material

melis

DAMMIT I THOUGHT I WAS SIGNED IN AS EVIL MELIS WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING

Nicole Cliffe

When you stop being able to control the switch...

teaandcakeordeath

@wee_ramekin
Willoughby would tell you that you look pretty in your profile picture and you'd get excited until you saw on your news feed that he made the same asinine comment to 50 other girls. Damn you Willoughby!

wee_ramekin

@teaandcakeordeath Willoughby would drunk booty-call you a year after you broke up. You know, as soon as you finally felt comfortable in your relationship with Colonel Brandon.

Slapfight

@Does Axl have a jack? Alan Rickman! Now I'm imagining texts from Severus Snape! "Please pick up organic soymilk...with an expiration date of no...earlier...than August...seventh. If it gets chunky before Sunday you are a dim...witted...imbecile.....
....
...
JK...
LOL...
...."

Xanthophyllippa

@Slapfight I would totally read either Texts from Alan Rickman or Texts from Severus Snape. Even better if melis wears a Snape wig when she writes them.

TARDIStime

@Xanthophyllippa Texts from Draco Malfoy!

melis

@Xanthophyllippa This is probably as close as we'll ever get.

TARDIStime

@melis Dear God. I am crying. Melis, you will always be my snake!

Xanthophyllippa

@melis I was SO hoping that link would be a photo of you in a Snape wig. But now that I've actually clicked on that link before commenting, OMG. WIN.

Lustful Cockmonster

@wee_ramekin I actually have the uncomfortable feeling that "Texts from Willoughby" would just be a couple "Queen's English" steps removed from "Texts from the gems Grumple's dated in the past"...sigh.

deargirl

@Diana
Yes. Yes. Yes. And you know Capt. Wentworth's instagram would be all artsy/melancholy photos of the sea with wistful Andrew Bird lyrics as captions or something

lil_bobbytables

I think we need to start a kickstarter to make mellis a dress made of ten thousand pearls. Maybe also a moon base, so there is an appropriate place to wear it.

allofthecrafts

ATTIC WIFE

Lemonnier

@allofthecrafts I want to say to someone, "You'll never be my wife! Nay, not even my attic wife!"

allofthecrafts

@Lemonnier I feel like it's a good phrase for a TERRIBLE SUDDENLY DISCOVERED FLAW in a person. Like, "I just met this dude and he was great until I DISCOVERED HIS ATTIC WIFE. HE'S A LIBERTARIAN." (or insert whatever thing you dislike there)

Aunt Ada Doom

You, @allofthecrafts, are a genius. I plan to use that all the time now.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@allofthecrafts Yes! Absolutely! "He was cool at the office, but then I found out his attic wife is that he wears camouflage shirts and pants on the weekends."

Diana

@allofthecrafts

It's basically shorthand for every letter to A Dude or Lady ever.

Dear A Dude,

My boyfriend is the best ever and I love him so much but I recently found out that he [HAS AN ATTIC WIFE]. I asked him about [THE ATTIC WIFE] and he said I was making a big deal out of nothing. My friends think I'm crazy and that the [ATTIC WIFE] is a dealbreaker, but I really love him. He said he'd never [BRING HOME ANOTHER WOMAN AND LOCK HER IN THE ATTIC WITH ONLY A DRUNKEN NURSE AND BURGEONING SCHIZOPHRENIA FOR COMPANY] again, and I trust him. What should I do?

MollyculeTheory

JANE. JANE. THIS IS THE GIPSY WOMAN.
give it up rochester
I CAN SEE THE FUTURE IN THE GENTLE LINES OF YOUR INEFFABLE PHYSIOGNOMY.
rochester. you are texting this from your own phone

Faintly Macabre

@MollyculeTheory Aaahh I had the same thought! Though you win for mentioning physiognomy.

sceps yarx

@MollyculeTheory YES

Slapfight

This is absurdly delightful, and I've yet to read Jane Eyre. ATTIC WIVES AND POCKET WITCHES FOR ALL!

automaticdoor

Mr. Rochester reminds me of Edward Cullen from Growing Up Cullen.

Sample:
welurklate: and then they day after the meadow
welurklate: he comes home like skipping
welurklate: I AM IN LOOOOOVE
welurklate: LOVE LOVE LOVE
...
welurklate: EDWARD IS LIKE 'THAT'S IT!!! I AM GOING TO HER HOUSE TO WATCH HER SLEEP!!!'

Verity

@automaticdoor
balcarin: COME I WILL SHOW YOU HOW TO BEST MAKE YOURSELF THROW UP. YOU KNOW THAT I AM QUITE GOOD AT IT; I CANT ACTUALLY EAT THAT FOOD I PRETEND TO EAT.
balcarin: YES THAT DOES MEAN I VOMITED UP OUR WEDDING CAKE
balcarin: I AM SORRY MY DARLING
balcarin: I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO POLITELY REFUSE

Emmettalie

@automaticdoor I just went and read all of that and it was fantastic. I could not resist at all stealing my name and icon from those geniuses. The sad part was only that I was alone in my house, howling with laughter, with nobody around for me to share it with.

Diana

But where is Helen Burns?

here i am
*wheeze*
don't mind me
i'm fine

really

travelmugs

BUT HOW DOES ROCHESTER TEXT WITH ONE HAND?

Faintly Macabre

@travelmugs SIRI, call my sweet wicked little elf!

I'm sorry, I don't recognize "my sweet wicked little elf"

It's JAAAAAAANE, SIRI! JAAAAAAANE!

I'm sorry, could you repeat that?

JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANEEE!

wee_ramekin

MELIS

MELIS, WILL YOU MARRY ME

A 'YES' FROM THOSE SUGAR-SWEET LIPS WOULD SEND MY HEART INTO SUN-DRENCHED PALPITATIONS OF ELYSIAN PROPORTIONS

tales

@wee_ramekin I'm trying to give more thumbs up to this comment but no matter how may times I click I can't make it keep going up to infinity.

Tulletilsynet

I almost sent this link to my daughter and then I remembered: comments.

She'll enjoy it more in the book anyhow.

atipofthehat

@Tulletilsynet

When, where, and from whom will the book be available?

Tulletilsynet

@atipofthehat
You might want to follow @katemckean of Morhaim Literary Agency on Twitter?

atipofthehat

@Tulletilsynet

Thank you, sir!

melis

Yes! Kate is the agent, more details to come as they arise!

atipofthehat

@melis

See, now that you have an agent, you needn't be evil yourself.

LooseBaggyMonster

JANE JANE JANE!

LooseBaggyMonster

@LooseBaggyMonster I am coming! Wait for me! Oh, I will come! Where are you?

61Below@twitter

@LooseBaggyMonster *Quickly checks 'Find My Friends'*

Alice

"DID YOU LEAVE BECAUSE OF MY ATTIC WIFE
IS THAT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT"

I may never stop laughing. Attic wife. Hee.

redonion

@Alice Yes, this is where I died.

Diana

when shall we set the date? i need to know so I can go to the dressmaker's

...

rochester, my darling, i need to write a guest list

...

r u never serious? we r getting married. definitely packed up fortnight's worth of clothing in trunks and hauled myself out to thornfield 4 u. sometimes wonder if u really do have a heart.

...

white dress and veil thing? just vry vry committed to parlor games?

You could not charm me.

YOUNG MEN OF TODAY ARE SUCH PUNY THINGS!!!!!

LooseBaggyMonster

@Diana Poor Blanche Ingram! Somebody's got to keep her mother in turbans.

anachronistique

@Diana Blanche! Aw, Blanche.

KatPruska

Oh my dog this is amazing.

Has anyone else powered through the Catherine Cookson anthology movies? The concept of texts from Cookson heroines is too delightful.

anachronistique

@KatPruska I have not, but I have very much enjoyed Genevieve Valentine's rundowns of the Cookson movies.

KatPruska

@anachronistique YES! I've been trying to remember where I read those! Thank you! I had only seen one of them when I found her blog, but I totally sought them out afterwards. It's like getting pre-snark!

ayo nicole

THIS IS EVERYTHING TO ME.

St. John WOULD send a bunch of desperate texts in a row.

Verity

YES THIS IS THE BEST THING

thelovehater

This is all sorts of perfect. I love it!

trappedinabay

DID YOU LEAVE BECAUSE OF MY ATTIC WIFE
IS THAT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT

This is where I lost it and just started cackling uncontrollably.

Aunt Ada Doom

In slightly related news, I hope that everyone has enjoyed/will enjoy this comic from Kate Beaton: http://www.harkavagrant.com/index.php?id=202. It never gets old.

The Attic Wife

I specifically chose to make an account at this moment so I could use the name 'The Attic Wife' before anyone else nabbed it. Because this is THAT good.

Maryaed

@The Attic Wife Now changing my handle to "The Demotic Wife."

PistolPackinMama

So this means you are writing the book, right? Right?

melis

YES. Proposal is done, MS is well on its way.

TARDIStime

@melis What is this "The Book?"

Achyvi

Words cannot adequately express how much I love this series.

Bebe

Loved this! Now please tell me you're working on Jo March next? Pretty please?

melis

GIRL I AM ON THAT

melis

BECAUSE YOU KNOW I HAVE OPINIONS ABOUT PROFESSOR BHAER

Bebe

@melis AMY.

clairapluie

@Bebe Only if there are some Laurie/Amy texts when she's not having it. And also Beth/her piano.

melis

So I posted about this on my Facebook account today and my little brother commented 'what is it with you and caps lock lately?' and I said 'I've always had a very special relationship with text-based yelling, Johnny' and that doesn't really have a lot to do with anything he's just really funny and I think you guys would like him if you knew him.

Xanthophyllippa

@melis I am now hearing "I've always had a very special relationship with text-based yelling, Johnny" in Alan Rickman's slow drawl.

TARDIStime

@Xanthophyllippa Let's push this. Texts from Argus Filch!

sceps yarx

@melis I love that you love your little brother because I love my little brother too! Also my best friend is the master of text-based yelling, and every time I get a text from her I giggle uncontrollably.

melis

@sceps yarx brothers forever!!! (see johnny i put this in lower caps for you [he has literally never read the hairpin and will not see this probably]}

teaandcakeordeath

I dissolved in to giggles at "I would breathe for you Jane"

Also - I irrationally hated every single time Rochester called Jane 'starling' for no obvious reason!

TARDIStime

This is amazing. I read GWTW after the last on in this "Texts" series and am now actually finding myself enjoying classic literature! I have always been A Reader but for some reason could never dedicate myself to anything by the Brontë sisters and basically only read Jane Eyre (I did really actually enjoy this! Because it's Austen)(and this may be sacrilege but I found "Emma" not very interesting in year 11?)
This, dear friends, is the Attic Wife of A Reader. I'd make it up to you with a Dress of A Thousand Pearls, but, you know... I'm not an ALL CAPS kind of girl...

TARDIStime

@TARDIStime Why did I write that Jane Eyre is Austen when I also knew it was Brontë?"
*sigh* another Wife to keep in the Attic.

The Attic Wife

@TARDIStime Don't feel too bad about not liking 'Emma,' I consider myself an Austen devotee, but I've started that one twice and haven't read more than thirty pages. To be fair, I think Austen herself said Emma was a heroine only she would find likeable.

Escapade Dunfree

@The Attic Wife The secret to liking Emma is to have seen Clueless before you read it, and imagining everyone as their Amy Hecklering counterpart. However, this can backfire if your professor shows clips from the movie in an attempt to be cool and relevant and you get a little too excited and say "Hopefully not sporadically" to your neighbor a little too loudly and get shushed for your inattention.

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@The Attic Wife The BBC mini-series is a good way to get to start liking Emma. Romola Garai plays her really well. And then finish the book, my little blossom! Fiiinnnniiissshhhh it...

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Sant Ritz is also near elite schools such as St. Andrew's Secondary School and St. Andrew's Junior College. Cedar Girls' Secondary School and Cedar Primary School are also around in the area.
Sant Ritz

bryan low@twitter

Future residents will be able to walk to Jurong East MRT Station which is located right beside it. Also, nature awaits your family and friends at the Jurong Lake Park and the Jurong Country Park. Also, the ultimate nature awaits you the Japanese Garden.
J Gateway Project Details

bryan low@twitter

Jewel at Buangkok is a new and upcoming condo located in Buangkok Drive and Sengkang Central area, within a short walk to Hougang Green Shopping Mall and a short drive to Compass Point. With expected completion in mid 2016, it comprises of 6 towers with 783 units and stands 17 storeys tall.
Click Here - Jewel Buangkok

bryan low@twitter

For vehicle owners, it takes less than 30 minutes to drive to the business hub and vibrant Orchard Road shopping district, via Tampines Expressway (TPE), Central
Expressway (CTE) and Kallang-Paya Lebar Expressway (KPE)
Punggol Field Walk EC

bryan low@twitter

Future residents will be able to walk to the existing Bugis MRT. With such a short drive to the city area as well as the orchard and bugis area, entertainment for your love ones and family will come at a stone’s throw away.
Bugis Condo

bryan low@twitter

Lush Acres EC is a 99-years leasehold Punggol EC development located Sengkang West Way / Fernvale Link in District 19. With expected completion in mid 2016, it comprises of TBA towers with TBA units and stands TBA storeys tall. It is situated right beside Kupang LRT Station.
Lush Acres EC

Kensington Square

Future residents will be able to walk to the existing Bartley MRT in the Circle Line. With such a short drive to the city area as well as the orchard and bugis area, entertainment for your love ones and family will come at a stone’s throw away.
Former Tai Keng Court

Kensington Square

Skypark Residences has full and unique facilities, which includes a guard house, clubhouse, Function Room & Indoor Gym Tennis Court, 50m Freeform Pool Pool Deck, Wading Pool, Splash Pool & Family Pool Jacuzzi & Hydro Spa, BBQ Area Dining and Play Fountain, Fitness Alcove & Children’s Playground and Garden Trail. The condo’s facilities provide full family entertainment needs for your family and loved ones. Indulge in a serene and tranquil lifestyle right in the heart of Woodlands.
Sky park Residences

The Glades

The Glades facilities provide full family entertainment needs for your family and loved ones. Indulge in a serene and tranquil lifestyle right in the heart of Tanah Merah.
Several buses are available near The Glades along with shopping centers and restaurants. The Glades is also near to Laguna Golf & Country Club and Safra Golf & Country Club.
The Glades Tanah Merah

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Waterwoods is a 99-year leasehold executive condominium development located at Punggol Field Walk, along Punggol East in District 19. It is estimated to house 435 residential units. Waterwoods is situated just 5minutes walk away from the Coral Edge LRT Station (PE3) and Punggol Plaza. waterwoods executive condo

johntansg

Sea Horizon is a new executive condominium located at Pasir Ris Drive 3/Pasir Ris Rise, it consist of 580 units (Estimated) of various room types and sizes to fit a young couple, families with children and multi generation families.
sea horizon ec pasir ris

johntansg

When it comes to education, SkyPark Residences EC residents with school going children have good schools in the neighbourhood such as Sembawang Primary School, Canberra Primary School, Wellington Primary School.
skypark residences sembawang

The Panorama

Ang Mo Kio Condo Launch facilities provide full family entertainment needs for your family and loved ones. Indulge in a serene and tranquil lifestyle right in the heart of Ang Mo Kio.
AMK Condo Launch

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