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Friday, July 13, 2012

1016

Friday Open Thread

The third jewel in our crown of darkness hath arrivèd. Also: what's good this weekend? Plans??



1016 Comments / Post A Comment

realtalk

SF Pinup tonight! 6:30! At the Guardian (14th and Market)! I'll be wearing a green corduroy blazer and I can tell you all about the 4 (4!!?!?!) dates I've been on this week.

Yahtzii

@realtalk I think I know you.

Edited because that was creepy: you must be the other SF organizer! I didn't know your handle because I SUCK.

realtalk

@Yahtzii MY IDENTITY IS COMPROMISED, ABORT MISSION, ABORT ABORT ABORT

Yahtzii

@realtalk Be glad I edited your full name, physical address, Facebook URL, and phone number out of my original comment.

realtalk

@Yahtzii also my phone number, don't forget about that

olivebee

So after the Internet shitstorm yesterday, I was wondering what ya'll thought of the Daniel Tosh incident...or ToshGate 2012.

(For those who are unfamiliar: Basically, at one of his shows, Tosh made a generalized rape joke, and a woman stood up and yelled that rape jokes aren't funny, and so then he said "Wouldn't it be funny if you got raped by, like, 5 guys right now?" Naturally, the Internet was abuzz with women expressing their outrage, and then with other people [mostly men, but a lot of women, too] counter-arguing. These counter-arguments can be mostly chalked up to: 1. Comedians can say whatever they want - it's the nature of their job to make light of uncomfortable or negative things. 2. That's what you get for heckling a comedian. 3. Bitches be [overly] sensitive.)

realtalk

@olivebee I think that I'm super disappointed in a lot of peoples' responses to it, because 1. rape jokes are the worst and 2. this wasn't even a joke, it was more of a threat? UGH.

terrific

@olivebee Sigh. One of my good (male, usually very liberal and openminded and wonderful) friends responded with a combination of 1 and 3. I didn't want to engage in a Twitter argument, so I didn't say anything, but ugh.

On the other hand — I do believe that the possibility exists that joking about rape can be funny. Maybe. I think Louis CK's bit is pretty funny. I haven't fully fleshed out my feelings on this, to be honest, and I don't want to decide what is and is not acceptable because I've never been a victim of this crime. But Daniel "Assface" Tosh is not the person to make those jokes.

TheUnchosenOne

@olivebee [TW: Rape] Last year on his show he showed footage of an actual rape (he called it a "prank," but it was a teenager being penetrated against his will with a dildo, so let's call it what it was: rape) and made jokes about it. So I've pretty much decided that anyone who defends him will have this pointed out. If they STILL have anything to say in his defense, they are out of my life forever.

http://feminist-armchair-regime.blogspot.com/2012/07/shows-rape-of-teen-boy-that-tosh-showed.html

@terrific I think it's definitely possible to make rape jokes where the punchline is at the expense of rapists. Dane Cook has a joke about gamers using the word that goes "If I sat down with a woman who'd been raped and asked her what happened, she wouldn't look at me and say 'Have you ever played Halo?'" If Dane motherfucking Cook can do it right, anyone should be able to.

JadedStone

@olivebee Lindy West covered this.. I basically read everything Lindy West says because it matches what's in my brain but that I could never articulate quite as well.

http://jezebel.com/5925186/how-to-make-a-rape-joke

Scandyhoovian

@terrific I feel like the "How to make a Rape Joke" article on Jezebel was spot-on -- sometimes rape jokes can be funny, if they skewer and send up rapists and rape culture. They even included some great examples of tackling rape with humor that worked in context. Just going "lol" rape is not just bad taste, it's bad comedy in general.

I'm of the opinion that underlying all of this is the fact that Daniel Tosh is just a terrible comedian and that he's just managed to really publicly point that out to everyone with this situation. The insistence that comedians can say anything they want and get away with it right now is what's making me crazy. Sure, joke about what you want to joke about, but when your joke sucks and people call you out on it, don't go wailing about freedom of speech and censorship. People seem to forget that the constitutional right to free speech only refers to the federal government and that the audience has the same right to free speech that the comedians do -- i.e. a comedian has every right to makes a crappy joke, and the audience has every right to tell him he isn't funny.

TheUnchosenOne

@Scandyhoovian How many times can I like this comment? I give it ALL OF THE LIKES. All of them.

whateverlolawants

@Scandyhoovian I have said a lot about this elsewhere. All I have to say here is this "rape joke" my sister sent me. She said at first she thought it was insulting, but then she read it again and appreciated it. If you know where it's from and who I can credit, let me know.

"How to tell a rape joke: Take a metal bar, beat a rapist or rape apologist repeatedly and say 'so a rapist walks into a bar' with each stroke."

olivebee

@all As a huge comedy nerd (though Tosh is NOT my style at all...I like comedians that don't incessantly talk about sex), I can almost see where people are coming from on argument number one. HOWEVER, what he said was a personal threat-like insult to a specific woman and that is seriously heinous and disgusting. Arguments number two and three are just fucking ignorant.

The worst argument I saw on facebook from a dude was this [paraphrased]: "I hate that women claim rape as their own thing...a 'woman' thing. It won't happen to most women, so they can't possibly know enough about it to get up in arms. Also, now that gay men can be freer with their sexuality in this day and age, rape will definitely become a thing men have to worry about, too."

WHATTTTTTTTTTTT. That argument made me sick for so many reasons (false statements, homophobia, & patriarchal "ownership" among others).

Statham

@olivebee And now he backpedals:

http://www.eonline.com/news/329897/daniel-tosh-wants-rape-jokes-taken-out-of-brickleberry-pilot?cmpid=rss-000000-rssfeed-365-topstories&utm_source=eonline&utm_medium=rssfeeds&utm_campaign=rss_topstories

TheUnchosenOne

@olivebee Yeah, Tosh wasn't telling a joke in this case, he was making a threat. It was designed to scare her into silence.

My stance: anyone can joke about anything they like. And I'm allowed to call them an asshole if they start punching down or sideways.

OhMarie

@Jade Yes, this article is perfect. I am also an enormous stand-up fan (though I have never liked Daniel Tosh) and I believe that everything has the potential to be funny. But, if you are doing things for shock value and/or not thinking about what your dumb words actually mean, then you are not a good comedian and you are also not a nice person.

quandjebois

@olivebee I can't find it at the moment, but there's a tumblr post going around that lists a bunch of tweets from comedians defending Tosh and I found that more upsetting than the actual incident. It was like all these I thought were thoughtful and above all that bullshit ripped off masks to reveal they're actually terrible assholes just like everyone else.

cosmia

@quandjebois Yeah, I've been told that Louis CK defended him, which is disappointing because I thought he was smarter and more insightful than that.

Judith Slutler

@whateverlolawants My favorite one is still Wanda Sykes' "detachable pussy" routine.

Veronica Mars is smarter than me

HFC has been discussing this at length!

But I think I can basically boil my thoughts down to this: 'You Just Gotta Laugh,' Reports Comedian Through Blood And Tears

highfivesforall

@olivebee The thing that I don't get about this situation, is that it doesn't seem at all different from Michael Richards using the n-word in response to a heckler - except for the reaction. Everyone freaked out about that, said it was not okay, and he seems to be virtually blacklisted (though I don't know how well he would have done if this hadn't happened). Why is this different? Why is it okay to yell at a woman that she should be raped (for speaking out of turn), and not okay to call a black man the n-word? Also I agree with everyone else here, no one seems to know what free speech actually means - no one who is angry at Daniel Tosh is calling for his arrest or saying that he shouldn't be allowed to perform anymore. They are simply saying that they are angry, and that it is bad that he said what he said. Why is that something that he needs to be defended against?

Judith Slutler

@Veronica Mars is smarter than me whoooooaaaaaa shitttttttttttt

WhiskeySour

@olivebee I'm still trying to sort out my feelings on this a bit. I mean I absolutely fully agree with the woman; rapes jokes are no go except in the rare cases such as those in the Lindy West article (I've actually said before that the Mulaney joke is one of the only funny rape jokes I've ever heard.) The "joke" Tosh said? Awful. Not funny. Potentially triggering. The follow-up commentary to the woman's yelling out? So incredibly offensive, completely unacceptable, and he should face serious repercussions for that. Absolutely. No equivocation. Fuck that guy.

But I do find myself getting into this thought vortex about the nature of stand-up comedy and stage performance and power differentials. Like, I keep tripping over the fact that no matter how valid the criticism yelled out, the comedian is going to see the person yelling as an adversary. It's kind of (probably wrongly) built into stand-up comedy. And of course Tosh's response was disgusting, not to mention harassment, threatening, and an incitement for violence. He never should have responded in that way. But yelling out during a performance is never going to make the performer or other audience members go, "oh, that person is totally right!" One wouldn't yell out at a play or poetry reading if the message was disgusting and triggering, so why is comedy treated differently?

I've actually been in situations similar to this woman (although my experiences have not escalated to threats.) I am a sexual assault survivor, I have dealt with being triggered by unfunny stand-up comedians "joking" about rape. I truly empathize with the woman who yelled out. I completely understand the desire to do so. I've been there. I've just never, ever seen someone having yelled out (in stand-up in particular) causing any sort of positive action on the part of the performer or the audience. Responding to someone yelling out is a way that comedians reinforce their power and unite an audience to the side of the performer and against the person who yells out, even if (even especially if) that person has a valid point. In a way, by yelling out, it gives the shitty comedian more power--he has the mic, she doesn't; he can request for any reason the club throw her out, she does not have the power to have the performer removed. I totally understand the desire to yell out because a performer is saying horrible things; I truly have been there. But I just don't think the dynamics at play ever allow for doing so to have the desired result.

JadedStone

@WhiskeySour I think that her yelling out had nothing at all to do with Daniel Tosh and everything to do with survivors who may have been in the audience.
Sure, it doesn't change Tosh. But maybe that one woman who is there and triggered and starting to spiral hears her and has this moment where she doesn't feel alone.

Reginal T. Squirge

1. I used to really like Daniel Tosh as a stand-up (always hated his TV show, though) but he just keeps proving himself to be an awful human. I thought it was all a bit, like the way Sarah Silverman's usual dumb/racist routine is just a bit. Turns out that really is Daniel Tosh and now it's not funny. Which brings up a whole other set of problems.

2. Louis C.K. did not defend what Daniel Tosh said. He tweeted to Daniel Tosh that he likes his show and it makes him laugh. I think this was more of a "Hey, I like you." thing to a friend of his when that he thought that friend probably felt bad about himself.

wharrgarbl

@olivebee Fuck that fucking fucker. He's a wholly terrible human being.

Springtime for Voldemort

@Jade I was SO glad that Lindy West wrote that, because I love the hell out of rape jokes (possibly my favorite kind of joke), but only the ones that go "yeah, that IS rape" or "rape is really horrible/common" and not "lol, that's not REALLY rape". As a side note: I feel like feminist conversations about rape jokes would go so much more smoothly if every time, people defined "rape jokes" and if they included everything that mentioned rape or just the ones that go "not really rape".

@WhiskeySour I hate that SO MANY people's response to this is "sure, rape and rape jokes are bad. But she heckled, and that's rude, so that's just as bad if not worse!" Which is not exactly what you're doing here, but it's been all over.

The thing is, it's not entirely sure if she was heckling. Because according to some accounts, it went more like this:

Tosh: What should I do next?
Random Audience Member: RAPE!
Tosh: Yeah, rape! Rape is always funny.
Cookies for Breakfast: No, rape is never funny.
(The last two lines we know happened)

So in that context, this wasn't him doing a bit and she interrupted him, that was a pre-established give-and-take with the audience in which he had asked for feedback. She wasn't even interrupting him, and he responded with a rape threat. And if she had been interrupting him, it's still not that hard to respond, even badly, with something other than a rape threat.

I don't know that it didn't achieve the desired results. The entire internet is having a massive discussion on if Tosh is a douche and a rape apologist, what rape jokes are ok if any, what power dynamics are in play, and how to deal with everyday misogyny and rape apology. If it'd been me yelling, I would probably think Lindy West's article was way better than Tosh responding with "you know, you're right. Sorry about that."

WhiskeySour

@Jade You're right. I hadn't really been thinking about it in terms of other rape survivors in the audience (because many times in my experience, audiences at comedy clubs tend towards the homogenous white guy "har har har rape is hilarious" crowd.) As I said above, I've been in similar situations before, and you're absolutely right, I do always feel totally alone.

And I also agree with papayalily, the conversation coming out of this situation is incredibly important, especially since I know we (we being the internet as a whole) have been through this before with other comedians and nothing ever seems to improve or change. I know I've found a few more comedians I won't be giving my money to due to their response to this.

I guess I've just been over-analyzing the "nature of comedy" and the underlying power structures and not doing enough work on the broader, more important aspects of this situation.

themegnapkin

@all - someone posted on the Hairpin a few weeks ago a link to a blog post about why rape jokes aren't funny (not along the lines of Lindy West, whose article I think is awesome), about how, even if the joke teller isn't a rapist, the joke reinforces the idea in any of his listeners who is/potentially is a rapist that rape is something that's okay. Does that ring a bell?

queenieliz

@olivebee that sounds like the "un-friend" button to me...ugh.

catfoodandhairnets

@Jade I love the Lindy west too.

klemay

@Reginal T. Squirge There's this post circulating tumblr, saying that Louis CK has publicly stated he's never seen Tosh.0, so he was throwing shade. I'd love to believe this, but can't find any evidence to support this. Does anyone know what I'm talking about?

Reginal T. Squirge

Ooooh. The plot thickens.

themegnapkin

@themegnapkin found it:
http://www.shakesville.com/2011/03/feminism-101-helpful-hints-for-dudes.html

RNL
RNL

@highfivesforall Citing freedom of speech as a reason for calling someone out for calling someone out for calling someone out for calling someone out is pretty hilarious. What right do you think the heckler was exercising? Or Tosh's critics? How on earth do you think freedom of speech works?

Danzig!

@olivebee Well, it turned out more or less how we might have predicted. That day was essentially White Dude Comedian Solidarity Day with all the alt-comedy Gods lining up behind the dude.

It's a dead scene, man. It's abundantly clear to anyone who isn't an idiot that words are not, in fact, harmless, but we have to act as though they are, or rather, we have to wring our hands over how people's right not to be harmed measures up against some vague third order good of speech.

If you buy into the concept of soft western liberalism in any capacity then it's really no contest. It's why radical feminism is radical - to accept that rape is a systemic problem that needs to be eradicated is to interrogate "protected spheres" both private and public - the nuclear family, art, speech. Most people who haven't been raped and some people who have will be unwilling to commit that hard.

Really all it's given us is one more reason to never go back to Jezebel ever again

sceps yarx

@Danzig! Wow, this comment made me think really hard, in a good way. Thanks for articulating that so clearly.

NeverOddOrEven

@Danzig! Wait - What? I was with you until the not going back to Jezebel thing. I'm an expat, but this gives me second thought about writing them off if anything.

whateverlolawants

@Jade Exactly. I've had a fun night out at the comedy club marred by a series of flippant rape jokes. Having someone stand up against them might have been awkward and ineffective- due to the power structure of comedy shows that @WhiskeySour outlines, and general rape culture- but I would have been glad to see them do it nevertheless.

And the jokes I heard weren't even necessarily dismissive of rape's seriousness. But they weren't terribly sensitive to the fact that in any audience of more than a few women (or even men), there WILL be rape survivors who are just trying to have a fun time like everyone else and would prefer to not have memories of their own assault come flooding back while everyone around them just chuckles and shakes their head about how *edgy* this dude is.

Another thought: I'm betting that some people are up in arms because they don't really believe that women, especially those damn rape survivors or feminists, belong in a comedy audience. That we just "don't get it." That if it wasn't for us, everything would be fine and the laughs would never stop. Well, neither would the domination.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@whateverlolawants I love everything you said.

Basically, yes, okay, a bunch of the comedians "supporting" Tosh basically told him not to let people get in his zone. And generally, heckling is wrong and dumb, but not in this case. Plus, you're telling me that a frat-boy comedian doesn't like a rowdy crowd, or people yelling at him, or riling people up? Please. He couldn't handle it. He dug himself into a hole with that "How funny would it be..." comment and he deserves to stay there.

It IS possible to make jokes about things we technically shouldn't joke about, but the thing about offensive humour is that it still has to be funny. It can't just be like "LOL, he said something about rape/murder/racial stereotypes and usually we don't talk about that!" No. It's about finding a way to make those things funny.

Lena Dunham was surprisingly frank about this, which I love because of that scene in Girls where her character royally fucks up a job interview by basically joking that her interviewer is a rapist. That scene mined humour out of the fact that rape isn't funny, and it was great.

Okay. glad to get that out.

slutberry

@olivebee I can't make any articulate comment, I can just remark that this week, because of the triggering factor of the Tosh incident, I have had anxiety attacks for the first time in MONTHS. Nausea, spacing out mid-conversation, hyperventilation, insomnia, the works. So FUCK THAT NOISE.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@sniffadee That sounds awful, and I'm really really sorry, and I kind of feel like showing your comment to everyone who thinks that this isn't a big deal.

Completely unrelated: Patton Oswalt's sympathy tweet was something like "Never apologize to a fucking blogger ever again." Why does he hate the Internet so much when it's convenient for him? He talks a big game for someone who would probably still be poor and underappreciated if it weren't for the Internet.

NeverOddOrEven

@Rookie
Patton really disappointed me, but he came around a bit and actually thanked his fans for the discourse. He's been slightly redeemed in my eyes:
https://www.facebook.com/pattonoswalt

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@NeverOddOrEven Slightly.

That definitely helped a little and proved that everyone can seem like an ass on Twitter, even if they don't mean it (which I know a little too much about), but I'm still not 100% okay with what he said. I'm glad that he isn't either.

The Lady of Shalott

I BOUGHT A CAR!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have the shiniest 2012 Honda Fit (in silver) that you ever did see! I mean, I'm kind of missing my old muscular beast of a car and its gigantic engine, but this one is so shiny and has new-car smell and it's so ZIPPY. And it needs a good name.

I LOVE IT.

adorable-eggplant

@The Lady of Shalott Oh I also have a Fit! And it's a magical machine.

olivebee

@The Lady of Shalott Woohoo! I love Hondas. Let us know when you pick a name.

churlishgreen

@The Lady of Shalott I am seriously considering a Fit to replace my 15-year-old Subaru. Every single person I know who has one--including one who has also owned a Mercedes--totally loves it.

Scandyhoovian

@The Lady of Shalott YAY!! My mother and my future mother-in-law both drive a Fit and both LOVE IT. We borrowed the MIL's once to drive to Florida and it treated us well (the only thing I noticed the whole way down was that if it's really windy you DEFINITELY feel it). Loooove that car.

themegnapkin

@The Lady of Shalott my 1997 car is on the decline, so I need to figure out what I want next. Only, I haven't been car shopping for 10 years, so I'm kind of stunned when I hear the prices of cars these days. Is the Fit a good buy? Also, I <3 convertibles, even though I'm crazy about protecting my face from sun exposure. So, I guess c

The Lady of Shalott

@themegnapkin The Fit is objectively (not my new-car geekiness) at the top of its class (small hatchbacks) in fuel efficiency, handling, cargo space, and safety. The cargo space is ridiculous--it has 57 cubic feet of space with the seats down, which is UNREAL for a small car, and it also has a way to store taller-than-normal items.

It's also fun to drive! I just switched up from a 99 sedan so this is a big change for me. I drove the comparable cars (Toyota Yaris, Ford Fiesta hatchback, Nissan Versa, etc.) and the Fit was just much more comfortable and enjoyable for me to drive.

PatatasBravas

@The Lady of Shalot Fits are delightful! There's something so sexy about a hatchback on zippy lil car.

(or that's just me, ahahhaaha, judge away)

Cat named Virtute

@The Lady of Shalott I think the name answer is clear! Clearly your new car is a Lancelot!

billie_crusoe

@The Lady of Shalott YAY NEW-NEW CAR!!! I'm going to buy a Fit or a Yaris in September.

The deciding factor will be which has a longer roof, as I want to be able to tie skis on top.

royaljunk

@The Lady of Shalott YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY, congrats on getting the Fit! I'm in love with mine!

ELECTROMAGNETIC CHAOS

@The Lady of Shalott: I also have a Fit, and while it serves my needs well I get a TON of shit about it, being a guy.

simalie

@The Lady of Shalott My boyfriend is in the process of trying to buy one (our Honda dealership is THE WORST, hence why he hasn't been able to get it yet) and I was wondering if anyone could tell me how the headlights and brights are? They won't let us take the car past 5 pm (THE WORST) and it doesn't get dark here until 9, so we are totally blind in this area.

whereismyrobot

@The Lady of Shalott I have a silver Fit as well. I call mine "DOT" for the dot in the logo.

lemonadefish

@simalie -- the headlights are fine. They are politely aimed, and the brights are good for spotting deer on country roads.

Also, Fit Fit Fit Fit Fit!! I happened to need a car riight when they came out, and I got one (largely because of the alpaca in the ads, but whatever, it's awesome). Then I made my sister get one, and my dad get one (he is a contractor! He takes it to the lumber yard!!), and my sister's roommate get one, and my sister's friend get one, and my mother-in-law get one, and now my coworker is saving up for one... They are awesome. I still yell Fit any time I see another one on the road, because I'm just so excited. Little Fitty-Fit is six now, and purring along fantastically. You should all go get a Fit!

elizabethfga

Yay! I'm probably gonna buy a Fit in the next few weeks and all this Fit love makes me happy!

ELECTROMAGNETIC CHAOS

@The Lady of Shalott: Oh yeah, if any of you other Fit owners ever wondered if the Fit can tow:

Janestreet

Aiming to find the best oatmeal raisin recipe this weekend! Any suggestions??

churlishgreen

@Janestreet THIS ONE: http://projects.washingtonpost.com/recipes/2007/06/13/salted-oatmeal-cookies/

I add raisins and a generous half teaspoon of salt to the dough (as well as sprinkling on top). I also like to make teeny bite-size cookies, and this recipe works fine for that (I just bake them from 10-12 minutes).

Happy baking!

Enjoy!

lagreen

@churlishgreen LOL--that's my go-to oatmeal cookie recipe too! Sooo good. It's from so long ago, I can't believe someone else is still using it! Go Tea-ism. :)

Aspiriationally Natalie

@Janestreet My dad LOVES oatmeal raisin cookies, and my grandma always used the recipe on the back of the oatmeal box... which we now use as well: http://www.quakeroats.com/cooking-and-recipes/content/recipes/recipe-detail.aspx?recipeid=474

Gertrude

Where have you gone, Friday Bargain Bin?
The Hairpin turns its lonely eyes to you, woo woo woo.

The Lady of Shalott

@Gertrude I really miss FBB and also, Ask a Dude/Ask a Lady/Ask a Coiled Rope!

frigwiggin

@Gertrude Gary and Elaine are languishing.

Statham

@Gertrude I've been missing it myself. :{ Not that I ever bought anything on it, but I always wanted to.

yeah-elle

@Gertrude I juuuust commented on this in the speed-dating article, but I am on a full speed Simon & Garfunkel and Paul Simon solo stuff streak lately. Like, weeks. Of just that. I should probably stop...?

fondue with cheddar

@Gertrude What's that you say, Mrs. Ger-er-trude? Friday Bargain Bin has gone away? Hey hey hey, hey hey hey.

Gertrude

@jen325 ha, my next line was:
What's that you say, Edith Zimmerman?
Jane Marie has left and gone away, hey hey hey.

SarahP

@Statham Ditto! The alt-text alone made it worth reading.

miss buenos aires

@Gertrude I also miss the Spider content, especially because the American Museum of Natural History is going to have a room full of live spiders soon and I would really like to hear A Spider's take on it!

fondue with cheddar

@Gertrude Ooh, yours is much better!

@miss buenos aires ROOM FULL OF LIVE SPIDERS D:
I can't think of any place I'd rather NOT be.

bowtiesarecool

@miss buenos aires And now I'm glad I know that and can stay far, far away. In a brightly lit industrial clean room. Full of spider poison.

Dorothea

@The Lady of Shalott between the end of dear sugar and the slow-down on the ask a lady/dudes, i am in serious advice column-drought.

M'fly

@blahstudent CaptainAwkward.com! You will love it, seriously.

Veronica Mars is smarter than me

I know this is a poor substitute for FBB, but... Frye boots on sale!

Dorothea

@M'fly oh man, the top letter (from the "nice dude" about how to make women love him) really gives me the heebie-jeebies. but the commenters/advice lady seem spot-on!

realtalk

@blahstudent is dear sugar really OVER? forever?? :(

like a rabid squirrel

@blahstudent Also try http://dearcoquette.com/ (formerly "Ask Coke Talk"). She's harsh but also kind of awesome?

Jane Marie

@Gertrude It called the other day and said it might come back next week if I'm lucky :)

Danzig!

@realtalk I would like to know this as well! It seems like they intended to hand off the nom de plume to someone else / have shorter columns more regularly but clearly neither has happened

shawbaby

Tell me not to text the guy who's been pretty terrible to me for the last year, most especially this last weekend when he invited me to a wedding and then tried to leave with another girl. TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME.

Statham

@shawbaby DO NOT TEXT HIM.

The Lady of Shalott

@shawbaby Oh good heavens DO NOT TEXT HIM. Don't you dare. Go eat a cookie or play cat's cradle or paint your nails or go for a bike ride or cook something or DO SOMETHING ELSE.

youresmalltime

@shawbaby OH MY GOD SHAWBABY DON'T DOOOO IT.

Text your most ridiculous party friend instead.

adorable-eggplant

@shawbaby Give your phone to a friend. Alternately, put it in a box and then write on the box 'bad things happen if I open this box'.

terrific

@shawbaby DON'T DO IT! Delete his number! Delete all records of your communication! It is the only way.

(I've been there. So hard. I'm so bad at this.)

The Lady of Shalott

@terrific Yes. DELETE THE NUMBER. Then you CAN'T text him!

shawbaby

@terrific I DID THIS LAST TIME BUT THEN REALIZED I HAD MEMORIZED HIS NUMBER AHHHHHH

No, I won't do it. I WON'T!

And I love you all.

miss buenos aires

@shawbaby I would also suggest putting your phone in a box. And then maybe throwing the box in a river?

SarahP

@shawbaby But WHAT IF you memorized his number wrong? How embarrassing would it be to send a "I'd looooove to go to a wedding with you! :) ;) <3" text to a stranger? Clearly you should not do it.

terrific

@shawbaby ME TOO. I also wrote it down on a piece of paper and hid it because I am an IDIOT and I drunkenly went and hunted it down to text him.

A friend of mine went digging through the phone bill PDFs on Verizon's website. Which is hilarious.

TheUnchosenOne

@shawbaby Don't do it! I've also had the problem where I deleted someone's number hoping to prevent drunk dialing and then I realized I HAD HER NUMBER MEMORIZED and I was basically horrified. Then I downloaded an app that blocks outgoing calls.

gobblegirl

@shawbaby Don't delete his number, but replace it with "[Steve]doesn't respect me" or "[Steve] called my sister hot". It's better than "[Steve] DON'T CALL" because those kinds of ones just add a frisson of naughtiness. Make it a reason why you don't like him.

Megasus

@shawbaby jesus christ ABORT ABORT!

M'fly

@shawbaby AHHH! What a dick, he should change his number.

DON'T TEXT HIM!

RNL
RNL

@shawbaby Yes terrible when you memorize the number. Excessive deleting leads to this, as then you search phone/FB/email for it to re-enter. I am a crazy person.

Change his name in your phone! My current do not text is named "Seriously Stop Making a Fool of Yourself". It's a little shaming, but it gets the job done.

flanhoodles

@shawbaby I once recorded a friend saying "Don't answer that text! He is awful," and made it that guy's personal ring tone. So every time he texted me, my friend shrieked at me not to answer. It worked pretty well.

Lustful Cockmonster

@gobblegirl Mine is a big fat NOT WORTH IT. Not even a name attached. Just NOT WORTH IT. Had to keep the number, as he's a colleague, but when I wanted to drunk text I had a reminder, and when I saw it in passing or for work I got a reminder...@SHAWBABY you are too awesome for that dude, I am sure of it!

laurel

@shawbaby Picture yourself as a dear friend, or maybe a beloved younger girl cousin or sister, a person you know well and love and feel protective of.

Picture the wedding thing, and all the other things, as something a guy did to your friend/sister/cousin. Should she be reaching out to someone who treats her that way?

Cat named Virtute

@shawbaby I don't know if watching the "Origins of Vampire Mythology" episode of Community would help or hurt here, but it's one option.

panquecito

@Grumplestiltskin @gobblegirl @RobotsNeedLove I love these! Mine is WASTE OF YOUR TIME.

nervousrobot

@shawbaby Don't do it!!!!!!!

Here's a trick I use. Think of an ex you sincerely no longer like and/or want to smooch/sleep with/whatever. Remember back to the time when you DID still want to kiss him/her. (I like to picture an ex from college, who I wanted to kiss for a long, long time after we broke up.) Think about how, if you could go back in time, you would so totally yell at You-of-the-Past to stop STOP TEXTING JUICEBOXES. (Something like, Me-of-the-Past, IF YOU HADN'T KEPT TEXTING COLLEGE-EX YOU WOULD HAVE HAD SO MUCH FUN/THAT GUY WASN'T EVEN THAT GREAT OMFG/REMEMBER THAT TIME HE TREATED YOU LIKE A BACKUP GIRLFRIEND.)

Then, pretend that You-of-the-Future is yelling that at you right now. See how much perspective you have now, Self? See how embarrassed we'll be in, say, 6-12 months if you send that text or call this person? DON'T MAKE FUTURE-US FEEL SO EMBARRASSED ALL THE TIME PLEASE AND THANK YOU.

Emby

@shawbaby I guess my question is... you KNOW he's bad for you and bad to you. Why WOULD you text him? Be good to yourself.

nervousrobot

@gobblegirl That is great advice/I will use that in the future.

OhMarie

@flanhoodles THIS IS GENIUS

Lustful Cockmonster

@shawbaby Please repeat after me "No one worth being sad about will ever make me this sad, and no one worth being crazy about will ever make me feel this crazy..." Lather, rinse, repeat.

Roxanne Rholes

@Grumplestiltskin You're a genius! I am in the process of a breakup and hunting for the best ways to not be sad. Writing this on a post-it to stick on the back of my phone.

Queen of Pickles

@nervousrobot My conversation with my future-self goes like this:

Me: Arrrrrgh, I really want to text him. Arrrgh.

FS: (poof) Hey! You shouldn't text him! Even if it miraculously works and you get back together, you're just prolonging the inevitable. You broke up once already. And you know you don't want to marry this guy, even if you DO want to fall in love with him and go out with him for a long time and be his girlfriend.

Me: Arrrrgh, I know. Maybe. But what if I don't care?

FS: Well, you want to be healthy, right? And you know what happens to your self-worth and mental health when you start doing Things That Will Hurt You Later, right?

Me: (sigh) Yes. Right. Okay. So, in the interests of being healthy - what do I do now?

FS: ...Um, I don't know. Stay busy!

Me: I mean, how do I date someone else when I just want him too badly?

FS: Oh, I don't know about that. I'm just here to tell you not to date him. Um... okay, think about all the bad things in the relationship. All the ways he hurt you! The reasons you broke up!

Me: ...But what was so bad about the relationship, anyway? He really didn't hurt me. We were both honest with each other, and he's a courageous guy who can suck it up and have hard conversations. He was crazy about me, and I was nuts about him too. Sure, there were problems communicating and compromising sometimes, but the reason we broke up was it just wasn't good timing, I think.

FS: (garbled)

Me: What?

FS: Oh, I guess you can't hear the Perspective I have now. Too bad. It could really help you!

shawbaby

YOU ARE ALL SO AMAZING. I shall go forth into this weekend armed with the sage wisdom of so many smart and beautiful 'pinners behind me

Emby

@Queen of Pickles "Stressed out" and "not good timing" are TOTALLY smokescreens for real, legit problems. Those are the things you tell yourself when you're trying to convince yourself that things are/were better than they are/were.

Know how you date someone else when you want someone else badly? You go like this: "Hey, [insert small talk here], would you like to go out sometime?" And then maybe you like them or maybe you don't, but the point is to give your heart and brain some fresh air. It's suffocating on addictive poison right now. Thinking about dating other people is much, much scarier than actually doing it.

maiasaura

@shawbaby Do not text him! My personal avoiding-contact-with-terrible-dudes strategy is to fill out/re-open an okcupid profile and spend time messaging NEW, DIFFERENT dudes when I want to contact an old terrible one. You might go on a boring date that way, but at least you will not be inflating the ego of someone who does not deserve your time.

Queen of Pickles

@shawbaby Aw, it's not that dating new people is scary, it's like I'm monosexual right now. Nobody interests me except the one dude. I've been to a few bars, parties, flirted, etc. Only vague repulsion and boredom, even though some of the dudes are interesting. It's like being at a restaurant when I'm getting over stomach flu.

And I'm definitely not saying everything was perfect! But - I was stressed because I had lost my dream job and was unemployed, my best friends in the city had recently moved away... not good timing because I was recently free of a codependent friendship.

Trust - I'm not saying things would have been perfect if these issues had not been present. But a lot of the breakup was coming from my own court, because I felt like I needed to be single. (Maybe I do? Who knows!) I'm certainly not calling him to find out! I don't want to be a yo-yo.

Tl;dr - I feel like things could have been awesome for far longer, were it not for me getting fired, coming off of another intense relationship, and losing my people.

WaityKatie

@Queen of Pickles Monosexual! I love this. I feel the same way, when I'm involved with a dude, I have no interest in other dudes, even if the dude I'm involved with is terrible/unsatisfactory. In theory this makes me the perfect, non-cheating girlfriend, but the dudes don't seem to see it that way.

queenieliz

@shawbaby don't do it...just delete the juicebox's number.

Danzig!

@Queen of Pickles In netspeak, you're a demisexual - sexually uninterested in people you don't have an emotional connection with!

It's not a real thing, but sad Tumblrkin sure like to think it is

PistolPackinMama

@shawbaby Oh god. Do you want someone to run him over with her grannie bike? Because I could ask... a friend...

(I hate him. That's so, so not nice a thing to do.)

EpWs

@shawbaby YOU BETTER NOT HAVE TEXTED HIM

Queen of Pickles

@shawbaby Ha ha, I'm definitely not a demisexual... thankfully. But my general new-people-libido seems to be thwarted by all this Stupid Pining.

See, I had a plan! Me and this dude were supposed to break up, and I was going to play the field! Be wild and strong and wanton and carefree and things! And then eventually be ready for a real, settle-down-type relationship!

(Plans! Ugh.)

whereismyrobot

@shawbaby Don't get drunk, that is where the weakness happens.

TheDragon

@shawbaby I still, two years later have THE EX's phone number memorized. Eventually I realized that every time I talk to him I end up feeling like shit, and I deserve better. It took forever, but I just ignore him now. And his facebook. (usually.)

area@twitter

I keep thinking of Somber Bear from this morning's post. HAIL, BEAR. I WOULD ASK YOU QUESTIONS.
On a more serious note: trying to work out stuff with HR for a job application. The office would really like me (I think) and I would really like the job (I think) and now it's just a question of getting someone from HR to work out a mistake I made in the app.

Statham

@area@twitter Holy crap. We need an "Ask a Somber Bear" post.

SarahP

@Statham I want to be that somber bear! (Both in real life and in the way that I would be happy to answer questions directed at said somber bear.)

Statham

@SarahP I'd be glad to ask questions. I'm sure he knows a lot about honey.

Or maybe how he felt about the portrayal of bears in Disney's "Brave".

area@twitter

@SarahP Damn it, and I screwed up my HTML in the edit. I am, of course, referring to this Somber Bear. HAIL, BEAR.

SarahP

@area@twitter Usually, if they aren't swamped, HR people are pretty understanding if you send an email saying "I realize now that I made a slight error in [document]; I have attached a version with the error removed." It doesn't reflect badly on you to want to fix a mistake!

area@twitter

@SarahP It has to do with how I filled out the app; I accidentally put a promotion down as a new job position and now there's (I'm guessing) a concern that I'm trying to switch jobs too quickly? Also there's no direct person to contact there; the number goes to the front desk and I already talked to them last Friday and nobody called me back and I would just REALLY like a shot at this job ::breaks off to breathe into paper bag:: HELP ME, BEAR.

SarahP

@area@twitter This is especially awesome to me because my nickname to my immediate family is "Bear."

Ohhh that is so much better! If it's a promotion, it's within the same company, right? Even as two separate entries, they'll be side by side and obvious you're not switching jobs, just positions--and that shows your versatility within your (current?) company.

area@twitter

@SarahP Thank you. I salute you, Bear. :) I know, I thought it would be obvious that since the jobs are in the same department and closely related that it was a promotion, but I guess not. I'll just feel a lot better when someone calls me back about it. Think I'll give them until Wednesday and then (politely) inquire again. Also! I found out late on Friday that I got a raise in my current job, so hooray! Quake in fear, credit card debt, here I come!

Statham

Holy crap. I think I've either got a cold or a heavy case of bad allergies going on, and it's terrible. :{

Veronica Mars is smarter than me

@Statham Me too! :( I thought I was just losing my voice from too much oration, but then my dry-throat-tickle turned into phlegmy-cough-if-I-lie-down-too-long.

sovereignann@twitter

@Statham THE WORST! My best friend has been suffering through this junk for the past three weeks. Nothing seems to shake it and it comes with a dazzlingly bad cough. Good luck to you! The sum total of my medical advice: Drink fluids?

Statham

@sovereignann@twitter I've been doing that and taking Mucinex, and I've been feeling a little better. Last night it kept me up all night though, and that was terrible. :{

laurel

@sovereignann@twitter: I'm at the end of week two, damnitalltohell. I'm gargling hot salt water and ACV like some kind of hot salt water and ACV gargling addict, drinking all the fluids, avoiding alcohol, trying to sleep a lot (which is unpossible with the coughing), etc. and it just won't go away.

fondue with cheddar

Anybody in the Philly area going to the Bastille Day celebration? My French-speaking friend is going, and my boyfriend's friend is also visiting from France this weekend so we might go too. I've never been and haven't had the chance to see what it's all about (not Bastille Day, but the Philly celebration specifically).

Faintly Macabre

@jen325 Oooh, I've been wondering if there was going to be a Bastille-day thing here but have been too lazy to check! Is it at the Alliance Francaise?

fondue with cheddar

@Faintly Macabre I don't know, I haven't looked up the details yet because I'm at work. According to my friend it's somewhere near the penitentiary, it starts at or around 4:30, and beforehand there's a street fair.

Faintly Macabre

@jen325 Oh, I think I know about that one! My friend makes Spanish videos for the Philly tourist office, and she made one about it. It looked cute.

WaityKatie

@jen325 The one at the prison? I have been. It's pretty fun. Let them eat Tastykakes!

travelmugs

@Faintly Macabre @jen325 Go! It's so much fun! They guillotine a watermelon. Marie Antoinette yells out "Let there be Tastykake!" and throws Butterscotch Krimpets off of the Penitentiary walls.

Also, the bars usually have specials on the Coppola canned champagne.

travelmugs

Seriously, everyone go. It's impossible to find something that is simultaneously so "French" and so quintessentially Philadelphia.

fondue with cheddar

@travelmugs That sounds fucking fantastic.

Veronica Mars is smarter than me

@jen325 That actually sounds hilarious. I wish I had time to go!

WaityKatie

@travelmugs Although, the last time I went Tastykake wouldn't sponsor and they had to throw out Twinkies instead. Which somehow made it even better?

Veronica Mars is smarter than me

@Veronica Mars is smarter than me
P.S. PHILLY MEETUP LET'S DO IT AGAIN

fondue with cheddar

@WaityKatie The only reason that would be better is because I wouldn't care if I wasn't able to catch one of the Twinkies. Les Butterscotch Krimpets est très délicieux!

WaityKatie

@jen325 Oh, I didn't get to eat any of them, but the twinkies looked better smashed on the ground, which is where most of them end up.

frigwiggin

My dad is suddenly in the United States again! He let me know on...Monday? Tuesday? That he would be here on Thursday, so now I'm trying to incorporate him into my plans tonight. Fortunately, a friend and I were going to go see Beasts of the Southern Wild in Berkeley anyway, so I'll probably just bring him along. DADS.

LibrarySwampThing

@frigwiggin DADS! My Dad did the last minute "oh hey you know i said i'd visit you that's happening in two days kay byeee" thing to me this week. It gave me weird rage-sympathy-shoe's-on-the-other-foot cramps for what he must have felt like when I was fifteen and all "drive me to stacey's" at 11 PM.

I hope your friend-dad hangouts go surprisingly well!

PatatasBravas

@frigwiggin Oooooh I so want to see that; report back por favor!

(also have fun with the dad!)

frigwiggin

@LibrarySwampThing Hahaha, you have a good point! My dad has always been the MOST laid-back person about sudden plans, whereas I've become a slow thinker as I get older and now I feel like I need at least a month's warning on any and all changes that occur within our family. But it'll be fun, partially thanks to Dad's aforementioned laid-backness. He doesn't want to disrupt my plans, he just wants to see me, and I DO want to see him, so we'll work it out.

@PatatasBravas I'm optimistic! I'm holding back 100% enthusiasm because it looks like it might romanticize poverty somewhat, as well as the fact that it might turn out to be like magical-POC-everywhere, but it looks great so I'm hoping it will live up to my expectations!

cat_ballou

@PatatasBravas Beasts of the Southern Wild was so so so good. Go immediately! (If not sooner!)

harebell

@frigwiggin hope you enjoy! But if you have trouble watching jouncy hand-held camera movies, be careful. I had to go out of the theater for a while and ask my husband what I missed, also had to look down for a lot of the movie and just listen to it, because the constantly jiggly camera made me so nauseous.

stonefruit

@frigwiggin in April, I took a trip to another city, and posted about it on FB. My dad commented, "Wait, you're in [other city]? I'm in [other city] this week too! Let's meet for dinner!" He absolutely knew I was in the other city! And that he had work engagements there! He just spaced out.

DADS.

SarahP

I got a raise! It's not based on merit or anything--each year, I get a tiny increase in pay--but I forgot about it! (It's only happened twice; last year I called Accounts Payable to let them know they'd overpaid me, and the lady there was like "...oh, honey.")

Between this and BEING ON THE HAIRPIN yesterday, and hopefully hitting the beach this weekend, it's a good week!

noodge

@SarahP i got my raise this paycheck too. and i knew it was coming. but my supervisor quit, and nobody did our time cards, so i didn't get this thing fixed and i came up short on my paycheck, and won't get the rest of it for another two weeks
(cue debbie downer music)

SarahP

@teenie Oh boo. Surprise-raise receiving is a lot better than expected-raise NOT-receiving. I hope it gets straightened out soon!

noodge

@SarahP thanks. sorry to harsh your buzz.

SarahP

@teenie I am wearing my favorite dress today and I had chocolate for breakfast. NOTHING CAN HARSH THIS BUZZ.

wee_ramekin

@SarahP YOU WERE ON THE HAIRPIN YESTERDAY! And it was amazing and poignant and sad (and your post on your condo that you're leaving on your blog had me making big googly-eyes at how beautiful it is! Your new house is going to be GORGEOUS!).

SarahP

@wee_ramekin You are awesome! My boss is going to wonder why I have a big old grin on my face that won't go away.

whizz_dumb

I might be getting a kitten. This is a step up from a few succulents and a little bonsai tree.

olivebee

@whizz_dumb CATS! YES! Fill us in on the details. Are you adopting from a shelter?

whizz_dumb

@olivebee these friends/acquaintances found her in their chicken coop playing with feathers. She's got the black-grey-white stripes going on and seems a couple months old and like she's been to a vet. These doofus neighbors abandoned her. Idiots. I will name her Falafel and we will take care of each other.

Statham

@whizz_dumb I'm going to get on a mini-podium here, so don't be offended, but I'm just going to suggest looking into an older cat at a shelter.

Older cats are far less likely to be adopted because well, they're older and usually not as cute as a kitten. But, I've found there are several perks to getting an adult cat. (Obviously, that is what I did. His name is "Handsome Gentleman".)

1. They're usually more laid back and know how to behave around people. Or if not, they know how to avoid people without being a nuisance and regarding you with disdain from a distance.
2. In all the shelters I've been to, they're cheaper because they want them adopted.
3. They (at least in my experience) have an idea of how to behave in a house. Like, for example, my cat doesn't bolt out of a door whenever it's opened to go outside. He just waits patiently inside in the hope that you re-enter with something for him. He also took quickly to his litter box (He did totally destroy a chair with his urine though. Ugh. But it was cheap and ugly, so whatever. Maybe he was pissing all over my bad taste.) and to his food bowl, etc. etc.

Mine is also an excellent cuddler, but that's because he's kind of a flawless cat.

Ok. Sorry to give you that massive wall of text. If you want a kitten I am not trying to stop you or judge you or anything. I like kittens too.

Statham

@whizz_dumb I'm going to get on a mini-podium here, so don't be offended, but I'm just going to suggest looking into an older cat at a shelter.

Older cats are far less likely to be adopted because well, they're older and usually not as cute as a kitten. But, I've found there are several perks to getting an adult cat. (Obviously, that is what I did. His name is "Handsome Gentleman".)

1. They're usually more laid back and know how to behave around people. Or if not, they know how to avoid people without being a nuisance and regarding you with disdain from a distance.
2. In all the shelters I've been to, they're cheaper because they want them adopted.
3. They (at least in my experience) have an idea of how to behave in a house. Like, for example, my cat doesn't bolt out of a door whenever it's opened to go outside. He just waits patiently inside in the hope that you re-enter with something for him. He also took quickly to his litter box (He did totally destroy a chair with his urine though. Ugh. But it was cheap and ugly, so whatever. Maybe he was pissing all over my bad taste.) and to his food bowl, etc. etc.

Mine is also an excellent cuddler, but that's because he's kind of a flawless cat.

Ok. Sorry to give you that massive wall of text. If you want a kitten I am not trying to stop you or judge you or anything. I like kittens too.

Lily Rowan

@Statham YES! Older shelter cats are the best! Highly recommended A++++ would adopt again.

tessamae

@whizz_dumb I love the name Falafel, you have chosen well. Kittens and cats are the best! My best kitten training advice that you didn't ask for: squirt bottle. NO KITTY! squirt WHY ARE YOU CLAWING THAT?! squirt WHY ARE YOU SITTING ON TOP OF THE OVEN! squirt

But have so much fun! Awww, I wish my fat, idiot 3 year-old cat was a teeny, tiny kitten again.

Statham

@Statham Holy cow. I did not mean to post this twice. Sorry!

Mad as a Hatter!

Side note, if I got a black cat, would The Batman be a good name, or too ridiculous?

maybe partying will help

@Hello sweetie

I am so in favor of a black cat named The Batman.

Statham

@Gone Away Lass OH MAN. I WONDERED WHY EVERYTHING WAS BOLD. Thank you.

Statham

@Hello sweetie There is no name too ridiculous for a cat.

Ex.
My ex-boyfriend's female cat is named "Grandpa".
Mine is "Handsome Gentleman".

Mad as a Hatter!

@Statham I've also considered Commissioner Gordon and Colonel Bitch-Face. In the end I'd probably fail call him/her Cat and confuse them.

whizz_dumb

Instead of Falafel maybe Tabouli is more fitting for a tabby.

RK Fire

@Hello sweetie Re. cat names: my husband and I call our black male cat everything from Boy Cat to V (his actual name) to V Cat to Terminator X to Black Cat to Toothless, while we call our grey tabby female cat everything from Grey Cat to Girl Cat to Kitty (the name my niece gave her) to the War Machine. Cats aren't known for responding to names (although V will respond 90% of the time) so really, you can do what you want.

miss buenos aires

@RK Fire My black cat (adopted as an adult from the shelter which was giving away adult cats free, gratis) is named Miss Boris Karloff. She answers (sometimes) to Boris.

Mad as a Hatter!

@RK Fire Very true. I think my cat Clyde knows his name, but his only response is a look of disdain.

Statham

@Hello sweetie I call my cat all sorts of things, and I think he just reacts to the tone of my voice and not his actual name. Things like, "Fuzzy Fanny", "My Future Fur Muff", and "Who wants their chin scritched?"

whizz_dumb

@Hello sweetie Curmudgeon Clyde

the roughest toughest frail

@Statham I named my cat Rue McClanahan, so I totally agree that there is no name too ridiculous for a cat. (And yes, we call her Rue McClanahan and make the vet techs announce her full name when she goes for visits.)

whizz_dumb

Welp, it's official, she's coming over tonight. I'll give it some more thought once we're acquainted but I've been toying with more names like Tater Tot and Patti Smith.

Sugar Kane's Hip Flask

@whizz_dumb Ah, congratulations, kittens are the best! I like to give my cats old man names like George and Smitty but eventually they all answer to "Baby" or "Schmoo".

RK Fire

@whizz_dumb: Tater Tot is a fantastic name!

terrific

Tonight, I'm going to go lay in Central Park with a picnic and some smuggled wine and listen to the symphony. And then there will be FIREWORKS.

Statham

@terrific That sounds great!

miss buenos aires

@terrific I am also going to Central Park tonight! But I will be trying to spot bats.

terrific

@miss buenos aires WHERE ARE THE BATS??!?! I want to find them. I love bats!

miss buenos aires

@terrific I'm not 100% sure where the bats are. The AMNH is doing a "bat walk," but it is $40 per person, and I am refusing to pay that on principle. I could see a Broadway show for that much, and I'm pretty sure their overhead is a little more involved than two people with a bat detector. So my husband and I are going to a pond right before sunset and we are going to try to peep bats with our own peepers. And if we happen to see the AMNH group while we're there...

I will report back on any bat sightings.

elysian fields

@terrific ummmm me too! I'm bringing a picnic!

Biketastrophy

@miss buenos aires The best part about bats is throwing up small rocks and watching them divebomb it thinking "BUG!"

terrific

@elysian fields ME TOO! I just bought raspberries and chips and my favorite little brie sandwiches from Pret. Guy partner is bringing the wine and a blanket. I'm sooooo so excited even though it is cloudy.

elysian fields

@terrific My boyfriend ordered a massive picnic through Living Social so I'll be eating that while sitting on a paisley-print bedsheet. It's going to be an awesome night!

Cat named Virtute

I'm having a moving sale! I also need to get rid of a giant bottle of tequila and half a bottle of midori that people left at my house after some party or other. I'm thinking I'll buy a bottle of margarita mix for the tequila and make a pitcher for people to have while they wander around my apartment, but what on earth can you do with midori to make it not disgusting? I tried making a midori sour for myself last week with midori, lemon juice, ice, and a touch of soda water, but it didn't do much for me. Should I just mix it with a giant bottle of 7up or eight? And if any Montreal 'Pinners want to come buy/take my crap, let me know and I will tell you where I live! I have books, clothes, furniture, and kitchen stuff.

Also I'm making chili cheese fries for the upteenth time in a month. Recipe here: http://leitesculinaria.com/79959/recipes-chili-cheese-fries.html?preview=true So delicious!

Cat named Virtute

@Cat named Virtute ALSO my mom came to visit for my birthday on Monday! She took me to my local pub and told the bartender it was my 25th birthday, and they got me SO TOASTED on manhattans and random shockingly delicious shooters. I then told her that sometimes I sleep with girls and it was totally okay. She also smoked most of a pack of cigarettes and made me promise not to tell anyone.

M'fly

@Cat named Virtute Your mom is majorly rad!

Cat named Virtute

@M'fly She was super rad! Sometimes she's kind of uptight, and she was pretty strict when I was growing up, but sometimes she is just all awesomeness.

Lucienne

@Cat named Virtute You could try putting the Midori in the margaritas, or there's a cocktail called a Slipper that isn't too gross.

lisma

@Cat named Virtute You should make your own marg mix if lemons/limes/grapefruits are not prohibitively expensive!

yeah-elle

My laptop is so broken. Like, the hard disk is full out broken, I'm pretty sure. I don't want to shell out for a new one, though. Womp womp.

WaityKatie

@yeah-elle Mine is physically broken, like I can't close the top anymore because every time I do this big crack extends a little bit further from the side hinge. But I really don't want to buy a new one "just because of that." Blah.

KatPruska

@WaityKatie Mine too! Plus, one of my Ctrl keys randomly shifts off its little key bracket, my wireless card craps out when it gets crabby, my left mouse button is sort of jammed and takes some tapping, the DVD drive cover falls off - you know what? I'm just going to stop right here because it is getting ridiculous.

I haven't replaced it because, ugh, spending money. Also, as MrKatPruska is a career (and lifelong) geek it sort of, I dunno, guts him a tiny bit every time I mention the recurrence of a familiar problem. I cheerfully announce that I now have to use my fingertips to keep the hinge covers on so I can successfully close the top without extending the crack and he gets sort of a pained look on his face and begs me to get a new computer. As he is reluctant to emote in many other ways I consider it sort of a duty to poke the soft spot once in a while. Gods, I would be such a terrible mother.

frigwiggin

My darling cat Flat Tire, she of the stump of a back leg, finally got her stump amputated on Monday! I was so scared she would be angry and hateful forever after a traumatic event (she hates the vet's with a passion, and that's when we don't even do anything to her), but she's been pretty dopey and loving and only occasionally gets confused and starts hissing! But her back parts are all shaved and gross-looking (the incision site and sutures look pretty gnarly, but gnarly in a healing-healthily sort of way, don't worry), and she has to wear a cone for like another week, which means she keeps bumping into everything. The combination of the cone being larger than she expects, plus the lack of a stump to balance with anymore, has made her walk like a drunk. But my baby is on the way to being okay, and someday that fur will all grow back...

noodge

@frigwiggin you have a stumpy kitten too? i just posted mine to the pinpets - why did your stumpy have to get de-stumped?

churlishgreen

@frigwiggin All of the good wishes to you and your brave, tough kitty!

frigwiggin

@teenie I saw your stumpy cat and had to show my boyfriend! Wellll, she had been smacking the stump against things a lot lately--particularly the tile floor of our house--and since the end of the stump is just skin over bone, it caused her a lot of pain and she would run around the house alternately screaming and licking it, which didn't seem like a good state of being. We talked to the vet and she said that the weight of the hanging stump would ultimately give her back problems, too, and we all agreed that removal of the stump would probably be for the best in the long run. The hospital staff were great and the surgeon appears to have done a first-rate job, so I just keep hoping that this was the right move to make. It wasn't decided on lightly.

miss buenos aires

@frigwiggin I saw her little conehead on your blog! It was sad but adorable.

noodge

@frigwiggin - awwww, it sounds like you made a good, well-informed decision. and it's informative for me to know that this happened to a fellow stumpy. speedy recovery wishes for your kitten!

meetapossum

@frigwiggin Oh, man! There is nothing sadder/funnier than a cat in a cone bumping into everything. Also, their desperate pleas for face scratches. I'm glad your kitty is doing ok!

tessamae

@frigwiggin Poor kitty baby! Best wishes on a speedy recovery!

Lily Rowan

@frigwiggin Aw, poor healing kitty! I'm sure it was the right thing to do.

themegnapkin

@teenie what are the pinpets?!!

bowtiesarecool

@frigwiggin Poor thing! Full amputation is usually easier though. My parents now have a tripod kitty because of an aggressive (but contained) bone tumor, and after a couple of weeks of "WHY DO I FEEL WEIRD AND WHY IS THIS THING ON MY HEAD," she completely adjusted and it was like nothing had happened. There were a couple of attempted launches onto furniture that failed, and then she recalibrated and is back to being a pest. I wish you and your kitty the best of luck!

noodge

@themegnapkin

http://pinpets.tumblr.com/

Veronica Mars is smarter than me

@bowtiesarecool Our only-our-foster-except-he-is-already-our-baby-and-we-will-love-him-forever-and-please-no-one-adopt-him kitty had his tail amputated soon after we got him. It was already necrotic/skin and bone about halfway down, and now he just has a teeny 1" tail stump! Obviously this is not as big a life change as losing a leg, but it was fairly traumatic trying to care for him while he healed. But! About 1.5-2 weeks in, he basically forgot all about it, and he's completely fine and perfectly healed now, yayyyy!

And his tail nub still functions, so when he is happy you can see it wagging back and forth as just the little nub, but just like the rest of his tail was still there. It is SO precious.

(Note: it is not easy to get a bandage to stay on a little tail nub. And you can't just over-wrap because he has to be able to poop and stuff.)

bowtiesarecool

@Veronica Mars is smarter than me I don't know where the photo went, but ZOMG FUZZY BELLY. I WANTS TO RUB THE FUZZY BELLY.

More seriously, the vet told us that cats are amaaaaazingly adaptive to amputation. They pretty much go straight to assuming that this is how life has always been and wondering where the snacks are. I don't know why cats in particular are so great for this, but it's really fortunate!

Veronica Mars is smarter than me

@bowtiesarecool ISN'T HE THE BEST. Sadly, his fuzzy belly isn't doing so great right now :(

We just discovered a huge bald spot on his lower belly/almost genitals area. He has been doing some hardcore stress grooming! And our place is a mess and we've been trying to clean it up, so like... things are going to keep changing and moving around, even though I know it's probably what's stressing him out. SAD.

noodge

really out of sorts this week. grrrawwwr. grumpy, neurotic, super sensitive. i don't have hormones to blame or anything. i think i need a kick in the pants and/or a lobotomy.

Fiddle dee dee

@teenie

Or a nap, perhaps?

parallel-lines

@teenie SERENITY NOW!

It'll be okay, I promise, especially if it's wedding planning stress.

I've entered this interesting phase of wedding planning I'm going to call "fuck it!" - like, if it didn't get done then well, fuck it! All those paper flowers I was going to cut from hand, fuck 'em! And the programs--can people hear the music and see us getting married? Well then fuck it, they don't need written notice of it. I thought the legend of "fuck it!" was just a myth I read about in wedding blogs, but it's real and it will come to you soon.

SarahP

@parallel-lines I hit that phase two weeks before my wedding and it was the best.

noodge

@parallel-lines haha, I have been joking about SERENITY NOW for a week or so now. I'm seeing the hints of "fuck it" in my wedding planning and it's refreshing and delightful. I love what you're saying though: that whole WIC brainwashing thing is awful, and you're completely right - everyone will love your wedding and you don't need all that other fluff. JUST LOVE!

This is more like emotional baggage BS. I have a voice inside me, telling me about my lack of value as a person that was taught to me at a young age, reinforced by my diq of an ex husband, and won't SHUT THE FUCK UP - probably because my wedding is coming up, it's saying stuff like "hey Teenie - you gonna eff this one up to? eh? you're seriously toxic, it will never work. oh yeah, do that, that's even better, you effin moron". it makes me act crazy: like borderline personality crazy. so i'm trying to meditate like crazy and be cool. about 4 months ago, i'd terminated my relationship with my most recent therapist (who'd been scamming me for more money than I should have been paying - weird and awful) so I found another person who i'm going to start seeing on Monday. fingers crossed she's a keeper and I can develop somewhere to sort through these feelings.

Judith Slutler

@teenie You do know what to tell that voice... FUCK IT

Good luck babe, you are not toxic, you are amazing and your dude is amazing.

billie_crusoe

@teenie I have that voice, too, and that voice can go fuck itself. I hope your Monday therapist is wonderful!

Ophelia

Hey all - my cousin is trying to remotely search for a flat in London (on a grad-student budget). Anyone over there looking for 2 very nice early 20s girls as tenants in a relatively transit-friendly location?

Ophelia

@Ophelia Also, any sense of the lead time to find a flat in London? NYC seems to be 2-3 weeks, if I remember correctly London was about 4-5 weeks out. Thoughts?

nowwhat

@Ophelia I rented several flats in London, and I remember having to give 2 months notice when moving out so 4-5 weeks lead time sounds about right. If the flat is vacant, sometimes landlords will choose tenants who can move in immediately, so that lead time could vary. I lost out on a great place once because the landlord picked an applicant who could move in 2 weeks before me...even though I was offering the asking price for the place and they weren't. That's another thing: rents are negotiable there! And also: if your cousin is a U of London student, they have a flatshare/flatsearch database via the student housing office that could help. The office also looked over a lease for me when I thought it sounded sketchy.

Ophelia

@nowwhat Thanks much! And good point on the negotiable rent. I seem to recall having done the same thing (but it was a long time ago).

Steph

@Ophelia She probably already knows this but Gumtree is the Craigslist of the UK. I found a flat on there that I was able to move into immediately with three lovely Australian boys.

sarah girl

Psychiatric Chat: I just started on Abilify today (just 2mg for now) as an add-on to the Wellbutrin I'm currently taking. Anyone have stories/recommendations/etc?

I've gone through literally almost every antidepressant since high school, I am SO READY to try something different. I hope it isn't terrible :(

bowtiesarecool

@Sarah H. I had a seriously unpleasant case of akathisia as a result, so I wasn't able to stay on it very long, so keep an eye out for that. Otherwise good luck! Atypical antipsychotics have shown some promise in combo therapy for refractory depression, and Abilify has a MUCH lower side effect load in terms of metabolic issues. I would say that if Abilify turns out not to be the one for you, be very very careful with other atypical antipsychotics because it is possible to gain a really terrifying amount of weight really quickly on them. My doctor didn't really warn me, and I felt so completely out of control of my body. If you're not in the habit of it, always talk that through with your prescriber and pharmacist and get thorough answers.

sarah girl

@bowtiesarecool Akathisia is the main thing my psych warned me about. I actually have issues with that outside of any medications, have my whole life, so I'm not too concerned...

Thankfully, I'm working with a really excellent and intelligent psychiatrist who is very honest about side effects and my options for treatment; he did specifically point out that Abilify is better in the area of side effects. Fingers crossed!

bowtiesarecool

@Sarah H. That's awesome! Support from your care providers is so important. I know other people who've had a lot of luck with it. I hope it works for you!

ohyeahmetoo

@Sarah H.
good luck with the new combo! i know trying out drugs can be so exhausting/disheartening. if you feel like venting about anything i'd be happy to join in. totally down for psychopharm chats.

i have also been on pretty much everything and am now on wellbutrin and adderall and it is actually working! (well, has been for a year or more, a pretty long success period for me.) i mention this because my doctor was thinking of doing the wellbutrin/abilify combo before sending me for a second opinion, other doc recommended adderall (amphetamines came up as probably best for me in my own desperate research since my problem seems to be more dopamine based), though i was too scared to bring it up lest i came across as drug-seeking. instead i waded through years of crippling depression! yay timidity).

sorry for so many edits, i didn't organize my thoughts well.

darklingplain

@Sarah H. My sister takes Abilify along with Zoloft (I think?) for OCD, and it's been working really well for her. I hope it does the same for you!

sarah girl

@ohyeahmetoo I very briefly tried Vyvanse with the Wellbutrin, but my blood pressure went through the roof - I don't do well with stimulants. :\

Thanks all! Four days in and I've had some irritability issues (I'm sorry, boyfriend), but other than that feeling pretty good. Fingers crossed!

maybe partying will help

Epic Weekend Plans: watching all of the new Lupin the Third series on Hulu.

That is all.

In other fun news, I spent most of my savings on a ticket to Seattle for con-age. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEE.

Biketastrophy

@maybe partying will help I've never actually watched Lupin, but Tokyo Ska Paradise Orchestra doing the intro is a song that I love.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIi88qEH_SA

soul toast

@maybe partying will help
Geek Girl? Have you seen the schedule yet? I'm really excited, but I want them to keep adding more things!

Lemonnier

I have actually been waiting for the Open Thread, because I need BOOK ADVIIIIIIICE!!

I'm going to be tutoring three sisters -- ages 12, 14 and 16 -- in reading and writing, and I'm looking for suggestions reading material for those ages. I know I can Google recommended reading lists for middle and high schoolers, but I think a 'pin-generated one would be far superior.

Megasus

@Lemonnier TAMORA PIERCE TAMORA PIERCE, TAMORA PIERCE FOREVER

maybe partying will help

@Lemonnier

All the Pierce, always. Maybe also Shannon Hale, some Robin McKinley, Cashore for the older girl. E. Lockhart!

Cat named Virtute

@Lemonnier Ooooh! For the 12 year old I would recommend The Westing Game by Ellen Raskin, When You Reach Me by Rebecca Stread (I think it's Stread), The Giver by Lois Lowry, Sabriel by Garth Nix, and anything by Diana Wynne Jones.

For the 14 year old, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith, I Capture the Castle by Dodie Smith, anything YA by Meg Cabot, the Libba Bray's trilogy that starts with A Great and Terrible Beauty, and The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky.

For the 16 tear old, anything by John Green, especially Paper Towns, anything by Francesca Lia Block, especially the Weetzie Bat books and her fairytale retellings, anything by Robin McKinley (though Spindle's End isn't very good and Deerskin might be too mature), Skim by Mariko Tamaki (graphic novel), and Blankets by Craig Thompson (also graphic novel).

gobblegirl

@Lemonnier I suggest taking them on a field trip to the library. Can you set up an appointment for a librarian to give you recommendations when you're there? If they need tutoring, their reading levels might not fit what recommendations we give just on age, and they'll feel more engaged in the process. Plus fun field trip!

Cat named Virtute

@gobblegirl This is also a fabulous suggestion.

Also the 16 year old might like Philip Pullman's Sally Lockhart books because they are amaaaazing.

-----------

@Lemonnier Diana Wynne Jones, Robin McKinley, Monica Furlough, Tamora Pierce, Louisa May Alcott & Frances Hodgson Burnett & Baroness Orczy if they're open to older-fashioned writing, Philip Pullman, Georgette Heyer if they're into (non-smutty, well-written) romance, Chris Crutcher if they're into sports, MT Anderson

ETA Garth Nix!

Lemonnier

@everyone THIS IS WONDERFUL. Thank you so, so much -- I haven't read a bunch of these books, and others needed to be jarred loose from the recesses of my brain -- The Westing Game! Yes!

maybe partying will help

@Lemonnier

Oh and Wrede! Mairelon, Enchanted Forest, all of it. Marillier has some nice fairy-tale-ish stories for YA readers; Healey is a good fantasy writer too, maybe for the older two girls. And for contemporary stuff, Anderson and Forman.

Also I like the library field trip idea. That is a very good idea.

The Lady of Shalott

@Lemonnier Try The Egypt Game by Zilpha Keatley Snyder, and A Girl Named Disaster, and A Year Down Yonder!

LibrarySwampThing

@Lemonnier Oooh! Ooh! I'm having teen librarian excitement spasms!

Um, what are they into? Because I've got flavours for graphic novel dorks, realistic romance lovers, sci-fi nerds, dystopian bandwagoners... YOU NAME IT WE GOT IT!

I'll just start off by telling you John Green is awesome for realism stuff, and Above by Leah Bobet is my favourite piece of sci-fi/fantasy in FOREVER (and it takes place in Toronto! Which won't mean anything to you if you aren't Canadian, but it matters to us, dammit!).

JessicaLovejoy

@Lemonnier Catherine Called Birdy for the youngest, but the rest will probably steal it. I Am The Messenger for the eldest, the middle sister may dig it, too.

Dorothea

@Lemonnier i also love the alice books by phyllis reynolds naylor, diana wynne jones, and ella enchanted.

bowtiesarecool

@Lemonnier Seconding Tamora Pierce. The entire collected works of Tamora Pierce OMG. I didn't discover her until I was in college and SHE IS AMAZING. Every girl needs to read her.

-----------

@The Lady of Shalott Ah I had completely forgotten about Zilpha Keatley Snyder. I need to get me to my library and check out The Famous Stanley Kidnapping Case stat!

rallisaurus

@Lemonnier I am sure everyone will have many excellent suggestions (and I do too! Diana Wynne Jones for all ages!). You should also not totally dismiss the book lists because librarians (and other peeps too, I'm sure) work really hard on reading and recommending books and are awesome! Check out YALSA (they give out lots of awards, those shiny things on the book covers): http://www.ala.org/yalsa/bfya

Lemonnier

@gobblegirl Such a great idea-- thank you!

Lemonnier

@LibrarySwampThing I don't know what they're into -- I haven't met them yet! I figured I'd spend a couple days at the library before meeting them to acquaint myself with books I haven't read, re-acquaint myself with books I have, and just prepare in general.

@rallisaurus You're right, I spoke too soon -- I was just thinking about a handful of them I'd checked out and found to be not-so-great. But not all lists are created equal, so what I should have done was ask for book AND reading list recommendations. Thanks for the YALSA rec!

SarahP

@Lemonnier Lots of people have been posting fairy-tale-ish things, but also consider straight-up Grimm's fairy tales. The stories themselves are interesting, the themes appear as tropes in so much Western literature that they're a good starting point, and it's cool when you're that age to know the "real" story and be like "Did you know in the real Cinderella, the stepsister cut off her own toe?"

Also, mythology, for the same reasons.

wharrgarbl

@Lemonnier Order of Odd-Fish and The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland were both really good.

MilesofMountains

@Lemonnier At that age(ish) my favourites were Catherine Called Birdy, the Enchanted Forest Chronicles, and Julie of the Wolves (which I've never heard anyone else mention, but is so good! And not about a white person!)

adorable-eggplant

@MilesofMountains Ooo recomendations! I'd like to add Varian Johnson's Saving Maddie and My Life as a Rhombus. Those books are great for the 16/14yos but maybe a bit mature for 12.

If you're looking for fantasy, check out Leviathan by Scott Westerfield. It's steampunk-y awesome and has pictures.

smr
smr

@Lemonnier Hi! Long-time lurker, first-time register-er because -- BOOKS! Great rec's so far. (Leviathan! Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland! EVERYTHING by Diana Wynne Jones! AND Eve Ibbotson!) Don't forget about The Great Brain series and the All-of-a-Kind Family. The Year of Secret Assignments is a great book. Also -- mysteries! Agatha Christie is an easy way in, but I cannot believe that nobody pointed me to Dorothy Sayers when I was 16. (I had to wait until my 20's to fall in love with Lord Peter.)

Thinking back, my favorites around those ages were Asimov (I, Robot), Heinlein (juveniles ONLY, please), Hitchhiker's Guide, and Anne McCaffrey, but then I am a huge nerd.

And somebody must have mentioned Madeleine L'Engle by now, right?

Megasus

@smr Yes! Definitely Anne McCaffery! Loved her when I was that age. And Ursula K. Leguin, because she is also The Best.

auxamandes

@Lemonnier Madeleine L'Engle!

Sugar Kane's Hip Flask

@auxamandes Yes on all the John Green, also "Carrie's War" by Nina Bawdin, "Very Far Away From Anywhere Else" by Ursula K. Leguin. Also I loved Louis Sachar when I was 12/13, especially "Someday Angeline" and "There's a Boy in the Girls' Bathroom." Oh, and "Stargirl" by Jerry Spinelli. Maybe even "Dreamland" by Sarah Dessen?

olivebee

It's been a pretty decent week. My husband got a massive raise, which is hard to come by since he works for a non-profit as a teacher, so now I am not as stressed out about our finances anymore. Also, I am getting another tattoo tomorrow to fill in some blank space between two of my others, and I got the BEST letter from my amazing PinPal (shout out to you, gf).

liverwortlaura

@olivebee this sounds like a GREAT week - AND it's raining and cooling the fuck down! What neighborhood are you in? I have not been able to make it to any Chi pinups, but look forward to one day meeting you in person (read that please in the most uncreepy way possible)

olivebee

@liverwortlaura Haha not creepy at all! I always look forward to meeting new people at pinups. And yes, I am SO happy it cooled off a bit. I like being able to ride my bike places without ending up dripping in sweat (gross, sorry). I am coming up on one year in Lincoln Square, and I absolutely love living there. How about you? Also, how was your New England vacation?

liverwortlaura

@olivebee I'm in Rogers Park, right by the lake. There are so many good neighborhoods, but I like to be as close to the lake as possible - husband works in Evanston and I have been splitting my time between the Field Museum and the Chicago Botanic Garden, so RP is about equidistant between those two. I am a master sweater, no physical exertion even necessary! if it's above 90 I will get giant beads of sweat rolling down the backs of my legs, my back, between my breasts. totally gross, but no need to be sorry! NEW ENGLAND ohmygod. can I just find a feasible way to buy land and support myself out there? because i would move back there STAT, if not for those tiny insurmountables....

TheUnchosenOne

So last week I said I was going to make an appointment with a therapist and I wanted to let everyone know that I did! It's on the 24th, which is further away than I'd like but was the first day they had available.

Lily Rowan

@TheUnchosenOne It always is further away than you want. Good for you!!

Cat named Virtute

@Lily Rowan Or closer than you want! Never the right time!

Lily Rowan

@Cat named Virtute I have never had that experience! I'm always like, "Hi, I'm sort of freaking out here!" and the therapist is like, "I have an opening.... a week from next Thursday?"

Statham

@TheUnchosenOne Good for you. :D

billie_crusoe

@TheUnchosenOne YAY! It always takes a while for me to get in, too, but having an appointment feels better / means you held up your promise to yourself!

wee_ramekin

@TheUnchosenOne Dude, I am so proud of you. And thanks for updating us!

2012...it's gonna be a good year!

Cat named Virtute

@Lily Rowan Ahhhh, its own kind of frustrating! I have been through so many therapists this year, and none of them are right for me, so going always seems like this awful burdensome chore.

Hoping to change that. We'll see.

PistolPackinMama

@TheUnchosenOne Good for you! That is really awesome.

Cat named Virtute

@Lily Rowan That's good!! I have been through so many therapists that I don't like/don't work for me. Moving cities soon. fingers crossed for fifth time's the charm.

Xanthophyllippa

@TheUnchosenOne YAY!

billie_crusoe

@Cat named Virtute
I went through 4 last year and thought I was just being overly picky, but I guess it just takes a while to find one who works for you because I have also had a really wonderful therapist.

theotherginger

@billie_crusoe @anyone therapists are good. also, when in a recent housing-roommate crisis I remembered that I am part of a religious community and therefore have a chaplain. They are waaaay easier to sched with. It helped me sort out my base line feelings before my regular therapy appt (which was at that point like 10 days away). So, people, look into it. I'm not sure there's anything out there for the non-religious, which is too bad, really.

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

Hello Chicago 'Pinners! What are you doing this weekend? Pitchfork perhaps?

Also, C. and I are thinking of finally getting around to hosting the Chicago Vegan Backyard Grill 'Pin-Up on August 5. If we do it, will you come?

olivebee

@josiahg Ahhh I will be on vacation that weekend. How about the week after? I want to come!

Alixana

@josiahg I can make it on the 5th! Yay!

@olivebee Why don't we go to SIX FLAGS the week after? The 12th would be perfect for me!

Alixana

In other Chicago 'Pinners news, don't forget that we are going to the Newberry book sale/fair on Friday July 27th!

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

What if we did the grill meet-up on August 12?

@Alixana: will you be in town?

liverwortlaura

@josiahg I will come!!

thisisunclear

@Alixana oh boy oh boy, and I already need to buy new bookshelves this summer!

Alixana

@josiahg I will but it is my very last free day in Chicago, so the odds of flaking on you in favor of the aquarium are high.

fondue with cheddar

Anybody know of any good resources for male victims of domestic abuse? Everything is skewed toward women, and men have their own set of problems. He's not living with her anymore but he's in the process of divorce and children are involved. It's messy and is going to cost a lot of money. A legal fund for victims of domestic abuse, maybe? (location is NJ, USA)

adorable-eggplant

@jen325 Maybe it would be good for him to try the national hotline (800-799-7233)? They give advice/referrals to local services, and they're very likely to be experienced in working with men, because about 6 million guys (according to the domestic violence resource center) are abused annually. Good luck to your friend! I'm really glad he is taking steps to protect himself and the children.

Ophelia

@jen325 a friend of mine works for a non-profit law org called NYLAG (New York Legal Assistance Group) and they do a lot of domestic violence cases--they're NY based, but I'd bet they would have ideas of some resources?

They do family law case intake Tuesdays and Fridays (http://nylag.org/get-help/), so maybe call then and see if they can refer you?

Lee Van Queef

@jen325 I volunteer for a sv/dv shelter (which does provide services specifically for male survivors!) and I second @adorable-eggplant's recommendation for calling the national hotline (800-799-SAFE, the acronym makes it easier to remember for me). They will know the resources that are available to him, including groups that provide pro bono legal advice and/or assistance -- they do exist, but I wouldn't be able to accurately tell you where they are in his region.

fondue with cheddar

@everyone THANK YOU! I'll try the hotline that you've suggested, and I'll definitely give him the "6 million" statistic which is sure to make him feel less alone. Well, he doesn't feel alone because he's got me (he's my boyfriend), but he's felt very alienated through it all because of his penis-carrier status.

He does have a lawyer (he's got to because she's got a really good one and will whoop his ass), but financial assistance of any kind would be extremely helpful. She's been awarded temporary child support between now and the divorce to the tune of HALF his net income even though they make the same amount of money. She's from a family of means and he isn't, so her legal fees can be paid for by her mother but his are impossible to pay. I think she realizes this, so she's throwing wild accusations about him that his lawyer has to disprove, driving up lawyer fees and counting on his inability to keep fighting. I'm helping him financially as much as I can, but it's not enough.

And courts tend to side with the mother so it will not be easy. The kids are living with her full-time even though he's got visitation because they're afraid of her, but in the court's eyes it appears that the kids are choosing not to visit him. UGH it's heartbreaking and scary in a lot of ways.

The suggestions you've made will help. Thanks so much! Hugs for all!

Scandyhoovian

Here, guys, have a hilarious link: Weird Books! (If anyone wants to get me 'The Who's Who of British Beheadings' as a gift...)

I'm working from home this weekend. Whoo.

SarahP

@Scandyhoovian It's astounding how many of these books involve cats. Cat people (and I say this as someone who lives with 3 cats) are weeeeeird.

WhiskeySour

@Scandyhoovian I actually really want to read English Smocks. And I am not the writer of English Smocks. (It's because I'm really interested in historical lower class clothing--it's rarely preserved.) Something for everyone!

jilt

Any Atlanta Pinners out there who can give me some advice? I'm heading out there for a short trip next week, and the forecast is for heat in the 90s with daily thunderstorms... I'm a SoCal native, and have no idea how to pack for this craziness. Sundresses and sandals? In the rain? Or sneakers and jeans, and just feel sweaty and damp the whole time? Will I need a jacket at night,or will a sweater do? Help, please!

Scandyhoovian

@jilt Hi! I'm in Atlanta... I would say you don't need a jacket/sweater at all at night. It drops down to the 70s, maybe, if there's a thunderstorm, and more often than not it's a bit humid. A light, light sweater would do you if you feel you need sleeves.

Also, I'd go ahead and say skirts/shorts/etc. and sandals. If you have room, pack a pair of jeans as backup? You may end up wanting them if you run into a solid wet, gross day. Usually "daily thunderstorms" means "a flash storm that doesn't last too long and/or comes up in the middle of the night and leaves everything wet for the morning" around here so dressing for the heat is more appropriate, I would say. ALSO, if you want to bring sneakers, perhaps pack the sandals in the suitcase and wear the sneakers while traveling so they don't take up room.

RK Fire

@jilt: I'm in Maryland (hot and humid) and have family in the ATL metro, so I feel qualified to share the following suggestion: sundresses, sandals, and bring a light sweater for the inevitable blasts of AC whenever you're indoors. (In the South they take a/c very seriously.)

New Hoarder

@jilt I am in VA/ DC and my "jacket" in the summer for cooler evenings/ rain is a nice, versatile, HUGE scarf plus tiny umbrella. I get a lot of compliments when I drape it, when really I am just trying to cover my nips when I catch a chill. Scarves pack very lightly, too, of course! You'll need to cover up *indoors*, not out, really.

jilt

@Scandyhoovian, RK Fire & New Hoarder Thanks for the advice! I feel better that at least I don't have to cram a jacket into my carry-on. What would you say is a must-see for somebody with only a couple of days there?

Scandyhoovian

@jilt Definitely the GA Aquarium (if you are not fish-phobic, of course). The CNN tour is pretty cool, and the new world of Coca-Cola is right next to the aquarium so you can always knock them both out in one go. Also, bonus, they're all in or right next to Centennial Olympic Park, which is a very pretty place!

smr
smr

@jilt Hi! Long-timer lurker, first time register-er. I second Scandyhoovian's recs and would also say check out the High Museum. If the weather was slightly less boiling I'd send you over to the Atlanta Botanical Garden (and maybe even Stone Mountain for the laser show, if you have a pal to go with). You can check out what's playing at the Fox Theater -- or go on a tour. It's gorgeous in there. And I have a definite soft spot for the Center for Puppetry arts. You can see if they have an 'adult' show playing; if not, you may still want to go by and check out the museum. If you are a Jim Henson fan (how could you not be?) you will definitely want to check it out.

HeckYes

@jilt As another Atlantan, I offer mostly food recommendations. My favorite thing to do here with visitors is eat, though the aquarium is delightful and is recommended. Also, there are a bunch of MLK historical things that might be worth visiting. And the Carter center if you are as big of a fan of Jimmy Carter as I am (impossible!).
Sublime doughnuts has the best doughnuts in the world, ever, so you should go there. Get the one with strawberries in the middle or one of the ones shaped like an "A" but really all of them are yummy. Brickstore Pub is a great place for beer and/or dinner. The town where that is, Decatur, is generally a delightful place to walk around. Antico has the best pizza. Fox Bros has the best BBQ. Mmm.

Scandyhoovian

@HeckYes FOX BROTHERS. God, all the drooling. I friggin' LOVE that place.

More restaurants worth visiting: Taqueria del Sol, the West Egg, Yeah! Burger, Grindhouse, and lastly I will just second the Brickstore recommendation, because that place is awesome. To the point that the Iberian Pig (across the square from it) makes mention of "Well, the Brickstore has the nicest beer, but here is our selection" on its menu.

tessamae

I get to wear aqua socks (water shoes?) this weekend. Yes, they still make those.

What's worse, is that I actually had to give up TEN hard-earned dollars for them. I was so sure that when I brought them up to the checkout, the lady would collapse into a fit of side-splitting laughter and wave me through free of charge, having paid a high enough price with my loss of dignity.

HOW DOES ONE MAKE WATER SHOES LOOK GOOD, JANE? I'm doomed.

gobblegirl

@tessamae They'll make you look like a resourceful, smart person who is prepared! They'll make you look like a person who spends tons of time on the beach!!
When you get there, look for a rock with a barnacle on it, and step on it with your shoes. Then feel really great for not having cut yourself.

New Hoarder

@tessamae My $10 aqua shoes bought on a tubing excursion make me feel like a resourceful river guide. I love them.

billie_crusoe

@tessamae I need to buy a pair. Fortunately they're only $5 at my work, but still, it's $5 I don't want to spend. But I DO want to go lake and/or quarry swimming near my house, and $5 (or $10) is worth not having fishing hooks in my toes.

Make them look good by not having spent $80 on Keens? (I bought an $80 pair of the Keen water shoes, and they didn't last any longer than $10 water socks.)

Jane Marie

@tessamae by keeping them underwater. have fun on your adventure!

Xanthophyllippa

@billie_crusoe Bad batch of Keens? I've had three pair and each has lasted me three years. I wore through the soles before the rest of the shoe showed any sign of wear.

Also, I just wear my Tevas in the water. Additional benefit: they're slightly buoyant for long-distance swims.

liverwortlaura

@tessamae what is this adventure for which you are donning said aquasocks? It is probably way worth it, plus it just is an extra thing to laugh heartily about. You should take a "woman laughing alone with water shoes" portrait. Also, I am glad to know they still make them, because I would like a pair - I had horrible foot surgery six years ago that have rendered my feet totally useless when in cold water walking over rocks, so swimming in places other than swimming pools is hard and I would like to help my poor feet out a bit, seeing as they do so much for me.... aqua socks here I come!

JadedStone

SO.

Pinners.
I need some books on dealing with emotional manipulation and/or guilt.
GIVE ME YOUR RECOMMENDATIONS.

themegnapkin

@Jade The Gift of Fear for emotional manipulation? Can't help with the guilt, though.

NeverOddOrEven

@Jade
Um, this is way old and maybe not situation specific, but years ago a shrink recommended I read Codependant No More by Melody Beattie. I never finished it (It was a high school relationship!) but my mom seemed to get a lot out of it.
http://www.amazon.com/Codependent-No-More-Controlling-Yourself/dp/0894864025

SarahP

@Jade Tara Brach's Radical Acceptance. It's a little new-agey, which I thought would bother me a lot, but the messages are still really good. If you're not into new-agey stuff, you can ignore those parts (I didn't do any of the suggestion meditations) and still get a lot of good stuff from it.

WaityKatie

@Jade I really liked Children of the Self-Absorbed, although that is specific to parent/child things. It has a lot of useful tips for dealing with guilt trips from a parent.

JadedStone

@WaityKatie GUILT TRIPS FROM A PARENT? This is precisely what I need.

But thank you guys, I am buying all the books as we speak.

WaityKatie

@Jade When you said "guilt," I expected you might!

Springtime for Voldemort

@Jade Stop Walking on Eggshells. It's about BPD specifically, but since BPD is just severely exaggerated forms of regular crap, the same tactics for dealing with it tend to apply to any emotional manipulation even if it isn't to BPD diagnosable levels.

halfheartedyoga

@Jade This is not specific but Buddhist nun Pena Chodrons books are awesome. you can get "the pocket pema Chodron" on amazon. Guilt and remorse have to do with accepting things as they are...Pema (and maybe Buddhism in general? But I'm a noob) are good with that.

Gilgongo

@Jade I also recommend The Gift Of Fear. It really got me through some stuff and MAY have prevented me from being raped and/or harassed by this certain dude I knew (i.e. gave me the courage to stand up to him and say "No. I will not let you into my apartment. No. I don't have to give you a reason why.") Side note: I met the author at this dinner-thing one time. I was super excited about meeting him (it was unexpected, and I'd just read the book) and babbled a bit about how his book prevented the aforementioned (possible) rape. He didn't seem too impressed, and later he gave a speech filled with name-dropping celebs. Kind of a douche, which was a real bummer... but still a great book!

miss buenos aires

I'd like to pick the brains of some successful personal bloggers about how they get hits/subscribers. How do you do it without being annoying and self-advertising everywhere?

adorable-eggplant

@miss buenos aires I'd also be curious about this, as I just started a blog. Tell me about yours. :)

miss buenos aires

@adorable-eggplant It's about my dresses and how much I love them, but it's more general interest than it sounds. I got an absurd number of page views the last time I posted a link on the Open Thread (thanks, guys and gals!), but it dropped off just as quickly.

What is your blog about?

frigwiggin

@miss buenos aires Well, I don't know if I'd call myself "successful" per se (you've seen how many comments we usually get), but being a frequent and consistent commenter on other blogs makes friends that then come and comment on your blog...it's maybe not speedy or always effective, but it's a good way to build a network of friends with similar interests, and I have gotten a decent amount of hits from being on other people's blogrolls. (Although I do get conflicted about commenting on other blogger's blogs--I try to make my comments in-depth and interesting when I have something to say, instead of being one of those bloggers who just pops in with a "nice outfit! follow my blog! :) XXOO," because those comments are like the equivalent of packing peanuts. Which I don't think I need to tell you because your comments are thoughtful and I like them!) Also, linking up in the comments here definitely helps, as you may have noticed. I always get a couple hundred hits when that happens. I will think some more and see if I can give you some actually-useful advice...

terrific

@adorable-eggplant I decided to just start "blogging" again, and by that I mean not talking about my life, but posting pictures of things I like and stuff a la sfgirlbybay. But I am lazy and forget to update, and I have no idea how to get hits! Share! Where is the makeup blog pinner? I looooove her blog.

miss buenos aires

@frigwiggin I was actually thinking of you and hoping you would respond! You definitely get a respectable number of comments — I was envious of how many people entered your giveaway.

VolcanoMouse

@miss buenos aires Are you the lady writing Dressopotamia? I just remembered it today (catchy name, yo!) and am going through your archives. Your vintage collection is stunning!

adorable-eggplant

@terrific Ohh cool! I like the picture of the wooden chest of drawers in the picture with the shoes (or rug? not sure which is the item for sale, if it's the drawers then I'm tempted...) and also the crochet blanket. I feel like every other crocheter is better at picking out colorways than me. :/

miss buenos aires

@VolcanoMouse Thanks! That warms my heart.

Megasus

@miss buenos aires twitter twitter twitter. contribute at other blogs. affiliate yourself with other blogs. get your own contributors.

miss buenos aires

Also, did anyone see Jeopardy! last night? Alex seemed a little loopy. I liked that loose cannon in the middle.

crookedlegs

@miss buenos aires I DID! I also commented on Alex's loopiness. Loved it though, nothing like a little Trebekian humor to liven up a good game of Jeopardy!

yeah-elle

Have any of ye young and/or young at heart Pinners been to any of the Rookie road trip meetups? There's one in SF tomorrow and I'm tempted but I don't want to be the 20-something creeper? But I'm not a creeper! But I don't know how I feel about hanging out with a bunch of 15 year olds either? But I saw pictures from their other meetups and sometimes they made zines or stuff like that and I dig that stuff!

hedgehog

@yeah-elle I just need to say that this cracked me up, because I feel kind of marginally creepy sometimes about hanging out at the Hairpin at a not always so damn young at heart age 42 (mostly lurking, too, as not enough time in workday to keep up properly).

On that analogy, I would say/hope it's probably fine?

But I don't hang out at Rookie, though I'm aware of their general deal, so I have no definitive advice. There obviously is some kind of tipping point as you move down the age scale where it would become sketchy. Are they really all 15? Or more, like, a sophisticated 15 on up into college age? Are you 22 or 28?

yeah-elle

@hedgehog I think 42 is totally age-appropriate for the Hairpin!

I'm a few months from 24, and from the photos, it looks like there might be more people at the Rookie meetups in the 17-21ish range than in the 13-16 range, I THINK? The fact that I can no longer tell the difference between a 15 year old and a 19 year old makes me feel old, which is straight up absurd.

I think maybe I'll venture into the area with a friend and actually...be a creeper and see if I'd feel creepy hanging around? Fear of creeperness turning me into a creeper.

MoonBat

@hedgehog Creepy?!?! Really? I'm 42, will be 43 in a couple of weeks, and I never feel creepy here because everyone is extremely mature and the topics are almost always relevant to my interests.

hedgehog

@MoonBat No, me too, and I know it's ridiculous. I'm totally projecting my personal inner midlife crisis stirrings. So many Pinners still have so many options open and life decisions not yet nailed down, I sometimes feel a tad dessicated.

dale

@MoonBat @hedgehog 40somethings high-five! And I concur, I never really feel out of place (well, maybe for the music threads, but that's because I don't follow music closely anymore).

NeverOddOrEven

@yeah-elle
Especially with women-oriented things, I'd be surprised if it came off as creepy. To me, so much of these blogs and websites is fostering community and lifting eachother up, regardless of demographics.
I'd hope they'd be stoked to have a Wise Older Lady to teach them the ways of adulthood.

MoonBat

@NeverOddOrEven
I could write a really long article about my four+ decades, and call it "Don't Do This".
Most of the time I read the articles here in awe, wishing I'd had this awesome Internet support community when I was twenty.

hedgehog

@MoonBat Ask a Forty-Something Lady?

Megasus

Ugh guys, my uterus. I need to hit up the grocery store but that would involve moving.
In other news I GOT A PACKAGE THAT DIDN'T HAVE $20-$30 OF DUTIES ATTACHED WOOO! The bad news is I had to forfeit a pair of sandal because UPS is ridiculously dumb (they wouldn't take cash!! wtf).
Other bad news: I have not had a single job interview guys. :(

RK Fire

@Megano!: Hugs, so many hugs to you, re. uterus and job interviews. I am in a similar boat for both things.

Veronica Mars is smarter than me

@Megano! Next week I have my second job interview since finishing grad school! This is perhaps made less impressive by the fact that I finished grad school in December. Of 2010.

Megasus

@Veronica Mars is smarter than me Oh man I graduated from my BA in 2009 and have probably only had like, 5 job interviews total since then.

dtowngirl

What are the qualities that make a person well-rounded these days? How do I know if I'm well-rounded enough?

Faintly Macabre

@dtowngirl Does you play the viola? Do you embroider? Are you kind to the servants?

yeah-elle

@dtowngirl Do you have any pointy corners or alarming angles?

Okay in all seriousness, I would like to know as well. Sufficient embroidery and concertina-playing skills apparently don't cut it anymore. Not that I can do either of these things.

noodge

@dtowngirl

wow. i've never thought of asking myself that question. i'm usually just trying to not be an asshole, nevermind being well-rounded.

i honestly have no idea. learn about lots of things and trust that it makes you well-rounded?

RK Fire

@Faintly Macabre: No no, you're confusing well-rounded with accomplished. And you've forgotten being proficient in French, German and Latin and being sent to Town to learn painting and drawing from the Masters.

-----------

@dtowngirl A well-rounded person must speak an equal number of romance and germanic languages, play the violin and the harp ambidextrously, not be 16 or 25 or 36 years old, and be capable of doubling as a futon. Source: Lady Catherine de Bourgh.

terrific

@dtowngirl I think it entails having multiple hobbies that you are actively involved in and not just sitting around at your computer all day. Which rules me out.

Faintly Macabre

@RK Fire Black Books! because everyone should watch this. Where's formerly-known-as-Little-Book-of-Calm?

tessamae

@RK Fire Exactly. Accomplished is a much different affair. I cannot claim to know but a half a dozen, in all of my acquaintance, that are truly accomplished.

RK Fire

@tessamae: Truly? Are you so hard upon your own sex?

MoonBat

@dtowngirl Ummmm, wow, I don't think it had ever occurred to me to contemplate this, but if my kids had asked, I would probably say...
Having interests that include things intellectual, artistic, and physical. So, pursuing or furthering your education/career, doing something creative like music/art/sewing, and also having an athletic or physical pastime (biking, kayaking, etc...I think just going to the gym is kind of a boring, if necessary cop-out).

dtowngirl

@Faintly Macabre I do read a lot. However, I play the piano very ill.

I can cook pretty decently. I'm pretty physically active. I occasionally speak to people. I feel like I'm doing pretty okay. I am really just generally curious about it. Pinners just seem to be unusually interesting, so I thought I'd ask and see what you all think.

tessamae

@RK Fire No! It's just that I have never seen such a woman.

panquecito

@RK Fire @tessamae Aaaaand a re-watch of Pride & Prejudice is officially on this weekend's schedule.

tessamae

@elenachicago THE LONG VERSION WITH C. FIRTH. Do it.

RK Fire

@tessamae: YES.

Heat Signature

@dtowngirl Coin collecting. Obviously.

panquecito

@tessamae I am going to get kicked off the 'Pin for admitting that I've only ever seen the Keira Knightley version.

dtowngirl

@tessamae The Colin Firth/Jennifer Ehle version is the best. You just have to clear 5 hours from your schedule. But, I swear, it's totally worth it.

WaityKatie

@tessamae My friend gave me this on VHS in like 1999 and I still have it. And watch it. I should upgrade to the DVD at some point I guess.

tessamae

@elenachicago Not all all, that version is delightful (even though KN can't seem to ever close me mouth completely). I actually prefer the Bingley of that one to the BBC epic (his fluffy red hair!), as well as Rosamund Pike's Jane. But Jennifer Ehle is much more of what I've always pictured Elizabeth Bennett to be, right down to her muttering "insufferable man!". And then, well, Colin Firth. That's a no-brainer. He is Darcy.

And dtowngirl is right: it's 5 hours long. But it doesn't feel that long when you are watching it.

Mad as a Hatter!

My long distance guy is visiting me for my birthday next week! And he wants to kiss me! Annnnd we've talked about mutually wanting sexytimes. Day=Significantly improved

Slutface

Okay, I'm probably the only one, but I'm REALLY sick and tired of bloggers (including writers on this site) writing in this valley girl, uptalking style. Every sentence ends with a question mark and every other word is like. I know it's supposed to sound conversational, but if I would have to walk away from anyone who talked to me like this in real life.

Emby

@Slutface I know what you mean?

Heat Signature

@Slutface Hate the whole "ending sentences that are actually statements with question marks" thing. It makes the writer seem like an annoying idiot.

redheaded&crazy

@Slutface oh man I have had to consciously excise the ending statements with questions marks thing from the way I talk. I have no idea how many times I've replaced all the question marks in my comments with periods but it has been MANY times.

(and i've probably missed a few. or like, a many.)

Slutface

@redheaded&crazie Why is this a thing?

Veronica Mars is smarter than me

@redheaded&crazie I don't know why you censor yourself? I just use them with abandon? (OK but I think there are some appropriate non-question uses for the question marks! But I suppose my main punctuation crutches are really ellipses, dashes, and possibly ALL CAPS AND ALSO EXCLAMATION POINTS AS WELL AS ITALICS!!!!!)

NeverOddOrEven

MN 'Pinners!

If you're not up on the 'Pinup Google group, I'm starting a local chapter of CLAW - Collective of Lady Arm Wrestlers (clawusa.org).
Please join! I need people committed to competing and/or organizing. Tell all your friends!
I'm thinking first meeting will be around end of August...?
I already have someone for posters and merch and am talking to The 7th Street Entry, bands and a couple local theater folk.
We'll be MAWLL - Minnesota Arm Wrestling League for Ladies.

MissM

@NeverOddOrEven
That sounds awesome! I work out with a group of strong ladies, some of whom I'm sure would be stoked about this! I'll post it in our group and get back to you for sure.

NeverOddOrEven

@MissM
Most excellent, thanks! I'm assuming you'll end up as default trainers though, I don't expect most people will have an athletic or fitness background. I certainly don't.
But at least to me that's not so much the point. Just spectacle, fun, and friendly competition.

MissM

@NeverOddOrEven
Oh, I'm not the trainer, no way! Hopefully the trainer will want to join too and can give us pointers. I agree - winning isn't the point, having a grand ol' time is the point!

NeverOddOrEven

@MissM
Yea, definitely get back to me as soon as you hear anything. Having someone at the first meeting to give advice on weight lifting would be huge, I think.
I'm afraid people are going to get too hung up on the "but I'm not strong enough!" thing and be hesitant because of a fear of embarassment.

Dorothea

ugh studying for the bar. most of the time i feel like i have it under control, but then i'll get an essay question that i just Do Not Understand At All and i remember there is a non-zero chance that i will fail!!!! AND IT IS SO SOON.

soul toast

@blahstudent Ugh, sorry. I'm not a law student, but my best friend just passed the bar on her second try, and I know how awful the test prep is. You can get through it, and even if you fail you will be in good company.

Dorothea

@soul toast thanks! and congrats to your friend on making it through! i can't really think about having to do this again right now. (but i might have to anyway, since i think i might be moving in a couple of years.)

stonefruit

@blahstudent YOU WILL BE FINE. It will all be fine and you will get through it and what they really want to see is that you can work with given facts in an organized fashion, not necessarily that you have the law exactly right.

The MBE is a crapshoot no matter how much prep you do, to give you some perspective; my year there was, I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP, a question about death by falling into a vat of chocolate at an M&M factory. Wat. NCBE, y u no give our stressed out psyches a break?

Dorothea

ALSO i am going to sydney after the bar--any recommendations? i love: walking around cool neighborhoods, cheapo food, animals (but not swimming with sharks).

cutselvage

@blahstudent Sydney, Australia? Go to Newtown and Surry Hills for wandering, the Glebe Markets (Glebe in general is pretty cool). Er. Sydney 'pinners?

(If this is some other Sydney I don't know about, disregard!)

JessicaLovejoy

I keep getting brie all over my Nook screen.

(Please place your first world problems here so mine isn't so lonely.)

dauphine

@JessicaLovejoy I wish these banana chips were plantain chips.

frigwiggin

@JessicaLovejoy I'm hungry, but my half a burrito is alllll the way down the hall in the office refrigerator and going down there, heating it up, and walking back down the hall with it sounds like sooooo muuuuuuch woooooooork.

Fiddle dee dee

@JessicaLovejoy

I want to collect the mail from my mailbox, but I am afraid the neighbors will look out their windows as I am doing so and notice that I am not wearing pants.

tessamae

@JessicaLovejoy Uggggggh. My office insists on only stocking the break room with Sweet & Low, so I have to bring my own supply of Splenda from home.

Statham

@JessicaLovejoy Expectorants are doing their job too well. :{

area@twitter

@JessicaLovejoy I bought sushi thinking it was all salmon and instead it was mostly tuna.

nervousrobot

@dauphine I always wish that.

It goes something like this:
1.) See a banana chip.
2.) Eat it.
3.) Feel disappointed it doesn't taste like a plantain chip.
4.) Eat another banana chip.
5.) Wonder why this banana chip didn't taste like a plantain chip either.
6.) Repeat. Forever.

MailerMattDaemon

@nervousrobot Is there anything better than a plantain chip, honestly? I recently ate an old one off the floor of my car.

dauphine

@MailerMattDaemon

Plantain chips are the best. They just are. Banana chips don't do it for me anymore.

billie_crusoe

@JessicaLovejoy My friend from 12 hours away is in town, and I don't want to drive an hour so I can see her. (I do, and will, want to see her. I just don't want to drive an hour.)

themmases

@JessicaLovejoy This Italian small plates place was good, but they gave me too much food.

wharrgarbl

@JessicaLovejoy One of my cats loves me too much. *womp womp*

flanhoodles

@JessicaLovejoy The really nice color printer is in my office, and people keep printing to it and I have to click away from The Hairpin really fast when they walk into my office.

Veronica Mars is smarter than me

@JessicaLovejoy I hate when I run out of energy in the Hunger Games flash game and then I have to wait until I get more because I don't want to BUY energy, that is ridiculous facebook, but also I only have two more clicks to complete this quest, whyyyy do I have to wait to complete the quest????

TheLetterL

I asked for advice a few Open Threads ago about a wedding. The wedding is this weekend, I am going alone, and I think I will only know the bride.

QUICKLY GIVE ME ALL YOUR TRICKS FOR CHATTING UP STRANGERS

mystique

@TheLetterL Compliment them! Ask them what they're up to! Ask them how they are. Ask them if they've read any good books/watched any good TV lately. Ask them what they think of Saudi Arabia finally sending women to the Olympics.

Mad as a Hatter!

@TheLetterL And don't ask them what they do for a living! They might volunteer that information, but it's just so standard that it's nice to whip out clever questions. Like mystique said, it's nice to ask about tv, a lot of people like the same awesome stuff like How I Met Your Mother and Big Bang Theory. The truly fantastic ones would say Doctor Who. Hunt them down.

Alixana

@TheLetterL I like compliments as conversation starters. "Oh, that necklace is so cool, where did you find it?" "Oh, I got it on vacation / from my mother / at a street festival." All fruitful topics for more chatting.

meetapossum

@TheLetterL Drink alcohol? I'm only half kidding. But if the bride and groom did a good job with the seating, you will probably be with people who are your age and they think you would get along with. Talk about how you guys know the couple! Maybe you have fun stories you can share. Conversation tends to be organic, and I think it turns out best when you let events or circumstances at the time guide it.

fondue with cheddar

@TheLetterL Unfortunately I don't know any tricks for chatting up strangers because I am TERRIBLE at it.
Which is why I'm commenting here so I can hear what other people have to say.

ba-na-nas

@TheLetterL Alcohol?

miss buenos aires

@TheLetterL

I like to go with, "So, what are your hard skills for the post-apocalypse?"

It starts a good conversation, but it doesn't exactly endear me to people. I believe the last wedding I attended, I asked the woman next to me what we had to do to get some kind of universal pre-school set up. (This was after she told me she was a pre-school teacher.)

Or maybe just read some Oliver Sacks and say, "I just read about this painter who got a brain injury and lost not only the ability to see color, but the memory of color. Has anything like that ever happened to you?"

OhMarie

@TheLetterL At the weddings of your friends, I feel like you're usually sitting with other assorted friends (as opposed to, like, uncles and stuff) so "how do you know the bride/groom" is always a good starter.

After that, I am terrible.

fondue with cheddar

@miss buenos aires WHY DO I NOT GET SEATED NEXT TO YOU AT WEDDINGS. Because I would respond "Ooh! But after awhile his eyesite became so keen he could see a worm wriggling on the sidewalk blocks away!" I love talking about brain injuries. And post-apocalyptic scenarios. More wedding-goers should be like us.

Judith Slutler

@TheLetterL One rule I've heard is come armed with one piece of gossip, one piece of culture/art news, one piece of interesting science news.

You could always listen to the Radiolab episode on colors and tell everyone all about MANTIS SHRIMP.

miss buenos aires

@Emmanuelle Cunt Oh yeah, those mantis shrimp are NUTS. I bet they don't even appreciate the amazing gift they have!

@jen325 I concur. More wedding guests should be like us!

fondue with cheddar

@Emmanuelle Cunt That's a really good one. "How do you know the bride/groom" and complimenting one's attire are really all I've got in my arsenal, too. But there are some great ideas here!

TheLetterL

@all Thank you all for the advice! I have returned unscathed and with minimal awkwardness, thanks to the combined powers of The Hairpin and the gods of seating charts!
For any couples planning a wedding, I can attest that seating random friends together can work out. Easiest conversational opening ever: "So, I don't really know [the bride/groom]. Tell me about [her/him]."

fondue with cheddar

@TheLetterL I'm so glad it went well! It's so much easier being seated with people who don't all know each other because you're all in the same boat. And "Tell me about the bride/groom" sounds like a great conversation starter when you don't know half the couple very well. Did you figure that out on your own or did somebody else ask that question?

TheLetterL

@jen325 Aww, thanks! One of the groom's friends started off by admitting he didn't know the bride at all and asking me about her, and things kind of flowed. Then a couple who knows both of them showed up, so we all grilled them. Good conversation and bonus reassurance that your friend is marrying an excellent person.

fondue with cheddar

@TheLetterL Exactly what I was thinking. That's a win for everyone. :)

miss buenos aires

@TheLetterL Yay! So glad you had a nice time.

TheLetterL

@miss buenos aires My only regret is that mantis shrimp didn't come up. :(

mystique

Are there other 'Pinners here writing novels? I'm on my second/third draft of my first novel ever, and I know they say the first novel never goes anywhere, but damn, I really love this story! I'm hoping to finish it by next year. I love using TV Tropes for help though! Random games with characters really help me figure them out better.

Also I am totally debating buying "How Should a Person Be?" even though I spend way too much money on everything anyway.

maybe partying will help

@mystique

I have long since given up on novels, but I have a monstrous graphic novel script and a slew of short stories. Some of them are done, some of them aren't, some may never be. YOU know.

wharrgarbl

@mystique The most useful advice I've seen is to ease off on the self-criticism once you've got it to the point where you're pretty happy with it. Like, edit for goodness, not IT MUST BE PERFECT.

Megasus

@mystique I have started one, but I haven't really written anything for like a month and a half even though I've had time. I am not even anywhere near done the first draft. It needs a looooot of work.

dauphine

Summer of Lust check in!
I spent most of the week forgetting what day it is, and leaving my house for work 20 minutes late.

In other news, is it like 'a thing' for service industry dudes to try and shame ladies (me) for having a full time job and therefore not being available for midafternoon jaunts? Why do they do that.

Judith Slutler

@dauphine I have dated that guy before. My strategy was to pretend that I was the high rolling 1950s husband and he was my submissive housewife and be like, "well darling, I gotta do something to earn all those fruity drinks I'm buying you later"

it was pretty hot!

dauphine

@Emmanuelle Cunt
Ahhh that is a good one. My ex was also a Service Industry Dude and he would get stupid pouty about me not having Thursdays off with him so I'm really sensitive about the 'ah but you work!' comments.

Saskquatch

@dauphine Yeah, it's kind of a thing...I remember it being one of the best parts of my not so interesting service jobs. Feeling efficient because I never had to take time off to keep 9-5 appointments, shopping and dining when it wasn't busy, never driving at rush hour.
The shaming isn't necessary though, nobody likes an evangelical anything.
I like @ Emmanuelle Cunt's strategy as well.

whateverlolawants

I was trying to post right at 3, but got sidelined by something weird. Usually I work at 3, so I was so excited to be free at 3 on a Friday! Ha. Today I'm babysitting for a friend whose sitter cancelled at the last minute. I just happened to have the day off. I haven't babysat in a few years, although I used to all the time from junior high through college. This little girl is so cute and smart, and I didn't even feel annoyed when she dumped out a whole box of Cheerios.

In the last week, I have found a great apartment and signed a lease for it! Yay! I'm still kind of sad about moving out of my parents' and also losing that money-saving tactic. However, I'm focusing on the positives as much as I can. The apartment is a unit in a four-unit house built around 1896. It has exposed brick walls, a big hallway, a big front balcony, and a bar in the living room (which we might not get to keep.) It's a block away from a popular gay bar, but it's a quiet street with well-kept old buildings, two miles from work and from my future roomie's school and work. Yay! Thanks for the thoughts and advice last week.

nogreeneggs

Hey so I have kind of a dilemma going on that I was hoping the ‘Pin could help me with!

I was thinking about starting to go to a yoga studio near me (they also offer barre classes which is exciting). I am an active person that enjoys working out but I normally just do my own solo thing. I would be going to yoga class for the social aspect, I don’t have any friends that live around me and I am really trying to put myself in situations where I can meet friends. The only thing is that yoga is expensive! $100 per month expensive, which is not un-doable but is still a lot of money I think. My question to the ‘Pin is that if you all think it would be worth it to pay that much for both the healthy aspects (which I would do regardless) and the social aspects? Not to sound too pathetic, but I’m really tired of not having friends anymore and I thought this could be a good way to meet people. Am I wasting my money/being ridiculous?

parallel-lines

@nogreeneggs Healthy wise it's good, social wise it might be hard since you have to be quiet for the entirety of the class. Have you thought about doing something thru meetup.com?

Statham

@nogreeneggs I think it's a great idea. You might not meet someone right away, but after a few classes you're bound to. I mean, I went to random Zumba classes at my library, and within a class I would always wind up talking to someone next to me. I don't think $100 is too bad either? Then again, I don't know how many classes there are. BUT, if it doesn't work out in a month or two, you can go find something else to do.

If money is your concern, maybe volunteering would work. Volunteering doesn't cost you anything but time, and you always wind up meeting people because they're working right there with you with a common interest.

In Yoga I don't know if people would be as chatty, but if you're determined to meet people, you'll be more likely to start a conversation yourself. Amirite?

WaityKatie

@nogreeneggs I think classes are the only way to meet people. Especially if you're going to the same class at the same time every week - eventually you're going to see familiar people and chat with them. I really think the next time I move cities I might just go sign up for a whole bunch of classes right away.

quandjebois

@nogreeneggs I would go to a class or two first and see what kind of atmosphere they foster. Depending on the type of yoga and the studio's policies, you can either chat away about how much pain you're in, or you're glared into complete silence so you (and others) can focus on breathing. I enjoy both, but I doubt the latter would give you the opportunity to strike up convos.

And I don't where you live, but $100 is actually a pretty good price by my medium-city experience.

nogreeneggs

@nogreeneggs Thanks everyone for the feedback! The $100 is for unlimited monthly so I'd definitely get my money's worth I just have money-spending guilt. But I think the pros outweigh my guilt on this one.

I'm going to a class tonight, it's called happy hour yoga hot yoga so some social interaction is implied. I'll let you know how it goes!

(Edith/Jane: If you want anyone to write a piece on how hard it is for a slightly shy, very awkward adult woman to make friends and the self-doubt that goes with it, I'm your girl!)

flanhoodles

@nogreeneggs I recently made a friend at yoga class! Totally worth the $90 a month mine costs. The yoga studio I go to is pretty laid back, and people usually show up early/hang around afterwards and are pretty chatty.

Plus, yoga.

Gwdihw

@nogreeneggs
I need this too :-/

realtalk

@flanhoodles @nogreeneggs oh my god, you guys, that is SUCH CHEAP YOGA, I am incredibly jealous, my studio is $180/month unlimited :( :( :( But on the bright side, I'm cleared to go back to yoga after my shoulder dislocation, so I'm so excited for this weekend.

And yoga is a great way to meet people, although I agree with everyone who says that it's studio-dependent. When you start going several times a week, you definitely start recognizing people. All the teachers at my studio, when they're setting up for class, walk in and say, "Ok, everyone take a couple minutes to get to know your neighbors!"

Saskquatch

@nogreeneggs Just to reinforce what I'm sure you know-it can be VERY hard to make friends as an adult!
I'm not shy at all but I moved to a new town for work and it has taken me almost two years to build a handful of casual relationships.
Since I have no kids and no significant other the only people I met at first were work related and I NEED work/life separation for my mental health.
It is ridiculous how much easier it was to make friends in my twenties.
So, good luck and be persistent-people are self involved and it takes a while before they even realize you're being friendly. I'm hopeful for you over here on my corner of the internet!

Inkling

@nogreeneggs
Just wanted to mention--another positive aspect of doing yoga in a class, rather than following free instructional videos, is you are less likely to do something wrong and hurt yourself with an instructor. I hope you make friends!

MEGA VENUTIAN SPACE SCORPION

I'm going on a last second, super short, trip to New York on Sunday to look at apartments. Exciting! Scary!

Anyone need a room mate? I'm awesome!

themmases

@MEGA VENUTIAN SPACE SCORPION I'm in Chicago, but wooooo congratulations! I love apartment hunting :D

runner in the garden

@MEGA VENUTIAN SPACE SCORPION When are you moving?

cosmia

Happy Friday the 13, I have a migraine and my cat is really sick :(

cosmia

@cosmia Ughhh I'm at work and I can't leave yet and it takes me forever and a half to get home, but my parents have an appointment with the vet at 4:40 but I'm panicking because it's a whole hour and 5 minutes from now and she threw up all her food and I'm worried she'll get dehydrated because now she doesn't want to eat. Google says its most likely a respiratory infection because she's sneezing and wheezing a little, and apparently isn't that serious, but her eyes and nose aren't runny and that's supposed to be happening too? Why is she throwing up? RABBLERABBLEUGH

cosmia

@cosmia It's not like I've been working, though, I've just been googling cat illnesses for two hours.

frigwiggin

@cosmia Oh no, your kitty! :( She'll make it the hour, I know it's hard to endure but she probably won't change or worsen a whole lot in that time, and then you can go have her looked at. Best thoughts, though, my kitty had surgery on Monday so I have been worrying about her each day when I'm not home.

noodge

(<----former vet tech)

@cosmia what's going on with kitty?

cosmia

@teenie She started sneezing this morning, can't keep down any food and doesn't seem to want to eat or drink because of that, and she's wheezing a little. I'm not at home, which is killing me, but I'm calling my mom every 20 minutes and apparently now she's just resting but is bitchy and lethargic, and she sounds congested when she breathes sometimes. Her nose isn't runny, her eyes aren't clouded, no fever, no diarrhea.

tessamae

@cosmia Oh sweet sassafras, please stop googling cat illnesses! This is how you convince yourself that your cat has feline AIDS. This happened to a friend, of course.

noodge

@cosmia

There are a lot of things that can cause what you're describing. Most of them are fairly benign, especially if your kitty is young. For instance, feline herpes, which can crop up and make your kitty pretty snotty and miserable, not want to eat, etc, but will come and go throughout their lifetime and you basically treat with Lysine supplements.
ANYWAY, tessamae is right: it's easier said than done, but step away from the search engine. Your kitty will be ok, and you're doing the right thing taking her to the vet.

cosmia

@teenie She's between 6 and 7 years old, so I guess she's middle aged? She's been an extremely healthy cat up until now and she's mostly indoors except for a couple hours a day she spends outside supervised by my dad while he does yard work, so I suppose that increases her chances. Thanks though, my parents should be about ready to take her now so I'll know more soon. I'm gonna stop googling and do work!

billie_crusoe

@cosmia :((( Migraines are the worst. I hope yours is better now. Do you take anything for them?

cosmia

@billie_crusoe Normally Excedrin, which helps the most out of everything over the counter I've tried, but I don't have any at work so I drank water and took plain ol' Advil. It helped a little but not by much. I think I'm just stressed/8 hours of staring at a computer screen under fluorescent lights.

cosmia

@cosmia So update on thecat, if anyone is following: so apparently last night my cat, this supposedly smart, graceful animal, either ate or attempted to eat some sort of insect, which bit her inside her mouth and caused an allergic reaction that caused the inside of her mouth to get a little swollen and made her wheeze, in addition to the sneezing and the upset stomach. She got three shots, one of which was benadryl and one was antibiotics just in case, and now she appears to be doing okay, she's still a little lethargic but she's a cat, they sleep more or less all the time. The shots are supposed to stay in her system for two weeks and the vet said she should start improving/the swelling should go down by tomorrow, so we'll see. Thanks for your concern everyone!

noodge

@cosmia SUCH GOOD NEWS! I figured it was something benign - so sudden like that? yeah. good news.

billie_crusoe

@cosmia That is hilarious, except I'm sorry she stressed you out / cost you a vet visit. My grandparents' dog ate a wasp once, which was unpleasant for her.

cosmia

@billie_crusoe We think she ate a cicada, because she sits in trees and does this sometimes (and we can hear harmonica noises emanating from her mouth). A cicada! God, she's weird.

panquecito

Just applied for an amazing job at Planned Parenthood (woooo! fingers crossed!) BUT I sent my cover letter / resume in through their online application system, and didn't get a confirmation page or email or anything. Anyone else had this experience? Tell me it's okay?

terrific

@elenachicago It's okay! Some orgs just don't have confirmation emails. It is stupid. But Planned Parenthood is awesome! Good luck!

olivebee

@elenachicago Good luck with the job!! Just follow up after the appropriate amount of time and say you wanted to make sure they received it since you didn't get a confirmation page.

parallel-lines

Married pinners-how do you ladies deal with a super negative mother in law. Like, my very soon to be MIL is not a terrible person but she is so negative that it's exhausting. She is the unhappiest person I have ever met in my life. Here's a typical conversation:

Me: "Oh, went out to dinner and tried a new place by our house."

Her: "We went out to dinner once. It was traffic the whole way and then we got there late and they gave us shit and the waiter was a moron. The food was terrible, just overpriced and terrible. And then when we got back to the car it wouldn't start, and everyone drove like an idiot the whole way home."

Me: "....oh."

She's just negative about everything--we're getting married in two weeks and she's not even a tiny bit happy or positive about that. Like the best I can get is a shrug. Help! This woman is wearing me out.

Ophelia

@parallel-lines Yikes. How does your fiance handle her? Are there any strategies he's using that you could adapt to your own purposes?

Apart from that, I'd unfortunately probably wind up doing the polite "mmhmm" as a response for a lot of things, and trying to hang out with her one-on-one as little as possible :-/

SarahP

@parallel-lines I know people like that, and they can be very draining, but often they are looking for sympathy. "That sounds awful!" is a good response. Also, people from some backgrounds (namely: all my Irish aunts) use this as conversation starters. (So your response would be "That's awful! Did you ever try going out to dinner again, or is it not worth it anymore?") It's not pleasant, but she's not going to change. She's always going to either want sympathy or use negative statements as a way to start conversation. So think of it as a game--how many ways can you turn the conversation around? How many different responses can you have that basically mean "that sucks"?

I'm in the middle of reading Emma--have you ever read it? Your mother-in-law sounds vaguely like Emma's father. Everyone in that book treats Mr. Woodhouse that way, and I'm finding it rather adorable.

And, at least if she's negative, it doesn't sound like she's specifically critical, so I guess that's a comfort?

parallel-lines

@Ophelia It drives him bonkers and he's even said something to her about it but it had little to no effect.

It's funny because my mom is insanely thrilled about the wedding and she's completely indifferent, so at least I'm getting opposite ends of the crazy spectrum.

olivebee

@parallel-lines My own mother is like that, so I can ask my husband for you? No, but seriously. My husband and I have both found that we just nod politely, say "that's a bummer," and then offer up our own positive experience to keep the conversation going. You will never change a negative person like that (trust me, I've tried for 24 years), but you can keep yourself from going insane by avoiding topics that people have lots of opinions on, going out to eat with her at places with a really wide variety of food, and monopolizing the conversation with your own anecdotes. She might respond to them negatively, but then just be like "Well, I thought it was fun/liked it/etc etc."

Judith Slutler

@SarahP ding ding ding! This is what ya do. It does have the slight downside of feeding the negativity a bit, but hey if she isn't going to stop anyway? Give her some sympathy.

elsbels

@parallel-lines my father's whole family is like that. I just look at it like this is how they communicate.

nogreeneggs

@elsbels My sister is like this sometimes and I usually respond with "gosh your life is so hard!" And then she usually laughs at herself. But we're sisters, we're allowed to be bitchy to each other.

Yahtzii

@parallel-lines My MIL is like that and I just barely survived their recent week-long visit without setting her on fire, so I may not be the best person to ask, but my strategy is to pretend she does not exist and think of pleasant things like rainbows or puppies or gummy bears.

billie_crusoe

@parallel-lines My mom is like that, and I agree with everyone else. Just an occasional "Oh" or "yeah" is the answer. Don't even really listen, just occasionally nod/say something noncommittal. I guess it's easier with a mother than a MIL because I feel no urge to impress my mother or even be nice to her. So sometimes I antagonize her. Don't do that. But don't actively listen/engage in a positive way, either, for your own sanity.

(I texted my mom that I got into grad school and got a good stipend, and her response was "Oh." But then she bragged on me to other people. Don't let her lack of wedding enthusiasm get you down. It's not you/your wedding, it's 100% her.)

wharrgarbl

@parallel-lines Minimize contact as much as possible. My MIL is a lot like that. Drives both of us completely nuts. We try not to talk to her much, because it's torture for us and doesn't seem to do her a lot of good either.

the roughest toughest frail

@wharrgarbl I was going to say this. The few times I do interact with my MIL, I just murmur something vaguely sympathetic ("Oh, how awful ..." ) and the quickly change the subject. It's exhausting, but there's not a whole lot you can do other than avoid contact.

Xanthophyllippa

@parallel-lines Can you kill her with kindness? "Oh, wow, that SUCKS! What did you do?" and look fascinated, or "Oh, wow, that SUCKS! I LOVE going out to dinner!" and then tell a story about the best dinner ever? Maybe she'll realize she's not bringing you down and knock off the negativity.

I had a co-worker who used to be like that when we first met. I decided I was just going to chirp and twitter, and within a year we'd developed our own set of inside jokes. I think he might just have been testing me.

baked bean

@Xanthophyllippa No experience with specific MIL topic, but that is what I usually do with grumpy people. There was a super mean guy I worked with at a restaurant and I didn't really talk to him if possible, but when I did, I was polite and such. Most people were mean to him back. He super respected me when I blew up in his face one time, because I reserved it for an important time instead of being mean all the time. He actually apologized to me. He never apologized to anyone. I felt awesome.

Queen of Pickles

Ughhhh, Pinners.

My BRAIN. I'm driving myself NUTS. The two-month Cone of Silence that the Dude and I erected after our breakup ended yesterday. And he hasn't contacted me. Which is fine. Whatever. Whatever! Seriously, whatever forever, et cetera it gets better-a, la di da.

BUT I can seemingly think of nothing else. The way he smells, his drawl, how his eyes shone at dawn when we woke up together, how he's ticklish, how he got emotional at certain movies, how he'd hold me as he fell asleep and kiss the back of my neck, how he kisses in general (he is a good kisser), the way he would LOOK AT ME from across the room that pinned me to the wall like a beetle to a card, and all sorts of other things that it is not entirely appropriate to post in a comments section. (...) The worst part is that drinking just makes me want him more! So I have to AVOID ALCOHOL, ugh, what is this, I don't even.

Also, lots of the people in my office have already left for the weekend - but Summer Fridays don't apply if you're a temp with an hourly wage. So I am compensating by being bad and internetting. (I usually don't, though! I am usually good!!)

God I miss him. Dammit. Whatever. Argh. It's like there is this string tied to my innards and I feel it tugging but I can't go find him. And there is this squeaky hysterical voice saying things like "DOESN'T HE MISS ME?" and tearing up, and then Other Me just rolls its eyes, and so basically I am trapped in a neverending road trip with Versions of Myself That Don't Get Along.

He would probably be surprised if he knew I was writing this. Both of us pride ourselves on being Stiff Upper Lip-ers.

MoonBat

@Queen of Pickles Ohhhhh, honey. I'm sorry, this sucks. And it also tells me that you probably need to renew that two-month cone of silence. You need more time to move past this.

Mad as a Hatter!

@Queen of Pickles I would recommend to not contact him, unless you reallly want to get back together and you think he might too, even then though, long shot. Give it six more months of no contact and you'll be golden with amazing self-confidence because you are SEXY and boys will be tripping all over that self-confidence.

Judith Slutler

@Queen of Pickles noooooooooo I am so sorry this is happening to you. If the Cone of Silence deadline is bugging you, just make that shit indefinite. You need to focus on YOU. If you can't have alcohol due to weepy drunkenness, have some chocolate, or like, weed. Gather your friends all around you and just be.

billie_crusoe

@Queen of Pickles EXTEND THE CONE OF SILENCE. Seriously, extend it until you don't want to call him anymore.

I'm sorry :( I kept in touch with my ex for over a year, and then not anymore, and time without talking was the only thing that made me not want her anymore. (I will never admit this to her, if we ever encounter each other again, because she imposed it in a really shitty way, i.e. an email and then silence while we were still trying to be friends, and I don't want her to know it was the right thing to do because I'm awful and childish. But it was the right thing, and also, I know how you feel and it suuuuucks so much.)

The string to your innards will go away, I promise. It's been 10 months of not talking to my ex, and I don't know at what point I stopped wanting to call her. It stopped being an almost-irresistible-force within maybe 4-5 months? Which sounds like forever, but it's really not. I kept telling myself, "You can call her and get closure about things when you don't NEED to call her," and now that I don't NEED to call her, I don't even want to. I think if you say, "OK another 2 months and then I can call him!" then maybe you won't move on in the same way? At least, I wouldn't have; I would have just put all my healing on hiatus for another 2 months. So I think indefinite cone of silence.

Be gentle with yourself (man, I got so sick of hearing that, but, really!) - it's OK that you feel like that and tear up; don't get hung up on rolling your eyes at yourself.

wharrgarbl

@Queen of Pickles Girl. Re-up that clause like it was the PATRIOT Act and you're a Republican congress. You need more time.

The Lady of Shalott

ALSO guys: teach me about Pinterest please! I can't stop pinning crap I want for a house one day, but I've pretty much stuck to pinning crap from websites because I can't really figure out how to find tons of NEW and exciting things from other Pinteresters yet. And I've also started pinning a ton of ring ideas because certain people have been making noises about a ring appearing in the next six to twelve months or so.

PINTEREST: TEACH ME.

frigwiggin

@The Lady of Shalott Be my Pinterest friend! I want all the Pinterest friends. My strategy is that I follow a bunch of Hairpinner tumblrs and I just pin the pretty pictures that they reblog. The ciiiiircle of liiiiiife~

frigwiggin

@The Lady of Shalott Also, sometimes if I'm bored, I'll just put a random word or semi-interesting search term (artists, animals, food items) into the "search" box and repin whatever comes up there.

frigwiggin

@The Lady of Shalott Also-also (sorry, you're already sick of me) following George Takei is never a bad idea.

Statham

@The Lady of Shalott @frigwiggin http://pinterest.com/ladystatham/

I'm on pinterest too! Except I have no idea how to hyperlink on here. :{

RK Fire

@The Lady of Shalott: Have you clicked on the word "Pinterest" and clicked on the link "Everything" yet?

Also, I'm on Pinterest toooooo!

frigwiggin

@RK Fire Thar be dangerous waters, though, especially insofar as thinspo/fitspo is concerned. Be careful, folks!

Statham

@frigwiggin Yeah, the thinspo/fitspo stuff is crazy on there. And the CELLULITE ads where someone is pinching what looks like a perfectly sculpted thigh.

fondue with cheddar

@RK Fire ME TOO ME TOO me too

@frigwiggin You're absolutely right about George Takei. Thank you.

RK Fire

@frigwiggin: Definitely! I usually try to specify a topic before wading in. Also, as a weightlifter, I hate thinspo/fitspo so much.

phlox

@The Lady of Shalott Pinterest is fun! This is me, but I mostly use it for sewing ideas.

billie_crusoe

@frigwiggin Based on your Pinterest, we are the same person (except you have more Style and do more Pinterest).

gormless

I am a long-time lurker/reader that decided to finally register to post my OkCupid-date-from-hell story in the OkCupid thread but it died out so I decided not to. I'm a dude who lives in the Bay Area. I saw Beyond the Black Rainbow last night and it was utterly fantastic.

Hi everyone.

Statham

@gormless You should put that story here.

MoonBat

@Statham Yes, please. Here is good. Amuse and scare us all, it's Friday the 13th!

fondue with cheddar

@Statham SECONDED.

I'm sorry you had a date from hell.

tessamae

@gormless POST THAT SHIT.

Emby

@gormless do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it

melis

@gormless oh my god if you don't post that story in the next five minutes i am going to sign up for okcupid and find you (somehow) and make you go on a date with me and i'll be even WORSE so POST IT I'VE GOT HALF AN HOUR TO KILL BEFORE THE OFFICE WHISKEY TASTING I NEED SOMETHING TO READ

gormless

@gormless OK I'm easily convinced. This is long. Bear with me, please. (This took extra-long because my browser crashed 3/4 of the way through. Thank god I copy/pasted most of it to notepad.)

Came across her profile on Friday. She seemed cute and her profile was weird, but to be generous I'll say it was "eccentric," or perhaps "interesting." We exchange a few messages and it turns out we'll both be downtown the following afternoon so we arrange to meet up. Usually I wait a little bit longer to meet someone, but whatever.

She tells me she'll be free in the afternoon/early evening so we exchange some texts around 4:30 and she says she can pick me up around 5 near Union Square. Okay, I say. As 5 rolls around she texts me and says "I'm here" and I say "where?" and she says "Up by H&M!" So I walk up from Urban Outfitters (I DO NOT SHOP THERE - I SWEAR - I WAS KILLING TIME) and I see a white VW Bug (the new kind) STOPPED RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE GOD DAMN CABLE CAR, HOLDING UP ALL TRAFFIC, and the cable car is ringing its stupid bell like crazy and she's just sitting there, idling, waiting for me. She opens the door. I get in.

(Red flag number one.)

"Hey, I have to run some errands! Is that okay?" Sure. Where are we going?
"Oh, I just have to run to the dispensary and pick up more weed." Uh, okay. Well, she likes to smoke weed. Cool, I guess. That question is answered pretty quickly. But going to a dispensary right after you meet someone? Um.. okay... whatever, I'm keeping an open mind.

(Red flag number two.)

We drive to the tenderloin and park in an alley off Geary. There are bums fucking underneath a tarpaulin directly adjacent to the car.

(Red flag number three? Not really. More like red omen, I guess.)

She re-ups and we walk back to the car with her new 8th. She pulls out a little wooden pipe. She packs it -- full -- and proceeds to take, like, 15 or 20 hits. I am a relatively seasoned smoker, but I've never seen anyone smoke that much weed in one sitting. "That's a lot of weed," I say.

"Yeah, I'm pretty much stoned 24/7. It's for my... uhm ... anorexia." (Note: she is deadly skinny. Deadly. Hip-bones-bursting-through-skin skinny. So I believe her.) "You want a hit?"

"Um, no, I'm okay." She explains that her wooden pipe is, like, 100 years old, and was given to her by her father or whatever. Okay. I tell her I'm hungry and we should get something to eat. (NOTE: As a formerly serial-monogamist, I hadn't had much experience with dating at this point, so I foolishly suggested an additional venue instead of GETTING THE FUCK OUT OF THERE as my intuition was telling me to do, so just bear with me -- I know I should have left.)

"Oh, okay. Well, um, I don't really eat, but we can get you something to eat, if you want?"

(Verbatim: "I don't really eat." WHAT? WHO FUCKING SAYS THAT? Red flag number four.)

We drive to Japantown. She's stoned out of her mind, says she does this all the time, it's fine. (Red flag number five.) To her credit she does seem pretty good at driving stoned. But still.

Japantown is packed to the gills, it's a Saturday evening. She's blabbering on about bullshit, stoned bullshit. She asks me, "Do you think people who help others can't help themselves?" I answer some slightly-kinder variation of "I have no fucking idea." She's studying to be a social worker, she says. Her classmates ask her if SHE is so fucked up and can't get her shit together, how can she expect to help other people? Well, it doesn't work that way, she says. (Red flag number six.)

We walk to an ATM. She tries to get money out. She's flat broke. Nothing comes out. She looks like a puppy dog that just got kicked by its owner. I feel awful. I tell her not to worry, I'll cover dinner. (I NEED to stop doing this.) (Red flag number seven.)

Eventually we find the one restaurant in the entire mall that has a single table available, and it's a sushi restaurant that happens to be extremely overpriced. Fuck it. I'm hungry. We sit. I order a bunch of sushi. She orders a beer.

"I don't really drink," she says. She also says she's had NOTHING at all to eat today. Red flag number what-the-fuck-ever-at-this-point.

As she drinks her beer -- just a single beer, mind you -- I observe her getting progressively drunker and drunker. Her speech starts to slur. She begins to get antagonistic, aggressive, even. Starts complaining about her upbringing. About how she had it so rough. She accuses me of having a trust fund, or something, and asks me if I ever had it rough growing up. I don't say anything. I'm essentially speechless at this point.

After a certain amount of time, I take the beer away from her. Yes, I literally did that. I had to. I finish the beer.

The sushi finally fucking comes. I start eating. She starts eating. "Mmmm, this tastes good, doesn't it? I should do this more often." Those aren't exact words, but she says something to that effect.

Then her face sours a bit and her eyes start to water. She starts gagging and covers her hand with her mouth. "Are you okay?" I ask.

"DON'T LOOK AT ME," she says. "DON'T LOOK AT ME." I don't look at her.

To her credit, she chokes it down and swallows her food. She doesn't barf. At this point I am pinching myself - is this really real? Is this happening? Where am I? Who am I? What is going on? I can't --

Dinner ends, mercifully. I pay the whole bill. Seventy-some-odd bucks. Fuck it. Fuck it. I don't care. Anything to get me the fuck out.

We go outside. Smoke a cigarette. Get back in her car. She smokes more weed. "On a scale from 1 to 10, rate this date," she says. IS THIS REAL? WHERE AM I? WHO AM I? WHAT IS GOING ON. Somehow I avoid answering the question.

"Okay, okay. Answer this then. Am I just plain psycho, interestingly psycho, or dangerously psycho?" At this point I'm becoming legitimately alarmed. Like, unironically worried about my own safety. I answer "interestingly psycho" because it seems like the safest answer. She told me she's gone on seventeen first dates and nobody has called her back, except for some Buddhist guy that she's currently sleeping with (?). We start driving towards a Bart station.

She tells me that this VW Bug is a rental. She recently crashed her car, on the Bay Bridge. A really bad accident. She got a concussion. THANK GOD, though, that she managed to wake up just long enough to toss the bag of weed in her car over the bridge, so the cops didn't know anything about that. Thank God indeed. She tells me that she's kind of been wishing she hadn't woken up. Had stayed unconscious. Is this real? What is happening? How is this happening? What is going on?

Oh, and she has a kid, too. She told me about that during the date.

We get about eight or ten blocks away from Powell Bart and I say this is fine. I hop out the door. I wave briefly, she says "Maybe I'll see you again?" and I say "Sure." I run -- literally -- towards the Bart. My knees are shaking. I am not sure what just happened to me.

I still use OkCupid, but nothing on the level of this has happened to me since.

melis

@gormless you are already in hell

Reginal T. Squirge

So if I hint at a bad OKCupid story and then don't tell it I can get a date with melis?

Be careful what you wish for, indeed...

Reginal T. Squirge

@gormless

Did you go out with Brenda from Six Feet Under?

gormless

@Reginal T. Squirge I wish. I would've been into that.

melis

@Reginal T. Squirge If you live in the Bay Area, sure why the hell not

totally unrelated, how much would you say you look like Kristen Stewart?

MoonBat

@gormless I am really, really scared for her kid.

Statham

@gormless I had been waiting for that story, and it was well worth the wait.

Honestly, I think we need a tumblr or something for bad OkCupid dates had by pinners. It will become my guilty pleasure because I love that sort of thing.

...is this something I should do?

melis

like has anyone ever said to you "oh no you look like you might die of consumption before you finish sipping that cup of tea with wan but oddly strong hands?"

Reginal T. Squirge

Kind of. "You should probably eat something" is practically my middle name.

gormless

@melis do you have it in you to make a date worse than that one? if so I salute you and I'm into it so I can add it to my story repertoire

melis

@Reginal T. Squirge THEN I AM CHEERFULLY YOURS MY LADY

@gormless brb, ordering like a truck full of cocaine [date spoiler alert I'm going to recreate that Amy Sohn article to the best of my ability]

gormless

@gormless oh and I just want to add that I saw her walking into Amnesia like a year later (read: 2 or 3 months ago) with another dude.

So.

Someone's into it, I guess.

Also why is this city so god damned SMALL?

melis

@gormless It's not small, it can't possibly be small. If it were small how come it takes me two months every time I want to get to my house from Divisadero on the 38 line?

Megasus

@Statham Name idea! OKCpinemies

realtalk

@gormless oh man, I think I met you at a pinup a few months ago, and you told this story. It is STILL hands-down the craziest OKC story I've ever heard. Sooooo congratulations, I guess? And also welcome to commenting!

all the kittens in the club gettin nipsy

@Megano! OkCabaret of disappointment. OkCagematch of horrors. OkCertifiably Insane. OkCentral Casting for "young, single, broke, borderline". OkChrist not this again. OkCan we all just keep our shit together and pay the bill before they kick us out, no, alright, I guess we are getting booked now. OkClearly I need to delete my profile after this.

gormless

@realtalk hahahaha yes! that was me. this is, and always will be, my best date story of all time. I mean, I hope. if anything ever tops this I probably won't make it out alive.

Faintly Macabre

@melis The one-inch-high wall between melis and evil melis has just been broken down.

melis

@Reginal T. Squirge Wait a second. Dean of Men? ARE YOU A BOY TRYING TO FOOL ME

gormless

@melis every boy is trying to fool you

Reginal T. Squirge

@melis

Ugh, I seriously need to just change my username to "I'M A DUDE".

Reginal T. Squirge

But also, REGINAL IS A MAN'S NAME.

melis

Reginal isn't a name of any kind! Reginald is a name. Also, the rest of your handle is T. SQUIRGE, how was I to know it wasn't some elaborate joke? YOU ARE DISMISSED SOLDIER

stonefruit

@all oh my lord I am KICKING myself for being unable to attend tonight's Bay Area pinup. all y'all are making me silent-chortle at work.

Inkling

@gormless
So excited you shared, just within 5 minutes, too!

@Reginal T. Squirge
Off-topic--I just feel the urge to say Nate Fisher would make anyone fucking crazy. (Sometimes when I watch that show, I imagine he has wandered onto its set and is living out his horrible life around innocent actors.)

Reginal T. Squirge

@Inkling

I agree. Their relationship was like the perfect storm of awful people.

Inkling

@Reginal T. Squirge
I really like Brenda, except the parts where Nate would say something terrible and she'd be like "oh shucks but I <3 him". Nate is just flyin' that narcissistic personality disorder flag as high as he can.

soul toast

I totally psyched myself up to finally tell my boss I'm pregnant, but he's not even here today. And today is soooo slooow at work.

(@PistolPackinMama, thanks for your advice on last week's open thread. that was a good sanity check for me.)

LibrarySwampThing

Ugh, why are people always all "let's be friends with exes"? I don't really get it. Maybe if you literally just got so bored of each other that all the feelings die a horrible death long before splitsville, but I don't even know of a case where that's happened, so somehow I don't think that's the reason for everyone trying to do the "let's be friends" dance.

In any case, I've got enough people who want to be my friend who don't come attached with 100 lbs of baggage and memories and guaranteed future uncomfortable for their successor. But apparently I am emotionally immature or something because I am uncomfortable with the idea of hanging around with people whose faces you used to suck (unless there are children involved, in which case oh that is a cold and cruel necessity you got there).

(I am venting to the internet because this subject cheeses me off and I am surrounded by "friends is the way of the future!" types, so this is the only place I've got to go.)

eiffeldesigns

@LibrarySwampThing Yeah. I don't know if it's possible. A lovely gentleman caller broke it off with me and suggested the whole "we can still be friends" thing and I said, "Dude, you are breaking up with me and I still can't stop thinking about wanting to take all your clothes off and pull you into bed. That kinda of thinking does not bode well for a friendship."

Ugh. I miss him. Stupid men.

sovereignann@twitter

@LibrarySwampThing I am totally Team "WTH? Friends?" with you. It makes no sense to me. I just want to walk away and move on. Anything more makes you wonder if you are somehow in a rom-com and that person, after a series of bad dating decisions, will come to and decide you are the love of their life. Could it happen? Sure, but the odds are wayyyy against it. Why do that to yourself? Or to the other person, for that matter.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@LibrarySwampThing I have no idea. Some people are really good about it, maybe because of their relationships or because they had decent breakups or something, but I don't get it. One girl I follow on Twitter is still friends with an ex (a recent one) and actually encouraged him to work up the courage to propose to his new girlfriend. HOW DOES SHE DO THAT?

I don't actually want to know, though. My ex claimed to hate his friends (even though they were great to him) and then hit me with a "I really want us to be friends." No.
(other crap deleted because yeah, basically I don't get it.)

WaityKatie

@LibrarySwampThing I think it's really hard for a long time, but at some point it switches and you actually can be friends with them. I don't know how this happened really but I currently am friends with a couple of guys I used to date. And one of them I even insulted his girlfriend (now wife) several times when they first got together, yet somehow he is still willing to be my friend, I'm not sure why. I mean, we don't hang out very much but we are definitely friendly and if we lived in the same city we would probably hang out occasionally. I don't know. At some point all the rage goes away and it's just like, ok, I know this person, whatever. But I don't know about involving myself with their girlfriends and all that, that still kind of makes me annoyed, but probably because I'm perma-alone and they're all smug and happy and perfect.

 
Ophelia

@Courtney Jones@twitter OOOh, yes! I really liked this. I think the sad/frustrating part about it is...the princesses that really get marketed by the Disney Juggernaut? They're not #s 1-3.

(also, this is totally off-topic, but I really liked being able to see how the animation changed over time by putting all of these next to each other).

give cheese some pants

I guess this is the best place to share that I got an admittedly day-making text from my ex (ext? does that just look like a typo?) today: So when we were dating he always talked about how Friday the 13th was his lucky day because his daughter was born on that day and also we met on a Friday the 13th. Then he cheated on me and drank too much and was a generally terrible boyfriend and so I dumped him. He moved across the country and within 2 months he told me he was dating his coworker/friend from my town, who was the one girl I had been really insecure about during our relationship. (He denies ever cheating on me with her, which I semi-believe but also who cares.) His text informed me that he found out today that this woman, his now-fiancee, has been cheating on him. I know karma doesn't manifest itself until the next lifetime, so I guess it would be more accurate to simply call this poetic justice. Happy Friday the 13th y'all!

adorable-eggplant

@give cheese some pants I like that! But do not text back (unless that's your usual style) because you are a million times better off without that juicebox.

On a related note, my ex also pursued the girl about whom I was insecure during our relationship. If I had a time machine (and wasn't obligated to use it to save the world) I would travel back to when I had my first inkling and say, "Yoooou were right! He will try to make you feel crazy, but you are 100% right, so cut your losses now."

laurel

@give cheese some pants: I hope you texted back, "OMG I'M SO SORRY! BEING CHEATED ON IS THE WORST!" and then went out and had margaritas, etc.

give cheese some pants

@laurel close, actually: first I laughed for a million hours, out loud, in my office with the door open. Then, mustering up all the big-person-ness I have (not much), I texted back "I'm sorry, that blows. Being cheated on is the worst, right?" Then I laughed for a million more hours, and now I am off to dinner and a movie with my current boyfriend, who is the best.

laurel

@give cheese some pants: You win the weekend, obviously.

glitterary

I am having COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE FEELINGS for a close friend. Tips on how to get over the crush of the century?

miss buenos aires

@glitterary Fart in front of him/her? That way any sexy feelings will be drowned out by wailing sirens of embarrassment any time you think of him/her.

SarahP

@glitterary I can tell you how NOT to deal with it: smother it as much as possible and never let it come out except in your diary and in late-night crying jags.

Not that I speak from experience or anything.

glitterary

@miss buenos aires Mm. That would probably work, but I'm not sure the outcome would be much better...

adorable-eggplant

@glitterary It depends on what makes them inappropriate. Is he/she in a committed relationship? Then I'd suggest crushing on other folks (even fictional ones) and having a strict no-fantasizing policy.

glitterary

@SarahP *hugs, hands bottle of wine* Bloody platonic friends, why must they be so wonderful and attractive, eh?

tessamae

@glitterary Is it necessary to get over it? Just asking. Are they married? Unavailable? Dangerous?

themmases

@glitterary Avoid them. If you give in to wanting to see them a lot you may be able to hide it for a while, but it will be weird and confusing which will only make you do stuff you regret and up the weirdness and confusingness. Assuming he's not available, or has already said no, or there's otherwise some great reason you shouldn't date.

-----------

@glitterary Find something about them that irritates you and fixate upon it. Probably not the healthiest strategy, but hey, life is short.

glitterary

@tessamae Unavailable. So very, very unavailable. It's not fair. (But at the same time I'm so very happy for him that he's happy with the person he's with? Ugh.)

Megasus

@glitterary Hm...well look out for all the annoying things he does. I'm sure he has some!

Inkling

@glitterary
Drink with him, and have a close-friends exchange of Most Embarrassing Stories. Probably after he tells you he soberly pissed the bed at 25, his other negative qualities will be exacerbated and you'll not want some o' that.

Danzig!

@glitterary Date other people! Or do what I did and move 1,779.1 miles away from him/her

OhShesArtsy

So, this may get buried at the bottom here BUT: I need some how to dress myself help.

I'm going to a bachelorette party soon and I CANNOT figure out what to wear to it. I've never been big into bar hopping or clubbing which seems to be what we will be doing. I have asked the other ladies going what kind of clothes they will be wearing, they are all giving me non-answers like, "Oh, just bring two outfits!" I don't particularly want to dress in "club wear",but what do people wear to bars? I have a shortish, ruched, black strapless dress that is super easy to dress up or down based on the accessories I wear, so maybe that? Do people wear dresses to bars? I'm married so I do NOT want to pick up guys here, just look cute in the pics???

I'm so uncool here, I need some help!

miss buenos aires

@OhShesArtsy That dress sounds cute! Please wear it. This sounds like a situation in which anything goes.

Statham

@OhShesArtsy Two outfits is kind of goofy if you ask me, but the black dress you described sounds fine. Especially if it's a dress that you're comfortable in and feel cute wearing. I wear dresses to bars.

Just keep in mind: There is always going to be someone who looks way more ridiculous than you and who will be wearing something incredibly unflattering. It's always been a common truth for me when I go to a bar.

VolcanoMouse

@OhShesArtsy This was To The Letter my dilemma a couple months ago! The Hairpin Fashion Club group suggested that one could visit Forever 21 and buy a cheap and trendy and fun wee dress if your wardrobe needs that hole filled. I ended up wearing a random slightly-too-fancy thrifted dress to the bachelorette I attended, so... er... do as The Hairpin says, not as I do.

Judith Slutler

@OhShesArtsy Short black dress = yes, unless it is one of the kind of strapless dresses you're gonna be pulling back up all night. Think "can I dance in this? can I sit in this? can I stand in this?" and keep that in mind when choosing shoes as well.

OhShesArtsy

Thanks everyone! I will probably end up in that dress. I know a few ways to add a fun coordinating halter to the dress so I may do that for ease of wearing.

@VolcanoMouse If there was a Forever 21 within an hour's drive I would totally go that route!

Statham

@VolcanoMouse @OhShesArtsy Forever 21 is an excellent idea too. Whenever I want a random dress for my closet, I go there. They're not pricey, and they're usually bright and trendy. Plus, I know people say their stuff is cheap and won't hold up over time, but all of my Forever 21 purchases have lasted me years until I chose to donate them/give them to my niece.

themmases

@OhShesArtsy You can probably do the dress. I usually just go with dark jeans and whatever my favorite clean, weather-appropriate shirt is at the moment. This is what all ladies in satiny, ruffly bar hopping are pretty much doing. It's also what I'm doing in my striped t-shirt and duck hunting boots. And we're both right!

JadedStone

@OhShesArtsy Do you know what bar? Usually on the bar's website/facebook page there will be a gallery of drunk people. Check that for appropriate attire.

Xanthophyllippa

@Jade I would totally drop by any bar that had a link titled "Gallery of Drunk People."

(I'd also go hear "Gallery of Drunk People" in concert. They're probably a Canadian party band.)

themmases

I've fallen down the internet Scientology rabbit hole. This here is my call for recommended reading, on Scientology or other long-form weird shit that's had you working below capacity lately. I require gossip and innuendo!

Onymous

@themmases Have you watched the Steven Fishman Deposition yet?

Springtime for Voldemort

@themmases Have you discovered Domestic Discipline? Start here: http://learningdd.blogspot.com/ and then Google to find other crazy.

darklingplain

@papayalily Oh my GOD.

crookedlegs

@themmases This was long, but so worth it: http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2011/02/14/110214fa_fact_wright?currentPage=all

simalie

@papayalily Wow. Just wow. I'm so angry I think I might cry.

Springtime for Voldemort

@simalie Yeah, it's like... my worst (well, close to) fears realized.

nyikint

HEY!

Just reminding everyone about the SHAREPIN.

It's where Hairpinners give stuff away to each other, so if you want to give something away, or you know, get more stuff, join!

And don't worry if you're not in the US - people will still send things to you!

all the kittens in the club gettin nipsy

Further to the skin discussion this week, anyone have recommendations for SPF and/or moisturizer (day kind, night kind, anything) for people with supersensitive face skin? Aveeno, which is supposed to be all hypoallergenic and non-acne-causing, makes me itch and break out. For moisturizing I've tried just using a bit of natural oils, but my skin manages to get both dry and oily simultaneously (and yes, I did try the Oil Cleansing Method for the full 6 weeks. I'm a major hippy, but it didn't work for me.)

Ideas? Or should I just sacrifice some small furry animals on an altar and rub the fresh blood all over my face under the full moon while chanting in Latin? Because that's what I plan to try next.

(Bonus points for any recommendations of tinted moisturizer + SPF all-in-one things. BB creams for sensitive skin, is there such a thing? Failing that, rabbits vs squirrels vs moles?)

Statham

@all the kittens in the club gettin nipsy

For the day, I use Neutrogena with SPF 30. It's pretty light, and it works well for me.

For night, I use Burt's Bee's sensitive skin cream. It's got some sort of white tea extract in it. No SPF, but I figure in my bedroom at night, I'm pretty safe from the sun's damaging rays. It's really nice.

Neither are tinted, so I unfortunately can't help you on that account.

Gracefully and Grandly

@all the kittens in the club gettin nipsy I really like Lavanila's spf 40 - it does leave a slight white caste but it doesn't make me super shiny, works really well under my foundation, and hasn't caused any skin problems! Definitely worth testing out (though it can be pricey which is the only thing that's bad about it).

WaityKatie

@Statham I just tried Neutrogena's Sensitive Skin one on my face today! It's good so far. It's SPF 50 or 60 I think. I have super dry, pale, pretty sensitive skin - a lot of things make it red and irritated. But normally I just use a combination of the Aveeno "ultra-calming" face lotion, SPF 15, plus Tarte smooth operator foundation (SPF 30), plus either Clinque powder or sometimes this mineral sunscreen face powder thing that I can't remember the name of. I'm super pale but somehow that combination seems to work most days.

apples and oranges

@all the kittens in the club gettin nipsy Another one for Neutrogena's moisturizer. I've used a couple different varieties and like both a lot!

WhiskeySour

@all the kittens in the club gettin nipsy I have the most sensitive skin ever. And I have some chemical sensitivities to scented products (ah the joys of being a super pale lady who is allergic to most sunscreens. Yay.) Heck, even Cetaphil lotion caused problems. But I just discovered CeraVe lotion (it does not have SPF.) I'm in love. It has no smell! It doesn't make me break out! It isn't greasy! My skin has seriously not looked so good in years.

realtalk

@WhiskeySour CeraVe has a 15spf "daytime facial moisturizer" which is nice, but not high-protection, unfortunately.

@all the kittens in the club gettin nipsy I LOVE all CeraVe products - I use their moisturizing face wash, their body lotion, and their body cream. I have very sensitive skin and pretty bad eczema and it's the best moisturizer I've ever used, EVER.

all the kittens in the club gettin nipsy

@realtalk Totally putting both Neutrogena and CeraVe on my shopping list for the weekend! I only used Neutrogena as a teenager so I didn't realize people over 17 used it. And it looks like CeraVe is now 30SPF so that's a little better! I do have some mild scent sensitivities so I'm guessing CeraVe is going to be the one for me. I'll let you all know how that goes...

(p.s. does anyone else like Tarte products? It seems to keep coming up. I tried the undereye concealer and it didn't make my eyes itch, RADNESS, but it DID make my skin weird and greasy/glossy, it looked like I had silver eyeshadow under my eyes. Anybody else like or hate Tarte?)

staircases

@all the kittens in the club gettin nipsy I love your username. That is all.

oboe-d-amore

@all the kittens in the club gettin nipsy Maybe try Lush? Their Cosmetic Lad moisturizer is great for my sensitive skin. They will give samples of anything, too!

Their stuff isn't unscented, though, so it might not work for you.

VolcanoMouse

Any of y'all run Etsy shops/own a small business/make crafty things to order? I've been contemplating starting one to sell handmade goods (mostly wool skirts, because WOOL SKIRTS!), and now that the year is slipping back towards autumn, I feel like I need to consider this seriously. Buy fabric. Make action plans.

Or maybe I'll just chew my fingernails and do nothing.

sophia_h

@VolcanoMouse I made an Etsy shop last winter for knitted accessories that utterly flopped. But maybe I needed to advertise myself around more places or something? IDK.

VolcanoMouse

@sophia_h Aw, man, that's a shame, but also good to know! I have confused notions about whether I want to sink time and effort into making things that no one will ever see or whether using Etsy is worth it for the possible extra traffic. All that.

Alixana

@VolcanoMouse I would buy 'Pinner made WOOL SKIRTS in a heartbeat. All the skirts. All of them!

VolcanoMouse

@Alixana Even if they are twirly circle skirts? (ESPECIALLY if they are twirly circle skirts?) :D

Gwdihw

@VolcanoMouse I could rock a circle skirt. Sooo hard to find.

Alixana

@VolcanoMouse Yes yes yes! All the twirly circle skirts! I think those would be pretty popular on Etsy.

New Hoarder

@VolcanoMouse I ♥ Etsy & I would definitely buy circle skirts from you! Especially blue, purple, brown, and green ones. =-D

VolcanoMouse

@New Hoarder Hooray! I was wondering whether people would be interested in fun-colored skirts or more neutral ones. Bright teal is *slightly* more fun to work with than drab gray!

dale

The Best Time Your Dog Went Watersurfing!
The Only Time Your Cat Ever Sat On Your Lap But It Was Okay Because You Got A Picture!
The Seventh Time Today Your Ferret Did Laps Around Your Head!

All of these would be excellent pictures to submit to the tumblr.

The submission page is at pinpets.tumblr.com/submit. We are always glad to have more cute things to look at!

I would really recommend using the photo entry option (second one on the menu across the top of the page) as it will then do the resizing for you and the photo always comes in correctly. The text post just doesn’t handle the insertion of pics as well and so it can be a bit sketchy whether it will display properly, or at all.

*Note to violent violet (?) – no matter what I tried, the pictures you sent last week just would not cooperate. Would you mind sending them to me via email at pinnerpets@gmail.com? Actually that’s true for anyone, if you’d rather submit via email just send the pictures along, with a little writeup and your pin name, and I’ll post ‘em.

sophia_h

My comments never seem to show up here anymore when I post from my iPad, which is why I never comment these days, but I will yell into the void: good health wishes, Pinners? I just got two pieces of Very Big News and I am just hoping everything works out and also that my new insurance will actually cover me. Living in the US is so awesome.

Statham

@sophia_h Yay! Congrats on two pieces of Very Big News. I am going to assume that it is good news. :D

sophia_h

@Statham Thank you! It is sadly a good news/bad news situation which is why I need the good wishes. At least I got the bad news first!

Statham

@sophia_h Aw. I'm sorry, but at least there is good news tied in and not all bad.

EpWs

@sophia_h YAY you're here! At least a little bit! Lots of good thoughts going your way.

beezus.

You guys! Barring any last minute snafus I am moving to New York in within the next few months. EEP.

I have many, many questions for you NY Pinners, but the first is: Tell me about your neighborhood! What do you like about it? What don't you like about it? What are your neighbors like? Are there fun places at which one can have a beer? Etc!

Statham

@dahlface NYC?

beezus.

@Statham Er, yes. Should've included that. See, I know nothing, help me!

Statham

@dahlface I'm in Upstate NY, so I don't know too much about the city. BUT there's a bunch of other people up and down this open thread asking for stuff to do/people to meet in NYC. SOOOO I think you guys should all have a party together.

terrific

@dahlface ASTORIA is awesome. Someone who may or may not be me wrote about it at the Billfold. It has the best beer garden in the world filled with happy drunk families and children during the day, and a billion happy fun people during the nights. It has a good mix of normal grown-ups and people in their mid- to late-twenties. And it's not too expensive! And it's a quick commute from almost anywhere above Union Square (and even then, not too far). It's even not too hard to get to Williamsburg with a little subway trickery.

HeyMatilda

@dahlface I live in Greenpoint and I love it!! Close to Williamsburg, good bars/restaurants in both neighborhoods. The G train gets a bad rep and I've never really had that many problems. Feels pretty safe at night and it's a youngish crowd mixed with the old Polish families still living there.

Danzig!

@dahlface I don't live in W. Harlem anymore due to circumstances beyond my control, but it's inexpensive (for Manhattan), it's safe, it's got tons of culture, and the Hudson's right there for long walks and bike rides (if you're insane enough to ride a bike in Manhattan). Right now I live in Ridgewood / Bushwick and... it's cheap!

Avoid the East Village for living, it's overrated unless you consume and/or deal coke. Shop around in Greenpoint or Bushwick before looking in Williamsburg because that neighborhood is now stupidly expensive.

Plant Fire

@dahlface I moved to Jackson Heights (in Queens) at the beginning of June and so far I love it. There is a ton of super delicious food places and restaurants and food trucks with all the types of food anyone could want. The area is really diverse which helps make me feel comfortable and at home (I grew up moving from country to country in a a family where both parents were from different countries and then 4 years ago went to college in a college town where foreignness and diversity was both nonexistent and not appreciated so it's nice to be somewhere I fit in again).

The bars aren't the best (although there are one or two good ones) but combining drinking in tasty restaurants with the fact that it is super close to Astoria and easy to get into Manhattan and I don't really notice. The historic area is really pretty and has all kinds of apartments built in the 1920s and greenery and little homes with gardens so it's lovely to stroll around in. Apartments are fairly affordable (I pay $1,150 for a big studio that feels more like a one bedroom and has a kitchen bigger than the one in my parents house). There is a greenmarket on Sundays at a neighborhood "park" (more tennis courts and playground things than park) where you can buy fresh veggies and fish and all kinds of yummy things. And the subway has the M, R, E, F, and 7 trains so it's really easy to get everywhere else you want to go, plus buses to LaGuardia if you're the kind of person that travels a lot.

boysplz

Fun Fun Fun Fest released their lineup and it's awesome! I bought my pass this morning and can hardly wait till November now.

I'm going to see sooo much. Santigold, Starfucker, Minus the Bear, RUN DMC REUNION!!!

Is anyone else planning on going? Festival Pin UP in 5 months!

Statham

@boysplz I LOVE MINUS THE BEAR.

Reginal T. Squirge

IT IS NOT A REUNION IF JAM MASTER JAY IS NOT THERE.

melis

I'm leaving for Switzerland in like EIGHT MINUTES and I still can't get my hair into braids, HALP

melis

So I'll be leaving you all for a while but hope that in my place you will accept a few texts from a certain set of Southern California twins in the very near future....

melis

seriously though how do you braid your hair

apples and oranges

@melis To braid, you must first yodel. Can you yodel?

Emby

@melis Are we getting the Bobbsey twins??

melis

RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICOLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

melis

@Emby Think older. Think perfect size six.

Statham

@melis Watch the Wizard of Oz for inspiration.

melis

i don't have that kind of time

Statham

@melis Watch a brief snippet on YouTube.

Yahtzii

@melis Blue-green eyes that sparkle like the Pacific Ocean on a sunny day.

melis

Somebody give this girl a free trip to the Dairi Burger!

Yahtzii

@melis Can I get a ride with Patman? I look so good next to those sweet 1bruce1 plates.

wharrgarbl

@melis I am waiting for these texts with baited breath.

plonk

@melis uh, i live in switzerland. where are you going?

melis

@plonk A chalet near some kind of Alp, I believe (I am not planning this trip, so I am not really paying attention). Villars-sur-Ollon, I'm being told??? Where are you? What's your email address? Want to eat cheese by a lake or something?

stonefruit

@melis girl, don't even worry, as soon as you step off the flight Heidi will come find you, put your hair in two braids, and pin them up at the back of your head.

plonk

@melis chalets! i am in the opposite side of switzerland from all the alps (basel). switzerland is pretttttty small though, so if you're ever in zurich/bern/luzern it's no thing for me to get there. my email address is squidnotes at gmail. welcome, try the cheese!

phlox

@Where Pies Go When They Die I'm pale too and I use a Clinique foundation - there's only one of their lines that comes in super-pale now, I forget the name. But ask one of their reps in a department store (not at Sephora, they don't carry the whole line and sold me one that turned me orange once).

HeyMatilda

Hobbies/Groups to join in NYC?

Things at my job have gotten exponentially worse and depressing, can't find a new one right now, etc. I've had a string of bad luck with friends just disappearing and my best friend leaving town so I'm looking for ways to sort of get myself out of the house a little more often to make myself (and my boyfriend) feel better.

Much appreciated!

miss buenos aires

@HeyMatilda I just invented, while reading your post, like literally 30 seconds ago, a great idea for a Meetup group: people who like to support women directors! Every weekend that is an opening weekend for a movie by a female director, we could go out and see it. Would you be interested in something like that? I am tempted to start it right now.

terrific

@miss buenos aires I love this idea. I am also looking for hobbies and groups to join in NYC because, while I love Pinups, they are sporadic and have a weird habit of happening on days I am busy, and two of my close friends (of which I have very few!) are moving away soon, so I'm hard out on female friends.

HeyMatilda

@miss buenos aires Hells yeah I would! I actually don't go to the movies all that often so this would be good. Let's get this started!

HeyMatilda

@terrific In general, I just need more people to do "stuff" with, whatever that may be. It's sooo hard to meet people here and my bf (bless his heart) is really trying to push me to make it happen. Are you going to the pinup next weekend?

miss buenos aires

@HeyMatilda Awesome, I'll set something up! My only caveat is that there are organizer fees, so I'll start it and run it for a few months, but when my job gets hectic in the fall I will probably hand over the reins to someone else.

miss buenos aires

@miss buenos aires Actually I would like to see a few more people who are interested in this before I do the whole shebang. If six people definitely want to do the meetup, I'll set it up officially, otherwise maybe we can do it a little more informally.

terrific

@HeyMatilda NO! Sigh. I want to, but I am out of the country! See? Always when I'm unavailable. :(

Lucienne

@Where Pies Go When They Die MUFE's Mat+ Alabaster. Use even less than you think you need to use.

Their HD foundation also comes in Alabaster, but I don't know if it's exactly the same.

tessamae

@Where Pies Go When They Die Hi pale friend! I wear L'Oreal True Match in C1, which is Alabaster, I believe, and love it. It also comes in W1 and N1, which covers warm and neutral undertones. I am a pinker pale, so the cool undertone worked wonderfully on me. Clinique also just came out with a BB cream that my friend (also a paley) just bought and is RAVING about. She said it comes in pale shades. BB creams are supposed to provide much lighter coverage while still covering blemishes. Hope that helps!

apples and oranges

How do you tell a friend, "I feel like you have deserted me for your cool boyfriend, who actually I like a lot, but I miss you too. Hang out with me more" ?

Statham

@kangerine Facebook message? Send her a text? Phone conversation?

Maybe just word it something like, "I really miss hanging out with you. Maybe we could make time to hang out together. I'm glad you're with Cool Guy, and I like him a lot too, but how about time for us to hang out and talk about dudes together and do girly things?"

Saying she deserted you might make her feel guilty because she didn't mean to and might be wrapped up in Cool Guy. But, mentioning that you want time to hang out makes it apparent that you miss her and that she needs to make time for you.

redheaded&crazy

@kangerine UGH there is no good way really. I find what's most effective is just not reaching out and doing your own thing and eventually they may come around and be like SORRY I HAVEN'T BEEN AROUND LATELY I MISS YOU I FEEL BAD

otherwise, i guess you could just say exactly what you said there. but personally i find i feel better about these kinds of situation if i'm just like, welp, if she's a good friend of mine she'll eventually wonder where i am and make plans with me someday!

and hopefully apologize as well. it's happened to me!

billie_crusoe

@kangerine Will we ever get old enough where that doesn't happen? Maybe when our friends have all been married for years? I hate it :( I think asking for a Girls' Night is a good first try.

tessamae

@kangerine I'm with redheaded&crazie on this one. There is no good way. My experience is that some friends just don't notice/care about behaviors like this in a new relationship. Give her time, and hopefully she'll come back around. Go off, busy yourself, hang with other friends.

But I feel you! Friendship problems are the worst!

terrific

@kangerine IF I WERE YOUR FRIEND, which I hope I am not, I would want you to say something like: Hi! I really like Bobby a lot! But I miss you soooo much and I totally get that you want to spend lots of time with him because relationships are fun. But can we please do something, just you and me, on (x, y or z) date? I love you!

Some people may not respond well to this but I know I would.

apples and oranges

@redheaded&crazie HA that's what I've been doing, to no avail, yet. Just hoping she will come around when she realizes I haven't been around.

@billie_crusoe I'm hoping a day magically arrives where it all sorts out. By itself and with no problems for anyone.

Faintly Macabre

@kangerine How do you tell a friend, "I feel like you have deserted all of your friends for your boyfriend, and by the way, I still don't regret making clear that I think he's a jackass, because he is, and you might be too?"

Bambi

@kangerine I give my friends 3 months of disappearing to be with the boy and then I start hassling them (as in, hey, you're three months are up - time to come back to the living world). But they know the rule, so it's cool. Otherwise, just drop a note asking her if she's free for a quick drink after work before she heads over to hang with the boy.

harebell

@kangerine Having been That Person, I think the friend might really appreciate it (and change) if you say at least once to her that you haven't seen her in a long time and miss the old friendship. You can even say it as a joke instead of saying it straight -- that's probably the nicest way to go. But as That Person, sometimes you don't realize what has happened until it's too late, and your single friend has already drifted away, and it's a lot harder to repair than if the friend had said something earlier.

I mean, if a friend said that to me it would probably be flattering and affection-inducing, not a reason to take offense. And so much of this sort of thing is totally unintentional.

anachronistique

@kangerine Captain Awkward just posted about this recently! Consensus is that there's really no good way, but you can try. Post is here.

WaityKatie

@phlox Clinique Almost Makeup in the palest shade, or Tarte Smooth Operator in the palest shade. They're both really sheer but give decent coverage I think.

eiffeldesigns

I have spent the entire week in agony. Excruciating pain. My back is pulling shenanigans and I would like it to stop. Now.

And it has to stop soon because I'm having a yard sale tomorrow! I am officially old!

WhiskeySour

@Kirs I had a few bouts of back spasms last year so painful that I fainted from the pain when getting up in the morning. Icing was the only thing that helped even a little bit.

I hope you feel better soon! And I hope your yard sales is lucrative!

ba-na-nas

@WhiskeySour ugh. that happened to me, too. i ended up in physical therapy for a few months, then finally was all better. turns out strong abs help.

WhiskeySour

This week has been up and down in so many ways I just feel exhausted. Tuesday I found out that Mr Sour's job transfer 300+ miles away (that we've been waiting a couple months to hear about) suddenly decided they need him pretty much immediately. And we need to find an apartment ASAP in the new city. I cried. I then called around and only 2 places had any sort of opening until mid-September. I cried again.

I found out that one place that looked good had a sudden opening. I jumped on it, faxing in an application Wednesday. Today Mr. Sour and I drove in to the city, did the tour of the place and put down our deposit. Yay! Got news that my dad got his gallbladder out, it went well. Yay!

Now we have to get all the move stuff figured out. But at least for tonight and tomorrow, I'm just going to relax.

PatatasBravas

@WhiskeySour So glad to hear that your dad is doing well! Hurray hurray!

I think maybe you should just try to imbibe your usernamesake for a few hours?

phlox

Pinners who are good on the phone, how do you do it? I'm usually not great on the phone, but my boyfriend is away for the summer and while we do well with texting and email and I'm going to visit again in a few weeks, talking on the phone is always awkward. (Not even asking about dirty talk, just normal conversation!)

redheaded&crazy

@phlox sometimes i make a list of all the things i want to talk about. but that's because i'm awful on the phone, sooo basically yes, i would also like to know how to be better on the phone!

Statham

@phlox Since he won't see this, you can make a list of things to talk about to keep with you on the phone. Like, if something happened at work you'd want to tell him, jot it down. If you saw a movie you want to comment on, jot it down. Then, if you hit a lull in conversation, check out your cheat sheet and pick a topic.

olivebee

@redheaded&crazie Seconding the list of topics! It helped me get over the phone-phobia I had growing up.

terrific

@phlox I was great on the phone with my ex, mostly because he would just raaaaaaamble at me and I could just interject sometimes. With the current boy or, you know, anyone that expects an equitable conversation, it is a little less easy. A list of topics is PERFECT.

phlox

@terrific Ah you guys are the best. Thank you!

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@phlox
Mysteries of Pittsburgh?

phlox

@josiahg Yes!

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@phlox

Whenever I'm wearing shoes that click, I think of her.

redheaded&crazy

i wish i had any kind of exciting news to share. my life feels boring.

billie_crusoe

@redheaded&crazie Me tooooo. Now that my sexual harassment woes are over, I have nothing to say on Open Thread :(((

Statham

@redheaded&crazie Same. So I'm commenting on everyone else like a mofo.

redheaded&crazy

okay this isn't exciting news but it's a kind of funny (terrible) story about my ex. ABOUT YOUR WHO?! anyway. it's an ongoing saga of fun and hilarity!

i'll make it quick and dirty. basically dude was like: i don't want to be friends with you. i don't want to be friendly to you. i don't want to be invited out to things my friends will be at by you. i don't want to be invited out to things you will be at by my friends.

fair nuff. on top of all the usual reasons you might not want to be friends with an ex, he has been manipulating his friends like super insanely so yeah i think i can pass on his friendship.

but anyway for canada day all our mutual friends wanted me to have a party since i had a pretty fun one the year before. i felt kinda bad that he was being excluded so i told his friends they could invite him AND his girlfriend. which, some reasonable people have been like, why would you even ever invite people that you don't WHOLE HEARTEDLY WANT AT A PARTY ... to your party. But, Catholic guilt is why. And i guess trying to be inclusive and gracious. I dunno.

Anyway the response to this which was expressed in multiple venues was: she should invite me herself.

so since this didn't end up being a quick story at all, i'm just going to leave it there. she should invite me herself!!!

Scandyhoovian

@redheaded&crazie I VOTE "DON'T INVITE HIM"

especially since he made all those demands of not having contact and then decided that insisting YOU CONTACT HIM is the right answer.

SarahP

@redheaded&crazie Oh man I am so glad for you that you are no longer with this guy.

redheaded&crazy

@Scandyhoovian yeahhh I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't! But it is extremely satisfying to know that he is trying to manipulate me and I am not responding to it.

@SarahP Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee tooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!

BucketsOfCool

@redheaded&crazie UGH! I hate this guy. Sorry, that's probably awful, but - I HATE HIM!

redheaded&crazy

@BucketsOfCool I mostly pity him. But that bullshit up there made me hate him for a few days. I MEAN COME ON. SERIOUSLY? SERIOUSLY. SEEEEEEEEEEEEERIOUSLY!?!?!?!?! was my response.

BucketsOfCool

@redheaded&crazie Hah! Pity for sure. I am baffled on your behalf! I have had some recent Seriously?! moments lately, so I think I may be hypersensitive.

Statham

@redheaded&crazie Pffft. HE CAN JUST NOT BE INVITED THEN. HARUMPH.

Xanthophyllippa

@redheaded&crazie I don't think you're damned if you don't. I think you'd have a much better party if you didn't invite him. Then if he calls you out somehow, own it: "If you REALLY wanted me to come, you'd have invited me yourself." "Huh. Guess I didn't really want you to come, then."

redheaded&crazy

@Xanthophyllippa ah yes, to be clear i feel good about not inviting him and not reaching out to him and just letting him fester in his stubbornness. I don't consider this to be my problem at all!

But I just think it's hilarious how no matter what I do or don't do, he will think I'm doing something wrong. That being the case, I will do what works best for me which is ignorrrrrring him.

Quinn A@twitter

My girlfriend and I decided that she's going to move in with me in September!

I am simultaneously elated, because she's incredibly lovely in all respects and I want to spend the rest of my life with her, and terrified. I've never lived with a partner before and we've only been together nine months so far. She's here all the time anyway and I think we've talked through all the potential problems and found that they're not a big deal at all, but moving in together seems like such a huge step in the relationship.

Tell me happy cohabitation stories? Especially tell me happy cohabitation stories involving couples who hadn't been together for that long before they shacked up?

-----------

@Quinn A@twitter Hi, I moved in with my partner after 2 months and it was/continues to be rad! When it's right, it's right (she said tautologically). With that being said, I still feel homicidal when he leaves his dirty socks on the floor but bottom line it's working well. Good luck to you and your girlfriend! Have fun never ever wearing pants in your apartment again!

Statham

@Quinn A@twitter My friend met a guy online who lived in Canada. She then moved up to Canada to be with him having never met him in person in February, but came back in May because she had a hard time getting a job since she's not a citizen. They travel back and forth to visit each other and will be getting married this October.

That is the only experience I know of, and I think it's kind of nice and hopeful.

Onymous

@Quinn A@twitter My friend's fiancee moved in with us like 3 months after they started dating, they moved to a different school, lived together for a year and a half have been now married happily for 3 years.

terrific

@Quinn A@twitter Me and my boyfriend are SUPER VAGUELY thinking of doing the same thing, except we probably won't because I am a BAG OF FEAR, but I really want to. Eventually, we will, assuming all things go well. Yay for you and your girlfriend!!! I also want to hear happy early cohabitation stories!

MailerMattDaemon

@Quinn A@twitter I moved in with my partner two years ago, coming straight into cohabitation from a long-distance relationship. And it's...I keep thinking of the most hyperbolic, superlative descriptors I could use and they're not enough. So I'll just say, simply, that it's the best thing. Enjoy!

SarahP

@Quinn A@twitter The husband and I moved in together after a little more than a year and now, 3 years later, I've never wished it any other way. We each had to change a couple habits to mesh together better, but it wasn't hard, and living together rocks.

But, while you've probably already got this down, it bears saying anyway: Communication is especially important when you live together. Just be as open as you can about household stuff--pet peeves and all.

phlox

@Quinn A@twitter (No stories, but I want to hear other people's.)

The Lady of Shalott

@Quinn A@twitter I'm moving hundreds of miles away soon to be with my military boyfriend at his next posting, at which point we'll have been together between eight and eleven months. It is early and unorthodox, but here is the thing: I want to live with him because I want to see him every day and he makes me incredibly happy. He wants me to live with him because of the same reasons.

We have had Serious Talks about this kind of stuff and wheee I cannot WAIT!!!! Yay!

Jenn@twitter

@Quinn A@twitter I moved a thousand miles away to be with my boyfriend and we're still together now? Actually we're getting married next year, woo. We've been together for four-ish years, though, so idk if that helps.

Danzig!

@Quinn A@twitter I know three long-married couples (one 10+, the others 6+) who crossed oceans to shack up with their never-met lovers. It works real well sometimes!

elsbels

I just moved and am trying to decide whether I should learn to use an electrical drill myself (self-sufficiency). Am I going to destroy my walls on the first try?

Onymous

@elsbels what are you trying to do with the drill?

elsbels

@Onymous I want to fix my shelves to the wall. and put up a coat rack, etc. I don't know many people here and actually wouldn't mind paying someone to do it.

JadedStone

@elsbels OH MY GOODNESS USE THE DRILL. USING A DRILL IS THE BEST.

You will be fine!!

The worst that can happen? Too many holes in wall, you buy some putty and some paint and VOILA. It's fine.
Just be sure, with heavy things like shelves, to knock on the wall for the wooden beam underneath.

GOOD LUCK

Onymous

@elsbels That's pretty easy stuff you'd probably be fine trying it yourself. just get a stud finder and if all else fails SPACKLE!

Judith Slutler

@elsbels drill baby drill

laurel

@elsbels Do it! Knowing how to use a drill is awesome. If you're hanging shelves you need to do one of two things or else your shelves are likely to fall down with lots of noise and smashy smashy:

a) Screw the brackets to the studs (vertical lumber in the walls). You can find the studs using a stud finder (it's a cheap li'l thing with a magnet that finds the nails; does not help with locating handsome boys at all unless there's one at the hardware store where you bought it) or measure from the corner in 16" intervals (studs are 16" on center; usually they're 1.5" wide). You can tell when you've hit a stud because it's harder to drill into and your drill bit will have wood in it when you pull out. (Unless you're in a newish building in which case your studs might be metal?)

b) Use anchors with the bracket screws. They expand inside the wall and hold better than screws straight into plaster/drywall and allow you to place your brackets anywhere you want them, not just on the studs. Take your brackets with you to the hardware store, tell the clerk what you're hanging and they'll help you pick out the right weight.

You should also pick up a spirit level. Even a tiny cheap one will help. Measuring from the floor or ceiling only works so well, given that no buildings are perfectly plumb.

Definitely buy a bit of spackle for errant holes! It happens!

wharrgarbl

@elsbels The only problem with electric drills is that you'll use it and then want to put holes in everything that isn't alive or moving. Drills are the best.

elsbels

@laurel I will do it. Thanks everyone. My coworker owns a drill and all the accoutrements, so I should be set up.

laurel

@wharrgarbl At some point back in the Hairpin's infancy I started a list of items for a submission to be called "A Young Lady's First Tool Kit". There was definitely going to be a discussion of drills and their uses in there.

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@wharrgarbl
"Nobody wants a 1/4 inch drill, they want a 1/4 hole." NOT TRUE!

Onymous

@laurel here's an old NY Times article on the 5 tools you actually need though I'd add a pair of channel locks for plumbing purposes.

Saskquatch

@elsbels If you have never used a drill before I would like to reccommend doing some practice holes on pieces of scrap wood first, to get a feel for the way it will grab. There's no way practice could be a bad thing and anyway it's just fun to drill holes. I say this as someone who does that as a large part of her job!

Reginal T. Squirge

Breaking Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaad

Megasus

@Reginal T. Squirge I didn't realize it was THIS WEEKEND and now I am so so stoked.

Reginal T. Squirge

Let's talk about it!

I don't care what happens nor what anyone says. I want Walt to win everything. I don't care who gets in the way or what it costs, I want Walt to triumph over all. Jesse, too.

Megasus

@Reginal T. Squirge Nooooo I love Jesse! Did you ever play the game they had online before last season (I dunno if it's still there)? You played as Jesse and the secret was to flirt with everyone.

Reginal T. Squirge

If you want to make a meth-kingpin omelette, you gotta break some meth eggs (Jesse is a meth egg).

Megasus

@Reginal T. Squirge Noooooo! Remember he has essentially won two fistfights with Walt already. And I think he might have picked up more from Mike than he is letting on.

TheAlbondigasBar

Dear super awesome PinPal from New Jersey, I'm sorry I haven't replied yet! I've got the driving thing and the wedding thing and blah. I promise I will get on it next week. Sincerely, Me
P.S. You are awesome.

terrific

Guys, I just got a $600 bag from the free table, which is 3x more than I have in my bank account. I love working at a magazine. (Except it has an editor's name sewn inside, so I feel sad for whoever sent it, because I am faaaarrr too empathetic.) I am simultaneously guilty (SIX HUNDRED DOLLARS, even though I didn't pay it, or anything + taking free stuff makes me feel guilty) and so happy (it's so pretty and suede!).

Megasus

@terrific Consider it a bonus girl. I'm sure you work your ass off (I have interned at a magazine and I definitely did not feel bad taking all of the free stuff).

wharrgarbl

Everybody post your blogs, tumblrs, twitters, google groups, pinterests, etc.!

If you need to know the html for how to link your stuff, it goes like this: [a href="http://stuckinabucket.tumblr.com"]Here I am![/a] only with <>s instead of []s.

adorable-eggplant

@wharrgarbl Thanks for the tip! I just started one and it only has one post, but there will be more someday.

adorable-eggplant

@aubrey! I can't find where to click, and now I realize that my link did not work either... hmm. So I'm just going to copy and past like a n00b: http://sushicart.org/blog

Oh, and I should give fair warning that it's a place for my to stash my fanart and thoughts about other fairly dorky hobbies.

aubrey!

@wharrgarbl I got flustered and deleted my comment when the link didn't work. So anyway, a silly pointless tumblr (well, not pointless if you like rebloggings of tom hiddleston gifs and random 19th century dresses): awkwardbee.tumblr.com.

adorable-eggplant

@aubrey! OMG the 1906 dress from the Nasjonalmuseet for Kunst, I love it!! Also, the sign about unattended children and the goblin king is both hilarious and terrifying.

aubrey!

@adorable-eggplant I have to restrain myself from just reblogging every single thing from the omgthatdress tumblr.

Xanthophyllippa

@wharrgarbl This is me! I write about writing, teaching writing, and reading writing. Sometimes I make rude comments about society's general inability to be grammatically correct.

permanentbitchface

Okay guys, I have a story. Today at work a guy and his kid came in and wanted some to go food. They were the first people of the day so I was still getting some prep done and I should also mention that this is the start of my third double in a row... So I'm probably not on my game quite yet, but whatever. He gets halfway through ordering, and apparently not thinking I was being fucking cheerful enough to him, says, "You know what? I think we're good," and proceeds to leave. I shrug my shoulders and turn around and as he walks past me he's like, "By the way, you were really unnerving."

I mean, what the fuck? It seriously ruined my day.

wharrgarbl

@permanentbitchface Screw that dude, who says that shit to strangers?

adorable-eggplant

@permanentbitchface Take your day back! He has no right to be such an asshole! I always respond to those kinds of things (in my head, so I don't get fired) with, "I'm sorry that your life is so sad that you need to be mean to total strangers." And then I try to muster up a little actual sympathy, because really, they probably are mean all the time and isolated and lonely. But gaaaah!

billie_crusoe

@permanentbitchface UGGGHHH I'm sorry jerkface ruined your day. I have had a customer or 2 like that at work, and I just want to say, "Sorry, barely-above-minimum-wage shift-work isn't enough for me to care whether I unnerved you." Being not-rude is the most anyone should expect from people making minimum wage to serve their asses. (I felt like this before I worked in the service industry, too.)

permanentbitchface

@wharrgarbl It was like a shittier alternative to being told to "smile!" My dude co-workers can be short with people, not smile, but be proficient and no one gives a shit. It's like as a woman I have to be constantly all sparkles and rainbows.
Ugh! Sorry!

miss buenos aires

@permanentbitchface I'm sure he didn't mean it as a compliment, but I think if someone called me "unnerving" it would please me a tiny bit. I have unnerved you, sir. Go forth without your nerves.

BucketsOfCool

@miss buenos aires I totally agree! I would have been tempted to include an evil laugh as he hurried out the door. And that gesture where you tap your fingers together.

@permanentbitchface However, I completely understand your frustration. I worked at a bakery for 6 long months and UGH.

whizz_dumb

@miss buenos aires "It seems you still have the nerve to be a total dickbag." His son will probably grow up to be an asshole to strangers in the service industry too.

Porn Peddler

@permanentbitchface I think this means "annoying customer story thread" because I had a total nutbag come into the porn store today.

So a $3000 order comes in and I'm obviously working on getting all that stuff priced and tagged and all that and someone comes in and looks around. He engages me in some small talk, which I tolerate politely without inviting much more conversation (and by the way I am surrounded by boxes and price tags and have a box in one hand and a price list in another. I am very clearly doing something). He says...
"You know, when you call information, they give the wrong number for the store. When it dialed I got a message that the number wasn't in service."
"Oh, really? Wonder what that's about."
"Yeah everything that works has to go and change. Now when you call 411 you get a bunch of ads!" "Really? I've never had that happen."
"Dial it right now, you'll get ads!"
"*still with a box and a price list in my hands* I just used it earlier this week, I didn't get any ads. Wonder why that is."
"Dial it right now, you'll see!"
"I'm not too worried about it..."
"Dial it right now! Why won't you just dial it? *staring me down*"
"*confused* Well I've got work to be doing here."
"WELL. I'll just be doing MY business somewhere else."
"Uh."
He turns around and huffs out and stops right at the door and says "You DON'T argue with a customer! You just DON'T DO THAT."
"....*blank*"
"You're calling me a liar!"
"I'm not calling you a liar, I just have a lot of merchandise that I need to price and get out on the sales floor, I'm not terribly concerned about 411 ads!"
"Yeah, I gotta GO."
He gets in his car, slams the door, and you can literally hear his tires peeling out as he pulls out of the parking lot.

wharrgarbl

@Porn Peddler You don't argue with a serial killer, more like. Who the fuck are these people and why do they have no fucking manners?

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@wharrgarbl Customers can be the worst. I've got my own horror stories, but here's one from my old video store co-workers:

Old lady: "Do you know if the meerkats talk to each other on Meerkat Manor?"
Co-worker: "No, they don't."
OL: "They don't talk to each other?"
C: "No."
OL: "Well, you've been very rude."

Xanthophyllippa

@Rookie What on EARTH was she expecting? "No, ma'am, but I'll do my best to round up some local meerkats and train them to speak English"?

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@Xanthophyllippa Our best guess was that she was looking for something like the original version of March of the Penguins, which had voice actors reciting dialogue instead of narration?

But... that still doesn't change the fact that we only SELL the DVD's, we do not make the shows. Or the DVD's.

Inkling

@Rookie
I'll share mine from yesterday, although it's hardly better than "You've been very rude" lady and the "unnerving" psycho.

Customer: So ah, what's your name?
Me: *enigmatic blink*
C: So, I'm not surprised Lenny Kravitz is an interior designer. *stupid grin*
M: Because he's an artist?
C: Well, because he uh. Because he's homosexual?
M: And?
C: Well you know, the stereotype...
M: What?
C: Well uh gay people are... like interior designing.
M: ... Sounds like you're associating the realm of the household strictly with femininity.
C: Um.
M: That's stupid.
C: Well maybe not stupid--at least I admitted it.
M: What? Here's your sandwich.

And then he stared at me, shocked with a faint smile, the ENTIRE 10 minutes he took to eat his stupid sandwich. I cannot stress ENTIRE enough.
(Making a moron explain a bigoted joke = best.)

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@Inkling Did you also, like, tell the moron that he's a moron?

Inkling

@Rookie
The reported exchange was shortened for entertainment; I'd called him stupid a few more times and he ineffectively fought off the accusation. Also, he ordered a meatball sandwich, which, ewwww sog and old marinara.

Inkling

@permanentbitchface
Wait, I HAVE A BETTER ONE.
Does it count if you know the person.
Evo-psych-virgin came in last night (sober okay) and he's like "I miss you buddy" and I'm like "I know" AND THEN he leans forward, breathes in, and says

"I can tell we're genetically compatible because you smell so good to me."

Almost shit from laughing. I wash my hair with baking soda and don't use perfume. He is just bonering over the smell of plain human hair. Which is what serial killers do.

sovereignann@twitter

So OK, I need a good resource for the new health care bill so that I have some way of sounding intelligent when confronted with nonsense that comes out of the mouths of people in Texas. Also, I would like it to not sound like talking points.

I think it has been such a missed opportunity that it was never formally explained to the public in some way, you know? It's just like, "Hi, we are going to completely change the way you look at health care and you are going to have to carry it now. Ta-da!" I mean, I know the highlights, which are awesome, but I don't know, I feel like the people who are against it have more...firepower? when talking about than I do so if they are misinformed I would like to be able to talk from a position of strength, you know?

billie_crusoe

@sovereignann@twitter I read this book, by the Washington Post (because it was $1 at the used bookstore). It is probably not the most detailed, but I can't slog through law-speak myself, so I thought it was a decent overview. I have the feeling there are probably plenty of places online where you can get the info you want for free, though; I just don't know them.

Nutria

@sovereignann@twitter Here is a Reddit thread that has a really nice overview of what happens and when. I know Reddit can be terrible sometimes, but I think this is pretty useful! http://www.reddit.com/tb/vbkfm?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=feed

Heat Signature

So in the past week: I've accepted a job offer (sort of yay), we've accepted an offer on our house (super yay!), found out we will be moving into an apartment that we love and will have enough room for our growing family (super duper yay!), and I've become incredibly emotionally involved in "Storm of Swords" (Poor Tyrion! The Seven Kingdoms are going mad! Ugh!).

Megasus

@Heat Signature Storm of Swords is probably my favourite in the series though.

Heat Signature

@Megano! I've heard it's the best one, and I am LOVING it so far but still. So many emotions!

Megasus

@Heat Signature Oh yeah, it is definitely a rollercoaster of emotions! There are going to be so many feels about the next two seasons of the show.

Lurkasaurus

@Heat Signature I read Storm of Swords in a single 36-hour sitting and cried multiple times. It is absolutely my favorite of the series so far, but YEESH is it heart-wrenching.

Lurkasaurus

@Heat Signature Also, congrats on the job offer and new apartment!

flanhoodles

@Gone Away Lass Yay! I love the Hairpin recent break up support group. I actually ran into him at a concert in my neighborhood last night, and didn't burst into tears, which is an improvement on when I ran into him two weeks ago. We just waved politely.

However, that (plus several beers) convinced me to text him apologizing for yelling at him in public two weeks ago. This was not the best idea, as now my no-contact status is down to <1 days, and he kind of deserved to get yelled at in public.

Veronica Mars is smarter than me

HALP.

TEACHER INTERVIEWS. HOW DO YOU DO THEM.

I have one next week, they said it will be with at least one administrator and one teacher (gulp!), and it will only be the interview, not audition-lesson-thing, part. I haven't had a real interview yet! And I haven't held a real teaching job before, and my student teaching was only 3 months long and was almost two years ago. I feel like I have ZERO THINGS to say.

soul toast

@Veronica Mars is smarter than me
Not a teacher, so I don't actually know anything about this, but maybe it would help for you to re-read some of the stuff you worked on to get your teaching degree? Maybe to refocus your teaching philosophy/approach?
I'm going to be looking for my first librarian job soon, and the past few weeks I've been pretty intensely examining some of my academic work to put in a professional portfolio, and it's really been helping to remind me of my professional focus, and how to talk about it.
Maybe also write up something for yourself reflecting on your student teaching experience? This might help you get it fresh in your mind, and you can think about some of the obvious interview type questions they might ask about it.

Statham

@Veronica Mars is smarter than me

Ok. Well, I've gone to a few interviews, and I'm a teacher. I feel qualified to answer this.

First off, dress more conservatively than you would if you were already hired. Make sure you look extremely well put together.

Ok. They usually ask things like:

1. Why did you want to become a teacher?
2. What do you think your strengths are as a teacher?
3. What do you think your weaknesses are?
4. Tell me about a good lesson you've had.
5. What are your behavior management techniques? (That could just be because I teach Sped, and it's always been a class for students with behavioral problems. I also used to be an English teacher.)
6. They also usually ask about whatever criteria they hold their teachers to as a school. I teach in NYS, and here it's the Danielson method. They also like to hear about differentiated instruction, so toss that term around. If they ask you to explain, talk about how kids learn through different means, and how you incorporate this into lessons. (Using technology - visual, audio or maybe having them move around - kinesthetic.)

Check the school's website before you go, learn some of the main facts and comment on things the school seems to value.

If you have an interest in coaching a sport or being involved in a club, it might not hurt to mention that you're willing to do that as well. I'd gauge how the interview is going before tossing that out though.

I hope this helps. :D

-----------

@Veronica Mars is smarter than me Based on my teacher interview experience: prep for questions on your "teaching philosophy," how you plan to foster parental involvement, how you plan to decorate your classroom ("posters of the Cure" is not the right answer to that one, apparently), your lesson planning process, why you want to teach, why you want to teach at that particular school, and possibly how you feel about standardized testing. Good luck! Let us know how it goes!

soul toast

@Veronica Mars is smarter than me
I've also been told by my school librarian friends that it helps to know a lot about the particular school, what's going on in the neighborhood, current issues, etc.

Faintly Macabre

@Veronica Mars is smarter than me I have no advice, obviously, but GOOD LUCK! I belieeeeeve in you.

Xanthophyllippa

@Veronica Mars is smarter than me YES! Congrats on the interview!! I have been thinking about you and wondering how things are going.

What everyone said above, with two more suggestions: 1. do you live anywhere near the school where you did your certification/degree and can contact their education department/school to ask for advice? and 2. when they ask you what your weaknesses are as a teacher, frame it constructively and positively: " Well, I know I have trouble with X, so I plan to do Y and Z to make that better." They want to know that you realize you have areas to work on, but they also want to know what you're doing to work on them. They're essentially asking you about professional development and growth in that question.

billie_crusoe

I am addicted to lemons at the moment. Lemon curd, lemon marmalade, lemon candy, lemon salt on everything (zest + sea salt), lemonade. Give me lemon recipes!

laurel

@billie_crusoe This is my favorite cake from one of my favorite cookbooks from one of my favorite restaurants in the world. It's gorgeous and light and lemony and kicks all the ass with a bottle of ice wine or muscat.

wharrgarbl

@laurel The krusteaz lemon bar mixes are really, really good and stupid-simple, if you can find a store nearby that carries the brand.

billie_crusoe

@laurel OOH I will have to try that.
@wharrgarbl I think I've seen them around here somewhere. I'm usually adamant about making everything from scratch, but I'm about to start school again AND I can't find any more Meyer lemons right now, so I will check the mix out for sure!

wharrgarbl

@billie_crusoe I'm a pretty big from-scratch person, too, but holy shit that mix turns out well. And by stupid-simple, I mean it requires water and eggs and an oven and you're done.

laurel

@billie_crusoe I think A Clean Person posted her lemon bars recipe on the Awl or here at some point if you want something AwlPin approved.

dale

@billie_crusoe You are addicted to lemons because lemons are the bestest. And I am following this thread because I am keen to know more recipes too!

Fiddle dee dee

@billie_crusoe

I got this one! My favorite cookie recipe. It is a shortbread-type cookie, so the dough is a bitch, but the resulting cookies are so buttery and lemony and delicious, it's worth it.

http://www.realsimple.com/food-recipes/browse-all-recipes/glazed-lemon-cookies-00000000007540/index.html

PistolPackinMama

@billie_crusoe I made a totally baller tagine this week. It had preserved lemon in it. And olives.

So. good.

the little c

All, I cannot stop listening to Frank Ocean's new album. Can. Not. Do it.

realtalk

@the little c DON'T STOP!! it's so good

the little c

@realtalk I WON'T! Listening to it RIGHT NOW

ELECTROMAGNETIC CHAOS

I got an old Macbook at work that I can secretly goof off on.

I missed the cleanse and OKC threads! I could have contributed. Now the iron is cold. :(

Statham

@Too Much Internet It's totally not on the OKCupid. Gormless just shared a fantastically bad date tale up above, so jump on that awesome train for our entertainment.

ELECTROMAGNETIC CHAOS

@Statham: Oh I... don't have any OKC stories, just venting and observations I guess. I garnered only 3 dates over 4 years on and off usage, so I don't have much to tell - well, the last one makes for a good story, but it feels too much like kissing and telling.

dale

OMG YOU GUYS
I was really dumb this week and got a sunburn. :-( And now the itch is bugging me so badly, no matter how much aloe vera I use! Any other suggestions that will hold me until I get home & can put on an ice pack?

wharrgarbl

@dale Do you have any witch hazel or white vinegar handy? Those both help.

dale

@wharrgarbl I kind of wish I had vinegar handy, just to weird out my coworkers. But no, neither. Still at work. This would probably be easier to deal with if it was my shoulder burn giving me trouble, rather than the burn on my neck/chest which I've had to cover up with Suitable Workday Clothing. :-/

wharrgarbl

@dale Oh! You could also make a solution of plain aspirin dissolved in water and dab that on!

PistolPackinMama

@wharrgarbl

OXYCLEAN! (No, wrong...)

SOLARCAINE! (and sympathy)

I also got a helluva sunburn yesterday on the Epic Viking Canoe Trip, and oooowww.

Anyway. I wish you'd been in my doctor's office today instead of me, because he gave me a real lecture about dying of skin cancer. And I explained I'd put on SPF 30 once an hour for the four hours I was outside. He wasn't impressed. Apparently I am just not allowed outside in the mid-daytime any more, really.

(Maybe I am a vampire? Only I am not sparkly.)

dale

@PistolPackinMama I got the lecture, from my partner as well as my coworkers. I guess I just need to buy some spray-on sunscreen and keep it in my desk at work (I hate having gooey hands so don't usually like putting on lotion).

But I thought it was childhood exposure to sun that was the bit we had to worry the most about? ;-p goofy doctors, changing their minds...

HeckYes

I am wearing my favorite pair of jeans (dark wash! fit correctly in the waist AND the hips! not too short or too long!) BUT they are wearing out in the butt so, so much that really I shouldn't be wearing them anymore. But instead I wear long-ish shirts and pretend that there isn't a giant almost-hole in my pants. But there is. Can I fix this? How do denim patches work? Am I destined to be pantsless?

parla

@HeckYes you say destined to be pantless like it's a bad thing...

queenieliz

@HeckYes I would like to know the answer to this as well...My favorite pair of blue jeans actually wore right through on the butt, and I have them sitting in the sewing pile (YEAH RIGHT!) to get mended. I was just going to get dark blue thread and stitch like crazy over and around the tear, but that might very well look crappy.

Steph

@queenieliz Mine are shredded at the crotch (it's always the crotch with me for some reason). I am not crafty so I'm guessing lost cause?

parla

for the record i have never ever had success (permanently) patching jeans that I busted the butt/crotch of. use a heavy fabric and go over your stitches, but it's probably gonna rip again :/

I've found Levis to be immune to this phenomenon, YMMV.

wharrgarbl

@contrary Pants are the sickness. I offer the cure.

queenieliz

@contrary argh...my jeans are Levis! My only blue pair of a now discontinued style that only have one working pair of now(after breaking the zipper on my best black ones, which I don't think I can fix!) I hate that all ladies jeans these days seem to be made of spandex. Spandex doesn't hold anything in! I also hate how expensive jeans are...On a related rant...Having found one pair of these jeans in a thrift store I loved them so much I bought three more pairs from eBay and the Levis website...One pair I got from Levis sits way lower and the other pair I can't get over my thighs...same cut same size...

Xanthophyllippa

@HeckYes Take them to a tailor. No, really - the woman a block up from me has fixed my fave pair of jeans three times, and each time they last another 2-3 years. Throw a little money at the problem and have them done right.

Inkling

@queenieliz
I do patches, hand-stitched on the inside. If you're worried about it looking tacky, make it cute--like black lace sewn over a bright patch material, or bright pattern to contrast with the darkwash, or whatever you like. Using the same material for multiple patches on the same jeans can appear pretty trendy (I do not actually know trends).

parla

ladies of the hairpin! I know I'm a little late to the party but I was out running (listening to many of the songs suggested in previous weeks' open threads).

I have these suede black pumps that are beautiful, and I would like to wear them dancing/on dates/days I want to be extra tall but they are a half size too big. I bought them 2 years ago because they were expensive and on super sale, and I have worn them maybe 5 times because my foot slips out of them a little when I walk resulting in blisters. I put the dr. scholl's for her inserts in them, but they have been of minimal help. What do I dooooooo? Someone suggested freezing them and then putting my feet in them, but I thought that was if shoes were too small? Also I've done the wadded up TP in the toe thing, it resulted in a podiatrist visit.

Megasus

@contrary I think they might be a lost cause. If shoes don't fit, they don't fit. It shouldn't matter how good a deal they are, cuz shoes aren't like pants. They have to fit or you can seriously mess up your feet.

queenieliz

@contrary I've never had this problem, being of an unusually large foot size, but all I can think of is thick socks...which would be a "different" look with suede heels. In reality I would suggest you sell them on eBay and use the proceeds to buy a new pair of better fitting shoes. You only get one pair of feet, but you can have multiple pairs of shoes.

billie_crusoe

@contrary They're probably a lost cause, but I have bought some arch-support insoles (sofsoles?) that made my right-size shoes a half-size too small, so maybe those? But they weren't Dr Scholl's-cheap, and you may have sunk enough money in these shoes already.

parla

@everyone noooooo, these are the answers I feared, yet secretly already knew. Oh well. I'll give them to my friend who is actually a size 10 and not a 9.5 like me. really though, why is 9.5 so hard to find. I know a lot of people who claim to be this size and then we lament about either jamming our feet into size 9 shoes or letting size 10 shoes flop around (unless they're moccasins, which stretch and mold and are the best, but offer no arch support).

Megasus

@contrary Check the websites of your favourite shoe stores! They often have a lot more sizes than they do in-store. As a size 11/12 this has been my experience!

billie_crusoe

GUYSSSS, my cousin (who I share a bathroom with) just came down with a stomach bug, and I am terribly phobic about stomach bugs, AND I have toooo much to do for the next week to get sick. (I had terrible, awful OCD when I was in HS/college, mostly about this, and I still get kind of anxious about it.) Zinc is probably a lost cause because I've been around her pre-sickness, so just cross your fingers for me? My friend from LA is visiting 3 hours away next week and I REALLY want to go see her, so I need to either not be sick or be sick before/after that, please, universe. BOO summer sicknesses.

*I am obviously not a good person to sympathize with the sick-person in the house. ME ME ME, POOR ME I DON'T WANT TO GET SICK. No empathy for the one who's actually sick.

laurel

@billie_crusoe Spray down alllll your shared surfaces (doorknobs, sinks, etc.) with a solution of 1 part bleach to 10 parts water (per the CDC) after she uses it, before you use it, several times a day, etc.

wharrgarbl

@billie_crusoe Get some clorox wipes and hit up the doorknobs and toilet handle and cabinet knobs and everything else you're always touching without thinking about it. If it's not an airborne virus--and it may not be--that will help. (Can't hurt, anyway.)

soul toast

@billie_crusoe
I agree with the advice to disinfect all the things, and just wanted to add that you should try to stay hydrated and get plenty of rest. If you do start to get sick, maybe you can sort of mitigate how horrible it is. In my experience, when I'm likely to get sick and try to power through it, that just makes it hit me much harder.

elsbels

I've been really good lately (since January actually, so the resolution stuck) about doing things right away after being the biggest procrastinator known to man. I'm really proud of myself, but I've also been kind of a mess, I'm prone to crying fits and I feel just jittery all the time. I always thought my postponing habit was causing me nothing but stress (the late fees, the shame), but it also seemed to be some kind of coping mechanism. Change is hard

laurel

@elsbels: I struggle with the same thing. What is procrastination about?

elsbels

@laurel I think, for me, it provides a pocket where only the invoice that is to be paid or whatever is put off is of concern and I don't have to deal with important things.

PistolPackinMama

@elsbels Sorry I am so late replying to this... I was avoiding it.

(J/K, but I am a terrible procrastinator, and have panicky feelings about doing stuff like paying bills and picking up the phone. What is that about? I don't know, but I do it, too.)

Saskquatch

@elsbels I am so proud of you for trying to change! I do better and then backslide or do well in one area only to fail in another, procrastiantion-wise. You made a good decision so don't second guess yourself just because things didn't magically become alright. I hope you feel better-maybe a trip to someone who can get you anti-anxiety meds is in order?

Danzig!

@laurel I've been reading a lot of Didion lately and in her essay "On Self-Respect" she closes with a little observation that doesn't apply exactly to procrastination, I think she gets at something -

It is the phenomenon sometimes called "alienation from self." In its advanced stages, we no longer answer the telephone, because someone might want something... Every encounter demands too much, tears the nerves, drains the will, and the specter of something as small as an unanswered letter arouses such disproportionate guilt that answering it becomes out of the question.

I think procrastination's founded from a similar impulse. We delay because to even confront the work we have to do causes a stress that's somehow more tolerable than the stress of knowing it needs done. It used to be the case that the best way to overcome procrastination was just to force yourself to start, but these days you probably need isolation from internet distractions as well, lest you continually endanger yourself to stopping and starting the cycle over.

laurel

@Danzig!: That was so spot on, both of you.

Rosebudddd

@elsbels I am a terrible procrastinator too! I'm still working to improve, but I found "The Now Habit: A Strategic Program for Overcoming Procrastination and Enjoying Guilt-Free Play" by Neil Fiore to be incredibly helpful in changing the way I talk to myself about why I procrastinate.

@laurel This book tells you what procrastination is about and why we do it! It turns out we are not selfish, thoughtless people! The book goes beyond the trite advice to "make lists, break down a big project into small tasks", blah blah, etc.

Steph

Too late to ask for advice? I've got this ex-boyfriend who I dated for like 5 years in high school and college (dumped by me) who just wormed his way out of the woodwork. He's getting divorced (after less than a year!), he just broke his ankle and he's basically a sad sack. I feel bad for him but c'mon dude, we've barely spoken since we broke up over 5 years ago, plus I am getting MARRIED (!) and I just don't have the time/desire to be your support system.
So I guess my question is how do I get this guy to go away without being a mega-jerk? I've refused all his requests for a skype or phone call, so really he's just emailing me and g-chatting me constantly.

wharrgarbl

@Steph Flag him to go straight into the spam folder and block him on gchat? It sounds like this isn't going anywhere good.

laurel

@Steph Shut it dooown. To take the sting out, maybe ask a mutual friend if there are any to get in touch with him? Or not, just shut it down.

realtalk

@Steph Something like "Hey, I know things are rough with you right now, but I need more space than you're giving me"??

JadedStone

@Steph Be honest and not nice. STOP BEING NICE!

You're not being a mega-jerk - HE is the mega jerk for basically trying to strong-arm you into feeling sorry for him.

Say "honestly, I'm so happy to be getting married shortly and I have so many happy wedding things to do! I don't want, or need, to be your support system and I suggest getting a therapist. I wish you the best in your life!"

Then, BLOCK AND DELETE.

Steph

@laurel Yeah I think you are right. I will call up some of my guy friends who went to his wedding and see if they can reach out to him.

Steph

@Jade Thanks! think I just needed the peptalk. I will shut it down.

JadedStone

Also: naked Olympic athletes.

http://espn.go.com/espn/photos/gallery/_/id/8136693/image/2/carlos-bocanegra-2012-body-issue-bodies-want-espn-magazine

I have never so desperately wanted to scroll down on an image as that first one. I was willing the scroll to work but it wasn't happening.

wharrgarbl

@Jade Holy shit, sailor-lady is killing it.

adorable-eggplant

@Jade My favorite quote (i know, why was I even reading) was the person who likened a round of judo to brushing her hair. So badass.

JadedStone

@adorable-eggplant THERE ARE WORDS? OMG I TOTALLY DID NOT REALIZE THIS.

ok. I'll go through them again to read.

OhMarie

@Jade Ohhhhh myyyyy gooooooodddddddddd.

swirrlygrrl

@Jade oh my god. I love that they have a Paralympian, and that the men are as gorgeously photographed (and highly sexualized) as the ladies. Though i wish they were all action style shots, less coy poses at times.

charlesbois

ugh, i have a full-blown nail polish addiction. I just bought 2 shades from Essie: bikini so teeny and no place like chrome. And they gave me a coupon for $4 off another two bottles. Enablers!

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@charlesbois A COUPON? I am jealous.

I've got a bit of a nail polish addiction going, so all I can do is enable. Did you know OPI is coming out with a James Bond collection?

charlesbois

@Rookie I did NOT know that but now look forward to it. MAC is coming out with an Veronica and Betty (of Archie comics) collection in spring 2013, but I'm not sure if they'll have nail polish.

Jenn@twitter

It's the weekend, yay! I had meetings all week and now it's MARGARITA TIME.

...in, like three hours, when everyone else I know is off work.

flanhoodles

I think I need to officially quit saying I speak a little Spanish. Earlier this week, one of my friends kept calling me "hermosa" and I secretly wondered why he was calling me "ice cream" as a term of endearment all night.

wee_ramekin

@flanhoodles "Heeeeeeey Hermanooooo."

Jenn@twitter

@flanhoodles hola, helado!

flanhoodles

@wee_ramekin That's almost exactly how it went.

Xanthophyllippa

@wee_ramekin "Heeeeeey, tengo huevos!"

liverwortlaura

@flanhoodles as a botanist who knows some spanish words I have routinely confused ice cream with fern (helecho)

wee_ramekin

I need everyone to listen to 'Next to Me' by Emeli Sandé. It is currently my favorite jam.

What are y'all's new favorite jams?

Lurkasaurus

@wee_ramekin
"I Love It" - Icona Pop
"Hollywood Forever Cemetery Sings" - Father John Misty
"Real Life" - Tanlines
"This Head I Hold" - Electric Guest
"Trojans" - Atlas Genius

Note: I am fairly awful at staying up on the current music scene so I have no idea how truly "new" any of these songs are. But they are new to me, and I am loving them right now!

stonefruit

@wee_ramekin I posted just this exhortation last week! I am already playing and replaying the CRAP out of it, I bought her whole album, I am in love.

Except that in her last song she sings, "this is a message from kabbalah" and I get totally incoherently irritated. Gahhhhhhhh appropriation, leave kabbalah alone, what did it ever do to you.

@Lurkasaurus, the Hollywood Cemetery song gets stuck in my head like whoa every time I hear it. two thumbs up!

Inkling

Whatchu folks do about... street harassment?

I went to the post office downtown and back, and damn. Ideas so far:
-Throw an egg (and run) (also keep egg from breaking in pocket)
-Throw a rock (and run fast)
-Mini paintball gun (perhaps invent)
-Informative flyers (attached to rocks???)

The worst was this young, sad-faced guy who'd mailed a letter when I was leaving, from his car: "Hey... hey, you're really beautiful." YOU SEEMED NICE BUT NOW YOU ARE SO STUPID.

JadedStone

@Inkcrafter I was trying to find this other thing, where this girl talks about her 'crazy foaming at the mouth routine' she does anytime she gets this crap. Instead I found this but it's Lindy West and therefore hilarious:
http://jezebel.com/5896523/the-top-29-reasons-why-its-okay-to-creepily-stare-at-womens-butts

adorable-eggplant

@Jade Thank you! I laughed so loudly, so many times.

@Inkcrafter One time I nearly put a camera through a car window, but I decided that throwing my camera was a bad idea. If I'd been holding a rock, it would be a different story. That was several years ago, and I still remember the rage.

phlox

@Jade Was it The Face? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wRXa971Xw0

crocuta

@Inkcrafter I wish I was brave enough to start howling and drooling at them like a deranged animal, just to see the fear and horror in their eyes.

Usually I go with a bitchy glare followed by ignoring them completely.

queenieliz

@Inkcrafter grenades....only problem, where to acquire grenades?

Inkling

Gunnnnnnngggghhhh
I am exhausted by this world.
But I liked Jade's link, it was funny.

OH and I told this old guy I work with why it's rude to honk at women--seriously, would like it if I could be greeted by friends from a vehicle, but I cannot be anymore--and then he told the boss and the boss was like ARE YOU OKAY, I hear you snapped at [the old guy], if anything is ever wrong you can tell me, while like, stampeding over my explanation as to why I don't like to be honked at.

Oh and I'm starting to get my stuff from aliexpress and so far a Small dress is kinda baggy, maybe order a size down, but soft and well-made. 3 out of 4 stars.

Elsajeni

@Inkcrafter I once yelled "Sorry, honey, I only date men" at a teenaged boy who yelled at me out of a car (I was also in a car), but for some reason I felt kind of mean afterwards. Since then I mostly just choose between "ignore" or "give finger, then ignore."

Inkling

@Elsajeni
I miiiight rephrase as "I only date grown-ups", just to clarify and avoid any weird "man" stuff. That said, it's a funny comeback! I'm always walking though, so they just whip by and honk/yell things way too fast.
I like ignoring them--maybe they'll think no one can hear them and stop--I just wish I could give them a negative response as opposed to a neutral response. Also, they're probably not even going for a response, just yelling because they saw me and no one else had noticed me yet. It's like being a washed-up celebrity; the media doesn't love you anymore, so your thoughts aren't sought out, but people still feel an excitement and ownership over you, so they feel the urge to call it when they see you.

EpWs

@Inkcrafter I am SO WITH YOU on this. Something in the water this week. I really want to follow these dudes and give them a piece of my mind (I was getting catcalled all week and since I was out doing fieldwork, FOR MY JOB, I couldn't respond in any way) but I honestly worry about what they'd do. I like grenades/eggs.

Legit question: why do guys DO this? WHY? WHAT ARE THEY TRYING TO ACCOMPLISH?

Inkling

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher
I got about 6 honks and catcalls in a 20 minute walk, but never at the same time. I wonder...
-Like when you see a cute person and want to point them out to your friend *first*, but men feel entitled to point it out to the world? That would explain the lack of multiple people honking/yelling at once.
-They truly think it's a compliment? I mentioned how shitty it made me feel to my best friend, and he didn't understand. (FB'd him a comic on street harassment, compared the power differential to unwarranted attention from cops, which I think he'd understand.) (Also slumped home glumly--brother, have my back!)
-They are the apparently large audience which finds women attractive when they look startled, a look featured so often on magazine models?

What do you think?

Inkling

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher
What is your job, and I am sad that in a professional setting, it is untoward to defend yourself.
Also, with rambunctiously threatening men (and dogs!), I have always had luck in getting in their personal space. They are not expecting it and, if they're not ensconced in their forcefield of intimidation because you are also in it, they become less brave and more awkward.

My sister always goes WAIT I MUST HAVE YOU as they speed away. We think that is their ideal response, also we should sprint after their vehicle.

TheDragon

@Inkcrafter
I actually have winged rocks at cars while running. My general rule is; one whistle=ignore, two whistles= throw the bird, three whistles=rock. The trick is to hit the door below the window. Sounds like a gunshot and my dent, but won't break a window.
If they slow down or say a sentence or two = wing a rock at them. NO second chances.

adorable-eggplant

@The Kendragon You are my hero.

Inkling

@The Kendragon
Oh GOOD, I'mma get on that! Do people ever pull over to yell at you? I don't wanna get in a fight while I'm carrying my Kindle or anything.

carolita

@Inkling it can get really complicated. When I lived on a street where guys were always out on their stoops, and I didn't work all day, I'd be walking back and forth from the subway more than a few times a day. There were also errands to run, like groceries, laundry... So it got me way too much exposure to these guys. One nut job started really harrassing me, but he was mentally ill. So I tried to be nice to him. But because of him, everyone else noticed me. So I finally stopped to tell him he was getting me a lot of unwanted attention with his antics. And he apologized, and kindly backed off after that. Next guy starts yelling at me one day that I'm a racist because I won't stop to talk to him. I gave him a piece of my mind, told him I was half hispanic, myself, and no, I wasn't racist, I was just not interested, that I had a boyfriend. Well, then, yet another guy starts harrassing me every time I go to the chinese takeout, and when I decline his invitation to play poker with him that night and tell him I have a BF he actually demands, "WHERE? WHERE is you boyfrien'? Leh me SEE him!" And that truly freaked me out. Because, where am I living? In Iran? Where a woman can't walk alone without a male relative? Another guy who I'd told off earlier says to him, "hey, leave her alone, she's got a boyfriend," and new guy is like, "Mind you own business, she's with me." And that was when I decided I had to move. I figured it was just a matter of time before one of these assholes decided to follow me home.

That was a terrible terrible experience. Let me tell you, I also noticed there, that women just didn't wear dresses. And a little research told me that there was a high rate of rapes. Sometimes you just have to get the fuck out. I found a place that was only fifty feet from the subway after that, so I had very little exposure to lounging thugs. It's amazing how being a woman with a freelance job can actually expose you to more harassment than just being a regular person. It's like these morons actually thought I was parading in front of them for attention or something. It still makes me mad to think about it, even though I live in a way better place now.

TheDragon

@Inkling I've had a few people pull over and I usually pick up another rock. I've never had anyone actually get out of there cars though

Oh @carolita, I would not be able to handle that! That is really scary

Inkling

@carolita
Ah, good points on comparing it to some places in Iran and how they assume you're their regularly scheduled entertainment! Well said indeed.

The area I live just has a reputation of burglaries, and one time this man stuck his hand up my skirt and tried to take a picture. Not as bad as your place; I think I'll stick around and leave Kendragon dents in people's car doors--until college is over, then gone forever.

carolita

@The Kendragon and infuriating!!! I am NOT in Iran! It pisses me off so much. I mean, catcalls is one thing, being basically told that I have to walk around with a man or become prey to predatory males is another. It really made me think that I'd been given a glimpse of what it must feel like to be in a country where women are just not safe anywhere and have no rights. This should never happen here!

carolita

@Inkling Ah, by the way, I hope I didn't misinform due to misinformation -- I could swear I've read that women are not allowed to walk (or drive) around in public without a male relative accompanying them. But if I'm wrong, I'm talking about wherever that's the law. (It is the law somewhere, and it's despicable.)

Inkling

@carolita
I said "some places" because that seems like a religion-based law that happens in Iran, but of course not all parts of Iran are super religious, so it's probably not the entire country.
Possibly there are other countries (pregnancy leave and women's healthcare might be good indicators of which) which have actual respect for women as people, and America is one of the many that has yet to achieve an acceptable quality of life?

adorable-eggplant

@carolita Yup. Have you read Persepolis? Or seen the film 'cause it's awesome too. :) It's a graphic novel series by Marjane Satrapi that covers the period of the revolution and then the fallout of the stricter regime and the rollback of women's rights in her own life and for her family. Plus, the devastation of the Iran-Iraq war. It's really heartbreaking and inspiring, and wow she's an amazing artist.

carolita

@Inkling yeah, disconcerting and disturbing, huh?

carolita

@adorable-eggplant yes, of course! and yes.

KatPruska

So, I'm 30, and all of a sudden high school classmates on my facebook add me to a class group and there's talk of a reunion and posting of pictures and chatting and holy fuck it's just like high school again. Meaning, I'm watching everyone talk to each other and reminisce and I'm sort of awkwardly wondering how they do that. Usual cliques being cliquey, so-and-so is in prison (I'm so shocked by this news, says no one ever [an aside, how fucked up is it that we all knew he was heading to jail since we were kids, but no one in the intervening years could stop it?]), same group of extroverts who planned the prom are super excited about a reunion, basically nothing is different, except that "everyone has swelled" (thanks, Joan Cusack!) and most have made babies.

How did I grow up in that village from birth and wind up so disconnected and alienated? I mean, I know how (Hi, parents!), but damn. It's such a weird, rootless feeling, and now I'm all depressed. Fucking facebook.

ELECTROMAGNETIC CHAOS

@KatPruska: After turning down several friend requests from high school people, I removed my high school from my profile and just consider it a permanently closed chapter in my life.

my cats are assholes

@Too Much Internet Thank you so much for saying that. I removed my school as well, and like to think that entire period of my life never happened.

KatPruska - don't be depressed! There's no obligation to rehash the "good ol' days" with former classmates. Don't be afraid to just disconnect if the whole scene gets you down.

ELECTROMAGNETIC CHAOS

@my cats are assholes: Well, I mean I didn't like high school very much, but I just realize that I'm not friends with anyone that went to school with me in any other regard, so why bother with keeping in touch with them or the school? No reason to relive anything; I lived it once already :)

my cats are assholes

@Too Much Internet Ahhh... sorry! I'm just bitter, I guess. Glad you decided to leave all that behind under different (and better) circumstances.

Saskquatch

@KatPruska Seconding what those above have said, I am in total facebook invisibility mode to everyone, just to avoid hurting the feelings of those I inevitably would have to refuse contact with. I actually had a pretty mellow/fun experience in high school but I just...it's in the past man. Don't feel like a dick for knowing what you want.

Xanthophyllippa

@KatPruska I was SO much happier before Facebook changed the strongest option for who can send friend requests from "no one" to "friends of friends." Suddenly all these folks I went to high school with found me because I'd friended one guy who had himself friended pretty much everyone with a two-year margin on either side of our class. But I decided that, since I hadn't been in touch with them any time in the last 20 years, there was no embarrassment (for me) or insult (for them) in not adding them.

I have considered making ONE open-to-the-world status update that says, "Xanthophyllippa will not friend you just because you went to the same high school. You need more than that," but it seemed a little too passive-aggressive. Even for me.

Danzig!

@KatPruska I would've thought online social networking would've made the high school reunion obsolete. Isn't the whole point to show up and discover what everyone's done with their life since HS? Now we can just check their page and find out, no trip needed.

sarah girl

@KatPruska I'm feeling similarly - there's talk on Facebook about a 10-year high school reunion, and looking through the list of people who've confirmed just makes my stomach flip and brings back some not-fun memories. I didn't have an AWFUL time in high school, I wasn't bullied or anything, but I had an extremely small friend group, and was also dealing with some terrible mental health issues I'd prefer not to revisit.

Long story short, I'm not going. I have a few friends who I've kept in touch with since high school, and we can see each other on our time.

Hellcat

@Everyone: Can I add to this part of the thread even though it really has nothing to do with high school (though, I confess, my feelings are a bit immature so maybe it connects a little), but does have to do with Facebook? I'll try to be brief, and I am sorry to just, like, barge in.

My BF has a female friend whom he's known since third grade (and she is by no means my issue; I like her and we're fine). She lives far away now, but we're all friends on FB. She has a friend though who is a complete ass. All of us, plus more people (who were not asses), spent a whole week a couple summers ago on vacation for my BF's friend's wedding. Well, Complete Ass lived up to her name that whole week... to me only though. Snarky remarks, bitchy attitude, butting into my conversations to insinuate how stupid I am (to my own BF), and "correcting" me on everything from my attitude toward food (I eat it and I like junk) to my disregard for my relationship (for example, I joked about how, even to save space and be orderly, in an apartment, I wouldn't throw away any of the books my BF and I both have copies of, so that if we were to split up, I'd still have my own books). She basically tried to make me feel like crap all week for whatever reason (this was the first time I ever met this jerk). Because I didn't really know anyone there that well, and because I didn't want to make any scenes (well, I wanted to; I just didn't) at my BF's friend's wedding/vacation, I ignored it. And, even though she made an overture to smoke weed and watch a movie with (just) my BF, I've never really felt like she is into him that way or anything--actually, I get the idea that she is possessive of their mutual female friend.

Here's where the high-school mentality (on my part) comes in. This girl had to have run into her house, thrown down her luggage, and friend-requested my BF the minute she got home from this trip because he had a message as soon as he checked his e-mails. He doesn't acknowledge her (he thinks she's a dolt) but he accepted the request because, you know, it's his friend's friend, and we just spent a week together, and what else are you supposed to do? But now, to this day, I feel so annoyed every time she "LIKE"s something or tries to comment on his stuff. Like unreasonably and immaturely annoyed (I don't even get mad when he former flings say anything to him; I don't care). Ugh, it's uncomfortable and embarrassing to feel like this! But I want to slap her. There, I said it! I am grown woman who lets FB get under my skin!

(And not briefly, like I promised. I'm so sorry!)

Hellcat

@Everyone Sorry for the typos, man. I don't know what kind of thing came over me there.

Alli525

@Hellcat Late reply is better than no reply?
It sounds a little like she maybe IS a little interested in him. Or has self-esteem issues that make her feel like she needs male attention in order to be validated. Not much to be done but to remind yourself that he likes you more.

Also, though, maybe she has a smartphone and friended him from the runway/taxi/train?

Hellcat

@Alli525 Oh, I wouldn't doubt the smartphone part. Maybe she is interested in him (and who wouldn't be? He is a delight!), but that wouldn't matter much anyway, as the feeling will never be mutual and she lives far away from us. And who would try to "get him" when he is with his GF in front of everyone--and by being nasty to her, as if her opinion means something? (Oy, don't answer that; I suppose there are people who would do just that; I've just never encountered them outside of a Lifetime movie.)

Still, I got the idea that it was more about her being part of Mutual Friend's "in crowd," of which (if it existed) I'd be new to. It's all so stupid. And he told me last week that Mutual Friend has invited us to another group vacation in the same location (Outer Banks). Because she's his best friend from childhood, and because she's getting the place whether we go or not, she told him that we have to pay nothing to stay there (score!). But I don't know if other people are going and, if so, if Complete Ass is one of them. So, one one hand, free beach vacation; on the other, another week of skinny-shaming and "veiled" remarks about my vanity, unsolicited relationship analyses (and how does she know? He met her when I did! Ha!), and interruptive scoldings about me not knowing what I'm talking about (vis a vis my relationship, job, living situation, and general intelligence). If we go and she is there and acts the same way, I do not think I can be counted on to roll with the figurative punches... though perhaps there will be literal punches.

In the meantime, I'll thank her to stop "LIKE"ing shit, not because it isn't perfectly within her rights to do so, but because it makes me turn 15 and have to fight the urge to mock her in a passive-aggressive way on FB (which I have before; luckily, only the BF realized what I'd done and laughed about it).

Waiting

Omg I WENT THERE... It was fucking incredible. It was an inner circle tour so I actually got to walk among the stones instead of stand outside the perimeter! My profile pic is me standing in front of one of the stones and it's my favorite picture taken of me ever. England is magical and beautiful and everyone must go at some point in their life.

Fiddle dee dee

May I have some advice, please?

The other day I went to a friend's house with 2 friends-of-the -friend, and we had a ball, drinking, eating, hanging out. It was great time.

During this visit, one friend-of-friend said she is looking for someone to go trail riding (horses) with her. I said I would do that. I like to ride, I could use some new friends, she seems nice. She said "what are you doing on Sunday?" I said "Riding!" She said "Really?" I said, sure, let's do it." She said she had really been looking for someone to go with her, and seemed tickled. I do not have a horse, but she has 3.

She asked me my phone number and put it in her cell phone. I had drunk a few by then, as had she, and she was a distance away from me due to the activity we were then doing, so there is a very slight chance that she entered the number incorrectly, but probably not.

So, I have not heard from her yet. I would like to go riding. I found her on FB- she is a friend of a friend. There is a slight chance I gave her my number wrong. Slight.

So,'pinners,- is it okay or creepy to send a message via FB saying it was fun to meet you, do get in touch if you want to ride, by the way my number is X, in case it got ost in translation"? I don't want to be pushy, but I do want to go, and I want her to know that it was not just the beer talking. At the same time, they are her horses, maybe she changed her mind...and if I gave her the wrong number, she could get it from our mutual friend.

What would you do?

adorable-eggplant

@Fiddle dee dee Go for it!

Megasus

@Fiddle dee dee Well, you have to be friends with someone to send them a PM I believe, but I don't think it's creepy at all!

wharrgarbl

@Fiddle dee dee Message her once to that effect. If she doesn't reply, drop it for good, but nothing ventured, nothing gained!

my cats are assholes

@Fiddle dee dee I might ask the mutual friend to maybe drop a hint to the friend-of-friend? Like, if she was there and was involved in the conversation she could bring it up and ask her if she ever contacted you?

Did that even make sense? (sorry)

queenieliz

@Fiddle dee dee I usually "friend" ladies that I meet in similar circumstances, and message them how I enjoyed meeting them, suggest doing something together soon..Sometimes it works! I would love to go horseback riding, if anyone is offering..

Fiddle dee dee

@ everyone

Ok, thanks, I sent her a little message on FB saying basically what I said above. The more I think about it, the more I think it actually is possible the number went wrong, as we were both tipsy and I was some distance away, yelling (it made sense at the time, I swear). If there is no reply, I will definitely drop it.

@ my cats are assholes I did send my friend a message saying "I hope X was serious, I am up for it" but she left town yesterday for a week and they are good buddies but not the talk-every-day kind.

We'll see! Thanks again.

my cats are assholes

@Fiddle dee dee Good luck!

Nutria

So, this week I decided to change my user name. Now I am Nutria! Although I don't think I can actually be as hilarious as the Nutria that was interviewed.

Reginal T. Squirge

Who did you used to be? Or is that a secret?

Nutria

@Reginal T. Squirge I suppose that would have been useful to include! I used to be Borrelia Burgdorferi based on this comment by Ophelia: http://thehairpin.com/2011/06/youre-probably-dying-of-babesiosis/#comment-49672

I don't comment that much since I am usually ages late to most threads.

Xanthophyllippa

@Nutria Aw, but B. burgdorferi is such a pretty bacterium!

Nutria

@Xanthophyllippa It is! But some of our Northeastern 'pinners found the association with Lyme disease a bit too terrifying.

Changeling

Tomorrow, instead of going to work, I'm going to unicycle around a street arts festival holding a sign with with the workshop schedule on it. It's going to be a good day!

swirrlygrrl

@Changeling Unicycles, and unicyclists, are the best!!!!

sayitaintso

Any Pinners here ever get into the show Chuck? I am basically in love with him and his overall awkwardness.

swirrlygrrl

@sayitaintso I had friends who were obsessed, but ultimately I could not suspend my disbelief enough to enjoy. Loved Awesome and the guy who was Jane on Firefly though, gave it almost 2 seasons for them.

camanda

Hello from down here!

I didn't get that job I interviewed for. :( I'm upset about it, and it's not like I can just move on, because it was internal and I have to continue to deal with the fact that someone else got it. I am not taking it well. But that may be due to it being a shitty week in general, mostly at work but also in my personal life.

Also, I am working twelve days in a row. Tomorrow is day 6 and it's until 10 at night and then I have to go in at 5 in the morning on Sunday. I am great at scheduling.

wah wah wahhhhhhhhhh

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@camanda ugh. Sorry to hear about the week and everything. Who knows, maybe you not getting that job was for the best. (Whoever did get it is probably terrible and not as cool as you.)

camanda

@Rookie Hahaha, thank you! Much appreciated. :)

Saskquatch

@camanda It seems someone has come between you and the object of your desire. We have resources you know. Do you need the hairpin to send out some people? *suggestive gesture towards cement shoes*

liverwortlaura

Hi Friends, I'm back from my whirlwind New England adventure. After living in Maine for four years, but not visiting for over two.... turns out it really is "the way life should be. " I was so sad to leave this morning and can't believe I was just there this morning and now I'm in Chicago.
Really good reconciliation with old friends, and also..... oh my god, five days until my defense so.... commence freaking out?!

aubrey!

@Where Pies Go When They Die I also use L'oreal True Match, but in W1, Porcelain, because it seems lighter than N1 and I have neutral/peachy undertones. It's not very heavy, but you can sort of build it up, although it tends to look bad on flakey spots. (Not a problem for me, since I have a gross oily face.)

Danzig!

Got back from another date. I'm way too awkward and stiff and I don't think that's going to change, nor do I hold out much hope of an MPDG seeing through that to the person my friends insist that I am. I guess I'll just keep doing it? Maybe I'm just not patient enough.

In other news I'm still propping up my class team and I'm sort of dreading that I'll get a bad grade because the teacher hasn't been around to clarify what he wants from us (we've canceled 2 weeks of an 8 week course because his son was born a month and a half early). I'm giving myself until Monday to transfer to a different school.

EpWs

@Danzig! Yo dawg, you do NOT want a MPDG, you know better than that. Your lady is out there, promise!

WaityKatie

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Yeah, I had sympathy until the MPDG thing, and then I was just like, "oh screw you." (Sorry I'm sure you're nice but every guy wants fucking Natalie Portman and I could set them all on fire.)

Danzig!

@WaityKatie The whole point of the mention was that such people do not actually exist except as inserts in the fan fictions sadsacks wite about themselves. MPDGs are constructs of the male mind.

What I meant to convey was that I'm not Zach Braff in some movie, and it would be ridiculous of me to expect that women respond to my borderline fear of them with curiosity and/or interest. Why would they? There are plenty of eligible people in this city who know how to act. I don't know if this is something It's making me feel ashamed.

Judith Slutler

@Danzig! Don't be afraid of slimy gurlz. If you find that this is a consistent problem for you, maybe talk to a therapist? Maybe a lady therapist?

I feel for you, it's tough to date when you are stuck in your own head like that. :(

halfheartedyoga

@Danzig! I think I get what you mean. Don't spend your energy trying to guess the expectations of others, what Zack Braffs may exist in their minds. There are only two people on a date. You control one of them. And if you are taking the best care of yourself in the rest of your life, building yourself into the person - professionally but also ethically- you want to be...that's all you can do. There are many people out there to partner with for short or long terms. I think our lifes project is to build ourselves into strong individuals who contribute to strong communities. Partnering is so rewarding and important but it is not a golden ticket, a success checkmark.

I am rambling but I hope some of these thoughts are useful.

In short: don't feel shame about this.

laurel

@Danzig! Are you doing things before the date to help with the massive flood of anxiety neurochemistry? I find, if I'm about to do something that makes me anxious (for me it's usually professional stuff, like a big pitch to a new client), it helps if I can work out for at least half an hour shortly before.

Other tactics, especially for social situations, include the measured application drugs (could be alcohol, could be something prescribed) and, um, relaxing alone with one's thoughts.

Danzig!

@Danzig! Bluh I need to do a better job of constructing my comments late at night. "I don't know if this is something" indeed.

@Everybody I had responses drafted up for everyone, but I realized that I shouldn't constantly be going on about this stuff in these threads, I can't take up so much space and invite people to console me. I was hurt as a child and it's made me crazy, that's the long and short of it. I appreciate everyone's support, I really do, but it's unfair of me to solicit it when next week and the week after that, I'll be complaining about the same things. @halfheartedyoga is right, snagging a partner isn't going to make things right with me.

I am in therapy, @Emmanuelle Cunt, but I've been in it for 18 years, and it might be another 18 before it works the way I wish it to.

Danzig!

Sorry all, it's just hard finding out I'm not ready for interpersonal stuff when I was so excited about moving forward into a new chapter of my life.

liverwortlaura

@Danzig! Hey dude, just want to say props for the self-awareness and do NOT feel bad about taking up space in the thread. Best of luck!

adorable-eggplant

@liverwortlaura Yeah! There's really no premium on space: it's not a limited commodity in the open thread. Neither, in fact, is sympathy. :)

Danzig!

@liverwortlaura thanks!

PistolPackinMama

@halfheartedyoga I <3 this advice so much, because it's so true. Esp. since a person might end up all by themselves. If that's where you're going to end up, might as well end up there with an accomplished life behind you.

laurel

@Danzig!: Hey, it occurs to me that my recommended strategies for fending off pre-date anxiety above might have come off as a bit dismissive. I hear you that there are things you experienced as a child that have given you something beyond everyday anxiety, anxiety at a level beyond that which exercise or other common relaxation techniques might ameliorate. I wanted to be helpful, but I get that we may be talking about very different experiences. I don't mean to suggest that you should just 'brush it off.'

Oh, and I second everybody else: in 1,000 comment, three-day open threads, there's plenty of room for your experiences here.

PistolPackinMama

@Danzig! Is this the time to observe that big life things like love and kids and job opportunities and such will sometimes come along not only when you don't expect them, but when they are going to be really pretty inconvenient?

Maybe that doesn't apply here, and you just aren't ready and need to have downtime to get your other ducks in a row.

But it could also be that you'll be busy being your awkward with girls self with stuff to work on and *bam* the universe will just decide that these things are less important than that girl and you right then and there. And then it's... you'll work issues out/ move/ change plans/whatever. Sometimes it turns out you have to be inconvenienced to move forward.

Lady Fortune is terrible with scheduling that way.

Danzig!

@laurel No no, not at all, your suggestions are good. I do practice a bit of stress relief before meeting people (usually a brief run, though that's harder now that it's humid outside and I sweat like a hog).

@PistolPackinMama honestly I'd probably be much better at navigating interpersonal stuff if I wasn't so intensely focused on it so yeah, my odds of meeting someone might actually go up if I stopped trying to do that specifically.

flimflannery

I am studying for the bar exam and had a totally crap day, which I've already told like 6 people about so whatever, because I can't even concentrate on relaxing!

swirrlygrrl

@M. Ryan@twitter This obviously calls for a trip to the actual bar. For research purposes, right?

OhMarie

@Where Pies Go When They Die I use Maybelline Dream Matte Mousse. It's got a really good and easy-to-use texture, and it looks better and makes me break out less than a lot of more expensive foundations I've tried. Also, I am super pale but I only use the second-palest shade, so there's lots of options for the pales!

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

Follow-up to last week's Magic Mike pies: apparently there's been a spike in downloads of "Pony." Good job, everyone! #PONY2012