Wednesday, July 25, 2012


Are We in America's America?

Previously: Checking in With the Patriarchy.

Ann Friedman doesn't gamble.

63 Comments / Post A Comment

Reginal T. Squirge

I think my favorite thing about these is that Ann Friedman doesn't have a scanner and has to take pictures of her pie charts with her phone.


@Reginal T. Squirge It's more shameful than that: I take these pictures with my iPad.


@annlf i would not accept these if they were done in excel.


Whose dresses DON'T require special undergarments on the regular?


fondue with cheddar

@KatPruska THUMBS UP


@KatPruska I have learned the trick: I now just refuse to buy dresses that don't require special undergarments. If I can't wear my everyday bra under it, I just won't buy it. Yeah, I pass on a lot of gorgeous dresses. But yeah, parties are so much more fun.

fondue with cheddar

@KeLynn You must not have ImpossibleBoobs™.


@KatPruska - Maybe MiddleyImpossible? Gs.


Whoops I meant that @jen325


Random guys grabbing your ass as you walk down the street in the middle of the day, or the middle of the night, or anytime really: 75%. I hate Vegas.


the disappointment of thinking I'm seeing DJ Pauly D but it's not really him would be overwhelming. Not even 4 am room services could make up for it.


@redheaded&crazie ... I meant 4 am room service ... but I'm just gonna leave as is.


@redheaded&crazie I'd stay at that hotel.


@redheaded&crazie *eyebrow waggle* I'll service your room. (I'm super into rooms now?)


@frigwiggin Ugh I borrowed that joke from A Softer World. Can't even make up my own jokes anymore. GET IT TOGETHER YOU FOOL


@frigwiggin I really wish I could waggle my eyebrows. I'm JUST getting to the point where I can do an Elvis sneer, but I just don't have a very acrobatic face.


@Ophelia omg my eyebrows probably do 80% of my communicating


@Megano! I rely heavily on frantic hand gestures.


@Ophelia True story: every time I raise my eyebrows, it makes my scalp move. So all I have to do to wiggle my scalp is raise my eyebrows rapidly, which sounds...way grosser when I type it out, but is kind of an amusing party trick for drunk people.


@frigwiggin I have spent the past minute trying to figure out if my scalp does this, too (I think it does) and then realized that I am in a crowded office and everybody was staring at me. Ooops.

sudden but inevitable betrayal

@packedsuitcase AH! I lifted my hand to try it and then I read this and I converted it into patting my hair. Later...in the bathroom...yes.


@Megano! Yesssss! I can do eyebrows individually, as well as ear-wiggling individually! I can have a whole conversation with my husband with facial expressions alone. Alas, the evil stare doesn't have the impact it once did.


Vegas v. Florida terribility DEATHMATCH GO


FL: All the murder -1
W/out all the murder, half of the ID channel would be gone +1
It's where we keep our tineh old people +1
Still has a drive in, but everyone else there clearly has weed and you don't Draw


@JessicaLovejoy FL has almost a third (eight!) of the entries on Buzzfeed's 30 Best Taco Related Crimes. Which has got to count for something.

Vegas has that glamorous history of mob rule though, plus showgirls!


@JessicaLovejoy Florida has alligators, which are terrifying. Vegas has scorpions, which are also terrifying.

Florida has nasty soupy humidity. Vegas is basically a solar oven.

Florida has the documentary Vernon, Florida. Vegas has Oceans 11, 12, 13. (Yes, 1 Errol Morris = 3 Steven Soderberghs.)

When I leave a room, I sometimes like to say "I'm taking my talents to South Beach." Vegas has no analogous sports catchphrase; ergo, Florida wins.


@cuminafterall Florida is humid and leaves my skin all dewy +1. Vegas is a heartless wasteland of dryness and I get nosebleeds and flaky skin -1.


no real scorpions in vegas, unless you count the overly gel-coiffed gentlemen who will almost certainly try to make your acquaintance.

and: vegas has mountains (with skiiiiiiiing! i shit you not!) +1 Florida has swamps -1, no skiing.



Vegas has fake Paris, FL has fake Hogwarts. +1 FL (the fake Paris is super lame)
Vegas is super dry heat so even 100+ degrees isn't that bad, FL's constant humidity is THE DEVIL. +1 Vegas
Vegas has tons of old people who come for the gambling, FL has tons of old people who come for the weather. No points awarded.

Good God they are basically the same, aren't they?


@all You people are awful, and I'm challenging you all to consecutive duels to defend the honor of my horrible state.


@wharrgarbl I am from FL originally and my mockery comes from a place of love...well, also some animosity, but mostly love :)


@wharrgarbl *High Five* to a fellow Floridian. I love our horrible state!


@liznieve Florida has water skiing!!! ALL the water. For skiing.


@MoonBat And surprisingly few fatal jellyfish!


@wharrgarbl I had a stray tentacle wrap my ankle while surfing this weekend. And then a dude surf-fishing right next to me caught a 4 foot hammerhead. Which made it officially beer o'clock.


More reasons why I am never going to Vegas. Not even "just to see."

sudden but inevitable betrayal

@punkahontas Yeah, I just don't get the appeal. I'm too poor to gamble or eat at the nice restaurants and it's too hot and gross to do outdoorsy things. Vegas! I'm over it!


Who has two thumbs and will be in Vegas this weekend? This guy.

I'm pointing at myself with my thumbs, so the first part of my sentence makes sense


@Too Much Internet what kind of special undergarments are you wearing??? (please say the mormon kind!!)


@christonacracker: I'm too smexy for funderwear

like a rabid squirrel

@Too Much Internet Say hi to my boyfriend for me! Based on your username I'm going to make the wild assumption that you're going to the same conference he is. I, myself, will be drinking wine by myself over here on the East Coast. Bleh...


@olliegrace: I'm... just goofing off with friends on personal time. What conference is in town?

like a rabid squirrel

@Too Much Internet My bad for assuming! Haha. It's some kind of hacker/general nerd conference... I feel like out of all possible weekends to be in Vegas you'll be in especially good company this weekend. :)

fondue with cheddar

One time a high school boyfriend spilled his bottle of Drakkar Noir in his car...ar. I never cared for it in the first place, but ever since then the smell makes me sick.


@jen325 But Drakkar Noir for Men drives butterflies completely insane and makes them love you like you were a kind and benevolent god.

fondue with cheddar

@jen325 Oh, no need for cologne—butterflies already feel that way about me.


@jen325 But do they feel the need to clamber all over you, a dozen at a time?

fondue with cheddar

@wharrgarbl Dozens! Sometimes I go outside naked and they cover me. It's pretty liberating. You should try it! I'll put in a good word for you if you want. They listen to me because they think I'll smite them if they don't. I totally won't though! But I'll never tell them that because I don't want them to forsake me.

fondue with cheddar

How do we know we are in Vegas?

All the beautiful babies 10%

Lily Rowan

I am going to Vegas in a couple of weeks and CANNOT WAIT. Also predict that none of Ann Friedman's items will happen to (in? for?) my group.

Andrew Clark@twitter

So, according to this chart, Vegas 2012 is barely distinquishable from high school in New Jersey in the 90s.

sudden but inevitable betrayal

@Andrew Clark@twitter Well, nobody ever asked me if I was a bride in high school. So there's that?


My parents are going to Vegas next week, while I get to stay home in a nice empty house with the cat and a pile of books.(Secretly, I think I'll have the better time.)

molly anne

All these reasons are how I know I live here.


Vegas! I'm going to vegas, for the first time as an adult, in a couple of weeks. Where should I stay? I want somewhere affordable, but with a great pool, that feels more like old vegas than the vegas with the special undergarments. Ideas?


@steponitvelma The Orleans? It's definitely an old school kind of place (read old). However, it's not on the strip. So, if that means anything to you, be forewarned. Personally, I really dig the Cosmopolitan because it's filled with contemporary art and I dig on art.


@steponitvelma The last few times I've been, we've stayed at the Tropicana. Decent rooms, on the strip, cheap. I've never been not hungover enough to get down to their pool though. This last time we stayed at Excalibur. Rooms were nice, on the strip, and also cheap. Their pools were pretty nice. I don't know about feeling like old Vegas, but no one was wearing heels to the pool, or Ed Hardy swim trunks, which is what I usually use to predict what kind of crowd I'm in for.

Hello Kidney

@steponitvelma If you want to actually BE in old vegas (on Fremont Street), you could stay at the Golden Nugget. It's downtown (not on the modern strip, but just a few miles up Las Vegas Blvd) It's had a complete remodel recently, and there's a pretty crazy pool area with a water slide that goes through a shark tank.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

Ah, Vegas. I rode the Deuce there (all-night double-decker bus, get yer head of out that Vegas gutter, there's puke in there) during the day once, wearing a yellow shirt with a loon on it, shorts and Birkenstocks. The bus doors opened at a stop, and a homeless woman with Sharpie all over her face pointed at me and my 42 oz margarita and yelled "You're a hooker! Whore!"

I just sort of stared. Then the mom from the family sitting near me looked at me and sort of conspiratorially whispered, "We don't think you're a whore."


young preeezy

This pie chart is perfect.


How about the men flapping their prostitute coupons/ads who stop flapping them when a woman walks by? That's how I knew I was in Vegas.


@KeLynn Walking the strip and looking down at the ground to see a sidewalk covered in naked women, from the coupons/ads that everyone inevitably drops after realizing what they are.

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