Thursday, June 14, 2012


The Shirt

Previously: The Book, the Station Wagon.

Sara Lautman lives and draws in Oakland. Her blog is here and everything else is at www.saralautman.com.

73 Comments / Post A Comment


Is it weird that I want to date this guy?


@RobotsNeedLove Well, you are a robot, and you need love - so, no?


@RobotsNeedLove Definitely not. He's like my ideal man.

fondue with cheddar

@RobotsNeedLove He seems pretty amazing for no discernible reason. The kids saw it.


@jen325 Seriously. Don't mess with perfection.


@RobotsNeedLove HAHAHA I came down here to say the exact same thing!


@RobotsNeedLove me three!


@RobotsNeedLove I am dating him, he is awesome.

(Well, not this exact dude, but this comic could have been written about my awesome boyfriend.)


Freaking awesome@m

We had a guy like this too, we would swarm him and force him to grab our hands and swing us around and around. The poor guy must've gotten dizzy as hell.


@saraphonic It was probably pretty hard on the guy too given that you were sophomore in college.


It reminds me of one of my elementary school teachers. He would always wear different socks - every day. If he wore matching socks we would get a cookie day, usually snickerdoodles. So every morning we'd all run up to him and ask him to lift up his pant legs to see if his socks were mismatched or matched. It was amazing.

@suggestivetongue I have a professor who wears different animal ties every day. If he canceled class the previous week, we'll have a 3 hour class to make up for it. He switches ties during the 15 minute break. This is also the professor who makes up songs about different legal principles we learn about.

Have I mentioned we're in law school, i.e. grown ups?


@suggestivetongue As a lady professor, I wish there was a "thing" I could have that would be endearing/memorable like that. Maybe when I get older I'll wear brooches or something.


@S. Elizabeth I would take every class possible with that guy.


@bb Check out Read My Pins by Madeleine Albright! Not even kidding. She talks about the significance of all of her brooches.


@adorable-eggplant I totally just ordered a copy of that. It has 200 pictures! It's goin' on my coffee table.


@adorable-eggplant I had to order that one immediately I read your comment. Can´t wait to read it - I collect brooches too and I think Albright is AMAZING.


@S. Elizabeth HI!!


Preschoolers are basically puppies.

Reginal T. Squirge

When I started reading this, I just figured she was referring to a preschool at which she currently works. Then I got to the part about the shirt and was like, "What a weirdo. You, a grown woman, stuck your head up a dude's shirt just because a bunch of kids were doing it." Then I realized this is a flashback.

out of order

@Reginal T. Squirge Oh so amazing. The story was good, but now the mental image is great!


@Reginal T. Squirge you think you wouldn't have been tempted AT ALL to try it?! just once?! just ... one teeny tiny time???


@Reginal T. Squirge ME TOO.


I never know how to feel about children. I don't usually mind stuff that's weird or gross or dirty, but there's something about children that just kind of horrifies me, and then I stand there laughing uncomfortably because I don't know what to do and the kid's hugging the back of my legs and HIS FACE IS IN MY BUTT OH GOD.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@frigwiggin Ha. Yep. Kids are sort of horrifying because I can't find the right tone with them; I get lost somewhere between infants and adults.

Porn Peddler

@frigwiggin Children spook me so badly. I just don't know what to do and they are SO UNCONTROLLABLY TOUCHY


Oh man I'm the opposite. I feel much more comfortable hanging out with kids than I do my own peers. They don't judge, they aren't trying to put on some kind of front... it probably helps that I'm just as easily entertained by mundane shit as they are.


@frigwiggin One of my favorite moments was when my 3 year-old went to hug my cousin goodbye, wrapped his arms around his butt and gave him a kiss on the fly of his jeans. The look on his face is something I will treasure forever.


@frigwiggin Oh my god the face in the butt!!! That is one thing I do not miss from teaching elementary. While I love that age group, they are just so grabby and also so very germ-y! I have basically caught every communicable disease there is thanks to elementary school.


@klaus I totally agree. I LOVE hanging out with kids, which is why I'm considering a career change. They are open about their thoughts, very blunt, very funny, and, like you said, easily amused.* I was a camp counselor of 32 6-year-olds the summer I was 19, and it remains the best job I have ever had.

*And if I'm being completely honest, I love that kids WORSHIP you. The kids I babysit all talk about me like I am the coolest, prettiest, most awesome person that ever walked the planet. The one little girl brags about me incessantly to her friends, who all think I look "like a rock star." Since no one else in my life -including myself- (except maybe my husband) feels this way about me, I enjoy the compliments.

Captain Slow

@olivebee I did the summer camp counselor-thing too! Both the summer I was 19 and the following summer. Such an ego boost, having a million little kids who think you're the most AMAZING THING EVER.

Except for that one slightly creepy little girl who randomly started stroking my lower leg and told me I should grow out my leg hair like one of the male counselors . . .


@tootsky When you're a kid of a certain age, every hug is a crotch hug. It's all about the height differential. Happily, unlike dogs, they don't start sniffing around down there.

New Commenter Name

....but this guy? let all these little 3 & 4 year old kids put their head up his shirt...?

Does anyone else find this creepy, or just me? Now granted, I have a 4 year old who just finished a year of preschool so maybe I'm an overprotective mom or something. But holy hell if I ever heard of something like this going on at my daughter's school I would freak the fuck out.


@Curiouser and curiouser In my mind, if a swarm of preschoolers wants to do something, it's kind of hard to stop them? But I've never had a preschooler, I've just been one.


@Curiouser and curiouser Better than his cargo shorts. I found out the hard way that shit's statutory, yo.


@Curiouser and curiouser Seems non-freaky to me. Kids are weird.


@Curiouser and curiouser (In a totaly nonjudgemental way) I think you're just being overprotective.


@Curiouser and curiouser I think you are forgetting how bestial young children can be - it's like they exist to make non-related adults uncomfortable. I spend a lot of time in playgrounds with my nieces and have to pry random children off of me. The parents give me dirty looks, but I should be the one complaining! I didn't ask your kid to climb my leg lady!

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@Curiouser and curiouser I think it's good to listen to your instincts. If my nephew told me this was happening, I'd be sure to check it out. If it all does check out, then fine, kids are weirdos. I don't think it's ever a good idea to write a situation off as, "Oh, probably just kids being freaks." (I am also pretty darn protective.)


@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose: ...and certainly it's OK to tell your child, "honey, we don't put our heads in other people's shirts." It's just a good policy, generally. Teachable moments.

Passion Fruit

@Curiouser and curiouser Yeah, I thought it was pretty weird, too, and I'm child free, nor do I work with the little gremlins.

Maybe I'm overly paranoid, but if I was a teacher, I would all "Oh, hell no. Firm, polite handshakes, with both partners looking each other square in the eye for 3 counted seconds, AND NO MORE."


@Curiouser and curiouser I've taught ballet classes with large groups of 3-5 year olds and this story checks out as perfectly normal to me. The larger their ranks, the worse it is. One kid does something funny, then they all want to do it. They all want to sit in your lap. They all want to hold your hand. They all want to leap on you and wrap their legs around your knees and nearly drag you to the ground. They're animals! And often, the more you resist, the more they screech and scream and giggle hysterically and try harder and harder to do what you don't want them to do! So unless it's just COMPLETELY absurdly inappropriate, sometimes it's better to just let it play out for a minute until they get bored and move on!

Either that, or be okay with being Mean Teacher Who Yells. Which is fine, and probably a skill I should learn.


@Passion Fruit Yeah, I'm kind of surprised he let them do that. When I was in grad school for teaching, we were always told to avoid touching kids as much as possible.


@Curiouser and curiouser No, kids that age totally swarm you. I had a job as an after school teacher for a class of 1st graders, and that school actually had an official rule about not "overwhelming" people by all running up to hug them at once. Like an "inside voices" style, everyone quotes the exact same phrasing because it's said so many times a day, rule. When I was, say, 20-- "old" to my kids-- there would have been a pretty slow learning curve on common sense ways to outwit a swarm of 6 year olds. I had other stuff on my mind, like my grades and my roommate drama and "oh my god they put me in charge of like 16 6-year-olds how long until they figure out I'm just some feckless stowaway in their terrifying adult world."

If I saw this happening, I'd be giving advice to the teacher on outsmarting 6-year-olds and reminding any of the kids in my care not to "overwhelm" people. I'd only really worry if, after giving this advice-- maybe more than once! young adults!--, I saw no improvement or no effort on the part of the adult to change the dynamic.

Regina Phalange

@Curiouser and curiouser If you're overprotective, count me right in there with ya. He should've shut that the hell down after Incident One.

Judith Slutler

@Curiouser and curiouser You know... the slight paranoia about male childcare workers is kind of a newish phenomenon. When I think about the kind of totally grabby wrasslin' my friends and I used to do with my dad and some of the other dads on camping trips, sometimes in the water in bathing suits etc, I am sure that would be considered "creepy" today. but it totally wasn't.

I am of two minds about this - kids do need to be protected from abuse much more than they are now, but at the same time, there is just so much physicality between kids and adults that is completely healthy & non-sexual. How do we stop abuse without pathologizing touch? idk


Could be worse! I did elder care for a retired elementary school teacher who grew up in Brooklyn, and one of her first teaching jobs was for a Brooklyn school kindergarten class. One kid bit her on the boob when she leaned over because "that what Daddy does to Mommy!"

Pop Pop

@frigwiggin That is SO AWKWARD....and hilarious. Also, ouch? (For the teacher I mean)

The Lady of Shalott

@Pop Pop If you are ever around preschool or young elementary school teachers, THEY HAVE THE BEST STORIES. Seriously, kids will say anything, to anyone. That age when they can really get talking but before they get any sort of filter is GOLDEN.

I know this is true because I told my preschool teacher that my daddy really liked his beer. My mother was (and still is to this day) mortified. My teacher was all "no sweat, you won't believe what kids say."

Pop Pop

@The Lady of Shalott so what you are telling me is that while my baby nephew is adorable now, in five to six years he should also be a treasure trove of hilarious stories about my sister and brother-in-law? I honestly didn't think I could love him any more than I do now!

My mom would be equally mortified if I said something like that too :)


@The Lady of Shalott Yeah, kids totally say the funniest things. When the girl I babysit (now 9) was 5 -6 years old, she said so much hilarious shit that I started posting her quotes as my facebook statuses every day, and people LOVED it. My all-time favorite story about her is when she started asking about "tampkins" and why ladies wear them. She was like, "Ok, so I have to wear tampkins to not have a baby, right? Because I want to have a baby when I'm grown up, so I am not going to wear tampkins."


@olivebee Walking home from school with the three-year-old: "Why don't you have a baby? It's very easy to get a baby. Babies come from the tummy of a cat."

Been There Done That

Young Mormon missionaries would volunteer at the after school center I went to growing up and I had such a weird fascination with their ties. It's probably why I'm crazy for a sharp dressed man.

evil melis

It is impossible for me to pass Mormon missionaries - no matter where I am, no matter who I'm with or how inopportune the circumstances - and not shout at them, as loudly as I can, "MAKE OUT." I think it's their little costumes; maybe I've seen Latter Days too many times (I have seen Latter Days four times). One of these days I am going to get two of those Mormon missionaries to make out with each other!!!


@Been There Done That
Said to me by an old man at a college library: ""I'm looking for my Mormons. Do you know what they look like? They wear black and white. Send them back to me if you see them.""


@evil melis My friend (an anarchist who "didn't believe in cars" and frequently needed rides to places) used to roll down my windows and shout "Get a room!" at any pair of people he saw on the sidewalk. I feel this would work especially well on Mormons.


@evil melis Latter Days! I've seen it three times. So goooood...so good.


@evil melis

I live near an LDS church and summertime is Missionary Time. I'm doing this! It will make a nice change from loudly singing songs from THE BOOK OF MORMON.


Ohmygod THIS GUY.

Pop Pop

@Hambulance I feel like this could be a very special Hairpin meme when there is no appropriate language-based response to the awesomeness/hilarity/insanity/whathaveyou of any given post.


@Hambulance The drawings of those kids are amazing in general. If I'm being honest with myself, one of the reasons that I don't want children (at least not anywhere in the forseeable future), is because that's exactly of what I'm terrified of tearing out of my vagina and into my nice orderly life.


@staircases Yeah, I have an immediate "yessssss, awesome" reaction to Sara's illustration style whenever I see her work up here.

I don't want kids because I prefer to have someone mess with my cervix exactly every 5 years when they replace my Mirena, and that's it. Also because I hear they really cut into your internet time.


@themmases Seriously! Her work is so detailed. The reflections of the nice music/exercise man and the kids in the wall mirrors? Wowza.


In my teens I interacted with large groups of kids pretty frequently through church, doing vacation bible school and whatever. It seems like there is some critical mass of kids (maybe like 7+, 8+) where if you are a dude they WILL start climbing on you. What do you do, fight them off? At the time I was just like "man, kids are wacky! I feel strong!" Now I'm too aware, and would want to die, and might actually run away. Also the thought of kids putting their heads INSIDE ONE'S SHIRT is terrifying and gross.

Lee Van Queef

OH MY STARS, PANEL 5 (view from inside the shirt). I squinted, then laughed until I cried. Masterful.


Kids are weird!! My daughter who is almost 13 now used to point out fat people in public!! Very loudly, and quite rude, in my opinion! "MOMMY, LOOK AT THAT FAT LADY!! SHE'S GOING TO EAT ALL THE CHICKEN! HURRY!" walking into a KFC when she was like 3. So inappropriate and i was MORTIFIED! My little one who is 2 now is obsessed with bewbs!! He wasn't breastfed so i do not know where his fascination came from, but you come around him with a boob and he is grabbing it, smiling, and saying "boobies" GUARANTEED!!


I loved this. That's all.


The guy sounds great, but the ZZ Top Reference is excellent. My college roommate and I would put that tune on repeat and sing and dance while getting ready to go out.

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