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Friday, June 8, 2012

144

Show Your World to Me

Overheard at a party (same girl!):

1. "Fifty Shades of Grey is the Zumba of books."
2. "I masturbated multiple, multiple times to "Crash Into Me" while thinking about my camp counselor."



144 Comments / Post A Comment

redheaded&crazy

omg Nicole that was me! were we at the same party???????

Nicole Cliffe

Were you in Kingston, Ontario? Your username suggests you might be a super-hot redhead, as this chick was? No, we would have sensed each other, magnetically. "Wonder 'Pin powers, activate!" we would have said.

nyikint

@redheaded&crazie @Nicole Cliffe yes yes, please let this be true

TheLetterL

@nyikin I am biting my nails over here!

mabellegueule

@redheaded&crazie Whoa missed pin-up?

Vera Knoop

@Nicole Cliffe whaaaaaat? This is amazing.

Veronica Mars is smarter than me

@redheaded&crazie RED WERE YOU KIDDING OR IS THIS FOR REAL I HAVE TO KNOW

slutberry

@redheaded&crazie YOU NEED TO ANSWER THIS QUESTION NOW

Veronica Mars is smarter than me

PS my first comment, until I saw Red's, was totally going to be "I want to be friends with that girl."

plonk

@Nicole Cliffe WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT ANSWERS??

redheaded&crazy

Omg sorry guys I was totally joking, I'm pretty sure my spidey sense would go off hardcore if I sensed nicole in my vicinity!!!! I wish. I haven't given up the dream!

plonk

@redheaded&crazie ahahaha, it was JUST plausible enough, with the canada. CANADA!

cat_ballou

@redheaded&crazie How awesome would that have been, though! (And then, how disappointing to realize you had missed each other by thismuch!)

slutberry

@redheaded&crazie I shall attempt to swallow my disappointment, and move on.

sigh

qpdbqp

@redheaded&crazie thanks for smashing our collectives dreams into a sad dust-like substance that will now waft away on the next errant breeze : (

TheUnchosenOne

@redheaded&crazie :-(

WaityKatie

@plonk Everyone in Canada knows each other, don't they? There are only like 50 people!

Nicole Cliffe

We kind of do. My mom was all "did you hear that little Avril Lavigne has an album now? I used to sell her sheet music!"

I also decorated a birthday cake for Dan Ackroyd during my Dairy Queen days.

lisma

@Nicole Cliffe Man, I love that Dan Ackroyd bought a birthday cake from Dairy Queen. No fancy bakeries for him, just good old DQ.

qpdbqp

@applestoapples well played

MissO

@Nicole Cliffe Who's in Kingston, Ontario now? Me too! Hairpinners unite??!

Derevkova

@MissO me, me, I am in Kingston, Ontario!

MissO

@ Derevkova Are you the really nice chatty girl that works at Minotaur? Or are you another 'pinner? Let's gather!!

Derevkova

@MissO no I am merely a newly-unlurked Pinner who came out of hiding just for this conversation.

MissO

@Derevkova Well the more the merrier I guess!!!!

EpWs

@redheaded&crazie GIRL. DON'T DO THAT TO US.

redheaded&crazy

aw i'm sadder than everybody combined that it was SO CLOSE and yet SO FAR AWAY

terrible joke! I couldn't get to a computer either so i just kept seeing emails being like I CAN'T FIX THIS

emily eileen

@applestoapples

OMG, I JUST rewatched that episode of ANTM! Weird coincidence!

Hello Dolly

I know what Fifty Shades of Grey is, and I know what Zumba is, but I don't get the analogy. Or is it a metaphor? Simile? It's been a long time since I was in English class.

Kinloch

@Spicy Bubbles I know, right? Is it a comparison of an exercise routine to the repetitive use of the word "moist"?

Nicole Cliffe

MY theory is that both things have swept like a virus through the soccer-mom demo.

Hello Dolly

@Nicole Cliffe That sounds like a very plausible theory. Thanks!

Nicole Cliffe

But, right, it's like the Mirror of Erised, you know? MAYBE THE ANSWER IS IN EACH OF US, AND EVER CHANGING?

parallel-lines

@Nicole Cliffe They're both "naughty" in a very milquetoast way as well.

Heat Signature

@Nicole Cliffe My thoughts exactly, so obviously we are correct.

nyikint

@Spicy Bubbles Neither gets you off.

hotdog

@Spicy Bubbles Both things are kind of crappy versions of other things, but have possessed mainstream american women like a plague

angermonkey

@Spicy Bubbles I think it's that they both take a seemingly exotic thing (latin dancing, BDSM sex) and give it sanitary packaging for the surburban set.

This is not a slam, I love me some Zumba. That shit will make your ass HOT. 50 Shades of Grey I'm less enthusiastic about.

wanderluster

@Spicy Bubbles Are we all being sarcastic? I think the analogy is clear in that both zumba and "Fifty Shades of Grey" are pathetic excuses for a workout and a novel, respectively. Right?

billie_crusoe

@hotdog That's how I interpreted it.

vvv
vvv

@wanderluster i've done zumba, it's a legit workout.

angermonkey

@vvv True fact. An hour of that class WILL break you, regardless of physically fit. I blame the extra calories burned through INTENSE SHAME OVER MY LACK OF RHYTHM.

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

Yesterday, a male, middle-aged co-worker made a "Fifty Shades of Grey" joke in a meeting. I had not realized that the book had reached that level of cultural penetration!

sarah girl

@josiahg lol penetration

Elvis Costello's Spectacles

@josiahg "Cultural penetration". Heh. Eheh.

EDIT: clearly I am not alone in my base sense of humour.

Veronica Mars is smarter than me

@josiahg waitwaitwait. Like, a joke about how people are reading it, or a joke that referenced the contents of the book? Because I would still be surprised if a middle-aged male actually read it.

In other news, I was in the teacher's lounge reading on the Kindle a couple weeks ago, and the middle-aged male janitor asked me if that's what I was reading. I... gave a longer response than he was looking for.

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@Veronica Mars is smarter than me
It was a joke about how someone we don't like is going to write a book titled, "Fifty Shades of White," long story, etc. So who knows if my co-worker actually read it.

But later in the meeting my heel broke so I had to limp back to the office but then I met Billy Corgan on the sidewalk? So it was an eventful day?

Alixana

@josiahg I want to know more about why you're wearing heels?

angermonkey

@josiahg Your life is much more exciting than mine.

sox
sox

@josiahg OHMYGOD I met Billy Corgan in the Wal-mart of my population 2,000 hometown in rural southern Appalachia in 1995. WHAT IS UP WITH RANDOM BILLY CORGAN MEETINGS?
The upshot however, is that he was incredibly surprised that my giggly friends and I recognized him, took one of our addresses, and sent us all autographed vinyl! Mine was Siamese Dreams and I still have it.

saul "the bear" berenson

@josiahg Cultural penetration, ARGH!

EternalFootwoman

@sox If I met Billy Corgan, I would instantly recognize him and the proceed to flip my shit.

sovereignann@twitter

@Sarah H. Aaarghhh!

@josiahg He may not have read it but possibly reaping the "rewards" of it with the wife or girlfriend who is reading it?

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@EternalFootwoman
Yeah, I always see people and think that they are celebrities (Steven Spielberg last week) but then I never get it together to immediately ask. Except this time! And he was extremely recognizable: shaved bald, 40ish, gold high-tops. Does anyone else in the world meet that description? Surprisingly tall.

Not entirely surprising to see him, though, because he lives here.

NeverOddOrEven

@sox YOU BITCH!

The idea of a random Billy Corgan meeting would have sent 15yo me into fits of ecstasy.

But now I realise that those on Team Douche were probably right.
Douche as in self important and all that. Signed vinyl for fans is uber cool.

The Lovecats

@josiahg
I cannot even.
NevverOddOrEven - forget about 15 yo me. Me Right Now!

The Lovecats

@josiahg Also, Please give us more detail. In fact, I demand a "I met Billy Corgan" thread in the open thread today. You guys, it would make me so happy... or put me into a jealous rage. Either way, let's do it.

Kinloch

If "Crash Into Me" garnered that response, I can only imagine what "Ants Marching" brings on...

TheDragon

I'm afraid the first metaphor is beyond me.
Congratulations, random party girl. You broke my brain.

Emby

Oh Catholic Camp when I was 13. You were all kinds of confusing, what with your "Don't have sex!" messages and your beguilingly attractive counselors.

NeverOddOrEven

@Emby My husband used to go to Youth Group at his church because he got handjobs.

sudden but inevitable betrayal

I'll have what she's having!

JadedStone

I will explain the metaphor!

I hate both of these things. TADA.

nogreeneggs

@Jade ME TOO. And my mom loves them both. And I'm sick of hearing about them both. They have so much in common.

applestoapples

#2 is what Joey Potter would've done in one of my Dawson's Creek fanfics from late 1998.

maybe partying will help

@applestoapples

Do you by any chance still have those around? I'm only watching Dawson's Creek now and hating it like fire/enjoying it immensely. :B

TheLetterL

@applestoapples I just cackled gleefully at that.

@maybe partying will help Yeeeees, Dawson's Creek love/hate! Please report back on what it's like to experience the series as an adult! I watched it at a formative age, so I'm biased.

WaityKatie

@applestoapples The guy she was thinking about was Pacey, right? Pacey not Dawson 4-eva!!!!

maybe partying will help

@TheLetterL

I hate Dawson so much. Hate hate hate. Why the fuck is it HIS creek? Joey lives on it too! And is probably a better canoer! Basically I'm in season 4 and am only still watching it for Jack, Jen, and Pacey.

maybekindawishedAndiwouldvediedfromherdualdruginducedseizure /bad person

applestoapples

@maybe partying will help Unfortunately, it was on Geocities, so I'm not sure it still exists anymore.

WaityKatie

@maybe partying will help Hate Dawson. The saddest part is that I was like 22 when that show started. I spent a lot of time worrying about whether my attraction to Pacey was even legal, but then I realized he was like 25 when he did that show, so I felt a lot better about it!

charmcity

@applestoapples YES! Are we all watching it on Netflix Instantly? I was exactly the same age as the characters and I remember it being, like, THE show early in high school. But I never saw it, because of strict parents/no TV. Or, rather, parents with taste? It is really so bad. I can't stop watching.

maybe partying will help

@charmcity

I wasn't quite old enough when it was on the air, and also my mother would never have allowed me to watch it even if I'd been a teenager. A friend lent me her DVDs awhile back, but now that it's on Instant I've been mainlining it. :B

TheLetterL

@maybe partying will help Yes, Dawson is the worst. And I posit that Joey is a runner-up for worst, although it might not win me any friends. But, oh no, I love(d) Andie! I can see how she was grating, but my teenage wish was for Joey to get lost and have a Dawson/Jen, Pacey/Andie, Jack/whoever makes him happy ending.

applestoapples

@charmcity My parents were not about Dawson's Creek, either, because some family friend told them it was about gratuitous teen sex. I used to get my little sister to guard the family room door while I watched.

applestoapples

@maybe partying will help Oh, and later on there was fanfic about Roswell, too, which was like Dawson's Creek but with secret aliens.

maybe partying will help

@applestoapples

Those Dawson's River kids, sleeping in each other's beds and whatnot!

ROSWELL. ROSWELL. So much love have I for Roswell.

TheLetterL

@applestoapples My parents didn't care about Dawson's either way, but my mother wouldn't join me on the couch, like she did for Buffy and Daria. Sharing an opinion by abstaining, I suppose.

ba-na-nas

@applestoapples Definitely had a sexy dream about Dawson once! I was so embarrassed! His head is so big!

WaityKatie

@maybe partying will help Climbing in the bedroom window!

WaityKatie

@ba-na-nas Peanut head.

applestoapples

@maybe partying will help In the first episode, Joey asks Dawson, "How often do you walk your dog?" which she then clarified as a euphemism for masturbating. This was enough to convince my dad that the family friend was right. And the whole Pacey/Tamara Jacobs thing didn't really help, either.

maybe partying will help

@ba-na-nas

Half of his head is forehead and the other half is eyebrows. I've just got to the point where he's letting his hair grow and listening to Grateful Dead and taking crap black and white photos. AWE.SOME.

charmcity

@applestoapples I definitely remember lots of "concern" because it was so SEX-OBSESSED, but I am watching it now and those dudes never ever have sex! Sometimes they talk about it, but mainly they talk about feelings and make shitty home movies and compliment Dawson on how sensitive/brilliant/amazing he is.

tiny dancer

@maybe partying will help I'm so glad I'm not the only one watching DC on the Netflix for the first time. And I feel the same way--I watch it for Pacey for sure. I'm only at the beginning of season 3, Andie has a seizure? Ugh I can't stand her. Last night she lied about an assault in order to get Pacey back. Leave him alone, Andie!

TheLetterL

@tiny dancer Oh man. I forgot Andie did that, because selective memory for characters you like. Now I'm sad.

amitygardens@twitter

@applestoapples Don't feel bad! I own all the seasons on DVD. I was too young to watch it when it came out, but my mom had a similar reaction to The OC.Pacey-Con needs to happen, y'all!

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/fa34df6f44/pacey-con-with-joshua-jackson

WaityKatie

My favorite overheard comment ever is, "We were soulmates, but he wanted to be in Bosnia and I wanted to be in publishing."

olivebee

@WaityKatie I'm sure I have overheard better quotes than the one I am about to post, but when I was walking to class in college once, I walked past a girl on her cell phone, and she goes "So I'm really into narwhals lately."

WaityKatie

@olivebee I have a narwhal nightlight!!

narwhalsandwich

@WaityKatie WHAT. where did you get this?!

Vera Knoop

@olivebee Narwhals -- so hot right now!

WaityKatie

@narwhalsandwich Google "happy owl glassworks." And oh my god apparently they have a slender loris nightlight now as well!

narwhalsandwich

@WaityKatie thanks! it doesn't look like they have any now, but so cool!

WaityKatie

@narwhalsandwich They do have them! There's a drop down thing where you can place a customized order. More expensive than I remember, but they are really good quality.

sarahf

@WaityKatie True story: up until about six months ago, I honestly didn't think narwhals existed. I thought it was the aquatic equivalent of the unicorn. Then I saw a skeleton of one in the natural history museum. I was completely gobsmacked.

WaityKatie

@sarahf I used to think that too! I always assumed they were something I got out of A Wrinkle in Time or something.

wallsdonotfall

@WaityKatie They have a bunch more ready on their Etsy!

Man, if only I had more than one outlet per room in this apartment.

SuperGogo

@WaityKatie Ahh, Happy Owl! I bought a bunny fused-glass pendant from them years and years ago--I think it was at the first ever Renegade Craft Fair in Chicago.

oh! valencia

@sarahf I thought the same thing. I was sure they were mythical creatures.

NeverOddOrEven

@sarahf ME TOO.

sarah girl

@sarahf There's a historical house in Richmond VA that has a vintage dressing table/chair made with narwhal tusks. Inhumane, yes, but AMAZING.

Picture! http://travelphotobase.com/i/USVA/VARHR67.JPG

ba-na-nas

Every day for the past few weeks, I have seen at least one person on the L train reading this. Gray-haired dude, 20-ish girl whose outfit and hairstyle very closely resembled a Hasidic lady, the lady in the too-tight scrubs.

fullofgrace

@ba-na-nas add to that the mom chaperoning a school field trip. oddly, they were the best behaved field trippers I've ever encountered on the L.

meetapossum

@fullofgrace UGH field trippers on the train. They are the WORST. And why do they always get on the last car? That is MY car so I can always get a seat! /rant

olivebee

@meetapossum The worst field trip situation I have encountered was when I was at Second City for a show, and literally half of the crowd was filled with students from an out-of-town high school. Everytime the actors asked for a suggestion for an improv scene, they, of course, shouted out dumb, raunchy things like "penis!" By the second half the show, the actors were so pissed that one of them finally faced that section of the crowd and goes, "You guys better keep your mouths fucking shut. I don't want to hear one more stupid fucking thing from you immature dicks." While the show wasn't that great, witnessing that was AWESOME.

applestoapples

@ba-na-nas At my neighborhood bookstore, this guy waltzes in and is like, "Heyyy, I wanna see this book all the ladies are reading, because I need some tips!" in a Duffman-esque voice.
The two store clerks handed him Fifty Shades of Grey from the back display, and he was like, "I bet you're both enjoying this under the covers at night, knowwhatImean?"
How they resisted the urge to bludgeon him to death with a spare copy is beyond me.

NeenerNeener

I scored an eyepatch that says "Argh!!" last Saturday.

WaityKatie

@NeenerNeener Time saver.

NeenerNeener

@WaityKatie
I probably shouldn't have been wearing it as a headband in public; I was just asking for something bad to happen.

julia

The "Crash into Me" part reminds me of when I heard my upstairs neighbor having sex and then immediately after heard her blasting Sarah McLachlan's "Arms of an Angel."

TheLetterL

@julia Oh God no. What about all those mournful shelter animals?

ba-na-nas

@julia I once had these cute neighbors from the midwest and I'm pretty sure "Islands in the stream" was their foreplay song. Every Sunday afternoon, I would hear it blasting, then it would sound like they were moving furniture over there. Cute!

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@julia Oh man, for some reason this really just got me. I'm cry-laughing at my desk.

all the bacon and eggs

@ba-na-nas I love that!!!

Heat Signature

@Nicole Cliffe My thoughts exactly, so obviously we are correct.

Heat Signature

@Heat Signature Argh!

billie_crusoe

I guess I'm lucky I never went to summer camp as a kid because when I worked at camp as an "adult" (23, I think? so more adult than 90% of camp counselors), I immediately started trying to get my boss into bed.

It worked. I don't recommend sleeping with your boss EVER, but summer camp sneakiness was kind of fun? I thought we were going to get in trouble, but apparently HER boss knew and couldn't fire us because SHE was sleeping with another of her subordinates. Oy.

Megasus

@che Well what else are you supposed to do? Stare at trees? Engage with the children?

SuperGogo

@che In college, I worked for two summers as a counselor at a Christian camp. Sooo many crushes and sooo many hormones with nowhere to go )because we were all good Christian kids or at least had to appear to be, so that limited actual hook-ups). The backrub scene, since it was our only outlet, was ri-dic-u-lous!

beanie

@SuperGogo dude, camp is a minefield of hookups. It's basically like going on the show The Real World, but no repercussions of having your actions televised! P.S. I was the lame girl who had a boyfriend who didn't work there.

schrodingers_cat

@beanie exactly. The party/hookup scene when you work at a summer camp is ridiculous. 10-12 weeks is just long enough for there to be serious drama and backstabbing.
ETA: one place I worked at had 5 male counselors and 20+ female. There was definitely some crazy competitive fever there.

TheLetterL

@SuperGogo Backrub circles!!! At 18, I was a counselor at a week long camp for high schoolers where the counselors were 17-20. (The sheer amount of hormones condensed into that small town in one week nearly caused a black hole) One night, the counselors swapped campers for a few hours. The other female counselors and I gave the boys helpful life advice, only to return to the dorm to find the girls in a backrub circle with the male counselors. ...so we joined in.

TheLetterL

@TheLetterL Oh, ummm, I should probably clarify that the campers were entering their junior or senior year of high school, so 16-18. There was no 20-on-14 perving action!

billie_crusoe

@all SO MUCH CAMP DRAMA. I was older and therefore not part of the general camp drama at the time, but there was still all kinds of drama among the older staff, too - mostly after camp when people broke up.

@Megano! I lived up on the hill with NO CHILDREN (thank god! I like kids and everything, but I need my space way too much to actually be a camp counselor), and my boss's cabin was right next door, also on the hill away from the children. So...

schrodingers_cat

@che Oh, yes, living on the hill with no children. My favorite place I worked was a family camp, so the staff didn't live with the kids, and our little hill full of staff cabins got interesting at night.

George Templeton Strong

Back in the Dark Ages when cellphones were pretty rare and the sound quality wasn't great I walked past a woman outside my apartment who screamed into her Razr "We're paying for the vacation because every time he and I have sex we each have to put $5 into a jar and we now have $2,000!!!" The woman looked like a Star Wars character (and not Princesss Leia/Carrie Fisher). Even my dog was a little nauseated.

Happy weekend everybody!

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@George Templeton Strong
You mean Jabba the Hutt, right? 'Cuz I know some people like that...

Also, where are these $2,000 vacations she's talking about?

George Templeton Strong

@josiahg Branson, Missouri. That's a lot of all-you-can-eat buffets and C- and D-list "stars"' shows to watch. Maybe they were planning to stay for a month? I didn't stick around to interrupt and ask and plus my dog decided to try to hump a little Boston terrier that came strolling by that she'd had her eye on for a while (he was the "George" in one of my previous comments in another thread.)

okaycrochet

@George Templeton Strong At my bridal shower, my grandmother told me to put a dollar in a jar every time he-man and I had sex, because it would prove mathematically that you have more sex in your first year of marriage than in the rest of your lives combined. GRANDMA!?!

anachronistique

I thought more coffee would help me understand these statements.

It hasn't.

Derevkova

I actually went and looked up what a Zumba was, and apparently there is now a Zumba video game?

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