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Friday, June 15, 2012

1028

Friday Open Thread

Let's hear it for the dads. Guess which one is mine?



1028 Comments / Post A Comment

Megasus

I hope it's the one with the mustache!

Ophelia

@Megano! I vote #14

Lily Rowan

@Ophelia I vote #30!

wee_ramekin

@Lily Rowan I say #33!

Killerpants

@Megano! I'm also going with #14.

dabbyfanny

@Lily Rowan i'm with you. #30.

LinaLamont

@Megano! I hope it's not #33, 'cuz I would feel like a creeper for lusting after Jane Marie's dad.

yeah-elle

@Megano! I guess #51!

Lily Rowan

@dabbyfanny I mean, the hair alone!

wee_ramekin

@Lily Rowan Ah! I thought we were voting for EDITH'S dad!

redheaded&crazy

@Megano! I hope it's #33 because he is soooooo good looking.

HeyThatsMyBike

@LinaLamont I was going to say him because he has good eyebrows.

fondue with cheddar

@Killerpants Yeah, #14.

Jane Marie

@LinaLamont Oops! I meant to call you the creeper. Haha. It's 33!

plonk

@Jane Marie so is it 33 then? i must know, i am obsessed with people's parents

Scandyhoovian

@plonk I'm glad it's 33, 33 is hot. Jane Marie, your dad is hot.

Disco Sheets

@Jane Marie JANE IS THIS CORUNNA MICHIGAN?!?!?!

Jane Marie

@Disco Sheets Yep!

eiffeldesigns

#14 totally looks like a guy I dated in high school

ng
ng

@Jane Marie pa! what a stud. no wonder we are so good/angry looking!

Jane Marie

@ng Where is my beer story, nanc? Where!!!! :)

ng
ng

@Jane Marie dont worry, with the couple of weeks i've had, it will be very well researched. also, sorry. on it. call you this weekend. and i love you.

Megasus

@Jane Marie I know a dude who kind of has the same face! Well I used to, we kind of hate each other.

LinaLamont

@Jane Marie Nooooooooooooooooo! You know, I've always been intrigued by people who have foxy dads. I feel like it would be very different than having one that looks like a mall santa claus.

PistolPackinMama

@Jane Marie Whew, because they are all adorbs. I want to pinch their cheeks and introduce them to my younger cousins. Except for #14 who I want to age to abouuuuttttt 40 and then make him into a single academic advisor or something, and then date him. Because that NOSE.

@LinaLamont My dad is very grandfatherly now (adorbs, and good looking adorbs. but you know. nearly 70), and he was a gawky kid in high school. But Boy howdy when he was in his 20's-40's in particular. Wow.

olivebee

Finally the weekend is here - it felt like Friday every freakin' day this week already. Anyways.

1. The family I babysit for every Friday night got a new kitten today, so tonight is going to be full of cuteness!
2. I am going to see a live recording of Pete Holmes' podcast, You Made It Weird, tomorrow night in Chicago, and the guests are a surprise, but since it's the Just For Laughs Festival this week, the guests could be huge comedy stars, AND I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHO. I AM DYING. Please please please let one of them be Aziz Ansari.
3. My husband brought home this stuff called Cookie Butter from Trader Joe's yesterday, and it's basically all that is good in this world in a jar. It's the consistency of Nutella but tastes like crushed up cookies. Fucking new desserts, foiling all my willpower.

SarahP

@olivebee I never figured out what to put that stuff on/in, because I ate it all with a spoon.

thebestjasmine

@olivebee Cookie Butter is AMAZING. Holy shit, someone brought that to a holiday party in December and we basically stood around the jar with spoons. I don't let myself buy it, because I know I'd eat the whole thing. It's amazing on crumpets, by the way.

Heather@twitter

@olivebee ohhhh shit pete holmes. you'll have to update us on this. or at least super comedy nerd me.

Disco Sheets

@olivebee COOKIE BUTTER? Helllllllllllllo Trader Joe's trip this weekend.

Anna Jayne@twitter

@Disco Sheets at the waffle truck they put that spread on a waffle. I mean. What.

Disco Sheets

@Anna Jayne@twitter WHAT SHUT UP. No, don't shut up, tell me where this waffle truck is because oh my gaaaaaaaaaaaaah. (The one in NYC?!)

Anna Jayne@twitter

@Disco Sheets YES!! Wafels and Dinges. They park in Astoria now sometimes BETWEEN MY TRAIN AND MY HOUSE which is the best/worst.

Disco Sheets

@Anna Jayne@twitter OH MAN next NYC trip I am there, Wafels and Dinges! I AM THERE.

Anna Jayne@twitter

@Disco Sheets it's real good, and there are a bunch of them. Ahhh now I want one!

hungaryforchile

@olivebee Thank you for spreading the Good News about cookie butter, because that sounds positively stupendous! I Amazon'd it, and some girl was like, "Oh yeah, I used in in my Rice Krispies recipe with marshmallows, butter and cinnamon/sugar on the top."

I mean, what the what!

You'll be sorry Jo March

@olivebee KITTENNN!! Happy Friday!

ayo nicole

@olivebee Cookie butter is (ruining) my life! SO GOOD

meetapossum

@Anna Jayne@twitter WHERE IS THE TRUCK? (I live in Astoria!)

Anna Jayne@twitter

@meetapossum it sits on 31st Street by the Ditmars Blvd stop! Also hi neighbor :)

Lumpy Space Princess

@olivebee scoop up cookie butter with a pretzel stick and feel 20% less gross than you do eating it with a spoon! (also it's good that way). (Also I've never been more proud to be a TJ's employee than I am right now. I work at a place that sells a thing called Cookie Butter).

meetapossum

@Anna Jayne@twitter This is good to know. I live on Astoria Blvd., but I think I can manage to take a roundabout way home sometimes. Or at the very least I can make my friends investigate when we get mani-pedis up on Ditmars.

Alli525

@olivebee Can we have an Astoria Pin-up???

runner in the garden

@Anna Jayne@twitter Neighbors!!!

meetapossum

@Alli525 Yeah! @runner in the garden and I already had a mini-mini-Pin Up in Astoria a couple of months ago, which really just means I made him walk all the way to my favorite bar in the middle of nowhere.

MermaidSarah

Bargain Bin?! Hmm?

The Lady of Shalott

@MermaidSarah I miss Bargain Bin!

thebestjasmine

@MermaidSarah YES. BARGAIN BIN. Jannnnnnnnnnnne. We looooove it. We neeeeeeed it.

frigwiggin

@The Lady of Shalott On one hand I'm happy because I already went over my monthly clothing budget (went over it in the first week, actually :x), but on the other hand BARGAIN BINNNN.

Donovanesque

@frigwiggin I feel the same.

avoidmadness

@MermaidSarah I know!! It's been 2 weeks, tell me what to spend my money ooooooonnnnnnnnnnn.

special_boots

@MermaidSarah Oh god where is it WHERE

Ophelia

@frigwiggin ELAINE WHERE ARE YOU I CAN'T FIND YOU!

frigwiggin

@Ophelia Gary! It's so dark and cold! I want more belongings, Gary! I NEEEED THEM.

Infinite Jess

@MermaidSarah Okay, I was going to post sale snacks last week when some of them were on sale for $1.88/box, but I waited and waited for the Bargain Bin and it did not come. They're still sort of on sale, though? I plan to watch the space until they go back on cheap-cheap sale, though, tbh.

frigwiggin

@Infinite Jess Oh my god I want salami so bad now.

aliceandstuff

@frigwiggin Bargain bin:

ASOS is having a sale right now, 20% off anything not on markdown with code SUMMER20. Includes their awesome plus-sized line ASOS Curve. And free shipping! I cannot express how much I love them.

EpWs

BARGAIN BIN.

People, I am getting paid now! By an actual job! TELL ME WHERE TO SPEND MY MONEYS.

PistolPackinMama

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I will be happy to send you my bank account and routing number...

EpWs

@PistolPackinMama Will I get stylish and practical things in return?

Xanthophyllippa

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher If you're lucky you'll get an AWESOME t-shirt in return. I want to wear it but I have to wait until the weather cools down so I don't turn into a dripping swamp creature every time I wear something other than a tank top.

fondue with cheddar

FUUUUUUUCK the justice system failed my boyfriend (and me, by extension) BIG TIME today. How is it that someone can be ordered to pay half their income in child support and the other half to rent. WHAT THE FUCK IS LEFT? They're assuming he's making money from his photography business but he's not. He's got a regular job where he makes about as much money as she does. No documentation was provided to prove or even suggest that he's made photography income since they separated.

Even when you throw my income into the mix (which should not be a factor as the child is not mine, thus the court can't order me to support him), we still won't be able to afford to pay the bills even if we cancel our internet/TV/phone package, stop doing anything fun, stop giving gifts, stop buying clothes, get rid of the cats, stop going to the doctor, EVEN IF WE STOP EATING AND STOP DRIVING.

NJ FAMILY COURT WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU????????

I feel sick. :'(

noodge

@jen325 the justice system, as far as i'm concerned, is a big bucket of FAIL... unless you have the money to hire a kick ass lawyer, you're screwed. I'm so sorry this has happened to your mister. can he appeal?

Donovanesque

@jen325 oh dear God. :( How is this possible?

Springtime for Voldemort

@jen325 I'm so sorry! And yes, the legal system is a giant bucket of cat crap.

fondue with cheddar

@jen325 Yeah, he doesn't have the money to hire a kick ass lawyer. He hired the lawyer my stepbrother used in his custody battle (both their exes were abusive), and the guy did a good job for him. I don't know what the hell happened. I don't know whether or not he can appeal. This isn't actually the long-term arrangement; the divorce won't happen for a few more months, but in the meantime she filed a motion for emergency child support. But still...in the divorce, the judge may consider this as it sets a precedent. I haven't gotten a complete blow-by-blow of today's proceeding; he was very upset so I only got the gist of it. I don't know what the hell is going on but I'm freaking the fuck out.

ImASadGiraffe

@jen325 Something similar happened to a friend of mine in New York - after paying the mortgage (which she is also on, she just upped and moved out), almost every cent goes to child support. It's insane. I'm sorry this happened to your boyfriend.

fondue with cheddar

@ImASadGiraffe That's horrible. How is this even possible? He doesn't make any more money than she does, and she doesn't even pay rent because her mother owns the house (though it wouldn't surprise me if she made up some fake documentation claiming that she does).

And that's only the financial part of why everything sucks. There's a history of abuse, which is why he left. He's sacrificed a lot for his kids (willingly!), including stayng in the marriage way longer than was healthy for him because he was afraid that, in his absence, she would turn her wrath upon the next closest targets (the kids). Instead, he's got a three-bedroom house that the kids hardly even visit (it's been months and none of them have yet spent the night) because she's turning them against him. He's a good man and a loving father; he doesn't deserve this. The entire situation is heart-wrenching.

Ophelia

@jen325 Is there any way he can sue for custody in the divorce hearings?

fondue with cheddar

@Ophelia He can, and it's something he discussed with the lawyer initially. The problem with that is it's a huge, costly battle and the courts tend to rule in favor of the parent with whom the children primarily reside, and they also usually rule in favor of the mother. He's got years of journals detailing her behavior and he called the police on her a few times, but she was never charged with anything. He's got no hard proof of her abuse; it's just his word against hers. And while he hopes the kids would testify to her behavior, he can't rely on it. To them, she's Mom and they don't see her behavior in the same light he does. They grew up with her and don't understand just how sick she is. And besides, they haven't even seen the worst of it.

So basically it all comes down to money, like nearly everything else that matters.

Maryaed

@jen325 Unfortunately custody is tied to money so he needs to get a visitation order going. How long has he been gone and not having them where he lives? That's going to weigh against him but if there's no reason he isn't a competent parent, having the kids with him part-time will lessen the financial burden.

MsChilePepper

@jen325 El suckola. And unfortunately, if you marry him down the road, your income WILL be taken into account if/when any future determinations are made for child support. :-/ Hope things work out better for y'all.

Craftastrophies

@jen325 This. Sucks. I am really sorry that this is happening, and I hope there is something that can be done.

fondue with cheddar

@Maryaed It's been a year since he moved out. For the first couple months he was staying at his sister,s, the kids were forbidden from visiting him there because their mother thinks she's an evil witch (she's totally not). The only way he could see them was to take them out somewhere. Hardly adequate. He's got a house now, and this weekend one of his four kids spent the night there for the first time. Small victories.

The youngest (the only minor) was supposed to be there all weekend according to the visitation schedule established on Friday. Well, sort of. The paperwork says he gets him every other weekend, and the judge said "starting this weekend" but that was verbal so I don't know how enforceable it is. But it was Father's Day weekend, COME ON. So anyway, maybe she's already violating the agreement and maybe she isn't, but if she doesn't bring him over this coming Friday she's definitely in violation. He had an argument with her on the phone, and she said, "He's not a toddler; I can't force him to see you. He chose not to go." No, lady...he's a minor and it's your responsibility to make sure he visits his father according to the schedule. And besides, we all know the kid likes his dad so don't try pulling this your-son-doesn't-care-about-you shit. UGH SHE'S SO UNREASONABLE AND I HATE THE WAY SHE TALKS TO HIM SHE MAKES ME SO MAD.

@MsChilePepper I didn't realize my income would be considered if we got married. And we will. Well, obviously by then the divorce will be final, and any support agreement established at that point will override the one that's effective now. Hopefully that one will be more reasonable.

@Craftastrophies Thanks so much. I missed you! Welcome back. :)

Craftastrophies

@jen325 I have to leave the room when my boyfriend talks to his ex. He is so clearly managing her, it gives me chills - if he spoke to me like that I think I would cry forever - and she is just as clearly being completely unhelpful and unreasonable. Fortunately she only sort of accidentally abusive, and so isn't trying to turn the kids against him which would just be totally heartbreaking.

fondue with cheddar

@Craftastrophies Yeah, I can imagine how hard that would be to listen to. I'm sure he'll never talk to you that way because you are a good and reasonable person. I'm glad she isn't trying to turn the kids against him. Ugh, divorce sucks. I'm so glad I didn't have kids with my ex.

Spinach Party

Friiiiiidaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!! It is so crazy beautiful outside, and I'm going stir-crazy at my computer.

14? 33? I'm bad at guessing these things......

whizz_dumb

@Spinach Party How are we supposed to be productive when the outside is beckoning us so hard? Looks like it's fuck this shit o'clock.

Spinach Party

@whizz_dumb Hahahaah, yes the perfectly captures the mood in the office. We are now eating freezer pops we have stashed in the kitchen.

I can't be stuck in the office! I need to go home and figure out what to wear tomorrow in NYC for a dim sum "brunch" and a Broadway matinee. (Happy B-day Mom and happy father's day Pops!)
I'm less focused on what will look good or be weather appropriate (I tend to melt in the summer) and more focused on being able to find anything to pull out of my laundry that doesn't look like I just pulled it out of my laundry... Literally everything I own is dirty. I feel so ashamed... sorry Jolie!

The Hyperbolic Julia Set

@whizz_dumb I WANT TO PUT THIS UP ON MY CUBE SO BAD! but alas, such language is frowned upon in this office. But for reals: all Friday after lunch is fuck this shit o'clock

The Lady of Shalott

I am a crabby, crabby Lady. Yesterday marked six months that my dude and I have been together and we celebrated it in two different countries, a thousand miles apart. Gleeful. I miss him.

Also, my job is making me a lunatic. Not a great sign: yesterday ten minutes before the store opened, one of my coworkers had a total sobbing meltdown about how awful it was to work there. This did not inspire hope in me.

noodlestein

@The Lady of Shalott - Sounds like tequila time to me!

phlox

@The Lady of Shalott Hugs, Lady!

You'll be sorry Jo March

@The Lady of Shalott :( HUGS

travelmugs

@The Lady of Shalott Long distance sucks. You can do it. MORE HUGS.

billie_crusoe

@The Lady of Shalott More hugs! You can do it! How many weeks are you into the separation? Just think about how good it will be to be together again!!! (I've done it, it sucks, I'm sorry you're having to do it. At least you're done packing your kitchen?)

The Lady of Shalott

@che Seven weeks into it right now, but I'm going for a visit Canada Day weekend. And then another two or three months until he gets posted out and then my Mystery Move can commence! (Thanks, military! YOU'RE GRAND.)

I wasn't packing my kitchen, haha! That was @Everpresent Wordsnatcher--I haven't seen her around lately, but I know she's crazy busy with work!

EpWs

@The Lady of Shalott I've been busy busy, yes, and I'm currently in California so my sense of Hairpin Time is allll off. But GIRL, HUGS. You can do it. You'll be seeing him soon!

billie_crusoe

@The Lady of Shalott Ooooh, oops. You were moving at the same time, right? Apparently my terribleness-with-names includes screennames.

7 weeks! You've made it so long! 2-3 months seems SO LONG when you just want to be with someone, ugh. I hope I never have to do long distance again. Do you at least get to Skype?

The Lady of Shalott

@che Yes we were! So not a huge stretch.

Sadly no, he is not Skype-available in the barracks, but we have good old phone conversations! All retro and stuff.

SarahDances

Speaking of parents (and not becoming one anytime soon), I am super stoked to be getting my Paragard on Monday. Woohoo!

SarahP

@SarahDances CONGRATS! I loooove my Paragard, I hope you do too!

noodge

@SarahDances high fives all around for the copper T!

Springtime for Voldemort

@SarahDances OMG I'm getting Mirena on Monday!!!! High-five for no babies!

SarahDances

@papayalily *highfives* And I would like to thank the Hairpin for making me realize this moment was possible.

theotherginger

@SarahDances yup, just had my initial IUD consult today, appt made for insertion in 2 weeks. Heck yeah, Mirena. I will soon be a proud owner of you!

anachronistique

@robyn.andrews I'm having a consult in July for Mirena! WOO.

theotherginger

@anachronistique my Dr (not the usual one, cause she doesn't do IUDs) was sooo nice. I was all prepped to stretch the medical truth if necessary, but it was not! Hurray for young female doctors who are more versed in these things! And older doctors who listen to women! So, good luck to you. Also, rereading the Hairpin thread was super helpful for me, because it prepared me for all possibilities

Queen of Pickles

@SarahDances Yes yes yes! The mighty Paragard! It bestoweth heavier cramps but taketh away the four a.m. paranoid conviction that you are preggers.

QuadrophonicSound

@SarahDances I am a big fan of my Paragard, but they are not fucking around when they say heavy periods get heavier, dang.

dale

Just your casual weekly reminder to send us cute pictures of your pets!
pinpets.tumblr.com
pinpets.tumblr.com/submit

Remember to identify yourself down in the text box after you write something about your adorable pet! If you've already sent one, send another! If you're anything like me, you've taken many, many shots of your pet(s) doing cute or amazing things, so share away.

backstagebethy

@dale ahhh I have somehow never seen this! BRB finding all the cutest pictures of my Sassydog!

SarahDances

@dale THIS IS A THING? Done and done! Prepare yourself to receive all of the French Bulldog pictures!

KatPruska

@dale Yes! More of the animals, please! My dog is currently the top entry on the page and she needs more internet company! Leela!

Porn Peddler

@dale I don't even know what pictures to send you ahhhh! ooh also can we submit via email?

SarahDances

@KatPruska Leela is adorable! Is she full grown in that picture? She looks wee!

KatPruska

@SarahDances Thanks! She is ridiculously cute and pretty. She's about 4 months there; she's roughly one-and-a-half now and just as adorable, just bigger and doofier and a total lady magnet.

I cannot wait to see your frenchie!! Stubborn little cuties!

SarahDances

@KatPruska Don't I know it! I have three of them, and all boys. Thank goodness for the cuteness, or I don't know how I'd deal.

dale

@KatPruska I will edit your submission to have your name at the bottom!
@Porn Peddler - yes. If you want to email me a little blurb, and a picture, do so via pinnerpets@gmail.com and I will put the entry up for you. No prob at all.

KatPruska

@dale Thank you! I'm a doofus and tumblr-illiterate. And now I shall bombard you with all of the cats too. The floodgates are open.

dale

@KatPruska I'm pretty tumblr-illiterate too. Mostly I just fake it and stuff seems to work. Though I'll still say, if any of you are pretty good at tweaking what's going on behind the scenes, I'd be glad of a spot or two of help (to get a link to the 'submit' page, and to get the 'ask' link to work...right now it leads nowhere).

bocadelperro

@dale Sent a photo via email. Looking forward to seeing everyone's pets.

annveal

@dale This is the best post for Friday afternoon! I didn't even know. Submitted a pic of my baby kitty!

dale

@annveal Oh! Was that your little black kitty I just approved? I'll go back and add your name in the bottom part then.

annveal

@dale Yup! That was me :)

annveal

@SarahDances Hahaha that's the best! Those dogs are doing exactly what I wish I was.

SarahDances

@annveal I know. It is depressing to come home from work, see them like that, and be like, "glad you're having a productive day."

Also, your adorable kitty may be destructive, but really what did you expect with a name like Kali?

sudden but inevitable betrayal

@SarahDances Sarah, your pups are SO CUTE!

janiebee

@dale Is it against the rules if I submit a pic of the adorable lab/beagle puppy I'm fostering? The puppy that has all his shots and is fixed and is a delight and needs a forever home in the NYC area? the puppy that will keep some 'pinner warm on a cold night and cuddle her when she starts crying out of nowhere (uhm, happened to a friend). soo... is this a place for that?

SarahDances

@janiebee I think I speak for us all when I say that if she is adorable, then there is always a place for that!

WhiskeySour

So Mr. Sour might be getting a job transfer to Akron, OH. The thing is, the hiring people are dragging their feet something awful while simultaneously telegraphing that they needed somebody to fill this job several weeks ago. What this means is that if he gets the offer, we'll need to move on very short notice, like within a couple of weeks. And I feel I need to prepare myself for that. So! Any 'Pinners familiar with or in Akron who can give advice on housing? We'd like to rent for at least a year. Any areas we should make sure to avoid? Any great areas we should aim for? We don't really mind being in the suburbs, but Mr. Sour would like to keep his commute under 20 minutes and would be working near the airport.

dabbyfanny

@WhiskeySour Yay! Welcome to Akron! The good news is that Akron is seriously cheap to buy a house in. Renting is average. You say he'll be at the airport? Akron Canton, or Akron Fulton? Either way, the hands down clear choice favourite area is west Akron, specifically the Highland Square neighborhood. It's got a library, a couple of bars, shops, coffee places,restaurants etc. i like it. I have friends who live in Firestone park which is closer to the airport, they like it pretty well.

WhiskeySour

@dabbyfanny Near Akron Fulton. The cheap housing is actually part of why we're really hoping he gets the job. It seems in my research that the rental market skews more towards houses rather than apartment complexes? In which case, do you think working with a real estate agent would make sense? Akron is a lot different than the DC suburbs!

dabbyfanny

@WhiskeySour If you are in a hurry to find a place, then yeah, a real estate person would help a lot. When I came, I did it old school by looking at newspaper listings and found a great place in an excellent neighborhood, so anythings possible. There are some cool apartment blocks in Highland Square (Twin Oaks is nice) but I have friends who had to wait months for an apt to open up. They are in high demand. Avoid around the university - they are trying hard to revitalise the surrounding neighborhoods, but it's not ready yet. Generally, the dodgy areas are pretty obvious.

travelmugs

@WhiskeySour Yay, Akron! I grew up around there. I second the Highland Park area: very cute shops and restaurants. Get good beer at Lockview, make sure to try the oatmeal cookies at Quaker Square, and the main library campus downtown is a beautiful, new, giant building.

Ophelia

I'm going to the Mets game tonight, my first baseball game since moving to NY. At least it's not a Yankees game.
Signed,
You can take the girl out of Boston

stonefruit

@Ophelia It's really extra-fun to wear your Red Sox cap to a Yankees home game. Try it, you'll like it!

terrific

@Ophelia Yes! I need to get there. I have Mets rainout tickets I've been sitting on pretty much since the season opened.

parallel-lines

@Ophelia Get some Shake Shack and have a drink on the patio--it's a really nice stadium. Also, I'm marrying a Mets fan so I know waaaaay too much about the Mets and I'm not even a Mets fan. Pick a baseball boyfriend (Ike Davis is mine, but we're on and off) and make things fun.

Anna Jayne@twitter

@Ophelia I'm sure the game will be fun, even for a Boston girl, but what I really want to know is ARE YOU STAYING FOR REO SPEEDWAGON?!?!

Ophelia

@Anna Jayne@twitter WAIT WHAT??? THEY ARE PLAYING??? THEN YES YES YES.

I seriously, honestly, can't fight this feeling any more.

@stonefruit My sister lived in NY for a few years, and totally did that a few times. But she's also totally hot/adorable, so managed to get away w/it...

Anna Jayne@twitter

@Ophelia I went to the game on Memorial Day and my friend and I were joking about going to this game due to REO Speedwagon and it turned out I couldn't go and I am SO SAD. But yes, it's the first "post-game concert" in their series. I'm jealous!!

The Lady of Shalott

EVERYONE, WRITE TO YOUR PIN PALS!

If you've written in to hairpinpals@gmail.com asking for one: don't worry! Real-life work this week has been insane and I've been busy, but don't worry--I will match you!

terrific

@The Lady of Shalott I DID IT LAST FRIDAY! SO PROUD!

fabel

@The Lady of Shalott Fuck, I need to do this!! I feel so bad, because I was so excited & now I haven't done itahhgg.

charlesbois

@The Lady of Shalott I started to write to mine and then my ink pen leaked all over my silk pillow case and I had to deal with that. This weekend though, for sure.

Disco Sheets

@The Lady of Shalott Thanks again for setting all this up! I <3 my Pin Pal so much. Even when I have been aaaaaanxiously awaiting her response for the last two weeks.

BucketsOfCool

@The Lady of Shalott I did, I did! And I got a postcard back yesterday and it was the most wonderful thing ever. I am taking a bus out of town tonight to ESCAPE FOR THE WEEKEND and plan on writing a novella to my pinpal. Yay!

More battenburg, vicar?

@The Lady of Shalott Just de-cloaking to say that I finally managed to post my first letter to my PinPal this week! It has to find its way from the UK to the US, but surely that won't take more than a week? Hello mystery Pin Pal - you should have a letter by Tuesday!

Anna Jayne@twitter

@The Lady of Shalott I wrote to her and she wrote back and then *I* wrote back and now I am waiting for another letter from her! I love her already based on her penmanship.

rararuby

@The Lady of Shalott i got my first correspondence from my pinpal last week and it was joyous!

Tuna Surprise

@The Lady of Shalott
I've just emailed you for a penpal....I'm in London and I have no friends but I would love some post!

VDRE

@The Lady of Shalott I just put my letter in the mail yesterday! GET PSYCHED PINPAL!

eiffeldesigns

@The Lady of Shalott My pin pal and I are already two letters each in! BEST PIN PAL EVER. Seriously. I kinda love her.

alpacasloth

@The Lady of Shalott I put a letter in the mail first thing on Monday morning!

boysplz

@The Lady of Shalott I wrote mine last Saturday! Here's hoping she got my (awesome) letter and wrote me back.

Xanthophyllippa

@The Lady of Shalott I think I scared mine off by being boring. :(

phlox

@Xanthophyllippa Me too... but I try to send cute cards to make up for it.

Whiskeydrinkandchocolatebars

@The Lady of Shalott My PinPal wrote to me! And I wrote back. We're both lurkers, it turns out!

Megasus

@The Lady of Shalott I sent mine in the mail this week!

Faintly Macabre

@The Lady of Shalott Pinpal who lives somewhere in the UK, I promise I will write to you! I just have to finish making my mother's day card (I know, I know), a father's day card, and a thank-you card to my grandmother first. But when I do finally write your letter, it will be covered in illustrations, I promise!

Danzig!

@The Lady of Shalott mine should have arrived sometime this week! I have yet to receive, but I am a patient boy

Angry Panda

@The Lady of Shalott I did, two weeks ago! I hope she got it. I've been travelling all week, and I've given my work address, so I won't know until Monday if she's written back.

Angry Panda

@Angry Panda A lovely card from my pin pal was waiting for me at work! I hope she got my letter, too.

dale

And!
I took 'Slings & Arrows' out of the library this week, just season 1, but I am already falling in love with it and am on my way back to the library to get s.2 and s.3. <3
So thank you to all those people in my past who recommended it to me, you were right all along.

phlox

@dale Yay, it is awesome. And a fourth season may be in the works!

Lucienne

@dale Ah, I am so jealous that you are watching it for the first time!

dale

@phlox EEEEEK I WOULD FREAK RIGHT OUT
@Lucienne - I have a feeling I will have to own the dvds eventually...I can absolutely see myself watching them repeatedly.

And can I say here just how awesomesauce I think Paul Gross is? I mean, I always knew he was a great actor with amazing range but he blew my mind with that little snippet of playing Ophelia.

Of course I'm fairly behind the times and didn't realize he is married IRL to the actress who played Ellen.

Lucienne

@dale It's also a great show to bully your friends into watching with you.

dale

@Lucienne Hee, yes, that is true, but I am not in possession of very many friends who are fans of Shakespeare and/or theatre. I watched Richard III by myself, Branagh's Hamlet by myself, and more recently, A Midwinter's Tale, again by myself. I enjoyed the latter, by the way, if anyone hasn't seen it yet you should!

Lucienne

@dale I think being a Shakespeare/theatre fan adds a level of enjoyment to the show, but like any good television show it's about personal dynamics - so I'm sure they'd enjoy it anyway. I'm not that interested in the law, but I watch The Good Wife.

dale

@Lucienne Absolutely. It's just...getting them past that hurdle of "but Shakespeare is so borrrrrrringgggggg I don't wanna" can be tough and sometimes I want to just watch & enjoy something and not have to put up with the whining. ;-)

phlox

@dale That is when you win them over with Paul Gross being amazing and Rachel McAdams before she was a big star and (once you get to season 3) Sarah Polley!

dale

@phlox Also Colm Feore! <3

I'll admit here though, that watching shows like this makes me a bit sad that I never had enough talent to go to theatre school. It was all I ever wanted for years, but outside of my head, I just don't have the ability.

Megasus

@phlox OMFG PLEASE BE TRUE LOVE YOU FOREVER GROSSIE

fabel

Who's your daaaad? I'm guess far left. Or middle?

maybe partying will help

Cooper fans, please unburden yourselves to me! Did you have preteen crushes on Bran? Did you attempt to learn Welsh after reading The Grey King? Spill the Cooper love!

Also, for the amusement of any area Minutemaids: yesterday at work the intercom asked Mike Watt to please dial extension 1227. #letssayIgottanumber

SarahP

@maybe partying will help YES I tried to learn Welsh! I wrote down every Welsh word I encountered in that book and in others, but of course had no idea how to pronounce them.

maybe partying will help

@SarahP

I'm still waiting for a chance to try out Bran's tips for pronouncing Welsh words. LOL at Will for having to make like he was bad at it.

Ophelia

@SarahP Me too! And then I studied in Dublin, and one of my classmates was Welsh, and she gave me pronunciation lessons.

I still can't pronounce it right (my name is Welsh and she even pronounced that differently, somehow more...fluid?)

SarahP

@maybe partying will help It's been so long since I read them. Was it the Lls? I think it was the Lls.

maybe partying will help

@Ophelia

Will expects all Welsh babies dribble a lot.

@SarahP

Yeah, as I recall the double L had like almost a th thing?

maybe partying will help

ALSO other Cooper books! I adored the Boggart books and King of Shadows especially when I was a kid. First time I saw Monty Python and the Holy Grail I went, That's Castle Keep!

Ophelia

@maybe partying will help Anyone read "Seaward"?

Lucienne

@Ophelia Seaward was the reason I could never appreciate Philip Pullman. ILU, Susan Cooper!

maybe partying will help

@Ophelia

Oh yes! I'd actually like to reread it, but it's hard to get ahold of.

Verity

@maybe partying will help Susan Cooper! I love the Dark Is Rising series so much. How great are the Stantons?

schrodingers_cat

@maybe partying will help I had a preteen crush on Bran until I realized that obviously he was much better suited to Will. BUT those books made me really want to go to Wales

aphrabean

@maybe partying will help Oh how I loved those books! My mother took them away after the fundamentalist librarian told her they would teach me paganism & satanism (two for the price of one!) but I read them again as an adult and they did not disappoint.

Whiskeydrinkandchocolatebars

@maybe partying will help Oh my god. The first (and only!) fanfic I ever helped write was A Dark Is Rising where-are-they-now sort of thing.
Did you ever see the horrible, horrible movie adaptation that came out ~4 years ago? Will was American. It was so, so, so awful.

maybe partying will help

@Whiskeydrinkandchocolatebars

DIR fanfic...zomg. I don't think I could bear to read anything twisted about those characters (as so much of fic is), but it would be cool to read something along the lines of yours. Did Jane and Bran ever hook up?

@aphrabean

On behalf of librarians everywhere, I apologize. :( They really do hold up well! I read the title book every Christmas, it's such a Christmassy story. And as an adult I have discovered a deep love of Greenwitch, which I found weird and not very satisfying as a kid.

schrodingers_cat

@Whiskeydrinkandchocolatebars I prefer to pretend that the movie never happened. I think I read somewhere that Susan Cooper feels that way too.

maybe partying will help

@schrodingers_cat

Oh yes, I never saw the movie. I couldn't. Making Will American totally undermines the story's themes. Blarrgh.

Megasus

@SarahP I dunno what you're talking about but there was this one guy at the dog park in Ottawa who spoke Welsh to mine and my sister's corgis and we were all like, "buh?"

SarcasticFringehead

@maybe partying will help I actually just spent half an hour searching Goodwill's shelves for the three of those that I don't have. So I think the real question is, are you stalking me?

daisicles

@maybe partying will help So I came specifically looking for this thread because I saw the comment on yesterday's post and I am finally (like, 15 years after I started the series) finishing up these books via the magic of listening to the audiobooks while I cook dinner. I just have Silver on the Tree left! I now understand why people talk about Bran lots!

And also I just need people to tell my 12 year old self that quitting after Greenwitch for reasons I no longer remember (maybe my school library didn't have the later ones?) was kind of dumb. Especially since I really, really liked Greenwitch.

maybe partying will help

@daisicles

No worries for 12-year-old you! I couldn't get into Greenwitch as a kid (I usually skipped it when I reread them *shame*) but I really like it as an adult. As a kid I went through phases of which I loved best, but as a grown person I wholeheartedly enjoy all of them.

@SarcasticFringehead

YES. My gigantic mustache disguise must be working. Did you find the books? I hope so!

Hot Doom

@maybe partying will help It's not quite a 'th, but to make the 'll' sound, put your tongue in the 'th' position, but with the broad top part of the tongue touching the roof of your mouth, while the tip of your tongue just touches your front upper teeth. Instead of using your voice or breath to make the 'th' sound, blow air around the sides of your mouth, between your tongue and cheeks, to make sort of a hissing air noise. It's sort of like that sound that happens when you have a retainer in your mouth.

charlesbois

woooo it's friday! I just had lunch with my husband. He got me ribs and now I have the itis. We've got a beautiful weekend ahead of us. I personally am going to spend my time doing a neon french tip manicure, and then riding around in my sweet new fully loaded car while blasting hip-hop out the sunroof. And probably swimming at my sister-in-law's. Ooooo yeah I'm excited!

Science vs. Dinosaurs

My high school geometry teacher was from Corunna! I hope she's friends with your dad.

SarahP

The husband and I moved into our new house last week! It's awesome, but also it turns out it's a lot of work to set up a household, even if you had one before. (Also we didn't really have any furniture before, so we've been spending a lot of time putting together Ikea bookcases.) I LOVE my house so much that I don't really even mind that it tripled my commute.

meetapossum

@SarahP Ghoooooooooooosts?

backstagebethy

@SarahP I moved into my house last week too! I have never had one and I'm basically just trying to arrange a room a week--but I want to have a housewarming party in August so that's my real deadline. It's so much fun! Congrats!

SarahP

@meetapossum No ghosts! (No ghost cookies, even! We found out the previous old-lady-owner didn't die there after all.) Although... one of our cats turns practically feral every time he goes into one of the rooms. It's not creepy, only annoying, but maybe the ROOM IS POSSESSED.

Ophelia

@SarahP Maybe that room has the ghost of a cat?

anachronistique

@SarahP HOUSE! Congrats!

SarahP

@anachronistique Is it weird that I want to hold a pin-up in my house? Okay, well, maybe not an official pinup, but I want to invite people to my house! Would people come (it's in Waltham)?

yrouttasight

@SarahP I don't have a car. Is it Commuter Rail accessable? Or, could we get a Hairpin carpool to SarahP's new house going? Heh?

SarahP

@yrouttasight I am so glad you asked! It IS on the commuter rail, but there are also buses! (The 70 and 70A, as well as a bunch of the Express buses.) Oh man I really want to make this happen.

...After I'm a little more unpacked.

anachronistique

@SarahP I don't think that's weird at all, and I would totally venture into the wilds of Waltham for a house party. Besides, drinking in someone's living room is always better than drinking in a bar.

Xanthophyllippa

@SarahP My former neighbor's poodle used to stand, snarling, in front of one of their closets. Periodically the dog would move from snarling to barking, so finally one day my neighbor jokingly said, "It's okay, Serena* - we're friendly!" And the dog stopped barking and trotted off and never barked or snarled at the closet again.

*Serena was the name of the older lady who had lived there before.

Heather@twitter

(mostly a lurker, coming out of open thread hiding!)

first burlesque show this weekend. gratuitous dancing to darling nikki in front a huge group of swingers at a nudist campground. nerves, be calm!

Donovanesque

@Heather@twitter A nudist campground? Hard to imagine a friendlier audience :) Knock em dead!

Bebe

@Heather@twitter I have only gratuitously danced to Darling Nikki in front of a huge group of drunk old men at a dive bar in Queens, so sadly my only advice is to be very, very, very, very drunk.

HOWEVER, since you are probably all sexy and coordinated and professional, you will not need that step. Break a leg!!

terrific

Can I just briefly mention how much I'm loving The Billfold? I mean, you're my first love, Hairpin, but they make me feel so warm and fuzzy and I-can-do-it! and reassure me I won't be broke forever. We should all make accounts over there because sometimes I want to talk about money stuff with the Pintariat. (OR we could have universal Awl-network accounts! Is that a thing?)

OH OH and tell me how you budget! I'm taking suggestions!

Science vs. Dinosaurs

@terrific This is how I do it (and it's been working pretty OK!)

1. Take your salary
2. Remove taxes
3. Save 10% (Just dooooooooooo it, you'll never notice it's gone)
4. Remove rent
5. Remove other bills
6. Decide how much money you actually spend on food, remove that amount
7. Have fun with the rest!

meetapossum

@terrific Oh, geez, me too! The Billfold is making me feel like I can actually get out of debt without feeling overwhelmed all the time. It's great.

anachronistique

@terrific
1. Get paid every week
2. Have an automatic transfer set up to sock $100 a week into savings
3. Have Google Calendar send emails to remind you to pay your damn bills
4. Set an arbitrary number below which your bank account should not dip
5. Spend too much money on food
6. Panic when you go below the number from 4
7. Read the Billfold, reassure self that at least you're not twenty grand in debt, watch cartoons on Netflix

NeenerNeener

@Science vs. Dinosaurs I do something similar to this, I get paid biweekly, so I have a spreadsheet projecting these things out until next December. When my check is direct deposited, I go to the spreadsheet and check off the things as a pay them online.
I have automatic transfer set up to my savings and if a raise comes my way, I just increase the savings amount by that amount (I won't miss the money, I'm not used to having it anyway).
That said, I am very, very talented at spending any extra money (which is why it's necessary to have the automatic transfer).

Gertrude

@terrific AGREED. Especially Mike Dang. He is just the best.

redheaded&crazy

@terrific I also love the billfold (or the billf as I think of it). I love reading and talking about money related things.

Here's how I budget:
1. get paid every 2 weeks (this part is a work in progress)
2. put x amount into account for bills and taxes (i pay taxes quarterly)
3. put y amount into savings
4. remove z amount in cash for weekly entertainment
5. whatever is left over can be spent on anything i want. assuming there is anything left over, which is only sometimes the case.

I also just started up a "saving for spending" account basically. a savings account where i can use the money to spend it on whatever i want, but hopefully for bigger ticket items ya know?

redheaded&crazy

@Gertrude as much as I agree that Mike Dang is the best, I am loving reading Logan's financial journey. I mean love it. Those are the posts I look for the most.

RK Fire

@anachronistique: are you me???

Gertrude

@redheaded&crazie Yeah. It's a relief to hear (read) people speak so frankly about money, and debt, and how hard it is to spend and save responsibly (whatever that means).

anachronistique

@RK Fire Depends, is your primary expenditure right now ice cream?

Gertrude

@anachronistique @RK Fire I just walked to Trader Joe's, got overwhelmed, and bought a baguette and two types of chocolate ice cream instead of food for dinner.

paperbuttons

@terrific Yay! The Billfold!
I budget by convincing myself halfway though each month that we've spent way too much money, freaking out about how we won't be able to afford our apt anymore, and calling a spending freeze for the remaining two weeks. Then I get to be pleasantly surprised when I see that we were in fact way under budget and are fine.
J/K but only kinda!

Spinach Party

@Everyone Yes, Huzzaaaah!! for The Billfold. I am a huge PF nerd, so The Billfold is just the best. Mike Dang- so lovely! And major major props to Logan for putting it all out there.

I have a fairly crazy system, but the basics are:
1. get paid every 2 weeks
2. Retirement savings (10% of gross income) automatically deducted
3. Taxes and HEALTH insurance [wooooot!] automatically deducted
4. 38% direct deposited into "House Fund/Fuck it all fund"
5. 10% direct deposited into "Car fund"
6. 48% direct deposited into Checking account
-then i get crazy mirco-managy and manually transfer set dollar amounts into different (online) saving accounts:
a: Rent
b: Cellphone
c: Gift fund
d: Gas/Food/Fun- slush fund- I don't track everything perfectly but I try to only spend a set amount each month.
e:Travel

I make new funds as I see fit, and this way, I can get a great snapshot of exactly what I have to spend for the month.
I try to put almost all my expenses on my credit card, so I just transfer money from the appropriate accounts to my checking to pay one credit card bill each month, and that also forces me to look at every single purchase I've made.
A bit crazy and confusing, but this system has been honed down over the years to my specific goals and circumstances I find myself in right now.

ayo nicole

@terrific youneedabudget.com It's $60 but worth every single penny. I was using Mint before, but didn't like that it just showed me all of the overspending I'd done instead of helping me plan for the future.

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@Spinach Party
Oh sh!t yes that's exactly what I do. If you can account down to the penny, why wouldn't you??

anachronistique

@Gertrude I think you mean you bought a baguette and two types of chocolate ice cream for dinner.

@serenityfound

@terrific BILLLFOLD. I love it there. Although it is weird that signing in with my Twitter account just like I do here pulls up a different photo and username than when I sign in on The Hairpin.

As for budgeting, here is my main tip: Don't accidentally write 2300 as your starting point for your monthly budget when it should be 2030. That is all.

Spinach Party

@josiahg Exactly! Greetings fellow micro-manager!

Unfortunately this system completely breaks down once I have cash in hand. I can't track it (too lazy), it just melts away immediately. And then I have gaping holes in my lovely charts and graphs at the end of the month :-( So I rarely have more than 20 dollars in cash on me each month. Safe to say it all goes to food or alcohol in the end.

I do use Mint since it makes all those charts and graphs automatically, but I only check it every few months and have to spend a good chunk of time to re-categorize things properly. But it is great to see the REALITY of my yearly expenses versus how much I think I spend.

Mingus_Thurber

@terrific I don't budget. At the moment, I live from check to check in sheer, unadultrated panic because I have $31K on one credit card (thanks, medical expenses and supposedly "good" insurance!) and that sucks up a quarter of my monthly income just to cover the minimum.

I do have another side gig that pays around $300 a month, and have just gotten rid of a $300/month expense, so there's that. With any luck, I'll have the medical bills paid down enough within the next six months that I'm not constantly juggling. I've given up on the insurance company paying me what they actually owe me; a year and a half of carefully documented, carefully rule-following, denied appeals has jaded me.

SeaMoney

@terrific I also love the BillFold. 1.They picked up a blog post my friend Zach wrote (did you see it? Lessons from a CPA) and I said, "ZACH,YOU ARE THE MOST FAMOUS PERSON I KNOW!." 2. I feel this way about the hairpin too but the billfold just makes me feel like I can do this, like everyone is worried about money and graduating from college and making the transition into being a real person (with student loans!) doable thing I can handle. I want to be able to make a budget but right now I am working in a lab / babysitting and don't have a set income. So I have laid out exactly money I need to have pay for everything until I move back in with my mom in September and am putting all my money towards that until further notice.

Killerpants

HELLOOO boys. Mrow.

Danzig!

@Killerpants Hey

meetapossum

I might have a coffee date next weekend! It's been like, forever since I've been on an actual day, so I'm pretty excited. Also, he's 6'3"! Yay tall boys!

wallsdonotfall

@meetapossum Me too! He's also 6'3! We're gonna go meet Lisa Hanawalt!

carbonation

@wallsdonotfall If you two end up going out with the same dude, please write a column about it.

meetapossum

@carbonation "The Best Time I Went on a Date with the Same Tall Dude as Another 'Pinner"

sceps yarx

@josiahg I just saw that and it was great!

SarahP

A loved one's doctor found a weird lump that they'll need to ultrasound next week and though both the doctor and my loved one said it is probably no big deal, I'm stressing about it. Please share your stories of medical scares that turned out to be no big deal!

avoidmadness

@SarahP My best friend had surgery with the doctor I work for about 3 weeks ago, it was a cervical LEEP. Things were looking pretty bad going in, her colposcopy/biopsy detected CIN III (3 is fucking high) and I was terrified for her but her surgical pathology came back fine, no cancer. :)

Oh and a year or 2 ago a doctor found a lump on my mom's thyroid gland, after a biopsy it turned out benign. Yay!

Lemonnier

@SarahP My aunt had a weird lump that turned out to be no big deal. My mom's dog had a weird lump that turned out to be no big deal. And my godmother had a weird lump that turned out to be a big deal, but it was successfully treated and she's doing great today, so I think that can qualify as, in the end, no big deal?

Good luck to you and your loved one!

Donovanesque

@SarahP I'm sorry. If it's any consolation, I've had like 4 lumps that turned out to be nothing...

olivebee

@SarahP A few months ago, they found a lump in my mom's breast and told her it's 85% likely to be cancer.....aaaand then it turned out that it wasn't. So if those 15% odds ended up in my mom's favor, I wouldn't ever rule out anything [good]!

More battenburg, vicar?

@SarahP Yup, I've had several scary-feeling lumps, had 'em ultrasounded/mamogrammed - all turned out to be harmless cysts. Hope it all works out well.

SarahP

Thanks, everyone, I am actually feeling better about this! Your stories also reminded me that one of my husband's cats has a bunch of weird lumps that are all benign. So I already have an example of this in my life! I maybe just have lumpy loved ones.

frigwiggin

@SarahP Even if it is a deal, it might be okay? My mom had a lump a few months ago, and had surgery to remove it in May and is currently going through radiation, but doesn't need chemo and basically it's about as no-big-deal as it can be while still having cancer? I freaked the fuck out at first, but now she's just like, yeah, now while I'm in the area to get my radiation I get to go to Trader Joe's!

KatPruska

@SarahP I don't know if it qualifies as No Big Deal, but my dad had his prostate removed last week and we just got confirmation that the cancer didn't spread to anything else. So, even if it's something scary, it can still be okay!

(And the lumps are probably benign!)

OxfordComma

@SarahP : I had enormous, painful lumps in my breasts that ended up being caused by birth control hormones and fibrous breast tissue.

Went off the pill, lumps went away.

It was pretty scary, but your loved one will probably be okay.
And if not? We're here for ya.

MilesofMountains

@SarahP My little brother had a lump a few years ago. The doctor said it was seriously worrying, and seemed likely to be breast cancer and sent him to a specialist...only for the specialist to say it most definitely WASN'T cancer and teenage boys get weird lumps in their not-breasts all the time and that the first doctor was an idiot.

Verity

@SarahP My boyfriend has a weird mole a while ago; it turned out to be nothing.

schrodingers_cat

@SarahP At two separate times during my childhood the doctors told my parents I might have a brain tumor, and both times it turned out to be nowhere near as scary as that. So sometimes doctors can be a little alarmist?

mustelid

@SarahP I had a lump that turned out to be no big deal. Found a lump, they said it probably was no big deal but they needed to do an ultrasound. I had the ultrasound, they said it was still probably no big deal but they had to do a biopsy. Did the biopsy, and it was in fact no big deal.

The stress involved in waiting a month between every appointment sucked though. I hear you. It's scary.

But it's probably no big deal!!

curiouscamel

@SarahP my friend has lumps pop up in her breasts all the time and every single time they have been fine! good luck with this, I hope it ends up as no big deal

Lemonnier

I just want to say, "CAT MARNELL. WHAAAAAAT"

I hope she gets better, because take it from me, kids, addicts lose their glamour once you've buried a couple of them.

stonefruit

@Lemonnier holy heck, I googled her (do not remember hearing her name before) and ... oh wow. I'm so sad for her/about her.

HeyThatsMyBike

@Lemonnier I came in here to see what 'pinners think of that whole situation. Not appropriate for a post, but would guess there's some overlap in hairpin and xojane.com readers.

I had only heard of her in passing until yesterday, and then saw the NYPost item. So, 'pinners, what say you about the Cat Marnell situation?

barbara millicent roberts

@Lemonnier, I can't stop thinking about her!! Did she actually publicly announce that she is quitting her job to do PCP!? Ahh, I hope she gets better

parallel-lines

@Lemonnier This is my version of every Cat Marnell column I've ever read.

OH MY GOD you guys! I was hanging out with (minor NYC celebrity that occasionally appears in Paper Magazine) and we were so drunk, and I just woke up at 7 pm and tried (beauty product being reviewed). You guys, I totally hate myself and live like shit but this made me look amazing. I didn't eat for three days and then did a shit ton of (recreation drug) straight off my balenciaga bag at (night club of the moment) and (beauty product here) did wonders. But seriously, don't do that, I'm a mess and I hate myself. But this product is so good I let (another minor celebrity) use it too and then they used all of it while we smoked (weed/crack/cigarettes/sage). (Insert long winded paragraph about how her parents were pyschs and they gave her Adderall and this is just how it's been since OKAY GUYS?!!). Okay, I never wash my hair and it still looks because I now weigh 103 lbs and I hate myself! But seriously, if you ever do too much (drug) and can't be bothered to shower for three weeks you should use this, and I'm sorry but I hate myself and I just drank three bottles of wine, that's how it is because I gotta be honest. (insert grainy webcam pic with magazine pics stuck on the wall like a high school bedroom, huge dialated eyes rimmed in black)

I seriously don't get why people thought she was an amazing writer. It's like party girl mad libs.

steponitvelma

@HeyThatsMyBike I also came to see what y'all think because the commenters on xojane are SO LOUD with ALL THEIR FEELINGS! I am kind of worried about her and sad that she's not around which is totally weird because clearly I don't know her at all. And I did like her recommendations even though I sometimes just skimmed the writing.

anachronistique

@HeyThatsMyBike Someone in the comments there hilariously said that reading the comments here was like an over-processy overwrought undergrad's journal.

About Cat: it is really sad that she's throwing this away, but it sounds like she got about eight thousand second chances and blew them all.

ReginaSavage

@anachronistique Oh yeah, the person who posted that particular comment was in response to me, because she hates me and was reading my Twitter (because that's what you do when you hate someone) and saw I'd written something about liking the comments here. I guess I was supposed to be offended and stand up and go 'RAAAAHHHH!!! HAIRPIN >XO JANE!!!! SUCKAA!!!' But I didn't rise to the bait.

But yeah, I lost all respect for Cat Marnell a long, long time ago. The less media exposure she gets the better. So if she wants to quit her job and become a professional train wreck that's fine with me. Its a sad sad situation but until she agrees and decides to so something about it its pretty much a lost cause.

HeyThatsMyBike

@steponitvelma Yeah, I figure we're safe from the "fangirls" here and that nobody's going to suggest that 15 years of drug addiction is super cool.

@anachronistique - weird, because I always distinctly feel that xojane commenters represent a much younger average audience than the hairpin.

But yeah, she's 29. Assuming that at this point, her job and deadlines was the only thing really keeping her from toppling over the edge, so I would say that I'm not optimistic. Sad.

parallel-lines

@ReginaSavage She's so obviously high in this video http://www.xojane.com/beauty/how-to-self-tanner-video
I just don't understand what's cute/funny about this.

ReginaSavage

@parallel-lines The first time I saw that video I didn't even have the sound on, and even then I could tell she was high. I didn't think it was cute either, but apparently some people did. It kills me, the shit that bitch got away with.

parallel-lines

@ReginaSavage Someone wrote on Jane's departure post that this is pretty much the definition of privilege: if she had darker skin, or less money, or was anything BUT a pretty white college educated middle class girl her ass would have been in jail a long time ago.

Lemonnier

@parallel-lines Party Girl Mad Libs: You have captured her perfectly. And yeah, I have no idea why people think she's a great writer (a commenter once likened her to Hemingway!!!); I suspect those people also think "On the Road" is great literature, meaning, they're 12.

And her fans' insistence that OH GOD SHES SO REAL AND HONEST AND DID I MENTION SHES REAL SO REAL THAT EVERYONE ELSE IS A HOLOGRAM puzzles me. She glamorizes drug abuse, like a lot of addicts do. (And, I would argue, trivializes it as well.) That's neither honest nor real.

Any idea why Jane Pratt kept her around for so long and defended her so ardently?

paperbuttons

@Lemonnier I literally just learned who she was this week by chance, then fell into a wormhole reading about her and feeling sad/horrified. I hate to say it but I think Jane kept her around because she was so shocking/trainwrecky that it brought in a lot of traffic. Then she defended her so ardently so as not to seem like a jerky exploiter. That whole "I didn't realize she was so effed up/ I block it out when people do drugs etc" thing Jane wrote seemed like such BS. Whole thing left a nasty taste in my mouth.

HeyThatsMyBike

@parallel-lines Man...slightly different style of beauty tutorial than we see here.

ReginaSavage

@Lemonnier Yeah, its weird. You'd think that surrounding herself with addicts she would be able to detect the signs at the first onset. She claims that since she grew up with addicts she doesn't really know what "sober is". It seems like a cop out to me.

steponitvelma

@paperbuttons I think you may be right about why they kept her around. I can't imagine what it was like to work with her. I guess it just always makes me sad to watch someone struggle with addiction so publicly because it so rarely ends well. It also upsets me to see people talk about the whole situation as if she's doing something brave. I've had friends who ruined their lives with drugs and it was anything but brave.

Gwdihw

@paperbuttons
This, and also I think that clearly Marnell (and Pratt by publishing this stuff) basically glamorized her drug use.
It's like, "no, really! Don't do this! But notice how awesome I look and all the dj's I know hahahahaha!"

Geez.

frigwiggin

@parallel-lines Uhhhhhh, wow. That is some video. Professional!

stonefruit

@parallel-lines ugh, and yes - so true.

Lemonnier

@ReginaSavage @paperbuttons Yes, when I read the "Golly, I guess I just had no idea, and by the way, I totally met Kurt and Courtney" part, I was like: "Jane Pratt, you are a Grown-Ass Lady, almost as old as my mom, and you do too know what A Drug Problem looks like."

Faintly Macabre

@anachronistique Well, critical thinking/self-awareness might be a little intimidating for some people.

I pop in on XOJane occasionally and sometimes read Cat's latest...essay? Her justifications don't seem very groundbreaking to me. I have friends who are often bordering on drug dependency, and a lot of what she writes sounds like the BS they spin me. I don't get why anyone would pay for that except for liking the idea of a window into a "glamorous" beautiful drug addict's life.

parallel-lines: Agreed to everything you've said. And that video is painful to watch.

Gwdihw

@parallel-lines

Oh, and her comments after the video are really sad. Super-defensive.

angelinha

@Lemonnier Any idea why Jane Pratt is running this show to begin with? I read xojane frequently, but only for Emily's articles. Girl needs to start her own website so I can stop being annoyed constantly by "Jane's Phone" and "Jane's Name Drops" (Jaaane that doesn't even make sense).

plonk

did you guys see the video of gretchen carlson walking off the set of fox and friends in response to those guys being sexist dicks?

i didn't have time to investigate the video/context fully, so i couldn't tell if it was sincere spontaneous exasperation or one of those "oh, you scamps! i am soooooo mad!" self-undermining performances, BUT if it's the former i am so, so happy that she decided to take a stand and have a moment of blunt honesty.

Donovanesque

@plonk I haven't seen it yet, but my impression is that it was the former. God only knows what that lady has put up with at work. It may have been the proverbial last straw.

ajayne

@plonk Watch it when you have time. It sounds cool when you read about it, but she laughs and giggles the entire time she walks out. I believe she genuinely may have been mad, but it comes off as almost playful and I think definitely undermined any feminist statement she may have been trying to make.

Anna Jayne@twitter

@ajayne yeah, I thought it was going to be badass and awesome but I thought it was more "OH YOU BOYS" than anything else.

Also, are you a Jayne? or an A. Jayne? I am an A. Jayne.

ajayne

@Anna Jayne@twitter I am also an A. Jayne. However, my first and middle names overlap (Aja Jayne) so it works in several ways. Are we competing for usernames on some sites, I wonder? :)

plonk

@ajayne i've seen it, but only once and only the exact seconds of the moment, not any more context, so yeah the giggliness and playfulness is why i was unsure. mind you i can understand why one might laugh in that situation--nervously, defensively--but i couldn't tell if that's what was going on or if she was doing that almost flirtatious thing that women do sometimes where they pretend to be challenging but have no interest in actually being so. you know what i'm talking about?

if it was a "this is the last straw, i've had it" type of situation i would not blame her one bit for like, doing it wrong or not making it as effective a feminist statement as she could have. but i just can't tell if it's that kind of situation or if it was another bullshit thing fox&friends do to convince us that they're hanging out and interacting like real humans.

smidge

@plonk Did you hear about the state rep in Michigan who used the word vagina and now she is banned from speaking on the house floor?

ajayne

@plonk Oh, I know exactly what you're talking about. And it is a nerve wracking situation, but have some conviction! However, perhaps she was just nervous. She's said so many horrific things though that it is hard for me to think of her as someone with feelings and/or a sense of right and wrong.

The Hyperbolic Julia Set

@smidge "'What she said was offensive," said Rep. Mike Callton, R-Nashville. 'It was so offensive, I don't even want to say it in front of women. I would not say that in mixed company.'" ....? To me it kind of sounds like "I'm cool with making comments about ladybits when I'm with the guys but women are too fragile to hear their ladybits talked about." Did you hear about the OTHER lady who got banned from speaking on the Michigan house floor because she proposed an amendment to the abortion bill that said men can only get vasesctomies if their lives depend on it? Geez! I'm not in Michigan but I'd buy tickets to see their house proceedings.

The Hyperbolic Julia Set

@The Hyperbolic Julia Set *vasectomies
My "edit your comment" thing isn't working today...

olivebee

@smidge WHAT. You are surely joking! What other word should she use??

Anna Jayne@twitter

@ajayne I am ajlobster in most places so probably not :)

Xanthophyllippa

@olivebee Hoohah! Fun zone! Lady playground! Band camp!

rianne marie

So this is kind of crazy and I'm not really supposed to be spreading the word to too many real life people yet so I'm spreading it here.
I might be moving from Canada to Finland! Which is OMG exciting but also OMG terrifying.

Anyone have advice on how to move overseas without dying of stress or any fun tips about living in Finland/any country where you don't speak the language yet?

OMG SO EXCITED

Quinn A@twitter

@rianne marie I don't know why I'm replying to you here when I could just text you (the computer is in front of me, the phone is not?), but: was an offer made?

Scandyhoovian

@rianne marie FINLAND!! You're moving to my motherland! Don't lose your mind and only eat Valio ice cream all summer no matter how badly you want to do that because your pants will not fit.

Also, there are many mosquitos.

Also also, outside of major cities, people telling you they're "good at English" is gonna mean all manner of different things ranging from "I can say 'hello my name is Sanna' without sounding completely off base" to "LOL I was kidding I SUCK AT ENGLISH." So... that will be fun.

Where in Finland are you going? AHHHH I MISS THE MOTHERLAND (point: I have never actually LIVED in Finland, I've merely spent every other summer of my life there with my extended family). Also, you're from Canada so maybe it won't be as big a shock, but WINTERS, MAN, I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW MY PEOPLE DO IT.

Scandyhoovian

Er, I just realized I made it sound like no one outside of major cities is fluent in Finnish. That's not true. You just have to find them. :)

rianne marie

@Scandyhoovian If I go it'll be to Espoo, outside of Helsinki.
I have never even been to Finland before! But I have family near Tampere.

and not only am I from Canada, I'm from apart of Canada that is full of Finns who came here because the climate and geography are the same. So I feel relatively prepared for winter and kind of excited to do lots of skiing.
I will look for that ice cream and try not to outgrow my pants!

Scandyhoovian

@rianne marie My family is near Tampere! Well, half of it. The other half is in Oulu/Kuopio. Ahhh, the motherland. :D

NeenerNeener

I have a question - did anyone see the hand holding video that was on Yahoo today? And did you think it was cute and funny, or did you think it was vaguely sexually assault-y specifically toward the woman. (I thought it was cute, and I happen to love stuff like that.)

Springtime for Voldemort

@NeenerNeener No, but link?

Springtime for Voldemort

@NeenerNeener Kinda sexual assaulty. I mean, consensually holding hands is, in fact, _adorable_ (or, adorkable). But he wasn't really making any effort to obtain consent, and it felt sort of "my ability to make a funny YouTube video is more important than your physical boundaries".

Lily Rowan

@NeenerNeener I thought it was basically cute and funny, but REALLY telling how different men's and women's reactions were.

The Lady of Shalott

@Lily Rowan I really disliked it, mostly because I can't imagine any circumstances under which someone I didn't know would grab my hand and I would do anything other than slap their hand away. I get creeped out when people walk too closely to me normally, but....egh.

NeenerNeener

@papayalily I was just curious because a friend thinks along the same lines as you are. I'm thinking of what my reaction would be, and I wouldn't feel violated in any way. I think the two people holding actually being receptive and having fun with it influences my reaction. Also, something about it being hands and that as soon as people react he moves away makes it less offensive to me than say, if he walked up behind them and touched a different part of their body (arm, head, back, whatever).
Then again, I often have the urge to fuck with strangers (in a fun way) just to see how they would react. The urge - I think life would be more fun if I had the courage to act on some of the things.

Porn Peddler

@NeenerNeener I WAS SO DISTURBED ABOUT THAT. As I watched, all I could think was that I would have had such a violent response to this/would have immediately stepped far far away. UGH SO CREEPY. Dudes, make your clever youtube videos WITHOUT TOUCHING PEOPLE

NeenerNeener

@The Lady of Shalott
I would probably also smack their hand away, and I do get really annoyed when people invade my personal space. But I'd still think it was funny.

NeenerNeener

@Porn Peddler
I can totally understand the other point of view.

Lily Rowan

@NeenerNeener Yeah, I think it's because he moves away so quickly.

And is cute, honestly.

NeenerNeener

@Lily Rowan
That is a part of it.

frigwiggin

@NeenerNeener Hmm, I feel complicated about this! I would probably be uncomfortable if someone I didn't know did it to me--although I might feel more okay with it if the other person were also a woman? I don't know. I do like that he isn't aggressive about it, but in the end I prefer things like that guy that went around high-fiving all the people who were posing in front of the Leaning Tower of Pisa pretending to hold it up.

TheDragon

@NeenerNeener It freaked me out but also made me smile? Like if it happened to me guy would either get confronted or get INTENSE side eyes and "wtf, dude" face.
But my heart kind of melted at that first dude who just took his hand, held it, and walked away swinging it happily. I found myself smiling reflexively at that. I want to meet a guy who would have that reaction.

frigwiggin

Guys! Guys! I got my buzz cut and I feel awesome and wonderful and my friend took a bunch of nice pictures of me the next day and woo woo woo! Everyone should get a buzz cut! (And I'm allowing myself to toot my own horn a bit because, seriously, I just feel so pretty in a way I'm not sure I ever have. I have kind of a history of being-told-I'm-not-pretty [not by my parents or anything, just by dudes] but now I'm like damn, girl! So I'm getting a little full of myself and I'm pretty sure everyone's going to find me completely insufferable sooner rather than later.)

Smallison

@frigwiggin Love your hair! and your earrings are lovely, too!

plonk

@frigwiggin it is so weird that you are not actually a goateed dude! (i knew that but didn't KNOW it.) who's the dude in your avatar anyway? and seconding that your hair and earrings are super cute!

okaycrochet

@frigwiggin I love your hairs!

wallsdonotfall

@frigwiggin THAT LOOKS SO GOOD

aslkgh, I just hennaed my hair and decided I'm growing it out to a Carrie Brownstein length, but now I want to buzz it so badly. You rock it.

maybe partying will help

@frigwiggin

You look awesome! I've always wanted to get a buzz. Maybe I'll see if my work won't mind...

noodge

@frigwiggin SO ADORBS! i love your hairs too - the length and color!

frigwiggin

@everyone Thanks! I'm sitting here writhing a bit because I feel so self-conscious about being like "blah blah I AM PRETTY LOOK AT MEEEE" but screw you, low self esteem!

@plonk The dude is Franz Sacher, creator of the sachertorte. I like his face because he reminds me of a Chris Van Allsburg illustration.

HeyThatsMyBike

@frigwiggin You look adorable! I have a bizarrely shaped head, and thus could never pull off a buzz cut. So I have the envy!

VDRE

@frigwiggin I love your hair and your outfit (especially the scarf because I am on an orange kick right now and I need to own ALL OF the orange things). All of the dudes that said those things were totally wrong.

meetapossum

@frigwiggin Whoa whoa whoa. Who are these douchecanoes who said you're not pretty? They can light themselves on fire!

yeah-elle

@frigwiggin YAY FOR BUZZ CUTS. You are looking super foxy, and you should definitely embrace the feeling-awesome-and-wonderful thing!

Lily Rowan

@frigwiggin OMG, you are totally pretty in the face!

Quinn A@twitter

@frigwiggin Why on Earth have people been telling you that you're not pretty? Do they not have eyes? You're very pretty! And the hair looks great.

Scandyhoovian

@frigwiggin Your entire ensemble is super fantastic! I love the buzz cut, it looks amazing on you. And that pic of you lying on the ground and laughing is the very best!!

yrouttasight

@frigwiggin I admire the shape of your skull.

...and I like your skirt.

frigwiggin

@HeyThatsMyBike I was actually really surprised--there's a flat spot on the left side of my head where I can balance books and stuff, but I guess my hair's still long enough that it makes my head look symmetrical? So do not fear, those of you who would but think your head would look funny! It may surprise you.

Oh, I should also say that that skirt is the One Mango Tree skirt I bought thanks to Jane and the Bargain Bin! Thank you, Jane! It is the prettiest new skirt I've ever had.

phlox

@frigwiggin Your hair looks awesome!

CleverPseudonym

@frigwiggin You look fantastic! And SO HAPPY!

TheUnchosenOne

@frigwiggin Rock the shit out of that buzz cut!

Xanthophyllippa

@frigwiggin Oh honey. You are adorbs and now I have a girlcrush.

Ophelia

@frigwiggin I love it!

Atheist Watermelon

@frigwiggin you're so beautiful!! wow!!!

TheDragon

@frigwiggin I LOVE IT! I am ridiculously worried that my head will look too small for my body if I go short haired? (I also have hair down to my bra-line and the thought of loosing it all and hating is scary.)
I love how your skirt and earrings match!

sudden but inevitable betrayal

@frigwiggin Oh shit! You look stunning!!!

Oh, squiggles

@frigwiggin whoa dude, you look cute as hell! Damn. If I knew I would look that good I would totally go buzz my hair.

PistolPackinMama

@Frigwiggen- 1) Oh, you are so pretty! And your hair is great, and I love that outfit. 2) Sachertorte. Vienna looks like it is made of cake. Cake!

MsChilePepper

@frigwiggin I don't know what your hair looked like before, but this super-short cut just makes your EYES such a focal point. You are lovely! *emphatic nod*

Jizzcliner

@frigwiggin So pretty.

laurel

I need new workout music. What do you play while you flail around?

Donovanesque

@laurel "Chelsea Dagger" by the Fratellis! And Skrillex, but I know a lot of people hate him.

olivebee

@laurel The Black Lips always make me want to jump around like a crazy person. Super high energy.

churlishgreen

@laurel Vampire Weekend, White Stripes, ABBA, "Mr. Blue Sky" by Electric Light Orchestra

Slutface

@laurel M83 and Kimbra!

Biketastrophy

@Donovanesque Well there are two spectrums of people who hate Skrillex, people who hate him because he represents dubstep which they also hate, and people who hate him because he represents dubstep which they enjoy.

The only reaction to when you say "I like Dubstep" is "Oh I love Skrillex!"

Personally I'm fine with him. And I will second the fact that dubstep is great for running. Try Figure - Dominate (or anything Figure really) and Porter Robinson is always good as well.

cuminafterall

@Slutface "Beat the Clock" by Sparks is a really good running song.

charlesbois

@laurel Go! by Santigold and Karen O is an effing anthem and it makes me want to kick ass. Also Die Antwood has some pretty good shake-yo-ass tracks.

Donovanesque

@Biketastrophy To be honest it just reminds me of a lot of stuff I liked in the early/mid 90s, but I don't think it was called dubstep then. I also like listening to it while quilting. Thanks for the recs!

romastrega

@laurel Silly, upbeat girly pop on my walks: Kylie, Robyn, Little Boots, Girls Aloud....

null

One of my favorite albums to listen to while running is The Grey Album by Danger Mouse (+ Jay Z/Beatles obvs) but I've also found that the Ethiopiques / Mahmoud Ahmed albums provide a kind of hypnotic rhythm that allow me to get in that focused, almost meditative state. Big K.R.I.T.'s mix tape K.R.I.T. Wuz Here is a favorite in terms of getting me motivated.

beanie

@laurel embarrassing admission: Shots by LMFAO.

Disco Sheets

@laurel If you like dancey workout music, I am kind of obsessed with Punches. (A dj group outta brooklyn, download their ish for free on their soundcloud, I think they're punchesbk on there). They do techno-y fun stuff mixed in with dance remixes of indie songs.

laurel

@beanie Oh, 'embarrassing' is an essential element in every workout mix.

@cuminafterall Was not expecting a Sparks reference!

@all This is goood. Keep 'em coming. Recents on my list are Mary J. Blige's cover of Ain't Nobody, Robyn's cover of Cobrastyle, Janelle Monae's Tightrope, Morrissey's Live at Earl's Court version of Bigmouth Strikes Again, Morrissey's Ganglord, Devo's Girl U Want, Beastie Boys' Sabotage, Michael Jackson's Smooth Criminal, LCD Soundsystem's Big Ideas and Public Enemy's Fight the Power.

WhiskeySour

@laurel Okay, you want the most embarrassing workout music I love? Dance Dance Revolution soundtracks. Yeah. Most songs are under 2 minutes, so I don't get bored. And they are meant to be frantically flailed to, so they tend to have fast, driving beats. And so many of them are infectiously upbeat. But I love cheesy pop/dance music, so YMMV.

Biketastrophy

@WhiskeySour You must have some intense workouts, I used to play DDR religiously, and I can't imagine doing anything else but DDR to that music cause its so hype. I'd just run way too fast and tire myself out to Boom Boom Dollar.

parla

@laurel I asked about running music downthread before seeing this and now I feel silly. I am getting good suggestions from both threads though!

HeyThatsMyBike

@contrary Ha! I just noticed this one, too! So much running music!

sudden but inevitable betrayal

@laurel I play the Ke$ha station on Pandora any time I have to do something I think I might not like (cleaning, exercising, cooking, etc.). No shame!

Nathalie Trepagnier@twitter

@laurel I recommend STRFKR's Mixtape #1. Great for lifting!

http://soundcloud.com/starfucker_usa/sets/mixtape-1

runner in the garden

@laurel 1. The Go! Team (any album) and 2. That "I Love It" song from the Hairpin the other week (by Icona Pop).

Danzig!

@laurel Queens of the Stone Age

LeafySeaDragon

@laurel this works for me, and thier albums are set up nicely http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tnXRWycjiBg it's angry fast and fun, so it makes me work harder

yeah-elle

It's sunny outside, and for the first time in aaaages, I'm not going to spend my Saturday night working the closing shift at one of my jobs! My closest friend is back from a trip to Italy! I got an Inspector Lewis dvd in the mail from Netflix! I am gonna sit in the sun and maybe make sangria? Weekenndddddddd

Smallison

Y'all, this is super duper trivial, but I need some feedback. My boyfriend of over a year mentioned that he is saving for a ring (yay! this is what I want!). However, I'm having a hard time being patient! I just want to call us engaged and start planning!

I don't want to be a super-wedding nag all the time, and I really really don't want him to spend a ton on my ring. I know, financially, he could afford the kind of ring I want, now, without saving. Is there any good way to suggest cheap-y rings to him without being gross and naggy? I'm really at a loss here.

yeah-elle

@Smallison Why not just tell him...that? Just be like, "Hey, I reallllllly don't want you to spend a lot on a ring, I'd really prefer something simple/rock-less/modest/insert-adjective-here." Chances are he'll be relieved ("Yay, I don't have to spend 500% of my yearly income or whatever that tradition is") and maybe he'll even suggest you go looking together?

I think it's pretty important that you at least let him know how you feel about that aspect of it. Beyond that...you can't push him with it. You can always propose, yourself, though.

SarahP

@Smallison I would say something along the lines of "Hey, I was thinking about when you said you were saving up to buy me a ring. There are a couple styles in particular that I really like, can I show them to you?/can I send you some links? No pressure to use those exact ones, but just to give you an idea." I think it would take a lot of stress off of him, and he can see the prices on his own.

Springtime for Voldemort

@Smallison Congrats!

Could you maybe suggest specific rings to him? Like, "oh, hey, I was doing a little online window shopping for rings - check out this adorable one right here! And this one, right here! And..." etc. And then maybe he'll notice the prices?

Or, more directly, say "I really want our wedding and the costs to be reasonable, and not send us into giant piles of debt. I'd rather spend money on our retirement fund than on things like dresses, flowers, rings, and a single day in our lives." (Which, obviously, only say that if it's really true...)

Smallison

@yeah-elle I did joke about proposing one time, and he was very adamant about proposing himself. He's more traditional than me, by far, and I'm willing to give him this one.

@all: Great suggestions! We've briefly discussed wedding plans before, and we're on the same page, budget-wise (i.e., the less, the better). I guess I felt like sending him links might be pushing a bit too much, but I'll give it some baby steps.

The Lady of Shalott

@Smallison You could also go the route of "Oh, I saw this gorgeous ring on someone [a friend/coworker/stranger] today--it looked like [x, y, z] and I just loved it!" if your boyfriend is going to pick up on that.

And before you get too wound up in the engagement and wedding planning, you should probably have some more discussions about what you both want out of a wedding, both money-wise and emotionally-wise. (I work in a bridal salon. We get a lot of crying, both good and bad. A lot of it is budget-related.)

PistolPackinMama

@Smallison I think "this is not me trying to pressure you to an engagement date. This is really actually me talking about rings. Please don't spend a whole lot on my engagement ring. I don't really want or need anything super expensive, and would rather you sock the money away into savings." might also work.

whizz_dumb

I said "maybe" to the Oakland 'pinners meetup in the park but I didn't go because I ended up 100 miles away or so. But I swear, if they keep having them I will make it to one eventually, especially if it involves day-drinking in the park on a weekend.

Diana

@whizz_dumb

It was fun and somebody brought Pimm's Cup and I brought a dog and merriment was had by all. We'll do another one soon for sure.

okaycrochet

An unexpected meltdown before bed time revealed that I am still grieving over a bad relationship that ended over three years ago. I have never cried that hard in my life and the he-man held me and made me breathe, but this morning I looked in the mirror and my first thought was I HAVE BEEN STUNG BY A THOUSAND BEES and my second thought was "If Jane were here, she could tell me how to make my face look more normal so that people at work won't ask me who died." So, Jane, you know, I guess I think about you in the morning. Also, puffy eyes WTF?

tearsforaffairs

@okaycrochet I did that one time and it was the worst thing ever. I found that lots of ice pressing on eyelids helped, and time, and also, at least this works for me: when I'm feeling more likely to be miserable/more shitty looking I put in extra effort. Eyeliner, lots of mascara, pretty makeup, red lipstick. And suddenly, the swollen eyelids look less swollen, and I look like a pretty fabulous and more real person!

SarahDances

@okaycrochet Steep a couple teabags for just a minute or so, then pop them in the freezer, and put them on your face when cold. Cold + caffeine = magical de-puffing powers in a pinch!

Jane Marie

@okaycrochet A million hugs! I've been considering writing a post about the benefits of looking like you cried all night. Hmmmmm

plonk

@Jane Marie this is a fascinating idea, i hope you do write it.

@okaycrochet another million hugs! meltdowns sneak up on you sometimes, it's ok!

okaycrochet

@okaycrochet Thank you, you wonderful people you. I know what I'm doing on my lunch break!!
And Jane, please share these benefits. This is apparently relevant to my interests.

hulia

@tearsforaffairs I also find that liquid eyeliner goes on much more smoothly on hideously swollen eyes. Silver linings?

whateverlolawants

@okaycrochet Awww I know that feeling. Tonight brought up a lot of feelings and tears from four years ago. So, hugs to you! I don't think I'll be at the same level of puffiness as you this time, but Jane's advice is relevant for me too.

noodge

the Teenie "hot mess" blended drink:

- 1 part wedding planning
- 3 parts financial stress
- 1 part nursing school costs
- 2 parts intensive summer classes
- 1 part Mr. Teenie working 7 days a week

Blend carefully, contents may be combustible. :-(

parallel-lines

@teenie I poured three shots of vodka in it, add more to taste.

noodge

@parallel-lines how about three shots of vodka...

then SET IT ON FIRE.

anachronistique

EVERYBODY.

PUPPYCAM.

You're welcome.

okaycrochet

@anachronistique WAHOOOOOO

avoidmadness

@anachronistique NOOOOOOOOO! I've been obsessing over getting a dog for the past year, I seriously feel that a pup is what's missing from my life and that once I get one things will be sunshine and rainbows.

Killerpants

@anachronistique I see a row of puppy butts! Oh man.

Killerpants

@Killerpants And one just walked to the other end, stood with its paws over the lip of the bed, and then sloooooowly its backend fell to the side as it fell asleep on its feet. Dying over here.

WhiskeySour

@anachronistique Thank you. Seriously, thank you. I needed this today.

Scandyhoovian

@anachronistique AIEEE!!! THE CUTENESS!!

frigwiggin

@anachronistique PUPPIES. PUPPIEEEEZZZZZZ. Their little huffing sleepy breaths!

avoidmadness

@Killerpants You mean purple puppy? I also saw that and died of joy.

Lily Rowan

@anachronistique I CANNOT with those PUPPIES. I've been watching and dying all afternoon!

frigwiggin

@Lily Rowan ONE IS CHEWING ON ANOTHER ONE'S EAR

WHAT ARE YOU DOING PUPPY

rianne marie

@anachronistique They're all sleeping and twitching and I can't look away!

Springtime for Voldemort

@anachronistique OMG!!! And, he's all twitching with a dream?? The most adorbz!

rianne marie

@rianne marie I did look away and now they're all still asleep but in completely different places.

WhiskeySour

@anachronistique The puppies have names! And one's name means dumpling. I want a puppy named Dumpling!

Springtime for Voldemort

@anachronistique Omg the blonde one is nibbling on the kicking one's leg!!! Squeeeeee!

rararuby

@anachronistique Ah! The tiny blonde one is the only one awake, and he's biting the other puppies' paws so they'll wake up and play with him! DYING over here!

Verity

@anachronistique Argh, so cute! My boyfriend and I are watching and squeeing. Where are these puppies from?

Springtime for Voldemort

@anachronistique Oh my gawd the puppies are nursing!

PistolPackinMama

@papayalily I snorgled a gorgeous black lab puppy today.

The puppies are tumbling over each other and mama is grooming the bed.

I might explode.

dabbyfanny

Um, Hairpin? I love you so much, but I can't deal with the new format. It's clunky, it misfires, it takes me forever to navigate through it. Is it just me and my ipad who are suffering here? Can I get rid of it? Help!?

terrific

@dabbyfanny New format?! Oh noooo.

boyofdestiny

@dabbyfanny There's a new format?

stonefruit

@dabbyfanny Huh? New format? Is this like a Facebook-style roll-out where first the people in Australia see it differently, then in Japan, then in New York, then in London, then I get confused?

Disco Sheets

@dabbyfanny Wait, is there a new format that I can't see but would explain why everything has been soooooooo soooooooo slow lately??

Biketastrophy

@All Sounds like a new mobile/Ipad format maybe? That would explain why most people don't see it.

dabbyfanny

@stonefruit I don't know why you guys can't see it, but it just automatically loads up as touchhairpin. I get a home page with squares with just the titles of featured artcles (no initial blurb to suck me in or let me know I don't want to go there), when I click on it it sometimes just loads the first comment instead of the story, then if I actually find the comments, that loads up oldstyle. But it's super capricious and annoying!!! And I LIKED having the articles show up in reverse chronological order! Wwwaaaahhh!!!! (sorry to be so whiny but I'm kinda traumatised here)

LurkiLoo

@dabbyfanny so glad it's not just me! The new iPad/mobile format is so clunky and irritating :-(. The Billfold has had it for a week or so, and I was so hoping The Hairpin wouldn't get it. I do most of my perusing on my iPad and I find I want to visit the 'Pin less and less because I can't stand trying to navigate the new format (and I noticed that today there is a "desktop" link, but it boots you right back to the new format when you click on a story and it is ughhh). Also comments are basically the best part so why don't they load automatically? Like this post was just a picture and one sentence (as it should be!). And then I had to click again to get comments.

dabbyfanny

@LurkiLoo I knooowww!!!! I really love the Hairpin, but this may be it for me.

Gwdihw

@dabbyfanny
At least with The Billf I can make it go away and do desktop. There is a glitch to get rid of it for The Hairpin.

Touch. Sucks. :-(

allofthecrafts

Hey, all ye of Hairpin-land. I'm in France, doing a study-abroad language immersion sort of program, and it is SO AWESOME. I'll be here for like four more weeks-ish. So, question for any pinners residing in France/that have been to France/know that France exists/whatever: Recommendations! What should I do with my time here! I'm obviously going to do all the big things, museums and etcetera, but I have a lot of free time (All day every day except for my 4 hours of class) and I want to fill it up with France-y goodness!

themegnapkin

@allofthecrafts where in France? Assuming Paris. Go to the Marche des Puces. And, what I should have done when I lived there (assuming you're crafty, since, "allofthecrafts"), find a yarn store and plunk yourself down until you make some French knitting friends.

allofthecrafts

@themegnapkin Yep, Paris indeed. 15th arr, nice but not a lot to do in the neighborhood. I'm actually going to the Marche des Puces tomorrow! And there is a yarn store near my school I've had my eye on...hmmm. I could always use more yarn.

romastrega

@allofthecrafts If you get a weekend break & find a cheap flight, I recommend a quick trip to Corsica. (I've taken direct flights from Paris to Ajaccio on Air France.) Corsica is my favorite place in the entire world. Go go go. Seriously.

themegnapkin

@romastrega or, cheap weekend train trip to Strasbourg, my favorite city in the world that I've been to so far. (I spent a year in Strasbourg - my earlier comment made it sound like I lived in Paris, but I've only visited there).

carolita

@allofthecrafts there is a part of the Louvre, outside, that is just heaven to lie down in. It's the end right near the rue du Louvre, and there's an entrance on two, sometimes three sides, and it might be the Pavillon du horloge, as in this diagram: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Plan_louvre1.svg
It's amazing, when you go inside from the noisy street, all the noises just disappear, and it's so quiet and peaceful there. You can lie down on a bench, or on the ground, or sit and write in a diary. It's lovely to look up and see the giant square of the sky as the sun sets. I spent so much time there, never knowing what it was called, funny!

Also, just walk across the city from Bastille to the Eiffel Tower, it only takes a couple of hours. I used to do it all the time from necessity.

And my favorite thing ever to do, is to find good old bar/tabacs, the cheap, non-touristy places where you can sit down and have an espresso while reading the paper for a long long time, or have it standing at the zinc bar, surrounded by ouvriers (workmen) and ordinary people. If you go to the same place every day regularly, they'll eventually warm up to you. Otherwise, take comfort in knowing nobody will bother you! :) God, this is one of the things I miss most after moving back to NY. The normal café, not the fancy bistro, not the walt disney french experience, just the regular place where you could be alone with your coffee and book.

And do go to Versailles and rent a bike, and ride around. I've never been inside, just been to the grounds, riding, napping on the lawns, looking at the sheep... You can take an RER ride there, it's easy.

One thing I've never done and wished I had, was visit the Catacombes! If you do that, you need a flashlight, and rubber boots, don't dress fancy. You can get really dirty, I've heard. Do that, and tell us what it's like!

carolita

@allofthecrafts watch out for the little old ladies in the 15th! They're brutal -- they'll push you right out of the way if you try to get on a bus before they do! :) And they're healthy, they can really give you a push! Me and my friends used to joke about them when we lived there.

Faintly Macabre

@allofthecrafts Do you have a French student ID? If so, the Louvre should let you in for free if you show it. Versailles, though, requires your passport with a long-stay student visa with that ID, which my friend and I found out the hard way when we were studying in France. (I -think- legally any young non-French person enrolled in a French school can go to nationally-owned museums for free, but the people at Versailles were very picky and rude. On the plus side, I got more practice arguing with people in French?)

Besides that, since I haven't spent a lot of time in Paris, all I can recommend is going to the Louvre around sunset (if they're open that late in the summer--it was easier to do in December). The view from certain windows is crazy.

And you've already been to L'As du Falafel, right?

carolita

@Faintly Macabre That's a new one! I never showed ID there in my life. Maybe because I didn't want to go inside the building? I'd check. They might have different rules for the grounds.

Faintly Macabre

@carolita And you got in for free? Yeah, I think the grounds might technically be a public park--we were trying to see both, so I'm not sure. Ugh, and they were such assholes about it! My friend and I both spoke French quite well but since neither of us looks French (he's South Asian, I'm very Ashkenazi), they had us pegged from the moment we walked in and even openly told other workers in French not to listen to us, as if we couldn't understand. We were both so pissed off that it put a big damper on the visit.

(But the buildings and grounds can't talk and are worth a visit, especially when the weather's beautiful!)

allofthecrafts

@Faintly Macabre YES L'AS DU FALAFEL. Yes. Delicious. Thanks for all of these suggestions y'all :)

parallel-lines

MINI-PINNERS! I am going to Minneapolis next weekend and even tho I'm Mpls born and raised, I haven't lived there since the 90's and am looking for fun stuff to do. Any recommendations?

stonefruit

On Wednesday, some jerkface who works in my building fully ripped a large piece of metal (gear guard? I don't know the name) off my poor sweet Scout, who was defenselessly hanging out, locked up and kickstand out, in our building's bike locker room. Said jerkface also managed to crack the plastic thingy that holds the gears in place and knock the chain off the front gear. The building manager won't let me bring Scout up to my office, even though my office has a door and Scout would be no kind of fire/path of travel hazard.

I'm really, really angry right now, you guys. I think I'm going to have to angry-clean this weekend, like blasting early OK Go and really dirty hip hop and stuff.

olivebee

@stonefruit OMG That's terrible! I'm sorry about your poor bike. People who damage others' property (for shits and giggles? out of anger? during attempted theft?) are just UUGHHHH. But here's a story that might cheer you up a little:

In my office building, there is a woman who works at a different company (so I have no idea who she is), and there have now been THREE occasions where we have left at the same time where she has been the World's Shittiest Human. I bring my bike inside (like you) to the building's bike rack, so when I leave the building, I always have my bike with me. And the front door to my building is massive and HEAVY. So it takes a lot of effort to open sans bike, and with bike, it's nearly impossible (because you have to open it one-handed). Anyways. The first time I saw her, she stood behind me waiting to get out, watching me struggle to open the door, and never thought to open it for me herself. I thought, hmm that's rude, but whatever. The second time, the same thing happened, only this time she goes "Could you take any longer???" I was so flabbergasted that I just stood there gaping at her rudeness. Then the third time, she stood behind me waiting, not helping, and finally some guy comes who also wants to leave, he gives her the side-eye, and then goes "Here, let me help you" and opened the door for me (because that's what any normal human would do). AND SHE LITERALLY GOES: "It'd be a whole lot easier if you just took the train, huh?"

Again, I was too flabbergasted to speak, but if I had thought on my toes, I would have said "No, you fucking *&**%$*^^$$@^&! I ride my bike because it's healthier and cheaper than the fucking train, so fucking shut your pie hole and help me open the goddamn door, you miserable bike-hating wench."

Spinach Party

@olivebee Jesus H!!!!!! That woman! I am infuriated on your behalf. Who are these wretched people?

BucketsOfCool

@stonefruit Nooo!! Do you have renters/homeowners insurance? My bf's bike was stolen and his insurance covered the full cost of the bike. But, huge bummer about Scout - at least you've made it to Friday!

frigwiggin

@stonefruit Noo, Scout! That's terrible and awful and that person is a butthead. I hope the OK Go helps! OK Go helps me in many situations.

@olivebee What. What even. I don't understand how people become this way!

stonefruit

@olivebee WHAT. in the HOW. with HOLY CRAP NO. A friend of mine refers to people like this as the untrained (as in, they have no home-training), like, "don't you hate it when the untrained are allowed to roam free."

sovereignann@twitter

A. We should post photos of our dads!

B. It is past noon on a Friday so I am currently worthless at work...

C. I am doing something on Saturday which is filling me with anxiety and a little bit of dread. But it is supposed to be fun, so I guess I'll (in the words of my father) suck it up and go. I mean, it's just going out drinking with friends but one I don't know well enough after she's been drinking and since she is a bit of a loose cannon...I'm just saying, I'm old and I don't want to have to be involved in some kind of brawl. That's fine (well, not really) in your 20s but now...no. FUN TIMES ARE FREAKING ME OUT, MAN!!!

D. Guess who has control issues?

sovereignann@twitter

@sovereignann@twitter Additionally, when you don't live in a place with good public transportation and you for once don't want to be the designated driver it's a real pain in the ass to plan a pub crawl. Currently someone's brother is going to pick us up and deposit us around the metroplex after the drinking has been done. Why? Because getting a DWI is no way to end an evening.

Porn Peddler

@sovereignann@twitter Oh man, I wish I had one particular picture to share...my dad standing on a dock next to a six foot marlin he caught. He is the roughest customer ever.

sovereignann@twitter

@Porn Peddler Wait a second...I thought I replied. OK, well. I have photos of my dad looking all rough playing sports and hunting and fishing but my favorite is a photo of him taking a nap with me when I was less than a month old. If I can remember (someone tell me please!) how to embed the photo, I'll upload it.

anachronistique

@sovereignann@twitter I'll see if I can find the picture of my dad dressed as the Ox King from DragonBall Z. He gets really into Halloween.

wee_ramekin

This is me kissin' on my dad when I was but an even wee-er_ramekin.

sovereignann@twitter

@anachronistique DO IT!!!

@ wee_ramekin So adorable!!! How do I embed? Please tell me.

wee_ramekin

@sovereignann@twitter Thanks!

I went to here to figure out how to embed. I couldn't figure out how to embed a photo from a folder, though, so I had to take the link of this photo off Facebook and embed that way.

frigwiggin

@wee_ramekin Aw, wee! Your little dress, it is too precious.

This is my dad when I went to visit him where he lives in Mexico for New Year's. What you can't see is the ponytail that he refuses to part with.

sovereignann@twitter

@wee_ramekin So who is passed out behind you? It looks like you and your sibling may have worn someone's ass out! :)

@anachronistique I don't understand (unless it updates soon) I have an e-mail showing me your Dad's photo (Awesome, btw) but I don't see it here! :(

anachronistique

@sovereignann@twitter Weird! I have a little thumbnail on my comment page. http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/1003/onaga/?action=view¤t=oxking.JPG is the full version, if it's still not working. And thanks!

sovereignann@twitter

@frigwiggin I love this photo! My father went through a time when he grew his hair out (he has a remarkable amount for someone his age--cough) and it was just crazy wild but I really like it. He saw one photo of it once it got to be ponytail length and it was cut the next day. Sad.

PistolPackinMama

@dieAuflaufformchen! How cute are you?

And the rest of you. Dads!

Springtime for Voldemort

I finished rape crisis hotline training yesterday! Woo! Which means I now get to actually help people, and hopefully deal with the actual rape crisis center less, which is good because they're frustrating.

In other news, I'm having dinner with my dad tonight. I should get him something for Father's Day. But what?? He's soooo the man who has everything. I mean, ok, technically, there are some several-thousand-dollar things he doesn't have yet, but I'm really more in the $15-25 range here. Suggestions? (Things he likes: gourmet food, operating on people, worshiping Lance Armstrong, photography.)

olivebee

@papayalily My husband got my dad his favorite present ever (sigh. I fail at everything.) this past Christmas. He got him fancy shaving stuff from this apothecary in our neighborhood. There was fancy lather in a dish, a fancy brush, and a straight razor. I don't know anything about shaving, but my dad seems to love it. He STILL talks about it.

Springtime for Voldemort

@olivebee Ooo, that is an idea...

Quinn A@twitter

@papayalily Congratulations! I finished my own crisis line training a couple of weeks ago, and have had a few shifts. It's pretty great. I mean, nerve-wracking, but great when you can actually help someone. *high-fives you*

the other lisa

@papayalily Yes, do this! My brother raved about his fancy shaving stuff for years and I convinced my husband to try it and he loves it! I've gotten very reasonably priced supplies online from West Coast Shaving.

Bebe

@papayalily Do you have time to pop into either an ethnic market (some type of food he likes) or gourmet store, and have them recommend a couple fancy cheeses and spreads to go with them? We sent my dad a gift basket of fancy cheeses like 2 years ago for Fathers Day, and he STILL talks about how delicious it was.

Springtime for Voldemort

@Bebe YES! HE LOVES FANCY CHEESE! Ok, this! It shall be done!!

Bebe

@papayalily What is it with dads and fancy cheese? They can't get enough! Have fun!

Springtime for Voldemort

@Bebe Thanks! And I don't know, except that I'm not in a position to judge anyone who has FEELINGS towards cheese.

wrappedupinbooks

@papayalily it might be too late for this but maybe for his birthday or other holiday-- does he love Lance Armstrong because he loves to bike? Because one year, I got my dad a little engraved sneaker-ID tag thing to put on his shoe when he bikes/runs outside. The somewhat morbid idea being that if he got hit by a car or passed out, whoever found him would his name, address and a number to call. Nothing says "I love you" like safety and crisis-preparation!

tearsforaffairs

So, I'm really tired of people. I mean, I love people, but I am tired of people being disappointments/flakes/irresponsible. And friends who are never around when you want to do fun awesome stuff.

I also love doing stuff alone, and I always enjoy it. But every so often I like to fantasize that I have a life with a circle of brilliant and active friends who share similar interests and are up for impromptu, unusual events/plays/activities/parties. Or even friend I can invite to my rooftop to drink whiskey and chat for hours.

How do other people do this? I know people who are constantly busy and seem to have a different social activity lined up every day of the week and constantly have parties to go to. I have no parties to go to except the ones on event listings that I sometimes go to-alone! Pinners, can you enlighten me? I am outgoing and charming and easy to talk to, and it's not that I have a problem meeting people so much as finding people with things in common who will actually hang out instead of just all this talk!

SarahP

@tearsforaffairs I think a lot of those people who are always at parties/activities are also just having "talk," if it's any comfort. My advice is to force it with the people you already know--
if you're interested in going to a play, even if you don't know if she's interested, text her "hey, want to go to this impromptu play?" If the first person says no, try someone else. People you don't have a lot to say to or in common with may actually have more in common with you that never came up before--maybe Person You Text actually loves plays but never goes because she has no one to go with, and bam! a play-going buddy, and now you'll have more to talk about--your love/hatred of the play you saw.

There's a lot of rinse-repeat with stuff like this, as you whittle down your selections, but eventually you'll find people, I know it!

SarahP

@SarahP "the people" was supposed to be "a person," that's why there's a mysterious "she." Oh SarahP, your job involves proofreading, why do you never do it on the internet?

Danzig!

@tearsforaffairs Parties suck (I'm at one now as a matter of fact, and not even an active half-pipe can make it cool)!

I don't have any magic bullets, but I'll guarantee you that most of the people who seem to be able to make social shit spontaneously happen have, in fact, meticulously planned it out on some level. You just gotta be assertive about making dates. I've noted that this is especially true in the city - when you're in some bumblefuck college burg, folks are constantly bored enough that you can call them up and say "hey come over" and they will, but send them to a place where there's endless stuff to do (and where car travel is impractical) and they will be endlessly doing it. Even your best friends will have to schedule.

Ultimately what worked for me, when I was in your situation, was consistently setting time aside for select, simpatico people in my life, and even though I'm not a social butterfly by any stretch, and i might have a few days out of the week without hangouts, I'm plenty fulfilled and not isolated.

RK Fire

I always feel so weird on Fathers' Day, or when people talk positively about things that have always had negative connotations to me. I'm glad that other people have had good fathers.

I would say I wish I had one, but honestly my sister and mother provided plenty of love and support when I was a child, the best way they could. I don't feel like I've lacked for that. I just wish my father was not an emotionally abusive, adulterous, misogynistic husband and father to my older sister, and I wish that they didn't have to bear the psychological scars they have from living with him.

The last time I saw him was 12 years ago, and generally I think I'm pretty happy for not seeing him. I never had any "dad" issues while dating, as far as I can tell, other than being hypersensitive to potential signs of abusive behavior. I actually usually don't think about him that often, but I love the hairpin and I've been checking back anyway. Please, Pinners with Good Dads--cherish them.

On a happier note, I offer you all this lovely picture of a leaping bear that my husband found on reddit.@RK Fire

I don't have many good dad feelings either. My biological dad died when I was two, my mother remarried when I was twelve, and I have never gotten along well or really felt anything for my stepfather. So currently I am doing my annual waffle of should-I-send-a-card.

maybe partying will help

@RK Fire

I don't have many good dad feelings either. My biological dad died when I was two, my mother remarried when I was twelve, and I have never gotten along well or really felt anything for my stepfather. So currently I am doing my annual waffle of should-I-send-a-card.

Springtime for Voldemort

@RK Fire Me too. This is actually the first Father's Day ever where I've wanted to celebrate it with him (our relationship has very slowly gotten better over the past few years). But Mother's Day/Father's Day? Usually just a giant reminder that my parents were horrible and parental failures, and that society at large tends to erase those experiences.

RK Fire

@maybe partying will help: I am firmly in the do-not-send camp with regards to my dad, but I can definitely appreciate the position you're in. :/ It's a lot harder with your mom.

RK Fire

@RK Fire: ah, weird, I went to edit my comment and instead it pulls text from a response to my comment!

RK Fire

@papayalily: Yeah, pretty much. My mom is light years better than my dad and while there are something we will never see eye to eye on I am pretty okay with her. But it is tricky when everyone is like "your parents love you and they made you so how can you forsake them" and it's like, man,you don't even know.

Springtime for Voldemort

@RK Fire Yeah, and the assumption that if your parents created you biologically, fed you, clothed you, and housed you, they must have loved you and made sure to go to at least some of your piano recitals and let you have input on what clothes you wore and were interested in learning about your interests and put effort into making sure you felt physically and emotionally safe around them. Parent =/= good parent.

carbonation

Why don't you guys go read this really beautiful Father's Day column in the NYT, so I can not be the only person crying at my desk: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/06/17/fashion/modern-love-a-father-a-son-and-a-fighting-chance.html

Spinach Party

@carbonation Oh yes, I was crying all the tears at my desk too!

thanks_maybe

I am watching Six Feet Under all the way through for the second time. (Thanks, mom's HBO GO account!) It's making me SO HAPPY. Keith and David are about to get back together! SOULMATES!

Heather@twitter

@thanks_maybe I pulled out the DVDs earlier this week to introduce Mr. Heather to it...it is the best. I have a feeling I'm going to be waiting with anticipation near the end to see if I bawl at the finale for the second time...

boysplz

@thanks_maybe AVClub is recapping the second season of it now. You should check it out if you want to read reviews of the eps and maybe even chat about it with other fans. The message boards for the older shows are pretty tame, not as terrifying as some AVClub threads can be.

Megasus

@thanks_maybe I definitely bought them all when they were $30 each a few years ago. So, so worth it. I still can't make it all the way through the finale without bawling.

thanks_maybe

@Megano! I definitely sobbed through the whole finale. The whole. damn. thing. I'm kind of looking forward to doing it again...very cathartic.

redheaded&crazy

this week has been good guys. the guy i mentioned last friday has been putting gigantic smiles on my face all week.

runner in the garden

@redheaded&crazie I literally cannot believe you are just gonna leave it at that.

redheaded&crazy

@runner in the garden i know! so boring. but i don't know what else even to say! apparently i do better with long-winded tangents when i'm angry (shocker)

but yeah. he just likes to talk about things. emotion-y things, even. and he makes me feel like i have value to him. so it's good! :)

Gracefully and Grandly

So I've been watching Dawson's creek on Netflix recently and besides the obvious (Dawson is the worst, Pacey wins everything) I noticed that they changed the opening song to something really, really random? "I don't want to wait" and Dawson's Creek are so tied together for me that I was like "Waaaaah? Am I watching some alien version?" I'm both sad and happy they changed it so I don't have Paula Cole stuck in my head.

I'm having a really deep Friday.

maybe partying will help

@Gracefully and Grandly

Yeah, I guess they couldn't license the Paula Cole song for the DVDs or something? The replacement song is soooo bad.

(I'm watching it right now too :B)

Spinach Party

@maybe partying will help Uuuuuuuuuuuuugh, not being able to license songs is THE WORST. See Daria and DVD and UK Skins on Netlfix. I was sooooo pissed when I couldn't here the original music!

eiffeldesigns

@Gracefully and Grandly I keep meaning to start this. Worried it will suck up all my summer days though- must vow to only watch when the weather is shitastic.

BucketsOfCool

@Gracefully and Grandly I am also watching it on Netflix and noticed that too. It was on the first episode and then....UGH. And Dawson's parents are creeping me out BIG TIME. Why did I not remember how weird they are?! And Dawson's dad making him practice kissing the fake Joey head? THE WORST.

soul toast

@Gracefully and Grandly They did the same thing with Felicity! It's really annoying, because I remember the music they played over certain scenes, so it just sounds wrong now. Plus, the music they replaced it with is pretty awful.

Ellie

I feel guilty bragging BUT I'm leaving for Berlin on Sunday! Then the next day I'm flying to Belgrade, visiting with my college roommate there, and spending two weeks traveling by myself to Budapest, Bratislava, Vienna and (probably) Prague before returning to Berlin for a six week Jewish Studies program. I'm excited but nervous! Is any of you in any of those cities? If so let's get coffee while I'm there!

Biketastrophy

@Ellie Don't feel guilty, its always exciting to travel! Thats similar to a trip I did a few years ago through Berlin/Munich/Vienna/Prague.

Make sure you know what day it is so the bartender at the hostel doesn't take you to a weird club in Prague at 1am on a Monday, cause the only people there are drug addicts, because its MONDAY.

Scandyhoovian

@Ellie omg that sounds like the best trip ever. HAVE ALL THE FUN!

whateverlolawants

@Ellie That is gonna be AWESOME. Tell us all about it.

Verity

@Ellie Prague is so lovely! (As are Vienna and Budapest - I can't speak for the others - but Prague is my favourite.) I hope you have a lovely trip.

sudden but inevitable betrayal

@Ellie AH so jealous! Budapest is a fantastic city.

cuminafterall

Planning to have a picnic for dinner tonight since the weather's so nice and we have no outdoor space. Here is the menu:

Berries
Cheese
Cold pasta with legumes (chickpeas?? edamame??) and vegetables and parmesan and lemon
Rose wine

allofthecrafts

@cuminafterall ohmigod that sounds so lovely. Also, chickpeas are SO delicious, and I keep realizing this more and more.

eiffeldesigns

@cuminafterall I might copy this for dinner.

Slutface

I'm going to see Delta Spirit in Providence tonight! WEEEEEEE!!!!

whereismyrobot

So this August will make it a year since I got my Master's and I still haven't found a job that utilizes my degree. I have a job, so I am lucky in that regard, but I really want to start paying back my student loans and getting on with my career. There is no way I can pay them back with the salary I am making now.

I just worked so hard for two years and feel like I have nothing to show for it.
Pity part over.

avoidmadness

@whereismyrobot What did you get your degree in? I've been flip flopping on whether to go to grad school or not, my application is due in the fall but I'm actively looking for a job that pays better than the one I currently have.

whereismyrobot

@avoidmadness Library Science, which I knew going in wasn't lucrative, but I didn't expect not to be able to get a job.

sceps yarx

@whereismyrobot Uuugh, that is a huge bummer. My bro-in-law is thinking about grad school in library science/archival studies. Would you advise against it?

adorable-eggplant

@whereismyrobot I know this sucks butt as advice, cause dang who has time to do this, but I had to volunteer (part-time, on weekends kind of stuff) at a library before I could get a job in the field. At least then somebody knows your name, when they do hire. Also, if you've worked in a library before, consider dropping by (or sending a note) to your old coworkers. When I was searching, I told my previous boss that I'd had years ago that I was having trouble, and she was willing to call people on my behalf. Also, despite both volunteering and flinging myself at acquaintances of my old boss, it still took me about a year to get a job.

adorable-eggplant

@whereismyrobot Also, keep your head up! I remember how discouraged I got when I was having trouble. One day I came home and told my boyfriend I was going to throw in the towel and dig ditches for Americorp (at that point I was desperate for healthcare coverage, so it wasn't a totally bad plan, just desperate) and all he could do was make a sympathetic face, so... yeah.

whereismyrobot

@adorable-eggplant Thanks for the advice! I have actually worked in libraries for nine years; that is the really disappointing part. However, in the time since I posted that, I got a call from a library I have been really rooting for and I have another job interview next week!!!! Keep you fingers crossed!

whereismyrobot

@sceps yarx Well everyone who gets their degree knows that it is the lowest paying of all degrees you need a Master's to hold. So that is a given. However the other issue is that everyone was told that this would be an aging profession so they need new Librarians to take the place of the old ones. However when the economy tanked, people held on to their jobs longer than they would normally.

I am mostly speaking of the public sector. However, from what I am hearing from school librarians, their jobs are being slashed as well. Though, I think that may be changing if the listings for my state are any indication. The problem with the public sector is that when there is little budget, it will go to Firemen and Police first. However, when the economy tanks, that is when people need their public libraries more than ever for Internet access for job searching and whatnot. (This is not even speaking of entertainment needs.)
The bottom line is that if he is passionate and wants to do it, he should. Had I to do it over, I would have focused more on learning digital management and taken more classes involving web development. That's just my two cents.

adorable-eggplant

@whereismyrobot YAY!! Best wishes about the call and the interview!!

adorable-eggplant

@sceps yarx I'd like to totally second what @whereismyrobot said about the economy pushing people to hang on to jobs. Also, I've seen positions go unfilled to make up for budget shortfalls. And library jobs are often public (state/city jobs), and those positions aren't recovering in the way they usually do: http://economix.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/06/11/americas-hidden-austerity-program/

So it's been tough to find spots. Just crazy tough, but also I couldn't imagine doing anything else (brief ditch digging fantasy aside) and if your bro-in-law feels that way, I'd say go for it. Except, also consider doing something like a) make relationships at local libraries b) consider things that might be good to specialize in (web development and digital management are good, so is having a foreign language background; records management is the future thanks to sarbanes–oxley, etc.) c) avoiding taking on debt whenever possible because that adds pressure to the job search later.

Lucienne

Is anyone else going to go see Simon Amstell in New York this summer? At Theatre 80?

I just . . . love him so much. I want everyone to go, so he'll be Famous in America.

meetapossum

@Lucienne Wait whaaaat?? I didn't know he was coming back! I saw him like 2/3 years ago at UCB in NY! I will totally go to this!

Lucienne

@meetapossum Riiiiight? I'm so excited about this!

More battenburg, vicar?

So, I've just booked my flights to go to a conference in Washington DC in July (from the UK). V. excited - never been to DC + get to catch up with all my conference chums who I only see once a year. I think the conference venue is a way out of town, but if I do manage to get away for a few hours, where should I go? Galleries, sights, lovely neighbourhoods? Most importantly, where's good to eat (the thought of conference food for 5 days is not thrilling!)

Bebe

@More battenburg, vicar? National Portrait Gallery or any of the Smithsonians - there's pretty much one for anything you are interested in. www.si.edu. If you don't have time for museum-going, just head to the Mall - the biggest memorials are there, and it's just pretty.

I've only ever been a tourist in DC, so I can't help on the restaurant end. Have fun!

eiffeldesigns

@More battenburg, vicar? The Zoo!! There are pandas. And other lovely animals. And it's free.

More battenburg, vicar?

@Kirs Free pandas, you say? I could just ditch the conference and hang out at the zoo for 5 days.

More battenburg, vicar?

@Bebe See, I didn't even know there was more than one Smithsonian. Or that it/they were in DC. Already learned something. Educational Hairpin! Ignorant Brit!

Bebe

@More battenburg, vicar? They are a network of museums - most in DC, some in other places. But I totally forgot about the zoo, so now I'm saying, screw the museums. Who needs to see Dorothy's ruby slippers when there are pandas to see instead?? Pandas > Museums.

cuminafterall

@Bebe Also a lot of the hotels where they do conferences are like a 10-minute walk from the zoo-- yours may be one of them! You'll have to Google map it.

Restaurants I love in DC include Zaytinya and Open City (close to the zoo, a bonus!). Smoke and Barrel has really good barbecue if you want something all-American. As far as ethnic cuisine, DC has a lot of good Salvadoran and Ethiopian spots.

Have fun!!!

sudden but inevitable betrayal

@More battenburg, vicar? I did the touristy thing in DC last fall, and had an A M A Z I N G meal at Jaleo, but it's pricey. Also the botanical gardens are pretty sweet! And the Holocaust Museum, if you're into that.

More battenburg, vicar?

@cuminafterall So I think the plan now is to relocate my symposium to the zoo and then eat BBQ! What's wrong with this picture? Nothing - that's what.

More battenburg, vicar?

@sudden but inevitable betrayal I love looking round gardens! The more I think about it, the less conferencing I see happening.

SarahP

I ate my afternoon snack at 1:45 and I am hungry again now! and no snacks in sight till dinner! arghhhh

SarahP

@SarahP There was a banana in the work kitchenette fruit bowl. Crisis averted... for now.

meetapossum

@SarahP The Continuing Snack Adventures of SarahP!

parla

I just got back into running and I need music to run to! I like running to hip hop and I usually listen to pandora when I'm doing work and stuff, but I can't listen to it while I'm working out because it involves too much skipping and then I get tired.

Killerpants

@contrary Madlib/Madvillian? He's on my workout mixes a lot.

good havens

@contrary Girltalk! Since it's all remixed there's no break ever, which really helps me sustain momentum.

HeyThatsMyBike

@contrary If you're into more hard-core hip hop, DMX. He may be a psychotic violence-prone misogynist, but godammit if he doesn't make me run faster for longer. What's My Name is a personal favorite to turn to in the part of my run where I want to give up.

parla

@HeyThatsMyBike yes, What's My Name is in the middle of my playlist actually. Along with "Back that Ass Up"

My problem is that I've been going everyday (yay!) so, my playlist is getting kind of boring.

HeyThatsMyBike

@contrary Ha! I also have "Lose Control" by Missy Elliott, Let It Rock by Kevin Rudolf, Monster by Kanye, and Run this Town (Jay-Z, Kanye, Rhianna). Not going to win me any friends on Pitchfork, but they all keep me running.

Roxanne Rholes

BOSTON PINNERS! Deviled egg pageant next weekend! Get at me, girls!

Killerpants

@Roxanne Rholes I don't know what a deviled egg pageant is, but I hope it involves a bunch of people in fancy attire and sashes carrying trays of fancy assorted deviled eggs, and serving them to me. ALL OF THEM TO MEEEE.

anachronistique

@Roxanne Rholes I'm coming! Now I have to figure out what the hell I'm doing. Maybe a Spanish take with garlic aioli and pimenton?

Also if anybody's planning to head over from Somerville/Cambridge I could use a ride there because managing the T and buses with a giant tupperware full of deviled eggs is... not my favorite idea.

eiffeldesigns

@Roxanne Rholes Wait, what? I'm Boston. And I love deviled eggs...

Daisy Razor

@Roxanne Rholes Whee! Did afternoon (which I somehow just typed "afterboob" wtf?) or evening win out?

@anachronistique Yeah, I'm in the same boat re: public transport, but from western Boston. Boo.

Bebe

@Killerpants I was picturing deviled eggs with teeny, tiny tiaras and sashes on them, made of....I don't know, something edible. And then everyone would vote on which one was the prettiest. And then devour them all in a delicious, yolky frenzy. Just like Miss America.

Roxanne Rholes

@Killerpants Yes, basically!

@anachronistique I don't know what I'm making yet, either! I have a whole bag of fried garlic, so I feel like that needs to be involved.

@Kirs Come play! Check out the hairpin meetup page, look for the egg pageant, and I'll email more info this weekend.

Roxanne Rholes

@Bebe EXACTLY. http://thehairpin.com/2012/06/and-the-winner-of-the-2012-deviled-egg-pageant-is

Roxanne Rholes

@Daisy Razor Saturday the 23rd, Oak Square, 3pm! Will email more info this weekend. Yaaaay, eggs and day drinking!

Bebe

@Roxanne Rholes So, you've just given me a dinner idea. We don't need sides with deviled eggs, right?

Roxanne Rholes

@Daisy Razor Ohhh gosh. Yum! I really dig the idea of beet-pinkened eggs, but am trying to think of other foods that could dye them other colors. Onion skins?

Daisy Razor

@Roxanne Rholes Carrot puree? Although I am suspicious of how well carrots and eggs would go.

You could also use golden beets for a really bright yellow. Or saffron, but that is a little pricey for egg deviling.

Daisy Razor

My post about attending Antiques Roadshow. There should be pictures, but blogger won't upload them right now, bah.

I didn't mention the worth of the things I brought, so here it is: The lamp: nothing, really. The bracelets: no antique value because they're still made and used in the same pattern in Syria and Lebanon, but they are 22 carat gold and worth a decent amount. And the book was worth, well, let's just say it's the most valuable thing currently in my house, much to my surprise.

MsChilePepper

@Daisy Razor SO COOL! My friend's brother-in-law is one of the appraisers on AR!

And on an episode of a show on BBCA called Cash in the Attic, a "ladies' pisspot" turned out to be hellaciously valuable, so too bad your Mom wouldn't let you take the chamber pot! :D

Scandyhoovian

Things! I have things to tell you guys!

I know someone (@Slutface?) was asking me about L'Oreal's Tru Blend foundation, because I bought it at Target. The article that thread was in wasn't letting me comment, so I shall say it here: it is great! It does what it says it does re: blending in with your natural tones, and does not feel like you are wearing a ton of makeup. I tested its blendability greatly, 'cause I spent a day after buying it wandering around NYC and picked up some color, but it still blended! Yay!

Also, I got promoted, which means... after a year of not having health insurance coverage, I have it once again! I am so relieved, you guys. Though this means that now I can go to a dentist again and as soon as I go in there, they're going to tell me I need my wisdom teeth out. I know this because they told me that two years ago and then I lost my insurance so I never did it. Oy. Stupid teeth. The only downside is that I'm not utilizing the Masters I just worked so hard to get in any way, which sort of bums me out. Not that people are really hiring history majors with any kind of haste or vigor.

Also, I nailed down a DJ for my wedding, and am now on the prowl for a caterer. People tell me this is the most fun part of planning. Tastings!

OhMyGoshYouGuys

@Scandyhoovian Look at all your good news. Big question: does the True Blend stay put alllll day?

whateverlolawants

@Scandyhoovian Good to know about the foundation! I've been scouting out new foundations. And YAY about health insurance! What did you do without? Just avoid the doctor and be extra-careful crossing the street?

Slutface

@Scandyhoovian It was me! Thanks for the review. I might pick some up at Walgreens tonight. Congrats on the promotion!

Scandyhoovian

@Mere it stayed on my face all day! And I'm a face-toucher person, so if it stayed on me, it'll likely stay on you.

@whateverlolawants I became a paranoid triple-checker of everything, mostly. And I became google's greatest client with regard to "how do I stop these aches and pains without paying anyone to help me," which only worked sometimes. Also, I once ended up in the ER without insurance coverage. DON'T DO THAT. IT is not good for you financially. And for lady-bits related things, I went to Planned Parenthood. I am so glad for Planned Parenthood.

@Slutface ENJOY! And thank you!

schrodingers_cat

@Scandyhoovian Another foundation question that you may or may not be able to answer: how is it with sensitive skin? like, my face occasionally breaks out into a weird rash because it doesn't like foundations, so I'm always looking for ones that don't cause this.

sceps yarx

@schrodingers_cat Are you guys talking about L'oreal True Match? That shiz is the best! I've used it every day for years and years. I have pale, sensitive skin, and I'm prone to weird allergic reactions, and it is great. I use N1 on my face and W1 on my jaw line.

WARNING: I love the foundation but I'm allergic to the powder version. It makes my face get red blotches all over it. Isn't that weird?

schrodingers_cat

@sceps yarx Thank you! I will avoid the powder version then, and I may have to stop at target after work tonight to pick some up.

Scandyhoovian

@schrodingers_cat YES, the True Match! That's what it's called! I'm in love with it, to be completely honest.

As for how it works with sensitive skin, I can't really answer that question, because mine isn't terribly sensitive. I wish I could help!

eiffeldesigns

In fun times in lawyering this week: Getting hit with a 155 page Motion to Compel where the other side is asking I get sanctioned for actually producing documents....

They are batshit insane. I swear to god.

In awesome dating news: Had a date with a Professor! From a FANCY school. He was smart. And wicked cute. And I didn't even put out on the first date, that's how much I liked him. Tentative plans for early next week second date. Will probably put out then.

Sluttin' it up!

theotherginger

@Kirs aaaack. this is a personal dilemma I face. when is it appropriate to put out. I endorse all decisions made by others but what about for meeeee? am going out on a drinks date tomorrow with a friend of a friend. is it appropriate to put out then? will I feel ok about it? How will his/my roommates feel about it depending on where we go. ok. too much thought in this. have now jinxed encounter

eiffeldesigns

@robyn.andrews ha! I know- I stress about it way too much. But here's what I figure: I'm 33. I'm a grown woman. I will do whatever makes me happy. If he somehow thinks "less" of me because I wanted to get some after only knowing him a few hours, then he's an ass and I don't want anything else to do with him. Just do whatever feels right!

Slutface

@robyn.andrews Oh God. This is so relevant to my interests. I've been dating a guy for about three weeks and we've done everything but have sex. I want to, but I'm not sure if it's too soon and if it is too soon and we do, will he lose interest? Christ, who cares? Like @Kirs just said above, I'm 32, I'll do what and who I want.

Bebe

@Kirs You're bringing me back! When I met my husband, I really, really, really liked him. I liked him so much, that I didn't want to have sex with him on the first 2 dates. Then, when I was ready, I got my period, and didn't want our first time to be period sex (which he doesn't mind, but I do not like). So, it was like 5 dates before we did it. Only 2 weeks, but five dates.

But, yes, whatever feels right to you, with that person, on that particular day. That's what you should do!

theotherginger

@Bebe @Kirs @Slutface. Ok. yup, whatever feels right. Good choice. Also @Bebe, hilarious!

RK Fire

On a happier note, my husband and his friends got hilariously drunk last night and all it resulted in was a surfeit of group hugs between burly men 6'0" and up. And lots of high fives. And lots of "I'm sorry" and "you are great" and falling over. I guess on a different night, or if he had been more obnoxious, I would have been annoyed but overall it was kind of endearing and entertaining.

Contrary to a recent comment I left about my need for a summer dress that has the components necessary to hide a flask, I've been trying to moderate my drunkeness so I'm not hungover.. or throwing up five times over the course of the night like my husband did. Poor guy, hahahahaha. Of course I feel this way only because he got it all in the toilet.

SarahP

I have been trying (for months, actually) to transition from writing "okay" to "OK" but I just can't do it!

Scandyhoovian

@SarahP I had to do that a few years back because my company adopted a style guide that said "OK" was the right way and "O.K." and "okay" were bad and wrong. I have FINALLY gotten into the habit but it took years.

eiffeldesigns

@SarahP Eh. Stick with okay. OK is just okay. Okay is fabulous.

Bebe

@SarahP I do OK because I am lazy. But I have only recently discovered that there is now only ONE space between sentences, not two? This is blowing my MIND.

eiffeldesigns

@Bebe I learned that about 6 months ago. I thought it would take forever to change my typing rhythm, but I adjusted rather quickly, surprisingly. Now when I see two spaces between sentences my eye gets a little twitchy.

meetapossum

@Kirs “OK?”
“Not OK, that place is lame.”
“OK is Lame? I thought Lame was a gay bar, or is that wrong?"

whateverlolawants

I just found out this week my friend is starting grad school and needs to get a place closer to school. And we have talked for many many months about living together if that happens, as her school is in an area I like and near my work. I think she'll be a great, reliable roommate.

I'm just kind of freaking out a little because I'll be finally moving out of my parents' house. Now, I'm 25 and I lived away for college, lived in another state for several months after college, and lived in a foreign country and got by just fine in all of those situations. But with a brief exception (internship during college), I've never lived in my home city away from them. I had to for a long time after returning from abroad, because of money. And they've been great! We get along well and they don't mind me being there. I help out around the house. I've been so grateful that they've let me stay here for like a year and 9 months while I saved up money and found a full-time job. And I got a promotion two months ago and while it doesn't pay tons, it's enough for me to live on. And I have savings in the bank. So I guess it's time for me to head out on my own. I look forward to not having to sneak around with my boyfriend (I would never have sex with him when my parents are home, and I look forward to having more quiet time. I look forward to having my own place and living closer to work. I look forward to not having to tell people I live with my parents.

But I am worried about the moving, and the cleaning-out of things (I'm not a hoarder, but I am a packrat and emotionally attached to silly useless things), and the financial impact. I keep thinking that I'll end up having to change my lifestyle a lot (I don't live extravagantly at all now, but I can afford to eat out and buy new clothes and travel sometimes.) I worry I'll get hit with a huge bill and have to use up most of the money I've saved. Now I'll have to buy all sorts of stuff I shared with them, like towels and dish soap. And I also just feel sad about finally moving out of the only permanent home I've ever had. That's the part that I'm embarrassed to admit to most people, because who doesn't want to move out of their parents' home? I don't want to be one of those Millennial stereotypes of a spongey boomerang kid, but I think those stereotypes are mostly ludicrous because of the damn economy. That was a huge reason why I ended up back with them.

I love my bedroom there- it was renovated recently and looks great. I love having tons of space in the bathroom and all around the house. I love having a quiet, safe, quasi-suburban neighborhood where I can take a walk in the middle of the night and feel secure. And lazily/selfishly, I love that I can eat my parents' food and they encourage me to do so! I also think living there has been good for our relationship- I've gotten to know my parents really well as an adult, and we're closer for it. So... anyone else ever felt this way? Thoughts?

whateverlolawants

@whateverlolawants Sorry for any typos or weird phrases or repeats... I can't edit posts on my work computer, nor can I expand the typing box to see better as I type. :(

redheaded&crazy

@whateverlolawants I feel ya! I lived away from home during university and for a year after while I was working and when I was working and living in Montreal I felt like I never had enough money to do anything I wanted and I was always stressed about paying rent on time.

I get along well with my parents, I love my room at home with its gigantic closet and my huge art wall, I like being able to save a ton of money every month and be able to travel and still save money.

Anyway, my somewhat goal is/was to move out in September but I don't know how much my heart is in it. A lot of my friends are also living at home so that definitely doesn't help to motivate me either.

whateverlolawants

@redheaded&crazie That's exactly how I feel about it! I don't know how much my heart is in this either. But I don't want to go back on my friend, who does need a roomie, and I figure this is a good opportunity, roomie-wise... but I would really be fine living with my parents until I had a higher-paying job or something!

I'm moving forward with this so far (we're starting to look at apartment listings), but I am really not feeling committed. And I don't know how to tell her that either. I backed out last year for these reasons (plus I didn't have the promotion yet), then she backed out this year because she lost her job, and now it's back on.

A lot of my friends live at home too, so yep. Not motivating. At least my bff just moved out, my neighbor friend is moving to Georgia this summer (sad!), and my boyfriend just ditched his heinous roomie... maybe all their change should motivate me?

Anyway, I'm glad you understand!!! I shouldn't be surprised, fellow redhead and all.

anachronistique

@whateverlolawants I have totally felt this way - I think I've babbled on here before about how I moved back in with my parents for three years after grad school, and just moved out this past fall. I still miss my dad's cooking on a near-daily basis. I miss being able to just loaf on the couch and pet the dog and talk with my mom about my day. I miss going to my hometown library with my dad and taking walks with the dog. And this being an adult thing and solely responsible for myself is hard! Even though I've done it before! Whine whine whine. I am really glad I moved for a lot of reasons - I have a job I love and I live in a city I love and I have a ton of friends, as opposed to my hometown where everybody had moved away - but I didn't absolutely hate living at home and I think it's fair to be a little anxious.

whateverlolawants

@anachronistique Exactly! I'm glad you understand. I didn't even mention my dear dogs. I'm still going to live in the same town, where I still have a lot of friends. I wonder if I'll regret it? Or be glad I made a new step? Would you have moved out if you hadn't found a great job in another city?

Hambulance

But what do I do WITH MY ALLOWANCE?!

Porn Peddler

In case anyone hasn't caught it yet, I have a new name because I decided I didn't like having my ~*brand name*~ on the hairpin but I think my new name is pretty clearly uh...the gal you already know.

I don't have much to say this week. I'm sort of recovering from a rage-inducing couple of weeks. But if you have questions about all things sexy, fire away, or do me a big favor by providing blog post fodder and fire away here.

noodge

@Porn Peddler have any recommendations for vibrators that... someone else... can control the speed of via remote - doesn't need to be wireless?

Porn Peddler

@teenie This is super common in bullets and cheaper rabbits. Wireless is more fun, though, I must say. Since I work tonight, I'm going to return to this one tomorrow because I honestly can't think of any brand names/models right now. d'oh.

noodge

@Porn Peddler YAY! thanks A Porn Peddler!

whateverlolawants

@Porn Peddler Oh hey you, I'll keep quiet! I like the new name. The word "peddler" always reminds me a little bit of the Evil Queen/Witch from Snow White when she's disguised as an old peddler woman. I hope you're okay with that. Also, I will turn to you for toy advice. Yay!

Porn Peddler

@whateverlolawants I am quite okay with that, especially because Lizzy Borden was just cast as the evil queen in Snow White XXX (and lizzy borden is the baddest bitch ever)

sceps yarx

@teenie Babeland makes a bullet with a wire-attached slider switch that gives quite a bang for the buck.

Inkling

@Porn Peddler
What does an uncircumcised guy do if condoms are painful or coming off?
You can use this for blog post fodder if you want. I've had this experience with two different dudes, and thanks to America's obsession with circumcision, they didn't even know why they were having issues. Foreskin erasure :(

Porn Peddler

@Inkcrafter The answer is probably lube. That would be my first guess at least-- as it turns out, not everyone is as enthusiastic about lube as I am, and I can't tell you how many sexy problems are solved with lube. Lubricate the inside tip of the condom, and the tip of the penis. This will allow free movement of the foreskin inside the condom, and...

On the subject of putting a condom on an uncircumcised penis- lube it up, pull back the foreskin, pinch the tip and roll down the condom, then push the foreskin back up while it is under the condom. This sounds kind of tricky but like all dick tricks worth doing...it requires practice.

@teenie I am a bad porn peddler but answer two questions for me: Bullet, rabbit, or straight vibe? And also, budget? TOMORROW I SWEAR.

Porn Peddler

OH ALSO: Condoms, for some people, are The Worst. So there are a lot of things that could be going on there. If you have a partner with condom issues and can provide more detail then I might be able to say more.

Also: tiny dab of lube. I just love lube and like to imagine squirting it everywhere but under a condom you really don't need/should not use that much...

noodge

@Porn Peddler bullet or rabbit, and i'm more interested in getting the best value (quality per dollar spent) than having a specific budget. Thanks!

noodge

@Porn Peddler (...super excited to get your recommendations not rushing you but just want to remind you :-) )

charlesbois

Also, I am getting my 2nd round of an MMR vaccine. Then I have to wait 28 days. then I can start making teh babies. Shhhh though, you guys are the only ones that know. (besides the husband)

TheDragon

@charlesbois Pinner babies=best babies! :)
Congratulations, and good luck.

lindackerite

Hairpin! I have not been able to read you all week yet, but Osheaga is swiftly approaching and I was hoping those familiar with Montreal would be able to offer some insight on where to stay -- something relatively close to interesting food/culture and easy access to/from the concert? Anything/place that is a must do?

I've done airbnb before so I was going to go that route again, but wanted to try and better define a location that would work.

Also, this was mentioned before, but Osheaga pinup!?!?!?@??!?!?

redheaded&crazy

@aheapingspoonful OSHEAGA PINUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

we're staying at mcgill's new residence, i think its 110 a night

RK Fire

@aheapingspoonful: Oh man! JEALOUS. I would really love to go to Osheaga but between going to Toronto recently and going to ATL to visit my family, I don't think I should do it. :/

redheaded&crazy

@redheaded&crazie its also relatively close to stuff

lindackerite

@redheaded&crazie I will check it out! I really like walking so "relatively close" to me is "hella far" to other people.

@RK Fire We can all meet up outside of the concert! Sorry if I made it sound like a ticketed event -- Montreal pinup during Osheaga weekend is probably better?

I'm sad about Graffiti6 not being able to make it but super stoked for EVERYONE ELSE. Also to finally get to a French speaking place, as a frustrated French student in high school/college. First Montreal and then the world!

redheaded&crazy

@aheapingspoonful i also like walking! it's within very close walking distance of some things (i.e. st laurent, metro station to get to parc jean drapeau) and relatively close walking distance of other things (st denis, crescent st)

also i don't know if you're going on saturday night but I'm trying to get evvvvverybody to go to st sulpice on the saturday. so PINUP AT ST SULPICE AUGUST 4TH!

meetapossum

Oh, are any NYC 'Pinners going to the Governor's Ball next weekend? Let's hang out!

DamnHippies

@meetapossum Are you doing both days? I'm thinking Sunday but haven't dropped the $$ yet. But Beck! Fiona Apple! Modest Mouse!

meetapossum

@DamnHippies I'm going both days (thank you, payment plan!). I'm really looking forward to it!

good havens

Pinners! I don't comment very much, but I am so so excited that I have to share! I finally got an awesome job in Portland, and can join my boyfriend, who's been there since JANUARY! I'm looking for housing and that's sorta stressful, and I'm leaving my family, so that's sorta stressful, but big life change! So cool!!

SarahP

@good havens Congrats! I hear it's really hard to find work in Portland, so you should feel especially awesome for landing a job there!

good havens

@SarahP Thanks, lady! I was definitely looking for about 6 months, and this is EXACTLY the job I was hoping for, so this feels really awesome.

beanie

Today is my last day of work! I move in two weeks to Chicago (from Los Angeles) and have absolutely nothing to do until I begin law school.

olivebee

@beanie Yay for another 'pinner in Chicago! Come to our monthly pinups!

aliceandstuff

@beanie Today is also my last day of work and I move to New York (from the Bay Area) in two weeks too!

beanie

@olivebee I will! I always said I would in LA and kinda failed at that, so it will happen in Chicago!

@aliceandstuff good luck with the move-are you driving? I am driving (with my fiance and dog). I am nooot looking forward to that drive.

gunface

@beanie yay! what neighbourhood in the city are you moving to? (please say Logan Square)

beanie

@gunface I'm near the Clark/Division stop on the red line (this is showing how little I know about Chicago because I have no idea what to call that neighborhood).

ReginaSavage

My birthday was yesterday and I'm 28 now! My dude made me lobsters for dinner and stuffed clams and I drank way, way way too much because he bought me all my favourite beers. And I just hung out and ate and drank with him and another good friend of mine. It was all I wanted really.

But seriously, my dude can be the most perfect boyfriend in the world when he wants to be. Problem is that it seems like he doesn't often want to be. And last night made me realize how good things can be, and made me sad that so much other shit in our lives gets in the way of that. Because at this point he's letting shit get between us and that makes me sad. Because I really, truly love the guy, but geez he makes it so hard!

And I fucking hate my job and the industry I'm in. Seriously.

Porn Peddler

@ReginaSavage Oh man that sounds like such a nice birthday....sorry about the other issues :(

sudden but inevitable betrayal

@ReginaSavage Happy birthday! I hope you're able to work something out with the dude.

Inkling

@ReginaSavage
Ah, we share a birthday! Flag Day (fuck off America)! I'm sorry yours made you melancholy.

OhMyGoshYouGuys

Next week marks the one year anniversary of meeting my boyfriend. Which is easy to remember because it's the same day as my birthday.

Springtime for Voldemort

Pinners, I need your input on some rent matters.

When I moved into this apartment a couple years ago, cable service was included as part of the rent. My landlord just informed me that the cable service has gotten too expensive, so he won't be providing it anymore. This sort of means my rent is more expensive. So, do I ask him to lower the rent some to adjust, or is this just something I have to suck up, because rents get higher and all that?

theotherginger

@papayalily check the laws of your city/state (not sure how it works in the US), call a city or non-profit housing hotline, and exercise your rights (that is what I have done with sketchy things in the past). Landlords will often gouge you any chance they can.

ReginaSavage

@papayalily It really, really depends on where you live. Also, if you have one, check your lease and/or rental agreement. If the lease/agreement states that cable is included in the rent then its likely that you can ask him to reduce your rent. But check with the local landlord/tenant laws.

steponitvelma

@papayalily I work for a renter's rights hotline in OR and I think a lot of states have them. It can be a great resource for questions like this.

Springtime for Voldemort

@steponitvelma Oooo, a hotline you say? That's brilliant!

@all Awesome, thanks!

RNL
RNL

@papayalily Also, doesn't hurt to ask.

chrysopoeia

NYC PINNERS! If you haven't seen it, we have a facebook group now!

https://www.facebook.com/groups/nychairpinners/

Bebe

You guys - I am going to school to become a licensed massage therapist, and... I LOVE IT! Not sure what I love more - the work itself or being a student again (I am a nerd, I <3 school). Either way, I have not been this happy about a career decision since...since...EVER.

paperbuttons

Man, my dad would have been 71 today!
He died in 1994, but he would have loved the future, especially the internet...
Happy birthday, dad!

frigwiggin

@paperbuttons Happy birthday to your dad! I gotta pour one out for all dads (and moms and other people) who would have loved the future but never got there.

whateverlolawants

@paperbuttons Happy birthday to him!

smidge

Did you guys hear the story about Lisa Brown (a Representative from Michigan) being banned from speaking on the House floor because she used the word "vagina"? She sounds awesome.

maybe partying will help

@smidge

It gave me a reason to talk about euphemisms for vagina all morning on Twitter!

smidge

@maybe partying will help like like like

maybe partying will help

@smidge

Like cooter, hooha, vagine (pronounced like a terrible American approximation of a French accent), and velvet TARDIS.

dale

@maybe partying will help *gasp* velvet TARDIS is about the best euphemism I think I've ever heard in this lifetime.

maybe partying will help

@dale

Alas I cannot take credit, I read it somewhere on the Wubs. But it's my fave!

HeyThatsMyBike

@smidge Yes! I emailed the crew here about it! There is video!

WhiskeySour

@smidge Gotta love the attempts to cover their asses:

"Speaker Pro Tem John Walsh, R-Livonia, gaveled Brown out of order for saying 'no means no' — because it suggested Brown was comparing the abortion legislation to rape, House GOP spokesman Ari Adler said."

Ah. Because that makes it so much better. (Nope.)

Springtime for Voldemort

@smidge She sounds so awesome I feel like I should donate $10 to her reelection campaign, perhaps with some kind of "Free Vagina!" note attached.

laurel

@smidge I was disappointed we didn't see anything about this here this week.

OxfordComma

#30!

...

I was unpleasantly surprised to remember that Father's Day is this Sunday.

I have no desire to spend three hours of my life being patronized by my father. And yet, duty calls.

Or something.

*sigh*

Sorry, /whine.

JadedStone

@OxfordComma DON'T I KNOW IT.
Granted, my father has mellowed the hell out over the years. And I've also learned to filter out 90%. I try to make a game of it by doing things mildly ridiculous. WHY angst over a gift? Instead, I'll buy something I'll enjoy watching him open.
This year: "I AM MARU" the biography of that hilarious youtube cat.

OxfordComma

@Jade : Smart lady.

The worst part is that I know he's grieving over the death of his dad, so I want to be compassionate, but it always seems to blow up in my face.

*sigh*

This time? I am ordering booze, even though he and Ma are teetotallers.

Fiddle dee dee

@OxfordComma Good strategy- booze does help in these situations. Good luck.

Disco Sheets

Guys, the last time I went to the gyn I found out my cervix was bleeding? They ran tests and I'm clear of STDs, so it's just a bacterial infection and she gave me an antibiotic for me buuuuut it's weird to think that my cervix is all wounded and bloody. And I can't tell if the antibiotics actually did anything, because I didn't have any symptoms except spotting right before my period anyway! Ugh, I just wanted to whine about it. Stupid cervix, why ya frontin'?

Springtime for Voldemort

@Disco Sheets I hate my cervix. It's all, there, and sensitive. Really, one of my least favorite body parts, which is ironic, since it's right next to my two favorite body parts.

You'll be sorry Jo March

I need knowledgeable teacher help! I am nearly finished with undergrad, and I am planning on becoming a HS English and/or French teacher. However, now I'm kind of freaking out because my mom (also a teacher) told me that queer teachers aren't really allowed to be "out." I know that's not legal, but she kept saying that they have to "keep it quiet," IE not ever mention their partners/a simple fact of their lives. Is this true? If it is not true, where is it not true? What should I dooooo?

OxfordComma

@You'll be sorry Jo March : I found that it's best to keep personal relationships out of the classroom for the most part. Students want to know EVERYTHING, and sometimes, it's just not wise to tell them anything beyond, "I am married" or "I am in a relationship". You are not obliged to divulge information that you don't want to.

Keep it as a simple fact, and you'll probably be fine. Expect a few concern trolls (unfortunately, people can be dumb), but deal with them as graciously as you can.

I'm rooting for ya!

OxfordComma

@You'll be sorry Jo March : I taught high-school for a few years in California, if that helps. :)

anachronistique

@You'll be sorry Jo March There were teachers who were out in my schools, but this was also a super-liberal college town full of former hippies. I think it depends on where you are. But OxfordComma is right that your relationships shouldn't play that big a part in your teaching anyway.

You'll be sorry Jo March

@OxfordComma What about co-workers?

olivebee

@You'll be sorry Jo March Seconding what @OxfordComma said. Unfortunately, parents can be some of the most hypocritical and judgmental groups of people out there, and a handful of them will not be afraid to try to blatantly discriminate against their kids' teachers' lifestyle/life choices/appearance/race/orientation/etc. I am thinking of a Dear Prudence column from awhile ago where this mother was meddling in her daughter's teacher's life because the teacher was pregnant and unwed. The mother was batshit crazy and railing on about how the teacher is a bad example for students. It was so horrible to read.

I feel like unless you are teaching at some super granola-y, artsy, liberal high school, it's best to keep personal details as under-wraps as possible. Which is sad, and I am sorry that people aren't more open-minded.

OxfordComma

@You'll be sorry Jo March : Co-workers should be fine. Again, though, use discretion--and that's for anyone in any relationship!

I made the mistake of saying too much about my relationship with a boyfriend at the time, and it was used against me later as "evidence" that I wasn't a morally sound guide for The Childrens.

Just...be cautious when divulging any personal details.

OxfordComma

@olivebee : Right??? That woman was cray-cray.

@You'll be sorry Jo March : Biggest piece of advice I could give any new teacher? Check out the school and its culture *before* you accept a job there.

And seriously, you're going to be fine. We desperately need good teachers, and I'm sure you will be amazing.

adorable-eggplant

@OxfordComma Seconded about checking the school/culture. I went to a highschool that was super open and had a weekly LGBTQ pizza lunch hosted by one of the teachers. It was pretty awesome, and from what I could tell, most teachers seemed to feel comfortable being open. So it's totally possible to find a good spot!

MilesofMountains

@You'll be sorry Jo March People get weird and extra judgey where teachers are concerned, apparently. Both my parents have taught (one HS, one at a community college) and from what I know, they both never told their students anything about their lives. My mother insisted her students refer to her as "Ms." and refused to answer whether or not she was married. My father never mentions his family either, so it was funny when one of his students ended up at a house party with myself, my brother, and my sister, since he seems to be pretty blindsided by my dad having a boatload of kids. They have a pretty traditional hetero high-school sweethearts marriage, but still both decided to keep it quiet.

You'll be sorry Jo March

@everyone Thanks for all the info and advice, y'all. I'm thinking, though, that teaching may just not be for me. I think it would really bother me to have to work in a potentially homophobic environment, and it would be really difficult to screen out schools based on culture when teaching jobs are so hard to come by. BLERGH

OxfordComma

@You'll be sorry Jo March : Oh, I feel that pain!

But if I can say this again?

It's not about homophobia (most of the time!)--it's about the fact that teaching is an inherently vulnerable profession. I promise, most schools are not homophobic--they're just weird and nosy about EVERYONE'S personal lives.

...Which is part of why I left.

Teaching can be so, so rewarding. I am close friends with some of my old students, and it's wonderful to know that you are actually helping someone become a better human being.

It's a good profession.

It's the hardest job I've ever had.

If you want to teach, do it, and don't let anything stand in your way. *hug*

You'll be sorry Jo March

@OxfordComma I understand that it's not necessarily about homophobia (though the schools in the district where I live are very much that way), but I don't think I'd be comfortable working in any profession where I felt like I was being surveilled by thought police! I'm not toooo attached to the idea of becoming a teacher, so there's that. It's still sad, though. Thanks for the hug. *hug*

OxfordComma

@You'll be sorry Jo March : Truth! Go therefore and get ye a job that you will Be Happier With!

Xanthophyllippa

@You'll be sorry Jo March Sadly, any environment in which you work has the potential to be homophobic. It isn't just schools where you'll have people questioning your morals.

If I were in your shoes, I'd go teach the nicest, most open-seeming place I was able to get a job, drop in mentions to partners among colleagues I trust as such mentions become relevant, and keep an eye out for the students who seem to be struggling with sexuality/identity issues. Or at least, I like to think I'd do that; I recognize that it's easier in theory than in practice.

VDRE

I've been looking for a new messenger bag for work and I fell in love with this one even though it's way out of my price range (I was looking to spend like $50?). But I love it and it should hold up longer than the canvas ones that I've been using because it's made out of leather right? Right? Please convince me to buy or not buy it depending on how much you like the bag.

Springtime for Voldemort

@VDRE I mean, theoretically, leather lasts longer, but since you can't physically examine it before buying to make sure that it's nice materials and that everything fits and all that, don't. Because when shipping is $30, you'd have to spend $60 if you didn't like it. Other messenger bags will come along, and they will let you examine them without committing.

BucketsOfCool

@VDRE That bag is SO CUTE, but I guarantee you'll find one that is just as awesome and probably more in your price range. And I totally agree with @papaylily about meeting your bag in person. I swear there is something about Fridays and online shopping.

RNL
RNL

Well fuck. I was seeing somebody, it was going really well, and then... he fucked up, I freaked out, he said he was too busy to talk about it, and I got so upset I dumped him. I think it was rash. I'm regretting it. I think I acted poorly, and like a crazy prson. I really don't think he will give me another chance. And now I'm sad.

OxfordComma

@RobotsNeedLove : That sucks. :( I'm sorry, lady.

RNL
RNL

@OxfordComma Thank you! That helps. This is the first time I've been in this situation. Other break ups have basically always been "well, good thing that's over" (even with all the accompanying pain). This is just... regret.

wee_ramekin

@RobotsNeedLove I...don't have all the specifics, obviously, but...you say he fucked up and then was "too busy to talk about it"? Like, if it's something that made you freak out, then he needs to find the time to talk about it. Especially if he fucked up.

I know that it takes two to tango, and that you might think (perhaps even correctly) that you didn't act your best in this situation. But please don't blame yourself entirely for this quandary, aight?

RNL
RNL

@wee_ramekin Aight. You're right. Which is why I broke up with him - don't leave me hanging, dude! It's just now I miss him, and I think maybe we could have gotten through it had we understood each other's communication styles earlier, before it was too late. And thank you too. So helpful to feel not alone. And have someone proof-read the crazy self-talk.

wee_ramekin

@RobotsNeedLove Well girl, could you...say that to him? Be like "Look, I wasn't happy with the way that I dealt with that thing, and I also wasn't happy with the fact that you felt like you were too busy to talk about it. I miss you, can we try again, and also talk about our different communication styles so we don't repeat this?".

I mean, if you want.

RNL
RNL

@wee_ramekin This is good advice! But, as it turns out, he won't talk to me. So I guess I'll have to write this one off. Let the healing begin! :(

The Lady of Shalott

OH MY GOD SO ANGRY. I had a doctor's appointment scheduled for next week. They called and left a message changing the day of the appointment, which hilariously happens to be a day I work. When I called the office to be like HEY WTF ARE YOU DOING, they're like "Oh you can't see anyone else, we're booked up until August."

THAT IS NOT HOW THINGS WORK. All I need is someone to write me a fucking prescription for these fucking pills I DON'T EVEN WANT TO HAVE TO TAKE. That is all. So my choices now are to try and get squeezed in somewhere on short notice as a new patient (FUN) or get my workday switched next week at my new job (ALSO FUN). Just fucking shoot me, please.

Springtime for Voldemort

@The Lady of Shalott You should totally ask to speak to the office manager, and explain that appointments have to be set with _both_ parties agreeing that is an acceptable time. If they need to cancel, they should really ensure that they can get you in quickly at another time, even if it means a Skype appointment or adding on some extra time some night. That is SO unacceptable.

Megasus

@The Lady of Shalott They can't just send one to the pharmacy if you call and they fax a request?

Porn Peddler

@Megano! I saw the same allergist and have been taking the exact same medication regiment for at least ten years. They still get snippy if I ask if they can call in a month's supply of something because I can't squeeze in an appointment in time (I saw this allergist for years while living four hundred miles away so getting back to my hometown for an appointment was...you know...not always done in time.)

@The Lady of Shalott YOU SHOULD CALL AND RAISE. HELL. Well no, you should call and raise....firm, assertive hell. Fuck it, you should scream at them if you want to because what the fuck.

The Lady of Shalott

@all GREAT SUCCESS. One of the TEN doctor's offices I called was able to squeeze me in on Monday. I am preparing to call and leave an angry crabby message at the other dr's because HO MY GOD. (Also, the message because they've already left for the day.)

EpWs

@The Lady of Shalott Whaaaaaaaaat that is so not okay. Set them on fire, etc.

However--a day you work? Does this mean you're getting hours? And perhaps have stories for us from the bridal trenches? And, best of all, are getting moneys? HOORAY!

The Lady of Shalott

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher It's true. I do. I have bridal stories already and THEY ARE NOT ALL GOOD ONES.

EpWs

@The Lady of Shalott TALK, WOMAN, TALK.
Unless you are saving them for a post, in which case WRITE, WOMAN, WRITE.

frigwiggin

Everyone! Favorite cold noodle salad dishes? Or other dishes that don't involve a lot of cooking? I love this garbanzo bean salad and am looking for more stuff like it. (And my parameters for "like it" are quite loose indeed.)

meetapossum

@frigwiggin I do not have a recipe, but I would also like such recipes, so I'm piggybacking on your thread.

anachronistique

@frigwiggin Black Rice Salad:

Sautee about half an onion, finely diced, in some olive oil in the bottom of a saucepan; add about a teaspoon of cumin. Make rice in the saucepan as per usual. Add a can of drained black beans. Add about a cup of corn (frozen is fine, fresh off the cob is dynamite). Add in whatever else your little heart desires; mine usually calls for a bunch of shakes of chipotle Tabasco sauce. Eat forever. Also makes a great burrito filling!

Spinach Party

@frigwiggin OOoh lately my go-to has been fake Asian noodle salad. All you need is any kind of noodle (spaghetti is fine) any kind of vegetable chopped up (literally anything you want) and a sauce made of soy sauce, oil (sesame, but olive in a pinch is fine i'm sure), sriracha if you want it hot, or peanut butter if you want it sweet, or both?!

In the past I've used, shredded carrots, spinach, chopped broccoli, squash,scallions, sesame seeds, cilantro, cabbage, etc etc.

PW has a great real recipe: http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2008/03/my_most_favorite_salad_ever_ever_ever_ever/

phlox

@frigwiggin Peanut sauce On Things! Make peanut sauce (soy sauce, garlic, ginger, onion, sriracha and peanuts or other nuts, I used cashews last time and you really couldn't tell because the other flavours are stronger, all in a food processor until smooth-ish), toss with fresh chopped veggies and cold rice/quinoa/rice noodles.

Spinach Party

@phlox You are much more succinct than I, haha. mmmmm this is all making me really hungry and I have nothing in my cabinets right now.

frigwiggin

Aw man, these are all sounding tasty right now, guys.

@phlox Ahhh, I love making peanut sauce! I usually use this recipe and coat either soba or Chinese egg noodles with it, plus some chopped bell pepper and grated carrot and cucumber.

frigwiggin

@frigwiggin Also, right now I am eating a variation of tamago kake gohan, one of my favorite lazy meals: reheated rice in the microwave, dumped a raw egg in there and mixed it up in the hot rice, poured on some soy sauce, sesame oil, and furikake (rice seasoning with seaweed and sesame seeds and crap).

entangled

@frigwiggin these all sound brilliant.

I only ever bothered to make this once, but it was AMAZING and not actually all that hard (I think I am just bad at planning lunch ahead of time. http://smittenkitchen.com/2009/01/warm-butternut-squash-and-chickpea-salad/

Porn Peddler

@frigwiggin Tabbouleh is my favorite salad! I make it with whatever small, round, carby thing I feel like on a given day. Last time it was quinoa.

EpWs

@frigwiggin Hopping on this thread for more cold salad suggestions, please.

phlox

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Oh, a it's more complicated to make but this week for lunches I had tomatoes, penne, and quinoa with homemade kale pesto. It's kale, garlic, olive oil, basil and some nuts (pine nuts are proper but they were expensive so in my usual style I used cashews), but the kale is kind of a pain to cut up and get into the food processor. But it is delicious hot or cold. Or you could use arugula, but my grocery store did not have arugula.

frigwiggin

@frigwiggin I don't know if this is something anybody else would ever find appetizing, but in college I would sometimes cook a pack of soba, rinse it cold, and then throw in a) some soy sauce b) some sesame oil c) a can of chopped clams and some of the clam juice and d) some frozen spinach which I cooked with the soba. And sometimes some sesame seeds. It sounds weird, mostly because of the chopped clams, but it was cold and savory and deliciousss. I should actually make that sometime soon. Soba is a good cold base for summer eating, so buckwheaty and good.

boysplz

@frigwiggin http://www.saveur.com/article/Comix/Noodle-Melange-Vanessa-Davis

This! I love it, and the comic is funny. Also not noodle based but you can make a mean black bean salad with:

A couple ears of corn, slice off the kernels and saute them for about five minutes till they turn golden. (you should really use fresh corn here)

Mix that with a drained can of black beans, a seeded diced tomato, about 3 tbsp of chopped cilantro and a dressing made from one chipotle chili in adobo sauce (save the rest of the can to make chipotle ice cubes for later) with the juice of two limes and a half tablespoon of honey.

Then dice an avocado and fold it in, the lime juice will keep it green. IT IS SO GOOD. PLUS, no heating!

rianne marie

@frigwiggin
this is the simplest thing in the world but so so tasty. (unrelated, what's the make a link code for the comments here? There are so many variants and I haven't bothered to check)
http://www.kalynskitchen.com/2008/09/recipe-for-cannellini-beans-in-mint.html

BosomBuddy

@frigwiggin Heidi Swanson's Otsu, via 101 Cookbooks. http://www.101cookbooks.com/archives/000110.html

TheDragon

@frigwiggin I like to make something that I have no name for but love.
I cook up some bite sized pasta, then cut up cherry tomatoes and spinach, sautee them in some olive oil with whatever herbs sound good, add the pasta to the veggies, and stir it all up. Then I throw in either mozerella balls or feta chunks. It's good hot or cold!

Also, tuna past salad: Again, start with cooked, bite sized pasta, and add a can of tuna and 2 tablespoons of mayo, dill weed to taste, and 2-3 oz of cheddar cheese chunks. Mix it all up and chill.

I also love tabbouleh with tomatoes, lots of parsley, and cucumber chunks.

cuminafterall

@frigwiggin I just made penne with chickpeas, zucchini, green pepper, harissa and goat cheese-- it's cooling in the fridge now, so I hope it's good! Will report back.

anachronistique

@The Kendragon I do something like this, although I am usually too lazy to cook the tomatoes. Also, chopped olives. And it's great with Israeli or pearl couscous. (The big ones. Probably fine with the little ones too but I don't like those.)

TheDragon

@anachronistique I have never tried the big couscous! I want to but keep on forgetting to. I like the little ones mixed in with orzo and tossed with herbs, olive oil and veggies though!

Ohh 'nother good easy recipe - Pasta, broccoli, Canadian or regular bacon and Parmesan cheese all tossed together.
Apparently I eat a lot of pasta.
I just REALLY like carbs!

harebell

@frigwiggin Here's one for a day when it's too hot to turn your stove on.

MELON SOUP
Take a honeydew melon (or cantaloupe, but honeydew is best) and cut the interior into chunks. Add plain yogurt (that is NOT fat-free) and blend. Add the juice of 3-5 limes. Dash a bit of cayenne pepper on top, to taste. It's delicious and so refreshing! (even, rather filling). You can have a piece of nice, crusty bread with it if you want a carb.

Kerri Mercury Morris@facebook

I'm having a pre law school crisis where all I want to do is listen to rap music, do my nails, and make DIY cutoff shorts. So that's what I'll be doing this weekend.

themegnapkin

@Kerri Mercury Morris@facebook don't go to law school. Spoken by a lawyer whose weekend was just ruined (again). :(

EpWs

@Kerri Mercury Morris@facebook You will be fine! I know people in law school and they have not yet ceased to listen to rap music or do their nails.

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher
And I just started listening to rap music after 5 years practicing!

beanie

@Kerri Mercury Morris@facebook are you having the crisis where you feel like you should be doing alllll the fun things that you know you won't have time for soon? I am in this spot as well.

@serenityfound

Oregonian Pinners! I am flying up tomorrow for my sister's graduation at U of O (Eugene) and need some advice. I have never been to a big university graduation (both of my degrees are from tiny unis), so I don't really know what folks'll be wearing. I want to look cute but no super overdressed (which is my usual, awkward MO). Also, I am flying into Portland, so recommendations of places to get said clothing would be great!

Lumpy Space Princess

@@serenityfound A nice sun dress seems cute and appropriate for graduation/weather combo. Kind of like a wedding, I'm guessing! There are about a million and a half places around Portland to get a sun dress and cute shoes (and a cute cardigan in case the weather cools down?). Go on Yelp and look for stuff around the area you're going to be in. Red Light, Rad Summer, Buffalo Exchange, Vintage by the Pound, Ray's Ragtime, H&M, Rock n Rose, Smut, Red Fox, Goodwill, etc etc etc.

The Lady of Shalott

@Lumpy Space Princess Oooh I would definitely second a sundress with a nice cardigan or cute jacket--if it's indoors it might be air-conditioned to infinity, and you might feel underdressed if everybody else is all covered up? At my gigantic undergrad convocation, I wore a sundress beneath my robes, but all the audience ladies were wearing nice summery dresses and stuff.

sceps yarx

@@serenityfound Don't worry, people in Eugene dress like homeless hippies. No matter what you wear, there will be some dude in a fleece vest and socks/sandals making you feel fancy in comparison! Or you can go crazy and dress like Dita Von Teese. That's the wonderful thing about the Pacific Northwest--anything goes!

SeaMoney

@serenityfound I agree that you probably can't go wrong in outfit choice. A sun dress would be a good idea. The weather for Eugene looks pretty good, but there is always a chance of rain. So maybe keep that in Mind? It looks like the big ceremony will be indoors at the basket ball arena. Jefferson Smith who is a super cool dude and running for mayor of Portland is the main speaker, should be good, the homeskillet is a great orator.

nervousrobot

You guys. I just started working full-time. I've been in school for the last seven years,and always used to read the FOT, but OMFG NOW I GET IT, HOW ELSE WOULD I STAY SANE FOR THE LAST HOUR OF MY FRIDAY WITHOUT YOU ALL AHHHHH.

Springtime for Voldemort

Does anyone else find out that posting a comment on The Hairpin will end up sending the page down to the bottom? Or is that just me?

dabbyfanny

yep. in fact, that's how I saw your post ;-)

OxfordComma

@papayalily : Me too! Obnoxious.

Springtime for Voldemort

@dabbyfanny @OxfordComma Whew! Not just me. Also: Edith? Fix this please?

OxfordComma

@papayalily : WE ARE NOT ALONE.

paperbuttons

Sooooo, anyone have any experience taking Passion Flower extract for anxiety? I just started it, but I can't tell if it's doing anything...

carolita

@paperbuttons I found st-john's wort to be more effective. Just be careful about using it a lot and going into the sun -- it makes you sun-sensitive.

paperbuttons

@carolita Ah, I picked up some of that too! Good to know about the sun issue, I'm already fair as hell and seeeensitive.

dabbyfanny

@paperbuttons St John's Wort. Definitely.

wildschild

@paperbuttons Try Sam-E! it worked really well for me and didn't give me the "hangover" that I got from st. johns

paperbuttons

@wildschild hm, never heard of that one. I will have to check it out!

carolita

@paperbuttons yeah, I found that I'd forget to use St-John's wort whenever I was doing better, which was why I liked it. It did nothing except ease the anxiety, didn't make me feel "good" per se, just less anxious. It helped me through a couple of break-ups, too! ;) (I took it in tea form, at one point, because that's all they had available, but you can take pills now. I just add a bag to my usual tea in the morning when I'm feeling overwhelmed.

Craftastrophies

@carolita Holy crap, I didn't know about the sun sensitivity thing. The internet seems to think it increases photophobia too, which I have. And has been worse lately. I have been taking St John's Wort. Boo. I think I might continue to take it for another month or so because it's winter so it's not like I see the sun anyway and I really notice it when I miss a day.

carolita

@Craftastrophies Oh wow, that's too bad! I'm not affected, but then I only take a teabag mixed with my morning tea, once a day. Well, I'm not sure what else is good for anxiety -- st johns is the best for me. But maybe try the other classics (valerian, passiflora). I'm kind of interested in hops as an alternative, but I haven't done any research on it.

Craftastrophies

@carolita I really only need it in winter, I think, because of SAD. I've noticed on they day after a sunny day - or even on the weekend when I'm able to go outside in daylight - I'll forget to take it and that's fine. I might have to look into alternatives for next winter, and if I do I'll report back! Because at the moment I'll take some scintillating in front of my eyes for being able to achieve things, but it's a trade off for sure.

carolita

@Craftastrophies If it's SAD, maybe investigate Carlsson's Vitamin D drops? Do some research, as you don't want to overdose on it, but it's apparently safe. I take them when I feel like I"m coming down with a cold, and when I haven't been getting outside enough. Some people think lack of Vitamin D can be related to feelings of depression, which makes sense to me. (Not enough sun, SAD?)

chnellociraptor

My local Fringe theatre festival just kicked off yesterday, so I'll be spending the next week seeing free plays, hanging out with my friends and drinking beer in the sunshine.

Ah, summer.

Two-Headed Girl

@chnellociraptor Fringe festivals are the best! I can't wait until August for ours, even if I will spend too much money and end up seeing at least one awful show.

KatPruska

I need to go back to school and the gist of all the angst that I am tired of thinking and am not bothering to type is: do I start over completely and most-expensively in a music-related area (voice and vocal pedagogy), or do I go the shorter route of finishing up an English degree so I can qualify for jobs that don't currently exist?

I'm pretty sure I'd be much happier with option A, but it seems so impractical, and I've convinced myself that my age might be a factor without any sort of supporting evidence, because preemptively crushing my own dreams is just how I roll. It's not like I'm using my time in a sensible way now, or have any other long-term career prospects, so I'm not sure what's stopping me except for that whole no self-esteem thing.

Ugh. I need more friends to talk to; my brain is such a jerk sometimes.

Fodforever

@KatPruska Okay, so obviously there are a lot of ins and outs here that can't be sorted out by a stranger on the internet, but...

My first reaction is: Go for the music! I know it's cliche and a very simplistic view, but follow your heart. Don't crush your dreams. You are a capable lady, and no matter what you do things will work out somehow!

Also! If you are really close to your English degree, maybe finish that, take a year to test the waters and then go back to school? Or look into double-majoring? Have you spoken to a school councilor? There may be options open to you that you don't know about (my school had a kind of 'create your own hybrid degree' for people who switched majors a lot).

Follow your heaaaaart (and see your school's expert on this); good luck!

KatPruska

@Fodforever Yeah...it seems so silly now that I've written it down. Why the heck not just do what I want? I think I may need to wait a year anyway; auditions are usually in early Spring for most of the programs in my city (and I need to get back into good vocal shape anyway).

My academic history is like a textbook illustration of a person with undiagnosed ADD, and while there is a lot of comfort now in knowing that it isn't just me being lazy and dumb, but is in fact an issue of my brain being incompatible with how the world is structured I have many reservations about what the Other People are going to think of me. Which is something I really need to stop giving a fuck about. But I caaan't, because the anonymous music school people are going to look at the sheer number of undergraduate programs/schools/majors I've cycled through and be all, "You will never commit or finish anything real, certainly not in this program, please leave and never ever try to be the person you want to be ever again."

Fuck I am so mean to myself. Thank you for responding!

dale

@KatPruska I'm going along with Fodforever here, and thinking that finishing off the English degree before jumping into the new one (or doing something simultaneous for that first year, if you can). I don't think you can go wrong with having the English behind you, and adding the music on top. You never know what jobs will arise over time, and I think having both might put you in a good position for working in arts-related offices (I'm thinking things here like the office of a symphony orchestra or opera company), if performance is not your only goal.

wildschild

Any Pinners in San Francisco around? I'm thinking of moving there this summer/ fall (I've been dumped and fired in the same week... it's obviously time for a change)... Any tips? Should I do it? Should I not? How hard is it to find a job? Or a house? Or friends!?!?!

entangled

@wildschild I am not in San Francisco proper, but I moved to the south bay ~4 years ago and I love it here. I think it depends what you do, but the tech sector has been really booming and it seems like companies in general are hiring a lot more than they are letting people go. There are a TON of transplants in my area (silicon valley, but I think this goes for most of the bay area) so people tend to be really friendly and open to making new friends.

It's an expensive area, so it might be a tough move if you have no job and no one to stay with, but I definitely recommend it as a place to live. Hopefully someone who's actually lived in SF can jump in with more helpful advice, though.

sceps yarx

@wildschild I grew up in the Silicon Valley and my husband is from the East Bay and we had friends in SF. We don't live there right now because housing is just so damn expensive. But I get homesick for it a lot. The weather is great, the culture is great, the food is amazing. Job market is good right now, but it takes dips depending on how the tech economy is doing. If you don't have a tech job you end up living with your mom or grandma for the rest of your life. I could sell my 4 bed craftsman house in Seattle and buy a shitty condo overlooking the freeway. Woo hoo! But really, it's sooooo expensive.

I think it's easy to get to know people if you have activities in common with them (gaming, church, sports, etc.) Bay Area people can be kind of bitchy and snarky, but in a funny way. We insult the ones we love! People tend to be very up-front about who they are and what they care about, which I like a lot.

paper bag princess

@wildschild It's very hard to find a house! (Unless you have a lot of money). It also can be hard to find a job depending on what kind of job you want. I'd say definitely move here because it's amazing, but plan to live outside the city like in Oakland.

JadedStone

OMG SO MUCH THIS WEEK.

I was super apprehensive because my mom decided she wanted to buy birds and I am generally not really a pet person because I'm allergic to everything. (I like them! Just... over there.)
ANYWAY. They aren't regular birds but baby conures, a green cheeks and a cinnamon, and I am disgustingly in love with them. We've bonded and they sit on my shoulder and sing along to Nicki Minaj and are so awesome and adorable.

ALSO. I think i want to buy a car? A used Honda Fit I think, as I find that car awesome and I love Honda.

ALSO: my bf's best friend msg'd me on facebook (just a general sort of message) and I really don't want to respond because I'm not her friend nor do I really want to be. I'M NOT ADDING YOU LADY.

ALSO if you are canadian then clearlycontacts.ca is having a 50% off sale! I got some snazzy purple transition glasses and total price paid with tax was about $100.

Porn Peddler

@Jade omg those little parrotlets are SO CUTEEEEEEEE

billie_crusoe

@Jade Pictures or it didn't happen. (About the conures. I just want to see them because that sounds adorable. Actually, videos.)

I say ignore the FB message. Maybe I am rude? I know I'm rude, but I feel like it's justifiable to only add people you like.

JadedStone

@Porn Peddler @che the one likes to pull your hair on top of his head so he looks like Cher. I will take pics/video.
I am also trying to train them to sit on my guitar and sing along.
I also bought them aviator harnesses so we can go for walks in the park. AND I am buying them a perch for work so I can take them with me. (I have gone mad and am the bird lady now)

TheDragon

@Jade AHH We have a green-cheeked conure at work who sits on my shoulder and grooms my hair while I'm cleaning cages. And he chases my finger through the glass, and will get so into it that he falls onto his back and rolls around with his feet up in the air.
I'm convinced that no one will ever buy him, because people don't go to Petsmart for expensive birds, and I really don't have a grand to drop on a bird/cage.

Reginal T. Squirge

Portland meetup tomorrow? Who's going?

(I'll probably go)

BucketsOfCool

@Reginal T. Squirge ME ME ME! I think. I am visiting for the weekend, but am thinking I can squeeze in some oysters (how rank does THAT sound?!) after an afternoon of biking around. Although, truth be told, I may be there at 5-ish instead of 6pm if anyone wants to go earlier!

null

@Reginal T. Squirge I will be disappointed if you're not there, real talk.

That said, despite every good intention I have of going there's a decent chance I may back out at the last minute cuz meeting new people is scary! Ahhhh.

Reginal T. Squirge

@klaus

Oh, don't worry. You'll be disappointed when you see what I look like in real life, too. So either way: disappointed. Don't stay home, though. The last meetup was completely not terrifying and everybody was nice-nice.

null

I'll only be disappointed if you're unwilling to forge a friendship that involves sending me all of the hip hop recommendations. Maybe? see you nerds tomorrow!

themmases

Just found out I'm getting a raise hell yeaaaaaahhhh

olivebee

@themmases Woooo congrats! What are you going to buy to celebrate?

themmases

@olivebee I'm actually not sure! I finally get this higher rate about a week after I get back from my vacation, and I'm not sure I can wait that long for new glasses. So I told my boyfriend I'm taking him somewhere fancy but... Maybe better summer work clothes?

Porn Peddler

So my mom declined to donate to the Dr. Tiller fund for my birthday but wants to get me something. Do I want a food processor? A pressure canner? A cart for my kitchen? Shit on my kindle wish list?

Other things she declined to get for me when she demanded to know what would be a good gift: Gift certificates to my favorite local businesses (like, the art theater and my favorite restaurant...so Mister and I could have a nice night out. That sounds fucking brilliant and personalized if you ask me, AND SHE DID)

Springtime for Voldemort

@Porn Peddler :( for not donating to the Dr. Tiller fund.

I myself have a rather large pile of gifts from my mother that need to be regifted to someone who will enjoy them.

EpWs

@Porn Peddler GET AN IMMERSION BLENDER.

sceps yarx

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Immersion blenders are the best!

Springtime for Voldemort

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Today, I learned that that stick thingy that makes smoothies I have in my kitchen is called an "immersion blender".

EpWs

@sceps yarx I KNOW, RIGHT? I use mine for pretty much everything. This summer it's been on salsa duty every week. It is the best. @Porn Peddler GET ONE.

Springtime for Voldemort

I'm watching the season premiere of Burn Notice, and my first thought is: why is Fiona in a white summer dress? If I'm turning myself in, and going to be in jail, I'd definitely make sure to put on something significantly more practical first.

Ironika Leigh

I'm thinking of moving to Sacramento, but everyone is making me feel like I'm crazy. So tell me the good stuff, please? Are there other Pinners there? There is good stuff, right?

vunder

@Ironika Leigh To Sacramento from where? It's really fucking hot in the summer.

laurel

@Ironika Leigh I've never lived there but when I lived in SFran I used to visit. I thought it was great: a decent live music scene, the delta, alll the Southeast Asian food, and more trees per capita than any city in the world.

vunder

@laurel Good points. Live music there can be fun, for sure. We've gone up from the Bay to see smaller shows for big bands. Yes to good Southeast Asian food as well, and good produce all around. It's small and can be sleepy, though, so depending on where you're from.

Ironika Leigh

@laurel I can totally live with those things. I'm old and exhausted anyway. A little sleepy is good. But I definitely need to get out of the Midwest.

My neighbor has been calling it an armpit. Though she likes it here, so I can only take her advice with a grain of salt.

i don't even know

@Ironika Leigh The armpit is farther south. It does get quite warm in the summer, but I'm in the midwest right now and miss the weather in Sacramento. I also really miss the easy access to the ocean and mountains. There are things to do in Sacramento itself, too, but know that the public transportation leaves a lot to be desired. Also, the produce was much better there than anywhere else I've lived.

mystique

Hey everyone! Happy Friday! I finished a big part of my ongoing project (and might write for the Hairpin later!! What!!) which is awesome. But also I am working three jobs + this project (all on the computer) from home and it's a little crazy-making because I'm in my parents home in a small suburban town. Any suggestions? Other than obsessively texting my unemployed friends?

wallsdonotfall

Hey guys. Anyone have recommendations for affordable art online? I have some Etsy favorites and I just bought a bunch of prints from tinyshowcase.com, but I would love to know about more less-than-$50 print sources. (I know about 20x200 too, but they never have anything I like that much. I'm interested in paintings, photography, everything.)

The Lady of Shalott

@wallsdonotfall Oh, me too. I'm just commenting because I like to have pretty things to hang on my wall, but I am broke, so, affordable is good?

wee_ramekin

@wallsdonotfall I love exactly everything by this artist, Nikki McClure. That link has some very affordable posters of hers.

frigwiggin

@wallsdonotfall I'm quite fond of Elisa Lazlo de Valdez's photography; she has an Etsy shop, but I think you can buy a print of anything on her Tumblr or Flickr just by emailing her? My favorites are the octopus prints, though, because Erika Moen is the model and she is my hero.

HeyThatsMyBike

@wallsdonotfall This is also relevant to my interests! Posting to see replies!

Xanthophyllippa

@wallsdonotfall Tell me what you like and if I have something in the 30,000 photographs on my hard drive that matches, I'll send you a print?

olivebee

@wallsdonotfall I love society6.com. We have a few prints from artists on there, and the prices are super reasonable. (Plus, you can get any art print as a t-shirt, laptop cover, or iPhone cover).

MsChilePepper

@wallsdonotfall I found some cool stuff on FineArtichoke.com!

Cat named Virtute

Sitting in Kensington Market, Toronto, with a yam burrito and a root beer because my friend won tickets to NXNE. Feeling pretty damn good.

The Lady of Shalott

@Cat named Virtute Is the burrito from Big Fat Burrito? I'm incredibly jealous! And I'm even MORE jealous if you're also going to go to Pie in the Sky while you're there.

Cat named Virtute

@The Lady of Shalott Sure is! But I forewent Pie in the Sky in favour of gelato from The Grindhouse because it meant a closer bathroom. No regrets, the barista was mad hot and flirted with me. Also I'm sitting in Bellevue Square and it is BONKERS. A dude just broke into the chorus of Come What May and then was yelling about zombie chickens. I almost don't want to leave. Also a cluster of hippie dudes is discussing how hairy they are. It's amazing.

The Lady of Shalott

@Cat named Virtute I have never lived in Toronto, just visited, but suddenly I really wish I was there.

Brunhilde

My power has been out for a week.
I have $0.26 in my checking account.
I have had a nervous tic in my eyelid since Monday.
I have taken 1 hot shower in the last week (every other day I'm hobo-showering in the bathroom at work because I'm a classy lady, or soaping up and then breifly rinsing off in my freezing cold and pitch black home shower).
I can't make it home for the High Sierra Music festival, because all the money I was saving for it was given to someone to pay the power bill... which did not happen.
My job is super stressful right now so I hate it more than usual and I already know I'm going to have to do a billion things on Monday.
Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggg.

Maybe I'll win the lottery and then I can pick up and move to Italy or something until I've forgotten all about this life. I got paid today, so I think I'll go invest this paycheck in lottery tickets (no I will not I will take it myself to the power company and beg for mercy).

Brunhilde

@Brunhilde But I just got an e-mail from an old colleague at my old awesome (double the pay as my current job) job and they are looking for someone?!? There's hope!

billie_crusoe

@Brunhilde Oh my god, that sounds terrible. I hope you enjoy a long, hot shower when you get power back! Also, what's the status of said boyfriend?

Brunhilde

@che I'm actually pretty worried about him. I know it's easy to get depressed and discouraged when you're job hunting, but he's going to the extreme and I worry he won't even be employable in his current state.

billie_crusoe

@Brunhilde Oh, man, I'm sorry to hear that. I was out of work for a while, and am also prone to depression, and I can see how that can happen. I probably would have gotten there if my unemployment had lasted too much longer.

Are there any safety net services in your state? I live in a state with really crappy Medicare (you can only get it if you're pregnant or disabled, basically), but we have a safety net for people with mental health diagnoses. If he's even open to that.

kpo987

Favourite face masks, andddd... GO!

sceps yarx

@kpo987 A handful of epsom salt, warmed up in hot water.

EpWs

@kpo987 The Batman cowl.

HeyThatsMyBike

@kpo987 Honey! Like, actual honey. Rubbed on your face. If you're feeling creative you can throw some olive oil or like an egg yolk or sugar or something else fun in there, but honey!

aliceandstuff

I am moving to New York in two weeks! I have been too busy packing up my apartment and putting everything into storage to be too freaked out about how different things are going to be. I am so excited and scared.

blueberry mary

@aliceandstuff I basically just posted about how terrified I am of moving to NYC! Good luck to you, lady!

Atheist Watermelon

@aliceandstuff welcome! i did it last august, it is terrifying but SO WORTH IT! :-)

billie_crusoe

Finally, Friday. I kept checking for open thread yesterday because I NEED YOU, HAIRPIN, but it... wasn't Friday.

a. I called HR about the misogynistic jerkwad at work, and I don't think anything's going to happen. Yesterday he made reference to my "titties." I feel like *I'm* causing trouble, and I keep anticipating all the ways I will be told to ignore it.

b. I have had a migraine lurking since I was in San Francisco over 3 weeks ago. I literally want to die. Also, I want health insurance.

c. I love my new bike! I haven't fallen off once!

d. I just sent a letter to Bank of America to close my account, and I am convinced that they're going to find a way to screw me one last time. I KNOW they sometimes reorder my transactions from the day so they can process a withdrawal before a deposit and charge overdraft fees, so I don't trust them. At all. I am wondering if I should go deposit $100 in it this evening just in case they try some shenanigans.

e. Someone at work is paying me to make them a pie! Basically all of my self-esteem these days comes from baking for people :P

f. Speaking of pie, happy birthday @inkcrafter! I have to go make your pie now...

EpWs

@che
a. SET HIM ON FIRE. Seriously, that is the worrrrrst. I want to punch him, and your H.R. department.
b. That is ALSO the worst. Migraines are terrible and I am so sorry. I'm assuming you've already medicated the holy hell out of it?
c. Yay!
d. Also probably just set them on fire.
e. PAID FOR PIES. That is awesome! Homemade baked goods (made with love) are something everyone deserves on their birthday/whenever.
f. Happy birthday, inkcrafter!

JadedStone

@che ALL THE PUNCHES.

...pie? I love pie. I would SO PAY YOU to make me pie!
OMG. It could be like that panty by post thing, or the brownbox, instead, each month you get a PIE. OMG. AMAZING.

billie_crusoe

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher
Set it on fire is how I feel about life lately. I need to just immerse myself in some good fiction and narcotics. (Yeah, I've medicated the holy hell out of it. Excedrine and Ultram are the go-to drugs right now, with an occasional chaser of Imitrex (injection, $50 a pop) and/or Tylenol 3.

Also, my diva cup died, and tampons are making me SO CRAMPY. ARGHHHHH. Also also, I just finished my last period a week ago, I hate you forever Depo Provera.

billie_crusoe

@Jade I am kind of addicted to making and eating pies right now! I would make you a pie if you were here! I did once give someone a pie frozen and uncooked, so I guess it would be possible to ship pie :P

I wish I had access to a commercial kitchen, because that's required before you can legally sell food in this great state. I would totally make 5-10 pies a week to contribute to a farmer's market booth if I had said kitchen, though.

OxfordComma

@che : Tell me how to make the DivaCup less scary!

Seriously, I'm so terrified that I won't be able to get it out without causing WWII all over the bathroom floor.

Megasus

@Jade We should all pitch in to open a pie shop, and it will be just like the Pie Hole, aka THE BEST.

JadedStone

@Megano! DIBS ON BEING EMERSON COD.
(I wish I could be an Olive, but I'm not an Olive.)

Megasus

@Jade Can we be co-Emersons? BECAUSE EMERSON IS THE BEST.

rianne marie

@OxfordComma Diva cups are so not scary. Don't even worry! Occasionally my hand gets messy and if that scares you then don't get one. But all over the bathroom floor? Not going to happen. Pretty much the worst case scenario is that you will drop it in the toilet. Which is gross and would suck, but that's the worst mess-related thing I could possibly imagine happening. (and for the record I've been using one for ten years and have never done anything anywhere near that unpleasant)
If you get one, be prepared for it to be awkward and messy for the first month or two, but once you get used to it it will change your periods forever. The diva cup is the best thing ever.

billie_crusoe

@OxfordComma TMI TO FOLLOW...

So, I have a super small cup, it's hard to reach, and I still get blood on my fingers (and sometimes the toilet seat) pretty much every time. Never the floor. BUT this is just because I'm messy as hell in general and have a tiny cup (I have to reach way up in there to even reach the stem). I also tend to get messy removing tampons, so it's mostly just me. I highly recommend http://menstrual-cups.livejournal.com/ if you want lots of info, and from reading there, I gather that most people figure out clean ways of removing it.

I seriously love mine. It's wayyyy more comfortable than tampons - this is the first period in over 2 years when I've had to use tampons regularly, and I hadn't realized that even my cramps had improved with the cup. I have a weird vagina (prolapse surgery, so things are not as stretchy and forgiving in there), and I actually forget I have my cup in, which is amazing. Plus, you save a lot of money. Mine (Meluna) is supposed to last 5-10 years, and I paid less than $30 for it. It died after 6 months, but apparently it was a problem with that batch, and they're replacing it for free. Most of the companies I know of have at least 1 year guarantees. At the rate I bleed, I would definitely spend more than $30 a year on tampons.

Also, apparently you can get sample cups for cheap from some companies, so you could try one for not much money. That way, if you hate it, you are only out $10 or less. I've heard they're flimsier and don't last long, but

JadedStone

@OxfordComma TMI: I am, frankly, disappointed every month by how little blood there really is. After a while your periods get lighter and honestly it's a bit of a let down. (I realize this makes me sound weird)

olivebee

@Megano! @Jade OMG Pushing Daisies fans! One of my all time favorites. Emerson Cod is one of the greatest TV characters ever (and Ned is just so adorable). My cat is named Olive because of Olive Snook (she looked more like an Olive than a Charlotte).

Xanthophyllippa

@Megano! "Pigby liked the noises the sweet-smelling thing that fed him was making."

I was crushed when "Pushing Daisies" was cancelled. And "Eli Stone." ABC had such amazing, cool shows and then pulled the plug on them.

redheaded&crazy

@rianne marie i do know somebody who dropped her diva cup and turned her bathroom rug into a murder scene.

NOT HELPFUL I KNOW BUT IT IS VERY RARE! I often think to myself wow this is slippery it would suck if it fell in the toilet, but I've never had that problem. I'm confident enough that I will take mine out in all kinds of public bathrooms.

Inkling

@che @The Everpresent Wordsnatcher
Thaaaank you for pie and wishes! (The Hairpin, I am 22!) I didn't know you had a Diva Cup and that one could break! I hope my voracious vagina doesn't devour mine with this newfound knowledge.
I'm gonna go back to Grace's apartment tonight and continue eating pie :D Pie pie pie.

billie_crusoe

@Inkcrafter You missed the Diva Cup convo the other night :P I had one tear around the holes (a LadyCup) and this one started flaking (a Meluna), but the company is replacing my new one, YAY.

@Jade I was actually a little disappointed when I went on Depo Provera and stopped having periods because I had JUST gotten a new cup that I like a lot. Fortunately for me, though, I've had a period pretty much nonstop since I quit Depo (AGH), so I've had plenty of opportunities to use it.

@redheaded&crazie I think I've dropped mine in the toilet once, maybe, when I first started using it? But once I got the hang of it, I haven't dropped it since - even when I use the super slippery SoftCup I have.

Also, I thought someone asked about samples, and I can't see that comment now, but:
meluna.ca has their regular cups 50% off right now, which means they're $10 CA. Shipping is another $9, but that's still significantly cheaper then getting a Diva Cup from Whole Foods.

@all: PIE. I called in sick to work today because I have had a migraine and lifting heavy boxes at work would make it worse, and I don't work again until Tuesday, so I have SO MUCH PIE. (I was going to take one to work, but they might be soggy by Tuesday.)

OxfordComma

@che @rianne marie @jade: Thanks!!! I bought one about six months ago, tried it once and just got...panicky about it.

Time to give it another shot!

Faintly Macabre

Things that happened to me while ushering last night:

-A teenage girl sincerely apologized for being annoying! Funny, but I also felt a bit bad, since she and her kiddie friends weren't the worst by far.

-Said girl and about 30 other people all had the same brilliant idea to try to sneak into a box they didn't have tickets for. I cleared them out every time. The row behind them told me it was the funniest thing they'd ever seen and gave me a high-five for being awesome. (Thanks?) Said row also tried to get my attention by calling me "Sir" and wanted me to bring them beer.

-Someone put out their cigarette in the rug when I told them to stop smoking.

-When told to stop smoking, another asshole got up in my face and said "Boo-hoo" while blowing smoke in my face. I told him to please go away, and instantly wished I hadn't been socialized to be so polite so I could have wished him a slow death instead.

-A young boy ran past me before I could check my ticket and yelled, "YEAH, I JUST RAN PAST YOU, MOTHERFUCKER!" which only gave me reason to follow him and kick him out of the ticketed seating. (He left after saying, "WE'RE JUST WAITING FOR MY FRIEND! HERE HE IS, IT'S THIS GUY!" while his friends stood abashed.)

-The big, tall security guy posted to my spot, who probably gets 3x as much per hour as I do, stared intently at his phone instead of helping me keep aisles clear. Meanwhile, the young, petite security girl on the other side had everything locked down.

-I made $25 for four (usually five) hours of this.

billie_crusoe

@Faintly Macabre Oh god. That sounds horrifying and not worth $5 an hour.

Infinite Jess

My cohabitating boyfriend (together 2 years, living together almost 1 year) told me this week that he wants to bail on his half of our lease for the rest of the year (it's up in August) so he can go live rent-free with his mom in his hometown, two hours away. This will allow him to pay me back the significant back-rent he already owes me, and his student loans, faster. Assuming it really is that much easier to get hired in his hometown-metropolitan-area than the college-town-metropolitan area we live in, of course.

I wanted this conversation to happen earlier this spring, because that was when I put the deadline on of "you can't owe me any more money than this". He has only stuck to that ultimatum since then by getting bailed out every month by his mom, who also puts gas in his car. I feel for her. I think this is the best choice. He'll be out by the end of the month.

I think I am going to open up negotiations about the bills he's responsible for during the summer, though. He did sign the lease! I was there! He shouldn't have to be living with me to be responsible for the bills he signed up for!

Am I an ass? Am I an idiot? Am I going to be okay living on my own? I love him and stuff, but I have been getting increasingly annoyed about the way he is with money (so this is an improvement, right?). I'm not just staying with him for the return on investment, but god, wouldn't it be a nightmare if we broke up and I had to demand the money back AFTER?

RNL
RNL

@Infinite Jess Oh my god. This is, to me, a huge red flag. He is going to leave you with double rent to he can pay you back faster? That doesn't seem like helping you, or honouring your contributions to his well-being.

I'm sorry, I don't mean to be down on your relationship, but it seems like you deserve more.

sceps yarx

@Infinite Jess Wuh-oh. This sounds like a hot mess. Is there honestly, any chance of him paying you back for the rent he already owes? Because if there IS a chance of it, you might be better off settling for just that instead of pushing the summer-rent issue. I don't want to be a debbie-downer, but it seems like a breakup is in your future. I suppose you could always cut out the middle man and ask his mom for the back-rent.

adorable-eggplant

@Infinite Jess Ok, so my first thought was: "Get everything in writing." Because maybe I have watched to much small claims court on TV, but you totally don't want to deal with, "Well, you said... but then..." So it's good, in a way, that he's on the lease, because that's a contract and so maybe he's on the hook on the record? I am so not a lawyer, but I spend a lot of time with them and it has totally changed (warped?) my perspective. Also, I have judgey feelings about someone who would sign a lease without some legit plan to pay their half (unless he lost a job after the signing, in which case that totally hurts, but then there needs to be some immediate contingency planing on his part. Um, so seconded on the red flags, and you seem like neither an ass nor an idiot, but rather like a person in a pretty uncomfortable situation. Pinners are totally in your corner, though. :)

RNL
RNL

@adorable-eggplant Definitely get everything in writing (I AM a lawyer!). Email is a good way to do this - keeps forever, and it's easier to get someone to put it in writing that way. You don't have to tell him "it's so I can sue you in Small Claims later", but instead do a "hey honey, while I was at work I put together a list of all the bills you owe me - can you check it over and confirm? xo".

Sorry this is happening. In my experience, when people are treating you this way it's because they just are that way. It's not your fault, but it's not going to get better (although it could! you never know!)

BucketsOfCool

@Infinite Jess This sounds so stressful. It also sounds like he's taking advantage of you! Also, YES you will be okay living on your own. Only you truly know your relationship and what you're willing to deal with, but this guy sounds too immature to be a part of your awesomeness. My mom always said, "If you get that lurking, gut feeling that someone is being manipulative/taking advantage, then they probably are." Yes to getting something in writing! Or bringing his mom into the "negotiations". I'm so sorry!

adorable-eggplant

@RobotsNeedLove Thanks for the confirmation! And a friendly email, well, that's brilliant and non-confrontational. That trick should be taught in girl scouts alongside starting a campfire and making complicated knots.

Infinite Jess

@adorable-eggplant AND OTHERS: AHHH you guys are so nice and supportive!

I will definitely be taking the advice of getting whatever money agreement we work out in print. I can probably give him/his mom a break on the July rent (I talked to the leasing office today, and they confirmed I can get a new, smaller place by myself by the beginning of August), or at least only make him add on the one-month, $60 difference between the bigger apartment and the smaller apartment to his debt, so the amount I pay in the interim would be no different than the place I'm getting on my own.

Yeah, we may be pointed toward a breakup, even though the reason for the debt existing in the first place was unexpected job loss, to which I am still sympathetic. He is exhibiting some really nonsupportive, immature behavior about this money, though, and it is kind of a turnoff. I guess we'll see how his responsibility-o-meter pings once he's on board with my terms for paying back his debt.

Ugh, I feel more like a bank than a girlfriend.

The good news, though, is that, no matter which way our relationship goes, I get to keep his kittycat, who can't go with him to mom's. And she will be my forever-kitty, and we will have cuddles.

harebell

@Infinite Jess

It's hard to lose a job, of course, but it's not an acceptable response to stop paying your rent as a result! I hope at the very least he did ALL imaginable housework in the apartment to thank you for the implicit forced loan he just took out from you. But, ugh, adults have an emergency fund for situations like this. His lack of solutions to the problem does not sound okay. I mean, how could you ever rely on him if a situation arose where *you* needed something? Glad you found the place apartment, hope you love it, and hope you love all the pleasures of living alone!

EpWs

I am hunting for apartments (the one I just moved into was a temp for the summer) and GUYS, HUNTING FOR APARTMENTS SUCKS. Especially when you live by yourself and don't make All The Moneys. And everything on Craigslist is a scam (and not only a scam, but THE SAME SCAM). GUH.

OxfordComma

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher : Try hotpads.com -- I've had better luck with that.

Springtime for Voldemort

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I enjoyed watching the same apartment pop up on CL every 3 days for over 1.5 years. At first when I saw it, I thought "ooh, cute, I should go check that out when I'm not being lazy". But then, as I kept seeing it more due to me being lazy, I thought "all these other people know what a crap place it is, and that's why they aren't taking it". And now that I have a great place, I think "that probably was a great place, but the owner ruined it with their desperation."

EpWs

@papayalily @OC Thanks, guys. hotpads is proving to be a great resource indeed, yay!

I have Internal Drama And Guilt over apartments--namely, that I have a degree in and work in a field that is all about old buildings, so I have Guilt if I live in a newer one/complex/etc., because I'm all about how cool and useful old buildings are, but MAYBE I WANT TO LIVE IN A PLACE WITH A LARGER AND NOT-ANCIENT KITCHEN AND MAYBE SOME SORT OF LAUNDRY? AND ALSO WALL INSULATION AND WINDOWS THAT DON'T LEAK. I need someone to tell me that's okay.

OxfordComma

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher : Lady, it is SO okay. Frankly, you may not have a choice based on cost and safety.

billie_crusoe

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher That is definitely OK. Rationalize it by saying you probably can't afford the old buildings that are safe and neat and well-renovated, anyway? If that makes you feel worse, forget I said it.

EpWs

@che This is totally true. Pretty much all the old houses that have been chopped up/converted into apartments are on campus, which is where I Do Not want to live, and they're all run by campus slumlords. Booooo.

Someday I will have my gorgeous and adorable bungalow, outfitted with modern appliances and the world's best kitchen. I am going to have to buy the bungalow in order to do this. That is okay. This is not that year.

Springtime for Voldemort

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Omg so ok! Hell, isn't half the appeal of HP that elusive fantasy in which old buildings have all the charm and grandiosity of old buildings, while still having modern amenities like insulation and dishwashers and washing machines and the ability to use water and electricity without something going horribly wrong? You're doing the good work during the daytime, it's so ok if you live somewhere that's nice.

EpWs

@papayalily This is true and helpful. Thank you so much. :)

EpWs

@everyone GUYS. In the spirit of I JUST WANT A GODDAMN PLACE TO LIVE ALREADY, I was DECISIVE today and scheduled a showing (in a COMPLEX, which I've never done before, and am kind of worried that I didn't see the actual physical apartment because, uh, someone's living in it right now) and then said "Yep, this'll work" and wrote a check for the deposit and application. Should find out tomorrow if I get the place. I am still dealing with residual guilt because OMG IT'S NOT A HISTORIC BUILDING but it has a nice big kitchen and a balcony and air conditioning and I am excited about it. Cross yo fingers!

soul toast

I just made my last tuition payment for grad school! I still need to finish my last two classes, but that should be easy compared to the past three years of socking away sooo much of my paycheck.

SarcasticFringehead

@soul toast Yay! (so now you can come to meetups? Or will it have to wait until you finish those last two classes?)

BucketsOfCool

I am leaving work in 24 minutes and all I am doing (and have been doing because my brain has turned off) is refreshing the open thread over and over and over again until then. TGIF!

Chareth Cutestory

I'm going to an elaborate Prohibition themed murder mystery tomorrow! I'm DETERMINED to bring home Best Costume. I swear I'm not normally a competitive person at all, but I just feel like I'll die inside if someone else gets it. :( I live for dressing up in costumes. Wish me luck! And feel free to lend me any murder mystery/circa 1929 costume suggestions you might have. (Doing faux finger waves, red Clara Bow lips, smoky eyes, pearls, cigarette holder, the works.) I'm not a good actor so I'm really nervous I'm going to break character or that I'm going to turn out to be the murderer, haha.

OxfordComma

@Chareth Cutestory : No fishnets, buy a pair of thigh highs and actually roll them down! Sexaaaay.

Chareth Cutestory

@OxfordComma Oh my gosh, GREAT idea! I've always wanted thigh highs and this is the perfect excuse to buy them.

OxfordComma

@Chareth Cutestory : I live to serve!

I know you don't have time right now, but when you do, you have to check out sockdreams.com for their stockings and tights--they are wonderful!

Chareth Cutestory

@OxfordComma Will do!

billie_crusoe

@OxfordComma OOH, thank you! I've been wondering where to get a garter belt!

MsChilePepper

@OxfordComma My friend runs their retail shop in Portland! She is aces!

OxfordComma

@MsChilePepper : I've been shopping with them since...2006? I just love how responsive their customer service team is!

Atheist Watermelon

Soooooo, a little birdie told me something about how some of you NYC hairpinners go out for something called Karaoke killed the cat next Friday? Can I crash? Can I crash? Pretty please? :-D

runner in the garden

@LittleBookofCalm :D

Passion Fruit

Hairpin, good day, I love you all! Nothing more to say, just enjoy your weekends, you collective bunch of goodness, you.

my cats are assholes

I hate that my work installed key loggers on our computers because I really miss this place :(

HeyThatsMyBike

@my cats are assholes That sucks!!!!

EpWs

@my cats are assholes Thaaaaaat sucks. I just started a new job that's keeping me whoa busy, so I'm scared to check the 'Pin at all during the day. I miss this place too.

my cats are assholes

Thanks for commiserating with me. I'll admit that my productivity has sliiiiiightly increased, but this site was always a welcome break from my boring workday!

my cats are assholes

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I hope you like the new job, so it ends up being worth it :)

sudden but inevitable betrayal

@my cats are assholes That sucks! :( But at least you know about it?

my cats are assholes

@sudden but inevitable betrayal Ohhhh yeah - I am totally grateful that I found out before they were installed. How did I USED to spend my day? FB and The Hairpin, all day every day.

Xanthophyllippa

@my cats are assholes Is that even legal?

my cats are assholes

@Xanthophyllippa I think so! For employers, anyway.

TheDragon

@my cats are assholes I really have nothing useful to add but I love your name

blueberry mary

Is there any reason why I need to be SO NERVOUS about moving to NYC in November? I'm scurred, y'all.

Fiddle dee dee

@blueberry mary

Nope, no reason to be scared. It will be awesome, I promise.

whateverlolawants

@blueberry mary I would be scared too, but excited! Are you also excited?

Mingus_Thurber

What ever happened to Party Falcon? Every time I hear that awful song, I rewrite it to "Party Falcon's in the hooouuuse tonight. . ." as somebody else here suggested. I miss PF.

Also, I have to work again this weekend. Not that big a deal, because weekends are about the same as regular days (except extra money!). Except I slashed hell out of my right ring finger on a mandoline on Tuesday, and handwashing 40+ times a day won't work with slashed-up hand.

We'll see if the whole finger falls off, I guess.

OxfordComma

@Mingus_Thurber : Yes! And Craftastrophies! I miss her face.

EpWs

@Mingus_Thurber I miss Party Falcon and Craftastrophies too! Pouring one out for our missing 'Pinners.

Megasus

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Craftastrophies is alive! She was in the Fashion Group the other day!

PistolPackinMama

@Mingus_Thurber PF's last appearance on Hairpin was when her mom was evidently sick, but not sure how sick, with cancer. So I expect she has a lot going on. :( I miss her, too.

whateverlolawants

@Mingus_Thurber I thought someone showed up on a similar thread a few weeks ago and hinted (with a Justin Bieber picture post) that they were PF with a new name? But that might have been someone else. In either case, yes, let's pour one out. I think it's sweet we actually notice each other missing, especially when someone is going through a tough time.

Craftastrophies

@OxfordComma Aw you guys! I am here! But my sister is over from Ireland and things are busy and also I sort of accidentally resurrected my tumblr (I just got into a tumblr fight with someone about the use of the Oxford Comma. I feel this is relevant). So I've been reading the pin but I am just so behind that I never comment.

I miss PF a lot :( I hope she/her mum is ok.

OxfordComma

@Craftastrophies : AHAHAHAHAHA! That's *amazing*.

Have a great time with your sis--we miss your voice, lady.

billie_crusoe

Sexual health expert people! I'm turning 27 in August, and I failed to get Gardasil before this. If I start the series now, will PP finish it after I turn 27? I didn't get it because I was in looooove and my partner didn't have HPV, and also I was waiting to see if there were any long-term side effects that showed up. But now I'm running out of time! And I want to get it! I'll call PP Monday, but I know there's at least one PP employee here who might know...

Porn Peddler

@che They spread the shots over six months, so no, but as long as you start before you hit 27 I think you can get the others later. Also, that whole "26" thing seems so ridiculously arbitrary to me...

billie_crusoe

@Porn Peddler
Cool.
I knew I wouldn't get them all in before August, but I am hoping to get started and see if they'll finish. I don't have insurance, so I'll have to pay for them anyway - so it doesn't matter whether insurance will cover the later 2 after I turn 27.

I think they assume everyone has HPV by adulthood. But that's dumb and arbitrary - why 27? I was a virgin until 23 and have only had one partner at all, which is unusual but not THAT unusual. Probably it just wasn't financially worth including people over 27 in their studies because they won't get enough people over 27 to increase their profit. Maybe eventually - I can't believe it took them so long to get it approved for boys.
But don't even get me started on drug companies...

whimsy

@che
Get it anyways -
and actually, yes, most people who have sex are exposed simply because the only people who get tested for HPV are women during Pap Smears and it typically takes years to manifest itself.... Which means male partners don't get tested unless the have undergone the specialty blood testing or you were sure they were a virgin.

But yes, get the shot anyways! Even if you did get exposed to one strain you will still get the protection of the other 3 strains!!

Spinach Party

Oh! so I've been meaning to ask- any Connecticut Hairpinners here? I figure, if the scheduling works, I can always join NYC meetups, but it would be swell in anyone was closer in CT :-)

TheDragon

Ya'll. I am moving this weekend. The reign of terror with the bitchy roommate, her son, and her firing-of-guns-in-the-house/let's-try-to-seduce-The-Kendragon/let's-punch-a-hole-in-the-door-while-mad-at-his-fiancee fiance/bf/dudebro/sperm donor.
I CANNOT WAIT
There has never been a girl so happy to move into a trailer park in the history of trailer parks

billie_crusoe

@The Kendragon YAY. Do you have roommates in your trailer, or do you get to live alone?

TheDragon

@che I have one roommate, but she's a lovely, mature lady who's already graduated with her master's and is teaching at an elementary school. So I'm assuming it will be a LOT less drama.
I don't really know her, but she's been extremely nice so far, and is one of my really good friend's cousin, so I'm optimistic.

billie_crusoe

@The Kendragon Sweet! Good luck!

TheDragon

@che Thank you!

ELECTROMAGNETIC CHAOS

I've been succesfully fighting off a cold for the last 3 days. Though today I bought and took two nyquil caps and chased it with a no carb red bull. I was trippppin balls? Loopy as heck. I had to go on a couple walks. I just kept thinking 'I hope no one tries to talk to me in my office'. They would be concerned when they said 'Hey' and I said 'What? WHO SAID THAT' while looking right at them. Don't do OTC drugs kids.

billie_crusoe

@Too Much Internet Ha ha. I took an Ultram and a muscle relaxer and went to work like 6 hours later, when I thought it would be out of my system. Being high at work is NO FUN.

TheDragon

@Too Much Internet Oh gosh. For some reason Midol makes me TRIP BALLS. Like seeing fully-filled out and detailed people out of the corners of my eyes, then turning and seeing NO ONE.
So I can sympathize.

Megasus

@Too Much Internet Oh man I took this arthritis tylenol when I worked at a grocery store (cuz standing all day made my bones HURT) and definitely spent some shifts a bit looped out.

Atheist Watermelon

I really need to bitch for a sec: can i just say how much I detest OK Cupid...? For about a month and a half, I had what I considered to be a well- thought out profile that I thought represented my personality really well, with a bunch of really cute pics, and got about 1000 messages that were basically variations of the following three messages: "Hey their :-)" "U r cutee" "hey cutie msg me sexy". So I suspended my account for a few months. Recently, I decided to try a new tack- I posted a new version of the profile, with slightly obscured pictures. As a result, there are far fewer of the above sort of messages, but now, nice guy™s are sending me lecture-y messages about how I seem smart and interesting, but why can't they see my face? KILL KILL KILL.

TheDragon

@LittleBookofCalm
Set them on fire?

billie_crusoe

@LittleBookofCalm OK Cupid makes me so happy I'm gay; I get FAR fewer sketchy messages than my straight friends on OKC. I'm sorry online men are being shitty :(

wallsdonotfall

@che What is the secret to getting girls to message you/message you back on OKC? I'm queer, so maybe they're scared off by the "bi" label OKC forces me to use? But ughhhh, I hate it so much, I get maybe one response out of fifteen.

Xanthophyllippa

@che I still get sketchy messages. One of them was in fact, "Hey their n e chance I cn see ur face?" and I wrote back, "No, if that's your idea of a pickup line. No chance at all."

(Of course, this may be why I have no sex life, but still. Standards: I have them.)

thatgirl

@LittleBookofCalm I honestly ignore 90% of the messages I get. It helps to change the settings so you don't get alerted to anyone who matches you less than, like, 75-80% and you don't get as bothered in your email inbox.

However, I also met my pretty awesome boyfriend on OKC, by messaging him first and being extremely meta. And we've been together for nine months at this point? So yeah, there do exist awesome dudes on OKC, but unfortunately there are also a lot of shitheads.

eiffeldesigns

@LittleBookofCalm I gotta say- if you ain't gonna put a proper pic up you are probably not going to have any luck- especially if you don't message first. I know I won't message any dude that doesn't have a proper pic- long off shots, blurry shots, close ups that only show his chin. And then, even if he does message me I'm probably not going to reply. Pics are important- even if it means dealing with tons of creepers.

I think of okc as just a really weird bar- if you wouldn't go up to the dude in a bar if he was wearing a ski mask you can't expect a guy to send you a decent message if you are wearing the online equivalent of a ski mask.

staircases

@LittleBookofCalm Maybe it's my area, but in my profile I put down at the bottom "You should NOT message me if you are primarily interested in casual sex" and my message quality has been pretty good.

Doesn't mean I'll respond to any of them though : / god I hate this.

redheaded&crazy

@LittleBookofCalm in my okcupid profile, under "you should message me if"

I have a big thing about how i'm looking for somebody who can communicate really well and wants to be in a solid relationship and like all this shit.

i think it scares a lot of idiots off. it's working very well for me.

eta: i see @staircases has a similar suggestion. yeah. yeah!

Atheist Watermelon

@staircases, @redheaded&crazie, @Kirs thanks guys! Have modified and haven't received a single message since. (This is actually a good thing. LOL.)

wee_ramekin

@wallsdonotfall I don't know if this is true for you or not, but you might try putting something in the first paragraph of your self-summary that's like "I identify as queer, but I am primarily interested in dating women right now". That might give ladies who are interested a little more information about you, and a bit more courage!

ELECTROMAGNETIC CHAOS

@LittleBookofCalm: I don't know what the magic combo is to make online dating work for gals. Maybe 0 pictures, but you have to do all the first contacts? With picture trading later. But then you'd have to deal with bailouts. I dunno.

ELECTROMAGNETIC CHAOS

@Too Much Internet: making a new thread on purpose, like a boss

Atheist Watermelon

@Too Much Internet yeah, i thought of that... but i HATE making first contact. I guess everyone does, but... I just really like being pursued rather than being the pursuer...? From my own historical perspective, that's always worked better... ugh. i just hate dating. a lot. *&*&%%^$

ELECTROMAGNETIC CHAOS

@LittleBookofCalm: That's reasonable. Personally, I don't think the onus is on anyone to 'have to' make first contact. If you prefer to be contacted, that's okay. I, too, just wish dating sites had better filtration so you had more signal to noise.

The Maple Kind

I saw the therapist for the first time this week, as I posted last week. It went very well and I really like him so far. It was mostly just me explaining who everyone is in my life and the basic things that brought me to see him, with him asking a few questions to prompt me. I'm seeing him again next week and looking forward to it. Things are going better with the boyfriend too, although nothing is clear yet. It's frustrating but I'm trying to take it at a slow pace and think everything through and give myself time. It seems like what I need.

sovereignann@twitter

@The Maple Kind Oh I am looking into therapy for the first time also. Right now I'm researching and looking into what my insurance will allow (ugh!). Good luck to you and congratulations just talking to the office staff nearly threw me into a panic attack!

TheDragon

@The Maple Kind
Congratulations to you for being brave enough to realize and be ok with the fact that you need time and help!
You're a lot braver than I am. I hope things continue to go well for you.

The Maple Kind

@sovereignann@twitter I get a few sessions for free because my employer has an employee assistance program! (Before I did this, I talked to a phone counselor four or five times, who then referred me to the in-person counselor.) If I want to continue after the free sessions, I'll check with my insurance too. If you need pointers on finding and affording therapists, some other posters on here are pretty knowledgeable.

I cried really hard when the office staff could only schedule me with a man, almost two weeks away. But I gave it some thought and decided to try him out, and so far I'm glad I did. And the wait wasn't so bad after all. So hang in there and keep trying. I was in therapy one other time in my life and it really did help. I hope it makes a difference for you too!

@The Kendragon Thank you for your kind words. And I think you're braver than you give yourself credit for.

sovereignann@twitter

@The Maple Kind It's interesting you say that about a male therapist. Because when I was calling around, which!!, one of the female doctors stopped taking my insurance but there was a male doctor available which freaked me out totally. I have kinda made it to where I only have female doctors or dentists because of the level of caring I receive. And I know this sounds silly but I grew up with brothers and all I can picture a male doctor doing is listening, semi-rolling his eyes and saying,"Well then just stop thinking that way! Ready for a beer?" which I know isn't the case at all but... Also being that I am looking at behavioral psychologists there might actually be that on some level. But with hints and exercises to help you stop thinking that way. I am going to keep trying but UGH! When you don't have the desire to get off the couch how are you supposed to be motivated to keep trying to research and find someone to talk to about why you don't want to be on the couch?

Xanthophyllippa

@sovereignann@twitter I was lucky (well, sort of) because when I hit that place, I had a friend who informed me, "I'm going to make an appointment for you with my friend, who is a therapist who specializes in young academic women." She made the first phone appointment and the first in-person appointment, and so I went because I didn't want to disappoint my friend. (Also, I knew she was capable of physically dragging me there if needed.) She took away a lot of the initial obstacles for me.

In the long run, this got to be a little awkward because we knew all the same people, and I started to feel very boxed-in. But at the start, she was exactly what I needed.

(She also started saying weird things like, "Oh, you feel lonely all the time and have low self-esteem? I think you should try dating.")

wee_ramekin

@sovereignann@twitter My first therapist was a male therapist named Toby. I had never wanted a male therapist and was like "How the EFF is a youngish dude going to be able to help a queer chick in a relationship with someone who is transitioning?!". I didn't really have a lot of choice about who my therapist was, because I get my therapy at a teaching clinic for $15 a session, and they are ALWAYS booked (you have to book an appointment for a new therapist 6-8 weeks out). But dammit if Toby wasn't one of the best therapists I've had. I was really sad when his semester was over and he moved on to his own practice.

Try a dude out...it mightn't be that bad!

Fiddle dee dee

@wee_ramekin Agreed! I have been to several therapists (I have moved a lot) and have seen 2 men. One was a gay fellow with a lot of cats who helped me and my mother through a tight spot many years ago (thanks, Ken!) and the other one I have been seeing for 2-3 years now. I was concerned, too, but it has worked out well.

The Maple Kind

@everyone I had my second visit this week and it's going well so far. He talked about research studies about relationship health and what we can learn from them. I'm looking forward to starting to really have a dialogue about my relationship, which should begin next week.

sovereignann@twitter

@The Maple Kind I'm really happy that things are going so well and you feel like he is a match for you. I am still trying to find mine which really is made more difficult with anxiety and depression. I thought the other day it would be nice if you could just be assigned one but I think that would mean I was in a hospital so, I'll just keep looking. I wish you continued success!

TheDragon

I was a judgmental bitch to a judgmental bitch this week. It was great!
One of my friends called me in tears Wednesday night, saying that she needed to get Plan B but was too ashamed to go alone. I went with her, and was all "See? No big deal! Being responsible is nothing to be ashamed of!"
Anyway, this older lady was behind us in line and when friend asked for Plan B she made this disgusted noise and muttered something about "teenaged whores"
I spun around and informed her that I'd prefer being a young woman in charge of my sex life over a sad old women carrying a obviously fake snakeskin hot pink purse and wearing a belly shirt three sizes to small.

I know. My argument was irrelevant and immature. It still felt good. (I also think I am now the go to friend for shopping for sexual health supplies.)

harebell

@The Kendragon good for you! Although your story makes me sad and angry at once. What is wrong with people that they think they can say those things out loud?
And what happened to elderly people acting like adults (let alone being wise or compassionate)?
And your friend was already feeling bad, poor thing. Grrrr.

Porn Peddler

@The Kendragon Not irrelevant and immature.

I mean you would rather be a young woman in charge of her sex life than that lady, right? Relevant!

TheDragon

@Porn Peddler
I was proud of my friend, too! She added a quiet, but firm, "I'm 22." as we walked off.
Yay for putting assholes in their places!

Fitzsimmons

Three good things about The Unpaid Internship I posted about a couple weeks ago:
1) Unpleasant other lady intern has quit.
2) The new intern is a dude and smokin' hot.
3) Unpaid internship now pays for my $40/week downtown parking.

Sugar Kane's Hip Flask

A moment of silence for my favourite/only pair of jeans which have just succumbed to chub-rub and now have two unsightly holes in the thigh/crotchal area.

P.S, I'm still wearing them just with longer tops/legs crossed so nobody can see my butt.

sudden but inevitable betrayal

@Sugar Kane's Hip Flask I'm so sorry for your loss. RIP, jeans.

TheDragon

@Sugar Kane's Hip Flask
Mine always get those from my saddle! It's always one long tear all the way across the back, just under the back pocket. Usually when I'm roping or herding. I'll change direction fast, hear a rip, and know that all the cowboys will get to see half a butt cheek and whatever undies I'm wearing that day. (Depending on the cowboys, the undies, and my self-confidence level, there are days when I'm actually a-ok with this.)
If you can find denim that's close to the same color, you can do an inside-patch. It will still be noticeable, and you'll probably still want to wear longer tops, but you won't have to worry about butt sightings!

Atheist Watermelon

@Sugar Kane's Hip Flask I have a pair of those.. they're already patched on one side, but the other side is rawther quickly necessitating a bikini wax. (Hi, TMI! :-)

Sugar Kane's Hip Flask

@LittleBookofCalm @The Kendragon @sudden but inevitable betrayal
Thank you for your kind words, I think I'll try patching them up if I can find material that matches or with STEEL because damn, I think they need to be made from something stronger!

EpWs

@Sugar Kane's Hip Flask I lost a pair of jeans the other day to an unsightly and sudden inner thigh split. I am not sure when it got there, as I just noticed that I could feel the air on my thigh. Huh. I really hope it wasn't just hanging out ALL DAY during field work.

TheDragon

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher My favorite pair of field pants have an elastic waist and all the elastic has gone out of it. I worked alone most weeks last summer, but one week we were working with the youth conservation core, and my boss pulled me aside and informed me that I needed to find a belt or rope asap, because my neon orange underwear and half my butt were on full display. Seeing as they were following me up really steep hills, I'm guessing my butt was on face level with my high schoolers. Whoops.

sudden but inevitable betrayal

Ugh, you guys. My baby brother turns TWENTY next week and I wrote him a big long letter about aging and being in one's twenties and he'll probably just go, "pfft!" and toss it aside, but between that and Father's Day I'm just feeling SO MANY FEELINGS and missing these two wonderful men and I wish I wasn't so broke and my car wasn't in such bad shape. I wish I could have gone home this weekend and seen them. I should have gone home!

Also, annoyed at my boyfriend, who came home from work today and announced that he'd made a tattoo appointment for next week. Meanwhile he just dropped $1000 on a tattoo a couple months ago and I'm counting on him to help me pay for my car repairs and we're going on vacation in a few weeks, AND we're supposed to be saving up money to move. So, great, it's his money! I'm not his mom! Of course he wants more tattoos! I also want more tattoos! But: see above. And he obviously knows how I feel because he kept it from me until after he'd made the appointment. I'm just so tired of being the responsible one.

Long story short: tears, tears, tears...I am a mess.

olivebee

@sudden but inevitable betrayal Hugs to you, and I hope you feel better soon! I am also the more financially responsible one in my relationship, and it sucks always feeling like a Money Nazi, so I feel your pain. In fact, tonight I got into the beginnings of an argument with my husband before I left to babysit. Basically, his job ends in July, and he has a good shot at getting the teaching job he wants after that one ends, but there are only 4 spots in schools, and if he doesn't get one of the 4, they told him he can work at a library instead. So, he's pretty much guaranteed a job. BUT, he was like "uhh, I probably won't take the library one if I don't get the school one. It's not as good for my resume." And, in my head, I was like WTFWTFWTF so you think it's a better idea to be JOBLESS???? I work my ass off and have a paltry salary that barely supports one person, let alone two, and he wants to be all entitled and picky about what his next job will be after his current one ends? (Also: he spends money like it burns a hole in his pocket).

Anyways, I feel you, and I hope things get better!

curiouscamel

@SarahP my friend has lumps pop up in her breasts all the time and every single time they have been fine! good luck with this, I hope it ends up as no big deal

Two-Headed Girl

This fucking week, I swear. It was my birthday the other day, then the day after that I found out that I'm pregnant and can't get an abortion till July (with a fucking IUD, so that was pretty cool), I had two things due in my spring class, and then, to top it off, there was a shooting/armed robbery on my campus last night that left three people dead.

So I'm going to bake some cookies and then maybe go to improv, because godDAMN. And also make Prometheus jokes about the thing in my uterus, as is only right (does it mean I'm mostly okay with it if I can still joke? My brain says yes.)

Xanthophyllippa

@Two-Headed Girl You need a beer. And possibly a hug.

Two-Headed Girl

@Xanthophyllippa Luckily I've had both of these things in abundance since the other day. The few friends I've told about the parasite thing and my (honestly saintlike, even if he did have to leave for the weekend) boyfriend have all been incredible and supportive. My people are the best people.

Infinite Jess

@Two-Headed Girl May I ask the reason you can't abort until July? Is it scheduling? Is it money? Maybe we can point you in the direction of some money.

whateverlolawants

@Two-Headed Girl Oh my gosh, what a shitty week. I am so sorry. Internet hugs.

Two-Headed Girl

@Infinite Jess It's not money, I'm in Canada and it's covered by provincial health care. As far as I know, though, there's only one clinic in my city, and when I called to book, they were into the first week of July. It could be a lot worse, though, so I'm grateful for that...oh, basically every time I read American news.

Infinite Jess

@Two-Headed Girl I'm so relieved to hear your healthcare system covers it! Is that kind of wait normal, do you think? I've never had an abortion in the US, though, so for all I know it could be a comparable amount of time.

Did you go to improv? Did you make Prometheus jokes? (That scene scared the shit out of me, fucking sexist surgery-robots.)

Springtime for Voldemort

@Two-Headed Girl Ok, just, hugs. So much hugs.

EpWs

@Two-Headed Girl Lots of hugs and good thoughts headed your way. I'm glad you still have a sense of humor about things! I hope your abortion goes smoothly and that you have nice and understanding doctors, nurses, secretaries, and everyone else that day.

Two-Headed Girl

@Infinite Jess I did! Improv is always the best time, and it helped a ton. And re: wait times, I think so. It's the average given on the website, anyways.

@whateverlolawants @papayalily @The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Thank you for all of the hugs. 'Pinners are also good peoples.

Xanthophyllippa

I have been having bad, screwed-up dreams off and on for the past few weeks, in part because I think my best friend is pulling a slow ditch on me and in part for a whole bunch of other reasons that aren't worth going into. I keep waking up all jittery and edgy and every little thing looks like a massive slight to me.

Ugh. I want a new personality.

TheDragon

@Xanthophyllippa
I've been having bad/cracked out dreams too! Must be something in the air. If you were closer, I'd offer you my dog. He's good at comforting when you wake up crying/sweating.

Megasus

@Xanthophyllippa I was having nightmares all the beginning of this week! (When I was working, of course) Like I had this really unsettling dream where my ex got into my apartment AND WOULD NOT LEAVE.

Xanthophyllippa

@The Kendragon I would totally cuddle that.

@Megano! Ugh. I hope dream-you set him on fire.

My dreams have been about travelling with the best friend and teaching and somehow being left out. In one dream, she was playing catch with someone and wanted me to play, but I didn't have a glove with me and didn't want to catch bare-handed because she was whipping the ball so hard and when I waved no at her, she turned away.

I also dreamed about trying to find shredded coconut.

TheDragon

@Xanthophyllippa
I've had three weird ones, two were scary, two were awesome.
In dream one, people were trying to break into my house and kill me, and the door was made of styrafoam. I was just WAITING for them to figure that out
In dream two, the LARGEST spider ever was chasing me and I cut off a leg, poked out it's eyes, threw it on a lit burner, stepped on it, and threw it against a wall. It. Just. Kept. Coming.
In dream three this dude from a tv show I've been watching who is CRAZY attractive and I were secret agents charged with keeping a princess safe on a long trip. We were badasses, and fell in love. It was especially awesome cause he was the tech specialist. Me? Oh I was just the ass-kicking tough girl.

TheDragon

@The Kendragon Two were scary, one was awesome. I don't know how to count. Missed that day in preschool.

Xanthophyllippa

@The Kendragon I failed to notice. :)

Danzig!

@tearsforaffairs Parties suck (I'm at one now as a matter of fact, and not even an active half-pipe can make it cool)!

I don't have any magic bullets, but I'll guarantee you that most of the people who seem to be able to make social shit spontaneously happen have, in fact, meticulously planned it out on some level. You just gotta be assertive about making dates. I've noted that this is especially true in the city - when you're in some bumblefuck college burg, folks are constantly bored enough that you can call them up and say "hey come over" and they will, but send them to a place where there's endless stuff to do (and where car travel is impractical) and they will be endlessly doing it. Even your best friends will have to schedule.

Ultimately what worked for me, when I was in your situation, was consistently setting time aside for select, simpatico people in my life, and even though I'm not a social butterfly by any stretch, and i might have a few days out of the week without hangouts, I'm plenty fulfilled and not isolated.

TheDragon

I'm sorry. But. I need to bitch. My roommate's entire family has taken over our house and they are all SO damn LOUD.
I may also be slightly jealous that the entire clan is helping her move and I'm the only one helping me move.

harebell

@The Kendragon Maybe they will give you a hand with something, too?

whateverlolawants

OMG, I got home and found that I just got a Facebook message from one of my former best friends, "Jen", who brutally broke off our friendship over four years ago. I can't believe it. This was totally out of the blue. I've started crying several times since reading her message. This is really hard.

Jen basically ended the friendship by passively going along with "Brandi", the aggressive, mean-girl queen bee in our circle. After being very close friends throughout college, Brandi ditched me as a friend in a very dramatic, unforeseen way when I was already at my lowest point. Jen went right along with her and just shrugged when I called her out on it. (I don't mind sharing the details if you want them, but I want to keep this post short.) In the years since it happened, I have mostly come to grips with the friend-betrayal on a mental level, and healed mostly on an emotional level, but I still think of them almost every day. It still hurts sometimes. When I tell people the story, they're generally shocked and disgusted. Jen de-friended me on Facebook shortly after everything happened, and I always wondered how she was: I knew she married her boyfriend, and I thought she might not be as close anymore to Brandi, but that was all I knew. I always wondered if anyone from my former group of friends would ever contact me again, and what I'd say if they did. (I had countless dreams about it, in fact. I talked about that on here a few weeks ago.)

Jen's note was genuinely nice: she was thinking about me, wondering how I was, she'd like to reconnect, but she understands if I choose not to respond. I'm kind of happy she wrote, even though I don't want to pick up our friendship exactly. She was always the nicest one, the one whose betrayal shocked me the most. I had considered her my closest friend, and we had so much in common. I think I'll respond but I want to think about it first. I want to strike the right tone. I don't want to make her defensive and get into an argument. I don't want to open myself up to new hurts. I also don't want to gloss over why we haven't talked- it's not like she's just an old buddy who drifted away. I'd like an apology but I'm afraid to ask. I would like to know how she is. I'd like to hear kind words from her.

PistolPackinMama

@whateverlolawants Uff da. It sounds like she is aware of the sensitive position you are in.

You could just do the "thank you for emailing me. Tell me how you are/ where you are/ whatever." And after some pleasant back and forth, you could pretty much say "yo... what the?"

Courage!

Fiddle dee dee

@whateverlolawants Did she apologize?

whateverlolawants

@Fiddle dee dee No, but the way she wrote tells me she's probably regretful. I understand if she doesn't apologize in the first message. I do hope it happens, though. I mean, if it doesn't... why even contact me?

@PistolPackinMama Yeah, that's a good idea. I hope I do have the courage to say that at some point. Part of me doesn't want to open that door (defensiveness, drama, etc.), but perhaps the door is already wide open. I just woke up from a night of dreams about the whole thing.

Thanks to both of you for commenting.

PistolPackinMama

@whateverlolawants Well, you could look at it this way. There is an open door. But you've also gone on with your life. It isn't the same shape as it was when things went to heck, and so there isn't a Friend Shaped Hole in quite the same way as there was when she quit talking to you.

So, you have an opportunity to reconnect, but in a much different way. Your relationship, if you decide to have one, is going to have a different place in your life, and you get to decide what it is.

Also, this has the same relentlessly cheerful, distantly polite specs as maybe establishing a friendship with an ex. Nothing is more empowering than not allowing drama to warp the fabric of your life. Being pleasant and cordial is terrific armor. It also gives you time to think about if you want to ask her WHAT EVEN WAS THAT, and how you want to ask. And if you want to tell her it was really upsetting, and in what way.

Relentlessly cheerful gives you room to maneuver.

(Also, it occurs to me that I am maybe encouraging people to be Minnesota Nice. As in, polite and non-confrontational to their faces, but not nice behind their backs. I am not endorsing unhealthy passive aggression. Just saying, it's nice to give yourself time to figure out what you want and how you really feel before you react.)

Faintly Macabre

@whateverlolawants I think that if you miss her and she reached out, you should talk to her and be cautious. I had a sort of similar thing happen a few years back--my family was going through horrible stuff and one of the few friends who I'd told basically bailed but framed my trying to get news/interaction from him as being clingy. After I called him out on disappearing, he wrote me a long, hurtful email complaining about his problems and saying he didn't have time to keep in touch with all of his friends. I didn't talk to him for close to two years. I heard through mutual friends that he was sorry but hadn't worked up the courage/words to apologize, even though I'd basically forgiven him. Finally, right before graduation, I realized that it was basically our last chance to make things right, so I started talking to him again. (We had a class together, so it was easy.)

He's still never apologized for what he did, which kind of bothers me, and I've never asked for an apology for the same reasons you worry. On the other hand, he's shown that he's sorry by totally changing his behavior--if he doesn't respond to a message, he'll apologize and reference it the next time we talk, follows up with making plans when I'm in town, etc.

Anyway, if you two start talking again, she should kind of expect for you to want an apology/explanation. I was really cautious at first when mending things with this friend, but so far I've been really happy that I brought him back into my life. (I hope this doesn't jinx that!)

whateverlolawants

@PistolPackinMama This is good advice. I think it would be weird for me to be relentlessly cheerful, though, given the undeniable finality of the way our friendship ended. Things did not fizzle out. They ended in a very dramatic confrontation and we never spoke again. I moved out of our shared housing. So I'm having a hard time finding the right tone. She was the one whose behavior surprised me the most, because she was usually so nice and genuine. So I'm willing to talk to her. I don't want to make it seem like everything is okay, but I don't want to get super emotional or dramatic or confrontational. I tried to respond tonight, but I just didn't know what to say. I cried really hard for a while. This shit is still raw. It was at least as bad as any romantic breakup. I tried to explain that to my boyfriend, who is trying to be sympathetic and helpful but has never experienced that sort of thing, I guess.

I like what you say about not allowing drama to warp the fabric of my life. I don't want to start up a big relationship with her, so I suppose that will help. You're right, I get to determine what happens. There's no Friend Shaped Hole. I always said I didn't think I could ever be friends with them again. I mostly don't even want to. I would like to talk to her, though. I always hoped she cared about me and thought about me.

Ugh, I'm unable to sleep and I can't stop thinking about all this... I don't even know what to think. In all the time I imagined one of those girls contacting me, I had no idea I would react like this.

whateverlolawants

@Faintly Macabre That's great about your friend! How did you start talking to him again? Did you feel frustrated, since he was the one who wronged you?

I don't want her back as a best buddy. I don't even know if I'd want to see her in person (we live in the same city.) I do, however, hope she can show me some kindness. I don't want to get my hopes up. I suppose she already has. However, that kindness has led to me crying off and on for the last 30 hours. I want to be ready to talk, because what were the last four years for? What do you think a frank discussion with your friend would be like now? Valuable? Or just a chance for him to get defensive and blame you, or for you to feel guilty for bringing it up?

PistolPackinMama

@whateverlolawants Oh Yeezus. Fingers crossed for you, that it all comes out in the right way. I think that scenario sounds like it is worth crying over. It would devastate me, too.

Faintly Macabre

@whateverlolawants We had a class together, and I'd been hoping he'd get the guts to talk to me, but he didn't. Towards the end of a school year, a mutual friend told me he'd been accepted to a program. At the end of class, I went up and congratulated him, he told me he would love to get coffee soon, and we gradually became good friends again.

I've often debating asking for an apology. He's pretty passive but high-strung, which is how the whole mess started and why he didn't reach out first. So I worry that bringing up how badly he hurt me would stir the whole mess up again. (I also feel partly responsible, since I kept chasing him, though that doesn't excuse him flaking out when he knew I needed him.) Also, changing his behavior is worth a lot to me, as I have other friends who will happily apologize for things and pull the same shit two days later. On the other hand, it sometimes feels like a broken bone that hasn't healed quite right sometimes. He lives pretty far away, too, so I haven't had a lot of chances to talk to him in person about it.

Mostly, though, I've been really glad that I took the risk and talked to him. Forgiving someone and having them know and be grateful is pretty powerful. Usually, what you liked in a person wasn't a lie all along, it's just been temporarily overcome by worse qualities in them. I think that's what makes unresolved friend breakups so painful. Good luck!

Fodforever

@whateverlolawants About three years ago a VERY similar thing happened to me. I met up with the passive-went-along-with-the-mean-girl, and we slowly reconnected.

But... three years later I have been able to see that her patterns have not changed. Whenever there is someone stronger than her to sway her, she gives in. I've realized that honestly I don't really want her in my life anymore, but now I am in too deep and have to maintain a friendship with her that I don't want.

My advice is to write her, explain how deeply she hurt you, and move on. Getting closure may be as far as you need to take it. If you do decide to be friends again, don't jump into it full-force. Don't get in too deep with Jen again before you have really realized who she is.

Good luck!

whateverlolawants

@everyone Thank you guys so much for your thoughts. It really helped a lot to hear different perspectives/experiences and be validated. I finally wrote her back:

It was a surprise to hear from you. Honestly, it brought up a lot of emotions and it took me a few days to figure out what to say. I appreciate you writing, though- thank you. What made you want to reconnect? I often wonder how you are. Of everyone from the old group, it was your friendship I valued the most. I hope you are well.

Then I talked about what I'd been up to and asked about her and her husband. I feel better now, but it took a few days to be ready to even respond. Phew. Thank you guys. I'll let you know if anything comes of it.

Danzig!