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Thursday, June 7, 2012

495

Ask a Clean Person's Gross Substitute

Jolie's off this week because she deep-cleaned a hole through to the other side of the world, and asked me to cover for her. (Or, she's traveling, and did not ask me that.) And so here we are.

How come everything gets so dirty so quickly?

I don't know! It's like you clean something and it's basically instantly dirty again; it makes no sense. Why can't things be permanently clean? Or get dirty in cycles, like a song. I could handle one thing at a time — now dusting, now vacuuming, now wiping down whate-e-ver — but it's always mounting up. I don't get it!

How do I clean a trash can?

I don't know! I feel you, though.

How do you clean a bath mat that has a sort of darker area from when people who come to my house stand on it in their shoes? And when I sometimes forget to take off my own shoes, and stand on it?

Get another bath mat, I don't know! Bath mats suck. Actually I'm going to get one of those wooden ones with planks. Slats. I'm pretty sure that's the source of all my problems, and then once I have it, everything will fall into place.

Why is dust everywhere all the time?

I don't know! If I could get rid of one thing that had nothing to do with making the world a better place I would get rid of DUST. It's everywhere!

Why don't you just get a maid?

I keep meaning to, but my apartment is so small I worry she'd show up and be like, "seriously? You can't handle this by yourself?" And I'd be like, "I know, I know." I can, it's just that I don't know how to do some of the stuff!

I am interested in knowing how to get rid of hair that is all over my apartment. Don't tell me a dustbuster because shit does not work.

No, definitely not a dustbuster. (Also, honestly, what's a dustbuster?) Anyway, the answer is there is no answer. Or perhaps the answer ... is in the question. No, there is no answer. We are all doomed to live in floaty, clingy nests of our own hair forever. All our loved ones are, too, until they no longer love us, which may be tomorrow. Next question.

Clean to the core and adopt minimalism for every room so when it gets messy it takes under 15-30 minutes for a clean room.

That is not a question, but it sounds intense, whoever asked it! Maybe you can come clean my place, and/or publish a family of websites! : )

Long hair is the enemy of vacuums.

I know, right? And it smells so gross when you're sucking it up. And pulling it out of the brushy part at the end of the vacuum is so ... actually it's really satisfying, I shouldn't lie. Hair vs. Vacuum could be the next Eagle vs. Shark or whatever that cute hipster movie was. Maybe stop-motion animation.

An interesting topic in Hawaii: how do I clean enough so roaches leave me the fuck alone?

Oh you're in Hawaii? Hmm, that's rough. I would say switch homes right away with someone who lives in a small apartment in Brooklyn.

During my freshman year of college, I made sure to clean my dorm room before I put away my things. I pulled one of the drawers out of my desk and found half a bottle of vodka the previous student left behind! 

I also found ultrasound photos of an anonymous baby in the closet of my current studio when I moved in. Also, a McDonald's bag in the cupboard with French fries of an unknown age because McDonald's French fries don't rot after 10 years? WHO KNOWS.

Omg the ultrasound!! When I was a kid my family moved into this old house that came with ancient bedroom sets (splintering bed frames, stained mattresses), and this one bedroom had a nightstand whose single drawer held a wooden box filled with old glass vials of blue liquid! It was amazing, and we drank them right away. Just kidding, we savored them over the course of many hours, and sadly most of us passed on. No, but the dining room was also empty except for a tiny table and a terrarium filled with bugs and snails. We lived in that house for about 14 years until our family fell apart.

Quit the patchouli oil, yo!

No doubt!

I actually have a theory that cleanliness can make the roach problem worse sometimes, because then they have to COME OUT OF HIDING to find whatever disgusting stuff they're into? What ARE roaches into, btw?

I came home from a trip a couple nights ago and saw the first roach ever in my apartment of almost two years. I screamed so loudly my neighbor came out of her apartment to ask if I was okay. I said, "there was a bug! There aren't usually bugs, and I was startled. I'm sorry, this is embarrassing." And she was like, "okay," and went away. And I hunted that bug down and killed it, because even though I'm afraid of them, I sincerely hate them, and killing them makes me feel courageous and strong.

But I don't know what they're into. Freaking people out must be close to the top of their list.

When I was eight or something in Hong Kong, my little brother ate a mango and got it all over his belly and hands and face, and, being the older brother I am, I told him he should wash up. My parents, as they often would, said, "Brian, leave Jon alone!" So I did.

In the middle of the night, Jon woke up screaming. We turned on the light and saw a very large tropical roach flying around the room. Jonathan said the roach had bitten his chest.

...

On that note, I'm out of here! Jolie will be back next week, thank god.



495 Comments / Post A Comment

parallel-lines

Dust is everywhere because of YOU! You make dust with your gross dead skin (and some other assorted junk but mostly just you shedding everywhere) http://skincare.about.com/od/exfoliating/qt/What-Percentage-Of-Your-Dust-Is-Actually-Dead-Skin-Cells.htm

Seriously, get rid of yourself, you're disgusting.

Edith Zimmerman

@parallel-lines Do you ever wish / that your skin was a plastic bag
-Katy Perry

parallel-lines

@Edith Zimmerman according to wiki dust mites are microscopic arachnids http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dust

So our houses are chocked full of spiders, spiders everywhere!

boysplz

@parallel-lines tiny spiders making tiny houses out of our skin

marianlibrarian

@parallel-lines SHUDDER.

TheDragon

@marianlibrarian
Follicular mites are little mites that live in your hair follicles! And I can almost guarentee that you have them! If you have blackheads, or clogged noise pores that that white exudate comes out of when you squeeze, congratulations, you have follicular mites.
So. Not only are your houses chock full of spiders, spiders everywhere, your face is chock full of spider relatives.

This gross out moment of the day has been brought to you by the Parasitology 391 course at New Mexico State University. :)

sudden but inevitable betrayal

@The Kendragon I'm sorry, what. WHAT. There are spiders living in my face?!

PatatasBravas

@The Kendragon Tell me more! This is fascinating to me on a visceral level.

TheDragon

@sudden but inevitable betrayal
Spider relatives. Well, actually they are most closely related to ticks. But they look more like worms. And I think they only have 6 legs. Demodex folliculorum is the sci. name.

Basically they aren't harmful other than acne, and literally 99% of humans have them. I still try not to think about them.

bitzy

@The Kendragon I am frozen in terror right now. Get.Them.Off.Me. I feel like maybe I knew that? but definitely did not because I would have burned my face off by now...

This Thursday morning panic attack is brought to you by The Kendragon.

TheDragon

@The Kendragon http://www.sciencephoto.com/media/89906/enlarge
Good picture, for the not-so-squeamish. I don't know why they are calling it the "eyelash mite" though. Dr. P was pretty adamant that they're everywhere on your face. Maybe it's a sub-species?

TheDragon

@bitzy It's OK! They are mainly doing good! Like eating your oily secretions and dead hair/skin before it starts decaying in your follicular pits and causing problems! Its only if you have too many/are allergic that they can be problematic

EternalFootwoman

@The Kendragon BRB, gotta go scrub my face raw.

area@twitter

@parallel-lines Is this where we talk about how like 10% of your pillow's weight is composed of tiny dust mite carcasses?

area@twitter

@The Kendragon "Like eating your oily secretions and dead hair/skin" I like to think that just after I go to sleep, a minuscule neon sign reading "BUFFET OPEN" lights up above my pillow.

fondue with cheddar

@parallel-lines AAH GROSS DEAD SKIN. So we all know that there is dead skin all over our beds, right? It's gross when you think about it, but you usually don't see it. Well, I had a rude awakening the first time I slept with a very dark-skinned man. When I looked at my light-colored sheets afterward I saw tiny flakes of dead skin everywhere. I was grossed out at that initially, but the real horror came when I realized that wait a minute...my skin is very light...that means that MY OWN GROSS DEAD SKIN IS ALMOST DEFINITELY ALL OVER THE PLACE AND I CAN'T EVEN SEE IT AAAAAAHHHH WHY AM I SO GROSS. :( :(

whateverlolawants

@jen325 Well, I am officially horrified.

Also, I'd say this acne is pretty harmful! 25 years old and it is stubborn as hell.

fondue with cheddar

@whateverlolawants Biological filth is the worst. And the biological filth you don't see is so much scarier than the biological filth you do see!!

I feel ya; I'm 38 and my acne is STILL stubborn as hell. WHEN DOES IT END.

Brunhilde

@The Kendragon I kind of think that it looks like it would make a great neck pillow. BRB, opening my etsy shop for neck pillows that look like parasites...

whateverlolawants

@jen325 I hope I at least get a few months of some sweet point between acne and dry, wrinkly skin in my old age. It will be quite obnoxious if I wake up one day and realize it's too late for that happy medium.

sudden but inevitable betrayal

@The Kendragon I'm sitting quietly at my desk but on the inside I'm screaming and throwing up on myself.

fondue with cheddar

@whateverlolawants It might be worse than that; some people get dry skin and acne AT THE SAME TIME. How unfair is that? And also, how the heck do you wash/moisturize that? I'm afraid that's what's going to happen to mine, because while it's not exactly dry, it's dryer, and yet I still get acne.

EternalFootwoman

@whateverlolawants Ugh, me too! When Oil of Olay first started advertizing their face cream to deal with wrinkles and acne, I wanted to cry. I thought the acne would go away by the time I had wrinkles!

FYI, I do have really dry skin, and that realization made my acne a lot better. I exfoliate and moisturize more than I used to (when I was afraid of moisturizer because I thought it would clog my pores), and even though I still break out, it happens on a smaller scale.

PatatasBravas

@jen325 (this is wildly off topic but I am the wee-est of wee young internet commenters: how do you do the italics and the bolds?)

SuperGogo

@PatatasBravas Just close the spaces and you're good to go!:
Italics: < i > text here < / i >
Bold: < b > text here < / b >

whateverlolawants

@EternalFootwoman @jen325 It's weird to realize that, I know! I always thought of my skin as oily. Over the last few years, I've realized that yes, sometimes it is oily, but my face can actually get rather dry. It needs moisturizer. And my skin is also very sensitive. So finding the right products has been a huge challenge.

One good thing: I was about to toss this Clearasil sensitive-skin face wash my sister used a few years ago, then decided to try it out before I did. There was no expiration date, and I don't think it was that old. After just one use, my skin looked better. I use it once a day in the shower now. My skin still isn't amazing, but I do think that stuff is helping. So that's a small step.

But now my moisturizer is running out, and I think it was discontinued, so I have to figure out what to do. Any recommendations?

PatatasBravas

@SuperGogo thank you thank you!

Chesty LaRue

@parallel-line A guy at a Clinique counter told me when your skin is dry and you get zits, it's likely because your pores are filling up with excess dead skin cells and that causes irritation.
@whateverlolawants Super expensive recommendation: HydraZen by Lancôme (I use the gel instead of the cream). It's like a miracle moisturizer, it feels so cool and nice, leaves your skin soft, etc. But damn, that shit's expensive, yo. Go to Sephora and get a sample and see if you like it. I could tell after like one day.

fondue with cheddar

@whateverlolawants Ugh, don't you hate when they discontinue the One Perfect Thing? I don't have any suggestions. Everything I've ever tried either doesn't work as well as I'd hoped or burns/dries me out. I've yet to find my happy medium. I use Aveeno moisturizer. I used one with shiitake mushroom complex for a long time but then switched to a different one a few years ago, but now I'm back to the first one again because I couldn't find the other at the store. I'm in the middle of my hugest breakout in years, and I don't know whether this change has contributed to it. I didn't have a problem with it before so I'm guessing no. They also have an ultra-calming moisturizer, which I liked, but I'm very sensitive to scents and I think maybe that one bothered me a bit.

I tried to link to the products online but there are so many that I got all confused. If you want to know specifics I'd be happy to check out what I've got at home and report back.

whateverlolawants

@Chesty LaRue @jen325 Thanks for the ideas!! I'll do some shopping around and possibly get back to you if I need more details.

Roaring Girl

@whateverlolawants My skin is like that: sensitive and oily and dry all at the same time. I wash with Cetaphil and moisturize with CeraVe (or their generic equivalents, same diff). Everything else I've tried just makes my face hurt all the time and doesn't help remotely with breakouts.

Emma Peel

@whateverlolawants I don't know what your health insurance situation is like, but if it's at all possible to consult with a dermatologist, I really REALLY recommend it. I went for a mole on my back because I thought my adult acne wasn't even that bad (it wasn't! nothing like what I had as a teen, or what friends has as teens that drove them to Accutane), but the doctor took a quick look at my face and immediately fixed me up with a prescription gel and a (expensive but I use it twice a week and a bottle will last me for YEARS) exfoliator that have made a world of difference in my skin. If you have any kind of insurance coverage, it really is worth it when you consider how much you'd spend trying different OTC creams/washes/etc.

jaimie

@Emma Peel and all
This may sound crazy, but I would recommend trying the oil cleaning method. I had been dealing with weird/stubborn adult acne after college that just wouldn't quit, and a few months ago I started oil cleansing and it has made my skin perfect. It sounds counter intuitive, but the harsh cleansers in manufactured products can really irritate your skin and make it worse, and cleaning with oil is actually the best way to deal with both oily AND dry skin.

All you need are:
castor oil (easy to find, usually in the laxative section of the drugstore)
extra virgin olive oil
a little bottle
a washcloth

You have to see what proportion of castor to olive oil is best for you, but about 25% castor to 75% olive is a good place to start. Mix it in your bottle. Start with a dry face and massage a quarter sized bit of the oil into your skin really well. Run the tap as hot as you can get it, soak and wring the washcloth, and place it over your whole face for as long as you like, at least about a minute. Use the washcloth to wipe away the oil and then moisturize as normal (I actually use Aveeno's daily moisture lotion with the green cap and it works great). Do this every night before bed and in the morning just splash some water on your face. Watch as your skin becomes more and more beautiful, I swear!

EternalFootwoman

@jaimie I TOTALLY second the oil cleansing! It has been awesome for me! I do like 50/50 olive and castor oil, with a small dollop of tea tree oil. Also, I use Mario Badescu AHA & Ceramide moisturizer and that seems to work well on my troubled, troubled skin.

billie_crusoe

@The Kendragon Oh, WHYYYYY did you have to bring up ticks? I can handle tiny spiders in my face, but ticks!

fondue with cheddar

@che "I can handle tiny spiders in my face..." WHAAAAT ARE YOU EVEN HUMAN?

billie_crusoe

@jen325 I mean... that's gross, but compared to ticks? I think my fear of ticks is just so strong it makes spiders seem OK by comparison?

Xanthophyllippa

@Everyone I HATE YOU ALL.

EXCUSE ME, I HAVE TO GO DIE NOW.

EpWs

@Xanthophyllippa GIRL I AM RIGHT THERE WITH YOU
PEOPLE, WHY DO YOU TELL US THESE THINGS? WHYYYYYYY

sevanetta

@jaimie Me too - someone on the hairpin suggested sesame oil last year. I have now been cleansing my face with sesame oil for nearly a year and I swear to god, my oily oily skin improved within a week, and I now just have less blackheads and pimples in general. and my skin is so soft, and that middle of the day oil slick is way reduced. no more tight red face/oil slick repeated cycle!

lenka_V

@whateverlolawants seconding CeraVe, I've used my mother's when I go home and it's pretty great but I wasn't sure whether it was prescribed or OTC. For myself I use Desert Essence, which seems pretty similar and works well enough.

tea tray in the sky.

@The Kendragon uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh

TheDragon

@all
I'm evil, I'm sorry. I just really like parasites, ok? They fascinate me

fondue with cheddar

@The Kendragon Have you heard the Radiolab podcast about the guy with a botfly larva in his scalp? He gets all maternal about it and decides to leave it there and let it feed on him until it's ready to metamorphose. It's really horrifying but also really interesting. Warning to the squeamish: there's a large botfly larva picture on the page!

sudden but inevitable betrayal

@jen325 Have you seen the YouTube video of the girl with the larva in her scalp and her boyfriend/husband/some guy helps her pull it out? UUUUGGGGHHHHH. (My stupid boyfriend loves "people popping cysts" and other such disgusting YouTube offerings.)

fondue with cheddar

@sudden but inevitable betrayal AAAAAAHHHHHNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOIWILLNEVER

sudden_eyes

@jen325 I know someone who did that! But not on purpose; he thought it was a cyst and then whoops.

The botfly did not survive.

fondue with cheddar

@sudden_eyes I can't imagine! NO WAIT I CAN BUT I DON'T WANT TO.

Get rid of your parasite thread, seriously, it is revolting.

halfaduprass

@parallel-lines Hey from someone who has super-duper sensitive skin from years of harsh acne treatment (and yet still has acne, neat!) I swear y Avveeno Ultra-Calming daily moisturizer. My derm recommended it years ago and I've never looked back.

whateverlolawants

@sevanetta Sesame seed oil, you say? Interesting! What mix do you use?

@Emma Peel I do have health insurance (yay!) but I'm not sure how much of a dermo visit would be covered. I've been considering it. I've been using the same dermo cream and lotion for a year now and it helps but it doesn't get rid of everything. The prescriptions were from a general practitioner, not a dermatologist, but one is the same thing my dermo overseas prescribed. I also take an antibiotic for it. I may go see a specialist though, because this is yet another summer I won't wear shirts with low backs. :(

@everyone giving skin advice Thanks!

@all this parasite talk Eww!

TheDragon

@jen325 We actually had a guy come from back from Belize this semester with a bot larvae! But they have rows of little spikes that dig in when they wiggle, and he decided that his had to go

GoToaster

@The Kendragon Follicular mites! FACE PETS!

fondue with cheddar

@The Kendragon He DECIDED that it had to go? As if whether to get rid of it were a CHOICE that had to be made? GAAAAH

beatrix

Thank you SO much for this post!@l

branza

Today is actually reverse-psychology day

wharrgarbl

"An interesting topic in Hawaii: how do I clean enough so roaches leave me the fuck alone?"

Get a gecko big enough to eat them.

"In the middle of the night, Jon woke up screaming. We turned on the light and saw a very large tropical roach flying around the room. Jonathan said the roach had bitten his chest."

This happened to my mom once, only for no reason. And yes, it's why we bought a devil-spawn wall-climbing reptile to hunt them down and murder them all where they live.

parallel-lines

@wharrgarbl I don't know if people in NYC know this, and I'm worried that telling people will totally ruin their lives but there are totally flying roaches here. I have had them land on me twice. I don't know how I didn't die right on the spot but it was totally horrifying. I am getting a gecko, putting a leash on it and having it perch on my shoulder: ONLY SOLUTION.

H.E. Ladypants

@parallel-lines I recently moved into a co-op with an exterminator that comes by twice a month, who you can request to stop by your place.

I can't tell you how excited I am by this development.

terrific

@parallel-lines NO

terrific

@parallel-lines @terrific To the flying roaches. Not the gecko.

Ellie

@parallel-lines I think all roaches can fly, they just usually don't.

wharrgarbl

@H.E. Ladypants Be careful if you have pets, and be careful in case the exterminator's efforts just drive them out of the walls, like the time I went a little nuts with roach spray in my kitchen and then got up the next morning to a veritable carpet of dead roaches convulsing and dying on the floor.

Onymous

@Ellie Madagascar Hissing Cockroaches don't have wings.

On the other hand they can scream, which means you could wake up to a cockroach screaming in your face.

...So I'mma call it evensies with madagascar on this one.

annierebekah

@wharrgarbl my cat kills all the geckos in my home :(

wharrgarbl

@Ellie The bigger roaches (like palmetto bugs) seem to take great joy in flying. They're all "Walk? Me? Why would I do that when I have these glorious wings." And then they aim for your face, because they're the harbingers of the apocalypse.

wharrgarbl

@annierebekah Tell you cat to step up its roach-killing or step off the geckos. It cannot have both.

George Templeton Strong

@parallel-lines They're water bugs or palmetto bugs. They come through the drains or sometimes (but not often) through open windows. They're not native to New York; they come from people traveling in from more southerly climes. I had neighbors who would visit their relatives in the Caribbean once a year and, like clockwork, for two or three weeks after their return I'd get strafed by one or two in the shower. It's not a knock on my former neighbors; you can't avoid them when you're down there. I had a college roommate from a fairly prominent family in New Orleans and he brought one with him when he moved into the dorm room.

warriorworrierwoman

@wharrgarbl In South carolina we call those flying roaches palmetto bugs. The difference in name, however, does not make them any less horrifying. And now I'm living on my own and can't call someone else to come kill them--dreading their appearance as the humidity rises!

Mira

@warriorworrierwoman Yeeep. Growing up in Georgia we had a family of them (probably several palmetto bug cities, who am I kidding) in the backyard and they used to love flying in my face when I'd let the dog in from her last constitutional every night. HORROR SHOW.

It's true, they're impossible to avoid in the South. I should tell my parents to get a gecko or eight.

joie

@all THIS. This is why I live in an arctic paradise, because roaches are fucking disgusting. Give me bears marauding through my trash can any day, ever. Seriously, how does one handle roaches/large insects? I would be in a perpetual state of terror.

Faintly Macabre

@Mame Dennis-Pickett-Burnside Spiders? Mice? Ants? Fine. Roaches and house centipedes? DEATH. I saw a roach when I was helping to clean my synagogue's flooded kitchen recently and literally ran away.

meetapossum

@wharrgarbl Isn't there a scary story about a man who buys a gecko to eat bugs and then it grows so big it eventually eats him?

joie

@Faintly Macabre now all I can think of is that Ask A Clean Person with the centipedes crawling out of the jets in the hot tub. AHHHHHHHHHH.

ghechr

@wharrgarbl Ditto. THIS is why I live in a desert, where nothing lives.

joie

@ghechr but what about snakes???? crawling harbingers of poisonous, agonizing death? I suppose you could have a pet mongoose, though.

joie

@meetapossum !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wharrgarbl

@meetapossum I don't think so? It would be kind of stupid if it did. Geckos are not the sort of reptile (like pythons or alligators or crocodiles) that just keep getting bigger if they have a sufficient food supply.

MoonBat

@meetapossum Read part of it, then realized I was making an AUDIBLE "no no no no" howl like from the cat video. At work. Thanks so very much.

VolcanoMouse

@Mira Palmetto bugs are why I make my husband look into the bathtub for me before I shower. Because there is nothing like taking your glasses off and thinking that brown thing at the drain is a hair-clog when really it is a GIANT ROACH.

(Does everyone's bathtub get hair-clogs? Maybe I am just gross/excessively shed-y.)

brista128

@wharrgarbl OH MY GOD THAT SOUNDS HORRIBLE.

Prostitute Robot From The Future

@meetapossum ....EEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!

Why do I keep clicking on these links?? No good can come of it. Ever.

meetapossum

@wharrgarbl To be fair, I think it was written by R. L. Stine.

stalkingcat

@George Templeton Strong
Palmetto bugs are at least an inch long. YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO FIND THEM IN YOUR LUGGAGE! They are not like little tiny bed bugs who hide in corners. Search your bags and kill them all! I have traveled from Florida many times and I can GUARANTEE none of those little buggers have gone with me.

snowmentality

@Faintly Macabre House centipedes eat roaches though! I mean, I still find house centipedes terrifying (TOO MANY LEGS). But I find them a lot less terrifying now that I know they're on my side against the roaches.

@VolcanoMouse My bathtub gets constant hair-clogs. It is because my hair is shoulder-blade length and beyond ridiculously thick (I snap hair elastics regularly trying to pull it back, and every hair clip, hair claw, and barrette in the world just laughs at the idea of holding my hair).

So far I have avoided mistaking a roach for a hair clog, though. Ew ew ew ew ew. *jumps up and down flailing in horrified sympathy just imagining it*

theharpoon

Today I learned that I am stronger than everyone who lives in the north because I am from the south and have been killing roaches since before I learned to walk. I KILL 12 ROACHES BEFORE BREAKFAST.

wharrgarbl

@stalkingcat They hide their egg cases in things, is the problem.

HeyThatsMyBike

@wharrgarbl When I moved from NYC down south, I admired southerners for giving GIANT FLYING TERROR ROACHES an adorable name. But yes, those things are everywhere here. My bug man (who murders them in cold blood) explained that palmetto bugs just sort of end up in your house - either to take shelter from rain or because they're like "whoops! I'm in your house!" whereas the smaller, non-flying roaches (which I've never had, thank God) are the ones that are there to eat your food and live off of your disgusting filth. So those are the ones to be more concerned about! At least in the south...

MissMushkila

@theharpoon I live in Minnesota. We have really no large spiders, venemous snakes, or large tropical pests to speak of here.

Once when I worked at a restaurant, my manager told me cockroaches sometimes have to be killed because they hide in boxes shipped up from warmer climates, but I have NEVER seen a cockroach in my state. So I would basically cower in fear if I ever encountered one.

But, on the other hand, I can last a very long time outside in below zero temperatures while laughing about how it's "a bit chilly".

HeyThatsMyBike

@MissMushkila I grew up outside Chicago, and literally had never seen one until I moved to New York at age 22. The first time one was in my apartment, I was on the phone with my parents and after they realized I wasn't being murdered, they just laughed hysterically at my desperate screams.

Hellcat

@wharrgarbl Topical(ish): I was just watching a rerun (well, obviously) of Frasier last night in which the dad brought home a gecko to catch a cricket that was driving Frasier crazy. They made a harness out of dental floss so the gecko wouldn't run away.

MoonBat

@HeyThatsMyBike I'm a lifetime resident of the sunbelt, and palmetto bugs areto be shooed out of the house (or not, usually, since they made my yankee ex shriek in terror) with a gentle reprimand.

Xanthophyllippa

@MissMushkila I'm moving in with you. We can wear shorts in January and laugh at people with bug problems.

@wharrgarbl Oh god I think I just died a little more.

AnnieM

@MissMushkila Um, I just moved to Minnesota and unfortunately witnessed my first big roach ever! I screamed like a little girl. I trapped it and bought roach spray and thank god by that time the boyfriend showed up. We sprayed it and it died a horrible slow death --- it kept trying to skuttle away! Ack!

Anyway, what has been seen cannot be unseen and my cute apartment has been forever tainted!

Verity

@meetapossum *screams forever*

Knowsey

Occasionally roaches would fall out of the ceiling of my last office. In downtown Chicago. Nightmares ensued.

HeyThatsMyBike

@Knowsey That happened at my office in NYC! And just recently right near the refrigerator in my office building in Atlanta.

White Rabbit

@parallel-lines Re: Geckos as a solution -- I'm a northerner, so I had only ever seen the smaller cockroaches until last week. I was visiting a friend in Dallas, and a GI-NORMOUS cockroach appeared on the outside wall of her house at dusk just before a thunderstorm. It had to be at least four inches long, if not larger. It was so big, it crawled on top of a gecko and just SAT THERE for several seconds. I swear that gecko must have been terrified. Having seen that, I'm thinking an aggressive cat is a better way to go. *shudder*

George Templeton Strong

@stalkingcat Thread is dead I'm sure but just for the record infant palmettos can nest in electronics and "sealed" packages that you carry on the plane, rather than check.. My roommate from NO brought his in via his clock radio (it was the 80s). My neighbors' came in through gifts their relatives had given them, stuff that they couldn't get back here in NY. We used to own an apartment in Miami and bought an entire second set of clothing and everything else we needed to have down there and when we traveled back to New York we would bring back a paperback and newspapers bought at the airport and that was it. We didn't even trust the water bottles. And we certainly didn't trust the crap on the baggage carousels at LGA or JFK or Newark on those return flights from Miami, so we never checked any luggage.

boyofdestiny

"Just kidding, we savored them over the course of many hours, and sadly most of us passed on."

I just pasted this here so I could then give it a thumbs up.

Tulletilsynet

@boyofdestiny
A valuable public service after the Orgy of Ew above!

redheaded&crazy

Lysol wipes for the trash can?

No, but actually this was perfect.

boyofdestiny

@redheaded&crazie I've thrown away more trash cans than I care to admit.

wharrgarbl

@redheaded&crazie Smaller wastebaskets can sometimes go in the dishwasher, if you have one. Someone on Unfuck Your Habitat suggested throwing a healthy layer of odor-killing kitty litter in the bottom of trash cans if leakage is a problem, then replacing the litter when a leak occurs.

WhiskeySour

@boyofdestiny I threw away a trashcan this week. I take out the garbage on the regular, but a terrible and grotesque smell developed at an alarmingly rapid rate (still a mystery as to what) and even though I use baking soda in the bottom, that thing had to go. Immediately. It was just beyond repair. And I was a little sad, because it seems so wasteful.

Katie Walsh

@redheaded&crazie I have been known to put my tall plastic kitchen trash can in the sink and rinse it, then fill it with vinegar and baking soda to let it sit while I scrub the outside and lid with an old scrubby sponge. Clean trash can makes me feel inexplicably better about life in general.

ImASadGiraffe

@redheaded&crazie I've used sticky air fresheners inside the trash can (outside the bag, if that makes sense) and that helped a bit. Also, I buy a new one everytime I move.

I now have a stainless steel trash can and it hasn't adopted the bad smell yet. We'll see.

themmases

@redheaded&crazie My mom uses the kitchen sink sprayer to fill it halfway with hot water and some cleaning liquid. I guess it depends whether you have a drain you're comfortable throwing that down after, or a yard, or something?

Or a kitchen sprayer. My cheaply rehabbed apartment in what we think used to be a hotel does not have a kitchen sprayer, so I just change the trash bags very, very carefully.

saul "the bear" berenson

@redheaded&crazie I have a plastic one and I use (a.k.a. my boyfriend uses, because I'm gross and will let the trash can become disgusting) a solution of ammonia and water, and it works like freaking magic.

phlox

@themmases I put some dish soap in it and then throw it in the shower, fill it up a little and leave it there for a while. Then I rinse it out, use one of those Ikea scrubby brushes on a stick so I don't have to actually touch the mess if there's still stuff in there, rinse again and put it outside to dry.

PatatasBravas

@phlox a twist on the dish soap practice: I drizzle some in, take it outside, and then make the garden hose more pressurized by putting my thumb over half of the nozzle (I KNOW, I KNOW, REVOLUTIONARY) and then power-hose the bin. Then I let it dry outside. Then I bring it in. FIN.

stuffisthings

@boyofdestiny Wait, what do you put them in when you throw them away? Do you just progressively buy bigger and bigger trash cans, like some reverse matryoshka doll full of garbage?

fondue with cheddar

@boyofdestiny (ex)BOYFRIEND WHY DO YOU PUT TRASH IN THE TRASH CAN WITHOUT A BAG NOW THERE'S HAIR AND A USED BAND-AID STUCK TO THE BOTTOM SO I HAVE TO BUY A NEW OOOONE

redheaded&crazy

@jen325 this seems like an appropriate place to discuss: used bandaids - grossest thing ever or GROSSEST THING EVER WHYYYY GOD WHY DO THESE HAVE TO EXIST ON THIS FORSAKEN PLANET OF DESPAIR AND DISGUST

a used bandaid floating innocuously (NOT) around in a pool is enough to turn me off my lunch. forever.

The Lovecats

@redheaded&crazie
I promise I will have other things to talk about in the future. BUT, I put all my ex-boyfriend's shoes in the trash can on Saturday as a "way to transport them to his new place." Now I can get my own new glorious trash can!

fondue with cheddar

@redheaded&crazie THAT IS CORRECT.

Minx

@phlox Yeah this is basically what I do too. Dish soap, hot water, sponge. Let it soak, scrub if necessary, let it dry. Done.

fondue with cheddar

@SurpriseEnding I have done this!!!

I also gave my ex husband a trash can filled with (his) trash when I put all his stuff on the porch for pickup. (Because I wasn't touching that. It's bad enough I had to pick all his cum rags off the floor that had overflowed the trash can. HERE EX HUSBAND, HERE IS YOUR ICKY TRASH. DISPOSE OF IT YOUR OWN DAMN SELF.)

ormaisonogrande

@redheaded&crazie The grossest. Even my own used bandaids gross me out immediately after I remove them from my own frequently cleaned body.

fondue with cheddar

@ormaisonogrande Me too! And I always fold them onto themselves before throwing them away, because that way I don't have to see the little pad soaked with blood/pus/ointment when I look in the trash can (though I have been known to rip off a sheet of toilet paper to cover such things in the trash can so I won't see them at all).

WhiskeySour

@jen325 I do the same thing, but they always seem to force themselves back open? So yes, a modesty layer of (otherwise unused) kleenex gets draped over the top.

stuffisthings

Wow you guys are weak. I had a bowl of used band-aids for breakfast this morning.

fondue with cheddar

@WhiskeySour I'm not alone! :D

Funny, sort of related anecdote: My dad used to run his business out of our house. One time, after seeing the secretary's accidentally-unrolled, used maxi pad in the bathroom, my young brother said, "Dad, I think Linda cut herself REAL BAD!"

lue
lue

@redheaded&crazie I work at a preschool, and almost every day someone (a child) walks up and just hands me a used bandaid they found somewhere. Like it's treasure.

theharpoon

@stuffisthings Well I had a pile of dirty garbage cans for breakfast, so there.

Xanthophyllippa

@jen325 That is both hilarious and disgusting all at once. And anything remotely related to reproduction also gets covered with a modesty layer in the garbage can, to the extent that I will wrap whatever item I have used in the little wrapper of the new item, then wrap the entire thing in toilet paper.

@lue When I was little, my friend came out of the bathroom at the local pool and said to the lifeguard, "look what I found on the floor!" She thought it was some kind of toy; the lifeguard recognized it immediately as a tampon applicator.

The Lovecats

@jen325 That is amazing. You are amazing. Good bye ex-husband!

fondue with cheddar

@SurpriseEnding Aww, thank you! Goodbye and good riddance to our exes! (Seriously, they are revolting. Or at least mine was.)

sudden_eyes

@WhiskeySour Simple Green! Let it soak for 20+ minutes. God, I love Simple Green. I use the bathtub as a staging area.

jaimie

First tip for keeping an apt clean -- take your shoes off at the door! And make everyone who comes over take theirs off! People may find it annoying, but when you start to think about people tracking centuries of grime off the streets into your home, it all makes sense.

The Lady of Shalott

@jaimie YES YES DO THIS. Also in Canada it is SOP to take off shoes at the door and leave them in the boot tray. It helps to keep the dirt and salt and slush and snow-melt and mud from accumulating all over the house.

bitzyboozer

@jaimie I have witnessed many a heated debate on this topic. Curious to hear what other pinners think...I suspect it depends strongly on what area you live in and what normal weather conditions are there.

sarah girl

@jaimie Take your shoes off, but also make sure there's a nice place to put them so they don't clutter up the joint! I have one of those Ikea square shelf-cube things (2x2) by my door, and I use the bottom two cubes to store shoes.

redheaded&crazy

@bitzyboozer oooooh people who don't take their shoes off gonna get CUT (I live in Canada - I agree this is SOP - I always feel weird when people are like "don't take your shoes off" but then if i'm walking around feeling crunchy grossness under my feet ... I'm like okay thaat's why you told me to keep my shoes on ... and then I put them back on)

Millie the Scientist

@jaimie I am so baffled by the concept of NOT doing this. Who wants to track grit and scuzz all over their place? It just means more things to clean!

And yes, I'm Canadian.

branza

@jaimie YES. This is also SOP in a lot of Europe. Get with the program, America!

Sometimes in college I's see people flopping on top of their bed THEIR BED with SNEAKERS on and just WHY people just take your damn shoes off omg

I get so upset about this. I can't even

TheCheesemanCometh

@redheaded&crazie Take them off if you want, but only if you know there aren't any scorpions around/don't mind getting stung.

I've been stung three times now (oddly, on my legs - not on my feet, by scorps climbing up inside my pant leg or long skirt) so I just go ahead and take my shoes off now. Whatevs.

H.E. Ladypants

@jaimie We have a rug next to the door where we leave our shoes when we walk in the door. It never fails to please me how often people see that and just take off their shoes without even asking. "Oh, we're supposed to take our shoes off! Great!"

(The one exception to this was a 30 odd person brunch party I threw last weekend but let's be real: between cake crumbs and bagel seeds that floor was a lost cause anyway.)

SuperGogo

@The Lady of Shalott I do this in my own home, but I don't necessarily expect guests to do it, nor do I automatically take off my shoes if I visit someone else (but I'm fine if they ask me to do so). I don't know, it's a weird cultural in-between issue here in Chicago. I have a friend, though, who moved from Chicago to the Twin Cities and was shocked at how everyone automatically deshoed when going into the house, even at big parties.

bitzyboozer

Having lived in Texas my whole life where it hardly ever rains or snows (and also in the city where you pretty much only ever walk on concrete or asphalt) I can tell you it is definitely not SOP here. I've known maybe one person who did this in my whole life and everyone thought it was a bit ridiculous. But if we were in Canada I would totally get it.

Also some people just aren't comfortable being barefoot or in their ratty socks in other people's houses.

Exene

@jaimie I was perfectly happy to do this in Japan and Korea, but it feels like an off-putting lapse in hospitality here in the desert United States. My bf's sister is the most ridiculous: there's visible dirt all over the floor of her filthy house, and I'm still gonna walk around in my socks like a chump?

noReally

@jaimie Yeah, heated debate. It makes total sense to me to take your shoes off when you enter your own house, if that's what you want to do. Making visitors do it, I find the very height of inhospitality. Like, "I invited you to my house, but I am really not able to take on any extra sweeping. Don't use the bathroom either."

Wet/muddy shoes is a completely different thing. And in my experience, people who make you take your shoes off do not necessarily have cleaner floors than the rest of us, maybe since they feel they shouldn't need to sweep at all? So if you're not wearing sox, your feet get dirty on their floor, then you put them back in your clean shoes, and soon you have stinky shoes.

I have also known people who feel that this is a universal thing. Everyone knows now that everyone does this. No, they do not. Not because they haven't heard about it, but because they don't like it. Everyone does not do it. It has not been adopted by all of polite society. Many consider it a drag. Ingracious. Inhospitable.

Exene

@bitzyboozer Soulmate!

This is my new username

@The Lady of Shalott Yes! The whole idea of not taking ones shoes when going into someone's house is extremely strange and odd. I always found it very odd when people on TV wore shoes inside their houses and stuff. For many years I had just assumed it was a thing that happened on TV but not in real life. My mind was blown when I realized people did this for realsies on a regular basis. For the record I am also Canadian.

Exene

@jaimie Also, in the words of Carrie Bradshaw (lol), "THIS [indicates entire body from head to toe] is an OUTFIT."

MilesofMountains

@jaimie I don't understand how people's houses are even remotely clean ever with people tracking dirt and whatnot everywhere. My parents always tell people they don't have to take shoes off (My mom: "it's not like the dogs do") but most people do anyway and the family definitely does. And yes, I'm Canadian. Until I read people discussing it on the internet, I didn't realize not taking off shoes was a thing people did.

olivebee

@jaimie @all
Oooh! I am ADAMANT about people (including myself and husband) taking their shoes off when they are in my apartment. I get made fun of mercilessly for it, but I do not want the gross, grimy shit (literally) people track in on their shoes all over my carpeting on which I walk around barefoot. I live in Chicago, so things on peoples' shoes can include dog shit (and any other type), bugs, dirt, dust, rain puddles, mud, snow, slush, leaves, and...the scariest of all...stuff that's on CTA floors.

And, I really don't find this rude at all. For one thing, many other cultures have the same practice, and we don't consider them rude - we just say "it's a cultural thing." Also, it's my apartment (and therefore my property), so just as I wouldn't want people spilling things on/puking on/scratching/drawing on/etc. my stuff, I don't want dirt and germs spread on it either.

Ophelia

@MilesofMountains I wonder whether it's a weather-related thing? I've always taken my shoes off in people's houses, and I'm from New England. In winter/spring/fall you just HAVE to, since there is mud/slush/snow/etc., and I suppose by the time summer rolls around you're just so happy to be barefoot that you want to take them off? I dunno.

Now I live in a 3rd floor walkup with carpeted stairs/hallway, so it's kind of moot, as everyone has already tracked the dirt off their shoes by the time they get to my apt.

Katastrophe

@TheCheesemanCometh WHAT THE - HOW DID - SCORPIONS?

blerghhhhhhhhh!

sudden but inevitable betrayal

@TheCheesemanCometh WHERE DO YOU LIVE I WANT TO NEVER GO THERE.

ba-na-nas

@TheCheesemanCometh do you live in hell? because that's what my personal helll would be like.

This is my new username

@ba-na-nas AGREED! I am terrified of scorpions. Also crocodiles /alligators.

cheddarbaybiscuits

@Exene Exactly! And then there's the Frank Costanza moment when I realize I'm expected to take my shoes off but I'm not wearing socks and my feet are particularly un-pedicured. Exposed!

MilesofMountains

@Ophelia I think it's totally weather. Dragging slush into someone's house is unbelievably rude, but I can see how some dirt may not be as rude? Also, people get harder-core about it the farther north I go. I moved from the south coast to northern Canada, and here even my doctor's and dentist's offices make everyone take their shoes off at the door, which I thought was a bit weird at first.

fondue with cheddar

@jaimie I would love to do this (and have actually attempted it), but:
1. I have hardwood floors and not nice, cushy, comfy carpet;
2. I have cats who shed and puke and track litter on the floor so the floors are never clean anyway;
3. my feet have soft, relatively uncalloused soles and I can't deal with the feeling of dirt or other things under them / stuck to them
4. socks are slippery;
5. the floors aren't in great shape, so socks sometimes catch on the floor;
6. socks pick up the cat hair and look completely disgusting after walking around all day, so I get squicked out about touching them or putting my feet on the furniture.

I guess the solution is slippers, but I've never in my life found a pair that's comfortable (which is sort of unbelievable, I know).

jaimie

@MilesofMountains
I don't think weather is an excuse. For the record, I'm originally from Virginia and growing up we never took our shoes off to come inside, but now that I'm living with my Japanese boyfriend (in Chicago) and I've been introduced to this way of life, I can never go back. I do sometimes feel guilty asking people who come over to take theirs off because I know the other side, but my boyfriend is totally ruthless about it and demands it, which I know is for the best. I think the logic against it only works if you always wear shoes inside, which no one does, so do you really want to walk around barefoot in your house on carpet or wood floors covered in dirt from outside?

fondue with cheddar

@jaimie I almost always wear shoes inside, and when I don't I usually wear sandals or socks! Every time I go barefoot I die a little inside, because no matter how clean the hardwood floor is I still feel dirt stuck to my feet.

TheCheesemanCometh

@Katastrophe @sudden but inevitable betrayal @ba-na-nas Haha, AZ (Phoenix actually, not the middle of the desert). Actually, it is kinda hell, but oddly I've come to have an almost zen-like acceptance about them.

Minx

@noReally Yeah, and it feels weird to me to take my shoes off at someone's house unless they ask me to (unless, of course, my shoes are muddy/wet/noticeably dirty, which is totally different). It seems like a very "at home" thing to do, you know? Like something you only do if you're settling in to stay a while. Like, "Oh hi, everyone! Now that I've come to your house, let me just kick off my shoes, relax, and NEVER LEAVE!" You know? And what if I didn't want to stay very long but now I've gotten all cozy with my shoes off like I was going to? I don't know. It feels odd to me. Of course, if the host asks you to take your shoes off or that seems to be what they always do, then you should. But otherwise I like to leave my shoes on at someone else's house. Besides, who says their floor is actually clean? You don't know. The inside of your shoe could be a much nicer place for your foot to touch.

Brunhilde

@jaimie I just don't wear shoes, ever, so I don't have to worry about taking them off when I go into people's houses.

SuperGogo

@all I'm assuming all of you hardcore no-shoes-whatsoever-in-my-domain folks provide nice little house slippers for your guests then, right?...right??

kate.m

Once I went to a party at a co-worker's house, and she enforced the no-shoes rule when we arrived, and then led us to where everyone was hanging out in her unheated garage. I was so mad. And cold.

The Lady of Shalott

@SuperGogo I can honestly say that I have never been to a home in Canada where people provided slippers for their guests. It's just...I don't know of anyone who's ever been like "Hey, can I have some slippers so I don't have to go barefoot in your home?"

And as far as things that people wouldn't want their feet to touch...they're feet. Presumably you're not eating with your feet? If people go without shoes indoors their floors tend to be cleaner but...I don't know. People who insist on wearing shoes indoors are the weird anomaly to me!

fondue with cheddar

@The Lady of Shalott I guess I'm a weird anomaly, then! I've got a Thing about grit on my feet. It's fine if you've got carpet or your tile/hardwood floor is perfectly clean, but otherwise it drives me crazy. But then, I'm bothered by a lot of stuff that is NBD to most people. The last time I saw my chiropractor, I asked her for something in order to make me comfortable during the session. Apparently my discomfort was with something that has apparently never bothered anyone else so she said to me, "It must be really hard to feel things as much as you do!" IT IS.

noReally

@kate.m Yeah, like that. A woman I am forced by circumstance to socialize with pretty frequently is rabid about not letting anyone off the door mat with shoes, then about half her entertaining is on the deck, which is not swept, and frequently wet. Filthy feet, filthy sox. Seething resentment.

She's also one of those people whose floors, despite all this, are not cleaner than a clean foot that arrived in a clean shoe.

MilesofMountains

@SuperGogo My brother provides slippers for his guests because his floors are concrete and forever freezing, but usually people just wear socks or I guess if you were really against free-ranging feet, you could bring your own slippers? My dentist's office provides crocs, which is nice.

scully

@noReally This whole thread is so weird to me! I've lived most of my life in Nor Cal with a stint in the UK and have NEVER been asked to take my shoes off when going into someone's home. (Unless they just got their rugs shampooed or something.) I've even spent a lot of time with local folks in British Columbia and never been asked there either. Maybe it's the prevalence of hardwood floors and indoor/outdoor living in the West? So fascinating!

Xanthophyllippa

@MilesofMountains My dad brings his own slippers any time he goes to anyone's house!

MilesofMountains

@scully I'm from BC, and from my experience, few people actually ask, because that'd be kind of rude, but it's kind of expected you'll take your shoes off anyway and if shoes are ok they'll stop you. It's definitely more common in southwest BC than anywhere with snow because gravel and salt will destroy your carpets and your hardwood floors and your life if you don't. It took about 3 weeks after me and my BC boyfriend moved to Ontario before we realized that if we allowed our outside boots more than half a meter inside the door, our hardwood floors would be covered in sand unless we started sweeping more than once a day.

redheaded&crazy

woahhhh guys this conversation is fascinating to me! I never realized this debate was as fierce as other commenters predicted!

I don't provide slippers for my guests - although if they asked for a pair, I would give them. I also don't require slippers at other people's homes! I mean, it's tit for tat. I expect to take my shoes off at other people's houses as much as I prefer them to be taken off at my house. I suppose big parties are the exception. But if you're coming over to watch a movie at my house, you're gonna kick your feet up on my couch with your shoes on? it just doesn't make sense to me!

~*different cultures*~

KatPruska

@jen325 You are ME! I get seriously wigged out if I can feel anything weird under my feet. I will stop on the sidewalk and unlace my boots to shake out pebbles or kitty litter or big hunk of sock lint being all lumpy in my toe area. It's the worst. Totally the worst. I thought it was just me with the crazy sensory issues, but apparently ADHD can be co-morbid with some other stuff, and I assume some of my stuff is associated weirdness.

Mr.KatPruska, also with the ADHD, minus the "my clothes are SUFFOCATING ME WHY IS MY NECKLINE SO HIGH AND ITCHY AND I AM SWEATY AND I HATE EVERYTHING AAAAARRRRRGH" gene, is endlessly amused watching me twitch and squeak my way through life, so I suppose I can think of it as some sort of performance art/public service. Sigh.

staircases

@The Lady of Shalott This has got to be a Canadian thing, right? I don't think I've ever been in a house in Canada and kept my shoes on. Why would anyone want their outside inside?

Xanthophyllippa

@KatPruska You are both me! I cannot stand anything stuck to my feet or anything lumpy in my shoe or any sort of ill-fitting shoe or sock or ugh my feet are delicate lotus blossoms except that they have horrible calluses because I walk around barefoot all the time because then I don't have anything constricting my feet. But it's a trade-off, because if I'm barefoot then things can stick to my feet and oh you see my problem.

Also, @everyone: I'm not Canadian and I always take my shoes off when I go to someone else's house. At least, I'll take my shoes off until I get something nasty stuck to my foot (or notice something nasty, like the baseboard ring of pubes in the apartment of a former friend) - then I will quietly keep my shoes on the next time I go over.

fondue with cheddar

@redheaded&crazie No, see...I'm a shoes-in-the-house person, but HELL NO you're not going to kick your feet up on my couch (or my coffee table) with your shoes on!

@KatPruska @Xanthophyllippa Feet issue buddies! WE ARE NOT ALONE.

@Xanthophyllippa I totally do the stop-and-unlace-my-shoe thing! I'm sorry that you have delicate lotus blossom feet but also cannot stand shoes. That's a really tough situation to resolve! I can't stand having my feet constricted in shoes that don't fit properly either, but I try to always buy wide and comfy shoes, and I wear sandals a lot. My comfy sandals are basically my house shoes, even in winter. It's not only shoes though; when I'm barefoot or in socks, I can't stand having anything pressing my toes together. (Okay, now this talk is really making me want to take off my sneakers.)

BASEBOARD RING OF PUBES! D:

@KatPruska OMG that neckline comment is SO ME, complete with frustrated growl! I'm glad your boyfriend is amused by your issues (at least somebody is, right?) Past partners have been angry/annoyed at mine, but my current boyfriend is SO UNDERSTANDING. He makes me not feel like a freak.

Also, your comment made me look up ADHD, and I'm glad I did because I didn't realize there are two types of Adult ADHD! The hyperactive type is what I always associated with the disorder, and that's not me at all. But there's an inattentive type, and that's totally me!

A QUESTION FOR BOTH OF YOU: Have you ever tried Posted on June 8, 2012 at 12:49 pm

annejumps@twitter

@branza I'm American and so is my mother, but my dad is German and we absolutely do not wear street shoes in the house. I have no idea how it makes any sense to wear your shoes in the house!

KatPruska

@jen325 I have not tried the vibrams, although the dude (who was actually foolish enough to marry me) has been wanting some forever. I'm all about the crocs indoors (and as my not-giving-a-fuck increases, they have made some forays outside. Fortunately my particular Brooklyn neighborhood is very family-friendly and while the moms are hip, they seem to understand comfy footwear. I don't feel as much judgment here as in say, Williamsburg), so we can wear the ugly shoes together.

I so wish I could be barefoot all the time, but according to my podiatrist I should actually never be barefoot again. I just turned 30 and I'm really starting to resent all the weird things about my body. I had to dress like a substitute math teacher all through high school because of my huge tracts of land, my bras are ridiculously expensive, and I have to find extra wide shoes to accommodate my orthotics. I feel prematurely elderly.

What is it like to just go into a store and know you can at least try things on, even if you won't like anything?

Re-ADHD, I've heard an explanation that the hyperactivity can actually refer to your brain activity, which is so me when I'm off meds. Just leap from topic to topic and hope people can follow. I tend to only be able to keep friends who also have it; they're more forgiving of my lack of contact. "Women With Attention Deficit Disorder" by Sari Solden is a really good book, by the way.

fondue with cheddar

@KatPruska Huge tracts of land! I love you.

Weird body things suck! When I lost a bunch of weight a few years ago I was able to try clothes on in the store and actually find enough things that fit that I actually had a CHOICE about what to buy. It was exhilarating and confusing. I don't think that will happen again though.

I have to wear extra wide shoes now, so I hate to imagine what I'd have to do if I had to wear orthotics. I'm glad your neighborhood understands comfy footwear because it is SO IMPORTANT.

I'll check out the book, thank you!

Verity

@This is my new username Same here! I always found it so weird that nobody on TV seemed to take their shoes off at home - you're at home! Why do you need shoes on? - and didn't think people wore shoes in the house in real life. In my family, we have always taken them off and left them in the porch when entering the house, and I almost always automatically take my shoes off when entering someone else's house. (I am in the UK.)

sudden_eyes

@bitzyboozer Yep, heated discussion for sure. I grew up in wear-your-shoes-in-the-house land (rural Texas). My husband grew up partly in Korea, and his whole family does No Outside Shoes Indoors.

Here's the solution we've arrived at, living together in NYC: we take off our own shoes, at our own home and at other people's places IF THEY DO. But we don't ask our guests to take off their shoes. Our best friends have long since observed, and do it automatically, but if someone's coming for drinks or dinner the last thing we want to do is make them uncomfortable. So you want to wear your shoes? Fine. (I do make an exception when our son brings home his friends and they've been in Central Park and MUD, but I use my really nice voice.)

noReally

@sudden_eyes
You are the voice of reason. A gracious host and guest. If I come to your house, I will bring both pie and ice cream.

JaneDoe

@jaimie I don't know, I have had times where I'm at a friends house where they expect you to remove your shoes but I'm only there to pick up said friend and leave, but they are taking forever, and my feet start to hurt waiting and I want to sit down, but my boots/shoes will take forever to take off and put back on...

undinespragg

Can Jolie please come back *right now*? Edith has many skills, but this is not one of them. Unless the goal is to terrify me and make me want to hide under the covers from all the bugs I now believe are hiding under my baseboards.

boyofdestiny

@undinespragg At last she threw her can of Raid on the ground, and it broke into pieces and went out. "I have come too early," she said then; "my time is not yet."

sox
sox

@undinespragg Actually, she is just tidying up the Clean Person Inbox. Sweeping up the dust, if you will, so Jolie can focus on the bigger questions. I think she did a great job!

undinespragg

@sox My comment was intended to be a bit tongue-in-cheek, though that may not have come through.

thebestjasmine

@undinespragg I don't want Jolie ever to come back (sorry Jolie). Edith, you make me feel so much better about myself. Please do this forever.

bitzy

@thebestjasmine Yes. This is the absolute best Hairpin post.

MoonBat

@thebestjasmine YES! Love Jolie, and NEED the advice, but I felt lighter and happier with each of Edith's many "I don't know" responses!

themmases

@undinespragg Now I just saw my first cockroach! I don't know how Edith did that, but she needs to undo it.

Seriously though there is no way we are roach gross. When my building manager kills my neighbors with fire, I plan to toast marshmallows.

Tulletilsynet

@bitzy
If this had some new pictures of women laughing alone with salad, it would definitely.

boyofdestiny

I was moving out of my apartment last September, and in the course of cleaning out the hall closet, I found a delivery box filled with a full set of golf clubs that the tenant from way back in 2004 must have forgot. I don't even play golf, but it was the best find ever!

JadedStone

@boyofdestiny some friends of mine moved into their apartment with the weird smell. They finally found it - 3 decomposing turkeys in the wall. IN THE WALL. Like, butterball turkeys.

When my bf moved into his house there were baking pans in the kitchen and he kept them. I still am not sure how I feel about this.

wharrgarbl

@Jade "3 decomposing turkeys in the wall. IN THE WALL. Like, butterball turkeys."

what is this I can't even

Ophelia

@Jade My friends in college lived in a house with a closet that had a weird/terrible smell. Being college students, we just instituted a rule that you should Never Open That Closet. I'm still not sure whether it was a dead body, or just some weird old stuff.

Steven

@boyofdestiny My partner bought his house in the winter, when most of the yard was under three feet of snow. When spring came, he found two packaged turkeys back there and, if I'm remembering correctly, a third one under the porch.

thebestjasmine

@Jade IN THE WALL WHAT TURKEYS IN THE WALL?

sudden but inevitable betrayal

@boyofdestiny My cat keeps finding little treasures that the last tenants left behind - earrings, Legos, bits of toys. We also moved one of the drop tiles in the bathroom ceiling recently and found a telephone stashed there. Don't know.

JadedStone

@wharrgarbl @thebestjasmine
yeah, IN the wall of the living room. The best they could figure was, since there was a hole in the wall of the closet near the living room (college houses, so.. yeah.) that they must have stuffed them in there and pushed them along with a broom or something? NOBODY KNOWS. It was really gross.

boyofdestiny

@Steven What's with the turkeys? When does anyone ever find themselves with extra turkeys? None of it makes any sense!

roadtrips

@boyofdestiny I once moved into an apartment that was entirely clean and empty save for a bowling ball and a giant letter "F".

Lily Rowan

@Jade Counting turkeys in the wall/that don't bother me at all...

LIE. Turkeys in the wall is HORRIFYING.

JadedStone

@roadtrips I once had a letter F fall out of the sky and hit me in the head. It was like the world was saying to me "F YOU". Actually, given how low I was at that point in my life it was rather apt.
....I kept the F.

roadtrips

@Jade Me too! It is a constant reminder of... something? That apartment was the site of a somewhat depressed time in my life as well.

Apocalypstick

@boyofdestiny When four friends and I moved into a new house last year, every single one of us found a pair of knickers in our rooms. One guy found three. I found a thong.

Also, not entirely on topic, but when a friend moved into uni accommodation, one of her new flatmates vanished after the first day and when they opened up his room to see where he'd gone, it was completely empty except for a book on serial killers and some nunchuks. D: He never did come back.

Apocalypstick

@sudden but inevitable betrayal Oo also in my parents' house there was a diamond ring in the toilet plumbing made for someone with massive hands. The previous tenant had been hella dodgy -we kept getting people he'd screwed over turning up angry looking for him -and vanished off the face of the earth, so we kept it.

Minx

@Jade WHAAAAAA?! But how did they get there? What is this? Why would you stash turkeys in your wall?????? Were they full of drugs or something. Please tell me they were full of SOMETHING so there's some kind of explanation for this weirdness.

angermonkey

@sudden but inevitable betrayal We bought a house and the YARD is like this. Every spring new weird shit surfaces- rugs that the grass has grown over! Golf balls! pieces of musical instruments! Grills (like, the actual grill part, not the whole thing!) An endless supply of muddy ball point pens! Keys! Dog toys!

I blame the fact that the place was a foreclosure and then a flip. However, we discovered THIS spring (we bought in early 2010) that the corner of the yard that just won't grow grass? It's because there's a 4 foot by 6 foot piece of plywood just under the dirt. WHY, FORMER OWNERS? WHYYYY?

JadedStone

@The Spectacular Lady J the only thing they were full of was maggots.

....I'm so sorry.

SO MANY why's could have been asked about the area I lived in for uni. WHY where there pennies stuck all over the wall with toothpaste? WHY couldn't my bedroom door shut in the winter? WHY did my other friend's landlord simply paint over the mould? WHY do the squirrels keep chewing through whatever is covering our windows and getting into the flour?

wharrgarbl

@The Spectacular Lady J An explanation would be furious former tenants, but I don't know if that necessarily covers "stuffed three whole butterballs into the wall," because that's some next-level shit.

Minx

@Jade What? No! The maggots! No! I forgot those were a thing and had not even considered the obvious fact that they would be there devouring the turkeys! This is terrible.

I mean, I used to have a job cleaning university apartments during the summers and I found some strange things (most awesome: Gladiator DVD; most how-did-they-miss-this: full sack of potatoes; worst find by a friend who had same job: ankle-deep trash throughout the ENTIRE apartment). But three turkeys. In the wall. Just....no.

roadtrips

@Jade OMG painting over mould. Seriously, why??? I lived in a terrible, terrible place, and during a thunderstorm the ceiling just kind of, caved in? Like, plaster everywhere, water streaming down the walls. When all was said and done I called the landlord and he did a totally dodgy job of "fixing" the hole in the ceiling, and then just threw a coat of paint over the considerable mould damage that had been growing slowly on the wall. Just. Ugh.

Angie Hughes@facebook

@Jade squirrels in the flour!! adorable, and better than turkeys in the wall !

Maryaed

@Jade I can't help being happy about the turkeys. So Dali-esque. They make me I wish I could paint.

atipofthehat

@Jade

Maggots...

Or to the NYC Sanitation Crews, "disco rice."

maybe partying will help

I stick my trash can in the tub, dump Something That Cleans in it, run hot water in it, let it sit, dump it out, let it dry?

Also roaches are into everything but at least they're not palmetto bugs.

I will never be a Clean Person. Let us form a support group.

hotdog

man, here is some advice: do not move into an apartment above a fruit stand on greenpoint avenue, especially not one with a japanther sticker on the front door, because you think you will have fruit for breakfast and live right next door to the g train. You will have tiny tiny roaches all the time that you can't get rid of because you live over what amounts to a steaming pile of fruit juice soaked garbage and you will eventually need to break up with your baby-masquerading-as-full-grown-man live in boyfriend. TRUTH.

hotdog

@hotdog I mean, although if you do, the coffee at the shop on the corner is 50 cents. Also, it was the greenpoint stop, on manhattan ave. Oh, and if the landlord tells you cinnamon sticks get rid of bedbugs, I would be incredulous.

parallel-lines

@hotdog Oh god, between this and the pollos vivieros place smell I'm so grossed out by Greenpoint Ave.

jamie schuh

@hotdog But on the upside if someone where to live in that apartment and deal with baby roaches and fruit garbage, then they would at least live a few blocks away from meeee and would therefore have a perma-drinking buddy!

PomoFrannyGlass

@hotdog "baby-masquerading-as-full-grown-man" DUDE, these are as prevalent as roaches in Brooklyn. Except geckos and exterminators and boric acid and hard cleaning the kitchen don't make them go away or magically transform them into actual full grown men. It's a plague on us all.

Fun roach facts: those giant ones are generally loners, but the little ones usually live in hoards. When you kill one, flush it and bleach the spot where you crunched it, because their guts will attract others. I'm going to wash my dishes and coat my apartment in boric acid gel now.

Ophelia

@PomoFrannyGlass For the little ones, Diatomaceous Earth along your baseboards can be a good way to kill them w/out pesticides. But don't use it if you have pets/babies who will try to ingest it.

Michelle LeBlanc@twitter

@Ophelia actually, fun fact, "food grade" Diatomaceous Earth is totally safe for pets. Can't speak to babies. It's the hippie answer to fleas in your house/on your dog.

frigwiggin

How do I keep my bath mats from falling apart in the washer? I have two different bath mats that have begun to come apart and fray around the edges, probably because I throw them in the washer and dryer on a not-very-regular basis. "Get another bath mat, I don't know!" is probably an appropriate answer to this, actually. Stupid bath mats.

wharrgarbl

@frigwiggin I have given up on bathmats that aren't all cloth for precisely this reason. I had a rubber-backed one completely disintegrate in the wash the second time I tried to clean it. Fuck that shit, man.

lil_bobbytables

@frigwiggin I would advise never washing them but that might be "gross" as the kids say.

Terrifying Wife-Avatar

@frigwiggin In my climate the rubber-backed rug-like bathmats never seem to dry thoroughly between showers (or after washing) so I have given up on them for that reason. The towel-like ones (like in hotels) are harder to find in stores but seem to last forever & are easier to take care of.

Ophelia

@Nicole Sauvage@twitter Agree. I have 2 bathmats that were relatively expensive, but they're the towelly kind (all cotton) - and they've so far lasted 4 years and 2 years respectively, so it's been worth it. Also, I buy them in white, and bleach/oxy the crap out of them, which seems to keep them looking pretty nice, despite the fact that they often get muddy dog and human footprints on them.

frigwiggin

@wharrgarbl @Nicole Sauvage@twitter @Ophelia Oh wow, I didn't even think of this as an option! Derp. The rubber backing usually doesn't help them stay in place anyway, our cat sees to that. (What the hell, cat, why did you take the bath mat and somehow carefully drape it over your water dish. Why did you do that.)

saul "the bear" berenson

@frigwiggin This is weird because I was just this morning thinking "how do I wash this bathmat"? I think I'm going to take it to the laundromat and attempt a washing machine cocktail of tide, oxiclean, vinegar... and maybe even a little bleach? It's white, and also I want to blast the bacteria that are surely living in style on that thing. I miss Jolie.

Dancercise

@frigwiggin
Bathmats (at least, the carpet-like ones) are essentially rubber-backed rugs. Rugs get vacuumed! I usually spritz my bathmat with vinegar to deodorize and de-bacteria-ize, then let it air dry and give it a good vacuuming with the hose attachment.

szarah

@frigwiggin I gave up on bathmats after I washed mine and it came out looking worse than when it was dirty. Now I just use a hand towel (like a guest towel I think) that I throw on the floor and then hang back up to dry. It still gets kind of dirty, but I have a few so I just replace it and then wash it with the rest of my towels. My bathroom is also super tiny so it works. Also, the idea of having the bathmat close to the toilet kind of grosses me out, IDON'TKNOWWHY.

frigwiggin

@szarah No, I completely agree! Like those bath mats that go AROUND the bottom of the toilet? THAT IS JUST A URINE SPONGE. WHY.

Alli525

@Nicole Sauvage@twitter I've never really had a problem finding the all-cloth ones... and in a pinch I use really large hand towels. Or fold a fullsize towel in half.

Xanthophyllippa

@frigwiggin Or the matching toilet lid covers. URINE HAT.

scully

@frigwiggin This is the only bath mat you will ever need. You can wash and wash and wash it and it never frays and it soaks up an obscene amount of water (I think it would beat a Kotex in one of those blue liquid tests). Also it comes in lots of great colors. Just never use fabric softener on it!!
http://www.restorationhardware.com/catalog/product/product.jsp?productId=prod1140003&categoryId=cat1500028

White Rabbit

@frigwiggin I've had good luck washing my rubber-backed bath mats. I wash them in the front loader washers on the gentle cycle using warm water. Then I tumble them on a low setting to dry them. I've washed them at least a half dozen times this way without them falling apart. As best as I can remember, I bought the not-cheapest rugs available at Target at the time.

bitzyboozer

Finally, an AaCP I can relate to! Also I got one of those wooden bathmats and it has for real changed my life.

julia

@bitzyboozer My first thought on this was what happens underneath the wooden slat mat - does the floor get all yuck?

sarah girl

@julia Also splinters D:

bitzyboozer

I guess it might depend on what kind of floor you have but mine is tile and it does not get yuck. But mine is actually in front of my sink and so I don't stand on it when I get out of the shower. It's like a smooth finished bamboo type wood so splinters have not been an issue. Here for all your wooden bathmat-related questions!

myrna.minkoff

@bitzyboozer My kitty loves to pee on bathmats. Seriously, it is his favorite thing. Wooden bathmats sound like the solution to all of life's little problems.

redrover189

@julia Nope! They're usually bamboo, which tends to be an antibacterial/antifungal material. Anyhoo, the mat is strung together like big flat beads? I'm describing this terribly, but basically, it allows the water to wick off and then there's foam anti-skid pads on the bottom so you don't slide around. I've been using mine for two years and they still look perfect and the floor doesn't seem to get any grosser than it did with regular cloth mats. I clean them every so often by spraying them down with some Windex...probably not the right cleaner, don't tell Jolie!

okaycrochet

@bitzyboozer Me too! Yes. Mine is in front of my shower and it is the best. One of my least favorite things is to walk on a cloth/fluffy bathmat that is soggy when I'm just trying to look in the mirror or something, and ever since I achieved wooden bathmat zen, this problem has vanished. I just have to wipe the slats once I'm all dry. Problem-o solved-o.

sarah girl

@redrover189 Okay, I'm intrigued now - recommended brands or anything?

The Lady of Shalott

Dear Edith, I love you.

Barry Grant

@The Lady of Shalott
Me too. These things read like she just tosses them off first thing in the morning without even editing them. (Oh and the Bridgette Bardot make-over didn't hurt either. Va va va voom.)

Quinn A@twitter

Why don't you just get a maid?

I keep meaning to, but my apartment is so small I worry she'd show up and be like, "seriously? You can't handle this by yourself?" And I'd be like, "I know, I know."

I feel you. And also, I can't afford cleaning services. And would feel compelled to clean BEFORE anyone came over to clean, which rather defeats the purpose because my standards of cleanliness are not actually that high! I'm really just opposed to visible dirt and unrinsed dishes in the sink (not unwashed dishes, just unrinsed ones).

Also, I used to have a ton of really long, really thick hair, and when it killed the vacuum cleaner the repair person actually asked if I was a hairdresser. Apparently it was the only logical explanation for THAT MUCH HAIR wrapped around a fan belt. Never mind that it was all the same colour and I was standing there with hair like Cousin It. (No, really. It's even the same colour)

maybe partying will help

@Quinn A@twitter

Please tell me you walked around with it draped over your face and put your sunglasses on over it and so forth.

Quinn A@twitter

@maybe partying will help Well, I definitely walked around with it draped over my face. I couldn't help it, it just grew that way! SO MUCH HAIR. I had to tie it back all the time.

When side ponytails were a thing in the early 90s, I walked around with my head tipped way over to the side because my hair was so heavy. I'm surprised I'm not permanently deformed from 90s style.

Quinn A@twitter

@Quinn A@twitter Or, 90s "style", as it were.

jule_b_sorry

@Quinn A@twitter I know not everyone can afford it, but I finally broke down and hired a cleaning service for my Jr. 1 and it is SO CHOICE. Do not be afraid! I was wildly nervous that she'd come in, mock my inability to keep even a jr. 1 ungrubby, and would then post pictures on the internet of my stove and bathroom tiles with mocking captions. Instead, the service sent a woman who is like an angel of sweetness and bleach come to earth. For $80 + tip every 2 weeks, she makes my apartment SPOTLESS, while being the nicest, most nonjudgmental person ever. She finds dirt I didn't even know about. The mysterious smells? All gone. Seriously, WORTH IT.

warriorworrierwoman

@jule_b_sorry my dad hired a cleaning service for my mom when i was a kid, as a gift, but my mom would make all of us clean up the house before the cleaning person came over and would be all stressed out about it--it was not the greatest gift idea for my mom, apparently. I, however, would LOVE to pay someone to clean!

julia

I loved everything about this. AACPGS!

Anna Jayne@twitter

PLANK BATHMATS! They still get kind of gross underneath and sometimes you stub your toe but I love them.

Millie the Scientist

@Anna Jayne@twitter I want to get one of these, but the last thing I need is more things optimally placed for me to stub my toes on :(

c.
c.

@Anna Jayne@twitter The family I babysat for had one and I would stub my toes on it every time I went into the bathroom. They are perfectly designed for toe stubbing.

nokittythisismypotpie

Edith, we have to save the dust, and keep making more of it! The Mulefa trees need it, and we need to keep the window open out of the world of the dead! Don't be with the Magisterium!

nokittythisismypotpie

@nokittythisismypotpie Seriously though, this was hilarious.

wee_ramekin

@nokittythisismypotpie So, what you're saying is...we all need to be having sex all the time?

harebell

oh, ah, ha, and haha, so much identifying.

I actually bought one of those wooden slat bathmats, and they *are* really great (men can no longer get annoyed with you for stepping out of the bathtub while still dripping a bit. By the way, seriously, how do they *not* drip? surely it's only possible because they have cut their hair so short that they do not have full experience of what it can mean to be truly totally dripping, even after you have toweled yourself, and also, whatever, drips). Also, the bathmat is made of a special type of wood that smells nice when wet.

However, possible purchasers beware, it traps dust underneath them which is easy to forget about until it becomes quite gross. Also, the slats are grooved, and you DO eventually have to clean the grooves, which trap dirt in them, which means that I went from being a laid-back, relaxed, possibly sloppy person to a person who can sometimes be found scrubbing my bathmats in the bathtub with a toothbrush bought specially for this purpose.

Terrifying Wife-Avatar

@harebell Hang on a sec, MEN get annoyed with YOU for getting out of the bathtub while dripping? I am the one who grinds my teeth at my husband's propensity for getting out of the shower and leaving the bathmat a wet, crumpled mess. Should I buy a wooden slat bathmat or should you & I trade men?

harebell

@Nicole Sauvage@twitter I am very fond of my man, so you might have to settle for the wooden planks.
The wooden bathmat still gets wet, but it is self-drying! comfy! never cold in winter! & might simplify connubial life.

Anecdote anecdata, but I really did think it was a guy thing. Not only does my husband say it to me, but so did a former housemate who was male, and lest it seem like I am the common denominator, a good friend also told me her boyfriend complains about this.

Heat Signature

@Nicole Sauvage@twitter I know, right? Whenever my husband and I have to take showers within the same half hour timespan, I always ask to go first because I SWEAR TO GOD he shakes himself off like a sheepdog after he gets out of the shower and the ENTIRE BATHROOM is soaked when he's done.

Terrifying Wife-Avatar

@harebell Heh, yeah, I am also quite attached to my husband, even though he seems to be some kind of bathmat-dripping statistical outlier.

LaLoba

Apparently the answer is cloth baby diapers.

Ophelia

@LaLoba My mom saved a bunch from when my sister and I were babies, and still uses them as cleaning rags, 30 years later. Apparently, they made some hard-core cloth diapers in 1981.

Emby

I found the first ever roach in my apartment of FIVE years. It's usually bug-free. I didn't have bug spray so I killed it with hairspray my girlfriend left in my apartment.

Roaches don't really bother me the way they seem to for most other people. I mean, yeah, they're big and gross, but whatevs.

LaLoba

I've worked as a housekeeper for dirty, dirty roughnecks before and was not great at it, but now I've just gotten a job going around to fancy rich people's fancy ranch cabin condo high rise granite counter top "we rent horses" houses and cleaning that shit up for them. So I should know the secrets pretty soon.

George Templeton Strong

"Get another bath mat, I don't know! Bath mats suck. Actually I'm going to get one of those wooden ones with planks. Slats. I'm pretty sure that is the source of all my problems, and then once I have it, everything will fall into place."

We had one of those. Don't do it. We threw ours out after a week. It was like standing on railroad ties (which I've never done, but it must be the same.) And you have to put something under it, like a bath mat, and the bath mat gets extra-gross that way. Plus it was irresistible to my dog, who both gnawed at it and peed on it. Maybe it was recycled from another dog's dog house?

datalass

@George Templeton Strong Yeah, I think the slat kind are appropriate only in spas (i.e., places with cleaning crews who will swoop in every few hours and mop up the swamp that collects under the mat). Last winter, I bought a slat mat with bristles for outside the front door (in a sheltered breezeway). It worked fine, except every few weeks I had to go out and mop up the road salt and grime that collected below.

harebell

@George Templeton Strong Mine doesn't need cleaning more than once every 1-2 weeks. But I also don't put anything underneath it. They're not meant to have anything under them. & we don't wear shoes indoors, so it stays quite clean.

I think it's a question of habits. I actually find it feels nicer on my feet than a cloth mat, because the wood is soft. I'm always suspicious the cloth mat has been in the bathroom for ages and is... festering things.

redheaded&crazy

Oh long hair. My favourite game to play is not actually beer pong, but "Whose long hair is this wrapped around the ping pong ball we are throwing into each other's drinks?"

Spoiler alert: it's always mine.

JadedStone

@redheaded&crazie HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

okaycrochet

@redheaded&crazie HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO

planforamiracle

@redheaded&crazie ARGHHHH this reminded me of the hair tumbleweeds that collected in my old apartment. Two ladies with elbow-length wavy hair and passive-aggressive tendencies about cleaning = not good roommates.

EternalFootwoman

@planforamiracle Yeah, the tumbleweeds. I destroyed my mom's vacuum when I wasn't living with her. I've had friends begin conversations with, "So...your hair...I was vacuuming..." I buzzed my hair a full month ago and am still finding tumbleweeds in my room, clumps on my sweaters, etc. It's horrifying.

redheaded&crazy

@EternalFootwoman the mass of soggy conditioner-greased hair i pulled out of my drain last month was the greatest test yet of my commitment to long hair.

but my head - it's misshapen! my chin has too many multiples for short hair. I ... I don't even know.

MollyculeTheory

"It’s basic hygiene, Benjamin. The cleaning items themselves must be spick and span."

"A dirty brush is a useless brush!"

"So once you’ve finished with these, if you could turn your attention to the items with which you’ve been cleaning..."

"What about them?"

"Well, they need cleaning too."

sarah girl

Hey can we ask general questions in here? (Don't care about the answer, gonna do it anyway)

How the fuck do I clean out a cat's litterbox when I live in an apartment complex? I mean I scoop it and all, but when the actual box gets grimy and needs to be washed. Those damn people with houses and hoses and yards can just walk out back and blast it with the hose until it's clean, but I don't have any of that. I tried to clean it in the bathtub once and clogged that shit up IMMEDIATELY.

JadedStone

@Sarah H. Take it to the nearest waterpark? ha.
Is there a laundry room in the building? 'clean-your-own-car' place nearby? Putting lawn care bags in the litter box as a liner?

Quinn A@twitter

@Sarah H. You definitely need litterpan liners in this case. Or you can use Lysol wipes on it, which is what I do, but you do end up going through a lot of wipes and you spend a lot longer in close proximity to a disgusting litterbox.

dotcommie

@Sarah H. i use a vinegar-and-water or ammonia-and-water solution on my guinea pig cage and wipe it down. gets some good squat action, too!

datalass

@Sarah H. I scrub mine in the bathroom but empty the water into the toilet (not down the bathtub). I have a high-sided litter box, which makes it fairly easy to scrub it within itself (if that makes sense) and then just wipe down the top rim and the outside.

sarah girl

@Quinn A@twitter No laundry room in the building, unfortunately. And I've tried litter pan liners before, but I think my cat is like really vigorous with the poo-covering and scratches holes into the liner :( I might try that plus some sort of wipe/spray to catch anything that leaks, though.

tessamae

@Sarah H. When I have to change/clean the whole box, I dump/scrape out all of the litter, leaving as little solid stuck to it as possible. Then I fill it up with warm water and Lysol (like the mop solution kind) and let it soak. Dump that in the tub and rinse. It does the trick.

REMEMBER: Don't bring our pal Bleachie to your litter box party. Unless you rinse and rinse and rinse some more before refilling. Because cat pee = ammonia and Bleachie and ammonia are not friends.

datalass

@Sarah H. My experiment with litter liners ended the same way. Honestly, even with the holes, they were probably more convenient than what I do now, but I just got so frustrated by spending money on liners then having to clean up the leak-through that I gave up.

Snicker-snack!

@Sarah H. What I do is dump all the old litter into a plastic shopping bag and use my pooper-scooper to scrape any stuck-on litter and grossness off into the bag. Then I just wash the box in the bath-tub and afterwards scrub the tub down.
Actually, this is what I used to do. Now I use a flushable clumping litter (World's Best Cat Litter) and clean the waste out of the box a couple times a day and replenish the litter as necessary. Then, I wipe down the sides and edges with vinegar. I rarely empty and scrub the entire box anymore.

acefreakly

@Sarah H. Bucket + cleaning supplies + go outside and clean? Is that a possibility?

sudden but inevitable betrayal

@Snicker-snack! Wait. You can flush that stuff? Amazing!

Snicker-snack!

@sudden but inevitable betrayal Okay. So. It says on the bag that it's flushable and the litter is not clay, but some other organic material - I wouldn't flush Tidy Cat or the weird blue bead stuff crystal stuff. I'm just gonna go on believing that I'm not destroying the world.

sarah girl

@Snicker-snack! I think part of my problem is that my cat can PEE. He has some mild kidney issues which means that his pee is really diluted and there is SO MUCH OF IT. He also likes to scoot his little catbutt right up against the wall of the litterbox to pee so it all goes down thhe box's walls and UGH. I end up with these massive peebricks that are basically glued to the litterbox, and it's so frustrating to deal with!

highfivesforall

@Snicker-snack! It is corn, and it is the best thing ever.

ClogginBoydCrowder

@Sarah H. I used to have the pee brick problem! USED to! I would be scraping and scraping trying to get the pee litter off the side of the pan. Solution: World's Best Cat Litter. Not only is it flushable, but it doesn't stick to the side of the box. And it doesn't have gross perfume, and it's made out of corn, so if your little beastie eats it occasionally, he's not eating gross, perfumed clay. It's more expensive than most litters, but I love it. The peebricks are what made me decide to change litters, because UGH. Also, this is way late, but I really wanted you to know :)

sudden but inevitable betrayal

@ClogginBoydCrowder So I tried World's Best with my cat and I loooooooved it. You can't be as lazy with scooping as you can with the clumpy perfumed stuff, but overall I'd say that's a good thing. However...my dumb cat has decided she hated it and started pissing and shitting on the bathroom rugs. I went back to the cheapo bulk stuff and she went back to using the box. UGH CAT. I try to give you nice things!

dotcommie

hair strategy from someone with approx. 3 lbs of hair: brush a lot. brush before showering. when showering, trap all of your hair by sticking it on the walls. make hair doodles with your hair. put in it the toilet after showering.

+1 on hunting bugs. my dude doesn't like to kill bugs, so i have to pursue them with a wrathful vengeance. i got excited because i found a GIANT ant at his mom's house, and google confirmed that it was a queen carpenter ant.

"if we kill this it will kill the whole colony!!"
"i don't want to kill the whole colony?"

i killed it anyway, coz carpenter ants eat houses! i saved his mom's house!

sarah girl

@dotcommie Hair shower doodles! Just don't forget to take them down before you have overnight visitors, aaaawkward.

supergirlieque

@dotcommie Hair on the walls! My most disgusting habit, by far. I used to write messages to my brother when we shared a bathroom, he was not amused. Currently, my shower is completely enclosed by a curtain so I have not hair-doodled in FAR too long.

PatatasBravas

@dotcommie Oh man I have really long hair and I love the hair doodles. Brushing before the shower works wonders for getting most of it out, but of course not all of it.

However I cannot advocate putting your hair doodles in the toilet! That will clog it! PUT IT IN THE TRASH BIN.

saul "the bear" berenson

@dotcommie Love the hair on the walls! I got all excited recently when I found out that human hair can be COMPOSTED. I was like VICTORY!!! I could compost a farm with all the hair I've stuck to my shower and then trashed.

wee_ramekin

@dotcommie

"i don't want to kill the whole colony?"

WTF is wrong with him?!?! That is like...the fellest of all the swoops!

sudden but inevitable betrayal

@dotcommie I used to do this all the time! Although I would just rinse it down the drain. Seeing hair in the toilet gives me the creeps, like some kind of hair monster is going to leap up and bite my ass.

dotcommie

@PatatasBravas blarg! i started putting them in the toilet because it was clogging my shower, and when i put it in the trash, they somehow find themselves back out and onto the floor, wafting gently.

@wee_ramekin i think it's leftovers from his many years as a vegan. WHATEVER, i go for TOTAL DOMINATION.

Xanthophyllippa

@dotcommie I stopped sticking my hair on the walls when I got into the shower, turned on the water, soaped myself up, saw a giant wad of hair on the wall and thought it was a millipede, screamed, and bolted out of the bathroom, throwing suds everywhere. Now it gets wadded into a little ball and chucked out onto the bathroom floor, from which I pick it up using a sheet of toilet paper so it stays put in the garbage.

I seem to spend a lot of time screaming and running around the apartment.

The Lovecats

@Xanthophyllippa How much hair are people losing per shower? I am growing my hair out from a pixie cut and now that they are of noticeable lengths, it is Alarming the number of strands I lose.

Xanthophyllippa

@SurpriseEnding I used to lose a glob a night, but never shed anywhere but in the shower (and on a few select pieces of clothing made of weird fabrics). When I cut my hair from waist-length to just past my chin, I didn't seem to shed at all. Now that it's down to my shoulders again, I seem to shed everywhere except the shower. Like, I can clean the bathroom and two hours later find hair all over (and I don't even brush my hair - I just let it do its own thang!). Sometimes I feel like I need a good coat of shellac.

dale

"Dust. Anybody? No? High in fat, low in fat? Dust. Anybody? No? Dust. Anybody? No? Dust. Anybody? No? Dust. Anybody? No? Dust. Anybody? No? Dust. It's actually very low in fat. You can have as much dust as you like."

^all I can think of whenever anyone says dust.

datalass

@dale Also, a low fat substitute for ice cream? Ice koob.

bloodorange

@dale ME TOOOOOO. Dust. Anybody? No? Dust.

applestoapples

I have a maid, and my apartment's not all that huge--I'm just mad lazy. I know she judges me, but I tip her well so she does it silently.

By the way, that's the key to all relationships: tip people well so they don't show open contempt towards you. In lieu of tips, baked goods work.

Punk-assBookJockey

@applestoapples Do baked goods work even if the person you are tipping is being tipped to clean up after your baking mess? Seems like it might cancel out.

mishaps

@applestoapples Are people tipping their cleaning service/person on the regular now? I give mine a Christmas tip (one visit's payment), and when she told me all excitedly about her new apartment, I got her an AmEx gift card as a housewarming gift, but I pay her the price she asks me for on a regular basis. I do also tidy the place up before she arrives, but that's just so I can find shit in the days that follow.

applestoapples

@mishaps No, I tip her extra when the apartment is especially gross. Like the time my ex-boyfriend let a glob of lasagna melt in the oven floor without telling me.

Slutface

I use baby wipes on everything.EVERYTHING. I don't have a baby though.

Scandyhoovian

oh my god

I...

the roach bit his chest

I can't do this

I'm never sleeping again

or eating mangoes

or sleeping

or going to hawaii

SBGBlogs

@Scandyhoovian Sooooo, I was in NYC recently (I am a Chicagoan) and hung out with some life-long New Yorkers who were all, "Oh yeah, roaches are everywhere here! it's okay! we all have them! nbd! lolz!" And I was like, "WHAT KIND OF TERRIFYING DEVIL-LAND IS THIS AND WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU." Because that is how a normal adult person responds to bugs. Also, can a New Yorker please tell me that this is not a thing and that the people I was talking to were actually insane?

My point is, @Scandyhoovian, I feel you and I think we should burn everything with fire because how will we ever sleep again?
BURN. EVERYTHING. WITH. FIRE.
aksdjhflasehkfglaewglos

Side note: I was doing something at work that lead to me falling down a wormhole of reading about roach infestations in people's CARS in Hawaii.

MollyculeTheory

@Scandyhoovian IDK, my little brother still claims that when he was five a harvestman bit him on the wang.

Ophelia

@SBGBlogs They are here in NY, but their numbers/size are NOTHING like the roaches I have seen in DC.

Scandyhoovian

@MollyculeTheory Do... I even want to know what a harvestman is?

@SBGBlogs the worst is that I live in a wooded apartment complex in the suburbs of Atlanta. There are a LOT of big roaches here, the kinds that fly. And they love the damn trees. Every now and then one of those flying horrible jerkwads gets into my apartment and I have actually been known to shriek and leap onto furniture like the cartoon women always did when Jerry came out of his mousehole and Tom chased him around.

So, yeah. BURN EVERYTHING WITH FIRE is about right.

frigwiggin

@Scandyhoovian My "aunt" lived in Hawaii for most of her life, and told us a story about one time how she woke up in the middle of the night and turned the light on to find a millipede at least a foot long curled up next to where her head had been. She claimed it had been making purring noises like one of her cats, but I don't quite believe that millipedes can actually do that. But stillllllll.

WaityKatie

@Ophelia Same goes for NYC v. DC rats. DC ones are horrifying swamp-hybrids who waddle around arrogantly in the middle of the day and jump into baby carriages, etc.

Scandyhoovian

@frigwiggin I am never going to sleep again oh my god

Mira

@frigwiggin One time I was housesitting for an old lady whose early-teenage grandson and two cats also lived in the house, and one morning I woke up to the grandson screaming because in the middle of the night, one of the cats had partially killed a palmetto bug (i.e. GIANT-ASS COCKROACH) and then left it as a present, as cats do, on the kid's face. So he woke up to a mostly-dead but kind of still alive four-inch-long roach squirming on his face, with its guts hanging out, while the cat was curled up on his chest staring at his reaction.

I removed the roach, put it out of its misery, and puked in the kitchen trash. Oh god I still shudder when I think about it.

Ophelia

@WaityKatie Ugh, one of my apartments in DC was next door to a bunch of restaurants, and I swear to god we had R.O.U.S.es in the alley.

Faintly Macabre

@Ophelia So I'd been considering moving to DC eventually. NOT ANYMORE!

WaityKatie

@Ophelia My second year of law school I lived in a tiny horrid underground hellhole ("english basement" hahahahaha) of an apartment (but CHEAP!) and there was a rathole right next to the steps going down to the front door. I would see the rat's tail disappearing into the hole on the regular. But I got really good at loudly stomping/singing/making other assorted noises every time I went to open the door. Also another time I was waiting for a friend outside the best dumpling house in Chinatown (DC), playing with my phone, and this toursist-douche walked by and yelled at me that a rat just ran right past my feet. He looked at me in utter disgust, like I had created the rat or something. I wanted to be like, "at least we don't have twisters, like wherever godforsaken misery-pit you come from and should go right back to!"

mangosara

@frigwiggin as a youngun living in Hawaii I had a friend who got bit ON THE FACE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT BY A CENTIPEDE

A CENTIPEDE.

only acceptable reaction: AGH AGH AGH OMG AGH WHAT

WaityKatie

@mangosara Noooooo!!! I am starting to think that Hawaii has A DARK SIDE.

Snicker-snack!

@WaityKatie Rats! I'm in Seattle and we have a city-wide rat problem. In fact, a few years ago, I lived in a house where rats had infested the yard - and all the neighboring yards. Those fuckers were so brazen, they would literally frolic and lounge in the yard. Out in the open during the day. You could sit on the porch and watch them. Strangely, they never came into the house, that I know of - though the entire time I lived there I had nightmares of them pouring into the bedroom while I slept.

WaityKatie

@Snicker-snack! I just read a book about rats, which wasn't that great, but I did learn that if you see rats during the day, it means they are so overpopulated that they are forced to go out and forage during the day, which they do not like to do. So if you see a rat during the day and it isn't injured or dying, you are screwed, there are way too many rats, and you might as well just give up and move away. They probably were pouring into the bedroom as you slept, especially if you had any food in there. Also I learned that rats have sex 20 times per day. The more you know...

Snicker-snack!

@WaityKatie **shudders** I don't live there anymore, thank god.

Ophelia

@Faintly Macabre Honestly, don't worry about it. At this point, they're practically tame.

stonefruit

@WaityKatie (a) it appears that DC's rat problem has gotten out of hand in the 8 years since I left, and (b) I KNOW AND LOVE THAT DUMPLING PLACE. Please tell me you also got the noodle soup and put, like, a metric crapton of pickled garlic/jalapenos and ginger paste in it to kick it up to an even higher level of awesome? I miss it, and I live in SF, where we have dumpling places aplenty.

Is It a Hat?

@frigwiggin The idea of a purring millipede is actually kind of...adorable?

Brunhilde

@SBGBlogs You've never seen this documentary about roaches in New York?

gunface

@Scandyhoovian but in Chicago, we have those demon house centipedes! with the.. all those legs and the scurrying. ohgod. those fuckers are on par with roaches as far as i'm concerned.

iradinosaur

my father-in-law lives in south georgia (waaay south) where the cockroaches are as big as wampus rats. his sweet dog died, and he went to the pound to find another one. that's when he found wilson (named after tom hanks' volleyball.) while my pa-in-law was looking at wilson, in his pen, a cockroach walked up and wilson went beserker, gobbling it up like a petit four. perhaps hawaii person could adopt a wilson.

Ophelia

@katie walker@twitter Good call. My dog likes to stalk mosquitoes and houseflies, but I'm sure he'd go for a roach (but we live on the 3rd floor and, fingers crossed, don't have any).

Fiddle dee dee

@katie walker@twitter "wilson went beserker, gobbling it up like a petit four". Laughing unto crying...good dog, Wilson!

mukmuk

Hahaha! I just turn a fan on HI when I step out of the door in the morning. After I get back from happy hour at 2am my apartment is totally clean! Much more economical than a maid.

PatatasBravas

How come everything gets so dirty so quickly?

ENTROPY

THINGS FALL APART, THE CENTER CANNOT HOLD

laurel

@PatatasBravas And the falcon cannot hear the falconer('s request that he not poo and molt and devour gophers in the house).

meetapossum

@PatatasBravas I love every time a Yeats reference appears on the 'Pin.

stuffisthings

@meetapossum No, the next time Jolie doesn't use "turning and turning in the widening gyre" in a laundry question, SHE loses.

Marquise de Morville

@PatatasBravas Entropy: a cold room is more ordered than a hot one. Tidying up by temperature control.

Emma Peel

Can we brag here about recent Clean Person victories? I just moved and my room is still a disaster zone (also a construction zone) (what do you do when you put together a key piece of IKEA furniture BACKWARDS), but I deep-cleaned the bathroom and kitchen in my new place and they look so satisfyingly great.

Apparently OxiClean works a miracle on moldy/bacteria-y grout.

sudden but inevitable betrayal

@Emma Peel Oooh good to know!

JadedStone

@Emma Peel YAY BRAGGING ABOUT CLEAN PERSON VICTORIES!

My boyfriend used a box a toilet came in in his kitchen to prop up a piece of wood as some sort of strange ledge near the window. I've ignored it for 2 years but Sunday he left me alone for an hour and I GAVE THE BOX TO THE BUNNIES! HAHAH! NO MORE HIDEOUS BOX.
Then I scrubbed the filthy floor on my hands and knees with BLEACHIE. And I filled a bowl with LEMONS.

The Lovecats

@Emma Peel I followed the instructions for caulking the bathroom to seal up my baseboards - in case of silverfish/bb invasions. I can't even type that (bb) word.

JaneDoe

@SurpriseEnding what is this "bb", I'm thinking bumblebee. Perhaps I should continue thinking that.

Megasus

My only solution to roaches is to befriend and then sing songs and raps together like in Joe's Apartment.

sudden but inevitable betrayal

@Megano! That is the only way.

fabel

I laughed so hard at this that I'm embarrassed. I think I'm relating too much to it, as a fellow gross person?

Kitty

@fabel I'm also gross :(

britishpetroleum

I think the bath mat trick is to hang it over the side of the bathtub when not in use, like they do in hotels. I definitely get skeeved out by stepping on it with shoes on, but I wasn't going to take my shoes off every time I go into the bathroom either. This is a good compromise.

EternalFootwoman

@britishpetroleum Oh, I see! I really didn't understand why people were stepping on the bath mat with their shoes on. I've always hung the bath mat over the edge of the tub. Huh, now I will pay attention to bath mats when I visit other people.

planforamiracle

@britishpetroleum THIS. Hanging it up immediately also helps the bathmat dry faster, meaning less disgustingness.

britishpetroleum

@planforamiracle I also have a tiny bathroom, so if you use the toilet and (hopefully!) wash your hands, you will step on my bath mat. Or now, the place where my bath mat sometimes rests.

Xanthophyllippa

@EternalFootwoman I was trying to figure out who on earth showers with their shoes on -- especially in someone else's apartment.

apollonia666

@britishpetroleum Yeah, I never have understood people who leave their bath mats on the floor at all times. They get so filthy so fast! I would never want to step out of the shower onto all of that with my wet bare feet. Nasty!

Umlauts

This is not really cleaning related, but I thought I would ask it here because honestly it seems like something Hairpinners would be able to help me with....so, I have this couch, which is a very cheap couch that you can fold out to make sort of a bed. I want to cover it becuase it was formerly housed in several bachelor apartments, but when you sit on it the bottom cushions tend to slide out from under you and you have to push them back in. My question is WHAT can I use to attach the cushions to the back of the couch? Will thread work or will that just tear? Is there such a thing as a fabric glue that will work in this situation?

Heat Signature

@Umlauts Oh, you could use rubber placemates! Put one underneath each cushion to help them stay in place.

I think I read that in "Hints from Heloise".

warriorworrierwoman

@Umlauts i bought my couch from a furniture store and they showed me that the cushions are secured to the rest of the couch with velcro strips and it totally works for me...maybe you do that?

sudden but inevitable betrayal

@warriorworrierwoman That's so smart!

allthepie

@Umlauts non-slip shelf liner! They sell it in rolls near the contact paper at Target etc. and you can just cut to size

EternalFootwoman

@Heat Signature I second this. I also second pretty much anything Heloise has to say.

Umlauts

@Umlauts A-ha! I knew this was the place for good ideas. I think I'll try the rubber placemat solution first, as my partner has a neurotic fear of Velcro, but if that doesn't work, he'll have to deal.

wharrgarbl

@warriorworrierwoman Velcro strips are the bomb. Some friends had a couch whose cushions wouldn't stay put, ever, and velcro strips fixed that right up.

olivebee

I used to be deathly afraid of any and all bugs that appeared in my house growing up or dorm or apartments, but after what happened my senior year of college, all those other bugs seem tame as hell.

My bedroom (which was one of a three bedroom apartment) senior year was INFESTED with those giant, long-legged house centipedes. I slept with a can of Raid next to my bed and kept one on my desk because I would have to kill at least 8 or 9 of those suckers a day. I was afraid to walk on the floor, so I would jump from bed to desk to closet. Most of them were on the ceiling, and I always knew when they were there because my cat would all of a sudden look up and stare intently at a spot on the ceiling. So then I would have nightmares about them falling on me and crawling all over me in my sleep.

Anyways, now those are the only insects that show up in Midwestern dwellings (save for roaches, which I have yet to see) that really scare the bejeezus out of me anymore.

PomoFrannyGlass

@olivebee Those creepster house centipedes EAT roaches. That's why you haven't seen any! My last apartment had them, but never roaches, and now that I live in an apartment where I have seen roaches (hence my extensive knowledge of their breeds, habits, and methods of murder), I kind of miss the centipedes. Even though they are indeed terrifying.

olivebee

@PomoFrannyGlass Ahhh! While I guess I am glad they eat roaches, part of me also thinks that makes them even scarier because that means their jaws and strength are great enough to eat a hard-shelled insect that is twice their size. Which means my skin is basically whip cream to them.

frigwiggin

@olivebee Ah jesus, I've never seen one of those in real life but they look SO ALARMING. BRB shuddering forever

Faintly Macabre

@olivebee My freshman dorm had them (along with a mouse infestation that was centered in MY ROOM, which the school did worse than nothing about and which is why they are not getting a cent of my money), and the first time I saw one, I spent the next hour curled in my chair researching them. They're mostly harmless and do kill other pests, but the other facts just made them scarier! They can live for seven years, can detach legs at will to escape, and can stiffen their bodies and glide to avoid getting squished. Horrifying.

olivebee

@frigwiggin Yeah they are massive (usually between .5 and 2 inches long) and so scary. My office is in a building that we share with a few other companies, so the bathrooms are shared as well (meaning they look like public restrooms). One time a few months ago, I went to pee, and as I'm doing my thing, I see one scuttle past me on the wall of the bathroom stall. I had to use every ounce of willpower I had to not just bolt out of the stall with my pants and underwear around my ankles. Needless to say, that was the fastest I have ever gotten in and out of a bathroom.

TheDragon

@olivebee
Ugh. I live in the desert SW United States and the centipedes and scorpions would climb in through the bathroom window and fall into the bathtub. We had a cat who would kill both of them by slitting them in half with a claw. She would then leave the corpses on the washing machine.

okaycrochet

@The Kendragon That cat deserves a major award.

themegnapkin

@olivebee long-legged centipedes are the only bugs* that make me SCREAM!!!!!! They are terrifying. If I were in your bedroom, I would have moved.

*Ticks are almost as bad. My dog sleeps in my bed, and over the past few weeks he's brought a few ticks into bed with him, leading to May 14, the Night of Five Ticks. As gross as they are, though, I'd still rather find ticks in my bed than centipedes.

TheDragon

@okaycrochet She does. Unfortunately we had to give her away because she HATED my baby sister and tried to kill her. (baby sister has a scar that runs from shoulder to butt because cat tried to use her bug killing mechanisms on a three month old.)
Luckily, it was easy to find a good, baby free home for a creepy-crawly killing machine.
After we adopted her out, I honed my attack skills with shampoo bottles.

EternalFootwoman

@olivebee Ugh, those are the worst. I'm a dirty hippie and usually capture bugs under a cup and set them free. Centipedes I will smash gleefully.

null

@olivebee I used to live in a basement apartment that had those! The worst. My cat would occasionally eat one and while I was glad he was willing to pitch in on the fight, I would avoid touching him afterward due to an irrational fear that it was going to crawl out of his mouth.

okaycrochet

@The Kendragon Award retracted for attempted infanticide. Bad kitty.

SuperGogo

@olivebee Ugh, I hear you. I'm in Chicago too, and my apartment is host to house centipedes just often enough to keep me on edge. I mostly leave them alone because they're on the ceiling or high on the wall and I can't reach them anyway (plus they have poor adhesion skills, so if you touch them they just fall and then they're on your foot ew ew). But one time, *cue dramatic music* I was getting ready for bed and I saw one run across my pillow! The horror...

Xanthophyllippa

@EternalFootwoman But when you do finally smash them, do they leave corpses? Because every time I've tried to smash one, it's just vaporized. Like, poof! No more anything except a tiny grey blotch on my shoe. Maybe all their legs detach at once and their whole body falls to dust?

EternalFootwoman

@Xanthophyllippa No, no corpses. Sometimes little collections of legs. But they're apparently not too sturdy?

Xanthophyllippa

@EternalFootwoman Probably because they are made of DUST and EVIL and nothing else!

Bluebird26

@olivebee My current apartment (for one more month!) has centipedes. Even just typing the word creeps me out. Apparently the mulch that the apartment community uses outside is verrrry friendly to them (because it's moist I guess...and probably because it attracts bugs that are good for plants). Last summer when it was 90+ degrees outside I kept my apartment around 75-80 inside, and I would see/kill at least 8 a week. When it started warming up again this year, I had the apartment people come and redo all the seals on my doors. (Although the repair man told me that they can enter through water systems--like bathtub and sink drains--and he said, quote, "there's not really anything you can do about it." Horrible phrase to hear!) Now I see maybe 1 or 2 a month. They still make me scream and jump and nearly have a heart attack. Luckily for us humans they look scarier than they are....still doesn't make me want to leave any in my apartment alive.
I now have a routine when I enter my bathroom. They like to hang out in there because all the porcelain makes it cool (centipedes like cool, moist places...so I try to keep my apartment the opposite of that). I walk in, check out the tub, check out the ceiling above the tub, and then check out the ceiling above the sink and the sink itself. It's going to be weird to move and not have a 4-point check system in my new bathroom.
Ugh. Heebie-jeebies, I tell you.

EternalFootwoman

@Xanthophyllippa It does help me to pretend to be Buffy the Centipede Slayer.

Vanessa Formato@twitter

@PomoFrannyGlass Gross true story: when my fiance and I moved into our first (and current) apartment, we had a roach problem left over from the previous tenants. One morning, we woke up and ALSO found a centipede and were about to kill it in a fit of rage until we noticed it had a roach in its mouth. That is the only centipede I have EVER allowed to live. Weirdly, we never saw it again. Maybe it realized how generous we were being in letting it live as long as it had taken a roach from us. Such a horrifying time in our lives (we are *knock on wood* roach-free now)

Xanthophyllippa

@Vanessa Formato@twitter This has me wondering - but completely unwilling to look up, since I need to be able to sleep tonight - what a centipede mouth must look like, if they can catch and carry around a roach.

Heat Signature

This is how I'd respond to most of these questions, especially the "I don't know" parts. It's comforting.

noodge

People? people! can I ask a "clean Hairpin commenters" question for any of you lovelies to chime in on?

I got a pair of PERSIMMON (!!!!) colored skinny jeans. I don't buy myself clothes anymore, with Mr. Teenie working at a large awesome clothier - I mainly rely on sample sale cast-offs etc etc. So for me to buy something means I heart it to death and back again. I wore them pretty much constantly, until they just needed a bit of a washing. Somehow, something black in my laundry color-transferred to my new persimmon jeans! and since all my stuff is old I never even thought to look at them before drying and threw them in the dryer and possibly fixed the stain! and now (despite about 6 additional washings on cold, and then warm water) the black spot is still there!!! THIS IS WHY I CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS! does anyone have a solution, either literally or figuratively, that can help me?

apples and oranges

@teenie Last weekend I rescued a white dress from purple dye transfer and it honestly took days... washed it with color safe bleach and cold water, then soaked it in OxiClean for almost a full 24 hours, and then several more washing with OxiClean, detergent, and the color safe bleach in various combinations. I didn't put it through the dryer so I don't know about that but OXICLEAN for real. Just soak the thing for a while and see if it gets any better.

greatbleuheron

First time commenter, logging in JUST TO SAY I HAVE ANSWERS TO HAIR. Yes, it kills vacuum cleaners. But you can slow the death rate by getting a big wide (new, clean) janitor's push broom and brushing your carpets before vacuuming. Then you pick the hair out of the push broom, instead of trying and failing at extracting it from the vacuum mechanism later on.

I'd like to have been funny in my first Hairpin comment ever, but that's a fail. So I hope this is at least useful.

warriorworrierwoman

@greatbleuheron that's a good idea! thanks!

olivebee

@greatbleuheron Welcome to the commenting world! That is a great idea. I actually have found that using a pet hair vacuum also works (really well, at that) at getting rid of human hair, because the mouth of the vacuum is designed specifically for hair. There are no wheels and cylinders for it to get caught.

I got the Bissel Handheld Pet Hair Vac as a wedding present, and it is seriously amazing for getting the cat hair off of literally anything (incl. clothes), but it helps clear the floor of human hair before I use the real vacuum. Plus you can just pop the top off of it and scoop out all the hair in one big clump. And now I sound like an advertisement, so I am done.

apples and oranges

@olivebee Can you use a pet hair vacuum totally in lieu of a real vacuum? Ours has been broken for months and my roommates and I (all long haired ladies) just let it go because it never got up our hair, the main floor-dirtier, anyways. But if we can sneak by with a pet vac...

olivebee

@kangerine I try not to use the pet hair vac on surfaces that are particularly germ-y (bathroom & kitchen, near the entryway, etc.) because I use it on my bedding and couch and stuff, so I don't want any germ transfer. I do use it on the floor spaces where my (thick, long, curly) hair piles up, such as in front of my dresser where I do my hair every day. I think it WOULD work in lieu of a regular vacuum, but that just depends on how concerned you are with the germ transfer from floor to bed or couch. The top/mouth of it is washable, though, so I think you could totally get away with it. I just happen to be too lazy to wash it, so I avoid those germ-y floors.

apples and oranges

@olivebee Good to know. Thanks!

littlebird

@olivebee Yes! I have one of these too and it's the best thing! That rubber nose is like magic for picking up our corgi's hair.

sudden but inevitable betrayal

One winter when I was living in the college dorm we had this awful spider infestation. It was finally decided that they were coming in through the heating vents, so the RA told everyone to spray Raid in their heating vents, which we all accepted as a totally reasonable solution to the problem. I don't do spiders and I was pretty much desperate for anything that would kill them or make our room look like a crappy place to visit. My roommate was on the phone with her mom as we were preparing to spray the vent and her mom was like, "Girls. GIRLS. Do not spray Raid into your heating vents! You'll gas yourselves when the heat comes on. Tell her to put the can down. Is she putting the can down? DO NOT SPRAY RAID IN THE VENTS! Jesus, girls."

(My dear roommate spent the rest of the winter picking up spiders in tissues and flushing them down the toilet before I had time to notice them and freak out.)

roadtrips

@sudden but inevitable betrayal Oh, God. The infestation stories I could tell. Once I lived in an apartment within walking distance from Lake Michigan during a terrible gnat hatching. We didn't have any screens on our windows and it was super hot so our house was basically a gnat hotel. I realized that cleaning solution would kill them (seeing as how it is poison after all) and my roommate and I stayed up late a few nights, chain-smoking and drinking beer and spraying clouds of gnats with dangerous chemicals. Basically, I am lucky to still be alive, for this and various other reasons.

Does Axl have a jack?

@roadtrips Haha, nice. This reminds me of the time my college roomie and I found an enormous centipede/milipede/whatever in our shower and killed it without setting foot back inside the bathroom: every cleaning chemical in a spray bottle that we owned, sprayed at it from just outside the bathroom door, until we found one that both got enough distance and was poisonous enough to work.

stonefruit

@sudden but inevitable betrayal I have had ladybug infestations in both college and DC. One ladybug is lovely, two are still pretty cute, but infestation-levels of ladybugs, no ma'am, not at all. Just creepy. Like, do they all know something? Is that why they came in here to die in groups of like 20, all faded brownish-orange corpses lined up on the windowsill?

FLY AWAY HOME, Y'ALL.

Lumpy Space Princess

Re: Bugs and not sounding like such a wimp
The other day I heard a kid telling her mom that her teacher taught their class, "When you see a bug, and you want to scream 'aaahhh!' instead, say, 'iiiinteresting!' and train yourself to do that instead of screaming!" I thought that was awfully cute.

olivebee

@Lumpy Space Princess Hah, that is super cute! I'm guessing it would be hard, though, since screaming is basically fight or flight gut reaction (or maybe that's just me).

EternalFootwoman

@olivebee I would probably end up shrieking, "Interesting! Interesting! Interest-O God, it moooooved!"

TheDragon

Yay! Fellow gross people make me feel less-gross.

Says the girl with PILES of junk in her room.

Fiddle dee dee

Nobody really seems to have fleas anymore. So 80s, I guess.

roadtrips

@Fiddle dee dee hm. I had fleas in my last apartment. We moved in and they were already there, presumably from the dog downstairs. It. Was. Terrible.

I don't wish it on anyone, ever.

TheDragon

@Fiddle dee dee
Bed bugs are the parasites in vogue for the 2010's.

Ophelia

@The Kendragon I am so terrified of bedbugs. I was happy to note, however, that you can get an official bedbug report before renting an apartment in NY?

themmases

@Fiddle dee dee I moved into a house in college that had fleas from the previous tenants, who were apparently really gross. The guy who came to spray said they like the lay their eggs in wood? And we had almost all wood floors.

It was the worst. One of my roommates was allergic to them so every bite she got turned into this huge blister. I was so itchy and jumpy I couldn't concentrate on my work for a week or two (and it was early in the semester, so it wasn't the normal slackers' lull time of year), but of course I couldn't tell my professors why.

Angie Hughes@facebook

@Fiddle dee dee once I went to look at a house that was for rent, and fleas instantly attacked my friend and I, covering our legs, and we ran screaming out of the house tearing our shoes and socks off, throwing them in the yard, and a construction worker came over because he thought we found a dead body.

Fiddle dee dee

@Angie Hughes@facebook, @themmases, @roadtrips
Oh, I am so sorry! I kinda thought fleas were over, what with all the great stuff that gets them off dogs and cats these days and bedbugs getting all the press.
I guess "off the dogs and cats" does not mean "out of the floor". I rented a place one summer with fleas in the floor. It was hell.

roadtrips

RE: Bathmats - can someone figure out a way to make one of these and tell me if it's actually as amazing as it seems?

fondue with cheddar

@roadtrips One time when I was a kid I looked at moss with a cheap handheld microscope and I saw A WORMY THING so I've been afraid to touch moss for three decades.

stonefruit

@roadtrips WANT WANT WANT.

Xanthophyllippa

@roadtrips I feel like that's just inviting earwigs to live in the bathroom.

redheaded&crazy

@Xanthophyllippa for some reason last summer we had no earwigs. NONE! IT WAS GLORIOUS. Probably a sign of endtimes, but like, I can't get too worked up because NO. EARWIGS.

Xanthophyllippa

@redheaded&crazie In the five years I've been in this apartment, I've found one earwig (last week, on the shower curtain) and one centipede (on the shower wall), but those are the only two seriously disturbing crawlies I've had. I did have a problem shortly after I moved in with wasps coming out of the woodwork (literally) in January and with dead houseflies showing up in one specific room, but the exterminator took care of those quite nicely.

Don
Don

"All our loved ones are, too, until they no longer love us, which may be tomorrow. Next question."

IT MAY BE TOMORROW, EDITH. It may be. Or yesterday... It could have been yesterday. Real Talk: It was yesterday. :(

The Lovecats

@Don I hear ya. *internet stranger hugs*

scully

@Don REEEAL talk!

mangosara

re: how to get rid of roaches in Hawaii--

abandon all hope. it is not possible. they will exist forever. roaches are disgusting and undefeatable. resistance is futile. thanks, beautiful tropical weather that never gets cold enough to kill bugs/mice/rats/ants/general pestilence!

signed,
a 22-year resident of Hawaii.

null

@mangosara Word. I've been considering moving to the Big Island eventually and while doing housing research came across a lot of posts from mainland transplants about sugar cane spiders. Cue image / video search that resulted in a big 'ol HELL NO. Frequent tales of finding centipedes in your bed didn't help either.

mangosara

@klaus but! in the defense of cane spiders, they are totally harmless. huge and disgusting, yes, but will not hurt you. growing up I lived in a house that was up against a cane field and whenever they would burn the cane the spiders would FLEEEEEEE into warm dark places in our house, like our bathtub. they're a lot less common if you don't live near cane fields, though.

wharrgarbl

@klaus They're just huntsman spiders. They're all over the southeastern US. I mean, they're commonly known as housekeepers. They're as Not A Thing as you can really get and still be a spider.

null

I am one of those obnoxious people who does not do well around bugs. Bigger, faster and potentially aggressive is a well deserved mark on the CONS side of my list. It wouldn't ultimately keep me from moving, but it did get me pretty worked up, as will any lengthy google image search on a bug (WHY DO I DO IT, I DON'T KNOWWW). Close ups of bugs that look like muppets excluded.

HeckYes

This seems like a good place to tell my most horrifying roach story!

I was living in the Middle East in a lovely apartment, and came home from work to see a giant (maybe 3"?) roach hanging out on my floor. Scary! I am a wimp, so I ran down to my neighbor's apartment to ask him to kill it for me. After much cajoling, he agreed. We came back upstairs and the roach was upside down on my floor. Weird, but maybe it had suddenly died?

and then...

TINY ROACHES CAME CRAWLING OUT OF THE GIANT ROACH. Roaches give birth to live young in parts of the world! This is not something pleasant to discover in person!

We immediately scooped up all of the baby roaches and threw them out the 2nd story window. And I felt like tiny roaches were crawling on me for days, and kind of feel that way now even though it was 3 years ago. Eugh.

fondue with cheddar

@HeckYes D:

HeckNo.

WaityKatie

@HeckYes I would have had nightmares forever about them scaling the walls back up to the second floor and crawling on me! Kill them with fire!!

stonefruit

@HeckYes NAWL.

wallsdonotfall

@HeckYes Was it dead? Did it die to give birth to new life? (And do they eat their way out?)

Xanthophyllippa

@wallsdonotfall STOP YOU ARE DISTURBING ME EVEN MORE.

My bad bug story was that in grad school the first time, I lived in an old house with a serious carpenter ant problem. One day I opened the cupboard to grab a bag of candy canes while talking to a roomie, so I wasn't paying attention when I reached into the bag and came up with a candy cane that was COVERED in carpenter ants. I screamed, threw the bag across the room, and proceeded to have nightmares for weeks about my bed being filled with bugs.

wallsdonotfall

@Xanthophyllippa The same thing happened to me! Except I was reaching into my laundry hamper to grab a discarded bra. They had apparently colonized my dirty clothes, living off I don't even want to think about it.

redheaded&crazy

@HeckYes NO. NOPE. THIS DID NOT HAPPEN. I DID NOT READ THIS. SHUT THE FRONT DOOR. DISENGAGE. RETREAT. REVERSE THRUSTERS ON.

*shivers*

Banana dance

@HeckYes i think we need "Ask an Exterminator"
like, right now.
and a shower.

HeckYes

@wallsdonotfall I was honestly too disturbed to look at it closely. But the internet suggests that some kinds of roaches can give birth to live young many, many times. Good to know!

EpWs

@HeckYes O_O

stonefruit

@HeckYes STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT

Xanthophyllippa

@redheaded&crazie This entire post has made me die a thousand deaths inside today.

Ophelia

@Xanthophyllippa I didn't think there would be anything worse than the centipedes in the hot tub, but this. is. so. much. worse.

JaneDoe

@Banana dance
Careful, watch out for centipedes/millipedes/giant spiders.

notandersoncooper

This was just great and hilarious. Finally someone has tackled the unfairness of it all.

Kitty

I like this edition of Ask A Clean person only because it makes me feel better for being a disgusto clutter filled gross person who has know idea how to clean but rather spends her life frantically trying to clean and somehow EVERYTHING STILL STAYS DIRTY.

Kitty

@Kitty I'm so gross I can't even use the right "know" in my rant. :(

Kitty

@Kitty My best friend just informed me it should have said "no" in my second post. I'm too busy frantically cleaning and being the only one commenting on my post to worry about grammar.

Xanthophyllippa

@Kitty There, there. It's okay. We'll give you a freebie this time.

epershand

Hawaiian roaches! The grossest. Roaches are the only skittery crittery I can't stand. Stuff roach traps EVERYWHERE (only make sure a curious puppy can't get to them)- the Raid ones work best. Change the traps faithfully every month. Also, never ever ever leave food out on the counters; not even on dirty dishes in the sink. With a good bit of luck and a treaty with the local geckos, you'll be ok. Then you just have to worry about the long deadly centipedes, the huge fat poisonous toads, and the odd massive snails.

wharrgarbl

@epershand Does Hawaii get roaches so big you have to cut the tops off the huge roach traps because even then, they still can't fit inside? Because that's when I decided the local roaches just couldn't be a real thing and considered hiring an exorcist.

null

@epershand My parents live on Oahu and spray down the inside of their house with pesticides regularly. I have never seen a roach in their house, but based on our increasingly weird telephone conversations I'm convinced they're creating a psychedelic effect in combination with their heavy prescription med intake. During my last visit my mom was practically smoking us out of the house with those burning mosquito coils, I had to hide them from her when I noticed they're not intended for indoor use.

Xanthophyllippa

@wharrgarbl moans quietly

stonefruit

@klaus I laughed so hard at the indoor mosquito coils that I nearly wet myself. Congratulations.

whateverlolawants

I have nothing to say except this is awesome.

Emijijou@twitter

I'm kind of itching at buying a steam mop... the one from that infomercial. It would work perfectly for the lazy, non clean pet owning person that I am. its just so expensive, I wonder if its worth it?

wharrgarbl

@Emijijou@twitter Steam mops are totally worth it if your floors are not hardwood or laminate, in which case use caution. But check customer reviews and product specs carefully and make sure you get the right mop for you. Like, if you have a huge living room or long hallways or something, you probably don't want a short extension cord, or if you're using it under furniture, you probably want a heavier mop-head.

jj
jj

Remember that episode of Full House when Danny Tanner rode a donkey into the mountains to do some soul searching and he said "someone should bring a vacuum up here!" He also enjoyed cleaning his cleaning products.

EternalFootwoman

@jj I identify with Danny Tanner way more than is probably healthy.

angermonkey

@sudden but inevitable betrayal We bought a house and the YARD is like this. Every spring new weird shit surfaces- rugs that the grass has grown over! Golf balls! pieces of musical instruments! Grills (like, the actual grill part, not the whole thing!) An endless supply of muddy ball point pens! Keys! Dog toys!

I blame the fact that the place was a foreclosure and then a flip. However, we discovered THIS spring (we bought in early 2010) that the corner of the yard that just won't grow grass? It's because there's a 4 foot by 6 foot piece of plywood just under the dirt. WHY, FORMER OWNERS? WHYYYY?

ormaisonogrande

@angermonkey have you looked to see what is hidden under the plywood? Maybe bring some holy water or garlic or something with you when you check.

angermonkey

@ormaisonogrande Alas, just mud. However, I did stub my toe on what appeared to be some kind of plastic box hidden under the grass earlier this spring, but now I can't find it? I'm a little worried it somebody's hamster. Or cat. Or ex girlfriend.

whateverlolawants

@angermonkey Scary House!

The Lady of Shalott

@angermonkey Oh god PLEASE find it and open it to tell us nosy people what's inside!!!

BRIGITTE-GRISANTI

Hi! If you ever lived in the mountains--You have to clean every single day.The dust takes over your house.The dampness in homes is a serious issue to.

Brigitte grisanti

Caitlin Young@twitter

If Hawaii is anything like New Orleans, there is, alas, no such thing as clean enough for the roaches to leave you alone. That was one of the really hard lessons I learned when I moved out of my parents' house, surpassed in hardness only by "when you live alone, you cannot actually run away from the roach and demand that someone else go kill it".

I highly recommend those little baits that are full of poison, and also being as clutter-free as you can, because there are few things worse than when a roach runs under a pile of clutter and you have to risk leaving it alone to maybe crawl out again later, or go in after it and risk it crawling out ON you.

Xanthophyllippa

@Caitlin Young@twitter A roach on my physical person would probably kill me instantaneously. On Monday I sat down in a nice patch of grass to take a breather and looked over my shoulder and came eye-to-eye with an earwig. SITTING ON ME. I screamed, leapt up, brushed it off, and then, breathing heavily, picked my sunglasses up off the ground and put them on and screamed AGAIN because there was an earwig on the frame of my glasses. How I did not die on the spot, I do not know.

Caitlin Young@twitter

@Xanthophyllippa I have had exactly two instances of physical contact with roaches in my life. They are burned into my brain FOREVER. BUGS. *shakes fist*

stonefruit

@Xanthophyllippa I got bit by an earwig once. What a little schmuck he was.

Xanthophyllippa

@stonefruit I hope you crushed him with relish.

stonefruit

@Xanthophyllippa I crushed the CRAP out of him. As if spending a summer in Philly without air conditioning weren't punishment enough, EARWIG.

szarah

I'm a property manager (VERY EXCITING) and I've gotten more requests for pest control in the past two weeks than I have the entire year. One good thing I've learned about roaches is that they LOVE cardboard. So lots of cardboard boxes piled up = Roach Paradise. Also, another good thing to do is seal up any little crevices (grooooosssss) and cracks with caulk to keep other little pests out. This works really well with mice, they can never get their motorcycles through the littler spaces.

HeyThatsMyBike

@szarah Are you in the south? We had a very mild winter this past year and apparently the ground was never frozen enough to kill a bunch of the fuckers. So it's supposed to be like the worst roach season in ages. I need to buy stock in Raid.

mishaps

@szarah you need steel wool to keep out the mice, I've found. Something that they can't gnaw their way through. (OH GOD)

carolita

@mishaps Look around the radiators and under the sink. The mice like to come in through the gaps around pipes in the floors and walls. They can squeeze through a gap of only a quarter inch! So, get some speckle, expanding foam, and chicken wire if you have any really big holes. I totally chicken-wired and expanding foamed the crap out of the hole under the sink where the pipe meets the wall. It was the entry point for a literal swarm of cucarachas. This is a very good thing to do just before you move into a place, BTW. You go in with a cleaning person that you pay to clean every single surface of the place, including the inside and tops and bottoms of all the kitchen and bathroom cabinets while you scout the walls and floors for holes, steel wool, foam, and chicken wire at the handy. SOOO worth it. It's my ritual, and I've never regretted it. It's easier to do when there's no furniture and bookshelves in the place after the fact.

EpWs

@szarah I'm moving at the end of July and am just keeping my boxes put together and piled up (they've been there for a week), am I asking for roaches?

redheaded&crazy

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher am I crazy or did you not JUST. MOVE.?!?!?!

EpWs

@rh&c I totally did. And I'm doing it again at the end of july. I am not quite sure what my thought process was on this--something about I didn't have a job so I needed a temp place for the summer and then I got a job but didn't want to find a place in two weeks so here I am? /dumb

Tulletilsynet

@bitzy
If this had some new pictures of women laughing alone with salad, it would definitely.

carolita

Am I the only one who, when finished cleaning the house and doing all the laundry, and sorting all the papers, thinks, "If I died now, everything could stay nice and perfect and I'd never have to do this again."? This is why it's good to get a housecleaner. If you live with someone, you can split the cost, have them come every two weeks (you do your own light cleanups in between), and have a nice, clean place to marvel at, without the weird thoughts of mortality and its advantages in the light of cleaning. Because someone else is actually looking forward to that $100 ever two weeks to clean for you now.

I fully admit @edith, that I had the same cleaning lady when I had a one BR, also every two weeks. I had no shame at all. I did the laundry while she cleaned, and it felt great when I'd folded the last towel and handed her the little envelope as she walked out the door. She even helped me change the lock on my door -- when you live alone, a cleaning person can really make you feel supported! I only ever had to stop using her when I was really broke, and I missed her so much. Also, it's a feminist argument that it's a good thing to delegate cleaning to another person, as it helps the economy by giving another person work, at the same time that it gives you more time to do your own work and be fully inserted into society. I totally buy into that. If I ever hit a financial low again, I'll stop eating out before I stop having my cleeaning person over.

EternalFootwoman

@carolita I thought I was a creep for thinking that! I always think, "Well, if I get hit by a bus, at least the house looks good and no one will think I'm a slob."

stonefruit

::small voice:: the cafe near my school when I was JYA in Russia had roaches crawling on the walls. little ones, but still.

AND YET WE STILL ATE THERE.

oddstray

Dont' have time to read 48? comments so this may have already been suggested. How to clean a trash can? Take it to your coin-op car wash.

Roaches in Hawaii? Fuggeddabout it. Just resign yourself to fogging every so often. We were plaged by roaches in SoCal. Our new from-Hawaii roommate taught us how to deal with it.

Why does everything get dirty all over again? Grime is an alien species who are trying to take us over ... Be afraid! Be *very* afraid!

Vanessa Formato@twitter

I love The Hairpin because it's the only place I've actually seen people talking about roaches without shame. Roaches are my secret shame. We learned the hard way that you don't move into an apartment where the previous tenants were kinda gross, 'cause, yeah, they left their roaches for us :( And even when they're gone, you can never forget. You always feel like you're in the calm before the roach storm.

My number one tip, though, is if you have roaches, get a spray bottle and fill it with soapy water. I'm not sure where I saw this tip, but it's amazing. Spray roaches with soapy water and they pretty much die (it might take a few sprays). I guess they breathe through their skin/shell (blehhhhh so gross) and it clogs it up, so they pass out and sometimes die. I've heard they can REVIVE from this, so take 'em and flush 'em down the toilet. Added benefit: you can feel like you have a little bit of control over your life again when you have the power to kill those mofos (I've heard you should never squish them 'cause--EWWWWWWWW--eggs/babies).

fondue with cheddar

@Vanessa Formato@twitter Hair spray. Does the same thing only it doesn't come off.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

"I am interested in knowing how to get rid of hair that is all over my apartment. "

ummm... I think I dated this LW.

sceps yarx

I LOVE THIS COLUMN!

Achyvi

My Hawaiian husband says that it is not possible to clean enough to keep the roaches away. At best, if you clean up IMMEDIATELY after you do anything and don't spill crumbs there won't be hordes. They're still always there, though. Seriously, Hawaii, what is up with your horrifying bugs (also: GIANT CENTIPEDES).

Did anyone else ever use the Swiffer carpet sweeper thing they used to make? It was just a sticky pad you ran over the carpet, but it picks up long hair really well so there's less to clog the vacuum later. I'm sad that they appear to have stopped making the refills (a long time ago??). My stash can only hold out so long...

1161115610@twitter

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